rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Refusing to Adopt BOTH of My Sister's Babies?

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

r/AmITheA**hole OP's sister is a real piece of work. When she was young, she got pregnant and dumped her child on OP to raise. OP has been dutifully raising her adopted niece for years. Then, OP's sister goes out and gets pregnant AGAIN! She once again plans on dumping her child on OP to raise so that she go right back to partying without any responsibilities. Except this time, OP doesn't want to be forced to adopt a second child. Is OP the butthole in this situation? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole where OP installs hidden cameras in someone else's house? Am I the butthole for wanting to tell my step-daughter's dad about the cameras that my wife planted in his house while he was away? I'm a 34-year-old guy, and I got married to my wife, Claire, two years ago. She has a six-year-old daughter, my step-daughter that she shares custody of with her ex-husband, Adam. So, Adam hasn't dated anyone ever since he and Claire got separated. Claire always talked about how this was a good thing because she believes that my stepdaughter is better off without a witch stepmom to boss her around and abuse her.

Then Adam started seeing this new girl about 8 months ago. Claire was not happy about it. In fact, she was livid that Adam introduced my stepdaughter to his girlfriend so soon. Claire demanded meetings with Adam's girlfriend to test and see what kind of stepmom she'd be for her stepdaughter. I didn't give it much attention because of the drama. However, I very recently found out that Claire installed several cameras in Adam's house while he and his girlfriend were away on a trip. Claire had a key to Adam's house because most of my stepdaughter stuff is in there.

Keep in mind that I only found out about this by looking at the chat that Claire had with my mother-in-law, so she was in on it too. It bothered me because this is a total breach of privacy. But when I confronted Claire, she said that she did this because Adam's girlfriend was going to move in soon, and she wanted to see how she treats my stepdaughter. I told her this was wrong, but she said that it was all temporary until Adam's girlfriend is in the clear. I still wasn't convinced, and I suggested that she removed the cameras because of the huge legal troubles once Adam finds out. But she lost her temper on me, saying that I should stay out of it because I clearly don't care about my step-daughter's well-being and happiness.

But she has no evidence or even reason to believe that Adam's girlfriend might mistreat my step-daughter. Claire said that she just wants to double-check and that Adam doesn't need to know. But I disagreed and I said that I'm gonna tell him if she doesn't remove the cameras, which made her lose it on me. And she got her mother to try to shut me down and tell me to stay in my lane, but I couldn't.

Claire told me that if I tell Adam, we're gonna have a problem and she urged me to mine my own business. Because Adam is not more important than my relationship with her. So I shouldn't even entertain the idea of telling him an upsetting Claire, who's just trying to make sure that her daughter's future stepmom isn't some witch stepmom in the making. I still want to tell Adam, but given Claire's reaction, I'm going to get hell for this.

And it may not be worth it since me and Adam aren't on good terms. Whoa, whoa, there's so much wrong with this post. Okay, so for, okay, I gotta do point by point here. Point number one, your wife Claire is a major, major hypocrite. She is flipping out about Adam getting a girlfriend, but apparently it's totally okay for her to get a boyfriend.

Like, since when is it only the case that a step mom is gonna be abusive to a child and not a stepfather? That is a complete double standard. Also OP, how would you feel if Adam and his girlfriend were spying on you and your wife in your own home? Would you like it? Would you be totally okay with it? After all, he's just trying to make sure that you're a good stepfather. No, give me a break. There's no way that you would be okay with that. Then, on top of just like the hypocrisy and the moral problems with this, this is extremely illegal. I'm not exactly sure what law is being violated here, but if Adam ever finds out, then

you and your wife are in really hot water. Also, OP, I'd be doubly worried because your wife and your mother-in-law are both teamed up in this. They're united against you. So if Adam finds out about this and goes to the authorities or if he tries to sue you, then what's stopping your wife and your mother-in-law from teaming up and saying, well, we didn't install the cameras, we don't even know how to, it was my husband who did that.

OP, for real man. Seriously, OP your wife is literally committing a crime and you know about it. And if Adam finds out, you could end up in jail or sued or who knows. OP if you don't tell Adam about what's going on here, you are a complete idiot. OP I'm giving you zero out of 5 buttholes. Your instincts are correct. Please follow them. Please tell Adam.

