Rooster Teeth Podcast - Rooster Teeth Podcast #120

Episode Date: June 29, 2011

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It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motormouth outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland. If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church.

Twisted metal, streaming now, on P-Coc. It's the Rooster Chief of Drunk Tank. Yay! I'm always happy when we get a techno theme song he's supposed to do it on the guitar by himself crying. I agree. Yeah. Would you classify that as techno? Well, something more upbeat, I don't know.

What are the different genres of electronic music? There's a electronic house. I did not certify myself as an expert in computer generated music here. Given you lived in Germany for a while, you want to step in and answer this? Oh, no, it was a long time ago. I was going to love Parade though. There you you would've lived in Germany for a while. You want to step in and answer this? Oh, no, it was a long time ago. I was going to love parade, though. There you go. What is the love parade?

It's this big, like techno festival in Berlin once a year. And they usually get like over, like, the year I went, it was like 1.4 million people just on this one street. You know, it sucks about that, though. I went with two of my friends who were gay. We were really into like the club scene at the time. And we went all the way up to Berlin.

We got a hotel. And we, one the way up to Berlin, we got a hotel, and one of them had my friend, Noel, he was now a photographer. Yeah, let's name him. Yeah, I don't know. That's their very out of the hotel. I like to name his alias too, just in case the cops can't find Noel. They don't look for Ryan.

It's only a bit of a jute over there. Oh, okay. We'd like to welcome Noel's parents to the podcast. So he had to go across the street to go to the bathroom. There was some bathrooms across just this one street. And he we lost him like there's just no way it was so packed with people. And so for hours like we're waiting for him at the spot we've never came back. So you're you're you're you're you're friend went across the street to go to the bathroom and got lost.

Yeah, no, he just I just kind of get back. There were just too many people. So he got separated. So you're you're fun gay friend got lost in a gay crowd at a party. Fun gay, fun very gay friend. He's like, I know what happened. I was looking for the porta-body and the next thing you know, there were 92 dicks.

I had to fight my way back. She, I got delayed in the men's restroom and a gay private event. I held it that happened. There was an accident in there. It was a big techno festival. Anyway. So why is it called the love festival if it's just techno music? Because it's a big techno.

I can put this in perspective. You guys remember a couple of years ago there was a funny photo or maybe it's a video of this really muscular, scary looking German dude with like a go-t dancing with glow sticks with no shirt on. Oh, he's walking in a street. Oh, techno Viking. Yeah, techno Viking. That's my wallpaper. That's the love parade.

I think. Oh, is it really that guy's techno Viking? Yeah. I didn't see 1.4 million people on that street. Well, I saw a few people trying to get out of the way in techno Viking. I think most of the people probably in the line for the bathroom They were all delayed Okay, so anyway we get separated from him and so Marcus and I decide okay

They'll go back in the hotel. I've refreaked out. Yeah So we went back to the hotel and watched the entire fucking love parade on our tiny little television in the hotel and eventually My friend Ryan comes back and he's pissed off us because we have been in him But we I guess we do know cell phones. I don't know what the deal is. I guess it was before everyone had a cell phone We could so you went to Berlin to the love parade to then go to your hotel room and watch it on TV Yeah, it sucked and he was pissed off about it, you know, we're like what how long you're taking to show up? Hours like it was ours. Yeah. He was there. Well, it's a busy bathroom.

Do you guys want to go to Mardi Gras and watch it on TV while we're there in New Orleans? Have you been to Mardi Gras before? I've never been to Mardi Gras. Yeah, of course. I go by myself. I don't think the city of New Orleans is dirty enough. And it's like, I've only ever been there once. And the entire city smelled like urine to me.

I can't imagine what it's like when there's that crowd of people there for that. Have you ever been? Yes. Do you remember how kind of paranoid I was about having 500 zombies out for the emergency shoot? I do. How it was I was very concerned about safety. There was talk about putting you guys inside that Red House and having a choke point. I said, Nope, we're not having 500 people try to get through a door. And then even the thing about Instead of having them try to touch you, I wanted them to have a goal that you had to defend where they had to grab the brain and not you guys. Right.

The reason for that is I've been to Marty Gral. And I don't know if there's 1.4 million people on the street, but it certainly feels that way. A buddy of mine in college did the experiment where he got in the crowd and he lifted up his feet and let just himself get pushed along with the crowd. Where he said he went like 40 or 50 feet with just his legs, or his feet off the ground. That's crazy. I got hit by a police baton once at Martina,

when I was a kid. Really? I was like 10 years old. And I ran up to a horse to pet it, like a cop horse. And the next thing I know, I just got a thump on the back of the head. And I looked up and the cop was like,

we're like, get away from the horse. And I was like, okay. Wow. I was like, I'm maybe 11. That's ridiculous. Yeah. Well, that's Alabama. Yeah, that's where the world turns. So you should be able to thump kids in my head with the police.

That'll teach me to appreciate that fine equine beast. So it might have been for your own safety. I run into it. Yeah. Like the horse might have kicked or something weird like that. So you and Marty grown Alabama? Am I hearing that right? Marty Gras was invented in Alabama. Oh, get out of here. Where'd it go? You heard the documentary. It's true.. Marty Graham was invented in Mobile, Alabama, and then it was taken by Joe Kane to New Orleans where it became popularized. You know what? You know what? You sound like a Canadian looking at 80 minutes and they haven't told you about everything that's invented in Canada. I'm not going to tell you anything good

about Alabama. It's a shithole, but they invented Marty Graham. I think we've talked about it before, but every good thing Alabama's ever done is or want to just been stolen from them right like Marty Grah the airport in We got we got Marty Grah on Charles Barkley. That's it. Oh, and Hank air Hey, okay, isn't there a little bit of a difference in the coolness factor in the Mardi Gras and mobile I'm not saying that Marty Grah and Alabama compares in any way to Mardi Gras in the world I've known about in the first place because no one wants to prove it listen Marley put this way.

I'm not defending Alabama. We still have a white, marty-grah and a black, marty-grah in Alabama. Oh, god, really? Yeah, no, that's not a joke. There's a documentary on Netflix about it. It's rough. Yeah, it's terrible. It's a horribly racist place.

But they did do the marty-grah first. Do they do the moon python thing? I'm not saying they did it well. Yeah, no, they have the moon python. But do they do it in the world? I don't know if'm not saying they did it well. Yeah, no, they have been the pie thing. But do they do it in New Orleans? Because I don't know if they haven't been pies in New Orleans. Because I never heard of them. What's the what's the moon pie thing? Like it's a big deal. Like how many moon pies? Like that's what the goal is in the mobile. It's like a the moon pie eating contest or something. No, I don't just people get them away. Like they hand them out. So it's it. This sounds like my kind of thing. I love

moon pies. Like you totally get into that. You said this is so this is for Marty grott in Alabama. Yeah, like it's like one of the traditions Instead of I think it's a thrown candy you can pies right? I can't eat it. It's mostly been pie's shit is Marty grott don't they have like king cake or something like that. Yeah, you that you make a king cake Is that the evolution of the moon pie? I have no idea It was like when your old is like we can't get moon pies. We got to come up with our own thing. I'd though it no clue Is is the king cake the one that has the the basic doll in it? Yeah, that they bake it into the cake And then if you get the slice where you crunch down and you're eating a plastic doll

You get to wear paper crown then you win is out of this Yeah, and you have to bring the cake the next time I saw him like that. Yeah It's got all the elements of a great tradition, you know, cancer-causing agents, eating poison, eating babies, crunching down on baby bones, you know. Everything's great, but I have to say that the reason why I was so paranoid about safety though, is something that I witnessed at Martin Grah, one year, which was, it's just a sea of people. I mean, it's just, it's shoulder to shoulder, nonstop.

And you can get, I've heard about people passing out just from either heat exhaustion or From lack of oxygen just from everyone breathing around them or you know, they just get overwhelmed by the crowd But I saw across the street for me Imagine this scenario where you just packed in packed in and I saw across from me I saw a fight break out which the natural reaction of everyone in the crowd was to get away from the fight to back away and like the circle flight flight yes there was fight in the middle and flight around the edges but what you would have led to was that led to people falling down and they fell on top of each other almost like dominoes and then just people were trapped like they they could not get back up because

there was too many people and they'd all fallen on each other isn't this what happened to like every kiss concert in the 70s? Yeah, it was horrible things. People would get trampled and die. There was a terrible thing at a rock concert in Austin at the Irwin Center when they had rows of folding chairs on the floor of the Irwin Center, which is our Coliseum that we have here. But they were all connected and they rose. And what happened was people pushed and they basically folded up all

the rows and flattened them on people's legs. Oh my god. So imagine like it's a solid row of folding chairs all connected and then they just like also have collapsed them and then they'll like go over like literally a domino's like. Oh my god. All people's legs trapped in the middle of them. You know I don't know we got on a morbid tangent here but that reminded me about something I heard last time. Yeah we got away from the baby eating on the news Did you hear about the woman who got trapped in the ventilation duct downtown? Yeah, she was kind of pretty too She was in Perry's steakhouse. We're pretty sure we were eating while she was trapped in the air ducts

Oh, yeah, I did I went on I went on a double date with Jack and his girlfriend, but yeah, we were there So we were there on Tuesday night and the lady was discovered on Saturday. She was trying to get into the restaurant? Yeah. I guess, I don't know. Yeah, I guess they said that she tried the side door of the restaurant, that was close. She tried the back door, that was close.

So she went into the parking garage and climbed into a ventilation duct to try to get into the, that's crazy. How did these things happen? I'm pretty sure this was an episode of Laverne and Shirley actually, where they sent a letter to their boss and then regretted it and had the break into the building to get it back.

Maybe it was something similar. I just made a reservation. I have to say, what's that about? No, that's crazy. Okay, so how did she actually die? Like, what was the cause of death? They have a death. I mean, they haven't really said.

I kind of figured it out with my wife. I, I, I, okay okay go ahead. I have a theory but go ahead. I mean the typical thing is like you're stuck in there. It could be you know starvation dehydration that kind of thing. Yeah, especially because it's so hot when I started wondering is they keep saying it's a ventilation duct. I wonder if it was like a heat vent for like some of the restaurant equipment and she got cooked by hot air in there. You know, the stove. Yeah. It's usually stove. The oven. Yeah.

How do you work your way into a ventilation duct at all? Like, I can't say. They said she was in the parking garage, yeah, on the third floor, and that she got into it to try to get down into the restaurant. And as she got stuck between the first and second floor, you know, like in a spot where she was too short to get back up out and there was no way to advance further. Yes, just you went down. So she started off going down like she said she climbed into a duct went down a floor

and when she went back to the building was constructed and made there was no way anyone could hear her where she was. Like, there's so far away from where people were. How do they find her? They found like some personal effects on the ground in the parking garage around the vent. I guess someone started to look in there. What was your theory? I'm curious.

No, you nailed it. She was in the parking garage on the third floor and so she went in essentially this vertical duct. It sounds like she took the grade off the side of it and then dropped in. And then that was it. So she made it to a corner down below that she couldn't pass or she got wedged in. Either way, she was in there and I ate that restaurant while she was in the air duct.

