Rooster Teeth Podcast - They Destroyed My Apartment! - #763

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Picture yourself as Armando Torres, resting in your bed after a long day of podcasting until suddenly, a sledge hammer punches a massive hole into your living room wall. If you want to know more about this story, join in on this week's episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast! This episode is sponsored by Shady Rays!  Go to http://shadyrays.com and use code ROOSTERTEETH for 50% OFF 2 or more pairs of polarized sunglasses. Watch the full episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast for Free! -https://roosterteeth.com/series/rt-podcast Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Based on Japan's highest selling manga series in history by Ichiro Ola, one piece is a legendary high-seize adventure unlike any other, and it's out now only on Netflix. Luffy is a young adventurer who has longed for a life of freedom for us long as he can remember. He sets off on a perilous journey to find the legendary treasure to become King of the Pirates, but in order to find this treasure, Luffy will need to find a ship and assemble a crew. Once he sets sail, he was searched the vast ocean and outward dangerous rivals with the help of his loyal shipmates and legendary fighting abilities. This is an incredible world ruled by pirates filled with mysterious fruits that grant superpowers

and talking snails that people use as telephones. Yes, you heard that right. Snailphones. But beyond the fantastic elements, the people of this world are driven to search far and wide for the legendary treasure known only as the one piece. We are super excited to watch it out now only on Netflix. This is a Risteteer Production. Welcome to the only show willing to be a third in your dying relationship.

It's the RT podcast. Hi, one of your hosts, Sarbandha Torres, and joining me is... Andrew Rosas. And... I'm back, baby. Yeah! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba I'm bad. Grippy socks. Yes. You guys have never been to the cycle before? No. Oh, no, I haven't.

But yeah, the grippy socks. I feel like grippy socks would help when you're having sex and standing on the bed. On the precipice. Yeah, exactly. Or if you're going to get your feet up. Oh, I'm going to spider-pig. If you want to do some true, no, here's the thing. I feel like if you're doing it,

if you're in the act and you're trying to do some wild stuff, you have to be wearing Tim. You have to be as disrespectful. Oh, yeah. Untied Tim. It's like the loosest fucking Tim's on her. Untied, I just rode the subway here, Tim. Oh, that's disgusting.

Oh, my God. I am disgusting. Oh my God. I am glad to have you back. It's been nice. I don't know why I said it's been nice. Oh, it's okay. Are you sure about that? Oh, I'm sure about that. No, yes, we're happy to have you back.

Yeah, we are happy to have you back. It's been nice having a couple of guests on, but I missed you next to me going, whenever I ask you to say your name. It's a listen. I'm not the glue that keeps us podcasting together, I am the solvent that rips the part. And that's okay. I'm fine with that, that's my lot in life.

You're the like industrial strength boat stripper. It takes pain off a fucking soul. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Andrew and I are the nuclear core of the podcast and you are the explosion that helps us destroy most of Japan. A lot of Japan. A lot of Japan.

At least two major cities in Japan, but not Kyoto because that one guy, like the vacay there. One guy like to vacay there. It's pretty out of the history. Yeah, I've been having a terrible week. No, but it'll be real really big guys. I recently, and by recently, I mean this morning, was vacated from my apartment, which every person that I've told this to

has given me that look, Andrew, of like, I'm sorry, what did you just say? I didn't know that could happen to you. Yeah, especially because you live in like a nice one. Yeah, I live in like a nice. You live in the night, like the fifth nicest one. I was gonna say the nicest, but then I remember there's like more.

And I was like, you're only the fourth or fifth nicest one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I live in a mid tier. Oh no, it's like an upper mid. No, no, no, I'm not mad at it. It's the top of the mid. I live in the Honda Civics of apartment complexes. But like the, the LX model, not the DX. Yeah, exactly. And you got all model nothing. Yeah, yeah, you got all the trimming all the trimmer all of it

The wood gran. Oh my god. The fucking wood gran in like the mid up charm. My god, I'm pre-tinted windows My apartment has a cool spoiler on the side of it and and base boosts the hell out of my Spanish music Like shake it rattles the fucking. Oh my god. I also love the idea of that I live in the Honda Civic of apartments because I used to live in a Honda Civic. That's a come-up. Sorry for the bottom.

Truly. A perme tier apartment. Nothing is better than the spoiler on a car that can't break 110 miles. Oh, yeah. Like a hammer, even crest that speed limit, and you need a spoiler to keep it on the ground folks. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It looks cool. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've been living in this apartment now for about three months, three, four months. Yeah. I don't remember. Since May, it has been a real comedy of errors.

Oh, yeah. Folly after Folly. Exclusive. So Austin is suffering from what I personally call Los Angeles syndrome, but could happen anywhere that there are tech bros moving in. Yeah, point directly to what happened to you. It's just what happens when tech industry moves into your bullshit little city and creates this like boom where people need their like Work play live

Yes, Atlanta has been ruined. Yeah, 100% absolutely decimated. It's been destroyed by white owned boba shops And the worst Mexican food you've ever had in your life Yep, and actually I'm part of the problem for the first time ever, I've become a gentrified. You're the California movie here, jacking up our rents and our upper mid to your apartments. Working for my internet, start up, fucking media company. No, I do. Yeah, it's been really cool.

But what happens when you do this, when you're city like boosts up too fast, is that they build a bunch of, what I would call quote unquote luxury apartments. Luxury like the LX on my Honda. Yeah, luxury just means gray. Yes. It means grayish. That's exactly what it means

because you've seen my wall, my grayish walls. Oh yeah, no, yeah. It's the like decorators are equivalent of being on suicide watch to me. Yes, like I got, when I moved in, they gave me two sets of keys and grippy socks. And so the apartment was built in I believe a year and now a year later it is they've realized how dog shit the building was and if you look around my apartment this is always the worst thing too.

When you move into a place and you're like, this place is really nice. And then you live there for a week and you spot every single issue that you have with it. Like, one of my floorboards moves a lot and like creates an opening where I should be hiding stuff. Is it, you're like, slightly askew? Yes, but I try not to point that out to myself.

I try desperately to forget that fact. And you have ruined me. For me, yet again. You're not saying I'm marbles? Yeah, I was gonna say, just don't drop marbles and you'll never know. Oh, boy. And so my building has been covered in scaffolding

and has been under construction. Almost since three weeks into me living there. All of us, it's like that. Yes. I feel like, you know, as brain compresses time, I really feel like it was like, you unlocked the door, stepped into your like new brand new apartment, closed. It's the second the door closed. Yes. Like the construction started. Like the thing it's like instantly jackhammer noises, fucking

hammering the air, fucking compressor nail guns. It's happening. It happened so fast. And the worst part was I sent this video to you. But the day that they set up the scaffolding, I was asleep in my house. And I heard something like outside of my apartment. And I'm on like the sixth floor of my apartment, right? And so I turn around around like in my bed,

I turn around to look up my window, and I see a man that is standing face to face with me, somehow six floors up above the ground, and I went, he passed you. Yeah, I pulled my sheet up, and I went, and it's good, the fuck out of me. I pulled the two dirty plates off my, I went, and it's good, the fuck out of me.

I pulled the two dirty plates off my, and I stand and covered my nipples with, I covered myself with the 900 glasses though. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. That's a woman. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. No, you have a roadmap of what a bigger mess.

Wait, I don't like that you guys have been to my apartment enough to know what trash I have playing around. Yeah, it freaked me the fuck out. It scared the shit out of me. I see Andrew a video of him like walking in different silhouette of this guy going by and I like no context. No context sent me the video and it really was it truly was like the moment in signs when the alien walks across The birthday party video. It was like oh god like it got me it's scared to shit out of me So they put they put the stuff up what happened this week was they've been trying to fix the windows and they somehow smashed a hole in my wall. Oh cool.

And destroyed one of my windows. Yes. Now, where was your head in relativity to this accident happen? My head was in my bedroom, thankfully, this happened to my living room. Okay. But I do like that when I, because I've been telling people like, yeah, they smashed a hole in my wall, which is true. That is what happened.

They smashed a, and about like a golf ball sized hole through my wall, which is true. That is what happened. They smashed a and about like a golf ball sized hole through my wall, which my concern mostly is bugs. Because now I've created a little door for little bugs to get it. So that's from your AC bill. You turned off my AC, 100%. Yeah, I turned off everything. I may, I'll get to it.

It's 28 days later in that place. Yeah. I have been telling people that they smashed a hole in my wall and I apparently and you guys confirmed that every single person I've said this to has pictured a fucking wrecking ball.

No, everyone has pictured specifically Miley Cyrus on their wrecking ball coming through your bedroom window as you honks you. Inchills away in your face. The feather that you're blowing up, the feather you're blowing up is knocked away by the wrecking ball.

