rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole My Son Got KIDNAPPED!

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

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Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole where O-P's child gets kidnapped? Am I the butthole for refusing to stop saying that my mother kidnapped my son? I'm a 32-year-old woman. I immigrated to my husband's home country five years ago and we have a beautiful son, who's three. My mother, who's 52, has always been controlling and frankly is a typical narcissist. She was dead set against my moving, and even more upset when I had my son. Because between her husband being terminally ill and the pandemic, she wasn't able to meet my son until this week, and she's bitterly complained about how

we cheated her out of her special time with her first grandson. I wasn't exactly excited about her coming to visit us, but my husband convinced me that we should try to let our son have a relationship with her. Well, from the moment that she arrived, she complained. Our house is too small, the garden is overlooked, etc. She complained that my son doesn't speak much English so she can't communicate with them. She complained that my son didn't want a hugger and that he wanted to stay with his paternal grandmother. My son spilled a drink and she shouted at him. My husband and I are taking the gentle approach, so I told her not to do that and why. She lost it, telling

me that I have no idea how to raise a kid. I told her that she needs to respect my methods or she can leave. She stopped, but the whole rest of the day you could tell that she was furious. That night, my son was having one of those nights where he just wasn't going to sleep well. My poor husband had an IBS flare up in the early hours and we realized that we had no medication. When my son settled to sleep at around 7.30am, I decided to do a quick run to the 24 hour pharmacy to get some medication, leaving my son and husband both asleep on the sofa. I was gone for about 20 minutes, and when I came back, my mother's rental car was gone,

and so was my son while my husband was still asleep. He was as shocked as I was that they were gone. I called my mother's mobile phone, but got no answer. After 45 minutes of me becoming increasingly hysterical, I called the cops, who came out very fast. And when I explained what happened, they took things very seriously. Six hours later, my mother pulled back up and started telling the cops that I had told her that she could take my son out for the day. I'm currently six months pregnant, and she said that it must be my pregnancy brain. The police seemed to accept that and I actually liked the matter was closed since my son was home safely showing everyone the toys

that he had bought. I told my mother to leave and that I never wanted to see her again. She started telling family that I kicked her out for no reason and she can't find a hotel and they blew up my phone to which I told them that she kidnapped my son and I'm going to pursue this with the cops. Now, I'm being called the butthole for saying that my son was kidnapped when he was just taken on a day trip by his loving grandmother. And then an accusation like this could affect my mother's job as a nurse. Okay, well, if an accusation like this could affect your mother's job as a nurse, then maybe she shouldn't kidnap children. Alright, down in the comments, Diagnosed Wolf says the best. if your mother's job is a nurse, then maybe she shouldn't kidnap children.

Alright, down in the comments, Diagnosed Wolf says the best. Kidnapping is taking a child out of the custody of their legal guardian without permission or justification. That's literally the definition of what your mother did. By definition, she kidnapped your child. There's like a lot of laws against that. And it should affect her work as a nurse. There are rules about nurses not being kidnappers for a reason. They have to be able to be trusted with people who are vulnerable and kidnappers are, by

definition, untrustworthy. Yeah, I agree. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes for calling out your mother. Your mother on the other hand gets 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for asking my husband to stay with his family while he's unemployed? I'm a 30 year old woman and my husband is 32. I've been married for just over a year now and things couldn't be rockier.

I have a good job and make a decent amount of money, whereas my husband doesn't make as much as me. Due to this and the fact that he was still living with his parents when we got married, we decided that he would move in with me and I would continue to pay rent and bills as long as he put money towards other things that we may need as a couple. My name is the only name on the lease. However, once we got married, he started to cut down on his work hours without saying

anything first. He gave the explanation that I made plenty of money for the both of us, so he could just work part time and do the work around the house while I was the main breadwinner. I was fine with this, but I was a little upset that he just assumed that this would be okay, but I didn't say anything because I felt that was fair. He did do some work around the house, initially, but then he spent the majority of his time going out to the bar, playing video games, etc. To the point where I was the one both working and doing the cooking, cleaning, and other

household chores. My husband told me that he was laid off two months ago for reasons out of his control. I assumed that he would begin job hunting and I began to pay for everything. While I do earn a decent amount of money, it's not to the point where I can pay for rent, bills, groceries, insurance, contribute to emergency savings, and finance a lifestyle that my husband had started indulging in. I began paying for his nights out, giving him money for trips to look for work, etc. All this time, I was under the assumption that he would be searching for a new job, at least to finance his own hobbies.

