Rooster Teeth Podcast - Weird Vegas Sphere Cost $2.3 BILLION! - #760

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

Join Armando, Andrew, Griff as they discuss the weird ball in the dessert that is the vegas Sphere, get joined by Trevor Collins & Alfredo Diaz from Red Web join in a game of Who Am I? Cryptid Edition, discuss if hickies are childish, and wrap it up with some Always On! This episode was sponsored by Helix Sleep! -Go to http://helixsleep.com/rooster to get 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Watch the full episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast for Free! -https://roosterteeth.com/series/rt-podcast Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello! I am one of your hosts, Armando Torres, and joining me, as always, is Andrew Rosas. And... I'm running out of time. Aren't we all? Who am amongst us? That's right. I'm joined by the impending mortality of all of us.

Griff Milton. Yeah. Everyone's portrait of Dorian Gray. Griff Milton. I'm joined by the little fat before you go to sleep that goes, I'm going to die one day. Yeah, my mom's not gonna be around forever First person that's only that. Did you guys not know that grips my sleep paralysis demon that she comes into my apartment every night? Yeah, yeah, sit on my chest. I gotta look

You do look like you're about to go fucking goblin mode today. That's right, baby. Yeah, you look like a little gremlin. You look like a slutty little gremlin. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. For the listening audience, he's gone goblin mode and is a, I'm going down. He's perching.

Yeah. I'm gargoyling. You look like a gargoyle that wouldn't text her back. Fuck boy, gargoyling. You look like a gargoyle that wouldn't text her back. Fuck boy gargoyle. He just pretends to turn back in the stone when the sun comes up. Okay, so we got the episode title, Fuck Boy Gargoyle. Oh, man, it's good to be here. And speaking of debauchery, we have a very special topic to talk

about today, something that Andrew Rosas, the fuck boy, Gargoyle, I must have Garfield. Garfield. I hate Mondays and commit. You brought me this story. It was about a special, what would you call it? A new piece of architecture and infrastructure in the Las Vegas Nevada desert. Yeah. Yeah. So some people might have heard about this.

They built a sphere. It's the Las Vegas sphere. It's the MSG. I'm sorry, MSG. Yeah. MSG sphere. But it's not Madison Square Garden. No, it's not the...

For the stuff that makes chimese food good. Yeah. Yeah, MSG. MSG's fear. But it's not mad. This is square guard. No, it's not the... For the stuff that makes chimese food good. Yeah. That actually MSG is very good and often the line that got a bad rap in the 90s. But actually it's bad. It actually makes things really flavorful. It isn't bad for you, like all the people said. It's too mommy.

It's too mommy. Yeah. It's that umami baby. It's right there. It's bad. There's no reason a powder that makes me feel good could ever be bad. Yeah. that makes me feel good could ever be bad. Yeah, so the sphere, it's built in Las Vegas, a city famous for its never-ending resources

that will never come up from environmental factors. Yeah, it's at the Venetian Resort and it's a spherical music and entertainment arena. It is one of the most, like, it's gonna be a cautionary tale. My favorite thing about this is it is definitely going to be in the background of like a fallout game or something, like cracked, and like people are gonna worship like a bomb in the center of it.

You know what I mean? It's gonna be a post-apocalyptic temple for sure. Our co-worker and friend of the show Drew Sapplin told us that it reminds him of Akita, like the thumb dropping in the center of the city, right before it permeates out. 1000%. Exactly that. A tour of finding a look at also.

It's a strange, so I didn't know until this very moment that it was a venue, because you had shown me pictures of it and it looks like an ominous blade runner 2049 style piece of architecture where like a woman should be on it being like, I'm the only one who will ever love you. Pay me. So they should just export most of the internet onto the screen. Yeah. Now you don't have to go to 2049 to get that, baby. Um, I love the idea.

The future is now. I love the idea of it. That's just the extension of only fans was right. What that girl robot thing that Ryan Gosling fucked in the end of the run. Yeah, exactly. No, yeah. So the sphere, it is a venue, but it's also so that the outside

of it is like one continuous, like interconnected screen essentially. So you can broadcast, like they can project nearly flawless high definition images on it. This is like, I mean, it truly looks, like if you were driving in the street and saw it, all videos of it, all pictures of it, look incredible. Yeah, like there's the eyeball one,

upsetting. Real upsetting. there's the eyeball one, upsetting. A real upset. That's the eyeball one? They put an eye, it's like an eye. Oh, no, I don't like that at all. No. Oh, no, that feels like a kai one of the coat of the mind freak show. Oh no, I really dislike that.

Oh my God, it's so realistic. It's very realistic. But yeah, I think the thing that attracted me to, to like why this is like news, is that like Vegas is running out of water. Lake Mead is almost a sand pit at this point. And people cannot stop building monuments to man's hubris in the desert.

Like, it really is just like, this is where we're going to build our last temples before the fall. Did you ever, have you ever been to Vegas? Yes. Have you been to Vegas? No. Really?

Interesting. So I've only been to Vegas as an adult. I think two times. We actually, here's a picture of the, of the orb. Hello, bro. That really looks like they just opened the package and started it up. Like it's an apple phone. It's like, welcome.

Oh, yeah. Right before this, it said choose language. Yeah, exactly. I would love to see the Android root menu pop up one day. Just like, oh, we got to reset the sphere. Oh, Goddamn 404 error on the sphere. Oh, shit.

I have to start the concert in Administrator mode. If I can save mode sphere. I have been to Las Vegas twice as an adult that could legally drink. And three times as somebody who has drank, I think it is truly a place where like the stupidest things exist, if that makes any sense. Sure, yeah, yeah. One of the first times I went, I stayed at a place called the Luxar,

which is a giant pyramid hotel, which you think would be like super fun and awesome and cool because you're staying in a giant pyramid. But instead, it's one of the worst experiences that you can have because it's a giant glass pyramid. And so any room facing the sun is just baking. Oh my God.

It's like 50 degrees hotter than the rest of the place. And also because it's a pyramid, like it slants down, when you go out into the hallway, you can just see directly down and they never clean the tops of any of the buildings in the center of the pyramid. So you can see all the trash, gunk, and sometimes vomit that is on top of the roof of all the restaurants and buildings within the giant pyramid itself. It's fucking gross. Yes, the everything in Vegas is cool for a year and then

disgusting. It's like whenever we get a new piece of furniture, you know, I mean, it's like you get it and you keep it clean and nice. And you're like, I'm going to change the way that I live my life. I'm going to be a better person. This couch is going to change me. And then two months later, there's just like a McDonald's stain. Not a sauce stain, a general McDonald's grease stain.

