rSlash - r/AmITheA--hole My Wife Hates Our Gay Daughter

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash, am I the butthole where a mom gaybashes her own daughter? Am I the butthole for telling my wife that she has to respect our daughter not wanting her to meet her girlfriend because she made it this way? So I have a 16 year old daughter, Harley. My wife is extremely, extremely religious and is very against anything other than what's written in the Bible. I'm religious too, but once Harley arrived, it got me thinking, what if my daughter does something that doesn't fit into my beliefs? My wife, however, is the exact opposite of me. Now onto the conflict. About a year ago, my daughter said that she liked girls.

She told me first, and then together, the two of us sat my wife down and told her the news. My wife was not happy with it. My wife didn't say anything to Harley, and just looked disappointed. I was upset at this. As long as our partners aren't hurting her in any way, it's not our place to shame her for that. I told my wife that she cannot try to tear our daughter down because she doesn't agree, and she's going to have to make a sacrifice for the sake of our daughter and her well-being, and to please make her

feel supported. It turns out my wife was going to my daughter and showing her all these different dating apps of only men trying to set her up with guys, recommending that she date one of her friend's son and forcing her to go out with him. She told my daughter that this wasn't normal and she has to go to a confession because this is a face. This has been going on for months and I had no idea. My wife would stop doing it when I was around and my daughter ended up breaking down when I asked her what was going on and she told me everything to say that

I was angry would be an understatement. I am furious at my wife. Honestly, what she did was so outdated and cruel to the point that I stopped sleeping with her in the bed and I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom for a while. I can't even look at her. We went to marriage counseling after this and my wife hasn't changed much. She still lets these type of comments slip, but she bites her tongue more, I guess. My daughter got a girlfriend, and she wanted me to meet her. She sat down with both of us, and she said that she only wanted me to meet her, and that she didn't trust my wife enough to not make a comment about this. As I was getting ready to leave, my wife was mad about this, saying that she couldn't believe Harley could exclude her from this. As I was getting ready to leave, my wife was mad about this, saying that she couldn't

believe Harley could exclude her from this. I said, really, you can't believe this, you made our daughter feel this way, and the only way to fix this is to get over your ridiculous homophobia. I told her that she's letting her religion get in the way of the love for her daughter, and in a few more years, she'll be asking why Harley doesn't even talk to her anymore. I said that until she can show our daughter how much we love and support her, she can't interfere with this. This is a step forward for our daughter, and she doesn't get to stop all over that. My wife started crying and stopped speaking to me.

She told our therapist this, and he thinks that I was wrong because this is what she grew up with. But I think that's just an excuse for homophobia. My family is also saying that I'm the butthole. So am I? Look, OP, if your wife wants to bomb her relationships with both you and her daughter because some old book tells her to, then that's her right, I guess. I mean, it makes her terrible parent, but if that's her choice, then I mean, I guess you're gonna make that choice. Unfortunately, for UOP, it sounds like you're at a fork in the road. It looks like you're gonna have to choose between a relationship with your daughter and a relationship with your wife, because I don't think the two can mutually

coexist anymore. Also, I'm just gonna guess I've got no evidence to back this up, but I'm just going to assume I've got no evidence to back this up, but I'm just going to assume that your marriage counselor and your therapist is just some dude at your church. Maybe it's your pastor or whatever, but like if you go to a church and you get marriage advice from the church or therapy from the church,

you kinda have to assume there's gonna be a certain degree of, well, what does the Bible say? And the Bible says gay people bad, so that means your gay daughter bad. Anyways, OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes for supporting your daughter. Because you're right, if you don't support your daughter during this time, she's going to completely cut you out of her life. Your wife, I'm giving four out of five buttholes, because even though she has a right to prioritize her religion, she's still a terrible parent. Am I the buttoll for refusing to split rent with my boyfriend? I'm a 23 year old woman and I've been dating my boyfriend Jake who's 23 since our freshman

year of college. In our last year of undergrad, we decided to rent an apartment together. We split everything 50-50, utilities, groceries, and rent. We continue living together in the same town as our college after graduation, but recently we both got jobs in Chicago and were currently living downtown. My dad works in real estate and he has multiple investment properties. My dad generously allowed me to live in one of his properties rent-free, but he said that my boyfriend would have to pay him 400 bucks a month for rent. My dad is very protective, but he's been nothing but kind to my boyfriend.

