rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance "Just Use A Forklift" "Sure Thing, Boss!"

Episode Date: October 25, 2020

r/Maliciouscompliance In today's story, OP works at a warehouse that has a smaller office building inside the workhouse. OP's boss tells him to destroy the smaller building with a forklift. Malicious compliance activated! OP drives the forklift into the building, which destroys the plumbing and causes the warehouse to flood, resulting in hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage. The best par tis that OP couldn't get in trouble for it, because his boss told him to! If you like this episode, follow my podcast for more daily Reddit content! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable podash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash malicious compliance, where a professor gets a dose of his own medicine. Our next reddit post is from Yellowjacket. My brother has struggled with drug addiction for most

of his life. About five years ago, a tourist family apart. His wife filed for divorce and was awarded full custody of their son. This is all right and proper, as my brother was in no condition to be a father at this time. The road to recovery has been long, but my brother has been working the program and has now been clean for several years. He has no formal custody of his son, though he gets visitation at his ex-wife's discretion. He's been a good and stable father to his son in the last years. However, his ex has not wanted to allow for the possibility that he's become well. In fact, she's begun jerking

him around with visitation, even planning on removing the son from his father for a period of several months so she can take a long vacation with her new family. My brother, not willing to let this slide immediately file for joint custody. The court case was yesterday, and, as expected, his ex-bad mouths is former drug abuse and attempted to paint him as still an addict and a threat to their son. Again, he totally isn't anymore. He's been clean for years, employed and he owns his own home. The ex was so self-deluded and confident that he had backslid that she loudly demanded in front of the judge that my brother provide a letter from the local president of the drug counseling program stating that he had attended every meeting for the

last several years. My brother smiled at the judge and said, not only is that not a problem, Your Honor, but I can provide that document today. The judge asked how this is possible. Did my brother already think to bring it with him? He said, no, you're on her. But you see, I am the president of our local chapter. I wish I could have seen the look on that hateful woman's face. It's not official yet, but yeah, he's totally getting joined custody. So basically Karen asked to speak to the manager and OPs brother was like, BAH!

Don't you know, I am the manager. Our next reddit post is from Vinti Depresso. I used to work for a security alarm company in their dispatch office. I would get signals like burglary, fire, silent panic, our maintenance needed notifications and follow our policy on responding. One of the highest priority alarms are silent panic alarms. Just like you might have at a bank or a jewelry store. In this case, I believe it was a small business jewelry store. The thing about panic alarms is that we have very strict rules on how to respond.

If someone calls, verifies their identity, and gives the cancel code, we can't just cancel our immediate police notification. We don't know if someone's holding a gun to their head, and unless an account has specific instructions to do so, we never call anyone but the police. Not even the account owner until the police are done. One day, a man calls in because it's a alarm-want arm. He's getting a trouble signal, which just means a low battery from panic alarm number 2. His system won't arm until the air is cleared,

and we usually suggest that people have spare batteries on hand, but it seems that he didn't feel that was necessary. I let him know that we can send our on-call person out, or he can try picking up supplies from a battery store, but he just wants to go home. He's getting very frustrated, but there's genuinely nothing I can do from my end to bypass a panic sensor and arm

system like he demands. Eventually he says, I'll just effing break it and go home. I try to tell him that that'll set off the panic alarm. He uses some loud and unkind language and then he hangs up. And then, seconds later, panic number two is triggered. For our policy, I called the police, gave them dispatched information, then sat back, and felt very pleased with myself. It continued to feel kind to grade even five minutes later when he called back, infuriated

that the police had shown up to a store for a panic alarm. I explained to him that something set off his panic alarm, and we must respond to all those with the same urgency, since we never know what's happening on the other side. He wasn't pleased, but eventually we were able to reach our on-call tech to fix the panic button, which not only had a low battery, but now also physical damage that required it to be replaced. It actually makes a lot of sense for OP to respond this way. For all he knows, this could have been a devious ploy to trick the alarm company into not sounding the alarm. Robress called up the alarm company, act like a pissed-off boss, then break the alarm, and if OP was bad at his job, then they would have just gotten in.