A black stain. Yeah, a black stain. That's just there. Yeah, the burger leaked through the wax paper somehow. Yes, in the paper. And the paper, in the bag. Yeah, exactly. Vegas, America's like IKEA bed frame.

Yes. We just like, last year and then virtually unusable. Move it to the floor, take the legs off, the things too wobbly. How, let me ask you this, how fast do you think it's gonna be before people start like hacking into the sphere and like putting up their own images and their own disgusting shit?

Two weeks. I mean, yeah, I'm gonna give it to the end of this sentence. Oh, that happens. What do you think the odds are that we could go there and broadcast, uh, research, teeth podcasts live from the sphere? Low. Oh, let's go. Let's go.

Any fans in Vegas want to like any coders in Vegas? Yeah. Cause here's the thing. We have all those like street signs, right? Like the, it's like a black screen with like the simple orange text on it, right? Yeah. Those are supposed to give only like usable, helpful information.

And they're so easy to hack. Yeah. How many times have you passed by one and it says some shit like, I'll have fadass or something. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's just the state comptroller, I think. Yeah. It's putting that on there.

That's why I put him in office. Yeah, exactly. He promised to put all signs to praise Fed-ass. Fed-ass. See, if they had put another sphere next to that sphere, it looked like a Fed-ass, and I'd be in favor of it. If they put two spheres next to each other, and yeah, I projected a butt onto them, it'd be incredible.

And I would pay so much money to stay in the little ass hole room. I don't think that's too bad. Oh, yeah. It's technically an outdoor, but you can go in. So, okay, well, let me ask you this. So if you had access to the sphere for 10 minutes, you get to put, or I'll say 30 minutes, so you can put a show on it, if you want to. What are you projecting on the sphere? Like, you image. What now? Countdown clock. That is

app. Yes. Count everyone. What's happening? I want to go for panic. The eye freaked me out. The eyes discussed it. If you have a chance to look up Las Vegas sphere eye because Gryfftra showed it to me and it is one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen in my human life. Extremely upsetting. But a countdown clock with no and make it look as ominous as possible. Yeah, like not too stylized, like an actual countdown clock. Yeah, absolutely.

The thing is is like if you put warning on it, that detracts from it. It has to be like red and counting down and very simple, but like menacing in the right way. Put the predator laugh under it. It has to be like red and counting down and very simple, but like menacing in the right way. Put the predator laugh under it. I think I could get like 500 people dead. And you said 10 seconds, right? Yeah, 500 people are going to die in some way related to fleeing to fleeing a giant countdown spear. Yeah, hold on. Can we put this eyeball up just so that everyone could be as cursed as I was?

I hate it. Look at that. Given just the size of this thing, those capillary veins in the eye are like the size of like guide rail wires on a bridge. Like those are like insane. Those eyelashes are like elephant trucks. Like they are.

You cannot convince me that somebody didn't have an eyeball fetish when they had that full red big girl. For sure. Oh, how long before feet get projected on her? Immediately. Yeah, it's one little time. What? Disgusting.

Oh, damn, roast beef up there. All right, you get 10 seconds. What are you putting up there? And you don't have to cause pandemonium. I just have a fucked up family guy sense of humor. Oh, I was gonna, I griff. What were you put up? I asked you, I asked, I posed the question.

I don't actually know. I'm gonna think about it while you answer. I don't know either. I feel like you're gonna cause panic with a count down timer. Yeah. You're gonna cost panic with a countdown timer. I would put like, it's beginning, the revolution is now.

Okay, get everyone organized, happy. I actually think I've been thinking about it and I think there's something that could cause more pandemonium in Vegas specifically than a countdown clock. Cause I think now that I really put my mind to it, you put a countdown clock in Vegas and people are just gonna assume that like,

even if they assume they're gonna die, they're like, okay, well, I'm gonna go to fuck up somebody or somebody. Yeah, sure, sure. They're gonna put it all in black. Yeah, exactly. They're gonna do something like that. So what I say, if you really want to cause pandemonium,

10 seconds, you broadcast something that's like, the Luxor is giving out $500 in free chips right now. And just like everyone is gonna, it's gonna be like five black Fridays all at the same time. Cause I don't know if you've, again, you haven't been to Vegas. No, there's like a quiet, sad desperation. Yeah, I see. That all of these people need like one little thing and it'll change their life and their luck around forever.

And they're desperate enough that if you told them like, Hey, they're giving them $500 over there. I think they would leave their oxygen tank behind and trample a child. Oh, they would use the oxygen tank to knock the child out of the way. They would like, yeah, pink like hit the child on the side of the head with it. And yeah, absolutely. There are two kinds, I feel like, you know, from when I last time I was in Vegas, I observed two kinds of people.

The people who are smartly spending no more than 48 hours there. And then there are people who are there forever. Yeah. And one of those groups is phenomenally depressing. Yeah. It's the 48 hours. Yes. The 48 hours.

People live there. They go back to their families. The people who live there are due. They're due. They're about to win it back. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, going to get the kids back. It's everything's about to turn around.

They're about to get back on the minor league baseball team. They got fire. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohuchress, it is awful, but at least you get to leave and have this weird, like, intact, happy memory of it. Sure. But like, there are the people that hang out there, and it's just like, I don't know, the first time I went into a casino, I thought it was gonna be like the hangover. Yeah.

And instead it was like the feeders where the hangover was playing. Yeah. So in talking. That is absolutely quiet. Yeah, no one's talking, it's full smoke. Yeah, it's sadness. You, I think, if you haven't been to Vegas,

you picture it like, I'm bon-bon-donut. Like, you think you're thinking rat-packed, Jazzy. Like, yeah, lights, it's so glamorous. Everyone's in suits. It is not the 60s, 70s Las Vegas that the movie is a glamorized. It is Disneyland. It is like, it is the most

sanitized, like quietly depressing cruise ship dry docked place on the planet. It feels uncanny in a not good way if you have, if you don't have those expectations going in. Now, if you go there for 48 hours with the idea that it's like by the ticket, take the ride, you go there to lose money, and it's just about like, having drinks with friends and go there with friends, my God, going there alone, I mean, Jesus Christ. Like go there with the friends, know that you're probably gonna lose,

like take a set amount of money. Know that you probably will lose that, and hey, if you're going to leave your cards at home, leave your cards at home, and you know, that will probably have a good time. But yeah, that home. And you know, that probably have a good time. But yeah, that's what I do every time that I've gone to Vegas. Or anytime I've gambled in general,

it's just been like, this is my set amount of money that I have to gamble. And once it's gone, then I'm done gambled. Yes. And I also play like extremely low bets. Like I'll play like a $5 around Blackjack, too. I'll just sit there. I'll just sit there, hang out.

