rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Not Giving Sperm to My Parents?

Episode Date: August 29, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP was married to a man who tragically passed away. They had frozen his sperm so that they could have a baby. However, OP lost all interest in having a baby once her husband passed away. The parents of OP's dead husband demand to have their son's frozen specimen so that they could hire a surrogate and have a grandchild. OP refuses, which leads to conflict in the family. Is OP the butthole in this situation? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-slash Am I the Butthole, where two parents want their son's sperm. Am I the Butthole for not wanting to give my late husband sperm to his parents? I'm sorry, I really tried to think of a less silly title. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, we froze his sperm so we could have children via insumination even after chemotherapy. His parents were very involved in his treatment and were aware that we were doing this. His treatment was, unfortunately, unsuccessful, and he passed away on July 19th.

His parents asked me if I was considering being inseminated with his sperm, and I said no. They then asked me if I would consider transferring ownership of the sperm to them so they could use it to have grandkids. I assumed they're planning on hiring a surrogate for this, but I'll admit that I was so surprised and confused that I didn't actually ask. My gut reaction was that this was wrong and exploitative and not what my husband would have wanted. We froze his sperm because we wanted to raise a family together, and freezing his sperm seemed like a better option than adopting or using a sperm donor. Not because he wanted to give his parents a grand kids

or just to put his DNA out into the world for the sake of it, I'm also confused about who they expect to raise the kids because they're both in their 60s. And the surrogate, one of their nieces or nephews, my husband had no siblings, and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. It feels like they just want their bloodline to continue without any thought to the practicality of it.

Okay OP, so legally and morally I think you're totally justified here. You guys were married, so any sort of joint property that you had, including his sperm, is now yours to do with as you please. If you don't want to give it to his parents, then that's your right. And I'll definitely say that your in-laws are weird. The fact that they're trying to get their son's sperm, just like one month after he died, is certainly unusual, but to be honest, I don't really know if it's like but holy behavior. Maybe it's a little insensitive because they could have waited more. But if that's something that they really care about, then yeah, it's reasonable for them to care

about that. And I can understand why they would want to talk to you earlier rather than later because they're concerned that you might like dispose of the sperm, which again is, you know, reasonable. So I'm not trying to like defend them necessarily. It's just, yeah, some people really do care about continuing their blood into future generations, and there's nothing wrong with having that desire, so if that's something they care about, then that's something they care about. I do wish that your in-laws had waited longer to be a bit more tactful and to give a new space to mourn, and I also wish that they hadn't put you in this awkward situation, but really, I see no buttholes here.

I have to give everyone zero out of five buttholes across the board. Okay, so down in the comments, people are saying that it's extremely insensitive for the in-laws to pressure OP like this. And I mean, you gotta keep in mind that these people lost their one and only child, and that's devastating. So if they want to carry on their son's legacy by using his sperm to produce a grand kid, then yeah it's a little bit weird, but it's not bud-hully behavior, it's not evil or cruel, it's not really hurting anyone, and again you got to

keep in mind that maybe they're concerned that OP would destroy the sperm and that would ruin their one and only chance of ever having a grand kid. So, it sucks that they pressured OP so soon after her husband's death, but what other choice did they have? Am I the butthole for expressing my daughter to pay me and my wife back for her uber? My daughter, who's 16, went out with her friends last week, and some people whom my daughter doesn't like showed up. My daughter called my wife and said that she was uncomfortable and asked my wife to pick her up. My wife was in an appointment and I was at work, so my wife

called her an Uber. Every time me or my wife call my daughter an Uber, she has to pay us back, so when my daughter got home, I asked her for the money. She asked what I was talking about and said that my wife said that she didn't have to pay us back. I asked my wife why she told our daughter that she didn't have to pay us back and she was surprised that I asked. She said that she wasn't going to charge our daughter for getting out of a situation where she was uncomfortable. We got into an argument about it because Uber is not cheap and I don't think my daughter not wanting to be around certain people justifies us having to pay for her Uber. My wife took our daughter out to eat and won't talk to me, so I want to know if I'm the butthole here.

