Rooster Teeth Podcast - The D**k Pic Disaster - #353

Episode Date: December 8, 2015

RT Discusses Sex Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers will learn that an Anthony Mackie comes a new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-octane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motormouth outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland. If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church. Twisted metal, streaming now now only on peacock Hey Welcome to a brand new RT podcast. I guess they're all brand new at one point. Yeah, oh

Brandon I guess they're all brand new at one point. Yeah. This is Brandon. This is Blaine. Josh, you're supposed to say, I want to go last because it's important. I'm Chris. And this is podcast virgin Josh. With your back in front of you, Brandon. Oh, shh, dammit. Oh, fuck.

There was a pizza and the thingy and then the this thing. You just slam, hey, can you stop punching the microphone, Brandon? This is your pizza is really disgusting Two seconds two seconds ago. There was a pizza like I was alive and I'm like I must throw it not my pizza then whose pizza is that I don't know this Episode of the podcast is brought to you by stance and Casper, thank you so much to our sponsors for making this possible and

Yeah, they are. Touchstone goodness. What are we going to talk about? I can not believe that was so us is going to mad. Why are you dressed like Avril Levine? Well here's the thing besides being a big Avril fan. I was really inspired. There was a guy who came on the podcast once.

I forget it as like Wayne Nibson something like that and he He showed up on a suit and I think everyone watching was like wow that guy is an asshole And so I thought I would emulate that tonight, but like I'm actually I'm admission I'm too fat to fit in my suit, so I could only wear the jacket, but fuck you Josh All right, you go into this whole thing and you're you're already banged for the pity You're like oh too fat. Oh, I'm gonna try a bus. Yeah, you're trying to that's blane stick. You're trying to pit The audience against me. Yeah already Are you know? Hey, can I quote you from just like 10 minutes ago? I if I can remember the quote I think the quote was it's not fair because you're gonna pick on me in the podcast Yes, and it's gonna fair because you're going to pick on me in the podcast. Yes. And it's going to be the homeless man

making fun of the good looking attractive. Yeah, the likeable one likable person. The handsome one. It's going to be me against the the poor homeless veteran, you know, like Oh, boohoo Josh. What can I do you enjoy body shaming people? No, is that a hobby? No, because I used to be fat. Oh, that's right Yeah, so don't believe in that now you're on the you're the waiter of fitness now. I'm bringing the audience back to my side now Like oh blinnie's a success story look at him Lens side dial 4242 pound Blaine tell me stories to make me pity you yeah, I got ditched a prom Blaine tell me stories to make me pity you yeah, I got ditched a prom

You didn't yes, it did oh Yeah, that's where I lost weight that's before you got in shape. Yeah, how did it so I got the promise prom date in school Because I was funny. I got her on personality. Oh believe her not because I don't have a person on now So I ran every day leading up till prom to lose all the weight and then we got to the dance and she fucking ditched me. But I was like, you know what? She just, you were like, you know, by the dance and she just was gone. She's gone. So I didn't get her off.

So she wanted the credit, the PR being like the girl who brought Blaine and her. Yeah. But then she wanted to go off and yeah, she ended up like being in some do-later that day, that night. Yeah. So what did you do? I mean, I mean I still like you know I dance with other people I had I saw a good time I wasn't gonna let it get me down because I was feeling really good because I was starting to get in shape with that what was

her line did she just walk out like there was no fucking line we walked in she's like I'm gonna go get a drink okay cool and then just like rest of the night so and did you do the full blown prom night that is you to the dinner before and okay so there might have been a reason why she did ditch me. Okay. No, no, no, okay. So the reason was we yes We did the whole thing we do the the awkward fucking photos with the goddamn corsage the parents and all that shit We go out to dinner, you know dinner's great. Okay, and I do this like little stick whenever I get a girl in my car I'm like all right. You're the DJ in the navigator. So like here's here's the phone You can do that and you can play whatever music you want. Okay, you know, so in my car. I'm like, all right, you're the DJ in the navigator. So like, here's the phone, you can do that,

and you can play whatever music you want. Oh, okay, you know, so students small talk and I was like, all right, you know, type in, if you can type in the direction to the place, you're like, okay, yeah, so we're like driving. And it's like 15, 20 minutes, I feel like we should have seen this place by now. I was like, I was in the map, right?

And I looked and she wasn't following the right map. She was following a purple line to some, he was like a highway And I was like, oh, that's bad. I was like, you're you're that's not where we're going and I pulled her to the side And I was like typing in and I was like, oh, this is this is awkward It's like this is this is where you hear about like people getting killed or you know She's required and I was like And we ended up getting there. She's just she's gone. It's a mystery. Good thing she was dating you for your personality

It's like you're talking to a girl and she's like oh buy me a drink you buy her and then it's like Finished that's happened before yeah, no that happens all the time. I must say we have one vote in Akramin 1996 that she would 100% rather being Josh the blame there it is So one zero each their own one of the or Akramin 96 you know keep keep yeah keep those coming maybe after you're killing your prom date in the There it is. So, one zero. Change their own. One zero. Ackerman, 96. You know, keep those coming in. Maybe after you're killing your prom date in the abandoned road, maybe you'll win some

girls back to your side. What if Blaine programmed that in his phone on purpose? And he was like, this is the kill site. I put the problem Sadly Olivia did go missing after prom. He was really You should you should bring her to the root chief Christmas party They're cool. No. Oh, it's not yes not too late. If you're out there You're gonna be no I guess I'll have girlfriends and fiance. I'm actually in a desperate rush to get a good day I can never the winter time is a bad time for me really? Yes, because I always I always feel like it's cold, it's romantic. I want to wine, I want to

dye, I want to cuddle. I want to get an album cover. But I can't find, you know, it's hard for me to find girls, you know, because like Tinder, Bumble, I don't know. But do you, do you want to get a girl like two weeks before Christmas? Because right now you're, you're gift free, you're obligation free, and you, you would, this is the, I might have a date, I might have a date I might have a date I met this girl when I was in Dallas she's losing in Los Angeles though but she said she'd be willing to fly in but I press press party geez that's a lot of pressure

on Rooster Chief Wow it's a lot of pressure on me because it's like she's here and there's like one way to now we get a prompt Party and platter prom So I don't know if I'm gonna do that Do you go play putter? You should go with you got I always like the girls you bring to holiday parties There are a poll and I were looking forward to it pretty like please blame gonna bring I might go stag this year I'm like a stag. Yeah, I'll just pick somebody up at the party. Oh wait, it's all my coworkers, nevermind. It's not gonna work out. Oh man, so I, I, you say, I had a fiance

and you know been together for a little bit of time and I got really, really excited because I was gonna be like, you know, the, the not the cool, fiance, do something fun and exciting, kind of like thing, be like, you know, the, the, the cool, uh, fiance, do something fun and exciting, kind of like thing you'd wreck, you know, you'd remember back to when you first started dating. And I thought, let's go get a real Christmas tree. And I didn't tell Paul we were going to do it. I was going to be like, this can be a cool surprise and until we're going. So we took a list.

Where you go, cut them down. No, no, that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no find a place to go to and take a lift and we get there and it's closed. And it was just like the most like deafening like sad thing because I had nothing else in my back pocket because it was like on the night of our like two-year anniversary and I was like wait wait I have no backup plan we just took a lift to a completely closed and desolate question of question two like it all I got is I guess we can go home and I can cook tacos

how are we going to transport the tree? on a lift delivery do I look like a guy that's going to pick up a Christmas tree and bring that anyway? the most dramatic part of that is like all right babe let's go we're going to go to this tree place ah boys crack

you take him to the tree place you walk around you see all the nice trees. You pick the tree, yeah. That's what we were gonna do. We were gonna go there. No, Brad. I want that tree. All right, you pick it up, like a man,

you put on your car, you tie it down like a man. You don't like a man. Yes, they do. No, yes. It's a right of passage. It's like a manly thing. What do you mean, don't they not like? They don't like this tree.

What do you, why would they not let you live? They have to prep it. You don't just go in there and be like, they not let you live? They have to prep it. You don't just go in there and be like, tree mine and gravity. How do you mean they're right tree then? You just get a feel for it. They wrap it.

Then you put it on the car. Yeah. Do I look like you sold the car in a sort of tree? So there's our old tree. And it was like really sad and pathetic. And I'm like, it'll be this really great guy keeping things fresh. But yeah, we get there.

They're absolutely closed. But do I look like a it'll be this really great guy, keep things fresh, but yeah, we get there, they're absolutely closed. But do I look like a guy that's gonna like, find a way to fasten a tree to my car, my Honda Civic? Here's the thing though, that story sounds like a story that Blaine would use to murder a woman. I think. Oh, the tree farm's closed.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's go check the back. We might be able to sneak one. It was like way in the Boondocks in Austin and like super, super dark, and just like a giant, like, like just super dense forest. So you know what you should have done? I know what you should have done.

She scared the Uber driver should have been scared. What you should have done is you should have been like, oh, they're closed. Well, let's go play in the trees or something and play tag or something. Yeah, you make it romantic. I know. I'm a real professional. Shut Josh. Yeah, you make it romantic. I know room with the tag room. Shut Josh, you don't make fun of Chris, alright?

There is a way to spin that into a good funny story that you made romantic. Yeah, no, there probably is. I was unbelievably defeated. And I was like, this is what I got. I'm, this is my two year, happy two year. There's like a romantic version where you just decorate a tree that's still like in the ground. Yeah, yeah. Have a mini Christmas like right now.

But maybe like a date or all right. I had a really bad first date one time. I took a pick the girl up. We went to some friends house because we're going to go do this group thing later. In the mom of the house, it's just like fucking picking on me relentlessly. She was like one of those like wacky moms, you know, making fun of the boys. So we ended up going bowling. Uh, I lost, I would come in last place,

out of everyone that was bowling, cause he was like a double date. And my friend showed up, his name was Giovanni. Giovanni rolls a strike on the first hit and then he introduced himself to my, the girl that was taking on the day. That's good. Oh, by the way, I'm Giovanni, it's like fuck you, Gio.

So then, uh, we go out to my car, my tire was flat. So then, I was like, well fuck. So then we go out to my car, my tire was flat. So then I was like, well fuck. So we drive my flat car tire to my house to go get my mom's car. And I'm like racing the clock because she's got a curfew. And I was like, just stay out here in the car. I'm pretty sure my dad is like in his underwear right now

as dad's in her normally. And I run into sure enough, my fucking dad is in his boxers and is like, what's going on? Just hanging out like, dad! And so I grabbed the keys and she thinks And I run and sure enough my fucking dad is in his boxers and So I grabbed the keys and she thinks that I'm like ashamed to show her to my parents or something I run her back to her place and like I think of the night I was like I didn't ask for a kiss or anything It was just like here's the thing about your stories Especially after the your problem like all of them are tinged with this like darkness now Like I don't even know even sure if you have parents like yeah

I left her in my car because the two skeletons that are in my house couldn't show her those. There would be very, it'd be like Psycho where he has his mom set up. She's like just rocking in the woods out. Yeah. It's true, huh? You wanna give off like murdery vibes?

