rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Not Having My Brother-In-Law's Baby?

Episode Date: May 17, 2020

r/AmITheA**hole In today's story, OP is a mother of 5 children. Her husband brother also asked her if she could be a surrogate for him and his wife. She agreed to carry their child twice, but during both pregnancies she was unable to carry the child to full term. Her brother-in-law is pressuring her to try a third time, but OP is DONE! After 7 pregnancies, she wants to throw in the towel and never get pregnant again. However, she's feeling guilty and thinks that maybe she's betraying her husband and his brother. What do you think about this situation? Also, be sure to subscribe to my channel or you're definitely the a-hole! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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for two years longer than that. I suspect that Carly has feelings for Jake but he's never really had feelings for her. I've never been thrilled about their friendship but I trust my husband and have total confidence he would never cheat. A year ago Carly moved into our neighborhood. She lives alone and she picked up the habit of asking Jake to help her with housework and maintenance. When her water heater broke, she called Jake. When she needed help setting up a TV, she called Jake. When her trees needed trimming, she called Jake, etc, etc. You get the idea.

Jake and Carly also work near each other downtown, and a few days a week, she'll ask him for a ride to work when she doesn't feel like driving. She also started dropping by her house unannounced usually when she's having a bad day and wants to admit to Jake about it. She relies on him heavily for emotional support 24-7. While I've tried to be patient and respectful of my husband's friendship with her, I've become less and less tolerant of Carly in the past few months as I feel she's become a constant presence in our marriage. The final straw came yesterday. As a medical worker, I've been pulling insanely long hours

at the hospital. Yesterday, I finally had a day off and I was very excited to spend some time with Jake. Just after breakfast, he received a text from Carly asking if he can help her move some furniture around because she decided to redecorate. He told her he can't because it's my day off and we're spending the day together. She then calls him and explains that it shouldn't take more than an hour and her living room is a mess and she could really use his help getting things in order. At this point, I snapped. I took the phone and told her that Jake had said no and she needs to respect that he wants to spend time with me, his wife. When she started to argue, I said, I'm sorry, Carly, but I think it's time for you to find

your own husband and hung up. Jake was shocked and thought I was far too harsh. He thinks that I should have some compassion and how would you feel if you were 35 and alone and without many friends? I feel sorry for her. At that, I questioned whether or not I was actually in the wrong here. Reddit, im I the butthole? And then OP post an update.

Jake and I drank some wine and had a long talk about Carly. We both apologized. I said I was sorry for making a harsh comment to Carly and he apologized for making me feel like he sometimes prioritizes her needs over mine. He said that I'll always be his number one priority and moving forward he'll make that extra extra extra clear to Carly. He said that he should have set boundaries long ago and that Carly needs to learn to be less dependent on him. After that, we drank more wine and went through comments on this post. We had a lot of laughs, plenty of things we agreed and disagreed with, and a lot of iRolls. Reddit, you never failed to entertain.

After further discussion, Jake decided to give Carly a call. I apologized for my comment, and then I gave the phone to Jake and left the room so they could talk. I didn't hear the conversation, but according to Jake, it didn't go well. Carly was upset and defensive when Jake told her she was in the wrong for arguing after he and I had both told her no about the furniture moving issue. She didn't think she had crossed any lines and she told Jake that I was being too sensitive, controlling, and that I'm trying to end their friendship. Jake defended me and said it was his own idea to set boundaries and that I've never told

him to stop being friends with her. They were both upset when the conversation ended. If either of us hear from her in the upcoming days, I'll post another update. The comments on this one are pretty divided, so I'm really curious to know what you the listener thinks. Let me know down in the comments who you think the butthole is here. Am I the butthole for not having another baby for my husband's brother? My husband and I have five children.

Our first died right after birth, a freak mutation. We then had four more children. My husband's brother and his wife have been trying for a long while and when they approached me to be a surrogate, I agreed to give it a try. The first try I miscarried and I agreed to try a second time. Unfortunately, that next try ended in a stillbirth. They're already badgering me for a third try. I'm not doing this again.

I've now carried in birth six babies. I've been pregnant too many times. I'm mentally and physically done. My tubes have already been removed after child's number four and five, and when I can, I'll be getting a hysterectomy. My doctor says I could have more pregnancies, but that I'm now high risk for bladder issues and uterine laps in the future. I'm ready to pack it in now.

I'm done being a brood mayor. My husband is now worried about my health and supports me, but he's never been good at standing up to his family. My sister-in-law is calling me, crying, daily, and I don't know how long I can be nice, especially with now implied legal threats. I feel bad for them that all I could do was hand them a gravestone, but that was my last pregnancy. I can't risk my health again.

I have my own kids to think about, and I the butthole for not trying again for them. Opie, no, zero out of five buttholes. Your brother-in-law doesn't own your uterus, and on top of that, if they really desperately want a baby so bad, they can just hire a surrogate. What it sounds like is the real problem here is they're too cheap to hire a surrogate and they want you to do it for free.

