Rooster Teeth Podcast - This Barbie gets Probed - #762

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

The Rooster Teeth Podcast meets Always Open in this out of this world experience. Armando, Andrew, and Barbara discuss the hard hitting question: Do aliens exist? Watch the full episode of the Rooster Teeth Prodcast for Free! Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What would you do if you had the freedom to be anyone or to go anywhere without limitations? Start your journey and experience for yourself the feeling of total freedom when you game with Alienware. Alienware is your portal to new worlds where limits don't exist and the only rules are the ones you decide to make. Defy boundaries and start gaming now at Alienware.com. Next-gen gaming is built with Intel Core i9 processors. Next Gen Gaming is built with Intel Core i9 processors. Welcome to the only show that supports fat earth theory. That's right, back that shit up, mama. It's the artisan thought. I am one of your hosts, Armandatoris, and joining me is Andrew Rosas. And Barbara Dunkelman. What? Back from the dead. Buh-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- set off the fire alarm. And then I put it out on you. Yeah. And I went, and then like, thanks for having me on.

Yeah. Yeah. And I have it here. Thank you for joining us. Of course. It's so good to have you here. And we have, every week, we kind of prepare like a sort of topic that we want to talk about.

And this week in our writers room, we were thinking about like, oh, what if we, you know, what if we talk about this? What if we talked about this? And then I think it was Andrew thinking about like, oh, what if we, you know, what if we talked about this, what if we talked about this, and then, I think it was Andrew who just went, guys, aliens are real. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. You have to mess up your hair and go like this. Yeah. Helian. Helian. There you go.

That's gotta be your thumbnail, right? Marty! I don't know why I did Duck Brown just then, but yes. Aliens, y'all. Yeah. So the article that you had was that there was a congressional meeting where they went over some of the stuff and there's the one guy who is as far as I know, reputable. He's like a former military guy.

Yeah. They've been working in the industry. I think 20 years in the Military industry or the alien industry? It won in the same baby. Well, yeah, they both end up on the history channel. Yeah, they had that hearing. There was a there was a sub congressional subcommittee. That's what it was. Which I'll be holding a subcommittee for lunch later uh... you have course absolutely well it's not a committee unless it's i

some people join our own in yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the sub part of it your under oath to the dom committee uh... but yes congressional subcommittee met on june twenty six twenty twenty three to hear testimony from several military officers who alleged the government is concealing evidence of UFOs now called UAPs, unidentified anomalous phenomenon, which is a nice way to obvisegate it even further, like anomalous phenomena. Could be anything. Well, so, uh, Paige Wesley, uh, one of the co-hosts of Culp Podcasts,

who's really into this shit, sort of made the distinction that it is a possibility that they are not extra terrestrials. They are now known as like unidentified anomalous whatever the film is. I'm a legal officer. Yeah, UAPs, which is unexplained as pussy. I don't I don't feel great about it. I'll give it a 7.3 out of 10. Thank you. That's what they find in the sex files. Because they've done sex files. Absolutely. They've done sex files. How is this your first day on the internet?

It is actually. What do you do here? A lot of bad stuff mostly. And mostly. Yeah. And then you do some good stuff for a long time and then it turns out you've been a bad person the whole time. But point of view was that this is one of the first times that we might be getting a look into the idea that maybe they're not extraterrestrials from another planet, but perhaps being from a fourth dimension or something that is able to break in.

And of course, as soon as she said that, she went, you know what I'm fucking not, I'm not gonna bet. I gotta get back to my meeting. I am very curious because in that hearing, they mentioned that they found non-human biologicals, I believe, was the term. Yeah, that's what it was. Everyone immediately goes to, like, oh, they found an alien body or aliens, blah, blah,

blah. It could be like bacteria. It could be dirt. It could be like, yeah, it's the Russian dogs. Oh, they're from Likah, they're from Likah, that dog they sent to space. Yeah. It could be dirt. It could be like, yeah, it's the Russian dogs. We said this face. Oh, they're from Lika, they're from Lika, that dog they sent to space. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it could just be like DNA from another that we're not familiar with. Like it could be a number of things, but everyone immediately went to you. Oh, it's an alien body. They found a gray, they found like a, yeah, a big, big, big gray skinned with black eyes, yeah. So I, wow, I was not expecting to know as much about this

as I, as I thought I did, but I know that part of the subcommittee thing was that they had the two officers who caught video of a UAP, and then they have the military guy who's been sort of like heading this whole thing of like, we need to be open on as clear. Also claim that he had information that he would only reveal in a closed meeting. And private, yeah. Because like, you can't, I guess, people don't have the clearance to say that or to know

this publicly. Yeah. But yeah, I thought that was a bit interesting as well. I also, they kept calling him like a whistleblower in the news, but I'm like, he had clearance to say these things. Like, it's not like... I guess the whistleblower part comes into effect of his claim that the government

is actively hiding it from us. That would be like the differences that, like sure he has that ability, but he's saying that like, there's more that the general public, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Also, total side note, whistleblower definitely sounds like a turn of the century insult for like an idiot.

Really? It's like, it's like, it's like a real whistleblower over here. Like, it's like, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, it's my little spinny hat. Yeah, he got a little beanie propeller. Yeah, just, hooting ooh, ooh, ooh, hooting on a Jesper Roll whistleblower. I see.

I was going a different way in my braid where I was like, this seems like a weird old time you wait to say gay. Like they used to say like confirmed bachelor in famous whistleblower. Yeah, exactly. That man was a whistleblower. I had a little sugar in his shoes.

You know what I mean? I heard someone recently an influencer referred to himself as a taste maker. And I hate that. I hate it so much. I hate the term influencer. Influencer two sucks, but I mean, I don't know how else to describe that. Well, see, the thing is, is like, I guess, well, I was going to say content creator, but I guess some people don't create content.

They just, I guess it is content. Posting pictures. Posting something, yeah. Yeah, I just, I don't know content. They just, I guess it is content. Posting pictures. Posting something, yeah. Yeah, I just, I don't know. Who are you influencing? The only way you're influencing me to do is to delete my social media.

Hey. Hey. I hate this world we live in. So if you refer to yourself as a tastemaker, like, never has a more Gen X phrase. I'm a tastemaker, you get your copy of Ad Busters delivered to your door. It was fucking, get out of here.

Yeah, the real taste maker was that book that we used to get filled with like 500 coupons. Yeah. And you would sell so that your soccer team could get uniforms. Now that's taste making. Yeah, exactly. My mom would buy two of those,

and it would dictate everywhere we went and did things for the rest of the coupons expiration date. Absolutely. So I guess let's start at the base level. Andrew, Barb, and myself. Do we believe in aliens, or do we want to believe? I 100% believe in aliens. Really?

Absolutely. I mean, I think the idea that we could be in a universe as vast as the one we are in and are aware of, even what we're not aware of right now is just like, so you cannot wrap your head around it. To think that we are the only living species to exist in this universe, I think is so far of a stretch. I would say you can't wrap your head around it, but I've done mushrooms before, so

I know God's real. Excuse me, while I kiss the sky, yeah. And it's like, it's always interesting to hear these theories about why we haven't been visited by aliens yet, just like with potential technology that could be invented, but there's all these different things about how far away everything is from each other. I saw an interesting theory about how these UAPs or these other things that people have been experiencing isn't necessarily aliens or like a different creature

from a different planet or galaxy or whatever. It is humans from the future who are coming back to observe the 21st century because maybe it's like a huge turning point or maybe something really crazy happens. Damn, sorry, I didn't know you did mushrooms too. But I feel like if that were true though, people would have spotted things in other generations in another, you know. I've also, okay, I'll say being completely genuine. I think we're on the same position that statistically speaking with the size of the universe,

the age that it is, and how infinitely vast it is to the point where you're right, like the human mind cannot fool it. The human mind can't even really comprehend the distance from here to space or the size of a planet. Or just itself. Yeah, exactly, truly.

Oh my god, dude, today I was taking a shit and I looked at my leg and I went, that's my fucking leg. Yeah. And it tripped me out for like, whoa! The perfectly timed. That's my fucking leg, dude.

I wish you love. It brings us a lot of break its legs. Don't let it get away. Yeah, statistically speaking, it is the most probable thing that there are aliens out there. But I'll say it from that line of logic, it is also statistically the most likely scenario that we're in a simulation. So when you start to play with the statistics of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Given the scale and time that we're talking about, it is most probably, like most things are possible, in fact, probable on the certain, on the length of time and scale that we're talking about. Yeah, and then you start getting like multi-version there. Different dimensions, different time-times. Yeah, no, I mean, it it truly goes like x, y, z, and third acts like and fourth acts is we don't even know about in terms of like what's possible and I just

like the thing is like the universe is so old that's like yeah statistically it's possible that there are aliens out there and that have like come and gone already. That like whole civilizations out there have like risen fallen return to dust and we're just we're just one of those things, also just kind of going through this probable cycle in the cosmos. How do they build the pyramids? How do they do it?

