rSlash - r/Askreddit What Crazy Secret Was Revealed In Your Family?

Episode Date: May 15, 2021

r/Askreddit In today's Askreddit thread, users share their dark family secrets. One user tells us about his grandma, who was a notorious bootlegger back during prohibition. She would help illegally transport bottles of alcohol in her vehicle. When she got caught, the state demanded that she confess to her crimes. She refused, so the state gave her a lifetime driving ban. Crazy, right? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Today's subreddit is R-Slash Ask Reddit, where we answer the question, what family secret was finally spilled in your family? Our first reply from Pickles' Gal. I found out that my uncle is actually my brother. My mom had him when she was so young that my grandparents raised him. Beneath that, Gauntlet Wizard replies, My mother is 17 years younger than the youngest of her three siblings, and born about a year after that siblings started dating her husband.

I'm still waiting for this secret to come out. I've asked about it, and my mother doesn't think so, but I still think there's an even chance. Our next reply is from Jen's frenzy. My sister cheated on her husband throughout her entire marriage. To the point that all three of her kids have different biological fathers. So on this note, throughout my entire life, I told myself that I would absolutely get a DNA test if I ever have a kid. And then just recently, my wife and I gave birth to Lily, but I don't feel the need to do a DNA test. It's not that I think that my

wife would cheat on me or anything. It's just that you hear those horror stories about how babies get switched to the hospital, and I was afraid that would happen to me. Also, I figured, hey, what's the harm? They're like 50 bucks, and if you catch it early enough, then it won't ruin your life. So that leaves a question, why do I not feel the need to have a paternity test? Well, first of all, I know that I can't possibly be another guy, because I've been second quarantine at home with my wife for like a year. I work from home, she works from home, we never leave the house because I'm a voice actor. If I got COVID, then I wouldn't be able to record any audio and my channel would basically

die. So for that reason, we've been completely shut in for like 15 months right now. Also after giving birth to a baby, I discovered just how hard it is to swap babies by accident in 2021. When I was actually in the delivery room, the nurse took the baby and instantly put these special bands on the baby and me and my wife. The bands all matched up, so the bands on my wife and I had the baby's name, and the band on the baby had our names.

Also, the baby's wristband had a special microchip in it, so if anyone cut that wristband, or if they brought that wristband close to an elevator or staircase, the entire hospital would instantly lock down. Obviously that's to prevent people from stealing a baby. So anyways, after they put the wristband on all of us and they told us not to go near any elevators, I kept thinking about what they said. I was like, wait a second. So if we take the baby near an elevator or a staircase,

the entire hospital goes on lockdown. But what if there's a fire? If the hospital catches on fire and I grab the baby and run to a staircase and the door instantly locks, so I just get cooked alive with my baby? So this is kind of funny. After I was wondering that a nurse came in and I was like, hey, so if I take this baby near an elevator, the whole hospital locks down, right? And the nurse said, yeah, that's correct. And then I asked, but what about a fire? If someone pulls the fire alarm and I grabbed the baby and run outside, wouldn't that mean the doors would lock me inside with the fire? And the nurse said, oh, don't worry, the fire alarm overrides those locks. And then me being a total idiot just said,

well then what would stop someone from just grabbing a baby, pulling a fire alarm and running away with it? That nurse gave me the most horrified, the most horrified look I have ever seen on another human being. My wife saw the look the nurse gave me and she was like, oh don't worry about it, it's not important. Anyways, I have a feeling that nurse thinks that I was coming up with an evil plan to steal one of the babies in the nursery. I didn't, obviously, I just thought it was funny. So anyways, I got super off topic, I've got to also read this reply from wondering Reindog in response to that original post. Your story about the cheating sister is really close to mine. My sister cheated on her husband for 10 years.

The guy she finally left her husband for was a personal assistant who was involved in the theft and sale of prescription medications. And he ended up being the killer and a murder suicide two years later with his co-conspirator. Cheese, OP. In that story, each sentence is wilder than the last. Our next reply from Coco Bean. When my mother fell ill and I took over her finances, I found thousands of pounds of gambling dead on her credit cards.

Then I found adoption papers for a child that she'd had before me and that she never mentioned. Then, another family member told me that my dad didn't die in a car crash, but instead committed suicide in prison. Our next replies from Ronark, my grandma didn't drive. I thought that she couldn't, but it was just never discussed. One day, when I was maybe seven or eight, I was trying to get someone, anyone to drive me to the store for candy.

We were visiting my aunt and uncle and my grandma live with them. They had a certain candy bar that I wanted at the local store, and I couldn't get that candy bar at home. But no one would take me to the store. Finally I said that I'd ask my grandma and my cousin chimes in with, Grandma can't drive. Grandma says, Oh, you bet you're sweet, but I can drive. They just don't let me." My grandma had overheard us and she was pissed off by that statement. But that's all that was said about it, and my aunt finally took me to the store, so I forgot about it. Years later, when I just got in my license, I asked my mom what was up with grandma not

driving. She explained that during prohibition, my grandma boot-legged alcohol for moon shiners. She was very successful at it. She was so successful at it that when the moon shiners were finally busted. Even though they never arrested my grandma, her license was suspended by the state to never be reissued. Later in life, she was told that she could petition for it back, but it came with an admission of guilt or some such. She told him to go to hell.

