Rooster Teeth Podcast - Rooster Teeth Podcast #11

Episode Date: June 25, 2009

Rooster Teeth is extremely nerdy and afraid of conspiracies this week Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes a new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motor-mouthed outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland. If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church.

Twisted metal, now only on peacock Welcome to the Rift Kid Podcast This is Bernie Burns Podcast Podcast Jefferamzy Awesome awesome Just a roller. Podcast D-Song Bar.

Go to heaven. Break it down! Welcome to the RISP-PotCast podcast. Hello everyone. Warm. I feel pressure that we shouldn't suck now. Podcasts shouldn't suck now. Podcasts? Shouldn't suck now.

Podcasts? Wow. Hey everyone, welcome to the Rooster Podcast. What an awesome song. That's this week's podcast song. Can we get a video that goes along with that? That'd be awesome. I believe if my notes are correct, they were submitted by Mike Trim. We could have a bunch of gifts of like nice Gus and Jeff

So hey anyway, I'm Gus Rola. I'm Jeff Ransy. I'm Joel Heyman. I'm Diane Lane Why do you have to be like that? Every week with that guy. You know, I don't understand what the favorite feature is on Twitter I just don't even know what it does. It puts a star by star. Yeah, I don't think anyone uses that. I think they always put it in features. Yeah, is there any other functionality associated with that? Can you view a list of your favorites, maybe? I can see a list of my favorites. I don't know if I can see a list of other people's favorites. I'll find out right now. Let me see. Who's someone we should look up and see what their favorite is?

Shaq. Major Nelson. Shaq. How about the person you discovered yesterday? Robert Riggas. Robert Riggas. Robert Riggas is the one whose favorite is. So is it possible to favorite yourself?

Good. I think that's what he's going to do. All right, Shrek. Let me see. Please, just got some bunch of yourselves. Here's another question I have about Twitter. I have this question Here's another question. I have a bunch of I have this question about Twitter if you put a green icon on Twitter. I mean you support the Iranian Anti-Election movement. I don't know what else to call the Musavi supporters. There you go free speech I saw that the press is now starting to call them opposition forces

That's that's normally a negative term, isn't it? I, or like when you're playing a multiplayer shooter, it's like you and the up four, you know? Well, yeah, I guess so. If you're the incumbent, you know, it's bad, but not again, the rebels in Star Wars were the opposition forces, right? Wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

I guess so. But I mean, it's a military term, right? Yeah. It is calling them forces at this point. So I thought that was interesting. But if let's say you change your icon to green and you're saying, I support these people who are protesting the street and being beaten and shot,

we talk about this a lot that's not real activism. Like you're not actually doing anything. Right. And even worse, there's like a moment in time when you have to undo that. Like you're like, OK, I'm not so into this anymore. Let me not have a green avatar. It's like when you take the yellow ribbon off your car eventually.

Yeah. Yeah. When you're like, oh, this is kind of fucking up my paint job. I still support the troops, but I don't want to ruin my paint on my fancy car. That kind of weird like show activism is always weird because there is that moment time where you have to like see Like okay, never mind, you know Not as cool as it once was. I mean the more important question is how can we turn the Iranian conflict into like a video game scenario? That that moment for Joel in the podcast right there is like what it's like to select abuse all day. It's like

It's like I have a statement to make I'm gonna I'm gonna say now and then we're coming back out here like this. It's like Joel's waveforms are all over the place. Not really. You were great there for about two seconds. It was perfect. It was beautiful. I need to find that happy, medium, where I can't move my head around. If you know if you wrote it without it, you know,

you're the one who wrote it. Hey, just so everyone knows, Shaq has a verified account on Twitter. Just I wanna make sure. Yeah. What is that process like? What is it like? Can I verify my account?

Like just Twitter approach you to verify or do you approach the end of your life? You've got a lot of form that says hey, I think I'm famous. Do you think I'm famous? I'm totally feeling that format. I'm going to feel that format. We should see we qualify for a failure. I have one of the we have one of the top rated podcasts on iTunes.

That's true. Most listen to I check doesn't I think that I think that if you get that verified badge, I think there's got to be an instant moment of regret. The moment you get it because it's like it's almost like a douche badge, you know what I mean? We know you went through the process of saying I want to I want Twitter to recognize me as being famous. I need that validation. You should automatically be on tweeting too hard.com if you you have the validation Tweet they should make a special section like that just filters verified accounts Shack has one favorite on Twitter. Who's his favorite shall I read it as Shack? Jack go ahead. All right both who go boom all right. It's from ESD 714 and it's a tweet directly to Shack

It's at the real Shack. Yo the real Shack. What you take on Obama week one It's at the real shack. Yo, the real shack. What's your take on Obama week one? So it's like, here's this moment in history. Like, what is Shack's take on Obama's first week? We never know, because it's not in favorites. We can go look it up, but that's what it was. So that's the favorite feature on Twitter.

Amazing. Was that his only favorite? Can you only have one favorite? No, I think you can have multiple favorites. Do you ever think, stop and think about how much time you spend talking about how much you don't like Twitter? Like if you just got rid of it, you would free up like two hours a day of your life to do other things. I do feel like there's a bit of a necessity to have Twitter. I do feel like that. But I don't like Twitter. It's kind of like though, there's stuff that you don't like that you still partake in. Like I like tweeting too hard better than I like Twitter.

