Rooster Teeth Podcast - Rooster Teeth Podcast #109

Episode Date: April 13, 2011

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It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motormouth outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland. If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church.

Twisted metal, now only on peacock The Giner big sticks extra Dix there's not there's no the giant in the last Future for us tonight. I'm gonna put top acolytes on our Dix and our Dix are gonna do that I'm gonna say fuckery It's a weird bone or your thing penis blowback I'm gonna say fuckery. It's a weird bone or your thing? Peanus blowback. It's not nearly as hot. I don't want to do that.

And then it moves on. Nippomilk cocktail. This mic is a tomb's sex appeal. Fucking punch. The drinks minstack get this. This is a dick as in stack against this. What a story of my life dude. Oh my god, dude, it's the worst.

Do you know who gets a call every Wednesday evening to get yelled at about the podcast? I think that was just greatest hits. Wow, man. The only thing sadder than all those things I said is the guy that had to go through every podcast to grab them. That's hard off with Dix Dix extra Dix. Did I hear Dick blowback in there?

What is it? A penis blowback I think it was. I didn't know that is. It sounds awful. So thanks to what's his name here. Hellshanks from the website for that wonderful podcast. Thanks, Hellshanks. Bukay of Filth.

I think even he said it sounded like a like a horny 12 year old native. Did you say Bukay of Filth? That's kind of poetic. I'm just going to call it a co-fight. Yeah. Good job. You get the hallmarks and be marketing mat next year for Valentine's Day, with K-O-Bill. Just another one of our great ideas, down the toilet. Yeah.

Stolen. So this week we got Griffin, Jeff, and Gus. Did you forget my name? No, it's two things. What order I was gonna go in? No, I flew bettical or left to right, based on where you're sitting to me. We got the three Gs.

Yeah, triple G. That means it's gonna be an awful podcast. Yeah. We're gonna go over as quickly as possible. Last week for the first time ever, we broke into the top 25 most listened to podcasts on iTunes. Hey, congratulations. Big deal. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Number 24, I think we were number two. The budget cuts are already affecting NPR. There's stranglehold on the top podcast is weakening. I will see if we can recreate that magic I doubt it recreate that magic

What do you guys been up to what were you doing out there Griffin? I saw you with a drill doing something on the front door I'm just Brandon isn't reinstalling like locks or whatever and like changing door handles what and He don't know I still that's not clear to me. Nobody knows. Okay, so he decided to go on change all of our door handles So but he needed help drilling because Because nobody here drills he I walked up and he and carrier are going for about two hours when I walked up And I go why don't you guys just call a locksmith? It would already be done it cost you like 50 bucks and Brandon explained to me that you don't get locks from locksmiths I was like excuse me. He goes yeah, he's not gonna have the right lock for this door.

This is a special lock. Who the fuck wouldn't have, like, who is more a fucking key to the lock industry than the locksmith? I mean, the guy drives around in a little truck full of locks, all kinds of locks, all manner of locks, and ways to open and install them. And Brandon was explaining to me that it was just not necessary

that it's a very easy process that he's got under control an hour later i see my wife in high heels i'm sorry co-worker in high heels drilling the door because apparently that's a skill set brand doesn't have you might he might wear heels i don't know that's also i'm afraid of the drill in pretty sure he's got that skill set now he came up and he was like hey griffin can get your opinion on this and like okay so then he was showing me the situation. I was like, yeah, I can-

This situation? Please keep your shirt on. My point wasn't that Brandon couldn't eventually get it done if you throw enough Ristratif manpower and people at it. And right now we've got womenpower. Right now we've got three people, Carrie Brandon and Griffin all working to get this one lock installed.

Yeah. And then just walks up and he's like, well, I know it's too fucking big for it. Yeah. It hangs over the edge. It's just so fucking awesome. It's like a lot of my balance, my point.

The point is trying to make the brand in. But now we've invested so much time and energy. No, he can't help. So he's gonna get worse. He's so wounded and upset that I'm making fun of him for this. And I'm not saying that he can't do it. Eventually, once he brings in, I mean, I'm assuming that by 2 p.m. Marshall and Chris will be involved, possibly Nathan and Joel. And if we throw enough Rooster Teeth bodies at it, eventually it's going to get installed but the cost savings is gone at that point when you

devote like 46 man hours a lot. When the entire company works this dedicated to installing a lot. It's not cheaper. $50 was a hell of a lot cheaper. You've already wasted a half an hour just sitting and watching the process and laughing. Oh yeah, no that's true too. Just keep my productivity. We should have got some beer and sat out there and watched them.

Jeff pulled up a chair and he would just like sat there laughing at Brandon the whole time. We need some launchers to sit outside and look back at people in the office and laugh. Brandon is getting so upset and so mad at me. But it's like at this point, we've got at least have nine company hours inside this one lock. You're telling me that that's worth less than $50.

At this company, we have to be involved. Here's the thing I love. You've been complaining all morning's worth less than $50. At this company, I love you've been complaining all morning about all the work you have to do. And meanwhile, you're spending this entire time complaining about man hours or whatever. I haven't complained about having work to do. Okay, maybe last night. Today, I was, I don't know what you're talking about. I've also been delaying the start of the podcast simply because there was drilling going on like to run from the front, the, from my front door. Yeah. So people that are listening, you're listening to this podcast 20 minutes later

than you would have gotten it today. All thanks to Brandon, not wanting to call Oxmouth. Thanks, Brandon. You can send your positive critiques to Brandon at roosterteth.com or visit roosterteth.com slash Brandon or visit roosterteth.com slash Brandon. Hey, speaking of visiting ro chief dot com slash brand and We're about to hit a million users on the website. How exciting is that? We're at 993,000 right? Don't like that. I'm gonna double check it right now. Okay double check it But you have to vamp a bit so because it's gonna take me second to figure it out. Allow me to vamp for a bit

993,000. That's exciting. Let's see if we can see when we get a higher number. It's what we call a milestone. Yeah, we'll hit well hit it very soon Hey, that is actually a milestone on our site. There's a milestone for being one of the first million people Yes, I so there are 7,000 of you that can still get that milestone if you want it and then after that You're gonna be relegated to the first two million right. Yeah, just then after that. There's no way you could get it Yeah, it's true. Let's you buy an account from another user I don't recommend which is illegal and against there you go see back as I have an account I could sell no yeah so last night I don't remember where I saw this I'm even reading Reddit or something but I guess there's this guy who claims to invent the song that da da it's this funny that he's targeted every single sports

Yeah, he's even if it's bullshit at some point. I mean if you're if you're suing 87 to more than that if you're suing out 250 teams across all professional sports somebody's gonna pay Yeah, someone's gonna kick your ass somebody's gonna kick your ass, but it's MLB NFL NBA NHL NCAA and NASCAR Do they really play that song at NASCAR? They're like, come on, charge. He's like, yeah, and you drive faster. Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Well, I think that's where it actually make more sense

than others, don't you think? NASCAR? Yeah, I don't know. You're going fast and you know. No, it's like, ta-da through the turn only 480 more terms to go Yeah, but you're still charging I guess you're wanting a fucking circle. Hey speaking to drive around a circle We got that that super racetrack that they're building off in East Austin. Mm-hmm. I'm talking about us Mm-hmm. That's gonna have the grand pricks or whatever if one F1 yeah, and Well, it just announced that they're also gonna have the motorcycle version of the Grand Prix, which is a Moto Grand Prix, Moto Pre-year, whatever. And which is the only, it'll be the only track in the world that does the Grand Prix

championship for motorcycles and for cars. Did they have one for Mopeds? No. That would be awesome. But that actually got me thinking, like, I think that's unhappy because it's going to be good for the Austin economy. It's going to bring a ton of motherfuckers into town. The black person is a lot of people.