So no, don't feel bad about it, OP, you're perfectly justified. Am I the butthole for not telling my boyfriend that I don't have a breast? I'm honestly heartbroken right now. I, a 24-year-old female in my breast cancer survivor. I've had my left breast removed and there's just a scar there now. When I go out, I wear a silicone padding on my left breast, otherwise it looks very odd and makes me self-conscious.

My boyfriend, 23, and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past three years. We'd met a couple of times, but we'd just enjoy each other's company. He knows I'm a cancer survivor, but doesn't know about my breasts. I decided to move in with him about a month ago, and we tried the passionately hug. I said tried because the moment he laid eyes on my breast, his face went white, and he refused to touch me further. He said I cheated him, and that I should have told him earlier about my breast. I told him that I didn't think it was important since he said he loves all of me and that he thought I was beautiful. I'm honestly so conflicted right now and I feel like a horrible

person. Am I the butthole for not telling my boyfriend that I don't have a breast? Down in the comments, Govand or two puts a situation very well. Here's the thing, you're a cancer survivor and you value your privacy about losing your breast. But you're the butthole when one, you have a three year long distance relationship with someone and don't share that one critical piece of information about who you are. And two, you're planning on moving in with him, he's going to see you without your prosthesis for the first time and you still don't tell him. Surprise!

Yes, he said he loves all of you, but you didn't share all of you with him when he said that. You lied about who you really are and are now upset because he caught you in your lie. I don't know if you can recover that relationship, but good luck to you if you try. Yeah, I'm with Gavander on this. It's not really what you were dishonest about, that's the problem here. It's that you hid that information from him for three years, and if I were that guy in the situation, I would think, what else is she not telling me? And that would be way more of a turn-off than anything like a mesectomy. I mean, I can live with a scar. What I can't live with

is a partner who keeps information from me. Great deals for everyone on your list Gifts for a moment, Gifts for a dad Even for your sister and your brother Chad Ah shoot, we didn't realize you were supposed to get a gift for a dog walker guy We almost forgot about it that just got to curve We didn't expect to get a gift from her Or our cousin might forget his name He got us something nice, better as it percates For the last minute deals on gifts for people you forgot

Get past the free shipping at Amazon You gotta something nice, better reciprocate. For last minute deals I give to people you forgot Get past the pre-shipping at Amazon. These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup, salad, and garlic home though. Come on, me, and I'm moving on a ping! Am I the butthole for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant? I, a 26 year old male, and a second generation French immigrant to the US.

I speak French and most of my family lives in France, so I try to make a trip back to France once or twice a year. I've been dating an American girl 24 for two years now. My girlfriend doesn't speak French at all. The actual events in question happened this winter. I usually go to France around Christmas time. The most recent Christmas my girlfriend wanted to come with me. I said sure as she'd never been to France before and we've been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable. My family comes from

the southwest but I also had family in Paris so we stopped in Paris first. My girlfriend wanted to eat at a fancy French restaurant while we were there, something with Michelin stars. Expensive but not really a problem since I make pretty good money. We made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best, but still good. We had to make it MUNS in advance because it's a restaurant that's in high demand. As a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that. We showed up, and everything was fine at first. They took our codes, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. The waiter then gave us our menu.

I had to do all the communication as my girlfriend doesn't speak French. I was showing my girlfriend something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. I had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the US. She asked me why mine had prices, but not hers. I explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale French restaurants. She called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. I told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this.

She wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. I refused because we already had the prices and I didn't want to make a scene. She demanded that I confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. I called her bluff and she ended up staying but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way. We've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. I'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about it. She keeps accusing me of being sexist, I'm not, and has been making ridiculous comparisons.

Am I the butthole? Well, honestly OP, I think you probably should break up with her because she'd be better off without you. Your logic here is so bizarre when she wanted to menu, why didn't you just say, hey, waiter, could you please give a menu with prices for my girlfriend here? It's literally that simple, but instead you decided to pick a fight over it? Why? Because you care more about sexist restaurant traditions in your own girlfriend? And you said something along the lines of like, if you didn't want to deal with these traditions, you shouldn't have come here. But how is she supposed to know about these traditions if you didn't want to deal with these traditions, you shouldn't have come here.

But how is she supposed to know about these traditions if you don't tell her? This is a really weird post. Your partner is supposed to have your back in all situations. Why on earth would you pick a restaurant over your partner? If I were in her shoes, I'd be upset too. Am I the butthole for telling my girlfriend to shut the f up after she insulted my sister's thighs? I'm 30 years old and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and

pop are vulnerable so it made sense for me to care for my sister for the time being. She's a really great kid and to be honest I feel in a lot of ways like she's my own kid because my mom and dad don't speak English so I kind of had to raise my sister in ways that they couldn't. It's hard to explain but I'm sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what I mean. My mom and dad are great parents, but having an English-speaking person to guide you through stuff when you live in an English-speaking country is invaluable, in my opinion, and my sister trusting with stuff she won't necessarily trust my parents with.