Right? I can partake in tweeting too hard and not have Twitter. Just fine. That's true Joel Bush just told me to that there's a Tweets stock or something where you can follow people without Wanting to know that they follow you or that you hiding from them. God. It's just too much. What's the point? Yeah, I mean it really is to the point where it's like I was watching like the college world series last night It was just like every 20 minutes. They're talking about Twitter a Twitter Twitter and you know they're putting the camera on people and the crowd who are Twittering or whatever It's like hey, there's a baseball game going on if we could watch that instead of the people

It's uh, but you know Joel when Joel said Twitter that reminded me of something I saw this weekend I was watching the local news and you know I always it always pissed me off when the local news, and you know, I always, it always pissed me off when the local news talks about Twitter or talks about following them on Facebook or whatever. You know, strike me as a person who to watch the local news. I was waiting for Saturday Night Live to start. You know what, fuck that, I think you are a person

that would watch the local news. And it's informative, you know, I wanna keep up with my city. So the anchor's an older dude, and they come back from a story and he's looking at the camera, and he says, did you know you can keep up with KXA and news on your iPhone? Just go to the APP store and search for KXA in.

Wow, this is a dude who's totally out of touch. Nice, he's totally been like, lapt by technology. So you have an iPhone now, so you're firmly in the Steve Jobs camp, like you have no non-Steve Jobs products, right? Yeah, I'm happy that I purchased the iPhone, knowing that it helped buy Steve Jobs a new liver. Oh, I was just gonna say that. Yeah, I chipped in, I did my part.

I probably, go with it. Worth it at this point, probably. I read an article about that saying that people were wondering, well, how did Steve Jobs get a liver? When clearly so many people are on the liver, you know, donation lists, and did Steve Jobs get a liver when clearly so many people are on the liver, you know, donation list and suddenly Steve Jobs is at the top. First of all, I don't really have a problem with that, you know, I mean, I really think like, you know, if someone's gonna make exceptions for Steve Jobs,

I really at the core, you know, you don't want to be leapfrog if you're the dude, but I don't have a problem with that. But they basically said that if you have access to a team of doctors and a private plane where you can go anywhere It was in six hours. He probably beat the other candidates there. Yeah, I bet all the candidates ahead him on the list were Apple shareholders Hey, do you think you got Edmick man's liver? How crazy would that be that would be a big ripoff, wouldn't it? That'd be some old busted liver. You wouldn't want that. Yeah, Ed McMahon was kind of a drunk. I don't know if you'd want that liver. I know, I'd be like, hey, Mr. Jobs, we have good news, Ed Bannon. Because drunk liver is better than cancer liver.

If you got Ed McMahon's liver, you would be wasted. You would wake up and recover, and you'd be drunk, right? Yeah. You'd wake up in an A-A meeting. Did you guys ever see the clip of Ed McMahon when he actually went on the air drunk on the tonight show? Yes. He was like every other night, right? No, the one time he was legitimately drunk and Johnny had to stop and was looking at him like, are you okay?

Do we need to take a break here? But if there is any justice, if the universe has any sense of humor at all with Steve Jobs the situation That it would be like he would wake up in recovery and he would turn on the TV and there would be a press conference where they say like Next week we're rolling out liver 2.0 I just fucking upgraded God damn it and then he write like a petition online to like everyone gets the free features of literally 2.0 so yeah transformers 2 opened up last night to terrible reviews yeah but did you expect it to get good reviews not really I mean I really didn't expect to go watch

them we but I thought maybe if the reviews are right maybe you know in a couple of weeks I'll go watch it and no no you've even less even less desire to go see it. I keep hearing claims of racism with it. Really? Yeah, like there's some like there's some transformer group that's racist like one of them has a gold tooth. Even I'm serious. It's like a George R. Banks thing maybe. Was George R. Banks racist? I remember they're like there were people upset. I was talking like Jim Jamaican dude. Right. And then and then people were upset about some of the aliens were like Asian and they were evil and because they were legit that those aliens had a weird voice yeah I thought that was pretty legit actually yeah there was definitely some weirdness in an episode one yeah that was a

weirdness that I wasn't concerned about I was more concerned about the weirdest of the lack of story and entertainment value you know the medical is a lot more troubling to me. Oh my God, it's terrible. Jeff was telling me the other day that George Lucas is state at that Anakin Skywalker and Luke Skywalker have the exact same mid-a-chlorian count.

It's true, you can look it up on Wikipedia. Anybody that all interested is verified through scientific tests. Well, that's because we got into this discussion of who the most powerful Jedi was of all time. Right. And I thought it was Anakin, and you thought it was Luke.

Why would you use that? Turns out it was both of them. They're equally as powerful. The total legitimate thing to discuss. You can just, you know, just start talking about it. It's basically, it's all based on minica. It's like, so if they have the same midpoint count, then that's it.

They're equal. Right. That measure is Jedi power. Is your, and that's an arbitrary midi-chlorian count. Yeah, you can't train to be any better. It's it's it's the count. Wow. So why do they go through all the training on that crap? Why do you even deal with the Yoda set a whole movie? It was a point. Yeah, so where did Yoda rank on that scale? I don't know he had to be higher. It wasn't it wasn't there wasn't like a scale. It was just like can we get some sort of dirt? They had the same medical ring count. And that, you know, they were the most powerful Jedi of all time. Any other people mentioned in this count? No, it just didn't mention it.

