rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance "WHERE'S YOUR HOMEWORK?" "I Was in a Coma..."

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

r/Maliciouscompliance In today's episode, OP has an absolutely insane interaction with a teacher. OP wasn't able to finish a homework assignment because he was literally in a coma for a few days. The teacher refuses to believe him, so she demands that OP does the homework anyway. OP complies by handwriting the homework on hospital stationary, and also includes a few photos of himself hooked up to hospital equipment just to seal the deal! Get $10 in free Bitcoin at Coinbase.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slasch Militius Compliance, where a terrible driver gets exactly what he asked for. Our next red-appost is from Economy grapefruit. This happened to me some months after I got my driver's license. I was a 19-year-old woman at the time driving through an 8-lane roundabout when a car struck me. This was a horrible roundabout with lots of traffic going very fast, and there were no lines in the ground to see who crossed too. Anyway, I get out to see the damage and the guy driving the other car comes out screaming at me, cursing and yelling that I'm a stupid girl. It's my first accident and I'm scared and almost want to cry from the shock of the accident,

but my little cousin is in the car and I don't want to scare her. As I'm walking around trying to take pictures of the car, the guy keeps yelling at me that this is my fault. He threatens to call the police and have me arrested because I'm a danger. He says that he'll tell them that he was going straight and that I was turning. He keeps repeating this until I realize exactly what he's saying. He was driving straight on a roundabout? Cue malicious compliance. I tell him not to worry with the police. He's completely right.

He was just going straight, and it was me who was driving in a circle. Let's sign an accident statement. This guy is immediately on board, so he writes and signs it. Later, at the insurance office, they told me they don't normally have such easy cases. My damages were paid in full and they even gave me

a replacement car while mine was getting repaired. Clearly, I'm such a stupid girl. Also, down in the comments, we have this post from Grumpy Cat Stevens. About 18 years ago, my wife was hit by a guy driving a catering truck. She just wanted to exchange info and go, but he insisted on bringing the cops to file a report. Not only did the cops determine that he was at fault, but he also ended up leaving the scene in handcuffs thanks to an outstanding warrant. And on top of that, because this guy was driving a catering truck, he was probably arrested

on the job, which means more than likely, he was fired. Our next reddit posted from silly willy. My mother is a typical tiger mom. If you don't know, that's Asian-Americans slaying for a helicopter parent. One of her many toxic traits was that she demanded access to my room at all times, so my door had no lock. So one morning when she was snooping around my room as I was asleep, she found my nicotine products.

Yeah yeah, I know they're bad for you, but this isn't what the story is about, and I never use them in the house. And after I received an earful, I decided that my privacy would no longer be breached because I'm no longer a minor. I bring home from my local home depot a lock and key door knob, much to my mother's rage. After a couple of days I got careless, and I left my door open as I was eating breakfast to return to the door knob being drilled out by a smug old lady. I get angry at both her and myself, but I let it go because I really had nothing to hide at this point.

I came to find out, she only removed the doorknob and not the inner sliding mechanism that keeps the door closed. This effectively made it really hard to open my door without having a really strong thumb. So for the following week, she would attempt to enter my room only to fumble with the mechanism and give up. She would try telling me to let her in to which I would respond that she may enter the door was unlocked. This also gave me plenty of time to set up the image of a good studying son by the time

that she finally walked through the door. After a while, she returned my locked door knob because I threw away my unlockable door knob. A couple lectures later, she now only tries to pin me for trouble outside the comfort of my room. So a couple of episodes ago, I went on this like long insane dirty limbrick, like riding spree, so that's kind of emboldened me a little bit, and I've written a dirty limbrick about this story. Is your mother a snoop obsessive in hating? Barges in your room, never waiting?

Try this neat trick. Just grab your dick and let your mom walk in on you masturbating. Because hey, if that won't stop your mom from barging in your room, then nothing will. Okay, I have written a second dirty limbic about this guy's mom walking in on OP jerking it. Mom, do you want my privacy abolished? My locks unlocked? My doorknob demolished? If you want to rob your son's doorknob, then you'll see me keep my other knob polished.