I'm giving your wife the full 5 out of 5 buttholes because she's just wrong on so many levels. She's hypocritical, she has a double standard, she's breaking the law, she's violating the privacy of 3 people, Adam, his girlfriend, and their daughter. And on top of that, she's expecting you to keep the secret, so this is just, she gets the full 5 out of 5 buttholes here. OP, please see this as the red flag that it is. If she's willing to treat the father of her daughter this way, then what does that say

about how she's willing to treat you? Like you're objectively married to a lying, spying, manipulative, lawbreaker. Why would you want to be married to someone like that? OP, this post is a mile-long parade of red flags. Am I the butthole for only paying for myself when my fiance and future in-laws inviting me to a New York-eave dinner at an upscale restaurant? I'm a 32-year-old woman, and I just got engaged to my fiance, Sam, a 37-year-old guy. We don't live together because we're waiting until marriage, given that he and his family are highly conservative Christians, but they're really nice and

lovable people. I had plans to spend new years eve with Sam, but he said that he was out for dinner celebration with his parents. Then he called me again inviting me to join them and I happily did. His parents were there and they welcomed me ordering mini dishes, desserts and drinks. We celebrated and had a great time. That is, until it was time to pay. I pulled my wallet out of my bag to let them know that I'd split the check. Sam mumbled, no, you don't have to. We invited you, but I insisted. He and his parents then stared at me. I asked what was wrong, and both my mother-in-law and father-in-law said that they didn't have any money on them. I was shocked, and I turned to Sam, and he said that he also forgot his wallet at home,

and he didn't bring enough money to cover even one round of drinks. His dad then laughed nervously and said, Alright, so I guess we should let the doctor pay. I was taken aback and I said, I'm sorry, but no. This is just too much money to spend on one dinner by myself, and I didn't think that I was expected to pay the entire bill. Sam said that I should pay and he'd pay me back later, but I said no since I know that he would have to get a job to pay that much money. I said I'm sorry, but this isn't the first time that I've been put in a situation by him and his family where I'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets, and they expect others to pay hundreds of dollars for their extravagant dinner.

I told them that I'll only pay for what I had, and that's it, and he and his parents were shocked. They started laughing about how I could have paid right then and there, but I was acting as if they were strangers, not family. But that doesn't mean that I'm obligated to pay. How could someone go out to a fancy restaurant, order so many dishes, desserts, and drinks, and not bring up money. Sam begged me to just pay for the meal and call it a night, but I refused. The argument got heated, then I got up and walked out. Sam called me later at 2am, basically yelling at me that I ruined the New York Eave celebration and I made his parents suffer because I refused to pay the entire bill. And instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself

after they were gracious enough to invite me. I told him how unfair it was for me to pay. Even if I do have a good salary, that doesn't mean that I want to spend all my money on a fancy dinner. He didn't reply. He just said that he would pray that my parents would let this go and not resent me after I basically damaged my relationship with them. I feel awful thinking that I should have covered the bill instead of leaving. Am I the

butthole? Alright OP, I feel like we can all pretty much agree that this was not an accident on their part. The odds of three separate people, all forgetting their wallet, seems super low. I think I've forgotten my wallet at a restaurant, maybe like one or two times in my entire life. But okay, let's just give them the benefit of the doubt here and say, okay, let's assume that they did forget their wallet. Okay, well, that doesn't mean that it suddenly falls on your shoulders to pay for the entire meal. If they really wanted to pay their half, there's nothing stopping them. They could go to an ATM, they could Venmo you cash, they could just say, hey, cover the bill and I'll pay you back tomorrow.

The fact that they're just like, whoops, forgot our wallet. Guess we just can't pay it all and you have to pay the entire amount yourself. It's just BS. Also OP, I don't wanna come off as sexist here and be like, the guy has to work and the woman doesn't have to work.

But like, what's going on with your fiance being 37 years old, not having a job and not being able to pay his half of the meal. Honestly, OP, I'm getting some red flags out of this guy. You said that you originally had plans with Sam and then he basically bailed on you to go have plans with his parents. Then he invites you to this dinner trap where you're expected to pay. He's got no job, he's

put you in the situation before. Then when he and his family are the ones who transgress here, he says, I'll just have to pray that they forgive you so he puts the blame back on you. OP, I don't know what's going on with your fiance, but are you 100% certain that you're marrying a husband and not a sugar baby? Anyways OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your fiance and his parents 3.5 out of five buttholes. Business notifications getting out of hand, buried under an avalanche of customer emails, texts, and social media messages,

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Am I the butthole for refusing to take in my sister's baby? After I took in her daughter? I'm a 35 year old woman, and seven years ago I adopted my niece, who's nine, from my sister, who's 26. My parents have health issues and they couldn't take her in, so I took on the responsibility. I love my niece, and I will never, ever blame her for my sister's mistakes, but it unfortunately uprooted my life. It caused a significant side track in my career, and I've had to turn down better job offers because they wouldn't allow me to stay close enough to home. My parents

loved my niece, but they can't take on the responsibility of caring for her, so I don't want to separate them. I had never planned to have children. I even had a boyfriend before I took in my niece, but he also didn't want to have children, so we made the decision apart when I took her in. We've never hid from my niece who her biological mother is. And even though the first few years of her life were hard, three years ago, my sister started being in our lives again. My sister told me that she wants me to keep raising my knees because I have the better job and I can afford it. My sister only has her GED and she can hardly afford to keep herself afloat.