You do now. No. Gotta go return some videotapes. I can see Chris if you're quiet on a first day. You got that murder revive Chris Got mega. Yeah, what everyone ever was the same thing. Yeah, when they first meet you They did nice it. He's like No, really why who you killed Chris? No one. Well, why I want to I want to break this down Why is this very like stone faced and quiet a lot of like

Mm-hmm and not a lot of replies like this guy is gonna murder me. I Haven't got it. I think maybe you're like rooster teeth percent like you're so good at playing unnerving like social This order like when you dated I think that's just me Josh. I'm exactly that's my best You just said their point like you're so natural dating a fake woman and all these other things It's like there's there's something there's something underneath that maybe shouldn't be seen I don't know what a murder perhaps yeah, and it takes one to no one We'll have a vote at the end of this is who's the most likely to murder something to do is shot What does it call a straw poll or whatever on on who's the most murdery and who went on?

I don't want to do that. There are a couple that's what a Twitter poll is going on right now Blaine or Josh Yeah, we pull on you know I'm losing to that and what What no, yeah, I'm losing against Josh. I was gonna pity him for what The homeless guy the homeless fat guy I didn't say fat You're the one that's throwing that on to yourself and you need to stop labeling yourself because I see you as more than weight. Okay, Josh. All right, so just stop that. Although, thanks dad. This next episode of Buffodys. Yeah, there's a race. Yeah, should be fun. On the subject of awkward dates, can you tell your your your three-some story? Is this the one where the girl asks you to slap her tits? No

No, you gotta like it sex stories. I Can tell this podcast is gonna do great things to my image. I will I will tell the threesome story I will keep it semi PG 13 though for the for the graphic parts So don't judge me. I had a threesome once It was a good it was two two girls and We start so I was seeing a girl and she was by and she had, and we'd kind of batted around the issue of having three seminars, I was like, oh, whatever, and then it kind of dropped it. And then a girl that she had hooked up with once came back into town and she was like, hey, do you remember talking about that?

This girl would be interested and I was like, a few insists. And so we said, and I made a whole night of it, like we went to dinner and I got a hotel room. Wait, how'd you meet it? Did you interview her? We went out to the bar once in a matter. How did you find her? No, I was already seeing a girl. Right.

And she had already slept with this girl before. Oh, it's her ex. Not in, she wasn't dating her, but she was hooked up with her before. Okay, she was a friend. Filling. Right. So I made a night of it, and so we went to dinner, and then we got a hotel, and funny enough, so I did a travel show with Zach called Writing Shotgun like three years ago.

And I had booked most of the hotels, and so because of that, through Hotels.com, I had a most of the hotels and so because of that through hotels.com I had a free night And so I used that free night for my three-some hotel And so anyways, so we went it was a free some yeah Free some I mean you are saving money by having two people to be right with There's already half the cost I didn't tell the person at the gate. There's gonna be three of us Yeah, too I think two people to begin with. There's already half the cost. I didn't tell the person at the gate, there was gonna be three of us. There's not two. And so we went and then we got kind of drunk at a night progressed and it was good, it was fun,

it was a good evening. And then the next morning, the third party, she had to get up and go to work. And so me and the girl prime woke up and I went into the bathroom and in the middle of the night someone had shit in the bathtub. And so like there was this game of like like like like communist McCarthy paranoia like communist McCarthy paranoia you're taking me and the other girl like was it you?

was it and then it's like are you and then it you know you start to doubt yourself was like was I so did I do that shit and the thought is happening and so there's this whole like investigation and interrogation and we finally figured it out and here's how we figured it out and this is somewhat unpleasant we found a we found a shitty handprint on the other girls pillow. Who was it? The far side of the bed. So it was no one else's. It was girl one me and then other girl. And there was a handprint. But they put their hands up to it to see if it's maxed. No, it's not me. No, but here's, mean you really do feel like Sherlock in a moment or Cinderella in a weird way

This is a slipper fit But he was the thing too like I mean generally speaking like that's pretty gross and weird But like it also made me feel kind of like a rock star, you know what I mean? It's like I'm like surely like I mean people go to three Sims and then someone shits in the tub It's like and it's like wait wait wait Did you feel like a rock star when you're cleaning the shit out of the tub? No, and I didn't say that. I did. I was as a good Samaritan. I cleaned the tub before the house. Well, did you take a picture of the hand print?

I got proof. I didn't know. You didn't take pictures. How did you not? Why would you take pictures of that? You haven't, there's another funny story. I'm gonna help your image here Because this is a funny fucking story I'm not gonna prove that the threesome happened. I don't need the proof pamphlets. I believe you Yeah, they're like no, no, I had a threesome look here's a picture of shit If I see the threesome right here, I want to I want to be vague around this in case you don't want to tell a story Can you tell that other story that has to do with the picture? Insending it to the wrong person. I know. I told that story. I told that story just not with Josh. Oh shit. It's all on the podcast. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's a story. I sent. I can retail it really fast. Just real quick. Yeah, cuz I sent I sent Chris a dick pic once on accident. And I was text text man I sound great tonight date me and

So it was Christmas break we had carpooled down so we're texting each other a bit to miss a sippies but their families live in Mississippi and he had So I was texting Chris and a girl at the same actually I think this was the same This was girl prime from the three sims. Oh, was it yeah, this is all connected. This is wow Good storytelling and so the so I accidentally sent Chris a dick pick and it was requested. Let me like, I saw what I had done and was powerless as the loading bar just like went and I was like, it's just imagine you just like,

smriched in the pieces. I learned later you can put your phone on airplane mode really fast, you block it. Thank you. Yeah, wow. I didn't know that. I was ignorant. But then what is it just not gonna send the whole pick

or is like half the pick gonna get there? No, it just, I just started to tip and it was like, oh shit, sorry, it's not oh sorry, it's way longer. It's just that they just like, oh sorry, I sent a picture of a mushroom, mushroom, awkward. Oh, whoops. No, sorry, send it to Chris. And I try immediately sent text and I was like,

well, we'll tell this from the opposite side. So you get the penis picture. I send it over to Chris like, well, a picture of a penis. And they said hey I might have accidentally just sent you I might have just sent you a picture of a penis It might be mine And then and then Chris is so quick on his feet like I immediately got a text back that said But I didn't get you anything for Christmas It's good. You didn't think about just lying and saying oh someone else was why would that have made

He's not a bit of better. No Chris possesses There's probably like already girls probably have a million You weren't in the image like you didn't have your driver's license up Yeah, I didn't prove that it's you know, what would you have said if you'd sent me a picture of a dick and you'd been like no No, it's not mine. No, I would have been like that's weird What that's like the only thing you do I would have been way one If you send me a picture of a dick and said that

That would be way creepier than hey, I accidentally sent you a picture of my penis No, I probably like oh been like, oh, sending this is a joke to somebody else. Unless, of course, you could tell that it's my penis. It's like, no, you're like sending like a joke dick pic. You never sent a joke dick pic before? Nope, nope. What's it I have? Really?

Please explain the context of a joke dick pic. Yeah, you're just talking about dick pics. They're like, relationships, like, oh, oh you send someone that's obviously not yours actually dig this I think Brandon's born in the lead I think it's for the closest to killer for this is real killer I just don't know like you can easily you so you think it's worse to like Chris actually has a picture of your penis then to like make a book here's the thing is I have no shame and so the fact that he possesses a penis pic doesn't matter to me. Like he could make a cross.

Where else said penis pic? I deleted it. It's not his wall. It's obviously intentionally sent to me, so I just deleted it. I just like immediately. You don't want that. I'm hanging on your phone. I just take something to say.

No. I had a gang dangling on your phone. Dangling. My friend, I made a bunch of friends at Nostrel. One of them is Jeremy. He's a lovely fellow. I'm just gonna sell him out, sorry Jeremy. So basically, his girlfriend,

a cinema, like a picture, she's like, hey, how do I look today? And it was a nice picture of her, but he was mostly focused on the butt. She was fully cloned and not riding out. Jeremy's girlfriend, but it was just a lovely picture of his girlfriend she just kind of sent him like a pick me up and he typed in dad ass you know and uh it auto corrected to fat ass fuck so yeah cell phones there was once a once a sexting conversation I had where someone told me they wanted it was a typo

but they said it was like one of those things and in reference to my penis they said they wanted to barf on it. Oh, it was a typo type thing where someone was typing. Maybe they were correct. I don't know man. I don't remember. Are you sure they didn't just say that because you reacted negatively No, I was throw it out there is sometimes like I don't know if it was

Dining it all up or something it was like something like that. I want to throw up all I don't know barf There's that isn't like there's no other words that barf I'd been throw up or vomit. I don't remember it was all right. This is getting borderline I'm gonna I'm gonna borrow this That's not sexy at all Josh, so you an army man. Yeah, thumbs. Yeah. Uh, did you ever jump out of a plane like you guys have both parachuted right? I've skydived yeah, it's gonna segue into I am not I wasn't I wasn't you'd call that airborne I was not a airborne. Oh you weren't but you jumped out of a of the plane, you scutted? I have skydive, yeah, as a civilian.

So like, I didn't do it. Like, you invited me and I was like, there's no fucking way I can do this. It's terrifying. I was like, you guys loved it. And then like, you're going back and you're the again, right? I bought myself a lesson from a 25th birthday. I love it so much.

So apparently, there's this guy in Finland who's a, you know, a daredevil, I guess, professional daredevil. He jumped out of a, I don't know, the plane or jumped, I guess, professional Daredevil, he jumped out of a plane or jumped out of like a hot air balloon with no parachute, like a zero parachute, and the whole point was hand to like one of his buddies to catch him, like point where he's like, yeah. Oh, sweet. Oh, yeah.

Is there any point in your life where like you would need that adrenaline or you would do that? I don't mean he obviously got a lot of media coverage so... And he survived it? Yeah I know they're alive yeah. I do not trust my friends that much. You would get hit and you'd go to the lots and be like oh, like floating away. Why do I see Blaine doing that on a date too?