My dad's reasoning for making my boyfriend pay rent is that he wants to make sure that my boyfriend is with me for me and not because he wants a free place to live. Keep in mind that if my dad was running this apartment out to tenants, he would charge 2100 bucks a month for rent. It's a very ritty building in the middle of downtown Chicago. My boyfriend does mad at me because he asked me for my half of the $400 for rent, but I explained to him that I would not be paying rent. My dad is only charging him.

He says that we've been splitting rent for the past two years, so why would we stop now? Our rent in our college town was $1,200, so we were both paying $600 bucks a month. Our new apartment in Chicago is significantly nicer, and he's paying $200 less a month than what he was in college. Is the idea that my dad doesn't charge me for rent, but charges my boyfriend so crazy? Should I suck it up and pay half because I can afford it? OP, OP, you literally are paying your half of rent. You're paying more than your half of rent. Rent for that apartment is 2100 bucks a month. Because of your relationship with the dad, you're effectively covering the rest of the rent, which is what, $1,700, and all

he has to do is cough up $400 bucks? You're getting your boyfriend a sweetheart deal, a family discount, and his response is to say, yeah, but you can give me more, right? Oh, P, your boyfriend isn't being fair to you or your dad. But the thing is, if you went along with what your boyfriend said, then you wouldn't be fair to your dad, right? It's his apartment, it's his building, he owns it, so he can run it out to whoever he wants.

He's losing 1700 bucks a month by giving an apartment to you, his daughter, and the only thing he's asking for is that your boyfriend coughs up 400 bucks, but he can't even do that. Oh, P, your boyfriend is being entitled, and your dad is being super generous. I'm giving you and your dad zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your boyfriend 1.5 out of five buttholes. Honestly, OP, your boyfriend's lucky that your dad isn't charging him the full $1,050 amount, which is half of the 2100. Am I the butthole for saying I'd call the police if a family heirloom wasn't returned

to my adopted daughter? I'm a 28-year-old woman, and I'm at my husband X who's 30, 10 years ago. At the time, he was a single father to a six-month-old baby girl, Lily, who's currently 11. I worked at the bakery that he would stop at every Saturday before their walk, and eventually we started going out. We got married six years ago, and I legally adopted Lily soon after that. In my family, it's tradition that the oldest daughter gets gifted an old sapphire ring on her 11th birthday. The ring belonged to my grandmother, who gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me because all of my cousins are male. Lily's 11th birthday was a few months ago, and I gave the ring to her because she's my oldest

daughter. She loves that ring more than anything. She put it on a chain to wear around her neck so that she could take better track of it, and in the month that she's had it, I've never seen her take it off. My sister Mia, who's 24, is one of Lily's favorite people. Lily really loves her aunt, and sometimes me will just text to let me in my husband know that she's picking Lily up from school to go eat or go to the bookstore or something like that. The other day, I got one of those texts from me, so I just told

her to be safe, have fun, and make sure that my daughter came home in a decent time because it was school night. Lily got home about an hour after we had dinner, and she barely said hello to her dad or me before she went up to her room. I thought that maybe she was just tired. So my husband and I didn't immediately ask her what was going on, but later that night I went to go check on her because I wanted to be sure. When I walked into her room, I saw that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong, and it took a minute, but she eventually told me that Mia took the ring from her because it's a family heirloom that's supposed to go to the actual oldest

daughter. And since I adopted her, that means that she isn't really family. The only reason that I didn't go to Mia's apartment that night to get it back was because I spent the rest of the evening reassuring Lily that she is my family. And that she's 100% my actual oldest daughter, no matter what our DNA is or what anyone else says. I left Mia a voicemail the next morning telling her to return the ring before I drive over there and get it myself.

She texted saying that she would only give it to me if I had a daughter before she did. But until then, she would keep it safe to make sure that I didn't give it back to the wrong person. So I told her that if she didn't return the ring by 2pm that day, I'd be calling the cops and reporting it stolen. She started texting like crazy, saying that I was being ridiculous and doing too much. Our mom is in on it now too. And she thinks that saying that I would contact the police was taking it too far, and that Mia was only trying to keep the family tradition alive. Man, that sentence pisses me off. She says that contacting the police would be taking it too far. Okay, how exactly is reporting a theft taking it too far? But stealing in the first place isn't taking it too far.