Yeah. And because by then I'll have my Rooster Teeth stand set up on the side of the road. I'll be selling oranges and RVB DVDs. Thank anybody that goes to the Grand Prix. But I got me thinking, we should go, Gus, we should go to the opening race, whatever it is. Not that I give a fuck about race. Are they expensive? Isn't it like a high classclass thing it's pretty expensive but it's supposed to

fuck it you know it's like a Austin history kind of thing right here should be there are there's construction problems and that they're supposed to be some bottlenecks driving to and from that track and that they estimate currently the way things are laid out that it would take you eight hours to get from that track back to downtown you see at the end of a race just because of the volume of cars. When are they opening? 2012.

Well, yeah, a lot of things are opening in 2012. How about that cool East Ave construction, like hotel, condo, grocery store, shopping area that's opening in spring of 2009, right by the way? Look at the sport of it. It's getting back to race cars. One time my dad took me, my brother and I, too, a race that was not too far from where we lived.

And he had to, like, we had to look under couch cushions to gather enough change to pay for all of this. And I came in some of those things where we were like taking cans back to the store. Family bonding. Were they even your couch cushions? Or were you getting the neighbors houses? We just dropped by and paid a visit and grabbed a weekend.

They went to the furniture store. They went through the whole of the couch. Lots of couches there. Yeah, so we scraped together enough money and we were like buying our tickets and handing this like one penny at a time, you know, it took us fucking forever to get in there. We get out, we're in the nosebleed seats, way in the back. And we sit there for like four hours, I don't know, maybe it was four hours I was a kid, you know, time was different. But sit there for a while watching these races

and it was kind of boring and eventually we're like, all right, let's just get out of here. So just as we leave and we're pulling out, we turn, I think it was playing on the radio or something, we turned it on and we realized that the real race hadn't started. What? It was like the warm up act or whatever, like the B team was like getting the crowd ready and like there was nothing in half an entire time because they weren't really like that daring or whatever. So apparently there were some amazing crashes which is why you go to the race in the first place, right?

I mean that's kind of what you're secretly hoping happens. Can I tell you guys a little secret about my childhood that you may not know? Sure. My stepfather was a drag racer and I went to the drag races every weekend for four years, five years of my life. I fucking hate it. It was not. You hate racing.

I understand now where your real hatred comes from. Literally, my friends would be like, what do you want to do this week? You want to go play baseball? And I'd be like, no, that's cool, guys. I'm going to the Gator Nationals. I'm going to sit in a lawn chair with ear plugs in and try not to go deaf. You guys have a blast. Tell me how it is. Tell me, oh, sleepover, huh? Yeah, that's cool. I'm gonna get a sunburn

It must have been so hard to be you and watch fast cars all the time. Oh so exciting like who's gonna get to the end of the strip faster Oh the guy on the left it yay fuck the guy on the right did it last time. This is crazy. Let's do it again Let's do it again. It's eight of a mile I feel that all sports and I'm I'm the asshole come on I mean it's all pointless right doing anything outside of your house is fucking point I will say I ate a fuckload of hot dogs over the course of those five years and there is nothing quite like a drag race hotdog hey real fast there's apparently there's an update on the da da da da da da da da da da da da charge story breaking news okay I guess it's been found out that someone actually composed that an update on the Dada Dada Charge story. Ringing news. Okay.

I guess it's been found out that someone actually composed that song in 1955 for the USC. So he didn't actually compose it? That's what the guy who was filing the lawsuit claims he's never heard that original version. And then he's- 19 win? 55. So he probably heard it once and then second his head and he's like obviously with some my head I invented it.

Yeah. I'm going gonna see every single person There's some audio here. There's a legal battle Berlin to compare the different Songs like I'll play it later. I'll put a link in the link down. Do they know who invented it originally in 55? It's a USC student named Tommy Walker Tommy Walker still live now Tommy Walker died. Oh, man But uh breaking news will find we'll be following the story. Yeah, I just think like the 80s was a little bit late for that, right? I mean, I feel like I've seen it in movies and shit like. Yeah, I can't imagine.

I read that some dude is going to sue every major league team because he secretly invented we will rock you. Like two years before Queen did. So you look for that one. Ridiculous. Did you see the video the other day of that A380 hitting that little plane? I thought about 4,000 times. Dude, I just want to say that reinforces our rant about air travel. Exactly. That's why you follow that's why you wear your seat belt while you're taxi and you pay attention. Imagine if some asshole imagine if you're one of your two cuts sitting in a plane right and you've got your fucking camera out your digital camera that's electronic and you're browsing through your photos of your fucking dog or whatever it is and all of a sudden in the span of less than two seconds your plane does a 90 degree turn You don't have any teeth left because you just ate that fucking camera. That's why.

Or it flies out of your hand and hits a baby in the eye. It kills a baby. Or blinds a baby. You just blinded a baby because you wanted to show your friend the cute pictures of your fucking shit zoo. So man. So let's just to reinforce. Just wait.

Or your seat belt till you get to the gate. Yeah. Follow the rules. Or you're that one asshole who's a business traveler who just has to give his briefcase out of the fucking top. So you stand up early even though they tell you not to. And the next thing you know, you don't have any legs anymore. I don't know how he loses his legs. I just know that he does. I feel totally outnumbered without Bernie here. Have you seen the video? No.

The plane gets fucked up. The plane gets fucked up. It's just taxing in. Just taxing in. And then all of a sudden it gets hit by a bigger plane. And it goes like this. Wow, that was loud. Yeah. I'm amazed no one got hurt. I'm amazed. I really don't get hurt. Probably because they were following the rules.

Probably. You were telling me that something happened with the Bounce Castle. Oh no, just so I was. You were. Yes, fucked up. What happened? I think it was in Arizona.

I just read the other day that there was like kids had a birthday party and there were two kids in a bounce castle And the wind came and picked the bouncy castle up because it wasn't properly secured to the ground and It took off and it landed like on the interstate with a couple of kids in it two kids got kids got fucked up I don't know how badly, but they were both instead of they were seriously injured. That sucks really sucks Thanks for bringing a stand. Oh, I can't go on now Not a lot in the news that isn't depressing. It's true. I mean first it was the fight song Then the plane that poor guy may not get as money now. Hey, I read something on Reddit this morning I don't know if it's true because I can't be bothered to do the research to

Determine it's true, but at face value According to this Reddit post today SkyNet went self-aware or goes self-aware on April 19th 2011, which is the day that portal 2 comes out. I'm actually it's funny you bring that up. I was doing research right now while y'all were talking Oh, I verify that story Apparently in the original Terminator storyline, SkyNet goes online August 4th 1997 and then gains self-awareness August 29th. They revise that and Terminator the seroconocronicles. So that SkyNet gets turned on April 19th and then go self-aware April 21st

2011 2011 Shit interesting wait the 21st. Yeah, I wonder if that's intentional or just a funny happy accident I'm sure it's gotta be an accident. Yeah, that means portal two comes out next week portal two comes out next week And you have two days to finish it before After science goes self-aware and also a little combat comes that next week. Really? Yep. What came out this week?

They came out this week? Fucking not much. Michael Jackson experience. The Michael Jackson experience. Michael Jackson, the experience and a game called Divinity 2, which I know you were all clamoring to play. What? Divinity 2.

And I think that- I never heard of Divinity 1. Yeah, the big thing that came out this week, there was both Storm DLC that came out. It was totally unannounced and it just came out. And then, but Magic of Vietnam, the DLC for Magic of Vietnam, which is very funny, I think. If you don't know what it is, Magic of like a top down Diablo-esque, like, mage game,

where you do spell combinations. In Vietnam. And it just like in Wizard World, wherever the fuck that is. Wizard. Yeah, I think it's in Chicago. It's a author. Whatever their version of like old times where people can still be magic is and then

they just came out with a DLC where they just took the wizards and they put them in the Vietnam War and they're fighting like the Goblin Kong. It's all very funny. I don't know. I kind of a really silly unique idea. It's like it's something somebody pitches as a joke drunk at a Friday where you're Hawaiian shirt today, you know, to work today and drink at it,

and they get like a keg for the whole company. This company's probably four people, by the way. So, three quarters only into the keg, somebody goes, and people love battlefield-back company Vietnam, right? Let's just make that. And then they're like Ha, that'd be hilarious and then Monday somebody's already got spec strong up and they do it Mm-hmm. That's interesting. Yeah

It seems almost like that would be something that's unilockable or like a hidden or Easter egg in a game I know it's crazy, right? It's really really a bizarre. I'd fuck up a time trying to play it too Yeah, because it's a steam game and but it's only Windows. And so trying to install Bootcamp was a whole day. Oh, really? Yeah, we never did it. Yeah, sorry about that. I was running around like crazy yesterday. I couldn't devote.