Hey, you're all you want to go out? I'll catch you. It'll be fine. Yeah. It'll be fun. I actually have tried to go on a skydiving date. Really? My mom is a certified guy. It's not. I don't think that's a good date because you get strapped to

another. Yeah, she's a pretty athletic dude, right? Yeah, it's whatever now. That's fine. So there's this there's this whole thing behind it though. So I learned in psychology class that in order to get a really good first kiss that will just like completely blow every first kiss out the window. You need to put their body in a state of like exhilaration or something. Beer or tear? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, roller coasters for instance. She's this. You take her up on the roller coaster, right? The peak of the roller coaster when it's about to go or she's super excited, you know, all this stuff, and then you kiss her. So then when she remembers, years down the road, your first kiss, she'll remember all of the feelings

that were associated with that kiss. So like the exhilaration, the excitement. So I was like, that is really hard to kiss someone on a roller coaster though. I almost feel like she'd be like, like, that seems dangerous almost. You do it and you just like, I'll put it. You just like, like your next snaps when you go down from the wreck. The right. Yeah, how weird of an accident for you. Whoops.

Uh oh. She just happened to offer. But yeah, so I was going to try to do this to the replicate the same thing where I was like, Oh, you take her skydive. As soon as you guys land, she's so fucking happy to be alive and to be like yeah I just go to ice skydived and then you kiss her and then it's like oh wow this is a good first kiss so I was trying to do that so what's up with that oh she's so happy to be alive that I haven't killed her you're thinking maybe I should just be nice. Nah, you got it. You know, I'm all about the theatrics, you know. I take the crazy, the big dates, you know. Yeah, what's the, what's your craziest best date?

It's scary. What's the most terrified you've ever made a wall? You know what? Actually, swan boats are not cool. You know what? No, I went on a swan boat date on a first date. It was a fucking mistake because I realized, not cool. No, I went on a swan boat date on a first date. It was a fucking mistake because I realized, wait, through the date, I have nothing in

common with this girl. We're trapped in the middle of this lake with a goddamn swan boat and they're slow. And it smells and we were like getting tired and it was hot. Is it, it smells like a lake water? Yeah, well no, there was like stagnant water in like actual swan shit in the swan boat We're trapped on this fucking lake. It was terrible So how do you get out of that? You just like you just stop talking and just focus on like I actually we had our first kiss out there Because it's like I with the hell and then it was just really bad and then I was like all right

We're going back and then we did Yeah, I was in exactly exhilarating. It was just yeah, no, it was yeah So I guess when she thinks back to her first case she thinks of all the emotions her body was feeling just like exhaustion Depression Fucking swan boat. Don't take a girl on a swan boat. Do something extreme. Yeah, that's my advice to you audience Like jump out of a plane. The advice from a single male. Yeah, on phase of first dates. So just keep talking. No, it's just quite I was gonna. No, I'm just impressed. I feel like everything we

talk about tonight, there's gonna be something in your dating life that links back to it. Yeah. Do you want to go? I bet. I was telling Chris, I had a, you know, here in my, my breakup story that also involves feces. Okay. All my dating stories. Well, I do have dating stories that relate to feces, but probably not. So I was dating, I got dumped.

I was dating a girl at Lovancy Atl and she moved here. Ernest, she moved here. We would go back in four city city. And so I was really, I'm sorry, each other once a month, she came here. And so I was really looking forward to it and the first night she dumped me like I was like, yeah It's gonna be falling. I don't she broke up with me. That's fuck and so the next morning And so she stayed the night which is always that awkward kind of phase where you're like oh and we had like pity sex And I was just like crying like an idiot. You know just like

I'm done But wait, but she she, she still traveled to Seattle or to Austin to see me and then dumped me immediately upon arrival and stayed that night. So I mean, that is not strategic at all. No, I don't know. She had friends in town too. So the next morning she left, but the next,

why didn't she just stay to her friends outside night? Sorry, you're good. You're good. Yeah, I don't know why. I should, yeah. Anyways, the next morning morning like my stomach wasn't Tormel because I felt terrible right and so I went and just took a huge shit and in the bathroom right yeah And then it wouldn't flush and so it was just like this is just the worst you know

And you're already feeling pathetic because you're like no don't dump me and but then the plumber was really hot That right no such a show like and so I'm freaking out like'm like, I don't want to wake up to this shit. I wanted to love me. And it's like, you think? Yeah, it's like leaving that in a, like if it was her house, we did it, and you'd be like, yeah, like take that. And then you just leave.

And then, but I couldn't because it was my house. So like, it's kind of like, I got a bunch of like, like plastic wrap and I like scooped it out. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and I like scooped it out. Oh, no! And I put it in the trash can and then it's not over. You put it in the tub. I put it in the trash can and it comes full circle.

So then I went down, there was like a wall grease. It's living down the street and so I went down there and I was so up there. So I bought a plunger and I was crying at the stand with it like really I was crying with a plunger So the guy probably thought like I flushed my goal fish on accident or something and I was just like I just got dumped I'm just holding this plunger. So I go back up and I get it plunged Whatever and then finally she gets up and I'm like, how is his awkward? Maybe you should just like I woke her up eventually. I was like I was kind of weird sitting You know waiting for you to wake up. We should just

I woke her up eventually. I was like, I was kind of weird sitting, you know, waiting for you to wake up. We should just, I'm just watching usually. Yeah, basically, I pulled a blame. And then, so then she left and then, I forgot about the trash for like a day.

Oh, so like a day later, my apartment, just like, trash smells like shit. Yeah. Hahaha. So I have like the worst, if you wanna talk about like the worst reminder of a bad relationship It's a metaphor for everything I went through that weekend, so yeah, there you go. I can't really I can't I have a story don't once went to go visit

Wait, first of all Did you actually cry during sex or was that to pump up the story? I cried after. Okay, is that a common theme? Because I feel like in movies or something, like there's always jokes about people crying after sex. Is that a thing? I don't, I mean, not normally, but I- I-

I- Is it the feeling of like law sexually with Lane? But maybe you. No, I've never cried after sex. I don't see the- well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I saw you. You also never made a true emotional connection with me. It's true, but no, why do people cry after sex?

Is that a thing? I've never done it, so I couldn't answer. Okay, all right. They always make, it's a thing in pop culture, so I imagine it's real. Going through the room. No, this is a quite, I have a question. All right, so I went, I was visiting an old girlfriend

from afar, you know, is it long up or are you distanced? No, no, it's like a distance, she was traveling or something and visited. Okay. Go to the bathroom, I used to toil it, toil it gets stopped up, right? Okay.

There was, you know, it wasn't anything I did wrong, I don't think, I think it just, whatever reason the toilet got stopped up, and they didn't have a toilet but they didn't have a toilet They didn't have a plunger, right anywhere in the house. Yeah, I didn't I did that was my way They had they didn't have and there was like multiple bathrooms know what it day like we it's never got stopped up before We don't have a plunger. It was this big thing because I was like what I you know what I didn't know what to do because it was awkward So I was like visiting and like all the room. We had to take precautions

Her room mates were like well, you know like they brought it up and there was like a big, who stopped up the toilet and I was like, I had to be like, it was me. I did it. It's like a mirror mystery. I'm a perpetrator. I'm a perpetrator too, where they're like, well, I guess we should get a plunger. And then everyone looks at me like, I should go buy, but I was like, I guess, but like to me in my head,

I was like, but I'm only gonna use it once. Right, you can take it with you. You should keep it? You should just keep it. Yeah, is that what I, is it? No, I mean, it's a gift, you donate it. Like, you know, I buy a plunger and I plunge their hat. And then I like take it with me.

Yeah. And then every time they see that plunger, they're like, oh my good Christopher's Just like by the plunger and then a boat and just throw the bow on it afterwards after he used it Yeah, so you didn't say you were like paranoid that this could happen before you did go buy it or no What I you're just saying what you should have done. I waited it out and it eventually took care of itself the toilet You just set there for like a couple days. Oh days and then you're a guest in these people's house and fucking turn in their toilet no I couldn't I want I didn't have a car so I didn't have a way to go buy plunger so it was

like a great people out of the bathroom there were other bathrooms no one just went into that they all were aware of it so if you were staying in the house for like a weekend it was his death wish don't go into that bathroom. Is that random? But when Chris did it, took a shit to- Is that you hit a body in there? So like, you're like, don't go in the ladies. Just don't go in. No, I mean, they knew and they was just like, it was a thing for that weekend.

Like, don't go in the- And then, but it was like one of the things where- It was like a- It was a miracle. That's- Where one day it was gone. It's like- or like it sucked in and the dog Maybe Josh came and dug it up or something

Well, like it's just the problem to care itself those people to this day They honey remember that jackass you dated and shit in the toilet and didn't flush That's fine if you do it at your ex-girlfriends or ever. That's fine. I was one of those things where I didn't have a car. I didn't have a way to go buy a plunger. It was like a whole thing. I feel like someone should just go get a plunger.

I'll plunge it. I'll do it all. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I'm the tool. You didn't think about just sneaking out and going and running, getting it. No, there wasn't. What time of day did it happen? Okay, it was nice.

Is it night and two there was no nearby like plunger like how many years ago? See my plunger. I don't know. It was a long time ago. Okay. Yeah. Even the situation like just social situation like that and you And it was like it's a plane ticket too. I didn't have you know. Yeah. Yeah, you've even even even for the accused of like stuffing up someone's toilet. No, that's like a big thing. It's just like it is.

It's like disgusting and embarrassing, but if like everyone thinks that you did it, and you're just like, that's fucking bullshit. I was staying with my friend and her sister, step sister, and my friend totally stopped it up. Like there was no question. I know I didn't do it. Right. But like she told her sister

and then there was this like awkward moment where they're talking about best practices when you're using the bathroom and I just like, I can't call them a liar. But like I it's also like, it's just, it feels like, right there. So they called like a family meeting.

It was like a very like passive like, oh, you know the bathroom, the toilet kind of stuffs up Sometimes so you kind of got to like and they were just looking at me and it's just like hey what what? Real but I can't call it like it can't be like a me versus her thing like I can't win. How do you? Like 17 okay? That's weird Yeah, and I was staying there for a week and it's just like no

That's weird. Yeah. And I was staying there for a week. And it's just like no, we're no good. You should have, like, she just kept like stopping it up on purpose, like at a spot. If I'm already a kid, yeah. Yeah, if I'm already that guy. Right, just own it.

I think, you know what? I think that I stuffed up my girlfriend's toilet while her family was visiting too. We were moving her into her dormitory. She was going to Texas women's in Denton and I stuffed it up and I was like, so like I can't remember how I sold it I think I might have just like you know gotten some toilet paper and then just Karate shopped it and happened just flushed it

Something but I remember like her dad found out about it somehow or maybe I told my girlfriend like as a joke And then she just like let it loose for her family Well, so we're about to leave and they're like all right Honey, do you need more supplies and we're going on the list, we're fixing to go to Target, should we get, you know, can we need silverware, dishes? And I was like, we would probably need a plunger.