The tip of your cap is. Yeah. My cone-shaped sleeping cap with the furry ball on the end. Yeah, that's right. And my stripe, very long shirt. That's right. The wind from the wrecking ball blows out the candle on the computer holder that you have

next to your bed. Yeah. And I looked at the window and said, you boy, what are you saying? And he said construction. You're fucking idiot. Get out of there. You go fetch the biggest bugs available to bring them in here. I said, you boy, what are you doing?

And he said, okay. No, mama. Okay. No, I'm not this way. So, yeah, it fucking, it shocked. And they basically told me like, I have to vacate. And I was like, okay, well, I need a day. And they were like, what do you mean you need a day? Like, there's a hole in your wall. Don't you want it to get it fixed?

And I was like, yeah, absolutely I do, but I work from home. So like, I need to do that. But that was a lie. The truth is, is that I have been living in what I would call a goblin depression hole for the last several months. Oh, same. As we've been, look, I'll be real with you.

I don't want anyone to feel like this is a negative thing that I'm saying. This show is so much work to make. And we have been basically non-stop stressed out for the last few months. Things have been sort of leveling out, but I basically like I don't really sleep. And again, it's not like a crunch time thing. This is like a thing that I have imposed on myself. This is a self-own. Yeah, I want things to be really good and wrong. Everyone keeps telling you the stock. Yes, they do. And to not do this. And you're like like All that matters to me is content and I need to keep making it. That's right

So yeah, things have been like kind of rough and then also on top of that like doing all the other shows that I do and And you know all the actual work that we have to do on top of the stuff that we do and Andrew and I have started writing For camp camp. Yeah, that just got announced so we can actually talk about it We're writing new episodes for that. And it's been really fun. So we've been watching a lot of camp camp, hanging out and talking about it. Anyway, my point is we've been very busy. So I live in a house that is covered in what a burger bag. And just when I finish with a piece of clothing, when it becomes too dirty and smelly to no that I can no longer wear it out. I throw it on my bed. I open the Nike app and I order it.

So my house covered it. So that was the sis. This is yes. This is a new clean shirt that I have ordered. Really living like golem in there, but instead of my precious, it's my napkin. Yes. Because I need 50 of them because I get my little greasy hands everywhere. Yeah, it's disgusting.

And then to add to the fact that like the other thing lying around is a bunch of empty vape cartridge. Oh, that's worse. Yeah. That's more embarrassing. It honestly really is. I saved it for a second. Because they're all just like fruity blasts.

It's like a banana ramma. And the worst part is they all look, I actually have one right here. You can sort of see them. They look like this, which I don't know if any of you were scumbags in high school. But to me, when I see this, it doesn't immediately read his vein.

It's like, oh, damn, who was doing whippets? Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I've made it sick. Oh, yeah. Wait, this isn't behind a bowling alley. This isn't a part, man. This isn't a teenage fucking high school party. Yeah.

Where a 45 year old man has a tank of knobs and is selling balloons three for five or maybe show me something. Oh, dude should do whippets are fucking creepy. Come back wall to wall. Anyway, it's covered in vapes and then it's also covered in like marijuana and marijuana paraphernalia, which is not only like not allowed in this apartment that I have, but it's also Legal in Texas. It's a legal loophole. It is a legal loophole.

We have Built it. Yeah, and you really can't tell the Delta eight or whatever. Yeah, but and also T. She's here Which is T.H.C. with none of the calories. Yeah, no calories. Exactly. And which is THC with none of the cowards. Yeah, none of the cowards, exactly. And Griff gave me an incredible, an incredible, lovely, wonderful housewarming gift. One of a kind, they'll sell them. They don't, they don't sell them.

It is like a fucking three-foot ball. You're a big boy. That I have, I have never actually used, I have put it on display because it is a beautiful center. It's really pretty I'm gonna get you some flowers to put in that thing Some flower to put in it hilly You might like display like yeah some roses some babies breath some some blue dream Oh, yeah, all flower just sounds like I'm talking about

Yeah, yeah, I've never tried roses. Oh gee. How oh, and she got all flour. It just sounds like I'm talking about weed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never tried roses, oh gee, how is that? Is that like a kind bud? I'm making a my closet. Baby's breath does sound like a weed tree. I'm really touched. Yeah. And so yeah, I had to hide all this stuff.

I basically had 24 hours to make myself go from like the most depressed law-breaking citizen in America or in Texas to just like a guy who lives in a really sad apartment. I also have just a bunch of other nonchalant things that make no sense that for there, there's nothing illegal about them. Sure. But having them makes it feel not good. Give you a couple examples.

Please. On my desk, I realized I have four different iPhones. None of them. That's highly suspicious. None of them. They're all like old iPhones. It's like an iPhone 3 and iPhone 6, a Google Pixel. Just stack.

Yes, stacked up. They're my old phones. I don't know why I can't ever throw away old phones. I can't even need them. Yeah. Most of them don't even turn on anymore. What if you need them? What if I need them? Real hoarder hours in that matter.

iPhones and nice packaging. I can never throw away, because I'm like, what if I need it? A thick box. A thick, nice box. A thick, like, snot gloss, not matte, satin. A thick, satin box. Basically, I'm Apple packaging, so I'm talking about it.

I have another stack that is four different laptops. Again, they're the laptops that I had from like my first ever laptop to now. Yeah, I need to know, are you trying to qualify for the Bachelor Olympics? Because this is, you're going to get gold buddy this is true that it's I think he's making a lot of sense. Yes. I also have there so I have the two I have my my PC desktop setup you know with the PC and

then my two monitors. I also have three other monitors that are just randomly placed around the house. One's on the kitchen counter. Who's the same? Yeah. Kindred spirits. And then also just like a bunch of moving boxes that I have never unpacked because I've never started. And you've been to my home. I have, yeah. And you can attest to this why it is such an awful,

weird place to go because it's like the interim between a scumbag bachelor and a guy who knows how to decorate. Because my living room looks really nice. It's nice. It's got vintage furniture. It's sick as hell. It's got a bookcase with actual books in it that I have read. I've got a record player.

I've got a stained glass clock. Like all that stuff is awesome. And then you go in my bedroom and you're like, wow, this guy has like four mini fridges. What the fuck? It makes no sense. You're living room is Barbie dream house. Your bedroom is mildew, don't you, Casas?

Yes. My house is like, it looks like it's inhabited by the couple who one of them really loved Barbie and one of them really loved Oppenheimer. It's the two spectrums of shitty guys. Your bedroom is the portrait of Dorian love Pop and Kite. It's the two spectrums of shitty guys. Your bedroom is the portrait of Dorian Gray. Oh, you're living it.

And it's all it's the sin eater for your lifestyle. You're I think bedroom call to hit on your living room. Tap Mount. And so that's what I did all of last night. I stayed up until five in the morning, making my house look like the worst part is again. I didn't want them to go into

the bathroom because the bath. I don't know because they're living there. They're big instruction guys. Maybe they have to go take a fucking, maybe they got a drop slop in my goddamn bath. Yeah. I don't know, but I didn't want them to go in there because I have one towel and I also was scrubbing my toilet and the handle broke on the toilet brush. And so I haven't cleaned it and it looks not great. This is where we diverge in our pets. Yes, because you like a clean bathroom.

I also need a clean bathroom. That's why I hate it. My bathroom is, for the most part, clean. The toilet needs to be washed and also I need to clean the counters, but I forgot to pick up rags so I don't just have that shit. I didn't want them to go in there.

And so what I did was I closed the bathroom door. I opened the closet that's in my hallway door so that it covers that too. And then in order to put a barricade, I took the 75 inch TV that I have that is broken because it got broken when I moved. And I used that to barricade those doors. There's a thing that you just really don't want them

like shitting in there. Yeah, I don't want to. I mean, for like, all the reasons. Yeah, it's not a racism thing. No, I was them and I walked in, I saw that, I'd be like, wow. Well, I also left a lot of pictures of my father at. Oh, the counterbalance.

Yeah, like that. And that's not even a joke. I left pictures of my cholo ex dad just lying around and pictures of myself so that they could see who they were fucking with. And... It's just, yeah. It's you and you're running for me, or?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, bright eye, didn't push it down. This is a man who cares about the issues and his bathroom a lot. I realize in describing the things that I have strewn about my apartment, that it sounds like I live in a punch

I want the triptych of your dad photos like jiffy live employee photo barbeque Arraignment Graduation with you on the shoulders When he graduated exactly when he when I put him on my shoulder Because I was a seven foot tall three year old. Jesus Christ. I've talked about this before, but I, uh, one of the things that I love the most is that like my dad had me when he was really young. And I've had conversations with people where they've been like, I wish I knew what my dad was like when he was my age. And it's like, well, I never have to wonder I know. And my dad was 15 when I was born. And so when I was five, he was a 20 year old man.