About a week ago, I asked him how the job hunt was going, and he told me that he didn't feel like it was worth it. He said that he was comfortable with what we had now, and I wasn't happy to say the least. I confronted him about how I was doing everything to finance and take care of the household. Meanwhile, he just sat around and played video games. And during this argument, he let it slip that he actually quit and never looked for another job. I was furious that he lied to me and I told him that I didn't want him in my home right now.

Fast forward to now. My in-laws are understanding to an extent, but they're calling me a but-hole for not wanting him to come back home until he gets a job. Since kicking my husband out, I've seen him a few times, but never in our home, always out somewhere. I no longer pay for everything, and his attitude towards me is making me question our entire relationship. He's calling me a butthole for doing this to him, and I'm beginning to think that he's right.

Am I the butthole? Okay, let me be clear that personally, I think it's totally fine if one person works and makes all the money and the other person stays home. However, the person who stays home has to contribute somehow. If you're not contributing financially, then you have to cook or clean or raise the kid

or something. You can't just sit around playing video games and watching Netflix all day while your partner is off working. It's just not fair. It creates imbalance in the relationship and it's kind of destined for failure. So like not only is this guy not holding up his into the bargain, but he's consistently lied to you over and over and over again. He cut back his hours. He said he got fired when in reality he quit, and then he said that he's job hunting when, let's be honest, he's obviously not job hunting at all.

And worst of all, this behavior is emerging after just one year of being married. Like one year in, you guys are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase still, but already he's lying and manipulating you. Oh, these are red flags. If you indulge this behavior, it's going to get worse and worse. I'm also like really kind of suspicious about the whole. You giving him money for trips to find work? What?

Um, I mean, I've been to a lot of interviews in my time and I've never needed a lot of money to go interview for a job. Gas money I guess, but like how much are you loaning him? Because if it's like a hundred bucks or more, then this is super, super suspicious. I will say if it's like ten bucks for gas, then yeah that's not that suspicious. Am I the butthole for going home after I overheard my husband say that he didn't want to bring me with him on his family vacation? My husband goes on annual vacations with his family.

I'm on OK terms with them, but since we've only been married for a short time, I don't see his family much. We still have that barrier between us that keeps us from being completely comfortable around each other. His family arranged for a vacation last week. Out of curiosity, I asked if I could come. My husband felt hesitant, but I told him it would be a great opportunity for me to get to know his family better. He

agreed to take me, and his family was surprised to see me, but still, they welcomed me. On the third day of the vacation, his dad, mom, brothers, and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while I was preparing your fruit salad. As I was making my way back, I overheard my mother and I'll say, did she really have nowhere else to spend the weekend? At first, I had no idea who she was talking about so I kept on walking but I stopped once I overheard my husband say, I know! And I didn't want to bring her with me, but what was I supposed to do?

You know how pushy she can get. I instantly realized they were talking about me. I felt so shaken up to the point that I almost dropped the fruit salad. The whole time I was there, I cleaned, cooked, looked at for the kids, and this is what they think of me. An inconvenience? I quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first possible plane.

He called and texted me, but I didn't respond anything other than letting him know that I was home. When he got back, he went off on me, saying that what I did was disrespectful and juvenile. I told him that I overheard the conversation that he had with his mom, but he said that I was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms, so I should stop pushing to be around them when

they don't feel comfortable with me. Basically, he was saying that it was my fault for coming along in the first place. He said that going home like that made his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression of me. I think that I might have messed this up and somewhat ruined it for them as well. Okay, so when I was reading this story, I was kind of thinking to myself, well, you know, if it's like an only family thing and they just want to send, you know, grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, and their kids or whatever to this vacation, then like, I guess that's understandable that they don't want to bring in like other spouses. But then in the story, you said his dad, mom, brothers and their spouses were all sitting

at a table. That means they are okay with spouses being brought. They're just not okay with you being brought along. So OP, if I were in your shoes, I would be pissed. Like what's so bad about you that you aren't supposed to be on the vacation, but other sisters in law and other brothers in law can be on vacation like how does that make sense. And then they're gonna try to gaslight you by saying that you were eavesdropping. Man, you were doing chores, and they were rudely talking about you loudly when you were

right in the other room. That's not eavesdropping, that's being intentionally inconsiderate. Opie, why'd you marry this guy? Does he even like you? Does he even want to be around you? Because it really doesn't sound like it. Opie, why did you marry this guy? Does he even like you? Does he even want to be around you? Because it really doesn't sound like it. Opie, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I would have done the exact same thing, buy the first ticket out of there.

