Rooster Teeth Podcast - Rooster Teeth Podcast #131

Episode Date: September 14, 2011

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It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motormouth outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland. If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church.

Twisted metal, streaming only on peacock. We have now locked in V-Toe. What was the beginning of that thing before that? That was a ghost I think. Yeah, this seemed like an appropriate theme song for late October and not so much for mid September. That we have officially crossed a milestone with podcast theme songs. That theme song was submitted over a year ago. Jesus Christ. That was from September 8th of last year. How many do you have in the queue? I'm hopper. I think I have 700. I think we're covered for the next 12 years, 12 years? That's like 14 years. Like we legitimately have. I think we have 60,000 horse. I think we're just giving fails, fails.

I need to quit going in order. I need to actually start picking ones I like. I've been doing that, I don't know. Lately, like in horse and stuff, I usually grab the newer ones. Because like, you know, I love the older ones, but. Oh, I'll ignore some. Like when people submit like the Black Eyed Peas or something. I always have not gonna play that.

What does that mean? It sounds like, well, Jack, Jack you and Gus you just said that you before didn't discriminate you would just pick anything as long as it wasn't Awful really yeah, and you're the same way so well know how you pick you want you like now No, no, it's one of those things where like before I would go through the list like I would go in order of submission Yeah, and that's the first decent one. Yeah, but now it's like I know newer stuff is going to be better because people have seen stuff that's already out there. People know what the sort of bar is. And so they like sort of self-regulate, I guess. So essentially what Jack is saying is that if you've ever submitted a fail, resubmit it now. So then it gets out of top. I'm talking more. Well, I'm talking more of the horse stuff, but that is kind of true for fail. I mean, a can make like a reddit type system for the podcast team song

We'll submit it and everyone votes on it and whatever like rises to the top is what we use we kicked around the idea You have mod of mods on that but I but there's no way to upload like 700 MP3s Sure there is if only we had someone who ran servers or knew anything I'm just gonna have a here. It's excited of the company. I can upload them It's kind of fucking display them to people. Hey, what's up guys. I'm Jack. How you doing? Oh, yeah? I'm Bernie Burns. Michael I'm here for Dr. Tank one 31. That's the excuse because I remember to hit record this hey So how long you said it went for like 30 seconds? I swear that went for a few minutes before it was like four minutes So we had a whole bit about punching horses like the was like, I saw it. It was like, God

damn it. It's fucking stupid. We've done them for an unload. Is that a flag sparing? Are you fighting animals? That's right. I got my animals. I got my pump on. No, I've done them before. Wow. Did anybody else notice that? I have a question for you Michael. I see you're wearing the the biowift shirt from from Pax for over public. You they they would give you a card and you could go down and on demand They would print a shirt. Right like they had they're like bang on shirts. They had they had two Yeah, I mean the idea of you saying on on demand print shirt It's not what it was. Well, you know, they had two different shirts that you could use again English or whatever the Star Wars languages.

Correlean. Sure. Did you actually go into the room? No, I didn't. I think Kerry did. Kerry's down. I got like four. I am just giving up. I am just coupons. Positive. Anyone who set foot in that room, especially the employees have cancer now.

That room was just filled with like chemical smoke. Oh really? Like if there was the room had glass wall so you could see it from the rest of the conveyor center I intentionally did not walk in because I saw it was just filled with this mist That was coming off of the machines when they were pressing the the shirts It's like there's no way I'm sitting foot in there. It's like if you want lung cancer knock yourself out I've added this is a lung cancer room. Yeah, that is like that smokey room at the airport Yeah, well, maybe just all the people that smoked went in there and they don't have to buy cigarettes

They're like I'll go print the shirts It was like some woman having a kid in there. I was like, maybe they just all the people that smoked went in there and they didn't have to buy cigarettes. They were like, I'll go print the shirts. There's like some woman having a kid in there. I was like, have you had this kid in your old day? They can't be good for you. When it started off, he was a puppy. I just fell off to a few minutes. I like the idea though that it was like they had the shirts in a separate area from their booth. Because there's nothing worse than like the swags zombies that like hang around booths

just waiting from the throwout 3 t-shirts with a crowd of 200 let me tell you something you see that over and over and it like we've had bad experiences if you're ever at a convention or at any kind of event in an official capacity and you ever do the thing where you hold up something to throw it out of the crowd you are the worst person on the planet yes yep you may as well be yelling fire you yeah, or fight. Everybody fight right now. Yeah, it's like you are inciting violence amongst the people around you when you do something like that. Yeah. There was one year at PAX like what was three or four years ago when

rockstar was kind of close to us. They were promoting one of those midnight club games and they kept throwing stickers in the air and I kept getting hit in the fucking face with rockstar stickers. No, that was that that was the year. The first year I went to PAX, and I was helping you guys with the Grifball tournament, because we had the Grifball set up in front of the booth, and they were throwing shirts out from the rock star booth, but we had people who were buying shirts our booth, and I remember a couple times they were throwing out shirts and they'd blend in our Grifball area,

and people would just grab any shirt they saw, and they were taking people's shirts, that they had bought from our booth. That's fucked up. And I was like, what, and knocking over TVs and stuff like that, it's like, booth. It's fucked up. And it was like, what? And like knocking over TVs and stuff like that. Yeah. Really, it's just a $2 t-shirt, man.

I could point out of capacity where I literally, like, if I'm offered a shirt, I just decline. Unless it's like a really... I imagine your entire wardrobe is free shirt, though. Pretty much. No, I bought this shirt. I realize that I say that I'm wearing a free shirt. So I really can't get a shirt out of the four of us in here, two, you two guys, as well. I think all the free shirts you don't want. My wardrobe is like 12 t-shirts, right?

I bought a box about like 20 shirts in there that it was like for swag for people to show up at the office. I'll just bring that box right back to your house. No, no. But I was really disappointed by this print undemanded shirt that I heard about. Because it's like, oh, you get this coupon and you go downstairs and they'll print the shirt undemand for you. They were just ironing on and iron. Yeah, that's what they were doing I thought I thought it would have your name or something customizable right if you're face and you're like holding a lightsaber Well, there's a company that we hire for coupon print on demand for us Like if you buy a gif ball shirt, you can get your name put on it like you could get

Lieutenant M killer ultimate. What are the fuck your names? It's all of it. Just combine everything rage quit Yeah, lieutenant M killer ultimate L.'s all of it just combine everything rage quit. Yeah, lieutenant and Angela Ultima almoe p Michael rage quit. Mike would always please yeah, but in parentheses It's really cool though because it's actually prints the shirt while you're watching like it's almost like a it The thing looks like a massive inkjet printer Mm-hmm, but about the size of this room the rest of our fucking expensive and there's the huge massive cartridges that you put it It looks like a supersides inkjet printer is exactly what it looks like, but it'll print whatever you want. And this was not what this was.

This was like a t-shirt shop from the 70s with like the glitter iron on it so they were just pressing it in place. Yeah, they just had like a, essentially a giant iron, like a giant hot surface. Yeah. Where they put that, that pattern on the shirt.

Now I sound like the entire internet where I'm bitching about the thing that I got for free. Yeah, oh, it's a stupid. Sweet to me. With a side of lung cancer, good boot. So, man. So speaking of taxes here, Michael and I, and a couple other people, we had dinner with the Mega 64 guys.

I don't want to say this to, I don't want to get details, but we found a restaurant with no one in it, within walking distance of the convention center. Yeah, that was really good. Empty, and they had dollar beers. Yeah, happy hour dollar beers It was like it ended like either right when we walked in or right when someone ordered the first beer and they're like We have one dollar beer No, and then the one we came out she's like she's like

She's like happy hours over but fuck it. You can have all your beer I had three cronies for three bucks and like like on on Saturday night or or Friday night It was like what was it like it was like a holy shit or something Can I can I just say that the mega 64 guys have a certain kind of understated charm about them Where that will always happen to them where they'll get the the free beer or the extended happy hour It was great and then I was pretty charmed as as we were walking out Someone a couple kids spotted us and asked Garrett if he wanted to go to a rave Walking out someone a couple kids spotted us and asked Garrett if he wanted to go to a rave

No, there you go. They're like people still go to raves. No, he did not go to raise or he did not go to a rave That was the night you guys went to the Jesus party. I think oh Into the game church party Interesting let's talk a second about that. Have we talked about the time? No, I don't know what to say about it So there was a booth a little ways down from Mars at PAX Prime that was gamers for God is It was game church. Yeah, I guess they tried to Tried lightly here gentlemen. I'm not judging. I think it's admirable what they're doing They tried to make the Bible more relevant to a younger audience. I think it's admirable what they're doing. They try to make the Bible more relevant to a younger audience.

I think that's brilliant to like gamers and people who are into that kind of thing. Like a typical Pax attendee. But there was something about the presentation that made you skeptical of whether it was legit or not. I wasn't sure if there was tongue-in-cheek or they were serious. The picture was Jesus holding the next box controller and wearing a headset. Yeah. So it's like is that serious or right? You know, and you guys it's Jesus You can actually why we're Jesus from a dog. Right. Well, I'm sure right next to it was like the shirt That's over the the boot that sells like ironic shirts right, you know

It's like and plus we've lived through like Dante's in Ferno Viral marketing, you know We had the religious protests outside of E3. Yeah, was it E3 a couple years ago? So yeah, it was and you guys went to the party because you weren't sure whether or not it was serious not but right and it was really a real deal. Yeah, you were at a religious meeting. Well, I don't know if I'd say a meeting, but yeah, it was a, yeah, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was a real deal. I read the book. I have the book on my desk. You were given literature. Yeah, that's a meeting. Well, it was, it it was it was a real deal. I read the book. I have the book on my desk. You were given literature. Yeah That's a meat it was it was hard. They were you weren't handed it, but it was available

Yeah, they was not like here take this it's not like someone sat down and like measured my state on level or anything I can guarantee that the rave the Garrett was invited to you did not have any literature whether it was Hand it out or say your mind. I will say the books too on the table, they were placed like a little cross. I didn't even notice that. Yeah, there was like five down like three across. I didn't notice that. It's the book of John rewritten from like a gamer perspective. Let me see if I can find there you are. Oh my goodness, Phil can visit them. Yeah, we'll put it in the linked up and you can find it. It was interesting. I'd never seen a booth like that at At a packs before I wonder if they've been before he's hadn't seen it because we don't get a right We don't get the chance to actually walk around and do a whole lot of sightseeing at packs typically. It's true

Yeah, huh normally we only see the booth that's directly across from us. Yeah, and this year it happened to be the guy selling Computer fans the Nos booth and the game church. Oh, and that that like Weird not weird, but like like that Asian ship like shop thing. Oh sweet kitty. Yeah sweet kitty enemy. Yeah I got a sweet backpack from there. Oh yeah yeah. You got a backpack. We used to be we were by sweet kitty once years ago at Winpax was still at the Maiden Bauer. Guess I gotta say I have a very new found respect for you and Jeff and whoever's been running these booths for a long damn time after Pax this year. Because why? This year at Pax I had to I was sort of in charge of the Halo Fest area of Pax for us and so every morning I had to be

out there before the thing opened and make sure everything was running and do all like make you know take care of all that stuff and after staying up to like two or three a.m. going to parties and stuff and then having to be up in time to go out for that stuff. That sucks. It does suck. You suddenly gain consciousness in you're there. You're like a fuck to like, if you're... Why am I holding a stopwatch? Yeah.

But, anyway, it was a lot of fun. I remember getting there Thursday and Gus was like, I'm not gonna drink that much this time. He drank every night. I'm not drinking that much. That's true, I did not. I don't think I drank until the last night. No, we went out that for...

