Rooster Teeth Podcast - Sticks and Flowers - #433

Episode Date: June 13, 2017

RT Discusses Painful Procedures Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motor-mouthed outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church, twisted metal, streaming now now only on peacock Welcome to the RT podcast. Uh, my name is Brennan. I'm Blaine. I'm Chris. I'm Rafiallo. And I'm Gus. This episode of the Richie Teef podcast is brought to you by me undies,

movement watches and nature box. That's me undies, movement watches and nature box. All right, so I have a question. Oh, did you nail it? I nailed it. That's, so I have a question. I have a question. Did you nail it? I nail it. I have a question for the group. It's a very important question when I say the group

I really mean blame. So when you're getting drunk, before you're getting drunk, is there a particular food that you want to aim for that's better coming out later? Oh. Do you have like a specific like go to, like this won't hurt me as bad later? I never drink to to to get like so wasted that I'm gonna throw up. Never. That was never happened. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just to vomit out the whole hall. It's very, very healthy way. Yeah, I don't do this in Michigan or Oregon.

I don't drink that much, but in college, I'd get home after a great night, go to my toilet, vomit as much as I could. Intentionally, you know that. Intentionally vomit, because then, otherwise you're just sleeping and your body is just processing that alcohol and you're getting drunker and drunker and drunker.

Then I'd wake up in the morning, feel like a million bucks, get some breakfast, have some eggs, and like whistle. That method makes perfect sense, but I can't imagine that it's good for your body, like your teeth, your softy-ass, like all that acid and stuff. Well, if you're not doing it like every day for every meal.

Also, I heard someone recently told me that if you drink, no, you don't drink, you eat charcoal. Oh, you. No, no, no, no. No, this is actual thing. Not like, Then you poop diamonds. Not like, I'm not saying go get charcoal

from your barbecue thing. There's like charcoal capsules. Oh, okay. That's what they give you whenever you have like, you get poisoned or something. Yeah, they had to give, is it a pepto business man out of charcoal? And that was going on with the coal industry in America?

That's why we're opening up his minds. I know, seriously, so you drank a lot to the point where you actually threw up. Did you actually get drunk? For that interview, were you ever yourself? Yeah. And then you threw up. I was aiming to get-

On purpose? Not, I was not aiming to- On purpose? To barf. Blaine, it was brown. It was- Brown, what did you, what did you eat? He was red. I don't know.

I don't know anything about that night, you want to give context for what we're for the drunk interview show. Yeah, you Me versus drunk me interview show right me Ashley and Chris you committed to throwing up I did I did not intend to throw up I swear to God But what had happened was all right So how how this thing is filmed is we go in we film our sober cells We ask the questions that the drunk cells are gonna go in, we film our sober cells, we ask the questions that the drunk cells are gonna be answering.

So then after our sober cells are done talking, then we go and we start just drinking, we start getting shots, we start getting drunk. And then how it was supposed to go was, it was gonna be me getting interviewed, then Ashley and then Chris. No, it was me. It was you, me and then Ashley.

Yeah, so me, Chris and Ashley. How did you get to do the same time? Yeah, all the same night, because we wanted, me, and then Ashley. Yeah, so me, Chris, and Ashley. How did you get to it at the same time? Yeah, all the same night, because we wanted to just knock them all out. So I just couldn't get drunk, and I was drinking, and I was drinking, and I was the first one up, and I was like, no, no, no more. Yeah.

So, oh, it's actually cool, okay. Come on, or you'll go through with drop. So what had happened was I was supposed to go first, I couldn't get drunk, so then I think Chris got wasted really quick. So then Chris was a lightweight, and then he jumped in front of me, oh, barf warning, by the way, I needed to tell everybody that

if you're watching the video podcast, you're about to see barf. Yeah, but barf's funny. So Chris jumped in front of me, and then somehow actually jumped in front of me. So like this entire time, I've been drinking in general. Oh, god, no. No, I actually didn't go in front of you. You went this entire time, I've been drinking in general. Oh god! Oh god! No, Ashley didn't go in front of you.

You went right after me. No, she did. Ashley sat in my puke then, because like there was vomit all over that seat. They really were on the same set, right? Are we? So I mean, we're kind of sitting in the end doing. Oh, is old podcast set.

Oh, it was, wasn't it? Yeah, but the cat piss. Oh god, so you did that for real? That's commitment. Then, like everybody in the comments were like, Like cat piss. Oh God, so you did that for real? Mm-hmm. That's commitment. Like, everybody in the comments were like, oh wow, like I thought he was acting until he just started hurling.

You got on the front page you read it, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's all you have to do. People like Pukes. That's all you have to do. It's impressive. It's about one of those things, like, you know, your parents, your grandma showing off your, all your stuff stuff like, look, I'm so proud of him.

I'm just gonna have that in my acting real-time. Or when you run for political office. Sure. Blaine, what's the weirdest thing? He could get elected still. Yeah. And today, in the post-Trump era, Blaine, vomiting on himself is not gonna be a hang-up. Yeah.

Yeah, I think you're probably true. When did you put a hat on? What? I don't know what you're talking about. It was really weird. I looked at you, said something to blame. I looked back and you were like, wearing a hat, wait till later when you find out your wallet's gone.

He's a clown costume. What's the craziest thing you ever did to impress a girl or ask a girl out? Is this gonna segue into one of your shitty other front-sager writers? No, no, it's gonna be an ad而已. All right, add something set up for it. Gonna get you a hat to get back to me on that. I think I've done some pretty stupid stuff

that I had to really think on what's the craziest thing I did. Chris? Yeah, you know, nothing comes to mind right now. I'm sure I've done a lot of things and it's hard to pick just one. So there's a couple of weird stories and the first thing I thought about was Blaine. So I'm sorry about that Blaine.

There was a kid who was trying to impress this girl he was with. So he jumped in a crocodile pick to try to like show off like how manly he was. I don't know if there's a follow up to it. Like I hope well. Well, I saw a story last week where it was like, man gets eaten by crocodile. So I don't know if it's the same story

or is it not the same story. I think he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, it worked. The woman was impressed. He would have gone out with him, but he was dead. Her and the crocodile have a happy marriage now. It's fine. Get extensive injuries to his arm. Yeah, because you got torn up by a fucking crocodile.

What an idiot. Ow. I could see it. You think I would do that? No, I don't think you would do that. I jumped off the things to impress a girl. Yeah, I'm like, you know, like buildings into pools. I mean, some of that was for me.

It wasn't to impress a girl, but we did go camping forever ago. We're all talking about that. So we were gonna talk to you guys. We went swimming the day we were gonna leave. And so there was like these different tiers of cliffs, right? And everybody was dropping off this one that was like, I'd say like 10 to 15 feet high, right? And then there was another one

that if you kind of a little bit higher, it was like like 30 feet. Or at least 30 feet. It was fucking high. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna do that one. And I got up there and I was just like, I looked down and like, everyone looked like dots in the water. And I was like, I was like, fuck me, I'm so dead.

But I just see that you're the good thing about that. Because like when you're sort of low to the ground and you can see the people, and you're like, oh, those are people, this is bad because they're people. I recognize are people. I'm higher than them. When you get to the point where they're like so high,

you're like, those are abstract shapes. Yeah, that could be amazing. Those people could be just right there. It's really small. The more abstract it gets, the better. So you just got to keep going higher. So I got as high basically as I could and then I looked down and then like mid thought I was like

This is too high I threw myself off because I knew I was gonna talk myself out of it and to make sure that I was gonna Make it in the water. I was looking down the entire way and I ended up like punching myself with water Because my feet went through and I just went Because I wanted to make sure I stuck the landing in the water. Does it eliminate the cool factor if you hold your nose while you jump? Because I've done that before, like impressive jump, but like, if you pull it off as like a cool, you know, nose like,

it was not ironic about it. It was not cool. No, I was, I was, but if you're actually going like, then you look like a, no. You kind of look like awkwardly man today, Blaine. Okay, I'm just saying,

isn't where Blito, he was green and orange. But just like with the zip down thing, and something, you can't, when you walked in, your hair was wet too. So looking, he just came out in the ocean. You're like, my people are coming up. Meanwhile. So the same being like, I don't know why these, these came out in pairs, but there was this kid

who wanted to ask a girl from prom to prom. And you know how that can get in high school, like super elaborate. Well, it's a small town, I guess, so, and pairs, but there was this kid who wanted to ask a girlfriend from prom to prom. And you know how that can get in high school, like super elaborate. Well, it's a small town, I guess. So his parents talked to the police department and worked with them to come up with an elaborate way for this guy to ask his girlfriend to the prom. And so the police stopped him while he's driving the car and his girlfriends in there.

And then they come in and they search and they find drugs. And they start grilling everybody in the car, grab the guy, put him in handcuffs. And then the girl finds the bag of weed and there's a little note in it. Like look behind you or some ridiculous thing and she looks and he's holding a sign that just says, will you go to prom with me?

Tell me she said no. She said yes. I would say no. She has to say yes, right? Because then he goes to jail. I don't know. I mean, it's like A for effort. I mean, like.

There's so many moral dilemmas when you're a woman. It's so hard. The decisions you have to make. I would, you should say no, right? I would. I mean, the hardest thing I ever had to do to like impress a girl, as work at a company for 15 years

based around an internet cartoon. And it still has not fucking worked. No one is fucking impressed. No one gives a shit about it. Yeah, the thing you learn, you learn pretty quickly is that girls do not care how many Twitter followers you have. You cannot throw that down casually in a conversation and expect anybody to be impressed by that.

Especially since like, yeah, my girlfriend is like a bigger social media following now than I do. She doesn't care. Your girlfriend has a bigger social media following than you do? Is it, do we, do we know who it is? No, it's a lot of peers. Sure, she's writing in. She's been killing it on the, I don't if you think there she's she's just one of their like I'm a journalist. Does that make it awkward? Like family dinners and stuff that she has more followers in you? So like she's a tweet so she gets more likes and she organized the table by who is she? She's a head. You're gonna have to back the table blame. What's up for grandma? No, I'm assuming up there.

I'm honestly like I'm super proud of her. She hear that where she or there? Where is she, L.A.? She's in San Francisco. Oh, she's in San Francisco? She's in L.A. right now at E3. How long you've been seeing each other? She's ahead of Blaine for what is she gonna have? What? And wow, you're doing the long distance thing. Yeah.

Fuck, I don't fucking know. It's going strong. It's actually not that bad. We're very independent people. Like distance can work out if you're able to exist on your own. But if you're independent people, and you're living in independent cities, are you in a relationship?

Yeah, we're like, is it open relationship? No, I think J. It's a whole trying to get him. It's a whole trying to get him. I'm just like, so what are you doing? But if we do it vertically, we can put it all in line. What's going on?

