Rooster Teeth Podcast - The Jellies are Coming! - #756

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Join Armando, Andrew, Griff as talk about how dangerous the ocean is, play their new game Bottoms Up! (with Michael Jones from Achievement Hunter), and discuss how to deal with a roommate stealing your food. This episode is sponsored by Shady Rays, Helix Sleep, and RTX Austin! -Go to http://shadyrays.com and use code ROOSTERTEETH for 50% OFF 2 or more pairs of polarized sunglasses. -Go to http://helixsleep.com/rooster to get 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. -Go to http://rtxaustin.com to buy your badge! Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motor-mouthed outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church, twisted metal, streaming now, only only on peacock. This is a Mr.Tif production. Welcome everybody to the only show 10 out of 10 Dentists approve of. It's the RT podcast. Yeah. I am one of your hosts, Armado Torres, and joining me, as always, are my co-hosts. Andrew Rosas. And?

The spare. Oh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Et cetera. Ah. Get that lower third, et cetera. So named because you're versatile and black. Yeah. Ah. These are both two. These are my truths. Welcome to the box checking podcast.

Hi. Hi, I'm the professional diversity hire. I still have that in my Twitter bio. I keep forgetting to change it. Oh, you absolutely shouldn't. I'm going to leave it, I think. In fact, I'm going to go change mine to the brown one. I'm changing mine to secret Mexican.

Those people don't know. No, they can't know. They can't know. Redacted. Redacted. I want that fully just like over your mouth. Yes, it's blown out. No one can know.

I'm not brought. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to do like peanuts, adults like. Like a horn. Wob, Wob, Wob, Wob. Oh, no, I thought roses was the German last day. Yeah. I've been referring to it.

I thought he was the mountain in Oregon. Did you guys listen last week? Yeah. Thank you. They will absolutely, my favorite comments about me are being referred to as white guy number 15 or whatever. Yeah. And the worst of all.

He's Mexican number eight, that's not. It's true. Yeah. Get it right. That's no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's he's Mexican number 432. You can't stop us from making one so much easier. Yeah, okay, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, man, it's good to be here again.

They have for some unknown reason given us the ability to film a second one. So it's so good to be here. And I thought that I'm gonna be real with you guys. My entire timeline on social media has been clogged up with the news of that submarine that went down to like explore the Titanic and then itself ironically got like really lost. Yeah. And they...

I'm locked out of the Twitter. Oh. Oh. I don't... It's a 2FA thing. It's fine. I only have it on this laptop only on my work account. I don't know that that's better actually. If I like get logged out of this, then I just don't have Twitter. That's, which honestly, I mean, a mental health bonus. It's been great so far. Yeah, yeah, especially because your current Twitter name is World War III draft Dodger.

And that'll just stick on there forever after they implement the new draft. Yeah, I don't know when committing it Yeah. Oh, I'm not one committee thing. But I, yeah, I've seen these stories, and I want to be clear that the outlook is not looking great. And I am being very specific here with my wording. We are recording this on Wednesday, the 21st, I believe it is right now. And at 5 p.m.

At 5 p.m. So who cares what time it's recorded? We don't we don't we don't know what's going to happen. We don't know the fates of the individuals in the sub lost submarine at this point while we record. But what I have not been able to stop thinking about is a thing that I'm it's not a bit I'm being very genuine and vulnerable with you both right now and you too. It's not a bit I'm being very genuine and vulnerable if you both right now and you too That I'm terrified of the ocean. Oh, save and why wouldn't you be I I don't okay? Here's my thing I have a I come from I come from a fan like my parents love like like going on like Cruises for vacation instead of just like flying somewhere like a normal person and it horrifies me

They're like all right guys, it's Christmas. Let's go on the ocean and I'm like, going on the ocean in the winter time is what got those people in that situation. Like that's how the Titanic sunk. I don't wanna do that. The ocean is horrifying. I think, well first of all,

what I think is very funny is that you were like, my parents go on cruises, which is when I was a kid, I used to think that being able to go into the ocean was like the most richest, richest person that you could do. It's funny. No, it's all poor people. Yeah, it used to be what extremely poor people had to do. Yeah, yeah.

And now it's something that medium people do poorly and something that rich people do upsettingly. And if you live in Texas, you can go to our beaches, which is a tour of the world's sogious diapers. It's just say, Huggies, Loves, whatever it is. I mean, you can get a real tour of all of them. It's the grossest place on earth.

I've never been to the Texas shore. I've been to, okay, I've been to your ocean, California Ocean, which is cold, and that's, I hate that. It's beautiful. I'm from Georgia. I had to be in the cesspit of Florida Ocean.

It's hot water. And no one told me that your ocean was cold. And the noise, you were like, you were like, here like a dog's tail. Get stepped on. That's the noise I made when I dipped my toe in the ocean. No, I just, oh, that's good. Man, can we get that on the soundboard? Yeah.

Yeah. Pure audio quality in that. That's great. I lived near what you're calling my ocean, which I like. I am the king of the ocean. The atmando. Can't try it in over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I lived next to the ocean when I lived in San Diego for a little bit and it was really fun and really beautiful and it's like absolutely stunning and then I went out and got stung by a jellyfish and I went, oh, never again, I forget, I forget like other shit lives in there. A bunch of shit, like and we only, we know like 1% of it but also I can't believe that you went into the ocean and got stung by a jellyfish because I saw a jellyfish on the beach one time and I was like, oh I don't ever need to go in the ocean and then I didn't for seven years. Well, SpongeBob made me think that they were all cool and chill. You thought they threw house parties?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought they made delicious jams. I thought that jellyfish were just like this cool thing that we're beautiful to look at. And instead they sting you. And it feels like the most confusing rug burn you've ever gotten your entire life. And then to make matters worse,

I got stung by a jellyfish, took six months off from going into the ocean, and then some friends came and visited and were like, hey, we should go back in. Well, they didn't say back in. I lied to everyone. People were like, hey, how often do you go to the beach? And I was like, yeah, who the time?