We went out before you. You're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, never mind. I drank until the last night. No, we went out that for We went out before you're at I think You're right. You're right. You're right. Never mind. I think I'd back Yeah, I did go to the the frag doll party They invited us out to another party. It was like a secret party, but there were still a ton of people there So that was fun. Thank you for the invite frag dolls and now my Facebook is full of photos of me with really really hot girls on my friends Like with these great Like your eyes like half open Like, tired and drunk? Yeah, well, yeah, pretty much.

Well, it's also one of those things where there was no dress codes. I'm like, you know, there's like these girls and like these hot outfits and then like me weren't a t-shirt. And it was like, damn it. You're free shirt. Yeah, and actually it was an Austin shirt. I try to wear like local costumes. Was it one of your dress shirts?

Yeah. One of your dress t-shirts? Well, it was my Galaxy Cafe nice shirt. So, anyway. You know, I don't understand how the at least one of those ragdolls has not dropped dead at this point because they're in that booth all day dancing to those games. They've been promoting those games for what, two years now? At least, right? Yeah. So they're dancing in the booth all day long for about eight hours and then they go out and have a party every night. And dance.

And dance at the party and then they're back the next morning. Yeah that's it's it's it's it's it's a lot of work. What exactly? I can not imagine doing that like like sitting down in our booth it makes me tired. I can't imagine like being in our booth dancing for eight hours straight. Oh you know I'm gonna say the conventions we go to now are a lot better than the conventions I used to go to in my previous career though where they were just like tech conferences and it was not fun. It was you sitting there for you that was not talking to anybody. Pretty much.

You talking to people that move around you. Yeah, that's it. Did you like have a fish bowl with their business card in to win free services? Yeah, I don't know what they would win. They would win a free call from me later or something. Have you guys heard the big news today? I have. Headlong.

What's that? Hilo anniversary? Oh no, it's a... Phil, it's a no. No, no. Sorry. Go ahead, you go to your big news first. What's up? Well, I was going to talk about the Scarlett Johansson Elite Internet.

Oh, that... Picture of her butt. Yeah. There's another one. There's not my computer right now too. That is... I think it's allegedly. That's her.

We mean allegedly, that's her. It's yeah, it's her. She's got a tattoo in her forearm that they've matched You know there's another photo to burning yeah, okay of her top list right? Yeah, yeah, I don't know I think I like to butt picture a little bit better. Yeah, I'll be honest with you God bless cell phones and cell phone cameras for Allowing this sort of stuff to happen more frequently. She's good for talking to her. That's a good composition. That is.

Because she has herself in the foreground and then she has the mirror in the background. It's very artsy. Who do you think that was meant for? I'm yours meant for me. I'm going to go up there. I lost my phone. I was just fondling his monitor right now and it's laptop. He's fondling it.

I'm roping it. Okay, well. He is. He's rubbing certain areas. Gus roping it. Okay well he is he's rubbing certain areas. Just you have a new laptop? No this is a laptop that's like February. Oh you say do you not have your get a makeover? Do you not have your protective... No I do sit pad. You see it's it's a got one that looks just like the wrist pad. You can see the brand name right there. Oh yeah I can see it now. And I put it on like perfectly to where it's really hard to tell. Have you had an excellent job? Have you had to replace that one yet? Or is it the same one?

For some reason, my sweat only eats through metal. It doesn't eat through plastic. Michael, do you know what this? I don't. So he's like the world's worst superhero or villain in that he has a superpower where he will corrode metal that he touches over a long period of time. So like, if I don't put this protection on the laptop,

you will see over time, like holes will develop in the laptop from the sweat on my hands. Not just discoloration, holes, physical holes. Yeah, like if you rub it, you can feel like it's pitted and there are holes that it will eat through. So at one point, were you in the room where they were making the t-shirts? No, no, no, no, I'm a sweat, like the juice

that they make the t-shirts with, you get acid blood. God, it's like aliens Has it ever caused any problems for you? Have you ever burned anyone like? I find out like after a place your toothbrush like once every month. There's something plastic You brush your teeth right how often you guys brush your teeth? Oh once the morning sometime at night depending if I've been drinking usually I try to brush it at night. I'll do it twice right there morning and night I try to brush it at night. I'll do it twice a day.

Exactly, right there. Morning and night. If you want to end of morning, I'm usually too lazy at night, unless I have like eat a poo poo for dinner or something. Like a big pile of shit. Okay. I'll always have pleasure. Exactly.

When you ask. What about you? I brush my teeth way too much, I think. Because I have a teeth in your brush teeth. Probably four times a day. At least three or five times a day. That's a lot. There's nothing wrong with that though, right?

Like you count over brush. I think you can't overbrush. I think you can't overbrush. I think you can upset the, the quote unquote, good bacteria that's in your mouth. I think you can do that. Someone's trying to tell me that you're not supposed to wash your hair every day.

Yeah. There was one thing, where they can... I told the homeless person. That's best fucking European. They're like, you're supposed to wash like every like third day. I don't think so. I was like, what? I've heard that.

I don't believe that. You mean with shampoo and conditioner? Yeah, yeah. Do you guys use shampoo and conditioner? I do. I only want. I've got, no, I've got that I don't believe that you mean with shampoo and conditioner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys use shampoo? Conditioners I do. I've got no I've got my two I used to have the two and one or the one but then I got married and now I've got Two separate loofa. How many loofas do you have in your bathroom? How many are yours one? Okay, okay? You have your own loofa. Yeah, really? Even like your acidic body doesn't like chew through it

It's not middle. Is it like steel? It's a different whistle. Well, I would have a problem. The thing will fucking fall apart So you so yeah, speaking of other weird properties. I'm gonna if you saw on my Twitter I was rubbing my beard yesterday and my beard is so coarse that one of the whiskers in my beard Lodged itself into my thumb like a splinter. Good God. What's wrong with you? Like, I have you ran into the office too. He's like, who's that? Look how's the ear.

I have to get tweezers to pull it out. We're going to go in your office one day. You're going to be like, in a cocoon. We'll have to leave you in a per month. You're like evolving to some new forms. It was like one of the cutscenes from the fly, right? Yeah, yeah. Right, because you started to become bristly hair. It could be more gallons.

Maybe you have, we can go back to that old topic on the podcast. So you get that more gallons, like the creepy disease. You know what that is, Jack? No. We talked about it years ago. There's people, I love creepy weird stuff on the internet. And there's a whole group of people that think there's this undiagnosed, suppressed disease called more gallons, where they have little things living inside their

body that grow black fibers out of them. And you can see like people like people like pull these fibers out and they analyze them and they're taking them to labs where they say this is an element not known to this earth. Super dukkul see a bad viral marketing? So you get a bad viral marketing. Did you see the poster in Canada for contagion that was made out of bacteria? No. What? They made a giant petri dish and then spelled out contagion

that the new Matt Damon, it's a familiar story. So I'm very excited. That movie, the spelled out contagion with bacteria. And then as the days progressed, you could actually start making it out and see what it spelled It was actually really clever. It sounds really awesome. I'm sure it was you know, you know neutral No, I heard not a fucking I was like a lot of plague But they have like a time lapse of it where it's like you can see it slowly growing

And it's actually really really cool. Is that one kid that lick the poster? I'm pretty sure it was behind glass. I don't like movies like that. No. No, I don't like movies. I'm a little too close to home. Super disease movies, yeah. I like movies like that because they usually suck.

What, you don't like the apocalypse in disease? I hate super flu things. I hate what it's just like, oh my god. It takes like an hour to get it going. It's like just get the fucking disease already. Like they screw around for the first like 30, 40 minutes. And then like it finally starts spreading. at first people are like are just a cold forgot about it

then it did about it so then so they finally see the meatball sub yeah in the other eye see the fucking sandwich so then it's like you know you're in some secret room like in the White House or something like Mr Mr. President, we're screwed. You know, I think he's like, we're gonna get to the bunker.

And then like, usually the end of the movie is like, it spreads everywhere, and then it's like, it'll end kind of like, two people just like, oh my god, refhucked. And then the movie has some sort of like ambiguous ending, like either everyone dies or like, two people will be immune to it. And it's like, we made it, but the rest of the planet is dead already. And I'm just like, what the shittiness is? You missed it, or it's the Andromeda strain,

and it mutates and is no longer harmful to people. You don't care. Do you know what Andromeda strain is? I don't know. Oh, and Andromeda strain is. No, no, no. It was an old book. Shake your head, some time ago.

It was an old microcracken book. We came a movie exactly like you described, but in the 70s There's no way that would come right? That's the remake of it. Did they? I think it was a TV show though. Yeah, it wasn't many series. I think it's right You don't want to tell us about that one. I don't watch it But like that's the ending either. It's just like either everyone's fucked or it's like oh, it's cool You guys ever put everyone's fucked or it's cool

Right. I think you're just got every movie ever made. Yeah, but they're so like they're's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like, there's no like With the president we got to get to the bunker usually people are pounding on desks or something That's Lawrence fishburns roll the movie. I haven't even seen the movie and I know that's the word fuck the guy Like he just makes that face in the trailer mr. President Hey, have you guys ever played pandemic? Here's me with that on my game. Yes, it's a flash game right? Yeah, it's a flash game I didn't I played it was like I couldn't figure it out Yeah, you you play a disease and you try to infect the entire world. Yeah, and you can like you have I don't want to see a skill tree, but you can kind of like customize your disease to have different traits

But like different resistances and different Symptoms You want to try to like be sneaky to spread or something like that and then become dead. Yeah, you're deadly outright then yeah I'm gonna fuck it stop you. That's horrible. Someone did that in real life Like just like I'm customizing my diseases. It's like with biological warfare is to end up on people I guess yeah But I just meant like every day people just like yeah, you go into the store and you pick down your just like your list of diseases Yeah, thank God they got the no-sale diseases in the store We'd be fucked that would be the word fuck scenario

Well, you know they say most disease-based businesses That would be the word fuck scenario in the movie. Well, you know, they say most disease-based businesses don't do that. They're in the year. Not in this economy. So, Democrats. They're diseases out of the world. Listen, don't fucking, they don't sell beer in the supermarkets in New Jersey. Who's to say they don't sell diseases in another state?

That's right. You know? It's like, press, milk, beer, diseases. Can you imagine being in the back? A thing not for this business, like, okay, sir. I want to go over your business plan one more time You want to open a chain of disease Where people can choose and customize their own disease you watch one guy will do it and have a monopoly on it I'm waiting for that one guy's gonna listen to this podcast and be like mother fucker

Well, I already exist his name is God. He's got that monopoly already. Yeah, the government can't shut that one down. Anyway, getting back to my big news. I guess it was announced today that headlong is the final map that's going to be released in Halo anniversary edition. Headlong was the Halo 2 map, if you remember. I remember.