And how come Mia's actions are defensible because she's only trying to keep alive the family tradition? Meanwhile, the aunt who gave you the ring was trying to keep alive the family tradition as were you who gave your ring to your daughter. And like, do we even need to get into the point that this woman stole from an 11 year old child? Then, to this child's face, she said, oh, sweetie, we can't let you have this ring because you're not real family. What a disgusting thing to say to someone who's 11 years old. I mean, it's disgusting to say to anyone at any age. But 11 years old is especially bad because that's the phase of a person's

life where they're really struggling to find their own identity. And then to get slapped with, oh sweetie, you're not a blood relative, so you're not family. That has to be devastating to an 11 year old girl. OP, you are not the butthole in this situation. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. If anything, I wouldn't have even given the warning. I would have called the cops immediately if I were in your shoes. Your daughter obviously gets zero out of five buttholes. Your sister Mia gets 4.5 out of five buttholes. In my opinion, what she said to your daughter comes pretty close to crossing over into unforgivable territory. Am I the butthole for denying my mom access

to her grandson because she refuses to help me? I'm a 32 year old woman, and my husband and I are first time parents to an eight month old son, Jack. I've struggled since he was born. I had a difficult pregnancy. My son had colic, and my maternity leave was short. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression depression and I'm getting treatment. My husband and I both have demanding jobs. I'd love to quit, but we can't afford it right now. I don't have many friends in the state where we live, and I'm lonely. My mother-in-law is in poor health, and my husband has gone two times a week helping her. I haven't had a day or an evening off since Jack was born. Plus, our

home was flooded by a broken pipe five months ago. Handling the cleanup has been a nightmare. My mom, who's 67, lives one hour away, and has never once offered to help with anything. We've always had a pretty good relationship. She was a stay-at-home mom, and was very loving and devoted to my brother, sister, and me. She's an empty nester and spends her days doing yoga and seeing friends. My mom only wants to see the baby if it's very low effort. I asked her a few times if she could babysit or run an errand, but she always says no. Once I called her at the height of my depression, sobbing, saying that I was scared to be alone

and asking if she could come over, but she couldn't because she had brunch plans. So I stopped asking for anything until today. My best friend of 25 years is getting married next weekend in another state, which is 2 hours away by plane. I'm the maid of honor and my husband is officiating. Children are not invited because the venue was unsafe. About seven months ago, we started looking for someone to watch Jack. We called everyone we could think of, and after a month of searching, we finally found a babysitter in that state through a friend of a friend.

Well, the babysitter called on Friday and canceled. I've spent the past three days calling child care agencies was zero luck. I finally explained my desperation to my mom and asked if she could watch Jack for 24 hours. I even offered to fly my mom to that state with us, get her a hotel room, and in that case, she would only need to watch him for five hours. I was in tears begging her, but my mom said no. She said that she had a yoga class that she doesn't want to cancel. That was the straw that I was in tears, begging her. But my mom said no. She said that she had a yoga class that she doesn't want to cancel. That was the straw that broke the camel's back after months of no empathy as I floundered

with postpartum depression. I told my mom that since she is never willing to help, ever I'll be cutting off all contact and she will not get to see your grandson. I know that my mom is under no obligation to help us, but then she shouldn't expect to see my son. Am I the butthole for denying my mom a relationship with her grandson because she never offers to help? That OP, you're not the butthole at all here, because relationships have to be two way. That's how relationships work. Your mom is being very selfish.

She's only willing to engage with you and your son on her terms. And if it doesn't work for her, or if she has brunch, then tough like sweetie. So the only thing you're doing OP is returning the exact same energy. Your mom has basically decided not to be a part of your life. So you're just honoring that. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. Um, I am not sure if I want to give the mother here, 2 out of 5 buttholes who are being an absent grandmother, or if I want to give her 0 out of 5 buttholes because technically it is her right to not be involved in her daughter and her granddaughter's life anymore, if that's her desire. I think I'm inclined to say zero out of five buttholes because even though it's cold and callous,

technically it's her right, right? She's not obligated to be involved in her daughter and her granddaughter's life. If she would rather do yoga then she can do yoga. Hopefully when she's dying on her deathbed all of her yoga friends can come comfort her. That was our slash of my the butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.