Oh my god OP, yes! Like yes, emphatically yes. A lot of the times when I read these posts and OP's the butthole I try to like tread lightly because I don't want to piss off OP because if I piss off OP then he won't take my advice but oh my god OP Are you really this stupid? Are you this dumb? Your daughter a 16 year old girl is one of the most vulnerable age groups in on planet earth basically She's old enough to go out on her own and be put in these really awkward dangerous situations

But she's still very much a minor So if you're gonna make a big deal out of this and make it so that she has to pay you back, then what happens if she goes to a party and then she gets drunk or she's not feeling like safe or she's surrounded by all these people who are really giving her bad vibes. And she knows that if she calls you and you're like, well, you've got to do you have money for an Uber because otherwise you're on your own sweetheart. I mean, is she going to do you have money for an Uber? Because otherwise you're on your own sweet heart.

I mean, is she going to call you asking for help or is she just going to stay in that awkward situation because she doesn't have money for an Uber? Would you rather save your daughter from a potentially dangerous situation or save Uber money? Because for me, personally, OP, I will pay for the Uber money every single time to get my

daughter out of a dangerous situation because that's what decent people do. So yes, OP, I'm gonna a little fire it up here because she's, I don't even know how you can't see that you're not the butthole here. Like, come on, it's a 16 year old girl. And she reached out to you and you're basically punishing her for being responsible, safe, and making the right decision. So in the future, she's much less likely to make those safe decisions, and that's just, it's extremely dangerous, it's extremely bad parenting. OPM giving you 4 out of 5 buttolls. Am I the buttole for no longer making toys and furniture for my former sister-in-law after her new husband called them an embarrassment and me cheap for not paying for stuff? My brother died before his firstborn child was born.

Because of this, I've had an above average involvement in my nephew's life. One thing that I've always done is build my nephew toys and furniture. It was a way of providing for my nephew without the awkwardness of handing over cash. Also, between the inheritance and the life insurance, my nephew has a trust fund that has about 500,000 pounds in it. I should also point out that my brother was never actually married to my sister-in-law. Now, because of my work, I've made my nephew a lot of wooden or 3D printed toys, and also some simple handmade electronic toys.

My sister-in-law was always grateful for these toys, and my nephew, by all accounts, loves his custom toys. Fast four or three years, and my former sister-in-law got married. I was attending my nephew's third birthday party, and I turned up the night before to a simplest present. It was a small climbing and swing set. The new husband was a little standoff-ish, but, come the day of the party, he was telling anyone who listened that I didn't make or pay for the present, I just had lackeys at work do it for free. This culminated in him calling my presence an embarrassment, and given my fancy job, I

could afford to splash him cash. I confronted him and my former sister-in-law, and she basically confirmed that while the presents were appreciated, she honestly expected more direct support from me after my brother's death. My mother stepped in and reminded her that my brother paid for her house, and also they regularly take cash out of the trust, approximately 10,000 pounds a year. After that, my mother and I just walked out. Since then, I've continued to see my nephew without incident.

Seven months go by, and I learned that my former sister-in-law is pregnant with twins. She was wondering if I could make some duplicates of items that I made for my nephew because they needed two sets. I scoffed and said that she had balls asking me to make stuff after she was so ungrateful. And also, I don't know her unborn kids anything. She got upset and explained her prior statements about my handmade gifts and said that she felt they were kind of little things that someone did as a favor. Not what a family provides.

That's why she's asking me now as a friend to do her a favor and manufacture duplicates. I said no again and her husband shouted that it didn't matter because they would just use the trust to provide for the kids like it's supposed to. I said that money was for my nephew and and good luck accessing it for that, because the trust requires my signature for a payout. I wasn't even home before he was calling me to apologize. Clearly, he was unaware that I held the reins to my late brother's money. His apology was insincere, and I asked to speak to my former sister-in-law, where I confirmed

again that I would not be manufacturing her anything. I said that I'll still be an uncle to my nephew and be impartial when it comes to her accessing my nephew's trust, but her husband has burned a lot of goodwill with this. Am I the butthole for not doing her a favor after all that? Okay, so down in the comments, people are calling the sister-in-law extremely entitled, and so I'm not exactly sure if I agree with this, because based on the story, for years and years, OP and the sister-in-law had a kind of decent relationship, and it wasn't until the new husband came into the picture that suddenly there was a problem.

