Rooster Teeth Podcast - Solid but Not Hard - #435

Episode Date: June 23, 2017

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It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motor-mouthed outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church, twisted metal, streaming now, only only on peacock. Oh, my God. Ah! to a special Thursday edition of RISTIPOTATES. I'm Gus. This is Jessica. She's new. Are you not gonna yell at her? I was tapping COVID. Hi, I'm a beardless Adam Kovek. Hi, I'm Josh.

Say beardless. Who's going? Who's going? It's Brandon? Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's not hard to know the protocol, because I'm just sitting here in the back. You're gone. Tyler. I'm just sitting here in the back. You're good. All right. Tyler. I'm John. And I'm Gus.

Already regretting it already. So that was smooth. Remember when we saw a smooth? Remember when Falcon showed up in Ant-Man? So people are asking, I didn't remember that part. I quite read your podcast stories. I see someone here on Twitter who is at Cobalt-Cloes asking, I don't know what I'm missing out on,

but any clue why there's a second RT podcast going on right now. So as part of our summer schedule, we decided to add a second RT podcast on Thursday and have it be kind of a test bed. I feel like we're kind of boxed in on Monday, right? Like there's only so much we can do and people expect a certain formula. So I thought we thought, why not add a second show where we can do things a little bit differently,

maybe some stuff that wouldn't fly on Monday, that way people don't feel like they're missing anything, like we're not taking away their Monday experience. You still have that, but we can try new things, maybe be a little different, mess with the format a bit. After dark. On Thursday, right? Yeah, so like I've always wanted to have Jessica on, So it's because I was thinking you're really good on always open and I don't know why Tyler's here. But I thought you hated me. I'm very shocked. But I'm on this.

It was all brand. Yeah, good. Unfortunately, Gus did not have approval. I've been trying to, I've been trying to be like, kind of hands off because I think that's like the cool thing about adding the second show is like I said, we're not boxed in. We're not like oh people expect this or expect this they don't like this And I'm like that like it's all additive. It's all new. It's all extra. So that's just well best of it once you what happens So

This is actually a very nice person We get this right Adam you stop it. Well, he might hate you you fucked up one time I learned something new about you like five minutes for the show Gus you've played spin the bottle before yeah, I think there's a problem with your name so Yeah, I think once I played spin the bottle when I was like 12 How did go I kissed a girl? Did you like it? I can't

Hey, you haven't tried you haven't tried it with anything, okay? Oh and and I'm just watching you guys bomb Someone said so people are asking why there's so many people on set. I will explain Adam's Adam's about to leave Yeah, I have a flight in about 30 minutes So hey, I just want to throw out some, I want to just give some visuals to the fact that people don't have beards and that's okay. He also may have been drinking earlier if you can't tell.

Always open, fucks you up. It sure does, man. Oh my god, did they shave you on always open? My balls, yeah. Yeah, both won. Blaine did it with his mouth. Yeah. It sounds like him. It's like something in the Flintstones, right?. Blaine did it with his mouth. Yeah. It sounds like him.

It's like something in the Flintstone, right? We were biker mustache with your teeth. It's like that, but with testicles. There's a lot more elasticity down there though. There shouldn't be, John. You need to go to the doctor. My balls are very elastic. Your should be too.

No, they're not. You like you pull on them and they just like. No, right. Do you have long balls? Do you have the short ones? like, you have long balls and you have the short ones. I got a short one. You have the short ones. You're the most gender fluid straight male I've ever met. Yeah.

Thoughts. Also, I'm leading in about 30 minutes as well. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like you're abandoning this project right away by leading your business. No, no, no, I don't. You just see gays.

I'm not used to the Thursday timeframe, I double booked, so I'm gonna be here a little bit and I'm gonna take a little bit. Jessica's very ask her about her casting auditions and the time she smuggled meth to Columbia. Great stories. Oh god, damn it, dude. Keep it on the down.

No, no, tell it. People wanna hear it. Wait, did you smuggle smuggle? That's a smuggle. That's a smuggle. Miggle. Yeah. What did you smuggle?

Just a muggle. No, I wanted another real story. Yeah. What did you smuggle? Smeagle. No, I wanted another real story. No bit. Did you smuggle something? Well, I sure did. Women have two holes. You know? No.

Three. Three. Three you can use. Three. Two you can really use. Are we talking about smuggling? We're talking about smuggling. We're talking about smuggling.

Yes, two holes. Two. And so therefore I can bring in more than probably your average man. You don't know about Tyler? That's true, I don't. Have you seen his situation? I haven't.

People have though. Things and people have been in my butt. Which is fine. It's 2017, I'm totally cool with that. Question, can I guess which hole it was? Sure, I'm not gonna answer, but go for it. It was your vagina. I don't know. Did you put an F at the front of there? Fagina. not gonna answer, but go for it. Who's your vagina? I don't know.

Did you put an F at the front of there? Fagina. Fagina, yeah, your front. The front of the vagina, the back of the vagina. Yeah, it's yeah. If you guys don't know what the back one's called, you put all the front of it. It's hot guess is fantastic.

I'm drunk. I feel like it'd be easier to you, like, you put it in the back, how do you get it out? How do you think you get it out? If you put stuff in the back, how do you get it out? It was a B. No, don't people go to the hospital because they shoved stuff up there and they can you get it out? How do you think you get it out? If you put stuff in the back, how do you get it out? It was a knee. No, don't people go to the hospital because they shove stuff up there

and they can't get it out. This is what I've always thought to do, actually, is to get you know tampons. They have a string attached to them. Just get a very large, somewhat large tampon with a string attached to it, put it in like a tampon and you just pull out with a string. It's like, I'm just gonna get tampon.

It's an issue. Like a parachute. So I've always thought that time release capsules of alcohol would work well in the club. So before you, because how much is a drink us at a club, right? Like $12. Yeah. So you pop pill and then it dissolves

and then after you just go like shot in your stomach, why not that? Because when we get to do the tampon, so tampon. So you'm sorry, to you can do that. I could. I could put a vodka soap tampon up my A whole Gus, but I'm a man. What was that? What was that?

Jack asked Steve. Oh, didn't he like chugging it with? No, I did, but there was a fraternity. Uh, I believe in Tennessee because it was called the Tennessee butt chug and fraternity guys were doing that. Yeah, you have to be careful. You got to be careful. It's the tiniestly like you can re-overload your system and not realize it. Yeah, you have to be careful. You gotta be careful. It's spontaneously like you can reallll stream overload your system and not

realize it. Yeah, they found people with a blood alcohol level of life passing the filter. Not point always. Yeah, eight percent alcohol in the blood. Are you saying that these capsules would be like pregame things that you would do? The idea is so John, my friend Adam, I've ever been to the downtown Los Angeles area, there's always a lot in places like the exchange or the Trine before you get into the club, you just pop the pill. Yeah, and it's a time of least capsule. So by this is my invention By the way, I guess I shouldn't really be promoing it. Yeah, we've got two inventions on this. Yeah, but it's just vodka and then like by the time we get in the club, I'm like, whoa, there's vodka in my stomach.

I think that's just called MDMA. It's gonna say that's exactly your something, right? I guess. It's just drugs. You're just talking about drugs. Just shoot heroin in the parking lot. It is downtown LA. It's hard to walk through downtown LA

and not be injected with heroin. How dare you. It's a mess. Well, it would be my first step for buying Harlan? I don't know what you want. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off.

I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off.

I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I'm feeling a little bit more off. I work. We did work somewhere. You regretted that. I perked

as I'm saying it. We used to do this contract work out in LA at a studio out there. And there was someone, there was an employee at that place who sold job was to get you drugs. It's like, what's their job time? I don't want to really get in a specifics about it, but it's like, if you wanted anything, there was someone. You just told that person what you wanted, and that person's job was to go get drugs and bring them back. We should use somebody here. He drug or whatever.

Like Morgan's even in Shawshank stuff? What? Like, he was the guy that gets you stuff. Yeah, what about like new code red? Like the great stuff. Now you're thinking, now you're like jolt. I'm gonna jolt. What was the thinking. Surger like jolt. I'm in a galt. I'm in a galt. What was the one that was saying that it had more caffeine?

