Rooster Teeth Podcast - The Different Levels of Fancy - #777

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

This week Armando and Andrew dive deep with guest Geoff Ramsey. They discuss various aspects of their personal lives and career paths, and what lead each of them to become comedians in their own right. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Risteteer Production. Welcome to the only show featuring 33% more tattoos. It's the RT podcast. I'm your host, Ramon Atoris, and joining me as always is... Andrew Rosis. And... Hello. Hey, you did the bit.

Yeah, you took out perfect seamlessly for Griff, who never introduces herself. Just goes, it's me or something, a variation of that. Well, since Griff and I technically share the same name, I figure you already know who's sitting here. This is true. Yeah. I don't need to. That was factored in like 90% of the casting decision

to have you. Yeah, you have to. You guys don't have to change the lower thirds. That's right. Yeah, precisely. We only think that we change is instead of Griff's socials, we put Griff from red versus blue. Oh right, that makes sense.

Yeah. And then we put red versus blue's socials. It's the few words. Which probably links to fans account. Yeah, 100%. You ever look at fan fiction of the shows that you're in? No. No, no, I don't do that.

Why not? Uh, no desire? I don't know. Why do you? Why do I, I don't do that. I'm not in that. I'm not successful in that. To have that, that's not.

I, I, I just leave, Mondeau's fanfiction as voicemails on his, but I, you know, I'm the main one who writes them, and I just like leave them on your phone. I do have a, uh, the other show that I do cult podcast. We had a fan that would draw every week, fan fiction of the hosts as furries, and that was a little, every week.

And they stopped doing it eventually, and it was first like a little nice that I didn't have to see it every week. But then a little scary like, why did you stop? That reminds me of many, many, many years ago we were at a convention. I think it was Gus and Joel and I. And somebody came up and you know,

when you're at like those old conventions, people would come by with their art and they'd want to show it to you. And we'd always be like, well, we're not artists, but we'd love to look at it. You know, when you're at like those old conventions, people would come by with their art, and they'd wanna show it to you. And we'd always be like, well, we're not artists, but we'd love to look at it. And always it would be like, like here's a picture of Simmons and Griff playing golf. And you'd be like, oh, that's cute or whatever.

But this lady came over and she was really wanted to show him the Joel and then Gus and I were there as well. And she goes, I just wanted to show you guys my art. And we're like, yeah, bring it, let's see it. We settle down. She pulls out this giant bound book. And in it, she's like, all right, there's a picture. There's a picture of me, and it's just like a well drawn

picture of a lady. And she's like, there's a picture of me in a tree. And there's a picture of me having sex with four snakes. And there's a picture of me having sex with a lion. And you're just like, can you go back? What? And then it was like a hundred pages of her having sex with different animals.

Can you, can it, I need it's, can it sex with different animals. Can you, I mean, it's, I need to elaborate on how good were the pictures. Pretty good. It's real life-long. Why is it so? Just, just, just, just, just, I loved it just like, I'd love to show you my art fully thinking

it's going to be fan art of y'all. And then, just, just like, here's my portfolio. Yeah, and it's like, and it was like, and it was like, what's my portfolio. Yeah, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like,

and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like,

and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like,

and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like a week ago. Oh, what'd you get? A little King of Hearts right there. You see it still healing. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Emily and I are doing wedding tattoo. We're gonna have a tattoo artist at the wedding. Wow. We're gonna get tattoos. You guys are not invited.

And so I do that. So Brave move for somebody who's been divorced what? Twice. Yeah, two times now. Nice. Yeah. And so we're gonna cover up the old. Yeah, I got some work to do.

And anyway, we decided to get ours early because when you're in a wedding, Yeah. And so we- Are you gonna cover up the old? Yeah, I got some work to do. And anyway, we decided to get hours early because when you're in a wedding, there's just no time. No. I mean, it's all obligations and it's, yeah, it's a hoop jump. Well, a lot of obligations and places to be in things to do, yeah. I'll also be honest with you, at some point when you get old enough and or have enough tattoos, it, getting tattoos is like eating a baloney sandwich.

Oh, you have one, I'll get one, sure. What is it, I don't care. If you want mustard on it, I don't care. I'm going to the fridge, can I get you something? I'll have whatever you have it, yes. Like I'm getting a tattoo of this lady having the sex of the snake and you're like, I'll take it, yeah.

Is it good, you know what, I don't care. I got space to fill. Yeah, I got to portfolio. I have no tattoos. I know. Yeah, you can come to my I have no tattoos. I know. Yeah, you can come to my wedding if you get a tattoo. Ooh, but it has to be the invite. It has to, I get a fucking tattoo of the invite

like on my biceps. Yeah. And you have to mark the box that you have food. Yeah, I just like a check, yes, replying, just steak or chicken or whatever. Yeah. And you have to put your plus one on there too. Oh man, oh, so you're also getting a wedding tattoo. That's awesome.

That rocks. My mom once told me that people, I'm sure this is a common phrase, but this is where I heard it first was, my mom always told me that people have one tattoo, three tattoos or many. Is the quantities that people get tattoos in. Or none, obviously, if you're like a fucking nerd ass

dork like Andrew. That's right. But yeah, what was your first one? My very first tattoo was this black flag. Hell yeah, from punk rock hits at 18 years old. My mom told me when I got this tattoo when I was in the army, I came home to visit my mom at Christmas or whatever and showed her to her. And she cried, and then she told me, I'll never forget this, she told me, I gave birth to you, so technically your skin is my property belongs to me,

and I no longer, you have no permission to do this, so legally you could be in jeopardy by getting tattoos because I could probably see you. That's graffiti. Yeah. And so I continue to get tattoos. My mom now has like six, so. Wow. I wonder over the two.

Well, well, well. Yeah. Right, that's logic. You should never have shaved to gotten the haircut. Correct. Any of those things. Any of those things at all. Well, at least without approval. Yeah. Correct. Any of those things. Any of those things at all. Well, at least without approval.

That's not a good one. True. Yeah, fair enough. Mom, I'm gonna shower. Okay, cool. Thanks. Appreciate it. That's like, I've heard so many things about like.

Think about using a new shampoo, is that okay? Is that cool? I don't know. That might damage my property. Does that sulfate's in it? No, don't use sulfate shampoo. Yeah. I commend your mom for trying to get the most out of her

resale. Yeah, absolutely. Because self-hate shampoo. Yeah. I commend your mom for trying to get the most out of her resale. Yeah, absolutely. Cause that's what it's all about. I appreciated the tact and the angles she took with her. I thought it was clever. Yeah, I didn't work, but if anything, it did what most things when parents try to impart any kind of rule on their kids,

it just made me want to get more taken. Of course. Like, yeah, I mean, you know, I don't have children. You have children. I do. Like, yeah, it's like, don't do this. I mean, give them a big red button and say don't push. Yeah. Like, just the one, right?

Yeah. Okay, I thought so. Not even a kidney more than a woman. I just read, I'm trying. That does point you have a human adult. You have an adult. Yeah, I have an adult. That's two's.

Not yet, not so far. Nothing you know of. Nothing, yeah, nothing more. Interesting. I don't think that you're, not yet, not so far. Nothing you know of. Not that I don't know, not that much. Interesting. I don't think that you're, I think, I think if anyone didn't have to hide tattoos from their parents, it would make you think you're good. Oh no, I would not. I would not have been okay.

Really? Yeah, it was been discussed for many years. Wow. Wanted to get tattoos earlier, and I absolutely not. Earlier than 18? Earlier than 18. So, sorry, I didn't want to get tattoos like 15, and I was like, I have to put my foot down to the next. I did my very heavily tattooed foot down.

Yeah, my very heavily tattooed foot down. I mean, I don't want to talk at it, school, but. See, here's the thing, I created her, so that's technically my standard. Right, my proper. Yeah. No, I just don't want her to get a dumb tattoo she's gonna have to cover up.

Sure. You know, and it like, if Millie wants to get covered, head to toe, if she wants to look like, uh, like, post him alone, I don't give a shit, as long as it's a lizard man, as long as they're good tattoos, and she's an adult when she does it. Sure.

Because I know all the tattoos I got from 18 to about 30, and I'd like to remove most of them or replace them, and I just don't want her to be in that situation. Sure. I want her to be a little more intentional about it. Sure. And now, so, a little more intentional about it. Sure. But now has reached the 18-year-old demarcation.

So now is like, well, I'm black and dears. Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah, that's kind of my parenting style. It's like now that she's 18, she'd do it over the fuck she want. She's 18, she's an adult. Yeah. I mean, it's weird because she's still in high school and she still lives at home. So there are like, there are like, like roommate rules that apply.

Sure, sure, the my house, my rules. That's one of them. One of them ones. Like me too, when I was 18, I was still in high school. I was just like the way that the year lined up. Yeah. It's such a weird, like, that's such a weird place to be. And especially when I, when I found out I could check myself

out of school, that's when it was over. It's over. That's when it was place to be in, especially when I found out I could check myself out of school. That's when it was over. That's over. That's when it was fucking over for the school system of California. Yeah, they had to, they could not get their hooks in you at all. You know what fucking offensive it is

that I have to ask for a mission to use the bathroom, but I can fucking vote. That sucks. I can check myself out of school right now and go take a shit and buy cigarettes. But I still have to, if I wanna be here for class, I have to go, excuse me, can I use your phone? You can die face down in the muck in a foreign soil

for your country, but you have to raise your hand. But I have to raise my fucking hand. I mean, like, truly, you get to like, your senior level classes in high school, like essentially like college, because it's like, you gotta remember I think we just get up and leave, or don't, like, or leave senior level classes in high school, like essentially college, because it's like, you gotta remember that thing just get up and leave, or don't leave, and then the teacher goes, okay, I was like, bathroom cool.

Or if they don't come back, they just go, okay, that person was absent, they left my class. So then they rack up a bunch of absences, and then you don't fucking graduate. There's like, yeah, you wanna be an adult, act like it. I've always had a problem with the school system, but doesn't truly prepare you for adulthood. You know what I mean?

Like this exact thing that we're talking about, I feel like should be a situation where like, if I'm in my senior year of high school and I gotta use the restroom, I should just be able to leave and use the restroom. I understand why they don't want you to do that because kids are shit and they will take advantage of it. 100%.

But also, I feel like the way that you fix that is by slowly giving children more responsibility over time, leading them to understand the trust being given to them and them holding that trust and earning it results in better stuff for them. Well, when, how old are you? I'm 27. 27. So you graduated high are you? I'm 27.

27. So you graduated high school 28, 9 years ago. 2014. So yeah, what is that? 2014. That is 12 year. Nine years ago. I shouldn't have graduated if I couldn't do minus 9 on 12 years. Yeah, they're taking that.

You aged out of high school, right? They just, they get something you reach in age. That was the guy in my high school like that. They said you got a start. It's coming back. Third senior year. They were like, you're a dating teacher. She got to go.

