Rooster Teeth Podcast - Someone DoorDashed $25K from Hooters - #765

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

Join Armando, Griff, and Andrew as they discuss the psycho who spent 25K on Doordash in a year, play a new game of How Is This News? Featuring Ky, give fashion advice, and wrap it up with headlines turned into punchlines.  This episode was sponsored by Shopify!  -Go to http://shopify.com/roosterteeth to take your business to the next level. Support the show by watching it on Rooster Teeth First!-https://roosterteeth.com/series/rt-podcast Checkout our new RTP YouTube Channel complete with full episodes! -https://www.youtube.com/@roosterteethpodcast Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Based on Japan's highest selling manga series in history by Ichiro Ola, one piece is a legendary high-seize adventure unlike any other, and it's out now only on Netflix. Luffy is a young adventurer who has longed for a life of freedom for us long as he can remember. He sets off on a perilous journey to find the legendary treasure to become King of the Pirates. But in order to find this treasure, Luffy will need to find a ship and assemble a crew. Once he sets sail, he was searched the vast ocean and outward dangerous rivals with the help of his loyal shipmates and legendary fighting abilities. This is an incredible world ruled by pirates filled with mysterious fruits that grant superpowers

and talking snails that people use as telephones. Yes, you heard that right. Snailphones. But beyond the fantastic elements, the people of this world are driven to search far and wide for the legendary treasure known only as the one piece. We are super excited to watch it out that is on so many SSRIs, we couldn't get our Dix Hardif we tried. It's the RT podcast.

I'm trying right now, baby. What? I am your linked host, Armando Torres, and with me, as always, is Flasadandru. I'm art. Oh, damn. All right. Twist. No, don't, because then she's going to absolutely bust. We have a fantastic show for you guys. We have a news based game show called How is This News featuring Kai. We've got a piece of advice for you. If you're looking to switch up your style and of course we have punch lines made from today's headlines. All this and more. Let's get into some conversation. I'm actually under medicated. Oh

Do you want more? Yeah, okay? Don't know not only in Tadipresence. Oh, you're looking for some some some red Some blues some Zuzuz some blacks and whites on color blend some zuzuz, some blacks and whites. I'm probably. I picked up a blues from blues. Yeah, you got now. You're digging. Get super hot. Oh, man. It's good to be here. We are all extremely tired and for no reason. No, it's just been a really rough week, I think. It's only Tuesday. I know. I know. And it's just going to get even rougher. Oh my God. We were having this conversation the other day about that dude who, and I know this is old news, but that dude who got a DoorDash order. What was it?

$25,000 for a year of his door dash expenses? Yeah, he like printed out a list of like a spreadsheet of how much money he spends on door dash every year, spends 25K and door dash every year. So that's where I'm at in my life is that I heard he spends $25,000 a year in door dash. And my first thought was like, what a door and then my second thought was, do I do that?

Do I also do that? See, I have one of those apps that like aggregates all of my accounts into like one spreadsheet and I don't want to control it for that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to see that. That is a cold mirror. It's that, so the point of having that is too,

so that you can like budget better and see where all of your money is going. Yeah, instead I don't budget at all and I just keep looking at it going. No, I don't want that. I don't want it at all. Also, I guess it would work for stuff like, if you're spending this much money on doordats or spending this much money on Netflix or something, but then it's just going to have a weird category of just like Venmo payments. Yeah, well, that's the thing. You do have to manually go in and be like, or something. But then it's just going to have a weird category of just like Venmo payments. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. You do have to manually go in and be like, that's the, that was me getting $20 back from the brunch that I just paid for everybody's, but

they all had to, it's, it's, yeah, but you have to, it's, yeah, it's, you know, but it's, it's self-harm. It's fine. So real quick. I pulled up that I pulled up the list. Yeah, how much this guy spent in Dordard like the itemized like perrest Senator something no no no no no he is a dude and his name is Jason Steen He's getting no he's getting a lot of backlash to because apparently he's like In trouble for not basically not paying his workers. Like he's got like, wait, wait, wait, wait, staff to apparently, allegedly again. Oh, his employees, not his door to ass drivers.

No, not a door to ass drivers. So he tips them very well. He tips them very well. No, it's, he owns a, he owns and runs one of those like sort of pseudo tabloids that post pictures of people's mug shots. And you have to pay him, and you have to pay him money to take them off. Oh, he's a scumbag. Real scumb, yeah, exactly. And the, here's what the, here's the scumb diet. that post pictures of people's mug shots and you have to pay him money to take them up.

Oh, he's a scumbag. He's a scumb, yeah, exactly. And here's the scumb diet. So $3,000 a year at Chili's. What? 2100 at Chick-fil-A. Whoa. Okay, I'm gonna just take the highlights.

There's a lot of, I mean, this is a, the most processed, I said it on Twitter, this guy's colon must look like the inside of a fucking geode. Just so many polyps. This is like the most processed food you could possibly imagine. Okay, $1,500 at Hooters. Why?

Door dashed from Hooters. He's door dashing Hooters? I, how do you, first of all? The point of Hooters is the Hooters. Yeah, the point of, the point of Hooters is you go, well, this fucking food sucks, but at least that, oh, God. Right, exactly. I can be a tech savory wolf for 30 minutes to an hour.

And it's allowed. And be the, like, grossest dude imaginable next to a three-year-old. Yeah, exactly. Next to a three-year-old drinking, like Next to a three year old drinking like a Shirley Temple with as much sugar as legally allowed. No, yeah. So they keep like the one that just like threw me the most was a $15 a $1500 at Hooters.

Like take out from Hooters. That's is maybe the bleakest shit I've ever had. I've never seen anything sad or bad. That sucks. It really sucks. It really sucks. I don't know. I can I have been to a hooters three times. Two times

because in Los Angeles, there was a an open mic that happened at a hooters. And we were the least favorite thing of every employee that was there. Because just imagined about 200 of the poorest people in LA Coming into your establishment Reaking like shit. Yeah, and then going up on stage and being like I And then coming over to you and be like Can I get a water? Hello mama, how you doing? Can I get a water in your phone number? See I have the opposite in that when I was in college We went to

Hooters everyone's day also because we were poor but they had buy one get one free everyone's day so each wing each bonus wing basket you bought you got a free one with it so we would just split them but also we would go just because we every also okay we would go and every single time we would all be like what are the recordings that because we went to the Courtney we went to the court, we went to the hooters on Peet Street, that courtney worked at, that Drake Loved. So, yeah, every single time,

it's like you think courtney's here. She works as the hooters on Peet Street. You think I can make her, well, she's the piece that I need to complete me. I love hooters so much, because the only other time that I ever went was I was in I think middle school or something and my father took me and my two brothers to hooters because you're trying to connect with us.

And the only way that my father can connect with another man is by looking at something that gives him an erection going nice, right? You do, right? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I love going to strip clubs. Yeah. Because I love spending money and then looking at my friends being like, you're hard to, right?

Right, yeah, that's the best. Absolutely. Well, it's just like, you know, some people play catch, some people go fishing. I really like to bond over, awgling. Can we, ogle or awgle, every now and then, whatever part of the country it's pronounced differently, but yeah, it's like, yeah, really getting up, some really father-son aw ogling. Can we ogle or ogle? We've been on whatever part of the country, it's pronounced differently.

