Rooster Teeth Podcast - We spent how much on OnlyFans? - #764
Episode Date: August 22, 2023Join Armando, Griff, and Andrew as they discuss how much they spent on Only Fans, play some Who Am I? With the (checks notes) daddies from FaceJam- Michael Jones & Eric Baudour, give the worst advice ...on how to deal with ghosts haunting you, and wrap it up with some headlines turned into punchlines. This episode was sponsored by BetterHelp, Helix Sleep, and Netflix’s One Piece! -This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/rooster to get 10% off your first month. -Go to http://helixsleep.com/rooster and use code HELIXPARTNER25 to get 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners in honor of Labor Day! -Don’t miss ONE PIECE on Netflix on August 31. Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Based on Japan's highest selling manga series in history by Ichiro Ola,
one piece is a legendary high-seize adventure unlike any other, and it's out now only on Netflix.
Luffy is a young adventurer who has longed for a life of freedom for us long as he can remember.
He sets off on a perilous journey to find the legendary treasure to become
King of the Pirates, but in order to find this treasure, Luffy will need to find a ship and assemble
a crew. Once he sets sail, he was searched the vast ocean and outward dangerous rivals with the help
of his loyal shipmates and legendary fighting abilities.
This is an incredible world ruled by pirates filled with mysterious fruits that grant superpowers
and talking snails that people use as telephones.
Yes, you heard that right.
Snailphones.
But beyond the fantastic elements,
the people of this world are driven to search far and wide
for the legendary treasure known only as the one piece.
We are super excited to watch it out now only on Netflix.
This is a Risteteer production. Welcome to the only show also facing Rico Charges in Atlanta, Georgia.
It's the RT podcast
That's the sound of the cops coming to take us away
I am one of your hosts Armando Torres and joining me is
And I'm so tired from this weekend.
I didn't know it was pride,
and as a gay person, it drained me.
It was pride this weekend?
Yeah, it was like official pride this weekend,
not just like June Pride Month.
Wait, but I, well, hold on a second.
I feel like I'm seeing, well, yeah, and keep it weird.
All right.
I feel like I've seen five different celebration
Pride Weeks over across the internet.
Are they different?
It's different.
Well, I have no idea.
Pride is kind of like a truck month in Texas.
It always seems to be truck my Toyota phone.
Yeah, Toyota phone, the keyest spring of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's the Pride month is June
and I didn't partake in any of that because I believe in the lifestyle
But this weekend I had friends in town and I was just trying to hang out with my friends and all this shit was happening like around us
Yeah, whoa, not in the pejorative sense like in the act no, maybe all the
Regatory all the gay shit was happening around us and we got sucked into it
Well, you got eating out I was gonna say you got king sucked into it. Well, you got eaten out in that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was gonna say, you're keeping being into it.
Your friends are also gay, which is why there was so much gay shit happening around you.
Yeah, but that's not how we do it.
What do you mean that's not how you do it?
We do it.
It's respectable.
I got locked out of a bathroom in a bar because I assumed two or more men were fucking up against the door.
Look, I was at the Capitol. I just didn't storm it because I respect the instich I was there
I love your idea of like all these heathens are ruining the sanctity of
Oh my god. All right.
Well, what did you do?
What did you do for Pride?
Jesus.
Wow.
Oh my God.
He was there too.
It's always the ones you least suspect.
Yeah.
What I do for Pride, well, we're made.
It was, it was a, so my friend Fiona was in town because her friend was performing.
She's like a musician who does like less beat music.
Ah, Taylor Swift.
Yeah. So she was performing at Cheer Up Trial,
is just like a bar here.
And when we got there, it was like a whole production.
Like they had like booths and like shows and like ticketed events.
It was crazy.
Yeah, like 45 pairs of Doc Martins.
Oh, yeah.
That's being quite, no, on a normal non-private weekend,
there's 45 pairs of Doc Martins.
It's many more of that.
I actually, there are actually a lot of dark mods.
All of the gay kids, they love docs and loafers.
That's what we're finding out.
I'm slowly figuring out the gayer you are,
the more you dress like a mechanic.
Yeah. Do you know how many Honda Fits
and Toyota RAV4 hybrids were in?
So, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark,
I'm wearing a bikis right now. I don't know how to fix a car. Yeah, I'm wearing a dickies on the shirt.
And ironically, the dickies are gay and the shirt is straight.
Even that to bisexual.
But yeah, so like that was like Friday and then Saturday.
We like, we like just bar hop.
Like I started at like a girl party.
Oh, God.
It was like hosted by two of the people
that were on the queer season of the Ultimatum. And I was like, girl party. Oh, God. It was like hosted by two of the people
that were on the queer season of the Ultimatum.
And every lesbian and the Fistumal radius was there.
Good music.
Then we went to Cherub's, then we went to Coconut Club
and then I blacked out.
I'm kidding.
No, then we went to oil can and then I blacked out.
But I got home like four, I think.
Those are for anyone unfamiliar with Austin Texas,
because I was for a very long amount of time.
Please take me back.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
No, no, no, no.
I'm not gonna leave.
What I'm saying is that all of the bars
that Griff just mentioned are,
as the story goes along, progressively gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cherubs is not a gay bar. It's Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cherubs is not a gay bar.
It's just where it's an ally bar.
It's an ally bar.
And gay stuff happens there.
And the coconut club is a gay bar for shrewd people.
Yes.
So like if you're like wanna see a drag show
or you're like, oh, I'm a bachelor at having
a bachelor at party, you go there.
And the oil can is where you go to have dirty, filthy
gay sets on a bathroom and not pee.
Like I was trying to do.
No.
So.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It got your gut in choice.
All cans is a place to do rails or get rails.
Exactly, yeah.
That's my favorite part about it.
Because Cheerup Charlie's looks really gay.
They've got a lot of like pink, a lot of colors,
a lot of like people being like, yeah.
Yeah, Cheerup Charlie's is like a bisexual woman
who's only dated men like that.
That's like where it's at.
And we're not doing by a racer.
We're just saying that the cheer up Charlie's
really waves the flat.
And then oil can Henry is, it is very quite literally
a gay bar, but it looks just like any other dance club
because cheer up Charlie is like, yeah, it's going to be
we love you.
And oil can Henry's is like, you gonna fuck me?
Yeah.
All can't Henry's like, gives you poppers at the door.
Oh, yeah, they sell poppers there.
Of course, they have a little mini fridge.
They're not rushed though, so I didn't buy any.
I only, that's my brand, but they do have
a little mini fridge of poppers there.
You can get a lemon drop shot in a double scorpio.
I need to find the bar that has no holes barred.
No holes barred.
No, that's on fifth street.
Okay, so we ended up going home like 4am.
I woke up nine the next day and we made one big bed.
That's why I asked for my ear mattress back.
So we had that one, the twin size one, and my couch folds out
until like a full size bed.
So we just made one big bed.
And then we just watched all of Temptation Island,
the new season on like Peacock, which is not an app I thought anyone had,
but Fiona had it for some reason.
Of course.
And it was just like eight hours of the most debatuous degeneracy I've ever seen outside
of when I couldn't pee at the bar that night.
That, oh man.
The big bed is always a solid move.
The cuddle puddle.
Yeah, I felt really bad because she kept asking for her air mattress back.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll, I'll get it to you.
The reason I didn't want to give it back is because I could not figure out how to
fold it back into a way that it would get into the box.
Yeah.
And that's why I've been avoiding it for so long.
And you saw I gave it back to you.
Yeah.
It's like mostly in the box.
Yeah. But some mostly in the box.
Yeah, but some sticking out the top.
And so, Griff sent one of her goons to pick it up.
I said HR.
Yeah, literally.
Nicky.
Nicky.
Yeah, okay, Nicky.
I didn't know if we were allowed to say
kids names.
No, I'm not a loose shoe teacher.
Okay, cool.
Her job is a secret.
Yeah.
Well, her job is on the people team.
That's right.
I didn't want to say it for the goons at home.
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
Send an HR person over to my house and I was like, I tried to fold it up.
I couldn't fit into the box and Nikki goes, you did better than me.
I wouldn't have even folded that shit up.
I wouldn't have thrown it on top of their car.
That's the drove vibe.
I wouldn't have pushed it like deflated it enough to push it out my fourth four window
into like into the street.
Like here you go.
Yes, you're fucking bed back.
I need to jump back to this hole in a second.
Yeah.
Fiona has peacock that she may be the only person
I know who subscribes to peacock.
That's what I was thinking.
I was like, is that left over for when they were at G4?
