rSlash - r/AITA For Not Giving My Grandkid $40,000?

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

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Welcome to our slash am I the butthole where a greedy woman screws herself out of forty thousand dollars am I the butthole for not giving our granddaughter the same wedding gift is our other grandkids first of all this is my first post on here ever I wanted an objective opinion and I've read a lot of these kinds of post on Facebook if I do anything wrong please tell me I'm a 70 year old, and I'm the grandmother to five wonderful grandkids, three women, and two men. The last of my grandkids got married last October. My husband is 70, and he and I usually get them a small gift, usually the cheapest thing on the registry. Then, the day before the wedding, we privately give them a check for $40,000. We prefer that they use it for a house, but we won't force them to do so. We also asked them to keep it private.

They all honored this request. When it came to our youngest granddaughter, we bought her an air fryer, the cheapest thing on the registry, and we sent it in advance. Then she called me furious. She went off on us for being cheap and how she knew that we had money, but that we didn't love her enough to show it by getting her something more expensive. We were horrified by her behavior.

Then she went ahead and threatened to disinvite us if we didn't send her a better gift. We disgusted and bought her a China set, but we didn't give her the money that was set aside for her. We decided that she didn't deserve it. Fast forward to last week. She met up with her brother. They got to talking and she found out about the cash gift that he got. She asked her cousins and found out that all of them got the same gift. She called us furious for discriminating against her. We told her that it was our money,

and after how she behaved, we didn't want to give it to her. She started crying, said that she was extremely stressed and that we shouldn't have taken it to heart. We told her that we stand by our decision. Now, she's refusing to attend Christmas and her mother, our daughter-in-law, is calling us buttholes. So, are we the buttholes? Opie, let's be super clear about this. Your granddaughter was more interested in the gift that you gave her than you being at the wedding, right?

She was going to disinvite you if you didn't get her something more expensive, which means the money is more important than you are. So no, you're not the but hole, and who cares if she's stressed? We've all done bad and wrong things when we're stressed before, but that's not an automatic excuse to get away with it. You still have to own up for your actions. Your granddaughter was disrespectful, so if you don't want to give $40,000 to someone who disrespected you,

then I don't blame you. I'm giving your granddaughter two out of five buttholes. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. Also, welcome to Reddit. Am I the butthole. Also, welcome to Reddit! Am I the butthole for saying that I don't care if my half-siblings feel left out because it's not my mom's job to mother them? My parents were married and had me, a 16-year-old girl and my brother an 18-year-old boy.

My dad had an affair with another woman, Kate, and my mom and him divorced. Ellie, an 11-year-old girl, was the result of that affair, and Tommy, a nine year old boy, was born when dad married Kate. A year later, Kate died. My dad's family rallied around my half siblings and tried to make up for the loss of their mother. My mom shared custody of me and my brother with my dad.

My dad had asked my mom to include Ellie and Tommy in her life after Kate died. And he even told my brother and I a few times that my step-siblings would be coming to my mom's with us and that she'd be their mom now too. But my mom never did take Ellie or Tommy into her home. I don't even think that she's ever interacted with them. When I look back at moments where everyone was present, my mom was always on one side with her family and my dad was on another with his and my

half siblings. As Ellie and Tommy have gotten bigger, they've expressed all the emotions that you might expect when you don't have a mom, but you sometimes share a home with kids who do. They get jealous, sad, frustrated, they've asked for us to share a mom with them, and they wanted to come along when they hear that mom is taking us on vacation. They wanted us to all spend Christmas together, all kinds of stuff. They also just have dad side of the family since none of Kate's family wants to be in their lives.

But me and my brother have both sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles involved in our lives. A few times over the years, my dad or other family members on my dad's side have asked. Don't you dislike it that your mom won't open her heart to kids who are a part of the family? I always said no because they're not her kids and so it doesn't make sense to me that she would. My dad wanted to try to get my half-siblings wish to come true for Christmas where we're

all together, which would include my brother and I and our mom. My mom said no. She did not engage with my dad beyond no. Ellie and dad then tried to get me to convince mom and I said no and I told them that I didn't want to talk around. Ellie got upset hearing that and left. My dad and my dad's parents then cornered me later

and asked me how can I say that when I know that Ellie and Tommy feel left out and that they crave mothering. I told them I don't really care if they feel left out because it's not my mom's job to mother them. And I would never expect her to do it. They told me that my mom could and should have loved for them as her kids siblings. I told them that dad should have thought about that before he cheated on mom and got another woman pregnant while he was still married to mom. Am I the butthole? Opie, the last sentence of this post sums up this argument better than I possibly could have.