I can tell you a little bit about my dad. He was not a great dad. He was a perfect mat and player though. Absolutely phenomenal. Dad was the coolest older brother you could possibly. That's it. And I want to be clear. I love my father.

And I think that he tries as hard as he possibly can. I think he got the pardon the pun. I think he got a raw deal. Okay. That's my mom. I'm talking about. Yeah. I know. How dare me. How dare you? And it's pointing at myself. But yeah, like I just he would he tried to do his best, but he's also like he is sort of the reason that I am the way that I am I remember one time we were playing Madden again. It wasn't a joke. He loved Madden. Gloves Madden. Yeah, we were playing Madden and then he every time he would beat me because he's a 20 year old person who knows football And I'm a five year old boy. Yeah, who's been barred from every football league because I'm a giant They won't let me play.

Apparently, there's like fucking size limits. Anyway, my point is my dad would beat my fucking ass in Madden and then every time he would score, he would throw the controller down and be like, oh, you like that? You like how I spanked your ass. That's how I did your mom full. And he would just talk shit about my mom within my head, me knowing that he for sure fucked my mom. Your dad was watching like Xbox live tactics on his son in the room. And you're going to think this is a bit. I cannot stress this enough.

This is the first thing that I've ever remembered as a perfect joke in my head. One time, I finally scored a touchdown on him, and I go, ooh, your mom, your mom. And he pauses the game, and he sets down the controller. And he opens his door. Put the down the sunny decontainer. Yeah, and he was drinking straight from.

He opens the door, and he goes, Maaah! And he told on me, because he lived with his mother. I should stress him. Oh my God! He told on me. That, I'm sorry.

That is the most bitch-maged shit I've ever heard. All due respect. All due disrespect. I'll do disrespect. My God. I'm so sorry. Fuck, dude. Just a phenomenal dude. I have so many.

I love that dude. He's a, again, he's like, he's great. I remember when I was a kid, he, you know, to tell on this, to tell on your old chat. I remember when I was a kid, he went to prison. And when he came out, he had a new sleeve, like a sleeve of tattoos. He was from his shoulder all the way to his wrist. And it was naked women. And that's really fucked up because it means the first set of tits I ever saw was my dad's elbow. And I swear I think it is set me back permanently like in seeing that stuff because for the first couple times I saw boobs I was like Dad.

And I was so fucked me up because for a while I used to think that women had three nipples, but apparently my dad just had a mole. So... And I love it. It's like, when I'm flexing, it's like, oh, that's a nice set. Relaxed? Oh, God!

Oh, God! Some of those like, like, phoenix, like, bacon-y, pretty much. It's sun- Sun-damage, Cleve. We can move off my dad, but this is the last thing I want to say, is because I didn't find this out until later. It is a, it's truly, it is a beautiful tattoo filled with gorgeous women.

And a lot of them, you know, they were the models from like, they're different actors or different models from like, low rider magazines. Sure. It's favorites. Yeah, I like it so much because you just like this one right here, that's some of high.

This one right here is February 2003. Yeah. It just doesn't know her name. Yeah, it doesn't know her name. But like, it tastefully took out the Impala that she was in front of. And so he got most of his sleeve done. And then he has one, he has one girl right here

that just doesn't look quite right. She looks like it was done by a third grader who doesn't know how to draw faces and went, boop, boop, mouth open boobs. And I always wondered like, why does that one look so bad? Is it because it's like right here where it like would probably like hurt to get a tattoo? No, the reason is because the guy that was doing it was in the same like block as my father.

And they have this tradition where when you're about to get out, they jump you one last time. My father is a little bit short of me. Fucking ripped as hell. Sure. And is a boxer. And so my dad fought back and beat up three other guys. One of those guys was the tattoo artist and he hurt his hand so bad in the fight that he could not finish the tattoo correctly. Oh my sweet God. My God.

Incredible. Incredible. Incredible. And this has been a stop in the incredible life of Mr. Torres. Get him on the pod. God, we got to get him on the pod. I want to. I would do.

I would do if anyone was actually interested, I would do a long form sit down interview of me and my father. He is one of the funniest and also most racist people that I've ever met. That was my step that. That was my step that. That was my step that. Who's a total g-wredeemable piece of shit I'm sorry that I've taken up so much Oh, just me fucking funny as hell Yeah, you don't know me shit. That's great. Oh, Christ. I love Mondo Lord Andrew you had you had told us before we started recording, we don't know what it is, but you had told us you had a hypothetical question on it around.

Oh, yeah, no, because we were kind of like, we filmed a little, a little cold, a little intro for the socials to like promote the show. And it involved some fake illicit substances, but I I was gonna ask you, if you could do one thing, if one thing that is bad for you, wasn't bad for you, m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m- Molly and I would steal from the federal reserve. I was gonna say the only reason I asked is because my honest answer, like if it's a drug, 100% I'm going heroin. A thousand percent. I'm going like a death amount of hair.

Just like some other people. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I imagine it would be like the most like, oh my God. And you fade into the ether after. Yeah, but you don't die Oh, you don't die. But you don't die. It's not bad for you. But if we're, and again, I need to specify,

that this is not a joke. If I could do anything without hurting myself, what I would do, skydive without a parachute. Hell yeah. Not only because I think that would be awesome, like it would just be a cool feeling to be flying and not have to worry about any of the dying shit. But also how great would it be if there's an instructor

and he's like, you're in the plane? And you're like, don't worry, I got this. Oh, I just jump out, yeah. That's like an own. Yeah, that would fucking rule. I love that. It's like, it's not that you're immortal. It's that skydiving specifically doesn't kill you.

Bullets will take you out. You mean like, okay, I thought you met more than once. This is, that was my like, if I could do anything and it wouldn't kill me at one time. Cause here's what I think. I'm thinking every time you do it, every time you do it doesn't kill me. Okay, so then just, I go wider.

I go falling from great heights. Okay. Because skydiving, while cool, if those are the parameters, I'm gonna spend a lot of money. Yes, very expensive. Getting into a plane is still very expensive. You have to see some of the classes.

Yeah, exactly. Well, then you could like, well, time to go to work. You just jump out your window. Yeah, explore window. Boom, leave some sort of huge impact. It looks like fucking Akita. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Any time, so any time the Superman lands in a movie, which gets the floor like a fist to the floor and it, yeah, exactly. Yeah, but it's worse way to land on your knee and your knuckle. No, that's bad. I don't care that you're Superman

You're gonna fuck he's gonna fuck up his ankles eventually. I Thought you meant like it was a one-time deal cuz I swear to God with my fucking luck. I would skydive I would land I would roll over and I'd be like Try doing that and then immediately like hit my car Die hit by a car. I said, yeah, yeah. And just die. Roll off a cliff. I'm like, I use my one. That's my one. What would you do?

Hit by a truck carrying pillows. Like something like ironically. Yeah. So yeah, I was just thinking about that because like, man, I think, you know, a lot of your heroin drugs are very popular. But then I think it's like, gosh, You know, a lot of your heroin drugs are very popular. But then I think it's like, gosh, smoking, somebody's like, oh man, if I could smoke cigarettes

and it wasn't bad for me. It's bad for me. It's not me, it was thing that I was like turning over all the things in my head. I don't think you'd actually want to say, I will say like, I do a lot of joking about smoking and it does make you cooler. It looks cool.

And it does make you cooler. And we'll all agree on that. But it's also shortens your lifespan. It makes you smell like shit. It sucks to be dependent on something. None of it is good. Eventually, all the fun parts of it, like the feeling that you get when you smoke cigarettes,

it goes away and then you're just doing it to feel normal and that sucks. Yeah, and that's a bad way. And that's like with any substance. It's not like it's also the addiction. Yeah, that's called addiction. But I don't have an addictive personality. So it's for me, it's just cigarettes.

Yeah. So tears in the corners of his eyes right now. For those of you listening to this episode, Mondo just absolutely annihilated an entire modillo. He just he he pop eyed it. It would pop up up up up up up up up up up up up. He just drank the whole thing. So I you know, I think people like immediately jumped to okay,

cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, whatever, addictive substances, not dog food, food, all fucking day. If I if all food if I could drink soda, eat garbage, and it wasn't bad for me. Oh, that's true. Because we don't have to worry about cavities. We don't have to worry about cavities. I, it's got to be food all day.

Because like, food is actually something you need to live. Yeah. And so like, if you could eat whatever you want and it wasn't bad for you and you wouldn't like, you know. Yeah, if the superpower was that I could eat a fucking cheeseburger and it would, it would equal out in my body to the same as like a fucking kale salad. Yeah. That would rock. Yeah, that's the bad. That's the best scenario I can think of. That's good.