I saw a ball in a convenience store the other day. Really? I think Lauren saw Zima the other day. Oh Zima's everywhere. It's back. Yeah, finally. I saw a pose on that. I saw Zima in the airport.

Oh. Yeah. I will buy some on my way home. This is the saddest thing I've ever had. But I don't think balls is back, right? Like balls is gone. I made me think that that that bottle of balls at the Kavinen store had been there for like 10 years.

I just spilled B.A.W. L.S. just getting ready. Yeah, it's a blue energy drink. That was really popular. Well, yeah, no, I definitely had the drink that had like the little like mochi balls in it is like UFO or like Fuck maybe it's just an LA thing. It wasn't good. Is that is that what we're gonna do? It was an LA thing

Maybe I don't know I think it was what we got more and some screen. Hey That's a lot of Zima. Yeah, that's Walmart. That's his natural habitat That it 49 for That's a Walmart. That's his natural habitat. Is that 849 for... Just give a say, is that fairly famous? Is that what you'd like to do? I would buy that and just hold on to it. Or is that expenshulter? I think that's really cheap. Is that cheap for Zima? It's cheap for alcohol. It's cheap for alcohol. Yeah, for sure.

What was Zima again? You ever see Mike's heart lemonade? Or a smirno? You ever see that really cheap, shitty beer? They sell like at Walgreens. I think it's called like big falls. And you get like a six pack for $3. No, it's serious. Yeah, I fucking love that stuff. Like vomit in a bottle right there.

Jesus Christ. And aluminum cans. Oh, oh, in a little can. Yep. It's so shitty. But it's like, this is a 50 cent can of beer. Jeez. Where did you drink alcohol in high school at any point?

Yeah, I grew up on the border, so it was really easy. It was like walk across and go. You just walk across and go. Yeah, okay. In Mexico, if you can order it, they'll give it to you. It doesn't matter. A lot of good pharmacy drugs, see, right? Oh yeah.

But did you all have beards? No, I actually got my beard relatively late. I don't think I could win. I couldn't really grow a beard, probably until I was like 22 maybe? Man, I looked at it. I could remind it was, I couldn't really grow a beard. Probably until I was like, 22 maybe? Man, I looked at, I could remind was like 15, and I had the voice, so I was buying beard gas stations convenience stores.

John is trying. Yeah. I don't know why you want to try. I see some of these days, I'm going to get alcohol from a restaurant one of these days. Did you see, I tweeted a photo of myself when I was a 17 year old photo of myself. Little baby Gus.

The other day. You're gonna look the same. Oh, good. Dude, that was sexy right there, man. So sexy. That's not the appropriate response. I mean, I did. Not worth it.

He was 17. I know my age can send in every state. And in Texas, it is 17. That's creepy. Yeah. What the picture? 17 year old Gus. It's a very prominent look for you.

I can't see him. You played Starcraft. You rock in those glasses. Like, I bring a lot of old Gus It's a very prominent look for you. I can't some you played Starcraft rock in those glasses I'll have to get a better photo of it Old did you guys ever drink for locus? Is that so yeah, you can still get that that's really dangerous shit I knew a lot of people that drink that actually in college because I think it came out when I was in college in 29 now. God damn it. It's the drink that's in the insane clown posse. Is it? No, no, that's a Figo. Yeah, Figo.

Oh. Four locus, great. And four locus actually illegal in some states. Yes. Okay, that's what I was going to ask because I know that's just dangerous. It's an energy drink with alcohol in it. Yeah, that makes people go crazy. And if you have a Honda CRX, you can fuel it. Good to know. Do you have to leave? I want you to stay tonight.

Really? I have all sorts of info. Have you read the, what's that an anarchist cookbook? Oh yeah. Yeah, I haven't memorized. You know an A-POM taste like? Forloco. Exactly. It's crazy. You ever want to fly again Adam? Do I want to fly again? I think you're pushing your luck. That's why you get on a flight list.

Oh, I thought you meant like Superman. Ooh. You want to fly? You're like going to push where are you Adam? Where are you? I had an existential question for my wife, the other day she goes, would you rather operate or fly? Teleport. Teleport. I don't know that word here. Teleport for you Muggles. from my wife, the other day she has, would you rather operate or fly? So teleport, teleport.

It's apri. I don't know that word here. Teleport for you, Muggles. Yeah, like, like, remember in Harry Potter, like, you could operate, I don't know. Can we just say teleport? Yeah, teleport was at it. Was it teleport for sure?

I don't know the fuck that was. You tell me. No, I want to hear it again. I'm not gonna do it. I want to hear it. No, if I ask you. This is your show, John. If I ask nicely, would you do an English accent again?

It's a You did it for me. That's because you love me out of embarrassed You kind of an Irish there. No, no Scottish dot hitting like Please A stroke when you're doing You ever seen transpodding? That's the whole movie. Yes, yes, I couldn't understand half of it.

It was hard time because also Jess was asking me, she's like, would you rather teleport or fly? And I was like, why wouldn't you teleport? It's like, we'll say like we went on a flight together. It's like, you could just teleport there while I had to sit on a plane. I'm like, I guess I could just sit on a plane with you, but I would be like, antsy, because like, it just leave.

I don't even know what you could leave. I should have come to leave. I'm going to come back. Oh, I've seen Sakari already in Amsterdam, right? Fly is an experience though. Like, what are you saying? Yeah. Like, I'd rather fly than teleport.

I think the plane goes down. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. There's friends in Cove. Tell me something. If you can teleport, you can fly. All you do is you teleport yourself like 10,000 feet up in the air, you're flying.

It also depends on how fast you can go. Ah, true. Before you hit the ground, you just teleport again. All right. The velocity stays. Huh. What do you mean if the velocity stays? Well, you teleport to the sky.

You fall. And then you teleport in the velocity of your tail. No, it's not the teleport. Well, that's not how your teleportation. Her question led to me asking me if I'm like, well, where can I teleport to? She goes anywhere. I'm like, anywhere in the known universe,

or beyond, she goes, yeah, I'm like, fucking take teleportation, because then I can go to like different planets and different universes that you die instantly though. Is it nobody? What if I had a space suit on? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, is it night crawler rules where he could teleport?

Only if you've seen it? No, no teleport, things in proximity is your touching touching so you could take a space to me but her rules were out the fucking window. Well it's never specified to like how fast you can fly when people ask this question like are you going like 20 miles an hour yeah I get really boring. He's gonna go into the back of your back or you like going light speed like that's that's never in or just like so slow like you fly at one mile an hour. Well hour with the most useless thing in the world. Like a fucking right brothers plane.

It's like five feet above the ground. Look at me, Wilbur. Look at me go. He's like, boo. He pees shit. Yeah, if you could fly only at the same speed that you could run, which the max is one of my goals. Oh, God. Yeah, like what muscles are using to fly are you like?

I like Adam's flying like a crotch flex like Is it like Superman or do you have wings? I was imagine you have wings. Why would you know wings are worse? That's a lot of work I was hoping it was just some magical thing where I would just stand there and be like, boom, that's it. But it is exactly. It is the question of like when you can fly

without the aid of a wing, what is it that is propelling you and how do you control how fast you go? You never understood the rules of like Superman or Manacale where he's like, you're special. You can fly, it's like, hold on, hold on a sec. Like I can just jump and move. I'm confused, I don't know.

I don't know the physics, I don't know the rules. I think with Superman, it's just mostly, he's mentally controlling his, he like, he controls his gravity around him. That was the sun. Right, through the sun. It allows him to control. He allows to control the gravity around him.

But what about birds? He just pulls himself in different directions? Yes. Because it never earns to that. The flying thing is... Are you worried about the birds? They need you to do it. They need you to do it.

Yeah, the flying thing, I don't like it. I like teleportation because the flying thing, you don't know how fashion go and then there's birds up there, so you can be pulling a cap and sell it all day long. You're gonna be running into the birds. I would take a polygobbio just to get hit. Yeah, you're gonna hit by birds and birds and then you get a deal with Incliman weather. That's a thing, because it's the clouds, and that's where weather is.

I'm with you, Tyler. I'd rather just call it seed. This is honestly my fantasy of why I prefer flying, and that's because with flying, you'd be able to just go up into the sky where no one else is, and actually just be away from everybody, like in a place that literally no one could be.

