Rooster Teeth Podcast - The Ballad of Steven Seagal - #775

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

The gang talk about celebrities doing musical debuts when they shouldn't because they're all awful- Vin Diesel doing rap and Steven Seagal doing Reggae. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Risteteer Production. Hello and welcome to the Risteteer podcast, the only podcast legally required out of Mexican in the center seat. Hello. I am one of your hosts, Andrew Rosas, and joining me, as always, is my co-host. Someone with no Mexican origin origin in their family blood or history. And with, you know, our intrepid coast, Armando, absent. We have Sammy here from BFT.

Hello, Sammy. I am actually Armando. I went through the blackening. Oh. And the blackening? Yeah, and it, you know, made me like this. Oh, wow. Why the name change?

Um. Didn't feel right anymore. Yeah. I really did feel wrong to keep that name. With no dissent. Yeah, no dissent. Yeah, no dissent. Where do you get the,

where does one get the blackening done? If you knew you know. And you know, you know, Popeyes? There's like, go to the back. Yeah. By the dumpster. You have to take three shots of the sweet heat sauce.

Look for Andre. And Megan the stallion will be there. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking about black things. I have a question for you both. Yeah. I of course. I feel thoroughly qualified to answer your question.

No, you are. No, here's the thing. I feel like you are because here's the question. I was talking about this with my girlfriend who is also mexin and white, which is yourself. I've never seen a non-black person drink canis and I don't think it's physically possible. Okay. Neither of neither of I see. Have you? Well, I've only seen JR Smith, uh, drink, Hennessy, the Henny God JR Smith, the Henny God basketball player.

Is he what? No. Um, decidedly not. And you will see that he's absolutely not. He's super nice. He looks like he bleeds Hennessy. He looks he does. He looks like if you hooked him, his teeth up to a little like milking machine,

that's what will come out. And that's actually how they make Hennessy. Yeah, most people don't know. And look at his tattoo. No, I'm looking at him. I think his tattoo artist name is Hennessy. Yeah, no. I think his tattoo artist is girlfriend

or his daughter's name. Yeah. Man, I, no, I was just like, okay, so it was like girlfriend, because we're talking about it, because I was like talking about how it's not good and it's expensive and it tastes like batteries. It tastes like if you took batteries

and you soaked them in vodka and you drank that I think that's what Hennessey tastes like. But I've never seen a white person drink it. I think that like if they tried to, you guys read Harry Potter. No, I'm an ally. Okay, I have not, I'm not an ally. Well, I used to be 11, so I read that.

Sure, of course you do. There's a scene in the book where someone's like trying to drink something, but every time they like scoop it into their hands, it like goes away before they can get it to their mouths, I feel like that's how Hennessey would be for a non-black person. Like you could get it in the club, but as soon as it tries to touch your lips, it would disappear. It's like vanishes, yeah. It's like the butterfly effect

when you go back to the future and your parents are gone, the fantasy disappears from all your pictures. Yeah, all gone. Yeah, you're in photos holding up nothing. Or just like empty hands with the cup. All right, guys, stay cheer. What?

What? It's cold. It feels like you walked through a ghost. Yeah. Oh, by the way, it feels like to appoint maybe if you're like mixed, it's like you can consume it, but you can't process it. Like, oh. But it feels like to a point, maybe if you're like, like, mix, it's like you can consume it, but you can't process it. So it goes in and out the same way.

Like, kid, these, yeah. Just go straight. Yeah. It just comes right back out. Like, you can just sit on the outside. Yeah, you can drink it, but your body rejects it. Well, since I went through the blackening, I don't know if I can drink Hennessey.

We should try. We'll find some. I'll find some. I guess I can try. Let's see if we can go puff some Hennessey. Yeah, there's one thing. if someone would like put a gun to my head and they say name one thing that isn't in this building right now

or I'm gonna shoot you, I'd be like, oh. With black people. Oh, sorry. No, because you went through the blackening. Yeah, sorry. You were forgetting. Yeah, so I didn't be like, would you Hennessy though? Yeah, yeah.

If there is one, I would go as far as to say, if there's one bottle of liquor in this building, or if there's one bottle of liquor in this building, or if there's one bottle of liquor that isn't in this building, I would put it on Hennessy. Oh, absolutely. We have so much alcohol here. I would say that I could find a bottle of malignant in this building before I could find the Hennessy.

Probably. In stage two. Yeah. It's anywhere. I mean, anywhere, yeah. Definitely in stage. Speaking of. A little Thanksgiving gift for you all to take.

No, it's interesting that this idea that's like, it's really expensive, it tastes bad. It tastes like batteries. It feels very much like the 30-rock episode where Jack Donoggy owns that terrible wine company, but gets like, like, fucking LL Cool Jey ridiculous, his character's name, like to like sponsor the wine and fucking ghost face killers, like, trying to sing raps about it. Does the character's name like to like sponsor the wine and fucking ghost face killers,

like trying to sing raps about? That's what Hennessey feels like. It's always has really good marketing. Really good marketing. I think it's tough to me to go. So I thought it'd be a lot more expensive the way people are always talking about the little mind. Okay, I know we were gonna try to talk about,

and listen, we got some, we got some. We got a whole fucking, we got a lot of stuff. I'm talking about, but I just immediately, since we're on it, like expensive things that are bad. Yeah, because I feel like Henn like Tennessee put it on the list. Let's put it on those. Cruises. Cruises.

They're weird and bad. I've never been on a cruise, but I know they're expensive and I know like every time I hear about a cruise, it's like entire ship of people have diarrhea. That's like, that's incredible. Yeah, that's the cheap. That's the cheap of. Yeah, that's what the porous do. That's the poor of. Yeah, that's what the Porsche do. That's the, oh, I don't do that at real quick.

Yeah, I'm from a world Caribbean family. So like, I've been on the biggest. And they have Hennessy on real quick. They do have Hennessy on real quick. Yeah, almost just close. You get the white, the Hennessy white, they can only buy at real Caribbean, at real Caribbean on islands.

And it's also still tastes like shit. It's still tastes so. It's so exclusive, still tastes like shit. It tastes like mothballs brewed in a boot. It's fucking terrible. I almost drowned on a cruise. Tell us about that. What?

I think I was three feet tall at the point of me going to the cruise. Roadster me. And no, it was carnival. Carnival. Caron like that tracks. And the pool, I guess was a thousand feet deep because I was three feet tall. And I thought to myself having probably never swimmed in my life, let me go for a fucking swim.

Yeah. So I did jump into the deepest reaches of the pool. Deepest, and I think something pulled me down. Uh-huh. And I kept going some sort of crack in the board. I don't know, like the cheesecake factory manager or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kept pulling me down.

And I was drowning. And my mother was off to the side, like just thumbs up. You can see through like the bubble wave, like water, just the shape, the blurry shape of your mom giving a thumbs up to you. And I climbed myself out and I crawled to her, like army crawl. And she's like, boy, if you stop being,

stop me and fucking dramatic. And I was like, mama almost drowned, like, and I think I was planning up, just go coughing through. She's like, she like pets me on the back, and she's like, and you're good. And I was good.

Wow. That's some awesome bedside manner. Yeah, no, no. Terrific, honestly. Yeah, I think the pool was like a thousand feet deep. It's like, that pool, the Pacific Ocean. Yeah. It was like, it was not a pool at all.

It was in fact, the deep, it was the deep. Yeah, I love my, that's in a deep contrast. I have a, in a deep contrast to that story, when I was taking swimming lessons as a baby. Like, you know, I know that swim is a baby. Yeah, my parents got me in a pool when I was like an infant, but with a snapping at your face and like drawing you into the pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were jangling keys over the edge of the

I'm sorry to interrupt but like okay, I have all my have friends who have babies now. It's fucked up It's fucked up because they're doing it on purpose and that's super fucked up in In this world and I'll hear them talking. They're like yeah, I know a little little jameson's learning how to swim And I'm like oh yeah, yeah, I was like honestly is learning This is how to swim this weekend. It's like oh Hennessy doesn't speak or talk or walk. And I can't swim. And I do all those things.

And like, yeah, what you do is you take this baby, this little precious infant, this miracle of life, and he go into a pool of water, and you hold it, and it's a thing that trusts you implicitly, and it only knows you, and it only trusts you, and it's only ever knows your warm and bracing love and touch, and you blow in its face so that it emails. And then you don't get underwater.

And that's how you teach a baby how to swim. You just, you don't get the ultimate betrayal. The first thing that ever happens, you're probably about baby's first memory is the betrayal of their mother blowing in their face and then dunking them underwater. So then you just like, and you just let them go. And they just figure it out.

And they go, and they go, and then they've learned how to fucking swim apparently. And I'm like, oh, I guess I guess I need someone to do that to me, just blow on my face and it doesn't look like I'm gonna do that. Then if I could choke slam you into the... Chokes slam me into the... Yeah.

Like choke slam big slam. Is that truly valuable? I know how to use my arms now as a baby, I don't. No, so that, you don't even know it's that way. I'm also memory. Does not track. That's what I would think think that's what I thought. I will, first of all, that is literally how it starts to swim.