I'll get a couple, well, actually, at the $5 Blackjack table, they don't bring you drinks, you know? They will bring you a complimentary plastic glass of water. No, it's styrofoam. It's styrofoam. It's not. And you have to reuse it.

Yeah, it's a Dixie. It's like a Dixie cup. Something that dentist gives you to rinse. Yeah, it's, I don't know It's like a Dixie cup. Something in the dentist gives you no rins. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really like Vegas. I think it's first of all, it's like, why I've never understood the concept of going to a desert for vacation. Yeah.

Well, no, New Mexico is great. New Mexico can suck fat shit. All right. New Mexico is Vegas without any of the cool debauchery. Debachi, I almost called it debauchery. Palm Springs is good only because I go there every single year to do a ton of mushrooms and say, yeah, because it's the desert and it's great to do it there. Yeah, because the desert keeps secrets. It's mostly because I can scream as loud as they want. No one will care. Yeah. I'll say, we'll help you. Yeah, yeah. The last time I went to Palm Springs, by the way,

and Joshua Tree, so I was staying in Joshua Tree, and I was staying in a yurt with my girlfriend at the time, and we were taking an outdoor shower. Like, it's a little cubicle, but like, it's only this high, and I'm also tall, so like. So it's like that high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's basically covering my mid-trend.

But I was taking a shower, I was looking out, I was having a wonderful morning. It was our first day there. And then I saw like 15 cop cars driving up to the property just over the fence. And this dude like kicks the door off of a trailer and starts running out into the desert. And that's what I realized that our yurt was next to an active meth lab. I got it.

Whoa. And I'm glad that they did that on the first day for something, but I for sure, like, almost saw a man die while taking a shower outside, well on a little bit of my shirt. I think it's important to note though, that that was an active meth lab, not an inactive, so America's economy is thriving.

The only way that we're ever gonna solve this problem is in the middle of all of this un-inhabited nature. We put a giant sphere with a big eyeball in it. A beacon of hope. Yeah, where they can go and go, I see you. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Man's hubris.

What a bitch. Man's hubris. So we put his finks and a sphere in the middle of the Nevada desert and we call it paradise. But most people call it the death of our planet. We have a great show for y'all tonight. Thank you so much for joining us.

We are going to cut to our first segment with a couple of special guests. It's time for Who Am I? Hello and welcome to my favorite game, Who Am I? Because it causes an identity crisis. Who am I? I am Arm an identity crisis. Who am I? I am Armato Torres and joining me today are my two guests we have Trevor Collins. Hello, nice to be here.

And Alfredo Diaz. Was good. These two in addition to being my very good friends are the hosts of the True Crime Internet Detective Podcast, Red Web. Yes, we talk about all kinds of mysteries. Start off with internet conspiracies. Yeah.

And then span it into true crime, cryptids, et cetera. Everything makes this way back to aliens eventually. That's true. Yeah, at this point. But yeah. So we're playing a special game of who am I that you might recognize from Inglorious Bastards or every terrible college party you've ever been to.

We have a bunch of carts with words written on them, characters, nouns, et cetera. We'll put them to our foreheads and try to guess what they are. But because I have my friends from Red Web, we decided to go ahead and use cryptic. Hey, okay, so we're talking like, Moth man, big foot, Duper Cabra.

Well, you've just, hold on, I gotta, and make sure Squawks in there. Yeah. Yeah, you really, you really fucked us on this one, man. He's throwing cards on the table, like most of the mods. There we go. You wanna name like nine more?

So I get people to hold this. Yeah, lock this. No. So these cards will be a bunch of different types of cryptids, like La Yarrona, the famous Mexican ghost spirit that will take a bad children, who leave the home. Yes.

The crying woman is what? Dogecoin. What? Oh, what? Wait, what? That's a bit of a mental typo. That's a crypto. Crypto.

But I can see what you got to make stuff with it. It's close to crypto, wait. I see where you got to make stuff with it. It's close to crypto. I see where you're connecting the thoughts there. God damn you. Yeah. I don't think our producers understood the point of this. Right. But we are going to go ahead and start.

I will be passing out these cards and for audio listeners, before each round starts, you'll be able to hear a little voice, beautiful little voice, telling you which one of us is who? I'm gonna be this one. Oh, bumblebee. Are you boys ready? Yeah, Sety? Yes, go Boom, let's give us a let's all look into our cameras for a second so the editor can put in the thing Trevor has chosen the Loch Ness monster Alfredo has chosen the Jersey devil or Mundo has chosen the Yeti Alfredo has chosen the Jersey devil or Mundo has chosen the Yeti

Okay, so I will be starting we will be going clockwise. I'm gonna ask you a question about who I am. Okay, am I answering? Yes Well, you both can answer okay, okay, where do my feet go again? Okay, wherever they want to Am I am I am I Am I am I am I scary? Ooh, I'd say yes. Really? I'd say no. I got a more than fascination. You know, I kind of like you.

I did it. I think I, you know what? In six grades, I did a report on you. I should say. I had to memorize a three page report. I'd like to solve it. I am the state of New Mexico. I have.

Open in the end. Oh. Oh, backwards. Oh, that's smart. I don't know if that was helpful to you. Trevor would find me scary. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, question. Okay. Would you, would you, would you, would you want to be a friend with me? Yes. Yeah. You just saw me on the street. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would want to play in yo-yo or something. You come up to me and also swing some yo-yos, walking the hog and stuff.

Okay. I'd want to be your friend. Got it. I'd want to be your friend more than I'd want to be Trevor Collins. Friends. Whoa. I mean, yeah, I see the fan effects. Kind of a little real. I'm actually going to remember that one. Kind of a deep cut. Um, all right, Frey.

Would you would you be tempted to get it on? I want to say for the bit. Yeah. Would you be tempted to get it on? Ooh. I want to say for the bit, yeah. Look at me, or the belly. That's a fridbit. No, for the bit, I would say yes. Yeah, I mean, there's definitely a subset of individual who might definitely be interested in what you're packing.

Okay, I'm feeling like you don't want what this is packing. I'm not looking. I'm not interested, but you know. Cause I was trying to see like how horrendous and the look on your face is that of horror. Yeah. So it feels like we're gonna go into the realm of cryptes that are like really gross.