Weekly. I love how wet it gets. You see, these luscious curls, those are sun beach men. Yeah, I love how, I love, I love when you go, I love when the wave come in, it look like a latte on top. You know what I mean?

And they're like, have you seen water before? I'm not putting lemon juice in this here. So it looks like he's been out all summer on the beach. Yeah. And we go into the water and then I got stung by another jelly. That's on you, that's killing you. That's what I'm saying. Because the first time you get stung by it.

Was it the same beach? I thought you were gonna ask, was it the same jellyfish? Let's just other jellyfish buddies like, hey bro, here it comes. It's a guy. It's like guy who got up in your shit. Yeah, his name is Jordan, the jellyfish. And he's got a real big problem with me. Yeah, when you get stung a first time, you're like,

what a crazy, absolute wild fucking thing that like how many times have I gone in the water and I've never been stung by a jellyfish fish. And then it happens back to back. And then it happens, especially after that back to back break was because I got stung by a jellyfish. But I'll tell you the absolute worst part is here's how, maybe this is how little we know about the ocean,

is that I had always been taught that when you get stung by a jellyfish, the first thing you're supposed to do, is take a piss off it. And so my friend jumped into action, almost so fast that it made me upset that he was ready to, he was just like, he had dick out like,

way too fast. Before I even said jellyfish, he was like, I'm ready. And he just stood up. You awoken something in him that day. Oh yeah, yeah. And he pissed on my calf. And then the lifeguard got here and he went,

oh yeah, that's like a total misnomer. Like we have this stuff. It's basically just like an ammonia wash. And you don't actually have to piss on people. It's actually really unsanitary to just do that. I really hate that for you. What did he do after that? What did you do after that?

The last car? No, your friend. He just go, I'm saw we, and then like the studio audience. I'm in the start of Fett Life account. Yeah. No. There's no joke that it's funnier than the true answer, which is what he did.

His name is Jacob. What Jacob did was he went, bro, I didn't know that. And you didn't know that either. For all we know, in that moment, I saved your fucking life. That's like a snake. That's like if you had like a snake bite and it was like, I didn't know that you didn't have to suck along my thigh, bro.

I thought I was gonna die. I just love the idea of he would be his, the extent of his action was he peed on me. He's still a little bit. I just peed on me. What is it, a medical? I saved on me. What is it, Medi- I saved your life. What is it?

A medical amount of piss, by the way? Apparently, two sprite cans. Yeah. Hey, I know you've got to suck the poison out of my leg, but do you have to caress my thigh while you do it? Do you have to ever so gingerly? You have to lay on your stomach while you do. I just want to know, like, can we do this a different way?

There's got to a different way. Why did you lie to Candle? Let's just suck the poison out of my life. You got to be a addict, dude. Are there poison-ass-y creatures? Oh, the poison is. Yes, they're mostly poisonous. Oh, why do we see this is?

First off, pufferfish. Second off, all right, jellyfish. Is it not what it is, it's poison, or is it venom? I don't know the difference. No, venom is when they bite and they inject you. Poison is when they have like like stingering cells that like, yeah, really like, so I guess, yeah, I guess that's a form of poison. One is like you bite it, the other one it bite you.

Uh-huh. Yeah. That's how I was taught it. Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Holy shit. Yeah, I don't know which is which though. Yeah, one hurts me when it eats me, the other hurts me when I eat it.

That is... Words... I mean, yeah, world-shattering. Yeah, jellyfish are fucking nightmares. My sister actually was just in Mexico recently, and she got stung by a jellyfish. Yeah. What are they doing?

Or are they like, are they fucking? Here's the scariest part. Is that you're like out there and you're swimming and you're fine, and then they just appear. Yeah, they come out of the deep. And then you realize you're surrounded by Jonathan. It's true horror movie. And they just like appear. It's fucked up.

They I literally don't like the Pokemon Driftloon just because it makes me think about jelly. So they're the way that move makes me want to on 11. I do not care for it. I do not like it. I don't like how this one. I don't like how they're fast fluorescent or whatever the fuck it is. I don't like how this one, I don't like how they're fast fluorescent or whatever the fuck it is. I don't like bio luminescent.

I don't like how they all know how to move together but don't have a brain or a nervous system. I don't like that they live forever. You know that? Yeah, and oh yeah, there's some jellyfish that have like literally like they can deage their cells and basically go back to their like larval state. It's the life of the baby.

Correct, correct. Correct. No, it's for coming to be fucked up. And it's also fucked up that we give him cool ass names like Portuguese Manovo. Like that's a bad ass man. That's a great porn name. That's a Portuguese Manovo is a classic. Well, Portuguese wears this where I grew up as a child and Manovo was my favorite soda.

So, yeah, I don't like that it just lives forever and what it does with the gift of eternal life is it goes, I'ma fuck up that guy's leg. I'ma make his friend piss on him and I started that sentence not liking that. And I'm going back. If you gave me immortality, I would also spend a train with trick people

and the disc's gonna check. It's weird to 180 in the middle of a sentence. I'm just trying to trick people into this. I'm just trying to trick people into this. I'm just trying to trick people into this. It's weird to 180 in the middle of a sentence. But I am terrified of the answer. I don't like it at all. I've been afraid of water ever since I was a child. I'm sorry. I thought this was a unique fear,

but it's apparently something that the whole world experience, which is being in a pool and being absolutely certain without a shadow of doubt that there is a shark in the pool with you, that somehow, even though when you get out of the pool, you can look inside and you see that it's completely clear. I don't think I was in water enough because I've never had that thought.

