rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Catching a Food Thief at Work?

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is being terrorized by one of the worst kinds of villains: an office food thief! OP investigates and catches the dirty food thief red handed as he was literally sitting down to eat OP's lunch. OP confronts the food thief and embarrasses him in front of the entire office. Some coworkers said that OP went too far by embarrassing the food thief. What do you think? If you ask me, food thieves deserve to be embarrassed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole where OP catches a lunch thief red handed? Am I the butthole for embarrassing a lunch thief at work? So pretty much the title. I don't think that I'm the butthole, but I've been getting some flack for it, so I really want to clear this up. So I started a new job recently. I work in a small studio. There are several other people in the building.

Think OpenPlanOffice was sections assigned to each studio. The person I had an altercation with doesn't work for my studio, just FYI. I eat lunch at about one and most people eat at 12. I came down early to eat at noon, made coffee, and while I was at the counter, I noticed my top-wear in the sink empty. Imagine my surprise when I turned around and saw a man I didn't know sitting down at the table with my food on his plate. He had just stuck it in the microwave. Acting rashly since I was mad, I sat down next to him and said, hey, that looks good. Mind if I try it?

Then before waiting for an answer, I yanked the plate away from him and snatched his fork out of his hand. He just blinked and shocked as did the other people there as I started eating. He then, quite loudly, asked what I thought I was doing and I replied, huh, you know, this was actually much better when I first cooked it. It probably lost some flavor in the fridge. He caught on quickly that it was my food and he went a little red. I then asked him where he got the gall to steal someone else's lunch and then asked them

what they were doing when they took it back. He stuttered out some nonsense about not knowing that it was mine and I replied, well, you knew that it wasn't yours, right? He just mumbled something like an apology and I said, that's no problem. It was nice you warmed it up for me at least and an admittedly bitchy tone. Then he just got up and left and the two people there just stared in silence. Two of the silent watchers, maybe his friends, I don't know, told me that I was rude to him and that there had to have been nicer ways to go about it. I told them to think about how they would feel if someone ate their food and and then I said they should focus on their lunch, and I'll focus on mine. Well, it's been

a little awkward at lunch since then, and I have the impression that a few people are talking trash about me at work now. Maybe I could have been nicer, sure. I still don't think that I was wrong, but tell me, Reddit, am I the butthole? Lunge thieves are like a really, really common story on not just am I the butthole, but just like a cross all of subreddit. It's apparently a really common thing where people just open a fridge, they grab a random meal that isn't theirs, and they think they're just entitled to it. But in every single story, regardless of the circumstance, I don't care if the guy is starving,

he's still stealing someone else's food. So no, you're not the butthole OP, you have every right to eat the food that you paid for. I mean some people say, oh well, we don't know his circumstance. Well, we know the guy has a job, so if he has a job, then he can afford to feed himself. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. The lunch thief gets two out of five buttholes. The people who called you out for your behavior get one out of five butthole. Am I the butthole for being openly hostile towards my sister and telling on her, thus potentially making her husband lose custody of his children? I'm not gonna be shy about this. My sister sucks. She's a horrible self-centered person who thinks that she's the main character. She's not only a horrible person, she's a step monster.

She married this guy who's a freaking push over three years ago. He has two kids, ten and six. My sister constantly complains about them, saying things like, the six-year-old is gross because he sips too loud, or he has stained clothing. For the love of God, he's six! That's what a child is supposed to do, and she's so mean to the 10-year-old girl. She acts straight out jealous of her. I've caught my sister taunting the little girl, saying that Daddy loves my sister more than her. She's horrible. I have straight up called her out on this after trying to talk to her like a million times. At Christmas, she was saying that it would be nice to have kids there and I said,

why? You hate them. This was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband has been more money on her than on her daughter. A fight ensued. My parents reprimanded me, but my cousins took my side and called her out. Noting all the moments they'd witnessed her being horrible, her husband obviously took her side and said that she was a wonderful stepmother and that the kids love her. To which I said, that was a lie, as I consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. They left and we haven't talked since. One day I was running errands and I ran into my step-net fuse while they were with their mother. I had never met the woman before and honestly she was wonderful. We decided to

have some coffee. While the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved. I said they were wonderful and then I spilled the beans on my sister. How awful she was! What I've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex-husband, etc. By the end, she was horrified. She said that her kids didn't like her stepmother, but she always chalked it up to my sister being the new woman in their father's life. She said the kids never really told her anything, even when she asked.

I then told her that I was very concerned for the children. Because my sister head straight up told the 10-year-old that it would be better if she disappeared from her father's life. Their mother saw red and asked me if I would be willing to testify. She said this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. I said that I would recount the events that I'd witnessed and could ask my cousin to witness a lot too. She was very grateful. I asked my cousins who were all willing to recount their version of events. Word got around to my parents and by extension my sister.