Yeah. After, after his like fucking electric shaver was disrupting class, he was like, eh, all right, sorry, sorry. Uh, it's probably changed a little bit since you were in school. Because, uh, I graduated in 1993, it's a great year to graduate in high school.

And it's wildly different, my daughter's high school than experienced that. I'm sure. I've heard, I mean, almost 700 years ago, but I would imagine even, the world has changed a lot since 2014, so I would imagine high schools probably. I would hope so.

I know that, you know, like, when my mom went to school and shit, even when my grandmother went to school and shit, even when my grandmother went to school, there was like smoking areas for kids. They were called outside in Alabama. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to smoking area. It's all chrysanthemum we call it. Yeah. It's here. Yeah, you just, yeah, like I understand that things change. The problem that I have with my school, I'm sure this is how every kid feels, is the years that I went to high school, were the years where they really went hard

on being scared of things happening to kids with like the rise of school shootings and stuff like that. Like they took away, they took away off campus lunch for us. We were the first class where they took it away. They put up the gates, we were the class where they took it away. They put up the gates. We were the class where they renovated our school to look more like a prison and a school.

And I understand why they did those things, but I don't think it was like super cool and I'm hoping that they got more laughs. We're worried about kids getting shot at school. So we're keeping them there longer. Like we're not letting them leave campus for lunch. Ostensibly where they'd be safer away from this place. I've told you about this too.

My favorite thing is they put a fucking school resource officer with a gun on campus and his name was Officer Balls. And he was so aggressive about it where he would be like, in the name's Officer Balls, what about it? And he was like, he knew you were gonna do something but it's like, come on man, why are you work, why here? Go be a homicide detective or something dude. Truly like, my name is Frank Dick Butkis.

Like, you know, you cannot work with children ever. Like get out of here. Well actually, my true name is hyphenated. I come from a rich banking family, the Sacks. Yeah, the name is Ball Sacks, yes. Yeah, it's amazing. Like, I graduated. I was in high school during 9-11.

Wow. I was like, I had that sweet, like that sweet, like that sweet, what a, what a preface this. I was doing it in class and someone came in the hall and was like, oh man, someone crashed a plane and it in class and someone came in the hall and was like, oh man, someone crashed a plane and it looked like the world trades in a tower. And in my mind, I populated it with,

oh, like some idiot, like sky rider for like a sporting event all day. I was like, hey, I'm in the morning. We were watching the news and that's what we thought for this one. Yeah, and I was just like, oh, I'm so excited. And then it became very clear that wasn't what was happening. And it was just like, all the kids crowded around

like a tube TV in the library, like, just fucking shaking. Like unsure what was happening. I remember the days just because I was in kindergarten and some fucking, some fucking dickhead Texan in a suit came to read us a story. Yeah. Weirder in them suit came to read us a story We're in them. It'll tell us about the shut up for 13 straight minutes Yeah, it's the story. Yeah, this fucking guy comes in whisperers in his ear and he stops talking and I'm like I don't know what's going on with the goat. What's happening?

It's reading a star. I was I was I was it worked with burning and guts at the call center. Yeah, holy shit That's how long we've all been around. My God. Do you stop working for a while? Do you go on a spoke break? I never smoked. So I couldn't. Yeah.

Really? Yeah, I've never smoked. I've smoked like a half of the cigarette in my life. You strike me as somebody who smoked for too long and then quit. No, I think it's because I grew up around smoking. Yeah. And I was one of those kids who would leave the house in the morning and then try to like put like run a fabric softener on my shirt to get like my mom's cigarette smell off,

you know? That's me staying. Yeah. I feel like that will like kind of cure you of the curiosity of like smoking pretty quick. If you grew up in a like family of smokers either it like turns you into one or like I never go far the other way. My first wife smoked two packs a day. And so like, and we lived in New Jersey

and it was so fucking cold and I had this tiny pickup truck. And I always had to, she always had the window down to smoke. And I would just be freezing everywhere we went on the fucking Jersey turnpike thinking like, I gotta divorce her. Yeah.

I gotta do something about this. Yeah. I mean, they gotta get divorced or start smoking. Yeah. Get a, I got to get divorced or start smoking. Yeah. Yeah. Get a bigger jacket maybe, even. Could have saved that. Yeah, there's tough times.

Yeah, I started smoking in high school. And also, I want to say, I started smoking in high school in around 2010 to 2014 when it was not cool to smoke. Yeah, yeah. When? Very out of vogue. When was the last time it was cool to smoke? Because when I grew up, it was fucking cool.

Yeah, even though I didn't wanna do it, you see somebody with a cigarette, like a cowboy with a cigarette and you're like, nah, he's definitely getting laid before I am. There was like a, and I wanna be clear, I'm not blaming the guy, but before Obama, it was cool. And then I think after we got like Michelle, doing all of the outreach for like advocating

for children's health and like changing the stigmas around like both diet, exercise, healthy, whatever. Like that's when I think it stopped being cool in the eyes of the youth, because like, I remember showing up to high school and smelling like cigarettes and people weren't like, fuck yeah dude, they were just like, you smell like, what do you want,

fucking doc worker dude? Yeah. Get out of here, dork. I remember I was smoking a cigarette out of the park once and this kid called me gay. I thought that was so funny. Oh, I never get over this. Jesus.

It was fucking Nathan and I'll never get it out of my head where he was, are you smoking a cigarette and I don't know. Yeah, what the fuck about it? And he was like, you fucking gay, dude. And then walked away and I was like, what happened? What happened? One year or one year or so.

It's like, 24, 10. What happened to this country? We used to be a good tree. It was 2014. Yeah, how intolerant. Yeah, yeah. I think Nathan's up to now. Probably being gay.

I hope so. That was his awakening. He was like, oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, I think Nathan's up to no probably being gay. I hope so. That was his awakening. He was like, oh shit. Yeah, not a smoker though. No interesting. I Actually, I don't know he's probably like in this is the weird thing about like my age is that There are people that I know that it went to school with that are like still in not college I just found out by the way that college is different from like undergrad and grad school and all that shit. But they're still in school, which blows my fucking mind. I've been an adult for a long time. Next year, I'll have been an adult for a decade,

which I know to you is not shit, but end to you too, because you're both old. But for me, season, season, get a tour, season with season, tour, yeah, seasoned with age, yeah, yeah, and salt, judging by your skin, just dry rubbed, yeah, exactly, yeah. Uh, anyway, that's all I mean is like, next year I'll have been an adult for a decade,

and I know people that are still in school. And to, I know it's a different type of school, not like the high school where you have to ask permission to piss and shit, but,, but it's still wild to me that you're still in that. You know what I was thinking about the other day? Actually, I was doing some research for one of my 10 billion podcasts I do.

So all right, by the way, it's available, we're all podcasts are available. Check it out, it's just me talking about stuff. Yeah, can we go over third? Yeah, please do. I would grift from Red versus Blue. And is it problematic? Yeah, I was. Can we go over third? Yeah, please do. I would griff from Red versus Blue. And is it problematic?

I was doing some research on the 27 club and I was trying to juxtapize what that is. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And how it's kind of bullshit. So I was trying to juxtapose it with the 48 club because I'm 48 years old. And by the way, more people died of 48 than 27. But that got me thinking, I kind of wish that I cared that it could finally be over. I kind of wish that I had kept at least some tabs on my high school.

I hated where I grew up and I hated everybody that I grew up with, right? And I didn't want to spend any time with any of them. And so I really, it's kind of like, I never went to a reunion. So my high school days are kind of a black hole of what happened to those people. But I was thinking at 48, I'm sure a couple of my classmates are probably dead. I'm probably more than a couple.

Like I bet there's a bunch of people I went to high school with that are just fucking dead. Whether they died of cancer or heart attacks, or they got hit by a bus or a train, or they drowned, or they got shot in a robbery, or they ran themselves over, because they're fucking stupid, or whatever. Did you grow up?

I'm a man. Yeah, that's right. That's right. No, yeah. I bet a lot of them, because they're just stupid, right? I bet a lot of them are just dirty. Stupid, just get the dumb ways. Also, I would just-

A real Darwin award, like, yeah. Fucking shooting gallery, yeah. I just find it like two-year-old credit about what you're saying is like, I just find out the most dangerous city in America is in Alabama. Really, where is it? I'll find it for you.

I'm not gonna be able to pull it up right now, though. That's no fun. It was in Alabama and it was like, you have a one in 30 chance of being the victim of a violent crime in that city. Was it Pritchard? It might be, I don't remember. I'll find it and make it a lower third right now.

Okay, so you just rattled out of that statistic and the thing you said makes sense. It's like, oh yeah, it's the most dangerous city because of violent crime. In my very cartoon soaked brain, I went, oh no, it's just like a city of Mr. Beans. It's like populated by the biggest clumsiest goofs. Just a bunch of Mr. McGoos walking around. Yeah, exactly. Just a bunch of hapless, just hapless Alabama.

No, Jeff, you have actually like really tapped into something that I've been thinking about. And then I don't mean this is like the start to a bit. I genuinely mean it, which is, as I mentioned, I'm about 10 years away from having graduated high school. I have not heard of a reunion happening. And I've like talked to a couple other people that I went to school with. There's no one like planning a reunion.

There probably won't be one because social media is so prevalent that we just keep in touch with everyone from high school. Yeah, that's interesting. Does that die? Does that go away? I think so. I mean, the whole reason that this is like half a joke, but I'm being kind of serious, I think the whole reason

that people have high school reunions is to rub their success in the face of the people that they fucking hate it. Well, it's like, well, we would always say in the 90s or in the early 2000s, it was like, to see who got successful, to see who failed, which is what you're... And then to see who turned out to be gay. And that was like what it was, right? All the smokers. Yeah, all the smokers.

Yeah. See, I would add a fourth one in there. To see who fucking glowed up. Glowed up. Who were like, damn. Who pulled the manger roses? Because you used to be really ugly. I used to, I mean, people would like come up to me and try to answer questions three

Yeah, I was just that much Unpromptu Yeah, so yeah, I you know glow up the century, but now I think they are that I've had the fourth one in there like yes Who failed? Who failed who succeeded Who turned out to be gay? Who like, yeah, just got super hot. I can't imagine anybody got in my area, got super hot, because every once in a while, I mean, that's my family still lives there,

and I still love my family, and I do, I'm so mean about Alabama, but they're wonderful people in Alabama. But that being said, I still go back to visit on occasion, we'll go to a restaurant, and the people in Alabama still have the same hairstyle that they had when I was in high school, like the big puffy up and all of that.