Which I feel like is most of them. Yeah. There's very rarely like, they start gross, but there's some of them that just disgust it. You sure, yeah, yeah. But there's very few that are like, have you heard of the like sexy big foot? He, he, he, he, he, he,

she's got like big feet, but they're like in nice heels. I don't know, it's just nice. You're nice. What would a big foot, what the ball big foot look like oh I think it would look like me Wait, let me see those heels. Yeah, look at these size 15 Wow those

Damn those candy am Would I have what I would my would I wear shoe is a bigger than a size 15 Oh likely likely quite likely all right bigger than 15 bigger than 15 hold on can you swing that foot up on the table for me? Let's get okay man. Yeah up on the table for me. Let's get it. Okay, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I gotta say, you know, I would say so. 15 plus for sure. 15 plus. I like to solve the puzzle. I'm shagged. Man, the life of custom shoes is, right. You know, that's a wild one. He's not riding any roller coasters. Let me see.

Do I look like I would smell good? No. No. Okay, that face set a lot. No. Okay. It's not a question I ever thought of, but it is a good question.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would definitely not smell good. No. No. Got it. Okay. Would I fit in a car?

Yes. Let's talk about like a sedan. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Absolutely for sure. Okay. I mean, I think you would, I think you think you would. Oh, damn.

Yeah. Would you see me in the city? No. Okay. So away from, and when I say city, I should have been like civilization. Like a town, you know, in a village. No. Okay. So, way from, and when I say city, I should have been like civilization, like a town, you own a village, you know, like that, you know. Okay.

Away from a town. I think I got it, and I might try to solve it next round. You're doing a good thing where you're tracking your own questions and answers. Yeah, I'm just throwing them out there. I'm firing in the dark. Well, I can tell you what, so you, I'd smell bad, but I'd want to be your friend You're gonna be my friend. Yeah, yeah, and on top of that it's similar to the first one But I think it'll help me dial in because there's a broad spectrum of cryptid knowledge out there

Varying degrees. We're a little deep in right so I want to say would I be in your average Joe's top three? Yeah, yeah, okay in terms of like like I like in your average Joe's top three. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. In terms of like, like, I like, like, if you, if you were playing, family feud, would I be like a top one or two, three answer? A top three, bro. Like what does survey say top three? I'd say yeah, I'd say the average person. I mean, if you really want to get down to Nidhi Grude,

I guess it would depend on where you're located. So I'm moderately okay known, but I'm at least average known. I would say yes, Frado would say no, and I think we split the difference. Yeah, maybe, maybe. Just like you're a scare factor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it'd be like top 10. Okay, for sure. How many cards do you have 10? Yeah. Okay, okay sure how many cards do you have ten? Okay, okay Would you find me in twilight? I want to say yes, what do you mean? I want to say yes or no

I'm gonna be fucking hilarious with what okay, so Edward was like well I love you and Jacob was like, but love you. And then you came up and you like, and then you leave it. And then Bella chooses what in the where let me ask you a question. Okay, where does Twilight take place? Forks. Washington. Thank you. We're not going to believe this, but I just watched both Twilight and you don't last night We know he's preparing for the cryptids. Yeah, okay, so they're good movies So no, I don't think so. Okay, that's what I thought yeah, no definitely not I don't think would belong in, that's what I thought. Yeah, no, definitely not. I don't think would belong in Twilight in Forks Washington.

Yeah. Damn. It also briefly takes place in Phoenix, Arizona. And technically in Jacksonville, Florida. Oh, with the mom. The conversations with the mom when she's in the batting cage. Yeah, all right.

This guy's got a vivid memory from last night. Right. Now you don't know if it's a bit or if I'm just a twilight man. You could just be a huge fan from last night. Right. Now you don't know if it's a bit or if I'm just a twilight man. You could just be a huge fan. All right. You're gonna solve this. I think in my big foot.

Do you just wanna yes or no answer? Yes. Okay, no. No, the answer is no. All right, don't smell good. That's giving me big signals. Okay. But people wanna be friendly with me.

Yeah. Yeah. And then the other fact, wanna be friendly with me. Yeah. And then the other fact, people know about me generally. Yes. I gotta fit man. I'm gonna go with what feels obvious. Am I scunk ape?

No. No. Okay. Okay. I'll kinda go with the same question you have by restructured. Okay. I'm at a party. Am I a popular cryptid?

No. But you hang out with the popular kids. Yeah. What? You're like on the outskirts of like cryptid high school. Oh snap. I'm like trying to get in though and they're like okay with that. I can use your answer to bounce to figure this out then.

Yeah. Because you've answered that for both of us. I think you would sell the other cryptids weed. Ooh. Oh, okay. He's hawking lettuce. Ooh. So I'm like the like bomb ass cryptid that like dropped out and he's like,

it was so guy. You're the van wilder of the class. You just like, you graduated five years ago, but you're still going to class. Yeah, you wake up every morning and you go, yeah, yeah. Was that like second string? And he's like, hey, never would they do that.

That touchdown that one time coached a little bit on the field. Hey, back of my day. I really think so. I think you're dancing right around the crew. Back of my day I think you're I think you're dancing right around the Yeah, the hell in the cryptid world is that okay, all right, okay, go back to your question Let's just keep it simple because that's a lot of flavor text. No, it's good flavor. Yeah, you hang out with the popular You hang out with them, but no one would consider you like one of the popular right yeah

No one would consider you like one of the popular. Right. Yeah. Tale. All right. So it's detail. So I got big feet. Not big foot. Where's your mind at?

What you thinking? Well, now I thought I was. Do you want to guess a cryptid? No, because I thought I was so sure I was big foot. Yeah. I asked about the big feet. And then I like it was a big swing and a miss. Yeah.

I was. Yeah. But I knew we're going to go there. I got to ask the same question because I like it was a big swing in a mess. Yeah. I was, yeah. But I knew we're gonna go there. I gotta ask the same question because I think it's really fun. Am I at the cool kids table at cryptid high school? Yeah, man. That's a big question.

It's a big question. I think you're in there. Really? I think he's in there. Shit. Wow. Yeah. I think he's in what do you think?

Yeah, I mean, not like the main character. Right, right, right think you what do you think yeah? I mean not like the main character right right right? You know, but like yeah, like you're in multiple like episodes yeah, I get like an important B plot every now and yes, yes, you know what I'll say You're kind of popular, but you also a little bit. You might be a little bit of a poser, you know You might be coughing up I mean yeah, you might be coughing up playing. Yeah, yeah, honestly, yeah, big pose. Like your body's not around. They're like, I guess we'll go with this guy. Big time pose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time pose. I think I know what I am, but I'll try it on the, you know,

I'll try it on the next one. Okay. Okay. All right. Interesting. All right. I'll try it on the next one, okay. All right, interesting. All right. Geez. Do I like hanging out in the forest? No. Dang. Okay, that threw off my second guess.