Like is that NBC?
Oh. I was like, did they just give everyone a free year.
I think it's so strange that everything, everything has become its own subscription.
Yeah, I hate it.
I think it's really fun.
Can we put a lower third here for?
We put two here first.
Get a first.
Get a first one right here.
Yeah, right there.
There we go.
Subscribe to first. Anyway, like I was saying Get a first one right here. Yeah, right there. There we go. Subscribe to first.
Anyway, like I was saying,
subscription services are fucking stupid.
Yeah.
They absolutely suck except first.
They're gonna, we're gonna get
an actual trouble for this.
But no, I like Rooster Teeth first
because it gives me stuff that I want.
And like I subscribe to other things too.
Yeah.
Drop out. Drop out, patient, patriot, small stuff.
It doesn't make sense for me to pay NBC,
or twice.
Or it's like,
it's like, oh, well, this is a show that we made here,
but we only put it on Paramount.
But it's an NBC show.
And I know you have NBC from your cable,
but you have to pay them if you want to see that show.
You have to get that back.
And also like I know that you like watching episodes
of South Park, but not telling anybody about it
because of the things they say.
But you can do most of that on Macs.
But if you want to watch any of the new stuff.
You gotta go to Hulu.
You gotta go to Hulu,
or if you want to watch the movies,
you gotta go to Paramount Plus.
Yeah, but if you want to watch all of it with so many commercials, you want to die, you gotta go to Paramount Plus. Yeah, but if you wanna watch all of it
with so many commercials, you wanna die,
you can't watch it on the Comedy Central app.
Yeah, which by the way, we endorse none of
during the Riders and Actors strike
that's going on right now.
Absolutely.
Until they reach a deal, yeah,
none of these endorsements,
these are simply a pirates life for me.
Which is an unrelated statement.
Unrelated statement.
Underrated statement.
I just, yeah, I just, even like outside of like TV though, like I, I have this app that
like tells you all of the things you pay for monthly.
Yeah.
And like, I, there's like stuff in there where like, why am I, like, why am I paying,
I have to pay to use an app on my VR headset.
That is a game that I purchased two years ago. You have to pay $8 a month to use an app on my VR headset. That is a game that I purchased two years ago.
But now I have to pay $8 a month to use it.
You have to pay to use the fucking $600 or $2,000.
One of the other fucking piece of workout equipment
that you have installed into your home.
Yeah, I have to pay $60 a month to use it.
$60 fucking bucks and kidding?
Just to use it.
On top of the financing of how much ever much a month for the $2,000 actual fucking bucks. Yeah. Just on top of the like financing of how
much ever much a month for like the $2,000 actual thing cost. Yeah. What's
crazy? What we are describing, I think, in like kind of the larger scheme is this is
these are what we're expecting now are the deaths, death throws of late-stage
capitalism. Yeah. Like this is what happens when like you can't, when revenue streams dry up and you can't ring more dollars
out of people because, like, literally,
this is like the logical conclusion
of rent-seeking behavior,
and everything has to become a subscription service.
And you're getting worse product, less of it.
And no one's making money on it except the top.
And it's like, I've collected, like you were just saying,
like I've collected so many streaming services,
a few other subscriptions, like apps and everything.
And then it's just like, we figured it out,
especially with TV, we figured it out.
It was always commercials.
It's ad supported stuff.
That's always been the best way it's worked.
That's always been the way it's worked out.
Also, we figured it out with movies. It's fucking physical media. That's how it's- It's ad supported stuff. That's always been the best way it's worked. That's always been the way it's worked out. Also, we figured it out with movies.
It's fucking physical media.
That's how it's app core.
It's pop core and it's concessions
and it's physical media after the fact.
That's how everyone made money.
That's how everyone got a good deal in the 90s
because home video, media says, physical media after that.
We figured it out.
We had the sweetest cherry for literally everyone involved.
We peaked.
And now I'm paying $70 for a video game
that I didn't then have to pay an additional,
what, $10 a month to use all of the features on it?
Why?
And it's not finished when it comes back.
And I have a disc, but I also need 286 gigabytes
of space on my drives.
Yeah, turns out I never fucking needed the disc anymore.
Jesus Christ, man.
I did not put together until you said it that all paying rent
is a subscription to having a house.
Yeah.
Fucking real.
That sucks.
That fucking.
Whoa, it's man.
That's such shit.
Everything's a fucking like I even have, and I know that this is
how everyone has it.
I, I, and I know that this is how everyone has it, I, I, okay.
I have on my phone an app where I pay my renters insurance.
Yeah.
And I understand that that's how most people do it.
You just go through a website,
but I mean, I have a literal app.
The app only exists to sell people renters insurance.
There are no actual physical employees.
It is run entirely by coders and everything is done by like chat bots or just a matter.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it fucking sucks, but it was also the cheapest option that I was given when I was looking
for renters insurance.
And so I have that that hits my bank account.
Obviously I have like car insurance.
Obviously I have a little bit left on my car
and then I have rent and then I have my phone bill.
Which is renting your phone also.
You don't own your phone anymore.
I do not rent own my phone now.
But you just pay every month to have the phone
and then they're like, oh, do you want to upgrade?
Give us the phone back.
Yeah.
Take it back so we can, so we can pry the cobalt out of it or whatever
I mean the lithium. So we can lithium.
You're doing a fucking whip it up. Yeah.
Alithic. Shotgunning the fucking lithium life. I feel like I could blow up on a plane
right now. I think the most egregious subscriptions are the ones for things that exist as a service
in something, but you have to pay that unlock it.
Like, I test the cars.
Yeah, like Tesla cars, or like, or like other cars, like, there's like cars that come out
now where they're like, yeah, it's got remote start if you pay us every month.
And I'm like, that just used to be a button that you fucking press on you.
Like remote start, you click it and it comes on.
It's like, well, no, the button's there,
but for it to work, you have to give us $16.
It's also not just the button works.
Everything is set up to make it work.
Yeah.
Like cars have software that just runs the car now.
So it's like, if you don't pay something,
it's just like, well, we break your car.
Well, okay.
I get like, there was a news story that just came out like a couple,
I guess like a few weeks ago at this point that a lady couldn't
figure out why her printer wasn't working.
Oh, God, oh, God.
Everything was right with it.
New ink cartridges, everything was fine with it.
Couldn't figure out why it wasn't printing.
And it's because the debit card she had on file with the printer
maker,
I don't know what it was, but I do.
It's two letters.
I do.
You know what it is.
I know what it is.
I am.
I am.
Anyhow.
This printer was fucking of house porn.
I had a real.
Yeah, it wasn't all done.
But yeah, and so she couldn't figure out why it wasn't
like doing the one thing our printer is supposed to do
Which barely by printers like barely work in in general, but so it's like okay
Trouble shooting trouble shooting trouble shooting finally called the manufacturer was like oh, yeah the debit card
You have on file. I think to like re-subscribe to ink so they like I think I'm pretty sure that's what it was
Don't quote me on it
But I think it was like because you like have an ink subscription where we send it to you every six months or whatever,
the debit card on file for that expired,
so we remotely bricked your printer from working.
By like, I don't know how,
like these little, these microtransactions,
these little, like, these death by a thousand cuts
in terms of people trying to ring every last
cent out of you for things that you own. If that does not radicalize you, I don't know
what does because that is so maddening. There are tools. There are tools you can buy, like
a drill, a saw, like reciprocating saw. There are tools that have Bluetooth in them that
you have to rent. You buy the tool, I buy the tool for 40 bucks.
I have to pay a subscription for the tool to work
because it has wireless Bluetooth technology
that you, I mean, we live in the nightmare zone.
This is the worst possible timeline.
I could possibly imagine.
Like that would drive me to like look, yeah, anyway,
I was so afraid of where you were going
because you were like, it's madming.
It's enough to radicalize you.
There are tools that you can buy.
A hammer, a drill, a gun.
And the home offices of HP printer
is environmentally available.
It's like Jesus, man.
There's fertilizer. I'm putting him nitrate. I'm putting him nitrate. I'm putting him nitrate. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Jesus, man. There's fertilizer, a voting of nitrate.
A vein.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's how you do it.
You rent the tools, build the guillotine.
Yeah, I get a subscription service
to ammoniumnitri.com for whatever.
Jesus.
Yeah, it's tough times out there because, yeah, again,
this is like, it gets the, you know, specificity
of the things that are being like, uh, the specificity of the things that are taking
money out of your wallet in such little amounts that you like, it's death by a thousand
cuts.
You just kind of forget about them.