Her dad fucking hated me, it was just like older Hispanic guy, like never spoke a word to me. As soon as I said that, he just started fucking like belly laughing, just like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cause,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, We got some pretty sweet socks from stance guys. You want to show all these babies off? Fashion show. Chris showed off baby. We had a little bit of a fight over who get what? Luckily I got video. Chris like apparently claimed Chubaka when he first heard that we were in doing this. But you can check out these Vader, we have Princess Layer on set. There's also Slave Layer for sale, which I would highly recommend. You can also mix and match your socks with C3PO on one foot, R2 on the other.

And the character designs are actually woven into the socks. They're not just like prints and they go from front to back. So I can't bend like that. So I just decided. So I'd highly recommend checking out, we definitely love them. Go to stance.com slash star wars, that stance.com slash star wars,

a pretty freaking dough. And they come in a cool package. They really do. And Gus already, I think he gets the... Yeah, Gus claimed the star or the Vader ones, and he's not even there. Yeah, the Java ones, there's a Java and Slave Layow. I'm looking at this package.

Josh, I trust you. What symbol is that? So they got Imperial, that's both its clan, you got the rebellion, the Jedi. What is that? There's a little logo on here that I don't know what it is. That's not like trade federation. Who the fuck is that? Is that Hudson's clan? It might be a close over the box. Alright, hon. Someone look that up. It's this guy right here. It's like a three thing. I'm kind of ashamed of that. I should know this. I

mean like I've been reading like fucking crazy. I like having to read the comic books. I know the canon books. I've been watching all the movies. How many canon books are there right now? Right now in the new canon. So far I've read Air of the Jedi Sith. Lords the Sith. I think there's like seven right now. I'm not sure. I'm gonna have them all read by the time the movie comes out though. Great. Plus Clone Wars is gonna be down. The TV show.

Yeah, it's gonna like, do you think it's gonna like model your head with a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with the story of the movie? No, because I finished the book about Tarkin and I watched a new hope immediately after and I was like focusing on the scenes with Tarkin and it totally like made the experience more enjoyable. I was like, I the scenes with Tarcan, and it totally made the experience more enjoyable. I was like, I know that guy's backstory. I know these decisions he's making, like why... Do you think the new movie's gonna be good?

Absolutely. It has to be. Why does it have to be good? Well, one, George Lucas, who's, he was, talked about how he doesn't, he's like, I don't really wanna talk about him. It's kinda like when you break up with a next girlfriend, you don't need to go, you know. They call it a divorce.. Yeah. Yeah, but he said he said it was good devil's advocate though

No, he didn't say it was good somebody said that he said it was so okay Also in Kennedy said George Lucas said it was good in that interview He said he hadn't seen it and he thought no might he might still have staking it because it's his little company He might still be getting money from it, but also Cameron said that the last terminator was really good. Oh, yeah, that was fucking sucked. Yeah, but Star Wars is gonna be good It's gonna be really good. Oh, you're going to the third day show. I'm gonna go to I have two viewings on Thursday I'm gonna have an 8 p.m. And then an 11 p.m. Immediately after the next day I'm going to iMacs and then the day after I'm going to another show.

Are you dressing up? No. I don't I don't do that. I want to start with celebration. I want to throw the line. No, no, no, no, no, I want to start with something. There's a reason behind it. I want to start with celebration Los Angeles and they have some of the best fucking cosplayers

that put my shitty hot solo outfit to shame. I just don't even want to attempt. So I'm just going to be like, I'm going to enjoy their costumes. I't even want to attempt. So I'm just gonna be like, I'm gonna enjoy their costumes. I will never make fun of them because I totally respect cosplaying and like, especially like the Stormtrooper armor if they can pull it off.

But you're not going to Star Wars. Right. You're talking about just a movie theater. It's just like getting into the spirit and the fun of it. I'll probably wear a shirt. I have several Star Wars shirts, but I just, I don't want to dress up

because I just, you know. I dress up because I just you know I Think I dress up, you know what? You know, you know, you know, fucking why I won't dress up This is a psychological thing. I just never remember this. I dressed up for crystal skull I was in the end of Jones at crystal skull. Then we fucking sucked. It's bad luck. I'm not gonna do it I was in the end of Jones the Indian Jones crystal spot one my So you must how did you feel like it's my fault that crystal? What what how did you feel like walking out and having to take it? It's like a I wanted to walk a shame or something it was I was like I took off my hat And I was like I stuck my bullwhip inside the hat. I didn't want anybody to see me

And I was like you know, I just work khaki shirts all the time. I Wish you had gone to the back of the theater and been like don't look at it and been like, don't look at it, close your eyes! I didn't know! Oh, God. I also went to the Ang Lee Hulk, not just as a Hulk, but I did have a license Hulk shirt and it showed up and I came out of that theater and was like, fuck this shirt! You ripped it off! It's jerked, it's jerked, it's jerked, it's the movie's tear!

I couldn't see that movie in theater because I was in Iraq, but I'm good for you. You know, it was terrible You didn't miss out on much. I would have rather than I racked it and watch you're thinking this is the Hanum Blanche. Oh, that's who that's how did you get that photo? That's creepy. What? Oh my god. Take it away Get that post that was out of my Facebook. Where was that? Did you dye your hair? No. That's what I thought it was for. I thought it was pretty good. I don't know why you, I-

No, it's weird because I don't remember posting that to any social networks. That was well before I was working at Rooster Teeth. I was, that was at the co-op when I was in college. What are you gonna do with Star Wars sucks? Um. Yeah, I kill myself, I don't know. I mean, I don't, I don't think it's used

in people jumping off the theater. I don't think there was a reason to think the first movie was going to suck. I mean, you look at the cast, it was a solid cast. Yeah, no. And at the time, you wouldn't have said George Lucas is going to ruin this movie. Like, that all came after like, no, but I did the same thing. I know Chris and I thought of maybe YouTube playing, but like, so I, I mean, I was super cyber episode when I was 15.

I got, I stood in line for three hours to get tickets and then you watch the movie and there's like a like your shell shocked because you're like maybe I didn't get it yeah like what did I I must have missed something there was denial yeah was just like you just you think you're and I I I believe I saw episode one six times in the theater like it was like a you know I'm a weird massacistic yeah like it was just like I mean this time will be the time I get jar jar will be funny this time Yeah, it's way above my level and then every time I'll really get into the drama of the the trade federation And oh

So we were Brandon. I were looking at the Oh, I know Bad what yeah, no it's the first sentence of the first one that are all the other bad than the ones are bad. What are the people? Oh yeah, no, you know, it's the first sentence of the first one that kills you. The other ones they dressed up a little bit as it is. No, not even. In the second one, they mentioned the fucking

the trade federation and the galactic synod. I like the episode three, which is like war. Yeah, they knew what was going on. Yeah, but that's the thing though. That's why I believe it's going to be good is because like they know how much they fucked the

fans with the prequel trilogy. They're not going to do that again. but that's the thing though that's why i believe it's gonna be good is because like they know how much they fucked the fans with the prequel trilogy they're not gonna do that again what's weird about that though is that so in that same round of george lucas interviews you're talking about he's been adamant that he that disney's do he's been kind of like dismissal of disney's direction and said disney want to make this movie for the fans and i always just kind of wanted to tell this family soap opera that we talked about generations of a

family for the fans and I always just kind of wanted to tell this family soap opera that we talked about generations of a family. But the prequels feel like a fan service misfiling it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wouldn't people want to see Yoda fight? One people want to see the slave one be badass and like there's these pieces where you're like, there's no story relevance to these items other than to throw in familiar like ography. Yeah, let's put C, it wouldn't be funny of Darth Vader Built C3 Pio that's crazy. I like Boba Fed is the son of the clones speaking of those clones that we mentioned in new Hope they're all Django Fed who's yeah, so first paragraph seconds since first paragraph

Fanta minutes the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Oh, oh shit I read it like when I read it I probably read it in Brandon's voice to the taxation of it like fuck off of a taxation to be fair The first sense is a turmoil hasn't golf the Empire We're gonna get flat Patrick Yeah, no Yeah, the prequel trilogy fucking suck. It's not gonna be that bad. It's what makes you think what makes you think it it I want because it's a it's a group of people that are extremely passionate about it. JJ Abrams, Katherine Kennedy

These are all people that are very passionate that are doing it for the right reason in the cast. They're all I guess I have more faith in JJ Abrams. Well, because he's a fan, he just, he knows. He's seen it from our side of the story. He knows what we want. But you didn't have faith in George Lucas before Finna Menace came out. No, you did, but George Lucas also

hadn't made a movie in 15 years. Yeah, whatever. He hadn't directed me. You could point to, I mean, not every JJ Abrams movie's amazing, but he's got some really good movies. No, that'll do. He didn't, they're everyone. They're pretty good in the name. I love it. You don't like Super-Ace2Bray, it was awesome. I think Superton's movie is amazing, but he's got some really good No, that'll do. He didn't, they're everyone. They're pretty good.

Super on right. I love it. You don't like Super A Super. It was awesome. I think Super Ayrton is good, but has serious flaw. It really wants to be a Spielberg film. It tried to, it wanted to be the E.T. of its generation. Well, here's like Spielberg, it wanted to emulate Spielberg, but one of the things that makes Spielberg great is pacing. He's an amazing passer of his films, and like Super Ayrton has some of the worst pacing ever. Like it's, you're, you're an hour ahead as the audience. You're like, I know there's a fucking alien.

Why don't the kids wait? All right, anyways, in. Cazdins and on it. Yeah, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fun. We're all gonna be good. Great, we're all gonna be good. It's good.

If it's bad, that's gonna be a long three years for the next one. Fuck, if it's bad, I don't know what I'm doing. Two years for the next one. Well, no, isn't it? Yeah, it's next year's road one, and then the year after that's very bad. It's gonna be a year until the next Star Wars Well, no, isn't it? Yeah, Road One. It's next year's Road One and then the year after that. But it'll be a year until the next Star Wars movie.

Right. Only one year? Road One has to be more worried than it's doing. It's doing main, spin off, main, spin off every year. You know, it is shitting me off. Shitting me off. Shitting you off. It's a level above pissing me off.

