rSlash - r/AITA For Ignoring My Parents Who Abandoned Me?

Episode Date: January 29, 2023

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Welcome to our slash, Am I the bad guy, where O.P. gets abandoned by his own parents? Am I the bad guy for pretending not to recognize my parents when they tried to reconnect with me? I was mostly raised by my uncle and aunt. My older sister developed a serious illness when I was six, and my parents decided that they couldn't care for both of us, I guess. So they kinda just unceremoniously dumped me at my grandparents and my uncle took me in. Like they didn't even explain to me what was going on, just you're gonna visit your grand for a while and never pick me back up. My grand parents and uncle explained it to me later, and they were pretty livid at my parents. I've seen my parents maybe five times since then, and not at all for the last nine years.

I decided to stop having contact with them when I was 12, and since I was the only one reaching out, all communication broke down. It turned out okay. I love my aunt and uncle, and it turns out that they can't have kids. So they've always said that I'm their miracle kid. I was just misrouted by the store at first. I was formally adopted by them when I turned 18. I wish it had been earlier, but there was some red tape things that would have made that really

expensive and difficult. I'm 21 now. My sister passed away between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I made a trip back from school for the funeral. But I stayed in the back and I left before my biological parents could talk to me. They called my uncle to try to talk to me, but I said I didn't want to, so he told them that I wasn't available at that moment. They finally caught up to me over Christmas when I went to midnight mass with my grandma, and they approached me and tried to give me a hug. I did recognize them, but I pretended not to and just backed off and said, sorry, do I know you?

They said, where are your parents? And I said, my parents are at home. Then I went to go sit down with my grandma. They sat behind us and I could just feel them stare. And on the way out, they were like, you really don't recognize us? And I said, oh, are you my dad's brother? I think I remember you from when I was little.

My grandma thinks they deserved it trying to come back to me like nothing happens, but they wrote me a long letter about how hurt they are, and how I should understand that they were trying to do the right thing, and how they'll always be my parents and I can't change that. Other family members think that I was too harsh because they're grieving, but I don't think they should get a pass just because they remembered me now that my sister is gone.

Um, okay, I feel like I got to ask this question, who cares if their feelings are hurt? They clearly didn't care about your feelings over the past, what, like 12 years? They could have called you. They could have visited you. They could have spent time with you. They could have, oh, I don't know, not abandoned you randomly for no reason, whatsoever. They said they couldn't care for both of you. Huh? What? Not only is that just wrong, but on top of that, on top of like abandoning their responsibilities as parents, they also denied OP his relationship with his sister. They denied OP's sister her relationship with OP.

OP, I'm giving you zero out of five bad guys. I'm giving your parents the rare five out of five bad guys. How callous and entitled you have to be to abandon your own child for like 12 years and then be like, oh did you miss us? No, I don't feel anything about you at all. Am I the bad guy for kicking out one of my bridesmaids for showing up in the wrong dress? I'm a 23 year old woman. My wedding was last month and I'm still getting backlash from this So I want to know if this was a bad guy move. In the country where I live, it's currently winter, and we get a fair amount of snow, so my wedding was a winter themed wedding. The color theme was forest green and gold.

My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaid dresses to be forest green as well. My maid of honors dress was black, and everyone was told to wear gold accessories. I have this friend, Cat, who I asked to be one of my bridesmaids. When we went dress shopping and I told them the color theme I was going for, Cat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice. She said she thinks it's not a flattering color and thought that I should choose something different and more girly. I said no because my wedding was winter themed and I thought the color would go perfect with that theme.

She suggested pink, blue, even red. I said no but thanks for your opinion. She found out that my maid of honor's dress was black and asked if she could wear black too. I said no, only my maid of honor is wearing black. Also, I should point out that I paid for all the dresses. Fast forward to the wedding day. Everyone's getting their hair and makeup done

and Kat shows up 30 minutes late holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside. I asked her what that was for. She told me that it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. I was like, okay, cool. So fast forward, we're all dressed and walking down the stairs because the ceremony is beginning

in 30 minutes and we're going to take some pictures before. Cat was the last person to come down and she was wearing a black dress. At the time, I was preoccupied taking pictures with my parents, but my maid of honor came over to me and made me aware of the situation. I confronted Kat and asked her what was going on. She said that she hates her bridesmaid dress and the color is ugly and it makes her look gross so she's wearing black. I told her to please go back and change. She refused and started walking away from me. I said that I'm going to ask her one more time and if she doesn't oblige I'm calling security and kicking her out. She began

yelling at me to f off so I called security and asked them to please escort her out. She started making a big scene yelling about how I'm a B word that I can't force her to wear anything, and that I'm a horrible inconsiderate friend. The wedding went on, and it was truly amazing. Ever since the wedding, Kat's been blowing up my phone with tech, saying some really nasty things, and asking for the money back that she spent on the black dress, since it was a waste, and she didn't even get to wear it. I had to block her number. Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me flag, saying that it was a waste and she didn't even get to wear it. I had to block her number. Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me flag,

saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that. And that maybe I should give her the money back. Am I the bad guy for kicking her out? Okay, you said in the story that you called security and got security to escort her out. Do you know why security listened to you and not to your friend, Cat?

