Rooster Teeth Podcast - We spent how much on OnlyFans? - #764

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

Join Armando, Griff, and Andrew as they discuss how much they spent on Only Fans, play some Who Am I? With the (checks notes) daddies from FaceJam- Michael Jones & Eric Baudour, give the worst advice ...on how to deal with ghosts haunting you, and wrap it up with some headlines turned into punchlines.  This episode was sponsored by BetterHelp, Helix Sleep, and Netflix’s One Piece!  -This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/rooster to get 10% off your first month. -Go to http://helixsleep.com/rooster and use code HELIXPARTNER25 to get 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners in honor of Labor Day!  -Don’t miss ONE PIECE on Netflix on August 31.  Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Based on Japan's highest selling manga series in history by Ichiro Ola, one piece is a legendary high-seize adventure unlike any other, and it's out now only on Netflix. Luffy is a young adventurer who has longed for a life of freedom for us long as he can remember. He sets off on a perilous journey to find the legendary treasure to become King of the Pirates, but in order to find this treasure, Luffy will need to find a ship and assemble a crew. Once he sets sail, he was searched the vast ocean and outward dangerous rivals with the help of his loyal shipmates and legendary fighting abilities. This is an incredible world ruled by pirates filled with mysterious fruits that grant superpowers
Starting point is 00:00:38 and talking snails that people use as telephones. Yes, you heard that right. Snailphones. But beyond the fantastic elements, the people of this world are driven to search far and wide for the legendary treasure known only as the one piece. We are super excited to watch it out now only on Netflix. This is a Risteteer production. Welcome to the only show also facing Rico Charges in Atlanta, Georgia.
Starting point is 00:01:24 It's the RT podcast That's the sound of the cops coming to take us away I am one of your hosts Armando Torres and joining me is And I'm so tired from this weekend. I didn't know it was pride, and as a gay person, it drained me. It was pride this weekend? Yeah, it was like official pride this weekend,
Starting point is 00:01:53 not just like June Pride Month. Wait, but I, well, hold on a second. I feel like I'm seeing, well, yeah, and keep it weird. All right. I feel like I've seen five different celebration Pride Weeks over across the internet. Are they different? It's different.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Well, I have no idea. Pride is kind of like a truck month in Texas. It always seems to be truck my Toyota phone. Yeah, Toyota phone, the keyest spring of it. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's the Pride month is June and I didn't partake in any of that because I believe in the lifestyle But this weekend I had friends in town and I was just trying to hang out with my friends and all this shit was happening like around us
Starting point is 00:02:33 Yeah, whoa, not in the pejorative sense like in the act no, maybe all the Regatory all the gay shit was happening around us and we got sucked into it Well, you got eating out I was gonna say you got king sucked into it. Well, you got eaten out in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna say, you're keeping being into it. Your friends are also gay, which is why there was so much gay shit happening around you. Yeah, but that's not how we do it. What do you mean that's not how you do it?
Starting point is 00:02:58 We do it. It's respectable. I got locked out of a bathroom in a bar because I assumed two or more men were fucking up against the door. Look, I was at the Capitol. I just didn't storm it because I respect the instich I was there I love your idea of like all these heathens are ruining the sanctity of Oh my god. All right. Well, what did you do? What did you do for Pride?
Starting point is 00:03:27 Jesus. Wow. Oh my God. He was there too. It's always the ones you least suspect. Yeah. What I do for Pride, well, we're made. It was, it was a, so my friend Fiona was in town because her friend was performing.
Starting point is 00:03:40 She's like a musician who does like less beat music. Ah, Taylor Swift. Yeah. So she was performing at Cheer Up Trial, is just like a bar here. And when we got there, it was like a whole production. Like they had like booths and like shows and like ticketed events. It was crazy. Yeah, like 45 pairs of Doc Martins.
Starting point is 00:03:58 Oh, yeah. That's being quite, no, on a normal non-private weekend, there's 45 pairs of Doc Martins. It's many more of that. I actually, there are actually a lot of dark mods. All of the gay kids, they love docs and loafers. That's what we're finding out. I'm slowly figuring out the gayer you are,
Starting point is 00:04:14 the more you dress like a mechanic. Yeah. Do you know how many Honda Fits and Toyota RAV4 hybrids were in? So, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, I'm wearing a bikis right now. I don't know how to fix a car. Yeah, I'm wearing a dickies on the shirt. And ironically, the dickies are gay and the shirt is straight. Even that to bisexual. But yeah, so like that was like Friday and then Saturday.
Starting point is 00:04:36 We like, we like just bar hop. Like I started at like a girl party. Oh, God. It was like hosted by two of the people that were on the queer season of the Ultimatum. And I was like, girl party. Oh, God. It was like hosted by two of the people that were on the queer season of the Ultimatum. And every lesbian and the Fistumal radius was there. Good music.
Starting point is 00:04:54 Then we went to Cherub's, then we went to Coconut Club and then I blacked out. I'm kidding. No, then we went to oil can and then I blacked out. But I got home like four, I think. Those are for anyone unfamiliar with Austin Texas, because I was for a very long amount of time. Please take me back.
Starting point is 00:05:11 I don't wanna be here anymore. No, no, no, no. I'm not gonna leave. What I'm saying is that all of the bars that Griff just mentioned are, as the story goes along, progressively gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cherubs is not a gay bar. It's Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Cherubs is not a gay bar. It's just where it's an ally bar. It's an ally bar. And gay stuff happens there. And the coconut club is a gay bar for shrewd people. Yes. So like if you're like wanna see a drag show or you're like, oh, I'm a bachelor at having
Starting point is 00:05:37 a bachelor at party, you go there. And the oil can is where you go to have dirty, filthy gay sets on a bathroom and not pee. Like I was trying to do. No. So. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:48 It got your gut in choice. All cans is a place to do rails or get rails. Exactly, yeah. That's my favorite part about it. Because Cheerup Charlie's looks really gay. They've got a lot of like pink, a lot of colors, a lot of like people being like, yeah. Yeah, Cheerup Charlie's is like a bisexual woman
Starting point is 00:06:04 who's only dated men like that. That's like where it's at. And we're not doing by a racer. We're just saying that the cheer up Charlie's really waves the flat. And then oil can Henry is, it is very quite literally a gay bar, but it looks just like any other dance club because cheer up Charlie is like, yeah, it's going to be
Starting point is 00:06:23 we love you. And oil can Henry's is like, you gonna fuck me? Yeah. All can't Henry's like, gives you poppers at the door. Oh, yeah, they sell poppers there. Of course, they have a little mini fridge. They're not rushed though, so I didn't buy any. I only, that's my brand, but they do have
Starting point is 00:06:40 a little mini fridge of poppers there. You can get a lemon drop shot in a double scorpio. I need to find the bar that has no holes barred. No holes barred. No, that's on fifth street. Okay, so we ended up going home like 4am. I woke up nine the next day and we made one big bed. That's why I asked for my ear mattress back.
Starting point is 00:07:09 So we had that one, the twin size one, and my couch folds out until like a full size bed. So we just made one big bed. And then we just watched all of Temptation Island, the new season on like Peacock, which is not an app I thought anyone had, but Fiona had it for some reason. Of course. And it was just like eight hours of the most debatuous degeneracy I've ever seen outside
Starting point is 00:07:30 of when I couldn't pee at the bar that night. That, oh man. The big bed is always a solid move. The cuddle puddle. Yeah, I felt really bad because she kept asking for her air mattress back. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll, I'll get it to you. The reason I didn't want to give it back is because I could not figure out how to fold it back into a way that it would get into the box.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Yeah. And that's why I've been avoiding it for so long. And you saw I gave it back to you. Yeah. It's like mostly in the box. Yeah. But some mostly in the box. Yeah, but some sticking out the top. And so, Griff sent one of her goons to pick it up.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I said HR. Yeah, literally. Nicky. Nicky. Yeah, okay, Nicky. I didn't know if we were allowed to say kids names. No, I'm not a loose shoe teacher.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Okay, cool. Her job is a secret. Yeah. Well, her job is on the people team. That's right. I didn't want to say it for the goons at home. Right, right, right, right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Send an HR person over to my house and I was like, I tried to fold it up. I couldn't fit into the box and Nikki goes, you did better than me. I wouldn't have even folded that shit up. I wouldn't have thrown it on top of their car. That's the drove vibe. I wouldn't have pushed it like deflated it enough to push it out my fourth four window into like into the street. Like here you go.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Yes, you're fucking bed back. I need to jump back to this hole in a second. Yeah. Fiona has peacock that she may be the only person I know who subscribes to peacock. That's what I was thinking. I was like, is that left over for when they were at G4? Like is that NBC?
