Rotten Mango - #181: Four Babies In The Bin & The Sister’s Secrets

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

Joanne’s mom had always been a bit out there. Nobody could quite put her finger on it, but there were whispers that family members were witches. When Joanne’s mom sent her out in the middle of the night to dig up something in the woods for a spell… Joanne was confused. She was terrified of walking alone in the dark. What spell was her mom talking about? Joanne imagined she would be arrested that night. But she wouldn’t be. Nobody gets arrested for digging up someone’s flowers. But soon, Joanne would find herself digging in the darkness again for her mom. This time it was for a dead body, and Joanne would be arrested but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Full Source Notes: rottenmangopodcast.com To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rambles. Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot, or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby, or counting your breaths on the subway. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are, whenever we need it, download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier, or pay to description starting at 12.99 per month. Welcome to this week's mini-sode of Rotten Mango. I'm your host Stephanie Sue.

Joanne's mom had always been a bit out there. You know those moms were like, oh, she's not really typical, is she? She's not quite normal. No one could quite put their finger on it. There were whispers that Joanne's grandma was a witch. She would wear a black lace veil over her face. She would carry around this leather-bound, prayer book, and honestly, she looked apart. She had the face of a witch, whatever that meant. But when Joanne's mom sent Joanne out to help her with one of her spells, Joanne was scared and confused. I mean, she did not want to be a part of this.

She thought it was weird, she thought it was creepy. Her mom told her to dig, but it must be at midnight, using the moon as your only source of light. No sooner than midnight, no later than midnight, or else the spell would be ruined. So Joanne had to walk alone down the dark streets till she found the exact spot her mom told her and she got straight to digging. Her heart is racing.

What spell is her mom even talking about? All Joanne could think about was what if a helicopter flew by? What if it was beaming its powerful lights exposing everything around her, flooding the dark with light? And there Joanne is, just standing, digging into the ground. I mean, she'd be arrested for sure, right? Imagine the sight wiping sweat off of her forehead,

shoveling the dirt. To what? To steal a flower from the neighbor's yard for her mom's spell. Yeah, it really was a flower. She was digging up a lily in the middle of the night, at midnight, for her mom's spell. Yeah, it really was a flower. She was digging up a lily in the middle of the night at midnight for her mom's spell. No, she wouldn't be arrested for it. No, it wasn't a dead body that she was burying. At least not this time. The second time, she'd found herself

digging for her mom. It would be for a body. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. As always, full show notes are available at rottingmancopodcast.com. Now, there's not a ton of reliable sources on this case, but if you guys read Joanne Lee's book, it's called Silent Sisters. This book is, wow, I mean, I don't even know where to start. This was her life, these are her memories, and I tell you, her book is one of those

that is just so emotionally charged. It felt so personal, vulnerable. I felt like Joanne was having a conversation with the reader instead of just telling us what happened to her. It felt like she was with me in the room. It's one of those stories and one of those books that I think is going to stay with you for a really long time. That's how I personally feel. It's incredibly emotional, vulnerable, heartbreaking,

infuriating, but there's still hope at the end. And honestly, it's quite an inspiring story. So go make sure to grab a copy of Silent Sisters, because I assure you a thousand percent this episode is nothing compared to the book. I'm just so incredibly moved by this story, but it does get a bit dark. So with that being said, let's jump right in. Joanne and Julie were just two teenage girls having a sleep over. You remember that? You're gossiping about boys, reading maybe some pop magazines. This is before TikTok existed. I remember we'd sit there going through all of these magazines looking at what they were wearing. And now in hindsight, that was not the style. Why was that the style?

They're giggling, doing each other's nails, maybe braiding each other's hair, and out of nowhere, the room door slammed open. It was Joanne's mom. She's holding a Ouija board in her arms. Girls, girls, one of Carl's friends just died. I'm hoping I can talk to him. The girls look at her, they look at each other.

What is she saying? I mean, how could they even say no? They sit in a circle, turn off the lights, and they hold hands. Joanne's mom starts uttering some words. The lights are off, just a candle illuminating the shadow on their faces. Even the trees outside the reflection coming into the room, it felt sinister. The energy felt off, the room suddenly felt cooler. Were they imagining things? They didn't know.

Joanne's mom starts to talk. I feel it, girls I feel it. He's coming through to me, he's trying to talk to me. He's gonna say something to me. He has an important message to deliver, and then silence. An eerie silence. Joanne wanted to shake her mom. I mean the anxiety was bubbling through her.

She wanted to be like, Mom, are you okay? What's going on? Just say it. Get it out of your mouth. What are you doing? But before she could, a blood-curdling scream. Joanne's mom's face was twisted and pain. Her hands looked porcelain, pale, it looked like all the blood

was draining from her body. And the teenage girls sat holding their breaths, and it was like the movies. Joanne's mom, I snapped open, and she looked at them. She looked, she looked possessed. He wants us to go to his house. There's gold souvenirs there hidden in his house. He wants me to get that. Go, girls.

Go now. There's no time to waste. She starts frantically scribbling on a piece of paper. It's an address. Mom, no, it's, it's so late, like we have school tomorrow. That's on the other side of town and we're scared. You must go, girls. How do we even get in? We don't even know this person. You have to break in. You must go. Don't let me down. She's sending two girls? Two teenage girls out in the middle of the night

to go across town to break into somebody's house, a dead man's house. She pushes into their hand the crumbled up piece of paper with the address. Joanne and Julie were rushed onto a bus in the middle of the night, just two teenage girls. And when they get to the address on that piece of paper, it's pitch black outside.

They were relieved to see that the house was boarded all the way up. I mean, there's no way that they could even break in even if they wanted to. But it was just horrifying that Joanne's mom tried to convince them to break into a dead man's house to steal his valuables. Because that's Beryl, that's exactly what she was doing. May he rest in peace meant nothing for Joanne's mom. But again, what do you expect from the mom who had a child with Joanne's boyfriend?

No, it wasn't just a rumor. Joanne had seen it with her own two eyes. When Joanne was still a teenager, she was dating a fellow teenager named Mark, and one day, Mark had slept over. Joanne wakes up in the middle of the night to find that Mark is gone. Strange, maybe he went to get water? She goes to investigate, and as she's creeping down the stairs, she hears noises coming and it sounds like her own mom and mark are giggling.

Maybe they both wanted a late night snack. I mean it's nice that your mom and boyfriend are bonding, right? Well when Joanne can see part of the living room, she sees the two of them on the couch partially clothed and entwined. She starts freaking out, she's scrambling, stumbling back into the hallway, and she's standing behind a coat rack, she was so shocked she felt like her legs were locked like they had turned into stone and she couldn't move. And for the next three hours, she watched as tears stream down her face, she watched and she listened to her mom giggling and moaning on the couch with her teenage boyfriend.