I can't imagine any of those people aging into that look. Well, you know. Yeah. Yeah, I went to school in Los Angeles and like a suburb of Los Angeles. So pretty much the two things that everyone have is they moved to the big city or they just stayed there and now they work in a McDonald's. And I don't mean that it's like an insult. I

just mean that those are the two things where like sometimes I'll go visit my cousin or some of my friends that live in the same town and I'll like stop by. We'll go to like an in and out or something and somebody that I went to high school with is just there. And it does. There's nothing wrong with being the employee of a fast food restaurant. I need to specify that. But it does give me a little bit of joy to order food from somebody. Like to have somebody go do some for me. I'll tell you a weird way that it went for me.

The first, my very first girlfriend was this girl, Laurie, in the sixth grade. And we went on a date. I threw up on the date in front of her. Yes, sir. That wasn't a deal breaker. We still, we still. No, yeah, brother.

My mom made it even worse. She took us to the state fair. We got in the swings. I threw up on the swing. Why? I threw up on the swing. So I'm so nervous about the date, right? And then this is the worst thing

that a parent can do to a kid. On the way home to take our home, my mom made a stop at Walgreens to get ringworm medicine for me, because I had a ringworm. And so we didn't make it much further past that. Sure, sure. Then I was too scared to kiss her and she moved on.

But when I was in the 10th grade, she dropped out of high school and started working at the gas station right outside of my house. And then she got really into, it wouldn't have been meth-backed then, but I guess crank, whatever it was, crack. And then every time I'd see her,

she'd have a few less teeth at the, and it was just like, and I'm not even being funny about it. I was like, I just watched her like, dishevel in front of me, and it was just so sad, and I was still like in 11th grade, and she was, that's, you know,

pulling our shifts at the gas station. Oh, God. That's the deterioration. Like watching somebody sort of just, really quickly. It's, jugs are no fucking joke. No, no, no, I would just suggest that. Yeah, they certainly are.

What do you, what? That's just, just wearing a shirt that says quality drugs. Well, that's, so this is all to say, get yourself some quality drugs. But anyway, yeah, they're no joke. They, well, it's insane that like, to see the, like, what I would call

the post-industrial blight of kind of middle America that happens in like semi rural, semi urban areas, where it's just like, damn, that is a cold mirror on like, yeah, the lower, you know, lower middle class of America it's just like, damn, that is a cold mirror on like, yeah, the lower, you know, lower middle class of America that just like, yeah, you can watch somebody just like they drank from the wrong cup at the end of class crusade.

Just like, I remember even in high school thinking about it, it's like we grew up, I don't know, three miles from each other, we were in all the same classes, we had similar friends, and just like how differently the trajectory of our lives were going even by like the 11th grade, and just thinking like,

I gotta get the fuck out of this place before I end up like that. Which is why I joined the army at 17 to get out of Alabama. And which ones do I still have most of my teeth, I think? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel, you know, that those circumstances do

inspire or like propel you. I are a great fuel to like, reach escape velocity. Where you're just like, when you can see that like happening around you, when you can see your class, may it's like, just like, oh man. Like a, I'm watching a tailspin. Like I am watching a flame out. So the thing where I grew up too

was like you graduated high school. Nobody, I didn't know a single person that went to college. That's not true. I had one friend who went to college on a band scholarship and dropped out in his second semester. And that was the only person I knew who went on to college. It just wasn't done in the early 90s in Alabama. Everybody from my high school graduated

and then went and got jobs at the bumper factory, croming bumpers. And that was like the only source of revenue. Like that was that was the career path you graduated from theater high school and then you went and crombed bumpers for the rest of your life. And I just inhaling chrome dust and getting all kinds of diseases. Yeah. Fucking you. Of course. Chrome cancer. I got that new Mad Max shit. Yeah. Yeah. Witness me. I don't know if this, this might actually make you feel worse, but like everyone I know that

I went to school with, and I don't mean literally everyone. I would say the majority, 80 to 90% of them went to college. And those same people, the people that I'm talking about that ended up having to work at our equivalent, which was like an in and out, or a McDonald's or something, which again, like I want to be really clear, there's nothing wrong with working at any of these places, but it sucks that they went to college and then that was what was available to them. Yeah. And it's, unless that's what they wanted to do, I don't know, it could be.

There's certain people were like, no one ever talks maybe about how in and out has these incredible benefits and you can build a career out of working there. Or Chick-fil-A, dude. I'm actually looked into buying a Chick-fil-A franchise because I'm going to have a post-Rustr teeth life at some point when I just can't do this anymore. But I don't even... I'm staying the pull true zone. Yeah, I'm going to stay in the pull true zone, exactly.

I got to stay beacuse of it all the time. Exactly. No, but we've talked about, like, Emily and I've talked about opening up a laundromat or a chain, it is fucking hard to get it Chick-fil-A. And then you gotta put in, you gotta prove that you put in like 60 hours a week as a general manager, but you make a dickload of money,

but the process to get approved for it isn't safe. That's why the process is so insane, is because you're like, a, like manager of a Chick-fil-A makes like 180K. It's like in the ton of money. It is insane. That's like, I don't know, it's just like I'm like, fuck, do I need to work at Chick-fil-A?

I was like, God damn. What we should do is we should fuck it. And I am not an ally, I really am. Yeah, I looked into the buy one just because I like the powders. And don't fucking tell Gus we said this, we should quit this fucking job, go buy a chick filet and then just podcast. Well, I'll tell you what my financial advisor told me when I put my mention to tour, we were talking about like, you know, what a potential post-rich teeth like and look like

if I retire. Sure. And, but still need to bring in some sort of passive income. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, we're thinking about Chick-fil-A and she goes, good luck. You know how hard that is? And I was like, you don't think I can do it.

She's like, no. You know how you're not there. You know what I'm looking for. You know how I'm saying, no offense, but I don't think you guys are either. No, I know. Oh, no, I wouldn't say, oh, and I said work at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.

We're fucking splitting shifts at the show. I would hire you guys immediately. I think I'm a good, I said, work at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, not all. We're fucking split in shifts at the show. I would hire you guys immediately. I think I'm a good, I would be a good employee. I also, have you ever worked fast food? Yeah, well, okay. I, this is like a big thing that we've done in the past where I like, I, I've worked as a chef at a comedy club which is like an actual kitchen.

That's worse than fast food. That is worse than fast food. Although the guy who ran the kitchen really gave a shit about the food, he taught me a lot. He was like a actual kitchen. That's worse than fast food. That is worse than fast food. Although the guy who ran the kitchen really gave a shit about the food, he taught me a lot. He was like a real cook. Okay. But so that was not really fast food. And then the only other food place I've worked at

was in Jimmy John's where we didn't cook anything. Right. And they wouldn't even trust me with the bread. I had to make sandwiches and then deliver it. You were in assembly. You were in the assembly business. Yeah. I was a brick mason for the fucking,

the brick in your stomach. I worked at a fried chicken, like a local fried chicken restaurant in Alabama for a, in buddy year and a half. You remember the name? Sydney's fried chicken. Yeah, they had three locations. I think they're still open.

My location closed, but I think they're still like winning Grand Bay Alabama or something. We looked it up a couple of years ago, probably on this podcast. And to this day, some of the most fun I've ever had in my life was working in that fast food restaurant. Of course.

I knew some of the worst fun I've ever had too, and it was the dog shit days. But I mean, like there is something really, I don't know, fun about working in a job where you can just kind of turn your brain off and just be in a tomaton and do the thing. And I mean, clearly it wasn't where I ultimately wanted to be in life or I wouldn't be here.

But like, I worked the best job I've ever had in my life. I worked at a movie rental store. Sure. Like a local movie rental store in New Jersey. And it was hands down. Like, I would take that, if that place, if that owner undied of cancer and then rehired my manager who got shot and killed in a robbery.

Yeah. And they came back to shot and killed in a robbery. Yeah. And they came back to life and restarted that place. They would move to New Jersey and take that job back in. And all this while. All those people who survived, fucking took out the servers at Netflix too. There's a lot of other work you gotta get through, but I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, that's incredible. When my mom was pregnant with me,

worked at a blockbuster music store and talked about how it was just the best job ever. I wanted to work at Turtles or FYE or one of those places in the mall. So fucking bad or Sam Goodey and I just couldn't get hired. They wouldn't hire me. I fucking can't. Kamalot, you guys remember Kamalot? Kamalot, suncoast movie company. Yeah, I wanted to wear a Kamalot bad. And I just didn't have it. I'm not making it happen. They were looking for it.

Is that like an indie blockbuster? Camelot was a record store in the mall. It was like the largest record store in the country. And a mall, that's like a big store. Yeah, it's like a collection of stores. It's like a real end of store. That's like a website with bricks. Yeah.

We did a go-to. We did a go-to. And bricks, that's like a website with bricks. Yeah, we did a, we did a, that's like stone 3D printing. Yes, we did. If you remember Camelot, by the way, that it means something, it means you're very old. We did a mall draft on fuck face a couple, maybe six months ago, and we all got to pick, like draft our favorite mall stores,

and I picked Camelot, and not only did Gavin and Andrew and Eric have no idea, and Nick have no idea what I was talking about, but almost the entire audience was like, yeah, nobody does what you're doing. Like I might as well have been describing like cave drawings. Sure. I would go fucking top three.

You're gonna not like this, and it also shows both visibly and emotionally where I'm at. Sparrows is my number one. Okay, so it's Pete's on Earth. Yeah, but the thing is, is like, I like trash food. Yeah, which I don't understand about me. I'm like, we just talked about on the other show

that I do called podcast. We talked about me and my partner in this concept called Trash Dates. When I was in New York, we had a trash date where we went and saw Five Nights at Freddy's at the Times Square AMC. And then went to the Times Square Alistair. Alistair been a sticky theater.

It was fucking disgusting. It was the worst theater experience I've ever had in my life. Both because the movie is shit and also because the theater. Yeah, porn out theaters are less sticky. When I used to live up in that area and I'd go to shit like movies in New York City, it was the grossest.

It's awful. The grossest. It's a truly awful experience, but it's also just like, it's a trash date. We did it on purpose because it's like, it's stupid like, you know, we had other things like go to the chilies and get the all you can drink, whatever.

Yeah, get a two, five dollar hot and ready from all Caesars and watch just like the dumbest movie you can find. The funniest part to me is that the concept of Trash Day isn't to be like, could you imagine? It's to go, can you remember? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, really. You remember when we had, when all we had,

when going to the AMC and then all of Garden was a dream for us? Yeah. All of Garden. I just ate it all of Garden last week. It's so good. I'm fuck with it. My fiancee, her family has this tradition on Christmas Eve

that I have now adopted that we do it. That I absolutely love. It's kind of similar to your idea of a trash date where on Christmas Eve, we go and we drive to Amy Fast Food Restaurant in Austin. And you can get like, I get like, like beef and cheddar from Arby's and then fries from McDonald's.