It's, I was completely content with the third trailer. I was like, yes, this is great. And I still don't know shit about the story. Since then, I think they've released like seven to nine TV spots. We did the big entertainment weekly article too. Yeah. Yeah. And then and then kind of like avoiding things. So there was something that got spoiled recently. I'm not going to say what it was, but I will say that one of my fan theories or one of my theories was completely proven right I mean there's just like shaking spoiled left and right so I've decided that like come a few days

before I'm just gonna go on a blackout like the internet just not well at least it's not the Batman versus Superman trailer which is which man that was not since Terminator Genesis has a trailer so much no matter of months yeah no that was bad you, I talked to Risinger about this. We decided what had happened is they saw the Civil War trailer and they're like, fucking put anything out. Just do it. Just put it out. You know, and then they just like, take footage from the Hulk and put it in there. Just shit it out.

And then it was just terrible. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Like, I guess, okay, I think what they're trying to do was be like, we're different from Civil War because it's not Hero versus Hero. So, okay, then we need to show them uniting against a common villain. But like, you kinda knew that was gonna happen at some point. And it's like, that was like a fun twist. There's no need to see who the villain was

or what the, like, I stopped watching. Let's not go, let's not spoil it for people who actively avoid it. Like after like 15 seconds when this is just like a giant dialogue scene like nope. Good on you first skipping. Yeah, I hate that shit. Like I haven't seen I only saw like the first door.

I don't like that. But the thing about it like like I don't understand the hype for Batman vs. Superman anyway because like sorry don't man of steel sucked. But that man. That is awesome. That is awesome. That is awesome. That is awesome.

That is awesome. That is awesome. That is awesome. That is awesome. That is the person I saw a man of steel and I max opening night and it was just like we're just kind of like It was fucking punishing like it's it's it's a droll like like merciless film the only thing that I enjoyed was Hans Zimmer's music and the visuals I thought is pretty but like you're right the Visuals are like it wasn't I would have rather watch it. It's for how long it is and how much you care There was no I would rather watch the Transformers film the only joke was that I would go Like I'd rather watch your friend. There's at least somewhat fun in a trip there was no transformers film the only joke was that the other watch there's at least somewhat fun in a trip there was no fun in that movie was it was at the very end of the girls like i just think he's got hot

that was like the only joke in the yeah is literally like to do that and like the joke amie at us makes about the s on his chest and even that's like that joke or like i heard it's all down hill after the first kiss was like where you are where you think dollars uh... south will never remember What? Where are you, where are you seeing St. Dowers? South will never. Everywhere remember? What do you mean? Are you seeing it at the same time? Yeah, I'm seeing it. I think three different theaters.

So we talked about the animal draft house a lot. There's like, you know, your order food, they like bring it to you and eat it during the movie. Here's the situation where you're leaving. And as you're leaving leaving you see like maybe cookies something that's just completely just not even touched on someone's plate and you're just like no one's gonna eat this and it hasn't been touched. I'm just gonna eat it. Like, perfectly, they're perfectly good cookies. There was a guy. What is it me? Your hair's messed up. Is it? I'm gonna be home. Oh yeah, fix it. Oh God. What are you gonna do? There was a guy

Oh God tell the story there was a guy. I remember thinking that there was or nothing So this was maybe even a year ago. This was a while back, but there was a guy who oh There was a there was like an infamous like Guy at guy at the draft house who was doing this and the servers were trying to catch him This was like who was what he was like just taking fuck The heart no The he was taking food from people like after the movie like he would just go and like take like whatever was on his Row he would literally take everything and

Why are they trying why is that matter matter? Why would I don't know? But I mean I get like they were like who who why do they care if someone's stealing leftovers? I don't I don't know. I don't know. He's the Robin Hood of the draft house. I just take all the leftovers food and throw it out. But they were yeah, they were actively trying to there was some guy who was like, infamously just taking. I had a weird experience with a waiter recently in a restaurant. I'd ordered food, waiting for the food to come. And I had like, fiddled with my silverware.

So I had just a napkin sitting on my chair. And a waiter, like, he was like a young guy, he walks up and he kinda like, looks around, he's like, he's like, looking to busy himself and he sees the napkin and then he goes and picks up the napkin And then it was an unused napkin It was just an napkin picks up the napkin and like looks at it for a second and starts walking off and I He saw I think he saw my reaction. I was like, what is he doing? He's taking it

He's just like a random and he's like, oh, have you not eaten yet? And then just came and brought the napkin back. He's like it. He's just like a random. He's like, Oh, have you not eaten yet? And then just came and brought the napkin back. But he's like, it's just weird. Like, I didn't know what to make of it. Cause he was just like this poor guy is trying to steal the napkin. Yeah. Yeah. But um, yeah. No, I mean, so they ever catch the guy with the draft us. I don't think so. He's still he's out. He's out there taking napkins. It was it was me. So I blame taking that napkin to chloroforms. Yeah. Yeah. So Jack tweeted me today. Apparently, there's like a contest that the Elmo draft house is doing to where you can go starting at 4.30 a.m. on the 17th. See episodes one through six. By the time you see,

you finish, return the Jedi. Seven will be out through 6. By the time you finish, you'll be out. 7 will be out and you see that. So they choose 7 contestants to participate in this. And then you get to see the 7th one. And then after that, the contest is to see how many times you can see 7 and basically not quit in fall asleep. So you're with the same theater, right? I saw this. Yes. And you're basically you're seeing it as many times you can in the last man standing gets a seven year free pass to Alamo Draftile.

So they get a seat named after them and all this stuff. I'm very tempted to do it. How do you get in the seven though? They do it. They choose is there going through it's based off of an Instagram contest. Okay. They choose the seven people that are going gonna be doing it the biggest Star Wars fans and then the winner That's who you know takes the the seven year pass or whatever and I'm very tempted to do it, but I Logically did or reasoned it out with Daniel and basically if you saw a movie every week at the almo draft house for like

Seven years it'd be about like three or four grand. Yeah of. I don't think that that's worth rooting Star Wars 7 potentially. Because if you think about it, you're gonna be there, you're gonna be fucking tired and you're gonna have to see that movie until you're like beat senseless. I still think it's worth it. I don't know. You should participate then. You should do it. No, I don't want to. Exactly. So yeah. Have you ever done like a button on the phone or any sort of like contest like that? I've done like the Lord of the Rings screening. Yeah. Was it like a contest?

It was like a contest. Yeah, it was a World of Legends. Yeah, it was a World of Legends. They just show all through the movies. It's like 10 or 11 hours. I don't get why they do those contests where it's like, let's see how long you can do this. And then by the end of it, like someone and never really like ends up like pissing and shooting themselves.

And people can are hydrated. In the town where I grew up, Longview, Texas, there was a contest called Hands on a Hard Body. I've heard of that. And what it was was it was a contest where there was a truck, they would give away and you'd hold your hand on the truck and the last person to maintain contact with the truck, one, the truck. So people would just sit there and hold their hand

for days and days and days. It was just one of the stupid things. There's a documentary on it too. Like, it was a stupid thing. And they quit doing it when the guy who lost, he was in second place and he ended up giving up? Yeah, he went and like killed himself immediately afterwards. He was so tired I'm sure there was other stuff going on in his life But I'm tired. I'm just saying it's all exhausted. They're this is not recent news

But there was a story about forever ago about there was a town that would do that. The same thing like hands on a thing, but they would, yeah, they would invite guys like deadbeat dads that were behind on their child support and they would arrest them. That was like, they couldn't find these guys, but they was like, they'd never even win in their phone calls, or so they'd get them to one place, they'd have them put their hands on the car and they'd say, that's pretty cool. So that's refoxed. So I shouldn't go to this. Don't go. You were blind.

Okay. So yeah. I got a match on hinge. I had a connection to that. What's hinge? Tell me about hinge. What's the difference between hinge and like tender? There is none.

But supposedly the crowd that's on hinge is a lot more prone to getting in long term relationships. It's for people that are more serious about it. I think the only difference is it connects you through people who are within your social network. So the through that I used to do that. It's a Tinder Facebook, Bumble, and hinge. Yeah. Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Was that what you said? Would you say that? Yeah, but I, yeah.

And I'm not to say that I'm not successful in dating apps. I'm just, I'm finding the wrong thing over and over again. I'm finding like cool girls hanging out, great things are great. And then they live. Take it as a good spot. And there's not a second date, weird. But they live, they live like, there was a girl from Los Angeles. There's a girl from New York, and it's like,

we hang out in New York's connection, and they're just gone. So. Yeah, I can't find anything serious in Austin, I guess. I wanted to let everybody know that this podcast is also brought to you by Casper. Casper is an online retailer or premium mattresses for a fraction of the cost.

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on so many mattresses and like general furniture at furniture stores before. I don't know if it's weird or awkward or like I'm committing to buying that thing, but it's like it feels uncomfortable when everybody's looking at you. Yeah, you know what's cool? You talk about Casper's physics, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, specifically. That movie. Right, the movie with Bill Pullman for one is great,

but Casper throws this party every now and again in Austin. It's like a mattress party at this one place, and they have free waffles. And it's really, it's free. You get free socks, early on free slippers, and free waffles, and you just lie on free you get free socks early free slippers and free waffles And you just lie on the bed for like 20 minutes under a teepee and there's a last person to be on the bed Wow, unless they arrest you for child support. Yeah, that's it

So is it okay? I noticed something and it happens every now and then I'll bring my laundry to work is it like a crime to do your laundry at work Like a federal Like is it a faux pas? Are you guys frowning upon me? Because I did my laundry. What are you doing? Is it just laundry because it's your laundry? Yes. Yeah, you probably shouldn't do that I think I just do it or announce it on a podcast Well, here's a deal that it's like that's that's a that's a production resource for like washing wardrobe and stuff. You're gaming the system.

But it's never been explicitly said that that's what it's. Well, there's a lot of things that aren't explicitly said by my own detergent in my own fabric. What are you washing out of your clothes, blood? I don't see the problem in doing it, but everybody like, I'll come up. Okay. What if I came up on the weekends and did it? Why are you asking us? Because I'm not or do you guys? Because the hell I was getting around my laundry basket and people were like

Fuck you doing you know like they're like judging me and I was like there's a laundry Machine what if I'm doing laundry here? Have a question. What if every single person who worked here did their laundry here? They probably wouldn't need to because they have them at home. I don't but I'm a college College graduate recent college grad a lot of people recent Two and a half years. No a lot of people. I mean, it's not It's very common to to use a laundry mat in Austin If everyone who worked here who didn't have a laundry machine at their house used the one here it would be running non-stop. Right? Yeah. So that's

why you don't do your laundry at work. I know I'd be frowned upon for doing my laundry work. The resources there. I thought why not take advantage of this lovely machine that my company is provided for me Why waste money and just let it stay in there on use on day? I'm just gonna use it and be like if you came in and use the podcast set for like a porno It's like the sets there. I just I knew these two girls. I had a bathtub Okay, you know what talk though you guys one of you. I'm pretty positive has had sex Somewhere in the office, so don't even fucking talk

What? has had sex somewhere in the office so don't even fucking talk. Why? Why? I don't know. I guarantee it's not me. Why? This, when you got your new office, was an established thing. You had to tell Josh and Aaron to their faces. You do not have sex in this trailer.