Guys, I love writing these so much and I don't know why. If you guys hate these, if they're like I rolly and cringy and not funny at all then let me know and I'll stop putting them in videos but I don't know and I think they're kind of funny. Okay okay I've written a third limbic about this dude's mom. Stay out of my room I'm begging you mom I could be in here naked with my dick in my palm. Are you trying to be lured see your own son nude? This feels like a scene from pornhub.com. Okay, I've written a fourth dirty limbrick. Because I can't stop about this dude's mom. This one's a little bit weaker, but I'm going to read it anyways.

So on this fourth limbrick, I wrote this limbrick as if this was a scene on pornhub.com. Sun, can I tidy your room? Clean yourself? I just have to be near you. Can't help myself. I'm so surprised by your impressive size. My sweet son, would you consider me a milk? So if you're thinking, Jesus, how many dirty limmeries can Arslash write about this guy's mom walking in on him when she shouldn't? And the answer is a lot.

I can keep going, but I'm not really sure how well these are received, so I feel like I should show mercy and stop here. Business notifications getting out of hand, buried under an avalanche of customer emails, texts, and social media messages? Keep your edge with Thrive Small Business Software and never miss a message again. Thrive offers one solution to communicate, market, and run your business, but simply small businesses run better on Thrive. Get Command Center for free today at Thrive.ca. That's THR-Y-V dot CA. In terms and conditions apply, free plans have limited functionality. Our next reddit postage from Sean goes outside.

I was looking for a staples easy button as a gag item. I see online that our local staples has two versions in stock, and at least 15 of each version. One version is even on sale. I was getting my work done on my truck at a dealer a short walk away from the staples, so I head over to the staples after dropping off my truck. The staples store has maybe four or five employees in the front chatting. I'm one of two customers who are there. The other was an older lady who was getting things printed. I spent maybe

15 minutes looking through the store, but I can't find them anywhere, so I go to the desk and ask. The woman says they should be out there somewhere, so I ask where. She just rolls her eyes and says, well then we must be out, so I guess you should order online. Okay, well I just wanted to buy it for a stupid laugh. It's not worth paying for shipping. But as I go to leave I check my phone and I see that I still have the webpage open. I also see that they have an option where you can order online and

pick it up in one hour. Great, I have nothing better to do because my truck wouldn't be ready for another two hours. I found a nice desk chair to sit in at the back of the desk display area where I could see most of the store. Then I ordered my item for pickup. A moment later, I see an employee leave their front area with a small printout. He proceeds to walk around the store for a while, passing me multiple times. He can't find him either. After about 10 minutes, he goes back to the front and gets another person to start looking. They make more fruitless tracks around the store, and I can see that they're starting to panic.

Since I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I have a great view of everything and I can rotate as needed. Thus far, I seem to have gone unnoticed. Now three of them are looking. Another few minutes passed and now a manager has appeared to see what's happening. Finally, he gets everyone at the store to start looking other than the one employee who is helping the old lady. I overheard the manager commenting about how other things weren't on the correct shelves either. By now, it's been one and a half hours since I entered the store, and they realize the buttons are still in a box up on a high shelf. The dismissive deskwoman I originally dealt with was asked to go get

a ladder and has to walk past me. At this point, she finally realized what's happened, and she makes a very lovely face at me. She finally gets the box down and takes one out to the register while the manager has everyone else gather around to start organizing the store. I still haven't received an email saying that my item is ready for pick up, but I did get the call that my truck was ready. I noticed the woman is glaring at me, but she must have entered that the item was available because then I got the email. Now, as these formerly chatty employees are being put to work, I walk up to the register and get my item from her. As soon as I start walking to the door, I hear her manager call for her to come help.