Like my parents would take me to the pool and then like do the thing. We're like, I'm laying there and they just let me go and then scooping back up. And I don't have any memories of that, but there is video of them. No, they don't have the baby now. Oh, no, yeah. Or like, have you seen the videos where they just eat the baby? Huh? It'll be like, all right, swim graduation class. Give me your again, precious miracle of what

just throw into the six foot deep end. Uh, this was the intrusive thought compromise that parents had. It's like, I would never throw my baby. But for swim, I can give them a little toss. Yeah. Um, that's very funny. So when I was, I was like walking. I was walking at this point. And so it was taking like official swim lessons of the pool. And there were like 20 kids. And there was one lifeguard teaching 20 toddlers

how to swim. What a nightmare. Probably for like no more. Probably like a dollar, a dollar a day. And this was 1923. Yeah, exactly. So I think the $100 a day, the sex was pretty good. Yeah, exactly. So they make $100 a day. The sex was pretty good. Yeah, over the summer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would take that dollar and go watch a Nickelodeon. They would go there with it. Get a moon pie and ride the Ferris wheel and still have 30 cents left. Put a down payment on the house. Yeah, that's right. No, but my dad was like up at this like companion. He was talking to some of the other parents. And apparently I jumped or jumped. I took it for the down payment on the house. The down payment on the house, yeah, that's right. No, but my dad was up at this,

like, cabana, he was talking to some of the other parents and apparently I jumped or fell in, I have no memory of this, but I jumped or fell in, and my dad, like, parent super power, like caught out of the corner of his eye that I had like fallen in the pool. Oh, dad sense.

A dad sense and like, ran, and this is before cell phone so you could just jump in a pool like ran and apparently like dove over chilled over like he knocked other children into the pool. He's trying to say this is such a dad story. It is. I could have been in the league, you know, but with my leg injury. You're the way I palmed in.

You see, you see, you see that that catch that I mean my wingspan I mean so I could be summer saw double triple axel flipped over seven kids Yeah, and it's gonna be eight tomorrow. It's gonna be eight tomorrow. So I jumped over 12 shoulders So in between it's funny in between me and you was the combine I did that the pool was a thousand feet. We don't understand that your dad was the long jump champion. That's the thing.

Yeah, yeah. But if it wasn't for that knee, everyone had knee, nice heel, a nice heel. Got the hammy, then I had to do theater. All that scholarship money dried up. Did you survive? Mm.

You know, contrary to all evidence, yes. I had it somewhere else. His twin didn't, though. No. Yeah. Some say I pushed him. I do. I say that.

I pushed him. So that was the fact that the back of the Popeyes was not you. No. Okay. Oh my God. My God. Blanchard. Blanchard.

Wait, that's who Andre is Did it did it did it did it did it exclusive? Can you the black mirror fucking the glass cracky right. Let's get serious. Um, speak speaking of speaking of the blackening, um, Vindiesel. We were talking. We're not going to get a better segue than this. Uh, we were talking about Vindiesel shortly before we started rolling, um, because, um, he not only is he, um, an Oscar worthy actor, um, not only is he a force, uh, on the drag strip. Uh, he is also worthy actor. Not only is he a force on the drag strip. He is also a musician.

Multitown, not only is he multiracial, multiracial, you know, Riddick, he's also the chronicles of Riddick, the chronicles of the of the Carmel because that is his car Yeah, I'm really heavily creamed coffee Our good friend then I'm real mocha chocolata right there. That's right And so he is also a musician and has a musical career Yeah, something I came to learn seconds before we started rolling we were doing we were doing the the the like sound check And I said Vin Diesel I said Vin Diesel pop music and you said huh, and they started rolling. We were doing, we were doing the, the, the, the, the like soundtrack. And I said, Vin Diesel, I said, Vin Diesel pop music. And you said,

huh? And they started rolling. Yeah. Yeah. Vin Diesel pop music. So, um, can we play a few seconds of Vin Diesel's? Because we were all trying to guess it's like, I mean, I was trying to guess what kind of musician would Vin Diesel be? But he'd be, I, I, I am meaningfully gravitate. My mind, meaningfully went to like, kind of William Shatnery, like kind of spoken word sort of, more like poetry over music. Yeah, like Kim Control-Scatting. Yeah, only, well nothing's exciting in that.

Badu, buddy. There's, because Vin gives off, I don't know, he gives off that kind of like warrior poet sort of energy, but he would have sort of a bard's yeah, sensibility that you'd have some like low jazz and he would be like yeah man like he would get but wrong he contains multi he contains multitudes he's like that book infinite just the bible the bible so could you play if you play a play a little bit yeah it so if you're

since there's a good chance you didn't hear what we just played, because they made us cut it out. Cause they're lame. But on legal, 30 minute argument about this. Oh yeah, we're way over time. Way over time. But the best way, the best way I would describe it,

it's definitely like kind of like pop electronics or thing like bedroom. It sounds like the chain smokers. It's chain smoker like. It's a little chain smoker. It's a little chain smoker. It's a little chain smoker. If chain smokers made movies for new Disney movies. If chain smokers did a little bit, just a little bit, just to get loose, just a little

bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, like a cipolline in the quarter zan. Oh yeah. Okay. As opposed to a whole lean in the entire zan, like they usually do. That's the sounds like. Can we do a little bit like a 10 second approximation of what the song sounds like? Yeah, summer throw a beat down No, it was like it was like

It's like Oh Yeah, we made it a little too funky. I do like that the lyrics are who goes out on a Tuesday night in this time. Barstukwai in the cover band is too loud. Why is he doing like springsteen lyrics? This is like working man's ass. That's the types of lyrics that you need to

announce the eight. Yeah, I'm sorry. He doesn't by the way. He has the I don't know if you guys have heard the first two albums Ariana Grande put out, but just sings in Carson. Huh. She just heard how that is closer. It is incredible.

Yeah, it's incredible. It's truly talented, in cursive on, but like she has gone to an annunciation coach in the past album, because I've been with just two different songs with the weekend, and the first one is just real, well, run on sentences. We can probably play it, right?

We have one. We can have a deal. She's W, she's W, and me. I actually, I got implied, I got implied oral consent. We could use it. That's just a crazy phrase. I'm gonna write that implied oral consent. For, we could use it as a crazy phrase. I'm gonna write that implied oral consent. Instead of written expressed written consent,

verbal oral consent. Implied oral consent. Um, I don't, the thing is, it's not bad. It's just weird that it's him. It is, the music isn't bad, but you know who does make bad music. See you next a go. All, another, another like warrior poetal. All another, another warrior poet.

It is with actual warrior poet. Actual warrior poet. Yes, Steven Seagal loves to drop unbelievably hot tracks. Now, if you have not heard Steven Seagal's foray into musical creation, what is the first thing that would come to your head? You were like, it's kind of the same thing. I picture like, you know, honestly What do you think you think you think you metal?

No metal sure, uh-huh. He like he like like a real like Yeah, like a Yeah, look at that. You want to go on a long drop? Like a, bam. Like the power, but I'm the power. I'm the power. You're like people who like Punisher, but don't know what his music is.

And they like, and how they like Rage Against the Machine, but they are the machine. Like that kind of vibe. Oh, okay. Like Rage Against the Machine, for instance, I'm the machine that I'm at. Right, yeah, yeah. You know, you know, I am the boot.

I am the boot, like me, yeah, it's that machine. Yeah. Interesting, because like, I, you know, thinking I would I know, I am the boot. I am the boot like me. Yeah, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Interesting because like I, you know, thinking I would I know about he seems, Steven's called to me real projects Zen. Like he want, because he went study to Japan and studied like martial arts. So he, I think he like, he gives off that like, I'm just trying to, but of course he's a monster allegedly. And, and my my and minecraft, but

You know the thing the thing with his music is it is a reggae album My man my man My man does not miss an opportunity to cultural appropriate I heard how he talks now like verbally no he talks like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction. If he and Samuel Jackson were brothers. He can not show you. He didn't show you. Who?

What's up, so brother? Let me, let me up. What's up, you jive turkey? That's the shit that he, like if you see like a movie from the last five years, it's like called Desert Store. Yeah. Fiction featuring Bruce Willis. And Bruce Willis is like sitting in a chair. And Steven's a ghost, also sitting in a bigger chair.

Yeah. He's sitting and he's like this and he's like, what the hell you say, brother? Like just crazy shit puts his shades fully on. He's supposed to be like the sharpshooter. I can't shoot anything with my eyes closed. Yeah, yeah. You can get these shades on. Yeah. And he's also talking about like fried chicken.

Yeah. It's. I, I, I would bet you one trillion dollars that Steven Seagull thinks he's got the hood pass to say the end work. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely without question. He thinks that he says that in. Yeah. And just all the time. All the time. All the more than us. Constant. More than all three of us together. Combined.

Yeah. More than you. And recently black and all the and true canonically the blackest person in Russia. After you. I won. What game show will we play?

Where I was at news. Yeah, was that Tyler Perry trivia. Yeah, and actually if Perry trivia. Yeah. Actually, if you won that, you're the widest person. Ah! Ah! Where was Medea in the second? Yeah, exactly.