So there's no basis for anyone out. I had a weird thing that I was talking to you guys about the other day. As a kid growing up, I thought that a lightsaber was the physical embodiment of the force. Like it was concentrated force, which is why I could cut through anything. Absolutely. Turns out nope, it's just crystals. Right.

Then any one I'm gonna battery. That was the crystal and light. Anyone in the world flash light. Yeah anyone in the world could make a lightsaber and use it. Right. So why don't they? I'm in a weird theory is a kid. Yeah why doesn't everyone have a lightsaber. I think I think what I had you know got to

keep talking about this is the nerdiest thing ever. I think what I had read was that people can use it, but they have trouble because it has no weight. It's just all the weights in the hilt. So you can, like, it's, it's, it's, it doesn't behave like you would expect it to. I was really interested because as a kid, I thought that like, when you picked it up, it would be like picking up like a magnetized thing.

And it would like constantly push itself around. You know what I mean? Like, you have to like physically control the same thing. Yeah, like the sounds that are amazing. Yeah, right? Like like picking up like trying to put two like pole magnets together Like it would be constantly that feeling of like something's fighting you on this thing right or like holding a gyroscope You know like that kind of a thing Anyway, let's get away from Star Wars It is pretty bad. It's not the nerdyest conversation though

We did figure out at one point what the nerdiest possible conversation you could have was and it was Discussing whether or not a lightsaber could cut through adamantium. Yeah, that is absolutely the nerdiest conversation to have Which is totally possible. We had a long-running debate. I think it's possible. Absolutely possible I hear we know clue. They're both made up they're both made up things. I mean doesn't matter The the longest conversation with longest running debate we ever had at our tech support company was in Star Wars, you're in the hallway, your hand solo, Han Solo, you're fighting the stormtroopers, you're firing down the hallway. Would you see the laser bolts? Would you see those red laser bolts going flying down the hallway? And my, we said, absolutely not. You're

not going to see a beam of light, even three feet in length. You're not going to see that thing. It'd be moving so fast, it would just see a pop and then the explosion of whatever hit. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to see it because if it's moving, I mean, if it's moving at the speed of light away from you, light can't move fast enough to come back to you. Right. Do do blasters move at the speed of light away from you, light can't move fast enough to come back to you. Right. Do blasters move at the speed of light? That would be the question.

I wouldn't think they do. I mean, you can see a laser beam when it's projected. That's because it's continued like in gold finger. That's because it's continuous. And that's also because these are movies. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Is there a, maybe, I'm ready to go toe to toe with anybody else.

I doubt that there's a scientist science to this. And entertain us. As it is, don't go together. As it is, when will we learn? I'm ready to go toe to toe with anybody. I doubt that there's a scientist science to the entertainers Don't go together when will we learn you normally can't see lasers anyway. They have to use Fog or some type of Particulate in a room where they're using a laser so you can see it. What about laser pointers? You can't see bullets guys How you gonna see you can't see if someone fires a shotgun. You don't see the pellets You don't see that how are you gonna see a laser bolt? You're not gonna pellets. You don't see that. How are you gonna see a laser bolt? You're not gonna see it.

I don't think anyone's arguing with you. I'm having the argument, seven god damn years. You're having the argument with yourself? We're on your side, dude. We're all friends here. We're demons. No, no, no. You're on the slippery slope of,

do they move at the speed of light? It doesn't fucking matter. I already said that you can't see them. You're trying to qualify. let's every and less every Conflict occurred in like a disco how big is a laser bolt about as big as your form lengthwise Sure, hey wait a minute how to let him in something that size had to travel before you don't see it in wait a minute I was in the army and we had these things called tracer rounds. Oh right and you could see tracer rounds every Side fired them. That's right. I'm an m16 like every like 10 to 15th bullet is a tracer round

You can totally see that thing and it's a lot of it made on purpose so you can't see them So you're shooting yeah, and they go they go fast That's right just as fast as the normal bullet don't go speed a light though because because they're leaving a trail of light So why wouldn't why wouldn't the we don't know major blast technology maybe there are Dracer blaster shots. Yeah, maybe there are. If we could do that with a bullet, why can't we do it with a laser? Let me ask you this, when you see a trace around, is it a streak or is it a dot?

The size of a bullet. It's moving fast. It's a streak. Right. Because it leaves behind a trail of chemicals that are on fire. So why wouldn't the laser blaster do that? They don't do that because they don't do that. So they're just a pole because it's a light wave. Maybe they're maybe

not able to. You assume that they're just pellets and then all you see is the resulting yeah, Joel has a point like the tracer You know talking about tracer rounds every reminds me of that time we went to that 24 hour paintball game And that we were crawling around in the dark in the middle of the night. There's no way out of this dirty conversation and that dude had Tracer paintball pellets in his hopper. Yep. And like every, like every few shots he'd like fire off, you could see where he was shooting. We're getting so fucking far away from having sex with girls right now.

You know that, right? Yeah. This is where the word further, we're just descending. Pretty soon we'll be playing Magic the Gathering and fighting over. Marping. Yeah, fighting over. Oh, speaking of the large plane lantern was last night,

I went over to, I drove by my new house, Jeff and I are neighbors now by the way. Dude, every Tuesday night, you saw it? Yeah, I went to the, I went to the best buy up by the house because I had to pick something up and I drove over to my new house and I drove by a park. And there were a bunch of people in the park and a bunch of cars parked and I was like,

what the fuck's going on? And there were some people playing tennis in the tennis court and I was like, well, that's pretty normal. And then the next tennis court, there were two nights fighting with each other with court. I was like, well, that's pretty normal. And then the next tennis court, there were two nights fighting with each other with swords. It was like, what the fuck? They were like dudes out there in chain mail and full armor. Like having combat and like there were a circle of other people in like night outfits and like Renaissance fair Get up and they were like getting ready to fight. I guess it was like some kind of tournament.