The Broken Bridge and the middle. The Dragon Dragon. The building in the middle. The driving area around Fun map are we filmed the recovery one in it. Yeah, we did we're washing methamid we did in fact We never released it, but we also filmed a Between Halo 2 and Halo 3 video Partially in there too, but I don't think we ever released that one. It was like we had a traffic jam It was like an apocalypse thing where Halo 3 was coming out and they were shutting down Halo 2 and so

everyone was trying to get out. It's a really weird concept for it but we didn't have ever releasing it. It's a cliff in that level. Like oddly placed like in the building you start in assuming you're on objective because it's mostly an objective map. If you're defending or attacking. If you're attacking you start in the building and you go out side and there's like ghosts and war hogs and shit for you. It's like where that is away from the building in the center, like back in the opposite direction, there's just a fucking cliff. Like every now and then someone will be driving you to go right off.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When if you're taking off in the warhog, you're instead of going right to where the other building is, you can take a left. Yeah, yeah, and exactly what you're talking about. Why would they build a highway right there? I know, I know, I know, I know. It's just a really weird level of art, I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I, I know that map back to front. I know where all the hidden things are. I know the whole first act of Doom, like the back of my hand. But it's strange. I don't know half of... Oh shit, I don't know. Maybe a quarter of the Modern Warfare 2 maps or whatever. I played those maybe a few times. They just don't have the same sort of resonance that they used to, I think. Man, I went to go get all the multiplayer achievements in Doom when it was released on Xbox Live Arcade.

One of them I think was getting 50 multiplayer kills, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. That's sketch so old. Well the problem with Doom is they have co-op, there's four player co-op through it, but the achievements for beating an act, or if the beat all four acts, they're not co-op compatible, or at least they weren't at first. I don't know if they've changed that or not. So you have to do it simultaneously. By yourself.

Well you had to be fair though, the difficulty doesn't scale, I don't know if they've changed that or not. So you have to do it. Do it by yourself. And it's like, well, you had to be fair though. Like the difficulty doesn't scale. I don't think. Like I always thought that was kind of like up near. Like does it really worth an achievement for beating on the hardest difficulty? Did it with four people? Oh, it's more fun to play through a game when you have people. I agree. But I agree. But I think they should have like single player and co-op achievements. I don't think you should get the beat this level. That's why I like, um, Reach had that one achievement. It was like beat the entire campaign on legendary by yourself. That's a hundred point. No I get to. Yeah but some of that was a good good idea. But also the legendary on Halo scales as you add more people in. Not quite as much you know. It's still much easier with four people. Yeah.

Well just for the fact that one person has to just stand back to their spawn. Yeah. That's my job. But at some point it's an achievement in a video game. I mean you're not splitting the atom. You know I mean get some friends together and just run through it and have fun You know, don't be little achievements. Well, especially like a next box live arcade title I mean, you know, I mean is it that big a deal? You want people to play it and have a you know a bunch of people online. Yeah, I think it behooves the developers Say yeah, get four people together get four copies of the game and guess what you know, you might get the achievement easy Have you finished crimson Alliance yet?

I have. You have a lot of fun. I have not finished it yet. No? No. It's pretty cool. It's a fun game. It's a very, I mean, it's like a perfect definition of what an arcade game should be. It's fun. You can pick it up, immediately start playing. You can build up a character. You can take that character back to the earlier stuff. So it's always fun to have this major character and take them back to the first levels of the slip, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you walk your way through the first couple of them. Yeah. And then there's three classes. So you can build up, like, build up your major, your wizard, then your assassin, then your warrior and it's kind of tried different techniques and stuff. I played online for the first time the other day. That was kind of fun.

Nice. Yeah. That's cool. I felt bad that we didn't talk about it releasing last week, but we had pre-recorded that podcast. That's right. So the game wasn't out yet. Yeah. Yeah. XZ was in town. Yeah, and then when we released it, I was like, fuck, Crimson Alliance came out. But we did a lot of coverage for Crimson Alliance on Achievement Hunter. Like, we were huge fans of the game, so. Awesome. Very, very cool. Went to the launch party. That was fun. Nice, so, had a few drinks. It's always a good time.

Had a few. Gun Strings out this week, too. Yeah, and Gun Stringer. Gun Stringer, I think it looks cool. The game's a lot of fun. I played it, I play it's one of the it's the first time I play the connect game like this is actually a lot of fun It like it takes the connect everything good about it and you know actually utilizes it and we have commentaries in that game We do we do what do you what do you have to do to unlock them? Yeah, I feel like collect as you play you unlock like points and then you can take those points like a bonus store And there's like an extra thing where you can go And it's like they I mean they have like movies or still images concept art and there's like an extra is like you know

Another thing we can literally buy commentaries that will play as you're playing the level so like you can go through I think there's like four or five from from you guys and there's a few other people like they have one from the posse Which I'm assuming is probably the team who worked on it. And then there's one in there from Major Nelson. And there's few other pretty cool clips like movies and stuff like that. They have like behind the scenes and then shooting at the Paramount things like that. It's cool. Yeah, they shot that stuff, like the crowd stuff at the Paramount. Like right after we moved out, or thanks in that right after we moved out a couple of months ago, right?

Yeah. Because I was like a theater across the street from our office. Yeah, they sent in this invite to go check it out, but I think it was like some weekend when everyone was just crazy busy. So we didn't get a chance to. Also, we passed another milestone this week, marks a year that we've been in this building. Is it really?

Can't believe it's been so long already. Good Lord. This week marks a week that Michael has been here. How long have you been here? Like a month? Just over a month, yeah. How long have you been here? Like a month? A month. Just over a month. Yeah. How long have you been hating yourself? 6 weeks. You've been hating yourself for about 29 years. You know on Reddit you can really get lost in a leaked photos search results. You

can really get lost in what do you mean? I look up leaked photo to pull it to your hands in one and now I'm kind of like I'm like eight pages deep They they they you know, I saw it on red it when I woke up this morning when I wake up You know all browse reddits you with the top stories and that was the top story and there was an awful headline For that story it was scarlet Johansson leaked ass picture Yeah, you really could have ordered that better somebody was working quick. Yeah, you know, they were trying to get the scoop So they got they got all the people he think were disappointed when they opened it Good god, you know, I'm in a bad cycle like I have four minutes left in my laptop You ever get like off on your charging cycle

Where you're just like no, I get that all the time where it's like I'm out of sync I get a thing when I was going up to see how I I get that all the time where it's like I'm out of sync. I hit a thing when I was going up to see I do usually I got issues So I hit a thing where I was going up to Pax where for some reason my cell phone batteries started dying on me And I literally sat in the airport once I landed in Seattle for like an extra 15 minutes just to charge my phone more I look like sat there in terminals with my phone plugged in. So, it's that mortgage. Specifically for events, I've purchased a little Energizer battery. It's about this big and it's thinner than the iPhone. Like half the thickness

of the iPhone. And it plugs in and juice, it gives you like another 50% charge on top of your battery. So, when I go to events, I'll carry it in my pocket. When I see my phones, I'll plug it in and charge it just in my pocket. That's awesome. phone's low, I'll plug it in and charge it. Just in my pocket. That's awesome. And then, like after an hour, it's like... How much are those things? It's like 20 bucks. And how do you charge the battery? USB.

USB. Oh man. So I just plug it into my laptop or, you know, I have the iPhone charger, which plugs into the wallet, or whatever. Okay. It's fucking handy. I have one that's a little bigger than that,

and it takes four AA's. Oh, that should be. Maybe, anyway, it takes batteries. Okay. I'm not sure which one it takes. I need to purchase all, that's you. Maybe. Anyway, it takes batteries. Okay. I'm not sure which one it takes. I need to purchase those. I bought one at PAX last year and it comes when you buy it at the store. It's already, the one I got was already pre-charged.

Oh, nice. So it's just like you buy it and instantly use it. I love the charge. I'm charged. The phone is, I'm holding it now for the next iPhone. And like, typically the iPhones come out in July, with September or something like that. Yeah. And now it's like maybe October, like they haven't, they haven't said anything at all about it.

You're going to start a fight between me and Gus. Oh yeah. I've heard rumors of October temp October 10 rumors. Ten ten. About an iPhone. Get out of here. Du Bois, did you guys know who Shira Lazar is? She's a CBS correspondent. No. Was and then she started on Web thing. And then started like a blog slash news service web news service that then was affiliated with CBS and CBS like cut them off completely cut all ties with them because they blogged and tweeted that Steve Jobside oh right then it came circle around back on them to where people were reporting that CBS was reporting this to the affiliation I didn't realize that's what it was I had heard CBS was reporting it. Yeah, I didn't realize that it was

Another organization. Yes, so their whole thing got cut off That's fucked up. That's a big deal. Yeah, yeah, I mean it just goes to show it's like it's weird though because That is one of the first times I've heard about accountability from online journalism. Mm-hmm Usually it's just like oops, we fucked up or what did gizmo just did something else? Another one of their stunts. Did they still reggae still reggae's mode no I don't but I get sucked into the hate that everyone else does whenever gizmoto does one of their publicity of what do they do you remember somebody posted oh yeah then I remember this a growl blogger on this photo posted that she went on a date with the world champion of Magic the Gathering. Right. What a loser he was because he played Magic the Gathering. Right.

Which is just like, they're just culling hate, you know, that's what they're doing. And of course, everyone went after this girl, this blogger, because she's anti-nerd, which is, gives more of this core audience, which is what they do all the time. You know what? People strident of Reddit. People went, gave them a ton of hits. It's exactly what they wanted. Exactly.

I didn't read the story. People, specifically because I don't want to go to that fucking site. There's some people on Reddit that are actually pretty good about that. We'll take like a screenshot of it and then post the screenshot. They don't actually have to give them traffic. I'm flipped that out. I now admire Gismoto because they have done this so many times and everybody falls for it. Fuck every single time.

They're like the ultimate internet troll. They are. They're tremendous at it. They are really, really tremendous at it. Like, remember when they bought the stolen iPhone and posted everything nothing happened to them as a result the guy who sold the phone It's not trouble he got in trouble, but that his modus. Yeah, well, his mode has been banned from every apple So Apple event from here on out from what I understand like you want a bet You want a bet? I think they have it, but they'll just I mean those read the back room or stream

Yeah, I'm supposed to quit. They see it's you know What was it worse than you think that they've done? They've done a lot of shitty things, man. The Halo 3 thing's gotta be the worst, right? I mean, yeah, but that just affected them. I think them fucking with people's CES presentations is worse because these are people trying to sell TVs and people in the audience don't know if the TVs are fucked up

and turning off on their own or what's going on. So let's talk about the two things. First of all, the Halo 3 thing that Jack's talking about. What's that guy's name Brian Lamb? Brian Lamb. He got an early press kit for Halo 3, which was a huge release. It was the biggest video game release two days. It was a giant swag bag, too. It was like a giant duffel bag. You remember? A military bag. Yeah. And it had a ton of stuff in it. It had the legendary edition of the game with the helmet. It had the controllers. Tondas stuff in it. And it had to customize stuff, addition of the game with the helmet. Had the controllers. Tundish stuff in it. And it had to customize stuff, like customize

with his name on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it had the headset and everything. Yeah, tons of stuff. So what he does is he's unpacking this and he's just like throwing the shit over his shoulder, like, yeah, this, whatever. It's a video of him showing off what he got.

Right. And he's just literally pulling everything in the bag, like talking over his shoulder. He heard hitting the floor behind him. He's like, fuck, he had this, whatever. Okay, finally, here's the game. And he throws away the big magic she's helmet. And he's like, okay, let's play the game then. And. He's like fuck you this whatever. Okay, finally here's the game And he throws away the big match-in-chief helmet and he's like, okay Let's play the game then and then people like you're treating all that awesome stuff like you're a dickhead

You know, and he got some comments were negative about it So then he took all the stuff put it back in the bag and threw it off a cliff Right you threw it out of his window in his apartment But he played like I'm so sorry guys is my bad He's like, this is a really cool helmet. He like put it back on all gently and stuff And then he took the whole thing just threw it off his belt and then he looks in the camera goes master chief dies in the end of it was like the day the game came out of the day before yeah yeah big troll and so

and so and you know there was a lot of fervor about that and then the thing they did for CES was one booth gave away these things called TV be guns which were it's basically like a fob for your keychain but it's a remote and, and when you press the button, the one button on it, it goes very quickly through all the different codes for universal remote TVs to turn them off. So you're in a bar and you can just turn off the TV. Any TV. How does you make that? Because you're an asshole.

