rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Telling My Husband to Start Wiping His Own Butt?

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole OP is stuck in a shitty situation, so to speak. For some reason, her husband hasn't figured out how to wipe himself, so all of his underwear is covered in disgusting stains. And despite this, her husband has the audacity to criticize OP about her feminine hygeine products. OP blasts her husband by saying, "I'll do a better job of disposing my pads when you start wiping yourself better!" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash and my The Butthole, where OP calls the cops on some abandoned children. Am I the Butthole for calling the cops on my client? I'm a 28 year old woman, and I do some babysitting on the weekends to make some extra cash. There's this one family I have that I definitely should have phased out by now, but the kids are so cute and if I don't have another job, it's easy money. Maya she is, the mom is never home on time.

She used to not give me her return times, but I finally started asking because it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. I'd go babysit for her so she could go to brunch, but she'd be gone from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. My whole day was gone. After that, she would start giving me times, but she never stuck to them. She wouldn't even call to tell me. She would just stay out. On Saturday, I got to her house at 6 p.m. and she was supposed to be home by 9 p.m. I told her that she had to be home on time because I had plans to go out with friends.

I was even getting already to go at her house because I had plans to go out with friends. I was even getting already to go at her house after I put the kids to bed. She promised that she would be home on time, but of course 9 p.m. rolls around and she's not home. I call her, no response. I text her, no response. I wait another hour, nothing. I'm still calling and texting. Finally, it's midnight. By this point, my plans are long ruined, but I'm pissed and exhausted. I call her and leave a voicemail, saying that if she's not home in the next hour, I'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. I also text her this.

I try calling her 30 minutes later, and it goes to voicemail on the second ring. I text her again and she leaves me on red. If she had reached out saying, hey, I'm staying out until X o'clock then I would have stayed. I don't know any of our family members nor the father of the kids so I can't call them. I gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and I tried calling again. Finally, I called the cops. The cops showed up and I showed them our agreement in text from earlier this week confirming she'd be home by 9. They tried contacting her and she didn't answer. I was dismissed and they took the kids to the police station.

I went home and went to bed. I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a frantic call. It's her. Where are the kids? Why aren't you here?" I told her that I followed through on my thread and to check the police station. She cursed me out. I hung up and went to bed.

The next day, she sends me an essay saying that the kid's father was called, and there was a department of children and families investigation launched against her. She called me every name under the sun, but I didn't think that I was wrong until I spoke to a friend with kids. She said that I should have just waited it out and refused to ever sit for her again. She asked if my client potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty. Fee. Nope. Your friend is completely wrong in this situation. I also have a kid. I've also hired a babysitter, and I am 100% on your side here O.P.

We'll start with the easy part, basic politeness and professionalism. You two hadn't agreement, she was going to be home by a certain time, and she wasn't, time after time after time. That's rude, disrespectful, and unprofessional. Then on top of that, we've got the added layer of like, what if something had happened to the kids, what if her house had burned like, what if something had happened to the kids? What if our house had burned down? What if our kid had some sort of allergic reaction or had an accident and he had to go to

the hospital and you're trying to reach this woman, but she's like, oh, my baby said there's trying to contact me, but I would rather stay at it in parties, so I'm not going to answer the phone. So you're rushing her kids off to the hospital while she's out partying because she can't be bothered to answer her phone or read her texts. Come on. Then, on top of that, there's the added layer of, she's a single woman going out to party at like midnight, one o'clock, two o'clock, and she's supposed to be home by a certain

time and she's not. I mean, yeah, it is definitely possible that something happened to her, so alerting the police is the correct response. And then on top of all this, there's the added layer of, well, an investigation should be launched against her. If she's gonna go out on party and she can't be bothered to arrange adequate care for her kids, then yes, the government should get involved. OP, I'm on your side. You gave her every opportunity under the sun to be a good mom and she chose not to over and over

Then you did exactly what you were supposed to do in that situation. You called the cops So OP I'm giving you 0 out of 5 but holes. I'm giving the mother 4.5 out of 5 but holes Am I the but hole for kicking out my girlfriend? So I have a cat named Raven who's three years old. My girlfriend of two years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear that she did not like my cat. I didn't really think that it was a big deal until one day I got home and my cat was just gone. My cat is not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. He was gone for hours and I was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him saying that he found him two blocks from my house.