But yeah, it's like, yeah, really getting up some really father son ogling. I do love the idea of just cutting that out completely. I'm hoping, I'm hoping that when you order hooters on DoorDash, they just send the most busty fucking driver to bring it to you. That okay, no, that's possible because some places do send their own drivers. So that could fully be a service.

I did damn, I didn't know that. Yeah, I know that because I probably I spent $200 in DoorDash this month and most of it was just getting cookies. Oh my god. And they said cookies? Yeah. Just baked cookies. I don't have the stuff to make them. Well, okay.

And brownies. And also, while brownies are really good 70s. And also they have specialty ones. Which police you're going to. What I was gonna say was the idea that like, why would you order $200 worth of cookies in a month? But then I remembered the fact that like, it's so fucking hot that the idea of turning on my oven, bumps me out.

Yeah. That's what I was getting bummed out about earlier, is realizing that like, I think that I conservatively probably ordered DoorDash once a day. That's insane, Armandus. Maybe not. Maybe not every single day because someday it's like two times and then Friday I won't order DoorDash, but I think I ordered DoorDash at least what averages out to be like once a day. And I felt like a piece of shit and then we were talking with Kai and Kai goes,

oh yeah me, like probably like one to two times a day. And then I started talking to other people about it and they were like, yeah, I ordered a lot of DoorDash. What is this? That's so much I spent in June or that. This is fucking insane, y'all. Over each is on the 26th, the 25th, the 20th, the 19th, the 12th, the 11th.

Total spent. Four, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on. Total spent $439.81 on Uber eats alone. In my defense, I have a girlfriend. So I have to buy two meals. And I tip, and I always tip 25%. I also, I was doing math earlier and we saw that $3,000 at Chili's and I looked it up and the average like cost for

I think it was two people was $50 which means that he's ordering 60 meals for two people at a Chili's to get $3,000 a year and that's not even the full amount of what he's doing. How old is he? He's ordering $60 worth of the saltiest chips in America. How often do you order a Dordash or a food delivery? Maybe once every couple of weeks, maybe. Once every couple of weeks, my fucking ass. I've hung out with Andrew enough to know

that that's a fucking lie, baby. I often do see do. No, at least once a week. I mean, maybe once a week, maybe once a week, maybe once a week, and I think you know what? It probably averages out to once a week because there'll be like times when I'm when I don't order at all, and then there'll be like a week

when I'm just like fucking slammed in my order a couple times. Yeah, I think it might average out to once a week. Well, it's better for you because you just go to hooters every good thing. No, I actually order hoot times. I think it might, it might average out to once a week. Well, it's better for you because you just go to hooters every time. No, I actually order hooters and I make them drop it off at the front door, the busty delivery person at the front door. I make them drop, I'm watching through the nest can, like, it's fucking rear window and

I'm like, yes, okay, put it at the front door, bend over, yes. Okay, now come back up slower. So, I don't know why I'm crusty the clown in this, anyway. Oh, right there, yeah. That raise, okay, yep, yep, been over, that's good. I actually order hooters, but I have, and I do a very similar thing,

but I have the bus boy come bring it. And I'm not saying the bus to boy, I'm saying the bus boy. He's one of the deer, didn't he? No, because I'm one of those guys that's addicted to pornography, and my TikTok wife is making her entire online persona about how I betrayed her by jerking on her.

You have seen those pictures? Yes, yes, yes, yes. One of my favorite fucking things on Earth is them talking about like, I want to go see Oppenheimer and my husband at the look away. When Florence views Titties came up. It was very like, that's very like Mormon of them.

Yeah. There has been a wild, a wild puritanical shift. Yeah. And I would say the sub-millennial set. Like people are getting incredibly fucking prudish. I think this is millennials or too horny. Yeah. One of the things that we'll do later in this episode is we'll play a game called How is

This News that Andrew and I and YouTube GRIFF were developing when we used to work in Pro Dev more regularly. It was supposed to be another podcast. Unfortunately, schedule shifted around and so we started doing it a little bit differently. But it is a news-based show that we started doing. And I was reading through some of the old episodes. And we had an entire segment based around this new story that came out that like, we are considerably less

horny than we used to be, which really fucked my head up. The fact that like we are living in the generation that is the least sex having is generation ever. And to flash back to the very beginning of this episode, maybe it has something to do with the fact that our entire generation of leadabitos has been crushed by SSRIs. Oh, absolutely. That's 99% of people are on some kind of medication. Yeah. That is just like putting a speed governor on our fucking dicks and pussies.

Yeah, so I guess what Andrew is really saying is that if you're out there on a mess, it's all right. Get off of that. I'm saying, get off and start getting off. That's what I'm saying. Get off squared. Yeah.

Don't worry about the brain's apps. Don't worry about what they've recited. Oh. Don't worry about the rebound. Just gonna take't worry about whatever side effects. Don't worry about the rebound. Just gonna take it off and see if you can get it on. No, get it wet. I truly feel like, I don't know. I'm split between like, are we truly the least horny generation in American history?

Or are we the first to learn not to answer questions when people ask stuff? That's you. That may be it. I mean, just some like nature and nurture stuff going on, you know, questions that can be raised. I think what's interesting too is that like, I don't know whether it's a chicken or the egg thing

in this scenario because I would argue that over the past, probably 15 years. I think it's been going for the past 15 years that we have slowly been our media, our movies and TV have become the most neutered, sexless, vibless, libidoless things on Earth. Like, the Marvel movies, the most popular movies of the past, like-

That's for kids. Yeah, that's for kids movies. Those are for kids. Yeah. That's for kids movies. Those are for kids. How many adults do you know that fucking go crazy for the Marvel movies? That work here. They're four kids like Star Wars. It's Disney.

Disney kids show dick. They can't hear none. They're not talking about favorite fucking Iron Man full penetration. Everybody freaked out that there was a sexy than the elementals. What I'm saying is, I'm not expecting, I'm not expecting the Marvel movies to have sex scenes in them. Frankly, I don't want that.

But the most popular franchises, the biggest movies have, like, and I wouldn't even say like they need sex scenes, they have, those movies have like no libidinal energy. There is like nothing even remotely in the ballpark of animal instinct or anything in those. They are such, they are basically all the food

on the list that I just named. They are the most processed things that have no kind of, I would say, psychological nutritional value. So I think that's a broader trend that I would say that our media has been generally veering away from being not, again, over-sexed, but markedly under-sexed. Just in terms of what's depicted and what's shared in normal mainstream media. I mean, I feel like yes, but also I feel like I prefer that to all of the sex crimes in the old

movies. Like the Animal Houses and the Benj of the Nerds. Like the animal houses and the venge of the nerds and all the things bond. Yeah, I feel like we just like all learned what consent was. So they were like, oh, we got to change some of these scenes. Oh, I think it's an over correction. I think we've got a correction. Oh, yeah, it's definitely an over correction. Except for in TV,

because how come every time I want to sit down with my family and watch something? That's the one time. Television has become infinitely horny. It's so horny for no reason. Feel like it started with like game of thrones Where they would just show like titties for no reason and and dicks. Yeah Really and now HBO HBO love show Oh my god, you're one stop shop for one's hard cock. One soft cock. It's soft.

It's always soft. Yeah, they never show it hard. No, no, they do. Two weeks ago, righteous gemstones, there's a fight scene and one of them is fully naked in the right. That rules. Oh, okay.