Starting point is 00:09:04 Oh. I was like, did they just give everyone a free year. I think it's so strange that everything, everything has become its own subscription. Yeah, I hate it. I think it's really fun. Can we put a lower third here for? We put two here first. Get a first. Get a first one right here.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Yeah, right there. There we go. Subscribe to first. Anyway, like I was saying Get a first one right here. Yeah, right there. There we go. Subscribe to first. Anyway, like I was saying, subscription services are fucking stupid. Yeah. They absolutely suck except first. They're gonna, we're gonna get
Starting point is 00:09:33 an actual trouble for this. But no, I like Rooster Teeth first because it gives me stuff that I want. And like I subscribe to other things too. Yeah. Drop out. Drop out, patient, patriot, small stuff. It doesn't make sense for me to pay NBC, or twice.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Or it's like, it's like, oh, well, this is a show that we made here, but we only put it on Paramount. But it's an NBC show. And I know you have NBC from your cable, but you have to pay them if you want to see that show. You have to get that back. And also like I know that you like watching episodes
Starting point is 00:10:09 of South Park, but not telling anybody about it because of the things they say. But you can do most of that on Macs. But if you want to watch any of the new stuff. You gotta go to Hulu. You gotta go to Hulu, or if you want to watch the movies, you gotta go to Paramount Plus.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Yeah, but if you want to watch all of it with so many commercials, you want to die, you gotta go to Paramount Plus. Yeah, but if you wanna watch all of it with so many commercials, you wanna die, you can't watch it on the Comedy Central app. Yeah, which by the way, we endorse none of during the Riders and Actors strike that's going on right now. Absolutely. Until they reach a deal, yeah,
Starting point is 00:10:38 none of these endorsements, these are simply a pirates life for me. Which is an unrelated statement. Unrelated statement. Underrated statement. I just, yeah, I just, even like outside of like TV though, like I, I have this app that like tells you all of the things you pay for monthly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:54 And like, I, there's like stuff in there where like, why am I, like, why am I paying, I have to pay to use an app on my VR headset. That is a game that I purchased two years ago. You have to pay $8 a month to use an app on my VR headset. That is a game that I purchased two years ago. But now I have to pay $8 a month to use it. You have to pay to use the fucking $600 or $2,000. One of the other fucking piece of workout equipment that you have installed into your home. Yeah, I have to pay $60 a month to use it.
Starting point is 00:11:20 $60 fucking bucks and kidding? Just to use it. On top of the financing of how much ever much a month for the $2,000 actual fucking bucks. Yeah. Just on top of the like financing of how much ever much a month for like the $2,000 actual thing cost. Yeah. What's crazy? What we are describing, I think, in like kind of the larger scheme is this is these are what we're expecting now are the deaths, death throws of late-stage capitalism. Yeah. Like this is what happens when like you can't, when revenue streams dry up and you can't ring more dollars out of people because, like, literally,
Starting point is 00:11:49 this is like the logical conclusion of rent-seeking behavior, and everything has to become a subscription service. And you're getting worse product, less of it. And no one's making money on it except the top. And it's like, I've collected, like you were just saying, like I've collected so many streaming services, a few other subscriptions, like apps and everything.
Starting point is 00:12:13 And then it's just like, we figured it out, especially with TV, we figured it out. It was always commercials. It's ad supported stuff. That's always been the best way it's worked. That's always been the way it's worked out. Also, we figured it out with movies. It's fucking physical media. That's how it's- It's ad supported stuff. That's always been the best way it's worked. That's always been the way it's worked out. Also, we figured it out with movies. It's fucking physical media.
Starting point is 00:12:27 That's how it's app core. It's pop core and it's concessions and it's physical media after the fact. That's how everyone made money. That's how everyone got a good deal in the 90s because home video, media says, physical media after that. We figured it out. We had the sweetest cherry for literally everyone involved.
Starting point is 00:12:45 We peaked. And now I'm paying $70 for a video game that I didn't then have to pay an additional, what, $10 a month to use all of the features on it? Why? And it's not finished when it comes back. And I have a disc, but I also need 286 gigabytes of space on my drives.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Yeah, turns out I never fucking needed the disc anymore. Jesus Christ, man. I did not put together until you said it that all paying rent is a subscription to having a house. Yeah. Fucking real. That sucks. That fucking.
Starting point is 00:13:15 Whoa, it's man. That's such shit. Everything's a fucking like I even have, and I know that this is how everyone has it. I, I, and I know that this is how everyone has it, I, I, okay. I have on my phone an app where I pay my renters insurance. Yeah. And I understand that that's how most people do it.
Starting point is 00:13:36 You just go through a website, but I mean, I have a literal app. The app only exists to sell people renters insurance. There are no actual physical employees. It is run entirely by coders and everything is done by like chat bots or just a matter. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it fucking sucks, but it was also the cheapest option that I was given when I was looking for renters insurance.
Starting point is 00:14:00 And so I have that that hits my bank account. Obviously I have like car insurance. Obviously I have a little bit left on my car and then I have rent and then I have my phone bill. Which is renting your phone also. You don't own your phone anymore. I do not rent own my phone now. But you just pay every month to have the phone
Starting point is 00:14:18 and then they're like, oh, do you want to upgrade? Give us the phone back. Yeah. Take it back so we can, so we can pry the cobalt out of it or whatever I mean the lithium. So we can lithium. You're doing a fucking whip it up. Yeah. Alithic. Shotgunning the fucking lithium life. I feel like I could blow up on a plane right now. I think the most egregious subscriptions are the ones for things that exist as a service
Starting point is 00:14:47 in something, but you have to pay that unlock it. Like, I test the cars. Yeah, like Tesla cars, or like, or like other cars, like, there's like cars that come out now where they're like, yeah, it's got remote start if you pay us every month. And I'm like, that just used to be a button that you fucking press on you. Like remote start, you click it and it comes on. It's like, well, no, the button's there, but for it to work, you have to give us $16.
Starting point is 00:15:11 It's also not just the button works. Everything is set up to make it work. Yeah. Like cars have software that just runs the car now. So it's like, if you don't pay something, it's just like, well, we break your car. Well, okay. I get like, there was a news story that just came out like a couple,
Starting point is 00:15:26 I guess like a few weeks ago at this point that a lady couldn't figure out why her printer wasn't working. Oh, God, oh, God. Everything was right with it. New ink cartridges, everything was fine with it. Couldn't figure out why it wasn't printing. And it's because the debit card she had on file with the printer maker,
Starting point is 00:15:45 I don't know what it was, but I do. It's two letters. I do. You know what it is. I know what it is. I am. I am. Anyhow.
Starting point is 00:15:53 This printer was fucking of house porn. I had a real. Yeah, it wasn't all done. But yeah, and so she couldn't figure out why it wasn't like doing the one thing our printer is supposed to do Which barely by printers like barely work in in general, but so it's like okay Trouble shooting trouble shooting trouble shooting finally called the manufacturer was like oh, yeah the debit card You have on file. I think to like re-subscribe to ink so they like I think I'm pretty sure that's what it was
Starting point is 00:16:21 Don't quote me on it But I think it was like because you like have an ink subscription where we send it to you every six months or whatever, the debit card on file for that expired, so we remotely bricked your printer from working. By like, I don't know how, like these little, these microtransactions, these little, like, these death by a thousand cuts in terms of people trying to ring every last
Starting point is 00:16:45 cent out of you for things that you own. If that does not radicalize you, I don't know what does because that is so maddening. There are tools. There are tools you can buy, like a drill, a saw, like reciprocating saw. There are tools that have Bluetooth in them that you have to rent. You buy the tool, I buy the tool for 40 bucks. I have to pay a subscription for the tool to work because it has wireless Bluetooth technology that you, I mean, we live in the nightmare zone. This is the worst possible timeline.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I could possibly imagine. Like that would drive me to like look, yeah, anyway, I was so afraid of where you were going because you were like, it's madming. It's enough to radicalize you. There are tools that you can buy. A hammer, a drill, a gun. And the home offices of HP printer
Starting point is 00:17:40 is environmentally available. It's like Jesus, man. There's fertilizer. I'm putting him nitrate. I'm putting him nitrate. I'm putting him nitrate. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Jesus, man. There's fertilizer, a voting of nitrate. A vein. No, no, no, no, no. That's how you do it. You rent the tools, build the guillotine. Yeah, I get a subscription service
Starting point is 00:17:53 to ammoniumnitri.com for whatever. Jesus. Yeah, it's tough times out there because, yeah, again, this is like, it gets the, you know, specificity of the things that are being like, uh, the specificity of the things that are taking money out of your wallet in such little amounts that you like, it's death by a thousand cuts. You just kind of forget about them.
Starting point is 00:18:18 You kind of amortize that into your life and it just kind of becomes part of something that disappears out of your bank account and remember, but what is it? It's like, oh, it's like three bucks or whatever. And it, that shit fucking adds up, especially, again, like you look at the end of the month, it's like, where do all my money? Where did $500 go? Microchurch actions. Yeah. Can I ask you guys what your stupidest subscription, current or past that you've ever paid money for. I was gonna say every month, but some are like every fucking week, because this isn't it for me, but I used to use a photo editing app that I
Starting point is 00:18:52 misunderstood the terms of. It was charged me 499 a week to edit photos on my phone, not Photoshop by the way. This wasn't like an editing software for my sister. It was an app for 99 a fucking week to edit photos. That is absolutely. That's again, maddening. Yeah, if you want me to start, I can't. Please, yeah, yeah, please. That app.