The boyfriend that had also gotten her pregnant. Yeah, Joanne was pregnant with Mark's baby and Mark was sleeping with Joanne's mom and eventually got her pregnant. Joanne's mom, her name is Bernie by the way, and growing up with a woman like Bernie as a mother, was just dark. Literally dark. The family lived on a dingy second floor apartment where there was zero light coming in. Joanne was three years old and she absolutely hated it. Her first memory was, I'm so scared of the damn dark and this house is always freaking dark. I don't even know what to do. She

just thought that they had the unluckyest piece of real estate in town. But that wasn't the case. Her mom Bernie simply didn't bother to open the blinds. Ever! Joanne's mom was clearly suffering from some sort of mental illness. Maybe it was a combination of some mental illness and postpartum depression. We don't know, but it doesn't really excuse what happened to Joanne and everyone else in Bernie's life. Joanne's growing up without a mom. Bernie's there. She's constantly on the couch yelling and getting drunk, but she was never there for Joanne.

And it wasn't just a lack of motherly love. It's not tough love. It's not that Bernie is not great at cooking and making a home for her kid, or just didn't know how to express her love as a mom. It's like Bernie couldn't comprehend that Joanne existed, like the thought that she had a kid never crossed her mind. That is so fascinating to me. Like it didn't even occur to her that she had to take care of her child. Bernie never once hugged, kissed, or even told Joanne that she loved her. But it's not even just that. Bernie wouldn't even acknowledge Joanne's

presence in the room. It wasn't even like the abuse of situation where she's like, get out of my house, get out, to stay away from me. She genuinely just ignored her. She barely communicated with her. If Duan would accidentally get hurt while playing, essentially by herself because her mom's not hanging out with her, she'd be, you know, tripping and falling, Bernie would just tell her, it's not that bad, you'll get over it.

And she won't even look at her. She won't even look at her. She wouldn't even give her daughter any attention for five whole seconds. Bernie literally couldn't be bothered. In fact, that was kind of her life motto. You know how Dan then says, not worth to everything? Yeah. Well, Bernie would say, can't be arsed.

So this is in the UK. That's like a saying. So it's like essentially can't be bothered. Getting a job can't be arsed. Cook and food can't be arsed. Going grocery shopping can't be arsed. Cleaning and doing laundry can't be arsed. Even something as simple as pulling the blinds

to let some natural light into the apartment simply can't be arsed. That was Bernie. And I'm not saying this to give Bernie credit or because I feel sympathy for her, but just to give you some context. Bernie's life did kind of suck. Okay, she did get pregnant with Joanne as a teenager

and that's the only reason that she married Michael, Joanne's father. I mean, I'm sure Bernie was not ready to be a mom. She was probably questioning herself and her life and adding to the mix of an already tumultuous relationship. It's not going to help anybody. Bernie and Michael were constantly throwing screaming matches in front of everyone and anyone. They were so young their vocal cords had so much strength, so much base behind them. And maybe, just maybe, Bernie was miserable and she just didn't have the emotional capacity

to bond with Joanne. But that's not really a good reason. You're still a mom, I mean it's time to step up and be there for your kid. Meanwhile, Joanne, I delized her father, Michael. He was never home, presumably because he was working, I don't really know. But anyway, he was rarely home, but when he was I mean it was a real treat for Joanne He would shower her with affection and love and attention He bought her toys treats food in times of crisis like when her dog ran away

Her dad would become super hero mode and just save the day go out searching the streets knocking on house to house I mean to Joanne this is this is the best parent you could ever ask for. The problem was that he was never home. So most of the time, Joanne went back to being ignored. Sometimes she felt like the only people in her life that ever listened to her were her grandparents, her dad's side, her dad's parents, and they were deaf. So they taught Joanne sign language at an early age, and Joanne loved talking to her grandparents any chance that she got.

She sign language almost became her first language. It just came so naturally to her, she would sit there and sit there and sign and sign until her arms literally ached. And Nanny Edith, the grandma, truly felt like the only one in the whole world that ever cared about her. Even when Bernie and Michael divorced, Michael's parents remained a big part of Joanne's life, and she loved them dearly. Now, her other grandparents on the other hand, Bernie's mom, well let's just say the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Joanne's mom's mom, her grandma, Nanny Pat was,

it was pretty evil. She was truly a piece of work. Her number one priority in life over everything else was what will the neighbors think? Oh my gosh. Literally, I'm not even saying, oh, what will my friends think? What will the lady a church think?

She cared deeply about all their opinions, but Nanny Pat even cared about the next-door neighbor and their neighbor's opinions on her. To the point where she kept everything in her house meticulously clean, almost practically sterile. I'm sure that she had a bit of a clean freak in her, let's be real, but I think that she was genuinely terrified at the idea that someone would pop in for a quick hello or a quick chat and she wanted her house to look spotless all the time. Otherwise they would whisper, you know? And that included, which by the way, side note, I never understood that because if you're coming unannounced, you're the rude one. I'm not the rude one for having some dirt in my house, like what?

And that included the children. Nanny Pat wanted the kids to constantly be just head to dough to the nines dressing perfectly. She probably crouched down eye level to the kids and she always told them this. This was like her little saying, children should be seen but never heard. That is terrifying. Wow. That sounds miserable. Yeah. Because I, I hear my niece from a mile away before I see her just stomping around, okay? And she would always say, I expect good behavior or there will be trouble. And I will have your

guts for garters. Like, you know, the garters, the strings that attach to your tights, I guess that's your intestines, if you don't behave. So yeah, when Bernie announced that she and Joanne would be moving in with Nanny Pat after her divorce with Michael, let's just say that Joanne was terrified. She was miserable even thinking about it. She hated that Nanny Pat smelled like hairspray and bleach. She terrorized everyone in the house. Even Nanny Pat'sone husband, Joanne's

grandpa would sit in the living room cowering in fear if he heard his wife beating their kids, or even the grandkids. He would just pretend that he was so absorbed into his newspaper that he didn't even know what was going on. Now does that excuse him? No, he should have protected his kids, but I get it the guy himself was abused by his wife Pat. She would make him do the wildest things for the sake of what will the neighbors think.

For example, one day Pat walked in and threw a helmet on his lap. Put it on. Why? Yeah, put it on. I want you to hang out of the second floor window to paint the outside window frame. You want me to hang out of the second floor window painting the window frame with helmet just Why? Well, what will the neighbors think if our window frames paint is feeling? It's feeling which I mean What would they think when your husband is practically falling out of a window purple in the face and you're holding him on by the

Encles with paint splattering down on the ground. I would imagine I would judge my neighbor a lot more for that than their house paint job. No, what would they think then? So he's painting all the windows hanging out of the freaking window. I mean, he later told his kids I could have been killed. I could have been killed. Nanny Pat did not care. Her window frames were more important.

