Rooster Teeth Podcast - She Saved Someone’s Life - #773

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

So much has happened this week and the gang discusses it all: staring directly at the solar eclipse, helping a friend survive a music festival, and having cringe hobbies as a kid. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Armando Torres, and joining me as always is... Androrosis, still in his shoes. There aren't an empty pile of clothes sitting in this chair where I used to be and I'm definitely getting left behind. That's no if Andrew butts about that. I'm getting left behind and immediately killed by like not even a demon like a demon's SUV. I'm getting backed over. Yeah. Oh man, it's good to be here. It's good to be in Austin, Texas.

We had a, well, no, but it's, but God leaves us little tiny crumbs of happiness along the way, including a solar eclipse that we just saw over the weekend. That was fun. Yeah. Have you got, first of all, how often are solar eclipse? Do they happen? Do you guys know that?

The last one was 2016, I believe. Yeah, last one was 2016. It's interesting because you, in your mind, you think, oh, in eclipse, that happens like every 15 year. It's been 15, 50. It's been like, it's always in your mind, something like long amount of time. But you forget that like, it clips

is having a lot more often than you think, but just not in your part of the world. Yeah, like. Like, Earth is so big and flat. Yeah, the Earth is so big and flat, and you know, the moon lines up. I mean, I love that in the eclipse is waiting

for the DVD a bouncy menu to hit the corner, and that's what the universe is doing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So like, they have been more often than you'd think. Just not in your part of the world. That's what the universe is doing. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. So like, they have been more often than you'd think. Just not in your part of the world. There are two to five solar eclipses each year with a total eclipse taking place every 18 months or so. Oh, yeah.

This is a bit rare. Way more often than you'd think. Yeah, but every time it happens, I don't know that it's going to happen. Yeah. And then the vibes are off. It's what I would call it. We're like, I messaged you guys and said,

is it bad dark outside or is this the solar eclipse? That happened to me because I was confused. Okay, so before it happened, whatever time was what was happened, like two hours before that, I went out to get breakfast for me and my girlfriend. I come back and the bedroom was like darker than it was when I left and I was like, well that's weird because it's more morning.

And I was like, did she turn off the lights? No, the shade is always closed. And then your message came in as I was trying to figure out what changed. And I was like, but it's bright out, it's not like full dark outside and I could not comprehend what was going on. Yeah, it's really disorienting.

The way that I described it is it was like viewing the world through tinted windows. Yeah, that's exactly what it felt like, but not in a vehicle. Yeah, because you're like your outside, it is clearly sometimes. It's clearly daylight. It is not weird darkness. It is just like you have shades on. Yeah, and I... Colorize shady rays.

Yeah, our favorite glasses. Our favorite. You know, if you don't like your solar eclipse, shady rays will actually give you a new one. Yeah, they have to. No questions. I would see me the clips glasses and maybe I would be able to look at it. So, yeah, I immediately did the thing that you're not supposed to do where I tried to look at it. And then to do where I tried to look at it. And then yeah, I trumped it where I tried to look at the sorry, I'm producer off screen tried to mimic looking at it and then their actual shade race fell to the ground. He broke them but they were placed. They were placed. And they'll change the moon's trajectory. If you're not satisfied with your clothes, you can enjoy it again. I did the thing where I looked straight up at the sun and was trying to like make my eyes adjust and then I

stopped looking at it because I went, oh, I don't think you're supposed to do this. That's the one thing they tell you not to do. Yeah. Yeah. And then I just had a yellow dot in the center of my, like a reticle in a video screen burn on my grandmas. Yeah. And they were just permanently there for the rest of the day. It didn't feel good. But I, yeah, I get weird about, like solar eclipses and lunar eclipses

because that when that shit happens, it always feels like a buckle up. Yeah, it feels like something should be end day. It's bad. Yeah. Well, again, the last time we had an eclipse that was the same year we got had in the presidential election. So like, maybe it's another changeover. Oh, it's going to happen.

Oh, you think he's going to take it again? Yeah. You think he's going to stick? I think he's going to take it from the cell. I have talked with Andrew about this a lot, is currently on the other show that I make called Colt Podcast. But yeah, plug, Colt Podcast,

available wherever manifestos are sold. We've been covering QAnon and like Kitsigate and like all of these modern conspiracy theories. And so like I am intimately familiar with all of these modern conspiracy theories. And so like, I am intimately familiar with all of the beliefs that go into this stuff. And it just, it doesn't help to understand any of them. No, it makes it infinitely worse actually. Yeah, it really, it truly does suck

incredible amounts of ass. A group of people under collective delusions, essentially playing like a live action role-playing game. Now, yeah, which that part rocks by the way. Yeah, like having like living in this like, you know, send away mail order, like, you know, murder mystery essentially. But that like, it's all fun in games,

although until it and what it actually does, ruin people's lives. Yeah, which is yeah, actively ruined people's lives. Yeah. So we don't we don't have to, I realize that I can't host another podcast this week where I just dive into not get smears and so if you're interested in listening to that,

go check out those episodes. But in terms of Apocalypse's hitting Texas, it did feel like there, it was setting it, like the story of Texas's demise was being set up because we had the solar eclipse going on. We had me losing my eyesight. Everything seemed weird. But then also we had ACL in the building.

Oh God. Which you went to, right? No, I didn't, well, I was around it a lot as sure was. Huh. Yeah, I didn't go personally, but I had friends go. That's interesting, because you told me, and I think this is a direct quote from my group chat, right? Is that I will not be going south of Congress.

Yeah. And you broke that rule. I did break that rule. Yeah. Why did you do that? Friendship, love, compassion, love, love, compassion. Care for my fellow man. Care for fellow man. Why did you do that friendship? compassion Care for my fellow man fellow man. No, I had so I live in a very I look where I live is like very close to everything Like I'm like 10 minutes away from everything including unfortunately ACL

So I whenever stuff happens like ACL soft by I'm always like hey you can park at my house and like Uber because it'll be $90 cheaper. Sure. So one of our mutual friends, Crystal, BK inside gaming, she stayed at my place because it's so close. And I was like, look, I'm not going to ACL. Uber's $90 to go two miles. I'll just take you.

So I take her to ACL and I'm leaving. This is the first day. So this is like Friday. I'm leaving. I'm driving back to my house. It's shit traffic. I get a call five minutes later. She's like, Hey, I can't find my ID. I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like, Oh, I had my ID on me. And then I've got to go work to get where the like the walking Beth was. And now I don't. And I was like, Well, it's been five minutes. Just like trace your steps. She traces your steps. Can I find her ID? I'm like, Okay, well, did you go all the way back to where now I don't and I was like well it's been five minutes just like trace your steps she traces steps cannot find the ID I'm like okay well did you go all the way back to where you started she's like yeah I can't find it so she's going last back and forth back and forth finds the ID good amazing perfect go see ACL has a great time sees Kendrick she's on the front row it's awesome uh was Kendrick checking

IDs yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah just like all right get him up get him up so hold him up I'm going I'm going down the Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a harbinger. A harbinger of dim. So that's like the concert ends like 10 Austin has this weird noise ordinance thing where you can't do live music outdoors past like 10 p.m. So the music festival ends at 10 p.m. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why music capital of the world? Big fucking pastor. Fucking nerx. Yeah. Big asterisk on that. Fucking so when I real quick when I lived in Los Angeles, I lived right across the street from a a big park in downtown called Pershing Square and I mean, I lived literally across the street from it. You could see it from your yeah, and they would host concerts and DJ sessions and raves and stuff

there and it would go until fucking midnight and it was the most obnoxious thing in the entire world. I mean midnight seems reasonable though. Midnight seems reasonable until you realize that what's going on every day. It's, they would have them for like three days at a time. They would do like a series. It would be like staggered. There was like every fucking weekend.

No, it'd be, well, they had events there all the time. What I'm saying is that like essentially what would happen is my entire neighborhood would shut down. Yeah. You couldn't get in or out. No. You had the meal. Exactly.

And so I hated that because eventually I would be like stumbling home in toxicated because it was the weekend. Yeah, it was. And then I would try to get past like a police barrier and they'd be like, do you have a ticket to go see it? I have a ticket to my house. You pull it really? This is what fucking keys for my house. Yeah, there was a Kendrick Lamar standing right outside of my apartment.