Your husband and his family get 3 out of 5 buttholes, and not only is what they did a huge red flag, but on top of that, they don't even feel guilt or shame about what they did to you. They're still trying to blame you for you leaving after they disrespected you. Ugh, all I gotta say is OP, good luck in your marriage because based on this story, things are not gonna end well. I don't know if this quite reaches a level of like a deal breaker for me, but it's pretty close.

Maybe it is a deal breaker? I feel like I could personally forgive it if like my spouse tried to like work past it and improve and make like attempts to bond with my get me to bond with her family, but like I would very seriously consider leaving after that like fundamental disrespect. That's pretty bad to be honest. Am I the butthole for how I responded to my mom when she said that I wasn't invited to her wedding? I'm a 15 year old girl, and I'm my mother's only daughter that she had from her previous marriage. She has two other kids, an 18 year old boy and a 16 year old boy. This is important to know. Last week, my mom was talking with one of her friends about what color she one of the bridesmaid

dresses to be. My mom has been planning this wedding with her new boyfriend for the past two months or so, and they've been engaged for about one year. The wedding is in December and on the day before my birthday. Me and my mom have been planning a party for me around the same time as her wedding. She insisted that this was all right and that her boyfriend and her would go in their honeymoon the next day. While she was talking, I asked her when we were going to look for my dress and she had asked me to be the flower girl. I could see the disappointed look on her face when I asked her, which confused me. She responded only a few minutes later and said, We'll talk about it later. A few hours later, my mom came up to me.

I thought she was going to talk about the dress situation, but instead, she sat me down and explained how her new boyfriend thought that it would be a better fit for their three daughters to leave the wedding. Whatever, I was cool with that. But it's important to note that my mom had always wanted all girls. I was a girl, but I looked too much like my father, which caused us to reign in our relationship. My dad explained to me how my mother had posed part in when she had me, and she just couldn't connect with me because of it.

So when she gave birth to my three younger siblings who all looked like her, triplets, by the way, she was obviously overjoyed. It hurt to see, but I was happy for her. My brothers had a similar experience, but they were significantly better because they looked more like her. I know this is probably an overdramatic thing to say, but sometimes I feel like my mother didn't feel as connected with me at birth because I was a letdown right out of the gate. After she was done explaining, I asked her again about the dress because I still didn't

have one. Again, she had that same disappointed look on her face before telling me that I was not invited to the wedding. Simply because her boyfriend thought that I would upset his family because I was from my mom's previous marriage and he didn't like my dad. She also explained how my birthday party wasn't happening either due to him wanting to go in their honeymoon right away. This turned into a screaming match with me yelling, I'm sorry I don't look like you enough for you to love me. I'm sorry that you're too conceited for you to get over the fact that I look

like my dad. That same hour her boyfriend kicked me out because she had cried to him about what I said. My two older brothers found out what happened, and now they're refusing to go to the wedding, which upset her even more. Though, I don't care about how she feels right now. My brothers have an actual relationship with her, and I probably just messed up their relationship by letting my anger get the best of me. Am I the butthole? And OP clarifies that she lives with her dad full time, so when they kicked her out, it wasn't like kicking her out onto the street, she just went to her dad's.

OP, it sounds like from what you're saying in this story that you're starting to really understand the core truth here, which is that deep down your mother just doesn't love you that much. Which sucks, obviously, but like, what can you do about it? You've tried to be involved in your mom's life, but she just doesn't like you because you look like your dad, which is a stupid, stupid reason. Honestly, your mother's behavior is disgusting here, and I am completely on your side. I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mom'm giving you zero out of five buttholes.

I'm giving your mom and her fiance four out of five buttholes. That was our slash of my the butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.