Slave labor. Slave labor. If you throw a nut, if you throw an expendable body is out of projects, you can do pretty wild shit. How do they build the pyramids? I don't know, sacrificing millions of lives to it. Yeah. That's sort of the human way.

And one of America's best traits is that we are willing to throw countless lives at a project until it's done. And then years down the line go, that was a different time. It was different time. But enjoy these monuments. Yeah. Also aliens. Am I right?

I do love that that's used a lot to excuse civilizations being more advanced than you would believe just because they didn't have the same technology that we have. So it had to be aliens. No, they had math. They had math and tools. That's how they built it. It just blows my mind. It's like, you saw the Watch the History Channel things

while people with wild hair are like going, how is it possible through these two civilizations, like built these pyramids and so like that? Yeah, you're talking about the same civilization that had an accurate solar calendar, an accurate solar calendar projected for like a thousand years into the future. You're telling me they couldn't have figured out a way

to build a pyramid. You're telling me the civilization that made basketball, but at the end we kill one of them. They didn't know how to make pyramids. Yeah, I think they knew what they were doing. Yeah, Wilson was actually the name of the guy that they cut off his head to use that to slam the ball. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, wow. Yeah, exactly. That's why it has a bloody handflank on it. Oh, I forgot. Sorry, that was using the very popular movie Starring Tom Hicks. Yeah, with the Bolly Bull. They also make basketballs. It's just a sports company.

But yeah. Do you guys think that anything changes if it turns out aliens are like realistically? How does your life change? Not at all. So anyway, that's a really. I think that's the thing now. I think a lot of people are like, oh, so aliens are real.

Okay. Do I still have to pay my rent? Cool. That's precisely, so we were talking about this a little bit before, just when I proposed this topic, when I went aliens, man, in the office, I was like, I think it is so fascinating how, if you like, there is such a precipitous drop off in interest in aliens

when you go from boomers, love aliens. Gen X, super into aliens. X files came out of it. Then you get to millennials and we could not give a fucking shit about. I feel like millennials as a whole and then onward, everyone's like, dog, I'm never gonna own a house. How the fuck do you think I care about aliens? Like, I'm working two jobs,

like aliens don't concern me. It's also like, we hear aliens, and again, you think of what you said before. The gray dude with the big black eyes and the long limbs, but like, an alien could be just like a blob of fluid. What that blob do? It doesn't necessarily mean, oh, this is another like sentient

humanoid type creature that we all picture. Pop it in lock and pop it in lock and yeah. But I don't know if they're a signal, if they are, if these UAPs do belong to potentially an alien race, then damn, they, smarter than we are. I do love your thought process that like the more time goes on on the less people have given a shit about things that aren't like their own struggle Because you're right. It's like boomers were like aliens definitely exists. Gen X was like Conspiracy is to keep aliens away from us exists and the millennials were like I don't Aliens might exist. I'm not sure how that changes my life and then Gen Z comes comes in, they're just like, I can't pay rent, I wanna die. I'm ticked off.

Yeah, exactly. Aliens are real and I still have to pay my back in your inn. Yeah. So I have to go to my job and enter my data into the spreadsheet. POV, aliens are real. And my LexiPro has crushed my sex drive. Like, literally.

You shouldn't make that TikTok today. Oh my God, I saw a map of recorded incidents of UFOs or UAPs or whatever the kids are calling them now when I was a child they were called UFOs. And it is really interesting that a majority of recorded instances of UFOs existing mostly in America. That's what I was going to ask as well. Like why? Because you would expect there to be a lot of sightings just all over the planet. Mm-hmm.

If that were the case. Like what is so interesting about America? I think a lot of it, if I'm being real with you. So that's my thing. I think a lot of the recorded instances of UAPs, UFOs, whatever. I think it's just people thinking that they saw shit. I think personally, statistically, it's probable that aliens exist.

I don't know that any of them have reached Earth. I think if we have had these like crash ships or whatever, the most probable outcome is like debris floating through space gets cotton orbit and then like crash lands or something. And that's even a stretch as is. I don't know. I don't know with how fucking vast the universe is. I don't know. It's always so interesting to me too because I think there's this assumption that oh if aliens are real and they have discovered earth and are sending things to earth That they want to destroy all of humanity and it's like

Why? Like why would they we're turning the mirror on ourselves and going like if we found a new place We would go for it. Oh it. Yeah, they got a whale. My favorite thing about this whole thing is one of my favorite things to ponder about this whole scenario is that aliens, these alien extraterrestrials, so far advanced, have mastered interdimensional or interstellar travel, Crossing the barriers of space time, something we can't even conceive of

with our modern technology, get here and go, and crash, they get all the way here and like, fuck, and like fucking hit the gas. That's not used to our gravity. Oh. But they get all the way here and they're like, you forgot to carry the one, right? Shit, boom, right into the ground. And the ones that do live, they get all the way here and they're like, you forgot to carry the one, right? Shit, boom, right into the ground.

And the ones that do live, they get through everything. They do interstellar travel. They get through dimensions. They travel the vastness of the universe. They actually did carry the one. Get through a gravity and they go, let's check up their asses. Yeah.

Let's see what they got up saying. They get all the way here. They get all the way here. They get all the way here. And one of the aliens goes, watch this. I'm gonna try something. It's just crazy that an alien has a fucking prison guard mentality. Like, I don't even fucking do it. Hey, let's take their cows and check their fucking assholes.

But I would imagine, one, like, they would be the coolest thing ever. If you were on an alien planet and did all of a sudden send something and it reached Earth and you were able to observe Earth. Like, how mind-blowing would that be if you were able to observe another civilization completely? And correct, I mean. It'd be probably impossible to process

even what you were seeing. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe it's just like us, who knows? How come there? I just had the fat prices of like, because alien bodies probably look different, you're right. We actually had a conversation about that the other day too,

about how, it's like this principle in science, right? That everything wants to become a crab, right? Trees and crabs. And what's left to its own devices, nature will always create trees and crabs. Yeah, left to its own devices with enough time of like What do you call it that thing that the lips believe in where evolution evolution? Thank you With enough of that stupid lib shit that happens

Everything will become either a crab or a tree. It's just the natural way for things to become over time And so there is this idea that basically like when when we portray aliens in Entertainment they look like us because we look like us and that's the way that it makes sense But there is logic to say like okay You'd probably keep the eyes the ears the things that are sensory that tell the brain what to do as close to the brain as possible. You probably want to have your vital organs protected by some sort of rib cage or something

that'll keep you safe. The appendages, like one of the things that they always say, right, is that humans are advanced because we have like opposable thumbs, right? I don't know. I don't think a, you think, get fucking graft the thumb onto a dog. It's not gonna beat me, you know? Right, yeah.

Also check it out, bam. Yeah, look at that. Losing that without a thumb. Look at that. Take that, humanity. Oh, what's that one finger? Ooh. Boom.

We can do it all, can't we? Are you watching aliens? Yeah. Are you watching dogs? They are. Oh, aliens. They're just a dog at a screw going. Boom.

So like, Tim Allen was at a screen, also. Oh, right. Right. There is the idea, right, that like aliens looks so much like us, because that is just like what they would naturally do. I positive the idea that like like I think maybe it makes sense for us to look like us because we grew up in the parameters that we have like carbon-based life

or whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I guess science says that things probably look the same as I also, I don't know. But the point, this all of this insightful bullshit that I was saying is like, hopefully we would be of aliens brainwaves in the AS hole, and that's where they keep probing us. Yeah, they wanted to see our brains.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think that's, I think that's at least plausible, if not probable. Well, I think we got to you. We didn't, but it's fine. Well, probably because I kind of generally think, believe the same thing both of you have, which is like, yeah, probably just statistically other life exists out there.

Like, how could they're not? Whether it has interacted with ours, I'm mostly interested, like all the UAPs, all the kind of like aerial phenomenon that we can't identify. Most interesting to me is the idea that it's like other dimensional, like probes, or something that's just like kind of passing through this plane, not really interested, kind of passing through this plane not really

interested kind of not super interested in what we're doing and it's our kind of yeah again sort of like passing through truly like dog I'm like trying to explain the internet to a dog you know what I mean like we dogs are really fucking get catch and stray stray is catching strays on this fucking episode Strays, catch and strays on this fucking episode. But like, just the concept, it's like we can't, it's on some level that we can't even kind of perceive or it's something's happening on a level that we aren't even equipped to kind of interact with.

It's probably the most interesting or plausible thing in my mind. Because yeah, I don't know that like, ultimately into the day, unless it's like, I mean, frankly, if you're aliens, if you're listening, Jesus take the wheel. Please come and do something with our planet. We've been terrible stewards of it.

We're good. We're good to list of people. To what? To what? To what, Barb? To maybe examine. To prove. Yeah, open them up.

She was going on. I'll do you a list. Okay. You're right here first. I can stay on Barb's Goodside. I guess she's. It's snowing here. Okay.

