rSlash - r/AmITheA--hole She's Trying to Adopt Me Against My Will!

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

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Am I the butthole for calling the cops on my fiance? I'm a 35 year old man and last night my fiance? I'm a 35-year-old man, and last night my fiance, a 38-year-old woman, left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. She implied that she'd be home before 9. She left at around 7.45 pm. 10.15 rolled around, and she still wasn't home. I texted, and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over, maybe 30 minutes away, and she was coming home now. 11.45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so I called her, no answer. I texted

her, no response. I was getting very upset. 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. I was extremely angry. One 30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. She wasn't answering my calls and my texts weren't read. Around 145 in the morning I called the cops. I've always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important so I didn't want a delay. I asked the cop to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her

car, and the 911 operator told me that they would put the word out and send some cops to check along the route that she would travel. I called all the hospitals in the area to ask if she had been checked in, and I waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because I didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because I was sick with worry. At 7am she came home. She apologized for being out and said that she had no excuse.

She said that she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. When she did that, she found out that her brand new phone had stopped working. She says that she napped anyways because that was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7 a.m. to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. I immediately called the cops and told them she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching. My fiance brought the kids to school and left for work. I started cleaning, which de-stresses me sometimes, and I got a call from a cop asking me where she worked.

I told him and asked why, and I was told that it's their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person has found. I asked them to not go buy her work, but to give her a call instead. And he said that he couldn't promise anything. My fiance is relatively new to her job. A police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. She's now enraged at me for calling the cops and sending a cop to her work and making her look bad. She's saying that I overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that I was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. She's saying that I overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that I was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. She's saying that she's never going to leave the house again except for work because she's afraid I'm going to call the cops on her again.

So did I overreact? Should I have waited two days like she suggests? Opie, I wouldn't worry. I don't really believe her when she says that she'll never leave the house again except to work because how else will she find time to sleep with her secret lover? Come on OP, you're not really buying this are you? She's so sleepy that she has to sleep overnight, her phone magically dies with a funny coincidence, and despite the fact that she fell asleep without an alarm clock, she still woke up just

in time to get the kids to school and get to work on time. Isn't that such a lucky coincidence? I admit I've actually done this before, I've gotten so sleepy while driving that I had to pull over and sleep in the car. And the next morning I did not wake up at 6am, I slept till like 9 or 10 I want to say, why? Because I was so sleepy that I was falling asleep at the wheel, so obviously my body needed rest. And you know, obviously she's either getting railed or she's doing drugs. But even if that weren't the case, even if her story were true, then you're still in the clear because what you did was very caring and considerate. You should report her missing.

Like, what if she hit a tree and she was bleeding out on the side of the road and you call the cops to patrol the road and they find her in the savor like that's very, very plausible. It's not your fault the cops went to check on her. So no matter how you look at this story, your fiance is still the butthole. I'm giving her 1.5 out of 5 buttholes for getting upset at you when you were trying to be considerate. I'm giving her an additional 3 out of 5 buttholes for getting upset at you when you were trying to be considerate. I'm giving her an additional 3 out of 5 buttholes for screwing another guy.

Alright. Down in the comments, someone says, not the butthole, but you know that this isn't the truth, right? And OP replies, I did ask her about why her brand new phone stopped working and she eventually confessed that she dropped it in a puddle. But when she got home, it seemed to be working. Edit, I think this would be more believable if it had actually rained in the last few weeks. Edit, my fiance has informed me that she was embarrassed

but the truth is she dropped it in the toilet, not a puddle. What, this makes the story even less believable. My phone is, it was a Samsung, Samsung S8. When did that come out? Samsung S8. It came out in 2017, it sounds like a five year old phone, and my phone is completely waterproof. I've dropped my Samsung in water, pulled it out, brushed it off, and it still works just fine.