Our next reddit post is from SpongeBob no pants. This was my first security gig right out of the military. A good starter job for security work. It was access control at gig right out of the military. A good start or job for security work. It was access control at a medium-sized aircraft engine factory. A friend of mine worked HR there, but he also held the title as head of security, so he offered me a job and I accepted. One of the biggest rules were ID checks. Apparently a few years prior, a couple of people had gotten in with photocopied IDs. So after that we had to physically check that the ID was plastic. We did this by touching it. Now do

access control enough and you start to memorize people. We didn't check their IDs by touching them because we knew them and if they'd been fired we would have gotten a notice. Well that angered the hit of HR so she said some new rules. She wasn't the head of security but security felt under HR so she said some new rules. She wasn't the head of security but security felt under HR so she kinda was. All IDs must be checked, no exceptions. No non-employees allowed through the gate without a sign noticed by her or the head of security and it has to be submitted 12 hours prior to entry. Visitor badges assigned without prior approval can only be done for normal

deliveries like post office or FedEx. Anyone who violates it will be reported by security to HR for security violation. This was fine and dandy, we really didn't care. Everything went smooth for about a month until that one day. Here comes the head of HR to the gate, but she isn't driving her husband is. It's raining, and I mean flood level raining. I asked her husband for his ID, and he says he didn't have one. The head of HR sees where this is going, and she tried to stop me. Her husband was only there to take her in because it was raining, and she didn't want to walk from the card of the building and ruin her outfit. That's when I threw the rules back to her.

I didn't have a security notice form, so I couldn't assign a badge and couldn't let them in. She tried the, but it's only a hundred yards. Which again, I reminded her of the rules that she said down. She actually said, Well, I'm your boss. We're coming in anyways. Technically she isn't my boss, so I again relate her rule that any breaches a policy

must be reported as a security violation. So there she is, dressed to the nines and forced to walk without a jacket to a building a hundred yards in the rain to get to her office. Why didn't we lend her a security rain jacket you asked? Because she said there wasn't enough money in the security budget to buy them. Later that day she modified the rules that would drop off, security had full discretion to allow someone entry for that purpose. We also got a rain jacket two weeks later and she never bothered security again. I was really hoping O.P. was going to say, sorry miss, but

if you have a problem with our security measures, you should take it up with a head of HR. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production. This is why BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable Potash minds in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit BHP.com slash better future. Hi, I'm Pete Davidson, and if you're like most people, you may be asking yourself, well, hey Pete, are you here to up my hydration game? And I'd be like, hey you, that's exactly right, with new smart water alkaline with antioxidant.

And you'd be like, okay cool, but there's no way there's a higher pH, right? And I'd be like, there actually is! And you'd be like, that's rad, I hope there's electrolytes for taste too. And I'd be like, you're not going to believe this! Elevate how you hydrate, and keep it smart with smart water alkaline. Our next Reddit post is from age 2020. I was working as a warehouse manager for a pharmaceutical and cosmetics company. Our premises was part of a large industrial complex that had been walled off in three smaller buildings that had three different businesses occupying them.

My office was a free-standing building inside of the warehouse that was about the size of a walled off into three smaller buildings that had three different businesses occupying them. My office was a free standing building inside of the warehouse that was about the size of a shipping container. My company was in the process of redeveloping the insides of the warehouse, and as a result, my office had to go. My immediate boss was the operations manager, and he came to me one morning and told me to demolish my office by the end of the day. Now we had tools, but only basic tools like hammers.

Nothing really suited for the task at hand. When I asked how he expected me to do it, he said, just drive a fork lift through it. To this day, I'm not sure if he was joking or being sarcastic or actually minted, but it had been said and in front of four witnesses. Like most grown men with the inner workings of a five-year-old, I love chaos and destruction, so I chose to take advantage of the situation. I would love to say that I rammed my office at full speed like the dukes of hazard on meth, but I figured that may be too extreme. What I did was push the walls in slowly before lifting off the roof panels.

All was going well. I got called away to another part of the warehouse and another worker decided to take up where I left off. He started lifting a roof panel off when there was a loud noise, a cross between a bang and a popping cork. This is the point where we realized that one of the pipes for the fire sprinkler system ran through the office roof, and it had been completely ripped out. The pressure in the system caused an initial spray of water, before a torrent of water spewed forth at roof height. The water had been in the pipes for at least 20 years, and combined with the dirt in the rafters, it was like it was raining squid ink. It covered the finished goods, the raw materials, the workers, and the equipment. The production line was immediately shut down and everyone

was panicking. We had a plumber on site who was unable to stop the flow. It had been flowing for about 5 minutes when we heard the sirens. The fire system had automatically alerted the fire department when the water pressure dropped. Due to the nature of our business, we had onside up to 30,000 liters of pure alcohol and ethanol. So when the firemen came, they prepared for the worst. Three trucks and about 20 firemen. The firemen go to turn the water off, but the valves are in one of the other warehouses. One was occupied by a heating company, the other by a Christian food drive. The heating company closed up early and the Christian place was occupied sporadically.