A trick question. Medea actually, yeah. Coming out of jail, even though it says that he's gonna go to jail, it's the title. She's leaving it in the jail for five minutes. The rest of the movie's about a man beating a woman. Yeah, a man beating a woman. And how if you cheat on your husband you'll get aids and die That's right and her not serving you, huh, see her knuckle dad say lurve and hate

I fucking hate Tyler Perry movies Okay, speaking of whatever we were Oh, I'm sorry the white Tyler Perry Steven's a golf. Yes His his music career Tyler Perry I thought we were talking about Tyler I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry the soul brother Tyler Perry Steven Segal Steven Segal Yeah, no he did a reggae album that is He wants the Poonani that is a lyric he wants the Poonani is not the name of the song in my bay. Um, it is

That is a lyric. He wants the Poonani. Is that not the name of the song? It might be. It is widely upsetting. It is. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not I want the Poonani.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's me want the Poonani. One. I'm sorry. We were not doing the racistness just like. We didn't put the patwai. We didn't put the patwai.

We didn't. We were actually we were we were capping for it But like we were actually like man. I can't believe we found ourselves giving Steven's got more credit than he Want the Poonani. Oh, but oh buddy, but I'm still dirty. See yeah, I know I'm I Shilling stuff That's cuz he like I wonder I wonder if he does the music for those like, H.E.B. end cap bargain, like, like, you know those, the DVDs, you can buy,

the DVDs, and I'm blue-rays, DVDs, you can still buy like H.E.B. Yeah. Like the end cap, it's like the Steven Segal collection, and it's five movies, yeah, with all those titles like Final Justice. And like, destroy the space. Yeah, always a kill.

Like fuck are these things? You have to fuck are these things. And meeting at Christmas. Yeah, exactly. I'm the one like family movie. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I'm a top level assassin. What do you mean I got to take care of these kids

and Christmas? OK, but like usually that's my favorite genre of movie is the two very wooddwares. Yeah, like grizzled or like big man has to take care of little girl. That's my favorite genre of movie is the tool very with the way yeah like grizzled or like big man Has to take care of little girl. That's my favorite just like whether that's his estranged daughter and orphan he finds or Maybe the woman who lives like three apartments down who's a single mother and she really wants them to get together Favorite film griff. Let me guess Be honest. Yeah, is there a scene when that big man is sitting on a little tea party?

Oh, you know what I'm saying? That little Tutsu on, he's holding a cup and it's like this big. You know, you know he got a Tutsu on that. A little tea era. He's too big for that chair. Oh, you know he's going to break that plate, make sure he's too big. No, he's going to succumb to his weight. He's sitting inside like hunched over like a shrimp inside that Fisher price, that yellow

Fisher price. yellow Fisher price play out. Fisher price. And like something bad happens. We're writing this movie. Yeah. That has been already been written a thousand times. Incentive.

That little like, you know, little Fisher price play house, something bad happens like outside the playhouse, a little boys wandering too close to the pool. Flow. You call back to the beer. And inside my dad, like bursts, like bursts out of the play, it explodes. It explodes, which will actually be wonderfully called back in that movie at the end when the actual house explodes. Wow.

There's going to be some visual play house. Check off. There's going to be some visual symmetry. Yeah. Wow. Act one, act three. Yeah, exactly. This is called Ant Man four.

No. Okay. But AUMT. Ant Man. Ant-Man 4. Yeah. Okay. But AU&T. And Ant-Man. Ant-Man. Uncle Grandpa. Ant-Man. Yeah. Four.

There's three other ones. Three other ones. Yeah. Catch them all at a Dolly theater near you. For $1 a pop. That's right. God damn. Jesus Christ.

That's so, yeah, where we're, you know, Sammy's been blackened. Um, Armando to you. Sorry, I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. Sammy to Griff. That's right. Only we can say it.

Yes. Oh. Okay. Speaking of Reagan. Yeah. Speaking of Reagan, we were. Yeah. Sam, are you and Island boy.

Oh, um, I'm actually a divinky king. You're a divinky king? Yeah, I'm a divinky here. Okay. Um, I only know, I only know sort of my knowledge of the Island boys is very cursory. Uh, film me in who the Island boys? Give me a give me the, give me the twins. Uh huh. And. Tell me who the island boys give me give me the give me the twins and

Well, okay, so my my mean when I think of the island boys I only think of a personal experience because I knew of them up into a point But I never consumed their content and then one day You talk about it like it's the incident no, this is my good my good good friend Fiona She thought like she thinks they're very funny, and her coworkers thought they were very funny. So one of her coworkers did was got a cameo from them. Sure.

But they were gonna play at the beginning of their show. Like one of their streams or something. Yeah. Cameo was supposed to be like, when she worked with G4. So she was like, hey, G4, attack the show. You guys are awesome. We're the island boys.

Ha-ha, he, he, but you know when you write a cameo, you have to like write a little blurb to send them. Yes. I don't know what was sent to them, but they misread it. And it was like, Hey, what's up G4? What's up, Kevin? What's up, Cas? What's up, Fiona? Oh, we heard you guys like work together. But like also like you kiss or something. I don't know. That's weird. And yeah, we just want you to know that we're the Island boys. They do like a little whatever thing that they do. Okay. And it's very funny because now they've been accused of kissing each other and I think that's weird. Yeah, that's the incident.

That's the incident. That is, yeah. Yeah, they accused them of like fucking and like kissing each other, but like they apparently kiss each other sometimes, which is weird. I think that's weird, that twins do that. Great, that's weird. Call me crazy.

Call me crazy, but I don't think twins should kiss. You know, I think, well, projection don't just happen in movie theaters, folks. All of the crew, they're signaling that kissing your twins is okay. Oh, every single person in an art club and an A.O.K. And back to back. We got a Soso. We'll get, we'll get, we'll flush all their names on the screen. Everyone, everyone on our production staff, who've signed.

Do we have their address? Yeah, we're gonna give you names and addresses of all the production staff. We'll flush, you'll address? Yeah, we're going to give you names and addresses of all the production staff. You'll see it right here. We'll flash up their names and addresses. They all co-sign incest. What? In Minecraft?

In Minecraft. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, that was awesome. One of them is a twin and they went. Yeah, right here will be sort of, got to me and my single. Right here will be a scrolling list of their deepest fears.

So you can, I guess the question then is, and maybe this is the age old question. Yeah. If you had a clone, not a twin, a clone, but the whatever you're attracted to there that, but they're a clone of you. What? So like Girl Sammy or Girl Andrew, would you, and you guys are like this, you're like twin them. You're like twins. You're like twins.

Yes, you're only actually closer because it's identical. Identical, DNA. Yeah. Would you guys kiss? This is the, I kiss with a soft cave. Would you raise together like twins? No, this is I think apparent.

You find them like a parent shop. No, yes, you find them. You find them. Well, that was a trick question that I asked you because my answer is if I find out I think a parent you find them like a parent shop. So yeah, you find them you find them Well, that was a trick question that I asked you because my answer is if I find out I have a Secret twin or secret clone. Yeah, you will good Sorry, oh, well, I know I kill myself and then I make them take over my life because I don't want to do this anymore You're like here's my credit score enjoy Student loaned at idiot. Yeah, That's good, would you kiss them?

No. Okay. Would you last action on this Earth before you slipped into the great beyond? I'm not into me. So, like, no. And honestly, no one should be, and I don't respect people who are.

You know on Snapchat, there's like a filter, like a beautify filter. What if they look like that? No. Okay. What if they were beyond say? No. Okay. What if they were Beyonce? What? Wow. Like, doing a lot of goalpost moving to get someone to

make this. It's Beyonce. They have my exact memories and likes. No, because there's a thing. Again, I can't sexualize Beyonce. She's too good. Oh, dang it. It's not Beyonce.

That's crazy. It's actually, and get this. It's crazy. It's actually, and get this. It's wild. It's actually Janet Jackson. Smash. Yeah. Smash, okay. Okay.

Thank you, Janet Jackson. Can I tell you what I did last week? Wow. Janet Jackson. It's stunning confession tonight at 11. Okay, come, please continue that. Have you guys ever seen, like Janet Jackson's, okay, come, well, please continue that when in that sentence. Have you guys ever seen like Janet Jackson's like tour videos?