You kind of amortize that into your life and it just kind of becomes part of something
that disappears out of your bank account and remember, but what is it?
It's like, oh, it's like three bucks or whatever. And it, that shit fucking adds up, especially,
again, like you look at the end of the month, it's like, where do all my money? Where did $500 go?
Microchurch actions. Yeah. Can I ask you guys what your stupidest subscription,
current or past that you've ever paid money for.
I was gonna say every month, but some are like every fucking week,
because this isn't it for me, but I used to use a photo editing app that I
misunderstood the terms of. It was charged me 499 a week to edit
photos on my phone, not Photoshop by the way. This wasn't like an
editing software for my sister. It was an app for 99 a fucking week to edit photos.
That is absolutely.
That's again, maddening.
Yeah, if you want me to start, I can't.
Please, yeah, yeah, please.
That app.
The worst.
It was, yeah, it was that.
No, it's even stupider.
When I, okay, this is extremely dumb.
And I wanna reiterate, they were in a safe space.
Where is that space?
Okay, you called almost for terrorism, Andrew.
I'm not, and I did.
And you called things gay a lot.
So, we're all safe space.
We're all safe.
There's a girl.
All right, there we go.
Okay.
There's a girl that I went to high school with that is the same age as me.
I need to be very clear.
Sure.
Who a couple of years ago when only fans was coming out,
promoted her only fans.
Hell yeah, dog.
And I put it off for so long.
I was like, I don't eat that.
No, just.
Yeah, I mean, she was, I like was in love with her in high school.
Or whatever, but like, it's fine. It's not even a big deal it's fine it's fine
it's fine it's fine it's fine it's a fucking tail tail only fans like a phone bump bump bump bump
it haunted you yes because I went in my brain I went I could finally see I could finally see
sorry let me take it back again. The tail, tail, tail.
Yeah.
So T-A-I-L.
And they're all so different.
There are tools, eat.
No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I guess to wrap it up, my point is,
is that I put it off for so long,
and then I finally went to the page,
and I saw and was like,
fuck, in $40 for a month,
golly, wow.
Just putting in my fucking debit card
is making me pretty.
Pretty cut.
Shit, oh, making account, load wallet.
Jesus, you don't have to load wallet on only fans.
But, my point is I subscribed to it.
I looked at one photo of titties, and I went,
not so weird, and then I closed the app, and I went, not so weird,
and then I closed the app, or I closed the browser,
and I didn't think about it again,
and I was charged like $40 a month for seven months,
which is, what is that?
That's like a lot.
A lot, I wish that was better.
$240.
It's $240 to look at one set of hits one time Jerry one time
That's like a next box series. Yeah, or like a couple of dates with a real-life woman
Yeah, where your chances of seeing tits in real life
drastically
Yeah, that's like a whole mini fridge of poppers right there.
Absolutely.
Real quick, do you guys wanna tell us
what your stupidest fucking subscription service was?
I mean, never did the only fans thing.
We'll see how this pans out,
but I mean, I recently got on hinge,
so this, I mean, it might be that if that doesn't pay off,
but like, I know I've met some cool people through there,
actually, I take that back. We can totally cut this out if that doesn't pay off, but like, I know I met some cool people through there actually I take that back
We can we can totally cut this out if you don't want me to put it in the episode Andrew
I was gonna say DC universe because I was gonna say my boy been fucking
My boy been getting that shit what dog
I think we can leave it in. We can probably
leave it in. Anyway, she said to my boy. Oh, my God. That's what she and that's what
hinge plus or whatever the fuck it's called gets you.
Sopping.
Frothing at the get anyway. I don't want to describe a pussy like a fucking latte.
What do you, what's yours?
It was DC universe.
Oh, no, I was gonna say that, but no, actually I got it's a
comic solitude.
Because I thought it would give you unlimited comics to read,
but you pay it, it gives you access to buy. To pay the yeah, and that's that's that's a hate crime.
That's right.
That's the hate crime against there.
It's that or a sent bird which they send you a perfume.
If you want.
Ah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
After two years, I ran out of stuff.
I won it from them.
Yeah.
So then it's just there's selection wasn't as broad as my needs.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what mine is.
This is yours.
This is kind of at the beginning of the box subscription service
like style stuff, where it's like,
oh, we'll send you a bunch of clothes.
I'm not going to name the company.
But they would send you like, oh, like a little box full
of like three or four clothing items.
And anyone's you didn't want you sent back.
The first couple knocked it out of the park.
They were like, oh, I kept everything.
They were fucking awesome.
And man alive did the quality precipitously drop off
and it was a real diminishing returns.
And it was just like, ah, fucking, okay.
And then it was like, it became such a hassle to then,
oh no, our sponsors didn't know.
And they gave such a hassle to like,
get the stuff back in the thing,
like a bag and like mail it off.
Cause you can't stick that back in your mailbox.
Like I couldn't at the time.
I did take it to the post office.
And yeah, my roomie did the,
I don't think it was probably the same one,
but the one that she did was like,
it came in like a cloth trunk,
like that outfit.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it was very involved.
And then she would have to like send it back,
but one time they sent it to the wrong house.
And I was just like,
so that's just like a thousand dollars of clothes gone.
Yes, somewhere.
They just disappeared into the ether.
My girlfriend's roommate, I have a pair of vans right now
because one got mistilivered to her house
and they wouldn't take it back.
Oh.
And she was just like, it's a bunch of men's clothes
and I was like, and I will take those shoes.
Because I need to look like a super gay mechanic.
Yeah.
But I want to ask the people out there,
leave a comment down below.
What is the stupidest subscription?
What is the stupidest subscription that you subscribe to?
Either currently or in the past.
They're going to say first.
They're going to say first.
They're all going to say first.
They're all going to say it.
Well, I'm funny first.
They're all going to say first.
We're talking to you the joke.
It's a minute or lower third.
Yeah.
We made the e-dipchets.
15 minutes ago, we said that.
So that's what you can tools that you can buy.
So guess what, if you comment first in the comments down below,
I will never like you or be your fan.
They don't care.
They don't care.
They hate us.
There is apathetic as we are.
Yeah, fuck it.
And hey, and we like them that way.
We love you just the way you hate us.
We have a terrific show for you guys today.
We've got some guests joining us from FaceJamp
to play a fun guessing game with us.
We've got some good advice for people
who might be living in a sort of scary place.
And as always, we've got some jokes,
some riffs, and some fun along the way.
So why don't we hop into our first segment?
It's time for Who Am I?
Woo. How are you?
How are you?
Woo.
All right, welcome back to another game of Who Am I,
which is legally distinct from Guess Who,
Hasbro, you can't sue us.
Today, I've got, sorry, today is our guest.
We've got the boys from Face Jam.
No, we've got the daddies from Face Jam, Eric, and Ken.
What's your name? Michael. Michael. the daddies from FaceGM, Eric and Ken.
What's your name?
Michael.
Michael.
Was there worry that this was too close to guess who?
Yeah.
In what way?
Uh, well, we're simply guessing.
I don't know how, I don't know if you know this,
but Hasbro's extremely litigious.
Oh.
Yeah, ever since the merger with Mattel,
they have not been the same.
Are they the same company?
I don't know what that's like.
Are they the same company? No, so. Huh. We got. I don't know what that's like. Are they the same company, Nate?
So we gotta get the Parker brothers in on this thing.
They're dead.
No!
They took them out.
So how do we play this game?
All right, so in front of you is a card.
Don't look at it.
There's tape on the back of it.
You're just gonna stick it to your head
so that we can see it.
Okay.
And then we're gonna take turns asking each other questions
to figure out who we are.
Okay.
And when he puts the card on, I read it out loud and I win that.
If I say who he is, I win.
Yes.
Okay.
No, we'll know.
Oh, see.
What a trick.
Okay.
So when the winner gets, the winner gets a $1 million.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Now we're talking.
Oh, wow.
It's so compact.
That's just part of it.
Oh, okay. Just the top compact. That's part of it. That's just part of it.
Oh, okay.
Just the top one.
Don't look at it.
Put it in the, leave it alone.
The million goes in the shell.
Yeah.
That's where it belongs.
That's where it belongs.
Okay.
I'm ready to guess what are the things that we are.
Who we guessing.
Who we're guessing at?
Well, you got one on a food podcast.
So we decided to make food.
Blue skies.
You guys are in the food podcast. Thank you. So we've decided to make these. You guys are the food podcast. So we decided to make these fast food chain
mascots. Oh, simple. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I win. All right. They're million dollars. Million dollars.