But even if they were, it seems like we don't only count it in the same city. Like she couldn't date you in a instant. She comes in her boyfriend. Yeah, like I get it if it's like, you know, the local and the long distance. What do you visit Joel tonight? Like, were you, were you dropping her off

when you texted me saying like, I see you at the airport? Yeah, I thought I thought it was like, what the fuck? I won't point and pull them to the cell phone lot and I saw a dude and was like, it goes brand-in and then I texted him and I thought it was like what the fuck? I won't point and pull them to the cell phone lot and I saw it, dude, and I was like, It was Brandon, and then I texted him and I thought it was you, but it wasn't you weren't driving your car Whatever you drive your Honda and I texted you and thought that you were there and your explanation was that you were out there filming something

No, well I was waiting for Paul as plain to come in and so I was, and it was weirdly delayed. So I was like, well, I'm right next to the runway. It'd be kind of cool to like, we would look for the plane landing, but it was a weird thing because there's like apps where you can track planes in real time. Like they're like, passes? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was looking at that and I'm like, that's kind of weird. They're like really far behind. And like, I don't know how they're gonna land in time and there was like a plane in front of them. And then I checked like five minutes later and like that plane like did a circle so her plane could land. And I was just like, oh, what's going on?

And at that point she was able to text me and she was like, oh God, turbulence, so bad, worse I've ever like experienced in the plane before, like freaking out and I was like, this is terrifying because something could happen and I'm here to record it. Do I keep recording this or not? Like is it for like you do? The answer is yes, for insurance reasons. Oh, why is this true?

Well, I guess, well, if we had kids, it'd be one of these things to share like, like how mom would die in the 18th birthday, suns it down. She's okay. She's good to get to the hospital. Yeah, but like the, it was weird because the pilot was like,

everybody needs to sit down and strap in. No matter what, you cannot get up. If you have to go to the bathroom, hold it. Have you ever been on a plane where turbulence has gotten so bad that they're actually like, okay, everyone just go ahead and you have to go to the bathroom, hold it. Have you ever been on a plane where turbulence has gotten so bad that they're actually like, okay, everyone just go ahead and you need to tuck over, like put your head between your knees, have you gotten that bad?

No, has that happened to you? Yeah, one at one time. Yeah, where it's like it was so bad, it was like everyone you can need to go ahead and put your hands down into your crotch area and like, well, this is not good. Never in one movie has that happened? Where shit didn't happen after. It didn't even start. It was like, well, this is not good. Never in one movie has that happened, where shit didn't happen after.

It never was fun. Like, never was like, okay, it's fine now. So that was fun. It's fun that the last thing that you get to view in the world is your own crotch, right? Bye, James. He died as he lived. Trying to suck his own dick.

There's crazy shit that happens in planes. Like there's a story. I don't want to mention the airline because I don't want us to get sued because they're denying it. But like a lot of passengers say their pilot came on the like radio and said, hey, we're having some technical issues with the plane. We're going to take a vote who wants to make the flight regardless and who wants to just stay. And so it's a lot of fun to be a drunk pilot. And so they had a vote.

And I think like they had a vote. Yeah, they had a vote. And I think like they ended up, yeah, they ended up like, you know, going on the flight. I don't even know if I believe a story anymore, unless there is like 27 iPhone camera views of it. At this point, right? Witnesses claim the pilot told 150 passengers on board

that there was only a 50-50 chance that he would be able to get both engines working. According to the Bristol Post, this is not us. So please do not sue us. Like, I just like, I mean, the only need one engine. You only need one engine. But, I mean, you know, come on, like that's like, I mean, I gotta say, basically every flight

that I've ever been on in my entire life if the pilot came on said, only one engine is working. I'm like, let's fucking go. There's not a little single flight that I've been on where it's like, well, I don't know, we've heard stop and wait for another engine, fuck it, I'm ready. Let's go.

She's, you don't know, man, like, there was the flight out in New York that it ran into a bunch of birds and the birds went into the turbine engines and knocked out both engines. But the solely movie? Yeah. And he had a lot of work. I think everyone's familiar with that, right? Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. The plane had a land and like luckily glided down into a bay. It wasn't in the ocean. Because if you're in the ocean, land in the ocean, you are. You're talking. I feel like the way you're telling the story, no one's ever, you are, buh, buh, buh. Why, why? You're telling the story to no one's ever heard it,

but we're all, we're all familiar with it. I'm so sorry. I mean, everyone, fine. Why, why you guys are in the ocean? Because it's not, it's not a flat surface. Like, and it's not a stable surface. It's by the land. Well, I get that.

I get it's like, well, it's gonna be easier to find them in a bay because it's, but no, like in ocean, it's, you're dealing with the waves and stuff like that. It's like a bay, it's like a bay. It's like a little more calm. So you can, you're gonna crash into a wall basically

because there's no way that you're gonna just like land. Like I mean, planes have people have survived. Like there have been times where people land in on the ocean. You'd rather crash land on ground. Then the ocean. Yes. Like when we're on ground

and when we're not taking off I'm we'll talk so much about this can I talk before I'm okay It's take off and over water or over oceans where I'm like Sucks you only being over over water over the ocean. No, you are I just assume I am I am gone I have if I go down like on land, I feel pretty good. Like I feel like I have a good chance to survive. I have a pretty sick satisfaction. I even sleep like in the crash position.

Oh geez, that's more of a, with your crotch in your face. You talked about that, how you were very proud of yourself. Or it was like if the plane crashed, you were already in the crash position. The crash position? Crash position. Crash position.

I was on a health flight with Joel. We were both going to Australia for packs, Oz, Forevergo. And you had like a kidney stone. Yeah, but that was fucking hell. That was great. I just, you just drug the shit out of yourself. That's how you get through life. You're sick.

Just drug the shit out of yourself. I'm not gonna lie. On that flight, I took like a Tylenol PM, two Vyketins. I can't even, a meatonin, I just took everything and it didn't do anything. And then you get to Australia and in Australia, everything is legal. Everything is legal in Australia.

You go to the pharmacy and they have something called Codine, which is a cold medicine and it's just Coding. It's just Coding, which you can't get in the US. You can, in Australia, you can just walk up and get Coding and Viagra and just buy it and just no problem And I took a tiny I took a half I took a half of a codeine codine on the way back It was like couple of I have to I mean I took seven Viagrists And have a codeine and it was great. I was the whole time the flight was great

They everything's everything Australia is better. Huh everything there's legal There was another whole time. The flight was great. They, everything else, everything else, it was better. Everything there's legal. There was another person at the company who was like Joel, Vagra's no problem here. You should go and buy some for me there. And I felt really, but I know who it was. Yeah, wait.

So, but I got, I've heard. Well, some people use like, like, Vagra recreationally. I've never used it. I've never used it. I've never had either, but but I would I don't know I try it like just I've heard stories of guys taking Viagra's ha ha I'm gonna take a Viagra and then they had like a boner that won't go away. I

Don't want to deal with that. I I don't want to deal with the I have a challenge. I like how it's tackle I guess it depends on how what can I do to make this boner go? Fusastic is your partner. That's really a question, right? Apparently you get in trouble if you don't tell your partner that you've taken the Viagra Why? Because sometimes feelings get hurt Sometimes they say oh cuz you can't hold it on your own. You don't like me enough. You need drugs I mean, I don't even know what I'm talking. Well, that's not happened

But there's been times where I wasn't able to go. And then the person took offense to that. They're like, do you just not think I'm pretty? And it's like, no, I just, it's where I can't go. It's because you were puking, probably. It's puking. I mean, how about go is it finished? Couldn't finish. Yeah, yeah.

It's just, it's just, all right. So E3 is happening right now. Yes. And I'm not there. Neither am I. Yeah, yeah. I was there last year. Last two or three years. Yeah, and I did practice and homework and I learned. I knew everything

about E3 last year. And I don't know nearly as much this year except for now Minecraft, which is a game that is meant to emulate an 8-bit game is now possible in 4K. This is where we are as a society. World changing. It's also Skyrims coming to yet another million. I saw that. And how do you, have you been following this? Do you feel anything about the new Xbox? I've been watching all of it.

Microsoft press conference, they didn't have any huge things that impressed me. They didn't have any halos or gears of ore. But they did go into, you were not Ubisoft's, that new, it's like you look like Iron Man basically. Right, BioWare, now BioWare's got a new game. Anthem, Anthem. Yeah, which looks pretty dope.

And that trailer was really cool when it goes into the water. It's like, he's in the water! Except for they're using this fucking thing that they do at every video game conference where they fake a co-op party. They did it for the division last year, where it's like, oh, people are playing co-op together, and they're laughing and making jokes with each other.

It's so fucking annoying. Yeah, that's something they really need to like. You can't fake like, they gotta stop doing that. It's like a weird, it's like listening to a Let's Play where the script, the Let's Play scripted. It's really awkward. It's funny, even if they were to book like a YouTube guy who's funny and good at it,

it still comes off wrong, right? Where it's just, I don't know what the deal is like if games aren't ready at the time or it's like if they have to hit so many markers it just becomes too stupid. Well, no, even still because they've done like live, like that was obviously like the people weren't playing the game,

that was all just scripted bullshit. But like there's been times where they'll have people come out and they'll play like, let's play Rainbow Six Siege and there's like four players all on stage playing simultaneously. And it's the most awkward bullshit ever because they're like, oh good kill, good kill. And they're like trying to like,

yeah, have that fake that false set of video game playing. Yeah. And it's like, it just doesn't work. It's like, this is why we need Viagra. Well, so you can't fake it. So is the new Xbox is like 4K ready? Is that the thing? Yeah, it's gonna hold.

Probably no more I do. I don't care. No, I don't know. I mean, it just has more processing power and 4K ready, but it's backwards compatible for all the existing libraries, but there's gonna be no unique titles for the new launch. For the game ever. I don't know if I could be wrong in this. I'm sure someone on Twitter can.

Oh, so like Xbox, Xbox, Xbox One X. Xbox One X. Yeah, so right now they have Xbox One X, Xbox One S and then Xbox One X. So they need your own branding. What is it? There are other letters.

It's like the PS4 Pro. It's just an upgraded version of the same console. So you can do like higher resolution, better processing power. It's just supposed to be just overall, just a little bit better. Yeah, but the big thing is the marketing point of 4K. Because that way, everybody know 4K TVs,

they see 4K TVs, they see 4K when they watch movies. I mean, the big thing for it, right, is 4K resolution. I would imagine they're like, higher frames per second and all that shit. Because basically, they're just fighting to be PCs and that's never gonna happen. Species are just, you just, I don't know, I'm kind of to the point where I'm just sort of like,

back in the 90s, it was a big deal to me where it was like new hardware specs. It was very important and graphic, graphic jumps were very important to me. Now I don't care about that anymore. Now I just want a menu that makes fun, fucking sense to me at this point. I just want to be able to turn on my Xbox

with fucking understanding the menu. And like, and gameplay is more important to me now versus like, I don't know graphic, but I guess it's never gonna stop. But it also, like, I don't even know, like if I'm to the point where VR means that much to me. And they've announced like two VR titles,

like Doom and something else. There was some Elijah Wood thing that they did today, Ubisoft. Was that VR? I have no idea. I was in the middle of a meeting so I took my headphones off and I was like, what? Did that hold, did that hold an interest to you? Like a name is associated with the title?