So don't touch. Wait, no, first of all, he never said that. Okay, so basically, I don't know. Josh, Chris and Aaron have moved into a camper, basically, towards the conflict. It's serious, except that the batter does it work. I thought you were talking about in this office. I had no idea you were talking about the camper.

No. It makes me more nervous. That rule was never stated. So you've had sex in it. No, I didn't say that either. What? You've had sex in that camper. No.

No, you had no. That is worse than me doing my fucking laundry. You fucking up here. You didn't really All right, I know listeners at home his girlfriend works in administrative No, you have had sex in that camper here. I know here's what I will say I will say I will deny it I will say this I know To your girlfriend mean Aaron made a point of casually commenting on how like, oh yeah, we put cameras in the RV just in case.

She wouldn't care. Just in case, so that whenever you try to get frisky, she'd be like, well, don't they have cameras to stop her? We were like, oh yeah, we had all these extra little cameras. You've found in the camper cameras. You have you son of a bitch. So that's worse than me doing my laundry. That is worse. If everyone fucked in that camper, okay, everyone that worked here, there always be noise coming from the camper. We see when everyone in the camper. I have an SX in the camper. I just want to drive out of the water. That's not a disaster. Well, we don't

know if Aaron has though. Aaron probably has. I bet Aaron has. Well, he yeah, he knows that our lie about the cameras is fake because he was there when we made it all. Aaron is totally fucking that camper before. Oh man. Probably on your laundry. Well, the first thing is so warm got that new camper was I was in live action which like our office is great and stuff like that and I got this awesome standing desk but like just to be shitty about it I was like oh they got a new office I went it and I pulled down my pants and I stuck my ass on every piece of furniture in there and I sent pictures of Chris because I was like fuck you for you and your new office.

Yeah. What? So you also, what is wrong with you? That's my, I, it's like a nice thing. No, no, I don't. Why can't you find a woman again? Two Shay. No, then we do every time you come in there, you fart like a man.

Oh my God. I'm playing. Blame you farting so much lately. The, he is like an unstoppable force of parts. It's, it's really mad. And that's the women. If you see blame pop up on your tender or what's your new one?

Humble, what is it? It's bumble and hinge. Bumble, man, like that's what you don't see is the smell. The fart that just surrounds him. The cloud of. Swipe left of sadness. I think the fart that just surrounds him, the cloud, a swipe left of sadness. I think the only thing that's like legitimately pristine. It's like the cloud that follows Winnie the Pooh

and he said, I don't fart on dates around girls. I can't remember the last girl from that I feel comfortable enough around farting in front of. But everyone has been, she will. I have everyone at this office. And I'll tell you too. Hey, Blaine, what if everyone at this office parted constantly be really funny office?

I'd be laughing all day because I don't do it at giggle, but There was there's been a couple times where I've had girls That were hanging out and then they'd say you farted in your sleep Can control my bells. I had a girl. They said that to you like the your sleep. I was like, well, it's couldn't control my bells. I had a girl. They said that to you like the next morning. I thought I just wouldn't say anything. I just, like, you know, we're like comfortable enough that she was sleeping over her.

So there's like, you know, I had a girl, I was staying over while sleeping fart on my leg. I was just like, what do I do? Like, one we were kind of cuddled up, and I was just like, how was trying to... Ooh, you big spoon, she farted in your crotch. Ooh! She was like a sleep.

Chris got poor as Nick. I had no knowledge of it. And I had to turn, like, get away from it, but also keep the covers closed. So bad. I could talk about it it but i'm sure it's just gonna come back to you know josh's poop jizz or blaine's unbelievable like a good summer relationship insecurities it's not so much insecurity is just like admittance of failure i will let, I'm gonna go to shot here.

You know what, I can't stop seeing our articles about like hoverboards. Have you seen them like being banned? Like there was one that's banned in the Cleveland sports team. What? There's other ones that are being banned like, you know. You mean the fake segues that don't have the handle? Fucking yes! Oh, there's a herb.

Everybody is calling them hoverboards and like a lot of articles are like, oh, and back to the future. And it's like, that's not a fucking hoverboard. It doesn't hover. It doesn't even look like, like I get it if it looked like a hoverboard, but it didn't, I've been able to have wheels, which basically skateboard. But if it doesn't look like it,

and it doesn't hover, don't call it a fucking hoverboard. I was on 24th in the water. Like it just drives me nuts and like people are writing it's like do not google with this looks like i was on twenty four thing got a loop eight and i was at a light and i looked at my window and an asshole like a student was heading to class and had one of the things and i watched him

and basically what he did was he came out to a stop and people are walking past him i don't know if i'm speaking a lot of the guys in here me so people are walking past him I don't know if I'm speaking a lot enough if you guys can hear me so people were walking past him So it didn't make sense that he was on this thing. He just looked like an asshole So he's he's hovering and he gets to a stop and then he like sits there for a while and it's like can't get over it so then he gets up and then like It's just it just made the whole thing more cumbersome like his his trip to school Took longer because he took

that stupid fucking guy writing the unicycle down the street. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's just a good attention. They do look fun though. No, they look awesome. I haven't tried one, but they look super fun. They're like 1500 bucks. I thought they're like super cheap.

No, they're not cheap. I just want to see people eat shit. I want it every time I see somebody on one of those, I want to throw a tree branch in front of them and see them just fucking eat it. See look That's not fun. Well, they're not hoverboards. You could look like a jet-op calling it that you're just floating everywhere Although I do like I like the idea Ouch, thank you for that For that just for me watching a sizzle reel of.

Yeah, that yeah, I don't get on get those. Yeah, I remember there was a behind the scenes thing with Zomakus who directed who directed back to the future and it's like a really straightforward behind the scenes interview but in the interview he said that hover boards were real but they could it's like a really straightforward behind the scenes interview, but in the interview, he said that hoverboards were real, but they couldn't sell it. I saw that. I was like, that's amazing. And like kept trying to figure out how to get one,

but it was just all bulls. I asked for a hoverboard for Christmas, and I was like 11 or something. I used to make little pretend hoverboards with the racers and pieces of cardboard and fly them around my desk. Yeah. And then you just keep the shit and people's toilets and they have to sit with it for an entire weekend. Yeah, going by a plunder.

This was like a week ago, I was sitting. Yeah, if you had one of those new things, you could have written it to get a plunger. Oh, yeah. I have to get a plunger. I got this, you whip it off your back. What are you guys doing for Christmas? Aside from seeing Star Wars.

I think we might actually be carpooling the Mississippi again. So there might be another. Mears cross, her dick, big dick. I'm like a festive this time, I think. Yeah. Some tinsel. Brandy, you want to see family? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Same family. I saw some, no, back in Houston. Okay. My mom, so I spent the Thanksgiving with my mom, Paula and my future mother-in-law, her mom. And it was like very like, you know, a big gender disparity there for the Thanksgiving. It made like watching football, not that stuff a little less fun. But it was like, it was so cool. What's the ratio? 3-to-1, mother, future mother-in-law, and fiancee.

So like, I go and this one I'm like I was like you know what I'm just watching TV I should go hang out and I go in there and then they're talking about when Paul and I are gonna have babies so I'm like staring at them and I turn around and leave and they're like come back come back no no no we'll stop will stop and I was like I had a few minutes later I went back and I got in and they were talking about Uterus is or you to rye. I don't know what the plural of uterus is And it was like nope gone again. So that's how he spent my Thanksgiving I like to point out that I said abort as an abort mission not abort babies. Yeah

Not that you know abortions is a thing. It's fine if you need to do that So blabies It's for a portion I mean It's up to people to choose you know, it's good that we're not doing dark jokes on this podcast. That's the great thing close close call isn't weird Are you gonna have are you gonna have babies? Yeah? Yeah, I got so Brain is a dad. Yeah, I got you weird I'm like I'm not Dan Paul is expecting him Is I got no I got a chance

Is that weird to think about like you're gonna make a baby? It's weird to think if I have a like a son like boys They seem so gross and disgusting because I guess I remember I was so gross and disgusting and awkward So that seems like really weird and uncomfortable, but not I mean having like a girl that seems like really weird and uncomfortable, but not having a girl, that seems like. That doesn't start till they're 12 or something, right? No, even like, there's like a four year old, it's like five or six year old girl, they say something, that's finance cute, go away kid. But I mean, there's like boy says something, you just stupid or weird or annoying,

I don't know, I don't know, does everyone have like, what, you can have kids? I don't know, I hadn't really thought about everyone have like what you have kids? I? I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it Josh. I think so. Yeah, yeah The I Pense isn't weird is it weird that you are like my fiance or Whatever just that that I don't like saying no, no, but I'm saying like absolutely really weird because I feel like I'm saying it And it's like I want people to know that like I'm making a statement, but then it's weird to say I'm saying it and it's like I want people to know that like I'm making a statement, but then it's weird to say

Girl friends, because then you're like cross that line. Isn't he engaged? Why you know like what happened? Well, we're taking a step back. I'm wearing my options. No, but it's like I feel like an ask because I'm like I need you to know that I'm you could say you're a betrothed Betoved. Yeah, yeah, no the whole thing's weird. Yeah, the kid thing. I don't know It's weird to think there's gonna be a little me Like the fact that it'll have like torfing you know some like half my DNA. That's terrifying Blaine you didn't answer that question. You just asked it. What's your stance on kids babies? I think I would be a good dad. I think I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that though I think I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that though

Not be a good dad or whatever No, no, I'd have a cool kid, but I just I don't know man. I don't know if marriage is in the cards Oh, okay, that you couldn't like you're like oh, I can't raise a kid. I don't know they really really I'd be great Like my my niece. She loves me and it's good kid It's easy though to when you don't have to like be there like a long time. If I have a son I'll give it to you. No I don't want to be your shitty kid but I'd have a cool kid. Yeah, no it's cool to look in kid. I'll tell the boy that.

Do you think you can keep a kid alive longer than a woman? Could you stop. Yeah, so I don't think you're really thinking to get married? I think you're a good man. I think you're going to get married. I'm going to call it now. Yeah. I'm so shitty when it comes to dating now.