No, as I hide a bunch of VHS tapes, no, yeah, no. Janet Jackson does this insane thing where like halfway through the show, they start playing what I can only describe as ritualistic drumming. It's like a very slow, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do She's like looking and then like she like point to someone in the audience and like her security guards will run to the audience Pull him like over the barrier. It's always a man. I've looked for woman. It's never been a woman It's only a man. They pull him over the

You'll see why they pull him over the barrier, huh? And he's like oh my god Oh my god, it's me and he's walking up to the stage and then from the stage this opens up a hole and up comes what looks like a fucking like Hannibal Lecter fucking rig. We've been calling it the rig and it's like, it's got shackles and like a head thing and like a board and they get up on there and they fucking tie them to it like Jesus on the cross. Just arms, neck and then like tie them and then she performs the horny song I've ever heard Oh, and then she climbed like she climbs up on them on the rig like pussy in the face like fucking

Stroking them like face it dick level and then at the end the At the end the rig can't go down because the erection No, so this is all vertical this is all vertical so can she's like climbing on them and like So this is all vertical. This is all vertical. So she's like climbing on them and like, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Janet Jackson thing. And then it goes like horizontal and like lays down

and she fucking like on top of them and then it just goes into the ground. I'm sorry, what is, like she just, and like she gets like she's like fake dick rights. And then like it goes like down into the ground and then like she comes back and then they don't. And we're here to say on the receipt podcast if you were the people who was subjected to this on the Janet Jackson tour,

you may be entitled to comment station. That is a gross file. Oh no, they all really wanted to have their script. And like she like almost kisses them and like this one of the videos, because there's several she does it every tour stop. So there's a compilation video of all of these happening. And one of the guys speaks because she has like the singer Mike. So yeah, yeah, yeah, he speaks into her Mike and he goes, Janet, I love you. And it's the funniest thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like it's so the sound like trying not to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also trying to use his deep sexy voice. So, you know, love you. So here's the thing. I watched that for an hour.

That those gentlemen probably had wives, family, maybe by now, but by now, certainly wives, families, children, grandchildren. They have professed, you know, their undying love to their spouses into their eyes at the altar. They have gone through all their life experiences. And every single one of those men in the last moments of their life as the DMT hits their brain are going to be thinking about Janet Jackson riding on top of that. And there is one video of this guy.

I feel like he went in gay. Okay. And he came out. He came out really changed. He came out in Island boy. He came out in Island boy because Are you came on Island boy? Because she's looks like that. And this is like peak, it's like peak Janet Jackson.

You know, no, no. It's like peak Janet. No, no, no. So wrenched in sweat. Also this is her cool down. Like she takes like, again, we were watching this for like an hour, 30 minutes of that. Is her trying to catch her breath while she's looking in the audience. Like I know she's doing it.

Like she's looking for too long. So you're really long. I know, because she, yeah, she is, she is right now, this is her rest period because she is wearing a, I shit you not a cat woman like pat mother suit. That's the rig and this man is eight feet tall. He's so tall. That is. That is the way.

This is the same for the 20 hours per week. This guy averages 20 rebounds. Yeah. His wingspan blocks is almost as long as Andrew's dad's. The longest man I've ever seen, she climbs them like a tree though. She gets up on the little spider monkey. And he was hard as Mahogany. Oh, absolutely.

Again, he went in gay, came out different. Like I just like went you. Yeah, I mean, honestly. No, no, serious, I mean, maybe the only conversion. Yeah, the only conversion, sorry, the only conversion therapy that would like actually work would probably be this. Oh my God. We can't show this. Stop cutting my camera.

Do not stop cutting my camera. Do not cut my camera. What we are watching is pouring in our effect. TOS, TOS, and then it lays down. And then they just fold, yeah, yeah. Can you imagine this happening in front of God and like your friends and everyone else? Okay, can you imagine getting chubbed up? Also, this is like the late 90s, early 2000s

I'm assuming, everyone was wearing sweatpants. Everyone had track pants on. You can't hide that. Okay, first of all, for those of you at home, I'm sending the people listening. I mean, you can't see what we're describing right now. Look at Janet Jackson, all for you tour live in Hawaii. Would you mind parentheses?

AI upscaled 4K 60 FTS. Hey, upscaled. Put your horny ass fucker. Yeah. Let me fucking make this shit. Okay, as clear as my goddamn fucking eyes. I need to see this shit. Listen, I watched it on the 75 inch TV

and now that got the M pixel, it was blurry. I'll tell you that. It, it crystal clear. You need to see a man fighting for his life. Losing his goddamn religion. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wait, that's not, that's not too much.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not, that's literally banging, banging, banging. No, she is, this is like beyond the lap dance. Like, that's what it is. We are seconds away from full penetrating. Don't cut to the fucking drummer. And then she gets off and runs away. And then he gets a picture and he's forever trained.

She's different now. Okay, first of all, the truly that man is wearing the world's thinnest gray-as-quiet pants. Yeah. You can, by the way, there's still no print. Yeah, by the way, by the way, that when she's looking in the crowd,

that's what she's looking for She's like I'm looking for pants that can't hide. He's got all some shambray I want I want one ply trousers. I need I need to see I need to see some thin-ass Getter down for account. I want to jeans H&M slacks Not to because not to say that Things then are better than things now. They are though. You don't ever see a current artist like, this is bad example.

Given it all. You don't see Taylor Swift doing shit like this. If she did, maybe I would have gone to the Aristotle. Maybe. Imagine a six foot woman strapping you up, singing like, I got a blank space baby. And then twerking her booty cheeks on you, strapped up to like a glitter maze or something. Like we don't see that.

No, we don't see it. I just feel like art, artisery and like presentation is, it's a loss. It's a change, it's a loss. All right. By the way, no one's bad anymore. And oh, actually that's a lie, that's a lie.

That's a lie. I'll sure did it and he got, he got hip lie. That's a lie. That's a lie. I sure did it. And he got, he got heat palm or divorced. So. Yeah. You know, here, by the way, perfect blank space, like instead of having like a cross, you literally make like a wall with like a man's shape in it, a blank space. And you set them in it like fucking, like fucking con in the fucking carbonite.

And you set them in there. Some genie, it's right in that blank space, baby. And then yeah, you get, you get grinded on by James Lill, where it's like a foam like outline. Yeah, hold in the wall. So they're doing that. Yeah. Every time trying to like escape her.

That would be really good choreo for a show. We should pitch it to her. I mean, let me call her really good. Yeah, can you get Taylor on the horn? Yeah, yeah. Is Allison's with? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, she's busy. OK, that's why she probably won't tour. Yeah, yeah, is is Allison's with yeah, yeah, yeah, she's busy. Okay, that's why she probably on tour Yeah, yeah, that's what she tested Or Carly class one of the two oh Blocked me. We don't have time. We're not we're not we're not a stranger. Yeah, we don't have time. Don't open up that can we don't have a Andrew yeah, I'm already mad at her. We don't have time. We don't ever Once a week I get Once a week I renounce my Taylor Swift fandoms.

Yes, shame. Once a week. Okay. Once a week she does something that just, it brages me. Okay. So it's fine though. Yeah. It's fine, Andrew, it's fine.

We don't have to go into it. And we won't. And we won't. And we shant. Well, in the bonus episode, we're going over it. So yeah, I have a 70 page PDF about it. Oh my best stop. And though you think I'm joking, that's not a bit.

Oh, you just share that with me. Yeah, I'll send it to you. I'm gonna psych it to you. Thank you, thank you. I do wanna talk about something, to transition off of the literal, like we just watched a crime, basically. What was it?

I mean, he was volunteered, he was, okay. Yeah, I love you. I didn't know he was gonna be. mean, he volunteered. He was, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't even know he was gonna be. No, he knew. Can I tell you he knew? Because at the end they talked to him.

He was like, he was like, I knew it was gonna be me. This is my eighth show. Okay. Oh, well, they're okay. We came in eight times. I mean, he did come in eight times. And then he also came in eight times. And then he also arrived to the concert seven times.

And that was in 1922 when concert cost a dollar. Right, yeah, dollar. Right. Yeah, exactly. So I want to move us onto this subject. This kind of came across the trancem this past week. What? The wire came across the wire. OK.

I don't know what he's great. What did you say? Trancem? What is it? What is that? It's like the door frame. Like it came through the, it came across. I've never heard that before, genuinely.

So, um, this, this, this is, this was kind of, this was kind of in the news last week. And you'll hear this a week later. So we just like to stay on the cutting edge of two week old news. I want to talk about it. I want to talk about it. It's a lot, it's a lot of it's a lot of it.

We're recording our Tuesday. But, uh, today is actually, we're recording today on actual Halloween. That's why all everyone's, uh, dressed up today. Everyone's in costume except that I'm on the from last week. I'm dressed today. Everyone's in costume except that. I'm Dressamondo from last week. I'm dressed up. I'm just in pumpkin orange. I'm in the Halloween pumpkin.

That's a me Halloween pumpkin. Yeah, the famous Halloween pumpkin. And you are our mom. Our mom. Yeah, last week. I am from yes. So this was kind of going around online this past week. A list of places that women don't want you

to take them on dates. Now, who are these women? Great question, because this list sort of appeared out of the ether, it kind of like materialized online. I don't know if there was like a council or some sort of like, you know, a round table meeting where the women, Taylor Swift would probably be there. Yeah. On that, you know, on this round table, to discuss like, hey, fellas, don't be taking us to these places on dates.

And I can't let it, is it, first dates are just dates? I mean, this is first date. This is first date. Yes, which is like an important caveat because I think some of these places are totally fine. For some of these things on this list, I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. Don't go there on a first date.

Yeah, it's first date. And then some places, I'm like, I mean, come on. Anyway, so I'm going one by one. I just want to kind of, yeah, we'll go through. We'll kind of go through. We'll kind of go through and get the right. Because a lot of these are like grouped, you can group them together. Yeah, yeah.