I need to see a fucking ID. God, this guy's everywhere. So yeah, while I love the idea of like... All night festival. All night festival. Yeah. As somebody who, who both like used to live where they did it

and my hometown, like where I was born and where most of my family lives, is the town that they have Coachella. I fucking hate it. Also, fun fact about Coachella, it is great for the local scumbag economy because crime goes up like 500%. Oh, yeah, that's their, that's their super bowl.

That's when they get ready. They prep all year for that. That's not our Christmas season. That's our catalytic conversies. God, I'm not leaving with your outcast. Coachella should start selling shirts and say, I went to Coachella and only got with my hubcap stolen. Just the most, the most, the world's most stepped on cocaine. Yeah, just like a cut with fucking carpet cleaner. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to you. Yeah, that's the thing is that people from like Ohio go to get you. Yeah. And then my family is like, yeah, this is weed. Yeah, it's brown and it's a paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is weed. My favorite part and again, speaking on my just wonderful law abiding family, is that I don't know that they still do this, but Coachella eventually in order to help out the community decided that they would hire locals to do a bunch of stuff.

But then they didn't get any applications the first year that they tried to do that. So then the next year they did it again and announced we will be hiring locals and do not require background checks. Oh no. Oh no. They were a bunch of my family members were all in Coachella.

And my entire Facebook wall was like, Hey, hit me up if you want to buy tickets. And by tickets, they mean pay me $50. And I'll sneak you in the back. And I'll catch you in. Jesus, correct. Did she say that that announcement went up? And then there were just like upwards of 100 tables being slammed on with two hands in a diagram being rolled out

and people going, all right, now here's the plan. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Blueprints roll. I'm inferring a Blueprints. Yeah, here's the plan. It was happening. Gentlemen, I've brought you here for one last time. Now, this one has it all, security guards who are all my cousin.

A safe that is literally just a locker with a high school combination lock put on it. And the hardest part to get through, Kendrick Lamar, who is a stickler for identification. I love music festivals. I also think that they are absolutely- And they should end it to be. It's a ridiculous thing and they should end it to be it. Okay, so like I said, it's it's south. So Saturday, our friends, all of us, we decided to go out drinking.

I invited you, you and me. I had to have dinner. There's this place, there's this place I've been going to, it's like a gaming bar, but it's like 20 minutes south, where we usually hang out. And we were like, okay, like, UK just like once over, meet this up, meet up here, just take an Uber, it'll be fine.

10 o'clock rolls around, nothing. 10, 15 rolls around, me and producer Kai, we get a text that says, it's over, I'm at 4% battery. Good mother of fucking God. Now this is like every human's greatest fear, being stranded somewhere with no low battery. So it's not just being stranded, It's the phrase. It's over.

So it's over for me. So we both get that text. We're, we're drinking. We've just taken four shots. And concurrently to get our night started. So it's like, okay, well, this is a bad situation. It's, it's probably fine though. So I'm like, okay, look, look, look. Your phone's gonna die. I called in Uber. I sent you the information, just like, hold tight. See if you can find someone that you use a phone charger.

See if you can find someone to help you. Where are you? I'm looking at Kaison. She has her location on, so we're just looking at the dot. I'm trying to put it somewhere in the general area. I'm like, hey, go to this hotel. Uber's gonna pick you up there. I see you in. She's the only plug in your phone. Nothing. No response. That's fucking CIA extraction plan.

Truly, truly. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking nothing. So again, nothing happens. Nothing happens. She's texting her. She's texting me. She's texting my girlfriend. We're trying to all figure this out. And then the dot goes and we're like, well, that's a battery instead. She's not responding to us anymore. Last known location, last known photo. Basically, we have one friend who brought his car, he drove us there. And we're like, you got to go, you got to go look for her. So he takes off to again, 20 minutes north to go and look for her at ACL, the place where she doesn't know where she is,

we don't know where she is, and all of the roads are barricaded around the concerts. You can't even get that close to try to figure it out. So he finds her, Hazal, he brings her back to the bar. We're fucking pissed, and me and Kai are angry, I'm not talking to her, Kai is berating her like a black mother. We are so mad.

And she's just like, did I die though? It's like you are a hundred pounds looking. So I'm kind of, you could have been halfway human traffic by now. So we're angry. And she's just like, You could be a panda crate. I'm away.

Yeah. And she's like, it's fine. It's fine. I'm gonna go back out tomorrow and it's like, and also I need to, I need to, oh, oh, oh, oh, the reason I was upset, the mostly upset.

Okay, so she lost the ID five minutes in. I begged her to take a Fanny Pack or something. And she was like, I don't wanna wait in the bag, check line, it's too long. I offered her a Fanny Pack. I offered her several power banks for her phone because when she left it was on 64%. And it was on 64% because before she left,

I said, hey, did you charge your phone? I look at her phone, it's on 50%. so I plug it up for the next like 20 minutes Oh, being a fast charge and she refused to take the power bank. She doesn't take the fanny pack loses her ID has a dead phone So I'm mad Kai's mad day two. We make a plan this time. I say hey Let's make a plan. Yeah, I know it's on at 10. I'm gonna drop you off. I'm gonna charge your phone I'm gonna drop you off. I'm gonna charge your phone. I'm gonna drop you off We won't meet at the Alamo, South, Omar because it's close. It's walking just walking just a mile Yeah, yeah, you should take a petty cab she can walk whatever so

So that's the plan and then they hate turn off your location like you get there turn it on like so we know you are turn it off Turn it back on you leave turn off your bluetooth preserve, preserve your battery. I know you're going to take a concert for whatever is going to happen. So everything's fine. We're getting ready to go out again. It's like maybe eight o'clock and again get the call from high because we want to go out again. It's Saturday. It's like, yes. That's the one I didn't get an invite for. Well, because you said no on Friday. So I gave up. What?

So I didn't say no on Friday. I was reading about Q&A. Anyway, I'm talking to my mommy on the phone and Kai calls me and I'm like, I can't talk right now. So I hear them in the other room and Kai's like, do you know where BK is? She doesn't respond to me in a while. And I'm like, oh, I dropped off at ACL. I told her to turn the location off. She's probably worried because she doesn't see her dot.

So my girlfriend tells Kai that. And she's like, okay, cool. And they start talking about their outfits that they're going to wear whatever. And they're like being cute on the phone. And then I get a call from BK, while I'm getting on the phone, my mom, I'm like, well, that's probably that good. So I'm like, mommy, hold on, I gotta click over.

I click over, I just hear music in the background. Of course. And oh, it... She must blown out music. Like just crushing a phone compressor. Ladies and gentlemen, Kendrick Lamart. That's what he sounds like. Hey, let me see those ideas.

Actually, she was at Food Fighters. Oh, okay. Shh. Shh. Shh. Pee-pee-pee-pee. I was in Nirvana. Shh.

Shh. That's the Food Fight. Okay, let me see if I can find the message. Okay. Oh, wait, also I'm sorry. I got, before the 4% that's over, I got my phone is gonna die. And camera on me, right, real quick. If you're at a place, this is some advice to you.

If you were the kind of person who goes out to an all day event with 64% battery, first of all, you should be in a home. Second of all, you need an orderly. You need an orderly and you're freaking, okay, first of all, if you you didn't order. You didn't order. You freaking, okay. First of all, if you do that, that's already a problem. But if you're like, oh my God, I'm like out and about, I don't have a ride. I'm stranded somewhere. My phone's on 4% battery. You know what you do with that 4%? You write down your

friend's phone numbers that you don't. That's what I said. Oh my God. You go through your context. That's what I said. And you write down their phone numbers on a piece of paper or however you can, like, however you can do it, write down their phone numbers. Because I know you don't fucking know them. No. Because you just put them in your phone.

Yeah. Get their phone numbers. And that way, you can either borrow someone's phone, get to a place with that, with that, we'll let you use their phone. I was gonna say pay phone. Like, Jesus Christ. I was like, we need to make a,

make sure to like dog tags with all of our contact information on this. Like it sounds, please call. Yeah, fucking chip. Yeah, just literally. So yeah, so that was the other thing on Saturday. Like I was like, we should just write like mine and Kai's phone number like on her arm. Just in case you don't do it.

Yeah, tattoo it. I'm over mine. I realize what's wrong with tattooing numbers. I'm just like, yeah, Making it make me hate breakfast. It's just like, is this an air attack? It's not trying to get in a swallow and air attack. So you can try. I had all my friends chipped.