I had that thought a hundred percent of the time. But suddenly the moment my feet could touch the bottom of the pool again, which after 13 was just all the time. Yeah, the safe zone. Yeah, the safe zone. As soon as my feet touched the safe zone, it was a normal pool again, which after 13 was just all the time. Yeah, you mean the safe zone. Yeah, the safe zone. As soon as my feet touched the safe zone, it was a normal pool again.

But the moment my feet see lifted up off the ground, shark in the water. Yeah, it's an Olympic-sized swimming pool now. Every pool is a kiddie pool for mom. It's the blanket foot rule. Yeah, for foot sound of the blanket, monster into the bed, and the blanket can't get you safe. I just, but that monster, monster, just looking seductive.

Yeah, I'm going to get them to lighting a candle like it's going to take a piss on you. I'm just realizing that there are a lot of monsters that were seductive and liked pissing on people and I don't want to spend more time here. All right folks, we've got a great show for you tonight. that were seductive and liked pissing on people, which are deeply personal and frankly, kind of embarrassing. If they choose not to answer because the question is too much, they get an ingredient added to their cup. But if they do answer it, that ingredient goes in the other person's cup. At the end of a few rounds, we cheers and play Bottoms Up.

Oh, right. Yum. Yeah, I love it. I was bottoms up. Oh, right. Yum. Yeah. I was everyone excited. I'm excited. I got asked to be a drinker. Yeah. You said, hey, want to get some drinks after work?

And I said, yeah. And you went, oh, change your plans. How about during work? And I said, even better. And you said, I'm looking so forward to just going out and grabbing a drink with you. No cameras. Just two of us. No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I co-host. I want to say two things. One, if you want to see the lineup of

Discussing ingredients that we have if you're an audio listener go check out the video version on the rooster teatsight because I'm looking at all these things and none of them Mix well and if that doesn't sell you on it You should go to the rooster's he site just to see Michaels outfit outfit and see a man dress like a undercover cop at a planet fit. What do you mean undercover? This is my, this is my monkey crotch camera. I blend in. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's good.

Grab your attention. To start this game, we need to start off with a drink base. Of course, you need to have something that we're going to mix into everything. So the base today is going to be liquid death mango chain songs. We'll go ahead and start. Oh, they do flavors. I thought we were just going to do a couple water, but mango water. Now that's, that's fucking string.

Okay. So first question, did a little coin flip backstage, Armando, you won the coin toss. So you'll go first with this question for Michael. All right. Michael. Jones. What is the dumbest thing that you have ever expensed to rooster teeth?

Pass. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. First out the gate. Perfect.

Beautiful. Oh, and you really want to tested, see how this works. Okay. All right, well, that's the first question, first pass, and the ingredient is Valentina. Oh, what is that? Valentina is a wonderful hot sauce. Oh, okay.

It's getting, this chainsaw is getting more rusty as we add a little bit of Valentina to the mango chainsaw. That makes us so well. Yeah, look at that. I'm just kind of immediately plummeted to the bottom. Oh, it congeals. Yeah, how it congeals at the bottom? Beautiful.

Okay, we love that. All right. That was easy, Michael. I asked this question. Ask him on the next question. I've been thinking about this. Oh, God. Freestyle wrap for us, question mark. Will you freestyle wrap for us? Question mark?

Will you freestyle wrap for us? Oh. Yes. Rough. I felt like mine was easier. Well, you didn't answer yours. Yeah, but if I did, it would have been. Do I get to see what the ingredient is?

Absolutely not. It's your favorite one, though. Whatever you want the most, it's that one. It's either fucking cream of mushroom super, the pussy flavored heritos. I just, come on, you don't even know what that tastes like. You like, there's, there's,

do you have a beat? DJ, can we drop a beat on him? This is awful. That's a good, poor no, yeah. Stop dancing. Not at all.

I think I porn out. The dance that our producer's doing off camera is tantamount to work crimes. We can never show that. Uh, uh, uh. Why are you making the brand new man on camera rap, huh? Hey, what's up? What's in the cup?

Damn, this shit fucking sucks. I'm looking at his. It looks like he'll blow chunks. This shit is awful. What rhymes with awful? Not a lot. Boom, fuck. How on do I have to rhyme? I mean, what's the time that I'm Confined into filling up with space? Shit, is it a race thing that you made? No, I shouldn't even say that because Andrew is technically brown too. A bet you didn't know that, fool.

Ladies and gentlemen, the last name. Ladies and gentlemen, he did it. He done did it. I feel like I'd won. Oh, you didn't win it all. I won it all. But he did it. Exactly.

It wasn't good. So that means it was good to watch. But you know what? That means this ingredient goes in Michael's glass, which is. What is it? Maple syrup. It's not even a fucking bad one. No, I told you it was going to be your favorite.

I'm going to actually just drink a new shit. Fuck me. Fuck, I told you it was gonna be your favorite. I would actually just drink a shit past. Fuck me. It should have been bad. God damn it. People are losing it off camera. Here we got a, let's take it. It's time. I don't know if you can see it in the PTC,

but he dropped the maple syrup and the whole drink went and created a froth. It's becoming alive. Yeah, it's spicy, it's sweet. It's got everything. Actually, that might not be bad. It's probably not even good. You put some bourbon in there, that show would be delicious.

Do we have bourbon on the table? We sadly don't understand it. Probably not gonna happen. We have bismill, Michael. What is the most specific thing that you have typed into a porn search bar? I have taught, well, okay, this one time I've typed pass. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha the ingredient, yeah. Okay, I'm not excited. I'm gonna get more than you. That's such a love, you get more ingredients. I have a clean glass of water.