And I'll go through, I'll go through them, I want to go through them fast. And then we can discuss it. Because I want to have everyone have these in their mind as we talk about this. So list of places that women do not want you to take them on a first date. Number one, number one, come here. Is the the cheesecake factory. Number two Apple bees. Number three chilies. Number

four Chipotle. Number five Olive Garden. Number six the movies. Seven your house. Number eight. Number eight. Any fast food jade. That feels like the rest of the life. That feels oh yeah. That one's doing a lot of time. I mean you can kind of this a real bundle. But then like eight nine Buffalo Wild Wings 10 wings. Stop 11 red lobster 12 of a f a 13 I hop 14 Denny's damn. I hop beaten out Denny's by one spot. I smidge.

Okay, 15 the gym 16 search 17 star bucks 18 coffee dates. That's Starbucks anyway 19 ice cream dates 20 family functions. They're kind of losing steam. They're losing me. They're really starting to drop off. The first half and now these I'm like you're making these. Jim. Who the fuck took you to the gym? No, this is a real, this is a real j That's why she does appear. So yeah, the second, the like kind of back third, the back nine of these are, it's a real a JJ Abers third act with fucking falls apart. So like, okay, I'm gonna go to these real fast. Family functions, movie night, Netflix, Hulu, et cetera, no movie, no home movie nights.

Somewhere that requires a long drive. That's fair. That's just safety. Yeah, that's just safety issue. Yeah, yeah. Don't go into the second. 23 bowling, no 24 nightclubs, no 25 Uka bar, 26, a bar just for drinks. What? 27 waffle house, 28 sports of that. Okay. Okay.

So this is a yelp list. Yeah. Okay. But if you take a bitch court side on the first date, what you think she's not going to like that? You don't think you're getting floor seats at the fucking... We're sitting fucking half-court, you think she's not gonna like that? I mean, that's just a good time, but that's just a good time. Also, sports are different than movies where it's like, it's a lot of people are talking,

you can actually have a conversation kind of side by side. You can be that guy yelling and that girl's ear explaining something, that's what I mean. Yeah, and the girl staring in the middle distance, thinking, how did my life come to this? Maybe it is a bad idea. Maybe it is. But what's interesting about this list is that there are some

absolutely like unimpeachable, yeah, do not take a first date on this. Yeah. Then there are, which are very specific. They're like specific. It's like, do not take a girl to a vegan wing stop. Okay. Okay.

A bee dubs, I would never take a woman to bee dubs. For obvious reasons. Take a wings and fries. We don't go. Okay. A B-Dubs. I would never take a woman to B-Dubs. For obvious reasons. Take a wing and fries. We don't go on dates. It's not a date. But then it's like, then there's numbers on this are giant categories like sports events. It's like what if she likes sports? Very true.

But like, okay, so like break this, okay, so let's, let's, let's like. I'm a woman. Let's break this down. I want to break this down into sort of categories. So let's go, I want to do a fast casual because this is like a lot of like, this is your Applebee's, your chillies, your Chipotle. These are like ostensibly like the like suburban.

The suburban just making it into the like sit down rest. You put an olive garden there too. Yeah, open olive garden. Yeah, yeah. It's it's it's suburban. It's suburban fancy. So someone on Twitter posted like if you have a bad first date in all guard fucking skilish you Yeah, like that I mean I feel like I never even sound breadsticks again

I feel like the caveat being I'm a silly goose. Yeah, I feel like I can pull it off as a bit Absolutely. I feel like if you tee it up. If you feel like, hey, okay, so like obviously anyone can take you to a fucking five star restaurant and go to like take you to a bar and go on like walk a trail of lights. Like, wouldn't it be funny? I think it would be funny. Tee-hee-hee. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee got some $2 marks and just like laughed at how bad the food was, got fucked up on $2 marks and then like, when did something else after?

And did something else after it? We like do something after, yeah. Like whatever. Second location. Second location. See, like a bar. Like a bar for real drinks. But again, that's another thing on this list.

They said no bars. A bar for just drinks. I feel like every first date I've been on has been a bar or coffee. A bar for just drinks. What's wrong with that? Like bar, what else is bar and horseshoe's bar and like onion rings?

Most bars have tapas. There's like, most bars in Austin are connected to a food truck. Troublesy. I just say me what do you think? Yeah. Do you date, do you go on dates? I do not.

No, but if you were. Morely opposed, think now that this list came out. No, no, no, no, all of my Best go to so on the fucking list. Yeah It really depends on the person. Okay, so I think someone who made this list. Yes Is the type in the type of person to be like my man needs to make eight figures. Yeah a year So if you're doing the Applebee's as yes Yeah, if you're doing the Applebee's as a joke thing,

yeah, they are looking at you like you broke. Yeah, and you're trying to pass it off as a joke. But if you let a baseline, right? Yeah, normal people. You're not going for the people who want 12 figures, and you're not going to the people who, you know, have $5. Have $5 in their banking. Right. Right. Middle ground. Do you think you can pull off the joke, the Applebee's Olive Garden, Chili's, like, wouldn't it be funny if we got the all you can eat breadstick? Yeah. I completely agree with you.

I think it totally depends on the person and your personality and like, if you're like, you know, you're in their DMs, you're texting or whatever and you've got like a funny banter back and forth and you're like setting, you're laying the foundation. Leave the ground for the first day, and it's a stab or stab or stab, you're about to play it. Yeah, you're doing it. So, I mean, you're not wrong.

Anyway, but if you're kind of like developing that rapport, no, it's true, you're laying the, you're doing the transfer to the pipe. So, if you're like doing that, and in the banter you've established this kind of like comedic silly goose rapport, then I think you probably could get away with it. What Sammy brings up is exactly right,

that is like, what this list is, is class coded. But it is, yes. It's usually class coded. It is exactly. Exactly. Well, it's just this is. That is someone made this. Drake made this.

Drake made it. No, Drake would take somebody or Red Lobster. Drake made this because like he said, why we gotta find it cheese-cake? You know I like to go there. It's tainted for him. He can't go there anymore. I know.

He was like, they're gonna know it's me. I gotta add some other stuff to the list. So I think we should operate under the assumption that we are taking out the type of person to make this list. Okay, we can do two options. We do it up 10 and they also do not shop a fashion over because that's a bad bitch. They do not get thrown out.

Yes, they go to Bali. Where's the place that they go to and that's not can't kill and straight people love it. What is it? Cobbock? No, no, no, no. Tollum. Tollum. She's a tollum girl.

Okay. Yeah, tollum girl. She wants bottle. Solly trip. Yes. Instagram. Instagram is just saved up photos of the time they went to Ibiza. I'm just going to get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a to be on our team. I'm not gonna lie. I feel like, again, I'm funny enough.

Mm. Yeah, I like it. I feel like I can ha-ha-ha-he-he my way in anything, including this one. Including 16. Oh wow, including 16. Church. Let's go to church as a bit.

Okay, you're saying that, but I'm sorry. The inherent eroticism of religion that homosexuals experience cannot be described. You are not wrong. No, I've never heard any Sufian Steven song. He wants to fuck God. Yes, he does. He wants to get on his knees and praise the Lord.

Yes, he wants to hear the eroticism of especially Catholicism come on. Well, it's the repression and taking the man's body and blood into your mouth. Oh my Jesus. Yes. Oh my Jesus. Exactly.

That's what Andrew was shouting. Yeah. Exactly. No, it is, it's the repression. It's the repression. It makes you not harder because you're like more bottled up. The tighter are you wound, the harder it should. Biblical edging.

Biblical edging. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That Ethan Hockmeam, where he's wearing the dynamite vest from first reform, that's an allegory for nutting. If you're not a Southern gay,

are you a Southern gay, if you've never made out in the parking lot of a Methodist church, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. And in front of God and nobody. There's a high school and there's a Methodist church and they share a parking lot.

And if you park one space too close, you're gonna be 51% in that parking lot with the church. So, so, you know, let's, let's take the, in this list, let's take the fast casual sort of sit down, your Applebee's, your cheesecake factories, your triple ways. Let's take the specifics out. I don't want to like, take about the like the categorical stuff. So the movies. Yeah. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. First date, can, first, here, well, here's what I would argue. That first, a movie is a fine first date if it's part of another thing. Yeah.

If you just go to the movies, bad first date because you can't talk to each other, which is all about a first date is bad about learning about the other person. I like to do movie and then drink softer because then you can talk about the movie. Fan, task, and then you have a built-in conversation. Exactly. Perfect example. I know, I know. Just-in conversation. Exactly. Perfect example. Not there was arm, paper, sorry. I know, I know I constantly have that.

Just to get more. Yeah. Perfect example. Movies then second thing. Yeah. Let's go see this thing. Then we have something to talk about. That's like built-in, which is like a nice safety net

to have if you're, you know, bad at conversing. It's segues until other topics. It's can segway into other topics. It's a good jumping off point. It is literally an experience you just shared together and So I take move I take exception to movies I think it's any it depends on the person Janet Jackson Video that's the re-release in 4k and 4k. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

I want to get my debauch Every Most I want to get my D box. That's the old D so you can hear every moment. That's the old D at most. That's the old D at most. That's the old D at most. That's the old D at most.