And that's part of my loaner mentality, thinking that sounds fantastic. That does sound fantastic. where no one else is and actually just be away from everybody in a place that literally no one could be. And that's part of my loaner mentality of the thing and that sounds fantastic. That does sound fantastic. That's peaceful. See, Gus is on my side with that. You're winning me over a little bit. Like, I mean, you're gonna be a little bit up there.

So you're gonna be, well, my pass out. I think with that, you got your biologist to change as well to build an adapt to higher altitudes. Well, if you wanna be alone, take a fucking parko and go to Antarctica. You're gonna be sitting there. No, but I just like, you're fine. Okay, shut up.

If you have ever been just like in your in a situation at night and you're like, gotta just be so cool to go straight up, like a hundred feet and just be able to like, just be up there and just like look around and no one's up there and you can just still hear stuff. You don't even fucking Antarctica. You can actually just be in Austin, a hundred feet in the air.

If you teleport, you can do that. For a second. There you go. Teleport in Austin, in the hundred feet in the air. If you teleport, you can do that. For a second. There you go. Teleportation wins, hands down. Yeah, I saw jumper. Yeah, what if it doesn't work? Jumper. Is that one of them where you pull?

So like, okay, we've always had moments where we're like, oh yeah, I know what I'm doing. It's fine. I know how to like, what? When you said that, Adam. I'm just trying to think of like weird much, like I know how to flex that weird muscle with that one time, it doesn't work.

Where you're like, I'm double join and look, and then it like it doesn't work. Where you're like, I'm gonna go join it, look. And then it doesn't work that one time, like what the fuck's going on? What's the weird muscle we're talking about? I would say even walking. Yeah. Like you walk all of my legs work. But shivry now and then it's like,

oh shit, you stumble. Yeah, because you think about too much. Because your brain over thinks it and then you go, oh yeah, this is easy, wait a minute, it's not that easy. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there's a difference between stumbling and forgetting how to walk. That's the difference. Wait, wait, ago, I did.

There's no walking going on. Again, this is outside sources aiding in that. But if you were flying, you wouldn't just be like, flying up and fall, you might just kind of like change altitude. What happens if you're flying or you're, yeah, and then like the minute it doesn't work, and you're sort of gliding, you're like, wait, it's not working. Do you flip out and forget how to do it?

I don't know, it depends on how much practice you have. The same as a kid when they learn to walk, they might not be good at walking at first, but as is adults now, the muscle memory is there that we don't forget that kind of stuff. What if you're handicapped? Do you want to teleport or fly if you're handicapped? Like if you're in a wheelchair?

I think flying would probably be more... Flying be more exhilarating. You have to take the chair with you. Them. You're a handicap, like if you're in a wheelchair. I think flying would probably be more. Flying be more exhilarating. You have to take the chair with you. Them. You're a smarter man. Yeah. Maybe scared though if you could teleport and you were just like passed out or just almost passed out drunk.

Like think of all of the stupid decisions you'd make teleporting someplace when you're completely hammered. Then you wake up and you've got like all the Fort Knox gold and you're living your life. Oh, someone's gonna be looking for this. And teleporting has its own dangers of like the whole like teleporting into something. Like a bird.

Oh, but what is with you and birds? It's just always pretty bad about that. I heard my bird. Where did the bird touch you? They never, Superman never runs into a bird in it. Well, he could and he's invulnerable. And it wouldn't matter. Yeah, it wouldn't matter.

But it's like something you don't have to always. If you like when that baseball we wouldn't matter. Yeah, I know we wouldn't. Turn and do like some wild. Do you? If you like when that that baseball, I hit that bird. Yeah, when rainy Johnson did that. I knew you'd know the name of the person. Most amazing video. If you've never seen that, he literally blows up a bird right across. It's just like cartoon style. Think about it though, how long is baseball been around 120 years?

That sounds about right. Yeah, and it took that long for a birdie be exploded by a baseball. It seems like it should have taken longer. Like it's such a weird. This is all right. It's happened. I've since then too. It has. Yeah, I definitely have. I was in. I've seen others. Yeah, it wasn't like a guy throwing a hundred miles an hour though. Yeah. I've seen two videos. One where the bird explodes and then one where it hits a home run and the ball hits a car driving by where it's like

How many games are there a year? 180 per two? 62 Fuck me, right? Like that's no one should play anything that long. No, it's way too long. It's too much I thought you were gonna describe the natural I thought you were gonna say you saw someone in a home run and the skin fell off the ball and the core just kept going. And the lightning hit your back. Sure, that's you.

Or the year where you break your army and throw that into the house. It's attendance. They're super tight. I haven't watched that movie since I was a kid. Good for you. I wonder if it holds up at all. I ran into that guy actually.

What did he view? He's married to a DJ named Colette, who's like a house DJ. She's really good. But he like married her. And remember I was, I was, we're gonna have a house music documentary and he was just hanging out off to the side

like jamming to her. He was like, it's fucking rookie of the year right there. That's cool. Did he do anything else? I'm looking him up right now. He married a DJ. Smart.

She's talented. She's great. What happened to the kid and angels in the outfield? Who? I can look one up at a time. Thomas, he didn't tell us. He didn't tell us. The kid and angels in the outfield? I can look one up at a time Thomas I'm gonna tell us the kid and angels outfield's not Danny Glover. He was in American pie. Yeah, that was like The one that's little big league you're thinking of I'm looking at was fucking I am DB you asshole. Oh the fuck am I looking at the wrong thing?

I didn't know that I can't see He's typing on a computer The shitty movie you were thinking of? Angels in the Outfield. That is shitty movie. Christopher Lloyd's in it. It's a strictly depressing story. It's weird because the Disney just buy the angels to make that movie.

Actually, that's the old one. Yeah, they're like, we bought these sports scenes. Fuck, we didn't make movies. I personally love the Sandlot. That was my favorite movie. Oh, Sandlot, that is the best. The best based movie ever, those are the older ones. Who's the kid?

I'm not. It's the only based one. Oh, yeah. It's not baseball movie ever. Those are older. Who's the kid? It's the only baseball. Yeah, it's not any gold. I'm not 20. Dan. Susan Sarandon that one guy that's in every baseball was the ever man Kevin calls him. What's going on over here now? No, he would have been really trying to forget who the kid was in Angels Nail Phil. Was it Joseph Gordon? Love it. No, holy shit. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Because I was he doing that was night or yeah, he would have been 13. It was. Well, yeah, well, baby. Just a little Joseph. Good for him. I'll go for it. South for him. It wasn't it's super sad. Like the whole reason he wanted the

angels to win was because he had a deadbeat dad. Yeah, we like drove away on a motorcycle. Yeah, when the angels win the pennant. Yeah, such a fucking thing to say. Classic Disney movie. Jack, what I'm going to mention, sorry, before we get too far into the podcast, we are doing a charity fundraiser right now. We're partnering with Ome's.

And you can visit the fundraiser at omays.com slash rooster teeth. There's a bunch of cool prizes in there. I think the grand prize is a plat, we're calling it a platinum pass to RTX Austin 2017 and I believe you will win airfare and accommodation to to RTX in a couple of weeks and you'll get a special pass. It's a VIP pass, but it'll also allow you to access some backstage areas and have lunch with a couple of Rooster Teeth employees. Not me. There's a bunch of really cool stuff on there.

You should check it out. Let's see what does it say. Grab lunch with select members of RT staff and tell it, party access to all panel, screenings, first ever VIP concert, flown out and put up in a four star hotel. So go to omaze.com slash Ristis, you can check it out. Hay cosas que te dejan pensando como por qué los vosteizos son contagiosos, pero MailChimp... No, MailChimp analiza los datos de millones de correos electrónicos para ofrecer recomendaciones personalizadas para mejorar el contenido de tus correos electrónicos, segmentar tu público, entre muchas cosas más, adivina menos y vende más con IntuitimailChimp.

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He's like a super fan before Borgonair. Like John, people are messaging me. I'm certain about you. What do you mean? Your flight leaves in an hour and you're still here. I got pre-checked. He loves that. What time you mean? Your flight leaves in an hour and you're still here. I got pre-check He loves that. What time is your flight? 645 I'm calling it right now

Dude traffic is unreal Especially right now here you can take airport and they've got their airport. They're fixing I know they're fixing 183 like now Where the three lanes used to come together? It's only two. Yeah, they have their own dedicated lanes. Yeah, so much better It's gonna be gorgeous. Also left works are now, which is fantastic. So. You should use right Austin. Right Austin?

