rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole for Not Letting my Mom Take My Dying Child?

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash, am I the butthole where OP abandons his dying father? Welcome to R-slash, am I the butthole where OP abandons his dying father? Am I the butthole for not meeting my dying father? I have absolutely no contact with my parents. I don't talk to them, I don't visit them, and to be honest, I would rather never see them again in my entire life. This might sound bad, but I do have my reasons. I was kicked out of my parents' house the day after my 18th birthday.

My father claimed that an 18-year-old is already an adult, and they should be able to live by themselves. Just a heads up, I was still in high school when that took place. I worked part-time, but I couldn't afford housing. I slept on the streets for a few weeks until I found a shelter. Not only that, but I had a lot of rough days after that. The streets are no place for anyone, especially someone that young. Luckily, I managed to finish school. I got into a technical course for programming and got a decent job. Now, ten years after that, I just graduated college. I actually saved up enough money to do that. However, I can't forgive my parents. I never contacted them and they never contacted me. That is until yesterday. Somehow, my uncle got my phone information and sent me a message.

He said that my father is extremely sick, and more than likely, he'll pass away in the next few days. My uncle told me that my father wanted to see me one last time, and more than likely he'll pass away in the next few days. My uncle told me that my father wanted to see me one last time, and asked if I could be there. I said no, I absolutely resent and bear a grudge against my father and my mother. My father kicked me out, and my mother did absolutely nothing to stop it. As you might assume, my uncle started to get heated and called me heartless, ungrateful, and a butthole among other things. I'm pretty sure most of my family feels the same way about me. Honestly, I'm only asking here for my sanity sake. I will not be

meeting them, but I understand the man is dying, and by not going, I'm denying something to a dying man, which might make me the butthole. However, even if it does, I do not care. I would rather be a butthole than see those two ever again. I'm confused, I don't really see the problem here OP. I mean, your dad's an adult. Clearly he's old enough to die on his own, right? If I were in your shoes OP, I would do the exact same thing. You're dying, aww, so sad. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya! Am I the butthole for telling my mother-in-law that my toddler will not be going with her

on a vacation that you planned without asking? I have an almost three-year-old beautiful little girl. She's just a few weeks shy over third birthday. My baby was out of hospice 4 weeks ago after having gone into remission late May. Unfortunately, the cancer has returned, except it's now crushing her optic nerve and is about 8 cm long. Multiple doctors recommended that we make our daughter as comfortable as possible because they don't believe that removing the tumor is a good option. I have so much to say in regards to our diagnosis, but suffice to say, I'm heartbroken.

My husband and I have been making tons of memories with her for the past few weeks. We've included family in some of these memories, but we both feel that we want to spend as much time with our daughter as possible. My mother-in-law called me yesterday to tell me that she booked tickets, hotel, and airfare for a trip next month. I thought it sounded fun, until she said that she was

taking our toddler with her. Just her, her husband, and my daughter. She did not invite my husband and I. My daughter isn't even three yet. She's never stayed overnight anywhere, and my mother-in-law wants to take her for an entire week across the country alone. I suggested that my husband and I go with them. That way, our daughter would be comfortable. And for God's sake, what happens if she dies during the vacation? She can't be gone for a week. Her nurses are here. Her care is here. I said, what if we all go for a shorter amount of time? I came up with various suggestions, all of which were turned down. I should add that even if my daughter

wasn't in hospice, I wouldn't be comfortable with our toddler being across country for a week alone without her parents. But my child being in hospice adds another layer of complexity to the situation. I told my mother-in-law that her decision that she made alone without consulting us was a solid no. She called me a few names and hung up on me. She then called my husband and called me a few names again and suggested she would fight for rights before my daughter dies. I'm already grieving about my daughter. My husband said that we should acquiesce to his mother's trip to a void drama, even though he agrees that our daughter is too young. But I want to spend time with her before the cancer takes her. She's just too little.