Your dad lost every right to be involved in your mom's life the second that he cheated on her. So, you're right, Opie. It's not your mom's job to mother those kids. So, your dad and your dad's family is doubly toxic. Not only are they toxic for like effectively brainwashing their kids into making them think that they should get something that they're not entitled to, which is the love from your mother. But on top of that, they're putting you in the middle of it and forcing you to go against your mom to advocate for your half siblings.

And it's just a really messed up dynamic that's not healthy or productive. And the only thing that your dad is accomplishing here is making everyone miserable. OP, I'm giving you and your mother zero out of five buttholes. I'm also giving your step sibling zero out of five buttholes. They're too young to really understand what's happening here. I'm giving your dad four out of five buttholes. They're too young to really understand what's happening here. I'm giving your dad four out of five buttholes for being a cheating hypocrite. Business notifications getting out of hand,

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Am I the butthole for not winning my husband to go to his ex-us funeral? I'll admit I'm biased right off the bat. I couldn't stand her. I call her his ex to myself and others, but he called her his friend. We're all in our early 40s and she died recently of an aneurysm. I've been with them for 10 years now, but he had known her for 20. The way he tells it, they were friends in college, decided to date, got married, then realized they weren't a great couple and decided to just be friends. All that happened years before I met him. He was clear early on that she was important. A couple of months into dating, it came up that his friend was actually his ex-wife. He explained the above to me, saying that she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic.

I expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex and he told me, that's fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I'll choose her. I like you and all, but I've known her for over 12 years and she's one of the most important people in my life. You'll have to be okay with that if you want us to be a thing. When we were engaged, I asked again and he gave me this perplex look and asked, why would us getting married affect my friendships? I sucked it up and went along. I resented every

moment of knowing her, especially when we had to be social. She understood some part of him that I couldn't. Her husband was friends with my husband as well, so it's not like I could use him to help me out. He'd have lunch with her, they'd go to geeky movies, whatever. The few times I brought it up, he said, we've had this conversation before, you had your chance to back out. She died after they had that lunch the other day on the way to her car. He's been a bunch of time crying, but honestly, I was relieved.

He was working with her husband on funeral planning. I told him, you don't think you're going, do you? My argument summed up. Oh my god, this woman. She's dead! So she's not a factor anymore. He doesn't get to use the, she's my friend excuse because she doesn't exist anymore. He had his cry for a couple of days.

So he gets to be done with mourning her already. There's no need for him to go to her funeral since I wouldn't want her at his. He was the angriest I've ever seen him when I told him that, replying that he'll be going no matter how I feel and that he's willing to burn this to the effing ground while holding up his wedding band. He said, beside you, she was the closest friend in my life. Him, her husband, and my sisters are calling me an insensitive butthole over this, all saying that there was no romantic aspect to their relationship, and that I'm heartless. Her husband went so far as calling me a ghoul for how I reacted. I never felt that their

relationship was appropriate, and I hid that for years because I wanted to be with my husband. Now that she's gone, I don't feel that I should have to hide it anymore and can speak freely. Am I the butthole we're just wanting him to be done with her and for him to not attend the funeral? Opie, your post is dripping with jealousy. And like, let me be clear, I actually don't think that it's wrong necessarily for couples to set a boundary and say, look, husband, I don't want you to hang out with female friends,

or look, wife, I don't want you hanging out with guy friends. Like if that's a boundary that a couple decides to set up, then there's no issue with that. However, the exact opposite happened in this story. Your husband made it explicitly clear to you that he was going to have a relationship with this girl. That was a clear deal breaker for him, and if it's a deal breaker for you, then you just shouldn't have married him. Instead, what you decided to do was marry him and then constantly disrespect his boundary. And he might be saying, yeah, well, he disrespected my boundary by constantly being with her too. No, because this was his condition for marrying him.