Ooh, we have the time. Strawberry milk. Strawberry milk is going into the, because of the past, yeh, all right, here we have anything that's gonna work together. I think it's gonna curdle. Do it slowly.

Yeah, my not curdle. Here we go. Yeah, yeah, whisk it in there. I don't like that. It's moredle. Do it slowly. Yeah, my not curdle. Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Whisk it in there. I don't like that. It's more mixed. That looks good. Well, then it can't curdle if it won't mix.

Yeah. Okay. Let's go ahead and give that a whiff. How's that smellin'? Hot. It smells hot. Oh, mm-hmm. Okay.

Oh, Jesus. Call this hot strawberry milk. Hot strawberry milk. Michael, your next question for Armando. This is a long one. Oh, here we go. What's your bank checking account balance right now? Mine? I guess. So that's actually a trick question, Andrew. Is that right? Because technically my current balance is $102.91. But my current available balance is $0.06. Wow, that's good.

Can we get a tight one? Tight clothes up in on that one? I don't know that you can't. Okay, well, what's your current, what's your current bank account balance? Because here's the thing, if you tell me what yours is, I'll take this ingredient.

Because I want to know pass I know it wasn't your question okay so but because because you because you were forthright we get the ad of the next ingredient which is clomato everyone's favorite beverage oh god clomato and it's been oh clomato or clomato clomato it's been, oh, a tomato or a plumado. Yeah, it's a plumada plumado. Okay. Now that, that pairs really well with the sauce. Okay. Yeah.

And that, Okay. So, uh, that made stuff happen on the top. That really made stuff happen. For a listening audience, um, Michael Jones has a, a, a bombination in front of him. Armando has a clean glass of water. Yeah. Michael looks like he made a smoothie out of a kitten.

It's quite possibly the grossest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, this is upsetting. Who is the last person you jacked off to? Like, at or what do you mean? What does that mean? Well, it doesn't say too worn. It says too. Yeah, you're right. I read this wrong.

Michael Jones, who the last person you jerked off onto? No, no, who is the last person you jerked it to? I wouldn't answer the other one. That's a pass. That's a pass. That's crosses the line. I won't come on here and be embarrassed. I won't stand for this.

We'll simply not stand for this. But you'll come on somebody else and be proud. Well, you don't know, because that wasn't the question. That's fair. And with that, what do we got? Sriracha, chili sauce, getting added to your beverage. This keeps good. Does he think that'll make any difference at this point?

It's creating a little ecosystem in there. It's going to start moving in breathing soon. your, uh, to your beverage. This keeps good. This is, do you think that don't make any difference at this point? It's creating a little ecosystem in there. Yeah. It's going to start moving in breathing soon. The, it looks like someone has already just thrown up in a cup. Yeah. It just looks like that's going to look the same going in as going out.

Yeah. I'm in a cup. All right. This is the last round. Oh, thank God. Let me use your phone to message your significant other. What? Can I do, is that possible? Yeah. Let me use your phone to message your significant other What Can I do is that possible? Yeah?

This is the last round. Yeah I feel like if I could make it out with a clean fucking No, with nothing. I'm trying to I think I got to make it out clean. Oh, okay. I won't read what's before it. I want to though. Oh, don't you want to scroll? Don't you want to go to the person's name and see photos?

Don't do that. Don't do that. Please don't do that. Ooh, the tension. I can feel the heat radiating off Armando right now. It's like palpable. It's palpable, I understand it. All right, send it.

What did you, what did you just say? Wait, hang on. Okay. You made it out clean. You made it out. What did he, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm so fucking sorry. I'm, I, I, it doesn't seem like something you would say. No, I was going for a shock and all.

Do we just end your relationship on this show? I think so. But hey, guess what, pal? You get to drink a glass of clean water. And we add one final thing to, add a cream of mushroom soup so okay Someone just made an odd It doesn't even pour it got a pulled it up scrape it out Star I gotta use a finger. Yeah, well, I would use why would you use your finger? Jesus?

We're gonna use a paintbrush from the set man. This was really sitting Here real it's really let's not have asked this guy. Okay, you want it here? We get I don't want the whole thing because then it just won't make That's for you a team look. That's pretty good. That's the stuff Is there a more viral consistency? a team live. That's pretty good. That's the stuff. Is there a more viral consistency? I'm just going to go and head and say audio listeners, you don't want to see the video for this one. I actually will tell it encourage you not to do the video versus that business practice. What you're doing. Don't go to roosters.

You start watching. Come on here. I'll be on your show. You tell people not to watch. Fuck you. Ladies gentlemen, this has been bottoms up. Please clinker glasses, cheers to this wonderful game show. I cheers to Michael Jones for being on the show. Oh, God. Bottoms up. Oh. I'm fucking terrified of you.

I don't feel like I fucking won. Yeah. I feel like I've lost everything. I'm all... The smell of the fucking... It's spicy. It's like a bloody Mary. Who has celery? Get fucked.

This has been Bottoms Up. Bye. This episode of the RT podcast sponsored by our friends at Shady Raise. Boy, have they got you covered for the warm weather ahead with premium polarized shades at an affordable price? Andrew, how expensive are the sunglasses you own right now? They're actually very reasonably priced because I use Shady Rays now. Whoa! That's right.

I used to have an expensive pair of sunglasses and I broke them almost instantly. Like it was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. It's like, hey, a nice pair of name redacted. Sunglasses and yeah, broke. And they don't replace them. They don't have a good replacement policy.