So I was going to think about the last time I, when I was thinking of like them showing penises as thinking of the micro penis scene in righteous gemstones. Oh, see. Yeah, there's, okay. thinking of the micro penis scene in righteous gemstones. Oh, see. Yeah. Okay. So, the euphoria scene. So I would say that the, that, uh, both Adam and Kay, or the Will Ferrell's Adam and Kay, that kind of generation of dudes, the Danny McBrides, are doing Seth Rogen's.

I, like, those dudes are doing something that, frankly, I applaud, which is like bringing back the humor of a man's soft dick. Like bringing it back to HBO. Like that's funny. It's funny. Like to see, I think they're upsetting. Well, yeah, they were, that's why they're upsetting.

Or that's why it's funny, it's cause it's upsetting to look at. We watched pop star not too long ago. And there's a scene where a man's plastic is pressed up against a limo window. It's at eye level. And there's a scene where a man's flacidic is pressed up against a limo window at eye level. And like is just beat like, like squeaking up and down on

as the window is rolling down. And it is so funny. It's funny. I speaking of which, by the way, this might be one of the worst things that somebody has ever told to me that I couldn't stop laughing. I'm not going to say this person's name.

And I'm not going to say how they are connected to me. Okay. Someone let's call them Andrew R. No, that's too obvious. A. Rosa. Let's go with that. Let's call them Rosie Andrew. If it's not Andrew, somebody was telling me that they're watching you for a, with their girlfriend and they were conflicted. And in their exact words, he goes, um, yeah, man,

I started watching that show and like, I had never seen this shit before. And they're like, fucking dude. But they're not just like, fucking, they're like, fucking and shit. And so I'm watching that shit. I start getting turned on in shit. But then I realize, like, oh God, they're kids.

But then I Google it and it turns out the actors, they're not kids. So now I'm watching this shit being like, I don't know how my penis should feel. And it was one of the funniest things somebody has ever acknowledged to face. I mean, I think the accent does give it away that it's me. Yeah.

Yeah, and your following sentence was, Hey, fucker. Who's the dude that wrote that in the other one? Which, oh, I don't know his name, but he wrote the idol. Yeah. He basically, we were talking about Euphoria amongst ourselves. Uh, and the idol because the idol has some of the best writing. I love it. I've ever seen stretch that little. I can't listen to the weekend anymore. No, no to jail. No trial. Did you trial?

If you are unfamiliar, uh, the person who made euphoria also made a TV show called the idol and I haven't watched it. But there's been a bunch of screenshots being shared one mostly from the weekend where he says stretch that tight little fucking poster and everyone's collectively sought to it like that. That the other one, there's so much come or whatever you said. And then there's no, no, no, no, that one was fake. That the other one, there's so much come or whatever you said. And then there's so-

No, no, no, no, that one was fake. That one was fake. Well, it's the other one. He's like, he's trying to intimidate a man, but he is so short and the man is so tall. And he also just has no, whatever Rizz is for being intimidating, he does not. Juice.

He's got like a negative two on intimidation. Juice. Okay. No sauce. And I don't know what Iation. Juice. Okay. No sauce. Not at all. That's what he said. He said. Yeah.

No juice. He's like, look at her. I'll just fuck you up. But his head is like on your head. Yeah. So it's just like the other actor is like almost laughing. He's like, not to laugh. And he was one of the funniest scenes.

Cause like, cause he's like a bell hop. And he's like, okay, man. Like, dude. Yeah. If you truly want to be more intimidating, you should be a bus boy at a hooters. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah.

They are truly the scariest people. I trust them in any fight with my life. Well, because they have to both be bus boys and bouncers. From the kitchen, too. So you have to be, they always have to be cognitive. That was maybe looking good. Yeah. Because you're ready for action they always have to be cognitive. That was maybe looking pretty for action. Absolutely no for a fact. There's been a customer that's fallen in love with the customer. Yeah, several.

Many. And it's that guy, not Andrew, but the guy. Unless $1,000. Well, I'm glad that what we've done here is insult television and movies. That's right. And then have my friend insult me for the fact that I don't cook very often. Yeah.

Because honestly, I don't have the time to do it. I don't either. It's no. No. It's a no for me. It sucks. Meal prep, folks, just like. No, I like it.

No, no, no, no. Whatever. Fucking idiot. I got food poisoning one time I refuse I Got food poisoning one time I don't eat food if it's been in the fridge for two like past two days anymore Okay, you both are on the different ends of the spectrum of stupid eating Says the guy who orders door dad You didn't even at him okay most of the time when I ordered dordash and Cibi Faire,

I'm also counting in going and buying food in dordash, basically me not cooking. I was sponsored by dordash, really fucking should be. Yeah, we know how easy it is, but most of the time when I order food, I order like something halal or something. Oh, actually that's pretty good. Yeah, it's good.

I love the meat all too much. Some rice, some greens. It's the midnight. Yeah, because that's all I want. I don't want anything greasy. Somehow. We have a great show for you, and I cannot wait for you to get into it. Let us start with our first segment.

It is called How Is This News? Welcome to How Is This News. A show that rooster teeth executives once called Better Is a Podcast segment. Being informed is boring, and so we turned knowing what's going on into a thing you can win. Kinda like Twitter. But unlike Twitter, I've still got my original name. It's Armando Torres, and now let's get informed about our contestants.

First up, with a canonical penis length between two and 20 inches, it's Andrew Roses. Somewhere in there, somewhere in that zone. Which one, if you are, which like spectrum do you think you're closer to? 20. Because that, I would faint if I got an erection. Like that's long enough to where you like, if you get an erection, you pass out. It's a loss of blood. So not that. It's a good thing you can't get it up.

Next. That's right. We have the queen of reality TV and knowing exactly how lit you need to be to enjoy reality TV. It's Griff Milton. How's it going? Hey. How you doing? Pretty good.

How long is your canonical penis? Canonically or like in my heart? In your heart. Mm. Nine. Wow. Nine soft. Now, flassen to the knees.

Yeah. But then it gets shorter when it's... Yeah. Nine when I'm soft. I'm a four-hour. Four-hour. It's a diamond cutter. It's like a balloon.

And finally, we have one of the coziest streamers in the game. The one, the only tie. I mean, just because I play cozy games, this is me, I'm a cozy. You showed up wearing a giant blanket. You're wearing a blanket. It's so cold.

It is not. It's so hot. Oh, well, that's because you're blacker than me. You have the highest level of lights. I'm sorry. I almost said you're black and I said, whoa. All right. It's because you're black.

Hold on a second. Well, you heard it here, first folks. The winner of this game will officially be the blackest. Andrew, I'm with you, you. So let's kick it off with some world news. The world of fucked up shit anyway, our first game is called Florida Man. Florida Man and rapper, Gunplay,

was arrested after pointing a rifle at his wife and baby. After she told him he was making too much noise while playing his Xbox. And while that is extremely fucked up, it's still somehow not the worst thing to happen in an Xbox lobby. For 50 points, which game do you think he was playing? Let's lock in your answers. Think about it. It's not hard to think about. For the man. Yes, but black man. How many games do you typically black men play? We were in the middle. 50, Baldur's Gate.

Forza. Forza. Forza is actually real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a lot of my friends text me and go, I'm back in Mexico. And I go, what the fuck are they talking about? They're playing Forza.