That's the old D at most. Janet Jackson ASMR. You can, you can, you can, that song is Janet Jackson ASMR. She, by the end. Yeah, by the end. She fucking, yeah. Doesn't act so she says that. Yeah.

Actually, she says she doesn't. I'm sorry. That's a shame. She tries. No. In the old D at most, you can hear, you can hear the sound of those champion sweatpants. The tensile strength of the fucking, the fibers. The fiber expanding.

Yeah. So we're all in agreement with movies. Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. Movies are good, good entertainment and a fine part of a first date. If it's like, again, part of other things, it's like, well, I had a great time.

So yeah, do you need a ride home? Like again, like go to a rep to drinks, go to dinner, something like that, but it can be part of a big. Go to another movie. Go to another movie. It's not a movie appetizer for another movie. So a buffet, sure, that's kind of,

that feels weird. Most Vegas buffets though. I mean, if you're in Vegas. If you're in Vegas. I mean, every place is a buffet. Okay. I see no buffet, but that's just on principle of like buffets are nasty in a post-COVID world. They were nasty before. But now they're just like asking for it. No, no, no, they're cesspools. Um, so more categorically here, the gym, which you already, you've already talked about climbing gym. Yeah. I would never take someone to like a 24 hour fitness. Yeah.

But like the climbing gym I go to is nice because it's like, it's very nice, it's open, it doesn't look like a cave, it's like bright colors, bright walls, and it's got a brewery and a cider tap room attached to it. It does. So it's very, it's a cool area and a food truck. So it's like, you know, we can do that and it's like, oh, let's go get a drink.

Like, let's go get tacos. Like, let's go, there's an ice cream place. Like right there, we can walk to you. Let's undo all the work we just did. Yeah, no, we's go get a drink. Like, let's go get tacos. Like, let's go, there's an ice cream place, like right there we can walk to, like, let's undo all the work we just did in the client. Let's see, we're gonna treat ourselves for working out, for climbing for 20 minutes and then like drinking five years. I also feel like climbing is not even like working out. It's just so much fun.

Well, I used to climb. I, I was, yeah. It's so much fun. Sam, you ever climbed? I have, when I was, I'm gonna take eight years old or something. What are you doing this week? I'm gonna be in New York. Oh, we're doing next week. If we do it, I'm gonna take eight years old or something. What are you doing this week? I'm gonna be in New York.

Oh, we're doing next week. If we do it, I will do it next week. I'm gonna go. Yeah. Okay, that's a day. I'm gonna show down. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go.

Okay, that's how it goes out, by the way. Oh, yes, in a calendar. I said, you wanna do something and I send a calendar invite. And they say, what? calendar. I mean, honestly, they all say pro move. Like, no, they like it because it shows them that you're serious. I'm so off base with this.

Yeah, I was off base with my analysis. No, I need to get the calendar. I think a calendar invite is not a bad move. Yeah. If you've got the phone number of the email, yeah, it's just a no brainer. Wow. Because yeah, it means like you're,

like you're probably not gonna flake. You're not just flake. Because you like actually set calendar. And it's like, well, they penciled me in. They like actually made time. And then you're already, you step up. You're, I mean, you're like three steps ahead of the next goal. Because the one I'm just gonna do is.

You're still tying their shoes at the fucking starting line. So coffee dates, coffee dates. That's a good one. I mean, in this fucking world, like you're again trying to like learn something about somebody, I feel like coffee dates are fine. Again, depending on the person. Depending on the person.

Depending on the vibe. What kind of vibe you're picking up. Coffee dates can be totally acceptable. Now here's the thing. Depending on the person. Depending on the vibe. What kind of vibe you're picking up? Coffee dates can be totally acceptable. Now here's the thing. Again, yes. I would say this also depends on your level of risk. Because I go on. Yes.

Because coffee date usually implies a day date. Not a, no, no, no. It's like you wanna go get coffee at 9.30 and be up for the next seven hours. You know, maybe it's a little different for younger people, but I'm thinking like coffee date kind of implies like you're going out on in during the day, maybe a Saturday, having a coffee date, which means that like if this thing's go, if things go spectacularly well,

you're like maybe committing to more activities that day. Yeah, the rest of the day. The rest of the day. It's a nice day. It's a nice day. There's a lot of stuff around this coffee shop. Again, the best case scenario for any of these that are possible dates spots is a second location.

Yeah. I feel like coffee date? Great. Next thing, like, hey, this coffee date's going on super well. Let's go see a movie. Yeah. Let's go see a movie. Let's go see, let's go. Let's go see a movie.

Get drinks after. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're home on a whole date. And then like at my house. And yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, no, that's endless.

That's endless. Also ice cream dates, family functions. Family functions are weird for first date. That's why it's weird. That's what, okay, completely hearing without that. That is a wild. It would be like creepy extended family that I don't even like yeah, we're outwearing like team team Johnson shirts

yeah, one for you Here's one yeah, no, here's one for you that says future Johnson family member to me I'm a custom they made a custom one yeah Very very weird I completely agree that family functions is wildly out of pocket movie nights Very, very weird. I completely agree that family functions is widely out of pocket. Movie nights, Netflix, who, etc. Which implies your house. Again, you can kind of bundle a couple of these. Your house, movie night, your house implies. That's like a fifth date, maybe. Kind of. It's also dangerous. I'm not someone's home.

Like, listen, I'm going on first dates these days. You are. And I'm like, you're closer. I'm thank you. Andrew closes. Okay'm like, You're closer. Thank you. And your closest. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. W. W.

W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W.

W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W.. No, I have the device right here. I've got the rig. Like your place for a first date is bad. That's bad. That's the most valid one to be on this list. Truly. Somewhere that requires a long drive. Again, safety is for you. Yeah. Hey, do you want to go to a different county? Hey, do you want to go to the Pine Barons?

I've got a shovel you don't know anyone there right? Yeah, you know that's a Pine Barons. Yeah, there's There's no toll booths with cameras on the way there That could I don't know you've got a Texas tag. How come you weren't taking any of the toll roads interesting? Oh weird ways is bugging out right now So we should have turned 15 minutes. Why do you have these Why do you have these bags of quick lime in the back seat? Man, a lot of tarps for plastic bins. Yeah, we're going camping. Camping first, that's insane.

Camping no God no. Again, I mean, you are more than 100% getting murdered. Murder, Billy, murder city. Also, it's not on here. I mean, maybe you could lump this in with the gym, but I'm of the mind that hiking dates terrible for a school. You're huffing and popping. Even if you're not the panty anymore,

like in the panty, that's all we could do. I get it. It's what like your date. Maybe. Yeah, the panty, I know, I know what that is. Panty. The panty. Oh, I call it the panty.

Okay, I call it. I call it the, that. Okay, I call it. I call it the best 18 months of my life. That's true. I had all the time. There was finally time. So because hiking, it's like even if you're in good shape, it's like you don't want to talk. You're talking behind someone. First of all, because like you're walking, you're hiking in a line. There's like very few places where you can hike side by side. That's insane. So you're talking behind, behind somebody,

having to turn around. You're also like at elevation. You're puffing and puffing. Yeah, terrible first date. Anyway, for like getting to know someone. Okay, so, yeah. Bowling. Okay, that's gross.

Bowling? Bowling's gross. You put them on someone else's shoes. Yes. You put your finger in it. Okay, walk a mile in my shoes. Dirty holes. You're gonna get to finger someone after you put your hands in the bowling bowl. That's shoes. Yes, you're putting your finger in a dirty hole. Dirty holes. I'm like, you're gonna finger someone after you put your hands in the bowling bowl. That's true.

That's my first date. Let me stop talking. Some people. Some, hey, some people. Hey, let me, I mean, hey, Griff the closer. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. No, I'm true. I'm true. I'm in. I'm true. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm the opener. What can I get for you guys? I'm the headliner. Can I start you off with some drinks?

And a movie after? And a movie? So nightclubs, Huka bar. Bar for drinks. Bar for drinks. What's wrong with bars? I think a bar is a, bars are made for dates, right? Because the person who made this hungry-ass person,

who is the 48 oyster bitch. Yeah. Yeah. She wants to go to that bar and order them. Top us as many as possible. Okay, 48 oysters. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, you can't hit the table. Awesome. No, it sucks.

And you know about 48 oysters, right? Please tell me. This is the last thing because we need to get some more. We need to get some more. Yeah, I will give you speed round. Speed round. So this woman was contacted by, it was a hinge date or something. They go on the date,

he takes her to a seafood place. She doesn't really like him. He's been kind of harassing her the whole time. Like, hey, you want to go on a date? You want to go on a date? You want to go on a date? Okay, fine. I'll go on this date with you. But I'ma get minds.

So they go to the seafood place. She orders, and it wasn't just the oysters. She orders drinks. She, it was like $12, like on the minute, no, it was $12 oysters. $12 for the oysters. She gets $12 oysters. She gets $12 oysters, right?