So I have to wonder, how much is this her being upset, and how much is like the husband speaking through her? Now obviously she deserves some butthole score, but I kinda wanna give her a little bit of like the benefit of the doubt here because she was kinda OP for 3 years, and really it wasn't a problem until recently when the husband entered the picture. So I think I wanna give this sister-in-law, let's say 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. Yeah, she's a bit hypocritical in title, but it sounds like the real villain here is the husband.

Based on your telling of this story OP, it sounds like he expects to use your dead brother's trust to pay for his kids. Um, excuse me? That trust was set up to care for his son, so if this guy uses that trust fund to pay for his kids, then he's literally stealing money from a three-year-old. The fact that this guy wants to rob a three-year-old instead of providing for his own kids like a man is disgusting.

I'm giving him four out of five buttholes. As for UOP, I think your 100% completely justified in shutting your sister-in-law down. Like your right, OP, you don't owe her unborn kids anything. You are making these toys for your nephew. Like, this is what she doesn't seem to understand. You are making these toys for your nephew. Like this is what she doesn't seem to understand. You are making these toys for your nephew, not for her benefits. You know, like you're trying to bond and connect with your nephew.

Not make her life easier, and I don't know if she really gets that. That being said OP, if you want to have a relationship with your nephew, that necessitates that you also have a relationship with your sister-in-law. So I really hope that you can work things out and go back to your former relationship before the husband got involved. I don't know, so what do you guys think? I have to wonder, maybe I went a little bit too easy on the sister in law. Like I feel confident that the husband is a jerk, he deserves a big butthole score, and

OPs completely justified, I think he deserves 0 out of 5 buttholes as well. But does the sister in law deserve more than 1.5 out of 5 buttholes as well. But does the sister-in-law deserve more than 1.5 out of 5 buttholes? Maybe, maybe. Let me hear from you down in the comments, I'm curious. Am I the butthole for telling my dad and his stepson to f-off? I'm a 35 year old guy, and my wife, Nat, who's 32 recently had a child. When I was young, my parents divorced. When I was around 13, my dad remarried to his current wife, Lizzie.

Lizzie had a son, Maddie, who was about three at the time. My dad also hires hookers a lot, and this one time we were at my party, I was a teenager at the time, and my mom made him come and also buy me a present. Guess what he tried to make me do? He got me a hooker! Obviously I didn't do it, so he did instead. I mostly live with my mom before I got my own place, but I stayed at my dad's enough to have my own room. When my dad got married, he started to ignore me for his new family pretty much immediately, including sometimes not even making me dinner when I was staying at his place.

His steps on, Maddie can't do anything wrong in my dad's eyes. For example, when I introduced my wife, Nat, to my dad's family when we were still dating about five years ago. Matty's first move was to tell her that he was available when she eventually got bored of me. I was pissed at him, but I didn't start a fight because I just wasn't in the mood. Nat just laughed it off and said that she was into older guys, and we left straight after. Another example, I didn't get my driver's license until I was 28 for personal reasons

that I won't list here. Anyways, I needed someone to mine my car for a few days because I was going to be off with friends. Mom wasn't available so I asked my dad. I came back a few days later and my car was missing. I asked why and my dad said that Maddie crashed it so they were paying someone to fix it. I freaked out and my dad told me that this was a good thing for Maddie because this would make him a better driver when he got his license. What? He didn't even have his license?