Anyone that walked by or even drove by could see them, so they had to be perfect. This is the type of environment that Bernie and Joanne are moving into, and Nanny Pat was just so scary that even Bernie felt compelled to pretend to be a good mom in front of her mom. She did a few chores here and there. She tried to find a job, and meanwhile, Joanne stayed home with her two aunts, Bernie's sisters, Cab and Dish. Those were their nicknames. They were pretty young maybe in their early 20s, which is much older than Joanne.

I mean, they didn't want to sit there and play dolls with her, but they shared a room with her. And they tried to interact with her. They would always drop off at school. The other one would pick her up. And they were kind of like her big sisters in a way. And Joanne, no matter how much she was terrified of Nanny Pat, how petrified she was, she had to admit that she loved spending time with her aunts. They made her feel a lot less lonely. She would sit in that room,

watch them get ready, put on their makeup, and their heels, and she just loved it. She loved seeing how masterfully they put on their mascara, what clothes they picked out, and when they went out, Joanne would secretly try on her aunts over-sized clothes and pretend like she was a Barbie doll. Of course she would clean it before they got back. Joanne would jump under the covers and pretend like she didn't just do all of that. And I'm sure they wouldn't have minded, but she wanted to lay down so that she could pretend to be asleep. Or pretend to be deep, absorbed in a different thought.

And the aunts would come back, take off their makeup and gossip about boyfriends and friends and what happened. And Joanne loved it. She was so grateful for the company, but when the aunts were out, Joanne was back to misery. If Joanne as much sneezed in her room, she would hear banging on the walls, sleep now child, or I'll have your guts for garters. And Joanne would lay there, probably seething in frustration,

and she would sit there in dead silence in this pitch dark room, thinking about the family curse. Oh yeah, the family curse. They called it the Middlehurst curse. This was Nanny Pat's maiden name. Everybody just assumed that Nanny Pat was cursed, and that's why she was so evil.

So they would invoke the Middle-Hurst curse upon ex-boyfriends that broke up with them, or just really anybody that they hated. Joanne believed in the curse, and everything that Nanny Pat did just confirmed in her mind that the Middle-Hurst curse was very much real. Every single Sunday, Nanny Pat would ceremoniously put a black lace veil draped over her head. She would pick up a leather-bound prayer book, and to Joanne, she looked like a witch with a book of spells.

Nanny Pat would bend down with lace over her face, and there was like this dark shadow lines, and she would say, Joanne, I have eyes on the back of my head. So don't act up at church. Be quiet, no fidgeting child, no talking. We're going to God's house now. Joanne hated church. I mean, it honestly could have just been that it was a horrible church, not anything to do with the religion.

The priest dragged out the service. He wanted people to hang on to his everywhere. It's like he couldn't get enough of listening to his own voice. Every single word just dragged on and on and on. The one thing that Joanne might have looked for too is going shopping after church. They would all go window shopping as a family. Joanne typically stayed quiet and tried to look around, but once she saw the most beautiful doll that she had ever ever laid her eyes on, and she felt compelled to just, you know, why not take a chance? Maybe it could be like my early birthday Christmas Valentine's Day.

Did you guys just do that? I used to do that. I'd be like mom. For Valentine's. My birthday is in November, and that is February. I'd be like, mom, can this be my early like birthday Christmas Valentine's day gift Okay, so Work yeah But then I would get a birthday gift you my mom is a really nice person So she would she felt compelled to ask for it. I mean why not let's take a chance

What if nanny pad is an gracious sweet giving, giving mood after church? You know, church is all about giving. She wasn't. Nanny Pat slapped the back of Joanne's legs and got inches away from her face and screamed. I'm not your Nanny Edith. Yeah, you're fray-vite grandma. I'm not her. I'm not buying you no toys. And in that moment, Joanne wished Nanny Pat was eateth or that she could live with Nanny Eated. But I guess at least Joanne's not being abused.

I say that with a strong question mark at the end. What I'm trying to say is that Joanne wasn't being neglected anymore. I mean, not because Nanny Pat cared, but because she didn't want the neighbors to think that Joanne was being

abused. For example, Nanny Pat noticed that Joanne's hair was tangled and messy. Pat did not tell Bernie, Hey, you need to take care of your daughter, you need to be a better mom, you need to step up to the plate, this is not okay, she didn't say that. She also didn't lovingly teach Joanne how to brush her own hair. She just grabbed her brush, started complaining, what will the neighbors think when you're running around with hair that's all matted?

And she started yanking, pulling at Joanne's sensitive scalp. I mean, she's just aggressively pulling through all the tangles, ripping out clumps of hair. And at the end, Joanne watches in horror, eyes are stinging from the trauma on her scalp. And Joanne watches as nanny pat. Oh, God. Spits out a big glob of saliva onto her palms and starts using it to style Joanne's hair. It was Nanny Pat's technique. She used it on her own hair.

Who needs hair gel or hair moose when you have globs of saliva? Joanne was disgusted. She was uncomfortable, but she couldn't dare say anything. Nanny Pat didn't actually care about Jouman, or her well-being, or her hair. She just didn't want the neighbors to think that Juman wasn't happy. Why would you break into these apartments? For money, for drugs, whatever was in there. Why aren't you afraid of getting caught at doing this?

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Nanny Pat would cook up delicious homemade meals for the whole family So yeah, this is much better than Joanne when she was just with Bernie Which her mom refused to cook so they barely had anything. But every time that a spoon touched Joanne's mouth, Nanny Pat would exclaim with passion. There are kids out there with nothing. Okay, thanks. I want to see a clean plate, or I'll have your guts for garters, do you hear me? No one was allowed to leave a single crumb left on their plate. Joanne watched once as Nanny Pat forced Fett carrots to one of her kids, like literally held down her full grown adult child in her 20s and forced Fett her every single carrot

that was left on her plate. Everyone watched her in horror and nobody said anything, nobody dared stand up to Pat. A prime example of nobody standing up to Pat was when Joanne was attacked by Pat's German Shepherd, which side note, big dogs are just a sweetest small dogs, which doesn't seem much because I've met some of the angriest meanest tiny little dogs ever, but big dogs are as good as their owners. You know, isn't that the saying they're the dogs are only as good as their owners? I'm just saying I'm not gonna tolerate German Shepherd's lander or big dog's lander, but the dog Saw Joanne run down the hallway and I don't know if that startled him if that came out of nowhere or I don't know

Maybe he mistook her for a squirrel. I'm not sure but the German Shepherd got up ran to her slammed her little body onto the ground and bit her ear Blood started spouting everywhere. Joanne was yelling in pain. Nanny Pat rushed to see her granddaughter is on the ground. Blood spewing out, the wound was pretty serious. I'm not going to lie. Like it was bad. And Nanny Pat said, well, we can't take her to the hospital. Words going to get out and the dog will be put down.

