rSlash - r/Choosingbeggars "Guests Must PAY ME To Attend My Wedding!"

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

r/Choosingbeggars In today's episode, we have a completely entitled bridezilla who posts a long list of bizarre rule for her guests. Rules include "you must pay the bride to attend the wedding" and "you must not speak to the bride at any time." We've also got a delusional writer who thinks that she's written the next Twilight about a princess who really wants to passionately hug a vampire, but she can't because of politics. Exciting! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Choosing Beggars, where we get a chance to read Karen's hot, erotic vampire fan fiction. This next post is made from a Kenyan-based social media influencer. Hey, hey, fam! Y'all already know that every year for my birthday and June, I do an awesome photo shoot. This year, I want to make it a little different. We always expect to receive love and gifts on our birthdays. But this time, that's exactly what I want to give back. You guys have always loved and supported both my partner and I throughout my business

journey, and now I'm paying it forward. I'd like to wear and promote Kenyan brands and business for my photo shoot. I'm calling it hashtag my maiden Kenyan birthday. This is a pro bono shoot for all the brands and people I'll partner with. I.e. no charges. Only I get to keep the items that I like, or whatever you choose to bless me with from your collection. I've already got the concept, so all I need is the awesome team and brands to put it all

together. Who I'm looking for? A photographer, makeup artist, personal stylist and shopper who must be super thorough in sourcing everything we need. Shoes and boots, foot doors and hats, bespoke tailored outfits, lingerie and shapewear, unique over-the-topwear, jewelry and accessories, hairstyling and elegant wigs, a four or five star hotel,

luxury residence or sweets. Duh, down in the comments, Ricky Spanis says exactly what I was thinking. Oh my God, the balls on these people. Give me all kinds of free stuff because I'm really doing you a favor by taking it. Ha, so when I first started reading this post, this person kept talking about all kinds of free stuff because I'm really doing you a favor by taking it. So when I first started reading this post, this person kept talking about how they're

being so charitable and they're just so giving and caring that what I thought this post was going to be was they were coming to this thing to like donate their time and someone else was a choosing beggar and they had like been exploited and they were going to tell the story of how this other choosing Begger exploited them. But instead, they're the choosing Begger who's trying to come off as like charitable when they're basically just asking for free stuff and free labor. Good morning, my name is Blank and I'm the wedding coordinator for such and such. I'm reaching out to all confirmed guests to do a final head count and to go over some

rules and regulations on wedding day. First of all, are you still attending with a plus one? Rules and regulations. One, please arrive 15 to 30 minutes early. Two, please do not wear white, cream, or ivory. Three, please don't wear anything other than a basic bob or ponytail. Four, please do not have a full face of makeup. Five, do not record during the ceremony.

That's ceremony spelled with an S, by the way. Six, do not check in on Facebook until instructed. Seven, use hashtag redacted when posting all pictures. Eight, do not talk to the bride at all. And for those who are listening but not watching, I'm yelling that one because it's the only one that's written in all caps, so apparently it's super important. 9. Everyone will toast with Remy.

No, no acceptance, but I'm sure what they actually mean is no exceptions. 10. Lastly, you must come with a gift of $75 or more, or you won't be admitted in. If you have any questions or need clarification, please call me directly at Blink. Thank you. I love this rule about no one's allowed to talk to the bride. Like what? Imagine the bride getting up and she's like, is everyone having a good time?

And then just silence. Besides, I can't even figure out the reason for that. Is that because the rule came from the woman and the bride is like so obsessed with her special day that she literally just doesn't want anyone talking to her at all? Or maybe she wants to feel like she's some kind of unapproachable diva

where the mere pians can't even approach her to speak to her or alternatively. Maybe it came from the groom because he's being like a controlling nut job and he doesn't want anyone to make her question the marriage? I have no idea because I've literally never heard of something like this before. Have you? Is this like a weird cultural thing that I've never heard about where people from like, I don't know, India or Brazil or wherever, just don't let people talk to the

bride? If so, well then in that case, I guess I shouldn't call it weird. It's just, you know, a cultural norm, but I've never heard of it. If this is a real thing, can you please let me know down in the comments because I'm kind of curious at this point. Hi, is this blank? Sure is, who's this? My name is Blank, and I got your number from Blank. She said that you did the editing for her book. I have a book that I've been working on for two years. It's finished now, but it needs an editor.