Because it was your party. Because it was your wedding, not cats wedding. Because you paid for the venue. Because you paid for the food. Because you paid for the dresses. It's your private party. Infosys, big emphasis on the word private. Meaning essentially your party, your rules. If they don't want to listen to their bride, then they're not allowed in your private party. That is literally how private parties work. So like it literally doesn't matter if your reason was justified, unjustified. If you did have a reason, if you didn't have a reason, literally the only thing that matters

is that it was your private party and you told her to leave so she had to leave. That's how private parties work, man. But even then, it's really clear that she just doesn't like wearing the color forest green and she tried to like get you to rearrange your entire wedding theme just because she didn't want to wear a green dress. And then she lied to you, tried to sabotage your wedding and then called you a B word and caused drama on your wedding day. So this friend OP is not a good friend. Like who cares how bad you look? It's not your day. Just wear the stupid dress and then on your wedding you can wear whatever

color you want to wear because that's your wedding. OP I'm giving you 0 out of 5 bad guys. I'm giving your friend 1.5 out of 5 bad guys. Am I the bad guy for not defending my boyfriend when my brother asked him to leave? I'm a 28 year old woman and my boyfriend, Ryan, whose 27 likes to help others. He's the type of guy who would give a coworker money for their rent or buy groceries for our neighbor. However, he can take it too far at times. He often tries to help people without asking if they need or want his help. Every year my brother Paul, who's 35 and his wife Lily hosts a holiday dinner. This year, Ryan attended for the first time. Before we left for their house, I told Ryan that Lily was legally

blind and had been her entire life. She knew what she could and couldn't do. I told Ryan to only help Lily if she asked for help. We arrived early so I could help Paul and Lily cook. While we were cooking, Ryan kept telling Lily things like, Lily, if you're looking for the salt, it's to your right. Or, Lily, don't put that there. It's too close to the edge. Lily and Paul both told him that while his commentary was somewhat helpful, it was completely unnecessary. Still, Ryan didn't stop. However, things became tense when Lily went to chop the vegetables. When she pulled out a knife, Ryan stopped her and asked if he could take over because he didn't want Lily to hurt herself. Lily said that she'd be fine, but Ryan insisted she'd give him the knife.

Finally, Paul got annoyed and told Ryan to stop. Ryan did stop, but he kept hovering over Lily while she was chopping. I asked Ryan to sit down until dinner was ready, but Ryan insisted that he just wanted to help. Finally, Lily asked him and I to help set up the table and greet people arriving. We did, but things were still tense. I did eventually pull Ryan to the side and reminded him again to only help Lilly if she asked for it.

He agreed, but I could tell that he was still upset. Everything finally boiled over after dinner. My nieces, who are 5 and 3, have a game they love to play with their mother. They'll hand something to Lilly, and Lily would have to guess what it is. Lily would sometimes make a couple of clearly outrageous guesses, like saying an egg is an elephant or a shoe just to make her daughter's laugh. After dinner, the older daughter handed Lily the salt shaker. When Lily guessed it was a phone, Ryan piped up and said it was a salt shaker. Lily laughed it off and explained phone, Ryan piped up and said it was a salt-shaker.

Lily laughed it off and explained the game to Ryan, but I could see that she was annoyed. My niece then handed Lily a coin. When Lily guessed incorrectly, Ryan loudly told Lily that it was a coin. This was, apparently, the last straw for Paul. Paul demanded that Ryan leave, since he clearly couldn't respect Lily. Ryan insisted that he was trying to be helpful. However, Lily said that it was probably best if Ryan and I left. I quickly gathered up our things and managed to convince Ryan to leave. Ryan is currently pissed at me. He said that I should have defended him, especially since I knew he was only being helpful. He also insisted that I should have stood up against Paul's overreaction, which are Ryan's

words. I'm now wondering if I should have defended Ryan. Am I the bad guy here? What your boyfriend was doing here wasn't helpful. It was demeaning. It was degrading. It was treating Lily like a child. At first, I was kind of thinking that it was like

well-meaning that he really did just like want to be a good person and be helpful. But once you got to the bit about the kids game, like a super super obvious transparent kids game, and he's like, um, excuse me, that's not a phone, that's a salt-chaker. It's like, yeah, obviously. Lily's not holding the salt-chaker to her ear, trying to call her sister or something. At that point, I think he was doing it just to be spiteful or like condescending or something. So when Lily's husband had enough and was like, all right, you gotta leave

because you're not respecting my wife. I was like, round of applause for this guy because he's standing up for his wife. Opie, like, I don't really understand what's going on here. I feel like I'm missing something. Okay, he can't be this, okay. Is he really trying to be nice? It can't be.