That's right. Shit. Hey, you listening out there, you let us know what you would do with your one, um, and type it down below. Let us know what it would be. Would it be some kind of, honestly, I'm kind of curious how this is going to work because I hope the comments section just has a bunch of like heroin crack. Mollie. Mollie. Mollie. Mollie. Mollie. Mollie. We have a tremendous show for you today. We've got on the spot. It's back.

We've got some, some RT cares. We've got some headlines and some jokes. And yeah, and if you are listening to this episode or if you're watching this on YouTube, we wanna let you know that we also have cold opens, which are like, RT shorts fully produced. They're really awesome. We do a new one every single week and you can watch it for free on the Rooster T site.

That's RoosterTeef.com. Now, without any further ado, let's head into a fan favorite segment. It's time for On The Spot. Woo! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello and welcome to On The Spot. I'm your host, John Reiss here.

You're permanent host. The only host of this show that will ever be and ever should be. Today, but invited here to the wonderful set of RTP to play a few games with you guys. And we have a few orders of business to get to before we get to the games. And the first is, as always, let's meet the teams. So on my right, I got our first team with Andrew and Armando.

Yeah. And you guys came up with the team name, I suppose. So what's going to be the rallying cry in the comments with your Well, we really wanted to go with a future hosts of on the spot and then we had a long Nice thought lengthy contract battle with you and your people. Yeah, a lot of litigation Yeah, it was very tense So we're actually going to or endure ourselves to the audience We've come up with a team name that describes us which is together we make team one full white guy. Yeah, almost all the privilege.

Yeah, almost. Almost. If you guys really just hug it out or like getting under a trench coat, yeah, you know, can't make you up. Reaching me on your shoulder, Robert Wadlow and Silestow Hyde.

I was imagining the thought of three Armandos in a trench coat and how it would be the size of a tower, a small tower. That would be fantastic. I would love that. Okay, so what was it, one white guy? One full white guy. One full white guy.

That also sounds like you ordering a drink of some kind. Let me get the one full white guy. Okay, cool. On IPA? Yeah. It's an IPA and a shot of Frenette, or whatever. OK, one full white guy on my right. And then on my left, I've got Will and Sammy. Yeah.

I'm doing that for you. I'm doing that for you. Yeah, you can tell him. Yeah, I'm doing that for you. And our team name is actually one full white guy. Oh, me. One's a lie and one's a not? No, no. it's true.

It's absolutely true. We got one full white guy. So we got two full white guys. We got three full white guys. Three full white guys. Yeah. We do have to assume I'm a full white guy. With the remainder of Mexican and black.

Which one is black? I think we have a full black person with black guys. We do one full black guy. One full black guy. We should be, yeah. We're all full black guys. Do I do it for the top? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. Can you go. We're one full black guy. Do you want to do it from the top? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One full black guy. Can you give us a hint? Because if they're doing that, we got a new one too. What's yours? The Latin Kings. Latin Kings. Wow. Okay.

We got a new one actually. Can you hit us back with the Latin queens? No. Okay. Can you actually hit them back? Can you hit us again? Yeah, can you hit us again? Yeah, can you hit us again?

Yeah, can you hit us again? Yeah, can you hit us again? We're a team up. We're a team up. But we're Latina. We are actually our Mondo and Andrew. Oh, okay. You guys, okay. This goes on for the rest of the show. Our esters, sons and moons. Hey, I asked you our Mondo, how long do you want this to go?

And you had like more prompts than usual for our show. This show can go on a while if we just let it go. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Let's play our first game, which is quick thinking. Quick thinking is the game where I'll be given everybody a prompt and the way the game works. You guys will be given answers for the prompt,

but your answer has to starve with the letter. The letter will be given at the top of the round, but it will change throughout the round. The twist is, is that the only way you get points is if I like the answer. I get to choose whether or not it's a good answer or not. We'll go back and forth, pop,, popcorn style. I'm the host. I made this God damn show.

Oh, she's the one whose forced perspective. Oh, I'm the best. I'm the one that Armando made to Shirley. I was like, Frodo, and now I'm a Gandalf over here. After you're making cookies in a tree? Yeah. If the host was like, I don't know, six foot five, they would look normal in that seat.

Is what I'm saying. That would be crazy. All four of us are six foot five. As you can tell, as you can see. That shot, that shot, is what I'm saying. That would be crazy. All four of us are six foot five. As you can tell, as you can see. That shot, that made it. Yeah. I'm here.

At the doctor's office with my dad, and I'm worried I'm gonna get a shot today. Four dads, two of them are younger than you. Yeah. Okay, so we're gonna play that. Our first prompt is, Terrible responses to someone saying, I love you. Terrible responses to someone saying, I love you. Terrible responses to someone saying, I love you.

What's our starting letter? It will be B. Do we like, raise our hand or something? No, I will pick you, but since you volunteered, you will first. Oh, sure. We'll put, I like to do this for some time in the clock, so we'll do 60 seconds on the clock. Okay. And we'll see how this goes, and we'll play another round.

Okay, so, start with letter her be bad responses to someone saying, I love you, ready, set, go. The girl fuck you. I'm fine with that, I had points, Andrew. Bet. Okay, I hate that, but also a point. What? No, I hate it, but I have points, right?

Bring me a sandwich. Oh, okay, no. I run. You know, it's bad responses. I mean, it's true. I mean, it's a bad response. I had to know that it's a bad response. No, that's terrible response.

Wait, hold on, that's great. You're correct. Bully. Yeah, there we go. There we go. Do the time in the world to come up with something to you. Yeah, that's how I went to respond. You went last.

That's how I went to respond. And no points. What? Our next letter is went last. That's how I went to respond. And no points. Why? Our next letter is, oh. Oh, I had a good one. OK, that's what I told you. Oh. Oh.

Oh, my. I'm stupid. I give A for effort, but no points for that. No, can we get over effort? No, no, no points. No points. Andrew. Oh. No. Oh.

No. That was just a mon with less than three. Hashtops, the improv train. Hashtops. Let's see if we can get some coal on it right now. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'll say. You know what? The voice of an angel.

You know what? Points. Wow. You know, that took guts. A voice of an angel, but like a canonical Christian angel. Right. Yeah. They have like a million eyes and no mouth.

Yeah, exactly. Only fans is an dating service, but I thank you for your patron. Oh, no, that was good. That was good. That was good. Last letter. G. Grandma? Oh.

Grandma, I was going to say, I love you. Did you remember what I said? I love you. Why am I dating my grandma? No, it's a dating. I am dating my grandma. You're telling yourself. I'm telling my grandma.

We're breaking up. Andrew. I don't get a point. No. Go fuck. Get out of this drive through your line. You're holding breaking up. Andrew. I don't get a point. No, go fuck. Get out of this drive through line. You're holding it up. Do you like that one? Yes.

Point. I forgot the prompt. Get in the kitchen and make me a big fan. God damn it. No, I got it. I didn't know. Don't be terrible. Don't be bad.

Don't be bad. It would be a bad response. Last chance. G. Wilkers, Mr. I don't know that that's exactly legal. OK, at the start, I wasn't for that, but it got somewhere in the end. Points. Thank you.

Thank you. And the first round. Appreciate that everybody. Random applause, everybody. First round. Yeah. Fantastic. OK.

Great. Thank you. That's nice of you to say that. Thank you. You're welcome. That's nice if you just say that. Thank you. You're welcome. Let's do one more round of that. Our second round will be say something that'll ruin my day. Say something that'll ruin my day. Okay, okay.

Okay. Starting with what letter? T, I'd like Andrew, no, I want our Mondo. Our Mondo's gonna start us off. To stop drones, really easy to make. If your body's good. Now. Oh, so that one doesn't count.

That thing I just said, I really meant it. It wasn't a joke. Yes, points. Uh, bottom. You could tramp. I mean, you know, I, yeah, I'm fine with that. I get like the 18th century of sentence. Yeah, yeah, like a city urchin.

Yeah, yeah, Andrew. To be honest, you're probably gonna die as a climate refugee. Can't ruin my day with stuff I already know, no points. Tea, um, tubeless? Tip it as. Tip it as dick. Tip it as.

Uh huh. Yeah. Tip it. I'll give points. I'll give points. Okay. Yeah. You're on thin ice.

Or else what? You're going to take a point away. Yes. Okay, then do it. I'm sorry. I just thought it was a point. Mine is fine. Next letter.

Next letter. Quiet. Oh. Room my day. You are a bad father. Shh. Actually, that does hurt a little bit. That does.

That does hurt. That does hurt a little bit. Points. You going to suck the tip of your snake. That's it. Yeah.... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That ruined my dick. No. But did that ruin your dick?

