rSlash - r/AITA I Stole My Son's College Money

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

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I'm a 54-year-old male, and I have two kids, a 23-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old son with my wife. When the kids were young, my parents set up education funds for both of them, which was very generous of them. My wife and I always expected our kids to attend college and then graduate school as we've done. I have a PhD and my wife has a master's. Because of this, we decided not to use the funds for our kids undergraduate degrees and didn't tell them about the money. What? My daughter has always been more into the liberal arts

while my son is more of a STEM guy. My wife and I worried about her ability to find a job, but she insisted on studying music and film in college. She was accepted to some top schools and chose to attend a rather expensive one, but she had scholarships to cover almost all of her tuition. Everything else, plus living expenses, was her responsibility. She lived in a very small apartment shared with friends in a not-so-nice area far from campus, but she was fine and learned how to budget effectively.

After graduating, she luckily found a job that doesn't pay extremely well, but she enjoys and scrapped the idea of grad school. My son decided to do engineering, and he also expressed that he had no interest in grad school. My wife and I were disappointed, but accepted it since at this point he's already all set up with a very good job when he completes school. Since he didn't receive as many scholarships as a sister, we decided to use his education fund to cover his tuition and living expenses. He was able to get a large and nice apartment of his own close to school, which is important since his classes are so demanding and he also needs a comfortable space to work.

My daughter, oh my god, this post! My daughter was confused and asked how he could afford this, and my son told her about the education fund. She called us and asked why she didn't have one, and we told her that she did, we just didn't use it because we hope that she would attend grad school. She seemed hurt by this, and asked if there was any way that she could have the money now. We explained that there would be a fee to simply withdraw the money for non-education uses and if we chose to do that, it would belong to her grandparents so they could put it towards their own use. She's been quiet and short when answering our texts and hasn't answered our calls

at all since then. I know that it seems unfair to her, but it's not really her money in the first place and she's no longer in college. I know that it seems unfair to her, but it's not really her money in the first place, and she's no longer in college. Plus, her brother only received it for educational purposes, and it wouldn't be right for her to just have it to spend now. Am I the bad guy? Oh man.

Down in the comments, Dinosaur Doctor says exactly what I was thinking. You're the bad guy, and I'm surprised between your PhD and master's degrees that you couldn't figure this one out. Alright, here's an analogy for you, Opie. Let's see if you can wrap your big PhD brain around this. Your parents give your kids gift cards to cheesecake factory. They're not giving the gift cards to you. They're giving them to your kids, but they're handing them to you with the intention that you will give those gift cards to your kids. Then the four of you happily go out to cheesecake factory. You and your wife love cheesecake, and you assume that since you're a cheesecake factory and since you love cheesecake, that your kids will also order cheesecakes.

So your daughter orders a hamburger and your son orders a shepherd's pie. Then after eating, it comes time to order dessert, and you're like, are you going to order cheesecake? And your daughter's like, nah, I'm kind of full, I don't think so. And your son's like, nah, I don't really want cheesecake either. And then in your bizarre, stupid moron logic, you're like, hmm, well, a shepherd's pie is kind of like a cheesecake because a pie and a cake are both desserts. So I'm gonna use my gift card. I say my gift card when really it's my son's gift card that was handed to me. I'm gonna use my son's gift card to pay for my son's meal. But since a hamburger isn't really like cheesecake and this is a cheesecake gift card, I'm not gonna spend it on our hamburger.

Like do you not understand how illogical, stupid, and controlling that is? It shows favoritism. It shows just use the gift certificates. You had money for their education. They went to get educated and you didn't spend the money on their education. What?

Why? Why? I mean, let's be honest, we know the real reason why. The reason why OP and his wife specifically decided not to tell them about the money, which should have ethically been theirs, is because they were hoping to use it as a way to control and manipulate their kids.

Clearly, they want their kids to get masters degree in PhD degrees, but that's like a really big hurdle. But after finishing their undergrad, if the parents are like, oh, surprise, you have money for your grad school, so you can go to grad school now without worrying about it, then they're more likely to go. Oh, P, got a PhD?

Dan's for pretty huge douchebag! I'm really not exaggerating when I say that if I were in your daughter's shoes, I would consider lowering my contact level with you guys, either to little contact or no contact. Because what you did was three big things. You dishonored her grandparents' wishes. You literally stole money from her.