Oh, oh, Andrew, baby. I'm so glad you brought that up. I don't know if you know, but Shady Rays has the world's most impressive loss and protection program where if you break or lose your Shady Rays on day one or any time afterwards, they will send you a new pair for free. No questions asked. It's absolutely beautiful. And their frames are durable and extremely clear, which makes them great for outdoor adventures.

Shady rays are absolutely fantastic. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've worn a pair of before? Oh, yeah, absolutely. We were shooting something in here the other day, and I was like, you know what would be perfect for us? Esthetically, and also in terms of looking good,

Shady rays. This isn't even a joke. I remember you were wearing a pair of glasses. The Andrew was like, those are sick as heck. Where did you get them? I have them. I tilted the back and I was like, shit, it's shit. Yeah, shit.

You know what, like things when they bounce out, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, in case you don't already know, Shady Rays is an independent sunglasses company that offers a world class product that is just as good as any expensive pair that the three of us have ever worn. They're durable. they're incredible.

They're awesome. The loss in protection program absolutely covers you. No questions asked. It's amazing. It's beautiful. Look, I can read from this gosh dang teleprompter all day, but you're not gonna believe me because I'm telling you right now, man to

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The ShadyRays.com use code RoosterTeat for 50% off 2 plus pairs of your polarized sunglasses. I'm done! It's a good product! This episode of the RT Podcast is sponsored by Helix Sleep. Some glasses. I'm done. It's a good product. This episode of the RT podcast is sponsored by Helix Sleep. Sleep is one of the most universal human experiences that there is.

I sleep, Andrew. I've been known to sleep. We got a griff. I've slept once or twice. Nice. Heck yeah, dude. It takes up about a third of our lives and a good night's sleep can have some serious health benefits.

I mean, I didn't sleep all last night and now I'm screaming about advertisements. Okay, you don't want to do that. You don't want to put your coworkers through that, right, Andrew? Yeah. Don't you talk to me. Yes. So I was finding the perfect mattress so hard. Well, thanks to Helix Sleep, finding the perfect mattress just for you is as easy as taking

a two-minute quiz. And what else can you do in two minutes, Andrew? Um, you can fill out a two-minute survey. Uh-huh, what else? Uh, you can juggle for two minutes? That's pretty good. What else? Uh, you can jump rope for two minutes?

Nice. Yeah. I feel like you got a nice good sleep on your shoulders. Oh, I've got... The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection, the newly released Helix Elite Collection, and a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers.

Oh, oh. They're... What are you looking at me? You're both of those things. Oh, come on. No, I'm just tall. I'm a normal sized man. Yeah, you're a normal six foot five.

I don't like, I don't, because one day, one day, Helix sleep, I'm sorry for this. One day I'm going to pass it on from this mortal coil and they will find my body laid perfectly to rest on a Helix mattress that will outlive me. Oh, without question. Absolutely. And they'll look at my bones and they'll go, how did this gorilla afford this amazing mattress?

And then they'll go to Helix mattresses website and go, wow, anyone could afford Helix mattresses. These are incredible. Yeah, absolutely. Just a mattress made for this big gorilla, man. And their mattresses even have cooling technology that helps regulate your body temperature, whatever the season. Helix also offers a 109 trial so that you can test out your mattress at home and make sure

that it's a perfect fit for you. Look, you've heard Gus talking about how he's getting his best night's sleep thanks to his helix. All he had to do was take a little quiz, find the best mattress for his needs, and boom, perfect. Gus shaped mattress. Although in theory, you would get a perfect U shaped mattress and not a Gus shaped mattress because he's very lanky.

We very Ikebod crane. I think he's got some Ikebod crane DNA in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Truly a monster that is haunted of forest outside of Portland for years. Right now, he looks as offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. I feel like the pillows don't get hit on enough. They don't. They don't. They we don't we don't plug the pillow part of that

enough because it's awesome mattress. Also pillows. Yeah. Do you know how comfortable it is to like flip over your pillow to the cool side of the pillow? Imagine a pillow that's all cool side. In Texas. In Texas.

In Texas. That's the dream. It's absolutely beautiful. So go to helixleap.com slash rooster. This is their best offer yet and it will not last long with helix. Better sleep starts right now. Hello, everyone. Helix better sleep starts right now. Hello everyone, we wanted to take a moment and remind you that RTX 2023 is happening July 7th

through July 9th. You can join us this summer for a memorable weekend at our camp for indoor kids, which features 15 plus live shows, special meet and greets, exclusive parties, fun panels, and Andrew Roses. I'll be there too. Griff?

I'll be in the escape room. Oh! A little whole time. Now are you gonna be trying to escape the whole time or are you just gonna be hiding in there? There's only one way to find out. Ooh, cheeky. That's right, RTX has never had an escape room

to my knowledge before. And I think that is such a great way to tell you about all the great stuff we have. There's so many things that we haven't been able to do before. This RTX is so different from anyone that I've ever heard of or been to before. And I am absolutely stoked. With guest ranging from your favorite RT groups, like Funhouse and Achievement Hunter to friends like Therapy Gecko, the Super Carlin Brothers, and new rock stars. RTX 2023 is an event that you won't want to miss. Badges for this three-day fun fest are available as low

as $55. Ooh, that's a bargain, that's a deal. Yeah, what else can you do for $55? Most shirts don't cost $55 these days. That's way more expensive. That is incredibly true. It's insane. This t-shirt was like 60 bucks.

It's a t-shirt. Yeah, this one was like seven. You can get a badge to this absolute carousel of home run entertainment for $55. You can't afford not to get a badge to RTX. No, sorry. It's incredible. It's absolutely so much fun and we are so excited for it and we're looking forward to meeting all of you there. So if you can head over to RTXAustin.com and do me a solid,

you can buy your badge today. RTX, the only badge I won't hate when you wear it. Boy, it feels good to get that bag, folks. Oh, compliments to the banker. Keeping the lights on here. Absolutely. And then turning them off so I can sleep on my Helix mattress.