She usually lives with her temporary boyfriend so she doesn't have to worry about paying for her own place. My sister acts like an aunt to her daughter, not like a mother, and my niece still loves her mother greatly. This past holiday, we were at my parents' to open presents, and my sister gave my niece a present to open. It was a shirt that said, I'm gonna be a big sister on it. We weren't sure what that meant, but my sister informed us that she was pregnant, and that she wouldn't be able to keep it and that she once again was expecting me to take in the baby.

My niece was so excited by the news and my parents were happy to hear that they were getting another grandchild. But I was just floored. I immediately burst into tears and just walked out. My sister came in to talk to me and I told her that I wouldn't be able to take in the baby. I don't want a new baby. I love my niece, but raising her is enough responsibility already. My sister told me that I would be wrong not to take in my niece's brother. She didn't mean to get pregnant, apparently she was on birth control, and she doesn't know who the father is. My parents can't take on the baby either, so it's up to me.

My sister told me that I should feel blessed, but I don't. When I told my parents and my niece, they were all very upset. My niece especially. I don't know what to do, but I can't take in another baby. I know that it's my niece's sibling and my sister's child, but it would completely ruin my life. My parents and sister are trying to get me to change my mind about this. Am I the butthole?

Okay, OP. If my math is correct, then when your sister initially got pregnant, she was about 17, 18 years old. So her giving her daughter to someone else in the family who's older and more established to take care of. Yeah, okay, that kind of makes sense. But now she's 26, old enough to figure your life out, get an apartment, get a job, understand how birth control works,

like getting pregnant by accident once, okay. Getting pregnant by accident twice. Nah, that's just a compliment to that point. Your sister is basically just Your sister is treating you like a free lifetime babysitter. Just oh, whoops. I'm pregnant Oh, not a big deal. My sister will take care of the child for me time to go f**k some more dudes like Opie, you're not the butthole here. Faria, how can you possibly be the butthole? You've taken on someone else's child, which is one of the biggest sacrifices that someone

could possibly make. And then she springs this on you during Christmas in front of the entire family, which is the purest form of manipulation. She breaks the news by telling, you're gonna be a big sister, sweetie. Oh my god. What an absolute tool bag. O.P., you get zero out of five buttholes. If anything, you're a saint.

Your sister gets 4.5 out of five buttholes. I can't believe that she's bringing these children into the world just to immediately abandon them. Hello, my beautiful baby. You're no longer my problem. Bye. Am I the butthole from my response to my sister's boyfriend's brutal honesty? I'm a 35 year old guy and my 27 year old sister started dating one of those

brutally honest guys a few months ago. He can be quite rude and make backhanded comments about me and my family sometimes, which is bothersome, but my sister says he's not malicious. And he's just the brutally honest type, and we should get used to it. I visited my parents' house to celebrate my sister's birthday, and my husband couldn't come with me because he was busy. After the party, we all sat down for dinner, and my sister's boyfriend said that it was weird that my husband and I don't have kids, despite being married for six years now.

I was shocked that he brought this up, but I gave a short answer stating that it's because of infertility issues. He asked on which side, and I didn't want to answer, but my sister said that it's on my side. I got uncomfortable as he looked at me for a second and said that maybe not having kids now is a good thing, because he thought that women over 30 might produce defective babies due to age. I told him it was none of his business, but he said that he was just giving his honest opinion and that's all.

I, in return, told him while making eye contact. Trust me, if I wanted an ***hole's opinion, I would've farted. Literally everyone at the table burst into laughter and my sister and her boyfriend were stunned. A few seconds later, her boyfriend excused himself out and my sister followed, then sent me a text after they left saying that I was mean and disrespectful towards her boyfriend, and I insulted him maliciously just because he stated his honest opinion. She also said that I ruined her birthday by being petty and making her boyfriend the joke of the night in front of the family.

I didn't respond, so my sister demanded an apology via email as soon as possible. My mom agreed that I shouldn't have said what I said, and I should have just ignored him knowing how he is. I think I'm the butthole, but I'm not sure. Oh, what's wrong with Mr. Brutal honesty guy? Can he not handle some Brutal honesty himself? He's only okay with handing out his Brutal honest opinion, but he can't handle other people's Brutal honest opinion. Aww, the poor would've victim.

Opie, this post is actually laughable by how stupid and absurd this guy is. This guy expects that he can just walk around insulting people for no reason, but then you point out, hey, you're being kind of a douchebag here. Oh, you're my feelings. I'm gonna leave and be upset at you. That you, that you may find in me in front of other people. Give me a break. What a loser. What a loser, man. The sister's 27, so to be stereotypical, let's assume the guy's older than the sister, just because that typically tends to be the case. So we'll assume he's around 30 years old and me, blah, blah, blah, blah. Someone was mean to me after I was mean to them first.

Bro, grow up, dude. People act like brutally honest is a good thing, just because the word honest is good and the word brutally is kind of slightly bad, but honestly, most of the time being brutally honest just makes you a douchebag. OP, you are super not the butthole here, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your sister's boyfriend 2.5 out of five buttholes. That was our slash of my the butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.