A lot of them are in Washington. Oh. Earlier, because we were talking about sort of why we imagine aliens to be humanoid. Or why we kind of like project our image onto aliens. And I think it has a lot to do with, because it's the unknown, and I think human beings are afraid of the unknown, and human beings are also afraid of things

that are like us but slightly different. So there's a reason that like... Shots at racism. Shhhh. No, truly like, it's like, because a human being is a shape we recognize, but the second that shape becomes slightly uncanny, it becomes very frightening.

So it's like humanoid, but like, again, like the slender man, a human man, but very long, a big foot, a Sasquatch, human giant hairy, blurry, dark in the forest. Like, there's something about the human form that... I'm sorry, it's just that's how... I just thought I'd be a big yeah. Well, I think also too, when you think of aliens and them having technology and being intelligence,

like beings, where are the only like intelligent beings that we know of on earth? Like, everything else can't really, like, do what we do to do you agree that humans do? If octopus is put their mind to it, they could. They could. Dolphins are getting pretty close. Dolphins are getting close.

Whales are getting pretty close. Yeah. But you would think if there is a species like that that they would look like us to a degree or even like the basic layout of their body and their brain and their, you know, all these different things because we picture, oh, if we're the ones who could do this here, they probably look or resemble humans from wherever they're from Right, and they're not just like amorphous blobs. I love when you were describing like you know humans look like this

You did the hourglass Humans look like this a scientist call it a wuga Humans look like this a scientist call it a wuga Agaday Agaday I believe the now accepted term is a People you know how they all look mainly Several scientists. Audio listeners, Barrel, playing with the bazookas. Yeah, got to check out that video bug.

I guess for that one. Scientists cited a survey, which just said. So the thing that does suck for me is, again, this is my scoping this entire thing through like the human lens I'm just thinking about you know the people on earth who did sort of work on space travel and why they were doing it Like we sent people to space because two people were like no You're wrong I'm gonna get there first. This is the best way it was a fucking pissing contest,

and that's why we sent people to space and killed several dogs, which was sick and tight. I'm just gonna do a nice talk with the dogs in that way. That's depressing. Did we set a monkey up in the ocean? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause they couldn't, they couldn't get the,

their stupid non-opposable thumb couldn't sign the no paper I do not consent to be sent to be sent to be you think you would go to space if given the opportunity No, I wouldn't go to space. I would not okay. I've talked about this a hundred times and no one gives a shit except for me But the guy that the billionaire who did the ocean gate exploration Did you know that he was on the blue origin flight to space too? I did not know that.

Yeah. The motherfucker went to space, survived, and went, I'm unstoppable. And the mission killed it. Yeah, I mean, I mean, the space we have in the water killed. Isn't it a statistic like we know more about space than we do about our own ocean?

Probably. I don't know that that's, I think. I think it might be true. I don't know.. Probably. I don't know that that's, I think. I think it might be true. I don't know. The only reason I don't know that that's true. And I'm willing to be wrong if I am. But I think that space is so vast and massive. Have you seen those videos where they start with a person

and then slowly zoom out to show the true scale of everything? Yeah, I was blown by mine every time. Yeah, especially blows my mind when it goes smaller. Because going, like you take human, it starts human being, and then you like, you like zoom out to the size of the universe. And it's like, oh man, that's big. Start with human and go smaller. And it goes.

That is scary. Yeah, like they start with Andrew and then they show us. Damn. Damn, darn. Shit. Like they start with Andrew and then they show us Damn Shit Got me in the me in the dog me in the dog. Yeah, I got it. Yeah me in the dogs catching fucking catching straights out here shit It's crazy that you cut that straight because the target's so small He's been he's been possessed by an alien. It's okay. Nothing. He's saying is

He's been he's been possessed by an alien. It's okay. Nothing. He's saying is Conflicting up his butt conflicting reports from last episode to this one on the Discuss the size of your dine tail So we we wrote a sketch. I think this was two weeks ago now We wrote a sketch where I I wrote a line for Andrew where he was supposed to be having a phone call where it was embarrassing And I had him saying hi. I had a declined purchase from silly willies tiny dick in Poryom Uh No, yeah, that was for sure me. Yeah, let the charge go through Ah, and I felt kind of bad about that because I was thinking like, what's the most embarrassing thing ever? And I mixed two of them. It's like, for every dude, I don't

know why this is the most embarrassing thing, but the fear of people knowing you have a small dick and then a declined purchase, which is I feel like a universal thing that people get upset about. And if you could combine them, how devastating that would be. Yeah. I worked in retail for so long that the most angry of ever seen people is number two, when they got caught shoplifting, and number one, when their card got the client. You say you have a small penis, man. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's what I would always say after their card got the client. Just bad salt, though. I went, it didn't work, you tiny dick fuck. And so I felt so bad that we have a segment at the end of the show called Always On. Not to be confused with another show that we have on this name Network. It was definitely around before. That segment was, yeah. Where-

I'm going to steal your table. No, please, please, stay. That's real too. Yeah. We had a conversation where you came on our set and you went, this is a nice table. This is a nice table. Yeah, we have a circular one on came on our set and you went this is a nice table. Well, it's yeah We have a circular one on always open. Yeah, this is nice. Well, that's so you can take closer to each other Yeah, I'm more intimate. I still feel like this is a good length. This is a great good length take it closeness

Yeah, you know, it's wrong with having a small table. There's nothing wrong with a small table I mean, she's not the size of the table. It's the you know, what you put on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, exactly the size of the table it's the you know what you put on it yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly looking wrong with small tape anyway the point is is that I made a bunch of jokes and are always on segment about how huge Andrews ding dong is to sort of offset it and instead what I did was made everyone confused and there was one comment there was like which one is it I gotta know research purposes I'm in love with Andrew roses and I just want to know what I'm getting into. And there's only one way to find out.

That's true. Only fans, it's there. I'm starting one competing with my own. Become a first member today. And maybe you'll find out. Yeah, if you become a, hey, thanks for joining us. If you become a first member today, you get to see all of our penises. And I mean all of us. You get to see a first member today, you get to see all of our penises. And I mean all of us.

You get to see the first member. Oh! For our first member. Hey now, you're not going to get a better segue than that. That's great. But for real, do become a first member because it does. Please do. Actually, really help us here at Ristartee's do what we do.

Yeah, especially buying all of the ingredients that we needed for this next segment. It's time for bottoms up. Oh no. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey, everybody. Welcome to Bottoms Up, the game you know and love, where we learn about our friends and drink disgusting things.

If you don't have this game as played right here, we have a stack of randomized questions and a stack of cards with randomized ingredients, which are all laid here before me. As you can see, we have two players. To my right, Griff Milton, hello. How are you? Who is staring into the middle distance,

contemplating the future of the beverage she might have to consume? Uh-huh. Sorry, I'm trying to figure out when we're 30 seconds into the video. F*** you. I don't want to get demonetized. You got to wait 36 seconds. You're f***ing wrong. when we're 30 seconds into the video. F*** you. I don't only get demonetized, you know, it's 36 seconds.

You only 30 seconds. Is it at 30 seconds before you can taste where's he? It's a minute. It's a minute. Oh, bleep it. Oh, bleep it. It's OK. The wide also reveal a second very special guest.

Barbara Dunkelman is here. Woo. Yeah. It's probably been a minute now. All good no worries is Barbara Dunkelman. We've made it intentionally Always opens all good no worries is always open. Yeah Barbara Dunkelman Farmer RT podcast guests former RT podcast guests current channel manager of always Always good no worries. It's too many letters. no worries too many letters it is too many letters is so if this is your first time watching bottoms up this is how we

play we have a stack of randomized questions and a stack of randomized ingredients our players are going to there it is there it is our players are going to ask each other questions and if the player asked a question on this card and doesn't answer the ingredient on this card goes in their drink if If they do answer it, that ingredient goes in the other players' drink. Does that make sense? Yes. They get to know the ingredient first. You don't get to know the ingredient before the card.

Oh, okay. That's what makes this game so fun. And so easy. Are there any good ingredients? Maple syrup. Like, I do see cocoa powder, which, to be fair, is a good thing. Mixed, I think, here's how awful.

Exactly. This is a real, every single one of these things is like a poison. It's like, that's a tear, I was gonna make a terrible analogy. Yeah, all these things, all these things by themselves, terrific. Together. Is it like bacon cocoa?

Oh yeah, it's unsweetened cocoa. It's unsweetened cocoa. I was thinking it was like chocolate milk mix. It's not Swiss mist, no, it's unsweetened cocoa. It's unsweetened cocoa. I was thinking it was like chocolate milk mix. It's not Swiss mist. No, it's not Nesquick. That is bitter cocoa powder. Cacao. Yeah, exactly.

So any of these things find on its own, I feel like together they are, it was like bottomlessly less than the sum of their parts. Well, you've locked out, because I'm an open book, baby. Ooh, I love to hear that. That's wonderful.

I guess. We love to hear that. Famous loss words. Exactly. I have secrets. I know you have secrets. You have stuff that like, one on one, you're like, nah, dog, I'm not telling you shit. Yeah, I've used the phrase opsec with you guys individually

several times, so I just gotta keep it tight. Yeah, gotta keep it tight. Gotta keep it tight. So coin flip backstage, Barbara won, so you're gonna ask the first question to Griff, okay? All right. We do get a base. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, you're absolutely right.