I'm on the phone. I haven't looked at it. I will fucking kill myself. In the world would I need to make a backup? Oh no, he's writing seriously on a screen.
Just play it right.
Here we go.
He's so red.
All right, so we're going to stick these surfboards.
Okay, and I can only get it.
Can you see mine?
This is who we are.
Is mine fine?
Am I legible?
Eric is Gidgett, the Chihuahua from Taco Bell.
Griff is Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC.
Michael is the Noid, a thing from Domino's to lower it
You're looks good. Thank you. I think yours looks nice. It's pointed to the sky
That's so God can see it. He says he says you're doing great my son
He's the million dollars just for me
Okay, okay, we got going on over here. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay cool. Yeah, so I just for me. Okay, okay, okay. We got going on over here.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, cool.
So Eric, you can start by asking your first question
and then we will answer your questions
in the best of our abilities.
Okay.
I won't.
I won't.
Okay.
Am I a newer mascot?
I don't think so. Okay, I don't know. I would say no. I know. by a newer mascot.
I don't think so. I don't know.
I would say no.
I would say no.
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
That's good.
Yeah.
That eliminates some.
Am I a mascot of a regional chain?
No.
No, okay.
No, right?
No, no.
Okay.
Does that mean they get around?
I think it means it's national. Yeah. So yeah. Right.
So it's a national change? Yeah, not regional. Yeah, they get around. You get around.
Oh, yeah. Hey, you get around. In my card? Yeah, you get around.
Am I grimace?
Hmm.
Am I grimace? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Am I am, you have to say yes.
No.
No, you're not grimace.
All right.
Well, that was my question.
This is gonna take forever.
Did you not prep anything else?
No, I, that, that, that, that's superseded everything.
I had to know.
It's a good first guess.
I had to know.
It's a really good first guess.
That saved me from asking 50 more questions. That's true. It's a good first guess. It's a really good first guess. It's a good first guess.
That saved me from asking 50 more questions.
That's true.
It's top of my head.
That's true.
Okay.
My next question is, are you sure I'm not gonna answer.
I'm not gonna answer.
I'm not gonna answer.
Uh.
It could,
could I drive a car?
I think you could.
With some modification.
Wow.
I think you could.
With modification.
With modifications.
With modifications.
Okay.
I'm old and I can do modification driving.
Who says you're old and like,
is this, oh yes.
Yeah, I'm old and existing.
You're older than this.
You're just thinking.
I'm putting it together.
Puzzle pieces, boom boom, interlocking.
Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Oh
Am I am I human?
Yes, we think so. Yeah, I would say yeah, like a human or human. I'll human or humanoid
Human or dancer you are human. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You can also say humanoid, but you just go human.
Okay.
As far as I know, right, because you could never be sure,
especially after all the government self,
I've never had hands on knowledge of you, correct.
You get around.
I get around. As far as anyone knows. Yes, as. You get around. I get around. And as far as I can tell, you are a human.
As far as anyone knows.
Yes, as far as anyone knows.
And the same.
Right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would say that.
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
You're not the grimace.
I would consider grimace a human way.
I don't want to see.
I agree.
You grimace could be humanoid.
Absolutely.
You could also say, do I have a nugget head?
That's true. I didn't say that but you could say that.
Right. Right.
Hypothetical. Yeah.
Shape like a belly.
Do I sell french fries?
I don't think so.
No.
No.
No.
Could you?
Yes.
Should you, apps are fucking literally.
Should you, should you?
No.
If we worked at the same office,
that's me as the mascot.
And you as the human you, the regular person,
not the humanoid, not the French fry, you know,
just you, would we be friends
Absolutely wow
Probably whoo maybe whoo interesting. It's getting you're walking it back a little bit more
It's like starting a virgin. No, I don't think I want to be friends. Okay. Yeah, that's up to you
Yeah, that depends on your behavior
I think I think I can bribe you into friendship. Wow. Oh
I think I could I think I could bribe you into friendship. Wow. Oh I would have low scruples. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is good. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Okay. Um
Am I like Okay. Okay. Uh.
In a conflict.
In a military conflict.
Okay.
Okay.
Between the southern and northern most parts of America.
Uh huh.
Would I have participated as a Confederate soldier?
What? Like maybe? It's hard to say. would I have participated as a Confederate soldier?
Like maybe it's hard to say. Boy, I wanna say yes.
Mm-hm.
But.
But it's hard to put that on anyone.
Yeah.
But like, let's say willing,
if I didn't, let's just say like,
I didn't know that much about you.
And I heard, I would say, I'm not surprised that much about you. And I heard it.
I would say, I'm not surprised.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If that was the thing that I was told about you, I would go.
And they were like, it's very terrible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You would be like, well, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've got three ideas in my head.
That's pretty good.
I've narrated it.
That's good.
Um. three ideas in my head. That's pretty good. I've narrated it. That's good.
Do I like bamboo?
Okay, here's the thing.
I will say,
you don't like bamboo, but it's not a thing that like you're against actively. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
You're not opposed to it. You're not opposed to it. But, but here's the thing. You're also not
for bamboo. No. So sort of like ambivalent. It doesn't get you hype. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.
I think that you see it into you. It's just like looking at like a tree. That's a, such a
you would just look at these thin thin trees and people go like, no, that's bamboo.
And you're like, I feel nothing for this.
Yeah, I think that's probably it.
Would I be a good spouse?
I don't think so.
No.
Wow.
I don't think so.
No, I mean the mascot.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, so bad spot.
Okay, okay, I might have,
hmm, might have a guess on my next round,
but we'll see, we'll see.
I have thought, I'm thinking.
Was I pro or against integrating schools in the 60s?
I feel like it's the same question.
Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to, I'm not trying to narrow them all more.
I will say that I feel like if you were against school integration in the 60s, you also
would have been a confederate soldier.
Not necessarily.
Some people got conscripted.
That's true.
I don't think you would be conscripted.
It was about states, right? It was. states rights to do what now. I feel like now he's the thing. Now maybe this is have a
really good flag. Maybe this is just me putting myself in your mask, got shoes. But I will say it was it seems in the scenario. Okay, most seems a bit contradictory.
Uh-huh.
To say that they would support the Confederacy.
Uh-huh.
And then before integration.
Integration.
Yeah.
But I feel like it's possible that the mascot was like, this is the world we live in now.
I guess I'm okay with it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like they were against it and they went, we is the world we live in now. I guess I'm okay with it.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, yeah.
I feel like they were against it and they went, we, guys, we lost.
And so now they're just like, I could, hey, we put that loss behind this.
We focus on sales.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the thing.
They see the Confederate flag and they go, take it down and not because I'm against it,
but because we lost.
It's like he's got no one in the packet.
It is.
It's about the bottom line.
It's about the bottom line.
Okay.
Okay.
Would you eat me? No.
I don't think I would.
No.
I don't think I could.
I don't.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could.
I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I would still turn it down.
Yeah, I'd watch someone eat.
Yes, I agree with that.
Yeah.
Like if I be fascinated.
Yes, because if that was presented to me as an option to be like,
Hey, do you want to see some like Armando went, do you want to see me do this thing?
I would fucking be there.
Huh.
Absolutely.
But I don't want to participate. Okay. I just don't okay. Um
You don't have to be PC. I'm like as
In international traveler would I be filmed and shamed for something?
I would do in another country because I just can't fucking handle myself
Yeah, wow I would do in another country because I just can't fucking handle myself. Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
I would tell someone who would film me,
put me on YouTube shorts,
and then Denash on TikTok would be like,
here's where he works.
Here's where he lives.
Public urination.
Fucking, oh wow.
Yeah, but.
Public urination here, but sure.
Yeah, but that's the act.
I don't think they're feeling shame.
It's true, right?
Like he's asking, will I be shamed?
That's true.
So like publicly shamed by other people,
but will I feel the shame?
Oh, God no.
Oh no, no, no, no.
Wow.
No, you're not, no, no.
Interesting. Now remember again, not a new mascot., no, no, interesting.
Now remember again, not a new mascot.
You've been around this business right, right, right, right.
You're on the thick skin.
Okay.
Not the jack on the box, okay.
Okay. Are you sure?
Yeah, was that a guess or you're looking for reassurance?
Yeah.
Mother kernel?
Is that your guess?
Yes, or are you saying?
I'm guessing, am I the, am I the kernel?
Yes, you are the Colonel. Yeah, boy.
Damn. Although honestly, honestly, he was a mule tender. Yeah, he was so I don't know.
So something you'll learn by listening to Face Jam, which you should do.