I'm glad I know. So I'm friendly, but I'm stinky. Definitely not in the forest. I'll say probably stinky. I want you to remember the topic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you asked, we went probably. Yeah, probably.

So I don't look like I smoked clean, but I could, but probably not. Given the thought process, like in time to think about it, I would say that you likely, logically smell like fucking shit. Okay. Yeah. But it's not the thing that I would most know about. Right. Not that's the skunk, eight part.

Okay, okay, and I'm moderately well known. Dang. And you don't hang out in your forests. And I don't hang out in your forests. Yeah, and I want to be your friend so bad. Really? Okay. Okay, I'm this cryptid, right?

Yeah. Say I got cast in a role mission impossible dead reckoning part two Can I outrun Tom Cruise absolutely? Oh, yeah? 100% oh, yeah, okay skitter is okay. Hey, I'm fat. He is you might not even want to run oh I want to fly I Didn't say that I'm just saying, fast, you got other modes. Yeah, he didn't say it. He just handed it to you. I was going to say that.

Honestly, that was going to be my real question. Here's my Hail Mary. I got Big Feet. I live near Civilization. Not Big Foot, but I am taking it to mean that if bigfoot wasn't around, I would be a fine stand-in. I don't know. Fuck. Am I like an abominable snowman?

Am I like a Yeti or something? That is correct. Yeah. The Yeti. You're the Yeti, baby. Yeti Use me to fill up your water needs Should we do like one that shot in the dark?

Absolutely, okay, I really Final guess I feel like this through me and I based on you assuming flying And there's some swimming ones in there. I'm gonna go with am I lockedness monster? Yeah That's why I'm gonna go with, am I lockedness monster? Yeah, holy sh**! That's why I'm not gonna get this one. You might, uh, like, you do a very, you clue earlier on when you asked about fitting in a car. I'm just gonna lay that up to you and leave it at that.

You would fit in a car. You're one of the like, he thinks he would fit in a car. You think you would fit in a car. Frate of things you would fit in a car. You think you would fit in a car? Frate of things you would fit in a car. Oh, shit. What I think would fit in a car. Not me.

Jersey devil. Whoa! Yes! Yes! Wow! Wow! So that was a reference. Okay, so when we did an episode on Jersey Devil,

I, so I like to describe the thing for him to react. But for this instance, I described the story, like I set the tone and I said, Fredo, before we go any further, I want you to describe the Jersey Devil. And he starts going on and on. And then at the very end of this very vivid description, he goes, and he's two and a half feet tall, three feet tall. We have made him down. Shuck him down real low.

So that was a deep cut reference. Hope you all get to be off. We fit in the coffee. We all nailed that.. Shut down real low. So that was a deep cut reference home. Yeah, go. You're fitting the car. You all nailed that. Yeah. We sure did. I don't know if that would fit in the car.

It's like half horse or something. Yeah, he's big. Yeah. The Jersey devil, right? If I'm not mistaken, was like the devil came down and fucked a woman. Yes. This was the baby, the offspring.

More or less. Yeah. Out in the middle of the wilderness in Maryland or West Virginia. Oh, it's Jersey. Oh, fuck, yeah, Jersey. Yeah, it's a common man. Come on.

What's it, Jersey? Uh, I'm getting Midwest. I'm not crazy. God, my reading comprehension. Wow, no way. No way. It's been a pleasure having you two on. It's time to figure out who the best sleuth is. I mean,

man, I, I won, but I don't feel like I want. But at the same time, you're the only one that gets wrong. And who's can't do anything is this? Mine. Yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and say, given the questions asked, given the, uh, uh, I would say creativity of how you were able to solve it, I am going to award the Rister Teeth Best Sleuth Award to Sinure Trevor. Wow. There you go. Ward two Senior Trevor Wow There you go listen. I'm still in the task force This is not cheating on the task force. This is just another last ball What and I it comes with another thing you don't just get a badge you get a loaded go I know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait won a badge, a gun, and this formal complaint for racial discrimination. Oh, thank you so much to Red Web for joining us.

Do I just enforce this? That's been an absolute pleasure to have you both on. Go listen to Red Web now, wherever you find podcasts, go get their cryptid pins that are coming out, I think it's August 4th. It's August. It's August. It's August. I can't concentrate. There's a lot. There's a weapon. Is this iced tea, lyrics? Rice cube lyrics?

Yeah. What? Straight from the underground. And then we got to stop accepting all these random missions that people send to our email. Thank you for joining us. This has been Who Am I? And welcome the newest members of the Rooster Teeth Police Force, Trevor Collins.

Yeah. Welcome back at what a game of Who Am I? Oh, man, that was awesome. I loved playing that. It was so good. Ah! Like, people are gonna think that we like engineered the ending, but that was everyone went around and guessed. It was quite incredible.

I was, yeah, I was blown away. So the, like, behind the scenes of this is that we initially came up with the game in our, in our writers room, where it was, who am I? But everyone was a serial killer. Yeah. Or some form of killer. And there was a lot of really interesting cards that I think it would have been really fun to have screenshots of. Like one of the cards was eight-all fitler. And there was there is no price too great that I would have paid to see Trevor call this

post-up eight-all fit As a card against this one. I love this fucking head. But the more that we started talking about serial killers because Redweb is like a, it is a true crime adjacent show, but it's not necessarily about serial killers. They're like phenomenon. Yeah, and we realized,

because we played, Griffin and I played a test game of this. And we realized that we knew a lot about serial killers. Yeah, like a white woman's amount. Like a like a like a like a like a like a like a like a curling up with a nice red like a nice glass of red wine. Oh, yeah. Let me just live laugh love about an ID channel. Yeah. Yeah. The. Let me let me put it to you this way. We know so much about true crime that we can we can tell you a hello fresh ad verbado He chopped up and killed his victims and ate them for lunch like you ate lunch

Yeah, it's like so we realized that we could do it, but then the boys from red web They were like we don't know that much about serial killers And I was like what's wrong with you and you're happy lives? Why don't you live in miserable terror every second? Yeah. You have to know about it so it doesn't happen to you. Yeah. So we switched it to cryptids.