If you want to be a jerk, yeah. And so what they did is they walked around at CES where people have these huge displays and they were turning off displays The people's booths everywhere while they were doing the middle presentations and they were making videos of it and laughing and giggling Well, and the people on stage are like, I don't know what's wrong and trying to turn it back Like trying to figure out what's wrong thinking the cable came loose or something because of that when we have events I always put Black tape over the IR sensors on our TVs So now I'm completely switched out. After this one, it's like, now that I know that they're

constantly trolling people, now that I've watched them successfully troll another group on the internet, I'm just like, OK, these guys are good at what they do. And they do it all the time, and they do it well. So there was also the time we started reading Gismoto. There was also the time when they posted, when they figured out how to get into the gocker back in, and they

posted tub girl in the Kotaku front page. Oh yeah. Oh fuck down. Yeah, let me read this about the web show that got booted. Web show booted from CBS after bogus tweets about Steve Jobs. Yes, live live by the tweet died by the tweet. That was the lesson for the weekly online news and chat show What's Trending, which until Friday appeared on the website of the old media, old media behemoth CBS news. The events that led to the end of the

relationship between the show independently produced by Disrupt Group and CBS were recounted by its host and executive producer, Shira Lazar, in a long and fairly excruciating on-camera mea culpa at the beginning of Tuesday's Tuesday afternoon episode. Last Friday, a miscommunication in New Zroom resulted in a junior staffer at What's's trending sending a tweet that contained an unchecked, unconfirmed, and ultimately unshoot report about Steve Jobs. Bam! So that sucks! Eeeh! That sucks! But you know what? I mean that is a...

It's just like okay, well Steve Jobs is sick. You know, they put the suite out, they didn't check it. That can have a major impact for a lot of people. Well, at least of all on stock prices absolutely that's that's some that that that'll that'll ruin people's day I mean something to make a me a cop and say like oh we fucked up but it's like if CBS is reporting Steve Jobs is died I mean somebody's kid could not go to college yeah you know because somebody did that yeah and they didn't bother to check it so I'll be interesting they you know there are all

these rules about blogging that were coming down the pipe. Oh, you're supposed to disclose when you got paid or received a product for free or something like that. Right. Yep. Like, I mean, a lot of celebrity tweets are paid tweets. Right. And a lot of people don't know that. What? Yes. A lot of the, a lot. You typically have a celebrity mentioned something in particular, they were paid to do it. Like, they were paid $20,000, but they didn't make the tweet. Somebody in their office made the tweet. I had a chance to look at a priceless first celebrity

tweets one time. It's pretty shocking how many people are selling out, outright selling out. If you would like a paid promotional tweet from Twitter.com slash SIROLA, price sheets are available on request. You got like, what, $20,000 followers at this point? $20,000 active followers. So only a dollar a follower

Guys to talk about your oil change so fucking bargain What do you think guys if you were to endorse a product what would you endorse? I'll endorse anything I'm like what would you think would be a good thing a good category? You start from melting your computer computer risk protectors latex gloves liquor What about Jack what would Jack's category be a video game or fried chicken? It'd be video game related something it would be cheap tickets to Vegas. That's what I think Jack man Yeah, I bit the bullet and paid quite a bit to go to the I'm gonna Vegas tomorrow Jack you're a fool. Can I tell you that it's it's for it's for a birthday

Yeah, he's not going you're a fool. Can I tell you that it's it's for it's for a birthday. Yeah, he's not going You're going with Joel. He books a trip to go to Vegas with Joel Joel's birthday is on Friday and so because we've been talking about going to Vegas for a while And he is like well, I've got some commercials when they wrap. We'll talk about it And it worked out where his commercials literally wrapped yesterday. And the only thing he's working on now is like, he's got like two or three weeks out on it. So he, he, nothing in the pipeline right now, it's like the one free weekend that we can actually get away. And I have the excuse to be like, dude, it's your birthday.

Let's go celebrate your birthday. And he, he has a hotel room. He has a flight. He had a hotel room in a flight. He had a flight. And what commercial stopped him from going last time? No commercial. Well, yeah, he definitely just snow on the path. It happened to snow that was gone by me Half of an inch. I don't think it's worth it. What's that? Some people call it a quarter some people do call it. You know, Joe calls it the end of the fucking world

But yeah, I don't think it'd going to be snowing anytime soon. It's 300 degrees outside still. He's going to see he's going to walk outside as you are. He's going to see smoke in the air. And he's going to go that's a plane that crashed. He's like the ground dog. He's going to walk out and see a shadow. He's going to be like, no, eight more weeks and nobody just. You're fucked. You're going to be out money again. You're going to be out money again. If you're not even asking, Jack, how much was your ticket? And I don't want to go too much into details, but he said it was X amount. And I go, you got to take it for that amount this soon. Like, this close to actually taking off within seven days.

He goes, well, no, because I actually already had a $300 credit to use. What was the $300 credit from the last time you told that? You're fucked. You're fucked. You're the only guy I know that like going to Vegas is its own gamble. You're going here? It's always a losing gamble too. That's the problem.

I know you're always losing money on the gamble. You're like working your way up to like $1800 in credits for like, just like a role. You're losing money until you cash out. There you go. It's true. Yeah, until you like use up your credits. Eventually you'll just use your Southwest credits

to buy a casino. I know, I'm just pulling here. You're a Joel with the dream. Or you buy the plane, fuck it. Yeah. God. So anyway, I'm going to Vegas this weekend. Now let me ask you this.

Yes. When Joel cancels, will you go anyway? No. Really? No. You're going to Vegas by yourself. Come on now. I'm going to Vegas by myself.

I'm going to do everything by myself. Take Michael. Down with people. No, I don't want to take Michael Come on now. I'm gonna Vegas from I'm gonna do everything by myself. Take Michael down with people No, I don't want to take Michael's Yes, I'm nervous That that much alcohol and that that large of a place that much alcohol is like the city of alcohol You could a Vegas by yourself. You could totally go to Vegas by yourself You could pay someone to spend time with you and Vegas. Yeah, yeah We have a good point about it. Think about how many times or times ago would have been cheaper than going

Think about how we've gone to Vegas and met people who were there by themselves That's true. I guess It's like so Vegas is one of those like you need you almost need someone there to vouch for what you did You should go to Vegas and like you never want to talk about it But you want you want someone to know it existed You know that's what you like You don't have to take partner city at the end Like the driver standing at the airport with a sign

Like you know waiting to pick people up You should go there and just like waiting for someone like I need a friend for Vegas and just like hold it over your head And wait for people to get off the plane like oh you're by yourself. So am I let's hang out See you're on the you're on the cusp of building the new social network Sign an airport Vegas buddies dot com Just hold it yeah, go to the Vegas airport hold up a sign that says Johansson. There you go Wait, yep, just wait have a mirror behind you and on iPhone ready to go You'll be all set who could you like who can jack pose as a celebrity?

Like if if you hire a driver and head a name like I can maybe pull off like Rogan yeah, you could do Rogan yeah, I don't know like I saw a guy on Date line I actually took a picture of my TV. I forgot about this until right now I saw a guy in date line a couple weeks ago who look just like Jack really yeah people tell me I look like the father from Paranormal activity too and I've never watched I've got a lot of messages about do you think star you think that would fit on the placard? For the limousine driver to hold up but uh now uh, now I used to, when I was younger, when I was in high school, I used to get James Van Der Beek a lot. I guess when I, before I had any

facial hair, holy shit, that doesn't look like me. Yeah, it does look a little bit like, it looks like a crash between Jack and the dude with the walrus mustache from the Minimum. I was speaking to Mythbusters, I've had people tell me to look like Adam Savage from Mythbusters. I have a photo with me to look like Adam Savage from Mythbusters. I have a photo with him and we look like we could be cousins or something. I could see that. Yeah. But I'm growing out the beard now.

I'm getting away from the goatee. My goatee has wings at this point. I figured we need another beard in this off. Yeah. I noticed. Yeah. I might lose mine. Really?

Yeah. You lost some weight. If you shave your beard off, man, you're gonna go like like definitely like sickly You're gonna walk in like a very nice looking deathly Possum are you gonna die? You look great. You get sick. So I just read I read a tweet from CVS Root these talks take a tumble Top dare you did you say they do say that roofies would take a tumble. One through the armquant. That's plunge. Top dare you. Did you just say that Rufis would take a tumble?

Rufis, you're just a tumble. Oh, that's a rufis. That's a rufis. How dare you? Where do you want? About your personal life. Good God. How have you been losing that weight?

What's that? Rufis. We talked about it on the last podcast with The Vowel with E. We talked about it. We said no gaming. And I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of people both on our site and on Twitter who follow at Bernie Burns that they had still been now they're now getting exercise bikes and treadmills in front of

their video game systems. I have to warn you I did hurt my knee doing that. You talked about like we didn't turn that one time and you got shot off like a break video. I saw I don't remember where it was, might have been on Mashable or one of the sites where I guess, oh no, it was a Kickstarter. Some company was trying to raise money to create an iPhone game where it's like, it's a zombie-based game, but you play it by running.

Oh no, no, I've seen it. It's called Run Zombie Run. Something like that. It's not like that? Yeah, and it's like, you run you're in-game character, fine stuff. It gives you directions over the headphone while you're running. I don't know how you would pick up items or... It sounds like it's like a trick to have you kill someone.

Like this game is like a hitman organization and it's like run for a block. Right. Pull trigger. Yeah, pull trigger and you just like murdered somebody and you didn't even realize that. It's like the hits the success. I think we're talking about two different things actually. The thing I'm talking about is it's an iPhone app that I read about like two months ago, where

it uses Google Maps and augmented reality, where you say, I'm going to start running from this point using GPS. And then it simulates crowds of zombies. Yeah, that's what it is. Okay, yeah. And then you run like you, and you have to run away from the zombies, and then they get, in fact, more people. And so you have these red dots on the map,

and you have to run through the city. Right, the red dots would be witnesses and police officers. It's like, stop, turn right, zombies. I think the cops are looking for you. I think there's also other components to it. It seemed like where it was like you had to get, like, ammo statues and stuff.

Oh, really? OK, maybe that was like for a future Version of it. I don't know. Yeah, Zombies run zombies run. Yeah, I have a good way of staying trim What I do is rely on Jack to get food because I don't have a car So like he drives me here So when he goes out to lunch without me and he goes oh, I'll call you on the way back And I'll bring you back something and then every day he walks into the office and goes forgot to call Yesterday I saw Michael eating some Popeye's chicken and he's throwing it away

He's like this has been in my office since yesterday Jack forgot to bring me food so I had to eat this Yeah, he brought it to my subtle way to get you to just you know get your own damn car on Yeah, we brought it on Monday and I ate like almost all of it and it was like one piece of chicken left and Jack has no fucking food in his house at all. So I was like, I'll bring this home later. I'll throw it in the fridge, maybe I'll eat it later. Of course I forgot it. So it was just sat in the office like on the floor, like me near the next to my desk until

yesterday. And it was, it was like onion rings, some kind of like bread and one chicken tender and honey mustard. So like he walks in and he's like, forgot to call you. You want my half drunk Dr. Pepper? And I'm like, nope, no I don't. I'd rather get the food in the floor. So then like an hour later I'm like, oh shit, my chicken's here. I could totally forgot about it and I was like, yeah, so I started fucking eating it and I was eating them.