Which you already have. Colonel Sanders is a fucking liar stolen. Valorant. He was a
mule tender in the army. He was designated the title of Colonel by the state of Kentucky.
He sold KFC to a company and then was so upset about what they'd done to his food.
He opened a rival chicken place and they went, what the fuck are you doing?
Close this down and would not let him open a chicken place again.
And then he became like the walk and talk in mascot guy,
Colonel Sanders.
And in that video game, you wanna fuck him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, hang on.
Am I the grimace?
No.
No.
If I was the grimace,
I would have been so fucking mad.
Am I the king?
No.
Oh, man.
Do you guys wanna reveal your cards to yourselves?
Yeah, let's do it. I don't know who I really, I was really zeroed in on hamburger.
That's, you're not even close.
Okay, let's see. You're gonna love it.
Yeah, one, two, three.
Oh my God.
The Taco Bell Dog.
I was gonna, this was like my second throwaway guess after Pemis.
This makes so much sense. much sense Nick would fucking love
this
I didn't have enough faith in our Mondo to know who the noise is. I mean I really didn't I think it's pretty special that we got the dog from talk
About my name can I tell you to when I was grimace pre-roll
Yeah, I almost started talking about the dog Belldog, and then you flip it
I also I've learned and forgotten his name 100 times.
Yeah, yeah, stupid name.
I really thought maybe I was the grimace
and you were doing the thing where you're like,
if I guess grimace enough, he won't think he's the grimace.
Damn.
I guess we both have to split the million dollars.
All right, let's do another round
with two speed rounds.
You want to go fast on this one?
I want us to try to figure it out as fast as possible.
Like five rounds or anything.
Okay, ready?
One, two, three.
Okay.
Look right in your camera.
Okay.
Eric is the hamburger from McDonald's.
Griff is Charles Entertainment Cheese from Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael is Jared Fogel,
disgraced former subway spokesperson.
And on a personal note, a real piece of shit.
Is it upside down or not?
No, it's the right way. Oh, ha, ha, ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, and then give us a flex. Yeah, yep, yep. So whenever you're ready, okay, yeah, we'll let
an actress not grimace, we should go this way.
You know, am I grimace?
You're not grimace.
Okay.
Okay.
Am I grimace?
No, okay, fuck.
All right.
Uh, that's a good one, huh?
It's a really good one.
I got yours aren't that funny.
Yeah, yours is a good one.
Hey, really? Hey, you're really aren't that funny. Yeah, yours is a good one. Hey, really?
Hey, really put everything in the mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yours is a good one.
Am I the, am I, am I a mascot that enjoys a comfortable ride?
Oh, yeah.
I would say so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say so.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay. Yeah. I, yeah, I think so. Okay.
Yeah, I yeah, all right.
Yeah.
I have a follow up based on that.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
All right.
All right.
Cool.
Cool. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh don't know that you know. Yeah, I don't think, like I think maybe you,
I don't even think you like really run in the same circles.
Okay.
Okay.
Am I, do I love the food?
Like am I like really into the food that I saw?
You'd fuck it if you could.
Wow, yeah, you're gonna do it.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Would I fuck the food?
The food?
Am I Paris Hilton?
I wouldn't put it past you.
Hey, I would, if someone told me that you fucked the food, I would believe that.
Yeah, I would be like another and a long list.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Uh, who?
Uh, am I, uh, am I, am I a woman?
No.
Okay, so not Wendy. No. Am I a woman? No. Okay, so not Wendy.
No.
Am I a creature?
No.
I don't think so, right?
Is that a no?
No.
No.
Okay, not a creature.
Humanoid for sure.
Okay, okay, that's good.
Okay.
Am I the sauce monkey?
No.
He'd fuck the food. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to, yeah, yeah. Am I the sauce monkey? No.
He'd fuck the food.
I'm just trying to, I'm trying to get it all out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck the food.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Pet questions are just guesses.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Am I am a little?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Do I do hamburgers?
Is hamburgers my thing?
Big time. Okay. okay. Do I do hamburgers? Is hamburgers my thing?
Ding time.
Okay. Okay.
I'm just so excited for whatever year about to ask.
It doesn't, I don't even know what it's gonna be.
I just can't wait.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, technically not a mascot,
it's more of a spokesperson.
Okay.
I was gonna say, like, was I...
Like, was I well known for advertising,
Jello putting?
No.
No.
No.
No.
Hey.
Hey.
Michael, no, but warm
It's in the it's warm. It's in the same house for sure. You're in the same house
I was putting together you're honestly are we friends?
Buddy Oh, get away. Get away, get away, get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away.
Get away, get away, get away.
Get away, get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away.
Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away,, actually, maybe it was a diversion. Oh,
for your true crimes. Interesting. Um, am I going to like,
would I, would I like say that maybe like a reckoning is coming? No, okay. No. But again,
again, so close, you're warm. If you keep dancing in this circle, you're getting there.
You're picking, you're picking partners,
and it's just not the right one.
Huh.
You're, you're, you're, you're so close.
Oh, man.
Am I like, am I one of the Budweiser animals?
You're so close. Oh, man.
Am I one of the Budweiser animals?
No.
How many animals are there?
They have a frog.
What else do they have?
Do you think Budweiser is fast food?
I can't think of any of these.
I'm not the boss of the pudding, but I think we all know that.
I can't think of any of the other animals.
Oh, you keep thinking.
Thinking hard, you can do it. Am I the burger king?
No.
You suck his dick, though.
What the fuck?
You suck his dick.
And then fucking kill it.
You probably bite his dick.
And then you would suck his dick
to low him into a false sense of security.
Kill him.
Oh my god.
Wow.
That's what I think.
Wow.
I agree with that.
And if you're already sucking his dick,
you're sucking his dick to get, not to give.
That's so you want what he has.
And you'll do anything to get it.
Okay.
Uh huh.
Oh man.
Uh-huh.
You're really dancing around.
You're going to, you're going to spokesperson.
Thank you, man.
Thank you.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Would like, would I,
would I be happy if Grif came to my restaurant? I think you would be mostly ambivalent.
Yeah.
Okay.
I see where you're driving.
Yeah.
You do you have to be ambivalent for sure.
It's not, you wouldn't notice me.
It's not that direction. Okay.
I honestly cannot think of a mascot of animal right now.
Am I one? Am I an animal? No. Well, I don't mean I'm not. I see Animal like my other guests. Yeah, you're like a fucking animal. Yeah, you're a fucking animal
You're gonna see what it is and you're gonna have a good time. Oh, you're gonna think it's fun
Point got to think of an animal
Ribbit.
I did that one you said it was beer and I thought.
I know, I know that's why I said it again.
Uh huh.
Is uh okay, okay.
An animal.
This isn't fast at all by the way.
This is a slow round.
Yeah, no, I just, I have no idea.
Look at his aminals.
Mm hmm.
That's uh.
I would say think less fast food.
Less fast food?
Like breakfast food.
They sell food.
They sell food.
It's not just food.
Yeah, it's a restaurant.
It's a restaurant.
Yeah.
That's sales food.
Correct.
But isn't fast.
Yeah, I would say that's definitely not fast food.
You are not the Chick-fil-A chicken.
Okay, am I the Chick-fil-A cow?
No, you are not.
Not full fuck.
Yeah. I'm out of ideas. It was the only place that I eat. That's the only place I eat is Chick-fil-A chicken. Okay, am I the Chick-fil-A cow? No, you are not. Not full fuck. I'm out of ideas.
It was the only place I eat.
That's the only place I eat is Chick-fil-A.
So, really?
Yeah.
Even with all that stuff?
That's right.
Oh wow.
Yeah.
Can I be honest?
That's why I thought maybe I was Chick-fil-A.
Uh-oh, and if they didn't want Grif there.
Uh-huh.
See, and they're going again.
I don't want you there.
And you're sticking. You're wrong direction. You're and they're going again. And I don't want you there. And you stick your grub.
You're wrong direction.
You're driving in the wrong direction.
Yeah.
You're closer with the puttin.
Yeah, okay.
Definitely.
No way closer with the puttin.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, no.
I was just the way the way that you were asking.
It was like spokesperson and ousted is the way that you were that if I like, I think
it.
Yeah.
I'm thinking.
Like in the old times. Yeah. Am I. I think it. Am I the. I'm thinking. Like in the old times. Am I thinking?
Am I the Jack in the box, Jack in the box guy?
Jack in the box responsible for that
Salmonella outbreak in 1998, Nell.
Wow, really?
Wow.
They sort of kangaroo meet without telling people to.
I'm just still open.
I was Jack in the box a little after a run.