No, it didn't ruin my dick. Okay, you aren't gonna suck tippy's dick. And now you're ruined. Okay, okay. You know what? The logic dictates, yes. Points. You gonna dictate the sticky on my mind.

Yeah. Yeah. Come on now. You're gonna dictate this dickier. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. You love that one. You love that one. You're a punk. You're a punk.

You just gotta take talk to dick. Yeah, I'm sure. Andrew. You're gonna do everything he said. Yeah. Yeah. No. No point.

Fuck. It was worth it. Worth a chance. Yellow teeth in your mouth. Yep. You have really white bitch. Oh, okay. Wow, now I got it and got it back. I like sometimes when you can fully tell,

you can watch someone, like, I'm watching the biscuits get made as he's trying to figure out where to go with the first word that comes out of his mouth. You are no point in your round. You are pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing.

You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing.

You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. You're pulling every syllable out of the e-thing. BAM. No, no points for that one. We'll call that for that round. But that's quick thinking. Made it through our first game. Let's play a game called impromptu pitch. Oh. All right.

The way this game works is that each team is going to serve as basically a writing team. We are not crossing the pick lines of this game. Okay. And, but you guys are going to be performing the task of pitching a movie to me, the executive. Okay. And but you guys are gonna be performing the task of pitching a movie to me, the executive, the studio of on the spot. And I wait, I make about 300 times more than you guys. Oh, well, just like real life. Yep. So I'm gonna give you guys the director and the genre, and you guys, all that'll be what you use to come up with your movie pitch. The twist is, is that only one person gets to pitch

at a time when I play my patented on the spot sound. Oh, boy. Switches teammates, the other team picks up from there and must continue the pitch, okay? We'll do this game for, let's say let's make it a fast game for 60 seconds. 60 seconds, okay? Elevator pitch.

Elevator pitch, a 60 second elevator. We'll start off with the old guys. She's saying this. Fucking catches straight that injury. I understand Andrews, but me. Let me get my little earphone, one of those old time ago. We're good, we're good just straights out here.

And my name is Joe Biden. Tip it at dig it, and I'm a typical of you. And I'm doing an impression of Andrew. Oh, wow. This is a really exception impression. Ducatainist Ducat, my presidential ass. All right, let's start the show. You good?

All right, welcome to the spot, everybody. I'm your host, John Reissinger. Okay, your director will be, I want, I want a Reissinger. Okay, your director will be... I want a Wes Anderson film. Okay. But I want Wes Anderson directing a biopic. Wes Anderson biopic. The man makes up everything he does in cinema,

so let's see how well he could do with something that's based off of real life. Okay. And I want to start off with... I like, let's go with Andrew first. Okay, so Andrew, you're gonna start off of real life. Okay. And I wanna start off with, I like, let's go with Andrew first, okay? So Andrew, you're gonna start off on the exec. Tell me the best next movie that's gonna save Hollywood.

Ready, set, go. Look, we've all wanted a biopic of Stanley Kubrick before. Yes. And I don't think there's anything better, anyone better to make that than Wes Anderson. I hope you love things in the center of frame. Stanley Kubrick was a complicated man. And who better to show the complicatedness

and the need for attention to detail than Mr. Wes Anderson? Absolutely. We will show everything from the torture of his actors to the... To the torture of the animals that were on set to the torture of the tip of this dick. That's right.

Our main selling point is that you will see Stanley Kubrick played by Sillion Murphy. Yep. Yep. Full nude. I'm talking dick out. Pubes where the trunk meets the dirt. You're gonna see it all in this biopic and like and in stunning 70 millimeter. We're going to IMAX. My name is 70 millimeters. This thing is going to be a fucking nightmare. It's mostly, it's mostly shots of silly Murphy's cock. Yeah.

Time. Yeah. And the name of this amazing Stanley Kubrick biopic. Stanley Q Dick. Prinit. I like it. Make the check out to Cash. We normally do this show with a studio audience.

And it makes even better. There's no see-out in it. And no one in the production crew also laughed at that. Yeah, no. No, that was a single laugh. That was a single laugh, not a single laugh. Not a chuckle. It's fine.

No. Stanley Hugh Brecht up. Yeah, so we need points to Griff. Points to Griff on that one. So that's a good job. I think we need a replacement for the other team because we have a genius back there. Yeah, yeah. You wanna hear for on the spot?

Yeah, you wanna tag me out? Two whole black people. Oh! And half a white guy. This smugness on your face earns points. I appreciate that. Yes, yes. Very clear, yes. Yeah, that your face. Ernst points. I appreciate it. Yes. Very clear. Yes.

Yeah, that was good. It's Christmas. Christmas for black people. All right, so that's your guys' movie. I like this. You guys, you're not coming over to this movie yourself. OK. I want a, you know, because she just did some amazing stuff.

I want a Greta Gerwig film. Greta Gerwig. But shut up. He's gonna pick you. It's funny. He said I don't know who that is. No, it's cool. It's cool.

Barbie. I was joking. Lady was joking at the end. We totally believe you're joking. He was real joking on that. You're joking. Points for joke. See, he picked that. Yeah, he picked it. You pick up on the game really well. He was real joking on that. You're joking? You're joking? Points for joking. See, he picked up.

Yeah, he picked it. You pick up on the game really well. No, no points for that. But I want something new from Greta. I want action film. I want an action film. I want intense action. I want explosions.

I want fights. I want sensationalism. I want all of that. Okay. And I really think Greta could do a good job of it. And so I'm really curious what you guys come up with for Greta's action film, starting off with, Sammy, what you starts off?

Okay. Yes, so we set go. So we know Greta Gerwig. We know that she has, she has a lot of feminist, empowering movies, 20th century women, Barbara, Barbara, black people, white people, Asian people,

all the different genres of people. And we love all of them. So this time around, this time of the year, this fall, we are going to introduce a Kwanza themed, Greta Gerwig movie where they fight the evils of Christmas. And until Easter. And all the way to December, fuck Jay, you're right, fuck February, March, none of that. And obviously you might be wondering, where is St. Patrick's Day?

Which is why, because we have a sequel plan, called Quantza versus the Lepricons. And they Neptune the Planet disappears. You know what time? Time, time. Well, we were getting somewhere. I was gonna tie it together. Can you explain to me the leaf and logic? You know what time? Time. Well, we were getting somewhere. I was going to tie it together.

Can you explain to me the leaf and logic? Yeah. That fucking snake river came in, you jump. I think he's got that kind of like goldfish kind of thing, where his brain keeps resetting every five seconds. And so he's just hopping around all kinds of ideas. I know, I want to know. What was that?

Yeah. Okay. Well, before we know, when I was a kid, my mama told me that leprechauns are from Neptune, the planet. Uh-huh. Your mom told you that? Yeah. Why?

What was the context? What do you mean? Like, yeah, that's right. You were asking about Neptune or leprechauns. I was asking about leprechauns. I was like, where are they from? And she went with Neptune. Yeah.

That now we're the giant. I just learned the planets, so she, I think it was like, she was excited. She was trying to connect. I just, I was like, welcome to Neptune. Welcome to Neptune. We've been downgraded to, not to planet anymore. Oh, yeah. The tooth fairy.

That's from Mars. The tooth fairy from Mars. Yeah. The Vista Bunnies from... Yeah, but Jupiter. From Japan? From Japan. Like you said, Japan.

Which is on Jupiter. Sanctus from Queen. That was how, all right. That's said Japan. Which is on Jupiter. Santa's from Queens. That was how I had to learn my planet. No, that's actually what I did in with that smart. That's smart. Yeah, that is. But what would be smarter is learning what the name of this Greta Gerwig

Kwanza action film is titled. You just said it. The Greta Gerwig Kwanza entitled movie called Leprechaun's In Neptune Space Santa is from Queens. Yeah. Yeah. This is the movie. The movie.

The movie. Call it the movie. Because it was really missing something there. And then the tagline is, Tippet is Dick. Uh-huh. Good. No. Tippet is Dick's question.

Wow. It poses a question. That's it. It answers it. Yeah. I mean, if it was a big question, it poses a question. That's answers it. Yeah, because if there was ever an opportunity for anybody who is a fan of this show to do fan art, I need a movie poster of just that block

of lettering and words that just came out of their mouth with a title of this movie. That fucking Wonka contract. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get smaller and smaller and smaller. As he gets down, scratch that, reverse it. Oh, God. I gotta be honest, you guys, you guys had a better film. Yes.

But I will watch it. They had better, titling. And I would, and I personally, I think it's killing Murphy. Mm-hmm. I might be. He's, and you know what? I was about to say, I'd be down to see his dick. Have you not seen Oppenheim?

We've seen his dick. Well, that's part of it. Well, I think we saw his dick in 28 days. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. I've heard about it where we see Killing River. It was so long it took you 28 days to see this goodness. Yeah.