I said no for various legitimate reasons, not just to say no. Oh my god, OP, do I even need to say this? The parents of a dying three year old with cancer do not need to justify themselves for why they don't want to take their kid out of Hospice and send her across the country. She's in hospice, which means theoretically she's getting palliative care, which means pain killers Around the clock treatment because she's literally dying and if you take her out of that hospital then probably she's gonna be in extreme Pain she's gonna be uncomfortable because she's not getting palliative care. And then she called you names? Yo, for real.

Is this five out of five buttoles it might be. I think I'm going to try to give your mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt and say that she's probably grieving along with you, but her the way that she's grieving is really messed up. OP, you are completely 100% justified. You should do what you think is best for your daughter's health. I really hope that you can get your husband on the same page because what his mother is asking is not appropriate.

OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mother-in-law 4.5 out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for returning money to my mother-in-law in front of everyone, embarrassing her? I'm a 28 year old woman, and in March I'm getting married to my fiance, a 27 year old guy. I come from an upper class family, and my fiance is lower middle class, which is a delicate matter for his family. Despite me being able to pay all the cost of the wedding myself, my parents gave the equivalent of around 70% of the value of the wedding as a gift. For the sake of the story, let's say that's about $30,000, even though that's not the actual amount. Fortunately,

my parents didn't use that gift as a way to control the wedding. When my fiance's parents learned that my parents had given this gift, they decided to give their gift as well and gave $3,000. An amount for which I was very grateful to have received. And I deeply regret doing this, especially for my mother-in-law. I don't plan on having a traditional wedding party. My dress won't be white, it'll be lilac. There will be no religious ceremony, and it'll be a party for only 30 guests, and my fiancee agrees and supports this.

This bothers my mother-in-law a lot, especially with a dress not being white. Over time, she gave up on imposing the idea of a big party and not having a religious ceremony. But she just keeps annoying me about the dress. She kept nagging me about it, even after I snapped on her and my fiance told her to stop. Because of that, we're low contact with her. Yesterday, it was my sister-in-law's birthday, and I went with my husband, and obviously my mother-in-law was there. Not even five minutes after I stepped into the party,

she started again with the idea of me having to wear white, because it's an important tradition. And it got to the point where she was talking to her sisters about how this new generation doesn't respect traditions. I hit my limit when she spoke loud and clear that in her time, the bride and groom respected their parents' opinions, even more so if they helped pay for the wedding. I was very angry and said, enough, I can't take this! It's not worth listening to other people's opinion for this money.

I had $3,000 cash on me, so I gave it to her in front of everyone. And I added that, now she can't say anything because she's not helping pay for the wedding. This generated confusion of tremendous proportions. My fiance's entire family is fighting with me, saying that I humiliated her in front of everyone and disrespected the amount of money they gave. Well, I had to leave the party early so that it wouldn't get any worse. My fiance understands why I did it, but he said that it wasn't my best moment, and I could have done it in private and not in front of everyone else. Am I the butthole?

Okay, so apparently it's fine for her to constantly disrespect you and your choices in front of everyone else, but it's not okay for you and your choices in front of everyone else, but it's not okay for you to disrespect her in front of everyone else? Nah, man, that's just hypocrisy, plain and simple. Besides, it's your wedding, not her wedding. You can have your wedding be whatever she wants. Also, giving money to someone as a way to control them is a pretty sucky thing to do. OP, I'm giving you zero out of 5 buttholes.

I'm giving your mother-in-law 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for flipping out on my fiance for canceling all the vegan food options for our wedding behind my back? I'm a 25 year old female, and soon I'm getting married to my fiance at 31 year old male. There wasn't much that we disagreed on during the wedding planning, except for food. Me and my family are vegans, and there are so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle. One of them is that we have a history of health issues.