No. I took my headphones off. But you took it, but you took it. But I love Elijah Wood, but I don't care. He's our God, but yeah, it was like when they had Dekeven spacing in Call of Duty, right? I actually, that's wrong because I tweeted out that anytime, oh, God, what's a big, huge old, old spice guy.

I'm just gonna... Yeah, crack down three, right? Where it's like, I wasn't for some reason, don't ask me why. I was trying to like watch game trailers, but I couldn't have audio. So I'm like watching all the game trailers of the new audio. And then here's Terry Cruz, and it's just like game trailers of the audio and then here's Terry Cruz. And it's just like, crack down three.

And then here's Terry Cruz. And Terry Cruz is going, ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra. These are again associated with ra ra ra. I just love Terry Cruz. At one point he shoots a gun and he, one of the funniest things in the world to me, I don't know why is every time somebody shoots a gun,

they say a word to emphasize their point. So they're like, you don't know. They're shooting and he did that. And I was cracking up. Terri Cruz is so funny. That would make a good drinking game, by the way. We just need some, we just need a drinking game. We're just talking once.

Sorry, we're gonna be good drinking game once. Man, the comments on that video were like, let's watch the rooster teeth crew, we're toast some crack. You know, like, like a lot of people were like, this is horribly unhealthy and terrible. I was like, oh no. But then the other people too were like,

they were like, why would you approve releasing this? Like, why did you let them put this out? What the, what the drunk video? Oh really? And I was like, that was like easily one of the worst, that the next day was one of the worst days of my life. It was the worst, I missed a flight to Alana's birthday in San Francisco It was the worst thing over I had yeah, of course I'm gonna release that like why would I do all that work for nothing?

I'm that's weird to work. This is a weird way of putting it But sure People why would people be upset over I don't understand I mean, huh vomiting a lot of people didn't like the video. Oh, didn't like vomiting. Yeah. Vomiting's funny. Chris and I worked on this project

and we had to send out notes to somebody. It was the immersion video, the racing one. Oh, yeah. And we had a really fight for the vomiting. It was a thing of like, we need less vomiting. We're just like, but all right, let's cut out for seconds of it. Yeah.

It's just like reinforcing like vomit's funny. That made that video. Especially milk. Oh yeah, that was a great vomit. White and vodka biscuits. That's what made the video. Yeah, people love vomit. None of it went through your nose.

It all came out, it's fine. Oh, that burns. Yeah, when it goes through your nose, it's like a painful thing in the world. If you're ever vomiting, if you're like 14 and listening to us, stop listening to us. But if you're still 14 and listening to us, stop listening to us. But if you're still going to keep listening to us and you're like, I can't wait to drink. But if you do, when you're throwing up later, mouth open, mouth open, if you have to cough

or sneeze, just fight through it. Just get it through out the out part. If it goes through the nose, you're going to feel burning in your sinuses and chunks, right? It's a new wind situation. Oh God, that's horrible. It's a most unnatural feeling. It's so, I, okay, you want to know the worst thing that can happen to a man ever?

Talk about unnatural feelings. Okay, go on. You took your biographer and you vomited. Ah, so I've had some issues, medical issues, and boy, when you get old, it's fun. So I had to have a scoping of my bladder. I've had to have a lot of fun scoping. A scoping of your bladder. What is that camera?

That's when they take a camera and they put it into your bladder. How do they get the camera in there? If you ask me, I'd do they get the camera in there? If you ask me, I'd rather they just stab me in my heart and then inject it through that, but that's not how they do it apparently. How they do it is you go into the room and there are these things hanging from the wall.

They're the most horrible things you've ever seen in your life. And then there's a chair and the chair is horrible too. They're stirrup. And then there's like, there wasn't stirrup, but there could have been. And then there was like a chair and the chair is horrible too. And then there's like, there was a stirrup but there could have been and then there was like a blanket and the blanket thing and then you sit down in the chair and then a guy comes in the room and he goes, all right, you have to take your pants off now or the blanket. And you go, okay, and he's like, are you allergic to iodine? And I'm like, well, I haven't

even met you before. And then they put iodine on your things. And then the doctor comes in later. And then he goes, hey, did you see that basketball game last night? And that's where they have you. Because that's where they've started to lie. Once the doctor starts to lie, you're like, oh yes, doctor, I did see the basketball boom. And that's when they go in for the kill.

That's when they go in for the kill. Like, oh yes, I have a thought like he's yes, doctor, I did see the basketball boom. And that's when they go in for the kill. Wait, are they? That's when they go in for the kill. Like, oh yes, I have a thought like he's tricking you, like he's distracting you. It's like, oh, I'm interested in basketball. Biggest pain I've ever felt in my entire life. Biggest pain, the God, the first guy was like, the first guy was like, look, I'm not gonna lie to you. This isn't gonna be great.

Oh, but it's not as bad as you think it's gonna be. But here's the thing, those fuckers, and I've had to do this multiple times now. What? Yeah, I've had to do this multiple times now because everyone just thinks it's funny to send you all spending money on medical bills. So I've had to do this multiple times.

The first time was after passing kidney stones, which is already the most painful goddamn thing you can ever do in your life. And after you pass kidney stones, there's parts of your internal organs that are a little bit raw. And then after that a little bit raw, then they stick medical equipment past the same area.

Okay, so that's- So it didn't be clear we're talking about the urethra. That's painful. That's painful. They're just sticking to the floor. And that time I went, it was like, literally a week, I was walking around like, oh At that time, I went, it was like, literally a week. I was walking around like, oh, for like a week.

And I was like, this is where, and I knew I had to go back. Oh, this is how I went back. And I was like, this is gonna be horrible. This is gonna be horrible. And it was bad. And they're going and they're, it's like, drill for oil.

And they're like, they're like, don't worry. As soon as we hit to the fracking stage, it won't be as bad. And so they get to like that sediment layer. And it's still bad, but it's not as bad. And you're like, okay. And the funny thing is, too, they're like, the doctors like, you're gonna have the urge to tighten up. And don't do that.

And of course, your body's like, because it's like, something is propping inside of you. And your body's like, get it out. Like something is probing inside of you and your body's like, get it out. Like all your muscles, like that's why you have ass muscles and muscles and you're growing. The only reason for all those muscles is like,

get it out of me. Yeah, and they don't work backwards. Buddy, trust me. It's like, and I'm just like, okay, oh, I mean, that is like, you have to have the like, the mental capacity of a Jedi night.

So like, is that what they trained to do? Yeah, like breathe, some like breathing. And fuck you, people who give birth. Oh, giving birth to children is so hard. They'll fuck you, it's not. Okay, what men have to go through. Let me tell you something about mathematical ratios. Okay, it's this big.

It's this big, it's not meant to get bigger. You guys are meant to get bigger flowers. You bloom. You fuckers are flowers. We are not fucking flowers. We're fucking sticks. You don't stick a stick inside no stick. That's not where sticks are supposed to go.

No one goes, hey there's a stick. Let's put a stick inside of it. That's against nature. That's against nature. That's against nature. So, God damn it. Did you pop the Viagra before? So they just go like straight line. That's the other thing too. I'm thinking to myself, man, these fuckers have to sit there and do this shit to people all fucking day long. That's their job. It's like, oh, here comes another thing where I stick a stick in it. I explained to the stick, that's not gonna be fun. So, is it like a cord, like a tube?

I'm imagining, have you ever seen the Matrix? The doc, yeah, that's what it is. Destroyed it. When I walked in the room and had to thing hanging on the wall, I'm like laying in the chair and the doctor goes, you know, most people don't look. I'm like, I'm not gonna look. Yeah.

So I didn't look, I'm not gonna look, I don't wanna look. But was it like, I made that mistake when I was seven because I had an operation on my leg and the doctor was like, I'm not gonna look. Yeah. So I didn't look. I'm not gonna look. I don't wanna look. But was it like, I made that mistake when I was seven because I had an operation on my leg and the doctor was like, I wanna watch him like, yeah. Don't watch.

No, it's never good. Don't watch. I did do the same thing like five years ago. And they were just like, well, you know, we're just down here. We're on the part of curtain if you wanna go and look. And I was like, you know what?

I don't want that image burned in my mind. I don't wanna wake up in the middle of the night. Like with that, like a nightmare being chased by one of those probes. So like, it was my second fucking time, right? So I get through with it. And I remember telling that dude, because he reminded me from last time,

I'm like, oh, who? He's like, oh, who? You're like one who's screaming, crying, right? I remember you. I remember you. You remember me, all right, great. Okay, so that's great. And I remember telling him up front,

I was like, yeah, that was the most horrifically painful thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life. I couldn't walk for a week. He's like, oh, oh, oh, and I guess apparently what happened to me was not ordinary, because I guess it was worse for me because he's like, oh, oh, because when it came back after the procedure, he's like, well, here are some pills.

And here's the green pill. The green pill is gonna turn your- It is a matrix. Oh my God, it is. It is, I took the green pill and woke up to this shit. Fucking crap. So it goes, the green pill will target your urine blue. And it did, it turned my urine blue.

And it's not nearly as painful. And I was like, I literally was like, where was that pill last time? He's like, oh, we were probably out. We go through old time. And I don't, how much money is going into medical facilities? Don't run out of the pill.

Don't run out of the pill. Like, I will tell you when this pill is stored. Yeah, I will drive there right now. I will resched out of the pill. Don't run out of the pill. Like, I will tell you when this pill is stored. Yeah, I will drive there right now. I will reschedule for the pill. So that's bad, that's all bad. And by the way, if you're a dude, if you're a dude, guess what, you're getting prostate cancer. You're getting prostate cancer.

You get to live long enough to get prostate cancer. Salute to that. That's it. If you're a dude, you get to live long enough to get prostate cancer. That's it. If you're a dude, you get to live long enough to get prostate cancer. So all that got real quiet in here all of a sudden, all the laughing stopped. I was like, oh, fuck. So that, I mean, and that's the deal.

You know, and we suck our gender sucks, everything sucks about us and we suck. So there's nothing to be done. When I had the done, I was single. And I remember thinking how depressing it was, because my urologist was a much older, older man. You had the same thing? Yeah.

And I remember thinking like, Man, this guy has seen my penis longer than like anybody else in the last three months. No girl has seen my junk. Yeah. And this 50 year old dude has seen my junk. Yeah. So I was like, well, do I need to like landscape beforehand just to be like considerate or like.

To make it look bigger at least. Yeah. They don't like it when you're cracking, like when you're cracking jokes because like sometimes I've had some surgeries and they're like, shave you down there and it's like, I know this one guy was like doing the shaving and had like a ring where he went

like to the Naval Academy and I'm like, ah, which is the Naval Academy for this, huh? No sense of humor. Also, he starts laughing while the rocks, and he's gonna fucking knife you in my team. Nuts, that's a great idea. I'm gonna see the guy who has a knife by my nuts can laugh. A lot.

Smart. So, an old barber shop is just like a giant razor. Oh, so fuck. When they pull out, is it like subtle and slow, or do they like, well, the funny thing about unbelievable, magnified pain beyond all realm of reality, is that when you feel that, something that's super painful is relief.