Yeah. So yeah, so the message I got this time, I didn't see it because she called me because I didn't see it because I was on the phone with my mommy. And it was, hey, I need you to come get me soon. So yeah, so she didn't call me and I pick up and she's like, hey, okay, he come get me, I passed out. Oh no. And it was like, what do you mean?

She was like, I was waiting for the food fighters and I passed out and they had to take me to the back and I don't feel good and I can't stand anymore so can you come get me? Did she get food fight? Did they, did they food fighter? Did they food fighter? Yeah.

Did they go back? I heard they know her. OK. So yeah. Cut that. We'll cut that. No, no, no. Absolutely.

Absolutely not. Yeah. So I think also our consensus of what happened is she doesn't stand ever. So she's probably standing and locked her knees. And if you lock your knees, that can make you pass out. It sure can. Pretty sure that of what happened is she doesn't stand ever. So she's probably standing in locked her knees. And if you lock your knees, that can make you pass out. It sure can. Pretty sure that's what happened.

Yep. Because I fed her. I watered her. I made sure she got a good night's sleep. I took her on a walk. I took her on a walk. She's my houseplant. All of the scenario was a perfect, like, for her to not pass out at a fucking concert.

Yeah. You're completely set up. Of course, I charged her phone. Like everything was fine. She could have made it through the entire night. So now I, you're completely set up. What's your set? I charged her phone. Like everything was fine. She could have made it through the entire night. So now I have to go pick her up. She's like, okay, I don't know where to meet you. So I'm just gonna walk to our original meeting locations.

It is a fucking nightmare trying to get downtown before ACLs over at towards the end of it. So it's just like, I'm just like driving through like streets that have been, but I know the way that, like it's a, It's like a 10 to 15 minute drive, usually. 25 minutes to get down, 10 to 20 minutes down. I want to add a little bit of clarification for anybody that's not from Austin,

or that just moved to Austin, because this is one of the most wild things I've ever seen. The city of Austin will completely change the way that their infrastructure is set up at certain times of the day. Yeah. To accommodate drunk people. Oh, yeah.

They're shut off street. They're shut down fucking six street on the weekends because they just go, oh, you're the drunks are and all of the side roads that are adjacent to them. So like it's like six and blank. You can't go down blank. Yeah, block up the entire like downtown infrastructure changes into a fucking the war years style, like group setup because they're accommodating for drinking. Yeah, you're driving down these streets that you think you know.

And then people are just like, uh, this whole street shut down. Yeah, it's like walking dead, but everyone's just drunk. Yes. Yeah. You're trying to drive down a street on a, all of a sudden, a police horse is like, and then it's shooting on the roof, the sheer Honda. Yeah. Exactly. And they do bring out, they have so many police horses. Yeah. There's so many. And they do not want to be down there either. No. They don't. They don't. They hate it.

It's like, it's like, it's the worst possible scenario for like for every horse movie you've ever seen is what a teenage girl girl gently harassing a horse's face trying to calm it down in the middle of nowhere where nothing is happening So I can only imagine only imagine what a horse is feeling on six street while the food fighters are playing Again, I just in just a bunch of dudes just like beating their chest and like trying to fight each other It's like David Dated stop! Hearing nine of the worst blues bands you can possibly imagine. Blues Hammer from fucking Ghost World, eight of those bands competing, doing like blues covers of like our Kelly songs.

Yeah, just you want to, oh my god. I love our little city. So. I also just want to point out, I don't have any evidence to back this up I bet you that there is a hidden number of how many times a police horse is just fucking kicked and killed somebody Absolutely, they asked when I die. That's the number I want to see When I die that's how I want to go out. How many people been kicked to that biohors on 6th June? I want to be part of that number. That's how I want to go out.

I want to go out. His last words were, who's so good at horsey? And then he was fucking power. Armando, are you okay? Nah. Oh, this is what you paid money for. Yeah, so these are the kind of bits. Yeah, so basically the way it ends is I'm trying to navigate my way to a place I've gone.

I can go to with my fucking eyes closed. Every road is closed. I've got like my maps open trying to see like the side streets. And I'm getting just like like man in the chair updates like all right. I'm walking past 15th and Scott and like okay Well, I'm on okay, Scott's up that way so maybe so I finally find her on she's on the side of the road walking and she's I'm just like Okay, so like are we all gonna go out so and she's just like yeah We're gonna go out. I feel good. Let's go drinking and then like by the time we get back on she's like

I passed out and I feel bad and I don't want to go. So then we then go out. So I think it is, well, that's good for me. I think it is very funny that I've realized that the horses are actually the best way to get through the streets of Austin. Yeah. Oh my God. I just got a text message from producer Tyler.

Woman accused of smacking police horse in the face. Austin police department have arrested a woman accused of smacking horse. First of all, they said they were gonna expunge that. Second of all, afterwards BK got in the car. So it was fine. God damn, Slavic. Oh, horse. Horse didn't do anything. I don't like horses. I don't fuck horses. Here's the thing.

On the in the terms of police animals, police dogs, I feel like they're narks. They're fucking nuts. Nothing more tragic than taking one of earth's best creatures and making it a cop. Yeah, that's the worst thing. And it's a fucking super cop, too, because it uses its nose to like a dog should smell other dogs' asses. Yeah. That's what it should get out of its nose. Not drugs and bombs. Yeah, we ruined that dog's life to where every time it smells something it's supposed

to smell it. Now it sits down. That sucks. That sucks. It's supposed to go ape shit, get the zoomies, run around really fast, ignore every time you call it back, and then scare you because you're like Do no no no nothing to traffic You know dogs are stupid

That's your fucking dog, but I will I do think I truly I do think that there is nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't become a detective I think if a dog gets good enough it's sniffing bombs and finding drugs You look for to promote it to take that. You bet. And then it's out there solving crimes. But police horse. Yes. Police horsey. Police horsey is basically just a cop car.

It is a cop car. It's a cop car that shits in the middle of the road. Yeah. So I don't think I am, I'm on the side against slapping police horses in the face. I think we should slap them. I think all horses, I don't believe in horses. I think they're demonic. I don't think they're of this room. Have you ever looked in the horses mouth? Yeah. With its huge human teeth. I looks like it looks a lot like a gift. It sucks.

Do you they eat that? How dare you? Horses eat baby chicks. Yeah, you can't keep horses and chickens on the same far. They'll they eat them. And I only think they eat them for food. They eat them for pleasure. They eat them whole. They lick them up with their weird tongues. I've seen that video.

It's fucked up. Oh my god. I don't have any to say that. And they eat them whole. And that's why, and also you said video of the horse. I just fucking kicked that goose in the neck. No, but that goose, that's the fuck the goose. No, this is the one time the goose is not in the wrong.

The goose in its gander were just fucking vibinging and the horse just fucking kicks it in the fucking head And you're like and then the video ends and you're like all that horse is a Batman It's like it's it back man the goose is a Batman Village who who not even the villain a gun who is now permanently changed forever. Yeah The We're not This is just trying to get to its job and then got fucking boom in the face by Batman The goose

He's, the horse. The goose working on a dock. There's just a big light in sky, and it's a huge horse. It's just a huge horse. Ah! I think that's one of our Fiona was kicked by a horse as a child. Yeah, when she was a kid, it was like a birthday party or something. Like a pony ride.

And the horse fucking like kicked her in the hip or chest and basically it took her out for a while. I mean, yeah, like a nine year old horse is suck. I personally really like horses, but I think we're, I think we're, God damn it. I think we're, how dare you use that against me. I think what is fascinating now is that we don't, I think we're too accustomed to horses,

just in terms of like seeing them. Yeah. Because like truly they are megafauna. They're legs, they're fingers. They are so big. Well, big horses are big, they're different sizes. But like a big ass horse is insane to see. Like nine feet tall, It's insane to see.

I don't know what you mean by too accustomed to horses. I think you might be out here in Texas, but I have, I have very rarely ever seen a horse in real life before. You don't got those like black urban cowboys in California. No, what are you talking about? Dude, there's a guy, I saw a guy on springdale, of course. Yeah. I got started guy on springdale riding a horse with a fucking katana. Yeah.

A sword riding a horse, a black eye with a sword riding a horse, the coolest mother fucking alive. Is that the sweet gun? No, this is a while ago. Okay, because I also saw, I saw two guys on horseback riding past my house this weekend. And I was just like, yeah, no, that's the thing. This is two butt guys and horses. That's, it like, yeah, I know that's the thing. This is two butt guys and horses. It's a thing. Okay.