We do need to have a base to drink from. Oh great. So just empty glasses. And so the base today is going to be unsweetened green tea. Go to hell. Should have been on a card because both Griff and I do not like this. There, we buy tons of this stuff stuff and some people must absolutely love it.

I hate it. You all hate it. It tastes like feet. I like it. It tastes like dirt feet. I like the jasmine ones. Those are delicious. I, there's something about this brand of green tea specifically also that is extra earthy. No, this is... Like it's not even green.

A green tea isn't green. It's not even green. I don't't green. It's not even green. I don't think it is. It's a nice beer color. Imagine if it was like 90s Nickelodeon green. Not even. I'm just like like a, you know, like a, what I imagine if you soaked like a non-dried leaf color.

Sure. Okay. A four full. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. A nice like a, a murky lake water. Murky Lake water. Yeah. exactly. Yeah, a nice like a Merky Lake water, murky lake water. Yeah, exactly Lady Bird Lake

Brain eating amoeba for both of you. I'm killing out the first one. One on top. Yep First question is what's a kink? No one knows you have Oh, they saw my Patreon. So. This is the first question out the gate. Right. Out of the gate. How specific do I have to be?

I'm going to sit as the master of this game. I'm going to say very. We all have kinks. We don't kink shame here. No, no kinks shaming, but I want to be. Um, I'm going to say as the master of this game, I'm going to say very. We all have kinks. We don't kink shame here. No, no kinks shaming, but I want to know inquiring minds, horny minds want to know. Oh, the tongue is rolling around in the bottom lip. This is a, and no one knows you have not even not even your significant other. Are you thirsty? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yes, I do, Andrew, but women. By women. By women. OK.

OK. OK. Let's unpack that. Where does that come from? I don't know. Like, I don't know if people please are when you're growing up. I don't know. Sure.

Emotionally, negative parents used to say anyone who's ever read any type of smite or fanfax and whatever. Yeah. Or whatever. Yeah. Or whatever. Okay. Fan tap? I know.

So that's some of us didn't get verbally affirmed. Okay. Ever. And now I'm going to feel weird every time I compliment Griff. Hey, you're doing a great job. Hey, great job, Griff. I mean, really good job. Okay.

It's funny because I do hate compliments. So you think they would go hand in hand. You think? I guess in the right circumstance. Yeah, but I mean, everything, it's so funny how everything changes kind of on a dime in the bedroom. Yeah, it's context. I also love this is kind of a non-sequitur, but I think we've talked about this before.

How everyone has sex voice. It's one of my favorite phenomena. It's just like you have your normal voice and you have your sick Like it goes you to goes down and I can't be like yeah, this is great. Oh, okay Oh, mine is the same as my customer service voice. Oh really is it your life like I yeah no hi Yeah, just like that No, that's great. You're doing it right? No, it's fine if you can't. No, I get it.

Like it's not. I know what this being reported. It's not your fault. Uh, for customer quality. Um, could you spit on it? Okay. Have you tried spitting on it? Uh huh.

No, no, you don't get it. You're going to get it calling into customer service. Yeah. Call again. No, you're not the representative. Yeah. I'm not the representative.

I'm the customer. Well, yeah, baby. What's going. Oh. Well, actually, this might might work fish sauce is the ingredient. Oh, thank God fish sauce is going in your What if I also say I have a praise king Can I can I counter it? Do you put it in do I put it? Oh? I put it in the Side there's like the one ingredient. I was hoping not to get. Okay, well, you know what?

Because this is the start of the game. We're going to do how much fish sauce is. Is it open? Yes. We have a meal that had some very good food and one of the

things that fish sauce on it. You were there. Oh, I was there. It was good, but I still was just like, damn, that's fish sauce. Oh, yeah, chicken carogging. Yeah, had some fish sauce on

it. I mean, it worked amazingly, but you can like, uh-huh. You told you could tell the fish sauce. Yeah, okay, so that was your first question. Fish sauce is in your tea. Fantastic. Next question, Grif asks Barbara.

Barbara, similarly, have you ever role played during sex and what was the scenario? Uh... roleplay during sex and what was the scenario? Uh... I actually, I'm not, I have not roleplayed during sex. I'm not the way. I mean the question is have you ever and the answer is no, I would be out front if I have but no.

I would never... Can you get the producer to... Do you want us to get Trevor and he could confirm? Let's come get Trevor on. Then do you want me to call up my ex-boyfriends. I was looking for each one of them in order. Yeah, looking Scott Kulger. Okay, I'll amend this question slightly.

Okay. If you were to role play. Oh, good question. What would be a scenario that... What's an intriguing scenario? I am the babysitter at this house. Hell yeah. And he is the father of said baby. Shriving you home?

Yes! No. Yes! I'm at home. I've already put the baby to sleep. He's a single dad. I'm of age. I'm not a teenage babysitter.

I am. Meal. And we are both consenting to all of us. I like that your sexual fantasy is stability. Free man. It's a man who's chosen to be a single father. Has like a life where he needs a babysitter, but is also like loving and caring.

What did your wife die from? I just, she had an orgasm too hard, and I'm just fucking done. Wow, that's so tragic. Hopefully that doesn't happen again. But if it did, but if it did, I have a strong heart. I'll be okay. I'll be okay. Okay.

Well, you answer the question. I appreciate you playing ball. So here, a drawn ingredient that will now go in Griff's, Griff's cup. Oh, that's not so bad. Worship your sauce. Ooh. What is that? It's not so bad. Worshish or sauce. Ooh, what is that? It's like steak sauce.

I like steak sauce. It's an impossible, but to pronounce steak sauce. It's more liquidy than steak sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steaks sauce is thick. Orcs is more liquidy. And you know what, we're gonna give a little bit. That's so much.

Yeah. That's like a little bit of fish sauce. I think both got about four or five drops. No, that was like tangent. Okay, now it's fine. Oh man, it's smelling stately. That's like a little bit of fish sauce. I think it both got about four or five drops. No, that was like tangent. Okay. Now it's fine. Oh man, it's smelling stakey. That smells good though.

So my taste is like feet with fish in it. Ha ha ha. Two great tastes and tastes great together. Okay. I don't think that's true. I almost wish I got worshisher sauce to hide the fish sauce taste. It would do it.

Worcestershire sauce is a good masqueror. Okay. Barbara is now asking the second question. All right, Griff. Okay. What's the most embarrassing thing you spent over $100 on? Where do I begin? Oh my God.

I feel like I'm going to gladly answer this question. That's so many embarrassing purchases. The most embarrassing, like what do you mean, okay, Andrew clarification question, what do you mean by like embarrassing? Like useless or like, like what do you mean? I mean like embarrassing, not useless

because I think we've also all made like dumb, maybe impulse purchases. Like what's the word, frivolous? Frivolous? Frivolous, something like extremely frivolous. Not the word, frivolous? Frivolous? Like, frivolous. Like, something like, extremely frivolous? Not, not like something extremely frivolous. Something that like, you thought about,

and we're like, I'm spinning over. I'm gonna about to drop some coin on this. Like, maybe something you shouldn't have bought on this. Yeah. Oh, God. Cocaine. So we have our answer. Oh, I know. I bought, because of this man, So much for that. Yeah, so much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that.

So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that.

So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that.

So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. So much for that. I don't like it as much as like my $30 amber Crabby top. I like it enough, but not enough to like, I've been like, this was worth the money. I don't know if I would say that's embarrassing. I don't know, that's an embarrassing amount of money for a single item.

Yeah, I don't know, I can't. I mean, I can list other things I've purchased. Okay, let's start listing them. Start listing them, go down the line. Like, did they have to be over $100? Cause again, I buy embarrassing things constantly. Give us top three. And it could be of any monetary value.

I'm the man in another question. Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, I bought a bunch of the, I don't have an, I bought a bunch of those, uh, silicone ice shaped things, uh, in different fun shapes, like, uh, spheres and butterflies. And I was really excited about it for like a week.

And then I never used it again because I don't have enough space in my freezer to use them all the time. What is crowding your freezer that you can't have? Other ice-cooked trays. Other ice-cooked trays. Other, yeah. Other ice-cooked trays.

Dictionary Joe's Boxes mostly. Trader Joe's Box. Bags of dumplings from H-Mart. A way expired chicken. Like chicken that's like technically frozen, but you'll never cook. You never cook it. Yeah, ribs from two years ago, I should probably throw those away.

They take seven days to defrost. Oh, absolutely. And they're just merely, oh god, so many shoes, ugly shoes. Oh, I spent so much money on ugly sneakers. You do. And then, and then only were like three pairs. I think you have the stickest sneakers. No, but like I have the, no I have six sneakers now.

By the way, the face row was like buying like intentionally ugly shoes and they were the expensive. Okay, okay. I'm very embarrassed about that. Sure. And in fact, in any edit, we're gonna put up some photos of Griff's dumb shoes that we'll collect later. Yeah, I can get those.