And then chicken nuggets from wherever, Wendy's or whatever. And then whatever you like what piece you want and we can go to as many stores, you can get as many things as you want. And then we come home and then we lay out all the fine china and then have like a really fancy candlelit dinner, but with, you know,

a wanna chicken and garbage. And it is so much fun you literally you literally have like Trump's dinner for the football player yeah yeah yeah absolutely and we we've done that every year we've been together and I look forward to that more than just about anything it's there's something so beautiful about it we're like I got I'm not as you're like eating yeah I think it's like mcchicken is something, yeah, that's for it's nice. I remember like, I'm sure, well, I don't know if I should say I'm sure.

I grew up very poor and I think that, yeah, okay. I remember when like huge events for us would be like when somebody, the rare occasions, when somebody would graduate high school or the more common occurrences where somebody would get out of prison, we'd go have a celebratory dinner at the fanciest place, which was a sizzler. All you can hear is, oh yeah, brother. And your father would wear his Christmas blackest polo shirt and his nicest, whitest Air Force once.

And you would go out and you would eat at these places. I remember like those being the epitome of fancy, really. When I was growing up, I thought the nicest restaurant on Earth was a place called Quincy's. And it's like a sizzler. It is like you get the tray and you move down. It's like a plused up show. He's like a few more steak options.

Sure. And it was yeah. and it was just like, I thought that that was where kings and queens dined. Yeah, because until I was probably 17, honestly. It makes sense because you get the quantity, you have like, it's probably better food than you've had at other restaurants before. There's also like different options.

They have different stuff. And also like, it gets built into your brain as this sort of like celebration meal, you know? Yes, and fancy at that age is whatever your family tells you fancy is. Correct, yeah. It's also subjective, right? So fancy for you might not be fancy for somebody else,

but when I was growing up, eating at Godfather's pizza and getting to sit in at a restaurant and eat a pizza or going to Quincy's, I thought I felt like I was Prince Charles. Oh, the mine was pizza, like going in and sitting down at a pizza with those red cups and those stained glass like she did. You mean the Gerblers? The Gerblers.

The Gerblers. Lower thirded it. Listen to Fusses. Lower thirded it. Lower thirded it. Gerbler beanie out right now. You can drink out of it. Yeah, there you go.

Can you really? No, it's porous. Okay. But that, for me, that was the like, like once every three or four months, we'd go like, you know. Yeah, we had the shakies. That's what we would go to. Shaky.

Shaky. Shaky. Shaky. With the pizza that tastes like the sauce has made it a catch-up. And the, the, the, the impetus behind trash date, the thing that me and my partner do is that like, eventually I learned what fancy was. Like, I've also, what is fancy to you? Well, so that's kind of the point, right?

Is that like, when I was a kid, those things were incredibly fancy. When I grew up and got a little older last year, I was very, very lucky to thankfully to you in this job that you've created, gave me the opportunity to go to Paris. I went to Paris, not lucky to, thankfully, to you in this job that you've created gave me the opportunity to go to Paris. I went to Paris, not for work, but I was able to afford

to go to Paris. To Paris, not for Legos, not just to go. Just to go. Just to do yourself. In my brain, that was incredibly fancy. Like one of the fancy things I've ever done, and that's why I always talk about it with this like, I went to fucking Pelley. Because with this like, I mean, do fucking belly.

Yeah, because it's like, I never, are you guys handed? Huh? Are you left handed? No. I just might right hand with, no. Okay. My right hand, I just mamed it with my left hand. That just, my right hand was playing with my, my,

I always pay attention to what hand people jerk off with air jerk off with. When they're jerk off, yeah. I also don't jerk off like this. I do it very different. It's a whole, yeah, yeah,'s a whole, it's very precise. It's like hold it so just the tip is poking out and then you rub it up.

Yeah. Like try to make fire. Yeah. I do one of the ease. I squeeze every chunk out. It's a Capri Sun. Yeah, if I don't pop blood, blood doesn't. It's not a good order.

Yeah. You know, I wish people were more accurate when they air jerked off, but genuinely like, like somebody's offended and like, oh, this fucking guy. Ooh, they're playing with their prostate. Anyway, my point is, is that I went to Europe, which in my mind growing up, a kid that went to Sizzler

and thought it was fancy would never happen. I was just okay with never going there. And then I went to a two Michelin star restaurant and I tried the food and it was an incredible experience and I was super grateful to do that stuff. I've talked about this with my partner where it's like, I realized that I started to look down on the stuff that I used to think was fancy, the going to Sizzler, but I realized that I started to look down on the stuff that I used to think was fancy, the going to sizzler, but I realized that stuff is still important for different reasons. And now we started doing Trash Date, which we call it a Trash Date as a joke,

but it is the stuff that was a special occasion for us, going to a Chili's, going to the movies, a thing that I love doing that I didn't get to do all the time, going to, we didn't really eat out that much. Andrew brought up a great point of like, sitting down at a physical place to eat a pizza is like, it is the most fancy. Yeah.

We would get like a little Caesar's or like a local, like the pizza place we went to the most was called a large pizza, 3.29. That was the name of the fucking restaurant. Yeah. It's fun to the name of the fucking restaurant. It's fun to go to a fancy restaurant, a couple of times, maybe twice a year, go to Jeffries or some fucking

some soulless place downtown that's super expensive and dark. True Lux. But I did true Lux's, Eddie Vee's or one of those places. As I get older, I just wanna go to eat hot pot. I just wanna, you know what I mean? I just wanna go where they refill my soda as soon as I'm done with it.

And I don't have to think about it. And I think you go through a phase in life where you're interested, especially if you find a little bit of success in life, and you have a little bit of spare money to throw around. And you get a taste of what fancy is. You get a taste of what, the places that know, you get a taste of what, like the places that they eat at and Gilmore girls or whatever.

I said Gilmore girls, I'm gonna say Gossip Girl. There's, how was I just saying? Did they really need fancy places? It's so kind to start with things. It's Star's Hollow. Yeah, they did have Michelin Star. I know, I mean Gossip Girl. I just remember when Gossip Girl was on it,

it was always like, they were like, oh, they're eating a butter, oh, they're eating at this place and it was like, where wherever the hot restaurant is. They still ate fancy on Gilmore Girls, okay? And I've seen Gilmore Girls, they did a lot of white chicks. Continue. But then at some point you realize you're like,

yeah, it's not worth the, it's not worth the, it's not worth the whole of blue, it's not worth the money. It's not worth the, you're saying worth the squeeze, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or it's worth it in such small quantities that it really helps you, at least for me, it helped me appreciate all the fucking normal meals I eat, you know, going to Austin Diner or wherever is.

Sure, I don't know. I, having touched nice for a couple of years and then been like, okay, now I see it, and it's kind of, it's more hassle than it's worth. And after you've done it a few times, you're like, did I, was it really, was that $120 steak really better than this $40 steak? Yeah, but was it $80 better?

Now, you know. So I both agree and disagree in that. Like I think that you are completely right with what is fancy and why do we think about that stuff. I for sure had a disdain for the previous standards that I and my family had and was almost disgusted in thinking that the things that I thought were fancy were fancy. I think everyone who grows up poor goes through that.

And you want to be fancy. There's a lot of self-loathing, a lot of self-hate, a lot of like, you spend your entire childhood looking, seeing life through the prism of the haves and the have-nots when you're a have-not, right? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I think there's a lot of that to get over. As you're up, you know?

But then once you do get over, I mean, that was the thing is that, like, I would go to these fancy places, I would do these things, I would order the Uber Black, I would do these fucking stupid bullshit money wasting things because I was like, I can do them.

And now I don't have to be that poor kid anymore. And now I've realized that like you said, like there is, there is, a lot of it is bullshit. Like truly, a lot of the quote unquote, fancier restaurants, there is not much of a difference between those places and other places. Like Gus told us that when Gus went to Bangkok recently and went to a restaurant that was a Michelin star restaurant paid six bucks

for the fucking meal. Yeah. Yeah. And it's very simple, but it's like one of these incredible things. And so like, I don't think things have to be fancy to be good. However, I have started also the Michelin star rating as a fucking bullshit scam looking to it. You ever think like, oh Michelin like the tire company?

It is a tire company. It is a bullshit, ready? It is a fucking, it doesn't matter. But what you really wanna do, is you wanna eat somewhere where that we're at James Beard Award winning chef is. That's what you want. You wanna eat somewhere where a guy like me walks out

and goes, oh, that was so good. That's where you want to go. Oh, the fish was all right. So look for the Armando's and listen for the tuba playing as we walk away. I think at this point of my life, fancy restaurants to me are for celebrating a person

or an event, right? And it's way more about that moment than the food or the restaurant. I 100% agree. I think like, you know, eating at like a quote, unquote, fancy restaurant, like to me also at this point means like, if I'm gonna spend the money,

I'm definitely not going to any V's or something like that. I'm gonna go to like Uchi or like Emmer and Rye or somewhere that's like, Dude, I remember Rye's pretty solid. It fucking slept, they're Kachioa Pepe. Woo! Yeah. I just really fucking good.

Worst fucking Kachioa Pepe I've ever had in my fucking life in New York It was like out of a can but that actually leads me to my point that I feel like you would agree with a lot Especially since social you just said is like since I've Since I've gotten into cooking and like learning about cuisine and like following different chefs and their method and like learning about Different styles of cuisine and also my partner is an incredible cook And learning from them about stuff and like I'll show you off camera, but like

We cooked a bunch of meals together and I was great for you in New York going to these nice restaurants Going into these famous places and my favorite meals were all these things that we cooked together did and So learning about these cuisines, my mom implemented a rule in me because my mom also didn't grow up with everything and also had me and we were poor. My mom implemented this thing when she started making an okay amount of money, which again was like way after I graduated high school, where when we went somewhere, we would make one reservation at a nice restaurant in whatever

city we were going and we would just eat there and we wouldn't worry about the price and it would be like factored into the budget for the trip. And I started learning about different methods that these cooks use for stuff and appreciating the food and what they did and asking them questions. And I feel like that gets a lot of credit too. I'm excited to eat at certain places because I'm excited for what that chef is doing and I'm like following more of that world. There's artistry there, right?

And you want to craft. If you are, I guess, a tune to that kind of artistry, I can absolutely see that as being the sole reason you don't want to go to a place like that. But I was supposed to say is like, we went to, we went, you and I and a group of friends, my referring to Armando, went to like a nice meal recently. And it was like, what's a nice meal where'd you go? Where'd you go? Okay. And like the the the the the food is incredible, unarguably incredible. But like so much of what like is I think

so enjoyable going out to a quote unquote fancy meal, and it's the same whether it's like a, like $200 a person place or the fucking 90s pizza hut with the glass and the one that you're looking for, is like so much of that was about like the fact that it was like us going out as a family, and like that we went out as like a group of friends, and it was like 50% of it, 50% of it was like us going out as a family. And like we went out as like a group of friends. And it was like 50% of it was the food that was amazing.