Honey mustard and all that shit was good. You're 24 hour old chicken at that point. Yep It might have been a little more older than 24 hours. I mean, I've been like like 28. Can I say something? I got no problem with that. I got no problem at all. I do it all the time. Yeah me too. Neither does the department of health All you do is break off the hard parts What you do is you bite it if it sucks. You don't eat it. It's that simple That's what tastes better for exactly. Thank you. Thank you You know where an agreement pizza's been sitting out for like 24 or 30 hours? That's fine. I'm totally that way. I'll eat anything that's been sitting out. I'm gonna give a shit. If I have a different iron stomach or something though. I think I felt like the other day I had my

first case of food poisoning, but it's only because I had a headache. Jack and I go to this bar sometimes. It's across the street from here called the little wood rows. Really really cute waitresses. You mentioned that every time we go. Yeah. It's the reason why I go. What? What? Why isn't quiet? I was waiting for a very you said you had to have a headache. Oh that was it? You had to have a headache. There's a tuna sandwich that we get that I get there and it's hard to get them to cook it like a rare it's like it's tuna steak. Okay, and He thought it was a tuna melt at first

But it's like an ah he tuna steak sandwich and it's hard to get him to make it rare But I got him to make it rare the other day, but it wasn't too red It was more like kind of like a grayish pink, but I said oh, I'll eat it anyway It's based from the ocean so how bad could it be? It's just been sitting out sure Why not but then I got I got a headache from that so or something long ago You got mercury from it. I fucking ate it. So it must be good That doesn't mean it's good. Yeah, I know guys. Where are you talking about you just want a vacation? Oh my god And you're saying about about the two things you hate okay, the two foods you hate. There's two foods

I hate cucumber and seafood. I'm you ain't seafood. I hate cucumbers But I'm not with you on the seafood and I went to this really really fancy restaurant Jack stop. He's perusing girls playing video games naked get that turn it turn it away. I gotta listen to that I read it. We went to this really fancy restaurant. Yes, shut the fuck up. You don't ask me about this and like the first thing they put in front of me was this cup and I looked in it and have no idea what the fuck I'm looking at. It's like when you go to a fancy restaurant, I'm gonna guess it was ceviche. They present you food that you know, but it doesn't look anything like food you know.

Correct. It was salmon mousse with little like pea-sized cucumber balls. All filled up in it. So it was like a pretty nuclear bomb on your plate. I every fucking drop of it I was like I'm paying so much money for this goddamn food. There's not gonna be a fucking Molecule of it left on the plate when I'm done. How does one make salmon moose? I don't know. Do you blend up? I don't want salmon. I don't want to know

So you think it was good or you just forced it down I forced it down Like an fishing cucumber. I was like, bring it, bring it, I will fuck you everything in this restaurant. I love how angry he was. He said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he's the biggest fucking scowl in my life. He was the angryest I've ever eaten in my life. I was so fucking angry.

Where was this that you went? It's a restaurant called L2O in Chicago. So you went to Chicago? Yeah. You know what? You said Chicago. They were all out of you. They were all fucking beat that out of me.

You know what I said? I said, I have to consciously say Chicago every time I say it's the what Chicago? Cuz it's a fucking C.H. Chicago. I have to make sense. I have to change the way I talk But you know, I actually got Jack Jack doesn't eat anything Jeff used to never eat anything But now he does yes Jack is that guy that I know now who won't eat a fucking thing and so I went to Vegas with him one time You actually met me my wife in Vegas. Yeah, and I got Jack to eat truffles Which was a huge win and you liked him. That was good. That was the E3 trip. That was a fun trip We had to put him on french fries for him to eat him. I had a ton of troubles. Did you? Oh, yeah, what did you?

Fisticated now I love truffles. You're, it's a little trouble. I love truffles. Sam, I just got one of that little truffles. I went to lunch, like, two weeks ago, whatever, with Jack and his dad, and it was just like a burger place and like, he ordered, it was just like a burger. He always gets like a burger with like, catch up with nothing on it, like maybe catch up in cheese and nothing on it. Yep. And he gets it, and what was on it?

Like, lettuce? I think it was like shredded lettuce or something like that. I doubt that. Well, he didn't order it, but it was there. There's something on it green and he's like he's sitting there And he's picking it all off. He's picking all off. There's like one fucking shred left and he's hitting it with a french fry Trying to get it off and I'm staring at him. I'm like you can't just fucking eat that one piece like you're not even gonna taste it And it's that's like no, he's a pussy Look at Jack senior. That's awesome. I bet you love that Michael is pretty funny

Mike Michael is you know, I think I talked about podcasts before it's like I have yet to go out to lunch with Michael the fucking lie and what with Michael and Jeff But one day I'm sure that's gonna happen and Those two in restaurants there are exactly same. I. I have, they're the same. You, you fucking embarrass me. Oh, that packs. We got to the transit center to take the train from the airport up to downtown. I was walking away from you.

You're like, fuck this and fuck that. You're more fucker in this fuck and like little kids and parents are turning away. I was like, I wasn't even looking at it. I just kept walking. I was like, I'm gonna get in the fucking next fucking train car. Don't know. Oh, that's, I'm used to that.

That doesn't even faze me. You're looking at that. Well, you got called out on the river. They're tubing down the river. They're trying to drunk college kids. I'm not everywhere and you got singled out. Right, clearly that's some sort of, you know, prejudice. It was prejudiced.

They detected the acts. That's what it is. All right, well we got a rap to bullshit. We got a rap to shit up. What's up? I do in this week. I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. You're gonna Vegas. What are you doing after Joel cancels your trip to Vegas? I'm gonna stay at Jack's all weekend and live off dominoes probably. I'm gonna go see a tiny blonde house this week. I heard good things about the commercial thing. I saw that so you've seen it ran. I saw it. Yeah, okay Brown man. Yes

We saw it in New York on one of our mandates pretty good movie a pretty good movie. A mandate. Yeah, so it calls. You know, that's a real word too. Yeah. Okay. It's a mandate to have a mandate. A mandate. Brody date. Where's that plane? Elemo? Elemo, you want to go? Gus, do you want to go out? No. Do it. Do you want to see me outside the office? I see enough of you here. What was the last time you and I went out and did anything?

Um... Might have been in Vegas like four years ago? No, no. Wow. Five years or six years ago. Yeah. Just and I went to Vegas one time. And if it's first time going to Vegas, I knew we'd like it. And we went to, um, no, as long as that thing, it wasn't been seven years ago. Jesus. I think we went to every casino on the strip. Yeah, we walked from like the wind down to the luxur. Yeah. Nice. And we did all of them in like two, two nights.

We landed like in the evening and then walked to like four in the morning And I appreciate Gus because Gus is the first guy that I ever went to Did go to Vegas that would he wore suits in nice. I would do it. I would totally do that Actually, I'm getting my my nice shirts pressed right now because I like dressing up nicer when I'm gambling Yeah, what's the cafe shirt massive factor? Yeah What's got a logo on it? Oh, whatever. It's the pre-release shirts It's the fancy-release shirts. It's the fancy Gears of War shirt. The ones by Ed Hart. It's the one with the gold blancer.

Hey, so, yeah, this is the collector's edition shirt. You don't know. Are you guys excited about Gears of War 3? Let's talk about that for a second. It's coming out next week, actually. I think it's good to book the podcast with Scarlett Johansson Photos and Cliffy B. Fiancé Photos. Oh, I'm actually drowning with games right now.

It's kind of a problem. Like I was playing Deus Ex, Dead Island, Crimson Alliance. Just a slammer table, by the way. I don't know if you caught that. No, I hit the court all at the same time. And it's like I was playing all these games. And it's like you can't do that because then you never make any progress in any one. So I had to finish Crim the alliance out of those three.

And then I got to finish, I got to finish Dead Island before Gears War III comes out. They were, I can, and how far are you in Dead Island? I'm in chapter two. Yeah, you know we're fucking near finishing it. I was like, I got to finish this. I'm on level three. Guys, I haven't played anything in a long time. I'm so far behind.

I'm, I'm backlogged and I'm working through the backlog. You should play Gunstringer. You know what? I play Gunstringer as you know when we're doing the commentary. I play that. So that would be actually the newest game that I've played. Okay. I would rather not play a game at all and have to go back and do it then start like five games. I fucking hate that. Welcome to the cheetah.

That's all I've been doing in the past three years. Yeah, well that's because you don't play games when you go back to your house though. Yeah. I do that all day at work. I'll say it now. So, yeah. Yeah, well, that's because you don't play games when you go back to your house though. Yeah, I do that all day at work I'll say no, so the new DLC for the new DLC for New Vegas comes out next week as well. That's right. Lonesome Road red dead has the LC today or yesterday I think what's new or red dead or new Vegas new Vegas? I think new Vegas might be the newest game I've played

I Think it might be yeah, but I can't play gears. I don't want it right now. I never played gears two and I'm playing it now I played it like a year after it came out. I was still fucking far behind for a while. When games make it to games on demand, I don't know why. I just love that. I don't know why. Digital.

It's all about digital, man. Yeah. It's because I go from one thing to the next. Because you don't like changing discs. That's true. I got called out for this. I remember. Listen.

I agree with you. But it actually has more to do with I don't like carting discs around to the different, you know places And it's like okay, well I bought gears too on games on demand So I'll download it to my Xbox at work and I can download it to my Xbox in my living room and in my bedroom at home So then I just can go from one of the next right I can just pick up and play wherever the game around the go Oh, when are they doing the cloud saving for everything? There's a dashboard update coming this fall at some point, but yeah, they started teasing it.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be excited when that goes through. Absolutely, it's so sweet. No memory card even? That's great. Clouds and cloud storage is awesome. That's the one thing PSN has, right? That Xbox, does it?

I think PSN has, or the PSN cluster, whatever. Yeah, you just log into your account. I don't know I don't know if they have clouds saving for games, but your gamer tag, whatever you want to call it profile I don't know. You just log in with a name and password, right? Like like everything else in the world, you know It's not like this dongle that you have physical things you have to move from one device to another. Yeah, I'm glad to hear that They're doing that, you know, and if you log on somewhere else it logs logs off, you know, at the first place or however it works. I don't know. I could use that because one of my kids uses my game or tag because that's where we purchase our games. So it's the whole DRM thing that I've complained about before

that affects me in ways. It doesn't affect other people, but I constantly have to leave my game or tag at home. So one thing I'm doing on Saturday is that Joel and I are going to go to a sports book and watch the UT versus UCLA game Should be a lot of fun. You know what you to get destroyed. Fuck no, man UT's gonna kick ass. They they Gilbert is now the third string quarterback. Yeah, be why you buy a point Yeah, I know that was after rise by 25 No, what a fucking dominant team they pulled Gilbert after a quarter and a half and then brought in that's when they started playing So now I'm excited. I very very I'm for the first time

I'm excited about you to eat football this year so why the fuck are you gonna fly to Vegas to watch a football game because why not Because why do you go get I get your gambling when you watch you gonna get a bet on you to you? I guess maybe I don't know why because I don't know if I can gamble on a team that I root for You just said that's like a no brainer that they're gonna win But they also have spread, they have spread. They have spreaders. Oh, right, the spread. Man, Oregon, the Oregon spreaders, we use like 35 points

or something like that. It's insane. What is it? You wrestling with like a philosophical dilemma here? I don't know. If you like, it'll corrupt the experience. Sure. What do you find?