I'm just going to have to stitch her ear myself. Not a single person dared to argue. Pat's husband, the grandpa, he buried his head deeper into his newspaper. Bernie couldn't have cared less. The aunts had disappeared, scurried into their rooms. So Nanny Pat got her friend Lauren involved. Laura held down Joanne while Nanny Pat stitched up Joanne's ear. Side note, Nanny Pat was a nurse, so it's not like fully out of her scope of expertise, but it's still so dangerous and so cruel, like imagine the pain.

I mean, easily so many things could have gone wrong. But no, Nanny Pat called her friend to hold down her granddaughter, gave Joanne a pillow and said, bite on this, don't you dare scream. Joanne was shaking in fear and pain the whole time. And what's Nanny Pat's encouraging word star? Don't be a silly little girl, it's just a little stich or two.

And she repeatedly sat there and stabbed at Joanne's ear with a needle. And afterwards, Nanny Pat gave her dog the German Shepherd and aggressive beating. The dog yelped and wind horribly, but Nanny Pat was a woman with focus. She was a woman with determination. She did not stop until she felt like she was done. Juinni had to go to school with a bandage over her face. Her teacher asked her, hey, Juinni would happen, are you okay? Oh, nothing.

Why did she lie to the teacher? Because I was nanny Pat's way. Everyone was to be clean, clothes neat, ironed their tummies full with nutritious food, their asses down for a Sunday church, but at the same time, there was never to be an ounce of affection in the house. So Joanne, even though she was fed, she was lonely, she just wanted some sense of family, like the ones that she saw on TV, or the friends that from school their parents would pick them up, and it was just... Sometimes you'd walk to school at the thought of that, and tears would just be coming out

of her eyes uncontrollably. And finally when they turned eight, Bernie announced that they were moving out. It was such a big relief. The new house they were moving into from the outside, Joanne was shocked. It was a three bedroom house, it looked so clean, so welcoming, but right when Joanne walked in, it was like the first apartment she ever remembered. It was dark, dreary, on the inside, depressing, it felt like a completely different house. Maybe it was the middle-hurst curse, just following them around. It's like they were destined to be in the most depressing space at all times. But Joanne kept her chin up. At first her mom seemed to be doing better, she gave Joanne

her own room, and Bernie was, uh, wait what's that smell? Was Mom cooking something? Is she cleaning right now? Like it felt like a miracle, it felt like Bernie the mom was a completely different person. It felt too good to be true. And of course, it kind of was. So Bernie slowly slipped back to her old ways, where she just couldn't be arsed with anything. She couldn't be arsed to take Joanne to school.

Joanne would walk all by herself. She would leave in the mornings and she tried to give out a cheerful, well, bye now, mom! Bernie couldn't be arsed to respond. Joanna felt so utterly alone. She almost missed the noise at nanny pats. At least it was something, some stimulation. At least the place was clean and there was food on the table. Bernie refused to move a finger. So how clean the house was and how bright the house was, how much food they were eating that day did not depend on the mom. It depended on eight-year-old Joanne. So eight-year-old Joanne, she did it.

I mean, she had to. What choice did she have? She would wake up early in the mornings, skip breakfast, she didn't have the time. Nor did she have the food for that. She would clean, do the laundry, iron the clothes, head to school, and when, skip breakfast, she didn't have the time, nor did she have the food for that. She would clean, do the laundry, iron the clothes, head to school, and when that was over, she would come home, start cooking up dinner for herself, and for Bernie. So Joanne hated her mom for never cooking, never feeding her, ignoring her entire existence, but she also felt bad for her mom, leaving her out.

Maybe her mom was hungry too. Joanne started wishing Nanny Pat would visit. Not because she brought food, but genuinely, Nanny Pat was so scary that Bernie would get her ass into gear, she would start cooking and cleaning right before her mom came so that it looked like she was a good mom. It was a very strange dynamic. Yeah, I've never heard this before. Yeah, this is the weirdest family relationship.

Yeah. And Pat visited maybe two days every single month, and Joanne looked forward to those two days. But the rest of the month, Bernie would go back to schedule, get Jorang, lay on the sofa, spend all their money on vodka, and watch TV. She would see Joanne running around doing the dishes,

cooking, cleaning. I mean, this is the date your old kid is running the entire household by herself, and she's doing a damn good job at it. But it's heartbreaking that she even had to do this in the first place. And obviously, it didn't go without ramifications. Joanne did all the grocery shopping. Bernie never gave her enough money. Now, I don't know where Bernie's getting this money, maybe from the state,

maybe from a job that she had that we don't really know about, but regardless, she's spending most of the money on vodka. Joanne barely had enough to buy the basic groceries, she needed to feed herself and her mom, and she definitely didn't have time to hang out with friends, even go on field trips with the school because that cost money. So for most of Joanne's childhood, she experienced no happiness. Like the only time that she felt content or even felt adjolt of, well, like I kind of want to smile was when her mom sat her down one day and said,

do you want to play a game with me, Joanne? And the two of them sat there playing crosswords. They didn't talk, they mostly played the game in silence, but Joanne was over the moon. It's like her mom wanted to give her attention. It felt like a rare instance of mother-daughter bonding. But it didn't last long. Bernie found another boyfriend, and Joanne was cold-rice again. Joanne went back to being ignored because Bernie had dates to go on. Oddly enough, and um, sometimes right before a date, this is where I get a little bit confused

on what kind of a mom Bernie is. Right before a date, at night, Bernie would turn to Joanne and tell her, hey watch for the ghost while I'm out. The ghost? Yeah, they come out at night and I probably won't come home till later, but anyway, you know the middle-hirst curse runs through us all. Like blood, be careful Joanne, the ghost are angry.

Bye! And she would slam the door shut. It's like you ignore the existence of your kid, but you also like one of the fuck with her? I mean, she's ten. She's not even supposed to be left alone at home. Like you just want her to be terrified? I don't get it.

Maybe she felt like the more scared Joanne was, the more compliant she would be, but it's just a really cruel and odd thing to do to the tenoral that basically does everything for you. Bernie would even give a complimentary cackle before she scurried into the night, and Joanne tried to shake the thought of ghosts out of her mind. In fact, this was the time that she literally could just have to herself to enjoy, so she wanted to soak it up. She would sit there, read some of her mom's old magazines, turn on music, eat cheese and onion chips for dinner, honestly it was kind of fun, alone time.

Until she went to bed. And then the crippling anxiety, the fear, they would just descend upon her entire being. She realized that all those times that her mom stayed home or even wanted to talk to her or play crossword puzzles, it wasn't out of love, it wasn't out of bonding, it was because her mom was bored. She had nothing better to do. The only thing I will give Bernie though is that even though she dated a ton of guys after her divorce, she had the decency to keep them away from Joanne before things got serious.