Opened up. You call I Salmonella? That was the whole thing. I'm just a lopit. I was jack of the box a little after I opened it.
You colized some of the lops.
That was all thing.
Can you repeat?
Mm-hmm.
This is my turn.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, would I?
Mm-hmm.
To...
As a matter of convenience for all parties, because it's just like...
Everybody has different opinions, different rules, would
I meet up with a friend of mine in a different state, because it's just like cooler in certain
places.
We could just have more fun in different states.
Is that the answer yes?
I just go as far as to say another country even.
Yeah, I think you could go to different states
to hang out with specific friends
that you've asked a lot of questions to
due to more lax laws.
Yeah, you could go to some region.
You go to the flora.
A lot of like this, you go to a lot of like the South.
You go to this to Sydney.
And then also like some like questionable ones
like in the North, yeah.
You go to Japan, you go to North. Yeah, so you got a you got a Japan.
Yeah, I yeah, you definitely go there.
You go.
Yeah, we got a lot of places.
Yeah, and you love going places and you love it.
Yeah, and you can yeah, and you can well, well, here's the thing.
You loved it.
Uh-huh.
And they're no longer allowed to love it.
I mean, I'm allowed to love it.
You're not able to.
Yes, you're not able to love it.
That is, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can.
You aren't.
Yeah.
You want to take a stab at it?
If I changed, if my, would my brand
that I used to represent, right?
They offer a deal maybe like free food for life
if you changed your name to the name of our,
they would, they would do that,
but they would make it so everyone who did it
wouldn't automatically win,
they would enter into a raffle,
for a chance to win.
For a chance to win.
For the subway for life.
Oh, Jerry.
Yeah!
Everyone's favorite.
And I lost weight like Jerry.
That's the only thing you did like, Jerry.
All right, you want to take our's off
to you what they are?
Yep.
All right.
The hamper!
You got a hamper, you got a bitch!
The goddamn hamburger.
We're both rats.
When you were the hamburger, I was like,
I must be grim.
Yeah. Oh man.
I'm so glad I didn't see this.
That's okay.
I was like, wait, what were we doing?
That was a good one.
That was a really good one.
Yeah, yeah, that was great.
That's for you.
Oh wow.
So once for you, once for you.
Excellent.
Flites are expensive.
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, that was who am I?
Me and Michael are going to go take an all expense
paid tour of Thailand on our tea time.
Yeah.
Thank you for watching.
Eric, you're invited.
With all this white shit in the middle.
Don't worry about that.
Don't worry about that.
Yeah.
Don't worry about that.
I'm going to go eat sauce with the fucking monkey.
Go fuck a monkey.
Whatever happened to Jared, did he gain the weight back?
Oh, definitely. Oh, you audio,. Whatever happened to Jared, did he gain the weight back? Oh, definitely.
Oh, you audio fuck?
See you alive?
Yeah.
Well, for now.
The unite everybody.
Yeah.
Cut it for now, that's so good.
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Hey guys, it's time for RT Cares,
the segment where we turn your questions
into extremely dumb answers.
And we've got a really spooky one this week.
Oh.
All right.
He was a bit asked He got it. I got
it. Does sound haunted. He's
yeah, he doesn't actually exist.
RIP Don Partow. He's the ghost that
inhabits 30 rock. That's right.
30 Rockefeller Plaza. I'm saying.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Salute. All right. My husband and I
just moved into our first home. Yay.
Unfortunately, every night I hear strange
noises coming from downstairs.
And twice now, I've caught my dog barking at nothing.
My husband says it's normal house noises, but I think our home might be haunted.
What should I do?
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Damn.
I mean, your options are, okay, first of all, uh,
the strange noises coming from downstairs
are your husband's sleep eating.
It's him wandering downstairs, opening the fridge,
and like eating 64 slices of American cheese.
It's your husband debating whether or not
to subscribe to an only fan.
Turn it through.
Oh, it was nice.
Cool.
Your strange noises coming from the family computer room,
that little room that's next to the laundry room,
that's kind of an office, yeah.
Interesting.
Oh yeah, why is it locked?
It's never locked, anyway.
Do you call it the, oh the nut.
The nut, yeah.
I thought you said the nut, and I was like,
oh god, the nut.
That's what I, but that's for sure what I'm gonna call
our computer room, is the nut.
Oh my god.
The nut house, sorry.
Yeah, there it is.
Damn, is there like an option on Zillow
to sort by Native American burial grounds?
Yeah.
You didn't move the bodies.
Yeah.
To see if maybe that's what it is.
Fuck, man, that's.
Yeah, I hate that.
Oh.
Okay, well, let me, let me,
like, let me, before we jump into that,
because this will kind of dictate the answers
that go around the table for her.
Sure.
Uh, ghosts, do you believe in them?
Let's go around.
Griff, what do you say?
What say you?
Okay, I don't know if I believe in ghosts,
but I do believe that all of time exists at once.
And that what we think our ghosts inspectors
is other timelines bleeding through.
Sure.
Because like, how can we don't see new ghosts?
Yeah, I've come, Hey, how come I never see a ghost do a cake flip?
Yeah.
How come I see no ghosts doing planks?
Yeah.
For like seven years ago.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
How come I never see a ghost with a curly mustache tattoo
on their middle?
I ain't never see it.
There's no ghost that stole 3D glasses
and popped the flinses out.
How come I don't see that ghost out there?
How come I never see a ghost that comes in the beard,
it goes, gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I've never seen no one. Because it's always like a Victorian something, you're like a old, like, so I'm doing another podcast.
I'm cheating on you guys.
It called Ponte Detective and we're talking about this dude
who like turned a bunch of dead kids into like haunted dolls.
And every time she's telling me about this,
I'm picturing like a Russian village of like the 1700s
and everyone's wearing like robes or something.
But then she'll be like, and then in 2008,
I'm like 2008, she's making human baby dolls in 2008.
So she'll be telling me something and I'll like look up the date.
And I'm like, oh, I'll be like, oh, this was two weeks after 9-11.
Cool.
I'll look something up and it's like, oh, and then this body did this.
And I was like, oh, that's when wedding crashers came in.
Yeah.
Because what you're describing is some Victorian ass behavior.
Yeah, that's always scary shit.
But like, he's seen every episode of Seinfeld.
Like, it doesn't, it doesn't, like, like, like,
he heard lips of an angel by Hinder.
Like, it doesn't,'t, that could have been playing
while he was embalming a child.
You telling me, this guy made real life dolls
that are babies while Obama was president.
Yes, Obama was being sworn in
and this man was turning children corpses into dolls.
Quintets?
He was turning children corpses into dolls
when John Cena announced that we had
captured and compromised to a permanent end.
Oh, some have been lotting.
Yeah, that he was like, oh, funny.
Well, like, of course, still to TV.
Yeah.
Great.
This guy is fucking doing the unthinkable watching his TV going good.
That guy was a monster.
Yeah. Literally glad they got it. He's getting Netflix DVDs in his mailbox because it wasn't that recent.
So ghosts, ghosts.
I want to say that I don't believe in ghosts.
However, I am Hispanic and they kind of go hand in hand with one another.
You were grandfathered.
Being Hispanic, you got to get grandfathered.
You get a well-owned.
Oh, well-owned in, yeah, exactly.
Yeah, like when I was, sorry, we just had Hector Gonzalez,
the leader of our business resource group,
guys who need us, walked in to hear me going,
they are one in the same.
But first of all, tell me I'm fucking wrong.
The way that they get us to stay inside
when we're kids is by telling us the story of La Yarona.
Oh, no, yeah.
It's just this woman who lost her kids
because she's a shit mom, fucking honestly.
No, she killed them, didn't she?
Either way, shit mom.
Yeah, I think she killed two of those.
I think killing them makes her a shit mom.
Yeah, that's a vendiogram as a perfect circle.
By the way, La Yarona, 2009, isn't that crazy?
That's gonna, no, when I was growing up,
that's how they would do it.
It's they would tell you that there was these ghosts
that were out there, also like on a very sort of serious note,
like in Mexican culture, we have like the Adelaide
that was born at those, you know,
it's like part of the culture.
And then on the other side, there's the white culture, which is my mom being ever since I was a child, being like, no, once you're dead, you're just dead.
There's nothing after.
Life is just kind of a grueling test to see how much shit you can put up with every single
day of it.
And it gets progressively worse.
And right, when you think it's gonna get better, you fucking die.
Anyway, go to school now.
Yeah, let's watch TV.
This black guy's about to become president
for its 2008.