What do you find sports wise, Michael? Nothing. Really? That's it. Pretty much. Fucking my little pony and no sports. Yeah, you're just living the dream They've got glasses on the dream. I also I also like

Charlecrooting process Yeah, and everyone else bitches about every week at every fucking week you guys keep bringing up my little pony in the podcast I wasn't even in the last one and you were talking about it We're trying to beat it all in the end well all you're doing is just riling people up every week I see more comments like they talked about it again Yes, they talked about again in the podcast Or is it mentioning it? Don't worry. I'll just cut it out. Yep, and it is just bleep it out. All right. Well, that's it Let's go no no great. So this is what about this is I bring to the podcast I just keep going I just keep going. There's got to be something else we can talk about

Well, that's it my will talk to it ended on that some coaching changes I'm gonna imagine fuck that fuck that what about movies wise TV Wies? Anybody watching the new season of Louis? Breaking Bad is on Netflix now. You should watch it. I'm of course, anything else in the world that's breaking bad. Holy shit, that show is so good. You just watched Louis on FX?

No. Dude, let me, you guys. Louis is great, Louis, too. I've seen a couple episodes. It's good. It's going to start soon. I'm so excited about that. Yeah, that looks pretty good.

It's either tomorrow or next week. I'm not sure. Everything news going bad. It's fucking amazing. I love that show. Macking 50 pounds just for the season. So awesome. He's so fucking fat. It's crazy. Anyone else excited for the Charlie's Angel reboot? Oh, fuck yeah. No. They're doing a reboot and they're going to be detectives instead of like spies. I just saw a trailer for it. I'm not quite sure how that's going to work. Were they spies before? Yeah, they were like the US government. They were like, I think they were trailer for it. I'm not quite sure how that's going to work. Were they spies before? Yeah, they were like, the US government?

I think they were detectives before. Were they detectives? They were private investigators. No, it was like, you know, they were like special undercover bullshit. Is it normal? That was a different. Like when you go to like, you know, if you're become a police officer and get promoted to a detective, a detective,

do you walk into the office and listen to a fucking voice on a box? I think that's what I said. They were private investigators. That's how it was for me, Jack. Kind of like a freehouse.'s how it works for me. Jack, kind of here, you gotta go for you. Exactly how that happened for me. Regardless, now they're like detectives at like a police station. I need to get back in a TV too because I don't want to see you fucking shitting.

My like my media consumption has like dropped off almost entirely. No. I don't know what happened, but it's just like I got to catch up on everything. You know what, if you want to catch up my little pony season two is actually Saturday. Saturday. I'll be sure to mark my fucking calendar. Yeah, this Saturday. New season community starts up soon. catch up on everything you know what you want to catch up my little pony season to actually right the service community starts up soon on my hello kitty calendar that I have

my fucking my little pony f you know I think you're full of shit I don't think you watch single fucking episode of my little I can I can quiz me I can vouch for you please be all fucking days Sunday watching every single episode it was a marathon he's been nine hours nine Sunday watching every single episode Well, it was a marathon. He's been nine hours. What channel do you watch that on? We watch it on the internet We stream it. Yes, your wife isn't like she's like the cutest person I know like she's in a cute stuff

She there's my little pony thing bad ass. Fuck off. No, it's not on her radar. I'm apparently bad ass Right, it's not cute. It's too hard core for her probably let me say something his wife buys miniature furniture Mm-hmm. I know I can't explain. I can't explain when you are you gonna get miniature children It's too hard core for her probably let me say something his wife buys miniature furniture Can you explain? She has a dvann that's like this big it's like as big as my forearm it's small couch the gritty are miniature furniture It makes your dick look huge Yeah, really what are we gonna scarlet your handsome photos for? I'm not going to be in the link dump or I want to see that. Yeah, really? What are we going to do to Scarlett Johansson photo store?

We're going to say, wow, it's up to the photo store. I'm through the good for insecurities. That's laying on the couch. My Dixon therapy. So what does she buy the small furniture for? What does she do with? She actually actually doesn't bought the small furniture for? What does she do with? She actually actually doesn't bought small furniture in a long time, but she used to just have like Just make it a place that doesn't make it. I'm just saying that she doesn't it's not like an active thing

But she would I don't make like fake living rooms and like a diorama where would she put it? We at our old house we had like it's like there used to be a fireplace But they the previous the previous people who lived there had like knocked it out put shelving in there So it's like there used to be a fireplace, but the previous people lived there had like knocked it out, put shelving in there, so it was like in there. And now- I'm talking to people, do you do that? I know, it's good. And now our current house, like we have a fireplace,

it was on the mantle. So it's just like on shelves and stuff. It's not like where a couch would be, there's a mini couch. No, no, no. Dead space you walk in, there's like, there's like a tiny little couch there. There'd be fucking fun.

It would be cool, she'd, a rain's room, where if you just didn't want to place it, I'll look like normal furniture. You just stood like far enough back and look at the right angle. Should put the X on the floor. Okay, if you blur your vision on the top and the bottom. It's like one of those 3D chalk drawings on the sidewalk that they always do. So was it for the dog?

No. No. The dog does have his own furniture. Of course. The miniature furniture wasn't for the dog. The dog has his own bed. The dog has his own bed. Just like a dog bed. I'm assuming it looks like a people bed Like a frame with the yeah like a slave it. How does it?

Then like it looks like a people bed. How is it not because I don't know any people that are like this fucking small right? So but I mean it's just a small regular person bed though a Small regular person bed. Well, I mean, it's just a small regular person bed though. A small regular person bed? Well, I mean, You think it looks like it? Like a lot of people. Well, a person could use a bed that time. I realize that, but it's like a regular bed.

It's just small. It's just shrunken. You're implying that it's like a dog bed and it's just like, it was designed to look differently. I wasn't relying on a dog. It's clearly a people bed. You said it's a dog bed. A regular dog has a bed.

I said the dog has a bed. It's a regular people bed. It's small. Okay, so regular people bed just small We're not fucking hate working here. That's so awesome fucking hate working here It doesn't mean Gus came in. He's like we need some real personality in the podcast. I want you I picked you for the team. Yeah Thanks Gus. All right, can we wrap the shit up now? No, I want to tell you where you dog some more All right, I guess I'm done. Go on Vegas. Where are we gonna eat?

Go on Vegas. I'm hungry. I've been fucked up. Like, I haven't been able to sleep the- You got me on the tangent again. I can't sleep lately for some reason, and I can't eat as a result. So I don't know what I'm- He's a witty second, witty second.

What's wrong? Why can't you sleep? I don't know. Like, I'll lay there and just stare at the clock. I'm not cathartic. I'm not after thinking anything. Yeah, I'm not And I'm really tired. I just can't fall asleep and normally I can fall asleep anywhere I will like you yeah, where it's like you tell me you'd be five minutes. I'll fall asleep anyway for some reason the past couple nights I haven't been able I've got like two hours of sleep both nights really yeah

I did like the last two weeks. I did a thing where I was eating I was needing anything. I don't know why like I had no appetite and then it now it's back I was needing anything. I don't know why like I had no appetite and then it now it's back Again fucking anything so what's wrong? So you you have like anxiety? Do you have guilt about something? You do relax too much in Chicago. I must have maybe you got it all out of your system. They don't have to sleep anymore Maybe I need a Starcast off walking on a treadmill or somewhere. I'll love you. Did you take a couple days off after your vacation from Chicago? Yes, they get used to it. Yeah. I tried to segue back into normal life. Nope, my body, my body is elsewhere. Maybe what you need is instead of sleeping in bed, you can sleep in several small beds. If I just

put it together. If you can eat like small normal people beds, it'll be like a normal people bed. Yeah, and like one hour a sleep is like eight hours a sleep because I'll multiply across all the beds. Oh, it looks good. It's good. It's good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, I have I have a mat in my office right now with a blanket for during crunch time for red versus blue because we're wrapping up the entire season right now for red versus blue My office looks like a cracked in it's just like I realize how pathetic that looks You need some bent spoons and some Surin just yeah, yeah, like just like crumpled up like I need based any what Ben has when he stays at your house My all the pizza boxes everywhere all the cardboard on the floor and all that Okay, that's it. Thank you for listening. I love you guys. Hi. Hey, Gus here podcast isn't over yet I

Wanted to get Jeff this week's podcast, but he wasn't able to sit down with the rest of us So I talked to him a little earlier and recorded this segment. So enjoy Okay, so as you know, I've had a bit of a whirlwind summer. Yeah, according to the internet I am dead and Griffin had a baby. It's like your palm of cart. I'm like, yeah, it's like on Palm of Cartney. And neither of those things is true as far as I know. I did see you walking barefoot across the

Abbey Road. Yeah. Well, but I did a sock on my different. I will backwards. You can hear Jack saying, Jeff is dead. Jack is dead.

So at some point this summer, I found myself in Portland, Oregon. You know, wonderful Portland. I, I, well, I, I read something the other day. Well, today, first off, there's a milestone in Austin. I'm getting off on Tanger's already. But today will be our 85th day over 100 degrees this year. Fuck that. Which destroys our previous record of like 72.

Just destroys the shit out of it. And, but we've had a nationwide heatwave, right? 48 states out of the 48 out of 50 states have had higher significantly higher than average temperatures. But really, I only care about Texas. Because I really am. We only care about Texas. But the two states that have had normal or lower than average temperatures were Seattle and Oregon. Seattle is not a state. I'm sorry. Washington, Oregon. You, you, you, you name me something else in Washington is worth a damn.

It's a state of mind. Yeah, there you go. Okay. And so anyway, Washington and Oregon. And so I found myself in Oregon for quite a bit this summer. And I was downtown in Portland one night with my lovely wife and daughter. And we do this thing when we're in another city and it's just like the three of us and we're bored in a hotel room and, you know, Millie's watching fucking Finneas and Furber, whatever. And we're like twiddling our thumbs.

As long as we'll go out and go to a bar, you know, go to a movie or something for a couple hours and then come back and replace the other and we'll tag out as it were. Tag out responsibility. Right. If this were a wrestling match. And who gets to hit Millie with the chair? Well, it depends on what point of the evening is. Okay. Makes sense.

And if she brushed her fucking teeth or not. And so we tag out and I'm just antsy. I'm in downtown Portland and we have a lot of friends and stuff in Portland, but we're not hanging out with anybody that night and we're never been made to watch Millie And it's just like a fucking wins it. No, no, it's a Friday and And I'm just bored of death so We weren't staying at a hotel of choice So we were in an area I didn't know as well because the hotel we wanted to stay at we booked last minute was put was packed

So I'm in this area of Portland that I don't really know that well and I'm walking around and I end up in this bar This really shitty it was a cool bar is a McMinneman's bar if you know This area of Portland that I don't really know that well and I'm walking around and I end up in this bar this really Shitty it was a cool bar is a McMinneman's bar if you know Oh, yeah, the Pacific Northwest you know McMinneman. Yeah cool bar Love this place, but the people in it drove me out because they were so obnoxious and just annoying You know those people that like you get a group of five or six people together I think they're the funniest people in the world and every single person in the bar has to hear every lame joke You know, I mean you had alcohol event you had alcohol that. And then they try to draw people in to it too. You know, like, hey, you just walked in the bar.

We're gonna be best friends. Listen to my joke, you know. You're like, all right, I'm gonna, I, I'm gonna go fucking jump in front of traffic. So that doesn't work for me. And I can't find any other bars. And there's nothing but strip clubs around. And so I'm talking to Griffin on text.

And she's like, dude, go to a strip club. Who's the last time you went to a strip club? And I'm like, I don't know, it's been a long time. So I thought, fuck it, I'll go strip, that's something to do, right? Yeah, they have booze there. They do, they have booze. Booze and booze, booze and booze. Yeah, a lot of booze.