Now, I think that this has way less to do with Joanne. I just don't see Bernie thinking about it. What I really see is Bernie forgets that she's a kid. She doesn't even think it's important for the guy to meet the kid or like the kid or get along with her kid. She just doesn't care. I don't think it's because, oh, I don't want Joanne to get attached. She genuinely just doesn't care. Joanne did not cross her mind at all. So it was inevitable that if Bernie was in a serious relationship,

the guy would find out that she had a kid, and he probably would want to meet her, because that's like the normal thing to do. And that's exactly what Carl wanted. Carl was a pretty decent guy. I mean, he wanted Joanne to like him. He wanted to get along with Bernie's child. He bought her snacks, paid attention to her in a way that Bernie never did. He took her places that she wanted to go. I mean, one of Joanne's biggest regrets in life is how she treated this nice man. She hated him. She felt like she was competing with Carl for her mom's already limited attention. She felt like I barely get to spend time

with my mom and Carl is only making it harder for me. I feel like I'm in a race and I'm never going to win and I hate Carl for it. And Joanne also had the strong loyalty to her dad. He visited once a month, and Joanne as a kid couldn't help but wonder, maybe my dad would visit more if Carl wasn't here. But the truth is, I mean, it couldn't have been further from that. Carl did not want to be Joanne's dad. He didn't want to replace Joanne's dad. He wasn't one of those mean people.

He just wanted to be a nice figure in Joanne's life. But she did not like it. Whenever Carl asked her something as simple as can you pass the salt, she would say, you're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do. When Carl bought her presents, she would just mumble and barely audible, thanks. And right when he turned around, she would stick her tongue out at him. She felt like if he was uncomfortable enough, he would leave her alone. I mean, she made it really obvious how much she hated this guy, and Joanne really regrets

it. But she's a kid, she didn't know any better. She didn't realize that Carl was pushing Bernie to get her shit together. Bernie was cooking more, tidying up the house, putting effort into her own appearance, showering more. I mean, she still drank vodka, but it was a lot less now. And then Bernie got pregnant. Joanne was confused.

So Bernie seemed excited at first when she told everybody that she was expecting a baby. But then she never acknowledged the pregnancy or the baby ever again. She didn't buy clothes, she didn't plan for a nursery, she didn't even fuss over picking out baby names. She literally acted like she wasn't pregnant. It felt like Barney was completely disconnected

from the baby that was growing inside of her. So strange. Joanne at first was really resistant to the idea of having a younger sibling. I mean, it just means more competition and a race that she's already losing so miserably in. I mean, what's the point of adding another player? Everything changed though.

When Bernie gave birth to her second child, a little girl named Kath. Carl and Joanne were over the moon. I mean, as soon as Joanne laid eyes on baby Kath, she knew that they would be best friends forever. And they would. They had no choice. Because at just 10 years old,

Bernie would plot BabyCath into Joanne's arms and rush off. Ten-year-old Joanne would be left to look over her baby sister completely alone. She had to feed, bathe, and change Kathy's diapers. All the things that Bernie couldn't be bothered to do. As for Carl, he did kind of care, but he worked the night shifts as a nurse, and during the day, he would just be knocked out cold. He did get mad.

I mean, the longer Bernie was a deadbeat mom, the angrier Carl became in his relationship with her, he would shake her away yelling, why can't you clean up? Why can't you cook for us? I'm working all the hours that I can. Why can't you help? Bernie would just put down her vodka, look at him, and say, I can't you cook for us? I'm working all the hours that I can. Why can't you help? Bernie would just put down her vodka. Look at him and say, I can't be arsed.

I mean, it's no wonder that the couple started arguing all the damn time. I mean, it was so frustrating. Carl felt like he was talking to a brick wall, a brick wall that stumbled around and spilled food and stayed on the couch all day. Eventually, the verbal fights would spiral into physical altercations that were mainly initiated by Bernie. Joanne witnessed her mom once pulling a kitchen knife on a crawl. Thankfully it didn't escalate but it was terrifying. A lot of the fights were about exactly what you would imagine. Bernie being lazy, spending all their money on vodka, never helping with the child. Joanne was stressed all the time, I mean, which can have really big consequences for kids.

Toxic stress for children can actually change children's brain chemistry for the rest of their lives. It can change their brain anatomy, their gene expression, a weakened the architecture of the developing brain. I mean, it can ultimately lead to lifelong problems in learning, behavior, physical, and mental health. It's just really, really bad for kids. The only time Joanne ever got a break from the mounting stress or pressure and responsibilities

as a 10-year-old was when her other grandparents, her dad's side of the family, they would take her for a couple days. They didn't take care of her because, technically, that's not their grandchild in any way, they're not related to Kath at all. But Joanne would just get so stressed. She would be having the time of her life, but at the same time, she would just be thinking about, is Kath okay?

Is she gonna be okay? I mean, Carl and Bernie are fighting more, and what if they just ignore her while she's crying? Or maybe they just altogether forget her existence, just lost in the heat of the argument? All Joanne could think about was how much she needed to get back to Caff. Because Bernie was a shitty person. One time, Joanne remembers, Bernie was home while Carl was working his night shift, and

Joanne had heard some strange noises coming from downstairs. She went to investigate and saw her mom entangled with some strange man on the living room floor, like they were just doing it. And she was just so shocked. And by the time that Joanne was 12, Bernie had another kid, a son named Chris. Listen, Joanne loved Chris as much as she loved Kath, but this is a lot. Her responsibilities had just instantly doubled now. And it's not like Bernie is going to suddenly go into supermod mode.

In fact, Bernie got worse. One day, Joanne came home from school to find Baby Kris in his cot, in his cot, wearing the same dirty soil diaper from the day before. There weren't even new diapers in the house. She had a scramble around finding something. I mean, Bernie grunted. She's like, Mom, we have no way diapers. Bernie didn't care. She wouldn't even open her eyes. Joanne had no money. She couldn't go get a new diaper.

So she just took off Kris' diaper, found a tea towel, somehow taped it around baby Chris, and used it as a makeshift diaper. When Carl came home that next morning, he was horrified. He rushed to buy diapers, and he said to Ju-Wan, you shouldn't have to do this. I know you're struggling with the two babies, but I do appreciate your help. I really do. Again, it's crazy that he's talking to a little 12-year-old right now. And he asked her, would it help if I give you some money? Would that help? Um, yeah. So he started giving her about $40 a week.

Which, you know, sounds like a lot for a 12-year-old. But since her mom refused to buy the groceries, most of that went into buying groceries for the whole family. So he's not really giving her money. The only luxury that she had now. Joanne had one guilty pleasure. Every week she would buy herself a magazine called Smash Hits. She loved it. And with this second wind of getting a little treat every week, Joanne made a new routine. She would wake up at 7, down a strong black coffee before the babies woke up. Yeah, a coffee.