Yeah, we'll get those and we'll put them up. We'll get them right now. We'll get them right now. We'll get them right now. We got a clip. Oh no, these are sick, those are sick. Yeah, we'll get those and we'll put them up. You'll look at them right now. Yeah, some Adidas young 96s. We got a clue. Oh, these are sick. Those are sick. No, these are my good shoes.

Actually, they don't make these anymore and I'm real sad about it. Because the cult died in them, right? No, I wish. I wish these were those. The decades? Okay. So, here we go. You answered.

Okay. So please draw a card that will go in Barbara's drink. Ms. Dungle, as long as it's not fish sauce again. No, it's cocoa powder. Hey! Hey! Hey! Let's get some texture in there.

Yummy! See, that's what we need. That's what this has been missing. Is the texture is some like nice... Oh, it's wet. And it's gonna have green tea and fish sauce on it. Yeah, good thing no one uses that for its intended purpose. Yeah, we should have not put the spoons directly in the thing.

And you know, oh god. Don't wipe that anywhere. Yeah. Huh? Oh, that's a heaping staple. That is a staple. Oh, what they would call a heaping. He reactivated the fish sauce when he ate it.

Oh, yeah, it sure, it sure. Get that, give them a nice good stir oh I like the dust cloud coming off the top of it it's not combining no it's not oh should we heat it up for you I feel like honestly if you heated that up that's just like a marinade at first I was like oh it's not so bad but then I again forgot it's not water yeah no it's a tea oh at this point it's kind of like a mole. It's like me So mole yeah, isn't that me with cacao me Lee? Oh Yeah me. I hate that. I'm on the show. I hate that

You love doing the artsy podcast. Yeah, this is one of your favorite things. I made me drink shit Moving on I miss my old dad. Next question. Griffith will ask Barbara. Ooh, who are you avoiding talking to right now and why? Who are you avoiding talking to and why? Someone, in case you were just listening to this, someone brought a haunted house door onto the set. Any old phrase?

Like, do you have an unanswered text message? Do you have a ghost of the Queen's? A ghost of the Queen's. Do you have a, do you have a Facebook message that you have an answer? I feel like that's the ultimate thing. It's like, shit, man, I deleted that off my phone. I never checked that thing.

Well, no. Barresan unread text for me for eight weeks. I'm looking to see if I have any unread texts. Beams, I sensor in the Instagram. Piling up. Oh, okay, so I'm not avoiding this person. I just haven't responded to their texts. My friend Tyler Co.

Ah. Ah. Ah. I'm supposed to be helping him find someone for something that he's doing. He's like working on a project right now and I'm supposed to be like helping find someone for that project. And I- It's extravagant, okay. Have not, and I have not put the work into finding the person. But you don't want to tell him that you haven't started. Yes.

Okay, so I haven't responded to him and it's been You're watching this you want to tag tag Tyler who put this at yeah, can we put his Yeah, well it's because he sent me the text message and was like oh shit I should do that and then I just never respond it's been too much Oh that rock so sorry, I'm gonna me in June. Oh, that rock. Tyler, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna message him after this. That rocks.

That is so good. I love it, which is like, I don't really think. I really love it. Well, I'm not avoiding him. I love it. No, it's great. No, I love you, dude.

No, but this is great. And this is why this show is not only, we learn about our friends, but we also help our friends because this doesn't come out until next week. We're taking, we take these a week a week out. So, you have one week. Start the clock.

You have one week to get to Tyler before this comes out. For all the ideas we have to do. But I'm not missed because I leave texts unread when I still want to get to them. Yeah. But because it's two months, I have so many other text messages that have piled up on top of it. Wow, I get it. You have friends for her friends.

I love you. I'm very popular. That happens to me, but it's just because I keep getting notifications from email things I signed up for. What do we put it into a Grip String? What do we put in a Grip String? This has been a great game because both of you have been very forthcoming, very open, very honest about the

embarrassing things in your life. So it's a lot of voling. It's a lot of ingredients of voling. I hate it happening. And I love that. I think I think Chris is going to have it easy. So I sauce. That's like in Worcestershire sauce. Right.

Like you you're in the same flavor family right now. You have a lot of like salty ingredients. Where I just have a this. Yeah. Oh, this is low. Maybe two salty. This is low sodium though. Low low low.

Low. Low. Low. It's just you mommy. Yeah, exactly. They just double the MSG. We are. We don't tell you. We really are making marinades.

These are just both marinades. You could find, if we took these cups to any wing place in Austin, they would batter these and fry them. Oh, absolutely. In fact, that's what we're doing after this. Yeah, I just like. Got a whiff.

I realize this is unsweetened too, because I'm like, oh, it doesn't smell bad, but I'm like, that's not going to be accurate of the taste. Oh, this one's written out. Oh, this is unsweetened too. Cause I'm like, oh, it doesn't smell bad, but I'm like, that's not gonna be accurate of the taste. Mm-hmm. Oh, this one's written out. Oh, that's bad. I feel out of all your browsers. What's the most embarrassing tab open on your phone right now?

Why are you always asking about my fucking phone? What? Why did your voice go up three octaves? Why are you always like that? What's happening now is Griff is going through her phone and deciding if she wants to answer this question or take the L. Who's the only fans page do you have open? Well, honestly, the last only fans I opened was Michael. And is it Michael?

Yeah. But I didn't subscribe. Did the carpet match the drapes? Is he ballin' down there too? Unfortunately, no. Okay, so, ooh boy, okay. Do I have to show it? You can show it.

I mean, you definitely have to tell us what it is. Okay, so the most embarrassing thing I have is a collection of 54 tabs that are all different. Gay Korean Man-Wa that I'm reading on various websites. 54 tabs. 54 tabs. Yeah, and I can't expand any of these. I have four open and I thought that was a lot. No, I can't, and we can't click on none of those.

Oh, I know. Except I will. Okay, no. HR? No. HR said no. Does that count as needing the Korean door? HR said no. Okay that count as needing the ingredient? HR said no. Okay, you can let me open one of them.

Can I choose? And you can choose. But, and if you do, the ingredient goes in barbers drink. Okay. But if you don't want to, if you don't show me one, it goes in yours. Don't show them. Don't show them. Oh God.

I'm a monster. And you also have five seconds to decide. Oh, geez. Okay. Okay. Okay. Three. Two.

Oh, that refresh. I don't know what that's going to refresh, too. Okay. The phone has been passed to me. It did refresh. Title. Authentic gay training school. I haven't gotten around the reading that one yet.

Summary. In the summer. Here we go. In the distant future, the explosive growth of the population brings about a unique project to prevent the unexpected destruction of the planet in 60 years, making gay men. The gay trading center starts open in earnest. Oh, no, the world would explode. Suck my cock. We've got to prevent the end of the world. I want to be a fly on the wall in your life. So here's the thing. I get a lot of Instagram ads that're always the most ridiculous like that.

And I'm like, oh, I have to like, if I just like start going through someone's story, I could probably do like three sweats and it would be like, oh, I got reincarnated as a flesh lay. And I'm like, well, I have to see what that's about. Like reincarnated as a flesh lay. And I know that sounds crazy.

And I know that sounds crazy, but like that's just what the algorithm gives me sometimes, and I don't know what to tell you. But whenever I'm scrolling through like real, that's all it is. It's like that in like expensive perfume brands, and that's all I get advertised. And they've got you. They've got you dead derites. Oh, wow. That's just, I even, that's just someone's's yeah, that's just what someone did today. I was I wasn't thinking I was gonna See the most wholesome goat say of all time. Yeah, go say Someone painted this it's six feet. It's a six-foot tall portrait and it's in a bar Oh, and it's someone looking at their but hole. Oh, they're taking a butthole pick. Yeah. All right, get me my ingredient.

Yeah. That's in the bar somewhere. Show hole. That's the title of this idea. Oh, I see what it is. Show hole. The feet are together. Yeah.

Canvas mixed media. Please draw an ingredient that will now go and barbers drink. Oh, thank God. Picklejuice Sports Drink. Yeah. Man. Yeah. Again, could I just drink that on its own?

Yeah. Because I like pickled. I hate pickled juice. Oh God, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, it's so full. Why is it that full? It's so full, oh fuck me. Oh God.

That's brimming with juice. There, I'll just put a little, oh, for fuck's sake. Brimming with juice is also the name of one of those. One of those tabs. This is the last question. Okay. And then we will cheers and bomb the tank. We have to drink all of it. One of those tabs. This is the last question. And then we will cheers and bomb the thing. We have to drink all of it.

You have to drink it. And in fact, we might finish it on the main show. You might have to nurse it through the main show. We'll see how it goes. All right. Ask Barbara the last question of the show. Bring it. Barbara?

Yes. Show me your YouTube search history Okay It's just gonna be always open and restri-teeth six times with different spellings Okay No Give me. No deleted. Oh, no. Give me an agreement. Oh, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen. I was looking for something from, I cannot say. I'll tell you after the show. Okay, off air. You can tell us off air. I love that. That is beautiful. That is beautiful.