You showed favoritism towards your son over her for no real reason. Oh, and the fourth thing, which is you're clearly trying to control her life. You're really toxic parents OP, and I think you deserve, gosh, I think you deserve 4.5 out of 5 bad guys. You and your wife both of you. This is just such a deep, fundamental betrayal on so many levels, like you literally stole from your daughter. You literally stole money from her. OP, go f*** yourself. I've got to ask a really, really big question that no one seems to be asking in the comments. If OP doesn't give the education fund money to his daughter,

what's gonna happen to it? Because it's definitely not just gonna sit in some bank account forever, that's for sure. Is there a chance perhaps that OP's gonna spend it on himself? Maybe? Because clearly he's not spending it on education, and clearly he doesn't want to just give it to her, which is the next logical solution. So where does it go?

OP suggested giving the money back to the grandparents, but to be frank, I literally just don't buy that answer. They gave OP money for a specific purpose, and OP intentionally disrespected that. So now he's going to be respectful and mindful of the rightful owner and give it back to the grandparents. Yeah, I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all. OP is thinking about going on vacation or buying a new car and he's wondering how is he going to pay for that? I know. I know. I'll just use my dumb daughter's education fun money. She doesn't need it.

I'll just use my dumb daughter's education fund money. She doesn't need it. Metrolinx and cross links are reminding everyone to be careful as Eglinton Cross-Town LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert, this trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals, be careful along our tracks, and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe.

Am I the bad guy for refusing to forgive my dad for breaking our deal? I'm currently a 17-year-old boy, and when I was eight, my parents bought me a piano and signed me up for lessons. I was super excited because I love music. Over time, I kind of became known as the piano guy at school. I play at school concerts, accompany the school jazz choir, and play once a week for the residents at a couple of retirement homes in town. When I was 15, I started to talk about quitting lessons, and my parents quickly tried to guilt me out of it. I told them I wanted to try other things

and that between piano and studying, I didn't have much time for other extracurriculars. My dad proposed a deal. If I kept playing and taking lessons until I reached level 10 at the Royal Conservatory of Music and continued to keep my grades up at school, then he would buy me a new car of my choice. I jumped at it and we shook hands on the deal.

I should explain that my family is well off financially. I have a very privileged life, but I wouldn't say that I've been spoiled. If I ever want a luxury item like a new phone or a game console, I have to buy it myself with money I've saved from summer or after school jobs. I should also explain that my dad is big on loopholes. When we compete, he always finds a way to win. And when I win, it doesn't count because of some loopholes. It drives me nuts, but he thinks it's hilarious. Whenever I complain about him not playing fair, his answer is always the same. Life isn't fair. So, because of our deal, I kept

up with my lessons. I spent about one to two hours a day practicing piano while keeping my grades up. Last summer I took my level 9 Royal Conservatory of Music exam and passed fulfilling my part of the deal. I told my dad that I had chosen the BMW X5 Plug-in Hybrid SUV. Hold up, let's take a quick pause here and look up the price of that car just for context for the rest of the story. This car is going for $65,000. OP is reaching for the stars here.

But okay, a couple of months ago on my birthday, I came downstairs for breakfast and my dad told me there was a surprise waiting for me in the garage. I ran out and sitting in the middle of the floor was a 124th scale toy BMW X5. My dad burst out laughing and said, a deal's a deal. So as prom is, here's your brand new BMW. My heart absolutely broke. I asked if he was being serious and he said that I couldn't seriously have expected him to buy a 17 year old a real brand new BMW and that we could discuss getting me a reasonably priced used car. I said that we had a deal and I fulfilled my end of it. He said that he did too since I never said the car had to be full size and drivable.

I said he wasn't being fair and his response life isn't fair. Ever since this happened, I've been distant with my dad. I honestly feel like he betrayed my trust and he deliberately made a fool out of me. He keeps bringing up the idea of a used car but I told him I'm not interested which I admit is kind of petty. I have enough money saved that I can buy a cheap used car myself. And I just feel like if I accept one from him now, it's like saying that breaking his promise didn't matter and that he didn't do anything wrong. Am I the bad guy? Yeah, what your dad is doing is honestly pretty toxic.