Delicious. Excellent pork chop, so. That's fucked up. That's fucked up. There's some excuse for that. Why would anyone do that? You know, that's the thing, right? You don't ever want to die in a stupid way, right?

Yeah, so everyone knows how stupid you were on your way out. Yeah, exactly. She lasted this long. To be fair to her, this is a sitcom scenario that she's seen play out over and over again throughout her entire childhood and adult life. There was an episode of Always Sunny where they hid Frank's will in the thing

and they have to go try to find it and they find Charlie's angry place, remember? She probably thought it was totally safe. Yeah. If sitcoms have told her anything, it's that you can absolutely do this. And the worst thing that's gonna happen is you're gonna fall through onto a table. So we're looking at a potential sitcom lawsuit here. Well, that's what I have told her anything. It's that you can absolutely do this and the worst thing that's gonna happen is you're gonna fall through onto a table

So we're looking at a potential sitcom lawsuit here. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying Yeah, a best case scenario like Bruce Willis and Die Hard, right? Yeah Right right right like takeover maybe somebody would shoot bullet holes in front of and behind you But at the end of the day you're gonna be fine. Just don't forget your shoes. Everything's good But yeah, who knows I mean you, you who really knows, but you want to go immediately to drunk, because I've done some stupid stuff when I've been drunk. I thought the same thing also. I think they said that she had been behaving erratically that day, and that she had just gotten fired from her job because of it.

Do you know what her job was? She was a greeter at a restaurant at the W Hotel. Huh. And she had that hotel has not been open very long. And she used to work at Paris. Yeah, do you hear about that? Yeah, speaking of the W Hotel, they had panels of glass fall off the side of the building yesterday from 200 feet in the air. Yeah, for the second time in a month and land on people in the pool. These are the panels that are there. What?

No, people got injured. They didn't say how seriously hurt, but the news said that four people had to be taken to the hospital. And no, the glass panels are talking about are the ones that are the railing for the balconies, right? Yeah. So the balcony railings are essentially falling apart. Yeah, they had to shut the street down, Copsden.

Oh. Yeah, and I think the hotel has closed like its street entrances so that glass doesn't follow people anymore from 200 feet in the air. I'd just like to say that we'll bring it all back together. Griffin and I stayed at a W Hotel in New Orleans. At Christmas, it was lovely. Nothing fell on us. How were the pork chops?

Were they good? I was just feeling that the person who put up the contractor who put up the glass panels at the W Hotel are the same guys who work on our gate every other day. It didn't close the end last night. Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with this? This is ongoing. I don't know. I have no clue. I dragged Brian in at your last week. Motherboard? Is that what you said? We have a multi-motherboard in our gate. In our gate. In our thing that opens or closes. You need a motherboard for two functions and really isn't just close the lack of opening. Yeah, it's like not open the other way. So well maybe one day our gate will work but I don't know I just will just have to

hire someone to see it up there and open the gate for us. Can we get a the guy from Bungie? What's the name Jerome? What's that? Can we get the guy from Bungie to do it for us? I would be there security guards. If we did why don't we just hire him to scare the shit out of a gate contract? Yeah, they're just gonna scare the shit out of the gate. He'll scare it open and close. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha security guard because he's a big scary dude and he has no memory. Yeah. I mean, you can, it's one thing you've we don't go for nine months. I think it doesn't remember us, but he doesn't remember us dating. I think they paint him not to remember.

Like that's what he's paid for. Because you should have been, you're like, hey, Jerome, good to see you. You know, I was, you've seen me a hundred, no, I, yes, no, okay. I just left for lunch an hour ago. Yeah. Nope. Sign this for me. That's my backpack over.

No. Okay. What are you looking for me. That's my backpack over. No. Okay. What are you looking at? Don't look at that direction. He's basically the guy. He's the gatekeeper at Bungie. And he's not a man that you would ever want to mess with in a million years.

No. Or try to sneak by. Or try to, no, you would definitely want to try to sneak by. Stay with me. Don't be with me. It's not going to work. We've already talked about it. There's a somber somber section of the podcast. Hey, what's a somber? I mean, it's, you know, I mean, it's people do silly things.

I mean, it's weird. It's weird. Eating babies and people dying. It's not about eating cake. We went to the eating babies just for fun. Yeah. Did you, like, a chance to listen to Joel talk about snakes less? No, I haven't already. But you know how I feel about snakes. Yeah. It's an, I was gonna wonder if you were upset by it.

The idea, I heard the synopsis that freaked me out, and I'll probably never go to a public pool again. No, I hear there are people out there like Joel and his brother. Yeah, it doesn't sound that afraid of snakes when he started telling about all of the interactions he's had with them. I think he seems fairly comfortable just based on his story. Well, I think, do you think maybe he's afraid of snakes now because of those earlier interactions? I don't know.

He's like learning from his mistake. Don't trust the snakes. Well, apparently he grew up in a house that has a 15 foot snake in it. How would you have a fear of snakes if he grew up with a 15 foot snake? I can't. You think they found it in your mattress? Yeah, right?

That might be one of the ways. They find it in the ventilation above your bed one night. You want to hear more about that? I wish we'd asked more about that because his brother lost the snake and it showed up what he's a three weeks later and it was living in someone's mattress, one of their mattresses, like inside the mattress. Yeah, that's scary.

Oh, that means you think it's who's mattress was it, right? It was a chose. It's a fight thought. So it's no stretch to think you could be asleep and it's just like working its way around you And as you're snoring it's just fucking squeezing the air out of you You wake up gasping. It's already too late. You're fucked. You wake up and it's like half-swallowed your leg It's working its way up. You're already half-snake turn at that point

You're on your way are you gonna be okay? You look like your hyper-metal lining over there. I can't I feel like you guys are doing this Just a fuck on there. Can you imagine can a fuck The dad to you go in your kids You in the face. No, I can't imagine so why are you afraid of snakes? I? Can you say what's this yet? Yeah, man a lot of snakes and floor I don't talk about it I've encountered a lot of poison that snakes in my life. A lot of water mocksons.

Which one a lot of love festivals. I'm glad to late in the baths. There was no love in those festivals. Hey, listen, speaking of this, there's something legitimate to be afraid of. Gus and I shared a link with each other last week, which is some dude. Oh yeah.

What is this on the Trinity River? Yeah, it was Southeast Dallas. All right. I don't know what the Trinity River is. You tell it, I'm gonna look at the photo. It was this guy, I guess. There's some show I've never seen, I guess, called Swamp People or something about you.

Oh yeah. Who live in the swamp and go and shoot alligators and stuff. I guess there was this lawyer in Dallas who saw that show. I was like, oh, in Dallas who saw that show. I was like, oh, I want to try that. So he contacted some dudes who like are alligator hunters, southeast of Dallas. Isn't that illegal, by the way, alligator hunting?

I don't know. I think it is. It was illegal in Ilogeville, Florida. It was a big deal. It was probably different here. So anyway, contacted these dudes and he went out alligator hunting for the first time and shot an alligator. It was a 14 foot long 900 pound alligator.

Oh God. It looks like the thing from Lake Placid. It looks like a dinosaur. He shot a dinosaur. He's what he did. Yeah, you're right, Gus. That's Betty White's pet from Lake Placid. Should feed a cow. I remember that. Oh my God. So he's like the all over Plac of the situation. Yeah, I guess so. I like anybody else. I like like like a lot. I saw that movie that I don't have no memory of it. No. Yeah, I have built Pullman in it too. I believe. I just got lost in a high mind. Monter gallery. That is fucking ridiculous. It was shot legally. Officials investigate if Gator was shot legally. It's almost as big as

high demand tax. The rest in place. There you go. Is it one of those things where It was shot legally officials investigate if get your shot legally. It's almost as big as hiding my tags of breast implants Yeah, is it one of the things where the alligator is kind of like dear or even if once there's like enough of a population they let you know Yeah, I'm gonna go right there. I'm totally okay with the alligator's be shot all the time Especially if they're in a river especially if they were almost as much as a little car There that's in the bed of this pickup Holy shit look at that thing 880 pounds. It's what it says here. It doesn't get so big, it's almost the same. You can kill it, you know.

You can make a lot of love in that. It's a stupid kill it. No, kind of, I mean, if it gets that big, and it's, I don't know. It's kind of impressive, you know why? Just put it in the zoo somewhere. I would be investigating if there's any like a power plant in the near that lake. What do you think an 880 pound alligator eats on a daily basis? Whatever the fuck it wants.

Exactly. I mean, it's like it must eat a cow. I wouldn't be surprised. What's a volume is? Like how much does it have to eat? Does it eat every other alligator at sea, or? Right, everything it comes in contact with trees, you know? I mean, it must eat a cow a day, right?

Oh, that's a... Well, it's a Texan. It goes down to Lockhart, but once a week, yeah. He didn't even say it even said, listen, I asked that question. It's referred to as the giant cow eating alligator. I'm gonna see if there's more information about his diet. They didn't have time to interview it, I guess, before they shot it. See how it, what it's lifestyle is like.

Yeah, but it was shot just outside of a just outside of Dallas, which is fucking crazy. So that's something to be worried about. Yeah, no, no, I'm now worried about that. Thank you. Don't get me wrong. I can fight this animal. You can't. The guy won. I mean, look, this is this is intelligence and action. Right. This guy has a new trophy. And he has a shiny red pickup. Yeah, I think the guy said that he's gonna mount it on the wall in his loft. Is how the fuck's he gonna do that? How big is his office?

He's gonna have to get a new wall. This guy's gonna have, like, an addition to his office to a house, the alligator. That's gonna be great in meetings too, right? As a power play, like, oh, you see that monster up there? I shot it. Yeah, totally. Like, can I represent you, sir? Do you know who represented that alligator?

The other guy. Can you show me how to knock it off there? I put it there with it, other guy I killed it with that knife Damn, that's unbelievable, but I'm with Griffin though, too. It's like it just seems like Really old seems like really sad to some dumb ass went out and shot it with a gun You know what I mean? Just because you wanted to shoot a really big thing. I feel the same way even I hate great white sharks But every now and then you see this record setting Rod and real landing that they did with some massive great white shark and the thing looks like it came from you know

The Paleolithic era. Are we in the Paleolithic era? What are we in now? We're in the I don't know Susolik is that it? Send a Zoic something like that. Yeah, I think everything after the internet. We should make a new one But yeah, it's just like it's it's these things they live forever. You know what I mean? And there's these how long do I need to make sure? What's that? How long do alligators live? I don't know. I wonder how well that thing was. I don't know. I kind of imagine they'd live more than 30 years. They'll live a long time right? It's okay. They'll count the rings, right? Come up the tail. Yeah. Yeah. What is that about sharks that they don't like,

they can't get cancer, is that right? Yeah, somewhere like that. Did I have bones? And they don't have bones? No, they're all cartilage. They also don't have any muscles to push water through their gills, so they can't ever stop swimming. Somehow, that freaks me out.