It doesn't make sense if it's niceness. If it's niceness, he would have respected their boundaries and he wouldn't have, like, interfered with the kid's game. Is it about control? Does he just like to feel superior to people? You know, the night in shining armor, saving the damnable in distress makes him feel like a big man. Oh, you poor pathetic thing.

Let me help you, because only I, as strong, smart, and wealthy as I am, could save someone like you. Is that what's going on here? Or am I reading into this too much? Seriously, let me know in the comments because this is really, it's really weird behavior. People in the comments are definitely agreeing that he's like being super mega condescending.

The thing is, sometimes people can be condescending like without realizing it. I don't know if he realizes it or not. I think he probably does realize it. I think he's being intentionally condescending. Anyways OP, I'm giving you zero out of five bad guys. I guess you could make the argument that you could have gone farther to stop his behavior, but like OP pulled him aside twice and said, hey, cut it out. So I do feel like OP did her due diligence to try to handle her stupid boyfriend as best as she could.

She failed, unfortunately, but you know, she tried. Lily and her husband get zero out of five bad guys. Your boyfriend Ryan gets 1.5 out of five bad guys. Am I the bad guy for putting parental controls on my TV and royally pissing off my father in law? I'm a man in my thirties who lives with my wife. We have two kids, an eight-year-old boy and a six-year-old girl. My wife's parents are staying with us temporarily

because their home is having some serious repairs after a freak accident. It wasn't their fault, and luckily they had insurance. The repair should be completed two months from now. I don't really get along with my in-laws, especially my father-in-law, but I agreed to let them stay because I thought the time would fly by and it wouldn't be that bad, but I'm posting here, so I guess I was wrong. My mother-in-law doesn't have a job, and my father-in-law works late shifts until around 11 p.m. When he gets home, they'll watch YouTube in the living room and play music on it at a loud volume with our speaker system. It's not College House Party based tearing apart the walls loud, but it's still loud.

My kids are not light sleepers, but still, this wakes them up. Then they go to wake me up because they want me to make it stop. My kids need to be rested for school, and I need to get up in the morning to drop them off and go to work. My wife works the graveyard shift, so she doesn't witness this. I've tried to talk to my mother-in-law and father-in-law about it, and ask that they please keep the noise down after my kid's bedtime, which is 8.30 pm. I don't expect complete silence, but I really don't think they need to have the TV on loud late at night either. My father-in-law argued with me and said that he doesn't finish work until 11 p.m.

So I'm basically expecting him to not do the things that he enjoys after work. I told him he could do it before work or on his days off or tough luck. He complained to my wife, who's now taking his side and saying the kids need to learn how to sleep through a bit of everyday noise. I told her it's not everyday noise and that he and the mother-in-law are being excessively noisy and inconsiderate. She's just not there to see it. My father-in-law has been sending me links to buy earplugs for the kids.

I've gotten really fed up with this. It is not my in-laws house and and they're staying with us as guests, and I think they're being really selfish. I decided to put parental controls on the TV, so my in-laws can't use it after 8.30 pm until 6 am the next day. Between those times, the TV can't be used without putting in the password, which only I know.

This doesn't affect my wife because she doesn't get off work until 6am and isn't normally home until 6.20. My father-in-law is now incredibly pissed off with me and said that I'm acting like a child and keeps pestering me, demanding the password. My wife is also mad at me for upsetting her dad. I'm just so annoyed about this whole situation and I'm sick of hearing about it so I just want to know if I'm normally in the clear. Yeah OP, I am 100% on your side. Your in-laws are being mega inconsiderate. Not only are they not being good guests to you in your own home, but they're also being bad grandparents. That's their own grandkids that they're stopping from sleeping. And this guy's solution is so dumb. He wants you to buy earplugs for the kids. Why doesn't he

buy headphones? Just buy some earbuds, sync them with the TV and listen to the audio as loud as you want. Or, even better, get the F out of my house and buy yourself a hotel room. Opie, you get zero out of five bad guys. I'm giving your in-laws and your wife 2.5 out of five bad guys. That was our slash of my D.A. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.