On, no, it happens every Tuesday night. The larpers come to the tennis court at Patterson Park. Yeah, I see him all the time when I'm coming back from that same basketball. Oh my god. They fight on the tennis court. Why would they find the tennis court? The people play tennis. There's a park, like right there,

they could go out in the woods and they'd be that much more authentic. But now they fight on the tennis court. They fight on the tennis court. That is bizarre. Did they fight with real sorts of padded swords? I couldn't see I was driving by. It looked like they looked like real swords or padded swords? Um, when I couldn't see I was driving by it looked like they looked like real swords from a distance

But I'm sure it was it must have just been like padded sword painted silver So welcome to the neighborhood Gus. If I if I remember next Tuesday I'll try to get down and take off your pictures Man, it seems like when they would fight with swords. I'm going back now Historically when they would fight with swords. It seemed like they would get hit with a sword It wouldn't like cut anything off like it would get hit with a sword. It wouldn't cut anything off. It would just be a really bad hit to take. It seems like 95% of the blows would be glancing blows

and be taking a chunk out of your arm or something like that. Then we show the dude get cleanly stabbed or they're hacked off an arm. Hopefully it worked that way. You have a section of your flesh hacked off at a time. Yeah, big dent in your skull or something like that. Oops, there goes your bicep. What would you have used if you were back in those days? What weapon would you have used? My feet to run the fuck away from the fight. Got some weapons they'll go together. I would use the laser gun. Tracer rounds. Tracer rounds

right with the tracer bolts. So I can see where I'm firing. Tracer swords. I'd have just resigned myself to a life of misery because no way in hell I'd ever go out the laser guns and Star Wars did not use tracer bolts because the pistols Don't have tracer rounds and the pit you could see the laser bolts and pistols as well Well, how do you know that this is the fucking well? This is the distant past but the distant distant past but you don't know what they were using what they had going on I mean it makes sense that you would want to create a visible beam so that you can see

Okay, I think we succinctly like fucking laser the basic discussion here This is this discussion right here is why there's medocloryans this is exactly what I'm talking about Basic discussion is would you see a laser bolt you can always come up with something to say like they invented something so you Could see it like they came up with saying that's not the laser bolt that you could see to indicate with the laser bolt went the question is would you see a laser bolt would you see a One and a half foot length of light moving at the speed of light on hallway and the answer is no you wouldn't Well Jeff just said something very interesting. I don't know what he was gonna say But I heard all I heard was it's like laser tag you don't see the fucking lasers in the laser tag You don't you don't sure you do know you don't see well Yeah, I mean if they're smoking stuff here

You can straight up the straight right even with smoke. It's not the same thing All I'm saying is the technology we have in 2009 and the technology they had on the fucking Death Star are Vastly different we can't make planets either right now, but they can so I think if they can make a fucking planet It's a weapon. It wouldn't be hard to make. I'm not talking about inventing something. I'm talking about the basic physics of seed selling a foot and a half moving at the speed of light. How was it that we were all on the same page? We were all agreeing about this. I don't know. I'm just talking to our guy.

This is a slippery slope of laser blast physics. You know, we had gotten the way this is what happened to Lucas. I was so proud of us for getting away from Wow in these podcasts And now it's been replaced by Twitter and fucking like hard as farward You mentioned laser tag dude you took us to the fucking bottom now What do you want to talk about we kept trying to get away from it? You're the one that brought the goddamn conversation up even though you knew it was a fucking horrible idea Fuck you brought laser tag why don't you tell us what your favorite D&D dice is?

What do you like you like the ten don't you tell us what your favorite D&D dice is. What do you like? You like the 10 side? No, you like the 12 side. It's not gonna be the D12. The D12 is the best. I'm gonna stop it. Stop it, stop it. Can't take it.

I can't take it. I mean, I can't think of anything nerdy or to talk about. I'm sitting here racking my brain, trying to think it. Stop trying. I think some other dumb nerdy thing to talk about. Star Trek has to be nerdyer than Star Wars. Star Trek is your original. The new Star Trek, by the way, has beaten every other Star Trek movie ever made.

Wow. It is now the highest-grossing Star Trek movie in history. Well, you know. You could've used to them. Maybe because the dollar's worth about half what it used to be. Maybe that played in somehow. It's also a fantastic movie. Yeah, it's really good.

Yeah, it's great. Like, I was dreamy. I thought it was just okay, I don't know. I really didn't think like I just dreamy. I thought it was just okay. I know I don't know I mean I think it was I think it was no I thought I was okay. I mean I think it was bad. I don't think it was The best start I'm not sure what the best start track movie would be but I don't think it was the best one But so I don't know I know that's a very non-committal answer girl. I know somewhere Kirk and Spock got emotional with each other I think would be that didn't happen I think the one with too many fucking times.

Whether looking for God. Do you remember that one? Oh my gosh. Final frontier. And they all acknowledged their oldness. That to me, I thought was the best one. Because it was funnier. We're doing it. We were making fun of it two seconds ago.