So, the pulling out is massively, was painful, but it was a relief because it wasn't as painful as, you know, you're sitting there and you're like, all right, just another minute, just take on a book and around, and you're just, God, God, God, I think it out. But what was I can't remember?

There's some other, I think they're mentally blocking out some things. How do they, at this point, how do they stretch out the people? Why do you keep asking questions? How do they stretch out to, like, you say keep asking questions? How do they stretch out the people? I don't know, I don't know, I don't wanna think about it. I think the best they can do is just blame.

Did they just grab it and then they're like, all right, they just get some lube and lube it up. My dick is giant, so it was, no. Yeah, I don't know. There's liquid things that they use. I don't know. They live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable,

if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable,

if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable,

if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, , if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in a comfortable, if they live in The only thing that should be flavored cherries is fucking cherries. And cherries suck. Yeah, she's the worst. Well, cherries are sexy and nice if you're a girl or if you're a Pac-Man. But I don't want to eat them. Like they're good in drinks, but you can't eat them. Like you can't have a cherry by itself.

There needs to be like a cocktail near it. Wait, we're not sponsored by cherries.com. Are we? Let me just all of fruit. Fuck all fruit. I mean, what is the fucking point of fruit? It's all, there. We have chocolate now.

So, yeah, I mean, I agree Joel is a horrible experience. I mean, the best thing you could do is like, take care of yourself afterwards, like getting a nice pair of me undies. Oh. Wow. The audience literally just went, that was a transition.

Dude, go ahead, it's all you now. There's the reason we've been telling you about me undies for months now. They are simply the softest, most comfortable underwear you'll ever wear. Once you try them, you won't want to wear anything else unless you're naked or in a swimsuit. For every other second of your life, there's me undies.

Every pair of me undies is sustainably sourced and made from micro-model, a fabric that's three times softer than cotton. If you're used to buying packs of uncomfortable boring underwear that can only come in white, gray, black, or tan, me undies will change everything, because me undies come in all kinds of colors and patterns and they release a new limited edition pattern each month and always sell out. This month is a rainbow confetti print called Celebrate. Try me undies today. Go to the Celebrate pattern before they're all gone at me undies.com slash roostercheat and you'll save 20% off your first pair. You have to feel for yourself to see why me undies has sold over 5 million pairs to date.

And if you don't love your first pair of me undis, they're free. Get 20% off your first pair plus free shipping at me undis.com slash rooster teeth right now. That's me undis.com slash rooster teeth. Me undis.com slash rooster teeth. And let me tell you, like, if you get a pair of these and you got to get rid of your old underwear, learn from experience. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's.

Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's.

Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's.

Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. Krueger's. I can see that. You feel like maybe like a ski mask? I've made this flaky. A ski mask might be easier. I made this flaky out of my use underwear. They would probably, I mean, that's not the same. But it's been, there's been Dix all over it. The assholes. Well, it can be Dix over anything.

It's true. Dix can go on blankets, you don't know where the Dix have been. There we get all over the place. Speaking of walking around medical horrible stories. Ever heard of you get all over the place. Speaking of. Walking around. Medical horrible stories. Ever heard of you about my anal fissure? No. Someone else is a little, I used to wipe so hard,

not getting them every now and then. I have, but before you tell a story, I have to tell you, I have a deep sense of regret for opening my mouth. For a while now. But go ahead now. Every time I tell a story I'm like, what the fuck did I tell that story?

But go ahead. You just bring it back, pain. Well, so I'm just trying to like, you know, ease the pain that you went through by. No matter how much you know, no matter how much you're gonna ease my pain. So I used to wipe so hard that I would just get blood like in my stool.

Like every time I wipe, there'd be blood on the tissue paper. What? This is very gross. Wow, you're a very, you're an intense human being. Like, is it like a fast rub? Like, I originally- Are you just gonna use like, dig in? No, it's like, hut!

I don't want to make sure my ass is beating. Because you're thinking, I want to be here as least amount of time as possible. I don't want to be here any longer than I need to be. So if I need to add pressure, speed, and velocity to minimize my time, that makes sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. like red blood. Oh my god. It's for a while I thought like I'm a girl. I'm having a period Stable is happening. Oh, oh god. I must have been like 11 or 12. I mean Yes as the worst possible age to have that happen because you're just putting things together Yeah, so I started like sitting there's like it's what's happening

And then and then you didn't have blood. Did you think you were pregnant? Oh, fuck I'm a girl. Oh fucking pregnant. Oh fuck sir push yourself with the stuff But so I told my mom because like my mom and I are sorry. Can you can we connect that I'll be your mom? So no, I'll be your mom. Okay, mom. Yes, yes. Honey money? I've had some issues like, I kinda hurt myself in the toilet.

Okay, I'm not trying to laugh at my mom. I'm not trying to laugh at my mom. How did you hurt yourself? Well, sometimes there's blood when I wipe, and sometimes it's in the stool. That's how you said it. Yeah, it's just like I mean you wanted comedy, but this is how it actually went. I was like I have blood in my ass. That's what I wanted blood in my So she takes me to an ass doctor. I don't know what they're called. As doctors. That's a doctor called an ass doctor and this guy

Chris Nailed it. Buckle. Uh, bins me over and I think he also was the doctor that said I'm honest mention some pocket he bended you over He didn't ask you to bend over. No, he I wasn't like he put your like hand He was like all right. I'm gonna take down the pants go the table. Do you need a puppet? But he basically just bent me down so I was like four, I was in doggy style, basically. And I think this was also the doctor that was like, oh, don't worry, I see little boys like this all the time. And then I was like, oh no. Yeah, yeah, he's like, I see these all the time.

Was his word. So he had like a Russian accent. He was like, I think he was a conductor, something like that. I don't know. But anyways, so basically they decided to cauterize the wound. Which for those of you who don't know it means fire. A red hot piece of metal sticking it in my ass. So I'm sitting there and then he's like,

okay, this is gonna hurt a little bit and then it just goes, I can actually hear it. And then I was like, God, look at hurt really bad. And then I shit you not. I have a couple of seconds later. Couple of seconds later I smoked like a hamburger like aura. It was a small man burning ass.

Oh my God, that's disgusting. So Joel, you know, we all have our things. Can you eat meat? What do you feel like when you go into McDonald's now? It smells like aspirin. You see aspirin. So aspirin? I mean, if you go to the dentist, right?

And they use a laser sometimes you'll smell that or maybe that's just man. It's not with your own ass. But different dentists. Does the quality of ass different enough than face? It's sound, I think it smells probably, burning flesh is burning flesh. Yeah, that's not good.

Yeah, but you add in like the, you know, the poo factor, you never know. So the hair too. I mean, but it gets you. So, I was clean though. That's the point of this whole story. Yeah, I wiped so hard. I was spotless.

Super clean, yeah. So if you got another one of these and you knew the treatment, would you bother going to the doctor? Would you just like, just do it at home? I just got a fork or something. No, I sometimes if I get them any more than I just like, I just wipe very lightly from the doctor. I have a question.

Yeah. How, how, if I, as your friend, if I was to be like K-Blane, I have a problem I need your help with. Will you cut or ask my ass? So would you do it? Well, it kind of depends, right? Because there's gradations there, right? I mean, there's like the ass,

and then there's like, there's other more word things. The inter-synctums. The inter-synctums. There's, when we were on the Go 90 thing, we were like, aha, aha, won't this be funny? Let's do a bit where we take one of us out to get our asshole bleached. And it ended up being like the most complicated thing

in the world. And getting your asshole bleached is a huge ordeal. It's a really big deal. Get your asshole bleached. Oh, I know all about Namaskar. Yeah, and surprisingly, you can't do it in Austin. No, it's so, it's so special. I so specialized you cannot do asshole bleaching in Austin. That's, that's unzoning, man.

They just don't zone enough asshole bleach. It's not enough. To be fair, we did get the, the take home kits and none of us really wanted to do it ourselves. Cause it's like, you need to make sure cause it's going to burn. I wasn't, I had knew, I had no problem. I was going to do it until after we started interviewing asshole bleaching experts and they will scare the shit out of you.

Because they'll be like, let's do it. Let's do it not literally. There's a lot that can go wrong. It's all fun and games. You think it's funny, but you could end up dead. How did he die? Officer. Did you pick a shade?

Did you pick a shade? I didn't get that far, but I guess there are shades. So blame up. Different quality. The real meaning of shades of. What I think would help us. I would say. I would say in the story, if you could demonstrate

exactly how monster-ish you destroy your ass. Well, so it's typically about, oh, that's too many. It's typically like four squares, right? Yeah. And then you fold them, because you that's too many. It's typically like four squares, right? Yeah. And then you fold them, because you're not a monster. You don't wad. And then you stick it on your hand. Like so.

And then my pinky is super strong. This is it. No, no, you got to stick it upright. No, no, no, like, like, do this. Yeah, and then it goes, and you use, that's literally the pressure I use, that's like, this is like the worst secret handshake of all time. He also spit on my face.

Whatever club you guys are in, I'm not. You normally spit on. Because you spit all over. And it's from behind too. Yeah, I know people that wipe from the front, I don't know how they do that with the ball situation going on. No, I don't know why you would do that.

It's sad that we never get to see our own asses in life. It's not. It's just not possible. Depends how flexible you are. I guess some people are that flexible. Or if you go to one of those like, you know, crazy mirror houses, you know, where you go in, it's like the kid carnival

and there's all the mirrors and all the angles, you can see it pretty easy. So you're in the middle of a house of mirrors and you just hold on your ass. I wonder how my ass is doing. What, what, what, what, what, there is an uptuce, there is a little, there's no other point for a house of mirrors, right?

That's the only justification for a house of mirrors that I could think of. And the cops come and they try to find you, but like they keep running into the mirrors because they can't tell. Damn, we were. Keep running into that guy's asshole. So I think we all want a UT, right?

And I remember. Yeah, we did all the thing they tried to scare you with the most as soon as you get there is like you're going to get an STD. There's no way to avoid it. An STD is going to find you and is going to just infect you everywhere. So I've always been like super paranoid, but I made it, right? And I thought it'd been like on Easy Street.

But like apparently, I think they found Hepatitis A in some tuna a couple weeks ago and had to do like a national recall. Like I never heard like being able to get an STD like that from like shit you eat. Talk about like the worst like, how did you get an STD story? I swear I was like, I think it's the best.

That's the best. I mean, I can't. I can't go. I don't, I mean, I don't know unless you really, really like tuna sandwiches to the point of where you're gonna have a pleasurable experience. I don't know. Well, if you know it helps if you're in a committed relationship

or marry with the tuna sandwich. Well, no, and then like, you know, your skin becomes like, how did you get this? Like are you cheating on me? Like no, no you're in a committed relationship or marry. With the tuna sandwich? Well, no. And then you're like, you know, your skin becomes like, how did you get this? Like are you cheating on me? Like, no, no, no, baby, baby, baby, it's just the tuna. I love tuna. That's the word that we're saying.