FIFA? FIFA's another good one. Although I will be honest, these all sound like extraordinarily white games. I, I, I'm, this is a total, this is not going to get, this is a total wild card yet. This is not a wild card yet at all, I know black men. Okay, all right, we've got our answers. We are going to start with the blackest drift.

I said 2k but not the most recent one. 2K is a good one, especially because I feel like that's a game where I feel a lot of people get really fucking heated. That's also the only game I've ever seen in the Black Man play. Okay. Yeah. Go on with my family English. You didn't say which sport of 2K, but I know which sport.

There's multiple. Oh yeah. Because it's 2K is 2,000, because it's 2k is 2000. You guys know I'm guys know again Two K is 2000 so technically like every single sport game is 2k like even W W is 2k That is true. I don't place I don't know dick about sports W W He's playing as the booking yeah, yeah, yeah, and to keep with I know Blackman NBA 2K. Wow.

We've got 2K on 2K, Andrew. I said, Power Wash Simulant. That's my favorite game. I love that game. This was starting to make a lot more sense because what he was quoted as saying was, bitch, I will wash you away from this. I use the idea that there's actual power washing

that needs to be done around the house, and he's power washing this video game. Yeah, yeah, he had to wipe the smirk off of his face. Yeah. Yeah. Brrr. I mean, because those power washers have a compressor on. They make a shit ton of noise.

Oh, yeah. Brrr. Like, what the fuck is coming from the den? Sounds bad ass. Yeah. All right, so for 50 points, which game was gunplay playing? You answered 2k any of them you answered 2k I said when you know which one I met and be everyone listening and watching knows which one I met

Andrew you said power watch simulator the answer was Call of Duty Black men played three games. Two K, Call of Duty and two T.A. And two K from last year. That's it. What was the last one? GTA.

GTA. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Go on Twitch right now and search black and look for the men. You're going to do that? They will play shooters. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. When I think of GTA, I just think of suburban white kids

who say the N word playing. It's not black people. I went to Twitch and I just typed in black man and the first person to pop up, Boulder's Gate. They're playing Boulder's Gate. They're on the Boulder's Gate. That's what I thought, though. No, no, no, no.

He does a streaming thing, so he knows he's got to be different. Yeah. Because he went three viewers, they're all playing the same thing. You know what, I'm looking at this, he's playing basketball. That is. In Boulder's sheet. Crazy. Yes, character's playing cricket.

All right, it is time for our second round. And none of our contestants have any points. So let's see if they can change that. It's time for a second game. and none of our contestants have any points. So let's see if they can change that. It's time for a second game. Don't quote me on that. This last week, the world lost John Warnock, one of the inventors of the PDF and a co-founder of Adobe.

Rest easy and the big cloud server in the sky. But I'm, yeah, that was a bad joke. In a set of, I think it's a free, thank you. Thank you. I have three quotes I think it's a free. Thank you. Thank you. I have three quotes, and it is up to you to determine if it was said by the man who changed computers or Cheshire PT, the computer that ruined man. These are answers to questions that people either asked

John Warnock, the inventor of the PDF co-founder of Adobe, or that I asked a really smart website. Here is your first quote. I am a pretty happy camper. I might look a little like Paul Newman, ha, ha. Here is your second quote. No, I can't imagine what it's like to hold a child's hand. We got both.

Whole boost laughing on that. And third, eventually, cloud server technology hand. I guess we got both. We got both. Whole boost laughing on that. And third, eventually, cloud server technology may be powerful enough to store human consciousness. I would like to think of part of me may live on. All of those are horrifying. Yep. You got one, two, and three. Let me know if you'd like to hear the quotes again.

And who is this white man? This is John Warnock, the man who invented the PDF, and who was a co-founder of Adobe, who either said, two of these are real quotes. One of these is a fake quote, and I would like you to determine which one is fake. I'm not done this the hard way, but it's okay. Is it, I'm a pretty happy camper. I might look a little like Paul Newman,

Ha-Ha, and the Ha is spaced, which really fucked me up. No, I can't imagine what it's like to hold a child's hand. Or, eventually, cloud server technology, maybe powerful enough to store human consciousness. I would like to think part of me may live on. So we're guessing which one is not real. It's not real. It's not real.

Because two of those are very real close, said by a very real man. So I thought I had to decide for every single quote if it was real or not. So I went one, two, three. And then funny enough, you said two them real as I made to them real. So the one I said was fake was numeral trace. See that? That's a spake at the bottom. Umu. Umu. Trace, eventually clouds over technology.

Maybe powerful enough to store human consciousness. I just feel like that's a lot of sentences for one person to say in one breath. Fair enough. I should say that John Warnock had a lot of really long quotes, one of my favorites being sometimes I look at what humans problems are and how humans relate to technology and what their problems are with technology and how you can solve those problems with technology and that is how innovation happens when you look at human problems and technology and their

relationship with technology and how technology and their relationship with technology and how they can be solved with technology. There was more of that quote, but you couldn't open the second page. Because obviously it was just blank and said a document for some fucking reason. Andrew, which quote is not said by a computer genius? I also agree with Kai. I'm saying three.

Wow. Number three. It seems a little red herring to me. Like the other one seemed like, oh, the child's hand seems like 3. Wow. Number 3. It seems a little red herring to me. Like the other one seemed like, oh, the child's hand seems like, I mean, I don't know what Warnock's personal life is like. Seems like, seems like. Five kids. Huh? Five kids. Okay. Love this children immensely. And he doesn't know what it's like to hold their hand. No, no, no, because that's fucking gross.

Griff. Okay, so originally I thought we were supposed to guess which one he did say. So I wrote three. But now I know someone he didn't say I said one. One, your guess was I'm a pretty happy camper. I might look a little like Paul Newman, ha, ha. So probably help if I knew what John or Paul looked like, but I don't.

Yeah. He's the guy on the ranch dressing, Bob. You think I know that doesn't help me? You don't know, Paul Newman's own. Newman's own, and Newman's own. Newman's hidden ranch, Valley? Fuck. Maybe the biggest sex pot of the 1950s.

Paul Newman or Ranch? Yes. I mean, people probably use Ranch for that. No. No. Yeah, no. Again, again, blitz. It's got Dylan in it. Find me a bigger dreamboat than Paul Newman circa 1956. I will do you one, John Warnock.

So, out of those three quotes, which one wasn't real? Well, two of our contestants got it. It was number three. Damn it. I was really hoping you said it. It was so funny. It was very concerning to me that Chad Gbt wanted to talk about how human consciousness could exist in the cloud, and that a real human man said that he couldn't imagine

what it was like to hold a child. They're becoming sentient, and it's a time for us to accept that, honestly. I'm very impressed. What? We're not, groups just too strong. If I hold that kid's hand, I'm a crushy. They're both a dicksy guy.

Yeah, I did. I think, I don't know. I always think it's really funny when you, like, read the quotes that some of these billionaires and maybe not even billionaires, just tech geniuses, say, and some of the decisions they make, were like, I lied to you. He doesn't have any children, which is why it makes sense, why he didn't do that.

Also, the second part of that quote was, no, I cannot imagine what it's like to hold a child's hand. I could not imagine the feeling of holding a child's hand for hours, which is such a... What's a lock? A weird statement.