I repeat, this girl is 12 years old. She would do some laundry, clean up around the house before the babies woke up, then she would tuck Kath and Chris into the pram and off she was to go buy groceries. Then she would come home, feed the babies and herself, and yeah, she would skip school. She didn't have time for it. She wasn't keeping up with her grades. I mean, literally she's an adult. Imagine I'm like, hey, adult, stop worrying about your bills and your rent and your food and cleaning and being the adult that you are and go sit in a classroom where you're gonna earn no money and everything is gonna fall apart at home and learn about US history. You would be like, what are you talking about? I need to put food on the table.

People are gonna die like there's gonna be real consequences if I waste eight hours in a classroom right now. Yeah, that's how Joanne felt. And she's 12. And one day, social worker was informed that Joanne was skipping too much school. She knocks on the door. Bernie opens up with her best puppy dog eyes. Oh, social worker, I tried to get her to go to school, but she just won't. I can't cope with her. I'm trying my best.

But you know how troublemakers are. Joanne stayed silent. She could not call her out on her BS. She didn't want to be separated from Kath and Chris. Joanne knew that the babies needed her. And it wouldn't be the last time that Joanne protected her ungrateful mom from the authorities. In fact, Joanne would protect her from much, much worse things. Honestly, I don't know how she did it.

She's like a superhero. Joanne genuinely just needed the smallest things to motivate her to keep going. And that is so incredible and inspiring. I don't even know what to say. For example, when Joanne was 13 years old, a girl named Julie moved down the street. The two quickly became best friends. Julie's mom was so kind, she was the mother that Joanne never had. Julie's family didn't have a lot of family, but they loved Joanne and they would rush

Joanne into their house in the mornings and insist that she eat breakfast with them. And with Julie, Joanne finally felt like some semblance of a normal life. They would take the babies to the park together, Julie holding one, Joanne the other, and Joanne was always covering for her mom. If another passerby was like, hey, where's the adult here? She'd be like, oh, she went to the store to go pick up something. But what did Bernie do in return? She tried to trick Joanne and Julie into breaking into a dead man's house to steal

his valuables. Why? Because the Ouija board told her to. Mean what? And even though Joanne loves spending time with Julie, she had to go home really, shatter her dreams back to reality, back to heating up some canned spaghetti-os, putting them on toast. Hey, was this the most nutritious meal for the family?

No, but it was cheap and it was easy. And after putting the toddlers to bed, Joanne would make herself a cup of tea. And before heading to bed, Bernie would catch her and always say, are you going to sleep? Well, before you do, why don't you be a good girl and buy me some cigarettes? Here, here's some cash. Joanne knew his better to argue, but I bet it's stung, to know that your mom had money in the purse. And Joanne worked her butt off making sure her siblings never starved so much so that she completely lost herself and she had no time to be a child but mom has money for cigarettes.

Things escalated further as Joanne got older so now at this point let's say Joanne's like 14 years old. Bernie started inviting her teenage guy friends to have parties at their house. What call it was that work? He has teenager friends, guy friends. Well, they go to the same school as Joanne. So it's Joanne's friend. But they're not really friends,

but I guess they're like classmates. Yeah, exactly. And mom came out with high schoolers. Yeah. Joanne wasn't even invited. She would be upstairs taking care of her siblings. Sometimes Joanne would march downstairs, find her mom surrounded by teenage boys from her school.

They were passing around, beer, making incredibly flirtatious sexual jokes with each other. I mean, what the hell? She's like, mom, does Carl know about this? Does he know what you're doing right now? And Bernie would look around and say, oh my God, she's so uptight. And all of Joanne's guy school friends would just get go

and Joanne was mortified. Like what the heck, she's expected to take care of two kids that weren't hers, attending school so that she had somewhat of a future, take care of the entire house, make sure Bernie and Carl don't kill each other, never have time to be a teenager, yet she still has to not be uptight? Cool. Later at school, kids would come up to her being like, I wish my mom was like yours, she's

so cool. I guess the only upside if you could call it that, taving a mom that literally did not care, was that Joanne was allowed to have guys sleep over. And one of those guys was Mark, her first boyfriend. Joanne was 14, he was 16, and Joanne lost her virginity time. I doubt Bernie had the talk with Joanne. I mean, I bet she couldn't even be arsed. So Joanne ends up falling pregnant within six months of talking to Mark.

Bernie blew up, she's screaming at her fucking hell, you have to get rid of it. Nanny Pat is gonna go absolutely mental, you hear? I'm not gonna get rid of it, Mom, and you can't make me, I'm keeping the child. Bernie didn't argue, she just dragged Joanne to Nanny Pat, so Nanny Pat could deal with it. And she did, she's screaming the shame, the absolute shame, what will the neighbors think? Listen, Joanne did not care though.

Did pregnancy make her life harder? Yeah, she could barely bend down later on. She had to look after two babies, go to school, she had chores, she still wanted to be a teenage drawn top of that, and being pregnant cut her time off more, but she really wanted this baby. I think all Joanne wanted was a family of her own, and some love and support and comfort, and she probably knew that kids could be a source of that. Besides, she already knew how to take care of kids. She was exponentially better of a mom as a teenager than her own mother was, which I'm not comparing the two because there's no comparison. I'm just saying as a teenager, there's no other teenager as equipped to be a mom. So she tells Mark that she's going to keep the kid.

And everything is going well until Joanne catches Mark and Bernie having sex. Remember, well, when she confronted Bernie about it, all she said was, no, I don't know what you're Everything is going well. Until Joanne catches Mark and Bernie having sex. Remember? Well, when she confronted Bernie about it, all she said was, no, I don't know what you're talking about. But that was the final straw for Carl. Carl left Bernie. He sent some money. He wanted to be present in Kath and Chris's lives.

But all the money we spent on vodka, and Bernie would force the kids to hide in the house and hush whenever he stopped by. She couldn't even be bothered to let her kids have a father figure. And life continued to only get harder for pregnant Joanne. She had to take the whole weight of the household on her shoulders. Bernie didn't even try to help.

She didn't even pay the electricity bill. So Joanne was doing everything in the daylight or in the pitch black. And then the police knocked on the door. Someone reported to the police that Joanne had been having underage sex and they needed to investigate. So Joanne lied and was like, no, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I swear. And she convinced her mom Bernie to take the pregnancy test for her.

But the joke was on both of them because it came back positive. Bernie had no idea that she too was pregnant. What a mess. Yeah, so social services swarmed the house and finally they desired that Joanne's environment was unsuitable for her. And she needed to move out to a house that could be monitored if she had underage sex or not. Which like, great solution honestly, okay? Wow, fantastic. All this time you didn't care, but like the idea of underage sex suddenly

you're like, no! She's been abused since she was like two years old since the day that she was born. Nanny Pat was so embarrassed that the idea of one of her family members going into foster care. She jumps up and offered to take Joanne. And that's how Joanne ended up staying with Nanny Pat and losing her child because of it. In her third trimester, she wakes up and she's maybe a couple weeks away from her due date. But come on, there's pain during pregnancy, but this was a different kind of pain. Joanne could feel it, and she told Pat. She felt like something was wedged between her legs. It felt like something was trying to come out.