Yeah, coming soon. Yeah. That's good. No. No. Coming soon. Points to one full black person? One full black person?

Yeah, one full black person. I mean both, really. Queens of what? So it is a Greta Gerwig film, Leopard big block block busters. Yeah. Greta would be great for it, you know. I can't wait for the Neptune twist. Yeah. And that's an exact... Gas planet, too. It's a what? A gas planet, like it's made of gas.

Is it? I don't know. So learn about the planet, but not much about the planet. There was a core that you just pulled mentally upon me, just asking even just the softest confirmation of that. I have a question. Yeah. You knew that Neptune was a gashous planet, but you still thought that fucking leprechauns could live there?

They could. They could. No, nothing could live there. Okay, so now leprechauns don't lie. It's actually a fictitious creature. All right, let's play another game. Let's play a game called Come Again. Okay.

The way that come again works is that each team is gonna be, yeah, it's a double entendre. It's a funny little, funny little title. Okay. The way that come again works is that each team is gonna be, yeah, it's a double entendre. It's a funny little, funny little title. Yeah. Each team will be giving a prompt for a scene. You guys will then take the stage and perform your scene up a time on the clock. The twist is, is that throughout your scene,

whenever you hear, whoever spoke last, has to give another take of their line. A new version of it, a new way of saying it, new words, try something different. Here's like a great example. I love this game. I hate this game. I never played this game.

That might be true. No, you have. No, I have. You have. But yeah, that's how you can go. And I can keep hitting the sound as many times as I want. So if you nail it first try, I don't need to do it again. But if I don't feel like you've gotten it, as any director should, I'll tell you to do it over and over again

until we get it right. So, since these guys went first last time, you guys are gonna start off this game for us, okay? Your prompt is Thusley. Sammy, you're at the Area 51 guard who discovered a crash ship in the alien that crashed there has just emerged. Okay. Okay. Yeah. We've always wanted to know what this is like.

It's been been a hot topic in the past, in the hot topic right now. Okay. So, would you guys take the space? I'll let you know when it's time to start. We'll put time on the clock. Listen for the sound. All right. Ready, set, go. Man, Area 51 is so empty. Goddamn it. Good. I said, what's good? Is this your flesh?

Yeah. Oh, push me. You're black. Yeah! It was good. Okay. So, no, actually, white dad? Yeah. Damn.

White people? Everywhere, actually. They're most of this country. So where are you from? I presume Neptune? No, leprechauns are from there. Everyone knows that. But then why are you so small?

Nah, the tooth fetish from there. Everyone knows that. Nah, I'll send this from there. Everyone knows that. My dad is from there. Everyone knows that. Black dad? Yeah!

Oh, okay. Okay, so, where are you from? Everybody, I work here. I'm on the clock. So here's what you can't do. You can't encroach my space. Come in. You can't encruch my space. Damn, you slide it.

You really sliding. Yeah, I can do this too. But you're getting slime in... I can do this too. Oh, dang, well, I can do this too. I can do this too. I can do this too. It's time, time, time.

Very good, very good. Yeah. That's how we all know it really. Oh, man. Some dumbass person will talk to the first contact situation and get and just start the war right there. Yeah. I love that we've made it canonical in the Rucherti of podcast

that Black Dads come from Neptune. That's what you love about it. We've made it canonical in the Rucherti podcast that black dads come from Neptune. Yeah. That's what she is. Oh, that was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. I like that.

How quickly things go from twerking to knocking someone the fuck out? I mean, you've run out of your options. Twerk, you got no other choice. Have you not seen a Cardi B show before? Do you know them? That was an attempt. It was good. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options.

I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options.

I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options.

I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of your options. I've never seen one of's fun. I don't mean to brag. I do too. We love that for you. White dad, white pastor dad. That's about as white as you can get that. Well, like cool pastor, like. Now cool pastor.

Definitely now. Cool pastor with a queer kid. Okay. As like society has progressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I made him cooler by coming out of closet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah. I made him cooler by coming out of the closet. That's good.

That's good. Yeah. You just like the alien, you... So let's start. No, no, no, hold on. Explain to me. Explain to me. Where people are just like aliens.

I'm John Buffentham, and welcome to On The Spot. We have Andrew and Armando for this next game, which is called... Game, sorry. Same Brain Game, and it's called I Wish Neptune, Time for Fun, where we, uh, Okay, so Sammy, why don't you take this from me? Thank you, John, I will. Yeah, of course.

So, I, Sammy, will tell you the next prompt for your guys' scene. Yes. And your scene is going to be thusly. Two pirates, a board, their ship, are doing what pirates do. They're comparing scars and trying to outdo each other. Okay? Let's get some toxic masculinity on the deck.

Yep. Okay. Love it. You love toxic masculinity, yeah. Love the, that. That'll just the sound. You love the masculine. No, love the dark. Oh, just the sound. You love the white, the pirate thing. This vote to be too high to be seeing us, the top of our heads.

Ready, set, go. Oh, the sea. She be a, ah, the ocean. Ah, this wet mess. She be a cruel mistress, but not as cruel as my actual mistress, which gave me this scar right here. Holy shit. You see that?

Oh, my God. That's nothing. That's some pussy shit right there. Look at what, look at what my mistress, my actual mistress, who is the sea, did to me. This leg? Yep. Not real.

Oh! This leg? Real as hell. This one, however, not at all. Well, if that leg not be real, what is it? Uh, I think it's made out of wood. I think it's made out of... Grog.

Is that a unit of messing? Oh, grog, be delicious. Let me taste. Yeah, yeah, go for it. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's grog, all right. Yeah. Oh, that's right.

Oh, oh. That's right. Don't you fucking press that button. Don't you fucking press that button. Don't you fucking, don't you press that buzzer. Oh. This, this frog smells really nice, surprisingly nice. Oh, let's see how far up I can go. Okay.

All right. Time, time, time. Man. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, time, time. Oh, man. That didn't turn into gay chicken. They turned into gay parrot. Oh, man. Oh, we all won. Yeah.

Okay. That was supposed to be comparing scars, and I mean, honestly, did what most, I think, a bunch of men aboard a ship. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Real fire. Do you have any question? What's surprising about that, huh? Just two bros kissing each other's legs. Have you seen our flag gay dad? Yeah. Gay dad.

Gay dad. My father would be living. If he found out he was gay. If my father knew how to use the internet and he found out somebody called him gay, he would be so upset. Well, first, points to our Mando's gay dad. Karen, don't do that!

It's Miller time. And Miller is eventually, they're gonna let him use a computer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's not gonna be happy. Let's make sure we SEO the shit out of the set. The shit out of the set. Oh, why? Yes.

Oh, okay. All right, so, you know, both quite good quite good. Yeah, but I Love a little kissy moment and so points to to these boys on my right Told that was a lot was that in your orientation was like whatever you do you're not allowed to get everybody on this stage Told us we could not kiss by any circumstance. Okay. Well, I have fun with you, close. It's nice learned you've learned the air of your ways.

There's always a next time on the spot. We'll be back later this year. With a new host. You know, that's fun to throw out little funny jokes here at the end. Come on. But let's find out what final points are at the end of all this. Our winners are the one-foot white boys.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You would stay for white men everywhere. About fucking time. Yeah. They need a win. OK. Need a win.

It's been tough for them. Hey, homie, tell your dad I said what's up. What? Tell your white dad I said what's up. I'll tell my dad that your dad says what's up, and then they can kid. No! Ah!

Thank you for joining us for On The Spot. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. None of the RT Podcasts are sponsored by Shady Rays. We have officially reached that point in the summer where you pretty much need some glasses every time you step outside. Without question. I'm wearing an inside right now.

Because that's how hot Texas is. Yeah, and it makes you look hotter than Texas. Ooh, baby, those are some good shades. Thank you. Can we cut over to, yep, can we cut over to, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. Look at those. The master chiefs.

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Dome. Shady Rays. Shady Rays, first of all, Shady Rays does not endorse that statement, I don't know already know, which, pff, what are you? Dome. Shake your face. Shady, well, first of all, Shady Rees does not endorse that statement. But they are an independent sunglasses company that offer a world class product that is just as good as any expensive pair we've ever worn. And my day said, better? Oh, absolutely. I didn't know what I was missing until I had polarized for the first time.

And I was like, oh no, this is much better. Oh yeah. This is the one, I mean, the nation is polarized in a bad way. The sunglasses are polarized in a good way. Yeah, exactly. It really changes the game. Yeah, when you step outside and actually get into some like car light. It's not a joke. I wear these same sunglasses. They are in my car. The ones that Griff is wearing the reason I don't have them is because they're in my car. I wear them when I'm driving because they just cover everything. And I can see everything and I never have to worry about anything.