They've been calling me the biggest butthole in the planet who would betray family on a whim. Am I the butthole? So yeah, you betrayed your family. The problem is that your family is a literal child abuser. So in this case, you should betray your family. Who would want to support a child abuser, family, or not family? O.P. I got your back on this one. You get zero out of five buttholes. Your You get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your sister gets 4 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for lashing out of my husband for using a picture of my son as his phone home screen wallpaper? I got married to my husband 4 months ago.

I have a 5 year old son for my previous marriage and my husband adores him. We were out at dinner last night and I asked my husband for his phone to check payment options for our meal. I unlocked the screen and I saw my son's picture set as the home screen wallpaper. I asked my husband how long it's been there and he said two months. I got upset and pointed out that it wasn't wise of him to use a picture of my son as his home screen wallpaper for strangers to see. He said that pretty much almost no one touches his phone, so I shouldn't worry about my son's picture being seen by strangers. I told him that they don't have to touch his phone to see his phone's home screen. He said I should relax, because it's not like he posted it on social media.

And besides, he only used my son's picture as his home screen wallpaper to be able to look at him all the time because he misses him while he's at work. I demanded he remove it, but he said no. I insisted and an argument ensued to the point where I got up, paid my part of the bill, and walked out of the restaurant. He decided to stay at a hotel because he was overwhelmed and texted me about how deeply I heard him, and he told me that he removed the picture entirely from his phone if that would make me happy. Then, he went on to say that I overreacted, and by the looks of it, he's expecting an

apology from me after what happened. Was I the butthole or was he? Opie, I'm utterly and completely confused by this post. It makes no sense whatsoever. I don't understand why you care so much about a stranger seeing a picture of your son. How is that any better or worse than just like your son being on planet Earth, like walking around? Right? Like when you go to the grocery store with your son, do you run around gouging people's eyes out so they won't see your son as you turn around every aisle?

Do you put a face mask over him? Do you put a paper bag over his head when you take him to the park so no one can see his face? What about school? What about all the other kids and teachers at school who see his face like, I don't, I can't even understand why you would think this is a problem. It just makes no sense. And then it's not like this is

some random guy who has a picture of your son on his phone. It's your husband. It is your son's stepfather who I would assume you would want to have a good relationship with your son. Right. So I don't get it. There's some like fundamental assumption about the world that you're making in this post that you did not put into words. And as a result, I don't get it OP, there's some like fundamental assumption about the world that you're making in this post that you did not put into words. And as a result, I don't know what the f*** you're talking about. So yeah, OP, you did overreact. I'm giving your husband zero out of five buttholes. He sounds like a stand-up guy, to be honest. I'm giving you like two out of five buttholes, maybe like 1.5, but I'm giving you five out of five on the weirdo scale. I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know what you're thinking or why you're thinking about this,

but this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I'm literally trying to like, I'm trying to guess why you care about this. Are you afraid that he's a peto? Are you afraid that other people are and that they'll see your son? But if that's the case, why, like, why do you care about a picture but not about him walking around in a park or going to school? Alternatively, is it the case that literally no one sees your son? Is he like some home-schooled shut-in who never sees the light of day?

This is weird, OP. This is really weird. I don't understand what's going on. Am I the butthole for refusing to drive the neighbors child home from school when he called me an F-sler? I'm 18 years old and in high school. I bought myself my first car this year and I buy my own gas, but my parents let me put the car on their insurance instead of getting my own. In exchange for a few chores including driving my neighbors' child home from

school occasionally when the parents are working late. Last Friday, my parents asked me to pick the neighbor's boy Kyle up from school. He's a high school freshman, but he skipped a grade so he's younger than usual. Maybe he performed better academically, but honestly, he's immature even for his age. Also for context, I'm a lesbian, and just a week ago I asked my crush to be my girlfriend and she said yes! Now another thing about me driving, I'm new to driving and my parents have told me that it's really important not to be distracted driving. If there's ever a distraction like my brother misbehaving, I should pull over and not drive

again until I can drive without a distraction. They don't let me drive my friends, they don't let me drive anyone except for my brother and Kyle because they could be a distraction. So I was driving my brother and Kyle home last Friday and Kyle says, I heard you're an F-sler, but he didn't censor himself. I had just pulled out of the school driveway and gone maybe 30 feet. I pulled over, parked the car on someone's driveway, turned around and said, excuse me, what did you just say? And he goes, are you an F-sler? And I go, I have a girlfriend, but you can't be using that word.

Ever, you hear me? He said, so you're an F-sler then. I said, did your father or mother teach you that word? He said, no, everyone knows what you are. I asked where he learned that word. Was it at home? He said, no, I'm not an R word. I know what it means.