No, no, no, no. All the time to looking at that problem. You're very, very busy individual. You guys are getting down to the wire on RTX. I would not want to be in your shoes. I understand completely. And we were able to play it on jackslop top, so it wasn't in the world.

So that was too much engineering. So So man RTX stuff. Oh, we've essentially been we had everything pretty much organized for the event then we saw Way more tickets than we wanted you so we essentially had to redo everything. Yeah, and actually it's funny to you Like the more we nail down the more little things pop up that we think of so I feel like like a hydra Almost like that we're fighting this hydra like yeah moment we're like okay we got a location oh shit we got to do this and this and this to get this location ready. Like yesterday we went to walk this um the Plattaland really getting that um having a party on and guest up in a fire at Hill. That was pretty funny. I was I was brushing ants off of me the entire rest of the day. Like I was sitting here like three hours later I was like what the fuck it's an ant. Did

you get that? No I did not get that one. That's amazing. Yeah, it's funny with fire ants. It's like they know like the moment you would know that like you would aware of them then they all bite. It's like they have some kind of weird. I don't know if they have a fair moon or whatever. They all bite at the same time. What's your what's your worst fire ant story? Don't think too long. Well, I'm not from Texas so I'm pretty new to them. So my worst story is that they've been... You move to Texas and it exists.

Yeah. That I don't walk and grass anymore. Man, when I lived in Louisiana, when I lived in like, right outside of New Orleans, this was like seventh grade or eighth grade maybe. I was playing in the woods one day, and I stopped to take a piss on a tree, and I was peeing on a tree, and I something sharp and I looked down and my right leg was

Swarming with fire ants like I was standing right in the middle of a giant fire ant pile and I was still peeing So the only thing I could do was piss on the ants So I just peed on my leg and my shoe my shoe was covered in dead ants like fucking drowned fire ants and piss And that's when they got pissed off and that's when they got mad Yeah, I got bit like a jackass and then I had to run home with like the pissling. And all over my flesh, it was terrible.

I got a lot of pee on myself stories. I'm glad you grew out of that before you met me. Yeah. And let's do something you just do on private, no? There was a few years ago when, you know, when Hurricane Rita was coming and hit Houston, I, you know, a lot of people evacuated from Houston was right after Katrina and you know risk her to her hercans and it took people hours if not like to get from Houston to Austin

I heard that people would spend like a day or two which in don't know it's a two-and-a-half hour job There wasn't one of the problems here is people don't have a gas and they just be stuck there because they were stuck There was so much traffic and I heard stories of people who were like stuck in their cars, you know not moving and they would just traffic and I heard stories of people who were stuck in their cars, you know, not moving, and they would just pee in their shoes, you know, and like, you could pour it out into the into the street because they had no other way to go. There's other ways to go. Yeah, there's gotta be something other than your shoe, right? Or just just just get out of your car and go piss on the side of the road. Yeah, I guess people don't like to. But I think that's way more, more, less humiliating to just go and pee in front of the other. Yeah, it's also super crowded. He

couldn't, he wasn't moving because there were so many people. Oh, I tend to people staring at you, pissing on the side of the road, versus pissing in your shoe, in private, and then just pouring it out. You know, you're always assuming to that people want it, like they're gonna be looking. They're like, oh, I gotta watch this person pee. So when you're bored and you're spent 24 hours staring at nothing, if there's a dude pissing, you're gonna watch him. Yeah, it's like a Super Bowl

It's getting as a vendor selling fucking pancakes Man, what kind of shoe I wonder? It was a hush puppy. Oh, yeah, who cares? Just gonna make those I don't know and you know you can make a fortune if you had it happen to have a rubber boot Right right at your boot. You get right in your boot. God, piss boot. $5. I will dispose of the urine. Oh, God.

Yeah, I guess if you have to do delivery, you should charge extra. Exactly. It's a disposal fee. Which we've learned about in trying to arrange portapoddies for our T.A.S. Yeah, everything's got a fee. Yeah, what's the, you guys got some portapoddies worked out? Yeah, portapod're bodies the easy one We sprung extra for the waterless hand sanitizing stations. So you fuckers better use it. So you guys better have fucking clean hands Yeah, no kidding. We paid extra for that. We it's a classy affair

I'm sure at this point everyone's like why the fuck did we pay to go to the point to be out in a field with portal buddies and fire ants? You see waterless hand sanitizer? Don't even get me started on the poison eyes. Yeah, just so you know the waterless hand sanitizer is also your shower. We got you guys extra. Just rubbing your armpits every day or two. And just for the record this is a then is happening what, May 27th? Yeah.

What's going on? Yeah, it's going to be out there the 28th and 29th. So it's gonna be about 146 degrees. Oh, it won't be that hot. It won't be. Don't be, don't be a downer. I'm not, I'm just preparing people. We looked it up.

I don't know what it was. I don't remember now if the top of my head, but I looked up historical weather data for that weekend, try to make sure it wasn't gonna rain. No, how was it? Low chance, very low chance of rain. It should be a pleasant temperature wise, but it's already really hot right now. Yeah, it's gonna be, I. It should be a pleasant temperature wise, but it's already

really hot right now. Yeah, it's going to be, I think it'll be a hot year. So, but I think we've got some, we've got some things in the works. They'll help cool people down. Man, phone party. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Wireless hand sanitizer party. Waterless hand sanitizer. I don't know. Wireless hand sanitizer. Actually, it's also wireless. Why would you do a wires that? Come on. Let me an asshole. I was speaking of wires, we need to get that low hanging wire removed from the lot. Oh yeah, and there's also like, the sparking power line has like five feet off the ground. You're almost at your head on when you're walking around.

Oh man, good times. We lost a chicken yesterday. Fuck, did you hear about the chicken, dude? That sucks. Yeah, which one was it? We lost it. I don't know who that is. She's silky. She kind of kept herself. She went brudy pretty early. I don't want to keep it to itself. I know that we exactly the one we're talking about. Yeah, the black one that was like always in the house. She, because the other ones, we left that we forgot to put them back

in their coop one night and they all, except for her, they all like to sleep in the tree. So they all flip into the tree. She was the one that stayed in the house and there's a whole pile of feathers like from the door, like the possum one and a gutter. And I guess didn't know, look, for the chickens in the tree. So they all flip into the tree. She was the one that stayed in the house, and there's a whole pile of feathers like from the door, like the possum one and a gotter. And I guess didn't know, look, for the chickens and the tree. And it didn't even fucking eat all of her. I've run the possum off a couple times. I now I'm gonna kill it.

The funny thing is, I know that chicken because when I was watching your chickens, I remember I told you they all escaped on me, that's the one that didn't leave. Yeah, that's the one that stayed in the house. But that's the thing, and at night chickens almost go into the sort of semi-commitose state where they don't, even if they're awake, you can pick them up and move them around like they don't fight back.

So not a good time to leave your door open. Man, so I had to fucking bury her last night. It was really sad. For me, not for Millie, Millie's like, wow, chickens really dead. Can I touch it? No, it's gross. Don't touch it. Kids are so weird about deaths.

I think they just don't get the significance of it I know and she's like why did she die? I'm like well a possumator and she's like why the possum eater? And I'm like well we left the gate the door open and and she's like so it's your fault I'm like I yeah, and then the Griffin comes home because she was out the grocery store Whatever and she's like mommy guess what the chicken died because daddy wasn't paying attention Thank you She like when's a chicken when's a chicken gonna respond? Yeah, and actually, I had bonded that chicken less than the other chicken, so it's really sad, but I'm glad that it was one of my favorites.