I asked my girlfriend how my cat, who's never tried to go out before, ended up that far from my house, and she admitted to kicking my cat out. I was furious saying that she had no right to kick my cat out, and I told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, I wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. She cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. I said that I didn't care, and I told her to leave by the end of the month. My friends think that I'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her, and I don't want her trying anything else. Okay OP, so in stories like these, I tend to say that you should give 30 days notice because that's like the standard eviction time. However, if the person that you're trying to evict

is putting you or your loved ones in danger, then that drops down to about 30 seconds notice. I mean, let's be real, your cat was there first, so she thinks that she can just kick them out. That is dangerous, rude, it disrespects you, it disrespects your property, it disrespects the cat, it's just a major red flag, and I'm incredibly relieved OP that you're able to recognize this as the red flag that it is. If I had a girlfriend move into my house and she kicked my dog out onto the street, she

would be gone the exact same day. Because if she can't even respect the bond that I have with my pet, then she's certainly not going to respect anything else that I care about in my life. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your ex-girlfriend gets 4 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole after I refuse to put my brother up for adoption? I'm a 28 year old guy, and I've been married to my 28 year old wife for 2 years. My wife is 4 months pregnant. My parents died in a car crash about a month ago, and my 14 year old wife for two years. My wife is four months pregnant. My parents died in a car crash about a month ago, and my 14 year old little brother has nobody to turn to except for me. We have no other living relatives. I decided to take in my brother until

he's an adult, but my wife feels like it's not our responsibility to care for my brother. And since she's pregnant, she wants me to focus only on our child. I told my wife that my brother has nowhere to go, so he'll be staying with us at least until he's an adult. She's mad at me, and she's refusing to talk to me unless I put my brother up for adoption. Am I the butthole? What on earth? O.P. this is your only living blood relative. How would your wife feel if both of you died in a car crash and your kid had to get thrown into the adoption system? Also putting a kid up for adoption is not the same as actually getting adopted.

Your kid is 14! By and large, the older a kid is, the less likely he'll be adopted. So he would probably just get bounced around in foster care for the next 4 years. Opie. I don't... Geez. bounce around in foster care for the next four years. OP, I don't, jeez. This shows a shocking lack of empathy, like really shocking. If she cares so much for her baby,

then how can she not understand that you care for your younger brother as well? This is a major red flag OP, and in my opinion, this is a hill worth dying on. Sounds like you might have to put your wife up for adoption. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your younger brother also obviously gets 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your wife gets 4 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for exposing my parents' favoritism? My parents have always favored my younger brother. I was by no means unloved, but it was blatantly

obvious who they cared about more. I worked a part-time job to get my first car, but my brother got one as a present. It wasn't a new car, but it was much newer than my car. It was the same with just about anything else, like clothes, video games, and cell phones. I'm 18, and I'm taking a guide year before community college to work a full-time job and save money for tuition. But a while back, I heard my parents talking about how much they were going to pay for my brother's tuition. I secretly recorded the conversation from around the corner and then came out asking my parents why they were going to pay for my brother's college, but not mine.

They didn't notice that my phone was recording and just said my brother needs more help. I asked how so when I wasn't getting any sort of scholarship and he likely wasn't either. Then I asked a few more questions about why things have always been this way. They got mad and my father told me that perhaps it's time I moved out because they're sick of keeping a roof over my head. I pointed out that I pay rents but they didn't care. I left the room and in a fit of, I uploaded the video to two different social medias I have, and ran to it about how this is how my parents have always been.

Well, a few hours later, and my parents were pounding at my door. My dad was screaming at me about how I made them look bad. We fought some more, and they left the room fuming. My grandparents contacted me later, and said they were appalled. Then the next day, they came with a bunch of family to come visit. There was a huge family intervention and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. It was then that I found out they'd been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. My brother looked like he didn't know what to do, so he sided with the rest of the family

and said that he's also noticed how I'm treated as well. My parents gave me a huge apology that sounded forced. My grandparents offered me to come live with them, and they'll cut off the monthly payments to my parents. My father told me that I should have never told the rest of the family, and now he won't talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days. So I'm starting to wonder if I went too far. Am I the butthole for exposing my parents' favoritism?

And then OP posted an update. I decided to go ahead and call my grandparents to accept their offer to move in. During the phone call, I asked them why they were sending monthly payments to my parents. It turns out my parents were living beyond their means for a while because my mother quit her job to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. My grandparents decided to help out by sending them money every month to help with my parents' mortgage and to set aside some of that money for college savings for both my brother and I, and it was to be split evenly.

It turns out that my parents only planned to put those savings towards my brother's college. And that's also how they bought his car as well. So from now on, my parents are now on their own financially. My mother will likely have to go back to work to help my dad keep up with the mortgage. I can front in my parents, and I ask them why they've always treated my brother as their favorite. I asked them if there was something I needed to know, but it turns out there was nothing, literally nothing. I'm not some affair baby, I'm not even an unplanned pregnancy, they just like my brother more. I was mad as hell, and we argued a lot before I left the room because I'd had enough.