And I think 50% of it was like the sharing of the company that like the people that you're with the like you know us tasting the same thing at the same time and being like fuck. Oh shit. Like oh man that's good. And it's like the conversation is like truly, I think that's half of why it makes it special. And I think those are the things that kind of shift

as you go from like, ah, this is your, like, once every six months fancy family meal, is because you get to experience those things with your family who also aren't, because like, when I was a kid, my parents weren't going out just them very often having mom and dad. They weren't eating flamenyanma, we were eating shells and cheese, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

So this was a fancy thing for all of us, you know what I mean? So I think that also factors into it. It's a special occasion, it's a special time for everybody, like in the family or whatever group of people you go out with, which I really appreciate. When we went to Uchi Koto, we went because Andrew had a connection with somebody that was very involved at the restaurant. So we got like special treatment kind of

is what I would call it where like we got, we got to try different stuff The the chef came out and like brought stuff. So it's also one of those things where it's like just like you feel pampered in Any care. Yeah, it's like I truly like It's not happening again. Yeah I was just like we got to enjoy this because like I don't know that it's like Yeah, I don't know that this is gonna happen on our dime's ever

No, no, no, no, and yeah, it's just an incredible restaurant. I guess what I'm trying to say, if I was trying to say anything at all, is a similar advice to that. Andro and I were talking with some people recently about trying to figure out how to be funny. Like, oh yeah, we talked to the. How's that going for you guys?

We're almost funny. We're gonna be funny soon. Okay. I promise. I hear that a lot. Pardon our dust funny. We're gonna be funny soon. Okay. I hear that. I hear that a lot. Part of our dust. We have the signs of coming soon. Gap. I spent two months working on that guy called me gay for smoking cigarettes. I spent so much fucking time on it. No, I'm but we were the advice that we gave like what it really boils down to was and we're doing it for the Warner Brothers Digital Creators Program, the sole of the advice is that we were saying about, because people were worried about wondering,

I don't have formal comedy training. Our advice really breaks down to watch stuff, experience stuff, and ask yourself, after you've laughed at it, why was it funny? And that's advice that I've been trying to implement into every part of my life of like, why did I enjoy that, or why did that make me angry, or why did X, Y, or Z?

I think it's just a great way that, I mean, it sounds so simple and stupid and obvious, and I'm sure other people figured it out way faster than I did, but like, why did this fancy meal make you feel excited? Was it the pampered? Was it like the money you spent, the feeling that you earned it, or was it the food? What did you get out of this? How can you have this more?

You know, it's interesting. That's an interesting way to look at it. The way I, at least in terms of being funny. Now I'm pivoting off of the food stuff because you speak to my interest with this comedy rules. The way it always worked for me, once I realized that I was making a living being funny, hopefully being funny, is, and the way I, it's been my entire life, I think,

is I'm largely motivated by spite. And there is nothing that pisses me off. I shouldn't maybe shouldn't admit this, but there's nothing that pisses me off more than in a situation like this, where if I leave, and I felt like you were funnier than I was, or you were funnier than I was, it's not gonna happen today, it's not an issue.

But if it were, I would go home, and I would think about this, and I would think about what you said that was funnier, and I would just approach it from an angry like why the fuck did I not think of that that are more than thought of it and then I just beat myself up until I'm funnier and that's how it works for me. I don't know maybe. I think I used to do that a lot and I and as recently as working with fun house like that I would do that a lot and there and that's a hard way to be when you work with them because

they're fucking hilarious. They're very funny. They're all hitters. They're very funny. And so I realized that I realized semi-recently because I do that. I mean, spite and revenge and anger is the reason that I do pretty much everything. It's the reason why I like I didn't go to college. And so I needed to be successful because all those other people I needed to prove them wrong. I needed to put on this air of like being better than because I always felt lesser than so I want to be better. But eventually you get to a point where you're just like, they don't care. Those people don't give a shit.

And even if it works, then they go, yeah, okay, you're a success. And now you're just what? Successful, but you don't think you're successful because you think you're lying because you need to keep up this appearance for other people you're not doing it for yourself. That's interesting. I think some people just need, I think it's like Michael Jordan. Some people just, when he's like, it becomes the meme of like, I took that and I took that personally.

And you realize he starts to look for reasons to take stuff personally because he just needs that motivation. Yeah. I think some people just need that motivation. That's so interesting. I forget everything that was said the second I was with. Like, I get in my car, shut the door, turn the engine on. I don't kid.

It's gone. It's gone. Dude, if I fuck up a joke or I miss something, I'll obsess about it for like a week after. Yeah. So I know somebody, this is gonna be mean and I hope he never hears this, but there's a chance that he might,

but it probably won't work out. My father is that way, the way Michael Jordan was, of like, being constantly looking for a reason to be aggrieved. Yeah, yeah. But without any of the talent. Yeah, I need literal personal stakes in everything. You know what? My father is the Michael Jordan of being an alcoholic and a everything. You know what?

My father is the Michael Jordan of being an alcoholic and a mechanic. That's what he's good. A drunk mechanic. He's jiffy lubed up. Anyway, he, I realized that like I always look down on that. Maybe look down as the wrong word.

I disliked that about my father because he was just constantly, I'm saying like he's fucking dead. The guy's still around. My dad will constantly be upset about things that in my mind are not slights and are so stupid. And to the point where sometimes I think he's joking because they're so funny. Like, I remember one time after a party, he left and they still had a bunch of beer left over and they gave the beer to somebody else. And then afterwards, he was talking shit about it. Like, why didn't they save the beer and give it to me? And I was like, that's honestly a pretty good joke. Not a bit. He was genuinely upset about it. And I would always like joke about how stupid that was. And then

I realized that I do the same thing. I'm constantly looking for people to slight me or to be upset about something or for a reason that I need to improve to be better than. And then I realized that it doesn't make me any bit happier. And I get Michael Jordan's whole thing about like wanting to be the best, wanting to be better, wanting to prove everybody wrong.

But in a certain point, I just want to be fucking happy. And that doesn't help me to, it doesn't help me to be happy. I think it makes me pretty happy. I think it's the differences in which it makes you happy, versus like, I no longer care if I am the funniest person on anything. As long as I think I was funnily enough for myself. Thank you. Well, yeah, of course you're going to say that when you're at a podcast with us. Yeah. Well, it's not an enough for myself. Thank you. Well, yeah, of course you're gonna say that

when you're at a podcast with us. Yeah. Well, it's not an option for you. Yeah. Yeah. I think I would, okay, here's a great example. Recently I've started doing these shows again, called Rostbattle.

Okay. Rostbattle started initially as a show at the comedy store in Hollywood. It was a Tuesday night open mic run by Brian Moses and these two comedians got upset with each other and they wanted to fight each other physically fight each other. I don't remember who the second comedian was but one of them is Kenny Lyon for whatever that's worth. They wanted to fight each other and the host Brian Moses said we're not gonna do

that. Instead we're gonna going to play the dozens. You guys are going to go home, right? Rostroaks about each other. We'll fucking come back and then you guys will go head to head and roast each other. And then they did that. People loved it. They kept doing it. And then Rostbattle became this like underground big show.

Rail battle came on, helped them pitch it to Comedy Central. They tied Jeff Ross to it. That became like the show. It became this huge thing. Then it had like a ranking system. And now it's like this big show where you have people competing in different leagues all across the world. And there are, I would say, two types of baddlers

where there are people who really get competitive over it and want to beat other people and want to say things to rattle their opponent and be funnier than, and it is a competition for them. And they wanna be the best at it. And then there are people that I like to battle and myself where I don't care if I win or lose, as long as the show is good. I would much rather have the battle working in tandem

with my partner where everyone goes, that was the best battle of the night. How evolved the magnet in the Soviet? I mean, I've always seen, like, I've always seen that as like wrestling. Like two wrestlers, like go like in a match together, like are using each other. They know how to like put on a good show because they're like helping each other do the lifts and the bumps and they're taking, it is this choreographed, understood thing. And they're really trying to kill each other. Oh, and some death matches, you'd be like,

oh shit, he's really just putting barbed wire on the guys throughout, super bleeding. But in terms of more mainstream wrestling, it has this element of, like, this isn't about who, like, kind of wins this match. It's like, how good a show can we put on it? I think that's the mentality you're talking about. It is. And, you know, what?

Speaking of, like, being funny or then, any of the three of us, James Willems, the funhouse, the comedy powerhouse, he will do this thing that is so amazing to watch, where if you go, go watch some fun house videos and you'll see him do this, where he knows that you have the perfect opportunity to make a joke. And he will just fucking lay it up for you. He will be the perfect. He will play the straight man and set you perfectly up for that.

I mean, that's what all of the let's plays for Achievement of War for that. Yeah, I think that's what all of the Let's Plays for Achievement Hunter were. For years, it was just like trying to direct a group of people and then tee them up to allow them to shine or to be funny or to give them these moments while also trying to choreograph this whole thing. I always loved that part of it. It was kind of like directing a play. If you looked it that way and if you were paying attention and you recognized that this dumb GTA video

was doing has to have a beginning in the middle and end and has to go somewhere and there's six people in the video and you want to give everybody equal time to be funny and let them shine and you want to set them up for success. But while still move this thing along and still have it be cohesive and make sense and still tie it up in a bow at the end. And I always thought that until it became like an albatross

around my neck and I want to fucking kill myself every time I did it, I loved that part of it. It was such a wonderful ballet. It was a wonderful ballet, it really was. And I always felt like Howard Stern in that moment, you know, and I had to do that and play that role. And James does that very well. It's officially time to kickstart holiday shopping. And that also means it's time to start worrying

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time. Wow, what? Try it, risk free now with a 30-day money back guarantee. Thanks to NordVPN for sponsoring our show. Thank you, NordVPN. Tell us. I recognize it's a character flaw, but it's like one that I don't mind that I have.

Which one? I just wanna be funnier or better in any situation. I don't think it's a character flaw. It's motivation, and if I don't have it, I don't know what I would do. I think that, so one of the, you know, fuck me for doing this. Bernie Mac has that great moment on Oprah, right?

Or he had. Yeah, yeah, and now he's fucking dead. Yeah, he's dead. And now everyone's better than Bernie Mac, because we're still a lot better. Yeah, yeah. Bernie Mac had that great moment on Oprah talking about how you can never compete.

Bernie Mac's trying to be the best Bernie Mac. You can't compete with anybody else. And I feel like we live right now in a day and age where everyone, the way that they react on social media, like, you're just seeing people win and win and win and win. And it's really hard to have a clear vision of what the actual playing field is. And so you're living in the best time to be angry and spiteful I like have a clear vision of what the actual playing field is.

And so you're living in the best time to be angry and spiteful and meeting to be better than somebody else. Yeah. So I get what you're doing, but I also, I think for me is like, first of all, I think we create different types of stuff where like I don't necessarily want to be a podcaster forever, and I don't think you do either.

Contrary to all evidence. I'm pretty into it. Sure. I realized it took me many, many years to realize, and I mentioned it earlier, but all I've ever really wanted to do was be Howard Stern and podcaster, the way to do that in 2020.