So yeah, I had this weird thing
where half of me doesn't believe in ghosts.
And I also think they're fucking stupid and goofy
and like, yeah, how come we've never seen new ghosts?
I think. But I'm scared of the ones. Yeah, I don't want we've never seen new ghosts? I think I'm scared.
But I'll say, yeah, I don't wanna see one.
But also, I too believe in the idea that maybe
there are energies or things that sort of permeate out.
I don't believe, you know what?
I'll say it this way because I feel like
it's the simplest way to put it.
I don't believe in personified spirits.
Sure.
Oh yeah, okay, so we've gotten a sign up from...
Can I get that?
Yeah, are you also Latino?
Okay, yeah.
So we have a room full of Mexicans here.
We do.
And we've got a man out.
We've got a man out.
We've got a variable back of house here.
Hispanic, ghost, equal, maybe. Demons, equal, fuck. house here. Hispanic ghost equal maybe demons equal fuck.
Yes.
Madden and you'll see.
Yes. Absolutely.
Absolutely.
100%.
Yeah. 100%.
We're still jury still out on goat suckers.
But yeah.
That's me, baby.
What?
Because he's the greatest of all time.
You're in the bathroom.
That's right.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's a shock.
You bought up all the poppers. That's right. You were in the bathroom. That's right. Yeah, yeah. It's a shock.
You butt up on the poppers.
That's a fun sentence.
You butt up on the poppers.
I got a lot of percussive noises with that.
So yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll say maybe I think energy's exist.
I don't believe in a personified spirit.
I don't think that I don't think whatever's left
has no human thoughts.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, precisely.
And I would, I'm probably gonna echo exactly what Armando said.
It's like ghosts grow up.
But I have also been in places and around,
not just like places, but people,
when there's like, man, there's some fucked up vibes
going on in there.
And like again, there's enough about the universe
that we simply don't know, understand.
At all, we don't know how it works.
We are as much, for as much as we know,
we know so very little.
So I like ghosts seems improbable, seems unlikely.
But again, I have experienced in bin and places
where I'm like, man, there is some fucked up energy.
There's like bad.
Like all of Savannah, all of Savannah, Georgia.
Exactly.
It's haunted.
It's shit.
It's just some like, yeah, Savannah, Georgia. Exactly. It's haunted. It's shit. It's bad.
Yeah, again, some real bad vibes.
And so I think that energy can like, you know,
really mess with the place.
And also, and we were, you know, in prep for this question,
we tried to, our boss, Drew Sapplin,
who was like, get a carbon monoxide detector.
80% of like hauntings is a carbon monoxide.
Like it's people like kind of fucking tripping out
because their brain is low on oxygen
because there's so much carbon monoxide in the play.
If there was that a long time ago,
there's a story on Reddit that this person who is like,
I think somebody is breaking into my home and changing things.
And they were like being serious,
it wasn't like on a horror fiction stuff right it.
They were like, I don't know what's happening.
I feel like things are going insane.
I don't know what's fucking happening. And like things are going, I'm going insane. I don't know what's fucking happening.
Somebody was like, get a carbon monoxide tester.
And he was like, yeah, so I was dying at points.
I was slowly gasping myself.
I was slowly gasping myself.
I was slowly gasping myself.
Yeah.
If I overslept, I would not have survived the night.
She's us.
So when I was a kid, we lived in an apartment complex and
this apartment complex, not to reuse this joke,
I'm being very serious, was built in I think 2003.
Yeah.
So there is almost no way that it could be haunted
because we were maybe the fourth occupant of the apartment.
Unless.
Unless.
That's why we got it so cheap.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Uh, we had a staircase that would lead down
to our living room slash kitchen area.
And sometimes when I was alone,
I would hear somebody walking down the staircase.
Oh.
And then right when it got to the part
where they would like become part of full view
from anyone in the living room, it would stop.
And one time, and this is the worst
I've ever been freaked out as a child,
one time I heard it like,
don't, don't, don't, don't,
and get to the point where it should have like turned around
and I looked at it,
and I just kept looking and nothing happened,
and I turned off my TV,
it's because I wanted to hear if I could hear anything,
and then I heard, and it ran back upstairs and I was like, no, fuck.
And I went outside and I, forever, come back to the door.
Yeah, mom, we got a goal.
And I was like, I fucking hate this, this fucking sucks. I don't want to be here. And that's
when my mom let me in on a secret, which is that underneath our apartment was like this sort
of open area that a man named Carlos, who was a handyman without a job or a place to
stay, sure, had been allowed to sleep under and tinker with his stuff when he wasn't
fixing other apartments in the complex.
Yeah, I had a very friendly tweaker that was just staying underneath our house.
And it was, again, I'm not complaining about this. I'm glad that we gave Carlos places.
Carlos is your crawl space. Carlos is Carlos.
It's Carlos. Carlos plays Carlos. Exactly.
Yeah. I guess what I'm saying is I feel like most things that we think our hauntings are easily explained.
Yeah.
That being said, this is the start of a horror movie and I don't think you should listen to us.
I think you should burn your house.
Yeah.
I think you should burn your house then.
Yeah.
So I've never experienced anything personally that I would be like, that spooky.
But my mom has, and again, my mom is not like a superstitious or like, you know, she's
a pretty even keel-like. White mom. White mom. White mom again, my mom's not like a superstitious or like, you know, she's a pretty even keel.
White mom.
So white mom.
White mom.
White ass mom.
Yeah.
And Andrew, every day is worse than the last.
Yeah.
White them.
No.
And yeah, she's experienced two things that like again, two stories that raised the hair on my neck.
And my cousin also has experienced something that would chill you to the bone and
all of these stories happened at our church.
Oh.
Because the church I went to in San Antonio when I was a child used to be a tuberculosis hospital
in the 1800s.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a bar downtown that used to be a morgue.
What the fuck?
It was a morgue and then it was like student housing
and now it's a bar.
Stop making bad things and took newer things.
Stop doing that.
I don't want to fucking home on a burial ground.
I don't want to go to a bar where they made dead people
into essentially teddy bears that we went by Grandpa. And then put them in the burial ground. I don't want to go to a bar where they made dead people into essentially teddy bears that we went by grandpa and then put them in the fucking ground. I don't want
to go to a church. There was a fucking tuberculosis ward. I don't want to go to a dentist's
office. I used to be a pizza.
And I don't want to want to want to doll keep it away from me.
And I don't want to go to a doctor.
Stop trying to show me your haunted doll, Kelsey. Kelsey, the co-host of that podcast I was
talking about. She has a haunted doll that Kelsey. Kelsey, the co-host of that podcast I was talking about.
She has a haunted doll that has done fucked up
shit on her Twitch streams.
Is she's always like, oh, I'm gonna bring it in for the, no.
You're not gonna bring it.
If that is there, I am not.
Yeah.
We mean it's done fucked up things with the question.
Like she was like, oh, she was doing Twitch whatever
and she was like talking to the people
and she was like, oh yeah, I got this haunted doll
and she keeps it like, it was like all the thing behind it.
And then it just like fell.
And it fell.
And she was like, oh, that was weird.
Keep doing the stream.
And then her like, you know, like the phone charger stand
you can have, it ripped itself out of the wall and fell.
So then she started keeping the doll
face down in the drawer.
And sometimes it just turns itself over.
No, that's not.
Yeah, so that's cool.
And I said, oh, keep that far away from me.
Yeah, I thought you were going to say, like, yeah, the doll keeps doing fucked up during
the Twitch stream.
Like, she'll be streaming and the doll's like, I hate women.
But no, it's fucking worse.
That's where it works.
That's the ghost.
That's demons.
Yeah, that's demonic stuff.
Oh, yeah, she's haunted. Yeah, that's demonic stuff.
That's not ghost.
Chelsea's haunted, man.
I refuse to be alone in the room with her
because I don't know what else to see.
Real quick thing, and then I'll give my thesis
on what this person should do.
Because it ties into what Armando said,
which is like, I think 95% of things
that seem weird or like off
about like your home are actually things that can be explainable by like, oh, science.
And a lot of times it's really fucked up stuff.
Like one of my, I say favorite, it's not a good thing.
It is just a wild thing that in Russia, many years ago, I think this was like the 80s, at a construction site,
they had a nuclear, they had like a radiation detector, radiation detectors used to have
and they might still have a little bit of radioactive material in the way.
Anyway, this is an industrial piece of equipment, a piece of like cobalt 38, very highly radioactive,
like got lost in this construction site,
like in this mining construction site.
So it was like place that was digging up minerals and stuff.