Anyway, my girlfriend was FaceTiming me me and my sister walked past and shorts in a t-shirt because it's hot. My girlfriend waited till my sister had left the area, but not the room, and made a face and said, maybe feed her less O.P. Her thighs are kinda chunky. I saw red and told her to shut the F up. It just came out of my mouth and immediately ended the call. My sister's a bit chubby, but for F's sake, who says stuff like that about a 12 year old

girl? Literally, EVERYBODY I KNOW has been texting me that I'm a POS boyfriend and that how can I disrespect my girlfriend like that? I'm expecting an apology from her, but to my shock, everybody is expecting me to apologize. Okay, OP, I will say that the way you handled that situation was a little bit unnecessarily aggressive, so I've gotta give you one out of five buttolls. But that doesn't mean you're wrong in the situation. I'm gonna give your girlfriend like 2.5 out of five buttolls because insulting your little

sister in your care is incredibly rude. And then she ratted you out to all of your mutual friends with a one-sided story? Kind of sounds like a red flag to me. Am I the Butthole for calling my angry neighbor out in front of her family? I moved into an apartment on the ground floor of a house which is split up into three apartments. The house next door is owned by a couple with several kids. The woman who lives there has a temper.

A few times, when I've been hanging out with friends in the backyard, she yelled at us over stuff. Playing music with cusses where kids can hear, being too slutty with each other, which was awkward because we weren't doing anything sexual. Other stuff that's too ugly to repeat here, etc. As far as I can tell, she never does this in front of her husband or kids. Her husband isn't home often, it seems. Then a while later, I was out getting my mail when four people walked by, the neighbor lady

her husband and two older people who I think were either her parents or her husband's parents. The husband asked me if I knew there was water leaking from the hose in the front yard of my house. He seemed friendly, and like he was trying to be helpful. I said I hadn't known. Maybe the maintenance guy left it on. But then I got a really weird feeling about how the woman that has said so much nasty stuff was standing with her family, acting really chill in front of them.

I said, hey, excuse me, aren't you the lady who's called my friends and I sluts a homophobic slur and the seawird? I was hoping to talk to you at a calmer moment. She said no right away. I then, knowing full well that she was that lady said, oh sorry, perhaps I'm confused. There's a lady who lives in that house, mid-forties, heavy set with chin-length brown hair, smokes out back every night, who said all those things and more, and I really don't appreciate it.

Do you have a sister, a roommate? She cut me off and said maybe it's better I leave, and so I did. I heard fighting from that house that night, and I think it was because of what I said. Her husband and the older couple seemed shocked by some of it. Am I the butto for calling my neighbor out in front of her family? No OP. Your neighbor clearly set the boundaries here. In her opinion, it's totally okay for her to be rude to you in front of your friends

and family. But she thinks it's not okay for you to be rude to her in front of her friends and family? No, BS. Your neighbor got a dose of her own medicine and it is bitter. Am I the butthole for not making my son share his gaming PC? I'm a 45 year old female and my husband, 50, has a 16 year old son. He's a good kid, good grades respectful, does his chores, etc. Last summer, my son said he wanted a new computer. To his credit, he got a part-time job and saved up for it and built a pretty nice gaming

PC. We're really proud of him as he saved for it nearly all summer. My sister and her husband have recently moved in with us. They have a 9-year-old son. My sister has a history of, I don't know how to put it, being entitled. She thinks her kid can do no wrong and spoils her kid. Well when they came over, my nephew noticed my son's PC. He asked if he could play on it and my son said not now.

That was the end of it for a couple of days. Again, my nephew wanted to play on it. I asked my son if he might have shared, he said he would rather not since it's expensive and doesn't want it to break. This is caused a big argument. My sister says it's extremely unfair to my nephew because he doesn't have a system to play on just as iPad, so my son should have to share. I told her it's his PC, not mine.

He paid for it so it's up to him. She then accused me of being a spineless parent. I said I'm not, but I'm not going to force my son to share his own computer. My nephew ended up having a huge fit, which she then blamed me for his fit, but gave him three more hours of iPad time to quiet him down. It's been four days and my sister hasn't brought it up directly again, just being passive aggressive. While on one hand, I don't want to make my kid share because it's his computer. He saved up for it, and I don't feel it would be the right thing to do to force my kid

to share. On the other hand, I do feel kind of bad for my nephew. Am I the butthole? And then OP post an excellent update. Edit, I went to bed with probably less than 100 comments, and now my inbox is 1500 messages full. There's no way I can read them all, so thank you to everyone, and I have an update. I showed my sister this post, I guess a bad idea in hindsight. She was pissed and screamed at me in my son.

My husband told her to GTFO. And here's where I should point out that the comments overwhelmingly said that OP is not the butthole. Because listen up lady, it's not your computer and it's not your house. So respect your hosts. To be honest, the sister in this post kind of sounds like she belongs to a certain subreddit that I cover, but I won't say which one that is. That was R-slashamay The Butthole, and if you don't like this video, then you're definitely

The Butthole.