Yeah, she gets four of those. She gets 48 oysters. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He's gone and then she's mad at him for leaving her with the with the bill Like I had to pay for his food and mine looks like Dude girl to start you eight fifty dollars worth of oysters to start Mm-hmm to start and then you had other shit. I mean she got on tray. She glistens those Oh, she's right. The way she fucking go she She fucking suck those I mean I fucking player got played like you were you were trying to game the system and you got fucking game like like I'm sorry like you were trying to

pull the scam and this game got pulled on you it's like like you know I'm looking at her not bad enough to pull this off wow not bad enough not she bad not bad enough to that she bad not bad not like for not that bad you know she bad but not bad enough for this activity like she bad, not bad, not for that. She bad, not bad, not like for, not that bad, you know? She bad, but not bad enough for this activity. Like she bad, but like, not 48 or she's bad. I'm not gonna speak on it. You're not gonna speak, not gonna speak, right?

I'm sorry, say me, were you stating paid? No, I'm not gonna speak on as bad as her bad level. And that's all I was, that's all you'll say on this subject. Yeah, of course. Okay. Well, for you, no, Mr. Lady, I'm so sorry that you got scrumped. The past times I scammed, according to Tracy Jordan.

Yeah, I'm sorry that you got scrumped. You know, it's always, it's always tragic when a scammer gets scammed. I'm sorry, it was $15 that doesn't Got it. Does that change your answer Sammy? No Not at all $60 oysters to start. He was trying too hard to get with her But she took an opportunity and he clocked it and left Also, she's filming all of these oysters with her phone with the flash on. Yeah, there's parts that are like the greatest crime of all.

No, no, that's crazy. Why does the phone get to eat before me? That's my question. The feed's got a feed. The feed's got a feed. Okay, well, in conclusion, this list is highly class coded as well. I think we've all come to the conclusion.

And like, I think the moral of the story is, yeah, I mean, the location of your first date will wildly depend on the person you're talking to and your sort of personality. Because it could be a bit, could be drinks at a bar. The baseline is just don't be a creep. Yeah, I'm being a creep. Don't be a creep.

Don't try to run these scams. Yeah, that's yeah. But with that kind of sage-like wisdom, this is a perfect opportunity to take us into RT-Cairs, where we will unofficially, officially give you, I'm probably America's worst advice. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. So let's do that right now. Let's go to RT-Cairs. This time of year can be a lot. It's only natural to feel some sadness or anxiety as we near the end of the year and the holiday season.

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We have a really good one here today. Let's get into it. Let's do it. Um, okay. Hey gang, I recently went viral by accident because I took a girl in the date where she ordered $50 worth of oyster and snide left her. Everyone on the internet seems to be on my side but I'm feeling a little conflicted because I feel like she may have been the one. No I'm not saying she wasn't bad because no she wasn't bad but I don't know if she

was $60 oysters plus drinks and food bad. What should I do? I'm kidding. Um, um, run, keep running. I say pay. I say pay. Just get it over with. Just get it over with.

You know, you bet on red came up black. Sorry I'm telling you the black me with the blackening folks Hey Hey gang I had an experience this past weekend that requires some little stinker advice Your boy wanted to go to a skating park that's a few miles away this morning So I got up early and I found out that some dick hit parked in the middle of my apartment parking lot, blocking my car in. Oof, I would be seeing red. I tried to be civil. I called the apartment complex N311, but

no one helped me. So I ended up having to call the police and they didn't even show up. Eventually the guy comes over and apologizes, says his ex-wife brought his car and left it there without saying sorry. And I just lost two hours of my morning. Teal the hour. I'm pissed at this asshole for messing up my whole day. I just want to wake up early and have some fun, and skate, what do you think I should do to get back at this guy? The cops didn't do anything, and I just wanted

to dish out some justice. PS, my girlfriend said I should slash his tires, just FYI. She ain't. Man, some street, this guy wants street justice. Like, wants to enact some revenge. I understand, I understand being pissed off, because this is like a scenario

that like where it to happen to me, I would be livid in the moment. But maybe this is just, maybe this is just me, I wonder how old this person is, that's my first question, how old are you? Because I feel like, it's me. It's you, yeah. Even in my ripe old age. Of what? Of early mid late thirties.

So even in my ripe, even in my ripe old age of my early mid late thirties, this seems like something I would be mad and about for the day. Maybe it bleeds over into a Sunday. I'm talking about it at brunch on Sunday. Like you would never believe this book an asshole. By Monday, I don't care.

There's nothing I can do. Like it's like, it's one of those things that's like charged with the game player. You've had someone do it before. I don't think I actually have had someone do it before. I've only done it once. Really? Yeah, but I think the car was stolen,

so I feel like I was in the right. Mm. I paint, so I used to be for two spots in the parking thing. Uh huh. And then we call that a scam. No, you were paying for two spots in an apartment thing. Uh-huh. And then we call that a scam. No, you were paying for two spots in an apartment complex scam. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because I had a car in my ex had a car, and then my ex told their car.

Oh. And, uh, but I couldn't stop paying for the spot because my apartment complex is a scam. Yes. So I was paying for both spots. And someone would like park there, uh, sometimes I would be fine with it, but then one time someone park there and then someone else parked in my other paid spot. And I got so angry because there were no spots near my apartment that I just had them both towed.

Okay. But one of the cars left before the tow got there and then the other one got towed because it's been there for a while and then 100% sure it was stolen car together banded. So yeah, technically I'm the good guy. You're real, I mean, yeah, you're the here on this. I didn't call the total the second spot got full. Well, I would say I'm gonna break down, sorry, I feel like I interrupted you, Sammy,

were you gonna say I'm? I don't think I said anything. I know you're about to say something. No, I was gonna say, as anyone see my car. Oh. Was it like a, was it the champagne Nissan Ultima? I did steal it so I don't. Has anyone seen my my heavy air quotes? My car. My audio list is not my car. I wouldn't slash his tires.

No, if he said that his ex wife did it, I have no reason to believe he's lying to me. I do. All men lie. I'm sure that's probably true. I'm not sure I'm lying. Lying straight through those gray sweatpants. Hear me out. Hear me out.

If he's not lying, what did he do to his wife, ex-wife, that A, made her leave, and B, made her so angry that she would leave the car there? I mean, this would be due. These are valid. Yeah, it's time, let's turn the fucking lamp on him. Yeah. It's time to get him in the interrogation room. Yeah. What did you do? These are valid, yeah, it's time, let's turn the, let's turn the fucking lamp on them. Yeah. It's time to get them in the interrogation room. Yeah.

What did you do to this woman? Yeah. They made her act out this way. Well, first of all, the premise is a little interesting because already, because you want to know like what revenge you can act, like slashing the tires is going to keep the car where it is. Like that's like firmly there.

Firmly there. Now granted, this is after, I know this is after the fact. This is after fact they probably went and parked it someplace. But, hold. But, like, slashing the tires will make you feel good for maybe a second. This is a controversial opinion.

I feel like you gotta let go and let go. You know what I mean? Just like. How do you slash tires without it exploding the knife in your hand and disfiguring you for the rest of your life? I mean, that's a real, yeah, exactly. Could literally blow up in your face. Yeah, I'm just scared. Do you do pressure release first with the valve?

You knife throw. Yeah, yeah, you get. Okay, so first of all, one is go counter shake. Yeah, yeah, order some, order some shrukins online. I just want to talk to an uncle and you can get some throwing stars. Or do you start to see evens the call definitely has them. And, uh, yeah, throw them from a distance.

I don't know. I've never slashed a tire because I was never so enraged that like, I felt the need to enact the damage property, because here's the thing. If they ever figure out it was you, and they might since you were like, hey, dick bag, asshole, asshole, you block me, they're gonna 100% know it was you who slashed their tires. Oh, it was a 36 year old guy with a skateboard, yeah.

Yeah, so now you have, really mid-late, early mid-late. Now instead of having an inconven yeah. Yeah, so now you have, really mid like, now instead of having an inconvenience for a couple hours, you have an enemy. So you know what I mean? Like there's like, you're really escalating things to like, you might be biting off more than you can chew,

like trying to like enact a revenge. So I'm just saying like, I don't know, maybe just kind of let this, maybe just kind of let it slide. If it's a repeated thing, and first of all also calling the cops, there's your other mistake. Why are they can shoot your dogs? They can show up and shoot the car.

They also laughed when they got that call. They answered it and they laughed heartily and then hung up. Oh yeah, we're sending SWAT. Yeah, I'm not laughing at the other. The bulldooms think that they're going to pick up. True. I mean, this is just an APD thing. First of all, APD not answering any calls.

Anyone's calls ever from the last like few years. Second thing, not doing anything about it if they do. They're like, I'll be there. Hey, you're gonna get that, yeah, I know, I'll get that. Two hours later, hey, did you get that? No, that's fine. No, no, no, no, they're too busy parking opposite each other so the windows are lined up

in the cruiser. At the end of the, at the end of the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the end of the car at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the car at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the car at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the car at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the car at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at the end of the, at-man kissing. Spider-man kissing with their cards at the intermural fields. Exactly. Why did they do that? I don't know. I don't know.