But we're supposed to believe that a brand new phone is going to stop working when you drop it into a puddle Namin, I'm not buying it. These are lies upon lies upon lies OP and if you believe it you're a moron Am I the butthole for not letting my daughter use her college fund for a wedding or house? I'm a 43 year old woman who has four kids L a 22 year old woman Katie a 17 year old girl who was four kids. L, a 22-year-old woman, Katie, a 17-year-old girl, Cam, a 15-year-old boy, and Ila a 5-year-old girl. Also, I'm currently pregnant. Me and my husband started adding to college funds every month for each of our kids,

pretty much as soon as we found out that we're pregnant. I won't say the exact amount, but my husband has an excellent job, so it's more than most. We never told our kids, because it just didn't feel necessary. El got pregnant when she was 16 and ended up dropping out of school. I was very disappointed, but I understood. However, I was under the impression that she would return to school later, but she has no plans to. The dad stuck around and now they have one more kid, who's three, and another on the

way. They're engaged, but they don't plan to marry until they can afford it. They were doing okay financially for a while, but due to the market right now, they've been struggling because Elle can't get a job since she doesn't have a diploma, so we've been loaning them money. Katie's a senior and just got accepted into college. We've been setting everything up, and obviously she knows about the fun now. Katie and Elle were talking, and she was telling Elle about school, and Elle asked how she was planning on paying for it, and Katie responded,

My college fund. I was in the room while they were talking, and this made me panic. We had just planned on splitting it between the four remaining kids, since we knew that they were going to college. Elle asked me if all the kids had one, and I wasn't gonna lie, so I said yes. She got really excited and went to call her fiance and tell him the good news. I was confused and told her that she couldn't have the money. She asked why, and I said that it's for school. She got upset and left my house. The next day I got a call from Elle, and she was crying and begging me to let her

have the fun so she could finally afford a down payment and maybe even a wedding. I told her she could have the money if she went back to school and whatever money was left over she could use for whatever she wanted. She got super mad and started yelling at me saying that it's her money. I told her that it's MY money and those were my conditions and she hung up. Now we're being harassed by her fiancée's family, who aren't as fortunate as us, calling us buttholes and a lot of other names. They're saying that it's all gonna go to waste if she doesn't use it, that we're setting her up for failure, etc.

Now I'm wondering if I'm the butthole because my dad said that we should give her the money because we saved it for her after all. So am I the butthole? I literally just set up one of these accounts for my daughter, and there's some really important context about this type of account for this story. First of all, typically when someone sets up an education account, it's in their name, not the recipient's name. The reason for that is, you can't guarantee that that person's going to actually go to

college, or you might want to use it on someone else instead, so typically it's just logical to keep it in your name, which makes it 100% your money even if you're planning on spending it on someone else later. And OP clarified in the story that it's in her name, so even though she intended to get that to her oldest daughter, actually, it's OP's money. Also, the way these accounts are set up is basically the government wants a well-educated population, so they are encouraging people to spend money on education and the way they do that is when you put money in this account, when you spend it on education, it's untaxed. However, this is a special fund that only applies to education. So, if you take money out

of that account and spend it on a wedding or a house or a car, then it will be taxed and you might even have to pay penalties on it. The other really important thing about this account is that you can spend it on anyone. So even though OP isn't going to spend this money on L, L has three kids now. L has two kids in another on the way, so they might go to college. If L's not getting the money, then OP can save the account, let it grow over time, and then her grandkids can go to college. If L's not getting the money, then OP can save the account, let it grow over time, and then her grandkids can go to college. Now, that being said, I am actually going to disagree with the majority of people down in the comments in this post. Most people are saying that OP is not the butthole because it's OP's money and OP can spend money however she wants.

And yes, that is correct. If OP doesn't want to spend money on L, then that's her prerogative. However, I do think that it's a butthole move to not spend money on your five kids equally. To put it simply, it's just not fair. Obviously, OP would prefer that L go to school and she's got money set aside for that, but if L decides not to go to school, then in my opinion, it's deeply unfair to spend money on the other kids, but not on

L. If I were in OP shoes, I think she has two ethical courses of action here. One is to say, okay, L, yes, I set this money aside, and I can give you one fifth of the total amount of money in here because I have five kids. But I need you to understand that this is an education account, and if I spend this money on things other than education, it'll be severely taxed and maybe even penalized. So even though I'm giving you the same amount of money that I'm giving the other kids, by the time it gets to you because of the taxes, it'll be significantly less than your

siblings. If you go to school, however, you can get the full amount. And if Elle decides that she wants to take that money, then that's Elle's choice. The other course of action is to say, Elle, I understand why you're upset, but I'm not going to give you this money. This money is specifically set aside for education. However, if any of your three kids in the future go to college or go to a private school and they need the money for education, then I'm happy to give you your share of the account to help pay for that.