I think that the saying is that sharks could be, could potentially live forever if it wasn't for disease, right? Oh, okay. Is that old age wouldn't really be. Yeah, like what you said, like how they have to always be swimming in order to breathe. Right. Don't think when they sleep, don't they shut down their brain in sections, like they'll let part of their brain sleep while the other part continues to make them swim.

Anything. Yeah, and then like the other one will shut down. It's like a redundant system. I don't know. I knew that way half the time anyway. I thought it was my brain working. It also knows a cubicle job. I don't know if it's like a redundant system. I knew that way half the time anyway. It's hard to make brain work in. It also knows a cubicle job.

Basically, average lifespan, here's what Google is suggesting, of a human, of a horse, of a dog, of a cat, and say, of an alcoholic, and a lask and a mule mute, and now an alligator. No guesses as to what the average lifespan of an alligator is? 30, 40 years 40 years 25 years 80 I didn't take notes so you guys are all gonna remember your guesses whatever you're about to say that's what I said why do we already talk about this why is there the super rule that if you go

over your guest doesn't count the price is right yeah but why is that it's bullshit that's to make a rule for a game show. I'm with you They want to go over doesn't count. They want to go over count. It's going over They just they want to discourage people from winning. Is that what it is? Yeah Wouldn't it take take away half of their potential to win if they go over by one dollar They're not eligible to win. It's the fucking scams what it is. Oh, I see what you say. Nobody can win. Yeah Yeah, but then people be finnety people bid a dollar. Yeah, or they just sound a bit again Yes, but if you're on the final showcase showdown

Then you won't two people get bids if they both bid over then nobody wins anything. Yeah That happens every episode no Maybe I mean I'm not a fucking No, not saying they overbid every episode But there's one of those at the end of every episode that's the big money both people people don't overbid every time it happens. No, it they make them bid again Not at the very end though not the very end. Oh, that's it. Everyone loses Yeah, that's not true. That's true. Call true carry Let's get Drew carry on the podcast

There's got to be a thing where there's got to be a thing online where some they've had that happened then we should be able to look that up Right, I would assume so a video where've both overbid and the show ended. What, sure. Or we could go back in time to the 1982 when people gave a shit and we could just... I don't believe it. I don't believe it. There's such a showman on the price is right. They had to let somebody win. We'll have to do further research to figure that one out. So I can't find this. Evergitt, you can't find the average ageable alligator?

This is precisely the kind of information that an encyclopedia would have provided me in like 10 seconds, but on the internet, it's obscured by all these random events. By Heidi Montag. By the ass, sorry, I can't believe I was not Heidi, my husband, I can't believe it. Gus, did you see cars too yet?

No, I have no plans. Your cars was my easily my least favorite Pixar movie. I gave that. Was cars the highest grossing Pixar movie? No, I think Finding Nemo-Los. Okay. The average lifespan of an American alligator is 56 years old. Anybody who guessed that?

I guess I said 30 to 40, yesterday, somewhere in there. Oh, American alligator. I don't know why they did that, yeah. How the hell can they live? It's the oldest reported. I don't know, I don't know that. Come on, I'm not prepared for this conversation about alligators. The average lifespan of a carp is 100 years old.

What? A carp? No way. Because humans don't eat them. Yeah. Can't. Because that's the cutest survival of your animal. Don't be delicious. Exactly.

I'll be disgusting tasting. We'll leave you alone. Man, turtles have it made, dude. So much for being sedentary. Turtles live. A galapagus land turtle lives 193 years on average. Leave your alone man turtles who haven't made dude so much for being sedentary turtles live a Galapagos land turtle lives a hundred and ninety three years on average on average. That's like a bulking The kind of existence to go on that long. You're like you hang out in your shell You can't ever grab your shell and then like I don't know it just seems like the most boring existence

And so you get like close you like you're born in your clothes and you're living your clothes. That's all relative you're born in your clunch No, they mold they take the old days don't the show doesn't grow with them right they like they like they go off and get a Sheldon's mold does it? Do we know anything about anything? I'm not sure how this can be. Listen, it sheds its birth one Z, and it grows into a grown-up turtle shell. What's this exciting thing that could possibly happen to you

as a turtle, other than dying? Dude, how about this? You see, finding Nemo, we're just talking about it. That fucking swimming all over the world. Listen. I'm thinking about like surfers. Yeah, yeah, that's true. But also listen.

Take a big EAC. Last night, at one point, I looked over at you, and you were laying on the bed just staring at the ceiling. And I was like, what are you up to? And you're like, nothing, I'm just laying here. And I was like, do you want to watch TV or hang out or something? And you were like, no, I'm just laying here relaxing.

And you did that for an hour, and you had the biggest smile on your face, not having to talk to me or touch me, that's what it's like for a turtle all the time. They don't have to talk to me or touch me. No, that's not the same thing. They just sit there and relax. Do you guys want to talk about it? That's not fun.

No, but that's fun occasionally, you know. But if you had to do that your entire life, it would be boring. That sounds awesome. That's pretty awesome to me. There's a... That's just awesome to me. There's a... Gus just before the podcast, when we were laying out the workday and how we were gonna handle the editing of the podcast and who was gonna take care of it.

And so he's Gus. Gus's whole thing was, oh, I'll get it done because I want to sleep. There's more than a dozen more that earlier I could sleep. It's nine in the morning. All he's thinking about now is when he's gonna fall asleep tonight. Yup, it's gonna be sweet.

What time do you go to bed at night? Um, between midnight and 1 a.m. typically. Yeah, so do I. So what time do you usually get up? Uh, seven. Seven. Okay. So if you love sleeping so much, you're not sleeping all that much. You sleep about six hours a day.

Yeah, I could go for more. Could you? Yeah. I find if I sleep more, I kind of affects me worried. Like, I feel better if I get about six hours, seven hours a day. I can't feel best if I get about eleven eleven. Yeah, holy cow. I can really sleep Yeah, you get you're pretty defensive of your sleep time too like I went to his house because I was told drop by anytime So I'm not gonna do one you've like you asked me to leave you like

Huh, it's interesting that you came by yeah, what time was it sleep was code? I was about to get laid like two p.m. Oh, you were about to we were about to I was about to get laid oh you were about to we were about to get laid And you came by so I was like yeah, I'm sleeping get the fuck out of here dude whatever you're married It was that time a year If I agree it comes that time and not you were like hey yesterday He's been laying on the bed there and she's like I'm just relaxing staring at the ceiling. You're like oh, okay, you probably don't want to know Jeff keeps coming back to this no I'm not gonna talk about anyone my wife. It would be the intervention we're gonna have over the van that you're never gonna buy

I'm not gonna spend money in something that I'm not excited about She my wife has been buying a van since October of last year how long did it take me to buy a new car? Seriously, how long was I looking for a new car? How many conversations that I have to have with you about your new car? How many years? In that at five, six years.

Five six years. Yeah. And we may have five or six conversations. Yeah, about one a year. I may have five or six conversations a day about the van that doesn't exist. I will say great. I know.

I'm not involving yourself. I see driven. I see driven get excited about vans every now and then, but typically they have one wheel, and they're at the jump yard down the street. She's like, oh, look at that man. That man has broken axles. I'll tell you how bad it got.

It got so bad that in December, I got so sick of hearing about the van that she's gonna buy that I took her to a van store, and I said, by any van on the lot, you're at the van auto store. It's a fucking corticopia of vans. It's like van changrelock. Take your pick and the lot. You're at the van auto store. It's a fucking corticopia of vans. It's like van changrelock. Take your pick and the litter. You get this sexiest van you want, buddy. And

uh, she didn't buy any vans because they didn't have curtains. That was the simple curtains. It's now almost July. And her plan last night was to buy a van in Los Angeles and drive it home from anime expo. Yeah, well the problem is that they're in a lot of advance and they're kind of looking for a van of characters. What do you want? You want a 1966 Ford economy line van? Is that yeah? Yeah, the figure is hard to find. You think they're hard to find. Imagine till your van breaks and you have to try to get a fix. And the only guy that can fix it is still in California.

No, there are people here that fix things. Oh, okay. Griffin has to be things that she does where she likes to collect people that work on stuff and she gets really excited when like we have this table now. She's got like, out in the foyer. And what did you do to it to the outside of it? I didn't do anything. I just paid them to do stuff.

No, I'm saying, but what was done to it? Oh, he just cleaned it up and then he put a little black paint and then like a couple of coats of our niche. And so now you have your restoration guide like my junkyard guy You should you should say what this table is because it's not it's an old It's this antique furnace and it like it's the perfect size and shape for the table We've been looking which has been repurposed into a table. Yeah Well, I mean in the sense that it's sitting there and we're calling it a table But hasn't really changed other than that. It's been repurposed. Come this winter when we shut off the heat to save some money.

You'll see it'll be a furnace still. This is from her guy who lives in Wyoming who comes down to Austin just to sell her furnaces. Nice. Pretty much. Your furnace guy. You got that covered? Yes, you have a first guy. He works out of a storage unit. I think you might actually live in it. Nothing wrong with that. We both thought about it. Yeah. And when it comes down to it doesn't everyone in their life want a van guy? I want a van guy. Yeah. Everybody needs to know a van guy. You know, you're missing an opportunity here to because you

could go test drive vans with your wife all day. That's like a mobile make out with mobile man. Do you miss the part where earlier we were talking about being married? Okay, here's why I'm not going gonna do the thing you want to do. We grip it and I made out once and now we have a six-year-old. Okay, let's leave us out of this. Okay. When I met you, you said I'd... Let's just talk about you.

Before I was in the picture, you really wanted that, when he was looking for a wagonier, is that right? A grand wagonier. A grand wagonier and you're like, you need to have this. I'm amawning this forever, I'm gonna go and buy it. And you were encouraging Bernie, right? And you're like, yeah, go ahead and do it. I think you know what, yeah,, you need to have this, I'm amawning this forever, I'm gonna go and buy it and you're encouraging Bernie, right? And you're like, yeah, go ahead and do it. I said, you know what, yeah, if you want,

if this is what you wanted your whole life and you want to buy yourself a cool car, go for it. I'm not a car guy. How long did you look for one before you decided to buy a Mustang that you didn't need? One day, but I don't know why. If you guessed 36 hours, you went over and you lose. Why?

Why this is about me and the mistakes that I made 15 years ago. Okay, no, because we operate differently. I'm not going to go and spend some money on something I don't want. If you average it out the time you all spend looking for cars, it's a normal amount of time. Yeah, right. Really? The two hours a night of Craigslist in Michigan looking at a fourth, like this fan's only $4,000. I mean, sure, it's in Michigan.

I have to buy a ticket to Michigan and then it only $4,000. I mean, sure, it's in Michigan. I have to buy a ticket to Michigan. It doesn't have an engine. So I don't know how to get it back from Michigan, but it's blue. For the record, I'm taking all of these things into account as the price of the vehicle, okay? Yeah, okay. The good thing about Jeff is Jeff in any situation

can evaluate quicker than anyone I've ever met. Like this car thing, he's like, this is gonna take too long. I've done it Ari for an hour, so fuck it. And I'm gonna go out and buy a Mustang instead. Likewise, remember when we tried you and I did this thing, what was it like 10 years ago now? Oh yeah.