OP, your grandma sounds awesome. I'm imagining her in like a flapper dress and a cigar with a Tommy gun, just committing federal crimes throughout her entire life. What I want to know is, why wouldn't they tell the kids that story? That story is awesome. In fact, when other people says that OP's grandma sounds like a badass, OP responds with this. She had a way about her, that's for damn sure. Can't get rid of ducks who were eating in your garden. You can grab a piece of salt pork if you winches long and tie a piece of fishing line to it. Dangle it out there to the ducks, but give yourself five feet of line per duck. The first one will eat it, and it'll go through their system in minutes. After an hour, you'll have six ducks on a string and you can lead those

bastards to someone else's garden. But my favorite memory was her sitting on a rocker on the front porch, wrapped in a shawl, chewing tobacco, and spitting off the edge of the flower bed. My uncle comes pulling up, gets out of his car, and he's white as a ghost. Everyone asks what's wrong, and he starts explaining that just as he topped the hill coming out of town, there were two semi-drugs coming right at him in both lanes. He did the only thing that he could do. He skirted the ditch on the shoulder, but managed to keep the car from going down the ditch. He barely survived. My grandma huffs and says,

That's the difference between you and me. I'd have hit that son of a bitch head on. OP, if your grandma wrote a book, I would read it. Actually beneath that, we have more stories about OP's grandma. She was one of a kind. She wrapped paper plates in saran wrap to reuse them. I'm not sure of the trade off there. She wants her their phrase. He's so tight he kept a rock in his pocket to save on shoelether. Now don't worry if that confuses you. You see, people used to strike matches against the bottom of their leather soul shoes because

matches didn't have a striking pat on the side. But she liked this so much she kept a rock with her just in case. When she made her famous banana nut bread, she had these tiny loaf pans, and she'd make each kid their very own loaf. She could peel an apple with a paring knife in under 10 seconds, with a peel in one long slice. She would then scrape a spoon across the surface of the apple to make applesauce to hand feed me, even when I was old enough to feed myself.

She wouldn't go to the stormseller until it was an honest to god tornado warning. And if it was reported to be anything under an F3, she wouldn't even do that. She was fearless and she expected the same from every adult, but she was utterly disappointed. She swatted wasp with her open palm. And if anyone was afraid of the wasp, she'd pick it up and flick it at them. Black Friday continues a real Canadian superstar with deals on electronics, home, and holiday staples, like lean ground beef at $368.00 and 10 pounds of farmer's market care at her I-N-S at $3.99. Until November 29th, see fly for details. Where can a vehicle from Mazda's electrified lineup take you?

From running errands. To running 5 kilometers. From powering up. To winding down. Electrify every moment with the 2024 Mazda CX90 available as a plug-in hybrid or as a mild hybrid in line 6 turbo. Learn more at Mazda.ca Our next reply is from Kies Romo.

My great-great-grandfather was exiled and banned from Missouri for being a sheep thief. And then beneath that donk-holio replies, I read an amusing anecdote on Reddit here a few days ago. In Europe, I want to say either Ireland or Wales, stealing a sheep was a capital crime, but shagging a sheep was just met with a lot of embarrassment. So if a sheep thief was caught out in the fields with no good explanation of what he was doing there, it behoved him to pretend that he was a degenerate pervert rather than a thief. And that's how all those jokes and stereotypes about passionately hugging sheep's came about.

Our next reply is from squirrels and crayons. After my grandfather passed away, we found out that he had fathered a kid when he was posted in Italy during World War II. He never knew. His mother intercepted all the letters from the Italian girl. He came home, met and married my grandmother, and had four kids. I forget who in the family found out and how. It's crazy to think that we have a whole Italian family out there. O.P. clarifies, my oldest aunt is 77, so this kid would be like 79 by

now I think. We've considered doing a DNA test, but some family members aren't comfortable with how those companies could use that information. It's a really sad story, but if his mother hadn't intercepted those letters, I wouldn't exist. It's a weird place to be and emotionally. Our next reply is from Niddy Bitty. My aunt wasn't my grandfather's child. My grandfather met my grandma when my aunt was a very sick infant. She had polio and wasn't expected to survive. My grandpa married my grandma so that she could get on his insurance and move to an area that had proper medical support. My aunt was the first infant to survive open heart surgery at Yale New Haven Hospital. And although she had to be in leg braces most of her childhood, she had a grade, although not

long enough, life. My granddad loved her like she was his own, and I never knew until she went to her biological dad's funeral when I was a teenager. Wow OP, your grandpa married a girl just so that he could save her daughter, and then went on to have a complete family with this girl. That's incredible. Your grandpa has a lot of integrity. Our next Reddit post is from Bobandit. My grandmother recently died. She was famous in our town for her amazing cooking and catering, in particular her turkey dinners. Notably, her gravy was absolutely amazing. It was so delicious.