And now we're doing it. Hey, we're not arguing the physics. There's no self-control. That's worse. Now, we gotta do a conversation of who wins. Start a story versus like, enterprise. That would be the worst. If we got into that debate, like what?

I'm not. No, I see you thinking about it. Don't do it. Okay. I mean, it's an interesting question. Really, the question is what is hyper space and what is like right? What's the difference We should we should Twitter about this How much money they made on transformers over the years because this is like they're back now and they're selling the toys again

This is something started as a toy right? Transformers for the model even like ninja turtles the model was let's make a toy first. Okay, how can we sell the toy? We make a TV show. I think with Ninja Turtles it was a comic book first. It was a comic book It was an adult comic, but GI Joe and St. Romer's were toys first. We'll just that period like he man and all that stuff It was all selling toys And it was like the best way to sell toys making cartoon about it was you know It's a 30 minute commercial right. Let's start as a star Wars model I'm actually surprised they never made a cartoon about a candy would have been huge. I heard

a long time ago they said from other team and cartoons. Guess how much the budget was for one of those cartoons? Like $40. I don't know who was it. And this is a statistic I heard a long time ago late 80s. They said it was a million dollars per episode. I find that impossible. I don't know. said it was a million dollars per episode. I find that impossible. I don't know. It didn't make it into the production. That's for sure. We're on that.

We're on that. The universe now. For God's sake, I mean, that's his smurfs. And monkey teeth. Who it is? The universe is pop culture. It hasn't come back. I know.

I'm in a way to place now. I'm reeling over here. If we had smurfs versus my little pony. No, no, no. The question is smurfs versus snorcs. You got the question fucking wrong. Who? I'm reeling over here. If we had Smurfs versus my little pony. No, no, no, no. The question is Smurfs versus Snorks. You got the question fucking wrong. Who would win in a battle? Well, I guess it would be if they were under water

of the Snorks, we have a pretty short conversation. Smurfs, let's go back fucking wizard. Let's go Snorks don't. In the story, college world series. Let's go to that for just a moment. Let's talk about making the pilot. So Texas, Texas won last night against LSU. It is. It's the three going to the final game.

Right. Is that tonight? It's tonight. Well, three games set. Go, Texas. Go, Texas. Yeah. I can't believe Texas blew it in the 11th inning on that in that other game. They didn't whether or not they tied like 5 5 and then they were winning in the bottom of the ninth LSU came back and tied it. It's so amazing because they got some pictures there that will go like nine innings.

They will pitch, they will go 90, they'll be in ninth inning. They'll pitch, they'll hit a 95 mile per hour fastball, then they'll throw like a 77 mile per hour changeup. I mean, if you can do that for nine innings, that's brilliant, brilliant stuff. And brilliant stuff, and then you never hear from them again. Remember that, yeah, no, right? It's amazing. It's amazing.

You know, by the time they're 22, I guess so. It's a weird thing with throwing too right because quarterbacks are the same way a quarterback in college is not Necessarily a direct correlation to great NFL. Oh not at all. It's like all the best quarterbacks in the NFL It's like 14th round pick when I think yeah, I think NFL or like football is totally different because I think size matters a lot more there versus Baseball like it's it's like the whole problem major apple white had I think NFL or like football is totally different because I think size matters a lot more there versus baseball Like it's it's like the whole problem major apple white had he was you know He was a he was a decent quarterback well-loved But he never he was he was too small I guess for them He never he's not a Passover the lie he never even got a chance

No, he never got there's a pitcher now in major leagues who's like five foot six and it's like everyone's talking about What a miracle it is that this guy can be a major league pitcher. You know and the hitters are having a hard time hitting him because they're not used to the ball coming in from like underneath them basically. Yeah coming up. Well release point underneath them. Speaking of quirky pitchers, did you? Did I tell you about the pitcher in the minor leagues I think up in New York right now who's Ambride extra and he can pitch as a righty or as a lefty. Did we we talked about this? Did we?

A switch picture? Yeah, and he's got a spare glove on the mound with him. So that way he decides to pitch from the other hand, he just swaps his glove out. They had to institute, so when he goes up against a switch hitter, it's a huge problem because the switch hitter will go up, try to, you know, bat, you know, lefty if you And there's no rule, right? And then the the pitch will switch and the switch hit her will switch the picture will switch they have to institute a rule it like for this guy saying that he can only switch hit the hand he's pitching with twice per

batter twice per batter yeah so make it Fox had to apologize to the kid who tried to give her a rose she didn't have to apologize well she kind of did I mean the guy brought it up what you're gonna say fuck that kid? Stupid rose for those who don't know what you're talking about Um, there was a picture that went around the internet of Megan Fox being hurted by paparazzi Okay, I'm gonna go straight for it It was actually a picture of Megan Fox's boobs But if you looked at it long enough eventually you saw other stuff around Her boobs which included her and a paparazzi guy or like a bodyguard like a kind of ushering her along. Yeah, handler handling her and what a job.