This guy is constantly, constantly lying to you, gaslighting you, manipulating you, pranking you. Like, honestly, Opie, how can you even believe any words that come out of his mouth because it'll be like, oh, well, you expected me to give you money? Well, here's monopoly money. Oh, life is in fair. Opie, I don't know if you fully understand

just what's going on here. I think you're finally getting old enough that you're starting to see through the facade and actually get it, but you still have just a little ways to go, so let me help you get there. Your dad is toxic OP. To put it simply, he's a lying douchebag. If he didn't plan on buying you a $65,000 car, which fair, okay, that's like a really serious ask, then he shouldn't have made that deal with you in the first place. And then like if he just didn't assume that you were going to actually finish your lessons and then it actually got to the point where you were going to pass the exam,

the way to approach that is to say, listen son, I screwed up. I said that I would do this thing for you, but I didn't think that you would actually do it, but now you're doing it. So I got caught out, you called my bluff and I can't do it, but I can definitely get you like a used car or something, and I'll try to make it up to you in some way. Not to prank you and then laugh at you and call you a fool and say that life isn't fair and that it's your fault for trusting your father. Trusting your father isn't a fault.

It's actually an admirable quality because it shows that you love people in your family. What your dad is doing is the opposite of that. He's gaslighting and manipulating and lying to members of your family. What your dad is doing is the opposite of that. He's gaslighting and manipulating and lying to members of his family. Down in the comments, I'm going to read this reply from Slightbar. Not the bad guy. Someday, when he wants you to come home for the holiday, Sinda framed a photo that he can set at the table. There, you're home. You didn't tell him that you'd be there in person. Life's not fair, dad. Seriously, I know that Reddit's kind of obsessed with poetic justice, but I think that in this instance, he really does need a dose of his own medicine.

O.P., it has to hurt him badly. Otherwise, he's never going to learn his lesson. Because you're 17, and if he hasn't learned his lesson over 17 years about how this is not the way to be a parent, then he's never going to learn on his own. If I were you OP, I would just start limiting contact to him. If he doesn't mind, then nothing of value was lost. If he does mind, then just say, well, life is in fair debt. Oh, actually, I'm going through the comments.

And apparently OP has an older sister, and when his older sister graduated, she got a brand new Lexus for graduation. So actually, him asking for this BMW wasn't unreasonable in the slightest. I think this is actually going to make me upgrade the dad's bad guy rating from 2 out of 5 to 4 out of 5. Because now, on top of being a liar, he's also showing blatant favoritism between his kids. Am I the bad guy for calling my girlfriend disgusting and telling her she should be ashamed

when she was crying? Wait, what? Okay, the preliminary vote on this I'm seeing is not the bad guy, but this title really makes hope he sounds like a bad guy, so what is this story? I'm a 40 year old man, and my girlfriend of one year is 38. She has a daughter from a previous partner who's 14 and a freshman in high school. I went over there yesterday to find my girlfriend crying. I tried to figure out what was going on and where I could help and she told me that she was crying about her daughter and how she's doing in school.

I love her daughter. She's the sweetest girl ever. I wish my daughters were as well behaved as her. I have to describe her daughter to you. She has a nice friend group, doesn't have trouble with bullies, and generally seems very happy. I bet you're wondering why her mother would be crying if that's the case. My girlfriend, her mother, was crying because her daughter isn't the popular athlete cheerleader homecoming queen that she was in school. Her daughter marches to the beat of her own drum, which I think is the best anyone can hope for. Yeah, she's a little bit dorky, but her own mother referred to her as a loser during this crying fit. Her daughter is very into anime. She and some friends actually started an anime club at school. She's also into

Pokemon and video games. Most of her wardrobe is black t-shirts with anime or video game characters on them. Again, she's a happy kid. She's got her social circle who all seem to have similar interests. It's just not the circle her mom wishes she was in. Here are some quotes for my girlfriend while she was crying. I never would have imagined my daughter would be a thweeb! She needs to grow out of this before college. And my personal favorites. I wouldn't have been caught dead with kids that look like that. I called her disgusting and told her she should be ashamed of herself. I said her daughter is happy and how would she feel to hear her mom crying

about her perceived popularity. I told her how lucky she has it that her daughter doesn't have to deal with a lot of the issues that we did when we were kids. This ended with her being upset with me because instead of consoling her when she was crying, I called her names. She was saying some horrible things. Opie, this story is an automatic deal breaker for me. If my girlfriend treated her kid this way, I'd be out of there the same day. This is disgusting, I don't want to be with you. Get some therapy. OP, you get 0 out of 5 bad guys. I'm giving your girlfriend 2 out of 5 bad guys. That was our slash of my D.A. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

That was our Slash of My The A, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.