That one's for free. Don't you ask for another one. And now that you've helped us, it's time for us to try to help you. It's RT Cares. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello, welcome to RT Cares, the segment where we take your questions

and turn them into dumb answers. You're welcome. Today's question is about friendship. Oh! Me and my best friend just became roommates and it's starting to put a strain on our friendship. Yeah. Mainly because I'm pretty sure he keeps stealing the food

that I bought for myself. How can I prove my friend is stealing my groceries and more importantly, how do I stop them? Keep that mouth fucking thing on you. That's how you stop. Just going for like a late night glass of milk, opening the door and swiveling around in a chair, the sound of a cocking the school. What's up Kyle?

I have confirmed and compromised to a permanent end. My roommate, Kevin. You like you go to the fridge like you go to the fridge, you take out like some like leftover isn't all you hear. And you look over it all you see as someone's your friend's eyes lit by the end of a cigarette sharing Listen, so you set up an elaborate rubric Just a series of levers and pulleys and balls falling down slides You better believe I better be here in Raymond Scott's powerhouse. Well, I think You better believe I better be here in Raymond Scott's powerhouse. Well, I think that bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum is you're going to be at home and hear your roommate be like, Hey, man, when did we get 75,000 marbles put about the

You just have a Kevin McAllister. Yeah, he's like, Kevin McAllister will just paint cans everywhere. Just the roommates, just keys in the door. Are you just sitting there just like today's the day. Yeah. Oh, hey, man, I'm so hungry. I had a real, had a real day at work. What's in the fridge? And you're so much ratcheting.

God damn, there's a lot of right. Have you noticed that the sound of ratcheting has gone up 100% in this apartment? You're not here any ratcheting. No, it's all I hear. I'll be a series of group goldberg machines. It's not feasible. Of course. So my actual answer is three words,

Carolina Reaper Pepper. Oh my god. Oh, you put that shit in everything. Oh my god. Literally, you put whatever he steals, whatever they steal the most, you make it and you make it like with the hottest dab sauce or whatever. And you put it right in the middle of it.

If it's an impanada, you put it in the pocket. If it's pizza, you put it as the sauce. And that's how you'll know and that's how you put it right in the middle of it. If it's an impanada, you put it in the pocket. If it's pizza, you put it as the sauce. And that's how you'll know, and that's how you stop it. And so milk, it's not milk now. It's Carolina Reaper Pepper and white paint, because otherwise it'll fucking curdle. No, you just put it through a Brit-a-17 times get the color out.

Yeah. Keep all of the spice essence. Exactly. And so when you come home and your roommate's head is a steamship whistle, you will obviously know. A lot of cartoon references in this episode about this. This is this idea I can't miss. My favorite thing about this question is,

mainly because I'm pretty sure he keeps stealing the food I bought for myself. It's only the two of you. So unless it's your roommate or a horrible other option where you've got like a secret person living in like the cabinets. A terrible third thing. Yeah. So like, yeah, it's definitely unless you're,

unless you've got, oh, unless you've got like night time eating disease. That's incredible. I have that. I have night time eating disease. Thanks to your substances. Yeah. It's when I, it's when I'm fully awake and very present in my order door to actually have three in the morning. What if your friend like is having friends over who

are stealing the food? What then? Ooh. Because that well they're besties. So they have to have like a friend group, right? Oh, not necessarily. That's true. Here's the thing that is the awful truth. You should never live with somebody that you like. Correct. No, you shouldn't. Because what happens is every time you stop becoming friends with this person and you start hating them as the roommate that they are, yes. For leaving too much hair in the sink, or replacing the toilet paper roll. First stealing your fucking food or on the side, because you thought that your roommate

was buying communal milk, and suddenly you're eating fucking Carolina Reaper sauce and white paint and white paint. And Jack, your vidmo, I've been paying you this whole time. What the fuck? That's so good. Oh my god. But that's the almond that was like, who treats a gallon of almond milk and it's the only sold-in whole gallons?

I have lived with some people that I've been friends with and were no longer roommates and were also no longer friends. It's a hard thing to do. I'd also say that like, you know, a lot of relationships like straight up, like romantic relationships. One of the biggest problems is that sometimes people are just not good roommates.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yes. So my advice to you is obviously to poison them. And that's where I've been leading this whole time. Oh, that's what I said. That you gotta get rid, yeah, but I'm taking a step further. Okay. I'm saying Carolina Reaper Sauce.

I'm saying ammonia. Mon, Mon, did you, did you get me this water? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,. I'm saying ammonia. Mon, did you, did you get me this water? And then I'll teach him. Stop drinking the fucking waters that I put in the fridge for myself, Andrew. I think every time we do one of these, at least one of the solutions is going to be crime. Just crime. This is the only way to get out of this. But then it's too late. way that it's not your roommate unless you like eating your sleep or someone is living in your wall. Before you forgot, or you misremembered how old the food was and he threw it out because

it was stinky. Correct, yeah, sure. He's cared about you and didn't want you to get that food poisoning. Yeah, but the more likely option is you live with the fucking scumbag who's taking your food. If you want a real answer out of me, I would just say have a conversation because I've had this happen with people where like I've come home and I know exactly how many drumsticks there are. Oh, yeah. Ryan, I know how many drumsticks come in a Costco pack.

You're not going to get away with it just because there's a lot of them I count down as I eat the drumsticks. Exactly. Ryan. And here's the other thing too, because like in my estimation, or the kind of person that I am, and like the kind of I'm non-confrontational, but I'm also generous. So like literally it's like, hey bro, can I have a drumstick?