I just had a tangent in my head. And then this kid trying to like this kind of slightly overweight kid looks really nice. He's trying to handle rows and she's a great photo. And so one of the on her junket that she was doing for Transformers 2, some blog guy brought it up. He actually used the word cyberspace when he brought it up to her. So this is going around cyberspace. I haven't heard that. That dude actually appeared from a time machine. He came from the 2000 tasker these questions. He was that guy. He was that guy that used to talk about all the time. The time traveler guy. John. traveler guy John tighter oh man. Don't get a started on That's the that's gonna be the ultimate I cast this guy talking about John tighter reminded me of that YouTube video We saw the other day where I guess some guy was his land was being leased by FEMA

He was somewhere in the Midwest if I recall properly. Yeah, this is to recollection. This is how the story went Yeah, and so I guess he went out to see what was being stored on his land and walked out and it was like two or three football fields worth of boxes. You couldn't figure out what it was until he got closer and looked at them and they were collapsible coffins. Plastic collapsible. Yeah. And they looked to apparently if you they started coordinating searches and looking around the country and they found that FEMA has been storing three million disposable coffins around the three million I think I think that's what they found so far That they're aware of This story doesn't creep you out when you see the picture of this unbelievably it's so creepy they stack like plastic cups

Right, it's so creepy to me that it's plastic cups that it almost has to be like a viral marketing campaign for a movie that no one knows about yet I mean if it's not or it's a viral marketing campaign for plastic coffins You go what's a viral campaign for a virus that we know about We have it. It's weird to see like just I mean just rows of Thousands of coffins that the federal government is storing and Bernie made the greatest joke I ever heard which was like it was really scary to find out that there were social security numbers attached to each individual I said that would make it a whole level creepier Is it they already were pre assigned with social security numbers?

But like there's a lot of conspiracy theories about it, but uh, no shit Bernie and I had the same conclusion about it where it's you know someone probably just someone You know high up in at FEMA had a friend who makes plastic coffins and was like a kickback Yeah, somebody has a plastic extruding factory Right. It's like yeah, well, you know what that means it means that they got to you Maybe they did who who has a company that produces mass plastic coffins itself collapse in the one I mean Those have that company those companies that make plastic stuff that

Extruding process they can make anything dude. They can make no, but if you can make anything what let's make coffins like why is that your choice? People are always gonna die people always do coffins fuck and 300,000 Person sets and strategic it's a volume dude. Yeah, we're gonna make one. It's just a cheap to make a thousand Yeah, it's makes something and supposedly they're plastic because you can they can be cremated the entire coffin Right, yeah, instead of marrying them. That's why they're that made out of that specific material These are of course, I mean what when you burn plastic what happens when you burn plastic I've never seen a form of plastic where it's not a black smoke that I mean there's got to be some a better There's got to be well, you know, I mean there may not be some kind of resin who know? I mean there's got to be some better there's got to be well you know me not some kind of resin who know I mean you know who knows you know I mean who's

gonna complain that people are putting the call you're putting three million people in coffins you're like let's discuss the environmental impact of three million dead people they're gonna be like I don't want to go on a coffin you guys can burn whatever the fuck you want they're not gonna be calling me I figured that it must be a the kind of a kind of plastic that when you land on fire like you can't see the smoke that way when you see the giant Bill what happens is they put the black helicopters over the smoke stacks. Okay, this is all coming together Dispersed the smoke someone someone I'm gonna not say maybe I should say this by the way

We're passing along a lot of like raw Internet speculation as though it's fact. I mean, oh, yeah, you can see the photos of these rows of these boxes And they say casket liners like on the manifests apparently, you know, if you believe what you read on the internet They decide from that we don't really know what they're for. They can't be they can't be cats They got to be something else, but it's like I'm to the point in my in my life where it's like if something like that actually is happening That's awesome finally something weird. You know what this means? The second this podcast hits the internet, all our phones are going to be tapped and we'd be started involved

by the Black Helicopters. Well, it's fun because the government, it's like Twitter has that validation thing. The government has the same thing where they just put little icon next to the podcast when they've marked their experience. We'll have the, yeah, I mean, we'll be the first podcast on the terrorist list.

You know what, the big deal. I mean, God forbid a pandemic or something happens. At least we'll be ready. Right. Like three million bodies later. And I should be ready. Ready is not letting three million people die. Well, that's, that's not ready.

It happens. That's preparing to be unprepared. It's like, it's like you see all the movies where it's the end of the world. Everybody's turning on each other or whatever. They had a 60 minutes report back when the hurricane hit down in New Orleans. And there was that one bridge that crossed into I can't remember where it was but they were not letting people cross that it crossed into somewhere that wasn't New Orleans and that wasn't underwater and they wouldn't let them through they were like fuck it yeah no they were like sitting there with their SUVs and lattes and people were like crawling they'll perceive us no you're not coming not coming. Sorry, across the bridge.

You know, I turn to any other way that immediately. We're not wearing a really weird, we're in a really weird tangent here, but we had a discussion about Katrina the other day. And we were talking about like the federal government's very slow response to Katrina. And it made me, we got to talking to like, somebody kind of put the theory out there.

And I thought it was kind of interesting that like, this was gonna happen. And the government didn't do anything to make the situation worse, but kind of like it's a weird experiment to see what would happen, like how thin is that line between civilization and just absolute mayhem? And what we learned, pretty damn thin.

I mean, you turn off electricity, you turn off the illusion of law and- The internet. Yeah, and wham! I mean, it was people who were shooting each other in the streets, they were sniping at hospitals. It was crazy. It was pretty crazy.

Yeah, it's amazing how quickly the situation fell apart there. 3 million coffins might not be enough. It's like, it's like this office. Like, what happens when we turn off the air conditioning? Yeah. Well, we're already experiencing that. Our fucking air condition has been dying this entire summer.