Starting point is 00:19:17 The worst. It was, yeah, it was that. No, it's even stupider. When I, okay, this is extremely dumb. And I wanna reiterate, they were in a safe space. Where is that space? Okay, you called almost for terrorism, Andrew. I'm not, and I did.
Starting point is 00:19:34 And you called things gay a lot. So, we're all safe space. We're all safe. There's a girl. All right, there we go. Okay. There's a girl that I went to high school with that is the same age as me. I need to be very clear.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Sure. Who a couple of years ago when only fans was coming out, promoted her only fans. Hell yeah, dog. And I put it off for so long. I was like, I don't eat that. No, just. Yeah, I mean, she was, I like was in love with her in high school.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Or whatever, but like, it's fine. It's not even a big deal it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's a fucking tail tail only fans like a phone bump bump bump bump it haunted you yes because I went in my brain I went I could finally see I could finally see sorry let me take it back again. The tail, tail, tail. Yeah. So T-A-I-L. And they're all so different. There are tools, eat.
Starting point is 00:20:30 No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I guess to wrap it up, my point is, is that I put it off for so long, and then I finally went to the page, and I saw and was like, fuck, in $40 for a month, golly, wow. Just putting in my fucking debit card
Starting point is 00:20:48 is making me pretty. Pretty cut. Shit, oh, making account, load wallet. Jesus, you don't have to load wallet on only fans. But, my point is I subscribed to it. I looked at one photo of titties, and I went, not so weird, and then I closed the app, and I went, not so weird, and then I closed the app, or I closed the browser,
Starting point is 00:21:09 and I didn't think about it again, and I was charged like $40 a month for seven months, which is, what is that? That's like a lot. A lot, I wish that was better. $240. It's $240 to look at one set of hits one time Jerry one time That's like a next box series. Yeah, or like a couple of dates with a real-life woman
Starting point is 00:21:35 Yeah, where your chances of seeing tits in real life drastically Yeah, that's like a whole mini fridge of poppers right there. Absolutely. Real quick, do you guys wanna tell us what your stupidest fucking subscription service was? I mean, never did the only fans thing. We'll see how this pans out,
Starting point is 00:21:57 but I mean, I recently got on hinge, so this, I mean, it might be that if that doesn't pay off, but like, I know I've met some cool people through there, actually, I take that back. We can totally cut this out if that doesn't pay off, but like, I know I met some cool people through there actually I take that back We can we can totally cut this out if you don't want me to put it in the episode Andrew I was gonna say DC universe because I was gonna say my boy been fucking My boy been getting that shit what dog I think we can leave it in. We can probably
Starting point is 00:22:25 leave it in. Anyway, she said to my boy. Oh, my God. That's what she and that's what hinge plus or whatever the fuck it's called gets you. Sopping. Frothing at the get anyway. I don't want to describe a pussy like a fucking latte. What do you, what's yours? It was DC universe. Oh, no, I was gonna say that, but no, actually I got it's a comic solitude.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Because I thought it would give you unlimited comics to read, but you pay it, it gives you access to buy. To pay the yeah, and that's that's that's a hate crime. That's right. That's the hate crime against there. It's that or a sent bird which they send you a perfume. If you want. Ah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:18 After two years, I ran out of stuff. I won it from them. Yeah. So then it's just there's selection wasn't as broad as my needs. Yeah. I'll tell you what mine is. This is yours. This is kind of at the beginning of the box subscription service
Starting point is 00:23:34 like style stuff, where it's like, oh, we'll send you a bunch of clothes. I'm not going to name the company. But they would send you like, oh, like a little box full of like three or four clothing items. And anyone's you didn't want you sent back. The first couple knocked it out of the park. They were like, oh, I kept everything.
Starting point is 00:23:53 They were fucking awesome. And man alive did the quality precipitously drop off and it was a real diminishing returns. And it was just like, ah, fucking, okay. And then it was like, it became such a hassle to then, oh no, our sponsors didn't know. And they gave such a hassle to like, get the stuff back in the thing,
Starting point is 00:24:15 like a bag and like mail it off. Cause you can't stick that back in your mailbox. Like I couldn't at the time. I did take it to the post office. And yeah, my roomie did the, I don't think it was probably the same one, but the one that she did was like, it came in like a cloth trunk,
Starting point is 00:24:30 like that outfit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was very involved. And then she would have to like send it back, but one time they sent it to the wrong house. And I was just like, so that's just like a thousand dollars of clothes gone. Yes, somewhere.
Starting point is 00:24:43 They just disappeared into the ether. My girlfriend's roommate, I have a pair of vans right now because one got mistilivered to her house and they wouldn't take it back. Oh. And she was just like, it's a bunch of men's clothes and I was like, and I will take those shoes. Because I need to look like a super gay mechanic.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Yeah. But I want to ask the people out there, leave a comment down below. What is the stupidest subscription? What is the stupidest subscription that you subscribe to? Either currently or in the past. They're going to say first. They're going to say first.
Starting point is 00:25:13 They're all going to say first. They're all going to say it. Well, I'm funny first. They're all going to say first. We're talking to you the joke. It's a minute or lower third. Yeah. We made the e-dipchets.
Starting point is 00:25:21 15 minutes ago, we said that. So that's what you can tools that you can buy. So guess what, if you comment first in the comments down below, I will never like you or be your fan. They don't care. They don't care. They hate us. There is apathetic as we are.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Yeah, fuck it. And hey, and we like them that way. We love you just the way you hate us. We have a terrific show for you guys today. We've got some guests joining us from FaceJamp to play a fun guessing game with us. We've got some good advice for people who might be living in a sort of scary place.
Starting point is 00:25:55 And as always, we've got some jokes, some riffs, and some fun along the way. So why don't we hop into our first segment? It's time for Who Am I? Woo. How are you? How are you? Woo. All right, welcome back to another game of Who Am I,
Starting point is 00:26:09 which is legally distinct from Guess Who, Hasbro, you can't sue us. Today, I've got, sorry, today is our guest. We've got the boys from Face Jam. No, we've got the daddies from Face Jam, Eric, and Ken. What's your name? Michael. Michael. the daddies from FaceGM, Eric and Ken. What's your name? Michael.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Michael. Was there worry that this was too close to guess who? Yeah. In what way? Uh, well, we're simply guessing. I don't know how, I don't know if you know this, but Hasbro's extremely litigious. Oh.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Yeah, ever since the merger with Mattel, they have not been the same. Are they the same company? I don't know what that's like. Are they the same company? No, so. Huh. We got. I don't know what that's like. Are they the same company, Nate? So we gotta get the Parker brothers in on this thing. They're dead. No!
Starting point is 00:26:51 They took them out. So how do we play this game? All right, so in front of you is a card. Don't look at it. There's tape on the back of it. You're just gonna stick it to your head so that we can see it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:00 And then we're gonna take turns asking each other questions to figure out who we are. Okay. And when he puts the card on, I read it out loud and I win that. If I say who he is, I win. Yes. Okay. No, we'll know.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Oh, see. What a trick. Okay. So when the winner gets, the winner gets a $1 million. Whoa. Yeah. Now we're talking. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:27:22 It's so compact. That's just part of it. Oh, okay. Just the top compact. That's part of it. That's just part of it. Oh, okay. Just the top one. Don't look at it. Put it in the, leave it alone. The million goes in the shell.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Yeah. That's where it belongs. That's where it belongs. Okay. I'm ready to guess what are the things that we are. Who we guessing. Who we're guessing at? Well, you got one on a food podcast.
Starting point is 00:27:41 So we decided to make food. Blue skies. You guys are in the food podcast. Thank you. So we've decided to make these. You guys are the food podcast. So we decided to make these fast food chain mascots. Oh, simple. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I win. All right. They're million dollars. Million dollars. I'm on the phone. I haven't looked at it. I will fucking kill myself. In the world would I need to make a backup? Oh no, he's writing seriously on a screen. Just play it right. Here we go. He's so red.
Starting point is 00:28:10 All right, so we're going to stick these surfboards. Okay, and I can only get it. Can you see mine? This is who we are. Is mine fine? Am I legible? Eric is Gidgett, the Chihuahua from Taco Bell. Griff is Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Michael is the Noid, a thing from Domino's to lower it You're looks good. Thank you. I think yours looks nice. It's pointed to the sky That's so God can see it. He says he says you're doing great my son He's the million dollars just for me Okay, okay, we got going on over here. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay cool. Yeah, so I just for me. Okay, okay, okay. We got going on over here. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:28:48 So Eric, you can start by asking your first question and then we will answer your questions in the best of our abilities. Okay. I won't. I won't. Okay. Am I a newer mascot?
Starting point is 00:29:05 I don't think so. Okay, I don't know. I would say no. I know. by a newer mascot. I don't think so. I don't know. I would say no. I would say no. Okay, okay. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:13 That eliminates some. Am I a mascot of a regional chain? No. No, okay. No, right? No, no. Okay. Does that mean they get around?