Yeah, just have to say. I'm not gonna be like, no. But it is the assumption of like, oh, this is all communal food. Like, no, it's because it, being polite and asking and just having a conversation, by the way, 90% of all problems can be solved with literally just talking to the person.

Oh, absolutely. Like, it removes the element of surprise for when you go to a drumstick and there aren't any, and then you want to commit a more. There is nothing worse than in your in your mind palace knowing exactly where the food is and the phrase that you want to eat after work and you come home and it's not there and you see your fucking dumb girlfriend with an empty plate next year that you know that you kept the food that you were thinking about all day on that plate.

Jesus said they're having just finished it. And you're just like, hmm. And what I do is then I go to the fridge and I go, hey, um, you see the rice I had in the fridge? And then she just goes, oh, I didn't think you wanted to ask me. Yeah, ask me for the rice. Ask me if I want, don't, I didn't think, no, you didn't think.

You should have asked. This is coming from a very real place. We touched something very specific. It's the only thing we've ever thought about. That's so funny. Again, opening the fridge, cut to Arthur clenched fist. Literally, it was like, oh my God. Ask me about the rice.

Yeah, again, a lot of relationships failed because people are just bad roommates. And I'm sorry for your loss. So what I would say is what you have to do is absolutely nip this in the bud quickly and start a better form of communication between you because as soon as resentment starts to take root between two roommates, friendship over.

It will absolutely just eat that relationship out from the outside, from the inside out. So you coming back. And I know coming back from it. So I, I think you just have to have a very frank and honest discussion with this person. My final verdict on it, by the way, secret fridge.

Ooh. Secret second fridge. Oh, baby. Secret second fridge. You're gonna lock your door. Yeah, lock your door. Keep a lock on the fridge too. Keep a combo.

Lock on that. Loot baby. Yeah. Secret fridge is the way to go. And not like one of these like G fuel fridges where you can see inside, I'm talking like a dorm black door when you fridge under the bed.

And by the way, and by the way, also in addition to keeping roommates out of your stash, also having a bedroom mini fridge if this is a dude, or it doesn't really matter. If you're having a sex guest, a sex guest over, having a mini fridge in the room so you don't have to nakedly go get refreshments in the kitchen, you just reach over, bam, ice cold, fucking ****. If they were a sponsor this show, you can we insert your beverage name here, you just reach over and grab an ice cold drink.

Awesome. Incredible. Now you're the hero. Now you're the hero. And she doesn't remember the weird thing you did because you were hospitable. I do want to say two things. One, I'm sorry that we had to bleep out that brand name,

but please sponsor us. And secondly, there is a time limit on when mini-fridge will work. And I would tell you that from experience, because when I was, I think, 23, I had an apartment where I had a mini-fridge in my room, and the girl that I would bring over would be like, that's fucking awesome. You don't even have to get out of bed to get a sandwich.

Correct. And I am now 27 years old. And if I brought somebody home and had a mini fridge in the room in the apartment I share with other people, I think any partner I brought home would be like, you need to get a job. So you fucking life out, mate. No, or a secret third thing. She thinks that you're a very, very wealthy

Twitch streamer. Ooh. Just get some GB lights in the middle of the bridge and the bathroom. I got that. This is like RGB lights. RGB track lights. Oh, ladies.

That just means you're ranked number three on Twitch and you're about to get poached by kick. Not it. Oh, that is so good. That is so good. So, you know why the mini fridge is okay? Cause it started with this whole palm premise. You have a roommate.

And you have a roommate. You can have a mini fridge. If you're living alone, and you have a mini fridge in your bedroom, red flag. Red flag. No, no, no, no. Yes.

Yes. I was trying to get out of it. I will posit to you that if you live absolutely alone and you have a mini fridge in your bedroom, uh-huh, that's even better. No! No! Yeah, it's absolutely.

Why? Because it's awesome! What do you mean no? No! You're saying no? No! You're fucking wrong! No, you penguins, zeroes here, whatever you say.

Are you penguins, was it Charlie? Moist critical? Are you voice critical? Yeah, I am moist critical because I got a fucking fridge in my goddamn room and everything's wet because I leave the door open. No, it's high on the map, it's cheaper than running the AC awesome.

Now, get out. And it doubles as a fucking nightstand, okay? No, I got a lamp everywhere. Everything you're saying is making it or in your lamp as RGB. Everything you're saying is making it or in your lamp is RGB. Everything you're saying is making it work. The amount of Creos-O-soaked pipe smoking material that's on that fucking mini fridge on your nightstand. God damn.

If I see someone, if I see someone lives alone at home and has a mini fridge in their bathroom, I'm just like, this person had a very, or I'm sorry, in their bedroom. I don't know why I said that, and see they have a mini fridge in their bathroom. I'm like, this person had a cr- had a cr- had a very, or I'm sorry, in their bedroom, I don't know why I said that, and see, I have a mini fridge in their bathroom. I'm like, this person had a cradum free face. Like, cradum face. You had a cradum face, like for sure. Well, first of all, the bathroom thing is interesting because I do want my chilled pep dough within the kitchen.

Yeah. Here's, okay. You can get pep dough in the fridge. What's, yes, what's better, what's worse? If I have a mini fridge in my apartment, in my bedroom that I live in a load, or I live in an apartment alone, and I have a mini fridge in every room of the house,

is that better? How big is the house? Yeah. Three bedrooms in my mind. The one I live in is one bedroom. If it's like a big house, sure. Sure. Like, leave that floors though.