You did not get hepatitis C from tuna sandwich. We're getting divorced. So it's going to find me, I guess. Somehow, it's going to find me. You know, there's some people who got hepatitis another way, you're like, yes, I got it now too. It was the tuna baby. I swear.

I was, you know, sushi. Cool. I can't understand how these microphones dance work. They're very complicated. I don't know, is Hepatitis A worse than B or C? I don't know. It's first in the alphabet. We, why don't we not have a doctor on staff during the podcast all the time?

A doctor is like this. Because we need so many different things. When we were getting burned and things were getting canceled. Well Chris got the show canceled. So. There's somebody else at the company

who had that thing. Who had that thing? What thing? The Fisher. Yeah, the Fisher. Yeah, I guess I think. I'm not telling the same names. He said it on the podcast.

That's one of my favorite stories. Yeah, I blew out his whole- God, you scared the shit out of me. I was like, oh my God, I hope he's telling the podcast. But he was playing video games on, I think, on a flat floor. That was a hemorrhoid, I thought. Yeah, that's a difference. But basically, I'm hemorrhoid-

I'm hemorrhoid- Sitting on concrete floor and just went- Or something. What happens if you had an anal fissure and then a hemorrhoid filled it? Is that like nothing happened to you at all? Yeah, it cancels out. It cancels each other out. You good to go.

That's a healthy butt. Why can't we get like sponsorship from like hemorrhoid cream or other butt related stuff? I can't really spend an hour on genitals. I feel like those are easy transitions. That's pretty, that's pretty par for the core. Yeah, is it? I don't know anymore. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't I had a bad news. At least it's not hepatitis. At the coffee shop the other day, where I was pulling in, I was actually getting a writing with you. I told you this story. You were there. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Chris and I were meeting at, I can't remember what, coffee shop.

And basically, I was in the right lane, and then this girl was going to turn in, and she was in the other lane. So she was gonna have to cross my lane of traffic to get into the parking lot, right? But since I was like, I had the right of way, so I just turned in and then I immediately found a parking spot.

I was like, all right, score. So I pulled in, got the parking spot, and then that girl came in behind me, and there was no parking spots left, and in that moment I realized, I just took this girl's spot. She probably spotted it from the road. She'd already been waiting. I'm in such an asshole, so I was like,

shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, she's gonna like keep my car, look like a dick. Actually, I didn't even know as a girl. was like, shh, shh. She's gonna like keep my car, look like a dick. Actually, I didn't even know as a girl. I just thought it was just a person. So I see her park and I walk up to her and I say, is there, yeah. Is there a difference between a girl and a person? Well, no.

No, so my motivation might change based on, like some people might perceive my motivation as changing depending on if it was a girl, a guy, you know, old man, old woman or something like that. Basically, I walked up to her and I was like, You're saying you hate Hispanics. No. No.

I walked up and I said, I'm so sorry I just realized I took your spot. Do you want me to buy you a coffee or something like, I feel awful about it. I was just trying to be nice. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you took your spot so you were asking to buy your coffee. That absolutely sounds like a come on. Like the worst come on. I know it was also cute. We were asking to buy her a coffee. That absolutely sounds like a come on. Like the worst come on.

She was also cute. I was, she was alright, but I was genuinely, like just trying to be nice, cause I did feel bad. She'd been waiting for the spot. And then she was just like, no, I'm good. And then just like walked past me. You didn't think of offering her the spot?

Instead of the car. I'm really parked. You know, it's like, hey, you get in your car, I get mine. So that's the equivalent of like, I'm really, really sorry, you're really parked. You know, it's like, hey, you get your car, I get mine. So that's the equivalent of like, mm, I'm really, really sorry, but not that much. I'm only a little bit sorry. Well, I'm sorry to the point where maybe I will spend

two dollars on you, but I'm not moving my car. I think that a free coffee is more valuable in a decent parking spot. Not at all. No, not at all. We're all thinking of the same Starbucks. That Starbucks is hell. I mean, all the parking spots are fucking way too fucking small

and they're all like sideways. That parking is, there's an engineer somewhere who's like, I want to kill some people. And you made that Starbucks. Yeah. They're all reserved for like, you have to have like a baby all the way and you have to be pregnant and you have to have an electric car.

That's like, that's like the parking spot, like sexism thing that's happening now. We're like, you can only, yeah, you're exactly right. We're the parking spots in the mall are getting more and more like there's more and more layers and it's like you have to have an EV car. You have, I park in those things all the time too. Well, just think we feel bad.

It's like, hey, you poor motherfucker. Well, there's no spot here. There's no, I mean, if there's a parking lot where there's enough spots, okay, you feel bad. It's like, hey, you poor motherfucker. You can't park here. There's a parking lot where there's enough spots. Okay, that's fine. But there's like, you cannot have 400 people chasing seven spots and put parameters on three of them. Yeah. Well, into the story, I did feel awful about it.

I tried to get her some coffee and then by the end of it, she not only thought that I was trying to, that I stole her parking spot, but that I was trying to pick her up. And I just felt like such a fucking goober. Like she probably thought I was like the grossest person ever and was just like, mm, it's like Chris is really cringy.

No, there are, I mean, there are people who like coffee that much though. So maybe you have an out. It's true. It's true. I went through that phase early in life. By the way, if you super like coffee or food or anything like that, you're like, well, I'm just gonna hit it

real hard in my 20s. You're gonna pay for that shit later. You're gonna pay for that shit later. You're gonna pay for that shit later. With kidney stones and tubes and things getting up your junk. Chris, how long ago did you do the social disorder, like the city hall one? City hall one? Oh, the city hall one.

That was like, you're in half a go? It was a small town though. We're like people crazy in it, or was it all pretty mundane? No, just us. Yeah, I mean, I was there filming and the only other people that were talking were companies and they're like,

hey, thanks for walking around to your community. It's funny how government works now, where it's like, ah-ha, we as people are gonna go play a joke at the city council and the only other people there are corporations. Well, that's how our government works now. Well, I've seen like a lot of Austin City Hall.

Like I think any like actual cities, they have like crazy people that show up. Like I've seen people who show up with like clown hats. In Austin, yes. Apparently there was a guy who went to a city hall meeting in a city in Maine and was really pissed about the policy that they were passing.

So instead of going up there and just kind of bitching for 10 minutes, he brought bedbugs and released like a bedbugs to everyone. And if you've ever had bedbugs, you know what bedbugs is? You have to like burn your apartment down to the ground if you get them. That's like chemical warfare. A pain upon you.

You're like wiping out everybody in the area, right? Like there's innocent civilian, that's not cool. Wait, so he, he'd be clear, he threw bedbugs. I don't know, out of a bag, I don't know what happened. Yeah, I think, I don't know if there's a picture if we can find the picture of it, but I don't even understand how that makes any sense, because if you're around a bedbug,

like, you know, you walk through a spider web and you don't find the spider, like bed bugs, you're not gonna be able to track all the bed bugs if you're near the bed bugs. If you wanna throw bed bugs on people, you're committed to getting bed bugs yourself. Yeah, that is so bad. It's bad, it's bad, but you know, it's good,

you know, it's good in life, movement watches. This episode of Roosterupertie podcast, this episode of The Rupertie Procass is brought to you by Movement Watches. The watch they set me is great. You can actually check it out. I don't know if we can get a close up of that. I'm just gonna hold that right here.

That's really it. The watch they sent me is pretty dope. It's sleek, stylish, and I always get tons of compliments wherever I go. Movement was started by two broke college kids that wanted to wear stylish watches, but couldn't afford them, so they started their own watch company. Movement watches start at just $95. If you go to a department store, you're looking at spending between $400 and $500 on other

brands. Movement figured out that by selling online, they were able to cut out the middleman and retail markup providing the best possible price. They offer other classic designs, quality construction and stylized minimalism. My arm is dying. I hope we can close up. Get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmt.com slash rooster. That's mvT dot com slash rooster. That's M-V-M-T dot com slash rooster.

Movement watches make great gifts, whether you're celebrating a grad or your dad. Father's Day is coming up, so keep that in mind. Movement is the perfect place to shop. Go to M-V-M-T dotcom slash rooster. Join the movement. I just I just have people sending me like definitions of hepatitis B now. I have some of people were people were sending me coupons for Viagra from this podcast. And I even take my agra. But you can't.

I'll take like you have to go to a doctor, right'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. and then you have 10 pills, 9 placebo's, one biographer. Then you have to go an entire show or whatever, an activity, trying to figure out who got the, who got the motor pill. That's, that's pretty funny.

That's pretty funny. I'm, we're making a show about that. That's pretty funny. That's really funny. Also one of the pills could be cyanide. No, no. Jesus, no, no. Whenever you're really young and you want to buy condoms,

did you feel like I need to buy other stuff at the gas station? Oh yeah, that's a whole, yeah. Okay, so if you want to buy condoms, did you feel like I need to buy other stuff at the gas station? Oh, yeah, that's a whole. Okay, so if you wanted to get a Viagra prescription from a doctor, would you go and just pretend you had other symptoms as well? What's up, my arm's hurting. Oh, this skin irritation, this located on my genitals

is there anything to make it longer? Yeah, and I'm saying it easier to scratch. What were some, I can't get in there. What were some products that you bought to compliment your condom purchase back in college. Cause I did the same thing. I don't know, gum. Well, it's really about creating visual barriers

on the checkout stand. Yeah, we need to be tall, give me balls, like toilet paper, cause that blocks people's view. So you like to build a little house, right? You build a little house. For the condom. Yeah, and it's in there, and then he can open, you make a little door so the guy could be a talk-a-par

It's fine. It's all about architecture But now you have grocery delivery services like Instacart. I used to I used to have them buy all my condoms And my loses I never even technology. Yep, then they have to feel our day have to do it But they were in the shirt. They were the shirt sir So all you need is a shirt if you wear a favor shirt you can buy anything that you want. No one's gonna judge me No one's gonna like make comments at the cashier. Oh, this guy is super weird. Yeah, a ton. Yeah. Yeah, God This is gonna be my strategy. I don't know. I don't know who's buying these extra small condoms You can do anything you want if you're wearing a favor shirt in society

You can just get away with anything you want to do Why is there bugs around here? Can we do a favor where we just ask him to go and buy the most embarrassing stuff in the world? What would be the most embarrassing thing? It would be like anal fissure creams, probably. No, it's up with the giant dildo thing. A giant dildo with the anal fissure, how do you say that word? Fissure? Fissure, fissure, fissure? Yeah, great. They're all so, I have to be a little more crazy.

A lot of stuff at, you go to sex shop, there's a lot of fun stuff, funny stuff you have. So what we need to do is, okay, no, we need to restrict it to another show idea, is we have, like say it's the four of us, and then we all get three products from one grocery store, it has to be the most awkward and embarrassing thing that we film reaction.

So I would naturally go like cucumber condoms in Loub. No, you could be way more fun stuff than that. Like what? I don't know. Like crap poison, baby food. Like, like, dick machine, you know, with the motor. Dic machine, like that, you know, a ton of butt stuff. Now is it dick? What?