Yeah. Well, though we have six minutes. I had a situation with the lift driver, and I'm curious how you guys would react to this. And I gotta get to the whole story before you think I've gotten to an offensive part. I got picked up at the airport by a lift driver, and I don't normally get this,

but when he was on his way, he texted me that he was on his way, and I was like, okay, that's kind of nice. It's not unusual, but it's kind of nice. He arrives and is nice and I've put some of my bags in the back and then he, I realize that he is deaf, which I was like, okay, cool, that makes sense why he texted. This wasn't the problem. The problem was then we got in the car and he, very smart, it was using an iPad to communicate

with me by using like a big text in his iPad. The problem was he starts driving and leaving the airport and we're leaving you with the airport and he's holding up the iPad, typing into it in front of his, oh God, steering wheel. And like, but nothing like, even like important. He's saying like, how was your flight? And that kind of thing.

And then he like, you know what I like, will, will arrive soon. And I'm like, I'm just thums up and just trying to get him to stop typing on this iPad because he's holding it over his steering wheel. It's very scary, but I couldn't like express that at all. So I was just there for the ride. It was like, pull your phone out and be like,

yeah. I'm working. Oh man. That's, that's not cool, right? No, no, absolutely not. I think it's against the law. Yeah, oh, yeah. Like he was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,'s no excuse. Yeah, it's still scary to have anything, I mean, even like someone just texting

while they're driving is still scary, like in as far as the driver in front of you. Yeah. Like it gives you a message, put on your seatbelt to be safe. I think you might have said something like that running into space. I was freaking out.

But I can't believe you actually asked you, type in, how was your flight? Yeah, and I just gave it some, be descriptive. Yeah, exactly. I want a whole pair of, I've fallen in show on my own. I took a lift when I was in LA for E3 last week

And so I called it and you know, it's just like your drivers showing up and it was a woman It was like a woman's name is a like a woman's house. Oh, that's kind of unusual like normally I feel like most of the time you call a ride share to do so okay That's a little agree with that. That's some of the guys. I've never had it and you know She like drove by like she except it was a weird circumstance where it's like, oh, I'm gonna walk, I text her. It's like, I'm gonna walk half a block down because I know it'll be easier for you to get me over there.

So, okay, cool. She pulls up the car I get in and we make sure the ride, he said, yeah. And I look at her and I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, are you on your way? Like, are you a model or something? Like, what the fuck is it? Like, it was one of the most beautiful women

I saw all week in LA while I was there. It was my lift driver. I, like, are you a model or something? Like, what the fuck is it? Like, it was one of the most beautiful women I saw all week in LA, while I was there, was my lift driver. I was like, is this, like, I started looking for a hidden camera. I was like, I was like, this doesn't seem right. But she was super nice and like, just chat at the whole way, drop me off. I was like, all right, see you later. Beautiful women can be like driving me to a race for a minute.

I mean, it's like, like, it was strikingly. It was like so unusual. Get her name. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. First name, I don't know. You can usually go off that. I'm not saying I stalk her. It's a little shit.

Silver stone. It's weird. But it just seemed like it was a setup. Yes, wait, wait, wait. Gus's explain is describing the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. That's the same clueless. And he will last 25 years.

Have you seen Crush? She was. Oh, no, no. No, no, no. She's pretty good. I just seen Clueless and you the last 25 years have you seen crush? Right, right name a movie in the last 10 years Lisa Silverstone's been in Batman and Rob It might be at this point. Shhh, damn. That was some, that was some. I can name some. That was right. Okay. That was Mr. Ainsman over here. To your point, Gus, that was a similar thing we had in Germany with the Gamescom in Cologne.

And there was like, janitors were like, you look like a supermodel. Like, why are you cleaning up trash? And it's like, oh, everyone Europe is beautiful. They all have the same dad. And that's great. wait wait wait wait. Who's dad? It seems like Goontar I don't know. He's just procreating perfect. He's like older in the proto man. He's been designed to create Germans. Hey my lips here. Here you go. All right, Alicia Silverstone was in, see you man. Thanks, I love you.

She played herself in Tropic Thunder. No, she didn't, she wasn't in that. She went in Tropic Thunder. I love you. And she was in diary of a wimpy kid, the long haul. Ew. Which came out this year. Interesting.

And she's actually in a bunch of other stuff. I just haven't heard of a lot of this. She's in Chlorissa knows best, or am I thinking of somebody else? Someone else. No, that was someone else. Or like Clarissa explains it all. That's it, Clarissa explains it all.

Melissa Joan Hart. That's you. That's it, okay. I just didn't use. Yeah. What? I don't. Oh, bye baby.

Bye, Adam. I still have one of your bags from ELR. Nice to have one of your bags from ELR. It, yep, it's definitely next to my desk. It's been there for half a year. All right. Cool. It's kind of a provocative headshot from Melissa Joan Hart, don't you think?

Let me see. That's also when she was younger. Oh, that's a down. She's got like a booby downblouse headshot. Yeah, actually, she doesn't know. Yeah, you're not fooling anybody. Jessica confirmed that's what they call them in stores. Booby downblows. That's exactly right. Do you have any booby downblows? Yeah. She actually she follows everybody on Twitter.

That's one of those people that has like 500,000 like she follows 500,000. She follows me. I check your phone. She probably follows you. My phone buzzer. But maybe it was her. I hate that. She follows me. He's one of those guys that follows everybody. She follows 201,000 people. And reads every single tweet. She has tweeted, what can you see? I know you can see, oh, 24,000 tweets. It's a lot of tweets. That is.

Many tweets, one. She should spend less time tweeting and more time acting in movies. Sick bird, Brandon. Maybe she's not going to follow you now. You have 12,700. Okay, I'm not too bad. Yeah. I'm always paranoid about that number. I won700. Okay, I'm not too bad. Yeah. I'm always paranoid about that number.

I won't follow someone if they have too many tweets. Yeah. Because like, they're gonna be blowing up my phone. This is someone who just goes at it. What's too many tweets? I think at- Let's judge some people. I think once, at this point, once you're over 20,000,

it's probably too much, but even at 20,000, I'm starting to get a little nervous. Yeah, but I mean, like, if they've been on forever. To me, it's just like if they've been on forever. To me, it's your same. I've been on forever, I don't have that many. Did you tweet more than four times a day? That's too much.

I don't think at any point, I think Bard is set for social media interaction. I've been on for nine years, and I'm at 10,000. For real? Yeah, I've been doing about 1,000, you're doing good. Yeah, how do I find? Yeah, I don't know. On the new app, I can't see how many tweets I've done.

You're up sucks. You are not Tyler Cohen Twitter, who are you? He's RT code RT code But I know this guy that was a fan of my radio 2300 2300 I know a guy that has almost like 500,000 tweets. No, I wouldn't ever fall. It's insane. Yeah Handle before you start working RT. It was something it was white thunder God I Saw that immediately. I was like I don't know when I

Your face is amazing. Yeah, it was called it was white thunder. I didn that immediately. I was like, I don't know when I had Twitter. I had to chill. Your face is amazing. Yeah, it was called it was white thunder. I didn't make my Twitter. I'm very much an old man when it comes to technology. Where did, where did white thunder run? I got to run. I'm sorry. Where did white thunder come from?

I explained everyone where white thunder comes from. I think it's really going to be fine. All right. Thanks everyone. Oh, Patrick, make sure they don't break anything while I'm gone. I'll watch him. No, no, no, I don't trust you. Yeah, Patrick, you're, it's on you.

Let me take a seat. Bye. Oh, Patrick's in a little seat. Look at him over there. He's so cute. Oh My god, that's so much better sitting behind Like that is so unbelievably awkward. Yeah It's like like in a road trip You're like the one guy in the back in the middle seat trying to lean in and I've been your experience before No, no one's actually ever invited me on a road trip. But I imagine that's what it's like. Yeah.