I said that if he spoke one more word, I was kicking him out of the car and that I was going to speak to his parents. He said, what, you're going to go tattle like a baby because I'm just stating the obvious. Everyone says it. I started the car again and drove back to school. I parked there and told him to come with me to the office. He wouldn't. So I walked to the office alone and asked the guidance counselor for help.

I said there was a freshman boy who wouldn't leave my car who was calling me slurs and I needed his parents to come pick him up, or someone to help him find the correct bus. She went out to my car and brought him to the office, and I went home with my brother. I told my parents what happened, but they apparently got a call from the neighbors first, who had been called at work by the school. They were furious that I caused problems with the next door neighbors. They said that I should have just driven him home, and then they could have a talk with his parents.

I said he was distracting me, and they told me that I can't drive with distracting people in the car, and they said that I was twisting their words. Am I the butthole for not taking the kid home? Okay, OP, this post is actually pissing me off, because everyone here is just so wrong and not having your back. First of all, you are not twisting their words. How was anyone supposed to not be distracted when you have some snotty nose teen calling you slurs in the backseat of your car?

Secondly, and more importantly, this guy is calling you a terrible slur and you're supposed to do him a favor? I will admit that as I was reading this story, I was thinking, oh well, if you leave like a young kid out just on the sidewalk somewhere, when you said you were gonna bring him home, then yeah, that does kinda make you the butthole, but you didn't do that.

You took him back to the school and you put him like in the care of a trusted advisor. So really, in this situation, you did pretty much exactly what you should have done. You handled the situation perfectly, but what really, you did pretty much exactly what you should have done. You handled the situation perfectly. But what really, really pisses me off the most is that your parents asked you to do them a favor. And some kid calls you a slur, a homophobic slur.

And instead of having your bag, instead of supporting you, you said you're 18, this could be the first time you've ever been called a homophobic slur in your life, I don't know. But like, okay, I'm getting flustered because these parents are so backwards. Opie, your parents are literally choosing their neighbors over their own daughter, which is just disgusting. There's really no other word for it. Opie, you get zero out of five buttles. I'm honestly amazed, impressed, shocked. I don't know what the word for it is. I'm blown away that an 18 year old handle the situation so well. You are responsible, respectful, you are clear about what you wanted, you set boundaries, you enforce those boundaries, you are

responsible like you handle the situation perfectly. You get a rock solid crystal clear zero out of five but holes. Kyle gets three out of five but holes. He needs to stop throwing out racial slurs or someone in school is going to beat his ass. Your parents, on the other hand, get four out of five buttholes. The fact that they expect their daughter to do favors for someone who calls her homophobic slurs is just awful. It's inexcusable. It's terrible parenting. Am I the butthole for giving my son's new bike away after the prank he pulled on a girl that he was friends with?

So recently I found out that my 15 year old son, Jason, pulled an incredibly cruel prank on one of his friends, Ashley, in his friend group. I know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended Jake's birthday party a month ago. She seemed incredibly sweet, if not a bit shy. So when Mark, my oldest son, who 17, came to me and told me that Jacob had asked Ashley out on a date as a prank, I was stunned.

I, of course, asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. But Mark showed me the family tablet that we all use, and it seems that Jacob forgot to log out of Discord. I read the long series of messages between Jacob and his friends as they mocked Ashley all the way through this heartless prank. I was speechless, and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some

thug and not a 15-year year old living in a gated community. At first I couldn't figure out what to do or how to proceed. I'll admit that I never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. But there was no way in hell I was letting this go. So after a day of thought I decided what was going to happen. First things first, Jacob is grounded. For how long, I'm not even sure. Secondly, I'd gotten Jacob a bike for his birthday, but it didn't arrive until the day previously, and I'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they were unable to make his party.

But instead of that, I showed him that I knew about the prank, and I told him that he was grounded. Then, I made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet into the car before driving to Ashley's house, with him crying the whole way. I called her parents earlier and explained everything, and so once we got there, I told him to wheel the bike to their front porch and ring the doorbell. Then, in front of me, Ashley, her parents, and God, I had him give us sincere apology and gift her the bike.

Even I apologized to her, saying that I didn't raise my boy this way, and what he did was unforgivable. I also called the parents of the other boys who were part of this little stunt, and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their son's involvement. I felt that I'd handle this all as best as I could, and my friends agreed. Though once my parents found out that I'd made Jacob give his birthday gift away, they said what I did went too far. I still feel like what I did was right, but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this

actually made me wonder of how I handled it was too extreme. Am I the butthole here? Nah, OP, I definitely think you did the right thing here. Like straight up, your son was being a bully, and bullying a 15 year old girl like that can really crush her confidence. And like, why? Just so that he can brag to his friend group about how cool and hard he is. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your son gets 3 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.