It's amazing. It's beautiful. It's awesome. And I look cool as hell. Every time I'm driving, I look like I'm on my way to go fish some bass. At a somewhere. I think I'll tell you for that's it, right? Yeah, bass.

Crazy if they're called bass. These frames are durable and extremely clear, making them great for any outdoor adventure. We use our shady rays all the time. I'm not, this is not a joke. I know that Andrew's wearing them inside right now, but we do wear them inside because they look cool as hell. And there are, you know, all the stage lights going on. We own treaty rates.

We own multiple pairs of shaterraces. Yeah. One for every type of scenario that you're in. And plus, if you lose or break your pair, even on day one, treaty race will send you a brand new pair. No questions asked. Every day of my life,

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Yes. And then he flings his glasses off into the distance because he gets scared every time I hit him. Yeah, they disappear like a little dot onto the horizon and go, ting. Yeah, we go. Like Pokemon. Yeah, they disappear like a little dot onto the horizon and go ting. Yeah, look at it, look at like Pokemon. Yeah, like Pokemon, exactly, like Team Rocket.

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in terms of them into really, really dumb answers. I've got a real good one to tell us. It's, it's, it's, I, hey, might be relatable, might not be, let's, it's, I, hey, might be relatable, might not be. Let's find out. Oh, no. My best friend got really into making art during the pandemic. However, their art is not good.

Three years later, it hasn't improved very much. And normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but last week, they told me they're planning on quitting their job to pursue art full-time. They haven't sold a painting. They haven't done a single commission, and they plan on living off their life savings until the money starts rolling in. As a friend, what should I do?

Oh, man. Andrew, when I wrote this, I didn't think of it. The red on the butt. Damn. That's cold. No, no, you are a fantastic artist. Did you start during the pandemic or you really yeah, you started the pandemic Yeah, I got I got I got an iPad and pro create like

Everybody put like everybody and like pretty. I feel like I was like okay shut down happened like February March Yeah, and everyone's like stay home March for March 13th. Those are last thing was last thing obviously stay home. March 13th. That was our last thing. March 13th was the last thing in office. And I think March 15th, I got an iPad in perfect. That was so, I was like, I don't know how long this is gonna last. I've always wanted one, and so I just got it. And so I started doing just like doodles and stuff and per create, and then I was like, man, this is just me who actually want to paint.

So I got to, I got to say. Andrew's the only person who actually bettered themselves during lockdown. That is true. Everyone was like, I'm going to make bread. I'm going to work out calisthenics. I'm going to learn a hobby. I think the only one that did it.

I like reverted back into the high school that I thought I was going to be where I got really into marijuana and I got really into bartending, which was just an excuse to get drunk. But I was like, it's not alcoholism, it has egg whites in it. It's fine. You're just like doing behind your back, just alone in your apartment.

Oh, yeah. Well, no, it was me and my partner and my girlfriend at the time. And I would just like make cocktail after cocktail and be drunk by like 3 p.m. just like, are you from the show with your meeting room? It was called a Peter Smith.

I'm in the business. It's because it's called a Peter Griffin because I drink it and I watch family guy. Yeah, I did that and then I'm gonna look myself. It's cause it's called a Peter Griffin, cause I drink it and I watch family guy. Yeah, I did that and then I started a clothing company. Well, that's good. I mean, that's what's more productive. Yeah, I guess.

I lost a lot of money. But you, you, you starting during the pandemic is fucking wild to me because you are really good. Yeah, you are a very good, yeah. Thank you very much. And in fact are a very good person. Yeah. Thank you very much. And in fact, uh, AndrewRosis.com, or AndrewJamesRosis.com, if you want to see some of my art,

you can go check it out there. I'm plugging myself. Lord, yeah, sure. He's still never sold a painting or a man's collection. But I do have a couple of these friends that started during the pandemic doing stuff. And then after the pandemic ended, they kept doing that stuff. And for me, it's a lot of music stuff. A couple of them started comedy. And that's a rough time to start because there were no live shows.

Oh, there were live shows on Zoom. No, there were live shows. No, there are a lot of places didn't stop doing comedy. And if you were the kind of sort of unscrupulous person who would like race to fill the vacuum of comedy shows that were the comedians that were not going out during the pandemic, you could get a lot of stage time during that time. You sure as hell could. Scabbing, but during the pandemic.

Truly, yeah, yeah. I think we're focusing a lot right now on the sort of pandemic aspect, which is, to say it is important. Because it basically, like, not, you could be like Andrew, where you start doing this thing during the pandemic and you focus on it really hard,

and you work really hard on it, you learn the basics, and then you get really good at it. And that's like what I feel like a lot of people felt like they did. But most people are not Andrew. And that they spent their every waking hour working on this thing and not realizing

how fucking dog shit is. Yeah. I hesitate any time I have to tell somebody that their art is bad. And I mean, art in any case. I've never told anyone that, if you, that, I'll lie. I don't care. I'm not gonna do that.

I don't know. Smash the dream, that's no. I don't think you, like, but quit your job. But quit your job, that's the thing. I don't, I don't think anyone who does the arts should quit their day job period. No.

I feel bad for making a podcast, because I technically quit my day job. Yeah, you quit your job of what doing sales. So, yeah, that was my real job. And I was doing this on the side. But you're so fucking funny. No, and honestly, I'm just an overruled because I started doing this during the pandemic. Yeah, but you're also okay.

Can I tell you one of my favorite jokes that I've ever seen? It's a very conceptual joke. It is a griff Milton original. It's not gonna be funny. It is so fucking funny. It was when we were doing last laugh season two, also during the pandemic. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. It tested. We had so many regulations. We had so many regulations. They would swab us. And it hurt her. It was fucking outbreak, like hazmat rooms, like fucking clean rooms, showers. They were testing.

It was intense. We worked with a company that I think, I'm not, this isn't a bit, I think they were literally like made up of ex veteran or ex military or current military. They're ex or current military. And so when they're doing the swab, they would fucking bang shove it way up there and like get your brain on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then if you like made a face, they'd be like pussy. No, literally, oh my God, the one that was the worst though, and this is the tangent that does not need to be in the episode. Sure. Fucking, I call her GI Barbie. Yeah.

She was blonde, the blonde lady would get called her GI Barbie. She was blonde. The blonde lady would get up in your shit. Like she hated you. Oh, no, no. Yeah. She was, she was gonna find that fucking virus. Like it was Osama bin Laden. Yeah.

They were thinking, like, and Saddam Hussein was hiding in your nasal cavity. We have caught and compromised to a permanent end. Corona virus. Yeah. your nasal cavity. We have caught and compromised to a permanent and coronavirus. So while we're doing glass laugh, uh, uh, Griff comes in and has a bandage on her arm and is like, I was on my way here and there was this dude who looked like a clown, but something was wrong. And he fucking bit me. And we were all like, okay, whatever, dumb. And then we kept like doing the show. And then she comes back and she's in white face.

And we're all like, whoa, I don't, okay. And then the more show, more show, more show, we turn around, rainbow afro. And then come back again, and there's like the red nose on it. Yeah. She was turning into a clown because she got bit by a clown.

And again, I know that it's so much funnier when you experience it. Yes. I don't know. It was a sad clown because I was just looking at the entire time. It was so fucking funny. That's a brute. That's a bloop.

That is a like what a great concept, pay off everything that like you go on a journey with it. Yeah, that's brilliant. That's amazing. And it didn't get anybody out. And I that's why I hate last laugh because it's a show where like you know how I got my first person to laugh. I walked up behind Trevor with the picture of the blue man group.

I tapped him on the shoulder when he turned around. I went, is this look okay to you? That's it. That's what broke it. That conceptual bit that Griff came up with did nothing for the needle, but this one, good joke. Yeah, last laugh is a show that doesn't reward good comedy. Punishes you.

Punishes you. It makes you think you're never funny in the first place. Yeah, I did a bad job because before I did it, James Williams and Blaine Gibson both told me that like, look, I know that you're like a comedian or whatever, but I did this show and afterwards I just sat in my shower and cried because it was bombing for 12 hours straight. Yeah, yeah, it sounds like a weaker man than me. And then I did it. And then Kussmash got to me crying to buy a funerary, biting a rag in the shower, crying.

Okay, I'm sorry. We've moved too far. Sorry. So how do you tell somebody that their art is bad? I don't think you do. No, you don't. I think that you just, I think that you suggest, man, now I'm trying to get real advice

because I feel bad. I mean, you suggest all of the things that you could do if you had extra money. It's like cool, you're gonna live off your life savings? Fine, do that. But why don't you get a job where you have extra income and coming in because then you could do this. Oh, you could make merchandise.