I've always had to be that. I've rode bitch my entire life. Because when you're the short, small guy, that's, you're just delegated. Like, people don't even ask you. They just look at you and you're like, you're in the middle. I'm like, I'm in the fucking middle.

You wouldn't let me sit there, though. Yeah, because I had that. I know. You know, awkward it is back there. Yeah, because I don't like people'm in the second middle. You wouldn't let me sit there, though. Yeah, because I had that. You know, awkward it is back there. Yeah, because I don't like people sitting in the middle. I've been scarred from middle people. What was the worst second of happened? Worst thing that could have happened.

You're just sitting next to me as a worst thing that could have happened. Like our hips are touching, touching. I don't touch it. Tyler, words hurt, buddy. I always make you have an excuse that I get car sick. So I sit in the front all the time. You get car sick? I get car sick. I that I get car sick. So I sit in the front all the time. You make a car sick?

I get car sick. I actually do get car sick now. I actually do too. I've turned into just an old fragile person that can't do stuff in the car anymore without, you can just go, I look forward to the car. Yeah. I just should be able to ride roller coasters

and everything. You see, right? Like, you know, Harry Potter ride, the ones that like spin you around and you look at the screen. That's not good. No, I can't. No.

All I do is I just stare up at the sky and look at the roof and you look at the screen. That's not good. No, I can't. No, all I do is I just stare up at the sky and look at the roof and look at like the machines and I'm like, please God will this end it. What ages have happened where we can't handle this anymore? I can still rock the shit out of all those things. Cause you're a young veral man. I'm not young, I'm 29, I just had my birthday. He's white thunder.

He's white. White, that's white. Oh yeah, where did my thunder my birthday. He's white thunder come from okay. Yeah White thunder came from I used to you host and produce radio show for Sports station here in Austin for about four years and I needed a Twitter handle It's back when Twitter wasn't really a big deal and then somebody came up with it because I it's like very white My voice is like thunder all that shit so they they had that. So actually I remember when I first started here, you came over to me about like four months in. He's like, yeah, we're gonna need you to change that. No, I didn't say we're gonna need you to Patrick. Did you know that was his

Twitter handle? What did you think when you not not until I told you about it? Oh, you told me. Yeah, you're the one. You couldn't even tell me about it. Oh, you told me. So you're the one. You couldn't even tell me about it. Yeah, well, no, Brandon asked me what his Twitter handle was and that's when I looked it up and I was like, oh, yeah. That's a porn style panel. Yeah, I know, I can tell you to change it.

I just made a suggestion. No, I'm glad you did. I think it's better now. And that would not be my porn name. What's your porn name? What would your porn name be? Tyler? The whole.

Is that a good name, Patrick? Why are you asking me? You laughed. Is there a rule to how to figure out your porn name? Yeah, it's always like the streets sign and then your mother's made a name. I know, there has to be like a website we can go to and be like, figure out your name.

No, no, no, don't do that, don't do that. Don't do that anybody. No, no, no, that's a huge scam. Those are like, whenever they ask you like, oh, your porn name is this question and this question, those questions are like security questions on website. Oh my God. Yeah, no, don't say that.

So many of us. Yeah. That's how people are gonna, download like all of your news from your eyes. See, I don't have any news. I mean, I have nudes of other people, but I've never seen a dick pic. Never?

Never. You don't believe in judging me over there. Wait, Patrick, have you seen a dick pic? I was like, have you seen a dick pic? Yeah, once. Once. Yeah, no. Only once.

You once. You're a fucking liar boss. I love you. Oh shit. No, once. Were you drunk? Why? Why are you thinking I would say more? Because I, because you're a fucking liar boss. I love you. Oh shit. No, what? Why are you drunk? Why, why are you thinking I would say no? Because you're a little bit of a slut.

Oh, I don't like that. You're a genius. Oh, it's a genius. Oh, it's a genius. Let's do it. They don't show. They don't show. John, what about you?

I've never. You've never shown your penis. I've shown everything but the penis. Does it? Does it? Does it? Does it? Does it? Does it? the penis. Does it you're spreading your butthole?

Does account if you send Someone else's penis That's what I do I Two parts to the story that ended in you playing it as yours Yeah, you're like hey, hey, you wanna see my dick and you go online, you're like, oh, this would be impressive to send. Do you have to do, I mean, you're a little tan,

you're a little beige. I don't know what you are, but like, what are you? It doesn't fuck him out, I don't give a shit because in, you know, 50 years we're all gonna be like beige and that's great. It'll be fine. But do you have to Google like Tandex?

No, no, no, he'll just look at the dick and then he'll just scour through them and figure out which one best fits, right? Does that matter how it goes? Yeah. As a woman, you've been sent in dick pics, I imagine. I sure definitely have. It's definitely been sent in dick pics.

You never asked him. As you probably never like solicited them, right? No, well, I'm trying to think now that did think is a guy like you guys just going to situation like straight guy. You know what would be good? You know what she would probably love right now or he a picture of my did. Okay, so you're speaking for straight guys though. I am sure that's all you're speaking. I am speaking. We don. Well, we don't have a lot to offer. Women are just beautiful in general.

They're beautiful, fully clothed with a little bit of clothing, just like pictures of their hair, what it doesn't matter. So guys don't really have anything to offer. Again, you're saying this from a perspective of a straight man. Sorry, Jessica, you were saying you don't have any inclination towards guys. You have no sexual drive towards guys. Okay, I just... I think most women are turned on via more mental and emotional type of things.

So, I mean, you can be sent a dick pick and you can- I can recognize that's a really nice dick, but I'm not gonna be like, oh my god, I am just all of a sudden dripping wet right now. Jesus Christ! No, it's not like that. What if you included like a really nice quote? What would that quote be, Tyler? What if there's a bow around it?

Hey, baby, just thinking about you. I would probably laugh. That's probably pretty funny. Or put whipped cream on it. Or something like that. What if you said that? But you said it when it was like soft. I didn't know.

Hey, baby, do you like when Dick gets off to? All right, like I've taken pictures of my dick and I've never sent them. They're like the chest and like Indian headphones. They're like in your graphful, like the lost arc, they're like being guarded by top men, but like. And he's kind of like in the clouds, like how's my dick doing over the years?

Yeah, but it's like, Yeah, wait, wait, Tyler, what's your poor name? Your mother's made a name. White thunder, white thunder, white thunder. Yeah, white thunder, that's time. Thunder's my mom's middle name or maiden name. Man. I'm just kidding, she's dead.

What was I gonna say? I don't know, is this some kind of arrogance the guys just think, man, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? My big beautiful dick. Yeah. When reality girls are just like, that's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you for understanding that. No, I get it. We apologize on behalf of all men. When we were talking about this earlier, it's like your thought process when you're like turned on is just vastly different than when you're sober. If you wanna call it that. Like after you're done, like if you splooge or whatever,

you think about all the things that you were like going on in your head and you were looking at you're like, oh that's disgusting. Yeah, I am the more of the mirror. You got too much shame. You got too much shame. What do you do? I just, you just rock it afterward?

I probably try to go make a snack or something. I'm hungry, that's what I am. Yeah, she's that's what dog goes in my head after, you know, what was the word we use? Splooshing? Splooshing. Splooshing. Splooshing.

Splooshing. Splooshing. You don't tell me if I sploosh or sploge. I can do whatever I want. I'm not saying you. I said that's what women do. They sploosh. Men sploosh. Wait, what does sploosh mean sploosh, I can do whatever I want. I'm not saying you, I said that's what women do, they sploosh. They sploosh.

Wait, what does sploosh mean? Because that means something weird to me. It's like waves coming out of your vagina, like a dolphin. Like a squirting? There's a being. Yeah, like squirting, yeah. There's a being there. There's not all girls do that.

Some girls do that. Some girls do, I guess. We're gonna do, I don't know, do what the fuck we want. Yeah. Who cares? Is there something we could ask the people who are watching live Relevant to this discussion to give their input. Yeah, and I think Patrick. Could you monitor that sure? Should we play like a drinking game or something like never have I ever know? I think an elephant question to the sploosh conversation

Proper it. Let's just talk about our sex lives. That's always fun though right? I mean can we it there's got to be more to discuss in the internet than splushing. Hmm. Right? Okay, so Tyler, you're suggesting maybe you never have that ever? Yeah, let's play a drinking game or something like that. Let's get to know each other a little bit better.