She had a heart attack several years ago, and her near death experience convinced her to share some of her secret recipes with me. Everything except for her gravy recipe. When she died this spring, I was going through her pantry, and I found an entire bucket of KFC gravy mix. She was literally using KFC gravy mixes a base to make her incredible gravy. Huge candle, LMAO. Then beneath that, we have this story from Nickelodeon.

I remember reading about a similar scandal, where the winning chili and a competition was nothing but 10 cans of Hormel chili and a jar of grape jelly. Our next reply is from Zombie Tomato. I started having problems with my teeth, spontaneous abscesses that resulted in multiple root canals. My dentist did some looking into what the cause might be and found some really odd abnormalities with my insizer roots and nerves. So he sent our request for help to a couple of professors that he knew in the field.

When my next in-a-suppointment came up, he was really quiet for a bit before verbally stumbling about. It turns out that what was happening with my teeth was a classic sign of inbreeding, and he was super uncomfortable giving me the news. I brought it up to my mom and she was like, oh, well yeah, didn't you know? WTF? Of course I didn't know. Turns out that not very far back in my family tree, several of my relatives decided that it was a good idea to get married to one another. And no one bothered to mention it. Ever!

The small town where I live is composed 85% of my relatives. No joke. I haven't even met all of them. That's how many there are. Opie clarifies, I'm from Ontario, Canada. I won't say where, because you might be my cousin. Also, both my mother's side and my father's side came from small towns where the population was predominantly family. That is, the families had lived there since the town had been settled.

So there's a good chance that there had been some inter-cousin shenanigans on both sides, though no names from my mother's side showed up in my father's family tree. So far, the website 23andme says that I have over 1500 relatives scattered across Canada in the USA and only 17 in the UK. And that's only the people who have taken the tests. There could still be more. 1500 relatives? OP, you could like literally populate an entire high school with just your family members.

The principal, the teachers, the lunch ladies, the students, the janitors, literally everyone you're relative. Our next reply from Lady C. Shelby Keeney. I learned that my grandfather was an atomic soldier. Instead of sending him to fight in the Korean War, they sent him to Nevada, where after having him turn away from the initial flash, he witnessed the mushroom cloud. After that was over, he was ordered to march to the dead nation point, where he was unwittingly exposed to high amounts of radiation. Luckily for my family, my grandpa is now in his 90s, and the rest of us are cancer-free and fairly healthy. But this is medical information that we really should have known earlier.

Then beneath that, we have this story from Zed's baby. I remember watching a documentary about sailors who were made to experience an atomic blast. They sat on the deck of the ship while the bomb was blasted out at sea. The old man said that he put his hand in front of his closed eyes to shield them, but that he could still see the bones in his hands like an X-ray through his skin and his eyelids. Our next reply is from Thomas Guy Regis. My mother had a child when she was a teenager, and she had given him up for adoption to a family. After this, she went to college, got her degree, married my father, and gave birth to my four siblings and myself. About 30 years after giving her child up for adoption, I remember her getting a phone call and immediately locking herself in her room.

I was about 12 at the time. I remember feeling scared because I could hear my mom crying, but she didn't want to see anybody or talk about why she was crying. One evening later that week, my parents sat each of us down and told us about my mom's past, and they explained that my half-brother had reached out to my mom, wanting to meet her and get to know her. My dad had known ever since he and my mom were dating in college, and I believe my oldest sister had also been previously told by this point. But me, my siblings, and all the in-laws on my dad's side didn't know about this part of her past. We were fairly religious and conservative, so it was really shocking at first.

My mom then flew out to the state where my half-brother lived. My mom and my half-brother were both very nervous about the whole thing. But by the end of their trip meeting each other, they got to build a relationship. After some time, my siblings and I got to meet him too. Fast forward to now, he's moved to our same state, and we see him much more frequently. He's in all of our family pictures, we see him occasionally for holidays and birthdays, and we all see him as part of our family. We're all a very close-knit and extroverted family, while he is much shier.

So at times, he can be a bit more distant than we would like, but we have to give him space. I know my mom stays in close touch with them, and we love it when he's able to make it for our family dinners and whatnot. Back then, I was the youngest, and up until then, the only boy in my family. So, I love learning that I had an older brother. Now that I'm an adult, I sometimes get as old-close because we're roughly the same size. He has good taste, too, so I really lucked out. I love that this family's secret was spilled and that we were able to welcome my brother into our family and have him in our lives. Our next replies from Des. My mother often had stories like, at your age, we got up at 4 a.m. to work on the farm. After working, we went home to have lunch with their grandfather. Then we walked 10 kilometers to go to school. And when we came back, we had to work in the field in a tractor until it was 6 pm to go and cook

dinner for your grandfather. And I was like, yeah, but didn't my grandfather work the farm with you in the morning, and my mom would change the subject. I learned on Easter that my grandfather was an alcoholic. He got drunk every night, didn't get up in the morning to go to work, or was in fake jobs to lie to the family and go drink instead. Meanwhile, his elementary-age kids had to go to school and manage his farm. Then he went to prison because he touched the neighbor's children. When he got out of prison, he took out a loan for $30,000 in my grandma's name. Then he ran away with the money. He died a few years later. No one cried at the funeral. 30 years later, I finally learned what kind of man my grandfather was.

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