I am gonna kill a fucking possum. Can you eat possums, you know? Isn't there like a possum recipe in the cooking? If you're from West Virginia or Kentucky, you can. No offense. No, I don't think I wouldn't recommend eating a wild possum. They probably have one or two. If you're from West Virginia or Kentucky, you can all fence. No, I don't think I wouldn't recommend eating a wild possum. They probably have one or two wild going to be it's like walking around like East six or east, whatever street we live on.

East, whatever street. Yeah. Now people are going to look at these whatever street and they're going to know exactly where we live. They just look for the Google image of my wife. Millie Millie was like, you're really going to kill the possum? Did you actually end up in the photo? I never know. I've dated it yet. Oh, I want to see Millie was was like, you're really gonna kill the possum? Did she actually end up in the photo? I'd never end up dating it yet.

Oh, I wanna see. Millie was like, are you really gonna kill the possum, Dad? And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna murder the possum. And she was like, why are you gonna do that? And I was like, well, it's retribution. This is, I don't want it to kill any other of our chickens and I don't know how to keep it away. She's like, how are you gonna kill it?

And I was like, I'm gonna bash its, I'm gonna bash its possum brains into the baseball bat. And she's like, cool. Some a little worried about what she wanted. Yeah, maybe we should, again, like, let, involve her less in this whole process. Just start therapy now. For kids like out on the farm,

learn how to kill like, past, right? Yeah, things were, things were better in the past, right? That's what everyone always says. So, there must be, there must be something to that. Yeah, a good point. Well, that sucks that you lost your chicken. Yeah, I'm pretty sad. From 7 to 5.

And the chicken and Arthur's chicken is a really upset about it. And they are acting different. They are acting very different. It was like, I had to put them up last night. And it was like a 20 minute affair. Yeah, they're like, don't put it in the death box. We're not. Yeah, they get to smell the death.

They were terrified. It was really sad. The thing that pisses me off, and this piss me off for everything, like when we've gardened and had squirrels steal like vegetables or whatever, like it's fact that the animals they take like one bite and they're like, eh, I'm not into it. And they leave. And it's like you just ate one bite on my tomato that I'm waiting for for two weeks or

like, not even that. You killed my chicken and wandered off and didn't eat it. And you know, like lost interest 30 seconds into the feeding. Yeah, no, the worst thing about those squirrels is they'll go in and you'll have like squash, right? Us, let's say squash. I hate squash. I'm from melons that take forever. 20 squash, right? And you're like, wow, I'm about to have a squash harvest in like two days. I'm going to have a squash harvest. And then a Thuckin' Squirrel will come in and take a bite out of a squash and go, that's terrible. I wonder what the next one tastes like.

That's terrible. Only 18 more to go. And they'll just take one bite out of every single so you get nothing I hate to interrupt your your squash farm story over there It's really sound like killbilly, but I'm gonna kill you like let's go see a drag race and They killed our squash harvest. I just saw on Hila Waypoint apparently BS Angel said that I guess they're gonna be doing something at PAX Prime this year. Oh yeah, what's the, doesn't say it's very cryptic, very open-ended.

It just says, weird, it just says, save the date. Hmm, and this says PAX Prime, save the date. I was 26, 27, 28. Not that I have to tell anyone to see this podcast what PAX is. Or to save the date. Or to go to PAX, because I'm sure all of you already go anyway.

Absolutely. So, I wonder what's going on. Maybe somebody's getting married. What packs is or to save the day or to go to packs because I'm sure all of you already go anyway absolutely So I wonder what's going on. It's cool. Maybe somebody's getting married When that's chief in Cortana gonna finally title that Wait, why what why what they just do it? It's like moon lighting Moonlight That's a reference no one's gonna get We get email from like one other dude. For people who were born after 1990,

Moonlighting was a very popular television show with Sybil Shepherd and Bruce Willis. Sybil Shepherd, I mean like even that's like, you're talking about someone that they're not gonna show. She was a famous actress in the 70s and the 80s. She was the poor man's Kathleen Turner. This is like the history lesson of the French effort. And they were all, they flirted with each other.

It was a private detective agency where she owned it and he worked for her. And they solved crimes and mysteries. And they had this great chemistry and they were always about to start dating. Kindly Jim and Pam on the office. But they never quite did. And then just when you thought they were going to, Mark Harmon, who was famous for Henry Portrait of a serial killer right came or know the Ted Bundy story came in and stole her away and there was never any kind of closure can I say is this the way we're gonna stay

in the top 25 by my oh I got another one the and there was a nerdy lady who worked with him named miss de Pesto and the guy to play booger and revenge of the nerds he worked for them as well and they had a they had a romance that actually did bud was a best of us to any pots now or my thinking of the character she looked like she looked like she was like

their version of any pots in those both was he as hot as i don't know i guess the best is now was good for us to see what that she was pretty hot and her was her name in the spurs uh... jenine jenine Where's Gus versus you? I thought she was pretty hot and hurt what's her name in Ghostbusters? Janine Janine You're right as Alice Beasley was Agnes De Pesto. Yeah Agnes De Pesto Okay, let's get let's get out of the game Please with the Ghostbusters and the moonlighting talk. Let's come back to current times. All right, and go

you Man the other day I sent Bernie this video. It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. It was a video that talks about, I guess, the dangers of high pressure, while you're diving underwater. And it talks about the pressure differentials between bodies of water and how they can crush and kill people

without them knowing what's going on. And it has like 3D recreations of commercial diving accidents where people get killed. It's awful. One of them was awful because it was like some dude just repairing the bottom of a swimming pool in scuba gear and he got stuck to a drain and got stuck and it wasn't enough pressure to kill him but he couldn't move and he ran out of air and died. Oh my god. That's the bottom of a swimming pool. That has to be the worst. I mean, I'm sure worst ways to go, but that's bad. Yeah.

Just like sitting there waiting. No, that sucks, man. I mean, no, I brought everyone down. What a fucking happy podcast this has been. You're getting a massage today. Hey, let me ask you a question about that. All right. I think that I think you're setting me up.

This is some sort of a test or you're trying to give me like Every everything is a test. It's a it's either a test. I don't know how it's gonna go It's either a test or you're giving me like the best present ever I'm not sure because we read on Reddit like a couple weeks ago or some article somewhere that said that 30% of all Backrubs Swedish massages, in, in happy endings. And then you were like, you're never getting another massage again as long as I live. There's no way.

You're certainly not gonna get four, because then I know you're definitely getting a hand job. It's math. Yeah, it's just math. And then like two weeks later, she's like, hey, I scheduled you a massage. It's tonight at 615. So, do you want me to get happy ending?

Or are you trying to get divorced? I know the massage therapist is a friend of ours. So I'm I'm even more confusing to me. No, because I know that I that she's not going to mess with you. Plus I know you and I know like you're closing maneuvers or whatever. You're never going to you're never going to have the balls to ask and I think that it's one of the things that I don't hopefully. Well, maybe he read that article on Reddit a few weeks ago about how to How to ask your massage therapist if they do happy ending now? I'm terrified because like what if I go on

I get this nice massage and it's going well and then she's like already ready for you know what I'm like Flip over me and then she's like it's okay with Griffin. Will it be okay with you? Is this a thing? I'm so scared. I don't even think she's a friend should I trust her? Oh my god I know I don't want to I if you't know, why did you do this to me? Well, you got to go for it. Why did you put me in this position? Not only are you not allowed to have a massage from now and you're not allowed to leave the house

or get out of my sight if you even ask me with these questions. I'm trying to save my marriage here. God. And Clark, your mind's want to know. I don't know why you do this to me. I think that's bullshit. There's no way that that many massage is in happy endings.

And there's no way that that many massages and happy endings. And there's no way that that many people get it. If that's true, I'm not shaking a massage therapist hand ever again. I'm certainly not kissing right here. Who knows where they've been? Yeah, I don't know. I just don't see the point. Like, I don't think you would get paid enough.