Are you interested? Maybe. Can you tell me a little more? What's the book about? How long is it? What kind of turnaround time are you expecting? Any particular areas of concern? Okay, cool. It's a fantasy romance but with lots of action thrown in too. It's about a 17 year old girl named Blank who falls in love with a vampire. Only her kingdom, she's a princess, is at war with the kingdom of the vampires. I don't want to give any more away before you read it. It's 467 pages in MS Word. I do NOT want you to change the plot. I'm happy

with the plot the way it is, and I don't want to make any changes there. Okay, for a project of that size, I would charge around 300. Dollars? Yeah, dollars. Is that a problem? Um, I haven't made any money off the book yet. It's self-published on blanks, so I can't pay that much. But it shouldn't need much editing. Like I said, I've been working on it for over 2 years and it's already pretty solid. It just needs grammar, spelling, that sort of thing.

You're already getting a friend of a friend discount. A book that size would take me about 16 hours to edit, and that's if there aren't any major issues. I'd be happy to look at the first few pages for free though to get a better estimate, what's your budget? Well, the thing is, I haven't been able to work for the last couple of years. I had to move back in with my parents so I could devote all of my time to my writing, and my dad lost his job due to COVID, so it's just my mom supporting all of us, and I can't

ask for much right now. So I'm hoping that you do it for much less. I'm sorry, I'd love to help you out, but editing isn't my main job, so I'd be doing this in my free time. Doing this for free just isn't a sacrifice that I can make right now. Good luck to you though. You have another job probably making good money, and you're gonna charge me $300 when I can't even work. Come on, I'm letting you read the book for free and it's really good. It's

probably gonna be a best seller and I'll thank you by name in the book. Plus, you'll get a free copy when I make enough to do a print version. Just imagine being able to say that you were the first person to ever read Twilight. I've never read Twilight, it's not really my thing. Again, thank you for the offer, but I just can't do this for free right now. This sucks! Blinks said you were really nice, and I thought that you'd be happy to help out a struggling writer and maybe get famous in the process. I guess you'll just have to wait until this book comes out and pay to read it like everybody else. Maybe I'll name one of the ugliest meanest characters after you and you'll get famous anyway that way.

Haters gonna hate. Get ready for the hottest, wildest action fantasy romance vampire adventure book you've ever read Brought to you by the breakout author Karen McArenson My name is Princess Karen and I want a vampire But I can't because we don't like the vampires in my kingdom. Oh, whoa is me. Why won't people just let me f*** the vampire? Coming to a bookstore near you. Hey, hello, who's this? Blank gave me your numbers. She said that you 3D print things. Yeah, I do. Are you looking to have something printed?

I am. She showed me the mini wheelbarrow that you printed for your wedding. So cute. You mean these ones? Yes! Lol, yeah, I had to print a ton of those. I'm actually not even finished with them yet. I still have about 30 more to make. Can you make them for me too? Wheelbarrows? Yeah, I can do that. How many do you want? I want to give them out to my guests, so I'll need a lot. Um, okay, well, just to give you a heads up, this can get very expensive. I just want to let you know that ahead of time. Like how expensive?

Depends on how many you need, really. I went 250 of them with their initials and wedding date on this side. Oh, wow. Well, just a rough estimate, it would probably come out to be about $3,000. For such a large bulk order, I could probably come out to be about $3,000. For such a large bulk order, I could probably do it for like 2000 even though. And even then, it would likely take me about 2 months to fill this order. What? That's outrageous! $2,000 for little plastic wheelbarrow's?

Well, they're not plastic, they're made from resin. And yeah, it gets expensive and takes a long time It would be less expensive if you could find someone to cast some model and make copies that way I don't know anyone that can do that. You could order tiny wheel barrels online They won't be customized though. Can you please give me a deal? I went our date and initials on them Uh, I did give you a deal like I said and initials on them. Uh, I did give you a deal. Like I said, normally I would estimate this project cost about $3,000. I said that I would do it for $2,000.

That's actually a pretty good deal and it works out to about eight bucks each. How about a better deal though? I think you're trying to rip me off because it's for a wedding. Everyone does this and it's effing stupid. Actually, no. The wedding has nothing to do with it. The moment you tell someone that it's for a wedding, they multiply the price by 10. You should be able to do this for me for like a hundred dollars, or even better for free as a wedding gift.