Yeah, it's been a little rough. Luckily, it's only been 104 every day in Austin. Like, you could like take pictures of our office when the air conditioning is on and like literally go back a couple before, back to winter. This office was clean. You go outside in the main office is on and like literally go back a couple before back to winter This office was clean. You go outside in the main office right now and take a picture. It looks like a hurricane hit Doesn't it is something to it. I don't know what there is But I mean ever since we started doing live action stuff the office has gotten progressively. There's more and more cluttered

like for for no reason whatsoever Every piece of the red camera is out on the desk. I mean, it's just, we have cases, super organized cases where all that stuff is supposed to go, everything's just laying out. Like, even like nuts and bolts and wrenches and they're all just sitting out there. You front office people are dirt bags. You are. Back office, we're burning eye, sit, it's totally nice. Trader. What are you gonna do, man? I couldn't live in the filth. We were just talking about how the plastic companies can basically make anything. There's another industry that has suddenly hit some kind of moment, some kind of singularity in their industry where they can just seemingly make anything they want to now.

And that's the candy industry. When I was a kid, we had a Reese's peanut butter cup. We had a Hershey bar with an in a Hershey bar with almonds and then like Easter You got the peanut butter egg that you could buy now pretty much if they can think of a candy bar They can make the candy bar. You know worlds changed a lot since the 40s You know, I mean first first we had regular taffy then we had salt water No, it's usually I mean have you seen like there's like 80,000 different kinds of KitKats like there's like fuck it We're doing everything so you're saying there's a lot there's a lot of shit out there though unfortunate like chocolate Skittles

Chogas Gittles worst thing ever inside out Reese's beat of butter cups So basically you're saying those coffins are made out of chocolate That's it basically what I'm saying. I'm saying maybe the candy industry is leading into everyone going into the coffins I'm saying maybe the candy industry is leading into everyone going into the coffins. Like you'll go like would you like the KitKat with potato chips and fused in them? Or would you like an inside out receipt? See I don't think that I don't think it's a matter of that we can fabricate anything. I think it's the point now where there's a market for it. You know there's an iPhone app where you can have it call you.

Oh really? Yeah it's a fake phone call. You're like oh I can't take this. That's fantastic. There is a website I've seen where you can do that also. And you can have it like you can have it call you or text you and they're like predetermined texts you can choose from or like it calls that's been around yeah I mean there's gonna have it spoof numbers like show up like grandma or whatever the one on the sidekick you had you could actually record yourself so that we called it

play back your recording to you it would play your ringtone and you pick it up and it would play your recording to you so you they people can hear you, and you pick it up, and it would play your recording to you. So they people can hear you talking to somebody. Bernie, don't use the time machine. Click. It's like, hi, this Bernie. Hello, hello, bro. It's like, everybody's talking to Joe, obviously.

Or he's talking to somebody on Xbox Live. The person who's talking to has swallowed their cell phone somehow. Hey, Bernie, it's still a very nice one to call us. Hey, where do you still hate when I just want to call this? Hey, how are you doing? I can't. I should post a picture of a waveform of a Joel Caboose line where it's like this massive overblown first part of the line and then it gets this.

Go ahead, go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, We had that one line in this week's episode where you had to like increase the volume by like 500% at the end of his line Yeah, we're the only people complaining the details aren't very important. It's like the whole line was stronger than it was

And I'm on the mixer like trying to keep up with the tracks. I look like Igor you know like home Do you move around a lot when you're doing your audio, Joel? I mean, like, are you constantly moving? Joel, don't get to do it. It's awesome. He gets into it. It's always a good result. It's just like the technical aspect of looking at the line and trying to... And then we put the filter of the helmet on it, you know? And it just... Maybe we should have more microphones in there for when Joel does his audio.

No matter where he's moving, he's near one. I think in this, I think in this last episode he had a line where where he had that big hay right in the middle of it. Oh yeah man. I had to like compensate for the hay on the flag you know. Oh Caboose you silly guy. I selected his audio this week so I'm familiar with that hay. I still I still love Joel's interpretation of Caboose which he told me I it was a season two or three, great interpretation and motivation for Kaboos is that Kaboos is the only guy that knows he's in a video game. And it all goes full circle because it's like you said,

people in Xbox Live, you can't understand what they're saying on the microphone. So it's like to be that character. You can't understand what I'm saying on the mic. I'm gonna look at Jeff during the podcast, the way he always looks at everybody else. Is that how I talk at all the time like this? That's a very sour fake. That's how I look at everyone all the time Why are you so troubled by it now? It's like years Jeff has an elegant mixture of a sleep and mad

Is the way he looks at you. It's like I'm too mad to fall asleep If I wasn't if I wasn't so tired, I come over and slap you. And you're the reason why it's like angry and somniac. In headphones. That's a great combination. It's just hard to tell a story and see that sour face. Oh, is that... It isn't...

What the fuck you do? See what I mean? They're gonna go see the anchor. It's not a system. This is my face. It's not sour. It's just my face. Hey, speaking of telling stories, you mentioned earlier that you moved into the anchor. It's not a system. This is my face. It's not sour. It's just my face. Hey, speaking of telling stories, you mentioned earlier

that you moved into the neighborhood. You live about three blocks from me now. I can actually walk to your house. Yeah, we timed it. It's a six minute walk. It's in our house. Six minute walk. And the other day, you called me and said,

hey, I'm outside watering the grass if you want to come hang out with me. Because you know, that's what we do hang out. Well, we water the grass. That's what they do, right? I'm not here to this. And I walked over. It was the very first time you ever walked a funerary grass. And you turned name is due, right? I'm not new to this. And I walked over.