I don't even have the question that was asked to prompt that answer. How do you think tech geniuses existed before we had all this time? Truly. Truly, this is an Arby's precursor to that. If there ever was one. Yeah, yeah, I think they were bullied, honestly.

Yeah, probably. Probably. All right, so now we are moving on to our next game, which is called History repeats itself. Mm-hmm. Last Monday, Russia's first lunar mission in decades came to an abrupt end when the unmanned rocket crashed into the moon. Well, that sounds like a setup for an awesome action movie. It is more likely this setup to a super sad documentary

about a bunch of Russian scientists dying of a natural causes. So your question is in total how many nations or organizations have been to the moon with a manned or unmanned voyage? Or unmanned? Or unmanned. This counts orbits, rovers, any lunar mission

that was successful. How many nations? How many nations or organizations? Organizations. Like SpaceX. Mm-hmm. Who? SpaceX, Elon Musk.

I thought you said SpaceX. No, well, that's what he wants you to think I said. I mean, that's what he's trying to get us to say. Space sex sounds like a good time. Yeah. It's actually, it sounds really cool for like five seconds and then extraordinarily awful. We're then let go.

Yeah, you can't, well, you can't get. It'll clog the instruments. You can't get, I'm saying you can't get any leverage. Oh, yeah. On Earth, I can put my fucking dirty S-Tim's on a couch. I mean, I put those fucking Velcro shoes on and shush. Question space. No one can hear you, cream.

You're so many ways. You get a what? Squirt? Was option? We got. I should write the number down. Yeah. How many nations or organizations have been to space?

And you know what, I'll give you 100 bonus points. If you can tell me which ones did. When the moon hits your eye, I like it to shot from a guy. That's... That's a hookah. You know what? Whatever. Oh, no. You know what? Whatever. Ah, folks.

Oh, right. Andrew, you're a very smart guy. Very well learned. A citation needed. I don't know. I think you just made one of the most culturally relevant come jokes that I've heard in a while. So how many nations or organizations

have been to the moon? I'm gonna say seven. Seven, seven, good gaps. Do you wanna take a crack at telling me all of them? Mmm. Trick question, none of them to the moon. It's not real. Yeah, that's right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, seven is just my broad guess. Okay, all right, seven is your broad guess. Let's take out another guess from a broad, Griff.

Okay. Five. Five nations. Five nations. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

You want to try to take a guess at which five? Yeah, US. USSR. Wow, yes. Russia. It's different. It is different. It's different. We. Russia. It's different. It is different. It's different. It is different.

China. Uh-huh. China. Canada. Canada is incorrect. Oh. But a very close guess. Coy.

How many nations or organizations have made a successful trip to the moon? No, no, no, what did you get? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, small brain because I got stuck on nations, our countries, and there's a lot of countries. I forgot. My US privilege showed, because I forgot that there's third world countries. I haven't been to the moon. So I just ignored that part and I wrote 420. Oh my God. I don't even, hey Siri, how many countries are there in the world? I don't even, hey Siri, how many countries are there in the world? Here's an answer from worldatlist.com. There are 195 countries.

One hundred and 95 countries. And 55 of them are in Africa. Yeah. Hey, hey Somali children. I know you're being beset upon by warlords and can't even get a grain of rice to eat, but look to the sky. We haven't got it going to the fucking moon.

Um... I heard that's where Coney's hiding it. Hi. Hi. We're gonna get him, folks. We're finally gonna get him. There's so many small countries. No. There are. There are so many islands.

You are correct. There are a ton of small countries. And most of them have not been to the... Jamaica had a Bob sled made out of a fucking mattress. And they went to the moon. Yeah, they tell us just a couple black hats. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the answer to that question is... 419? 11. 11. 11 country. I can't name 11 countries. And I will tell you what they are. In no particular order, we have the Soviet Union. Yes, that's right.

We have the United States. We have Japan. We have China. India. Israel. Luxembourg, which is... Luxembourg is one of the... It's a city state in Europe,

and it's one of the smallest places I've had. They do not have Coca-Cola, but they do have going to the moon. South Korea, the United Emirates, the European Union, which is an organization made up of the European countries. Not the UK, though. And Italy. Wow, UK though. And Italy.

Wow, so not Italy. Italy. Not Spain. So they took time away from being racist and sexist and pinching women's asses to get to the fucking moon. Yep. That's stupid. They wanted to make that song come true.

Yeah, they can't make a car where the door handle doesn't break like after two months of owning it, but they went to the fucking moon. They looked up in the sky and they said, and that's a spicy meatball. I would like it to go there. Because then I might know and I would be more proud of me. Yeah, the first one to Jersey Shore,

then they went to the moon. Yeah, you don't remember that part of the Godfather? Where they went. That was really good. Oh, thank you. All right. Well, those are all of the questions that we have prepped based off of today's news.

We actually have a tie, 50 points and 50 points between tie and Andrew. So we have one final tie breaker question that only these two can compete in. OK. You were at the blackest of us all. Yeah, I think so in the Andrew maybe. Yeah, it might be.

It might be. I'm really too, Andrew, maybe. Yeah, it might be. It might be. I'm really proud, honestly. How many species have been sent to the moon from Earth? The moon, not the space. The moon, not the space, the moon. How many species have Earth beings sent into space to go to them. It's a confusing way to say it, but you know what I mean.

Yep. This is our double or nothing question. We are going to start first with, perhaps the blackest among us, Andrew. What is your answer? One, Uno, baby, we've just sent men. We've just sent human beings, one species, just us, where the only ones going up there.

Why would you send an animal to the moon? Could literally do nothing. Is it hubris or is it knowledge? Kai, how many species have we sent to the moon? I like this number, so I pick this number. Four. 120. The would have been great. I like this number, so I pick this number. Four. 120. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The would have be great. Do you know for bonus points, do you know the names of all four species that we sent them in? Uh, man, dog. I know for a fact the dog has been up there. Uh, been still up there.

Yeah. Like, uh, yeah. Uh, when you hear a comment, go over us. If you really listen, you can hear them go, yeah. Monkey. Monkey. I don't know the fourth one.

Okay. Probably like a caterpillar, right? That's the last thing of bug. Yeah, some type of bug. And so so that we could see what it's like. Yeah. Well, I'd like to say congratulations to our winner. Andrew Roses.

We have sent one species to the moon. It was human, really fucked up to call it just man. That was a horrible mistake on your part. And now, who are as informed as you can be, and let's take a look at our contestants and see what they've learned and how they're going to live better lives now. Andrew? Well, now is the blackest contestant officially. I that was told that that was

Yeah, I'm gonna go play some 2k It's on brand. Yeah, it's really on brand. Even the play 2k either big bowl cereal the big ass spoon Every single year even though the game never changes That's right. You the more you, the more I think I might be. Kahn? Uh, I've learned that the universe is really small. The world doesn't have a lot of countries. In fact, a lot of countries need our help.

They haven't been the space. I don't know why we're still going to space. Well, actually, America's in the universe is dying. So maybe we should go to space. Maybe we should just accept our fate, except your fate everyone. Wow, absolutely the bleakest of the guys. Yeah, a brand new of things to come. God damn, but you heard it here first folks. We should be going to poorer countries and shooting them. No, no, no. First folks. Kai has called for people in poverty to just be shot into space.