My grandparents showed up on Saturday with a moving truck. My parents were floored when we started bringing in boxes to pack. My father got in our way, and I reminded him how he said that I should move out, so that's what I was doing. My mother cried some more, and said that my father was just angry in the moment when he said that, and they'd been counting on my rent money to help with my brother's college fund. I asked if that meant that he would never have to pay rent like I did when he turns 18. My father then said that since

I was taking a gap year to work, that my rent money could have helped my brother. This means that they never intended for him to get a job while going to college. My grandfather was in rage and confronted my father, saying that he raised him better than this. My grandfather chewed him out, saying that he has never been more disappointed in him, and they will no longer receive any more financial support. Then he said that he would disown them both if they ever tried to retaliate against me for exposing them. My father backed down, and neither he nor my mother said another word to me. I had a bit of an awkward conversation with my brother

as we said our goodbyes to each other, and that was it. I just got in my car, waved, and drove off. I'm now fully moved into my new room at my grandparents' house. It's a little smaller, but nice, and my grandparents are very welcoming. I'm gonna keep working hard to move forward from here,

and I appreciate everyone's support. OP, as I was reading this story, I was also suspecting that maybe you were an affair baby and that's why they didn't love you as much. But no, your parents are just assholes. And then when you expose them for their hypocrisy and them being terrible parents, they get mad at you and the worst part. Man, this was awful to read. As you are moving out, your mother was crying. Not because she was embarrassed, not because she was sad to see you go, but she was crying because she was really, really counting on your rent money to help out your younger brother. That's why she was crying.

Man, talk about rubbing salt in the wound, OP. That is just brutal. Your own mother, sad that you're leaving, not because you're leaving, but because your money is leaving. I will say OP that I hope that you're able to salvage your relationship with your brother because based on this story, it sounds like your brother isn't like malicious or mean. He's receiving all this benefit, but it's not like his fault exactly. And he's being raised incorrectly, so I can't really blame him a lot for what's going on, so I'm hoping that he can realize that his parents are super toxic and step away from them, because it sucks that you lost

your parents, but you don't also have to lose your brother, so I hope you're able to salvage that situation. Opie, I'm giving you your grandparents and your brother all 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving both of your parents 5 out of 5 buttholes. Also, down in the comments, I'm gonna read this story from Sasha Avocado. This makes me miss my grandma. I have a stutter, and my uncle used to bully me and make fun of me. One time, my grandma heard them bullying me, and she made hell.

She has 7 sons and some with grandkids. I have never seen seven grown men cry before. She made them apologize to me in front of their kids and wives. She didn't talk to them for two months and they crawled back to her feet for mercy. Am I the butthole for telling my husband that I'll dispose of my feminine products when he wipes better? I'm a housewife and my husband works nine to five so I take care of my feminine products when he wipes better. I'm a housewife, and my husband works 9-5, so I take care of the house all day, laundry, dishes, kids, etc. I just had a baby, so I'm still bleeding, and I can't wear tampons because I have a tilted cervix, so I wear pads. When I change my pad, I wrap it in toilet paper, and usually the wrapper that the other one came in, but sometimes I

just use toilet tissue. My husband always tells me that it's really gross when he goes to the bathroom, and he can see the bloody tissue that my pad is wrapped in, and he does not need to see that. We got into a fight about it, with him telling me that it's disgusting to see blood, and that no one needs to know that I'm on my period, but I'm not on my period, I'm bleeding from birthing a baby. I told him that I would start disposing of my pads the way he wants me to when he learns how to wipe better and I don't have to scrub sh** stains out of his boxers. He told me I was out of line and he slept in the guest room the last couple of nights.

Am I the butthole? Oh, P. What? Wait, what? I'm in my 30s and this is honest to God the first time in my life that I've learned that people are actually walking around with sh** stained underwear. I thought that was like, you know, a joke that you see in comedy movies or something that happens to kids who haven't yet figured out how personal hygiene works.

But a grown ass adult, I have never in my entire adult life had a skid mark in my underwear. Because, well, obviously you know why, because I do what I'm supposed to do when you go to the bathroom. But are there people who literally go number two, and then they are sitting on the toilet and they look down and they see a skid mark,

and the gears don't turn and they think to themselves, huh, I guess I'm not doing a good enough job wiping here. Maybe I should try to wipe a little bit more. That just doesn't happen to their brains. They just like pull, they just don't wipe and they pull their pants up. What? What?

This happens? Man, I can't get over this. I can't get over it. We have an adult human being with a job and a mortgage and a wife and a kid. And he looks at his own underwear and sees an honest to God Staying and he thinks yep, this is perfectly fine. This is normal. I'm not gonna make any changes because I want to walk around I want to walk around And have and have poop stains on my clothes. This is normal. Okay, okay weird very weird OP

on my clothes. This is normal. Okay. Okay. Weird. Very weird. OP. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttles. I'm giving Skidmark over there two out of five buttles. By the sound of things, the last thing that I need is more buttles. People in the comments are calling a mudbutt. Oh my god. This post is insane. OP, just buy a bidet, man, just buy a bidet. Once you own a bidet, you will never want a poop on a toilet that doesn't have a bidet in your life. I got one once just like as a whim, just because I was thinking, hey, this could be like a nice upgrade. Now, every single toilet in our house has bidets,

and then my family, they came to visit, you know, my family will come to visit and they use the bathroom, and after the first time they're like, oh my God, that bidet is like a religious experience. And now all of their toilets and their bathrooms have bidets. So I'm telling you, bidets are life-changing. Please get one for your husband because the dude never figured out how wiping works, I guess. That was our slash of my The Butthole. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

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