You don't see the point? Oh, from the giving perspective. Yeah, like, because you could, if you want to prostitute yourself, you can make way more money just being a prostitute than being a massage therapist who gives hand jobs isn't that safer though like not being out on the street I hear the outgoing weird places. I hear the average tip for a hand job is After a massage is $50 that's on top of like a hundred dollar massage. It's the average tip $50 That's not much. You even know a lot about this. Why me that read the article? You know, I researched it

Since I'm inquiring email. Every night after Griffin went to sleep I whispered in a ear, get Jeff on the couch. Talk about two weeks. You're really talking me out of this. And kidding. Sort of. No, I'm nervous though. I don't know what to do. Yeah, I probably should have picked a less hot massage therapist. You I just realized. Griffin, you should just help me. And on massage surfaces, super hot too. Yeah. You know, I just realized I'm looking at naked guests drinking

on our chair and playing with the Xbox controller. The cardboard cutout. The cardboard cutout. That's the chair we just put in Millie's bedroom. Oh, you sprayed it down with bleach, though, right? I did, I did. If you look closely, I'm sitting on a napkin. So it's totally sound like a... I need closely I'm sitting on a napkin

Napkin is a barrier from my ass napkin we just put Millie's room God man when I had I really wanted to do something again in your house when you had me watch your chickens and you gave me the keys in the alarm code But I just for some reason I didn't have the energy that week Our friend Lauren was in town visiting us for a week recently and from Oregon. She came to the office one day because it was a Friday and it was pretty relaxed. We were doing a barbecue. I mentioned, I was like, okay, so guess what you remember guys? She was like, see the one that had all the pictures of himself all around his office.

She's like, the naked pictures of himself and his mom is like, yeah, no, that's him. She's like, right. That's the thing that stood out in her mind when she met you. I think it's the thing that sticks out in most people's mind when they come in here. If they're not familiar with us, I like, I like when people that aren't familiar with Richard teeth come to the office because they're always like, what do you, do you ever stop and listen to the conversation you're having? And I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about.

I guess we talk about weird things a lot. Or yeah, we have like tons of naked pictures of each other around or it must be a surreal experience. So speaking of which, I got something to say. Okay. I had my first, you know, we have a receptionist now. She just started the other day last Friday. Yeah, she's awesome. Yeah, she's great. I had my first negative experience about having a receptionist here, though. I guess because she's so new, I'm still not used to having her around. And the other day, I had to take my clothes off for short, which isn't out yet.

Big surprise. And I had to close the door to my office because I felt uncomfortable about it. Yeah, the first time we ever had to do that. So you shouldn't even, you should be doing that anyway. Man, I don't get fucked. No, well yeah, well, please give it a, the rest of us, give it a go.

I don't like it, don't come and look. Hey, don't pigeonhole me in with your anti naked Gus rhetoric. I'm totally fine I get naked right now. Yeah, I have no problem buddy I hope to to to connect and cross that bridge so that I can I can I don't have to close my door anymore Okay, why don't you just take off your clothes right after the podcast walk outside and say hey I just want to get this out of the way. All right. We're good And then I thought it maybe I should you said Jeff that you're nervous're nervous because you listen to Howard Stern so much and read some websites that- Well I'm always, there's always like-

Maybe things like to women. Yeah, well I'm always looking at celebrity gossip or whatever, so there's always like Howard Stern blaring and then titties everywhere. And that's just, and she sits right outside my door. So we're gonna have to come to terms with that, I think. That's so much. I'm not gonna-

Or face an awful lawsuit listening to Howard Stern. You know, I have noticed that everyone just changes. We're ever like, they don't go to, we have several bathrooms, like about three bathrooms. And we have, like a lot of people have in their own office. And everyone changes like at my workbench. Like they just come over and they decide to take the pants off right next to my bench.

Because. Well, you do have all those pictures of half naked people around your desk. Maybe you're sending mixed signals. How about that? No, I'm not, I'm sending the muscle signal. I'm saying, like, this is the kind of guy I want to look at naked. Well, we're doing our best to emulate that. Obviously it's not working.

What is with the we have work at equipment in the staging area? What's with that? No, we're working out. We're working out. Who's working out? I just been sitting there by itself lonely in the corner. I just wonder why was somebody brought up? I think the only workout that has happened on or around that machine was the two hours it took Bernie and Jack to put it together. They were definitely grunting and sweating by the end. So they got their one workout from it and now it'll sit there until we throw it away in six months.

So that reminds me, we saw that article the other day that said that if you sit most of the day it increases your chance of getting a heart attack like 54% Excuse me. Oh, did you not see that? No, is it because of the circulation? It might be like activity But I guess if you have a job where you sit down like the majority of the day or you spend most of your day sitting down It increases your chance of getting a heart attack like 50 it was either 54 57% So I think I'm gonna get a desk like Bernie or you can stand and work They also say that 30% of all massages and in hand jobs So I don't know I don't know about these things. Speaking of hand jobs. I'm getting a massage tonight. I'm really I'm really nervous about

You talking about this miss. Where's this massage gonna happen? It's right on the road, too Like in so you're going somewhere. It's not at your house going to someone's house. Oh, you're going to someone's house probably in their bedroom She actually has like a it's not her bedroom, but it's like an extra room that she uses for like, is it her fuck room? No, why? Are there pillows everywhere? I went actually with, I did a session with her

and there was no, there was no happy ending. So, and there wasn't any insuncies there. Was there an okay ending? Well, we'll settle for a mediocre ending. Yeah. Our standards are very low, you'll find. a mediocre ending. Yeah Where our standards are very low you'll you'll find oh man So do you do you have a

Flip camera I do you do yeah, I have a flip HD. Yeah, I read yesterday I guess that I guess Cisco Cisco I learned that Cisco owns flip and that they're just continuing the flip camera. They bought flip not too long ago Right, yeah, I think like was like $590 million. That's really fucking sad too, because I read not a year ago, I read that flip had 40% of the market. I wanna say also that we fucking called it.

Yeah, we did call it. When the iPhone 4 was announced, we said it was at a flip camera, we said that's it. That's it for the flip. It took less than a year. Took less than a year to kill a product that had 40% of the market. That's it. That's it for the flip. It took less than a year to less than a year to kill a product that had 40 fucking percent of the market. That's crazy. They said that the it was still selling well They just didn't see any growth on it that smartphones were gonna get into the market. Yeah, and people weren't gonna

You know carry one to carry another thing that just did one thing and I didn't make sense I'm sure people like Like even today like we're trying to guess has is the last person Well, he and Nathan are pretty much the last people to do anything with their office like even Joel has like done a little bit with his So you mean as far as like decorating or whatever, you know like and and guests so far Hasn't really because the drunken kid is is in here and in other factors like he hasn't wanted to fill up his space yet Well, he's filled it up and they could photos him right The one push that he's...

That's decoration, isn't it? But even today, he was like, well, I don't really just want to get a desk. I want a desk that does other things. Like, I want a desk from the future. Here's what I would say. I know it's going to sound terrible and douchey and awful, but I was like, the way it works right now, a desk is something you put technology on or you put technology under. Like, I want a desk that is technology.

I want a desk that has like USB ports that connect to my computer or that has like a screen, like a touch screen built into it or like an iPhone dock like right on it or built into it. Or speakers inside of it. I'm going to tell you something right now. If you start a cult, I will join your cult. I like what you're saying. Yeah, it should be integrated to everything. Like if the desk is essentially the same shit it's been for 300 years.

It's a piece of water metal with some fucking water metal legs. That's it What why is there no advance in the desk technology? I have never been so disappointed in Unpriced an item as I am right now. I am curious about that. No one thinks about it, right? You're right It's all right like why can't you have a USB extension? Like you want USB wires running through your desk so that you plug it into your Your computer and then you're like other USB ports are right here on your desk where you just like Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, b Well, of course I wonder how to be to recreate I Know I guess we could make it hopefully Steve Jobs is listening to this right. I don't know I everyone says like I guess we can make it but but like Brandon said that early with the door handle

We did help really yeah, we like it that 15 of us can't put a fucking lock on that door in less than six hours So I don't think we're gonna be making anything. Well, we just want to put Brandon on that project six hours. So I don't think we're gonna be making anything. Well, we just want to put Brandon on that project. I'm kidding. But yeah, the milk desk was cool and I really liked it until I saw the price. Yeah, I think you really explained. Was it the milk desk? There was one of those desks. I looked for some that where you could put a fish tank into the desk.