Starting point is 00:29:24 I think it means it's national. Yeah. So yeah. Right. So it's a national change? Yeah, not regional. Yeah, they get around. You get around. Oh, yeah. Hey, you get around. In my card? Yeah, you get around. Am I grimace? Hmm. Am I grimace? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Am I am, you have to say yes. No. No, you're not grimace. All right. Well, that was my question. This is gonna take forever. Did you not prep anything else? No, I, that, that, that, that's superseded everything.
Starting point is 00:30:01 I had to know. It's a good first guess. I had to know. It's a really good first guess. That saved me from asking 50 more questions. That's true. It's a good first guess. It's a really good first guess. It's a good first guess. That saved me from asking 50 more questions. That's true. It's top of my head.
Starting point is 00:30:08 That's true. Okay. My next question is, are you sure I'm not gonna answer. I'm not gonna answer. I'm not gonna answer. Uh. It could, could I drive a car?
Starting point is 00:30:24 I think you could. With some modification. Wow. I think you could. With modification. With modifications. With modifications. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:33 I'm old and I can do modification driving. Who says you're old and like, is this, oh yes. Yeah, I'm old and existing. You're older than this. You're just thinking. I'm putting it together. Puzzle pieces, boom boom, interlocking.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh Am I am I human? Yes, we think so. Yeah, I would say yeah, like a human or human. I'll human or humanoid Human or dancer you are human. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You can also say humanoid, but you just go human. Okay. As far as I know, right, because you could never be sure,
Starting point is 00:31:14 especially after all the government self, I've never had hands on knowledge of you, correct. You get around. I get around. As far as anyone knows. Yes, as. You get around. I get around. And as far as I can tell, you are a human. As far as anyone knows. Yes, as far as anyone knows. And the same. Right now.
Starting point is 00:31:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say that. Yes. Okay. All right. You're not the grimace. I would consider grimace a human way. I don't want to see.
Starting point is 00:31:40 I agree. You grimace could be humanoid. Absolutely. You could also say, do I have a nugget head? That's true. I didn't say that but you could say that. Right. Right. Hypothetical. Yeah. Shape like a belly.
Starting point is 00:31:55 Do I sell french fries? I don't think so. No. No. No. Could you? Yes. Should you, apps are fucking literally.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Should you, should you? No. If we worked at the same office, that's me as the mascot. And you as the human you, the regular person, not the humanoid, not the French fry, you know, just you, would we be friends Absolutely wow
Starting point is 00:32:28 Probably whoo maybe whoo interesting. It's getting you're walking it back a little bit more It's like starting a virgin. No, I don't think I want to be friends. Okay. Yeah, that's up to you Yeah, that depends on your behavior I think I think I can bribe you into friendship. Wow. Oh I think I could I think I could bribe you into friendship. Wow. Oh I would have low scruples. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is good. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Okay. Um Am I like Okay. Okay. Uh. In a conflict. In a military conflict.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Okay. Okay. Between the southern and northern most parts of America. Uh huh. Would I have participated as a Confederate soldier? What? Like maybe? It's hard to say. would I have participated as a Confederate soldier? Like maybe it's hard to say. Boy, I wanna say yes. Mm-hm.
Starting point is 00:33:32 But. But it's hard to put that on anyone. Yeah. But like, let's say willing, if I didn't, let's just say like, I didn't know that much about you. And I heard, I would say, I'm not surprised that much about you. And I heard it. I would say, I'm not surprised.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If that was the thing that I was told about you, I would go. And they were like, it's very terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would be like, well, yeah. Okay. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Yeah. Yeah. I've got three ideas in my head. That's pretty good. I've narrated it. That's good. Um. three ideas in my head. That's pretty good. I've narrated it. That's good. Do I like bamboo?
Starting point is 00:34:14 Okay, here's the thing. I will say, you don't like bamboo, but it's not a thing that like you're against actively. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You're not opposed to it. You're not opposed to it. But, but here's the thing. You're also not for bamboo. No. So sort of like ambivalent. It doesn't get you hype. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I think that you see it into you. It's just like looking at like a tree. That's a, such a you would just look at these thin thin trees and people go like, no, that's bamboo. And you're like, I feel nothing for this.
Starting point is 00:34:51 Yeah, I think that's probably it. Would I be a good spouse? I don't think so. No. Wow. I don't think so. No, I mean the mascot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Oh, yeah. Okay, so bad spot. Okay, okay, I might have, hmm, might have a guess on my next round, but we'll see, we'll see. I have thought, I'm thinking. Was I pro or against integrating schools in the 60s? I feel like it's the same question.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to, I'm not trying to narrow them all more. I will say that I feel like if you were against school integration in the 60s, you also would have been a confederate soldier. Not necessarily. Some people got conscripted. That's true. I don't think you would be conscripted. It was about states, right? It was. states rights to do what now. I feel like now he's the thing. Now maybe this is have a
Starting point is 00:35:52 really good flag. Maybe this is just me putting myself in your mask, got shoes. But I will say it was it seems in the scenario. Okay, most seems a bit contradictory. Uh-huh. To say that they would support the Confederacy. Uh-huh. And then before integration. Integration. Yeah. But I feel like it's possible that the mascot was like, this is the world we live in now.
Starting point is 00:36:23 I guess I'm okay with it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like they were against it and they went, we is the world we live in now. I guess I'm okay with it. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah. I feel like they were against it and they went, we, guys, we lost. And so now they're just like, I could, hey, we put that loss behind this. We focus on sales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing.
Starting point is 00:36:41 They see the Confederate flag and they go, take it down and not because I'm against it, but because we lost. It's like he's got no one in the packet. It is. It's about the bottom line. It's about the bottom line. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Would you eat me? No. I don't think I would. No. I don't think I could. I don't. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could.
Starting point is 00:37:16 I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could.
Starting point is 00:37:24 I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I could. I don't think I would still turn it down. Yeah, I'd watch someone eat. Yes, I agree with that. Yeah. Like if I be fascinated. Yes, because if that was presented to me as an option to be like, Hey, do you want to see some like Armando went, do you want to see me do this thing? I would fucking be there.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Huh. Absolutely. But I don't want to participate. Okay. I just don't okay. Um You don't have to be PC. I'm like as In international traveler would I be filmed and shamed for something? I would do in another country because I just can't fucking handle myself Yeah, wow I would do in another country because I just can't fucking handle myself. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:38:08 Yeah. Wow. I would tell someone who would film me, put me on YouTube shorts, and then Denash on TikTok would be like, here's where he works. Here's where he lives. Public urination.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Fucking, oh wow. Yeah, but. Public urination here, but sure. Yeah, but that's the act. I don't think they're feeling shame. It's true, right? Like he's asking, will I be shamed? That's true.
Starting point is 00:38:34 So like publicly shamed by other people, but will I feel the shame? Oh, God no. Oh no, no, no, no. Wow. No, you're not, no, no. Interesting. Now remember again, not a new mascot., no, no, interesting. Now remember again, not a new mascot.
Starting point is 00:38:47 You've been around this business right, right, right, right. You're on the thick skin. Okay. Not the jack on the box, okay. Okay. Are you sure? Yeah, was that a guess or you're looking for reassurance? Yeah. Mother kernel?
Starting point is 00:39:00 Is that your guess? Yes, or are you saying? I'm guessing, am I the, am I the kernel? Yes, you are the Colonel. Yeah, boy. Damn. Although honestly, honestly, he was a mule tender. Yeah, he was so I don't know. So something you'll learn by listening to Face Jam, which you should do. Which you already have. Colonel Sanders is a fucking liar stolen. Valorant. He was a mule tender in the army. He was designated the title of Colonel by the state of Kentucky.
Starting point is 00:39:25 He sold KFC to a company and then was so upset about what they'd done to his food. He opened a rival chicken place and they went, what the fuck are you doing? Close this down and would not let him open a chicken place again. And then he became like the walk and talk in mascot guy, Colonel Sanders. And in that video game, you wanna fuck him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, hang on.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Am I the grimace? No. No. If I was the grimace, I would have been so fucking mad. Am I the king? No. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Do you guys wanna reveal your cards to yourselves? Yeah, let's do it. I don't know who I really, I was really zeroed in on hamburger. That's, you're not even close. Okay, let's see. You're gonna love it. Yeah, one, two, three. Oh my God. The Taco Bell Dog. I was gonna, this was like my second throwaway guess after Pemis.