Oh yeah. Oh, all houses have floors. And walls in a roof. If your house doesn't have a landing, then you can't do that. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha. I think the living alone no roommates fridge

in the bedroom comes with a weed rider. I can't, thank you for you. I got you playboy. I think you playboy. No roommates fridge in the bedroom comes with a weed rider I got you playboy Red Bull can with a false bottom All I'm saying is that what I lose and pussy I make up for and fucking hang time with the Fuck yeah, okay, let us know in the comments owning at many frizz in your bedroom Okay, let us know in the comments, owning a mini fridge in your bedroom, when you live alone, weird or good. And also, if your roommates are stealing your food,

just poison them and get a mini fridge. Mini fridge is a solution to everything. It's a one, two punch. First of all, all your real food, stored in the mini fridge, all the decoy food, dead. Yeah. And that has been RT Cares.

I hope to God that helped. And just to be safe, legal is telling me we are not liable for this advice. Ha ha ha. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING [♪-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING-F-FALSE MUSIC-F-F-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING-F-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING-F-F-FALSE MUSIC PLAYING-F my favorite segment always on where we take the week's headlines and turn them into jokes so that it's a little bit easier to learn about what's going on. Yeah, exactly. We should hear it for the mothers. Yeah, I think today we're going to start off with our very own, Griff.

Twitch's biggest streamer, XQC, is signing with Kick, a new streaming platform that appears to be centered around online gambling. Finally, now streamers can bond with their dads over something manly and traditional. Crypling gambling addictions. So now get where you're always on the computer all day. Dad, I'm gambling. Oh, okay, I love me some slots.

Now let me ask you a question, son. It's just the same kick where I used to have to meet the people that I met on Craigslist. Is that a different type of kick? No dad, it's very confusing. Oh geez. An Australian woman who was stranded in the wilderness is being praised as a hero after surviving for five days on only wine and candy.

But I do it for three months, and suddenly I have a problem. But you do it in not the wilderness. It's about the look out. Oh, okay. So I do it surrounded by trees, which I also do already. I do love that that is actually called

the Armando on Gopof. Or here Armando signature pack is a bottle of wine and candy. But it's five days worth of wine and candy. All right, an Indiana man appeared before a judge last week for a parole violation, and when he heard his sentence of 200 days in prison bolted from the courtroom and tried to escape. The judge actually considered letting him go because the only thing worse than being in prison ised from the courtroom and tried to escape. The judge actually considered letting him go because the only thing worse than being in prison is being free in Indiana.

I'm not gonna lie, Indiana, one of those states I forget about. Yeah. Like you know when you're going through a rola dex of states, Indiana's not like Arkansas? Arkansas, I forget about. Yeah. I just learned that New Jersey is in a city.

What? Yeah. It's a whole state. It's not burrow. No Well, the more you know on June 10th holiday celebrating the belated freeing of slaves in Texas Senator Josh Hawley tweeted out the following tone deaf statement Christianity is the faith and America is the place slavery came to die That's like if the guy who killed Bruce Wayne's parents, like

was claiming the brain down crime rates and got them by making Batman. It doesn't, it's like technically sure. Yeah. I mean, yeah. In related news, uh, in Illinois man was charged last Thursday after he shot himself in the leg while having a dream that his home was being robbed. Locals on scene reported that his wife was quoted as saying, oh, but when I have a dream, you're cheating on me. I'm overreacting. I realized that most of my punchlines are me just being angry. So when I do it, it's terrible. It's okay.

It's terrible when I do it. Oh, but when I make a tone deaf tweet, then I'm in trouble. But you do it and you get to be Senator. Just a weaponized incredulity. All right. Incredulity. Those are those little pods for nicotine, right? Did I charge on my little mini fridge nightstand

that I have in my studio apartment? Okay. That's your free right, dude. All right, a new Mexico woman got a surprise last week when she bid into a sonic drive and hot dog and found a baggy of cocaine, which is without question the healthiest thing ever served as a Sonic drive. They don't have any suspects yet, but they think it might be the guy who was just skiing

across the parkway with no roller skates. He was just flying like a hummingbird from Carter Car. And if it wasn't him, it was the blue hedgehog running 100 miles an hour, saying I love chili dogs. Man, I feel like you could say the phrase, he was surprised when biting into a sonic hotdog for every person that's ever bitten into a sonic hotdog. You go, hold on, this is food. What the fuck, man?

Pression among adults is on the rise in the US according to the CDC study, which reported that nearly one in five American adults is diagnosed with depression. Interesting. One in five. Hey, are you depressed? Yeah.

All right, we found a take them out. Take them out. We got him. Get this man on 10 milligrams of the luxury pro stat. Climate change activists held a protest in Massachusetts last week where in order to raise awareness, they decided to drop their pants. Key members of the group were calling for more attention to be paid to our environment, whereas smaller members of the group said, see, the climate change does affect something.

It's really cold right now. Come on. And this is just a reminder to the folks out there. It's not the size of the boat. It's the fact that the ocean rises 3.4 millimeters every year. Just like those activists. Oh. God. Folks, final story of the night.

Backstock of Kanye West Yeezy Shoes are back on sale after Adidas cut ties with the Cleveland show Get Star. It's pretty ironic that this monstrous anti-Semite is now being associated with piles of empty shoes. No! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! All right. Well, that has been always on. I have been Armando. I have been Andrew.. I've been Andrew And thank you for tuning into the RT podcast. We'll see you next week. Wow. Bye everybody Describe the show to a newcomer in a more familiar way. Do you like apples? Example together in trepid hosts

Characans characans are free of Diaz of nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster-teeths cryptic podcasts. F**k face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short. Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts.

It's f**k face, a podcast. Subscribe or no. You do yes?