My fiance and his family are the complete opposites. They are hardcore meat eaters, which is fine by me, obviously. However, when deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add four to five vegan options and my fiancee and his mom objected, saying that it was a waste of money over food that wasn't real food. They also, what? They also argue that this would be offensive

for their guests and suggested my vegan options just be the good ol' salads and appetizers. I said no because for one, it's me and my family who's paying What and two I want to make my guess feel welcome and not be treated as second-class citizens by being served salads My fiance made a face and said isn't that what vegans eat? I refused to argue about it and said that it was final the other day I found out that my fiance had canceled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely behind my back. I was seething. I called him at work, but he kept hanging up on me.

I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. At first, he said that it was his mom's idea and told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. The fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughts and input and refusing to accommodate his family. But there was already plenty of meat options on the menu so why can't I get like 4-5 vegan options when I'm the one paying for it? He yelled that it was his way. What?

What? He yelled that it was his wedding too, not my families. My family said that it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go, but I refused. Am I the butthole for putting my foot down on this? Okay, Opie. I'm sorry for laughing during this post. I know you're not trying to make it funny.

It's not like a funny story. But like, what am I reading? Why is this guy getting so like uptight and butthurt about there being vegetarian options when there's already meat? And then he, what? And then he says we have to accommodate his family. Well, what about your family, man?

Especially when you're paying for it. What is this guy talking about? Oh man, and then my favorite part, I think, is when you confront him about it, he tries to blame his mommy. Well, I didn't have a choice because you weren't listening to me even though you're paying for it, and my mommy told me to do it, so I just got to do it then. Yo OP, how many red flags does this guy have to show you before you realize you're marrying the wrong dude.

Alright, OP is posted on update, I'm expecting this to be hilarious, let's find out together. So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phone calls. She sent long walls of text just to address what I did at her son's workplace, calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged. She then went to explain how she noticed that me and my family kept acting dismissive of her son's input and contributions to the wedding. She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier but didn't and tried to keep the peace. She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in

the cancellation of the vegan option, but that didn't mean that she doesn't support her son's decision. Moreover, she thought it was so responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how the stuff is a waste of money. Yo, what, what am I reading? How was Potato Salad a waste of money? Okay, I'm sorry, I'm getting distracted here. She also pointed out how I kept saying, I paid for it and said that technically this isn't just my money, it's mine and his money since we're getting married and she suggested that I wise enough and get rid of my money I paid for it mentality. She finally mentioned how bad this whole situation is making me look and said that she and

her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off. And I decided to make this my weird hill to die on. She said that not only is her son upset, but she and her family are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agree on their compromise and be done done with it. What compromise? What's the compromise? This pissed me off beyond belief, and I responded by letting her know that I'm still sanding my ground on this, even if I have to call the whole wedding off because honestly,

this is just ridiculous. My mom and dad, they don't even know what to say anymore. Apparently, my fiance saw my response to her. He's with her and is now trying to call me. But right now, I'm waiting on him to get home to see if he's with her and is now trying to call me. But right now, I'm waiting on him to get home to see if he's still insisting on the stance that he took. Yo, I don't even know what to do with this post. I don't even know what to do with it, man. Okay, how is you spending money to buy yourself food a waste of money? How is that a waste of money?

Like, I don't understand why everyone in that family seems to think that the entire wedding should be catered exclusively to their tastes, and not at all to your family's taste when your family is the one paying for it. And like, how does your husband, your fiance, not know what vegetarians eat, what vegans eat? He's like, isn't salad what vegans eat? How long have you been dating this guy? And he has no idea what you eat. He's like, never once looked at your plate. He has no idea what you order at restaurants. He has no idea what you cook. Oh, he. Why are you with this dude? Clearly the only correct response if you're planning on going through with the wedding is to order exclusively vegan food and let them know that if they want to buy meat, then they can pay for it. This post is just so funny.

OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttles. I'm giving your fiance and his mom, let's say, 3 out of 5 buttles. Oh my god, I totally forgot that he did this all behind your back. I didn't even address that. There's so much wrong with this post. It's like every sentence that you speak makes your fiance and his family worse somehow. OP, please. Girl, you can do better.

I promise you, you can do better. That was our slash in my The Butthole, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.