We're deporting them from their own country is in the shooting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Griff? Help. Not a damn thing.

And that's the only takeaway that you should have. The news is terrifying. Everything is awful, and you should never pay The news is terrifying, everything is awful, and you should never pay attention to it. I'm Armando Torres. Thank you for joining us for How is This News? Mm-hmm. You hear that sound?

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Hello, hi, how are you? This episode of the Ruster Teeth Podcast can be listened to on a plethora of places, like your favorite podcast listening app or the Ruster Teeth website, but did you know that you can also listen to us now on YouTube? That is right. We have our own channel, youtube.com slash at rooster teeth podcast. That's youtube.com slash the at symbol rooster teeth podcast. You guys have been asking for us to return to YouTube for some time.

And I'm not going to get into the boring nerd shit about why we're not posting on the full channel, but this is a way where we can post everything that we have been posting on the Rooster Teeth site for everyone to enjoy. That means that you now get access to our weekly cold open sketches. That's right, if you're not familiar,

we do a RT short every single week to start out the episode. Full episodes, video versions are available there uninterrupted. No more segments. You can watch the full thing all at once. And honestly, we just wanted to give you more places to watch it. So I hope that this is something that you're interested in. But you can still subscribe to first to help us keep the lights on to help us keep making this wonderful show.

We did the math and one first subscription is the equivalent of somebody watching 600 YouTube videos. 600 YouTube videos. And so we cannot thank our first members enough for subscribing to first you get some wonderful benefits including member and comment, shout outs, exclusive hangs. There might even be some really cool merch that's only available to you. And tons of more fun stuff is on the way to.

So please, please, if you enjoy this show, subscribe to first so that we can keep making this. But in the meantime, if you enjoy this show, subscribe to first so that we can keep making this. But in the meantime, if you want to watch some YouTube, you can hear on our channel, youtube.com slash at rooster teeth podcast. Thank you. Hey, guys, welcome to a very special episode of RT Cares. The segment where we take your questions and turn them into very dumb answers. Today the question is about self-expression. Oh, okay. Okay, yes, you should do it.

Yes, whatever it is. I agree. Run around naked on a baseball field. No, no. I'm 25 and I'm realizing that I've essentially dressed the same since middle school. Watching the podcast I feel like you guys have pretty good style. What advice do you have for someone trying to change their style and get drippy? Well don't ever how do we get drippy? Okay, can you tell him how to get drippy? I think I think I'm gonna get absolutely wet

I think it I've to go back to my earlier answer. I think it is running around naked on the baseball until yeah until like a maintenance man form tackles you into the ground, absolutely trucks your ass. That's a movie we should write is a movie about a guy who just fucking absolutely decimates somebody that's like streaking on a field and then gets like picked up to play for the Eagles. There we go, yeah, exactly. Yeah, and it's called Blinder Side. Yeah, I feel like we do, we three have pretty defined styles as, I mean, it's sort of a joke that we did last week

on the cold open, but we're all like a different versions of a fuckboy. Yeah. You actually have my shirt button for once. Yeah, and it's a very fashionable like earth tone. I could. Oh yeah, that's nice. Yeah.

I dress the way that I do and a friend of the show Trevor Collins today in the parking lot asked me if I'm a Nike rep. Because how much fucking Nike anywhere? You are Nike from the Beard Down. Yeah, pretty much. All in Android. Yeah, annually Nike underwear. Oh, yeah, Nike condom. Nike compression socks.

Well, actually, I'm Nike free-ballin' it. There it is. And then Andrew dresses like a sexy drug dealer. So yeah, look at that. And I dress like his underling. Got a, grabs my minion. Yeah, grips my high hired goon.

I'm a good. I, first of all, would love to be a goon. I feel like that's where I feel like I have perfect, okay, boss energy. That's exactly what I permeate out. I don't want to make any of the decisions. Let's get a boy's energy. Mmm. That is true. Yeah, I do have, I do have big cracks. I don't want to make any of the decisions. Let's get a boy's energy. Mm. That is true.

Yeah, I do have, I do have big cracks knuckles in the hand. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, big cracks knuckles and hand energy. If I saw you standing outside of a bar smoking, I would just give you my ID not knowing whether or not you're the bounce. That happens a lot. That happens frequently and often, especially when like, one of my, so I used to be too young to go into venues

to do stand up, so they would let me sit next to the door until it was my turn to run up on stage, do my set and then leave the bar. But as I would sit there next to the door, people would come in and repeatedly just hand me their I.B.s. And I always wanted to just be like, all right, it's $5 cover. Honestly, great scam.

Yeah. So another one of my comedy friends, Eli Yudin, he's six five, he has another podcast, but he often talks about that. And he lives in New York where it's like, fucking, you know, dormant as far as the I can see. Yeah. It's like, you basically can't be on your phone outside of a bar or people start handing you their IDs.

If you're like over six, two, people are will hand you. You're just born to be a bounce. Yeah, exactly. And he's got like a shaved head and like a beard. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can't have facial hair and be tall. You're a bounce. You're a bounce.

That's something is like, when I was a kid and I was a little bit smaller, I used to be Mexican, but now I'm just a bouncer. I'm a bouncer on my dad's side. Okay, well, let's do it this way. How did you guys stop wearing jeans and our t-shirts every day? I never did. I never wore any of the merchandise that we have available at store.rusatethe.com. Yes, for very affordable rates and great quality conditions. Yeah, you sound up for first, you look phenomenal. That's what they keep telling me to say.

And I refuse. No, I never wore that stuff just because I really like a super thick heavy tea. Yeah, like a beefy tea. Yeah, a beefy tea. Like I like to dress like I've always said my perfect outfit is an early 2000s New Orleans wrapper. Okay. That's what I want. And that is weirdly how I dressed in middle school. I wore the keys shorts that were so long they were capris. They basically pants. Yeah, I would wear the highest top Nike you could find. And the beefiest, and I mean beefiest tee with the tightest fucking that, I was cholos out. Hey, hey, and you got a dental vest,

gray, thickness on any of your online t-shirts. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I feel like I just wore whatever I had in middle school all the way through college and then I got too fat for all my clothes that to start buying my own clothes and unfortunately I had to go through the candidate event that every lesbian goes through which is ugly button ups like just like loud pattern pastel just the worst the worst shirts you've ever seen. Yeah, and then I have and then I just had a phase where I was going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be, just the worst shirts you've ever seen. And then I just had a phase where after that, where I was like, I hate that. And I bought three pairs of the same black pants and like 10 of the same black t-shirt.

And I just wore that every day for two years. You did the Zuckerberg. Yeah, with like, but I wore different shoes all the time. So all I bought was shoes, yeah. Yeah. And then the panty hit and I didn't have a need for clothes. And then after, yeah, so I just, we all just lived in PJs for two years.

All right, so I didn't wear. I didn't wear any clothes. And then I came out of the pandemic. And they asked any doordash driver. Yeah. I came out of the pandemic and they were like, you have to be on camera now. And I was like, fuck.

So then I had to go by clothes. I feel like I was pretty on trend for most of my life, including high school. And the bad side of that is that it took me until recently to start thinking about clothes that I like to wear and clothes that look good in my body as opposed to clothes that are trendy to wear. And so that's what sucks is that my whole life people have been like, wow, you do dress very well. But then you go back and none of those outfits are, uh,

I want to say safe, but that's not the right word. Yeah. They don't hold up. They don't hold up. Sure, sure, sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. How is your slag era? That's what I'm saying. Is I- I'm skinny with the jeans. I remember wearing the skinnyest jeans you've ever seen. My balls could not breathe. And I would wear a button up shirt with a tie.