When I didn't immediately agree with him, I was told to get the F out. Anyway, me and Nat have a son now. A few days ago, my dad called me up and called me a bastard because I didn't ask Maddie to be my son's godfather. Neither of them were invited to my wedding or my son's christening. I told him that he wasn't even invited to my wedding, so why was this the thing that he was pissed about? He said he didn't care that he wasn't invited, but that Maddie was never anything but nice to me and I should apologize. He said Maddie was with him.

I told him to put it on speaker. I told him both to f off and hung up. Am I the butthole? Okay, I hope he No, no, no, no, no, you are not the butthole here. This guy Drove someone else's car when he didn't even have a license crashed it and then it's your fault for getting upset at that like like, of course you'd get upset at that, who wouldn't get upset at that? And also, he made a pass at your girlfriend when he was right in front of you? What a jerk!

OP, your father and your stepbrother sound like two peas in a pod. I'm giving them both three out of five buttholes. It's just so delusional. Like, if Maddie can't even be expected to watch your car safely, then why should he be trusted with your child? Am I the butthole for walking out of my husband's birthday dinner when his sister was complaining about her fertility? My husband's parents threw my husband a birthday dinner at their home last Saturday.

During dinner, his sister announced that she was pregnant with her sixth child. Everyone congratulated her, and my husband grew quiet. He and I have been trying to have a baby for seven years now, and only just saved the money for an IVF. Once the commotion about the new member of the family settled, my sister-in-law started her usual commentary about how much it sucks to be so fertile. And how she feels like she'll just never be able to stop having kids because the pill and contraceptive injection both failed, and she's just not a good fit for an IUD. By the time that she pointed out that she'd been pregnant so often, they don't even need

to fully, passionately hug anymore for her to get knocked up, I just couldn't anymore and I walked out. My husband followed me and I could see that he was holding back some tears too. He apologized for not saying anything, but I said that he didn't need to. I could tell that he was obviously struggling too. By the time we made it home, his parents had called to say how sorry they were and how none of this was meant to happen. His sister, on the other hand, called me a killjui in a drama queen, and she told me that it was rude to walk out after all of her parents' hard work and for spoiling the celebration of her pregnancy. I hung up on her and I wanted

to cry because her word stuck in my head. Since then, she and my husband got into a fight because she called me selfish and said that I made the dinner about me instead of them. I wish I could feel like she's totally wrong, but I worry that she's right. Am I the butthole? Okay, so there's two scenarios here. Scenario one is that the sister knows about your fertility problems in which case she was a major butthole. In that case, I'm giving her three out of five buttholes. And the other scenario is she had no clue that you were having fertility issues in which

case she's still the butthole. So okay, my wife and I just had a kid. If we go to some party and we talk about, you know, oh, we have a kid, it was, you know, it's great being a parent blah blah blah And someone else of the party walks out suddenly and I find out later that the reason why they walked out is because they were having like infertility issues and listening to me talk about being a parent and having a baby was too much for them to bear I would feel so bad Like obviously it's not my fault because I didn't know about the problem but I would still feel awful that I inadvertently made these people just feel sad about their own situation. So I would probably like write them an

email or call them up, you know depending on how well I knew them and be like hey I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to do mean to bring you down. I'm sure there's you know still a chance for you. Blah blah blah. Just try to be encouraging and supportive. But instead this this sister is going to be nasty and negative and ridicule you for walking out. Why? So even in that scenario, she's a butthole. She's less of a butthole, but she's still a butthole.

I'm giving her 1.5 out of 5 buttholes in that scenario. OP, you deserve 0 out of 5 buttholes, because you handled that situation as best as you. Like, what would she have preferred that you stay and just openly weep in front of the entire family because that would have ruined the celebration even more? No, you could tell that you were getting emotional so you just left so you could deal with it privately. It's the adult way to handle this problem. Also, I have to add that it's a bit entitled of your sister-in-law to say that the party was about her and her pregnancy when really it should have been about your husband's birthday. She's the one who's making the party not about your husband, not you. That was our slash in my The Butthole, and if you like this content, you can sponsor my podcast to unlock extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow my podcast

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