You have a machine that does all the work for you anyway. It's not like you're making them by hand. What does it cost you? Some electricity? It probably cost you less than $1 a day to run that machine. The cost of running these things is actually significant. I'll break it down for you if you like. Yeah, you do that. It's gonna take roughly 50 grams of resin per print. Using one machine I can print to it at a, and each print takes 10.5 hours. Resin costs me $35 per 1000 grams, so 50 grams times 125 prints is 6,250 grams of resin. Then if you multiply 35 dollars by 6,250 grams, that comes out to $218.75 for materials.

So it cost you $200 and you want to charge me $2000? See your scammer! I typically charge $2 per hour for printing time. 125 prints at 10.5 hours is 1,312 printing hours. Multiply that by 2 and that comes out to $2625. I'm not done yet. I also typically charge $15 per print for prep and post-processing, placing supports,

for moving supports, cleaning the printing sets, et cetera. $15 times 125 print runs is $1,875. That's stupid! So the grand total of this job would be $4,718 with a total of 55 days of non-stop printing. That is effing stupid! Half of what you're charging is coming from printing time where you're not even doing anything but sitting on your butt!

To be fair, the charge for printing time is because while I'm printing your stuff, that's a machine that I can't use for anything else. Also, I'm going to be tied up in your order for nearly two months. This money also maintains the printer, so changing FEP sheets, any damage to the LCD, et cetera. Look, I know it's a big expense. You can probably get them done cheaper and faster

somewhere else, but this is what I can offer. If you like, I can model a single wheelbarrow for you. It'll probably cost about 25 bucks. You can take that model somewhere else and have them mass replicate them with molds. I just don't know of anyone who does that off the top of my head. I don't know anyone who can do that! I'll even give you a few colored lithos of your wedding photos for free as a wedding gift. What's a colored litho? They look like this image below. It uses light to produce an image.

Oh yeah, my frame showed me those you did for her too. You gave her all this stuff for free. You should do the whole thing as a wedding gift. I don't see why you can't. Yeah, she's also my best friend, and when I try new things, I usually send her samples of them. Whatever, I'm gonna tell her that you're a butthole. L-M-F-A-O, you do that. Just so you know she's my best friend, she's going to be my best man in my wedding and

I'm her daughter's godfather. So yeah, I'm sure that'll go over well for you. Just make them for me as a gift, it's for my wedding. No, it's too expensive and it takes too long. I can't have a printer down for that long. I also don't even know you. I didn't even get an invite to your wedding. F you and F. Ah! Okay, well the cost is $4,718 and the estimated production time is 60 to 90 days if you change your mind.

What's stupid logic? Oh, you won't be giving you basically $5,000 a product for free for your wedding? Okay, well, what'd you get me for my wedding? Oh, that's right, nothing. It's like, I know this may come as a shock to you, lady, but to be totally honest, I don't give a flying F about your stupid wedding. Pay me what I'm worth, or go f*** yourself. Though down in the comments, I really like the suggestion from Believemore.

You should send her a 3D model of your butthole with their initials. Our next wedded post is from Flippi's king. Me, my fiance, my older brother, his wife, and my coworker all went out to hang out the other night. Normally on days when none of us are going to be working the next day, we like to drink. A LOT. Well, this was my turn to be the designated driver, so I couldn't get plastered, which sucks, but regardless, it was fitting to be a long night.

We went out bowling, and we normally order a special, which is two hours of playing, a pizza, and a picture of beer. Everything was going fine for at least an hour, and we barely made it through half the pictures since we were having fun bowling at all. This one dude, who looked like he was old enough to be my dad, came up and asked if we could share our beer, because they charge way too much for a large drink here. To be fair, his complaint is pretty valid, a large drink costs $4.50. I said okay because I felt like being nice and I saw the cup in his hand, and this dude just takes the whole picture of my beer and goes back to his table. My brother and I immediately go over and take it back, just as his dude threw his ball

down the lane, and when he saw us, he starts running after us shouting, give that back, you said I could have it! We all shot him down when he came to shout it out and he bugged off back to his lane. Then the dude came back with management saying that we just came and picked the picture off his table. All I had to do was show the receipt, and the guy was instantly accused of stealing in himself. But then he went on this long rant about the prices of the drinks and how it's unfair

to be charging so much for sizes that I can get in McDonald's for a dollar. Needless to say, that was the end of his bowling night and he was escorted out the door. Man, what kind of moron goes up to management and was like, hey, those guys won't let me steal from them. That was our slash-shoesie beggars, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put on your Reddit podcast episodes every single day. choosing beggars and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put on your Reddit podcast episodes every single day.