Nanny Pat just brushes her off and says, just take some medicine, go to sleep, don't fuss about it, no need to fuss. So Joanne's alone in the room, she's in so much pain to even walk or scream. She tries crawling on all fours to ease ease the pain and it just keeps getting worse. She's bleeding heavily all over the floor of the bed sheets everywhere. The whole night passed like that. And in the morning, Joanne thought that someone would come up and check on her. She was in too much paint even gets someone's attention. But instead of coming to save her, Joanne could literally hear them enjoying their breakfast. Hours went by and Joanne felt a pain of excruciating pain and she let out this like howling scream.

She mustered up all her strength for that scream and finally grandpa came to investigate. And he instead screaming, pat you but I come look at this. Joanne's face was completely pale. She was sweating from pain and the sheets were soaked in blood. Nanny Pat Glance said, I guess I'll call a doctor then. She called a doctor, forced Joanne in pain to change her clothes because her clothes were blood soaked, and she ran up and down the street to make sure none of the neighbors were out and watching.

As the ambulance picked up Joanne, Joanne gave birth to a premature baby boy that day, and the baby died half an hour later. I don't want to jump to conclusions, I really don't, but I can't help but feel like Joanne's son might have been alive if Nanny Pat had bothered to call for help. Like seriously, how cruel can a grandmother be? And Joanne was devastated. When she found out he passed, she felt so empty on the inside. Nanny Pat didn't even give a sh-t.

I would have died from the guilt, but she just stood there getting angry. Like what do you mean you want to see your son one last time before we leave the hospital? He's already gone. And when it came to the funeral, all expenses would be spared. There was no service, no flowers. Instead, they drove to the cemetery, set up for your prayers, and the funeral was over. Joanne wasn't even allowed to grieve. Nobody asked her how she was holding up.

Nobody offered her words of consolation. Listen, nobody would have blamed Joanne if she completely abandoned everyone at this point. If she never talked to her entire family again, but she still cared for her siblings. And when she heard that Bernie was laying in bed all day, doing nothing, she was so pissed. She ran into the house, stormed into Bernie's room, and she saw this big blood stain on the dirty cream carpet. What's that? Bernie looked up at her.

Oh, just a nosebleed. I'm not feeling well. The stain was too big just a nosebleed. I'm not feeling well. The stand was too big for a nosebleed. The carpet did not fit the room either, so Joanne could see the blood had not only gone through the carpet, but onto the floorboards underneath. And Joanne's first thought was maybe Bernie's slit her wrist, so she's rolling her over like a sausage on a bed. And there's no injuries, no slash marks, nothing.

Joanne's confused, but she's like, okay, there's no point in pondering what happened. I'm over it. She didn't connect this with Bernie's pregnancy. At least not now. In fact, Joanne just assumed that Bernie had a miscarriage. Joanne was going through the loss of her own baby. She had other things to worry about, other priorities. She had to sneak into Bernie's house

because CPS said she wasn't allowed in. She would clean up, take care of her siblings when she snuck in. She would scream at Bernie and anger, and frustration, and desperation. She would just be screaming, step up, and be a mom. Bernie was never one to step down from a screaming match. So these often escalated into full-blown fist fights.

A few months after losing John, Joanne wanted to try again. So she tried to conceive with her boyfriend Mark. Yeah, the same Mark. And Joanne said that she was naive at the time. She thought that Mark would step up and if they had a kid, maybe he would stop having sex with her mom. Eventually, Joanne gave birth to a healthy baby girl named Natalie.

And what's interesting here is that Bernie was there when Joanne was giving birth. She went through the whole motions of being like, oh, let me hold the grandchild. But something felt so disconnected. It's just weird. It of being like, oh, let me hold the grandchild. But something felt so disconnected. It's just weird. It's almost like, um, it's almost like Bernie had the inability to genuinely have a bond with people and babies. But Juman was a natural with baby Natalie. I mean, she was a pro at this point.

She raised both her little siblings, and eventually she moved back in with Bernie to help take care of her own child as well as her siblings, but the electricity was out. So literally all they had was one of those campfire cook-stop, cook-stoves, and then they had this like a battery operated lantern. And what's crazy is that Joanne was so good at being a parent, really, that Kath and Chris never noticed the absence of electricity. Joanne made it seem like it was a fun camping experience.

So the whole ordeal felt kind of fun to them. And with Christmas around the corner, Joanne asked Mark's mom if she could borrow her oven, right? And Joanne comes home with freshly baked, beautiful turkey and she sees Bernie slaving away in the gaseous, powerless kitchen for Christmas, not for her kids, but Nanny Pat wanted everyone to come over and bring a dish of their own.

Bernie literally was that terrified of her own mom. So she was roasting potatoes agonizingly slow on the camp stove, she put a bunch of vegetables into pots and pans, boiled water and a tea kettle, poured it over the vegetables, and then repeated the process over and over until the vegetables were cooked. She did this all night. I mean, it's crazy how determined Bernie was to spend all night pouring boiling water over vegetables over and over and over again. I mean, and she couldn't even be bothered to pay a single bill and used all the money on

vodka. In the end, Christmas meal turned out just fine. Joanne's turkey past nanny, pasts inspection, and Bernie's potatoes and vegetables were suspiciously all done today, but they were edible. And Joanne knew she loved her siblings, but she needed to get out of there. I mean, even the water had been shut off. So she and Mark moved into government housing and, um, well, she tried to keep the space

the opposite of what her house was. It was incredibly spotless. She wanted it to feel like a home. And she was reminded of how much she didn't want to be like her mom every time she visited. Bernie's house was so dirty you couldn't see at the windows. The windows were buzzing with sticky flies, the floor was black with a layer of grease, the kitchen was crammed with dirty dishes with no running water to wash them, the fridge was filled with rotting food that was never emptied, before the electricity was shut off

like months ago, the smell was eye watering. Bernie had a dog in two cats and they were just allowed to pee and poo everywhere. And Mark was just like Bernie. He would rather drink and spend all their money on vodka and just sat on the couch all day. And Joanne would yell at her, you spend every penny on drinks

you're just like my mom. And he would argue, you're the problem, not me, not your mother, but it's you. Which like the audacity of this guy is out of this world. Without Ju-Anne, literally everybody's lives would fall apart. And then Ju-Anne got pregnant with Mark's second kid. And while she's pregnant, Bernie is like, hey, can you help me move out? And the house is atrocious, right?

I mean, there's dog poop everywhere, cat poop, everything was covered in grime. Ju-Anne found a diaper, a dirty diaper that was rotted and matted into the carpet from 14 years ago. 14 years ago. Inside the washer there were clothes that were all stuck together and they had to since dried out. But they were molding and decomposing. I mean it was impossible to see the color of the curtains or the carpets.