It's a thing. I didn't know that that exists. Okay, that's fucking weird. That's weird. I think it's a Southern thing. I don't know about it. I think it is. It's definitely a Southern thing.

Because I've seen it in Georgia too. I have spent so much of my life in impoverished areas of Los Angeles, California. And every single time anyone saw a horse, it was the same reaction as damn, their mother fucker big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. We would see a horse, it would blow our tiny little

fucking minds, and then we would go about our day and telling everyone that we saw a horse. It was a life changing experience for us. I don't fuck with most barn animals, including horses. I don't fuck with them, they're big, they're scary. One kick could send you into the great beyond. Yeah, it can ruin me forever, but I do love horse girls because my dating experience is mostly horse girls because I my dating my dating experience is mostly horse girls. I think because I have thick hair. I'm very large. You remain. And I fucking love. Every time I get upset, my ex used to just put out a sugar cube on their hand.

Yeah, flat palm. Flat palm, because it will bite your fingers off. Oh yeah, I'll bite. I'm a bider. Yeah, also hung like a pool noodle. Just. Just. Yeah, and one kick for me could be a kick. Yeah, yeah.

Also, I don't talk about this enough, but one time I did just kick the shit out of Fio. She, okay, see, let's get into some parameters here, because what defines a horse girl to you? Because like, we all know that a horse girl, well, I mean, I say we all, a horse girl can be a horse girl without ever having had or ridden a horse. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, usually they've never ridden a horse.

Usually, yeah, usually it's not. Okay, I would say that there's two different types of horse girl, because I found a definition. A girl who wears t-shirts with horses on them and taper denim pants has really long hair in which they braid and fasten with a scrunchie at the back of the head. Low pony. Low pony. So that's one. That's like entry-level horse girl.

Yeah, that's the definition. American girl doll. Yeah, 100% well there is one in the same. Yeah, they're one in the same. If you had an American girl doll, you were a horse girl. Yeah. Here, here's the part that I need to specify was never part of it for me. Okay. Sometimes we'll gallop on the track during gym class. It's only friends with other girls who like horses and we'll look down on you because you are not a horse.

Now what girl from your past view picturing from your childhood? Because I have two in mind. We're in a Christina, obviously horse girl name for sure. Christina. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy.

That's crazy. All Christina's are horse girls. All Christina's are horse girls. See, okay. So here's the thing. I have never, I was never a horsegirl. I think they're important. A lot of my friends are horsegirls because there's a very thin line between like a thin blue line between being a horsegirl and being like an anime girl.

Yeah. They you choose a path. Yeah. But the line diverges very close. You are, your life will eventually result in somebody handing you two outstretched hands with pills on them where you get to choose what your destiny is. And it's usually not, it's metaphorical, like it represents something, like you'll be at a store one day and you'll see like a little house in the prairie book and then like the most bloody manga you've ever seen in your entire life. And that's when it happens. It's like, it's like, is it, is it like a Chinese or Japanese shoot?

Where they like get the baby and they put a bunch of objects in front of the baby to see what their career path is going to be. So it'll be like a scalpel. So see if they're going to be a doctor or like a spatula to see if they're going to be a chef or a law book. And then the baby just goes like in picks one and they're like, I don't know what happens. You can't be a chef or a law book, and then the baby just goes like, in picks one of them, they're like, oh, I don't know what that means. You can't be a lawyer.

You can't be told about giant white mommy milkers. You have to see it for yourself. I know that there's like the Buddhist traditions and in some Hindu traditions, but I've mostly heard it with the Buddhist of like laying out a bunch of artifacts, some of which can belong to... Oh, I like to see if it's a past life.

Important people, yeah. Yeah, well that's what it says. Is the llama? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which llama is just a horse? It's a spit better. Yep. So...

The llama just did not softball packers. But it's spit better. But it's spit better. Uh, yeah, that's God. Yeah, it's a very close path. I see it. But then what they don't tell you is that unfortunately the horse-goal path also has like a specialization underneath it that I did fall under even though I was in the anime camp. And that is warrior cats. What? What the fuck is that? Oh no, okay, I'm getting okay. So there's a series of books by an author named Aaron Hunter who is in fact two people and it's Aaron and Hunter. Okay, so basically what it is, it's these books, that are about these clans of warring cats who live in the wild. And there's like River Clan and like Fire Clan and like Water Clan.

And they like they all like have their own territories. But they also have a territorial dispute. The last person, the last hairbender. I'll kill you. So the first book follows this cat named Rusty. He was like a house cat who gets, he runs away from home and he joins he doesn't want to get fixed. So he joins these these free cats who are the warrior cats

and they live in these warrior cat clans and they have wars and battles and power struggles and leadership and like and it's the most insane. It's like it's a political drama, but it's all cats. And they all have dumb names like like like no, I wish like firepelt or sandstorm and Ravenpaw like and yeah, so she like in dovepilt. So. And Mr. McCavity. Yeah, Mr. So basically they they start as like they start as like these little like as kittens and

then as they get older they'll get specializations like they either become like a warrior or like a healer or a scout or or a trainer. Sure. Or the leader of the clan in which they become a star. And then they lead these like monthly meetings that all of the cats have where they discuss their interpersonal disputes. And there's a lot of war and death and bloodlines and there's like an afterlife and it's very complicated and all that is to say when I was in middle school we all had our own warrior cat personas that we would write stories about in composition notebooks that we would trade with one another so it would be like fan fiction we were writing about our cat sonas that we would all do collectively and we had one locker that we would like put these notebooks in and you would take a notebook out if you wanted to add to it and then like put it back

So someone else could write just you were just really living your best Tina Belcher live Here's the thing it was more Tina Belcher less furry Because it wasn't we never like we're like I'm a cat and young it was like within the confines of these composition books You were the difference I of these composition books. You were the difference between you and you were doing. I am shadow. And I am going to overthrow the leader of fire. I'm telling you some embarrassing stuff. Yeah, no.

The difference between what you were doing and being a furry is the money required to get the suit. Well, no, there is no suit because you're not an anthropomorphic cat. It's a cat. It's different. It's just a cat. I don't. There's no anthrop, nothing anthrop... Listen, I have friends who are furious and it's different. It's just a cat. I don't. There's no anthrop, nothing anthrop, listen,

I have friends who are furious and it's not that. Also at the time I was the human. Madam, I know, Various. You were what, Fobick? I was for Fobick, I didn't think Furious Revalid, I cheated them. I thought they were stupid and that what I was doing was respectable.

Is it Jesus? Fuck you and your yipping nonsense. Yeah, yeah, that's fucking bullshit. Anyway, I'm gonna go back and read about the political struggles between these two clans that we made up. I love so much that people are only interested in what is essentially just England's political struggles to the years, but yeah, they have to look at it

through the lens of stupid little animals. Yeah, but it was also very telling because the one thing that I always think about is one of my friends. He chose his warrior cat persona. Eight off Hitler. Eight off Hitler. To be, he was like a, he was like a Calico healer. Uh-huh. And, and he knows about cats.

Almost, I think all Calicos are female. Huh. So we were like, that that's weird and he's like gay So and we all knew he was gay, but he wasn't like you know when you're middle school and you're like you're different We all knew but he didn't and I feel like that was a good indicator like subconsciously that even like he didn't know He was like I'm gonna be a calico because I'm different and we're like yeah, you are But the jokes on him because we're we were all gay. We're all gay and we're trans now So birds of a feather or cats of a fur. Yeah, it's a Cats of a clan they could give together. Mm-hmm

Jesus Christ. I didn't want to know this much about your child. Oh, yeah, it's okay It's I only had like six friends so Like what age was this? At least you think it was. If you say above 12, I am walking off this set. This has to, this better be like 11 or 12. Yeah, this is fucking elementary school shit. In my defense. There's no defense for this no

Mm-hmm. I went to a gifted school which as we all know I mean that's that's is fodder for the prosecution if anything As we all know is what parents do when their kids are autistic, but they don't want to talk about it They send them to a gifted school. Uh-huh. Yeah, that, real quick. This was a piece of information. I just found out, because I went to a public school, but I was put into what they called the Gifted and Talented Education Program date.

But what I found out recently was that that was also where they put anybody who had trouble learning, and traditional way. So it's not that I was smart. Because my whole life have been like, they said it was smart. Why am I not smart? Why am I?