Okay, the ingredient is, I will read the last ingredient. The lead. Red is beautiful. Okay, the ingredient is, I will read the last ingredient. The lead, red wine vinegar. Cool. We are going for the most pungent ones we can, you know what? And because of the last question in the game, I'm just gonna give you a little, a little dollop of do you have food. How much is, how much is your burger lobe?

Here's your burps tonight. They're gonna be, what is this this last question? It's like bonus question. We dim the lights. I think if I just had pickle juice, he would have been happy. He he he.

All right, you both have your drinks. I feel like Kayla got off. I've got this incredibly light. I have a very salty surprise winning. Yeah, yes. And you know what this reminds me of? I don't know if you guys have the same experience, but if you are ever like at a wedding or an event or anything like that,

or like anything where there's like a lot of ingredients, as a kid, you would make a mixture, but like you'd take the ketchup and like different drinks and sauces that were on the table, and just make a terrible concoction. That's what this is. Yes. I used to make sandwich sauce. But I wouldn't drink it.

No. No, you just mixed. Do you want to take a smell? I do want make sandwich. That's a good one. But I wouldn't drink it. No. No, you just mix. Do you want to take a smell? I do want to smell. Oh my God, that smells like a scratch and sniff marker. Like one from your childhood that smelled like ass. That's generous. And no one of the bad smelling ones, okay.

Your smell's like a mirror. Like your smell's like a, it's going on a stake later. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for playing bottoms up. Please, cheers, cheers, yes. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Oh! Surprisingly, the worst part of that is the red wine thing in vinegar. Uh!

Oh, we got a bar. We got a bar. Oh, she's actually barfing. Oh, God, it's going to make me bar. Oh, no. Cut it. Cut the show. This is it.

Thank you for playing the bottoms up. Oh, God. Cheers. Not the worst thing I ever put in my mouth. And we're back. I want to say a special thank you to Barb for being on bottoms up. Perhaps our grossest and most embarrassing segment. That was not good.

No. It is the segment equivalent of getting your card declined and having a small gig. And admitting to both of them. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was fun though. You're a fucking champion. It wasn't bad. Really. I think though that I have a pretty good tolerance for that kind of stuff. Sure. Rochette. Yeah. good tolerance for that kind of stuff. Sure, bro shit. Yeah. I opposite of Griff who has the weakest stomach of all time. Well, she had a pretty easy drink. She know, I would say that not to take anything away from Griff, but I think I have far in the way the weakest stomach of all of us. Maybe the whole company. Oh, wow. I've never played bottoms up with that vomiting.

I'm lactose intolerant. I get sick all the time and not like flu sick. I get food poisoning a lot. Okay, you're like Gus used to get food poisoning all the time. Really? Yeah. I think. Oh damn. You're gonna think I'm making a little joke but I think Mexicans have weak stomachs. I think where our stomachs aren't made for so buy it by in a way. I feel like I've said the phrase two different ways and both of them have been wrong. Buy in large and far away. Yeah, buy in a way.

Buy in large, which is what I am. Uh, it is. I thought I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I don't really talk about it at all or do anything about it. I'm feeling my shit talk about it.

Well, I'm not going to do that on your show. I mean, unless you have a minute. No. Ah. Jokes. Anyway, I forgot what I was talking about. Oh, yeah. Just like the whole thing of like, we don't really drink cow milk

or do cow cheese or any of that stuff. Yeah. In Mexico. So like a lot of us just don't have the stomach for it. Interesting. Also, I read something that like, most humans shouldn't be drinking milk after their babies.

And that like, you sort of, that's why some people develop lactose intolerancy afterwards. But we as humans also discover that dairy good is a motherfucker. So we kept like evolving to sort of do that. I don't know the science right on that statement that I just said, but I know that you're not supposed to drink milk. I'm gonna say a debate of whether or not you should drink milk after you're a baby or not. And I think there are some people here who

are really do that were very vehemently like foreign against that. Yeah. I am team pro milk. I drink a lot of milk. I probably drink two or the half gallons. I drink a gallon a week probably. It's fucking gross by the way. He drinks it like a child with a big glass and he goes, oh, with it spilling out the bottle. I just go on the side.

Yeah, and I go, I go, and I do a whole arm white across my face. The grossest part is he'll take a break and keep his mouth in the cup and go Yeah, it's disgusting. Um the worst sounding podcast we've ever I've got to actually drink what's the opposite of ASMR. That's what this is. Yeah I'm anti-milk not because it tastes bad or anything But because I think a grown person drinking a glass of milk is creepy I think it's fucking weird to see it. I don't like it interesting. I mean Trevor's soldering milk. I know you do

Yeah, you guys are weird. Well, it's funny because we had people over the other day and they're like should we bring anything And I was like well if you want anything to drink you should bring that because we have water and milk Like the only things we have. That are consumable like woods at our house. What's in your fridge? Water, milk, craft singles, and a thing of baking soda. It's the saddest fridge in America. I don't know if you've been invited to a bar party, but it's BYUM.

Bring your own milk. Bring your own milk. My family drink, or currently drinks a lot of milk too. My brother's drank a ton of milk and we're the tallest kids in our family. Like by a lot. I see, I didn't drink any milk growing up. Well, that's not true, actually. I drink quite a bit of milk and then when I was like middle school, early high school,

I started taking massive disgusting shits. Like I would eat breakfast, go to school, I would basically shit myself almost. And then I would go to the nurse's office and go like, I don't feel good. I don't know what's happening. I wanna go home. And my mom, who even then knew I was a little scammer,

was like, okay, yeah, you took a big fat stinky shit. Sure. And then I started taking sh shit in the nurse's office So that they could write on that table there with that paper Featsies hanging down yeah basically this is a gross story and I'll make it as not gross as possible I kept getting sick my mom did nose happening. She was freaking out. She took me to like specialist The specialist really wow like my mom did nose happening, she was freaking out, she took me to like specialist, a specialist, really. Wow, I don't, I mean, you've answered no to all the questions that normally this would indicate why this is happening, so we don't know what's going to happen.

We need a stool sample, which meant there was a day that I had to poop into a plastic bag that my mom held open and I want to remind you, the age for this was late middle school early high school. So you're like 13, 12, 13. Yeah, 12, 13. That were you're too old to do that, but also too young for it to be less than you could do by yourself. Yeah, exactly.

So it was one of the most embarrassing things for both of us. I pooped in a bag, my mom scooped it into a tube and sent it off, and then it was summer, and I got to go to my dad's for the summer and my dad was picking me up and my mom was just like stressed out, like explaining it to him and my dad goes, huh, yeah, it sounds a lot like me, you know, because like I'm lactose intolerant so that like around that age,

that's when I stopped being able to process milk and I watched my mom go like, what the fuck did you just say? I mean she did not. Why would you not tell me that? And she was like, no, no, I just thought he was sick. Yeah. Cool, great.

Well, thanks because I really hated having $400. I have a much at cost to do that fucking whole study. I've never do a stool sample before. Oh, yeah. You know, I've done the, we talked about this. Done the colonoscopy. He's done the colonoscopy. Oh, yeah. yeah, they've had a very different colonoscopy experience. We sure did And if you were subscribed to first you'll he can hear all about it

Oh, well, this is a special bonus. Yeah, exactly excuse a footage. What a scoop so to speak anyway No, yeah, I've had the stool sample. I've had the colonoscopy. They've been all up in there. Throw mapping of my tract has been done. And in fact, my tract has been more observed in the ocean. It's wonderful. Yeah. Maybe more about Andrew's asshole

than we do about our own ocean. They had their own submersible. Yeah. Oh, submissible. I was going to say submissible. Yeah, and I was like, that's not the right one. Unless. That's what the aliens were using.

So I'm just thinking about it. I've had a sample of blood. I've given plasma. They've tested my P a lot. My hair. I've had a saliva test. I've had a poop test. The only thing that comes out of my body that hasn't been tested I think is my cum yet.

Have you had all the fluids tested? Okay, I've had number one, number two, number three, number four, cum. Yeah, number four. Yeah, number three is put in the form. At the same time. Not vomit. And number five is disgusting and very sexy.

Right, often go hand in hand. Yeah, no, I think I've also had sort of every fluid and secretion tested at some point. Your wax, I had to mean your wax tested. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even know that was the possibility. Yeah, they could swab it. What are they testing at four?

Long time ago, I was getting like ear infections. There's just bacteria in there. Like there is everywhere on your body. And so they're like, oh, you're getting ear infections. I think you just have like an overgrowth of a certain kind of non-human biological. A non-human biological. Yeah, that's exactly.

So yeah, a lot of fluids have been tested. I've been, you know, been through the centerfuge. I guess what I'm trying to say is that growing up's weird and getting older sucks. It's scary. And what if, you know, I think it's a good reminder that if you do have access to a doctor, you could see once a year for checkups. That's a great thing to do.