And now I'm looking through this because they gave us a list of some of them. And then I'm seeing some of the ones that us that we put in. One of them was Dogecoin. And then I'm just seeing this one now that is QAnon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My one now that is QAnon. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

My favorite cryptid, QAnon. I would count it as a cryptid. What is your guy's favorite cryptid? You have one? Jersey double. Jersey, really? Why? I just think he looks cool.

Really? He looks disgusted. Yeah. He's just gross. I guess I could relate to the child vermin. I guess I can. Oh yeah. I could relate to the child of an absolute demon and a beautiful woman.

Exactly. Because that's my parents. Hey, isn't that your origin story? Exactly. My father was an absolute grandmother. Yeah. And my mother was a pretty angel. Was an angel.

Was a nice lady. Nice lady. What about you? What's your favorite cryptid? Ooh. I, you know, I remember checking out a book on cryptids and unexplained things in my elementary school library when I was a kid.

And it was like so titling and so fascinating. And so like, I just remember the, the grainy, a fucking eight millimeter footage of the Bigfoot walking is like, scared me so much as a kid. Like I don't know why. So it's just burned into my psyche. And I know it's just like a cliche answer but I fucking love Bigfoot.

It's so awesome to think that there might be not like one. It's not like a nessie. It's not like, oh there's one Loch Ness monster. Like Big Feet Sasquatches have been spotted everywhere in the United States. Like the fact that we have no bones. the fact that there have been spotted everywhere. The fact that we have found bones. The fact that we haven't found bones.

Because it sounded like you went, the fact that we have no bones, and pointed at your own body. The fact that I am age-ally fish with no brain, and stinging cells, and no bones. No, the fact that we haven't found any bones, they've been spotted everywhere in the United States. And every picture, every piece of footage, where they're faked or not, is like so unsettling because it's just like,

oh, forest, and then a dark figure, like a dark hairy figure, just like moving through the trees. I can love it. It's so creepy. The only reason I don't like it is as a dark hairy figure that likes to go camping. I feel like I'm going to get shot in the size 15 van.

I'll give it a little bit more credence because I feel like what is interesting is that we have yetis, we have like skunk ape, like there's for different biomes there either is a big foot creature. So I yeah, I would be willing to I don't know if they still exist, but also like we said earlier, there's tons of unpopulated parts of nature that we don't really know what the fuck goes on there. Yeah, smash cut to the movie the descent. Oh I really know what the fuck goes on there. Yeah, smash cut to the movie The Descent. Oh, yeah, baby. So scary. So scary.

Do you remember, my favorite cryptid, by the way, is, and this one's kind of cheating, because it's a figure called the Goat Man, which is a real figure that exists. I believe also here in Texas. He dates the Chippa Cobra. Yeah. The Cootsucker, yeah.

The greatest of all time sucker, yeah. That got that throat game. Elite. Yeah, there's the goat man in the Chupacabra, which is Spanish for gawk, cock, three thousand. The goat man is like, it's a really stupid fucking cryptid story, too. Like when you read like what the actual urban legend is, but back in the day, and Griffin, I have talked about this a lot.

We were in the goddamn trenches in like, four channins, shit, like, reading green texts and stuff. There was this old green text story called Anonsey's Goatman. Oh, yeah. You remember this? It was a terrifying story. I'm not gonna tell it here. I might maybe we'll do like a bonus feature sometime

where we do like a dramatic reading of that. Ooh, I'd love that. But it was a really awesome story, basically about this like city kid who goes to visit his like rural family. And they tell like stories of this creature called the goat man. And then when they get to this like, when they go out like camping in the wilderness,

they start to smell this like coppery sort of irony, like blood, blood smell, taste in the biome. And this is like before true detective and stuff. Sure. And so I thought that was like, it was just a really great way to set the scene. Basically, the story is that they realize that there are more kids with their group than left to go camping with

them. And there's something that may have infiltrated the group. And one of them isn't quite right, but it like keeps changing. And it's sort of like a story remnison of like the thing. And it just like, I remember reading it and being fucking terrified. And man, I hope this happens one day, but a while back, we were like pitching new narrative style shows for the company. And we had worked on that pitch for the Goatman. Yes. It was, you basically wrote a script for a show that was like the Blair Witch Project, but as a TV show with the goat man being this thing

and I like, man, damn, that would be so exciting. I would love to, I love cryptids and scary shit so much. Oh yeah, no, the unknown is both so scary and so titillating when it comes to creatures. And also, I think the big foot thing is the narcissism of small differences because it's like humanoid and yeah, kind of looks like human, eh?

Yeah, well, especially when a walk look. Yes. Ah, you're a bathroom morning boner, people walk when you're like leaning forward, like, oh, God. Yeah, when I'm trying to walk away. Yes. Just like, oh, what if I walked all funny?

Uh, I know this sounds so much like I'm trying to get engagement, and maybe I am, but let us know down below so much like I'm trying to get engagement. And maybe I am, but let us know down below in the comments what your favorite cryptid is. Half because, you know, comments bake the world go round. What a, but also half because I love reading about cryptid. So tell us about your favorite cryptid or your favorite urban legend from your childhood.

And especially the scary ones. Please. Those are the ones we want to hear about. And I think we're going to go talk about the biggest cryptid there is, the need for money, capitalism. It exists all around us. I've never seen it in person,

but I know it's there. It's time for our ads. There's episode of Heart and Podcasts, sponsored by Felix Sleep. Sleep is one of the most universal experiences that there is. It takes up about a third of our lives, unless you got a Helix mattress, baby, then it takes up three thirds of my life. My thought bubble on the side of my head is just a Helix mattress, like a whole time. And you, it's seeable by third parties. Like, I'm not just imagining people who are all asking me, what's that in your thought bubble on the side of my head is just a helix mattress like the whole time You and you it's seeable by third parties Yeah, I'm not just imagining people are all asking me what's that in your thought bubble?

And I say say helix mattress because that's what I'm thinking about I want to get a bumper sticker But not for my car for my actual body that just says I'd rather be sleeping Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd rather get I want to get a tattoo on my butt that says, I'd rather be sleeping and wear that around everywhere. I'm gonna put a tattoo on my back that says, put Helix mattress here. So I'm just, ah, I'll lie back on it. I think what, the other thing that I'm gonna do, and I'm sorry to wind up you a little bit,

but I'm gonna get the two-pock across the chest that just says, Helix mattress. In old English, yes. In old English. Absolutely. Finding a mattress that I love seems to be really, really hard. All right. Not only do I not know what kind of mattress I want, whether it be super soft or medium feel or very firm. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for all the time, but also I'm

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And we've got some very exciting news. You guys want to join hands and we're getting healing mattresses. I am so excited for this. We all took the quiz. We're all getting different typesings mattresses! Woo! Yeah! I am so excited for this. We all took the quiz. We're all getting different types of mattresses. Andrew, you want to tell them about what you got? I'm getting a soft mattress, because right now my current mattress is medium firm.