The kids. The kids. The kids. We got threatened to call the cops on this weekend. You did? I was at the party. Like everyone there was like early, early mid late thirties. Sure.

So there's some bad, why a range. Yeah, there's a very respectable party. Yeah. And I was outside playing beer pong. And it's like a light, like shining from across the way. And in my head, I was like, oh, that's like someone on the lime scooter coming to the party. And I hear yelling and I'm like, what the fuck?

And like, I kind of, kind of tips. So I kind of like have to tune into it. Right. And he's like, I'm calling the cops, and I'm like, I'm black, you can't do that. So I go inside the house to talk to the headcrime. Yeah, so I go inside to talk to the, also it was me and BK, so he's telling it to black woman,

I'm gonna call the cops, and we're just in the front lawn playing beer pong, the most quiet game possible. And I go inside to the white woman who owns the house in the starting party, I'm a hinnacle, your neighbor's straight gonna call the cops, she goes over there to talk to and the store in the party. I'm a hinnacle of your neighbor's statement called the cops. She goes over there to talk to him.

And he's like, I'm calling the cops. You're being too loud. It is 10 p.m. on Halloween weekend. Yep. And we're partying inside. Yep. And there is music happening outside that is not loud at all.

And it's kind of ambient, ambient low voice. It's it's it's reg. It's the it's the vindy slow music your playing vindy slow Yeah, yeah, and he's just like I'm called cough and then she comes back and she's like and when she's like freaking out She's like to have to try to down over that and we're like the APD is a not answering the phone on Halloween weekend Be if they do answer they're gonna laugh in the sky's god damn face to do it. We're not under a shrinking There's nothing recreational here happening. You guys are too old to do cocaine anymore,

so there's no drugs here. And what are they gonna come over and be like, hey, keep it down. If I have to come back here, I'll give you a site day. Never happen. Never happen. If they come, it's two hours before they show up. Part of it.

Part is gonna be over. Also, we figured out that we think he was upset because he wasn't invited to the party We think that's what it was shit a petty call a petty the threaten from for not being invited to like He also had a narks flashlight like you know when the flashlights to bright. You're like you're not a fun person Yeah, like he had a narks flashlight. Oh my it was like like, Mark's flashlight. Oh my. It was like 5,000 lumens. That is so bright.

So funny. Oh my God. He's always going to different like black parties to threaten to call the cops looking for like the black serial killer caucus. We were the only two black people there by the way. They had this outside. We were the only two black people there.

So like, it was kind of like, it was kind of like, maybe he thought it was like a, a different scenario going on. I cannot, I cannot get over a Narks flash. Like that is so, just what I mean. I know exactly what you mean,

because it's like dude, nothing, like everything you own is tactical. Exactly. And you don't need any of it. It's like, wrap around song. Yeah, the Oakley's were Oakley's for sure. They were on the back of the star. Of course.

A whole shaped head. Yeah, uh huh, uh huh. He had the Punisher tattoo, never read the comics. Punisher kills cops. They were on the back of the store. A full shape head. Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. He had the Punisher tattoo. Never read the comics. No. Punisher kills cops. They love them still. Don't know what that's about. Uh, but yeah, so I feel like that's the guy who submitted this question. Is what I was getting around. So I guess the advice is, uh, yeah, again,

charge it to the game player. Like, I don't know, I don't know. Like, don't be. Again, again, trading a minor inconvenience for an enemy. Not for a few know, I don't know. Like don't be, again, again, trading a minor inconvenience for an enemy, not for a few hours. Who gives, who cares? Like I, I mean, granted, I get it. It's a big inconvenience. I get it's a big inconvenience and you're still feeling hot. I would say not, you know, not to lower the boom on you too much. If it's been a week and you're still mad about this, go to therapy. That is like a wild thing to hold on to for a week. Or, okay.

You slash these tires. Front two, one back. Mm. Okay. If you slash all four, then insurance covers it. So you just slash three. Dang, giving some like practical, like some real turn of the screw, turn of the knife.

It's just a nice damn. Just three tires. Shit. Yeah, like you said, if you're gonna do it. I don't need a villain in life. Yeah, yeah This you're gonna like with your moving sin like yes, I'm going what about a rock through the window? That's too much little rock. Yeah, that's too much Three P and the exhaust pipe P and the exhaust pipe pop the pop the pop the top off P in the exhaust pipe. Pop the top off, pee in the air filter. Think of the piss cabin.

And I'm gonna eat a lot of broccoli. A lot of the spareguts. A lot of the spareguts, yeah. Yeah, spareguts. No pineapple. None whatsoever. It's gonna taste. Piss the cabin filter.

Somebody like looking through the blinds. Honey, there's a guy just housing a spareguts in the cabin filter. Somebody like looking through the blinds. Honey, there's a guy just housing asparagus in the parking lot. Down their battery. Or? Drown their battery? How do you drown their battery? I found out that some car batteries

need water in them. Like, well, my car battery and they went dry one time. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they have the need to look at it. They don't have to drown the battery, but to which water. It's an electrolyte, yeah, yeah. Oh, put down the water in there, yeah.

You could get your car. You could piss in it. Ironically, power aid It's an electrolyte. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, put gatorade in there. You put gatorade in there, yeah. You could piss in it. Ironically, powerade will ruin a battery. Powerade will ruin a battery, yeah. You don't battery it. You can piss in it. I'm going to paint Sammy as awesome on the side of the car. That was showing.

That was showing. That was showing. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Or, here we go. You could her be the car. Have you tried putting someone's soul in the car so it becomes sentient and can move itself? I have given a car. There are bees, yes. Put could her be the car. Have you tried putting someone's soul in the car so it becomes sentient and can move itself? I have given a car.

Herpes, yes. Put my soul in the car. Yeah, yeah, I've given it an STP. Sorry. Oh, sorry, an RTP, my fault. Yeah. Yeah, that's wild, giving drowning the battery, doing all the things.

Real like, writing Sammy was, Sammy is awesome on it. Truly, the rumor like during the BLM protests when people would obviously deface their own property and say black's rule on the drive. Black's rule on the drive. You know how we say? Yeah.

How we say all the time? Yeah. Black's rule. Yeah, truly, people carving letters into their forehead like, carving, like letters into their forehead, like they got assaulted, but they were clearly written backwards because they did it in a mirror, like, just the worst cell phones of all time. And sure, be on the driveway black rule.

My favorite. These little hoodlums came in with their expo markers. My favorite is when those would happen, and it was only on stuff that was easily fixable. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, were they only defaced your driveway and garage door, and that was easily fixable. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, where did they only defaced your driveway and garage door and not those easily breakable windows

right next to it? Yeah. They drew this dick on my dry race board. What the fuck? Yeah. Oh, man, they used crayon washable markers on the windows of my car. There's chalk all over my driveway.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh all over my driveway. Oh. Oh. I mean, Charlie. I ruined it. I was on the scooter my friend. I just got her my flag. And they folded it nicely into a triangle and left it on the foot of my car.

They put a sticker on my window. And there's DW40 right next to it. Now, how did they know I wanted this off? Oh, man. God, I can't believe they put all the stickers and Goo Gone next to it. And the receipt for Goo Gone from 20 minutes ago, from Home Depot, God damn it.

So, so blow up their car. Yep, so I think we're saying. Sugar the tank. So I think, take a page from the Irish and an axon, some Protestant justice on it. Absolutely, a potato. That's right, that was in bad potato. Put the potato on the tailpipe.

Tailpipe, yeah, there you go. Okay, and pee on the potato, or if I go to a bar. Yeah, if you want to. I'm kind of worried about how much you want pee in this car, but you know, piss on the handle. Piss on the handle. So then you get pee on your hand, like,

ew, that's gross. Yeah, piss on the handle. Wait for them to go to sleep in the car, get a warm bucket of piss. Put the tire in the pit. And the tire in the car, warm pit, so. Yeah, the car will piss itself.

But it can't be because you're a potato in the exhaust pipe, so it has herpes, so it's alive. Yeah, just the inside feeling open, just like the windows, it's like, just feeling, you can see the cabin filling with this. Man, well, that's how, by the way,

all this is exactly how cars work. I think we answered the question. I think we answered the question. Folks, this has been a wonderful episode of RIP, Rest in Piss, Mondo, Rest in that car. Yeah. No, Sammy, thank you so much for being here. Of course. And for being a guest in the show. And yeah No, Sammy, thank you so much for being here. Of course.

And for being a guest in the show. Yeah. And yeah, I guess we'll see you next time. Armada, we'll be back. And then we'll have some holiday goodness because Thanksgiving's coming up. But we're very excited. I guess some good episodes.

It's a lot of stuff, actually. That's a lot of stuff. Yeah, you know, this is how shows work. And time, you know, going linearly as we experience it. Yeah, they will be paying me for this appearance. I think we sorted that out. Yeah, we worked a lot later. Yeah. But yeah, that's our show for this week. I think we sorted that out. Yeah, we worked it out later. But yeah, that's our show for this week.

We love you. We'll see you next time. Bye bye. Excuse me.