Now is it dick? Is it a dick machine that's a dick or a dick that has... It's like a dildo, which is like a motor, you know? And it's like, it goes like this. And I think it's electric. I don't know if there's like a hand crank, like an old Model T to power it, but I mean, there's a lot of fun stuff you need.

It's way more fun being the operative word. I tried it, you're not buying it. I tried to order like, I thought it'd be funny to take the company card and get like 40 Roodabegas and send them to a fan. It was a nightmare. It was really hard. Roodabegas are hard to find.

Our fans, like you reach after them on Twitter. You're like, no, seriously follow me. You know, seriously follow me. Like, I'm not sure now. I'm like, no, follow me, follow me. And then they follow you, like, no, seriously follow me, no seriously follow me, like I'm not sure now, I'm like, no follow me follow me, and then they follow you, like listen, I need to send you vegetables, I'm like, I need your address, and they will not cough up their address. I'm like, listen, give me your fucking address,

I'm gonna send you Roodabagas, they will fight you. Our fans are tough, they know, they know, they don't fuck around, they don't fuck around, they're smart, they know how to like defend themselves from like online hackers. Well, the scary thing for us is or Rootabegas. Or Rootabegas.

Or crazy men with Rootabegas. There's a lot of weird stuff we have to look up online for various things. I've looked up a ton of dick pics, a bunch of crazy shit. Dude, that show that we did, that go 90 show, that was literally brand-in, sending over a computer for four months, looking at dick pics.

Yeah, yeah, that's all. And that's not fair to just say dick pics. It's a whole bunch of stuff. And it's weird because like internet service providers can like track what you search for. I had to put in. And then cell ads based on that. I had to put in.

So there's like a file that says like Brandon Farmehaney with like all of the like, disgusting shit. That cause of your idea. You were like, I hear's a great idea. There was a drug on the Gonae Show. There was a guy, there's a dick that makes you pass drug tests. It's like a fake dick that you can fill with like, whatever liquid you want.

And then you have to wear this dick and you put the liquid in there. And then when the dude is watching you go to the bathroom, he sees the dick and you can cheat through drug tests. That's cool, right? So we were like, ah, this is great. This is amazing. It's amazing technology. And so we used it, and I had it,

and then I had to take pictures of that, me wearing, I had to take pictures in my pants. Oh, God. Of that thing, and then send it to him, I'm like the NSA now thinks I'm the most disgusting person ever. Yeah, and that order form had my name on it. Is it a good looking dick?

We got like purple. We got purple. I give it a little bit of funny. I give it a little pizzazz. Yeah. We're like, can we have like, we can have like a bejulet? We need bejules. We need like fake plastic diamonds and jewels on there.

Yeah, we did one joke. I can't remember exactly it was something stupid about Broadcasting dick picks in space or something like that like aliens. I don't know what it was exactly But so I found like a satellite dish that had like 10 solar panels and put you know 10 dick picks on those panels I was good and that was it was surprising lot of digging. You're an artist. You're the Banksy of the Disturbing Image World. It was impressive. I had a sell-so.

It was a good time. People want Rootabagas now. Do we offer Rootabagas in the RT store? Do we have a lawyer or a doctor or a Rootabagas? We need a lawyer, a doctor, and some Rootabagas. As soon as the truck says possible, I'm going to jail. This is This is not going to be good for me because now it's like aha. Let's play a joke on Joel

We're all sent a cop to get him Arrested and then I'm gonna fight him and then I'll really go to jail But he'll be a real cop and then you'll never see me again So Joe, I don't know I sent this to you. I don't know if you find this article is terrifying as me, because the government's terrifying. Apparently SpaceX is launching a secret Air Force space plane. Yeah, I want to know. It's a orbit.

How secret is the secret military plane if there's an article saying, ah, we're launching a secret plane. Well, it's not that secret anymore. Yeah, but then you think about all of the stuff that it's gonna do, that they're not telling you. And that's where I think it like comes from. That's where I think the secret,

like in order to look at what it could do that we wouldn't already have a guess at. Like what technology exists that we don't know about yet at this point, right? Like there's tons of stuff. Like we have like lasers that can shoot down missiles. We have spy satellites that can see into your brain and read your thoughts, maybe not that far.

But like what is it, what technology could possibly possess, right? All that much of a better camera? What, I don't know, it's hard, we don't, it's hard to like think about what could exist because we don't know. Like in so much a technology, it can be driven by military funds

like developing, looking for new stuff. I'm, I'm, I'm skeptical, I'm skeptical of any government money being spent on musk at this point. I think we need to stop writing people fucking checks. But he just got off of the couple of, like cabinets, sort of those things called. Yeah, whatever. He jumped off the whatever.

I don't know if you can do a fuck. He's like, he's like, I don't know what to do yet. It's gonna get financial here. They had like $7 billion set aside in the battery company for like, already, they've spent all that money. I'm like, just fucking gone. He's like holding, he's holding like $100 million worth of that thing on leverage.

That's stock on leverage. That's not good or fundamental. They lose, Tesla loses money on every car that they sell. Yep, and it's only gonna get fucking worse. You don't think? And their technology, their battery technology, is years old. Are you serious? And autopilot doesn't fucking work.

They're like beta testing on the fucking streets. They're beta testing on the fucking streets. And other people are about to enter the market. They're going to have competition finally for the first time with cars that actually fucking work. And we know when they're getting released. Yeah. And just like, who knows? The most is the only fucking guy where he has enough cash. A where he can just jump on a microphone and go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and people are like, money. Take it. Yeah. Is it like the the N Ron of today? Like N Ron, I remember they didn't post their Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, It just he's not make money. Have you seen the smartest guys in the room? The documentary? Yeah, I sure have, I don't remember.

It's amazing. Anyone who hasn't seen it, I highly recommend checking it out. I always thought that the real money in his business is gonna be the batteries, because he built the world's largest free standing building. And the cars were just a way to create a artificial demand for a certain number in order to get the operation going. And then they're gonna start selling these batteries

for other purposes around the world. But I don't know shit. I just guess. It just doesn't seem like anything else they make. Like SpaceX just seems like it's throwing, I don't know how they can keep that. A company should be a thing, like an organization of people, assets, and whatever,

that produces money. Fair enough. Like that should be what it is, right? Now maybe you have a deal where it's like, we don't produce money yet, but we're going to because of this and it's loaded, it's there or whatever, but it's like, I don't see how they're gonna make money.

Well, do you think it's supposed to be like private charter to space, we should like that? Yeah, but where's the money? But that's the difference in that cost, especially with what they pay in insurance, because one of their rockets exploded and had a Facebook satellite in it. And I mean, they're building a whole new facility in South Texas, like whatever they make, it just can't be that much. Yeah, I mean, how there's not that many people who they can write that check to support

that business right now. Yeah, but I don't know. Well, I mean, wasn't there a thing though a while ago to where basically if you fly a plane, it exits atmosphere, the earth rotates, and then you come back down, then you like supersede like, it's a whole miles of travel.

Yeah, I mean, that's great. I mean, I'm all for the technology. What is that, no, is that a thing that SpaceX is researching? I feel like that kind of dropped off the deep end. I don't know, I can't remember the feather, the floated, the floating feather, whatever the fuck that thing was called. Yeah. I can't remember.

I mean, we're all rooting for him. I mean, I mean, we all want to get to space. It's just like, can you keep the credit expanding long enough so that we can do it? Yeah, are you banking on the government to kind of really transition stuff from NASA to you, especially since NASA had a setback with their new, not the Aries rocket, I figure what they call it now,

the SLS, we'll see. I think there's a lot of things hoping for it. So like with Uber, I hope he pulls it off. I just, I wouldn't put my money in it. Uber's a giant company and they operate in like, I don't know, 500, 600 cities, something crazy. And they are just a black hole of cash. Like they just hemorrhage money.

Do you think they're trying to buy their time until they can transition completely into self-driving cars and eliminate the cost of drivers? I don't know, probably. I mean, I don't actually follow over very much, so I don't know, but I'm sure that's the plan, right? It's like Amazon doesn't actually make any money either, but it's okay because if they wanted to they could and it's almost like the day

Bezos is like all right, let's stop pushing forward and actually make money I'm almost worried what's gonna happen to the stock. I'm sure you'll get a little dip at that point You know because once you get to that point then it's like you got a thing thing my thing. All right, don't get me started I'll freak out on you. I have it. I have a thing I don't understand. I'm scared to ask, I don't know, like. I'm scared to hear. Um, it's something, I just, I don't, I don't know. I'll ask and you can deny it and refuse to answer, but before we do that, I want to tell you guys about nature box.

What do you do when you want a snack, but all you can find is junk food? Rude Vegas. Relive on your self-control to resist the temptation. Please. That's please with a bunch of dots. You end up eating junk food. Start snacking healthy with nature box.

Nature box makes snacks that actually taste great and are better for you, created with high quality ingredients that are free from artificial colors, flavors, or sweeteners. So you can feel great about snacking. My personal favorites are the honey de jane pretzels and the mocha almond bars. Naturebox recently made their service even better. Now you can order as much as you want, as often as you want, with no minimum purchase required.

And you can cancel anytime. It's super simple. Go to naturoox.com and check their snack catalog. There are over a hundred snacks to choose from and they're constantly adding new delicious snacks. Choose the snacks you want and they'll deliver them right to your door. With natrobox, you'll never get bored. There are new snacks each month inspired by real customer feedback and if you ever try a snack, you don't like nature box, but we will replace it for free.

Right now, you can save even more. Nature Box is offering our fans 50% off your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash rooster teeth. That's naturebox.com slash rooster teeth for 50% off your first order. Naturebox.com slash rooster teeth. Thank you very much really really good snack i think we're all like you know you power that was

good read that's a good read yeah the segue didn't fucking suck what was i thought the segue to the undies thing was appropriate what we're talking about plotting your dick okay anytime the world what you do i just i don't think I don't stand. I don't. I've I've looked by stop. I don't understand the Bitcoin. And the value's going up. I don't let's let's not talk about Bitcoin. Can we just say not? Can we just like not talk about Bitcoin? We can tell us about our live years. They're tuning out for some reason. He's strange. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk. Tell us, Chris, what are your feelings about this? Big points, it's like, you know, cool. You just, you just, Chris said it.

Drew on yourself. What's it? We're going to do it. Drew, Drew. So Joe the cat, Joe the cat is unattended right now. Joe the cat is unattended right now. His parents are out of town. Yeah. Adam is watching Joe the cat is unattended right now. Joe the cat is unattended right now. His parents are out of town. Yeah.

Adam is watching Joe the cat. I trust Adam. He's got to wave cats and dogs. I guess he kind of does. I guess he kind of does. He is like a beast master. I guess he kind of, I don't know. If you have a cat, you have any pets?

No. None of you guys have pets. I don't know. I'm a Roomba. I used to. And what happened? Oh, well, no, like they're my parents' pets. Oh, well that doesn't count.

Brandon has pets. Yeah, I do. One of them tried me crazy right now. You're like a, you're like a techno file meets animal lover. It's amazing. Yeah. We were in a party at a night and your friend was like, Brandon sent me a list of the top 25 pet gifts and rated them all. Yes. You sent him that email.