I don't really care for it. It's a different brand, not interested in them. I want a soft mattress, a little more give, a little more cushion. So I get the sunset luxe with the cooling glaceo tech cover, which I cannot tell you how excited I am for it. To have a cooling mattress, something that takes body heat and dissipates it away from my body.

I'm a hot sleeper. Like, here comes the hot sleeper. That song's about me. That's a song, right? Anyway, I am very, very excited about easy come ony. Yeah, I'm very excited about having that heat taken away from my body and sleeping nice and cool because that's how I keep my room crisp.

Griff, what mattress are you getting? No, it's funny that he mentions that cooling top or because I'm also getting that but I'm getting it for a medium firm midnight looks. Ooh. Yeah, my bed right now is too soft and I think it's like giving me a little bit of back pain. So I'm going up in firmness,

and I'm hoping that's gonna fix everything in my life. I mean, you're going above and beyond for this match. I mean, Griff is like actually like doing, making moves, changing the fabric of her everyday reality around this match. Oh yeah, I'm literally changing the molecular structure of my bedroom. I'm getting rid of my bed frame.

I'm getting rid of my nightstand. I am because I'm gonna get new ones that will fit my new queen size mattress. Cause I'm an adult now and I don't have to sleep on the full size bed. Oh, that's right, baby. That's right, everybody. If you're still sleeping on a full size mattress,

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and make sure that it is the right fit for you Okay, we're so excited to get our heels We're so excited that we skipped ahead in the copy to talk about yeah, we couldn't contain how excited we were no about no It's incredible. It's it's you look any amount of ad copy that we could ever read would not do it justice I have been I have been tossing and turning in my you adjusted. I have been tossing and turning in my garbage mattress, just waiting for my Helix mattress. And I am so excited to get it. And right now, you can be so excited to get it as well because Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Those pillows are key to your enjoyment and survival in this world. And some guests, exactly.

Yeah, they've got, they just feel amazing. They feel beautiful. I have been sleeping on the same $19 pillows that I got from a grocery store like years ago in a bad neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. Yeah. They are not white anymore. No, they look teased, Dan. Disgusting.

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the feeling of total freedom when you game with Alienware. Alienware is your portal to new worlds where limits don't exist and the only rules are the ones you decide to make. Defy boundaries and start gaming now at Alienware.com. Next gen gaming is built with Intel Core i9 processors. Hello and welcome to RTCures, the segment where we take your genuine questions and turn them into very dumb answers. Yeah, today, we got a little nice question. Are you? My girlfriend's a little kinky, uh-oh, and I've noticed lately that she's,

sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Uh-oh. Was that in the question? No, it's not. I had. My girlfriend's a little kinky, uh-oh. And I've noticed lately that she's left a few hikis on my neck. Ooh!

I wouldn't say I'm not into it, but it does feel a little childish. What should I do? Um, first of all, good luck on AP History Test. Um, that's... Yeah, your... That instinct you feel that it is a little childish, correct. What? Or like, maybe, like, you're working like the drive through at Popeyes,

which if you watch the last episode, go check it out, it's great. Yeah, that's rough. I love the editorial, sorry, I have to go back. The editorial, uh-oh, it's been very funny. Yes. Woo. So do you want, like,

like do they want it to stop or do they want to know how to hide it like I think I have a couple of questions first and foremost First up off the bat Andrew Griff when was the last time that you both had hickeys Not gave hickeys although that would be an acceptable question to answer to Okay Visible mm-hmm That would be an acceptable question to answer to. Okay. Visible? Mm-hmm. Not well? See.

That does change things. Because the visibleness of the cookies. Yeah, this is about visibility. Why did you point down? Because I'm holding my phone. Oh. From my perspective, you just went. Because this is about visibility.

Visibility. And did like a fucking wrestler from the DX era like suck it. Yeah. Oh Last time I had a hikki my god. Um, I actually feel like it wasn't I feel like it was like 10 years ago. Probably what? Yeah, I'm not like a visible one at least 10 years ago Skin's gotten stronger over time. That's right. What about you? Tempered steel. Probably look like it's a little sophomore year college.

Wow. Wow. What about you? Wow. Two years ago. Really? Yeah. I dated a girl who loved to quote unquote, leave her mark.

Oh, okay. Yeah. It's some real weird fucking, you don't have to ask. She was Latina. Yeah. I mean, I knew. I knew. Okay. Yeah, it's some real weird fucking. You don't have to ask. She was Latina. Yeah, I mean, I knew. I knew. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to. We all know. We all know. We all know. Yeah. There's certain things that I could say that let you know that I dated a Latina woman like she'd love to leave her mark. She stabbed me once. Love, love to leave her mark and big hoop earrings on the nightstand. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my fucking God. Yeah.

She liked it. And so she would leave a couple like right here, like on my neck. But what she really liked, and this kind of made me upset, was she would leave them like on my chest. Oh. And the way that she did that was by biting the shit out of me. Oh, I miss me. Yeah, well, that's what she said.

Yeah. And she would bite the shit out of me. Like a goddamn chupacabra. Yeah. Yeah, it was a strange thing because like in the moment, in the moment, I was like, this is so fucking hot. This is so kinky. Uh-oh.

But then that uh-oh would rear it's ugly headed. And I would be like, yeah, the moment afterwards, I'd be like, oh, awesome. Owie, yeah, yeah. Owie, yeah. That does hurt. It does hurt actually quite a bit in the moment. Yeah, I'm a job interview at the water park tomorrow.

Oh, no. Yeah, I don't know. I asked specifically if hickeys could not be left in a visible place because I guess there really is no way around the fact that a Hickey looks childish. Yeah. Like it really does age you down about to your like early teen years.

If you win. When you're fumbling around sex and don't know what you're doing. Just you can kiss, but you're putting enough pressure to pop blood vessels, cool it. Well, I think that's the other difference, is that sometimes hikis are unintentional in the moment. True, yeah, you're in the throws.

Yeah, and then sometimes they're like, when I see two on a neck, I'm like, actually, somebody was doing that. More than one? Yes. One. I don't know.

I don't really feel like it could go either way. I feel like anytime I ever got one that had to be intentional because of my complexion, like you have to go pretty hard and build. There's, shh. So if I see, so you know, you said that you're the girl you dated love to leave her mark.