You're the one who agreed to it. Even though when you agreed to it, actually you were lying about it. Basically, OP, what happened here is that you entered this marriage with a lie, and you held onto that lie this entire time. Your husband's always been honest. He cares about you, but he's not going to give up his friendship. Hopi, you sound super toxic. I can't remember the last time I read a story on Reddit where someone was this thrilled that a completely innocent person died. Like, you're practically giddy riding this story, Hopi. I sincerely hope that your husband has more luck on his third marriage because,

based on this story, I think this one is going downhill. Hop OP, I'm giving you 4 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your husband 0 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for asking my daughter for help? I'm 54 years old and my daughter is 28. She's home on break from grad school getting her PhD. She's only home for 2 weeks because she says she doesn't have any more time, even though she has a month-long break. That's been a big thing with her lately. She's constantly too busy to do things with this or help out, even though she does have the time. I got my younger daughter a sweater, and it turns out that she already has it. I called my older daughter from work on Friday and told her that she had to run an exchange it for a different one. She said, okay, she'd do it the next day.

I said that it had to be done that day to get the best options, and she said that she was grating papers so she can't. I told her that it's not like she can't pause her grating, run out, and exchange it. She said that she wasn't going to slow down her work, and just said that I should do it when I got back from work that day. I said that I was busy, and I didn't feel like running out after a long day of work and she said neither did she, but she doesn't even have a long day of work. She's sitting on her butt on her computer all day and she doesn't even have scheduled hours to work.

She can do it whenever she wants. Today things really kicked off because I needed her to pick up an online order for a gift for my mom, her grandma. She again used the excuse of grading. She hadn't even started working yet. It was in the morning and she was drinking coffee and having breakfast. She said that she needs to have her grades done by today,

but I looked it up on the website and she hasn't had Monday evening, so I called her on her BS. She said that she had other work due on Monday, so she needed to get the grading done today. But she wouldn't enlighten me as to what this mysterious other work is. I said, well tough, this needs to be picked up today so I can wrap it, and I was going into the office so I couldn't do it.

She said that if I don't want to do it myself, then she'll do it on her own time. I told her, with that attitude, she can stay somewhere else, and she said, happily. And then Pactor thinks claiming that she didn't want to stay here anyway, but was only doing so because I insisted. She left her gifts for everyone and said to not expect her for the holidays, and that she'll go to her girlfriend's family instead. I think it's ridiculous that she's throwing a fit just because she can't constantly live like she's the only person on the planet. But my wife and my other daughter are now furious with me. So I figured I'd ask here because my younger daughter is always reading these stories with

me. Am I the butthole or am I correct that my daughter is self-centered and childish? Wow. This is a grown-ass man, 54 years old. Opie, you're treating your daughter like she works for you. Like she's some employee you can just boss around. You need a sweater exchanged. Okay, then do it.

You need a package picked up. Okay, then do it. You're 54 years old, dude. Do your own chores. How lazy and entitled you have to be. Oh well, I don't want to do this chore after work, so I want my daughter to do it because I'm a lazy douchebag. There are some people in this world who believe that unless you're using physical labor at

your work, then your work just doesn't really count as real work. OP is definitely, definitely one of those people. Yeah, well, my daughter just sits at a computer, so how hard can it possibly be? I'm up on my feet doing hard labor, and that's real work. Tough, man. That sucks for you. It'd be nicer if you could sit at a comfy computer and do work there, but that's not the profession you got.

Luckily, your daughter does have that kind of profession. You should be happy that she has those work perks, not use them as an excuse to treat her like a paid servant. And you're playing the, I'm your father, so what I say goes, my house, my rules, card. And like yeah, that works when your daughter is, you know, 14, but your daughter is not 14 anymore. She's twice that age at 28. She's a grown woman.

If she doesn't want to do your chores and if she doesn't want to stay in your house, then you can't make her. OP, you are an entitled douchebag. And I'm really starting to get a sense of why your daughter is only staying for two weeks and so do the full month. Because you're insufferable! If I had time off work and my family was constantly bossing me around and demeaning my work, then I would also find someplace else to stay. Opie, I'm giving you 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Get over yourself, man! I'm giving your daughter 0 out of 5 buttholes.

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