This is a new show. Some people at home might not know who we are. I mean, they know who you are and they know you. And then like, you know. I'm no one. I'm not a decent person. So, um, if you have, I don't know if you are and they know you and then like, you know, I'm no one. I'm not so If you have I don't know if you guys have ever heard never I've ever it's a pretty popular game You would say something that you have never done never have I ever been arrested and Everybody else in the group they listen and if they have done that then they have to try

You got to have been arrested at this point so then they have to drink. Tyler, you got to have been arrested at this point. So, uh, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter,

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter,

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter,. It was like a big one and like, it was mine, obviously. I'm trying to make sure I don't include certain details. This is harder than it looks.

Okay. But yeah, we got arrested for, you know, doing some stuff, but it was all fine in the end. That was my amazing story about that. That was vague, that was vague. So you actually got arrested though. You were using it again. I was never, I was in handcuffs.

I was just, I was sat down on the ground. Oh, I see, okay. But I was not arrested. They let us go. I just, I had like, I went to alcoholics, a not anonymous awareness, a different type of thing. What is alcoholics awareness? So it's basically like, it's kind of funny actually.

Like you go to AA alcohol awareness to learn how to get Draw and how to get alcohol and avoid the law It's pretty amazing never have I ever had a fake ID. Hey Tyler did the bottle opener. No, I don't but I wish Anybody ever had a fake ID? I'm trying to find a bottle opener. I'll have a good story about that actually. I was too good of a kid to do any of that kind of stuff. I was boring, followed the rules. You're still boring.

Fuck you. I love me. I do. I had a fake ID, my boyfriend at the time. I was 19 or 20 and he was 21, so I could never go out with him or go to the bars and stuff and it really sucks. So I ended up getting a fake ID of a girl that resembled me. She definitely, like, if you put the ID next to my face, there was definitely a difference.

And basically, so I've used it a couple times. It worked. All that was great. So then one night, I'm like dressed to the nines, feeling really good. This is in college. And I get up to the bar and I'm with my friend. And I give it to the bartender. And he's looking at it and he's just like, do you have, do you have another form of identification

on you? And I was like, no, I only brought cash and I like do bring my credit card out. And he's just like, huh, looks back at it, looks at my friend. And he's like, what's her name? And he's like, Ashley, because he knows my real name. He doesn't know the name. That's on my card. I didn't prep him like, Hey, if somebody asks you, this is my name. So he was guessing Ashley. He doesn't know the name. That's on my card. I didn't prep him like, hey if somebody asks you This is my name So he was guessing Ashley. He was just like Ashley and he's like nope And he took it away from me which was such a smart move for him to look at the Damn me and be like what's her name? Well the tech did I know you could tell he had done this before and so he took it up and Never got it back. He didn't do anything else except take it up

And I wasn't allowed to go in but I I was like, great, that's super awesome and super smart. Some of the bartenders in Austin are pretty chill. Like I was with a friend who had a horrible fake ID and she gave it to him. He looked at it, looked at her, shook his head, rolled his eyes, gave it back to her and let her in. It was like, he was like offended with how bad it was and how she was trying to get away with it.

I just remember the story of I did do something bad and involved in fake identification item. And it was when I was in high school and I lived in California, the majority of me and my friends all had Disneyland passes. So we would go to Disneyland all the time to hang out because we were close enough and we all had passed, so we just go there and hang out. But one of my buddies didn't have one. But because I traveled with a bunch of generic looking white guys, we went in the park, there's a part of the park where there's, you could still reach through a gate if you wanted to hand someone something, I handed him mine and he went right back through and used my Disneyland Passport with a photo on it to get into the park and we stole from

Disneyland. So it worked. It worked. you got in? No, perfectly. Yeah, no problem. What did you steal from Disneyland? We stole an admission is what we stole. That's what you stole.

I stole from from pop it is. Okay, I've got one here that you guys might like. This is from at Demoteaf. Never have I ever dumped someone over a text. Ooh. I have never dumped anybody. Oh man. I have never dumped anybody. Oh man. I don't think so.

Which sounds terrible as I say that. No, I've never dumped anybody. I'm over text. I mean, do the ghost and feel like people don't break up as much anymore as they do when person just stops. Yeah, it's gonna say, just like stop talking to them. Ghost do them? Ghosting them, yeah. And it's like, you know what, at some point, like can I just, I was gonna say, yeah, yeah, yeah, go see them. Does that count? Yeah, go see them, yeah.

And it's like, you know what, at some point, like, can I just, I'm okay, I just, I just, I just, I just, can I just have an official confirmation that this is over? Are you saying you've been ghosted or you've ghosted something? I've been ghosted. I don't think I've ghosted it. I got ghosted for the first time ever about a month ago.

I didn't really get upset. I was just like, oh, so that's how that feels. I mean, you, you get ghosted all the time on like dating apps. Yeah, well, like I had gone out on a date and then she apparently liked it. It seemed like she liked it. And then, I'm fairly not enough.

She didn't. I was really upset because like I had this track record that was really, really good. I'm sorry. I've perfected the dating model I call my golden triangle which sounds really skeasy. Is that what you shave into your crotch? What is the golden triangle?

It's just a dating formula for like, I've been going to the same places for a first time. Oh, when you take people, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Tyler Co. experience. Yeah, pretty much. Like someone going on and on and on.

I don't do this to get laid. Like I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never had a one-night stand in my life Me neither never once great question. Yeah, I want to fall in love and have kids in the white picket fence And then divorce her and get another one in another state Hey, go me one more after that. Those are some great life we could get married Tyler and we get that going I've never had a one-night stand. I want you but we could get married It. I've never had a one I said I want you but I'm married. It's not hard to tell.

One I said I'm not easy. I'm dirty slut in my head but I don't do it. What's the closest state we can go to to get married? California. But we can get married here. It's all legal right? We can get married here. I forget.

Yeah, it's all legal all over the place. I forget that we're actually somewhat progressive on some stuff. Yeah, exactly. You know we're a shit-stained country. Who would be the wife? You'd be the wife. You don't get to say that. Yeah, I get all legal all over the place. I forget that we're actually somewhat progressive on some stuff. You know we're a shit-stained country. Who would be the wife? You'd be the wife. You don't get to say that? Yeah, I get to say that.

I think you guys should take turns. In this situation, I get to say that. Wanna get married? Sure. But take turns. Well, you get married. Girls can actually marry. Amazing tax benefits, right?

Ah. Yeah, it does. You do get a totally screwed over if you're not married and you're like a single dude who makes even just a little bit of money. You have kids though. I don't know if I want to deal with that man. I don't have them all the time though. I just live at a different house.

They're cute kids. So that's probably perfect. So we get married. You can keep your house and I will keep staying in my apartment and then we can just be like, on some weekends, I have my kids and the other weekends, I have my husband. There you go.

I could get behind that literally. I don't get to choose that. I don't know. You don't even know if you're a bottom or a top. Oh, I would, I'd be putting it in your south mouth. I don't know, you see like a power bottom. You admitted earlier. I could write mouth. I don't know, you should like a power bottle. You admitted earlier to have a drink. I didn't think.

Yeah, I've had stuff up my butt just like, you know, little fingers, little pinkies here and there, little tickle tickle. Next question, honey, and I had everything up here, but I can talk, I promise. I've never had anything I'd have brought. I've never had like a doctor. Okay, yeah.

I like I got a doctor in my butt. As a doctor, not a doctor's finger, you just said a doctor. No doctor. Okay, yeah. I like I got a doctor in my butt. As a doctor, not a doctor's finger. You just said a doctor doctor. Have you ever had anything up your butt? A doctor? I just said it. Besides that, like what about you and Paul ever get crazy? No, not my butt. That is a no. Just go what about your butt? That is nothing good going on back there. You don't know that. Do you have a hairy butt? Oh yeah. Oh, that actually I will I used to shave it, but she not going back there. You don't know that. Do you have a hairy butt? Oh yeah. Oh, that actually, I used to shave it,

but she thought it was weird, so I was like, all right. That is weird. Not shaved, my butt, before. Because I have, I do not. What's nice? I do, my butt. No, your butt. Your butt probably does.