And I would not avoid that if you could. Now, what can be like me and have full health insurance and never go to the doctor? Based on Japan's highest selling manga series in history by Ichiro Ola, one piece is a legendary high seas adventure unlike any other, and it's out now only on Netflix. Luffy is a young adventurer who has longed for a life of freedom for us long as he can remember. He sets off on a perilous journey to find the legendary treasure to become King of the Pirates.

But in order to find this treasure, Luffy will need to find a ship and assemble a crew. Once he sets sail, he was searched the vast ocean and outward dangerous rivals with the help of his loyal shipmates and legendary fighting abilities. This is an incredible world ruled by pirates filled with mysterious fruits that grant superpowers and talking snails that people use as telephones. Yes, you heard that right. Snailphones. But beyond the fantastic elements,

the people of this world are driven to search far and wide for the legendary treasure known only as the one piece. We are super excited to watch it out now only on Netflix. These are both equally helpful pieces of advice and now let's hear some even more helpful advice. It's time for RT Cares.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Welcome everybody to RT Cares, where we take your questions and turn them into the worst advice possible. This week, we are joined by professional advice giver, Barbara Dunkelman! Hey, professional advice giver. Yeah.

Not only do you have a show, always open, where you not only give amazing advice, but also great premises for us to rip off and put my face in. We give the best advice we can. You're not always necessarily suited to give the advice we give, but. That is not the goal here.

Yeah, that's right. It's almost actively to make people's lives worse. Yeah, it's like you can listen to always open and like take something away from it. It's filled people like really opening up and like pouring your hearts and like really giving thought and time and attention to people's questions. And we are a bunch of stinkers and rascals who do the opposite of that and like hear people's problems and go, oh go up damn that's a for what a doozy for our tx episode we asked people to actively beat up and rob

guardians for their shirts so that you can have which is funny because I think I actually heard about one person who stole a guardian shirt I don't know if it was before or after that happened I might be liable for something Wish you had not told me that Not only do you do that but you also have given me some of the best advice in my personal life So yeah, I would call you a professional This week our question came to us from our email, which is RT cares at roostertief.com It's available here. You can send us a question if you want some terrible advice and if you want some nice advice

You can email always open at roostertief.com. I think you send them to both And then you know depending on you know if you want to go chaos mode If you actually want to improve your life Yeah, this is the podcast version of having an angel and a devil on your story. Yeah, there you go. So this one is, I'm about to start my junior year of high school. And over the summer, my family moved to a new state. I wasn't unpopular anything, but I've been thinking this is the perfect chance to rebrand myself.

How can I switch up my personality and become the coolest kid in school? Two things. You came to the kings of rebranding stuff in a way that people have mixed reviews up. And secondly, who better to tell you how to be the coolest kid at high school than a bunch of people that are either over 30 or about to be 30? Or we're not cool at all in high school. Were you really, I guess you were too.

Oh, not at all. Yeah, you seem like you'd be really cool in high school. No, I had a very small group of friends and was not liked by a lot of people. Wow. Yeah, it's not popular. So I had the position in high school of not being the coolest, but I was definitely the class clown, like I definitely made people laugh.

I'm the guy who definitely dies in the end of the second act in a war movie, the guy who's funny with the platoon, who's always cracking jokes and making everybody laugh. I'm the guy who gets mowed down at the end of the second act. And now there's no more comedic relief and we go, wow, now it's a serious movie. Now it's a serious movie, exactly. So like, yeah, not cool, but like,

I feel like genuinely liked and stuff like that, but definitely not like, oh, let me show them how cool he is with some sex. That was not happening. That is the perfect way to describe you because I feel like if you did die, I would be motivated to get better. Yeah, I'm glad I cut you. Be part of your personal better. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm kind of catching.

Be part of your personal journey. Yeah, my, yeah, exactly. I, um, I've said this before on different podcasts and stuff, but I feel like I went to high school in one of the best times to go into high school, because like, uh, I was like mid 2000s. I graduated 2014.

So I went to high school from 2007 through 2014. I got help back. I got help back. No, I didn't. That's not true. That's not my own thing for me. From 2010 to 2014, I believe. It's what I went to high school.

High school musical had already come out. It had multiple sequels. People were really jazzed about this idea. high school. And high school musical had already come out, had already had multiple sequels. And so people were like really jazzed about this idea to just like, you know, be yourself, be who you're gonna be. And that also maybe the high school athlete could maybe also do drama. So like, so multi-dimensional. I didn't, I wasn't unpopular, I wasn't popular, I was just kind of like an average guy.

And that's kind of how everyone was. Is everyone was just kind of like a person. I feel like it was more like that in like the 11th and 12th grade for me. I feel like 9th and 10th it was more about like who's popular, who's the cool kids, who's like that one. Yeah, because you're, because we're expected to like fit into those. And then by the time you get to know everyone a little bit more

in your class and in your grade, it's like, no, we're all just people. Yeah, what I do think is interesting, and one of the reasons I picked this question is because I also moved schools my junior year. And I moved from a Los Angeles school to a school in a place called Menophe, California, which I don't know if either of you have ever heard of.

Oh, beautiful. Menophe. No, no, no, no, no. No one has. Menophe, Menophe is a place that exists everywhere and it's not so much a physical location as much as like a place where education goes down and math sales go up. Sure. Manifield is not geographical. It is a state of being. And when you look at the writer say he was going. It wasn't menophe.

Didn't say. Just say. Maybe it was menophe. Maybe you were going to menophe. Yeah, yeah, exactly. If you are, I feel bad for you. And in which case, the correct answer to how to be cool is kid in school is start cooking. You know, you get your, get your, get your, your highs in Bergon. And in which case they correct answer how to be a cool kid in school is start cooking

Yeah, you get you get your get your highson burger on is really Yeah precisely I was never like really sexualized as a kid, which is good. I think is a great thing Yeah, I'm gonna say that's a good thing. Yeah, going with this Well, I feel like the only time I ever came close to that is when I walked into my eighth grade history class, which was taught by the high school varsity football coach who saw an over six foot tall child walk into his room and he just went, oh, yeah. You look good with shoulder pads on.

Oh, you look so good on my starting line. Very close. And then he found out what all people have found out eventually is that our monitor is not very good at physical excertation. Do not sport. No, I did great at freshman football because I was so much taller than everybody. so all I had to do was grab your pads and stand up and you would choke. And then my sophomore year, I played varsity football, which, uh, where I was playing against people who were men. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Full grown man. Pretty, yeah. Terrifying scary men who had to shave every day. I played I got fucking hit by a guy with a tattoo And I was like I'm 13 Going on You were a young high schooler. Yeah, I think I meant for The point is is that it shouldn't have been the way that it went so I moved over to doing like drama. I did a lot of arts I

I got really into like doing creative stuff. That's when I started doing like improv and all that shit, whatever. My junior year, I moved and the same exact thing happened in the new school where I walked into a history class. They all fucking varsity football coaches teach history. I mean, read the book, take the test. You don't have to do a lot of like synthesis of information. It is't have to do a lot of like synthesis of information. It is really just kind of a lot of wrote memorization

for the most part of things that like, it's one of those things where it's like, you're high school varsity football coach, you're just gonna be teaching math where it's like, now you see why this works is because there's like a remainder and that remainder I was like folded, like there's like actual math. By the way, that was about as advanced math as I get.

There's not like, they don't have to synthesize the information and like convey it to you in a way that demonstrates their knowledge of it. It really, with history, it's very much like open. He also has the book open, going like, well this is what happened. Yeah, so who teaches American history in Canada where you went?

Is that like the hockey coach or what, who does that? The history teacher? No, no, no, the US history teacher. Oh well. We do learn some stuff about US history. We learn world history typically. But it's funny because my football coach was actually my history teacher. So it does, it does go cross, uh, cross nations.

Yeah, you see those guys down there just because they couldn't get enough Beaver that's really why we're yeah, yeah And that's why we that's why we're gonna win the game because we're the ones who run the meters faster, eh? All all all three downs We do have three downs in Canadian You guys are so fucking wrong. It makes it more challenging because you have to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Play any team from Minneapolis, you fucking beat. Yeah, I also played football in high school. Did you really? For three years. Like football or football? Football, like with a... Don't do that. Don't do that. Sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no.

This... Blur it, blur it. No, not soccer, football., no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was in my dream year. I went to this new school. And I also, the reasoning behind it, it sounds more dramatic than it was. My parents, my mom and my stepdad were going through divorced, so they sent me to live with my grandmother. So I knew that I was only gonna be there for about half a year. And so I went there, I walked into the history teacher who was the varsity football player or football coach.

And he was like, you're gonna be an excellent football player for, oh my God, and what school did you go to? Oh my God, they're like a division school and I was like, yeah man, but it was off season and we weren't playing. And so I got to basically join the football team, go to practice, but because I was on varsity and it was off season, I didn't have to do any of the drills.