You asked him any questions and you're disruptive in class, but not in a way that they can punish. Yeah. It happened when I was literally that. I was literally that. I was in kindergarten and I got caught snapping crayons in the corner and throwing them away. And they were like, he's doing this because he's bored. I mean, no, I'm doing it because listen. It's fun.

Cracking. That's awesome. That's sick. But now it's true. I have sensory processing issues and don't know how to like deal. Yeah. I wasn't gifted or talented. I was on methamphetamines because the government said I asked too many questions.

Yeah. I was bored loud and asking too many questions and the third grades. They were like, we got gotta put this one somewhere else. Exactly. That's the problem. You're on a, we've strayed far field from the matter at hand, which is, how old were you, Griff, and all those was going down?

You narrowly escaped that line of question and by the other, we need to get back to how old you were when you were doing this here, Cat Clan, not sans. If it's middle school, I'll give you a pass. If it's stopped at the eighth grade, I'll give you a pass. If you were doing this while taking your driver's test, I am going to storm off this.

First of all, I didn't get my permit until I was 18. So there's that, and I didn't get my license, so there's 21, so it wasn't. And also, I feel like circumstantially, okay, so here's the thing. For high school, I switched schools after the eighth grade. I went to a new school of public school. It was horrifying. So I did this between seven, it was seventh and eighth grade. Seventh and eighth grade. But I didn't stop reading the books until come. Reading the books is fine. What the fuck? No. No. No. Reading the books is fine. I checked them out of the public library,

and I also read the spin off with bears. That's right. I truly feel like reading the books is fine. Doing the things with the notebooks is where I'm drawing the line. Well, I'm sure it was continued. I kept going to school with my friends, who I had known for the past four years, but I went to a new school where everyone was mean.

They weren't mean. They didn't want to write. Everyone was mean about your fucking. No, everyone was mean because I moved to a small town and everyone been going to school together since like pre K. And that show up in high school. Ninth grade, the hardest time to make friends. Again, all you do, do what I do, be huge as shit. Get on the football team immediately become cool.

Because no one knows that you're going to leave before the Sebastian. That's right. And that you can't play football worth a shit get on the football team immediately become cool because no one knows that you're gonna leave before this The best and that you can't play football worth a shit. Oh all that you know, I'm like oh my gosh So this is like so embarrassing. I mean, it's all moot because the fact of the matter is Griff gets more action than any of us. Oh Yeah Brothers cleaning up and by that I mean not. Yeah. Yeah. Growth is cleaning up. And by that I mean, it's getting very dirty. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's because society has become so fucking gross.

That's the problem, is that it's not, if you tell people that you used to write fan fiction about your previous cat lives, they should have done to you what they did to me in that they locked you in a special program and fed you full of math and Fed, oh yeah, they did that well that's the thing will know the gifted program is for when your parents don't We need to have the infetimines so instead they just put you in a separate school where you do stuff like I did where I Didn't we did block scheduling, but not the way you think you know how like block scheduling

You do like you do this on this day and then this one not day They were like so the first semester is just social studies in math. And then the second semester is science and whatever and with the other one. And then also the first semester and you get PE, second semester, arts. This is why this is proving my point in that you are a fucking weird piece of shit. I never said I wasn't. The defense is I never said I wasn't. The defense is. I never said I wasn't.

I've never denied that. I've never denied that. That's just behavior. Should be a warning signal to everyone you meet. And instead, life has become this weird world where you save it and people go. It just makes you really fuckable. Yes. Yes.

It's endearing. Don't get it. No. Here, I will boil us down. You know why it makes you fuckable? You know why it makes's endearing. Don't get it. No, here I will boil this down. You know why it makes you fuckable? You know why it makes you endearing is because it is an interest. And people are attracted to people

who have interests and passions and things that they care about. It's the people that who are vapid and who have like nothing going on and who just like are rudderless, rudderless ships on the ocean of life. It was just kind of like, it's like, if you show some interest, so some specialization, so some passions,

that is attractive, people are into that. It's no matter how fucking psycho-divided it is. It's like if you will say people who are like hot, their whole lives are funny, because they never had to learn how to have a personality. Like, for a mother person who's hot, and you're like, that's where they're bad at fucking too. They're also bad at fucking because they're like,

My presence is a gift. Yeah. But have you ever seen someone who's super hot but then you talk to them and you do something like tell a really funny joke and then they go like, and wait a little bit too long. Yeah. And you're like, oh, you don't know when the last.

You don't know what funny is. You don't know what funny is and you waited for everyone else to react before you did. That's weird. Or like watching like reality TV, like seeing like like, like to oh my god, like to hot the handle. Seeing how hot people flirt is like painful. Like they'll just be like, it's like the most insane thing. Like it would be like, Hey, what's your name? I'm Kyle. Oh cool. I'm Jesse. Jesse my my my sister's name is Jesse or you my sister. And it's like, oh, yeah, it's and then they'll fuck. They will fuck because it's there inexplicably pull out of the conversational tail spin that that is.

Just something that would be DOA conversation for any normal looking person. Yeah, watching hot people fuck feels like watching how people fuck her flirt. Was that what are you saying both? Okay, watching hot people fuck feels like watching how people fucker flirt was that was that what are you saying both? Okay watching hot people fuck watching them flirt feels like when You're trying to breed two animals and you just like put them to like they're gonna Yeah, now they're just saying words. It's almost like they have a word count They have to hit yeah before they're allowed to fuck each other, but they still Also, I wanted to go back for a second

because I've been thinking about how my father saved me from being a Harry Potter fan. Okay. Oh yeah, I was also a big Potter head. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. Oh yeah, I took my Potter more tests very seriously. I used to read Harry Potter books

when I was in like middle school, I believe, or something. Also, I'm going to note the reason that I'm like, my god, is I'm like 10 years older than both of you. Sure. I missed all the voli- So you just- I'm trying to think about what- I'm trying to think- no, because I wasn't- like I read the books, but I never missed

out. I kind of missed out on a weird fandom, I think. I just played music. I was just like- Good, I think. You lived at music. That was so, I think. You lived at a time where there were no fandoms. You just had mainstream culture as everyone was into the same stuff.

And if you deviated from that, even in the slightest, people were just like, if you're getting nervous. We should kill this guy. I definitely think I missed the window. Like the internet had just become, the internet was more of a thing and online communities more of a thing. by the time I was already in college

and by then I had like my group of friends. Yeah. So I just kind of like, when I was in middle school, sorry. I interrupted a lot. I feel like I interrupted it. When I, and you should feel that. So.

When I was in middle school, I used to read Harry Potter books and one time my father had custody for the summer and I went over there and I was trying We were in a long car ride and I was trying to explain to him the intricacies between the different groups that of the different Like houses. Yeah, within Harry Potter and personalities and style and my father my father the man who raised me goes damn You really be reading them books, huh? And I went Yeah, and he went I was young enough to where I just went

Fence who's like what 22 when he said that yeah You are right now. Yeah, he. Yeah. He was younger than I am now. Everything you were right now. Yeah. He had to pause Call of Duty to tell you that. To tell you that. Yeah. It was fucking gay. I love that shit. It's like, I know it's not just to think

at the Latino community. I know that it also is prevalent in all communities. But this weird thing too, especially where like, Mexicans just call shit gay all the all the time, just like black families. I see them call shit gay. Absolutely. I would argue my dad told me that wearing a seat belt was gay. Yeah, it's it's all arbitrary.

Yeah, it's all just it's a catch-all for like stuff that you don't want. Yeah, drinking out of a bottle is kind of gay. What I like is that it is kind of gay. Yes. What I'm not like drinking out of a can. No, that's. Oh, was it worth it? No, was of a can. No, that's Was it worth it? No, was it worth it? No, we're trying to keep throughout that can. Yeah, it didn't work instead. It's

slightly to be good. I got most of it. Most of it. That was impressive. Maybe my dad was still there's still some pre-drink on the side of it. My favorite part is that Latinos are finally starting to be able to within popular culture or within themselves get to like experience these weird, weird shit. I have told you guys so many times about the construction that is going on right outside of my lab. Oh, God.

What now? That starts at six in the fucking morning. So on Friday, I woke up because I heard the sounds of music and I realized that it was a boom box. They have this new thing that they're doing where they bring a boom box right upstairs to my window. And they put it on your windowsill. Yes.