I just don't know. I think it only takes money. I bet you get married at some point Yeah in the next five years Am I gonna be you guys as weddings or? Do you think are you not invited to my wedding or you know if you want me to be a groom's man? I'll be so much fun, you know, have you ever been a groom's man? Yeah, I've been like three times I was a best man once yeah, I feel powerful. He fucking do it. Why are you bragging about being a best man once. Yeah. Powerful. He fucking do. Wires. Are you bragging about being a best man?

I was a good guy. Two best best man. Do I care? Do I care? Although you did tell me you're your speech, your best man. Oh, is it good? Are you gonna have to pick between the two guys for your best man that were you like you were best man? One of them was not your brother. So I have three brothers. So that makes it tricky. No, I gave, but for the other one,

it's hard to tell the story. I gave a wedding speech once where I literally said the plot of top gun for half of it and it went. People believed it for a little while because it was a yeah we served the military. We were the military guy that was my squad leaders like yeah we went we went to the same military school together and we all wanted the instructor and she was super hopped. He was one the Goddard and then he shot down the MiG-22 and blah blah blah and people like started like I was like what the fuck is he talking about now and he literally told me to make a speech like five minutes before so I was like so that's not the story that's that's the plot of top

gun and that's what happens when you make you tell someone they're gonna do a wedding speech five minutes before and that was an enemy. You're a good writer. Yeah thank you. I'm Josh. It's fine. Yeah I don't know if I'm gonna get married. You I call it really will yeah, if I had to guess anyone who's gonna get married it'd be you yeah You're who you're even even Brandon and he's engaged. Yeah, you're too. You need to not get married I would have been on you way before I would have been on myself. Yeah, I still would put money on plate before Brandon You think I'm gonna do like a Vegas You think I'll break do like a Vegas? You think Paul's not gonna break over him. We'll see.

We'll make some. Relationships, right? So, um, on the subject, do you want to tell that story of, uh, of this, the strip club? Sure. I want to, let's tell another story that paints Josh in a good light. Yeah, let's do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Chris and I went to a strip club. paints Josh in a good light yeah let's do that yeah yeah chris and i went to a strip club well i thought for context are are friend had gotten dumped and it was like hey let's go to strip club and like you know do it you know hang out and that's your going to strip was like a guy's night thing right it's a guy's nine and there was and it was uh...

there was a stripper there that was i want to say she was like russian but she was like Russian, but she was way taller than everyone else. So she was German. German makes the story funnier. I think she was probably Russian like Eastern European, but she was, we'll say German,

because it's funnier, but she was like a foot taller than all the other strippers, and she was hitting on a different friend at first, and then that friend deflected her onto me, and she was huge and Minising and she grabbed me and she was like come with me if you watch him live No, yeah, she did say something almost like that. Yeah, she was like, oh man. What did she say? She was like you? Oh, you what you

She goes She was like come come get the lapdust with me and I was like, oh, I know, I know. She goes, she was like, come get the lapdance with me. And I was like, oh, you know, and I didn't want to see it. We were just kind of hanging out. We're just gonna have a drink or stuff. We're not really doing lapdance. And I was trying to be polite. I was like, hey, I just, you know, I just need another drink.

And she goes, what you need is my naked body against you. Oh, yeah. And she, and again, she grabs me. And she's trying to tug me away. Yeah She grabs me and she's trying to tug me away and I'm five seven and she's like she was like six six So it's like hey you leave me alone, you know like And I had to like You put you're like no, you know like maybe in like 10 minutes or something right? Is that what you said? Yeah like 10 minute like maybe in like 10 minutes or something. Right, is that what you said? Yeah, like 10 minutes, like maybe in like 10 minutes. So like you go and get a drink, you're like,

oh, and then you, and then we're like, we're talking about the story. And then like 10 minutes on the dock later, like a cybernetic organism with living tissue. She comes back and she grabs me against, like it has been 10 minutes. It's been too much time. And she's like, I mean, I had to like, she's like firmly plant like karate stance.

So she, I mean, she was trying to yank me like away to do a dance. I was like, no, I'm just, we're just gonna have a drink. I'm just like, yeah. It's gonna be guys, and I terrifying encounter. You should have heard her hair get in. Should I put someone else? I think, yeah, no.

Did you not get it? The love dance? No. Oh, you should have said, oh you should have known sort of happened. Oh God who knows She could have been married to her You should have been playing and blanking I got me a new year wife and then like your scout. I have dated a German before they're pretty cool. You they are very they are very aggressive all of them Collected yes, yes, that was the base of my one experience They are very aggressive. All of them collected. Yes.

That was the day I had one experience. Oh man. I feel like I've learned so much about you. I had no idea any of this stuff existed. I just like to sort of use it. The thing is, that's a lot of feces for one person. It is. To keep coming up in your life.

I know him before this, I was like, yeah, he's a war vet. He's cool. Now, he just shits everywhere. Strippers and three sums and I just like the story that you told me a long time ago. I'm going to throw you out of the bridge and you said there's a girl slap your slap. I don't want to tell that story though. All right. Fine. No, do it. Yeah. pussy. It's. It's fine. Not too good. It I Went to there was a there was a girl that very like casually asked me the phrase she used her wording was you can slap my tips if you want to We can leave my friends

That's it. That's the story and I oblige that was the story how hard pretty hard demonstrate Demonstrate. Demonstrate. Against. No, no, no. Flop my tits, Josh. If you want to. If you want to. First of all, oh, shit.

I don't want to. No, no, no, no. No, lay back. Oh, god. OK. All right. Ah! Ah!

Josh! My beard! Oh, jesus. I just saw my tits on my beard. That's why you don't do that. Who knew that would end poorly? I went to a bar. Yeah recently with the she was very nice I went to a bar recently with Adam Covick and I saw like there was like this girl Really cute. We kind of been like staring each other back and forth This is very impressive. I'm Covick's part. I go I talked to her like like, hey, sorry to be kind of weird, this is, you know,

you're very cute, I'm about to leave, but here's my business card, just kind of did a small chat, like, it was a little bit more smooth than that. Things are going okay, she gave me her card, we're talking a bit. Adam came up like a cock-block robot and was like, just fucking, just like, by the end of it, I think she threw away my card and was yelling at it,

Covix, her friend came back and he was like, oh hey, we're gonna head out, but I see that you're here with your girlfriend. He's like, you know, he's a U.S. or a lesbian. He's like, no, I'm just kidding. You know, if you guys are a lesbian, that's totally cool, like I'm not gonna judge. Like I think he made a joke about them making out

and I was like, Kovik, what are you doing? Stop it, Adam, stop it. And he just kept going and like, but he by the? Stop it. Stop it. He just kept going and like, he by the end of it, he was in a fight with this girl. And I was like, we walked away and I was like, that was amazing. Like he just cocked blocked me to the ends of the earth. It was when you call him a cocked block, or what the, I'd hoped he had just walked up and gone. What do you need is my naked body. Yeah. Once a weirdest request you've ever had a girl? Oh give you I Don't know I mean weirds kind of like a

Fluid term no, but like something the thing that was like I don't know if I want to do that Yes, you know my parents listen to this podcast so I don't know My parents listen to this podcast so I don't know I made him tell you are I got into some serious shit by what I've said on this podcast my parents will be like a week later They hadn't been talking to me like what's up son? She gives us a podcast. He'll send podcast. All right, so tell the story. Yeah No, you owe me so go ahead tell the story blind No, no, no, no, no, no, you don't hear the thing is I don't have once coming to mind You don't have to say whether or not you did it, but just what is the weirdest request? Yeah, yeah good good qualifier

There's a lot of pressure on me right now and I'm search I'm like racking my brain for like a weird request because there's nothing like super out of the ordinary There's like the violent stuff in that you do Digging the whole just like you dig their graves All my hair slap my butt My hair slap my butt uh

Choke me Choke me My butt now my neck Was this a human? Yeah, okay The choke thing I got in that request before like Will you choke me?

Yeah, and that's one of those things i like I didn't know how to do that I didn't know what to do in that I didn't know how to choke someone oh yeah like I am like I don't know what I was like and I was like I don't we do like a sleeper hold like you're watching it No, it's one of those things was like I'm like Just like like this I get that too. Yeah, but I'm like you just I kind of just like it's like when you're doing a bad handshake a really limp handshake That's how I am with choking. Yeah, it's just like Some girl tell he's a really limp choker. I just stay away from it like this chick my hand. No, I know I have no problem What no, I'm like so I have no problem

That's weird being aggressive and stuff. I just like choking a girl. I was like, I don't want to choke you. So remember, I'm not going to do not say names, but it was the girl that actually came to the office at one time, because she was doing that Barbara interview, that thing. She was like the model. Oh, OK.

The really hot, crazy one. I'm very surprised. She was like that. And I remember I was super unsure about it. Mom and dad, two out right now for the love of God. Do not listen. So, uh, dad, do not fucking listen to this story. I'm telling you. He's right. He's arguing with himself. You should take in those. Just don't fucking listen, dad. Just don't. So she was just like really crazy, but she was asking for that stuff. And I was like, really uncertain about it. And I think it kind of showed in my my body Language and she was like she called me actually. Can we have pussy fucking choke me

Like right now like it was less about like me getting into it and be like doing as she asked and oh God, okay, so that was like that was like the first time No, I need a trick to get you to do would it be to like reference it to star was like I'm job of the hut and your princess lay And I fucking choke me. No, no, no Yeah, that's a force choke, but No, no, she was it was weird and like that was an experience. God this guy is really personal fast Like blood was drawn during some of our wow sexual interactions. I'll just say that much and then I'm going to leave it at that. She's fine. She's still alive.

You all know this. She didn't need the qualifier, Blaine. She didn't need the qualifier. But I did not how he did. It got too much too fast. Yeah, know shit. So we stopped talking. Jesus. That was the one that I came in, and I remember I had Hickeys on my neck. Yeah, I remember. And then you're like, fucking everyone's calling out. And I think we had a Patrick was there.

We had a makeup lesson, because we were trying to teach everybody to do makeup because it was just something that we wanted everybody to kind of know for onset, you know, whatever and uh and everybody was like calling me out to like hey what do you do if you have hikis on your neck and then like the artist was even himself like I mean I'm not in fucking middle school anymore I'm not an asshole so I wouldn't know what to do about hikis like everybody I thought it was me I still better know I have to have ever gotten a hiki actually really yeah I think I'm I've got hiki free I've got

hiki I have like a rhino skin doesn't happen with this chick. It was like Eastings she was she was she was crazy crazy hot And left me there in the middle of it. I wonder she's like how she's doing Didn't she have an arrest? You might get into territory where you can identify her. But yes, she did have a bit of a criminal record. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Well, let's not go into specifics.