Where we weren't gonna eat salad food. We were gonna try to see how long we could go without eating salad food. Jeff to this day will tell you that he made it a full day, but we started at 7 p.m. We started after dinner and he made it almost past lunch. So he skipped breakfast. So one day, I made it a full day. But we started at 7 p.m., we started after dinner and he made it almost past lunch. So he's getting breakfast. So I made it to dinner.

The next time it for the next dinner. No, but you're not, that's just just like that. He's like, here's the thing, I refuse to deny myself with something. So he will come up with these grand plans and he's gonna quit whatever it is, like some kind of food or like bad food or drinking or whatever. And the moment it becomes like something, it's the moment it's

something you want, you get angry with yourself for ever deciding to quit and you get resent, like it's just, you're gonna resent. Listen, I'm American, I shouldn't have to quit things. It's my birthright. No, it's just interesting to watch because you get really upset about it, but it was you who came up with it in the first place. How did, how, I'm mad about the van though. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about that, Griffin. Let's talk about you.

That was magical, but... Gus and I actually had a kind of a caddy conversation about you, Jeff, on a one day. Because the other day, when you told us that you had quick drinking, it was literally, it was literally six hours until you tweeted a picture of your next drink. I had quit, I had quit for nine days before I had that drink. That's true, all that time. It had been nine days.

And we, when I had a drink, and then I didn't drink again for another five days. And what was it, a corpse? Well, no, that was your drink. I was a bear. It was the matter, the root of the situation. The root of the matter. The root of the matter.

It was a absolute root bear. Absent root bear. There you go. How do you not try that? You don't. You should. You should absolutely try. But here's how much your do you not try that you don't you should you should absolutely try Absolutely, but here's how much your friends can hurt you by how much I know about you because I And I send a link to your picture and I said this is what Jeff is drinking six hours after he told us he was gonna drink and he tweeted it on

Twitter and Gus just replied back. It's probably a vegan drink so it's okay Reminding me the time that you would vegan for three months. Three three months? Yeah, the only reason and why did I stop being vegan? I mean, it was tough. Gus asked me, he pulled the best friend card. He said with him at the time and I was like, listen, you're making my life hell. I'm moving to Puerto Rico in a week and I want to eat it all of my favorite restaurants in Austin before I go And I don't want you screwing it up for me. So please stop being vegan for me And so I did because I'm a good friend. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you Welcome back being vegan is pretty tough though. I mean it takes a while to get used to it. It's not easy

Yeah, you know, it's even harder than being vegan is knowing a vegan Kind of vegan like because yeah, some of them get pretty extreme and want to tell you exactly what you're doing wrong. Do it is the quickest path to militants, it seems like, you know what I mean, if you're gonna become militant, just become a vegan first. Like, that should be a platform in like any kind of like next like new government movement. First we're gonna make everybody vegan and then they'll just like tell everyone in the world how to live their life. Do you think it's more like how to be better? Like, you know, guess if you and I get hungry, we get really bitchy.

Oh, yeah. Do you think that's what it is? Like, who is always sort of hungry? They're like deprived of protein. But that's protein. They're deprived of meat, I guess. We're gonna get hate mail for this. Yeah.

Now, let's from who's vegans. Who? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha. It's okay. They'll write the mail in soy ink and the fate of my diary. She says, no, but it's true. It's like, I get it. I, you it you can and the payment time or each says. No, but it's true, it's like I get it. I, you know, and, but I just wish that why is that

the one thing? Why is it the one lifestyle change that you can make that you are most likely to like push on to other people? I feel like there's other ones like that. Like, um, heavy religions like that, too. Heavy religions for sure. People, this is the sound I'm getting hit with for this recovery in alcoholics. Oh

Yeah, you know conversations people be like hey, how you doing? I haven't seen you know, I'm like I'm doing good How are you oh I quit drinking? I'm an a now and you go oh, well congratulations. That's great Are you still drinking? Yeah, yeah, I guess I am Willis last time you drink while I drink last night actually thank you for asking they go really what what did you drink? You have a vodka tonic yes, I did. How was that? Was that a good vodka tonic? What kind of vodka did you use? Living vicariously? How many did you have? I had like six. Did you ever mix it with grapefruit juice before? Yeah, it's good. It's like a qurain down kind of, but nice.

You have a lot of those conversations. You can watch them salivate while you tell them you know yeah I just had a beer at lunch, like, oh, I also find that recovering drug addicts and alcoholists also want to tell you all their super awesome drug and drunk stories. Yeah. It's like they have the greatest stories in the world and it's like, well, that's not,

if you're so ashamed of it, why did you talk about it constantly? Yeah. Well, I think the things that are bad for people are the things that they're most proud of, though. Listen to that. Like the Kanye West song. What is it?

I'm trying to write my wrongs, but those same wrongs help me write the song. There's none there. The same song. Yeah, there we go. Kanye West is officially no longer cool now. He's just been burning. There's a podcast 120. Over.

Let's not talk about us. Let's talk about you guys. Anyway. Anyway. It's talk about you guys anyway Anyway, but it's just gonna get you quite How would no either are you by these two Gus and Griffin by how often they do get bitchy and we're just supposed to accept that I'll be like why are you being a total cut. I'm hungry like oh I decided to take the long way to the restaurant or let's not decide to wait in the office for like half an hour I tell you about there. let's go, let's go to the next, just a second. What about this?

Pack a snack. Yeah, pack a snack. If you, if you, if you, both of you hit these lows, it's your problem, not mine. You're, you're not, me a snack. I'm in the lead. Premium snack? Everything will be fine. I'm gonna hump around a granola bar all the time, you know, just to be like, oh, you're,

you're bitchy today? All right, we'll hear. I'm not getting any granola bar, you're humping around all the time. I'm talking about right now. That would be why moms always carry snacks in their purse. It's because, they just don't want to put up with the irritable hungry kids. I guess so.

You know who does that? Shantel, stupid on the website. She always has like a little can of peaches in her purse. The can of peaches, like specifically, she always has the can of peaches. It's easy when you're hanging out. If you even mention your hangar, she's like, oh, if I've got peaches, I'm just going to hang out with a little can of peaches, like specifically. She always has the can of peaches. If you even mention your hand, she's like, oh, I've got peaches. I'm so right. I'm like, oh, can of peaches. Is it like a store bought one or like one that she can

do? Yeah, like store bought. Like just a kind of pop up top. You know, like you don't even need a can opener. Okay. Is there there you go? Does she have kids? I think she actually got, I think she has one. That's a mom thing for sure. Yeah. No, it's so a mom thing, but it's great. There should be more moms in the world. And so if you're a mom and you've identified that moms do this why don't you do this for yourself I have you have a purse I'm useless purse it's tiny you have for I'm gonna be a person your purse I would be able to describe your purse it's got it's like has this dumb chain for a strap that's it's stuck in everything it's stupid hmm hmm I like this she's realizing this

about the purse but the van is still on the table. Right. Well, that's how you need the van. You need a lot of space for the stuff that doesn't fit in the purse. By the way, what you say that the purse is pretty but not functional in any way. I don't buy the classic van. I don't know if she's missing this to you. But Griffin's going to need one to seven days off next week as to try to drive a van back

from California. She'll probably be stuck in the air. In the middle of the sun for at least four or five days. Speaking of which. Oh, which doesn't have air conditioning. Speaking of which, we'll be at anime expo this weekend. Oh yeah, well, that was probably promoted by the Royal League. That's the reason.

Registered teeth will be at anime expo this weekend. At booth number. Oh, shit. I don't know. I don't know. At booth. It's like, say, five. Yeah. Somewhere in there.

Well, he said it's gonna be Kathleen. Monty will be there. I'm gonna be there. And yeah. Oh, without it. Thanks. Oh Have fun. I haven't been out of Mexico in a few years. The last time I went they were still down in Anaheim and then after Anaheim they moved to Long Beach, and I went there a few years ago now they're in LA Last time I went I had to break into that place to get in and that was terrible They would not let me in without a without a badge, but they the badge pickup was inside. Did you go through the ventilation duct? I did.

It was terrible. I was caught in this terrible catch-22, and I was like pointing it out to them, and even they saw it, and they were like, yeah, I don't know what I'm not supposed to let anybody in. I can see the badge pickup, it's right there. Like, yeah, if you don't have a badge, can't come in. I'm like, I'm gonna kill you.

I feel like I would be in the loading duct. I feel like we've encountered that several times at different events. It's like, you can't come in without a badge, but you need to go going to be loading dogs. I feel like we've encountered that several times at different events. Yeah. Where it's like you can't come in without a badge, but you need to go in to get the badge. Yeah. How do you solve that problem? I break in. Get the put the badge pick up outside of the badge area or mail people badges ahead of time.

Just shut through on punches. Or as the person in that situation, just walking. Yeah. Stop me. Call the police. Call the convention police. You'll get your badge on by the time they show up. Yeah, I would not give a shit about any convention employee ever except for the old people

that they have run San Diego Comic Con. Something about those people freaks me out. Dude, I'll tell you who you should give a shit about. Anybody that works at PAX East. Those teamsters are scary. That's a good point. That's a good point. That would be another exemption.

These enforcers at packs Gus and I found ourselves I think we already talked about this but we found ourselves trying to You're talking about like the guys just set up the convention Yeah, we're talking about the dancers out in the loading dog. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah Well, I think the reason why I don't include packs in that list is because I don't run into these stupid fucking problems It's good point. Shitches works at packs. Yeah, it's crazy too. It's like those enforcers at packs You find one of them and you find one and they solve your problem.

Yep. You don't have to like keep going through enforcers to find the one that knows what the fuck they're talking about. Oh, if the one that you find can't help you, they'll find someone who can. Like, they'll win you. Yeah, you don't have to worry about it. They'll like, okay, I'll get someone so they'll take care of it. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy.

And that's an entire army of volunteers essentially that are in that enforcer group. How many enforcers are there? Hundreds I don't know good question. Yeah, it's a you can always find one It seems like yeah, that's a that's a good group man If you've never been to packs that is a fun event and and the people there love it and it really shows It this packs prime is already sold out. I think right. Yep. Yes. Wow and they're having the and they were able to increase How many I think they're like 10% more Yeah, what's put some over 70 I think it's crazy. Yeah, Halo Fest is a big part of packs this year for the 10th anniversary of Halo And we're I know we're doing a bunch of stuff for that. I've heard some really awesome stuff that's being planned for it

I'm not sure if I can talk about it But it's all awesome just come by booth I think we can't play it. That's not. But it's all awesome. Just come by booths. Sometimes I know our booths. Sometimes I don't. It'll be a very fun year at PAX this year in Seattle.

Definitely. So if you don't have tickets, sorry. You can get them, unfortunately. Maybe you can set outside and scalp. Have you really? Yeah. Have some people outside of PAX with badges trying to sell them. What's the market? Oh? I already have my exhibitor badge So you don't stop the question. I don't stop

I mean they don't stop me from getting my badge either. Do you ever hand your badge to anyone when you're leaving for the day? No I mean I'm a common concept Our badges say recent Keith production. I know After hours access. Yeah, probably not a great idea. Might not be the smartest thing to do. But if you're looking for an exhibitor badge, just try to catch Bernie at the last hour of the event. Sure.