An untaught button up shirt with a tie. Oh, so we were only the exact same outfit. Yeah, because you had to. And then a snapback. Yeah, because they're both lesbian. I would exactly tell you. Yeah. I would go to Liz.

Liz. Liz. I would go to le. Liz. I would go to lezzes. I would go to lesbians. Yeah. I mean, uh, lids is always ruined by a lesbian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cholos and lesbians are sometimes both together. Yeah. So that is a very tight bend. See my ex. Yeah. I would go to lids. I would get the most colorful non dodgers color dodgers hat you could find. That's right. And that's what I would wear. And so like none of that shit holds up

because it was all awful and from a specific era. Andrew, you've lived through more errors than anyone that I know. Yes. My life. Do you remember Jinco's? Do you, Jinco boy? I think I had one pair of Jinco's in, and I'm talking like fifth or sixth grade, because that's

when they would have been popular in the 90s, like the original OJs. And I think I only got them because they were trendy. Like, and I was like, oh, I want to fit in. So I'll get some of these jeans. But like, nah, they weren't like wildly comfortable, and I couldn't really walk on them. And they kind of sucked. I think like, sorry, I'm gonna have to give a serious answer a little bit to this question, which is,

and Griff, you kind of touched on the little bit. Something that is very important, it should be the bedrock of however you choose to dress, however, like whatever style you're going for, this should be the absolute fundamental bedrock of all of it. Buy clothes that fit you. Yeah. If you are an extra large and think you're a large,

buy the extra large, like do not buy aspirational fit clothing. Yeah, it's like just waste money. You just waste money, you feel bad in it, you truly look bad in it. So like buy the clothes that fit your body. If you find a piece of clothing that you really like, and it's like either too big or too small, and it doesn't come in another size,

like it's a little bit tougher if it's too small and you're trying to make it bigger, but like Taylor, get honestly, seriously have clothes like Taylor to fit you. It will change your life. And I'm like, this is like serious advice. And I know what you're thinking. I don't have money for a Taylor. Neither do I. You guys heard how much I spend on DoorDash, but what I do have is a very sharp pair of fabric scissors and hemming tape. So this shirt, when I

put it on this morning, was here because I'm 5'2 and this is a men's small shirt. That's right. Man sizes only go wide not longer. They're all the same length for whatever fucking reason. So I just cut it off and And it fits me. Yeah, looks good. It's that easy. Yeah, look up. I mean, look up how things are supposed to fit. Or and also, like, little things. If you want a serious advice, look,

if you want to be like fucking Andrew and give real advice and give the same speech that he gives to me every morning when I get to the office and he goes, where close it? Fit you. You piece of shit. Fucking garbage man. And if there's a spack hole with her, not dripped that.

That's right. Yeah, he does do that. It hurts my feelings. It's a badalax. When you're trying to find stuff that fits you, look up proportions and try to figure out how to dress in a way that shows off your body, I fucking hated the skinny jeans trend because there's no way for me to look good in

skinny jeans. And I hate the wide leg, like, a jean trend because I'm 5'2. Yeah. Right. And it just looks like you're standing in a cardboard box. Exactly. There are fits that are like timeless and classic. Look up classic, timeless fashion.

But also, like, think about, look up celebrities that you like the and classic, look up classic, timeless fashion, but also like think about, look up celebrities that you like the way that they dress. Like for me, I go with people who have similar body types in the dress and similar ways. Look for people with the same body type. Maddie Mavison, Aksis. The Grimmons. The Grimmons.

Surely they for me. That what is it, taft? Well, that's a million-hour taft. The one that they had to lower into the fucking elephant bathtub? They've been lifted out of the bathtub. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. William Howard Taft, is that his name?

Yes. May he rest in fat heaven? Yeah, look up people that have a similar body type to you. Don't take advice from people that don't because because any advice given to you by a TikToker who is six, three with 10% body fat is not gonna work for you. It's just not. Yeah, but also like different. Decide what kind of fashion you wanna wear.

I mean, I wear a lot of street wear stuff. I wear a lot of work wear stuff. Yeah. But I mean, dress however you want. My favorite, my favorite type of clothing that I get so excited when I watch people wear, honestly, is what I would call, how do you put it? Like close up, slide of hand magician slash pickup artist.

Clothing. Like the most like leather vests over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got right color to button up shirt. Sure, sure, yeah, I got right colored button up shirt. Sure, sure, sure. And the mascot. Ooh. Ooh.

If I could pull off an mascot. I wish I could tie a bandana that looks cool on me once in my life. I've never been able to do it. I think it only looks good on a bald head. I think it only happens to me in my head. Like, feel that this thing where she like ties in the round her ankle and she looks so cool.

So it's like what white high school moms think that gang violence is. So, I, this, this kind of touches on this as a nice little piggyback is. So, I think one thing too to piggyback off what you said, and what I said with a close, like get close that actually fit you, I think when you have close that actually fit you, you will feel better in them. And if you feel good in your clothes, you will be more confident. And if you are confident, you can pull off better

and more adventurous swag. Like I feel like if you feel confident and you feel good in your clothes and they fit properly and you like your look, you can start experimenting with them stuff. I will say that, and this is Austin, and there's a lot, I've seen this a lot, I've seen this a lot on a lot of dudes, mostly dudes,

which is like, okay, fella, you obviously have too much confidence, and you have one too many accessories on that. I saw a guy, saw that guy at a bar who had like cropped jeans and sandals. Fine, go further up the body. A button-up shirt, button-up seersucker shirt. Tucked into those jeans with suspenders.

I didn't know it was 2009. I like when people look like Grand Theft Auto online characters. I like when they look like background characters in the season two. Yes, oh my God. Yeah, well, it's like, I can't remember. There was that one piece of a fashion device from a famous clothing designer,

and I can't remember who it is. It was Kanye West. It was a Kanye West. Uh, no, though, like the advice wasn't, I'm probably gonna butcher it, but it's like, get ready, get dressed, put on like what you wanna wear, and then take one thing off. Yeah, like take off the crew marks.

Take like it's always the crew marks. Take it off. Take it off. And then he said, dot, dot, dot, it was a Jewish doctor. I'm not going to say, have you seen my clip? Yes. Oh my God. That's my favorite clip.

Just kind of going, I got diagnosed by a, I'm not going to say what kind of doctor. But it was a Jewish doctor. That's haus is, I mean, you can't teach that kind of comedic. No, it's absolutely phenomenal. I'm getting incredible. That was one of my favorite parts of fashion too is when Kanye came along and was like, I want to make everyone look homeless. Yeah. What if we all look like this is the post apocalypse?

No, it's like truly like, I mean, the Derraliq campaign from Zoolander. Like, you know, like, are we, did he just watch that movie? He like read Hunger Games and Divergent was like, mm. I feel like, so that's another thing is, being more interested in fashion, which is something that I've been trying to do. Because I like it, I like clothes,

I like the way that people dress, and I like fashion a lot lot is when I was younger, fashion seems so daunting because you have high fashion. You see the things that people wear and you go, why is a fuck with anyone wear that? And then you realize that like none of that stuff is meant to be worn. No, it's meant to be in this.