Starting point is 00:40:22 This makes so much sense. much sense Nick would fucking love this I didn't have enough faith in our Mondo to know who the noise is. I mean I really didn't I think it's pretty special that we got the dog from talk About my name can I tell you to when I was grimace pre-roll Yeah, I almost started talking about the dog Belldog, and then you flip it I also I've learned and forgotten his name 100 times. Yeah, yeah, stupid name. I really thought maybe I was the grimace
Starting point is 00:40:48 and you were doing the thing where you're like, if I guess grimace enough, he won't think he's the grimace. Damn. I guess we both have to split the million dollars. All right, let's do another round with two speed rounds. You want to go fast on this one? I want us to try to figure it out as fast as possible.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Like five rounds or anything. Okay, ready? One, two, three. Okay. Look right in your camera. Okay. Eric is the hamburger from McDonald's. Griff is Charles Entertainment Cheese from Chuck E. Cheese.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Michael is Jared Fogel, disgraced former subway spokesperson. And on a personal note, a real piece of shit. Is it upside down or not? No, it's the right way. Oh, ha, ha, ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, and then give us a flex. Yeah, yep, yep. So whenever you're ready, okay, yeah, we'll let an actress not grimace, we should go this way. You know, am I grimace? You're not grimace.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Okay. Okay. Am I grimace? No, okay, fuck. All right. Uh, that's a good one, huh? It's a really good one. I got yours aren't that funny.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Yeah, yours is a good one. Hey, really? Hey, you're really aren't that funny. Yeah, yours is a good one. Hey, really? Hey, really put everything in the mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yours is a good one. Am I the, am I, am I a mascot that enjoys a comfortable ride? Oh, yeah. I would say so.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Yeah. Yeah. I would say so. Yeah, I think so. Okay. Yeah. I, yeah, I think so. Okay. Yeah, I yeah, all right. Yeah. I have a follow up based on that.
Starting point is 00:42:30 Yeah, it's good. It's good. All right. All right. Cool. Cool. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh don't know that you know. Yeah, I don't think, like I think maybe you, I don't even think you like really run in the same circles. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:47 Okay. Am I, do I love the food? Like am I like really into the food that I saw? You'd fuck it if you could. Wow, yeah, you're gonna do it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Would I fuck the food? The food?
Starting point is 00:43:04 Am I Paris Hilton? I wouldn't put it past you. Hey, I would, if someone told me that you fucked the food, I would believe that. Yeah, I would be like another and a long list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Uh, who? Uh, am I, uh, am I, am I a woman?
Starting point is 00:43:23 No. Okay, so not Wendy. No. Am I a woman? No. Okay, so not Wendy. No. Am I a creature? No. I don't think so, right? Is that a no? No.
Starting point is 00:43:32 No. Okay, not a creature. Humanoid for sure. Okay, okay, that's good. Okay. Am I the sauce monkey? No. He'd fuck the food. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to, yeah, yeah. Am I the sauce monkey? No.
Starting point is 00:43:45 He'd fuck the food. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to get it all out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck the food. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Pet questions are just guesses. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:54 Yeah. Yeah. Am I am a little? Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Do I do hamburgers?
Starting point is 00:44:03 Is hamburgers my thing? Big time. Okay. okay. Do I do hamburgers? Is hamburgers my thing? Ding time. Okay. Okay. I'm just so excited for whatever year about to ask. It doesn't, I don't even know what it's gonna be. I just can't wait. Well, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:44:23 I mean, technically not a mascot, it's more of a spokesperson. Okay. I was gonna say, like, was I... Like, was I well known for advertising, Jello putting? No. No.
Starting point is 00:44:38 No. No. Hey. Hey. Michael, no, but warm It's in the it's warm. It's in the same house for sure. You're in the same house I was putting together you're honestly are we friends? Buddy Oh, get away. Get away, get away, get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away.
Starting point is 00:45:14 Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away, get away. Get away,, actually, maybe it was a diversion. Oh, for your true crimes. Interesting. Um, am I going to like, would I, would I like say that maybe like a reckoning is coming? No, okay. No. But again, again, so close, you're warm. If you keep dancing in this circle, you're getting there. You're picking, you're picking partners, and it's just not the right one.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Huh. You're, you're, you're, you're so close. Oh, man. Am I like, am I one of the Budweiser animals? You're so close. Oh, man. Am I one of the Budweiser animals? No. How many animals are there?
Starting point is 00:46:11 They have a frog. What else do they have? Do you think Budweiser is fast food? I can't think of any of these. I'm not the boss of the pudding, but I think we all know that. I can't think of any of the other animals. Oh, you keep thinking. Thinking hard, you can do it. Am I the burger king?
Starting point is 00:46:28 No. You suck his dick, though. What the fuck? You suck his dick. And then fucking kill it. You probably bite his dick. And then you would suck his dick to low him into a false sense of security.
Starting point is 00:46:41 Kill him. Oh my god. Wow. That's what I think. Wow. I agree with that. And if you're already sucking his dick, you're sucking his dick to get, not to give.
Starting point is 00:46:50 That's so you want what he has. And you'll do anything to get it. Okay. Uh huh. Oh man. Uh-huh. You're really dancing around. You're going to, you're going to spokesperson.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Thank you, man. Thank you. Uh-huh. Thank you. Would like, would I, would I be happy if Grif came to my restaurant? I think you would be mostly ambivalent. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:35 I see where you're driving. Yeah. You do you have to be ambivalent for sure. It's not, you wouldn't notice me. It's not that direction. Okay. I honestly cannot think of a mascot of animal right now. Am I one? Am I an animal? No. Well, I don't mean I'm not. I see Animal like my other guests. Yeah, you're like a fucking animal. Yeah, you're a fucking animal You're gonna see what it is and you're gonna have a good time. Oh, you're gonna think it's fun
Starting point is 00:48:20 Point got to think of an animal Ribbit. I did that one you said it was beer and I thought. I know, I know that's why I said it again. Uh huh. Is uh okay, okay. An animal. This isn't fast at all by the way.
Starting point is 00:48:33 This is a slow round. Yeah, no, I just, I have no idea. Look at his aminals. Mm hmm. That's uh. I would say think less fast food. Less fast food? Like breakfast food.
Starting point is 00:48:48 They sell food. They sell food. It's not just food. Yeah, it's a restaurant. It's a restaurant. Yeah. That's sales food. Correct.
Starting point is 00:48:57 But isn't fast. Yeah, I would say that's definitely not fast food. You are not the Chick-fil-A chicken. Okay, am I the Chick-fil-A cow? No, you are not. Not full fuck. Yeah. I'm out of ideas. It was the only place that I eat. That's the only place I eat is Chick-fil-A chicken. Okay, am I the Chick-fil-A cow? No, you are not. Not full fuck. I'm out of ideas. It was the only place I eat.
Starting point is 00:49:07 That's the only place I eat is Chick-fil-A. So, really? Yeah. Even with all that stuff? That's right. Oh wow. Yeah. Can I be honest?
Starting point is 00:49:16 That's why I thought maybe I was Chick-fil-A. Uh-oh, and if they didn't want Grif there. Uh-huh. See, and they're going again. I don't want you there. And you're sticking. You're wrong direction. You're and they're going again. And I don't want you there. And you stick your grub. You're wrong direction. You're driving in the wrong direction.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Yeah. You're closer with the puttin. Yeah, okay. Definitely. No way closer with the puttin. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. I was just the way the way that you were asking.
Starting point is 00:49:37 It was like spokesperson and ousted is the way that you were that if I like, I think it. Yeah. I'm thinking. Like in the old times. Yeah. Am I. I think it. Am I the. I'm thinking. Like in the old times. Am I thinking? Am I the Jack in the box, Jack in the box guy? Jack in the box responsible for that Salmonella outbreak in 1998, Nell.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Wow, really? Wow. They sort of kangaroo meet without telling people to. I'm just still open. I was Jack in the box a little after a run. Opened up. You call I Salmonella? That was the whole thing. I'm just a lopit. I was jack of the box a little after I opened it. You colized some of the lops. That was all thing.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Can you repeat? Mm-hmm. This is my turn. Yeah. Oh yeah, would I? Mm-hmm. To... As a matter of convenience for all parties, because it's just like...
Starting point is 00:50:24 Everybody has different opinions, different rules, would I meet up with a friend of mine in a different state, because it's just like cooler in certain places. We could just have more fun in different states. Is that the answer yes? I just go as far as to say another country even. Yeah, I think you could go to different states to hang out with specific friends
Starting point is 00:50:50 that you've asked a lot of questions to due to more lax laws. Yeah, you could go to some region. You go to the flora. A lot of like this, you go to a lot of like the South. You go to this to Sydney. And then also like some like questionable ones like in the North, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:03 You go to Japan, you go to North. Yeah, so you got a you got a Japan. Yeah, I yeah, you definitely go there. You go. Yeah, we got a lot of places. Yeah, and you love going places and you love it. Yeah, and you can yeah, and you can well, well, here's the thing. You loved it. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:51:19 And they're no longer allowed to love it. I mean, I'm allowed to love it. You're not able to. Yes, you're not able to love it. That is, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, you can.
Starting point is 00:51:29 You aren't. Yeah. You want to take a stab at it? If I changed, if my, would my brand that I used to represent, right? They offer a deal maybe like free food for life if you changed your name to the name of our, they would, they would do that,
Starting point is 00:51:49 but they would make it so everyone who did it wouldn't automatically win, they would enter into a raffle, for a chance to win. For a chance to win. For the subway for life. Oh, Jerry. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:52:01 Everyone's favorite. And I lost weight like Jerry. That's the only thing you did like, Jerry. All right, you want to take our's off to you what they are? Yep. All right. The hamper!
Starting point is 00:52:14 You got a hamper, you got a bitch! The goddamn hamburger. We're both rats. When you were the hamburger, I was like, I must be grim. Yeah. Oh man. I'm so glad I didn't see this. That's okay.