If you want, if you want backstage access to Halo Fest, knock yourself out. So what would it take for you to get into a duct? Like I would not do that. I'm not scared of snakes, I'm not scared of any of that stuff, but I would not get in an air duct. I'm not scared of a duct. I'm going to fuck about a duct until I've delivered that story last night. snake, I'm not scared to any of that stuff, but I would not get in an air god. I'm not scared of a duck. I'm gonna fuck about a duck until I heard that story last night. Yeah, I do right now. I feel like if I get into a duck I can get out of a duck.

What's the big deal? You said you said when you were a kid you used to hang out in sewage drains, right? Like a... Right. What? Yeah, I lived in Houston and in Houston the hippies. You hung out in sewage drains? Lisa go exploring in the sewer pipes. Yeah.

Like, just open manholes and go down and just go do that kind of stuff. So that didn't bother you, but a doc to be... No, no, I'm talking like a tight. Oh, that's... Isn't that how the chud started? Did you do a claustrophobic? I'm not really claustrophobic.

I would actually, this is gonna sound weird. I would actually like to sleep in a bed that has a lid. I don't know what it is about that. Like, I like sleeping in tents and things like that. Where it's like a tighter space. I like that a lot. This is try one of those like hourly hotels in Japan where you put you in the box.

I would like to try that. I really, as long as I can get out, yeah, an older brother. So I know don't fucking get it. Don't get into anything that has a lid on it because then he'll just sit on it for hours. As whole. I used to, I used to sleep in a laundry hamper

for the same reason. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what that is So I'm not afraid of that But it's like even being trapped into elevator that being trapped in the elevator wouldn't freak me out as much as the idea that we're so high up Yeah, no, that's the thing that would be scary Yeah, I feel like sticky floors up But you know see what's right like there could be a big rush of water, you know, no

I mean, yeah No, that's it's just a rating one time when we were in there and cover your ears, your mouth's just Jeff, it started raining and then water started coming in through the, you know, the street drains and you could see it then coming down the side pipes. These pipes that we were in were like eight feet tall and I was at the time like a five foot kid

and or maybe a four and a half foot kid. But when the water started coming in, then snakes started coming out of like cracks in the walls and holes in the wall. Oh, these days. Oh, okay. We were in there. It was like an Indiana Jones movie. We were like, we're at a fight with the water actress in the States. I'm a big select surfing actor.

Oh, God. Dude, I wasn't going to say anything. I spent so much time in Storm Drinks. There was a kid. I've never had that happen though. We used to get in these ones that would be like, they would go under the street in my grandparents' neighborhood. and it was about like This big around internet. Can you see that and?

So you'd be just enough kid for a kid to like shimmy through and you'd get halfway under the street and you'd lay there until a car Went over so it like shake real bad and then you go back out. No concrete a concrete. Yeah Yeah, just like two feet in diameter. You guys ever do any cave stuff in Austin or in Channet Rock? Griffin has. I've done kid one in Bend, Oregon. The ice caves there. Ice caves. Bees done a herb that are different every year then. Or they did what it's saying again? They must be different every year if their ice caves. Is there melt as a form? No, because like it stays a constant temperature usually underground. I think they're usually around the same. I went in the summertime and then it was icy down the aisle. Oh, still icy in the summer. Well, I went like a mile in you know

And then it gets really narrow and I just can't really just can't go any further. I I've been through in Chanadrock like the cave portion of it like where you can crawl in it and I stopped there's a cave in in Crawl through like in Chanadrock inside of it Yeah, the last time I went in was that was it I was done because I was in there It was a really tight space and like it was like to the point like I'm I know exactly what you're talking about I was even thinner back then and I was like really stuck like trying to work my way through and as part of that I turned and looked up at the ceiling as I was working my way through and the ceiling was just covered in spikes.

Daddy long lace. They have a huge nest daddy long like. I just like with no Strenny out of it. I got my hands Oh my god, and it's so tight. It's like you know six inches eight inches in front of your face It's like so close you like oh man It's freaking the fuck out. That's what I had to use I must have been in the exact same place exactly Be spirits, but daddy long ways just don't freak me out I just I was just jarring because you're in there and you're like folks so focused on the space

You don't think about what else is around you. I guess I I put my hand in it like and it's like why is my hand quivering and shaking? I know they can't hurt you It was just I don't know is it was a weird fear response I should believe that horse shit that they're the most poisonous spider in the world In the moment that one of the mutates and has the mandibles to bite you right? They belong to like the skin then watch out. They're working on it. They're breeding their top dead long legs Like growing their fangs millimeter by millimeter. Not a not sees did that in World War 2 right? To breed the perfect daddy long legs

You know when I was a kid in Houston I would get bored I would catch mosquitoes and I'm taking them to the house and I would microwave them for different periods of time And then let them loose in order to mutate them and make different mosquitoes My ID like a one to be met Yeah, my idea was like three seconds five five seconds. My idea was I would make a mutant mosquito that would kill all the other mosquitoes, and I would solve the mosquito problem for everybody in the world.

So it was for good, but you know. That's how it all starts. Yeah, so I accidentally, in Doc, the West Nile virus, but that was all good. You know, you know, helping us with the vegan screen. Oh, yeah, with the bike right here in the mosquitoes. Sorry about that. Hey, speaking of Nazi,

I sent you that link about the, what was he that's doing? Oh, Nazi dog trainers in World War II, right? bike train miniskitos. Sorry about that. Hey, speaking of Nazi, I sent you that link about the Nazi dog trainers in World War II, right? Yeah, it was crazy. They had that dog that joined the Nazi party because he hated the French. Wait, what? I guess the Germans were working on this program to develop, I guess some scientists thought that dogs were as smart as humans, and if they just trained them, they could learn how how to talk and that they could communicate with the dogs and they had all these crazy stories about that the super smart dogs that they

had and they said that one dog joined the German army because he hated the French. That's funny. And the dogs could say hi Hitler. Get out of here supposedly. No, I mean, but it was a dog. The dog didn't hate the French. You can't get out of here. I don't know. But I mean, I sent a response to you. Like, I sent you this other article. I guess it's terrible.

It was funny. Here's this terrible. During World War II, the US Army in secret was trying to train dogs to be racist against Asian people. So they could use them in the Pacific war against the Japanese. Well, you can get dogs to be racist. No, they found they couldn't do it. Are you sure? Yeah.

They got Asian American soldiers in the US Army to do cruel things to the dogs to try to get the dogs to hate the Japanese. Like let me hang out with French people. Can I cross that? And ironically, the train clicks at Cat Island on the coast of Mississippi. Maybe that was part of the program.

It's like, you can cat. But there's there's also I love that kind of stuff. I love all the crazy World War II stuff that was done. There was a program where they were going to strap tiny incendiary devices to bats. And they were going to let them loose over Japan so that the bats would then settle up in the eaves of the house at night and then they would ignite all the bats and they would set the entire like it all of Tokyo on fire in one night. You know, unrelated note to that. I've heard that and that's crazy. Did you know the Japanese had like a kind of a reverse version of that that they were trying against the US where they had school children building like fabric balloons that they would fill with helium and hydrogen and attach bombs to them and then they would they would release them in Japan let the trade winds bring them

across to the US and then they would detonate here. And in fact several landed and detonated in the US but they didn't talk about it because they didn't want the Japanese to know that the balloons were actually reaching the US. That is so shit. Yeah, they had people stationed on the West Coast, like Air Force people, specifically to shoot those down when they saw them. Really? They say that there are still some unaccounted for in the US.

Well, I'm sure. Uh, that landed and that haven't exploded. Weird. And I guess a year ago in Oregon, I think it was. It's school children, do you that you said? It's school children built the fabric balloon. Wow. And then the army would use it in Oregon. I think they found one like 20 or 30 years ago.

That doesn't surprise me. And some people were killed by it. It was like a church group out in the forest, found like a weird balloon with a ball attached to it. And they didn't understand what it was. Well, he got in the Oren coast. I've got all these like old like concrete munkers and stuff. Do you think? I'm lying on the coastline.

Do you think this is what this is part of the plan and that the Japanese have been waiting for these bombs to start going on 75 years later? No, no, you know, okay, just me. You know, crazy that it's like, it's not the long play. A scientist, learn how to make a weapon because you can get a grant for any weird thing. Yeah. It sounds like. Yeah, it's trying to war. I mean shit, they'll throw them when you have any kind of weapon, right? Yeah, it's crazy, like, that's with bats. Speaking of weird shit, did I show you that jet pack from the 70s? Did I ever show that to you?

I don't think so. There's a personal flying jet pack that they built in the 70s, they went into production, they have videos of it on YouTube. I don't know what it's called, I have to find it for you. And you can get up and it can fly in any direction,

it can go like 2000 feet in the air, it goes 60 miles an hour. 2000 feet in the air? Yeah, it goes really high, maybe 10,000. It was like too high to go in. And you can find videos of people like flying it around and it's all over with Kapedia and then they tried to sell to the military the military decided that it wasn't I don't know Wasn't military ready and so they just canceled the product and it just hasn't existed since and it was a perfectly working jetpack in the 70s

If you do a search on YouTube right now you can find it You remember I showed that thing? Ridiculous. It was crazy. Totally real. Totally real It doesn't exist in the sense and it was a perfectly working jet pack in the 70s. If you do a search on YouTube right now you can find it. You remember I showed you that? It was ridiculous. It was crazy. Totally real. Totally real. You should buy it.

I got it until about two months ago. I'm gonna tell you all about it. I refuse to believe it. I'll find it and I'll show you. I refuse to believe it. Gus, you can look this up, but I'm searching for a power charger for my laptop so I can show you this. But there was also a program in the US military where they were going to paint foxes with glow in the dark paint and set them loose on the Japanese islands at night because they represented some kind of spirit in Japanese culture.

And they were trying to scare the Japanese and the think the islands were inhabited by these glow in the dark foxes. That's weird. I don't know what it was. I'm trying to look it up. You're going to have your fucking work cut out for you today. That's really really with linked something Hey, um, and that's how they made the video game Okami I seriously do want to warn people from watching cars too though. I tried to mention that earlier

It's a terrible terrible thing. You should say you're money. Do you win? You win thought? Yeah, I thought Saturday I've been picking up kids at preschool lately. And they've all been... You pick up kids at preschool? No. Hey, what's your name? You've seen cars too? Really?