Sure. Yeah, really. Actually, the moment you said that right now, ever, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I don't, I wanna be clear is that like, I think podcasts are great. I think they're really fun. I've had so much fun just having this conversation with

the media for a conversation. Yeah, yeah. I personally wanna make like a TV movies. And also that's what I want. Any of that shit anymore. I really don't know. I know. I've seen. I've seen the TV and movies that you guys have produced. So I wouldn't either.

Jesus Christ. You've seen what a work capable of. Yeah. Which is funny. I don't know. Never mind. I was going to be too mean for a second. It wasn't that mean.

I was just going to say you look like fucking John Waters had a crack addiction. It wasn't that mean. I was just gonna say you look like fucking John Waters had a crack addiction. It's fine. I would take that as a huge cut. I'm the big John Waters. I mean, John, the fucking man. For a year, I meant the bone structure. Yeah.

No, I got that healthy John Waters power. Yeah. I think you are. For Halloween, you should do like the pencil thin must have 100%. 100%. I saw him perform live like maybe 10 years ago. Really?

One of the most entertaining dudes. Oh yeah. I saw him at Paramount. Made of charisma. Yeah, pure charisma. Pure charisma. And I'm like, this guy made desperate living Jesus. He's so eloquent and well spoken and clever and just and

enigmatic and then you're like, and you're like, oh, and he also, he put shit in the box. Yep. Yeah. I think you are one of the most interesting people to listen to talk. And so I really enjoy like, thank you. I have been listening to, well, I've been trying to get more

into fuckface because I've seen like everyone talking about it. The problem is that like, this is not a slide on you or fuckface. It's just with podcasts as a medium, is that I usually listened to them when I was in LA traffic. Yeah, and now you're not. No, because everything in Austin is 20 minutes away,

which is also 20 miles, and it's actually pretty nice. It's the biggest hurdle to success, and I shouldn't, I mean, I honestly fuckface is successful, it's a pretty successful podcast. Pretty successful brand for us. But the biggest hurdle that I've had for success is converting video game fans

who wanna watch us play Minecraft into podcast fans. And like I was talking, I was lamenting this a couple of weeks ago in another podcast, but I went to a concert recently, this band called Clown Core. And it's what you would think it is. It's like hardcore, but like they play Clown music. And it's insane, it's off the wall.

It's like weird and all that stuff. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do 15 kids came up to me to say they loved Achievement Hunter and I was he did the most wonderful spills and it all boils down to you used to be really important to me. And I'm like, oh my God, thank you so much. And every one of those I always try to, I always try to re convert them back into the fold, right? I'm like, oh, I'm so glad you listened for the time that you did. You sounds like you're in a different place in your life right now. I'm not really playing video games either. Maybe you should try my podcast. I do three different podcasts. If you loved the energy or the anarchic tone of achievement, we have that in this podcast that you called Fuckface. You'll absolutely love it.

And I think all 15 of those kids, I get the same thing. I go, yeah, that's not really my thing. Well, yeah, I can walk away. And you're like, you're fucking pitching yourself to sober jugalos. Yeah. That was nobody sober there. Yeah.

But what's that Jeff? Yeah, you were like, give me the chip. You just, I can't. I was sober. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was at a concert. There was definitely, I was drinking Diet Coke so all night long.

That's another thing about fancy restaurants. So the restaurants too fancy that I don't have Diet Coke if they don't have Diet Coke, I'm fucked. Because then I'm like, what do you have this non-alcoholic? And they're like, we have water. And you're like, we have sparkling water with my steak. But it's just like, it is such a,

and I've talked to people after who have come back and they've been like, you know, I finally did, it took me a long time, but I finally did listen to a podcast, and I found out, I love podcasts now. I had no idea. I think there's so many people out there that would love podcasts. They just don't understand that they would love them I had to I have a friend who I've recently gotten into fuckface. He's about my age. He's older

He'd never heard a podcast before and I never asked him to listen to it We just play video games together and one night he goes Yeah, I think about checking out one of your podcasts and I was like, oh, that'd be awesome if you want to cool. Thanks, man And he goes he goes how do I do that? And I go what do you mean? He's like, I don't how about checking out one of your podcasts. And I was like, oh, that'd be awesome if you want to. Cool. Thanks, man. And he goes, he goes, how do I do that? And I go, what do you mean? He's like, I don't, how do I get a pot? How do I get the buy? I don't know why, do I buy the, do I buy the,

do I go to the podcast store? You know, and you're like, you get a zoom. Oh, I had to explain it. It's so much easier than people realize. We do it like Netflix. I place a mail order. You send me the episode. It's like, do you have a phone?

Congrats. I, it is three episode. It's like, do you have a phone? Congrats. I, it is three steps. It's like three clicks. We're having this conversation on a podcast, so it's not gonna playing an episode of fuck Like a call a note. See I've heard that no you it's a phone number you call and then they're just playing They might be trying she used to do it. They had the dial a song right you'd call every day They'd post a new song and you dial the number and you get listen to the new they might be trying to song

That's that fucking rocks and you dial the number and you get to listen to the new, they might be your hands on. That's sick as hell. That fucking rocks. I don't know that. Honestly, yeah, dial it call in and I'm just, I was playing a random RDP episode. Yeah, well, yeah, we can get in on it,

but it's a little more of a, I don't know, I'm trying to get in on the fuck face, Tristan. On the figure, yeah, okay. I'm trying to jump shit to a more successful show. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, it's, yeah. Yeah, and you know, it's Apple stuff. It just to be clear, there's no path there for you.

That's good, yeah. Yeah, yeah, man, I do, again, not super interested in doing podcasts like Forever, Forever. I like doing them, which I don't know, I do two of them that are pretty good. I mean, that's how I found that about you was because I was a fan of your cult podcast. Thank you again. Yeah, we talked about it. We did, I think. The live show. Which is super fun. I like that show, especially because it's like

it's got a topic and it means that I have a purpose to do it. I've, I know that this seems very like counterintuitive to what we've just done here, especially because I've had such a great time talking with y'all, but I love doing a show where I'm just supposed to show up and not like just riff on something because like I like having a purpose for being there. I, I agree with you. Yeah, I agree with you.

And I'll say a couple of years ago, and I do comedy very differently now than I used to, and I think the podcasts, I don't know, fuck. My work in podcasts probably benefits from it. A couple of years ago, maybe five or six years ago now, I did a documentary with about Nick Scarpino called Waiting for the Punchline,

where I just, I thought, you know, Nick from kind of funny. I thought that his, his path to becoming a comedian was so fascinating to me because he was a guy who has an incredibly successful brand and kind of funny, who could literally just post to their social and have 500 people show up any night of the week to, to see his stand up, but he was going around and doing open mics. Three or four a night, six nights a week, driving around in his car, around San Francisco, doing shows to like fucking three people because he wanted to do it the right way and he wanted to come up the right way and he wanted the respect of the other comedians around him. And he did that. And I was so fascinated by that that I went to Rooster Heath when we used to do documentaries

and I said, we've got to do a documentary on this guy. This is really interesting what he's doing. He's not taking shortcuts when he could and he probably should. And I think that there's something really beautiful in that. And I think that that's a really interesting story. And the way they worked it out was they said, you can do it, we'll do it,

but you have to participate in it and like he'll mentor you and make you do stand up. And so in that process, I had to do that and I'd never done stand up before and Nick taught me about sitting down and writing and preparing. And since that documentary, I have written and prepared everything I've done.

I'm laughing. Even this, all of this, everything you've heard today has been. We've been on telepropters. Yes. The reason I'm laughing is just because you were like, he was doing this, it's such an interesting story. this guy going to open mics and performing for a very useful. No, okay, he's already success. No, I know what you mean.

I'm not leveraging it. I've already got an audience. He doesn't have to do that and he's doing it the right way. I understand what you mean and that you are 100% correct. And also, that is the way to do it when like, this is stupid. It didn't, okay. The guy who does a Fred, Fred Figglesworth, Fred Figglesworth, that guy would show up to Open mics in LA

and he wouldn't do the Fred thing. He was just genuinely trying to like do stand up. And when he first showed up around because comedians are assholes, we treated him like shit. But then once we realized that this guy's like sticking around and we- He's coming back every fucking night. Yeah, he's fucking putting the work in,

and then you get the respect. And so like I was laughing because it's just funny to me to hear like, it's such an interesting story that he's doing these terrible awful things and it's like, yeah. But also, I agree that one one it's so sick to see somebody not take the shortcuts when they make them yeah, especially Considering like especially in that era of YouTube when it's like every YouTube Celebrity had decided they were a comedian. Yeah, and was like oh, I'm gonna do a tour now and there's for I'm playing with thousand

Yeah, and I've never done comedy before and I can just like I just But the transitive property of just humanity. I can feel every real comedian who has come up the way you and all of your you know Just going like I'm gonna fucking kill this guy. I just want to fucking murder him sleep He doesn't deserve this. He didn't do any of the work. He hasn't done. I mean sure he's got an audience But he didn't do anything he doesn't deserve this, he didn't do any of the work, he hasn't done, I mean, sure, he's got an audience, but he didn't do anything, he doesn't, it doesn't translate to this what I'm doing, which is very different, which is why I was very reticent to even consider myself a comedian for many, many years, because it felt that's in some way disrespect for what stand-ups do.

But there's different kinds of comedy, and I've reconciled that. But I just, I just think it's interesting when people want to do something the right way and they don't have to because so many people Especially in our industry are looking to take shortcuts. Oh my god. Yeah, if there was I mean, yeah, it's pretty it's pretty astounding that like to truly like, you know, I Respect to somebody who already has an audience who doesn't leverage it for yeah a short cut to like Doing stand up because yeah, there's no, because also, just me, if you like actually wanna do stand up

for the love of stand up, or like wanna do, you know, some kind of comedy performance for the love of the game and you have, and you could tweet like, hey, I'm doing a show at this club, and like all your like hyper fans are there, you will never get better. You will never get a genuine reaction.

They'll pop for like almost anything you say, anything will never get better. You will never get a genuine reaction. They'll pop for almost anything you say, anything you bit you do. You'll never know if this is a quality joke or a quality bit. And so I imagine if you're not a sociopath or have some modicum of self-awareness that any of those laughs that you get with essentially bought audience,

just turn to ash in your mouth. And on some level, you would hope if you again had any kind of humanity, it would for me. I know that that would for me. If I could leverage an audience that way, I would get like, even if they were on fire, I'd be like, nah, this is all false gains. The way of like every year at RTX,

they do the comedy night. Yeah, I used to do it. And I wish I could have seen that. And I genuinely mean that just because I'm always interested at what everyone's take on standup is. You know what I mean? Because you're right, in that standup comedy is a different form of comedy.