Yes, that's the milk desk. Yeah, it's crazy. I remember we discovered the milk desk. I think I found out on a design blog, it was like four or five years ago, so we were moving into the downtown office, we first discovered it. Yeah, but it's way too expensive. Yeah, there's no way I'm not. And I think it's gotten more expensive. Yeah, I want to technology desk, that's cheap. Where's that? I want the Dell version of that desk. I'm going to go to office and pay like a hundred bucks for it. Oh, man.

So I get the feeling I'm just gonna end up with a standard cheap desk. I'm sorry to hear it, buddy. Your desk right now seems okay. I wonder if I could turn that TV into a desk. Did Microsoft Surface? We awesome. Maybe you could get a bunch of iPads and layer them. That'd be fucking expensive. Yeah, that would be cheap for them just buying a... Awesome. Maybe you could get a bunch of iPads and layer them.

That'd be fucking expensive. Yeah, that would be cheap for them just buying a, so is it M.I.L.K.? Mm-hmm. That seems like a, I don't know, that seems like an odd name for something centered around technology. It probably means techno desk in Denmarkian.

Denmarkian? Denmarkish. Denmarkish. What are you looking at? All right. All right. We'll do some more desk research later. Yeah, we'll try to find something. If anybody has any awesome technological desks, please send us an email to Brandon at

Ruchteeth. Oh, Ruchteeth.com slash Brandon. Or Ruchteeth.com slash Brandon. We should love to hear of it. We should start working that in more often into the podcast. Ruchteeth.com slash Brandon. Yeah. And Brandon at Ruchteeth.com.

Also, ERA and DON, after you sign up for our site and try to get in before the million and get your million milestone, you fucking telephone. Bax machine, wax machine. Did we just go back in time? Is it 1997? Who are you gonna say?

I was just gonna say that people should stop by and say hi to Brandon at Ristief.com slash Brandon. Should be the first thing you do after you sign up for the site. That's a great idea. That's where all the best news is at roosteeth.com slash Brandon. It's right.

Is he gonna murder us one day? He's gonna murder somebody. I'm hoping it's not. I'm hoping it's, uh, well, it's probably gonna be either you or I. Or Jack. He hates Jack. That's true. This guys are awesome.

Uh, Brandon's gonna, Brandon's true, this guys are awesome. Brennan's taking some time off though. Is he? I think after today's gonna be out for a few days. Oh really? Yeah. Like a sanity vacation? I hope so. I hope so.

There guys always here as much shit as we give him. No it's true. I think by over the weekend, I dropped some stuff off that I had to buy from Home Depot and he was here. Like he showed up just as I showed up. And he was just doing, he wasn't being here all day but he does seem to be here all the time Brandon's a new Bernie

He's always at the office. Okay enough enough ass kissing on Brandon So a couple weeks ago. I don't know if I mentioned this on the podcast yet When we did the video podcast that the most recent one that you guys weren't in I watched it I talked about making the app where you can take people's pictures and it tells you if they're single Yeah, the next fucking day Google announcer where they're making that app. Wow just based on what they heard from you I I started it The sons of bitches. I think they're They're calling it Google faces or Google face and it was gonna be called Gus face. Yeah, damn it

So I have precedent we fucking release the podcast today early so I'm gonna wait 15 20 years lawsuit Do you think maybe they'll be a reboot of moon lighting now? People will get reminisce in the for it suddenly that would be awesome for some strange reason When we're here tomorrow that will announce the moonlighting reboot coming this fall on NBC Oh man, you know what I saw that there's a I there's there's a remake right now it makes no sense to me. They're remaking fright night You remember that night. Yeah, man That was not a good movie when it came out. Why would like who is clamoring for the fright night remake come on They're also make another fucking vampire movie. They're also remaking

The Wonder Woman TV series and Charlie's angel Yeah, that's Her costume and I that's a problem with some of those like vintage superheroes. You can't fuck with the costume too much, but the costumes are still lame. Yeah, like what we're watching this trailer for, what cat was a Captain America? Yeah. It's like, there's only so far, because you can't break entirely away. I actually thought that Captain America trailer was pretty good, except and Matt pointed this

out. The scene where he busts in the door with a pistol And it looks like a water gun in his hand and it's like Doesn't fit with the whole captain America persona. No, it's like tiny little baby pistol I didn't notice that I'll three watch it. He does bring a got the shield right? He does have a shield does anybody else think that the chick in the Wonder Woman costume looks like she has a dick She got like it's not her fault. I mean, maybe it is.

I don't know, but it's not a flattering costume in the crotch area. It gives her a package. Maybe she's got a really huge clip. Maybe she does. You're never thinking about that. I don't know if I think I may have mentioned this on the podcast before for some reason. But as a woman, if you take testosterone, get the injections, your clip gets bigger. I did not know that.

You have never mentioned that. No. I guess I've been thinking a lot. I guess I've been thinking a lot. Does it get better? No, I don't know, because it's still not. If you go from female to male, it doesn't ever work.

You don't get erections. Chris, I'm sure that there's still blood flow and there might be a semi. I don't know. But this is to not go like we need some research. And I think that like something you have to clip, but then they don't they take the the labia and make it into the balls. I don't know. I don't know. No. Should we find some pictures and see what's up?

There was a there was a got to keep talking about reddit's podcast, but there was a a thread on reddit where urologist did one of those ask me anything threads and people were asking him about gender reassignment. And he said, you know, and they asked, which was easier going from man to a woman or woman to man. And he said, it's easier to dig a hole than build a pole. Yeah. Then in parentheses, he said,

this kills a urologist conference. It is. Yeah, but they do say it is easier right to go from. Cause you can, in implants too, it's like right to go from yeah, because you can in implants to it's like Easier than doing like a full mastectomy. How the fuck do we end up on gender reassignment? His griffins in the room. Yeah, sorry Yeah, we we definitely run the dammit here I want I wish we could reassign our podcast weekly on iTunes into whatever categories

Or like as you're listening to it it moves around to different categories. Yeah Because we really haven't talked too much about games, I don't think. Now, this is what we talked about magic of Vietnam. It's for portal and Mortal Kombat coming out. This week is a little bit dry though, right? Yeah, this week reminds me a lot of what it's like to live at home with Griffin. Like, I have lots of stimulating conversations like Griffin telling me, I don't have any crystals and I need a good place to find crystals.

Can you help me? There's a crystal place by our house. I I when I say that you're making me sound like a crazy other day you're like I need some healing crystals oh no not crystals I just want to check out their stones because I wanted to petrified wood the opposite of a crystal oh my god so you can't supply your wife with the petrified wood anymore huh no how long you guys been married? Sixty. Magic's over. Apparently. She's seven to shop around. Well, luckily you're getting a massage tonight. Maybe that'll

a little start things. Spice up. Good things going. I'm seriously regretting getting a massage. I'm regretting getting a massage. I'm so terrified of what's going to happen. How long of a massage is this going to be? I think it'll probably be an hour. Isn't that typical? How much is a massage cost? An hour long massage.

It varies, but I think like 75, 80 for an hour depending and she's a friend so she usually gives us a deal or whatever. So 75, 80 is a normal price? Usually I've never had a massage. What kind of massage is this? Is it like a Swedish deep tissue or something? I think it depends on Jeff, but I would think Swedish with maybe some acupressure. In the okay, where what region? Do you really want acupressure? acupressure hurts a little bit? I see videos on the internet, dudes getting punched in the balls.

Okay, so I know that, I'm not, who's the judge? Schmovius. If you want something to punch you in the balls, I can do that for you. Well you charge me to death. That job's about to take us. Oh man, I thought. We wrote it into our vass. You're take this. That job's out of focus. Oh man. I thought we wrote it into our vass.