Can you help me with people? I have a car. Next week I'm going to have a van. There's your assholes. No, I've been picking really from preschool. Every time I go, they're like, have you seen cars too? And and they're all really excited so it feels preschoolers. They're into it I don't know spoil anything, but I have I've been something I've been meaning to ask you Because we saw it together. I went with you and I read totally. It's terrible and no one should see this

It's the least Pixar film it picks our Pixar film of all time It's really bizarre and last year directed it which I find odd too, but It makes no sense. All right I'll without any spoilers. Uh how do I give this? How do I say? It's a spoiler don't listen from here on. All right so he's worried. Why invent all in all. If you already have the market cornered on big oil. I think the way they explain it was that they invented all in all and then at the last second they found all those new oil reserves. Oh that's completely how they tried to explain that whole thing away. I've been listening to that. The last five minutes of that movie they just tried

to explain stuff away that they just didn't need to include in the movie. Talk about a convoluted plot for a kid. It did. Crazy. We got out of the theater. I was like there's no spoiler. What's that? Yeah okay, in spoiler. So there's no way I watch it and I was like there's no spoiler what yeah, okay in spoiler. So there's no way I watch it I was like there's no way my daughter has an idea what's going on So we get out in the theater we're standing in the aisle or standing in the hallway and I asked Millie I was like so what was that movie about and she looked at me she goes lightning won the race and I was like I yeah, that's I guess that's yes boiler for that Yeah, I'm sure that happened honestly. Yeah, I don't know either actually not the invention

I don't remember anything happening or the race was like had nothing to do with the movie in any way With anything yeah, the fact that they were cars had nothing to do with the movie Let's let's put it this way this happens pretty early on in the movie You've got a movie where you place people with cars, okay? So you're gonna have a spy thing. You're gonna have an action scene, okay? They're cars. What is an action scene with cars? What is that in tail? A chase? Right. Would you wear in the list of things where it's an action scene with cars, would you include a fist fight in a bathroom? By the way, there was a lot of murder in that movie that wasn't discussed like that fist fight in the bathroom

In did in death. Yeah, and there's like yeah, so and so is dead and then at some point they're like kill lightning McQueen He has to die make him die kill the tow truck kill the tow truck kill it dead with murder. I mean, it's like It was fucking really brutal vehicle aside. Yeah, yeah And the other thing was like I get that you want to make the cars into people kind of sure But that's not what the first one was like at all No, it was just like what if cars were the culture and like, haha everything's based around that they just took like people Plots and just put cars in them like there's a spy on a ship who happens to be a car

You know, it's it didn't make ship who's happens to be a car. You know, it didn't make any sense. None of it made any sense. And it's all the bad guys big oil, and it's like, it's a really bizarre. Yeah, they really drove that home. They really did. It's like, yeah, I don't know.

It's like, they must have been like, I don't think Wally was over it enough. We want to get more in your face with environmentalism. The first part of the movie was all about like supporting local business or your town will die. And like, I mean, it's was heavy handed to handed to begin with and time leaving you behind a little bit This looks up removes on right, you know, this was about joining in my six and murdering bad guys You pretty much yeah pretty much and big oil is bad because they will invent alternative fuels that then they will shoot you with the death rate

Death rate dude. They're a fucking desperate. They didn't definitely only work that cars that you're a death rate. Is it just a death rate? Dude, they're a fucking death rate. Dude, a death rate that only works at cars that you're certain kind of gas. They're so only worked on cars that used environmentally friendly gas. Oh. I heard one of the great reviews, like one line reviews I heard of the movie though, which is I can't wait for Wally to where Wally cleans up all the merchandise left over from cars to the car. I think it was drew from HitFakes that wrote that. It was about being tweeted.

It sometimes retweeting can, you know, mess up the attribution of a quote. But my wife said the best thing about that movie while we were watching the movie. She comes up to me because first of all, I think I might be done going to see movies opening weekend. I might be done with cinemas in general. Because Jeff and I wait, Jeff and I showed up 20 minutes for this movie We showed up early normal cinema not the alamo. So we showed 20 minutes early. We had maybe even a little early Maybe even a little earlier than that. We had already purchased our tickets online

We were all set to go we get there. There's four five people in my group and two people me a million two people in your group and Matt and Anna and their kids came as well That we couldn't be close to each other Matt and Anna they got there like within 10 minutes of the movie starting They couldn't even sit together like they put their kids on their lap to sit together. Yeah, so it was just like what are we doing? You know, just we could wait a next row we can go see it and there be nobody in the theater Yeah, and Lily was so upset. She's like why are we sitting here? And I'm like well There's no room of them. She's like I can see Teddy. I want to sit next to Teddy and I'm like yeah, that's not gonna happen sweetie We could just just do in the it together I guess we should have done but uh so my wife comes up to me like she like crouches and like comes over to where I'm sitting because she was

sitting a row in front of me and uh she goes do you understand what's going on in this movie I said I have no on a baby honestly I have no clue what's going on and she said I said do you she goes no she was this movie when I'm watching, it sounds like the kids describing to me what happens in the movie. Because it's like, and then they were on a boat and then like McQueen shot a guy and then they were in a bathroom and then they were in a party

and then they went to France and they were in Italy and then they were, and then they were, and then they were, and it was like, I don't know how to hold the gun. And there was a big clock and then a ray gun. Yeah. And they danced on a tight wire. And then they flew in the one car and turned into a plane, the one car could turn into a boat and it's like, dear they did they dance on a tie wire and then they flew in the one plane the one car can turn into a plane

The one car can turn into a boat and the it's a dear lord. They just I mean it was like they never stopped with that movie So yeah, what why you know, I don't know I honestly can't tell you what that movie was about I can tell you this though my kids loved it my kid loved it too Lighting McQueen I think won the race and and I asked my kids I said what what happened in the movie? And they said, they were as much spy stuff. That was it. Just a bunch of spy stuff. Speaking of which, we saw a preview for the new spy kids movie,

which now has a Rome vision where they will have sense in the theater. It's in 4D. I didn't realize sense was the fourth dimension. It's a fucking retake of room with that, with that clean. Here's the camera. I didn't realize that was the fourth dimension Yeah, I think they take a room with that with that thing I can't get about that How many times in like cinematic history have they tried to be like in the kind of shit where like Like who is that that horror director that like would have skeletons like fly to the eyes? I don't know the guy's name, but it's a guy that directed the house on a hill. Yeah

This is this is the same guy who would sell like Like a church Yeah, they do that kind of shit and it's like it doesn't ultimately if you just make a good movie and put it in the theater the house on Hunnet Hill. Yeah. Is this the same guy who would sell like insurance policies? Yeah. They do that kind of shit and it's like, it doesn't ultimately, if you just make a good movie and put it in the theater and it's, you can see it. You know, don't tell Pixar that. You know why that worked and why that guy was important though?

Why? Because he was becoming like the poor man's Alfred Hitchcock and that's why the movie, The Haunting was made to be a because as a reaction to his cheap theatrics, they wanted to make a legitimately scary horror movie without any side effects and it was their answer to that House on Hunnet Hill was the haunting of Hill House. That's a movie still to this day. Yeah, well, it's I think it's in 1959. Yeah, it's still one of my favorite horror movies because they have barely anything like there's not There's like one effect on the whole movie Yeah, it's the most of it is just like setting it up or like if they if you hear voice it's tension

They'll they'll zoom in on the wall to like this thing the air There's spot in the wall You'd be staring at if you heard a voice through it and you can barely hear it and then it did just do that for a while And it's like you can imagine being in the situation more than like in the new version They have like faces coming through the wall. You can see the face or or like you know you can see the full figures and like plus JLo. Yeah I know like you look at like that movie where they had nothing and they had to work with what they had and then movie that I think it was made in the 90s I don't know. Do you know what it was made? No early to that. Early to that movie. Yeah yeah and it's just like what we can do now doesn't tell it doesn't

help us tell stories you know if we can't tell the story. Yeah right it's, I think it's based on people's memories of what they saw in the theater's kid and then they try to replicate it, but then they take it too far. Like they, they, they fill in the gaps for the audience, which that's the, that's the best part of horror is you, you know, show them a little bit and then their mind will create something worse. Yeah, speaking of remakes, she has another remake in total recall right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why, why, that movie's fine. It does not need to be really. Who has no other remake in total recall right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah Why that movie's fine. It does not need to be who's gonna be in it. I don't know

I'll tell you this I don't want to see that film unless the rock is in it the rock is in the whole watch it I'll watch it anyway rock. Yeah, no kidding. I don't know why the rock is in the biggest star in America I always say that he was he was the entire reason to watch fast-five. Yeah, I mean all the explosions and stuff But he that it was awesome. Yeah, there's not enough of the explosions and stuff, but that it was awesome. Yeah, Vin Diesel was not. Dude, if you're Vin Diesel, you should never ever allow yourself to appear as a muscular guy against the rock or opposite the rock in a film. He looked like that dude you kicked sand on on the beach.

He was the before guy who got sand kicked on him in the beach in front of his girlfriend. And the rock was the dude kick in the sand. He's the dude in the back in front of his girlfriend. And the walk was a duke kick in the sand. He's the dude in the back of the comic, like, sending him a Charles Atlas workout program. He was like, he was standing there trying to decide if he should order Atlas or the X-rays vision. We're gonna see the bones in your hands. Yeah.

So what is the scariest thing that you have ever seen in a movie? Like, your scariest moment. Would it be that- Oh, there was a really scary movie. I forgot the name of it. It was a South Korean movie. Do you remember it? It was the two sisters two sisters. That really was really scary. That was pretty scary a tale of two sisters Yeah, and then it's about these two girls sort of it's really weird because at the end it kind of has a departure from reality And you don't know what it is you've actually watched if it's real or whatever whatever's happening

Which I'm actually about anyway. I think that you should at least kind of have an idea of what's going on by the end of the movie. Yeah, I think so. Maybe this is to me. No, but there's like a scene where she like, here's something, and she's a drip and she looks under this little like a sea of fire. I knew that. I knew that. When you assume you mentioned the movie, I knew that was going to be the scene. Well, it was about that, but it was so scary. I guess it's because that fear, that fear that you have when you walk up to something that has like hiding place under it like if you walk next to your bed

Like I always like take like usually a jump up onto the bed like I won't get it within a foot of the edge of the bed Do you do you still? It's only to cut my you know kill you just like they probably No, that was a scary moment. Yeah, I don't say the entirety of the exercise. Oh, yeah That's what you have to think about my wife hates the crab walk That was a scary moment. I didn't say the entirety of the exorcist. Oh yeah. That was a scary moment. That was the first thing I had to think about. My wife hates the crab walk. Crab walk is terrible.

Crab walk is terrible. Yeah. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible.

The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible.

The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. The crab walk is terrible. So it's been freaking me out probably squirrels probably squirrels murder or I think Roger something that Your own apartment look just like the one in the grudge like yeah, I remember when in June on they like the original Not the way they the house and the grudge kind of matched it looks like similar So yeah, your apartment had this like weird attic cross face, which is weird for apartment anyway Yeah, and it looked exactly like the same layout like you should go up there and see the bodies in the corner. You know what I thought was weird about that whole deal? Gus would go out of town a lot,

he was back when we traveled a bunch, and so you would always feed his cat. But you would go over to Gus's house to feed his cat and take a shower. You don't know what that was. Well, I had shower cam. That's, I remember you taking a lot of showers and Gus's all the parts.