So I guess overall this feels like an everyone sucks here situation. The daughter L gets one out of five buttholes for being a little entitled because it's not really her money, it's OP's money, and I'm giving OP two out of five buttholes for not treating her five kids equally. Am I the butthole for calling my stepmother delusional for thinking that I would change my mind on her adopting me? My mom died when I was six years old. My dad ended up turning to one of his good friends, Anna, and they ended up getting married when I was seven. Anna brought up the idea of adopting me the day of the wedding. It was something that my dad was all for, but I went nuts when she mentioned it to me, and I kind of spoiled the rest of the wedding. For the next year, we did this really intense therapy

where I was told over and over again by the therapist and them that I needed a mom, that it would provide safety for me and that it was not a betrayal of my mom to accept another loving mom into my life. The therapist recommended the court approved the adoption, but when the judge spoke to me, I told him that I would run away

and that I would do everything to never come back. I was eight at the time and I meant business. The judge asked me why I didn't want to be adopted. He listened. And when he addressed the court again, he denied the adoption request and told my dad and Anna that until I was on board, no adoption would be approved in his court. They did try again, requesting a different judge, but received the same response. I was asked constantly to change my mind. Anna would put everything into trying to fill the place of a mom in my life. Every time I told her that she could never be my mom, she took it as a challenge to try harder and better.

And she would dedicate so much time to me, it was crazy! I never appreciated it because instead of her just being Anna and instead of my dad telling her to just be Anna, she saw Mom as the only thing that she wanted to be. Even when she had kids of her own with my dad, she called me her oldest son. I was her son, her boy. She called herself a boy mom, etc. Whereas I never called her mom. If we're being honest, I don't even love her after all these years.

I see her as more of an intrusive family member who won't stop. My relationship with my dad also isn't the best because I don't like that he won't take no for an answer and that he was so quick to try to push an adoption. Even after I told him that I would rather be with my grandparents or an aunt or an uncle or a close family friend to Anna if he died, he insisted being with Anna and her being my mom was the best for me. I turned 18 a few months ago, and I ran like my butt was on fire to get away from dad and Anna.

I lived with my maternal grandparents for a while before moving in with my maternal uncle, who lived near a really good apprenticeship I wanted to join. My paternal grandparents celebrated their wedding anniversary this past weekend, and I was there. While there, Anna approached me and handed me papers for an adult adoption. She told me that she loved me, and she wanted me to know that it wasn't too late, and that she would still adopt me, and she wanted to make our relationship official as mother and son. I asked her how she could be so delusional when I've said no to being adopted for 11 years now. I told her I would not change my mind. She and my dad were so pissed at my choice of

words, and chaos ensued at the party. Am I the butthole? No! You know why? Because no means no! Look, kids are kids, so they can't always give consent, but what a kid can do is give non-consent. A kid can say no, and that's perfectly fine. No, I don't want to. I don't like it. I don't want it. I don't want to happen. No! No means no means no! People people like the stupid image of portraying of Anna as being a loving stepmother who only wants the best for her stepson and wants to have a deep long-lasting profound heart to heart connection with her stepson. It's bullshit man, it's bull shit because if she were so deeply invested in her stepson's

happiness and she truly loved her with her heart of hearts. Then she would listen to what her stepson is telling her. But poor OP has to try to stand his ground as an eight-year-old against his dad, against a stepmom, against his extended family, against therapists after therapists telling him, oh, you need a mother sweetie, well, I don't want one. Tough, man. No. If your stepmother really wants your love and respect that badly, then she can start by listening to you.

This is going to be an extreme metaphor, but it almost feels like OP is living with a stalker. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. If you don't want Anna to be your official mom, then that's completely your prerogative. I'm giving Anna and your father 2 out of 5 buttholes. If your kid tells you no consistently over the course of 11 years, then I think he really means no. Get a clue, people! Also, let me just say I'm really, really impressed that multiple judges took O.P. side. I had no idea that family court judges would give that much credibility to the opinion of an eight-year-old. I would have just assumed in that scenario they would rule in favor of the parents,

but man, multiple judges said, nah, I'm with OP on this one. And the parents responded by trying to further undermine OP and the judges by getting different judges. This is a, this is toxic. This is actually toxic. That was our slash of my The Butthole. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. toxic. This is actually toxic. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this

content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.