And then they were like after a bunch of people
and hazmat suits went out there and was looking for it,
just went, well, we can't find it.
I guess it's gone forever.
That piece of cobalt 38, like a year later,
ended up in the walls of an apartment building,
and like nine people died.
Oh my god.
People like,
why are people in this one complex keep getting sick?
So many people died and they were like,
they couldn't figure it out, they couldn't figure it out,
it was like, it must be haunted.
Is it in the walls?
It's in mold, they couldn't figure it out.
It's like, oh, we, of course, we've jumped at this thing,
and like, oh, it's cursed, it's cursed,
it's place to be haunted.
No, there was a piece of highly radioactive,
like, cobalt 38 in the walls that somehow got swept up
into construction material,
but then got shipped to this thing.
Like, nightmare stuff, but again, it's like,
not demonic, just really fucked up coincidence.
Yeah, demonic in a certain way.
In a certain way.
Demonic negligence.
Yeah, demonic negligence. But anyway, so all this is to say, get yourself a certain way, demonic negligence. Yeah, demonic negligence.
But anyway, so all this is to say, get yourself a carbon monoxide tester.
Get a guy your counter.
Get a guy your counter.
Maybe you can raid on.
Definitely if you have a basement, get a raid on a detector.
Just do some like due diligence because like I am pretty sure your place is not haunted
and dogs barking at things.
Dogs like their own balls and like look at the ceiling.
Well, you probably have like,
recudes in your attic or squirrels in your attic.
Precisely.
Because that also, they love that.
And you were telling me an animal
that has like a sense of smell,
900 times more sensitive than us,
also hearing, also sight,
are kind of like attuned to something like,
fucked up going on.
I don't, I don't, I don't think we should give dogs
that much credit.
Again, if you got a sense of smell so good,
how come you eat shit, eat it?
Well, that's the thing.
It's like, it's like sense of smell,
so powerful brain this big.
Like this happens, it's like you have spider-man
synthesis by your garbage.
So you're saying, do your due diligence,
make sure that your home is okay.
And I'm saying, do your due diligence,
figure out if you still live on something bad.
And I would say regardless,
fucking burn it down. Yeah, like this sage and throw it onto a fucking puddle of gasoline
and burn the fuck it down. Grif. Anyway, this was RT cares. If you have a question that you
want us to riff on for 15 minutes, you can send that to RT cares at roostert.com and it goes directly
to my inbox. So I'll be seeing it. So please, you know, send something good. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. And burn your fucking house down. Don't burn your house down. And now it's
time for my favorite segment every week. Burning your fucking house. No, okay, okay, okay.
It's time for always on. Hey, everybody, welcome to always on.
If you've been paying attention, you know that the news is always terrible.
And that's why we took some headlines and turned them into punchlines and
joining us in the middle of the circle joke is
grip.
It's me.
Yeah.
By discerning joke taste buds.
Let's figure out who's gonna shoot the funniest joke.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Well, we've got a couple loads of jokes,
so let's get to joking off.
I love love first.
Love first.
I will start us off.
Kick us off.
Let's go on that.
A Massachusetts couple was denied the right to adopt
after they admitted that they would treat their child
differently if they were gay or trans.
And while they didn't get the chance to adopt,
they do get the bigoted parent experience
of no longer having a child.
That's it.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh.
Listen, listen, you can't go no contact
if you never start the contact.
Right?
That's it.
It's getting the head start.
Yeah, it's just really just like skip to the end.
That's really great.
All right, an Arizona woman was shocked this week
when before she sat down on the toilet,
she discovered a large snake in there,
which is wild because that's usually where I find
a large snake after I sit down.
This is disgusting.
Dude, the poop joke.
Guys, this is only the highest brown humor.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
An Arizona woman discovered a large snake in her toilet, which is weird because, This is only the highest brown humor. That's pretty good.
And Arizona woman discovered a large snake in her toilet,
which is weird because Andrew uses his large snake
to pee in a toilet because it's dick so big.
Never made it that for him.
Oh, it's a big dick.
Take me back.
No, okay, all right, all right.
The United States Postal Service is planning to offer massive discounts in order to get
more people to send mail.
This kind of explains their new slogan, USPS, Come Ship Weed and Plan B to Texas.
We don't fucking care anymore.
We're not checking.
We're not fucking care.
Come send drugs and get a stamp with a fucking history person. I'm carrying more.
She started her own triangle trade.
Just like, here we are.
Here we are between Texas, California, and Michigan.
And it's just like plan B flavored vapes and weed.
Just going back.
I do like that.
Yeah, we're, honestly, a lot of what California is going to ask us for is cigarettes.
Yeah, yeah, but they'll cigarettes and flavored vapes.
That's all we're gonna be sending.
Let's do that.
And then also let's factor in Wisconsin so they can send us some fucking cheese crates.
Oh man, man, what, just the fuck boy triangle?
We can't.
We can't.
Love that.
Love it.
All right, well, the rumors are true.
Fleetwood Mac founder, Mick Fleetwood's restaurant in Maui
was a casualty of the devastating fires there.
All the terrible luck, losing your restaurant to a fire
and your wife in a landslide.
This is my favorite joke I've ever written for the show.
And we can get a Stevie Nicks photo right here.
That is such an inside baseball music history joke.
They're all fucking each other. They're all fucking each other.
They're all fucking each other.
Yeah, exactly.
And then talking shit in song.
Yeah, which fucking right.
That'd be like if me and Andrew had beef.
And I was like, hey, here's this next segment called,
who's a fucking piece of shit?
This week our guest is Andrew.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Loving you.
Yeah, exactly.
And then you have to just pay,
play bass in the background of what,
fuck man.
This is stupid.
Okay.
Colleges are cracking down on AI assistants
as they plan to ban chat GPT from papers and assignments.
And it looks like students will have to rely on their own
creative excuses for procrastination now.
That joke was of course written by Chad G.P.T.
and I'm starting to agree with the colleges.
Just go back to the old way and pay some dude off
of Craigslist to write shit for you.
That joke was of course written by David,
a man that I hired off of Craigslist.
Oh, that is true.
I can provide screenshots.
That joke cost me six dollars and a very confused back and forth
email with the poor man named David. Thank you, David. Shout out, David.
God, dammit, that's so, that's perfect. All right, here we go.
Back to the great state of Massachusetts. Massachusetts Museum is being sued by a former curator,
I'm sorry, curator, after she alleges
that she was the victim of racism and discrimination
because of her South Asian background.
Wow, I didn't know Mark Wahlberg ran a museum.
Rrrrr, look it up! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Mark Wahlberg, that host, uh,
Tentation Island, by the way, different, different, different Mark Wahl.
I would change my fucking name in a heartbeat. Not never would I ever assume that I could
beat that fucking SEO. I've talked about it before. I'm Ramanda Torres, who's number one
on IMDB, but if you Google it, there's that military veteran who went missing in Mexico and is presumed
to be murdered by the cartel.
And I'm a terrible person because the first thing I thought
when I saw that was, I'm not being that fucking ass.
That's great.
That's awesome.
I'm a bad person, Griff.
Which one of us had the funniest terrible joke?
I don't know, I really like the Chad G.B.T. joke.
I also really like the landslide joke. I don't know. I really like the Chatchy PC joke. I also really like the
landslide joke. I'm gonna give it to the mom this week. You dedicate, you pay it a man
money. I paid her a re, I give jobs. You created jobs to replace the ones that Chatchy PC will eventually
take away. And I also hired Ted GPC. Yeah.
I listen, I'm just honored that the landslide joke,
that this Cleveland Mac joke was even considered.
It was a finalist.
It was a finalist.
I'm just very pleased with that.
I think that joke was like for four people,
but it definitely goes to the bit that actually like commerce
occurred to make that joke happen.
Which you can definitely say our podcast had
a positive
net game for one man.
That's right.
Indowless Texas because no one in Austin would reply to me.
All right.
He's going to spend that money to pay for a first subscription just to watch for that joke
at the end.
Thank you so much for joining us this week.
I have been our Mondo.
I'm Andrew.
I had a blast.
We'll see you next week. I have been Armando. I'm Andrew. I had a blast.
We'll see you next week.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
So, I don't have enough podcasts.
Not enough places for me to spew nonsense.
So I started a new one.
It's about things that are interesting to me.
Who shot J.R.?
Irish folk music? What happened to Acapulco? Hopefully you will interesting to me. Who shot J.R., Irish folk music?
What happened to Acapulco?
Hopefully you will listen to it,
and you'll find out the answers to these
and other in-name questions.
All right.