I would consider most people here a comedian, but I would consider standup comedy to be like, in my opinion, I think it's like the highest form of comedy because there is nothing else. It's just you. I agree. And it's also like, it's everything. You know, it's like, how do you perform it?

How do you say it? How do you think it? How do you write it? And it's just, it's so interesting the different ways the different takes comedians have on how to approach it from like a Dave Chappelle who will go up and riff for six hours straight. Versus like a Jerry Seinfeld

who is so meticulous with how he designs and plans a joke, you know, and they're like entirely different schools of thought, but they're both incredibly successful in their own way. And it's a fascinating to see how people tackle the medium. Yeah, you know. And I, to your credit of not wanting to take the shortcuts and to your point, Andrew, of those things

turning to ash in your mouth when you're using that, ability is like the comedy night, I would say, jokes aside, and you can do one after I say it, I would say that I'm a very good, I'm good at standup. I absolutely agree with you. Well, now I'm mad that you weren't mean to me, but whatever. Anyway.

No, but like, I'm very good at stand up. And stand up is like, that's like me playing a home game. And so when I go up there, it's not like, I'm not nervous. Also, I don't need to fucking prepare anything. Like James Willems, super fucking funny. It'll hilarious, dude. Still had to go out of his comfort zone

to prepare standup jokes. I don't have to do that. I can just go, oh yeah, I'll pull 15 minutes from the fucking hour I have it, and I'll just do that. And then I end up only doing eight because it's such a home crowd that they're laughing at setups

because they're just excited that you're there. Yeah. It's an exhibition match. Yeah, that's it. It's like fun. It's hitting dingers. It's a ton of fun, but yeah. You're going to be the fucking Harlem Globetrouters

where you're just like, they're so excited to see you that the premises of your jokes are getting laughs. Yeah. And as a stand up, especially as one that's done the work and done the stuff and you realize that that's not normal. There is a bit of you that feels like, okay, this year we had two shows for the RTX comedy night. And the first show I was batting a thousand,

I felt fucking great. It felt like to have one of those shows where everything goes right and you feel great. It was awesome. The second show that we had when it was an almost exact repeat of people like laughing at the setups There's a part of your brain that goes shut the shut up shut up That wasn't funny and you know it wasn't funny. I haven't even been funny yet. Yeah, which the comments would agree pretty thoroughly through

Yeah, I don't know I think it's like I also think having done it just. I think it's like, I also think having done it just enough, I think it's incredibly difficult. It is, but it's also like a, it's a learned skill. And also, it's a 10,000, I mean, anything is a 10,000 hour skill, right? And I think probably why I didn't approach, like continue it and try to like expound upon it and do it more often is I you learn I you learn with every production you do everything you do I've learned over time

Going back to the Howard Stern thing all I want to do is talk to dudes with beards around it at the end of the day. It's like what up boils down to is like me and a couple dudes with beards talking about shit and trying to be conversationaly funny. Yeah. You know, I find people that are off the cuff conversationaly funny to be, that is my, that's the pinnacle to me. Somebody who can just sit down and what appears to be effortlessly just riff off of whatever you guys are saying and play off the crowd or whoever is in the room, I think it's wild to me.

And that's all I really want to do, which is why I podcast. I don't care about that. I just want to talk to people with my phones. You want to call it radio, call it whatever you want, but this is the most fun thing on earth to me. Just having this conversation. Jeff wants to be in the green room of the comedy show. Like, you wanna be with the comics backstage who are just riffing and bullshitting, and laughing and stuff,

or smoking out back after the show. That's its own, that's a fun business. That yes and no, because I know that like one of the worst parts about comedians, myself and probably Andrew included, is that we're always looking for the bit. And so it becomes a hard time to have a conversation. This episode has been one where we sort of pull it back a little bit, because we know that you like conversational, you know, this is, we, we tailored this episode to you.

And I appreciate it. And by the way, you're right. I don't want to do bits. I just want to. This is what I like to do. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what we're doing because like, uh, honestly, that's what we've made the best

episode, which again goes into the like planning of it where we, uh, a little peek behind the curtain, something that got cut out as we talked with the producer a second, took it to be like, yeah, we won't do an RT cares for this one or an always on, half because it's a pre-record, but also half because like, this just flows better, you know? Yeah.

And so what gets difficult, and I learn this when I started working for a fun house, is that like, it's difficult for comedians stand-ups especially to just be real with each other because the moment you get real, you turn back into that kid watching another kid's mocha cigarette in high school where they're like, it's just gay.

Why am I gonna be honest with you? That's weird. Why do you wanna get to know me? It's weird. I think it's a delicate balancing act because like one of my absolute favorite things is having just like really good, riffy fun conversation.

But I've definitely also had the original four loco formula of that, which is like a bunch of comedians who can't turn it off and it becomes unbearable. Because it's a bunch of people vying for the funniest bit, like actively rather than just being like in a conversation that just kind of flows and is naturally funny, it's just like, like again, it's a delicate balancing act

because you want to be like, you want it to have like that crackle and that pop and the energy of like a fun conversation with funny people, but like, at a certain point, it's just like, God, this fucking unbearable, so exhausting, because everyone's just like, too on. Which is something that I can be repulsed by after a few minutes. Yeah, it's hard.

It's try doing a podcast with you if you can do it. No, I'm the one who does it. Uh. It is hard to turn off. Yeah. Yeah. I have that problem a lot. Yeah.

I was talking about that last night after leaving the break show in Malina, we're driving home and I get, I get, I get jittery. Yeah. If I'm like on and it's hard to, even to this day, 48 years in, to my life and more than 20 years into this career, I have a real hard time coming down from a thing. I would rather roll, like, I'm going to leave this, I'm going to go home and I'm going to go ride my bike and I'm going to work on saw. But I would rather leave this and go directly to the next microphone and just keep it rolling because none of

this. Yeah, it's the juice. Yeah, I'm in this juicy moment and I just like, I don't know how to turn it off and I'd rather not. I mean, I struggle with it too a lot where like, my partner gets upset with me sometimes because, and this has been like an ongoing thing with multiple different partners where like, I just like to work. I just wanna go, do stand up all the time and then come in and do a podcast

and then write a script and then do something at work. I just wanna be working. And I spend every, I mean, like Andrew will tell you, right, is that like when we're not doing this, we're also talking about like other stuff we wanna do or like making music or like making other art because we've had to gamify our interest in making stuff into turning it into hobbies.

Like where we're in making stuff into turning it into hobbies, like where we're just making stuff for another facet of our app. I can calm down. Completely commiserate with y'all. I'm at a point in my career, and I've been very intentional to try to do less and less stuff and try to like, I don't say retire, but sort of like really reduce the amount of output. I've released way too many videos

and way too much content. And to be more intentional about what I do and to do less and less and less, yet, even though that is prevalent in my thoughts at all times, I still am spinning up new podcasts left and right, I can't stop making new ones. I can't fucking stop. I'm so miserable right now because I started so all right,

a third podcast and now I have three to do a week and I love doing it, but it's like, I did it to myself again. I keep doing it this thing where I can't, enough is never enough for me. I have three to do a week and I love doing it, but it's like, I did it to myself again. I keep doing it this thing where I can't, enough is never enough for me. I have to keep making new shit. I keep having ideas or like another thing and I wanna, I have to come up with another outlet

to do it and I just, it's, like you said, you love to work. I would agree except that none of this is work to me. It is all work, but it's, because it's physically it's work, but it's like, it's more of a compulsion to me. It is all work, because it's physically it's work, but it's more of a compulsion to me. Sure. Anything else. I can't stop.

If I wasn't doing this for a living, I'd still be doing this. I feel like, I can't remember. It was like, you were a griff that gave me shit. Because I'm a griff. I was like, right. I paint, I make music, I'm learning a new instrument right now. I'm very productive in various art forms, right?

All this kind of stuff. I was like, ask me, what'd you do over the weekend? It's like, I just kept it pretty chilled and really do anything. I finished a couple of paintings and I worked on some music. So what you're taking it easy is being productive. It's like, yeah. So yeah, that's taking it easy as being productive. It's like, yeah. Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

That's taking it easy. Yeah. Speaking of the Europe thing that we talked about earlier, after RTX 2022, I went to Europe for a month, and that's when I went to Paris. I went there to do a stand-up tour. I was doing stand-up at least one show where I was doing like 30 minutes

every single night and that was the most relaxed I had ever been. How did you find your comedy translated to a European audience? It took a while to find the translate but the thing is about European audiences that go to American or at least English comedy shows as most of them are American expats or people who speak English and they're also obsessed with American culture. So they understand a lot of references. It's funny the stuff that they don't get, like they don't understand anything about cholos and I have a joke where I talk about teardrop tattoos

and people would laugh but they laughed weird. And you can always tell like, but they know it's funny but they don't know why. Yeah, yeah. And so the third time I asked somebody like, what does that mean? Well, like on stage, or on stage asking, I'm like, what is a tear drop tattoo? And they go, it's like, um, because, uh, because you are cry, you know, it's, it's, it's funny because, you know, you're crying and, uh, and that, but you want to forget to

be inside, but you have it in the torments you, that you cry. And I go, that's beautiful, but no fucking idiot. You fucking care of someone's ass. You stupid bitch. Take those Cortes shoes off. And then I robbed it. Yeah. And then I added a teardrop.

But my point being is that like, yeah, it's not work because I got to, I love this quote so fucking much that I talk about it all the time, but like, Bukowski, right, has read everything he's ever written. Yeah. He's even all, even all this poetry, which I'm not the biggest fan of. Hey, poetry is fucking fine, but Bukowski has on his gravestone, don't try, which is the whole thing behind it being, you know, that like, to the writer, to Bikowski, it's not that he did this stuff because he wanted fame or because it was work

or because he wanted any of these exterior like motivators that most people have for doing stuff. It's because the true artist, you know, you don't try, you have to do it. Yeah. It doesn't matter what you're doing, like you have to do it. And like, that's a very romantic way of thinking about it. Doesn't matter what you're doing like you have to do it. And like, that's a very romantic way of thinking about it. And it eliminates this idea or it suggests that we don't get tired from doing it. But I feel like you, me, Andrew, and a lot of people here are very similar in that, like, I can't not do this. Bernie and I used to talk about that a lot back in the early days. Like, when we were, it'd be like three in the morning and we were just fucking exhausted and

trying to get a shot in RVB or whatever and he would be like, you know, in another life, we'd still be doing this in some way. Like, no matter what we would always talk about, like no matter, we put ourselves in a different environment, put ourselves in a different setting and they're like, no, we're always, like, we always find our way back to this.