Booze. And so I walk up to this fanciest strip club they have. Made or D, you know, Dune Tuxedo, the whole thing. They're serious? Yeah, I like the fanciest strip club I can find. And by the way, it's like strip club city There's like apparently put on as more strip clubs anywhere else in the world or something Okay, where you're liking the strip club district. I was in the strip club district

It's like a block away from the kitchen district where you go by all your commercial kitchen supplies and then like and then on the other side Is the like bar stool district? I make a joke about that But I was in Philadelphia one time and there were I was on a street that had like four different bar store stores stores that just sold bar specialized in selling bar stores I who knew that some like like a mecca like that existed in a city there was need for more than one store right that they all had to be in the country next to each other there was need for more than one store and they all like yeah they all cohabitated right next to each other anyway so I'm like in the strip club district I guess and so I picked the fanciest looking strip club I can't remember the name I'd love to tell you but and it's like 10 o'clock on a Friday night and I figure

It's probably fairly busy, you know, like go up and I walk up and there's the girl at the door who checks your ID You know she's behind the the lectern or whatever that has the breath man I don't know. She's gonna give a speech. I bet your decision behind bulletproof glass No, she's gonna like fancy she's gonna gonna dress the White House press pool and I just stand there and she looks at me and she's like ID so I give my ID and she goes alright cool and then we just keep standing there and I'm waiting for her to tell me what the cover is because it's a strip club right so one would expect a 10 to 20 dollar cover and eventually after about like 15 awkward seconds of just like looking at each other she goes oh oh, it's free. You can go in. That's

a warning sign. You should have been like, aren't you going to take your clothes off? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know that I have, or Gus and I have together a lot in the past. That's a sign to run. That's an eject right there. That is indication of quality or lack thereof. So I'm like, okay, so I walk into the strip club and there's like a, to the left I can see some stages and stuff.

There's no cover but there was like a meter D and... Yeah, there was like a dude outside, like a b-arrient dude, you know, making the rounds. And all very well dressed. A lot of really fancy neon outside, you know. And this is a high-class establishment. There's nothing but the no-billist of gases. Yes. That was a little chemistry game there.

And so to the left there's some like stripper-poly cittern, you that the the meat of the strip club and it's a lot of the and at the end of the i have to go to batham so i walked out of the bathroom and i got a bathroom and i'm just alone in this hallway and i'm like this feels kind of empty usually there's like the guy who like sprays cologne on you and dust the glitter off of you at the in the back and like that is not there the guy the dude who shakes you down for money in exchange for paper

yeah that's all your hands all sport your soap for you sir you, sir. You know, that'll be a dollar. That guy is not there, thankfully. I didn't want to buy any juicy fruit gum anyway. I hate that guy. Yeah, and uh, someone, okay, so I'll go to the bathroom and I come out and then I walk into that main strip club area and you do that instant survey. Mm-hmm. There's like most strip clubs have like three stages, right? This is one of those setups. Three stages stage medium stage little stage we gradually go down until you in the book in the floor and there's nobody on the two medium stages there's just one woman on the big stage some blonde lady and there's one customer in the strip club so is you and one dude me and one dude and I'm

looking from I'm looking at them from behind so she's facing him and she's giving him like a Like you know like the the one dollar dance you get when you walk up to the stage except it looks like his head is in her vagina And I can't really tell because it's from a distance But it doesn't like she's waiting underwear and I go that seems kind of weird to me That service. Yeah, so I backed out and I left. Because who wants to be the other guy? And that's the worst thing in the world, it would be like two dudes fighting for a stripper,

a stripper. They seem to be shaking hands with the genitals and faces. And I was like, I was like, I was like, yeah, they did it intimately. And I was like, that seems weird. You don't see that every day to strip club. And I was like, yeah, probably just like, it was the angle that looked weird or something. So I left and I'd go, oh, that seems weird. You don't see that every day to strip club And I was like, yeah, I probably just like it was the angle it looked weird or something

So I left and I go around I find another normal bar that turn it's like full of douchey people again Like a bad sports bar, so I can't hang there so I'm walking around again I'm telling my experience to Griffin and she goes that's really funny You should try again. You should go to the strip club that they sound interesting here So I go, okay, so I go to this other strip club that's really close to the hotel and it looks like kind of like a bar from the outside Like a dive bar like you and I would like right and like a cinnabar a casino. I mean one of those kind of things and so I Walk up to the door and the girl charges me a $2 cover so already yeah, we're doing better

Well, the only thing that's like slightly better than no cover is $2 cover That might be worse. Yeah, it's like you aren, you aren't much higher on the scale at that point. But I'm like, okay. So I walk in and it's just a bar. It's like a long vertical room that has an actual bar immediately on the right, where you would sit and talk to a person or like a normal bar. To the left of that is a stage, like a really skinny stage with a pole. And to the left is just a row of chairs against the wall.

And then like, they're like, facing the stage. Facing the stage. Like, like a high school assembly almost, where like a bunch of guys like sitting in chairs next to each other like too close to kind of touching, you know, like way too uncomfortable to be close to. Just like staring ahead at the stage.

And then there's like one or two tables in front, but nobody's at the table. So I'm like, I am not sitting on the line up with the, with those guys. So I sit at the table, somebody comes by, she, I buy a beer, and I start to drink my beer, and a stripper comes out, and she's like an overly tattooed Austin scene girl, which is fine for me. I don't know if you know this one I like tattoos little heavy but uh I was like yeah this is kind of cool she was kind of pretty and she does a little bit of dancing and then um some somebody says something to her over on the right and she walks over and she goes

we've got a bachelor party tonight somebody's about to get married I go oh god see what's going on here. So they pull, I say they she pulls this dude up on stage and then two other overly tattooed strippers come out from behind a curtain. She pulls like one of the dudes in the assembly. Like the bachelor. Okay. Up on the stage, one of them grabs a chair. They put a chair like against the pole. So he's sitting down as like heads against the pole. And he's like, eh, and they start like shaking in front of them. And then they all get totally naked. Like it's, so I realized I probably did see the lady being totally naked at the other club.

There was no G-Sting or anything. It's like, it's like a, just like a, like, free-for-all, a smattering of a giant of suddenly. Okay. Between these three girls and I'm like, that's weird and, uh, because you know, we don't have that in Texas. And if you do, it's like B-Y-O.B. B.I.O. Open. It's not a place you would ever want to go unless you were looking to have a kidney harvested potentially. Um and so I'm like all right it was a little weird and uh and then they start like like dancing

in front of the guy and they're like yeah and then the stripper the main stripper takes his shirt he has like a short sleeve button up shirt on and rips it open so that the buttons go flying and destroys the guy's shirt and I'm like, well that's actually kind of rude, you know? Let's take his face to the rear. What's he gonna wear for the rest of the night? And he doesn't work here, he needs clothes. And then she straddles him at one point and sticks her vagina, her unbathing suited, unbekined vagina. Rare vagina. Rare vagina in his face for like a minute.

Total contact, like she's trying to kill him. Is she like a Bond villain and like that's her murder move is to like someone with her vagina. Yeah, it's either like that or like her vagina need a CPR or something. I'm not sure what it was, but I was like, he does not know her well enough to be there, you know, and vice versa. It was like, it was just like watching diseases happen, you know? And you're like, and this looks, I look around and everybody seems like totally like non-plus like, oh yeah, we're at a strip club.

So, we're at a strip club because you get, so you go down on a girl. Yeah, that's what happens at strip clubs, right? If, if, if you're so lip on lip contact, you were not at a strip club. Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, of course, this is the oral sex portion of the evening, right? Yeah. And I'm like, where the fuck is this going to go? Then after like a minute, she like, let's him up for air. It looks in brief. Yeah. And they're like, yeah. And then she like, takes his pants and she unbuttons his belt and rips his belt off and then pulls his pants down so that now I'm having to, I'm having to look at this guy's dick Yeah, you're you're I'm which is exactly what you want on a strip club. You're at a co-ed strip club

Yeah, you I want to see this fat doughy naked dude and they're like yeah, and all the girls come over and she takes and she like goes I Don't know how to do it without sounding like I'm hot But she just like she just like spits on his penis. Okay. Like, like a sexier version of that, I guess. But uh, spitting is so- And I'm like, that is a lot of saliva to be put on a strain.

I'm like, that's a, that guy needs to go, he needs to go get checked out. Right now, he needs to go from here to the penicillin shop, the penicillin district, which is too bloggy. Yeah, yeah, it's close luckily. And uh And I have no idea what to think at this point. Then the other two tattooed naked girls who were just kind of watching it, they come over and spit on them too. Or they're having strokes? Are they like drooling?

I don't know, no. So there's like, this guy's got like a penis, a ripped up shirt, a face full of like vagina, and a penis that's covered in the saliva of three different women. And, uh, I'm like squirming over here. I know, no, it's horrifying. And I'm like, how does it get worse than this? Then the lady takes his belt,

she puts them on the ground on all fours, wraps the belt around like his neck, and then like rides him around the stage like a pony. And then the other girls each take turns, and then go yeah and they push him off the stage and somebody hands them a $20 bill and I left. What? They did all of that for $20. That dude's gonna have to explain chlamydia.

Do you think everyone listening to this podcast from Portland or Oregon is like yeah you were at a strip club? They probably know the strip club that was at? So you might have been there. The guy might be listening right now going What the fuck else must I do to strip club? Yeah, what was it? Tuesday night, what am I going to do? That's so fucking weird. I've never seen anything like it.

It was disgusting and weird and creepy and I realized I saw guys touch the genitals or give oral sex to two strippers in the same night at two different strip clubs in Portland. And essentially what I saw. Get their junk junk drooled on and all for $20. It's like having a super enthusiastic dog. Yeah it's exactly what it's like and so I didn't even finish my my beer. I was just like I gotta go. There's yeah there are things that you cannot unsee in life and that is something that I'll have to carry with me for the rest of my life.

I've never experienced anything even remotely close to that bizarre dude. That is triple. I don't know what to say about it. Like, I had trouble processing it. I really did. It was, and it was just like, it seemed so nonchalant and normal that I guess that's just what it's like to go to a strip club in Oregon. Wow. So I there should have been a doctor set up giving flu and tetanus shots and

prescribing penicillin. Before they pull you on stage like it should be required to show you like a certificate or like some kind of some kind of permission slip from the doctor. No kidding kidding it's like there's there's a ninety eight percent chance that bodily fluids will be exchanged here you i have had an eights test in the last thirty days um that that that that that that that that that one of the other bizarre uh... parts about the story is didn't you once a organ's a bring your own girlfriend kind of state

what's it that you once say that organs are in your own girlfriend kind of state yeah so what a some of the packs to exception What did you say? Didn't you once say that Oregon's a ring-grown girlfriend kind of state? Yeah, someone at PAX took exception. Yeah, I have said that before. The girls were all very pretty. I'll add the strip up. I will say that. And I have, a lot of it depends on where you hang out, I guess. But I still stand by that statement for the most part. For the most part.

For the most part. It's not the kind of state you go to and let someone drool all over your junk. Yeah, well maybe not upon meeting that person. Yeah, maybe you go out to dinner. Maybe after a couple of days. That's a, that's a stake in lobster preview before you get to that.

Yeah, anyway, fucked up story. I got another story I can tell you. All right, sure. You want another story? Let's go for it. This isn't, is exciting, but it's something that I don't understand and maybe you can help me out here.