Starting point is 00:52:31 I was like, wait, what were we doing? That was a good one. That was a really good one. Yeah, yeah, that was great. That's for you. Oh wow. So once for you, once for you. Excellent.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Flites are expensive. Yeah. All right. Hey, that was who am I? Me and Michael are going to go take an all expense paid tour of Thailand on our tea time. Yeah. Thank you for watching.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Eric, you're invited. With all this white shit in the middle. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Yeah. Don't worry about that. I'm going to go eat sauce with the fucking monkey. Go fuck a monkey.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Whatever happened to Jared, did he gain the weight back? Oh, definitely. Oh, you audio,. Whatever happened to Jared, did he gain the weight back? Oh, definitely. Oh, you audio fuck? See you alive? Yeah. Well, for now. The unite everybody. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Cut it for now, that's so good. This episode of the Rooster Te Podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you're having a hard time making a decision about work, your relationship, or something else, therapy can help you stay true to yourself while you navigate life so that you can feel good about moving forward. Therapy can also be a great tool for learning positive coping skills, learning how to set boundaries, and empowering you to be the best version of yourself.
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Starting point is 00:54:10 Visit betterhelp.com slash rooster today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P.com slash rooster. This episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Sleep is one of the most important universal human experiences there is. It takes about a third of our lives, and a good night's sleep can have some good,
Starting point is 00:54:34 serious health benefits. But finding a mattress that I love seems like it's a really hard thing to do. I mean, I don't wanna, you know, have to go into the store and lie down on a mattress that a bunch of other people have lied down on? Gross. Yeah, so I'm trying to find the right mattress for me. Well, how we do that?
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Starting point is 00:55:06 He looks also over as a hundred-night trial, so you can test out your new mattress at home and make sure it's the right fit for you, and your personalized mattress is shipped right to your door, free of charge. Now folks, the kind people at Helix sent me a mattress. I got sent a mattress. This is like, this is not a bit I'm talking
Starting point is 00:55:24 from personal experience, they sent me a mattress. I got sent a mattress. This is like, this is not a bit I'm talking from personal experience. They sent me a mattress. It absolutely rocks. It rules so much. I cannot, I asked to do this at. I have a little like, who wants to talk about it? He likes, I volunteer, I was like, I need to talk about this mattress.
Starting point is 00:55:37 It is so good, it is so comfortable. And I liked my old mattress. It was great. Through it in the garbage. It was like, and that was hard to do because it was a king size mattress. They sent me a unbelievably old mattress. It was great. Through it in the garbage. It was like, and that was hard to do, because it was a king size mattress. They sent me a unbelievably soft mattress. It feels like sleeping in a hotel bed.
Starting point is 00:55:50 I can't describe that in the best way possible. Got some new crisp sheets on that thing. Wah, mama me, it was so nice. Yeah, I love sleeping on it. I'm getting probably the best night sleep I've had in years, frankly. It's tremendous. And right now, he looks as offering 25% off all mattress orders
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Starting point is 00:56:28 This episode of Ruchiteath Podcast is sponsored by One Piece, which is coming out to Netflix on August 31st. Japan's highest selling manga series in history, One Piece has finally gone in a live-action adaptation on Netflix. One Piece follows a young adventure named Luffy, who sets out on a perliest journey to find a legendary treasure to become King of the Pirates. But in order to find the ultimate prize, he'll need to assemble the crew he's always wanted before
Starting point is 00:56:54 finding a ship to sail, searching every inch of the vast blue sea, outpacing the Marines, and outweating dangerous rivals at every turn. The series was made by fans for fans. Showrunners Matt Owens and Steven Mayeda are huge fans of the manga and came at their work from a fans first perspective, while still along the new audiences to discover and fall in love with this story. And manga creator Ichiro Oda was involved in every step of the process to bring in his story to life. And though this is on the action pack yet
Starting point is 00:57:25 heartwarming series One Piece on Netflix, August 31st. Hey guys, it's time for RT Cares, the segment where we turn your questions into extremely dumb answers. And we've got a really spooky one this week. Oh. All right. He was a bit asked He got it. I got
Starting point is 00:57:47 it. Does sound haunted. He's yeah, he doesn't actually exist. RIP Don Partow. He's the ghost that inhabits 30 rock. That's right. 30 Rockefeller Plaza. I'm saying. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Salute. All right. My husband and I just moved into our first home. Yay.
Starting point is 00:58:01 Unfortunately, every night I hear strange noises coming from downstairs. And twice now, I've caught my dog barking at nothing. My husband says it's normal house noises, but I think our home might be haunted. What should I do? Okay. Okay. Okay. Damn. I mean, your options are, okay, first of all, uh,
Starting point is 00:58:23 the strange noises coming from downstairs are your husband's sleep eating. It's him wandering downstairs, opening the fridge, and like eating 64 slices of American cheese. It's your husband debating whether or not to subscribe to an only fan. Turn it through. Oh, it was nice.
Starting point is 00:58:37 Cool. Your strange noises coming from the family computer room, that little room that's next to the laundry room, that's kind of an office, yeah. Interesting. Oh yeah, why is it locked? It's never locked, anyway. Do you call it the, oh the nut.
Starting point is 00:58:53 The nut, yeah. I thought you said the nut, and I was like, oh god, the nut. That's what I, but that's for sure what I'm gonna call our computer room, is the nut. Oh my god. The nut house, sorry. Yeah, there it is.
Starting point is 00:59:04 Damn, is there like an option on Zillow to sort by Native American burial grounds? Yeah. You didn't move the bodies. Yeah. To see if maybe that's what it is. Fuck, man, that's. Yeah, I hate that.
Starting point is 00:59:17 Oh. Okay, well, let me, let me, like, let me, before we jump into that, because this will kind of dictate the answers that go around the table for her. Sure. Uh, ghosts, do you believe in them? Let's go around.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Griff, what do you say? What say you? Okay, I don't know if I believe in ghosts, but I do believe that all of time exists at once. And that what we think our ghosts inspectors is other timelines bleeding through. Sure. Because like, how can we don't see new ghosts?
Starting point is 00:59:42 Yeah, I've come, Hey, how come I never see a ghost do a cake flip? Yeah. How come I see no ghosts doing planks? Yeah. For like seven years ago. Oh my God. Yeah. How come I never see a ghost with a curly mustache tattoo
Starting point is 00:59:56 on their middle? I ain't never see it. There's no ghost that stole 3D glasses and popped the flinses out. How come I don't see that ghost out there? How come I never see a ghost that comes in the beard, it goes, gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I've never seen no one. Because it's always like a Victorian something, you're like a old, like, so I'm doing another podcast. I'm cheating on you guys.
Starting point is 01:00:28 It called Ponte Detective and we're talking about this dude who like turned a bunch of dead kids into like haunted dolls. And every time she's telling me about this, I'm picturing like a Russian village of like the 1700s and everyone's wearing like robes or something. But then she'll be like, and then in 2008, I'm like 2008, she's making human baby dolls in 2008. So she'll be telling me something and I'll like look up the date.
Starting point is 01:00:56 And I'm like, oh, I'll be like, oh, this was two weeks after 9-11. Cool. I'll look something up and it's like, oh, and then this body did this. And I was like, oh, that's when wedding crashers came in. Yeah. Because what you're describing is some Victorian ass behavior. Yeah, that's always scary shit. But like, he's seen every episode of Seinfeld.
Starting point is 01:01:17 Like, it doesn't, it doesn't, like, like, like, he heard lips of an angel by Hinder. Like, it doesn't,'t, that could have been playing while he was embalming a child. You telling me, this guy made real life dolls that are babies while Obama was president. Yes, Obama was being sworn in and this man was turning children corpses into dolls.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Quintets? He was turning children corpses into dolls when John Cena announced that we had captured and compromised to a permanent end. Oh, some have been lotting. Yeah, that he was like, oh, funny. Well, like, of course, still to TV. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:57 Great. This guy is fucking doing the unthinkable watching his TV going good. That guy was a monster. Yeah. Literally glad they got it. He's getting Netflix DVDs in his mailbox because it wasn't that recent. So ghosts, ghosts. I want to say that I don't believe in ghosts. However, I am Hispanic and they kind of go hand in hand with one another. You were grandfathered.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Being Hispanic, you got to get grandfathered. You get a well-owned. Oh, well-owned in, yeah, exactly. Yeah, like when I was, sorry, we just had Hector Gonzalez, the leader of our business resource group, guys who need us, walked in to hear me going, they are one in the same. But first of all, tell me I'm fucking wrong.
Starting point is 01:02:43 The way that they get us to stay inside when we're kids is by telling us the story of La Yarona. Oh, no, yeah. It's just this woman who lost her kids because she's a shit mom, fucking honestly. No, she killed them, didn't she? Either way, shit mom. Yeah, I think she killed two of those.