No, actually I will say, I don't have a pretty butt and I actually don't like that. Question about the shaving the butt, real question. That's where I'd be funny, but like, do you shave in the butt? Yeah. Like around the hole and down the perineum. Yeah, you gotta go in there, you gotta go down. That's perineum.

It's perineum. I'm learning things today. I have to go to the YouTube thing all the time, how to pronounce shit. Okay, that is basically the rule. Is that the never have I ever shaved my butt? Is that what we're doing right now? I'm gonna shave my butt. Patrick you say you mean like your cheeks or your

your head. Have you shaved your butt Patrick? Oh, when I was younger, yeah. Yeah, you know anymore. You don't need to impress. When you were crazy, you know, you're impressed. I'm I'm basically married. So yeah, yeah, man. Yeah, well you're, wait, aren't you you're engaged, right? Mm-hmm. When's the big day? Yeah, man, yeah, wait, aren't you you're engaged right? Mm-hmm. When's the big day? Next fall. You have a date?

Not a date, but we have a season. Do you have a non-refundable deposit? No, not yet. Oh, then it's not real. Not until you have money. A true man's sick. Not a kid back. Branded for real.

It's a real me. So, Sean, you're saying like you guys snuck in a while like Disney World. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Would you still do that if you knew that if there were like robot cops, like patrolling? What about that? Yeah, you have robot cops scare you more than a regular cop fight.

No, why? Why would a robot cop scare me? You're not scared of robots? No, I've never, are you serious? I've never had a bad situation with a robot. Yeah, I think in Dubai, they just started rolling out robot cops. Like in small places like malls and stuff. What's a robot cop?

Um, I don't know, we could probably find a picture of it or. It's a dude. Yeah, so what is that? It's a holy fuck, that's not a thing. That's terrifying, right? Why did they give it black eyes and no mouth? because you would not want to steal in front of that Yeah, you don't want to fuck with that. I thought all robots were supposed to be based around like not making humans feel like they're scared around them Well, you will talk you're not supposed to be scared of cops. Okay. I'm calling it. That's the port first storm trooper

Question first storm trooper. That's That question first storm trooper. That's where that's where it's going to start. How fast do they run? Maybe they're on wheels. Question. They're all there on wheels. Maybe on wheels if they're on wheels. Fuck that.

That's easy. Yeah. They're on wheels right now. Yeah. The first eventually sky net is going to be a real thing. It's possible. It's going to be a real thing. They just did.

There was a article. I don't know if you can find this Patrick. There's an article recently. I'm about to butcher this because I'm be a real thing. They just did, there was a article, I don't know if you can find this Patrick, there's an article recently, I'm about to butcher this because I'm not a fucking scientist. But there was a story about, they created like two bots, kind of like they did remember the first time and then it got overloaded

and it made it like a Hitler loving, like, they made an A. They did the same thing, another experiment, but the two A.I.s that were talking to each other came up with their own language that nobody could decipher. Oh, that's terrifying. So they could talk to each other.

That is, and scientists were excited about that. What the fuck would you be excited about that? Yeah. That's terrifying. That's when the craziness happens, y'all. Yeah, it's insanity. If it makes you feel better, I think disease is going to wipe us all out before A.I. does. What kills us first?

Is it a nuclear Yeah, you think it's a disease. Yeah, probably many like man like you know artificially created like a super-sars Something anything that can spread virally like you're done Especially if it's like no symptoms at first. You ever play that game like a oh pandemic Yeah, pandemic on the iPhone when you try to start a Start a disease to wipe out all of the world and you can decide like it is if it's airborne if it's a virus or bacteria What a fun game. Oh, yeah, I want people to vomit. Oh, yeah shit themselves definitely For sure. Yeah, that's great. It's actually a fun game You ever destroy the world? Yeah.

I never really liked it. Yeah, like a few times to get through all the stuff in the game. We were talking about different games. Mike, oh wait, are you talking about the board game? No. The shitty iPhone game. Yeah, you'd like the goal is to, I, on for some things, to like, to be in everybody and not kill them all. In fact, if you kill the planet too soon, they can't, you know, what's the where I'm looking for? They can't infest, they can't, I'm having a... All across? I don't know.

They'll try to like come up with a cure. Right. And if someone starts developing a cure, you get in with an earthquake. The cure can stop it and everyone dying before everyone has the disease can also stop it because if they die when they have the disease and there's no one that's alive as a disease,

they can't actually infest everybody. So there's points to like where you have to like, take over the whole world. There's so many games where it's just like, hey, wanna be God? Be God for me. Reminds me of that quote from Batman. Was it some men just wanna watch the world burn?

That's y'all. That's all of us. Yeah. I don't, well, I'm just, you know, it's a fun thing to do when you're on the shitter. Yeah. Yeah, that's y'all. That's all of us. Yeah. I don't want. I'm just, you know, it's a fun thing to do when you're on the shitter. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Mm-hmm. I should give it a try then. I'll let you know my thoughts. You know, what we I think about this sometimes when I'm doing it, but like what did we use to do? And I honestly cannot remember what you're gonna say. Yeah, finish it. When before we had cell phones, so who are especially- What do we do when we're pooping? Whenever I go into the bathroom and I don't have my phone,

I will grab my shampoo bottle, I'll do anything. She says. I'm not kidding, it's bad. It's something I'm trying to work on. Did people used to have playboys next to their toilet? I- Did you? Did you?

No, magazines. Well magazines. Yeah, you had a magazine rack. You did have magazines and had those like, you had books, books, you just read, you read on the toilet. I remember reading on the toilet, I still do, but I don't remember that time. I don't even remember.

All I can remember is like cell phone. Cell phone addictions are real things. It really is. Wait, books are a weirder thing. Is it just a book you keep there and only read when you're on the toilet? Yeah, you're like, you just write a book on the toilet? Not just on the toilet. Yeah, you're like, you're just like, you're not gonna read a book on the toilet? Not just on the toilet.

Yep, there you go. So like, you're just basically, you'll finish the book, like based on how many times you're back in. I have taken two hours shits where you know, you shitting and then I just stay in the bathroom for like two hours to read. I don't, I mean, I take long shits, but I take more so, I take insanely long showers.

What are you doing? You jacking off in there? I'm just, I'm making up. You do all sorts of things. I'm with you. I can't ej doing, you jacking off in there? I'm just, I'm making all sorts of things. Make curtain things. I'm with you. I can't ejaculate for like 45 minutes in there. Well, I'm not saying you ejaculate for 45 minutes

to say sometimes it takes you that way. Right. Right. Does you have to take a long shower in order to ejaculate in the shower? When I know, when somebody is taking a long shower, I know they are masturbating. No, that's absolutely, it's not.

It doesn't take that long. Sometimes you, what is the long as you've ever masturbated without coming? For me, it's like, I've gone like at least an hour. No, no. What is the fun in that? What's the point? Because my life sucks sometimes.

This is how it's in the night. And when you have to press the shit and you're like, it's almost like you have to force yourself to eat, it's like, all right, you totally need to go jack off. Look at these four hours. The dilator hour of masturbation gets here. That's what it is. Just white and like, no.

So like, like five minutes tops. Five minutes to ejaculate. Yes, you get it. What fucking fantasy world do you live in? Or what hell am I living in? Where I can't come fast. What do you think of? How often are you coming too?

If it's all the time, then maybe you're just... I'm thinking that sometimes girls think I'm gay because it takes forever to make me come. Like, if you're watching, you're fine. You're fine. Yeah, I'm hard the whole time, but sometimes I don't finish. I know what it's like.

That's fine, you don't have to finish. On the opposite side for a girl to be like, I enjoyed having sex. I did not orgasm, but I enjoyed having sex. Yes. I have the same thing. When we're married, I did not orgasm, but I enjoyed having sex. Yes. I have the same thing. When we're married, you don't have to finish if you don't want to.

Aw, that's sweet of you, John. I would kill to have a 14 year old donor. Let's phrase that differently. Huh. We're gonna take, you were gonna rewind? Can I get a camera? Yeah. It'll take two.

Take two. Slate, I wish I could have my 14 year old donor The size of the frequency that's better hardness With a raging boner just so hard. I have not been that hard and forever like hard God learning a lot about I'm saying solid, but I'm out hard Oh God, I'm learning a lot about Thailand. I'm saying I'm solid, but I'm out hard. Oh, fucking Christ, Tyler. Jesus.