Okay. I was in, also while I was away, I was in San Antonio for a brief period in time. Okay, that's not really as far away from Austin as a born-up. Doing some family stuff. Okay. And I was staying at this hotel. There's this lady that I'm in love with from Austin.

Well, I don't know if she's from Austin, but her name is Liz Lambert and she is a hotelier. Is that, I don't know if that's the word. But for some reason, I thought you said Liz Lambert. And I was like, you know, that's not a real person. No, yeah. Liz Lambert and she she owns the hotel San Jose in Austin and Hotel in Marfa, Caldell, Cosmico. She makes these really awesome really cool awesome hotels, okay, and

That's a cool job. It's a cool job and she's very successful at it and her brother owns the restaurant Lambert's how weird that they would own a restaurant Has the same name as the yeah, that's crazy What are they on successful family? It's the best part about Austin is all the successful entrepreneurs in the city So anyway, she's got a hotel in San Antonio called the hotel Havana And I wanted to go there for a while because I read an article about it in the New York Times I've talked about how she restored this dump of a place. How just awesome it is Okay, and so we had to go to San Antonio for four, five days, I think. And so I booked a set this place.

And luckily, since no one in the world wants to go to San Antonio, it's actually a pretty cheap place to go. Yeah, not on my list of places too. I've been a viral place. I have hated San Antonio for 15 years. I will say I had a great time this time. Jason of Tucker fame, gave Griffin a night. He's from San Antonio.

He gave us some places to eat and places check out. We had a blast It was actually a lot of fun. I've never liked San Antonio before until this trip. Yeah, hotel's awesome Anyway, this hotel it has a basement bar in it that is probably the coolest place I've ever been Okay, it's like under the hotel. It's under the hotel and it's really weird because this hotel is kind of like Old and like I don't know how to describe it without making it sound It's very like I don't know how to say it's just cool. Look it up It's old and unique looking and very awesome and very well designed and you get into this elevator and elevator

Doesn't match the restaurant or the hotel at all. It's pat the walls or black patent leather Mm-hmm and the ceiling is some sort of cut out like tin or brass maybe that has a like a red filter over it. And so there's a very dim red light. So you can barely see in the elevator. It's just all black with like a dim red glow. It seems really weird and kind of creepy and almost like something out of a horror movie. Yeah, out of a horror movie.

But then you take it down to the basement and then you come out at the bar and it makes sense because that's what the bar looks like. Okay. And it's like a really dark cavernous kind of bar with these little rooms. One of those places where like the first night I went I met the bartender and he introduced himself to me. You know, he's like, my name's Tom. And I'm like, oh hi Tom, can I get a vachatonic and he's like, yeah sure.

And the next night I went back and he's like, hey Jeff, good to see you again. You want another vachatonic and you're like, you should have asked me if his last name was Collins. Yeah, I should have. I asked for a ton. I asked for a whiskey sour and they couldn't make it for me there. Oh, I was sad about that. But no, a Voxie Gimlet, I'm sorry.

They asked for a Gimlet and they couldn't make a Gimlet. But anyway, very nice guy, except for the Gimlet thing, they just didn't have the maternity. It's cool that he remembers your drink. But they, it's just a good bartender. Yeah, that's a sign of a good partner. That makes you feel welcome at places like that. Anyway, so this hotel, this bar is really cool. so Gryffindor I would do the tag-out thing like

she'd go for three hours come back I go for three hours I was in the I was in deep into reading a heart of darkness by Joseph Conrad and it was kind of cool to sit in this dark foreboding kind of place and read this book on my iPhone and just you know drink a little bit and kind of get away from everything and uh so I'm in this little room, and I sit down at this chair, and there's like, it's one of the things that I was like, I'm against a wall and right in front of me is another wall, and there's two chairs here. One like, I'm in the right chair,

there's a chair to my left, I have a little table in between, and then it's mirrored on the other side at the other wall. Okay. But it's really tight space. So like, to the point where like if somebody was sitting in the chair and crossed from me, we're almost touching legs.

Okay, so like super close. Yeah, super close. Super close. And I'm sitting there, and and crossed from me, we were almost touching legs. Okay, so like super close. And I'm sitting there and I'm reading a... Reading a heart of darkness. On your iPhone, which I think is really funny, by the way. I know. It would have been too dark to read it as an in-book form. It's that dark in there.

So I'm sitting there reading it. And I get the sense that somebody's next to me. And I kind of glance up and there's this woman. In determined an age, maybe she could be anywhere from 28 to 35. I didn't really see her, dark hair, seemed fairly attractive, I couldn't really, I was trying not to, I was kind of engrossed in my book

and I was trying not to pay attention to her. And she was kind of standing there next to me. I went back to reading. I looked up after about 10 minutes and she was still standing there and almost seemed kind of expectantly. And I thought that that was weird. And so I started to take notice of her

and she was kind of like doing that thing where you look around and pretend to be looking at stuff, but not really looking at stuff. It was kind of awkward behavior. Like you don't know what to look at. Yeah, like she's trying to not look at me, or you know what I mean? And but she was obviously there

and wanting to be noticed. I thought it was strange. And anyway, it was kind of off-putting. And after a few more minutes, she was standing there for a total of maybe 12 minutes. This dude shows up, and this is a, I would say, typical Texasy dude, pretty big guy, used to be really muscular, probably played football, and now he's got kind of a big gut. Where's the silk button up shirt that's got that, you know, like shorts leave, so it's like, the second to the bottom button is got that you know like shorts leave so it's like that

the the second to the bottom button is struggling you know yeah stripper importantly could rip that shit off really off in a second yeah and kind of like a but still like kind of big scary looking dude all right that's what you want to fuck with and they like hug and kiss and sit down and start talking I think he goes get strings and come back and they start talking so she was looking around waiting for her she was I go out nothing weird about it she was looking for her boyfriend husband or whoever and So cool, you know, I because I got a weird vibe, but I was like, oh, okay

Well, she was just obviously waiting for her you know, just a romantic encounter and yeah And so they start having a conversation and I'm reading my book, but we're so close I can't help it here them, uh-huh, and she's talking about Las Vegas And he says something that I hear that I can't believe. He goes, Las Vegas, where is that? What state is that? And he doesn't know where Las Vegas is. He doesn't really know anything about it.

And this guy looks like he's probably 35, you know? No. Maybe older and you think like every dude bro guy like that in the world would have been, like Vegas is their mechus, but they have to like, hang over and shit. Yeah. You know? Well I guess maybe they just think of it like as some weird like place they can never get to. Yeah, it's like an idea to live or a lot.

Yeah, it's like it's like it's like I'd love to go with one of that place really existed. Yeah, Vegas is an out there. It's in here. Yeah. And but he's talking about it with like he's got these dumb questions like I mean, like this guy's either really stupid or he's playing really dumb to make her feel superior or smart or something, you know? And either way, it's weird.

And so now I'm kind of keyed in their conversation a little bit. But then they move on, and they're just talking about random everyday stuff or whatever, so I started ignoring him again. And I'm reading my book, and at some point,

I hear a noise, kind of a snacking sound, I look up and they're making an out, but like in a really gross way. You know? Like, have you have like her vagina, obviously? No, no, no, it's not like Portland closed and it was face to face Yeah, but it's like, you know like really loud, you know like long and they're like right next to you

Right next to me, like right in front of me, you know I could kick him and uh I don't like, oh gross And I'm sorry, I you know I go and I get another drink and I come back and they've stopped and so I start reading again And uh, at one point I look up and he's flexing his right arm and she's kissing his bicep and I'm like That's just fucking weird like he's literally going like yeah You should be my go-to move Yeah, I'm gonna yeah, we'll see

You guys you might want to give this a shot apparently it works anyway, so she's like giving those little bicep pecks Like you gotta be fucking kidding me. But I was here first, I'm not leaving this place. Yeah, um, for good. Anyway, so I finally tuned them out. I think a couple drinks helped and they got a little quieter. They were there for maybe, I don't know, half hour, forty-five minutes and he gets up and goes to my right.

And right next to me is the bathroom and then to the right of that is the exit. And I just like, I see him go and I figure I always go into the the bathroom and so I go back to my book and I look up after a while and she's still sitting there and he hasn't come back and I always it's been a good 10 or 12 minutes and he still hasn't come back and I'm like that's weird and I look up again and it's been like another five minutes and he's still not back and she's just kind of sitting around looking at stuff and then she gets up and she walks over to where the bathroom is, like to the door. And I figure she's gonna go to the bathroom because it's like immediately to my right. And she stands next to me and she stops.

And I'm like, that's weird. And- Do you see Mabbie go check on her boyfriend, make sure he's not dead on the toilet floor? Yeah, or something like that, right? And then she looks at me and she goes, excuse me. And I go, yeah, and she goes, are you wearing a cologne?

And I go, yeah, I am. I'm wearing some cologne. And she goes, I really like it. And I go, well, thank you. And she goes, no, I mean, I love it. It's, it's, no, she goes, I mean, I really love it. What kind is it? And I'm like, it's a polo black.

And I was like, it's not too strong. Is it like, I don't wear a lot of cologne, you know, but I'm trying to be better husband, that kind of thing. And I'm like, it's not too strong. Is it an annoying? I apologize, lot of clone, you know, but I'm trying to be like, you know, better husband, that kind of thing. And I'm like, it's not too strong, is it? Is it annoying? I apologize, was it too much? Because I never know how much to put on. She goes, no, it's perfect.

And I go, okay, great. She goes, no, I mean it. It's perfect. Really, really perfect. What the fuck? And I go, okay. And she's just standing there looking down at me and she looks at me awkwardly for about 45 seconds.

And I just look up at her. And then she just turns and walks out of the bar Okay, I stayed there for another hour neither of them ever came back That's really bizarre. It was a bizarre encounter. I have no idea I was telling my friend John Mike and he said that he thinks maybe she was a prostitute But I didn't get that vibe at all. They seemed to know each other It didn't seem like a random encounter or like a first date or anything. Plus also, normally a prostitute would have left with the dude. Yeah, I didn't see them fight.

I didn't see there be any disagreement over money or anything like that. It wasn't like the predetermined rate is no longer valid or anything like that. You don't have your sex coupons or you're going to have to pay full price. I didn't get any kind of vibe like that. He just quietly got up and they seemed to be doing well and then just never came back. And then she sat there forever and then came over and then said those weird things to me, like very slowly and totally like it was, it's really, really perfect. I'm like, is that a code? I don't like, maybe that's, maybe people from San Antonio know that, maybe that's a slang or something. You should run it by Jason See what you're gonna say about the situation. Yeah fucking creepy though and bizarre and that those are the two things that have happened to me in the last two months

Well that would explain why you've been so busy You're busy going to Portland in San Antonio. That's that's so weird. I can't like I don't think she was a proxeter I can't imagine I can't either the scenario that would I I don't think she was a proxeter. I can't imagine. I can't either. The scenario that would explain that. And I've been going through it in my head because it was such a weird moment, such a weird experience from the start to the end.

And I just don't fully understand what I was a party to there. Well, I'm curious to see the comments that people have about this, to see what their explanation would be. Maybe she was a spy, and I, which it was like a challenge password kind of thing Maybe she was trying to give me microphone. Yeah, yeah, you reply was I was some line from cloaking dagger Yeah, right. I was supposed to say yeah, I don't know, but

Anyway, it's fucked up weird story. We'd stuff happens to you get this Describe the show between newcomer in a more familiar way. Do you like apples? Alright, example. Together in Trempit hosts, Trevor Collins. Trevor Collins is afraid of Diaz of nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster teats, cryptic podcast, f*** face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short. Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts.

It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no, you do yes?