As they are working outside of my house and it is right next to my head, you know with these, by the way, these full Mexicans who I have never once heard speak English to me before. Do you know what they were playing? God, I hope it's too much fun. They were playing the album Parachutes by Coldplay. The two of them?

What? The fog. Is that, is that Teo music now? Yes. What? You have not lived until you have heard a day labor outside of your window going You always all yellow I mean that this is this is just the split up from the decades because like when I was a kid I'd be like that's just gay really

Really nothing it's like we're cause she gay and then listen to the Smiths. Yes. Call she gay, listen to Prince. That's the blight. Yeah. That's the thing is that like my dad was part of the tradition that they were like, I don't like the Smiths. Because that, because that's just gay.

That's just gay. He heard too long. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't fuck with it. And then he fucked my mom who is like misses the Smith. Yes. Which I think I shouldn't I my mom listens to the show. I should have said fucked my mom. But it is what is it happened. It's what happened. We're here. It happened

at least once. Yes. And so that's like I love I there was I was bad for baby a minute when I woke up and he was the funniest fucking guy I've ever heard of my entire life and they had it on a CD on a boom box and every time yellow ended, by the time they got to yellow, every time it ended, they would hit it back. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they would hit it back. Yeah Oh, so they're gifted too Yeah, you do something to go like whistle three times really fast really loud and then hit it really hit the replay God it was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Oh my god. Hey everybody This has been just a real blast. And I hope that if

you're listening to this and you're a horse girl, my Instagram is mando. And if you're my mother listening to this, I'm not our mando. I'm somebody else. I'm Jacob Fullerton. And I'm here to do this podcast. Okay, we're going to head into RT Care's because we clearly have our lives together and are no longer bottom level furries. Not in a cat clan. Listen, listen, it's not furry.

It's more of like, imagine, imagine improv, but written. Shut up. All right. We're gonna go into RT cares to give you some good advice. So let's head in. Boom. BOOM. BOOM.

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Welcome to another RT Care. The segment will retake your valid questions and turn them into extremely dumb answers and conversation. Today, we've got a delicious one. My ex and I broke up about a year ago and I'm keeping a hundred with you. It was bad. We haven't really talked since. When we dated though, she used to make my favorite dish of all time and lately I've kind of been craving it.

Is it okay to break the silence to ask her for the recipe? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hell yeah, brother! Oh, it's on the sky! The fucking cajonas on this guy. I love this question. Yes. I love this question so much because of a few reasons. One, I have had to have a phone call where I walked an X on

how to make a stake. That's crazy. And then I've also had wanted to haven't, but wanted to text an X to be like, how did you do that thing? How did you do this, like how did you do that recipe? How did you set up this account or whatever? Like, what's your Netflix website? Yeah. That is the worst one. That's how you know the relationships truly over and they've moved on when you can no longer access the best.

Oh, absolutely, yeah, that, yeah. But is it okay to hit up an ex to ask for her recipe? And it ended badly. And it, ooh. All right, I got. What's the recipe? I got, yeah, that's a big one too. We talked about this.

We talked about this the other week actually that we all have, so page Wesley, co-host of Cult Podcast, another plug. Another plug. She and her family have a dish that they make that is a cheese dip. It's like similar to a hawk and queso in consistency, it's like Uighi gooey, delicious. But it's got the flavor profile, like garlic.

Artichoke dip? Artichoke dip. Yeah, and it is absolutely phenomenal. And her and her family call it the man catcher. Because it is coming this summer on, which is the man catch. It's the opposite of 30 rock bit bitch on turn. Yeah. Yeah, man catcher, which honestly, man catcher is a different term

for every SVU. Honestly, man catcher is a different term for every SVU. But yeah, they have this dish that essentially is like so good that it'll make somebody want to marry you. But they, they keep the recipe secret and hidden within the family. They only give it to you when you're in your first long term relationship. Exactly. When it's time for a ring, then your grandmother comes, their grandma comes out and bestows upon them an index card. Yeah. Elaminated index card, because that shit cannot get wet. It cannot get wet.

It's going to get wet. And we all talked about how we each individually have what we assume is our like man catcher meal, right? And mine is very traditional steak dinner. And that's pretty much it. It's the meal that I've made a thousand times. It's the meal that I've had to have conversation with somebody and walk them through how to make it. It's the meal that one time, and this is this is this is going to be fucking huge folks. One time a girl from Georgia that I was dating

told me that the steak that I made was better than her dads. And this is a white woman from the South. That's crazy. Telling me that the way that I cooked my meat was better than her white Southern dad. That's all they do is cook meat. Exactly.

They don't cook anything else. They only the other person that was looking at their chops was the therapist that had to deal with that kind of cycle. So it cannot find out about this. No, you cannot find out about that. It's fucking, it's incredible. It's the best, it's the best compliment you could ever. Yeah, absolutely. Other than like, you're a very good horse. All right, those are the two things that are shared. And so like, that's my meal. All right, those are the two things that are shared. And so that's my meal. Andrew yours is...

I used to have a couple of things that I like making as a specialty, but the thing that I made most recently, that I made it as an experiment. It wasn't from a recipe. I made it as an experiment, and then I could not stop making. I made it for dinner five nights that week until I ran out of, seriously, I made it every day for a week. So in it's very simple, you're gonna laugh.

I think I told you though, it is a grilled cheese sandwich. Now, I think, oh, how can that be? It's just a grilled cheese sandwich. First of all, shut the fuck up. It will not, blow your tits clean off. It's so good. First of all, I made a chimichurri compound butter. With no, I was like, I'm gonna use it on

like a couple of different things, just usually on a like baguette bread. I was gonna use it in some French bread, which it was amazing on as well. I got it real quick. I got a fucking, we got to try that with some hollow bread. Like, that like almost like brioche-times. I got it real quick. I got a fucking we got to try that with some hollow bread like That like almost like Brio sheet

So anyway girl cheese sandwich, but you get you use the Texas toast You get the thick bread and you butter each side of the outside bread with the cherry chimmy cherry compound butter And that's what you use like on the outside to give it that like to crisp the golden brown Use good quality Tillamook cheese on the inside you can go fancy here if you want to like go to like central markers I'm like that and can like a slice cheese, but it works perfectly And also what I like to do is like a grilled cheese, but I like to do, you might not like this, really thin sliced tomatoes on it.

Cause it needs a little acid, cause it's very, and the red wine vinegar that's in the chimichurri compound better, I does add that, but like that kind of gets cooked off by the sun. It's a little sweet acid too. It's a little sweet acid, so you want like something that's, you know, kind of like a neutral acid, like a tomato in there.

Anyway, and I usually put, and I like to do also with some like spinach in there. Anyway, that's how I like to do my goat cheese, but it will fucking blow your mind. It is so good. It'll blow you. It'll blow you. It's one of the things where I was like, oh, it's a way to elevate a grilled cheese in a way.

Or like, well, I can't go back to these maybe in sheepled grilled cheese now. Like it was pretty incredible. So that's my new special. Really quick, because I definitely, I know Griff's man catcher and I can't wait to hear it. Woman keeper, rather. But, I also like, there's something so great

about elevating a sandwich where like, I do, I think I got this from fucking house of cards or some shit, but it's a Chibata or sourdough, um, Pregute, uh, mozzarella, like fresh mozzarella, a little bit of a Rougola and then like an a-oli on both sides of the, of the bread. And it is like such an easy sandwich to make, but just elevating it slightly from like fucking sliced turkey or whatever. Toss that butter and you fucking compound. Oh, yeah, baby. Okay. I, now I'm just having a revelation. Ioss that bottom, you fucking compound. Oh yeah, baby.

Yeah. Okay. I, now I'm just having a revelation. I want to do that same girl cheese. I guess it stops me in your girl cheese at this point. Maybe who knows? Do it the same. Do it the same.

Do it exactly the same way, but do like really good pursuit. Like thin slice, like, in there with like tomato and the cheese and the spinach. Like from a deli. Yeah. I think in some humongue, humongue in barricade. Freshless. I've been getting some humongue, humongue, and barico. Oh, yeah. I've been getting some fucking pre-shoot

from this butcher shop here in fucking Austin. It's been incredible. We'll talk about it. It's a little talk shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're gonna blow it. It's fun. Can you tell it's almost lunchtime folks?