I think one shower it is apartment. Just needed one at the moment. Did you know about this? I think they told me after the fact Like after I'm done with the part. There's a door that I can lock and I don't have like three people running in and a dog when I'm trying to think a Showered. I'm happy with that. I don't care if I have to go to somebody else's house to get Threats stop making people and buying dogs What about you? What was your scariest movie moment? You know very

specifically for me and it just creeped me out. First of all when in the shining when Danny turns the corner on his big wheel and the twins are standing at the end of hallway. There's something about long hallways that freaked me out really long especially long hallways that end in the door. I don't know what that is and there was also that scene in Poltergeist when she goes at the end to run up to the kids room and the hallway just like stretches while she's looking While she's looking at it. I know what that is that just freaked me out That's free to this day. It's like thinking about it freaks me out That's it. That was scary and the clown thing and the fact it was under the bed. I'm telling you

It's always the bed. Didn't that scare you as a kid? Yeah, of course everything scared me as a kid There's a hotel in San Francisco. I forget what it's called But I stayed there a few years ago on one of the trips that looks just like The house from the shining. Oh, yeah, it's got like those long halls I saw doors at the end of the hall and like super vaulted ceilings and the elevator I mean it is like you feel like you're on the set. It's so weird. Well, he I think the Stephen came wrote it He said at the hotel. What was it the lookout? No, no, that was just there. There's a real place Yeah, that it was based on anyway He stayed and and like one night, within one night, he had the

story like written. Like I think I've had an interview or heard a interview where he said that the the fire hose scene, whatever, you know, where the fire hose comes down and like snakes across the floor. Like part of the story was inspired by just walking by this thing and like imagining what could happen. I don't remember a fire hose scene in the shiny. My crazy. It's in the book. It's in the book. Okay, okay. We've never seen the movie. I watched it once and I didn't like it was enough of a story to intrigue me, but I didn't remember a fire host scene in the show. Am I crazy? It's in the book. It's in the book. Oh, OK. I can't wait to see the movie. I watched it once and I didn't like it.

It was enough of a story to intrigue me, but I didn't know how certain things had happened. So I read the book. And actually that book, like for like three months after I had nightmares, like just from the book. As weird as that, I probably couldn't go back and read it today, but it was like that for me. I tried to go back and read it.

It's got a year again. I got about 800 pages in, saw that I still had like tried to go back and read it. It's gonna be horrible, right? I got about 800 pages in, saw that I still had like 300 to go, and I could, I had to put it down. Yeah, I don't know, yeah. Oh, at that point, I feel like you've already gone so far. You would think so, or you can cut your losses and run.

Exactly. I've already done that. I don't know, that book twice as a kid. It's like, it's Bernie's right, you can't go back. Well, and also, the dude's fucking for both. You can't read Stephen King out loud to another person. First of all, it kills kind of the buildup, anyway Anyway, like the scary parts sort of it's shot by two people

reading out loud to each other. And also just so much of that inner bullshit like the inner monologues and stuff that it's just like reading it, skimming it while you're reading it fast to yourself as one thing, but trying to read it out loud. Somebody it just like drags. It's terrible. It's I remember liking him a lot as a kid, but like I tried to go back the, maybe a year ago and read that under the dome, because I like the concept of that, and it's kind of like the Simpsons movie. And I had forgotten that what that thing he does were, he'll introduce a story arc, and then he'll introduce you to every single person in the town, a chapter at a time, and you're like, there's got to be 20,000 people in this town.

I am, I have to stop immediately. It was a good book. Was it? I got 200 pages in and I had to stop. I just couldn't give a shit about Ancillary characters anymore. The mess guy kind of wore me down a little bit, you know? Yeah. But it was like, it was the most like the stand

of any other book that I had written. I got beat down by the high school football player, dude. The Kildes girlfriend. Yeah. Like, had the brain tumor. Yeah. He's just like, uh, who are we out? It's the, that's the thing.

And anytime where he slips into a voice, you know, or it's like a wave speaking. That just drives me crazy, like having to commit to it or like all the... You don't talk about it, like he always says some character that talks in a weird way, and then you get a like separate through chapters of this guy talking in the screen. And if you're eating it loud, it's really hard, especially if you're embarrassed about doing accents. I think the only Stephen King book I ever read was The Stand. And I remember, like the trash can man, I was his name, right? He was like that.

We had a weird method of talking. Yeah. And was it Tom, what's his name in the stand? The moon guy. Oh yeah. I wanted to say Tom Moon, but that's how his name. There were like whole chapters of The Trash Can Man, like his thoughts and walking around and it's like, oh my god, it's so jarring and coherent.

Yeah, I just feel like it's sort of like a writer masturbating a little bit. He did man that guy's prolific I mean he can just write and write. Yeah and look at him you know. I read a long streak of Stephen King. A long streak. He was my entire childhood. And then I had a book that broke me of it. Do you remember what book made you stop?

I had a very clear moment of when I stopped reading Stephen King. I did the same thing. This is not a criticism. No, yeah. I read probably 20, 25 Stephen King books. I read every single Stephen King book up until four past midnight. I got halfway through the Langa Lears. My Lears, huh?

Langa Lears killed it for me. And I put it down and I never picked up another book until, dude, he's got some of the best short stories. I was a low as an adult. Night shift. Night shift short stories. Fantastic. Drew Sloan's lot. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah. I was a low as an adult. Night shift. Night shift. Short stories. Fantastic.

Jerusalem's Lot. Awesome. Yeah, it was a story in Night shift or skeleton crew. No, it's Salem's Lotter. No, no. Jerusalem's Lot was a short story about Salem's Lot, but like 100 years in the past. Uh-huh. About a dude who just moved there and he lived in this house.

And it was like pre-Vampires, but it was about how the, how the, the area area was evil and that's why the vampire was attracted in Salem's lot and it's just about like this satanic church he found in the woods and how it slowly drove him mad and it's a 40 page short story but if you like Salem's lot which I like a lot it's really cool like prehistory. It's the house that he moves into is not the one that in Salem's lot really fine. And here's stuff in the walls and and then he starts like he starts going mad and then he goes off into the woods and he finds this like satanic church and this is like in the 1800s And it's just it's super super fucking creepy stuff in the walls is always scary

What what what things scary and movies what killed it for you? I read Tommy knockers and made it through Tommy knockers. I mean I was tough But I made it through made it Tommy knockers and then I read Gerald's game Would you read Gerald's game? I read like the first two chapters and I try to read the whole thing And I think I read the whole thing and that's just like it killed my momentum with Stephen King It was like kujo to me no I feel like I already read it misery to me because I was given to it was basically story about this man This woman they go on a like a I guess like a romantic weekend together in some remote location and as part of like roleplay

He handcuffs her to the bed and something happens where like he gets a little too aggressive or something and she kicks him in the balls Yeah, while she's handcuffed at the bed and she kills him like somehow like Maybe he's too worked up or something anyway this guy dies So the whole story is this woman handcuffed to a bed naked so it was like it was like misery in a way and like Kujo Where she's trapped but then it was like this weird like, he kinda like peers Anthony Griffin in that, the sex stuff, that's- We stopped bringing that up. I know.

There's something weird about the sex stuff that he writes, Stephen King's sex stuff. That's like it, I either like, I kind of identify with it sometimes, but a lot of times it just feels like too overt or weirdly too snile. You know, you snile. Stilted, yeah, or something like that.

Yeah, no, that's funny because like, when you start to pick up on something from somebody that you can create something and you start to pick up on something that you can't really identify with, it's hard to see past it. Yeah. Like, that was with pure sampling. Like, I couldn't, it was the sex stuff got weird to me as I got older and it's noticing it more.

And then anytime it was sort of like anti gay or something anti gay, it was sort of worked in. Even if it was not very overt, like it just bugged me I couldn't couldn't keep buying books I can keep reading it. Really? Yeah but I think that if you pick up on some weird because I mean especially with writing I think you're very naked when you're doing it and even if you're writing from a different character you're coming up with something that you may not do in million years it was in your brain to begin with. Tommy Nockers interesting you bring that up and

the sex thing that was what almost killed the Tommy Nockers for me. There was a lot of weird sex stuff. I think maybe it was back-to-back reading those two books, yeah, cuz it was like It was like it can't until like weird alien sex stuff a little bit and it was just like I was like 16 when I read it so I was super honing and ready to go and even then I often think that lost parts of the loss were inspired by Tommy Nockers I don't think about finding the hatch. That's very much like Tommy. Yeah, yeah, you're right, you know Kick and tripping over the P.S. in the

Digging and you guys know what that looks about no, no, I know it's about a I'm sorry go ahead No, you got it's about a woman who kind of lives off and I think probably Maine Outside of banger Maine. And she is out like walking in the woods behind her house and she trips over like a piece of metal and she starts to uncover it and it's like a crescent and the more she covers, the more it is. And then so she's kind of freaked out but she's a writer

and she goes home and she like gets out of compass and she draws it and realizes that it's massive. Like I don't know hundreds of feet across. So she starts to excavate it and that's a spaceship and as she excavates massive, like, I don't know, hundreds of feet across. So she starts to excavate it, that's a spaceship, and as she excavates it, like the memories of the aliens inside start to infiltrate her mind, and then like, there's a stash array, and there's a name of Queen, isn't her way.

Yeah, she starts like writing. She doesn't even need, she starts writing books without knowing it, and like, I'll come to a word stuff, I'll come to a word. Like, what was the extra, the edge of it, and it stops vibrating, and then she hears like all this stuff in her head, and then yeah, so, and then it, like, as she excavates more and more, it starts kind of the word stuff. Like, what would you have to grasp the edge of it? And it stops vibrating, and then she hears like all this stuff in her head, and then, yeah.

And then it like, as she excavates more and more, it stops to affect the entire town, and everything just kind of goes to hell. Sounds great, cool idea. That's not so much of it. It's long, that's really long, yeah. You can get past the Her Sisters Dildo chapter, you're probably fun.

So, yeah, or if you, you know, fold all the spaces, you can walk in the lighter. So, who's an author then? Who would you read all the time? You're like, this is, I will definitely read a book by them. Under the dome, by the way, was, I loved it. I thought it was great. Really?

Recently, Stephen King novel thought it was great. I'll read anything by Neil Gaiman. Neil Gaiman. And that haven't read anything by Neil Gaiman. Not a thing. You should read American. Read American Gods, because it's about to be an HBO show, I think. American Gods?

Okay. You can read books. Yeah. What about you? Does anybody you would read? I don't read a whole lot. The guy that I read more than anyone else is probably Neal Stevenson. He wrote a Snow Crash and stuff like that. Snow Crash, Cryptonomicon.

Okay. Does it have to be somebody that's still making books? No, like a contemporary author. I've read everything and will continue to reread everything by Dashhand and Raymond Chandler. Okay. There's my go-to's. Let's see What's the number one book in that one? Oh gosh The Raymond Chandler has a book a short story. It's called Killin the Rain that it's like his first seven novels

I'm not weird. Oh like what's his genre? Like a like no or crime like LA nor ask yeah 1940s LA kind of like your match script. Yeah, can I let Matt script? Yeah, I met a pulp, you know, same to text Same theme. Yeah, you like that stuff, huh? A lot of yeah Yeah, my mind is definitely Cormac McCarthy I read about anything by Cormac McCarthy and I know a lot of people can't slog through it But I fucking love it. Do you do great writer, but I just don't want to commit suicide every time I read a book Yeah, oh cuz you cuz you think about the road specifically? I've also read about like they won about hit the dude Is buddy they go down the Mexico? Yeah, all the pretty horses. God damn. There about, like, the one about the dude and his buddy, they go down the Mexico.