It was the very first time you ever walked a funerary grass and you turned your hose on and it exploded on you and you got drenched. It looked like you went to a water park. It was hilarious and I was glad

I was there to be witness to it. Yeah, what the fuck happened? You told me, I guess a washer came out of the hose or something? Yeah, they had a little rubber like washer rings inside and you didn't have one. Speaking of which, I'm going to go by your house tonight because I need a rubber washer thing. Yeah, I actually I actually have like a hundred

Okay, cool. I got a one on my line again. I don't I'll go get one for me I don't feel comfortable saying why I have so many but I do I don't like it's almost like you guys are coming up with excuses to have secret sex I need to get that thing that holds for me Wink and if you need like 3000 coffins, come over my place. Cool. I just need one. You can buy those little washers at Home Depot. I can about someone I went out and bought the portable AC in it's last month.

I know Jeff has like 100 of them. That's actually why I have them because you can't buy one. You have to buy a pack of like 50. Yeah. Luckily that pack's only like 45 cents. If anybody on the site needs those little washers, let me know. I think we should have a contest on the site to see who can

come up with the greatest conspiracy theory flow chart. I have a friend who is doing that with me in email right now. So he would beat them all. Like he has every, I think we should have that contest to see. And he's nuts. And he's drawn lines between them. And you can tell me about the coffins.

He's like Melga and how and how our podcast fits into that conspiracy theory Our podcast and the conspiracy theory I guess if you have an entry for that email Joel at roosterheath.com Let us know what the best of his Joel damn it Amish god damn man you bring it up. It's your it's your job. Joel will pick the winner and mail you a prize back We did supreme surrender You know Jack was there and it was like hey, we should have a contest for robots and it was like hey That's a great idea. Yeah, we should do that and it was like yeah, okay, we should do that and then the next thing

I knew I was in charge of reading 400 emails every day and having to do all that and for a guy who can barely read That was a tall order tall order. Thank God. are pictures. Yeah. I would like to make a weekly request of the internet since we asked them last week to no longer participate in online petitions since we know there are no value. What's however is it okay if on a regular basis if I ask the internet to either do or not do something? Fuck it. Do it. Okay. This week I would like to ask that people... I'm gonna go back to Twitter here Jeff, so... Please do. They caught you mid-john. That was nice. On Twitter, and this other place, I'm sure you have this on Facebook. I just not on Facebook. Okay. You are on Facebook. You have an account. I do, but there's nothing on it.

So... Because Twitter's so much more robust. What's that? No, no, I just don't... I never did anything because I want people to come to our site. You're interrupting my segment. All right, I'm sorry, sir. The thing I would like to ask people this week is, when you make a status update, or you make a Twitter, or something like that, it might be very tempting to write,

and we actually did it in this podcast, at one point, I'm hopefully gussled out, where you say like, I'm going to do something blank that I can't talk about, or working on a secret project, can't tell you about it. If you can't fucking tell us about it, don't fucking tell us about it.

We're not interested, okay? We don't wanna know about your dumb projects, we don't know about the thing that you have in NDA that you can't discuss. It's not at all interesting. Everyone has fucking secrets. Yeah, it's fucking douchey and dumb and everybody does it in the exact same way. Nobody fucking cares. Yeah, it's fucking douchey and dumb and everybody does it in the exact same way

Nobody fucking cares. Okay, that's it Thank you bravo sir. I got this low-clap. I just hate I just hate I'm sorry. I'm done. That's it. Cromugins over and Bernies a Bernies in a mood this week. I'm gonna come sit up. I have been about that. I have been working on a secret project in Volkhoffins and FEMA, but that's all I can say. I'm gonna come back out in the front office for the rest of the day. All right. Hey, I have one last thing. Hey, are you getting a lot of entries

for the music at the beginning? Yeah, I'm getting a lot of them. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. I should say that again, if anybody has an entry they'd like to submit, just email an original composition. And maybe if you're getting more than maybe you can handle, maybe we can put one at the beginning and a different one at the at the end. No, no I got to tease people. I don't have once a week

Anyway, podcast at ruchitis.com if you have an entry once the last is long as possible, right? Yeah, I also like to do is trying to create more work for us No, that's not have mid-sagents one free segment, right? And somehow the audience as well If you guys have your flow charts, by tomorrow, do, do. If you guys get submitted weekly podcasts to us, that would be awesome, do. We'll just pick the best one before I get.

If you can write the dialogues. We'll just read the dictionary, and you can piece our words together as you see fit. We'll have contests where you make our content. We're threadless now. We'll all have our work for us, and we'll tell you that you want a contest. You win five bucks.

All right, you won five bucks. We won 40 billion dollars Congratulations. All right. Well, thanks for listening everyone. Ta ta Describe the show to a newcomer in a more familiar way. Do you like apples? Example together in trepid hosts Characans Characans are free to do is have nothing to do with this podcast analyze various unsolved Characombs, Characombs are free to deal with nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster teeth's cryptic podcast, f*** face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short.

Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts. It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no. You do yes? It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no. You do yes?