So I got pulled out of class all the time to go do football shit full well knowing that when summer came around I would be back in Los Angeles. Oh yeah. What did you do when it you got pulled for football stuff? We would just go over tapes and go over plays and they would be teaching me stuff and also be outside doing shit. Nope. I didn't have to do fucking shit. Man, what a scam. What a grift. So I guess what I'm trying to say is my advice to you is to get as fucking big as humanly possible so that you when you walk into your history teacher slash football player coach, why can't I keep doing that football coach's office? They force you to be in football, which instantly makes you cool.

I got invited to so much shit just because I was a varsity football player. Yeah. It was the best way to make friends. I was cool. I was like, actually like CW TV show cool for half a school year just because I lied and told them I would eventually play football. I think, and I was going to say, my advice to you is to pay, you just, I mean, just a couple of people,

and maybe pay actors, maybe other, like, approach some students and get them beforehand, to when you walk into the school doors, for, like, one kid to go, whoa! And, like, lower their glasses and look at you as you walk into the school and just, whoa! And just do that. And then every month slowly turns.

Yeah. And in fact, if there is some sort of like, I don't know, jukebox situation in your school, if you could like hit it and like start a song, that could really... How long has it been since you went to school? I mean, like, you know, you're gonna wanna join probably the T-birds and get yourself a pink lady. Probably it to be like your number one, your sweetie. She'll probably get a ring so that she can wear it

on a necklace around her neck. Go steady. And you wanna go steady, yeah, at the drive-in. Well, you know, I need worth it? am I dating? is this dating me? I'm assuming that this is like referencing Greece. I mean and just an entire culture in the 19s. I don't get it.

Yeah you just go on. So what part do you walk up to the iPod Nano and hit it in your hand? God remember iPod Nano docs? Like they made a whole, there was a whole like series of like, there's a whole like section of technology that was made for iPods to like dock to. Oh yeah.

So you can play like every single one of those in a fucking landfill right now. Yeah. We're just creating an entire generation of junk. Yeah. Unplayable junk now. That's what we did. That's what my parents did.

A whole generation of junk. I also, I love your idea because we live in a day and age where anyone can be sort of famous for anything. Yeah. Like I have, Like you're a taste maker. Yeah, a taste maker. Exactly.

I have millions of friends who I didn't know were like influencers on taste makers, sorry, on TikTok. And like if you get one person to go, whoa, the whole school's gonna be like, that's that kid that does the floss and talks about how he can't pee is written anymore. That's crazy. Damn.

I have two options for my advice. Okay. First one is find the kids who do all the drugs because we all know drugs are cool. So you're immediately cool if you're in with the kids who do the drugs drugs because we all know drugs are cool. Yeah, so you're I'm really cool if you're in with the kids do the drugs. Right step one option two would be pretend you are a reporter who's undercover at a high school. Tell them that they can't tell anybody. Holy shit. Are you never been kissing me? Are you never been kissing? Oh God, I got never been kissed. I don't know why the kid going to this high school is a dock worker from one island. But, oh, hold on a second.

Are you telling me in our third period math class that you are never been kissing me? Yeah, they did say different state. Didn't specify which one. Yeah, yeah. Rock solid advice. Yeah, I was, we, Kinkle wrong with either of them. I love that both of your pieces of advice

require you to basically be a narc. Because either one, either one of your options requires you going, hey, other kids, where are the drugs at? Yes, I love partaking in the drugs. One cocaine, please. I'm it. I'm it.

Do you have a dollop of meth by the chance? I'm sorry. Hello, hello shopkeep. Do you have a dollop? I'm sorry, that's the funniest fucking thing I've heard today. So no way it's cool. Oh no, no, no, but it should be. So dollop of meth, dollop of meth, paid child actors to go, wow.

And then be big as fuck. Yeah. I think, I think just fucking lie. Just lie, it's high school. one cares no one can remember no one cares No one at all is gonna remember I just realized that in a year It's gonna be the 10 years since I graduated high school and I have not heard of one single reunion I don't think reunions happen anymore. I don't think so too. I think we just have Instagram I don't think about anybody went to high school was ever anymore. So real advice is just don't care.

Just be there and find people who you like and are cool and want to hang out with. And yeah, I think a lot of people also might be excited by a prospect of a new student, you know? Like a new kid in school. I want to be his friend. Yeah, and honestly, like, my genuine advice, find something that interests you and get good at it.

Because something that will matter in college and will be like attractive to both potential like romantic partners and just like people, is people who are good at things and have an interest. And are passionate about something. It's like, you know, I never wanted to take piano lessons as a kid because that was uncool. It's like, I'm gonna take guitar lessons.

So I took guitar lessons and I can play guitar. But now I think back on it, it's like, honestly, if I would be so thrilled if I was like super, super good at piano now because at a certain point, it's like, no, just be good at something. There's like, no way, no how to do anything. If people find that interesting. I think I'm gonna merge your two answers together and say get really good at dealing drugs. It'll help you. The consequences before you turn 18 are very

minor. You're not gonna go to jail forever. They expunge your record once you become an adult. Just a few days. Yeah yeah you'll be fine and then once you get to college that's a big leagues baby. Thank you for joining us and I hope that helped so much. It didn't. And now it is time for my favorite segment. Always on. Dollop of math.

Welcome to Always On. I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news, but things are terrible all the time always. So we've taken a couple of headlines and turned them into punchlines. Today we are joined by our special guest judge Barbara Dunkelman. Wow, thank you. I'm in the middle. Yeah. So this is what we like to call the Circle joke, where you sit in the middle, and then Andrew and I sit on either side of you, and joke off. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. You're creating a lot of gifts.

They already exist. There it is. There it is. So we are going to go back and forth and tell jokes based off of headlines, and then you are going to pick your favorite one. And I believe that you have a prize for a winner. I do.

So I only have one prize for a winner. Sure. So is that the end of all of these that I award? Yes. Yes. OK. At the end, you decide which one you like the best, and then that person will get the prize.

Yeah. Andrew, do you want to kick us off? Let's kick us off. All right. Persistent drought in Bolivia has caused late Tittie Caca to reach record lows, but giggles around our writers room to reach record highs. You piece of shit.

I was already laughing when you sent Titi Kaka. Oh my God. Trying to escape the heat, a Southern California bear was caught relaxing in a jacuzzi. This of course is different from the bear's natural habitat, a loud club in West Hollywood. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Conspiracy. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah! I got that one from Bliss. He was my science teacher. Oh, what? And instead of a jacuzzi, it's a piss truffle of ice.

Um, that's, pistroffle of ice. That's, do it's be getting in pistroffs' whole ice in clubs? It's weird. Do it's be getting. They do. Last week, an 11 year old boy in Oklahoma caught a fish in a local pond with a mouthful of human-like teeth, making it the only thing in Oklahoma with all its teeth.

Yeah. Thanks, Methamphetamines. Dullab. A Dullab of Methamphetamines. Uh, Frostworms frozen in Siberia for over 46,000 years have been brought back to life and have begun mating. It's sad to see even Mother Nature pitching bad horn movies during this writer's strike. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, here we go. A rumor online has circulated the bogus claim that roadside workers are dying from fentanyl-laced water being offered to them by passers-by.

And I'd like to extend my condolences to the cop who simply just heard this story and needs to be rushed to the hospital for fentanyl exposure. State and local governments are furious that someone would take their job of killing and abusing workers. She's so scary. are furious that someone would take their job of killing and abusing workers. I love that this is like the new they're putting razors in our Halloween can.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're putting fentanyl in our roadside. Taylor Swift fans were so active during the singer's aeros tour that they actually caused earthquakes proving once and for all that climate change is real, it's just a Capricorn named Madison. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was joking. Oh no! That's what I am! Exactly. Good to have to deduct a point. That one was in a joke. It was just my life. Well, those were both really good. So I don't know how I'm supposed to award a winner at that. So I actually have two prizes. What? Two prizes! And so I think for first place, I'm gonna have to give it to Andrew just because of the Titty Cocca. Oh, oh my God.

So you get the Cocca one? You get the first place prize, which is a signed DVD of laser team. Oh, my God. Hey, look at everybody. We got Bernie Beckham Puckets. It's actually only signed by Matt. Oh, okay, okay.

And then a second place, but first in our hearts. Armando, you get a book called It's a Wonderful Life. Oh! That is just a book full of fun little cute puns. Oh my god! Armando, is your team too? That would have actually been great. Is your team too?

Far, tell me when to stop. Stop. Glam rock. Very good. And it's got the Ziggy Stardust bolt. Yep. There we go. Yep, very good.

Barb, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Andrew, thank you so much for reminding me that Lake Tiddy Kaka is a real place. Yeah. And thank you to the rest of you for tuning in. I've been Armando Torres. I've been Andrew Rosas.

And I'm currently Barbara Duncan. We'll see you next week. Wow. I won't, though, because I'm... Okay. So I don't have enough podcasts. Not enough places for me to spew nonsense, so I started to knew it. It's about things that are interesting to me.

Who shot J.R., Irish Folk music? What happened to Acapulco? Hopefully you will listen to it, and you'll find out the answers to these and other in-name questions. Alright. the answers to these and other in-name questions. All right.