Starting point is 01:02:57 I think killing them makes her a shit mom. Yeah, that's a vendiogram as a perfect circle. By the way, La Yarona, 2009, isn't that crazy? That's gonna, no, when I was growing up, that's how they would do it. It's they would tell you that there was these ghosts that were out there, also like on a very sort of serious note, like in Mexican culture, we have like the Adelaide
Starting point is 01:03:21 that was born at those, you know, it's like part of the culture. And then on the other side, there's the white culture, which is my mom being ever since I was a child, being like, no, once you're dead, you're just dead. There's nothing after. Life is just kind of a grueling test to see how much shit you can put up with every single day of it. And it gets progressively worse. And right, when you think it's gonna get better, you fucking die.
Starting point is 01:03:45 Anyway, go to school now. Yeah, let's watch TV. This black guy's about to become president for its 2008. So yeah, I had this weird thing where half of me doesn't believe in ghosts. And I also think they're fucking stupid and goofy and like, yeah, how come we've never seen new ghosts?
Starting point is 01:04:04 I think. But I'm scared of the ones. Yeah, I don't want we've never seen new ghosts? I think I'm scared. But I'll say, yeah, I don't wanna see one. But also, I too believe in the idea that maybe there are energies or things that sort of permeate out. I don't believe, you know what? I'll say it this way because I feel like it's the simplest way to put it. I don't believe in personified spirits.
Starting point is 01:04:23 Sure. Oh yeah, okay, so we've gotten a sign up from... Can I get that? Yeah, are you also Latino? Okay, yeah. So we have a room full of Mexicans here. We do. And we've got a man out.
Starting point is 01:04:39 We've got a man out. We've got a variable back of house here. Hispanic, ghost, equal, maybe. Demons, equal, fuck. house here. Hispanic ghost equal maybe demons equal fuck. Yes. Madden and you'll see. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. 100%.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Yeah. 100%. We're still jury still out on goat suckers. But yeah. That's me, baby. What? Because he's the greatest of all time. You're in the bathroom. That's right.
Starting point is 01:05:03 Yeah. Yeah. It's a shock. You bought up all the poppers. That's right. You were in the bathroom. That's right. Yeah, yeah. It's a shock. You butt up on the poppers. That's a fun sentence. You butt up on the poppers. I got a lot of percussive noises with that. So yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:13 I'll say maybe I think energy's exist. I don't believe in a personified spirit. I don't think that I don't think whatever's left has no human thoughts. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, precisely. And I would, I'm probably gonna echo exactly what Armando said. It's like ghosts grow up.
Starting point is 01:05:29 But I have also been in places and around, not just like places, but people, when there's like, man, there's some fucked up vibes going on in there. And like again, there's enough about the universe that we simply don't know, understand. At all, we don't know how it works. We are as much, for as much as we know,
Starting point is 01:05:49 we know so very little. So I like ghosts seems improbable, seems unlikely. But again, I have experienced in bin and places where I'm like, man, there is some fucked up energy. There's like bad. Like all of Savannah, all of Savannah, Georgia. Exactly. It's haunted.
Starting point is 01:06:03 It's shit. It's just some like, yeah, Savannah, Georgia. Exactly. It's haunted. It's shit. It's bad. Yeah, again, some real bad vibes. And so I think that energy can like, you know, really mess with the place. And also, and we were, you know, in prep for this question, we tried to, our boss, Drew Sapplin, who was like, get a carbon monoxide detector.
Starting point is 01:06:19 80% of like hauntings is a carbon monoxide. Like it's people like kind of fucking tripping out because their brain is low on oxygen because there's so much carbon monoxide in the play. If there was that a long time ago, there's a story on Reddit that this person who is like, I think somebody is breaking into my home and changing things. And they were like being serious,
Starting point is 01:06:38 it wasn't like on a horror fiction stuff right it. They were like, I don't know what's happening. I feel like things are going insane. I don't know what's fucking happening. And like things are going, I'm going insane. I don't know what's fucking happening. Somebody was like, get a carbon monoxide tester. And he was like, yeah, so I was dying at points. I was slowly gasping myself. I was slowly gasping myself.
Starting point is 01:06:54 I was slowly gasping myself. Yeah. If I overslept, I would not have survived the night. She's us. So when I was a kid, we lived in an apartment complex and this apartment complex, not to reuse this joke, I'm being very serious, was built in I think 2003. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:13 So there is almost no way that it could be haunted because we were maybe the fourth occupant of the apartment. Unless. Unless. That's why we got it so cheap. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh, we had a staircase that would lead down
Starting point is 01:07:28 to our living room slash kitchen area. And sometimes when I was alone, I would hear somebody walking down the staircase. Oh. And then right when it got to the part where they would like become part of full view from anyone in the living room, it would stop. And one time, and this is the worst
Starting point is 01:07:47 I've ever been freaked out as a child, one time I heard it like, don't, don't, don't, don't, and get to the point where it should have like turned around and I looked at it, and I just kept looking and nothing happened, and I turned off my TV, it's because I wanted to hear if I could hear anything,
Starting point is 01:08:04 and then I heard, and it ran back upstairs and I was like, no, fuck. And I went outside and I, forever, come back to the door. Yeah, mom, we got a goal. And I was like, I fucking hate this, this fucking sucks. I don't want to be here. And that's when my mom let me in on a secret, which is that underneath our apartment was like this sort of open area that a man named Carlos, who was a handyman without a job or a place to stay, sure, had been allowed to sleep under and tinker with his stuff when he wasn't fixing other apartments in the complex.
Starting point is 01:08:46 Yeah, I had a very friendly tweaker that was just staying underneath our house. And it was, again, I'm not complaining about this. I'm glad that we gave Carlos places. Carlos is your crawl space. Carlos is Carlos. It's Carlos. Carlos plays Carlos. Exactly. Yeah. I guess what I'm saying is I feel like most things that we think our hauntings are easily explained. Yeah. That being said, this is the start of a horror movie and I don't think you should listen to us. I think you should burn your house.
Starting point is 01:09:12 Yeah. I think you should burn your house then. Yeah. So I've never experienced anything personally that I would be like, that spooky. But my mom has, and again, my mom is not like a superstitious or like, you know, she's a pretty even keel-like. White mom. White mom. White mom again, my mom's not like a superstitious or like, you know, she's a pretty even keel. White mom. So white mom.
Starting point is 01:09:27 White mom. White ass mom. Yeah. And Andrew, every day is worse than the last. Yeah. White them. No. And yeah, she's experienced two things that like again, two stories that raised the hair on my neck.
Starting point is 01:09:41 And my cousin also has experienced something that would chill you to the bone and all of these stories happened at our church. Oh. Because the church I went to in San Antonio when I was a child used to be a tuberculosis hospital in the 1800s. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bar downtown that used to be a morgue.
Starting point is 01:10:08 What the fuck? It was a morgue and then it was like student housing and now it's a bar. Stop making bad things and took newer things. Stop doing that. I don't want to fucking home on a burial ground. I don't want to go to a bar where they made dead people into essentially teddy bears that we went by Grandpa. And then put them in the burial ground. I don't want to go to a bar where they made dead people into essentially teddy bears that we went by grandpa and then put them in the fucking ground. I don't want
Starting point is 01:10:29 to go to a church. There was a fucking tuberculosis ward. I don't want to go to a dentist's office. I used to be a pizza. And I don't want to want to want to doll keep it away from me. And I don't want to go to a doctor. Stop trying to show me your haunted doll, Kelsey. Kelsey, the co-host of that podcast I was talking about. She has a haunted doll that Kelsey. Kelsey, the co-host of that podcast I was talking about. She has a haunted doll that has done fucked up shit on her Twitch streams.
Starting point is 01:10:48 Is she's always like, oh, I'm gonna bring it in for the, no. You're not gonna bring it. If that is there, I am not. Yeah. We mean it's done fucked up things with the question. Like she was like, oh, she was doing Twitch whatever and she was like talking to the people and she was like, oh yeah, I got this haunted doll
Starting point is 01:11:01 and she keeps it like, it was like all the thing behind it. And then it just like fell. And it fell. And she was like, oh, that was weird. Keep doing the stream. And then her like, you know, like the phone charger stand you can have, it ripped itself out of the wall and fell. So then she started keeping the doll
Starting point is 01:11:21 face down in the drawer. And sometimes it just turns itself over. No, that's not. Yeah, so that's cool. And I said, oh, keep that far away from me. Yeah, I thought you were going to say, like, yeah, the doll keeps doing fucked up during the Twitch stream. Like, she'll be streaming and the doll's like, I hate women.
Starting point is 01:11:36 But no, it's fucking worse. That's where it works. That's the ghost. That's demons. Yeah, that's demonic stuff. Oh, yeah, she's haunted. Yeah, that's demonic stuff. That's not ghost. Chelsea's haunted, man.
Starting point is 01:11:48 I refuse to be alone in the room with her because I don't know what else to see. Real quick thing, and then I'll give my thesis on what this person should do. Because it ties into what Armando said, which is like, I think 95% of things that seem weird or like off about like your home are actually things that can be explainable by like, oh, science.
Starting point is 01:12:14 And a lot of times it's really fucked up stuff. Like one of my, I say favorite, it's not a good thing. It is just a wild thing that in Russia, many years ago, I think this was like the 80s, at a construction site, they had a nuclear, they had like a radiation detector, radiation detectors used to have and they might still have a little bit of radioactive material in the way. Anyway, this is an industrial piece of equipment, a piece of like cobalt 38, very highly radioactive, like got lost in this construction site, like in this mining construction site.