You're right though. We've been a little light on pop culture. Have you seen any good movies? No. No. I can't think of it. What's the last movie I saw? Black Swan, not too long ago.

No, what did you think of it? I liked it. I thought it was really good. Is it worth watching? Should I see it? No, I haven't seen it. It's really good. Okay. I liked it a lot. I? No, I've seen it. It's really good. Okay. I liked it a lot.

I think my wife didn't like it so much. She thought it was okay. My thought was really great. What's her fucking deal? I know. All right, yeah, I'll check that out. It'll, it's the last pre-pregnancy movie we get to see from her, right? Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, you know, you're Hynus. Oh, you're Hynus. It opens this weekend, right? It, it already came out. Oh, it did? Yeah, I think it already came out. Oh did? Yeah I think it already came out. Man I heard an awful interview with Danny McBride on on satellite radio the other day. I was just saying to shade 45 you know the hip-hop station. Danny McBride was on plugging your highness and like one of the dudes just kept saying oh oh insult that guy insult him you know just say

something funny and Danny McBride was like oh hey how's it going? You know, just so awful. They're like constantly asking him to do that. Dude, that is the fucking worst. Yeah, I want what you literally said. Say something funny. We insult him. Oh, man, come on. You and I have had to do a couple of interviews,

and I don't want to get too specific, where they kind of went that route. And that's like, that is so terrible. They're like, man, rivers of blue's really funny, be funny right now. What do you wanna be funny about? I don't know, talk about that guy. Or they'll be like, hey, why don't you do, just do a bit, we're gonna interview, but we're gonna interview as Griff and Simmons go.

Hey, I'm lazy. Where's Bernie? Is the script done yet? Hey, check it out, I don't wanna do this interview because, I'm lazy. Where's Bernie? He's the script done yet? Hey, check it out. I don't want to do this interview because I'm so lazy I didn't orio. All right, and then they're all like really that's it It reminds me of of People were disappointed in the Charlie Sheen live show It's the dudes in actor. He's not a writer, you know, I don't know what you expect from him

You're the dumb shit that paid a hundred bucks or whatever to go I did videos of that up because I was reading a little about it and I had this I was at um What would Tyler do like what was it? What was that like yeah one of the gossip sites and it had a horrible photo of him looks like he was missing a tooth Is that the one probably he's on a few shows though? I just read the one in New York did not go well. Yeah, he, you know, he, I don't think he has any teeth actually. No. He has falsies.

Yeah. Okay. He's got gold teeth, I think. Yeah, and he was like porcelain cap of years over it. Over it. Yeah. Over it whenever he needs to like appear in public. Yeah, apparently the crack took, took care of his teeth.

I don't know, to crack his bad for teeth, I guess. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, I mean, it's the same thing. He's an actor. He's only funny because Someone writes and tells him what to do. What did they call it torpedo of truth tour? Something like that. Well, that's the thing too. It's like I think that a lot of people tend to forget when they're enjoying some kind of entertainment Just how many people are involved and making something good and you know the actor and the directors they get all the credit

You know because they're the ones that are the most visible But it's easy to forget. I wonder if it sucks to be like a Charlie Sheen and because I all right Chris you say stand-up comedians like you always think about who the funniest people are like a Chris rock or whoever Jason Feld and and they're you see him on television shows and they're very conversationally funny and then you have like a A comedic actor like Tom Hanks, or I feel weird lumping these two together, or Charlie Sheen, who make a living being funny on film or on television, Charlie Sheen's in the number one

comedy on television, has been for like nine years. You have to wake up every day and think, obviously I'm a funny guy, right? Yeah. Fucking 12 million people a week last at me or last with me I got I've got to be a funny guy or you're like Tom Hanks you're like I made bachelor party and the burbs and all of these great fucking you money pit all these great comedies I must be a funny guy and then like you and I saw that was

I saw Tom Hanks on Jimmy Kimmel yeah yeah and he was trying to be like funny and jokie and it was fucking terrible really Tom X is normally pretty He normally cut normally kind of funny and off the cuff I thought so too it almost seemed like he was enjoying himself more than any way It's it was really actually kind of do I think that it might be hard to because I don't think Jimmy Kimmel is really Leading at that point because I think it might be intimidating. I guess but it's like once again. It's like point because I think it might be intimidating. I guess, but it's like, once again, it's like, our actors really, comedic actors really funny, or do they just deliver a comedy well that's written?

You know what I mean? I don't know. Obviously, a guy like Will Ferrell, I think it's probably pretty funny because he, you hear that most of his stuff is ad-libbed. Well, plus he was also, that's also different. I think of him more as a comedian because he spent time on SNL. Sure, sure. I guess I'm sure too.

Yeah, but it's got to be like a weird wake up call, or hopefully a wake up call for a guy like Charlie Sheen, to go up in front of, you know, 10,000 people and not be able to entertain them without a hundred people behind him writing and producing and yelling cut and making sure that he looks, you know what I mean? Yeah.

It's a team effort. Yeah, it really is. Well, and editing too, I mean so much of comedy, it's just good editing and timing. Mm-hmm. That's kind of kind of suck if you're one of those guys though, you know? I mean, I'm really is. Well, and editing too, I mean so much of comedy, it's just good editing and timing. That's kind of kind of suck if you're one of those guys though, you know. I really, I really, I really, it's really suck, yeah, to be Tom Hanks.

I'm really disappointed to hear about that, Tom Hanks interview on Jimmy Kimmel. I remember he was on the last episode of the tonight show, he's also on the first one with Conan O'Brien, and he was fucking funny. Yeah, I know, but then it makes you, it made me wonder like, how much of that is scripted? Because you know they do pre-interviews

and it's all handled ahead of time. It's like, if your Tom Hankson, you have to go on the tonight show, you probably have to do a pre-interview. I know that there are some celebrities who are above it. If your Tom Hankson, you go on Jimmy Kimmel, you're probably like, I'm not gonna bother, I'm not gonna show up here early for a pre-interview.

I'm sorry, Jimmy, but your show's on a midnight. I'm just gonna go off the cuff. This is me assuming. But yeah, it's just like, it really felt flat. And he seemed, he actually seemed kind of arrogant in the interview to me. That's very fine. And I'm sure hopefully they have it on their website.

And the media is too, like they get to be a certain age and they're so established that, I mean, part of comedy is just being subversive. And if you reach a certain level of success, how subversive can you be? I will say he followed up the interview with a bit, a pre-recorded bit where he was He had like I was enrolling his daughter in like a little bit sunshine style beauty contest

Uh-huh, that was very fucking funny. Like the second he stopped being live And they went to something pre-recorded where he was acting. He was it was great. It was a well-produced bit I don't know Well, well check it out. I make sure to put in the link down Also, did you know Tom H is a youngest son is a rapper? I did not know that yeah, he changes name not Colin Hanks, but Chet Hayes. He's looking look Chet Hayes. Yeah, he's 19. He goes to Northwestern. I think and he's like a hip-hop guy from the streets of Northwestern Yeah, and he's got like

He's got like such great lyrics is like I'm gonna stab you in the people with my ski pole That's a direct quote from his song He's got such great lyrics as, I'm gonna stab you in the P poll with my ski poll. That's a direct quote from his song I heard. Wow, yeah, wow. So he's coming from the mean streets of Vale. Apparently from the Bale. Anyway, he's worth a listen. All right, I'm sure we can find a YouTube video or a website or something.

How do you go from there? Like, how do you go from like, probably growing up in Beverly Hills as like the richest white kid ever to, you know, from the streets rapper? That's a tough transition to make up. Why do you change your name so he wouldn't, so he could break away from the level of expectation or?

And white chit, hey, that doesn't, that doesn't ring like, that doesn't sound like a rapper to me. Probably some, uh, market research. I doubt it. I don't know. You did that like a rapper to me. Probably some market research. I doubt it. I don't know. You did that like a poll on Facebook. I'm a poll on Facebook. While we're talking about Tom Hanks, what's his wife's name? I don't, but I can picture her.