Because if you see, if you see an adult with a hikki, the first thing you think is, oh, he be fucking. And the second thing you think is maybe should be in jail. It's not me. He's gonna be fucking. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm the goat. I'm the greatest of all time. Just some meat. Let's go over some cabrito. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to get it singenated.

That's when you remove all of the blood. Yes. Yeah, I want fucking molder and scully to be like standing over me. And I'm like a dried desert lot. So you're like this? Yeah. Yeah. We're giving thumbs up.

Double thumbs up. Oh my God. He looks so happy. The body has been completely drained of all liquids. And I mean, all liquids. I, uh, yeah, I remember the other day, Andrew, and I, wow, holy shit, this is the other day. Andrew and I went out to eat some dinner,

and we went to a restaurant where we had a waiter who had a hiki. Yes, oh my God, yes, that's right. How much are you waiting? Indeterminate. She was like, yeah, well that's the thing is that like we have gone to this restaurant a bunch, right? We have our little dinner dates.

I think before that moment, I would assume that she was like 34 at the oldest. But then I saw the Hickey and I was like, oh, this bitch 26. Damn. At the oldest. At the oldest. At the oldest. That really brings the range down a lot. I think actually, I'm going, I'm 180 on the Hickey's mid sentence again because I am thinking

that like one, if you want to look younger, it's a good tool to have. I see a Hickey on somebody, I immediately think they're at least eight years younger than my brains thought they were. Secondly, a Hickey is like the non-baby equivalent of proving that you had sex. You know what I mean?

Like sometimes you see a dad with a kid and he's like, yeah, I thought it was. Yeah, at least once. Yeah, a minimum of one time. I mean, a minimum once. I hit it raw once. I hit it, that's me. I see a hikki and I'm like,

oh, I also know you hit it raw. Yeah, also, yeah, because absolutely the person who leaves, yes. Yeah, say as a relief that lack of safety 100% What what I don't know I have safer sex I think I just fucking Tyson, what do you mean?

Hot that girlfriend keeps biting my ear off in the third round of sex. How do I get it to stop? If this is something you're not into, I would suggest having an honest conversation with your partner. That's it. That's almost all of these things with a relationship can be solved with just a simple conversation

about like getting on the same page sexually. There's also some other stuff where you could, like I said, you could say like, I don't want a Hicky visibly on my chest is fine, on my arms are fine, you know, whatever, put your... No, no, no where where mom can see. Exactly. Yeah, like tattoos from grandma.

Exactly. Yes. All of my sleeves have to... Yeah. put here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, that was a really good act by doing. I thought something actually shocked you just. That's really good. I think they'll stop it. Yeah, and the more childish you make them too. Yeah. Ouch. Yeah. And then you can see all the blood go to my neck and on my boner. Oh.

And then that'll like stop it, I think. I think that'll fix it. That'll fix your problem. And if you'd like us to fix your problem, you can email us, you can email us, and ask us a question so we can answer your question or give you advice on RT cares by going, emailing us at RT cares at roosterteth.com.

That's right folks, you can email us at RT cares at roosterteth.com because every other question that we've gotten thus far was from an Instagram story that I posted. And when I found somebody's interesting question, I would DM them asking for more information. And the well has kind of run dry on that. Although there was a lot of other stuff. A lot of people asked us some very decent questions like, when are you bringing back Bernie

and who are these people? Yeah. And they were following my personal account. Yes. Yeah. Twisted the knife, really. So yeah. So that email again is RTcares at roostertief.com. Send us in a question and we too can not at all help you.

You'll ask us a question and then we'll riff about Popeyes for a whole fucking hour. And now it's time for my favorite segment, Always On. Welcome everybody to Always On, where we look at the headlines and turn them into punchlines. And this week again, it's a circle joke. Yeah. I just want to continue the time on a tradition of two comedians joking off around the woman. Yeah. Well, hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. That's, um, uh, because yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I don't know. I think that we're gonna joke off and want you in the middle of the round. No, no, I don't. We're gonna joke off around you you in the middle of the joke off around you. No, I don't. We're gonna joke off around you and I was like, okay. Okay, well, we'll put a pin in that and then we'll wait and see. Okay. What? No, no, no, no, no.

No, close that drawer. So we are both going to joke off around Griff. And I'll judge them. And yeah, we'll pick a winner. So let's get started, Andrew. First story of today, an author in Santa Cruz is hassling surfers and stealing their surfboards, leading many to wonder when authorities will bring bliss to justice. That's very good.

I actually have a related story here. A record-breaking Burmese python, reportedly as long as a giraffe his tall was caught in Florida. In related news, my co-host, Andrew Roses' penis has been found in Florida. Fucking nice, dude. Nice. Nice.

Nice, dude. Detached. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're trying to get it back. Yeah, send that shit for like a Priority male I need it back Here we go a new study finds that Texas beaches contain Unsafe levels of fecal bacteria what a coincidence. So does the governor's seat

levels of fecal bacteria. What a coincidence. So does the governor's seat. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. That's very good.

Can I try? Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. A Wisconsin roller coaster had a mechanical failure leaving writers trapped upside down for hours. Witnesses reported they haven't seen a more wild ride since the last time they fucked Andrew Roses and his big old snake dick. It's fucking big baby. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh,

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck, gosh, God, I can't escape the allegations. Oh, here we go. Oh, my word. Okay, new data shows California has the most people with Alzheimer's in the United States. Among those most affected are studio executives who have seemingly forgotten to pay their fucking riders. Got him. Got him. That's right. We're not telling a funny joke until this

strike ends. Right. You're looking at the states and counties across the US have reported a surprising and explosive growth in the fireworks market. And baby, if you're looking for a real explosive growth, check out my boy, Andrew, and his giant cops. It's as long as a giraffe is tall. It's a bad thing. It's too big. It's unusable.

Oh. It's a big it's on you It's a medical problem No one will fuck him no I can't it's impossible Griff is there any joke but stuck out in particular? Is there any joke that you know? I would like to put a correction and the notes of the podcast that Blizz the twink Wins the joke That's right. I am getting a call that I need to go visit HR Thank you so much for joining us. I've been Armando Torres. I'm Andrew Rosas. And I'm done.

And we'll see you next week. Wow. Describe the show to a newcomer in a more familiar way. Do you like apples? All right, example. Together in Trempathos, Characombs, Characombs are free of Diaz

of nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and ruse-startee's cryptic podcast, f*** face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short. Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts.

It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no, you do yes? Subscribe or no, you do yes?