Oh, you could do prints. You could do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'm gonna start by part. Yeah, exactly. Quitting your job is so, man. I'll piggyback on that because I think the thing, if you do say something, I think the thing to say, and there's some truth to this, is like,

I mean, I don't follow this, I don't follow this prescription, but telling them, like, man, making something you love your full-time job is the easiest way to kill your love for it. And it's like, if you love, like, man, I don you love your full-time job is the easiest way to kill your love for it. And it's like, if you love, man, I don't know, if you really love painting, you really love art or whatever, whatever, whatever it's painting, if you really love art, if you really want to do this and like, take joy from it, don't make it your full-time job

because then it becomes just that a job and you'll grow to resent it. And like, I'd hate that for you, man. Like, I want this to still like spark joy. And you're like, I'd say keep your job and do it on the side so that it like, energizes you and refreshes you. And it feels like an escape from your, like, you know, daily grind. That's what I would say to this person. Yeah, but would you say that to Pablo Picasso?

Because I'm one of the greats. Okay. See, in that case, I'm like, Doc, let go and let God, they just have to fucking make mistakes. They gotta let, they just gotta fucking figure it out. They're gonna about to crutch and burn. I feel like, I feel like you tell them their art sucks, you get one of two things. You lose a friend, which they use the terminology best friend is, right?

My best friend. Oh, it's not even one of, best friends. My best friend got really into making art during the pandemic. So, okay, there's two answers. Either A, you're a good person, and you tell this person the truth, because then one of two things happens, either they hate you forever, but they have a better life and they're better for it, and eventually maybe they come to terms with the fact that they weren't ready to do it.

I think specify that. I don't think this is the time yet. You know what I mean? Like you're not closing the door forever. You're just saying, I don't think this is the time yet. Yeah. Or second option for that first predicament is that they use their hatred of you

to push themselves further than they ever could have gone and Become their super villain so that they can succeed fly fly home buddy. They're really like incredible Yeah, I'm like I use I used your hate to fuel me to greatness. That'd be cool. That's really good They're just like fucking getting in the painting, Jim. Get in the wraps. That's a win-win. Or the second option for you, your second choice is to say absolutely nothing. And watch this fucking crash and burn happen from the safety of your day job. You just watch them go.

Yeah. I don't think there is a right answer here. Fuck, man. No. That's so rough. I'm going to be seriously really. I'm going to be really last time. Some of them still didn't work in the art.

Uh-huh. And then they... Like they got kicked out of like a art school or something. Yeah, and then they were like, I guess we'll join the news here. Uh-huh. Yeah. Um, yeah.

Then there were like, I don't know, six million. Yeah. A lot of puts. Six million what? So repercussions for that happen. Yeah. I don't know six million yeah a lot of puts six million what repercussions for that. Yeah, I was really afraid you're gonna say pieces of art So skiing for the next word Absolutely not actually not Jesus Christ and that was sort of the point. No. Yeah, just a prophet not a yeah

I say don't tell them I say don't tell them I say don't tell them. I say don't tell them. Don't tell them. I say don't tell them. Don't tell them. I say I say don't tell them. Don't buy a piece of artwork. Either. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. No, do not. No, not a label. Do not feed the bears. Do not buy a painting. It's like a dimm on that shit. Yeah. No, no, no.

I'm with you guys. I say don't tell them. And, uh, and maybe probably block them on IG because you're gonna see a lot of fun. Mut them. Mut them. Mut them on IG because you're about to see a lot of like real mediocre crap clawing your feet.

I'm like, oh fuck. I don't know. The algorithm hasn't shown me your page in a long time. I don't know what's up. You don't like any of my stuff. Oh, now fuck. Fuck. I didn't even what's up. I don't know what's up. You don't like any of my stuff. Oh, now fuck, fuck. I didn't even think about that.

I'd like to like, they're gonna post it online and they're gonna know you're not liking it. Oh, do the algorithms like suppress, I don't know, dude, I get all these accounts, I don't follow. Look at this, I'm like, or you're not showing up, not even in the stories thing. I don't know what's going on. I'm like, did you block me?

Did you block me? I'm not turning around, I'm gonna be a real piece of shit. Did you block me? Gaslighting. You piece of shit. I'm going on. Did you block me? I'll turn it around. I'm going to be a real piece of shit. Did you block me? Gaslighting. You piece of shit. Yeah, I'm gasping for you. And then you go out and you start doing artworks and you become famous. Man, that is some like Joseph Campbell storytelling heroes journey shit.

Speaking of fucking Campbell, you become Andy Warhol. And I think that's what it is. I think if you want to save your friend, you have to become a better artist than they ever could be. And I hope to God that this has helped you. We are going to cut to my favorite segment every week. It's time for always on. Bam!

Woo! Woo! Welcome everybody to always on. If you've been paying attention, the news is terrifying always. So we've taken a couple of those headlines and turned them into punchlines. And joining us in the middle of the circle joke again is GRIFF! I heard jokes are really good for your skin.

I've been thinking a lot of pine so my jokes are funny. Yeah. Oh my God. So if you are new here, I'll explain how it works. Andrew and I have written jokes. Andrew wrote them yesterday. I wrote mine now. Seconds ago. Yeah. I want to remind you that I had to vacate my home.

That's true. I'm like a refugee, but without any of the actual hardships that a refugee has to go through. And we will tell our silly little jokes, and Griff will pick a winner. So I think I'm gonna start us off. Kick it off, baby. A Florida aquarium has blamed the death of a manatee

on the animals high intensity sex with his brother. And while this is undoubtedly sad, it is great to see a whole new genre of new story, Florida Manatee. Yeah. Oh no, it's good. Man, every word took that story in a different direction. Oh yeah.

Oh my god, that was a real rollercoaster, I love that. Well, what you didn't know is that he was also on bath salts. Yeah. The biggest bath. The ocean. He was on ocean salt. He was on sea salt. Oh God, we got there. We got there.

We got there. We're finding it. We're finding it. It's good. All right, putting the FUN in funeral. A mortuary in El Salvador is offering pink caskets with Barbie linings. Mattel is threatening to sue after launching their new existential accessory, the Barbie Dream Coffit. Comes with a morning Ken that cries real tears.

Oh my god. I'm just picturing that this place is like has like you know people like do a car wrap. Yeah, that would for coffees Oh my god. Yeah, it's a fucking dunk I want a big titty casket I want a big titty casket so bad Wait a little on a second now is it yeah the tits on the outside of the casket or on the inside so when you're closing your motorboating for eternity $1 million dollar idea don't steal it. Don't steal it. You have it on copyright. Are for restricted?

Sure. I know. Sure. TM. An Italian man has been crushed to death by a giant rolling block of cheese. In the wake of this tragedy, the creators of Docky Kong have stated, oh, so whose premise is unbelievable now? Ha. Are barrels so much sillier than cheese?

Mama me. Eats a tragedy. Um. Ah, America's steroid acne scar. Staten Island. Made the news this week. After a tugboat worker found a human limb floating in the water. Authorities can't identify the victim

and are referring to the limb as the luckiest person in statinitis. I wouldn't have- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha being fined $20,000 for drinking a carton of milk from a client's fridge. Truly a horrible price to pay, but nothing compared to the seven hours I'd spend on the toilet if I did the same thing. I'm lactose intolerant. It's a fucking curse. Carton milk will achieve both of you out. Yeah, in different ways.

Oh, my goodness, folks, the least funny man in America, Elon Musk is postponing his cage match with Mark Zuckerberg after posting on what was formerly Twitter that he needs an MRI on his neck and might require surgery. Musk heard his back while lifting a stack of Tesla self-driving accident reports. Oh my God. lifting a stack of Tesla self-driving accident reports. That's fucking phenomenal. Oh my God. I hate you. Well, we have spent the last couple minutes joking off around you.

Have you decided a winner? Yes. Okay. Oh. So, it was going to be the cheese joke. Have you decided a winner? Yes. Okay. Oh So it was gonna be the cheese joke. Mama me. Zippezupa. Congratulations to Andrew you have won a Tesla. Oh, good. But it's coming for you.

You won't even hear it. You'll be walking in a band-in parking lot and you'll just hear, oh, yeah, the fucking background of a 2000s horror movie. And then you'll be hit and it won't even register you as a pedestrian. No. All right, thank you so much for joining us it won't even register you as a pedestrian. No. All right, thank you so much for joining us, everybody. I have been Armada Torres. I'm Andrew Rosas, and I'm back.

And we'll see you next week. Wow. So I don't have enough podcasts, not enough places for me to spew nonsense, so I started to knew it. It's about things that are interesting to me. Who shot J.R., Irish Folk music? What happened to Acapulco?

Hopefully you will listen to it, and you'll find out the answers to these and other in name questions. Alright. All right.