It was just crap upon crap upon crap. Joanne asked her, why didn't you tidy up once in a while? To which Bernie responded, I just can't be ours, I can't it. I can't. And then one day, Kath calls Joanne. And she says, hey, something weird is going on. Remember how we thought that mom was pregnant recently? But she didn't say anything and she said that she wasn't.

Well, I got home and the house stinks, Joanne. Mom told me that she burned some bacon, but it's weird. She said it was past the cell date. She cooked it anyway and it smelled and that's bad. But I don't think so. I think she's lying. I feel like something evil happened. I just know it.

God, the smell, Joanne. Honestly, it's putrid. It's so bad. And Joanne's like, okay, one smart comes home from work, I'm gonna go over there. I really hope that it's vacant. But soon, Cath calls again. And this time she says, sterical, she's screaming, oh my God, I found it, I found the head, it's in the red bin, it's like the closet, I found the head! Joanne rushes over to Bernie's house, and Cath is outside throwing up in the yard. What's going on, Cath? Calm down, talk to me.

Mom went out to the garage for cigarettes, and I decided to have a look in the yard. What's going on, Cath? Calm down, talk to me. Mom went out to the garage for cigarettes and I decided to have a look in her room. In the closet I found that Dusty Red bin and there were insects crawling all over the lid. The smell was something else. Anyway, I left it at the lid and I reached inside and I felt it through the bin liner. A head! A baby's head, Joanne! Joanne's head was spinning. She took Cath into the car and they went home and for the entire weekend they talked about what to do. Joanne decided she needed to confront her mom. What happened to your baby, mom? I don't know what you're talking about, don't be silly.

Catherine found the baby in the red bin, we all know about it. You need help, you need a doctor. Oh, you found the baby. The baby, um, it was born dead. Joanne thought that she would be angry, but she kind of felt sadness and sympathy. After all, she too had lost her baby once, she could relate. Okay, well, what do you plan on doing, Mom? Eh, I don't know.

I think we have to bury the baby. You need to give it some dignity and respect. You can't just keep the baby in your closet. I mean, I'm fine with it, but if you want to bury it, you do it. It's got nothing to do with me. Has it really had everything to do with her? Joanne asked Bernie if she wanted to buy a new clothes for the baby or anything, but she said it can't be arsed.

In the next day, Joanne and Kathy get into the car, pick up Bernie, who's holding the dead baby in a white canvas shopping bag, where there's blood dripping out, they drive to a cemetery, and this is where Joanne finds herself digging in the middle of the night for a second time. Bernie drops the baby in the grave and rushes to get back home because she's got better things to do. I doubt Bernie ever thought about that child ever again, but Juann did. It haunted her and her dreams in her nightmares.

Her sister was dead in a grave. Bernie said that she named her Helen. Juann knew that Helen deserved better, but the two sisters remained silent. The whole situation weighed heavy on them, but they wanted to believe their mom. Until Joanne caught Bernie and Mark sleeping together again. And that's when she realized that Helen was Mark's child. And she confronted him. So the baby that she buried, she is thinking that that's her husband and her baby fathers child as well with her mom.

And she confronted it and his reaction said it all. I mean, he was ghostly white. is thinking that that's her husband and her baby fathers child as well with her mom. And she confronted it and his reaction said it all. I mean, he was ghostly white. He snamped out of it and tried to argue, I'm not sleeping with Bernie. And Joanne yelled at him, you're sick. That baby would have been the girl's auntie and their half sister and my half sister and my step that's sick. And when Joanne found out Mark was cheating on her not only with her mom but with another

woman, Joanne ends up sleeping and dating Mark's best friend Tom and they end up getting together later briefly but eventually it ends. So they break up. Now, Jouanne and Kath were there at Bernie's house, cleaning it one more time for another move. And Kath runs downstairs with panic in her eyes and she says, I found the red bin in her closet, it's still there. Why is there a red bin in her closet?

I haven't seen Mom run that fast in years. The minute that I saw that bin, she ran straight for it. I'm sure that there's something in the bin. What? Joanne's blood ran cold. I mean, is she implying that there's another one? Joanne confronted her mom, what's in the red bin? And she's like, books, just leave it alone.

She's like, but why do you have air fresheners stuck around the top of the bin then? Joanne tried to believe Bernie and for a while while that she did, I mean she had other things to worry about, like her teenage daughter getting pregnant. But then Joanne visited Julie one day, and all her secrets just started spilling out. Julie and her mom encouraged her to call the police, get it off her chest. And she did. Joanne was finally ready to speak. Joanne lied a few times, she tried to protect her siblings, she said she was the only one that went to bury the baby, she and Bernie were the only ones that did it, but I guess

Durian didn't realize how serious it was, because not only was Bernie arrested, but so was Durian. Eventually she was released and she learned the truth. Bernie didn't just conceal the death and existence of one baby, or two babies, or three, four babies. Should four secret pregnancies and four births. All of them were full term. She had four girls.

Two of them had broken ribs, and one had an injury to the cheekbone. But the cause of death could not be ruled with certainty. It wasn't even possible to determine if they were indeed stillborn or not. But it is highly unusual for a woman to have four consecutive full-term stillborn babies. We're not talking miscarriages. We're talking 40 weeks in the womb.

It honestly sounds suspicious. Mark was the father of one of the babies. So was Carl, and a third man. But in the end, Bernie just got a slap on the wrist. There was no way to prove that she had murdered the babies. Bernie barely got jail time, and a lot of misinformation was spread. A support group popped up supporting Bernie. They thought either Bernie was covering for one of the daughters, or they thought that

they were actually the daughter's kids. Or they thought that Bernie did have stillborns and was being crucified by the justice system. Some rumors started spreading that Bernie gave birth to the babies, and the rest of the family were so hungry that they ate the babies. So with that, and Bernie came out, I mean, hopefully she went through a menopause and could not have more babies. We don't know. Meanwhile, Joanne had another son, and he was born deaf, and with everything that Joanne

went through, you would think that she'd feel just so overwhelmed with life and ready to give up. And no one would blame her if she did, if she was not emotionally around for her kids. But that's just not Joanne. Joanne realized that most parents that had given birth to death children, they didn't know anything about the death community. They didn't know sign language, it was extremely hard for them to connect with their child, or even understand what the child wanted.

But Joanne stepped up, and she started volunteering at local resource centers. She taught parents and young kids how to sign. And that's kind of what she devoted the rest of her life to. And it's honestly such a sweet ending. It's not perfect. But it is kind of hopeful. And Joanne is an inspiring woman. And Bernie's not a witch.

Because witches are cool and Bernie's a bitch. That's a poem, sorry, but you go what I'm saying. And that's today's mini-sode. I hope you guys enjoyed, and stay safe out there. I will see you guys on Wednesday for the main episode. Bye!