Can you tell it's someone called in the question about a recipe and we had given them no advice and just talked about delicious things we love? We're all talking about the fact that we all have something that we can get to the latables. Yeah, so, yes, please. Impatizing. So speaking of prosciutto, mine also has prosciutto in it.

It's a pasta recipe. Very simple, use penne, the tasty ashape. The finest pasta shape. The finest pasta shape. And I get a bunch of, I get like two to three types of grape or cherry tomatoes. So I got some sugar bombs, I just got some classics and I put them all in the thing together,

douse them in olive oil and two types of balsamic vinegar. Then I add a little bit of black garlic, or a little bit of black garlic stuff to it, salt pepper, a little bit of extra, a little bit of secret sauce, a little bit of secret sauce, a little spice mix, I make up. Then I, it's okay. It's cooking. I roast it until all of the tomatoes burst. Then I mix. And what she means roast it she looks at the pan and she goes boy. Until they're like until

they're a burst in with flavor. And then I get some pesto. Put that on the pasta as some p�ju, add some mozzarella or some Barata if I'm feeling fancy makes that all together in a big pot at an entire bag of spinach because it does Cook down to three pieces. Yeah, mix that up and serve it and I have never had anyone dislike it. Yeah, it's a perfect dish You just reminded me of the other stuff that I stole from a restaurant in Los Angeles called Oste de Amozzo, the recipe, not like actual physical stuff. Just trying to me have some silverware. Yeah, yeah. You reminded me of a fucking crab cracker. I said stolen from crab Joe's crab chef.

Yeah, I was called the cracker crab, which is not. Cracker Joe's, yeah, yeah, cracker Joe's. But there's this Italian restaurant that made these fucking charred peppers with barata and like a basically like a chili olive oil that they made that I found out how to fucking do from one of the chefs in the back. God damn, I love Italian food so much. It's delicious. None good here.

No, no. So I'll make you the pasta. Please do. I will. Because I have been craving Italian for like a mother fucker. But the point is is that everyone has one of these recipes that they used to do this stuff. And I think it sucks so much when a relationship dies and you're like, I just want to taste that food again. Because it was so good and it's all I want.

We also, the food did nothing wrong. The food didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, the food is like a child. The food is a child. Yeah, we don't love each other anymore. We should be able to love each other anymore. Doesn't mean we don't love you. Listen, you gave birth to him, but that is my son.

That is my son. That is my son. That is my son and I refused to let him listen to the Harry Potter. He was all yellow. Yeah. Yeah, I personally think that the best course of action is to lie to them and say that you wanna get back together.

So that, listen, listen, listen. I'm listening. Everyone in this room got like a weird face like I'm an asshole. Everyone shifted in their seat. I think that you should lie and gaslight your partner so that you can get back into a relationship with them until they make the dish.

But here's the thing, you're gonna have to wear like glasses with a camera. Yeah, like maybe sell up a series of intricate cameras in the kitchen. Yes. Every angle. In the bathroom. In the bathroom.

But mostly the kitchen. Backshops from the knife That's what I want to say And then you find out what the recipe is and then you cut ties you ghost This is yeah, you change your fucking name. Yeah, this is your final thing that you will ever do Yourself, yeah, and you will take this recipe to a non-extradition country. Until you realize that you were like, fuck, what was in that spice mix? And then you got to do it again. Yeah. Then you have to come over the alias and catfish this person. Yeah. Then you got to

get back in their life. Then you got to plan the funeral and ask them to bring the dish to the funeral. And then as your uncle wearing a fake appear, you have to, oh, what's the spice mix for this? Is this the spice thing after this? Yeah, you want to, oh my god. Yeah, I think lie. I think lie. I think lie and get back in a relationship to get. I think that's my advice. It's Mm. It's so great being back together. And you know what would really commemorate this wonderful reunion of two souls? Mm. That fucking dish you make.

That fucking dish you make so good. I go mad. I just feel like we're starting new. I want to establish like a new layer of trust between the two of us. I feel like if we told each other something that we've never told anyone before, it'll reestablish the bond and give us a new layer of trust between the two of us. I feel like we told each other something that we've never told anyone before. It'll reestablish the bond and give us a new layer of trust. So I feel like you could tell me like, I don't know, like your recipe and then I'll tell you something deep dark about myself. I'll tell you something deep dark and rich and delicious. I think the layers of trust are

real similar to what was that? Like two layers of mozzarella that you put down there. That's crazy. It says it meat sauce and then cheese or is it a choosing salt? Like I just, I'm just wondering. I don't want to reduce you to a recipe. I do want to do a reduction though.

And I might need to know. I think. Do you jam or fresh fruit, like, I think the consistency. I think one of the other things that I've, okay, this might be one of the worst things that I've ever said in my entire life, because I need to be very clear that the entire idea of gaslighting somebody is wrong. And you shouldn't actually know you should never do that. You should never do that. You should never do that.

But. Ty. No, we said, we said, don't do it. We said, don't do it. Disappointing is a high. Disappointing is a high. We said, don't do it. It's bad. Have you, this is a similar note to the question

that we were got. You ever had an exit do a thing that make you go crazy. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? And I don't mean like, oh woman. I mean like, you're like, oh woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember an ex who, uh, yeah, mid you, uh.

You ever had an ex who made you lay back and go watch this and then do something crazy on the dick? No, I'm the ex. Oh, shit. Damn. Talk about man's nature. I feel like the recipe thing is semi acceptable to like hit somebody up and ask them. But there has been multiple times where I

wanted to call somebody and be like, Hey, I know this is weird, but how you do that? How you make me come on? How you do that? How you make ropes? How you make rope shoes? How you do that? How you make me come home? How you do that? How you make ropes? How you make ropes, you. How you do that? And I, it's, you can't do that, right? No. Okay, absolutely not. What is she supposed to do?

Like, what, what, you bring the new bitch over and be like, all right, let me show you. I'm gonna show you one time. So you better get it, and that's it. Take your pants off, I hate you, take your pants off. How you do that thing with your mouth? B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, that she has gone back in time somehow.

They're so offensive she went back in time and created like dial tone on a mobile phone that doesn't just automatically hang up on you. That's something that like kids today don't have. You don't have to like one person hangs up on the other end. It's just the click and then the like, in or the B, B, B, B, B, B, B. No, it just hangs up.

It just hangs up., it just, it just, it's the call. And it hangs up. But yeah, so you have to, what I, my advice in this scenario is that if you are going to, if you've got the big swing and brass ones to actually like reach out after a bad breakup and try to get this information, one last job, coming out of a time of a one last job

to get this information, you at the very least have to have something to offer. Like this has to be a trade of some kind. You have to be able, you have to come to the table with like, hey, but here's the thing, you'd be like, hey, look, I would never do this because I would modify the conversation

so I would never do this. But like, I'm mortified of conversation so I would never do this. But like, if I were to come out of the woodwork, so to speak and be like, hey, I know things ended badly and I know we haven't talked in a while and that was like really sorry, but like, you know, something, and if I didn't say enough, I'm so sorry, but like you were an amazing cook. You were an amazing cook and you made this thing

that like I dream about, I think about, not you, this meal that, like, I dream about, I think about, not you, this meal. Not like, really change. I really do. I don't think about you at all. At all. Unless it's your disembodied body, bringing me my favorite dish. No, there is a gauzy, blurry haze that walks to the table and sets down this beautiful plate of food.

I need to be clear. I'm doing way fucking better. Yeah. But my life is not the one thing I'm missing. Is that? Nothing money can't buy. Yeah. That dish that you made.

Exactly. And that thing you did with your mouth. No. Okay, just the dish. Just the dish. Yeah. So I feel like that's a really good piece of advice. So come come with something.

It can be as little as maybe like an apology for all the awful things that you've done. Maybe it could literally be, there will be a Venmo and there will be a $100 Venmo deposits. As soon as like some sort of compensation. Yeah, compensation. I'll use what I have no commercials. And all that.

You can have your own show time. Come on. I'll you paramount plug. I'll you what I have no commercials. You can have your own show time. Come on. I'll give you paramount plot. I'll give you Pee-Kah. I don't care. You can watch stuff and fuck up my algorithm. I don't care. You can, you can, you can Netflix your show with a new guy.

Your day to day. I don't care. Please give me that recipe. Please. Please. I need it again. Damn. Griff, you have any, any parting pieces of wisdom for anyone trying to get that recipe?