Yes. That's really happened. Every time I have a problem, I search for Amazon for a solution. I get it and I'm like, oh, this is great or I return it and it's horrible. But the thing is though, those people have never had a dog before and the first dog they got is, I don't know what it's giant. So I feel, it's like this is knowledge that's so useless. Once I have it, I just wanna forcefully pass it on to someone else. They can ask for it. Yeah, I think that's all.

It's porous souls. I don't, if I'm gonna get pet number one, I think I got a mastiff, right? Yes, that is not the appropriate pet for pet number one. Like you don't want something whose poop is like bigger than your arm as your first pet, right? Yeah, probably not. No, that's why I felt I was like,

here's as much help as possible. I've been having, you've been a Vader, he's a new puppy. Yeah, your dog, he's... Brandon has this dog that is, we had a podcast, Gus was talking about this substance that they're selling now that they talked about where it's this black spray paint that you, Gus was talking about the substance that they're selling now that they talked about, where it's this black spray paint,

you know what I'm talking about, where it absorbs all light. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about. I have some. Yeah, so it's like, they spray paint a basketball and it absorbs all light. It's so black, if you see a picture of it, it looks like someone like Photoshopped

a black circle onto the picture. That's Brandon's dog. Yeah. You guys all went to the day five party on Friday, right? We did, how did that work out for you? No, you had some events. It was good, it was good. Well, because we had the teaser,

yeah, went out on Friday. It did, it looked good. You guys did a good job on that. There's a lot of actual buried stuff in that. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. Yeah, you should watch it. But after the party, at like, you know, into the night kind of drinking stuff,

going, looking, gonna grab a cab, I bump into someone that I know. Was he in a corner? No, no, no, I bump into someone that I know. A real early guy. It's a girl, but it's actually a bunch of people, I don't know. Well, once people I don't know, 1% do know, and they're just coming out of a concert thing

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, well, we're gonna go back and drink and stuff. I'm like, cool, yeah, I was gonna go home, but why not? Keep hanging out. And then, because we're gonna go skinny dipping, I'm like, that sounds fun. Let's go skinny dipping.

Why not? Oh, no. When you find yourself in a teen horror movie. No, all of a sudden. Well, it's like, I'm drunk, I'll go skinny dipping. Why not? You know? No. When you find yourself in a teen horror movie. No, all the same. It's like, well, it's like, you know, I'm drug, I'll go skinny dipping. Let's go skinny dipping. Where?

Huh? Where? I don't know. I'm just like, I'm just, they're just like, are you down? Yeah, whatever. I'm getting the uber. So like eight people crowd into one uber.

We're all gonna go skinny dipping. We go to this house and then- Use them happen in friends. Well, I didn't know any of these people, any one person. So he's getting weirder and weirder. I was drunk, Joel. I just decided to- Okay.

So one person that you may or may not know, seven hundred years. And then, so we go to this house, and at this house, and it's a weird house too, because there's a stripper pole. And then there's also, and then, so we go to this house and, and, and at this house, and it's a weird house too because there's, there's a stripper pole. And then there's also a mannequins, like, set up like this, like, posed mannequin, like, with clothes and the wig and stuff. Just, and then we're like, all right, well, we're gonna go out and we're gonna find a place to skinny to, and we're like walking. And we're falling to the lead of this one girl who's very, very drunk, very, very drunk.

And we pass over, like, we pass by the river area and there's like this river and it's the rock spite. It's a great area. I don't know where we were. I mean, I don't know where we were. But let me ask you a general question before you get any deeper. Is there a point sometimes where you get drunk enough where it's like, I may not find my way out of this? Like you'd be like, I need to figure out where I'm walking.

Like, I'm walking into the floor. Yeah, I'm walking into the floor. It's woods. There's certain points just to be like. You're never like, well, but I didn't know these people. You didn't have any bread or anything, okay. But we passed by this great stream. I'm like, this is a great place. Yeah. And then they're like, no, no, no, no. There we passed by this great stream. I'm like, this is a great place.

Yeah. And then they're like, no, no, no, no, no. There's a better place this way. So then we start walking. When we're walking and people are like, this is like drunk people, no one has shoes. We're walking through the woods. And no one has any, everyone's phones are dead.

I have like 10% battery. So everyone wants them while I'm like, I will risk a light. And I'm like, hold the light so that people can climb over like, can climb over like branches and stuff. We're like walking through the woods for 45 minutes. 45 minutes at like, at three or four. Yeah, like, yeah. 3 30 or so. I'm like, I think we should turn back, guys. I don't think this is, like, we're not gonna find, like, you're like the original settlers looking for liposific ocean.

Yeah, we're not turning back. The Lewis and Parker commission. We're going, and someone drops out. I'm at Utah, fuck it. People, I'm just sitting here and having a weird religion. That's my life. And so I'm like, I have to convince these, a group of people I do not know, like,

we have to head back. We have to, but like, we let's go back. We can't go on any further. And then I'm just like the random guy that's like, and we do, we go backwards. Okay, so when the ax murder showed up, no one killed us, but I didn't get home. It was, I got back, well, one, we went back to this apartment,

finally everyone's exhausted. People are bleeding, cause they're, we went back to this apartment, find that everyone's exhausted, people are bleeding cause they're people drunk, people falling into bushes, trees and things, the mannequin had been destroyed and in the meantime, someone was left in the apartment. That's a signal. Yes, and then I was like, I'm calling an Uber, and I got home, it was 5 a.m.

No skinny dipping. Every time in my life, where I have been like somewhat drunk and had a friends of a friend's place, you're at a friends of a friend's place, and there's a mannequin, and there's always fucking a mannequin with a friend of a friend, right? There's always that fucking guy,

and he has a mannequin. That's never ended up good. Like no one's finished, like, oh, I met the love of my life that night. No, no, no, no. It's always like, I woke up like, oh, I met the love of my life that night. No, no, no, no. It's always like, I woke up in my ass, all this. It's not, it's always bad, right? I'm a little worried about you.

I don't know that you should be wandering around by yourself anymore after a couple of drinks. I made it out fine. You made it out of the woods. There were, some people were bleeding, but that's from the bushes and the trees and things. Chris, people fish in those waters.'s from the bushes and the trees and things. I don't. Chris, people fish in those waters.

So what the fuck are you talking about? You know you're gonna take off, you're like, did something let it float around everywhere? Fish. Oh, each, who's more offended here? The fish or Chris? Well, I don't know if you're fishing just around. No one got naked because we are lost in the woods

for two hours. Yeah, but the end goal was to find like water. Like didn't happen. I would have come upon that obstacle and when I got there. I feel like I need to worry about you more parties now. I feel like I need to keep an eye on you. Make sure everything's at the party.

Well, I know, but I need to make sure you get to the Uber and then you're Uber to safety. Chris is a violent drunk and he's also a goaster. He will just like disappear. You'll be hanging out with Chris, how do great conversation, you turn around. Hey, thanks for the drinks, turn around. He's gone.

Like Chris, no I go. Oh, yeah, you do. Yeah, I go. You fucked me over so bad and Australia one time. What did I do? You ghost, I was like, they're with the Cooper Proustor Chief Community What did I do? You go! I was like there with a group of first-rate community members and then I'm like, hey everybody's having a great time and you just like disappeared.

And then it was me left to like, you know, look for a job like, where's Joel? Where's Joel? I was kind of concerned, but I also had to like entertain this group and then I tried to leave and then they're like, hey, let's go hang out with Blaine and I was like, fuck me, shit. I'm really bad at goodbyes.

Yeah, I love you all so much. Yeah, it's just, it's just, you just walk out. No one's gonna complain like, so disappointed. I do. Cause I wanna see my friends and I wanna see goodbyes. I go around and be like, hey, I know. Absolutely. I do that a lot times, sometimes I don't.

You rip off my shirt when you're drunk. You can't eat me. What happened once? Punch me. I'm sure you're going around kicking all the computers and animation. Once. Oh, you guys should get married once.

I've never seen him belligerent. I don't get. I'm a very senior. You know him for longer than I am. Yeah, which is why I haven't seen him. This is my impression of Chris drunk. This is my impression of Chris drunk. This is my impression of Chris drunk. Aaaaah!

All right, let's exactly what he does. Just, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, would probably be me rolling him around and by the third hour I would be dead. That's how that would probably work. It left him in the woods. Left him in the woods. I can't deal with those scenarios anymore. I've been, listen, like you were in the city of Austin and like the whole time you're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, this is fine. But like occasionally I have been in those scenarios where it's just sort of like, I'm ripped drunk.

I'm in a foreign country. I'm with a friend of a friend. I'm in a field., I'm with a friend of a friend of a friend, I'm in a field. Things have gotten too far now. I don't know what time it is or where I am or how to get. I don't know if you've hit that moment of like, I could be truly fucked right now. And I've had that, let's like when you're hiking in the woods, right? Where it's like, I know where I am, I know where I am, I know where I am.

And it's like, if you go way out there, like in the Sierra Nevada or whatever, it's like, oh, I'm lost, and it's like, if you go way out there, in the Sierra Nevada or whatever, it's like, oh, I'm lost. And it's like, this is how people die. My compass. You never lost if you have a compass. That happened to be, yeah. There is the only compasses that exist are on iPhones. And when your iPhone doesn't work, I want to help.

I was at 10% of the time. I was the only one with the battery. You should have enough awareness to know, hey, where was the highway? That's over here. It's like, I know it's less, so I'm just gonna keep, I'm gonna keep the rest. I gotta ask you a question.

For the first time, I've had every other iPhone since the very beginning of the release and for the first time ever, I dropped my iPhone, which had never happened before. I cracked the screen and it was only a jog. I was like, it'll be fun. But by the time I got to the end of the jog, the entire screen was just like, boom, it was gone. I was like, ah, fuck. I gotta get a jog. I was like, it'll be fun. But by the time I got to the end of the jog, the entire screen was just like, it was gone.

I was like, ah, fuck. I gotta get a new iPhone. That turned into a total disaster because I update, don't, if your iPhone breaks, don't update during the middle of that transition. Because you're now in your own nebulous world, you'll never get fixed. Now, and so I tried to restore,

I have a new iPhone, tried to restore it, and then I founds like, what's your iTunes password? And I'm like, here's my iTunes password. I was like, nope. Oh shit. There's my iTunes password. Nope. And so I went to the store and they're like,

yeah, we don't know where you are. This is gone. I lost all my, I lost half of my data. Like some of the data that was associated with that iPhone on it, it's all gone. I'm there, it's gone. Yeah, they don't fuck around. If you can't get access to it through your backup,

security questions. Yeah, and then you give me a new free screen to the old iPhone and I still, I'm just screwed now and it's permanent. And the new iPhone has this thing where it's like, the haptic thing, where it's like every time that you touch it or pick it up, it's just gonna turn itself,

now it's not gonna fucking do it. No, it's in. Every time it moves, it's just gonna turn itself on. And I went's not. Every time it moves, it's gonna turn itself on. And I went into the haptic setting, I'm like, turn off. And it doesn't turn off, there's no way to turn it off. And I hate it. Like you, you, you, you, you were in the middle of a take. I shouldn't tell the story.