The firemen had to break down the doors of these businesses so they could find and shut off the water. The firemen were not happy with the situation, and here in Australia, if you're responsible for a false alarm, you could find potentially thousands of dollars for wasting their time. The damage bill was going to be massive in terms of fines, ruined stock, and materials, and lost time. It all happened so fast, and not much had been said, but once the situation was under control, the operations manager was looking for answers. He approached me asking what the hell I'd done. At this point, I informed him that it wasn't me as I was elsewhere at the time, and that for the record, he had instructed me to drive a forklift through

the building. He turned pale as the reality of his own culpability sank in. The end result was that the worker operating the forklift at the time was deemed responsible. I think they needed an official scapegoat for the insurance claim, but no official record was made and no punishment handed out. It was all swept under the rug and never mentioned again. So as a grown adult with a job, this is exactly the type of thing that I fantasize about. Not driving a forklift through a building. No, having this manager's level of just completely not being responsible for your actions.

Oops, I didn't pay my taxes. Sorry, IRS, my bad. Don't worry, R-Slash, we'll just sweep this little accident under the rug and we can all forget about it. Thanks, IRS, I really appreciate it. Our next Reddit posted some chromas. This story didn't happen to me, but to a fellow professor last year. Last year, the university where I taught wasn't particularly strict on attendance. The only thing that not attending would get you was a call asking if you want to keep paying for the class if you're not using them at all. Aside from that, it was up to the teacher to control how they wanted attendance to affect their class. This one professor decided to be incredibly strict about it and the students hated him

for it. He would physically lock the door once five minutes past and wouldn't open it again for it any reason whatsoever. If you were five minutes late, you lost that lesson. Some students started sitting in the hallway and taking notes while looking through the glass doors when that was an option. One day I arrived to teach my lesson, and all the students are giggly and happy. It just so happens that the professor himself arrived five minutes late that day, and the

students locked him out of the classroom for the entire hour. I suspect that he was too embarrassed to ask for a key and in the process, having to admit why he was locked out. Needless to say, he never locked the doors again. Down in the comments, we have a similar post from Fitness F. When I started university, I had my economics professor who used to lock the door even if we were a minute late. At one point, she put me in charge of making sure that all students had received the study material for her class.

Well, guess what? I was three minutes late for class and she locked the door. I kept banging at the door but she wouldn't open it. So, I took the original notes that she made and skipped her class for the entire semester. My college didn't monitor attendance that much. She had to remake thousands of pages worth of new notes for the entire class. Moral of the story? Don't be a jerk to someone who has the original copy of your notes that are gonna be used for an entire semester.

Our next credit poster is from Columbia Songbird. So, I just had a lateral sphincterotomy for chronic anal fissures. It's just as painful and terrible as it sounds. It's also kind of an awkward topic to get into with 99% of people. So for the most part, I've been deliberately vague about my surgery with people. My husband, parents, boss, and closest friend know the details. But as far as anyone else knows, I'm just having a minor procedure and will be out of work for a while. If people have reached out to check on me to see, I'm just having a minor procedure and will be out of work for a while.

If people have reached out to check on me to see if I'm okay, that's fine. I appreciate that. But if they keep prying despite my obvious attempts to be big, my strategy has been to tell them in graphic detail exactly what the surgery entails and make them regret asking. It goes like this. Hey, I heard you were having surgery, is everything okay? Yeah, it's just a small elective procedure. Everything's fine, thanks for checking in. Usually the conversation is over here or the subject's changed, but if the person wants

to be nosy, it continues. Okay, good, just making sure. Yep, all good. What was the surgery for? It's a digestive system issue, nothing to worry about. Oh, what is it? My butthole. I have chronic anal fissures, which means my entire anus puts open every single time I poop. It's excruciating. That's where they cut into the sphincter muscle from the inside,

and then cauterize the fissures to allow them to heal better. Well, that's graphic. I tried to be vague, but you still felt the need to ask, so I felt the need to tell you. I really just hope it makes them feel awkward, and like they shouldn't have asked such personal questions when someone was clearly trying to be vague about something. Mind your own freaking business and get your nose out of my butt. Literally. OP, I bet the best part is when they ask you this over text, because that's when you

get to send pictures. That was our slash malicious compliance, and if you liked this content, then check out my Patreon where I publish episodes that were too spicy for YouTube. Also, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. every single day.