My life is fucking melt. We are gonna put that as a tramp on Tyler. I just want to go back to him on the toilet. So if you were to take a giant shit and you're on the toilet and you're reading for another two hours after that, have you already wiped or is it just a sitting there? Oh, no, I've already wiped. I've already taken it.

And then I just need to clear that. I played Pokemon sometimes. Tyler, do you have ever said, you think about, if you're trying not to finish, right? Yeah, absolutely. What do you think of? To not finish? Yes.

Fuck my life. Probably. What? Just how depressing it is. Oh, you're life being depressing. Does it ever get so much where you think about it too much and all of a sudden you lose it completely and you can't get it back?

No, it's always there. It knows the drill after 29 years. It's more like, wait 29 years. Let's revise that number as well. My dick has been on my body since I was born. That's correct. Has it been here? It knows the drill.

Has it known the boners for 29 years? You know it's crazy. Are you getting laid at one? No, but like you have touched your penis every day since you were alive. That's a good question. When did you guys start masher reading? Probably 12, 13.

I was late because I didn't make testosterone. Okay. Like probably, how's your testosterone now? Is it good? It's low right now. I haven't had my medicine for a little while because of a change in medication and insurance. Oh, this is interesting.

Okay. So I found out recently, something can't be emailed. I found out recently, I had to get a new pre-authorization for my medication. I take synthetic testosterone. And I've taken it since I was 17. And so there shouldn't need to be any more authorization for my insurance to do this. But I had to go this whole hoops to do it again because apparently Some pharmaceutical companies are now marketing testosterone like on TV ads as a way for guys to like

compete aging and and to get younger and so and and testosterone is like a really expensive and also like And so, and testosterone is like a really expensive and also like basically legal steroid that insurance companies are like fuck that and they're making people go through like super hoops to like get their testosterone, like get to really prove that you need it. That's weird. That's so weird that guys would actually think

that like that's gonna make them younger. I think it's just one of those stupid man things, really like yeah, I wanna be more man. I want more testosterone, which makes you like hairy and like switching over to like topical testosterone, because the shots just aren't working anymore. Where does that go? I'm sure that question is asked.

When you go to the doctor and if you are gonna get like a topical cream and it is testosterone, that's gotta be the first question right up there. Yeah, they're very particular. You buy a prophet on my dick. You never lie if someone sees you and you say, oh, sunscreen. It's just sunscreen. You're like, oh, can I borrow it?

I don't know. It's actually more like gel like then cream like and it's almost like aloe vera kind of like consistency. What do you put it? You're so you have, you're supposed to put it on your back shoulder. You're supposed to rub it up here and rub it up here. And I think before I've also been told like arm, but you don't, you don't put it there.

Same with the injections, they tell you day one, do not inject this into your general region. Bad stuff will happen. Man. I wonder if people have, I'm sure they have. Yeah, that's like the whole thing of like why do you start with Cupsaid, you know, this thing is hot now. Yeah. Because some idiot drank it and burned themselves.

Well, some idiot took their testosterone. It's like right there. Oh, man. I mean, I get the logic behind it. Hey, I actually, it comes in little packets. You want to try a packet when I get it? Yeah, absolutely. Let's absolutely do that on the next show. Can we please do that live? I've actually given Johnny some medicine before. You have you've, um, cause I have. No, no, I have.

I have. I've seen his balls, but not. Have you really seen his balls? Yeah. Why? Why? We, you know, we like to roll around sometimes. Oh, you're fucking with us. I'm trying to think of how has seen my balls for any reason. He might have. Kyle and I are pretty open in our relationship. I remember the first time you asked me to give your medicine, I thought you were fucking with me. Yeah, so I have like a needle phobia,

which is also just the universe's great joke on someone who has to take injections for their entire life to be a man. And for a while, it's like, I've been able to give it to myself sometimes and then I've had to have other people give it to me and he's given me an injection and then you have a few times now. Yeah, we're literally I went to John's house and he's like, hey, I need you to help me, you know, do this. I'm like, all right. So we go to his house. There

is Andrew gel. That's what I'm going to take. And it's literally like a scene from like pulp fiction. Like you remember when you put the needle in yeah It's a big fucking needle and John like rolled up is is is shorts and he's like all right just stab it in right there Fuck and I was like god damn this is this is awkward and we're I don't know if I want to do this now It's weird to stab somebody. Yeah, right? Yeah, but you did help me out And then it's like looking John's eyes when I do it and then he just oh yeah I have a little bit of a panic attack when I do it. And then but but the weird thing is so too if we can keep talking about it because I'm gonna keep talking about it without you. Yeah, even though I asked we got to wrap up soon.

Okay, I have another good story about you. You you you put the you push the plunger. Yeah, I just need you to to penetrate me. I just need a tire to penetrate me and then I was able to take over and finish the job. All right, be honest. If he didn't tell you where to put that injection, he just said, I need you to inject me with this needle with testosterone. Would you think his balls?

It's a perfectly reasonable conclusion. He probably would have gone the rock style and just gone straight for my heart and just get in there, put it in. I probably would have looked at his other regions and been like, is that where he wants to go? No. So Andy's given me an injection.

And the first time Andy ever did is I have a very specific procedure because of this phobia that I have to give to follow this procedure to give me a shot. And that is I'm gonna get it all set up. I'm gonna get the medicine in the needle and like that. I'm gonna sterilize them like that. I'm literally going to hand you the needle. I'm gonna get the medicine in the needle and I'm gonna sterilize them like that. I'm literally going to hand you the needle.

I'm gonna take your hand. I'm gonna place it where it needs to go and then you take over and put it in. And so, and what it is is, I'm gonna count to three and on three you're gonna put it in. The first time Andy did it, I said, I'm gonna count to three you're gonna do it. And I went one, two, and he thought it meant on three going. So he surprised me and went, I went one, two, and he went and I went, oh, and he thought it meant on three go in so he surprised me and went I went one two and he went and I went Oh, and he freaked out and pulled it out

Without finishing it And so I We had to restart and we had to I had to be like all right. We're gonna do that again We're gonna get a new needle and we're going to try that all over again. And a good deck number two. Yeah. And so we have to recount it. And he had to go in one, two, three, and he went in and we had we had to find it. It was a fun little game where Andy just stabbed me. Hey, those are true friends. You got some true friends. I do. I got friends that'll stab me with needles. Yeah. All right. Can we finish on one more? Have I ever? Do you have a

good one? Patrick. Let's see. I have have one here never have I ever used a sex toy, but I think everybody's a sex toy. Everybody drinks that right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tyler, you've never used a sex toy. On somebody?

In general. Yeah. Have you ever purchased a sex toy? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Typical shit. They're actually you can Amazon Prime and.

Can you really? Yeah. do that too, yeah? You can buy butt plugs that look like Octopi. Oh, yeah, or the butt plugs that have the tail at the end of it, so you could look like a, they're called massage things on Amazon. They can't actually call them dildos or anything like that, or vibrators, cause it's can't be a sex toy, but it is a sex toy.

I didn't know about this tail thing. Oh yeah, there's a whole subreddit just on. You can be a rabbit, you can be a fox. But it's in your butt but you have a tail. It's just like chilling in your butt. No, it's actually, it's, it's, it, it, yeah, I can see it's, I get the appeal. It's classy, it's really classy. Like, because I've always wanted like a monkey tail.

Oh, yeah. If I put something in my butt, it would probably be a tail. All right. That makes sense. Okay. What a cool thing. Thank you for this first time. We've done a RT podcast and actually RT podcast. We're still figuring it out. So hopefully the rest of the shows are nothing like this. Yeah, there are no rules. So we'll just fucking, I don't know, we'll try some shit. Some shit will work. Some won't six people on the set did not work

So thank you to Adam Kovak. We stopped by Gus Sorola. Thank you Patrick. Thank you Patrick for being over there. Still so pretty still so pretty and over there. Still so pretty. Still so pretty. And that's it. I guess we% ms. 1.5% ms. 1.5% ms. 1.5% ms. 1.5% ms. 1.5% ms. 1.5% ms. 1.5% ms.

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