Starting point is 01:12:47 So it was like place that was digging up minerals and stuff. And then they were like after a bunch of people and hazmat suits went out there and was looking for it, just went, well, we can't find it. I guess it's gone forever. That piece of cobalt 38, like a year later, ended up in the walls of an apartment building, and like nine people died.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Oh my god. People like, why are people in this one complex keep getting sick? So many people died and they were like, they couldn't figure it out, they couldn't figure it out, it was like, it must be haunted. Is it in the walls? It's in mold, they couldn't figure it out.
Starting point is 01:13:21 It's like, oh, we, of course, we've jumped at this thing, and like, oh, it's cursed, it's cursed, it's place to be haunted. No, there was a piece of highly radioactive, like, cobalt 38 in the walls that somehow got swept up into construction material, but then got shipped to this thing. Like, nightmare stuff, but again, it's like,
Starting point is 01:13:37 not demonic, just really fucked up coincidence. Yeah, demonic in a certain way. In a certain way. Demonic negligence. Yeah, demonic negligence. But anyway, so all this is to say, get yourself a certain way, demonic negligence. Yeah, demonic negligence. But anyway, so all this is to say, get yourself a carbon monoxide tester. Get a guy your counter. Get a guy your counter.
Starting point is 01:13:51 Maybe you can raid on. Definitely if you have a basement, get a raid on a detector. Just do some like due diligence because like I am pretty sure your place is not haunted and dogs barking at things. Dogs like their own balls and like look at the ceiling. Well, you probably have like, recudes in your attic or squirrels in your attic. Precisely.
Starting point is 01:14:08 Because that also, they love that. And you were telling me an animal that has like a sense of smell, 900 times more sensitive than us, also hearing, also sight, are kind of like attuned to something like, fucked up going on. I don't, I don't, I don't think we should give dogs
Starting point is 01:14:23 that much credit. Again, if you got a sense of smell so good, how come you eat shit, eat it? Well, that's the thing. It's like, it's like sense of smell, so powerful brain this big. Like this happens, it's like you have spider-man synthesis by your garbage.
Starting point is 01:14:35 So you're saying, do your due diligence, make sure that your home is okay. And I'm saying, do your due diligence, figure out if you still live on something bad. And I would say regardless, fucking burn it down. Yeah, like this sage and throw it onto a fucking puddle of gasoline and burn the fuck it down. Grif. Anyway, this was RT cares. If you have a question that you want us to riff on for 15 minutes, you can send that to RT cares at roostert.com and it goes directly
Starting point is 01:15:06 to my inbox. So I'll be seeing it. So please, you know, send something good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And burn your fucking house down. Don't burn your house down. And now it's time for my favorite segment every week. Burning your fucking house. No, okay, okay, okay. It's time for always on. Hey, everybody, welcome to always on. If you've been paying attention, you know that the news is always terrible. And that's why we took some headlines and turned them into punchlines and joining us in the middle of the circle joke is grip.
Starting point is 01:15:37 It's me. Yeah. By discerning joke taste buds. Let's figure out who's gonna shoot the funniest joke. Oh, God. Yeah. Well, we've got a couple loads of jokes, so let's get to joking off.
Starting point is 01:15:52 I love love first. Love first. I will start us off. Kick us off. Let's go on that. A Massachusetts couple was denied the right to adopt after they admitted that they would treat their child differently if they were gay or trans.
Starting point is 01:16:02 And while they didn't get the chance to adopt, they do get the bigoted parent experience of no longer having a child. That's it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh. Listen, listen, you can't go no contact if you never start the contact.
Starting point is 01:16:17 Right? That's it. It's getting the head start. Yeah, it's just really just like skip to the end. That's really great. All right, an Arizona woman was shocked this week when before she sat down on the toilet, she discovered a large snake in there,
Starting point is 01:16:31 which is wild because that's usually where I find a large snake after I sit down. This is disgusting. Dude, the poop joke. Guys, this is only the highest brown humor. Yeah, that's pretty good. An Arizona woman discovered a large snake in her toilet, which is weird because, This is only the highest brown humor. That's pretty good. And Arizona woman discovered a large snake in her toilet,
Starting point is 01:16:47 which is weird because Andrew uses his large snake to pee in a toilet because it's dick so big. Never made it that for him. Oh, it's a big dick. Take me back. No, okay, all right, all right. The United States Postal Service is planning to offer massive discounts in order to get more people to send mail.
Starting point is 01:17:09 This kind of explains their new slogan, USPS, Come Ship Weed and Plan B to Texas. We don't fucking care anymore. We're not checking. We're not fucking care. Come send drugs and get a stamp with a fucking history person. I'm carrying more. She started her own triangle trade. Just like, here we are. Here we are between Texas, California, and Michigan.
Starting point is 01:17:34 And it's just like plan B flavored vapes and weed. Just going back. I do like that. Yeah, we're, honestly, a lot of what California is going to ask us for is cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, but they'll cigarettes and flavored vapes. That's all we're gonna be sending. Let's do that. And then also let's factor in Wisconsin so they can send us some fucking cheese crates.
Starting point is 01:17:53 Oh man, man, what, just the fuck boy triangle? We can't. We can't. Love that. Love it. All right, well, the rumors are true. Fleetwood Mac founder, Mick Fleetwood's restaurant in Maui was a casualty of the devastating fires there.
Starting point is 01:18:09 All the terrible luck, losing your restaurant to a fire and your wife in a landslide. This is my favorite joke I've ever written for the show. And we can get a Stevie Nicks photo right here. That is such an inside baseball music history joke. They're all fucking each other. They're all fucking each other. They're all fucking each other. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:18:28 And then talking shit in song. Yeah, which fucking right. That'd be like if me and Andrew had beef. And I was like, hey, here's this next segment called, who's a fucking piece of shit? This week our guest is Andrew. Oh, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:42 Loving you. Yeah, exactly. And then you have to just pay, play bass in the background of what, fuck man. This is stupid. Okay. Colleges are cracking down on AI assistants
Starting point is 01:18:53 as they plan to ban chat GPT from papers and assignments. And it looks like students will have to rely on their own creative excuses for procrastination now. That joke was of course written by Chad G.P.T. and I'm starting to agree with the colleges. Just go back to the old way and pay some dude off of Craigslist to write shit for you. That joke was of course written by David,
Starting point is 01:19:15 a man that I hired off of Craigslist. Oh, that is true. I can provide screenshots. That joke cost me six dollars and a very confused back and forth email with the poor man named David. Thank you, David. Shout out, David. God, dammit, that's so, that's perfect. All right, here we go. Back to the great state of Massachusetts. Massachusetts Museum is being sued by a former curator, I'm sorry, curator, after she alleges
Starting point is 01:19:48 that she was the victim of racism and discrimination because of her South Asian background. Wow, I didn't know Mark Wahlberg ran a museum. Rrrrr, look it up! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Mark Wahlberg, that host, uh, Tentation Island, by the way, different, different, different Mark Wahl. I would change my fucking name in a heartbeat. Not never would I ever assume that I could beat that fucking SEO. I've talked about it before. I'm Ramanda Torres, who's number one on IMDB, but if you Google it, there's that military veteran who went missing in Mexico and is presumed
Starting point is 01:20:26 to be murdered by the cartel. And I'm a terrible person because the first thing I thought when I saw that was, I'm not being that fucking ass. That's great. That's awesome. I'm a bad person, Griff. Which one of us had the funniest terrible joke? I don't know, I really like the Chad G.B.T. joke.
Starting point is 01:20:44 I also really like the landslide joke. I don't know. I really like the Chatchy PC joke. I also really like the landslide joke. I'm gonna give it to the mom this week. You dedicate, you pay it a man money. I paid her a re, I give jobs. You created jobs to replace the ones that Chatchy PC will eventually take away. And I also hired Ted GPC. Yeah. I listen, I'm just honored that the landslide joke, that this Cleveland Mac joke was even considered. It was a finalist. It was a finalist.
Starting point is 01:21:12 I'm just very pleased with that. I think that joke was like for four people, but it definitely goes to the bit that actually like commerce occurred to make that joke happen. Which you can definitely say our podcast had a positive net game for one man. That's right.
Starting point is 01:21:29 Indowless Texas because no one in Austin would reply to me. All right. He's going to spend that money to pay for a first subscription just to watch for that joke at the end. Thank you so much for joining us this week. I have been our Mondo. I'm Andrew. I had a blast.
Starting point is 01:21:44 We'll see you next week. I have been Armando. I'm Andrew. I had a blast. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:21:53 So, I don't have enough podcasts. Not enough places for me to spew nonsense. So I started a new one. It's about things that are interesting to me. Who shot J.R.? Irish folk music? What happened to Acapulco? Hopefully you will interesting to me. Who shot J.R., Irish folk music? What happened to Acapulco? Hopefully you will listen to it,
Starting point is 01:22:08 and you'll find out the answers to these and other in-name questions. All right.

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