I feel like these two, we're really running the spectrum of being a good person and like coming with something to offer, some kind of compensation and being a real piece of shit. I mean, committing like identity theft, fraud, grand theft. Yes. But that's just what I did. That's just yeah. Yeah, I feel like if you eat it enough, yes, grand theft. Yes, but that's just what I did. That's just yeah. Yeah, I feel like if you eat it enough, you can reverse engineering.

Really? Yeah. I'm getting a lab. Getting a lab. I break into your house, check her refrigerator every day for leftovers. Until she's made that dish again. Steal the Tupperware container from her home.

Replace it with exactly the same looking Tupperware container. Indiana Jones it. Indiana Jones it.. Indiana Jones. You're so rich in engineering. You were so close to doing potentially. Okay, here's a thing. I really love the idea of breaking into somebody's house and stealing it and using like lab equipment to fucking like using the plankton computer from SpongeBob to figure out what the ingredients are. But I I think you have tapped into something here that is perhaps the most hurtful thing that you can do.

Even more hurtful than the gaslighting that I am trying to make happen. I think if you tried to reverse engineer the dish that you used to make using your memory of what it tasted like. And you made this a thing that you did with the new person that you were dating, where you just told them like,

oh, there was this dish I had once that I wanna try. I thought we could perfect it together. And then you spend like weeks trying to like get it, do it from scratch, making the posture yourself, making it a bonding experience where you bond with your ex. And then when you finally perfect it, boom, post that shit on Instagram. We, and then the story of like me and Madeline

spent the last couple of weeks trying to make this pasta dish that I had once can't remember where boom. That is the worst shit. That is the most diabolical shit you could possibly be. That's the worst outcome. That's the worst timeline. That's the worst one. That's chaotic even. That's worse and pretending to love them again. Yes. That's what I'm saying. It is so devious. That's so beautiful. It's,. It's so we've really given you the whole fucking spectrum of being a piece. And those are the only options. So choose one.

Yeah. That's what you're on. That's what I'm asking. That's insane, actually. That what I'm proposing that we do sounds like it sounds like if Drake made a cookbook, that's how petty it is. It's just called still in the recipes.

It's like, well, you have to understand this, and we welcome your questions at RTCaresAtRusty2.com. If you have questions that you want to answer, please email us there. But you have to understand that when you come to us with your questions, we're going to give you sitcom solutions to things, which is like the opposite of open and honest

communicate. Like, it's like, we're going to give you what would phrase your crane do to get those recipe. What's your, your answers are what would phrase your do? My answers are what would cremert. Yeah. Exactly. So like, you know, in that they all involve going to the laugh factory.

So, Jesus. Yeah, RT cares at roostertief.com. If you want these solutions, if you want good solutions, go to fucking always open. Yeah, go to open, get a real answer. We're not gonna give you that.

We're not gonna give you that. Yeah, we're gonna give you the true, like the take two dates to the prom answer. Yeah, real goblin energy. We're gonna give you goblin answers over. Yeah, I'm fucking George Costanza asked recipes for this. I would just see my feeling mine is this George Costanza answer. I think it is.

Yeah. You don't understand, Jerry. Really quick though. Before we go into always on, we wanted to give a shout out to two pieces of content that are coming out on Rooster Teeth or at this point have already come out from Rooster Teeth groups. First and foremost, if you are a fan of Fun House,

which you absolutely should be, Fun House putting out some of the most top tier content that we have ever put out as a company. Right now, they have a new series that is... You gotta read it to get it right. I want to make sure that I read it because here's the thing is that it is a combination of some of the fan favorite shows that they have had over the years. I actually have ad copy here in a move that is not at all pandering.

Funhouse is bringing together fan favorite concepts into one combined extravaganza of a show demo wheel James Patrick and Jacob spin the wheel to pick a game play the demos and let's be real devolving to looking at rule 34 pornography. New demo wheel episodes come to youtube.com slash fun house every single Wednesday. Go check that show out because I watched a couple of episodes and go check that show out because I watched a couple of episodes and fucking hell is it so funny I love fun houses content so much to go please please go check that out and secondly if you're a fan of Carrie and actual cartoon character Chris Demarice yeah then you should check out simple walk to all episodes are available now on roostertief.com. So go check those out. It meant so much to them to be able to do that trip again.

And I know that it would be in the world if you went and checked it out. It also aged them horribly. It has to. It took a toll on their souls. You could see it in their eyes. They're lifeless black shark eyes. You can see it.

They don't really talk about it much. But I think it has to do with the fact that they murdered that guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, which you'll have to watch to find out what weapon they used. Yeah. And which guy? And which guy?

It's crazy that it turns into a true crime documentary of them hiding the crime. Like halfway through, yeah. Yeah, but it's still great content and all of that, including the future trials, we'll be available on Rister T. Taco. So go ahead and check that out. But now it's time to get to my favorite part, Always On. Welcome everybody to Always On. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but the news is terrible. So we have taken some headlines and turned them into punchlines. Today we are doing our world famous circle joke where Andrew and I sit in a circle with Griff in the middle and we joke off a rounder and then you pick your funniest one to completion. To completion. We joke off to

completion. We get all of it out. And then we ask you, come again. How many more of these you think we'll do before HR gets involved? I honestly have surprised they have it. They have it. This show is just in this show just is playing chicken with HR constant. Yeah, I feel like 100%. No, I'm going to start us off this week. Kick us off. Yes, please. A man who lost a fight to a bear and had his lower jaw removed has said that he is healed up and ready for round two.

Why? That part's not the joke, by the way. That's a real quote. And I haven't heard of somebody this ready to go at it with a bear again since I went to the gay club with Blizz Bear this year. Yeah. Ah.

Insatiable. Insatiable. and since I went to the gay club with BlizzBair, this officer will recover, but it's devastated because that was his dog shooting finger. They can't get enough of it, folks. They love shooting dogs. It's their favorite thing. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Uh, uh, last week, the CIA finally admitted that the coup it started in Iran was, quote unquote,

undemocratic. Shit, a word. Committed to being better. The agency promises, quote, from now on, we'll only do the cool shit. Like when we introduce crack to the black community. That's the cool shit. We'll only do the cool shit cool now.

Shops the greatest hits. Yeah, and by greatest hits, we mean jiffy. We need more, we need more. We need more, we need more. Ah! Oh! Griff from the center. Oh!

Mala! Griff, griff from the fucking book depository. Yeah. I'm actually on the null. Oh. Oh my god. Folks, it's now time for an orbituary. A solar eclipse covered Austin in a dome of shadow and made everything dark, but not as dark as the time

I got terrible dome in the back of a Mitsubishi eclipse in 2003. Absolutely incredible. Oh my god. Oh, bleak. Anyway. Jesus Christ. California legislators are working on a law forcing people with addiction to get help upset by this. The CIA is should have stayed been saying, okay, maybe the crack thing was pulled either. Maybe we're just really bad people. We were just hoping to get some more movies like New Jack's. It's not gonna happen. Do you know that they f-?

Never mind, this stuff is stupid. I was gonna say, did you know that the movie that they were filming when they did Project Argo was the first Tyler Perry movie? It makes no sense. It's stupid. I just love the idea of them filming on the DM movie. Hello! It's a Servant sense. Stupid. I just love the idea of them filming on the DM movie. Hello. It's their last year. Last joke of the show folks, and then we'll let you go home.

Uh, I now a story about a road I'd like to go down. Hundreds of plaster cats, a female genitalia fell off a truck in Russia and spilled onto the roadway. Cleanup was nearly impossible after the all-male road crew couldn't find the clits anywhere. We're all in season of the jokes. These are the jokes. Absolutely phenomenal. Well, we've covered everything from the CIA to pussy.

Yep. Plaster cast pussy. Plaster cast pussy. Griff, what was your favorite joke this week? Jesus Christ Oh, man, this is a tough one I'm gonna it's oh god. It's gotta be it's gotta be it's gotta be it's gotta be it's C.I. You go come on Really good there we go. Yeah, thank you so much. I actually want to I

Want to give my joke of the week to Griff for the CIA agree to sit. Yeah, because that was fucking phenomenal. Yeah, lined up your fucking sites and everything. Oh, God, magic bullet of a real. So, hey, thank you for joining us everybody. This has been another great episode of RTP and we will see you next week. And as we say, each and every week, six Semper Tyranists. We'll see you later. Bye. Who's that guy in a suit?

Oh, oh, fuck. Thank you.