She was in Sleep Distance, Seattle. She played like the friend. Right, right. No, no. No, no. Jeversey, anyway, I can't think of her name so it sucks. But did you ever see the trailer for that made for television movie where she Had an invisible child

What do you know I'm talking about? It's a really funny trailer. You can probably find it on YouTube It's Rita Wilson Rita Wilson. Yeah, where she plays a mom who thinks she's got a kid and she doesn't and the whole trailer is her like Pushing like a fucking swing and like talking to the kid and there's nobody there and all of our friends are like scratching their heads and going like what do we do? How do we do? The movie is called Invisible Child. Hey, yeah Invisible Child.

It's an actual, I thought it was a joke, no, it's real. No, no, it's real, I've seen the trailer. Oh my god. Is it a drama or comedy? Yeah, it's a drama. It's like a 1999. It's like a lifetime movie. That's going to be a weird thing if you're in a celebrity couple

where your husband's career or your wife's career or whoever goes into the stratosphere and then yours really doesn't and you're left making movies like invisible child because you still want to work and you still want to be relevant, but that's like all you're, you don't want to like, I don't know, just take the

free jobs that your husband or wife gives you to make you feel better. Well there's a lot of like, at take the free jobs that your husband or wife gives you. You know how to make you feel better? Well, there's a lot of like, at least in families like that, where like, um, Julie Roberts' brother. Who is that? Eric Roberts? Yeah, he's known a lot of movies, but he doesn't, he's not, you wouldn't remember him. I don't remember.

Fucking love him. Well, yeah, you do, because you love fucking B-movie actors, but- They took my thumbs, Johnny. He was in public with his little- Okay, well then what's another example? No, that's a good example. He's not really- Mark Hsien's brother. Joe Estavas? Yeah. Yeah., he's in everything but he's in movies like wolf or whatever like wearable

I'm sure like that you're looked up martin sheens brother. Yeah, I know he's been in like 200 movies Wow everything and also hugely successful interesting thing about that dude He if you ever think you hear martin sheen doing a voiceover. It's his brother They sound identical and his brother just gets a buttload of voice work because he sounds like Martin Sheen Yeah, almost every time you hear Martin Sheen and you don't see him. It's probably his brother who was The guy in Mass Effect 2 I think that was Martin Sheen, okay, I don't know You'd have to look because I thought it was Martin Sheen, but now you have me second guest. You should look it up

It might have been his brother, but yeah He's and it's also interesting like he's been in 200 movies. You've never heard of Unless you like watching mystery sense theater Like he's probably rich though from that right like you can't be in 200 movies and not be rich Yeah, I mean because you're eventually you're getting residuals, right? That's gotta be well I don't know about that but she get paid the emery gets paid you know 20 grand or whatever to do a movie. It was Martin Sheen. Yeah. And so that's gonna be like the weirdest kind of success you know like you're a faint you could say you're a famous actor because you've

got this list of credits on 90b and you probably drive a really nice car and have a really nice house but no one knew who you are you know. Yeah. And unless they're watching cinemas at 3 in the morning. It might actually be more fun. It might be awesome. Yeah. It's gonna have like people scrutinizing your every movement and... I wonder if anybody aspires to be that level of actress. I'm sure it is. I mean that's a career. That's a successful career. A very successful career. I'm sure they get paid well and... Just like there are directors. They're doing what they want.

There are directors who make made for TV movies and that's it. Or the people who make like giant shark versus mega octopus. Or even like slightly more legitimate movies like species three. You know, just like directed DVD stuff. Or like, I don't know, what's another one? A fucking battle. What was that movie we like with the guns? You know, in space.

Star Shippers 2. Oh yeah. I like the pew pew effect. Hey, did you know Carrie and Moss was the voice of Arya in Mass Effect 2? No, I didn't. I didn't. Crazy. And did you know that Seth Green is Joker? I did know. Yes, right? Wow. Crazy. Like there's a I was thinking the other day there was an independent movie in the 90s that was kind of popular called The Pompidus of Love. It had a John Cryeran and I was for one of the, I was thinking the other day, there was an independent movie in the 90s that was kind of popular called The Pompidus of Love. It had a John Cryron, and I was,

for one of the reasons I was thinking about that movie. And I was like, oh, what the guy that directed that is doing now, because when it happened, it was one of the things where it's like, this guy's gonna be a huge director. And he had directed a maid, the last thing he had done was a maid for TV movie with Vanessa Williams, where she played, it was like a made for TV movie with Vanessa Williams, where she played.

It was like a made for TV in modern times, Cinderella, for the Wii network, or for life times. Oh, you can have a look at that. You can have a look at that. And I was just like, I wonder like, what the, how that, what that career trajectory is like, or how it feels. Was that the one that was like a musical? Yeah, it was a musical.

Had Jason Alexander in it? I don't think he even had that little. What? I don't think it had Jason Alexander in it. No, but then there's one with json i like and or that it was a bit of a bad brandy i think that might not that that's that makes more sense uh... or like the one that i think about a lot is to be heard you know who to be put risk of the act directed uh... i'm a pull for poltergates right now well i mean nobody really knows but he

directed uh... text chance on massacre and then from that he did poltergeist He quote unquote directed poltergeist and there's a lot of rumors that the production wasn't going well and Steve Thanks Steven Spielberg was making Indiana Jones At the time or involved in Indiana Jones and had to like leave the set to come over and supposedly took over directing and secretly directed that movie and there are all These stories of these epic fights between them on stage Or are like on set directing Poltergeist doesn't have credit for it But he was the executive producer but anyway, so tow pooper has directing credit for Poltergeist And then he made a movie that I love called invaders from Mars and then that's it

And if you look him up he's directing like direct to DVD movies like crocodile 3 and she'll like that You know, I think I think you literally directed piranha 2 or piranha 3 and not the 3d one directing like direct to DVD movies like Crocodile 3. It's shit like that, you know? I think you literally directed Peronah 2 or Peronah 3. And not the 3D one, but like, you know. And I wonder like, it's kind of stuck to be like, I need to fucking polter, guys. I mean, text exchange on Massacre. There have been like seven remakes of that movie.

It's a horror icon film. And now I'm just fucking direct to DVD directing. I wonder if that's like, if he shows that path or just like one day the phone stops ringing and you just gotta take what you can get, that does not work. I don't know, if people are hard to work with that factor, it doesn't matter if you're talented, you still have.

Yeah, maybe he's hard to work. I don't, yeah, I would like to interview that guy. If anybody knows Toe Pooper, I really wanna ask. Let's get him on the podcast. Not like in a demeaning way, I'm just curious, like how a career goes that route and is that intentional or like is he happy with that? Maybe he didn't like the pressure of directing,

you know, $50 million movies. So you're gonna be, tell us how your career went so badly. No, just like how. It was like you were in a bright path and then what happened? Yeah, I would have to phrase it in a different way. How could people avoid this happening to them? I guess. We would like to make you an

example for other people. I thought our interview last week with Chris Robertson went well. Yeah, I like Chris. He's a really nice guy. I think a lot of people got a lot of positive feedback from that. Oh really? Yeah. Were there a lot of GGA here from a lot of like Chris Robertson fans? Because I know that eyes on becoming is really popular. Yeah, yeah. There were some people commented who said that they were big fans of his and we're happy to hear them on the podcast. That's kind of awesome. Um, that we were able to do that. And I hope people don't think it sets a precedent where we're going to have other famous people on the podcast to interview, because he's the only one we know.

That's it. What happened? That was it. Maybe in six months we'll have them back. We'll get your massage therapist next week to talk about your happy ending. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yay. We should probably wrap shit up.

Alright, let's get out of here. Before we go too long. Let's go find some some some boring lunch. I, thank God. Thank God. Yay. We should probably wrap shit up. Alright, let's get out of here. Before we go too long. Let's go find some boring lunch. I'm not here in this area. I'm going to fight a sandwich. You can fight a sandwich. Alright, see ya.

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