Hi. Something bad happened. Like we'll turn itself on. It will turn itself on. So I was like, do you hear Prince? Where's Prince coming from? I was Mike's and my phone turned itself on and turned the iTunes on, started playing music

when it was not a good time to have that happen. And I don't know how to make it, I do not like the new iPhone. I really am worried about Apple. I think everything depends. They've been holding out hope that their next iPhone is going to blow people away because the last one is not a real update. Like they didn't change the form factor. It's just a X one Xbox. The newest camera looks pretty dope though.

The biggest thing is they took out the headphone jack. Yeah, which which which that's all anyone talked about. I mean, the camera, I mean, it's a good update. I mean, the camera update's really good, but it's just like, that's, that's the first time they haven't updated like the form factor on like a new iPhone like number. It's like, like you're saying, it's like more like a, you know, six SS,

not like a fucking new phone. It's like, I'm not loving it. I'm not loving it. Do you have a iPhone? Yeah, I have a different phone. Do you have an iPhone? Do you have an iPhone? Yeah, I have a different one. Do you have an iPhone? Do you have an iPhone? How long have you guys had your iPhones?

I mean, like this specific one, because we go through these things like crazy. No, but like when was the last time you were not on the Apple ecosystem? Oh, fucking Motorola. Which was when? Razer and that must have been. Oh, Razer, like forever ago.

That was not even a system back then, right? Yeah. So you've been on the iPhone since like, launch. Not like since the second or third iteration. I'd be curious to hear from people who, I'd be curious to hear from people on Twitter as well, who've like been living in the Apple ecosystem and we're like, fuck it, I'm bailin', I'm going to Android.

And I'm curious to know how that worked out. I'm tempted to go Google because apparently, or Google, they've got is pretty good. Like all the fun house guys have the same phone and they all like swear by it. So boy. I got the second iPhone and it year I, it's just like I'm too invested at this point.

I have a real fantastic messages that I want to be relearn. And like all my photos integrated in it. And I got, it's like once you have like a laptop, I was just destroyed the mic. It's just like, it's just a whole thing. It's, I can't, there's too much in my life I need to adjust.

I've never cracked an iPhone until this one, my last version of this one, and I remember getting out of my car, it slipped off my lap, and I was like, all right, you know, you had that moment where it's like, they cracked, they're not, and you flip it up, and sure enough, there's a big fucking crack.

And then I remember it wouldn't turn on, and I was like doing everything, like right there by my car. And I was just like, boo, and I just shattered it. Oh, man. I was so mad. I just threw it down and it just went,

God, it's funny, no matter how many times you learn that lesson of like, I'm angry, I'm gonna make things worse. And then regret it later, no matter how many times you live that lesson, you still don't fucking get it. I broke another phone, similarly. Like, I got pissed off at like a game or some news

or something. It's like, God damn it. And for some reason, I think I was like, it was like high school or college, you know, shooting something that involved handcuffs. So I had some prop handcuffs by me and I just went, picked up the handcuffs and threw them across the room and then it just spiked my phone.

And it broke the flip screen. So I guess it was like back. Back the the razor day. Yeah, for me it's it's shattered. It's maddened online. Like fucking while I didn't break the controller because they do a tremendous job with fucking assholes like me. It was a interception in the center, like linebacker interception, the fucking same bullshit that always happens. No, but it's just the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, picks up the middle, like always happen. And I got so angry, I took my controller and I started just like banging it on my shitty IKEA table to the point where by the way, if you're a listener of the podcast, it would be great if you can go ahead and cut together Brandon's story about the controller

and his dog. Go ahead, Brandon, keep going. So to be shitty dogs, you just sort of bang. That was a, and there was just a giant hole in the table. But it's nice, because if I wanted to put my controller or prop it up, I could just set it in there. And eventually I destroyed the disk. It's like if I wanted to put my controller or prop it up, I could just like set it in there. Perfect. Eventually, I just, I destroyed the disc.

I literally put in the microwave and destroyed it. God. You told me about that because we did something. Yeah. Yeah, it just made me angry. Like best case scenario, I was content with life. But mostly like the game just made me like, have you had any angry? I get a disc stuck in a like a PS4 for, I had a disc at stuck in the PS4. And there's like instructions online of like, oh, a disc at stuck in the PS4, and there's like instructions online of like,

oh, the disc got stuck in the PS4, this is how you solve it, and it's like you go through and you have all this pain in the ass, and there's like a thing with a gear that you gotta get through, and you turn the gear, and I turn the gear, and it still like didn't fucking come out of the goddamn PS4. And at that point, you're just like a guy, like they purposely give you like sharp tools, like the PS4 guy is like,

oh, did you get your disc stuck in there? What you need is a hammer. The heaviest hammer ever. You also need like a chisel and a metal stick thing that's pokes and is hard. And by the time you get to the point where you know the gear doesn't work, you're just like, well, I have this hammer.

And this, and so you just murder it. And that's the way how they sell more PS4s. It makes perfect sense. It's just to make,'s they just give you the tools to murder it. I don't know if they're purposely breaking drives on purpose to like force people into downloading games Because I feel like the drive technology is getting worse and worse and worse and worse Like I use my drive on my Xbox and it's like they even the message pops up where it's like box and it's like, even the message pops up where it's like, boop boop, ah, your disk drive needs to be updated. Ha, this is gonna take a long time.

And it's like, well, and then, no, I'm not gonna do it. It still works. Fuck you, I'm not updating. You ain't gonna fuck yourself. I'm tired of it. I don't need to update things anymore. You just gotta update it so it breaks. I don't trust anything anymore.

I don't know. Yeah, let me do my life. Let me do my life Disg drives. It's the blue. It's the blue Ray player. They want to update the blue Ray player and I don't I'm the fine I don't want to update the blue Ray player. Yeah, why do you need to update the blue Ray player? I don't know because you want blue rays, but they're the same that you never got a VHS update. It's true Yeah, but it's not my order. I ordered, uh, oh God, live, die repeat and then, uh, that's a good man for munchle, two like movies that I haven't seen a while that I was

like super stoked to watch again. And I got them on the same day at different time periods. So I remember picking it up, opening it up and someone, I think it's Mary L was like, oh, what you got there? And I was like, Oh, I got a, it's really good. Have you seen it? And she's like, no, I was like, well, do you want to borrow it? Like thinking she wouldn't say, yeah, she's like, yeah, sure, I'll take it? And I was like, oh, I got a lived-ever pee. It's really good. Have you seen it? And she's like, no, I was like, well, do you want to borrow it? Like, thinking she wouldn't say, yeah. And she's like, yeah, sure, I'll take it.

So she took it, like, it went straight from the envelope to her hand. So it's like, you know what, that's my good deed for the day, whatever. And then you bought her a cup of coffee. So then I went for a rest, forward in time, Cole, I got a new package. And it was Man from Uncle.

And Cole was sitting there and was like, oh, what, what did he need you to get there? And I was like, oh, it's Man from Uncle. It's like a really fucking six spy movie. It's like a really dope. And he's like, oh, what, what DVD did you get there? And I was like, oh, it's a man from Uncle, it's like a really fucking six spy movie. It's like a really dope. And he's like, I haven't seen it yet. I was like, well, do you want to borrow it? Like thinking surely this one haven't twice

in the same day. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll take it. So like, I got DVDs. Like, it was like 30 seconds from opening them to handing them to somebody else. By the way, you do nice thing that obligation. Not like. I just, I don't know. I just like, what are to be nice and I the way, you do nice thing that a obligation. I just, I don't know.

I just like, order to be nice and I'll get him back and I'll watch him later. It's like to lift out repeats in awesome movie. It's a fucking dope. Man, we should watch that. Oh, we can't tonight. Why? Because you don't have it.

No, I got it back. But I am waiting until I get some Donkish in it. That's good. So it's funny, because Tom Cruise has a movie coming out. It's somebody, I don't even bring it up because someone on Twitter was like, hey, what do you think it's the money? The money? Oh, yeah, I heard it was shit. You it's funny, because Tom Cruise has a movie coming out. It's somebody, I don't even know, reason I'm bringing it up, it's because someone on Twitter was like, hey, what do you think? It's the money, doesn't it?

Oh, yeah, I heard that, shit. You thought I heard it was shit? I heard, yeah, I mean, it's got like a 27 on Rotten Tomatoes, which is not be indicative of the quality of a movie, but like, from what I hear, it's bad. Well, look at the critic and the users, both of them are pretty lucky. It's weird to me though, because it's just sort of like,

if you're Tom Cruise and you're in that position, you basically, you know, you're picking scripts, right? You can pick what you wanna do and like you get first pick at all the best scripts. So it's almost like, I will watch Tom Cruise movies just because it's like, Liv Diaper Pete was a, it was an interesting original movie, but it's like since I know he has that pole

to like get the best scripts, it's like I have a, like the trailer, yeah, I I have a trailer. The trailer. Yeah, I have a high expectation. The trailer doesn't look like there's anything there, but how there has to be more. I don't think it's just like, man. 16%. Wow, that's not good.

What are those? I'm gonna do a remake of a movie that's only 15 years old and the great Brendan Frazier. Is it really just a remake? No, it's supposed to be like a reboot. Like a reboot. They just took the money, the name. Talk to fun house, because apparently this dark

universal cinematic universe or something like that. I don't know what it's called, but basically they're just doing every old monster movie that Universal Soul is the right to. Oh, I see. You're getting a C-money, you're gonna see Van Helsing, you're gonna see Dracula. No, a Jekyll and Hyde.

Stuff we don't have to spend a ton of money on marketing. What's the visible man that he was gonna do today? I guess so. I guess so. And they're gonna tie them all into the same universe. Oh no, they're not, are you serious? Yeah, it's gonna be like a culminate, like, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was in the mummy in the same universe. Oh no, they're not. Are you serious? Yeah, it's gonna be like a culminate, like, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was in the mummy

in a parallel universe. Oh man. Stupid. Boy, they had better like make that work because I'm not up to a bad start. I have some doubts. I have some doubts. We'll have to pick this conversation up in the sponsor only, extra podcast extra.

Oh, we're done. Yeah, we need to end the show. Time for this. All right. And next week, we're in. Yeah, we need to end the show. Time please. All right. And next week, we're going to be shooting the podcast with a scope that you put up. You're just connected to our angles of our bladders. You're re-thra-cray. We're not going to tell you who's your ether you're looking at.

You'll have to pay. You'll be able to do it. Um, uh, make sure to watch cctv up next on the cock block thank you so much guys for watching and we'll see you later everybody say bye Okay, guys, if you find the sandwich in your mouth, it's mine. Okay? You three fucking dead! I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. Describe the show to a newcomer and a more familiar way. Do you like apples? Alright, example. Together in Trempathos, Characombs, Characombs are free to deal with nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster-teeths cryptic podcasts. F**k face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short.

Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts. It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no. You do yes?