It's art. Variation to trickle down to us normally. It is a statement that is then interpreted by other designers who make stuff that is more accessible. And the best way that I ever saw it was like a couple years ago, there was, it went viral for a little bit. And it was that fashion show where they basically had parachute-sized jinko jeans, where like you could fit a whole refugee family

into one of the legs and sneak them into the country. And people were like, Oh, jingles are back in a big way. This is ugly. And then I, I, I laughed at it too. I made like some stupid tweet. And then somebody that I know that's like really into fashion was explaining to me and they were like, no, this was this fashion designer basically making a statement saying that the era of slim fit and skinny fit jeans is over. Oh, so we all have to wear these stupid, straight wide leg, fuck me. You know, and also, you don't have to.

Just wear what you want to wear. No, but now they look silly. Well, yeah, but whatever. I don't know. Andrew said it best, which is like, most of fashion is just being confident in yourself. Yeah. And if you wear something, it's going to be fine. There's so many times I buy a shirt and I go, is this too much?

And then I wear it and then everyone gives me a compliment on it. And then I feel awesome about it. So like just wear what you want to wear, learn how to dress well. And then again, if possible, dress like you are a sleight of hand magician because I feel like that is a form of fashion that needs to come back. I want top hats back. That's putting the Chrome heart back on. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's the, the art advice is to get ready, get dressed, and then put 10 more things on. And they're all rings. So, uh, I hope to God that this has helped. And we now have my favorite segment every single week.

It's time for Always On. Welcome to Always On. If you've been paying attention, you know the news is terrible. That's why we've taken some headlines and turned them into punchlines. We are doing our famous circle joke where we sit around Gryff and joke off. I love it. And then you get to pick up.

I love it. I love it. I love it. It gets funnier every single week. This is a no jokes refused part of it. Yeah. God. No, you put all of your jokes into this bowl

in the chamber. Oh, God. Yeah. Whichever one of us jokes lasts, that's the drink. Oh, it. All right. I'll start us off this week. So Boston Market or the liberal golden corral has been issued 27 stop work orders after failing to pay their employees a fair wage. a Boston market manager was quoted as saying, yeah, it's wicked fucked up. I can't even pay my cop payments. I go paint. I know very little about Boston,

except for when I went there, I was hate crimes between getting off the plane and into an Uber. That sounds about right. No lies detected. Everything about that ring. I shot about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right.

Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right.

Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I was about right. Yeah, I All right, here we go. Swifties rise up. Scooter Braun is emerging talent as Ariana Grande and Demi Lovato have dropped him as a manager. Braun is famous for refusing to sell Taylor Swift back her masters and most famous for being a successful guy named Scooter. This is legal name.

Who cares? That's when he goes by. Oh, fuck him. That's why they say when you're picking a manager, you always go brains over brawn. That's not a good job. Don't laugh at that. That's why I like tapered off there. Okay, so here's famous scooters. Libby, the Muppet, this guy.

Raiser. Yeah, raiser, raiser. Yeah, yeah. And raiser is most famous mostly for just destroying teenage angles. Oh my God. During my child. Los Angeles was hit by a magnitude five earthquake

in the middle of being hit by a very rare hurricane. And locals were understandably worried since that headline is just a complicated relationship with your daughter away from being any action movie starring the rock. Yeah. That's all about it. Yeah.

It's all like the worst thing that's ever happened, but the thing I care about is my daughter. Your birestial daughter? My birestial daughter. And you can't tell which part of the birestial salad she got it from. Because your mom has gone and we never tell the birestial salad. And you never see her. No, ever at all.

And for some reason, this birestial daughter has to get to the top of a building. For some reason, at the beginning of the first act, for some reason. Top of the building, bases the volcano to another planet. Yep. A football game one time. And I'm gonna reconnect with her for every we go. That's right.

Wow! Charles Martinette. Wow! That's more like it. Let me do that again. Charles Martinette, the longtime voice of Mario and the popular Nintendo franchise is retiring. A spokesperson for Nintendo said, Martinette will be taking a role more behind the scenes. Martinette will get behind the scenes by ducking down on a white platform for five seconds.

That is the most esoteric Mario 3 joke. If anyone likes that, please, you'll be my best friend. I appreciate it. Very stupid, like my joke, right? Jesus Christ, it's me, Armando. A brand of Trader Joe's crackers have been recalled because they contained dangerous metal-affected customers are now saying what former Latino neighborhoods

have been saying for years, those trade or just crackers got me fucked up. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. But she got the most saloons. Oh, yeah, but they have the absolute worst knockoff of Oreos you could ever not afford. Inedible door stops her tasty or Jesus Christ. Oh, guys, folks, but her squalls, Hurricane Hillary, a category four hurricane hit the West Coast last week, bringing massive rainfall to Southern California. By the time it reached Los Angeles, it was downgraded to a two, which is the same thing that happens to me when I go to Los California. By the time you reached Los Angeles, it was downgraded to a two, which is the same thing that happens to me when I go to Los Angeles. That's pretty good. I do like that a lot of angelinos are saying the same things that

Republicans have been saying, which is lock her up. Get her out of here. Boo, Hillary, boo. Stupid. Yes, that's wrong. I actually want to read you. We have we have a a fucking wild card submission bonus this week. From producer of the show Tyler stab. That's right. Your name is tied to this joke now. It is reported that North Korea now has a long range missile that can attack Washington, DC. But honestly, I'm not too worried because we attacked our own capital and look at how well that was. Tyler Stab, everybody.

Yeah. All right. Bring it up. You have heard five jokes, Three good ones from Andrew. Chaps. Uh, did you get that Mario joke, Jesus? Why? Why?

He did like a waluigi before. That's right. I'm a gon' a weed. That was like, I get a more like, yeah, a gruff one. Oh man, okay. Uh, fuck. That rock joke really got me. It really got me.

Gotta get a daughter back But Tyler can I get Tyler can Tyler can we want to give it to Tyler All right, well, we have some rehiring to do apparently, but thank you so much everybody for tuning in and we want to say again, if you are not watching this on YouTube, you can now. We have our own YouTube channel. That's right.

Look at the link down below. Okay, if you have a submission for questions, you should do that to RTK as it recititit.com. That's right. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And please subscribe to first. First helps us out so much. We've done the math and like one first subscription,

outweighs somebody watching what was it? It was like 42 YouTube videos. No, it was like 500 or 600. It was 600? 600? So you could either sound it for first. It's like what, five bucks a month? And or you could watch 600 of our YouTube. It's like what five bucks a month and or you could watch

600 of our YouTube videos, which is better. Yeah, it's so it's first. Please go ahead and do that It helps support us and then you get some really fun stuff too like a member and comment shout-out We love we're all up in the comments hang out. It's a bunch of really fun stuff Yeah, cool stuff coming. Yeah, gonna stuff there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, so thank you so much for joining us this week and hey, we will see you next time. Bye. Bye, bye.

Bye. So I don't have enough podcasts, not enough places for me to spew nonsense, so I started a new one. It's about things that are interesting to me, who shot J.R., Irish folk music? What happened to Acapulco? Hopefully you will listen to it, and you'll find out the answers to these and other in

named questions. Alright. you