All the pretty horses. God damn. That's in a series, yeah. And I just recently went back and read the crossing again. And it's like, it's interesting because I had that book out and one of our actors that we just recently hired came out of the audio booth, saw it and was like, going crazy for it.

And so we talked about Cormac McCarthy for a long time. And it was weird because I say the first like, 120's be pages of that book are absolutely perfect. And they couldn't stand it. So we talked about Cormac McCarthy for a long time and it was weird because I say the first like hundred and twenty three pages of that book are absolutely perfect and they couldn't stand they couldn't stand it. They thought it was horrible and they they just waited to get through to the last part of the book which is the last two thirds of the book. So yeah man I just I think it's great. He also wrote no country-fold men. Yeah and other things as well. Well we talked about reading for a long time. I feel proud. We keep going. We have to read out. I going If we reclassify to the book book section of iTunes podcast might win that one Destroy

I don't believe in one there. I wouldn't be so sure Fitting in that actually in PR doesn't have a book podcast It was a computer. What's going on with NPR wait wait don't read me What what was the last book you read? What was the last book you read? Well, I was just rereading that and I read, I read, I just made a pass through a bunch of the Halo novels because we're writing for season nine. So I guess the last thing that I read, new book that I read?

Just what I read. First time read. First time read for me. So new to me. Can I skip and come back to me because I'm sure about that first Stuff I'm reading reading reading Tina Facebook right now. Oh right bossy pants. It's pretty funny. It's really fast read It's a good airplane book. How about before that do you remember? We've already reading something together. We was last thing we read together was the Houdini biography. I think

No, it's been a while since we've been reading. What about you guys? It's been a while and you're gonna make fun of me But it was a stupid Wolfram book called a new kind of science. Oh nice. It's about math. I'm the B.E. Love, I can't just find a cast. Let me just give you my milk money. I guess my first one, the most recent one I've read recently was Cole Protocol, which was a Halo novel. And I just know for whatever reason had read that one. So I still need to read the the four runner books that they put out because haven't I haven't read the new one yet I put every halo novel and every gear's war novel in my

My my my iPhone and I just hadn't got around to reading them. I've been reading Canary Row for like seven months Yeah, I read like a page at a time. I don't know. I can't get through it. It's good book though The only one is I'm sorry to sit down and read in the halo novels I mean I think that you could probably skip the second one, which is the flood. It's almost like the novelization of the game. Yeah, you could probably, you could probably skip that one, not because I didn't like it, but because it could potentially kill your momentum for reading the series. I see what you're saying, but you definitely want to get through the first strike and go to Onyx and things like that, especially Ghost of Onyx. And then contact

harvest is great too. Got them all. Oh, I know it was after Houdini we read the Anders game series, or he tried to oh shit We went through Anders game. That's right about the killing momentum And there's definitely some points in everything after any game that you they kind of kills the momentum You have to commit to it. Yeah, yeah, you do you do you you get about 75 pages of pecanineas where you're just like I don't know I was that the third novel space battles were awesome. I don't know yeah, but no, it's good though It's really good. We made it to the first four books and I think that as far as like science fiction It's just like a you have to read them

Yeah, I've never done that before either where I read like inters game and then had to immediately read With whatever the next one was I can't remember the names of all of them We read like the first four books in without a break without a pause. I feel like I booked a book to book to book I did that with those Star Wars novels that came out a few years ago Timothy Zon was yeah, I think I read all three in like the course of four five days. It's a good series I could not put them down. Yeah, it's a really it's a good series. Mm-hmm What's this game of Thrones everyone keeps talking about? Did I somehow miss? I know I It's very popular. It's based on a book, right? I don't know

I don't never heard never heard of the book, but apparently it's beloved and the HBO show is fantastic too I guess I don't know what no fucking thing about it. It just ended right season one just ended or something Yes, maybe I'll underpits on iTunes may check it out. I'm sorry. I'm trying to very warm and I know talking to me How about how hot peer dinkligges? These the midget guy from the uh the station. yeah, yeah, yeah, that dude. He was in Elf. He was in Elf, yeah. He was great in Elf. Okay, that guy has some 30 charisma. Yeah, yeah.

Who was the in 30 round? He played Lizlomans boyfriend for an episode. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Because of his hair, he's a small child. It has to like make up for it. That's a great joke. I guess to work, not midget, right? It's a little person. Yeah, TORF, not Midget, right? A little person.

Yeah, is that right? I think so. We listen enough how it's done that we should know this. Yeah, we should. We definitely should. What's the difference? It's the answer for me to ask. I think Midget is a derogatory term, right?

Oh, is it? I thought there were two different definitions. I think there's a difference between a Dwarf and a little person. I thought that's the way Dwarf is. I think it has something to do with proportions. Yeah, that's the way it is. It tends to do with the limb proportion to the person. I personally do or is it is it has something to do with the proportion? Yeah, it's not. It's has to do with the limb proportion to the torso.

I think it's what it is. I think a dwarf is normal sized torso and just the limbs are shorter and that's it. I think that's what we man. Right. We man's a dwarf I think. Well, there's probably some guy on the internet you could link to. Oh, we should find a guy, but we can't go too much longer. Turn on safe search.

So if you guys. The other day, oh man, it's being a safe search. search the other day we talked about then we did the video podcast. We talked about TSTV So I was you know when I was doing the link to I was like okay, I need to find some TSTV links So I type TSTV in a Google and like all the text results are like transactual transvestite porn Oh, and I'm like oh, well, that's weird. I'm just looking for their logos click my images like like not I was like I just wasn't thinking. And it was just like, dudes giving other dudes blow jobs to look like chicks.

And it's like, oh my god, what was I thinking? Did you say any of the searchers? I got them all cataloged. Now I really want to find a power supply for my life. New meaning to the term link dump. Hey, so I want to bring up something to you that I forgot to mention. I had to go look for my power supply when we were talking about it.

But tell about the old movies like the haunting and just like selling life insurance policies for people to get in the theater. You guys ever hear about the gimmick they did for the tingler when they electrocuted the seats or whatever. Yeah. So the thing was in the in the movie. There was this thing called the tingler, which you couldn't see, which would have I guess invade your brain and your spinal column.

Yeah. And you would feel a tingling. The characters in the movie would take them over. And the only way to rid your body of the tingler was to scream constantly, just start screaming at the top of your lungs. And to find a trancellohawk. And so it gets stung by one.

So what they would do is they would rig seats in the theater to have an electro-shock device. All of them were just the less ones. So I do want them. And they just start turning them on in the middle of the movie And so people would just start standing up and screaming in the movie which it sounds Be cool when the actually is like Where they're standing up and screaming because they thought they're the tingler or because they were getting fine Electrocuted a little bit of both people were easy to to rouse back then I was a documentary on vertigo

And the phenomenon that it was I don't know if it's on Netflix. I wish it a long time ago But if it is you should check it out They have footage of like the vertigo premiere and by vertigo. I totally mean psycho I know why I said vertigo and if you watch psycho now. It's a pretty tame movie Yeah, it's like you get why it's influential But it's not I mean after you've seen like a paranormal activity, you're not going to be scared by it, you know. We talked about it before, like, it's insane.

We talked about how Kane, yeah. And how you go back and watch this and Kane, you don't have the perspective. Right. But they had footage of like women running out of the theater, like 30 minutes in screaming and crying and having to be consoled by their husbands and their boyfriend and like, people yelling at the camera about how like, how something like something this disgusting should have never been made and it's not fit for people to watch and it's too terrifying and it's all shock value. Man I would love to go back in time and just show them I don't like an Eli Roth

movie. Like Shell in 1955 audience like hostile to people with like you might see spontaneous combustion. You know kind of on a related note note, over the weekend my wife was asking me this question, which I thought was really weird. She said, if like let's say a serial killer from like the 1800 showed up today, do you think they'd be scary? Like do you think they could kill anyone or was like your average person today

be approached by the serial killer? What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, like what? Why are you twisting your mustache, man, suddenly? I'm not as like a murderer from the past. Isn't nearly as, Isn't nearly scared anymore. I'm sorry. Are you rhyming at me right now, sir?

No, sir. Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nomson, Chicago. Wait, it was the servant girl in the highlighter and you still lobotomize women, rape them and cut their face up at the hatchet. First. Still scary today at that. I mean to that. That's no. First serial killer in the Western world was from Austin. That's why they have those moonlight towers. I'm sure we've talked about the successful in the podcast.

Yeah, I'm talking about the podcast. I don't want to be a little bit more of a story. I don't like you all know too much about serial killers. That's a flag for me. Well, we just won on a ghost tour of Austin and found out all about them. Like, micro-aids from mosquitoes.

Yeah. St.Ca, flag. Do you think Bernie Stakehouse can get added to the ghost tour? Maybe, well. Okay about them. Like micro-acherent mosquitoes. Yeah. Stats like, do you think Bernie Stats is gonna get added to the ghost tour? They will. Okay, so that, you bring us a point about the past. Like, the fact that they could just electrocute you in your seat and they didn't have to warn you, that's fucking crazy.

Well, I was gonna say there was a period of time where people didn't really respect electricity and they would use it as like a party's favorite. And I'm running into this now, have you ever, you go over to go down to Mexico? Like some of the board, so I don't want to. Okay, you go over to go down to Mexico? Like some of the board. I just get on the like a border towns in Mexico and there's this dude walking around It's some of these bars down there and he has this game that he likes to play which is essentially where he has a car Battery on his belt with a dial on it and you hold two copper rods and your drunk guys in a bar

Holding two copper rods attached to a battery with essentially a resistor a variable resistor this guy cranks up and you see who can go higher on the dial and you're like It's kind of like I guess that thing that's in the David Busters with Uncle Fester on it. Yeah, my friend won Because he could go higher than anyone else, but we realized he got to the point at which we can no longer let go Because he could go higher than anyone else, but we realized he got to the point which we can no longer let go Like he was like I can't see it because it's a visual thing But imagine clenching your fist and then he's all started to roll up Chris I think they were like, hey, need your help. What you would do is you would both put down a dollar and whoever could go the highest

would get his own dollar back. So that's how you won. You got your own money back. You didn't pay to me. Shocked. Wow. So you got a free shock if you got shot from the... Only if you won.

Exactly. If you lost your own book. It sucked, dude. It sucked. All right, well, we gotta wrap this thing up. But thank you for that great story. I'm sorry, I've never heard that one before. I'm just glad there were no snakes involved in that story. Check us out at Enemy Expo this weekend

and at Sandigua Comic Con in about a month. Yeah. All right, thanks for listening. Ta-ta. snakes involved in that story. and RuestrT's cryptic podcast, f*** face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short. Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts. It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no, you do yes? you