Like us being miserable and exhausted at three in the morning because it's tiring as it is, this creative thing that we're doing is fueling our entire beings. And we don't have a choice, you know? And it's the thing that I've got, I don't know. I don't want to talk too much shit and or make anyone think anything bad, but it's the reason why I've had arguments

with now executives before who have complained about the schedules and stuff they had. We had a conversation with somebody there like you're putting too much time and we used to do cold opens for the schedules and stuff they had. We had a conversation with somebody there, you're putting too much time, we used to do cold opens for the show, a sketch. They complained about all the time that we put into it, and it was like, you're killing yourself to do this thing, and it's like, you're wrong, I'm not killing myself,

because if I didn't do this, I'd wanna kill myself. There's, this is the working, this is keeping the gun in the drawer. You gotta understand. Like people would be, people would be sort of upset because I would like stay here at the office until 11.59 to like edit this thing and then, and I would be like, no, I love doing that.

That's like, it brings me so much joy to when I'm done with it to show it off and be like, we did it. We did that thing. I if I'm awake, I'm working. Yeah. In the sense that I'm thinking or creating or writing down something or planning something for this company and for content in some way. Yeah, yeah, in great snow. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's just like it is what it is. At some point it's muscle memory, right? Like you're not even trying, you realize, like, oh, did I just spend three hours working out this joke?

Oh, I guess I did. I thought I was having fun on a Saturday. I guess I am having fun on a Saturday. I guess this is all I wanna do. I guess this is who I am. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's the only thing, speaking of which, before I forget, because we gotta start wrapping up here.

But speaking of preparing stuff for having guests on, we did prepare one thing that we won't get to do. But I think that I want to pitch it to you as a potential idea for, for so all right. Okay. Because I fell down this rabbit hole recently. Have you, you, you're familiar with John F. Kennedy? Yes. Right? Yeah, he's dead. You knew that, right? Yeah. Okay. Good. A lot of people don't. It's true. A lot of people don't, he's dead. You knew that, right? Yeah. Okay, good. A lot of people don't. A lot of people don't think he's dead.

Yeah, well, no, they don't know. Well, there's a lot of people that are just asking questions, but there are a lot of people that think he is the vice president still. Yeah. Well, still. They think he is the vice president. Well, then there's just an equal amount of people who think that his son faked his death and will take his rightful place as president.

Okay. No, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we'll take his rightful place. Is that the president? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no people who believe that John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Joe DiMaggio. Yeah. Yeah. And it's I love this idea that like all of the conspiracies are tied to celebrities. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's always like Tina Fey's really a man. And you like, well, even if that were true, who cares? Yeah? Why would that matter? How does that in any way change your daily life? Or is that in any way a change who's present? Yeah, exactly. But the idea, so like, is the consensus

around the conspiracy, because you told me this beforehand too. Like, is the sort of like prevailing theory within this conspiracy theory that because Marilyn Monroe, fuck, uh, John F Kennedy. Mary, he's married to Joe, married to Joe Demagio for nine months, but also I gave that sloppy top to, uh, Robert and dad, who then lost his top. Yeah. It was very sloppy.

So then Joe Demagio killed him and then they covered it up because it was too much of a... So I'll speedrun it. It was too important to speedrun it. I'll speedrun it for you, but also just everything in Joe Demaggio's life is so interesting. While researching this, fell down another rabbit hole of learning

about how statistically improbable his hit streak was and how it won't ever happen again. Like it's not only is it damn near a statistical and probability the first time, but now with the changes to baseball, just insane shit. I don't even fucking like baseball. That's how interesting that shit is.

The idea behind the conspiracy is that Joe DiMaggio, famous baseball player, Jolton Joe, played for the Yankees, and he started in 41, had the hit streak in 43, right? And then, or no. Yeah, I think so. And then went to, and then around 40, no, I think the hit streak was later.

Anyway, in 43, no, I can't remember it. I think he started in 36. Doesn't matter, I'm getting the dates fucked up. He played, he got the Yankees to win. They were the first team to win four world series in a row. He helped them do that. And then he went to World War II. He enlisted in the military and was part of the Air Force.

And that's part of the conspiracy is that like, oh, he's a veteran. Oh, he has access to these like insane weapons. Like, oh, he also got really into hunting and like, they trained him to be like a murder machine. The truth is Joe Demagio was playing exhibition matches with other baseball players. And that they ate so well that they all gained 10 pounds in the military. Yeah. They they tell you the you get this idea that everybody that joins the military is some sort of like trained killer, right, who you can like turn on, like by giving me a copy of Capture on the Rye and suddenly they're like lost us as a president.

And they give you all the super soldier serum and you know, yeah, the reality is they teach you and my drill sergeant leveled with me when I was in basic training, they teach you exactly enough and my drill sergeant leveled with me when I was in basic training, they teach you exactly enough about fighting to get your ass kicked in a bar. To think that you know what you're doing, so that you go and you just get this shit beat out of your bar.

Absolutely. Brinced. And that's it. And you, like, even shooting guns, like I shot guns all the time in the army, but you're not, like, you're just shooting at them 16. You're not, you're not, there's not that much importance just on it when, right.

Jeff, can I hit you with a random phrase? Sure. Green Britz, Schlitterbond. I have to go now must kill John Lennon. Yeah. So Joe, the Maggio supposed to super killer. Yeah. but truly just slightly chubby Yankees player. Gets back, he meets Marilyn Monroe, they quote unquote fall in love, they have a horrible relationship. Joe DiMaggio, real abusive piece of shit. She was very unlucky in love too. Oh yeah.

It, you know, so their relationship was so bad. You know that famous photo of her getting the skirt blown up. And she said, yeah. So that was when they were married or at least dating and what immediately followed that was Joe Demaggio fucking screaming at Marilyn Monroe moments after that happened and apparently the conversation like turns violent. Joe Demaggio, according to himself, in love with Marilyn.

After she died, what was it like? Does it always fit? On August 5th, 1962, by the way. Yeah, that's the day she died. 525. 525. And then Kennedy is what? It's November 22nd, 1963.

I don't know, because there wasn't a misfit song about that. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah, you're forgetting the black flag one. You'll kill JFK. Anyway, sends like over 18,000 roses to her grave over the rest of his life is also convinced

that the Kennedys had her killed. That's like a huge part of it. Because a lot of people think that, right? Yeah, but he specifically thought so because she had evidence that pin that they were trying to work with the mafia to have Castro killed so that the mafia could take over the casinos in Cuba and also solve the problems of Cuba with JFK. Despite the fact that JFK was very lenient on Cuba and that whole shit. And so the story goes is that Joe DiMaggio was on a hunting trip

while Kennedy was in Dallas, but actually he went to Dallas, used his military know-how to get his hands on a high-tech rifle, shot John F. Kennedy, and then was so scared by what he had done. He threw his gun on the floor, which caused the magic bullet that everyone talks about. That's my favorite. Is the idea that the magic bullet came from Joe Demazio going,

ah! Yeah. And then immediately found a secret service agent, admitted it, and then Lyndon Johnson, right? Yes, yeah. Lyndon Johnson realized that a hero, an American hero, shuts out Mrs. Robinson, killing another American hero would be too much for the public to stand so they covered it up so that Joe Demagio wouldn't have to face any time

for the crimes that he committed. You know what they call it? You know what they call it, Dicca Johnson, because of LBJ? Yeah, because it's dead. Yeah, it's named after his big dick. Yeah, so like when you, somebody refers to it as their Johnson,

you're literally referring to it as LBJ. Yeah, that's because LBJ had an apology for it. LBJ had like a tenage dick. Yeah, he was like, apparently he would take it out to intimidate people like in meeting her and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Which is so funny, it is so funny to have a guy

that looks like in Lyndon Bans Johnson to just be like hung to the knee. It's so funny. Even funnier to me is have the words B.J. in your name and everything. I'm gonna end this. I just love the etymology of those things. Yeah, people refer to Dixas Johnson's there,

all over the world, and nobody has any idea of why. Yeah, it's because of a president. Is this Johnson? Yeah. Anyway, fucking Marilyn Monroe's lover, the old John F. Kennedy. The thing about conspiracy theories that, I mean, there's so much fun.

It's so exciting to want to think that people are lying to you. It's larping. Yeah, it's larping, right? There's some sort of a secret truth, but the reality is, and I think you discover that it's the older you get, most people are just pretty incompetent and just hanging on.

Yes. And that people aren't that smart. Yes. And people aren't capable of, most people can, most people can't handle self-check out at the grocery store. Yeah, much less keep a world-destroying secret.

A world-destroying secret, yeah. That hundreds of people would have to know. Yes. And speaking of people being incompetent and not smart or able to run an organization, we've been the rooster teeth podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm Armando. I'm Andrew.

Hello. And if you want to listen to more of Jeff, you can go listen to Anima, which stands for Anarchy, Me Anything. You can go listen to, so all right. You can also listen to a fuck, which stands for Anarchy Me Anything. You can go listen to So All Right, and you can also listen to Fuckface. Please do. Watch all of the many things that the Fuckface brand is doing, including the Let's Play channel. The Fuckface Break Shows. And then the upcoming season of Red vs. Blue, right? You're in that too? I'm told I'm in that. I just did my last round of lines for the third time. There is a, hey, don't tell him this by the way,

because I know you two are still fucking pals. Don't tell Matt about this, but there's a chance. We are definitely still pals. There's a chance that we snuck in a thing from an old cold open where we had a guy taking a shit and we kept calling taking a shit dropping slop because we thought it was the funniest way to say it. Yeah, it's good.

And Matt asked me to riff something when I was doing a voice for the show and I I used the phrase drop and slop and he thought it was really funny and said, oh, we're going to have to add that in. So there's a chance that we got fucking drop and slop into Red Vs. Blu-Sau is. Yeah, and it is. Is this you announcing that you're in the new season of Red Vs. Blu? I am such a non-important character.

I think my character has a, like, number two. Next to that fucking name. Ha, ha, ha. It is. Guy who gets crushed by Wardhawk number two. Yeah, it's not a, this is not an announcement. I, uh, to be non-funny and really serious for a second. I'm very excited for that to come out.

Yeah. Because I think Bernie wrote a really beautiful story. And I think that he tied it up and ended it very well. And I thought it was very poignant. And I, I'll be, I like, 100% honesty, I made me cry when I read it. Wow. I read it all the way through three times. I made me cry the first time. So I didn't cry the third time. I'm tough. I'm like when I read it. Wow. I read it all the way through three times. I made me cry the first time.

So I didn't cry the third time. I'm tough. I'm like, I'm fine. It was, it's a weird thing to see like the end of a story that we started 22 years ago that has been such a huge part of my life. A much smaller part of my life these last 12 years or so. It was definitely front loaded, but still,

it's just like, it's the reason I'm here. Yeah. It is I have this career and it just like it's wild to see it finally. Kind of have a bow. Yeah, I have its bow. Yeah, exactly. I'm really excited for it. I hope people like it as much as I liked being a part of it until they turn it over to us the next year and then we get a ruin And then yeah, and then yeah, we can drive it into the ground. Episode 201, drop and slap. Thank you so much for joining us, Jeff. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.

All right, everybody, we'll see you next week. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Eat a plate of beige. Yeah.