Okay, yeah, yeah. But the last time I did talk to her, she was on cocaine. So, yeah. And that's why I stopped talking to her then. Sorry. Yeah. Great, great girl. Great personality.

I think you're right. I don't think you're ever going to get married. Wait, you and I are going to come out of this fight guys really well. Yeah. We're going to come out to shining. She's doing good. She's doing good.

Good for her. What do you guys want to talk about? I think you're on a roll. No. It's just keep. We should change subjects. Well not sex things. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. God. I've tried. So I've been wanting to tell this and it's a little bit more like Christmasy now. So I guess it's more appropriate. Okay. Last year when we were doing the holiday video, I was trying to find a menorah for Barbara's bit because she's Jewish so I was trying to get a menorah because there was a joke that I wrote into the last music video

It's hard. It's fucking in Texas. Yeah, it's no one's Jewish in Texas for Barbara apparently and Wait, there's an entire like there's a entire Jewish neighborhood of Austin Well, I should have gone to those guys. You were gonna go door to door saying can I have a menorah? I'm just fucking fine It's no no like when you go to you go to the store. It's like at best You'll have one of those things at the end of the aisle. There's I couldn't yeah So I couldn't find me I went to hobby lobby, which I realized was a huge. That's also a Christian store store before that I went to a Christian store in actual like they it was like Christian books not car

You know store or whatever and I was like you went to a Christian store in actual like they it was like Christian books not car, you know store or whatever and I was like Christian book store and that's gonna be funny Bobby doesn't have so we'll so Bobby I went in no no this is the interaction I had with the guy is like hey how are you doing? Good? I'm so I know you guys are Christian sort of you guys have mnoras and he was like What and I was like like a mnora and he's, I don't what is that is that like another holiday? And I was like, yes, it's like the Jewish holiday It's like the candles like is nine candles or something and he's like oh, I don't what I don't eat it like he was so confused

And I was like yeah, you know, and he was like trying to like guide me around the store We couldn't find it and it wasn't like I walked past it in cap God damn it. I didn't know the picture. By the way, I ran into like 10 black Santa figures on my way there. They had like tons of black Santa. I'm just gonna get one of those. No menoras, but I eventually ran into there was like a small in-cap of Jewish,

you know, Hanukkah things. And it was like 50% off. And that's where I found my menorah. I thought you were gonna say like, they got mad or offended that you were asking for it. No you have to cover and why be like all right on a unrelated note Where can I find eight candlesticks that I can see they're not fuse together? I think it's eight. It's eight or nine. I think it's nine. I think it's nine I don't know. Yeah, are there like but isn't it eight? It's not it's nine nights. That was eight nine

It was profound. I was just so confused He's eight nights. It's nine nights that was eight nine. But it was profound. The guy was just so confused. He was just like, it is eight nights. It's eight nights. Yeah, but maybe the one in the middle, you always have it lit. And that's the one that you like. The other ones. Very. Yeah.

Yeah, because that's the story, right? Is it the candle, the oil lasted eight days when it should have lasted one? We should probably have someone who knows what we're talking about on this. Or one beer. I've seen the Adam Sandler film. That's about as close as the date.

Three, nine. That's not the date. But then the one in the that's the one I want to say that It's pretty bad. That's the extent of your well, you're better off than the guy at the hobby lobby because you know the fuck I was talking about yeah, I think you prayed for me when I left Geez Didn't have the noras, but here's some chick filet on your way. I know the holiday video turned out awesome That was a lot of fun. I think Matt as Jesus is probably man I didn't know he was in it. I only knew the part I had filmed yeah, and when I saw the finished thing

I was left my ass off like yeah, yeah, he just man Let's pop that over I had a hold his hand and I was like man I'm gonna get if if if this whole heaven thing is a thing, I'm gonna get grouped into this People are gonna be like look what you were doing like you're like Joining the sac religious like the portrait. I don't think it's that bad I talked to Anna afterwards and she came up to me and she was like yeah when Matt came come came home that day from filming He was like yeah, I'm going to hell and she was And he always says that, but this time he meant it. So he just showed it, like when he's going in a circle,

is he saying something? No, he was just like, Matt, I would have a great time. You Jesus, it's your birthday, have a blast. And he was like, Matt was like, it was really fun. What happened? And then the bloopers, I think it's the bloopers, they're kept being like smashed cakes. Yeah, so I like, actually I had everybody do like a

Crazy chaos scene, but Matt's was like I want you to eat the cake and then I want you to like to slam it on the ground And he did it and he was getting into and then he did this thing where he like Chest bump and then he went to God and I was like yeah You're going to hell no I felt so bad for you when I was recording like dialogue or like when I was trying to sing. Because you had to get everyone to sing for that. And like, I had no, I had no preparation. I didn't know what how, what part of my body do you die for? You die for him.

I was just like, just go and I was like, oh, all right. But then you came to me and I was like, oh my god, poor blaine. Your line was probably the worst out of all. No, but, but also like you get To be fair like you get what I'm agreeing. I'm a great. It was pretty bad Thank you. Josh you owned it. Oh God. I know I was gonna say I'm like but brand you get totally drowned out by Tyler Anyway, who has the deepest what like you've seen Ace Ventura where the guy walks up behind him He's like Ventura and the guy he's like, yes, Satan Tyler's

Story about what that wasn't Tyler's voice. Oh, so Tyler and all is Tyler round hashtag scandal Tyler fucked me The day we were gonna record. He was like, oh, I got a flight. I got a jet. I was like you mother. Who is that? It's me Oh my god, I went in there and I did my best Tyler Coe and I prepped for like 20 minutes while saying I'm Tyler Coe from Lubbock, Texas, Wayco, Texas, Longview, Texas. And then I went in and I just recorded it and was like, it was, so that was you.

That was you. Yeah, that's a lie. I've been living a lie. Now you can tell the story about me owning it though. That's cool. You know, you did good. You knew, you're a shit singer you're fucking terrible But you knew to go silly with it and that's what I needed everybody to go

I realized I'm a terrible director when it comes to directing people at music and I was like I feel so For you do you like but Brandon so like Chris's recordings. Well you Chris you were shit to I but I I knew I was like I told you ahead of time. I was like Lane. I can't see Aaron was shit to yeah We're all pretty shit, but anyways like Everybody's recording session was roughly like six to seven minutes Brandon your recording session was 35 minutes. I know It's so bad. Let's just record it. That's so bad. This is so bad. You came out like horrible You came out like it's the worst thing I've ever heard. I only had one line

No, it was like no, you sang it all. It was a good amount of the lines of the chorus of every one. Oh, but I'm gonna ruin this It's gonna be the worst you put that in feel so bad Yeah, I picked and choose who was actually like in the main chorus. Yeah, you in Brandon. We're not I'm sorry. Yeah I was like playing take out and double their audio. That's what they do and like that's what they do music music. Yeah, yeah, but it's tricky Yeah, I feel like every like you know how everyone kind of has a few things in life If they're great at and a few things that they're terrible at and like for me and probably almost everyone here's like singing is definitely one of my Just terrible things and like even you go to karaoke and I'm just it's not even it's not funny It's not bad enough to be funny. It's not good. You know, it's like in that middle

It's just shut up it's not funny, it's not bad enough to be funny, it's not good, you know, it's like in that middle, it's like, just shut up Josh. Yeah, sit down. Yeah, it's bad. I mean, well, fucking rock band, you didn't play, you pushed out. I was there. You were in a band. You're talking about the, you know, the rock band stream that we had a couple of months ago.

I was fucking reason I got chose to be vocals. I'm the worst singer and you were really bad so like man put miles back on you know too much about too much ago we had a rock band stream and I think funhouse came down for it blame you with a singer on the rooster teeth band yeah kind of long as which that was one of my favorite moments of being employed at rooster teeth was Gus stands up as the drummer and he says, we are gonna longest! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH to the music. And I was like, darn, because the whole night people were tweeting in there like, get off the fucking mic. You were terrible. And

I was like, I know. I was reading the tweets and I was like, poor boy. You're trying to be like, hey, we should mix up. Let's put miles and vocals. And I was like, Chris, do you think I'm a bad singer? You can tell me and you're like, no, you're good. You're good. I was like, you're doing good, but you know doing good but you know mixing up yeah like everybody was like tiptoeing around the subject that I fucking suck that was a that was a fun night you did you did well stay like stay like performance like I don't know I did that well no you were good yeah I don't know that was really fun it was fun that all the bands had such different like everyone had a story yeah everyone had a really fun that all the bands had such different, like everyone had a personal race, yeah, everyone had really fun with it. That was a really fun night. That was cool. Although I put green face mate on and then everybody was saying that I looked like old Greg.

God I love that show for such a long time. Well, Josh, I think you've made one hell of a debut in the podcast and I can't wait till you run for office. Slap my text Josh. Now, and then that life's behind me. The political ad against you is just gonna be this podcast. can't wait till you run for office. Slap my head, Josh. No, and then that life's behind me. The political ad against you is just gonna be this podcast. Oh, what's gonna happen in like a couple of years when people that run for office, they have a social network. Oh, it's gonna be bad.

Like when people are running for office in like 15 years. That's, look at they posted on Facebook. Look at this dick pic they sent a Chris. It's gonna be bad. There's I mean like they're still scandals out like Obama like I mean he admitted to snort coke like president said admitted to drug use But there's no evidence of it. Yeah, but now we'll have like photos of them at like fucking hookabars And like you know in the middle school phase not the wrong hookup It's just you do like a jackassing take those photos I think the weird thing is when someone is, you know, middle school phase. Not the wrong hook up, but just you can do it like a jack assing take those photos.

I think the weird thing is when someone is like, you know, I think it'd be 32 to one for president. Whenever there's a president that's our age and that's president and controlling country, that's going to scare me because it'd be like, shit if that wasn't me. I know that generation, yeah. He would call it the modern warfare. Yeah, this country's going to be disaster.

So thank you guys for coming in. Appreciate it. It was a good time. Thank you to everybody who watched. And I think we all learned a little bit about Fisi's. It's not a word ceremony, Brian. Yep. Alright.

Stay away from Blaine. Bye. Bye. Bye. I've been looking forward to this game for a while. I'm not gonna say too much about it. Okay. You know Plenty?

Yeah. I don't need no Plenty. God damn it Barbara. Seriously. I don't gotta find that fake beard I was wondering what happened. You guys guessed that. You didn't get it. Didn't get it.

Look behind so much. I thought you were tired. Do I look behind now? Did you have an California one point? There's a reason. It disappeared. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Describe the show between newcomer and a more familiar way. Do you like apples?

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