Thank you so much for the tip to order online. Opie, when you got the item, you should have unboxed it, pressed the easy button and said, look, see how easy that was? Today's episode is sponsored by Coinbase. My second biggest regret is not starting my YouTube channel sooner. My biggest regret is not getting into Bitcoin back when it was like $1. I remember back when Bitcoin was super new, I was interested in it, and I thought about buying some, but I lost interest because I didn't know what to do, and it felt a little overwhelming. I really wish that I could have used a site like Coinbase back then. Coinbase is a website that makes it super easy to buy cryptocurrency like Bitcoin and Ethereum.

Interested in getting into the crypto game yourself, then check out Coinbase. For a limited time, new users can get $10 in free Bitcoin when you sign up today at coinbase.com slash r slash. Sign up at coinbase.com slash r slash for $10 in free Bitcoin. This offers for a limited time only, so be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase.com slash R slash. Our next reddit post is from PTR as me. So back in early December, I started to feel sick. Not sick sick, but I haven't been able to eat a lot, and I lost about 8 kg of weight in 10 days. I was blaming it on getting

too little rest, not getting used to the food here in the US or just having digestive problems. Then on the 13th, everything just suddenly went downhill. I woke up exhausted, sweating, and not being able to eat anything except for just water. It lasted for the entire day until at around 10 pm, I started to feel like I was going to pass out. So I went to a nearby emergency room with my roommates. Well, in short, I had COVID, as well as another certain life-threatening condition going on. I'm not going to name what it is, but some of you might be able to guess. They immediately put a bunch of IVs in me and I was moved to one of the ICUs. I lost consciousness as soon as I arrived in the ICU and I didn't wake up until the next

morning. And for the next 48 hours or so, I was slipping in and out of consciousness. My doctor wanted me to sit in a chair instead of laying down all day, so pretty much all day I was just passed out in a chair. I can vaguely remember dropping my phone in the floor and I didn't even have the energy to pick it up. Now all that was just the build up. On the third day, when I finally felt a little better, I went on my school portal and saw a new message from one of my professors telling me that I was late turning in my essay for the final project. I had already finished 80% of the essay and it was on my laptop, which was packed and sent to my friends place by my roommate. Because around this time, we were also moving out of our dorm room.

Also, that friend happened to be out of town in New York celebrating New Year's Eve. And even if my roommate somehow got the laptop from my friends place, they wouldn't even be able to hand it to me because of COVID regulations. So yeah, everything was screwed up. I explained the entire situation to the professor in a long, fully written out message, and she never responded. Fast forward a few days. The professor contacted me again this time by email to ask about my assignment. Their entire message was basically, oh P, where is your project? I was triggered, I was mad, and to be honest, I wasn't in my best mental state because of what happened in the past few days. So I pasted my entire message that I sent her in my email responding to that just in case she hadn't read it in the school portal website. She said something like, well, too bad. I'm going

to have to fail you on this project because it had been assigned two weeks ago and you should have done it then. Ma'am, I could have totally finished it before the deadline. If I wasn't in an ICU in a coma for two days without my laptop, the doctors ended up keeping me for a few days after I was no longer in danger and I made good use of that. I asked for a bunch of paper that, of course, had the hospital's name printed on them. I wrote my entire essay again by hand on those papers. When you write the exact same information the second time, trust me, it becomes way easier

than the first time. I made sure to write my essay as neatly as I could, trying my best to guilt them in every way possible. Then, as promised in my response, I took a picture of my essay, making sure that I accidentally included my hand that was swollen with IV plugged in with a bit of my hospital robe as well, and then sent it off. I sent the assignment to the professor on December 17th. Not until yesterday, way after the semester was ended, did my professor call me and kinda sort of apologize. I was too busy to check my messages because finals were coming up and I barely looked

at your explanation. Blah blah blah. I have no clue how she got my number, but fine, I'll take it. Our next reddit post is from Brooklyn, it's queer. So I work at a store that sells kitchen appliances and other kitchen-related stuff. Normally, when we're supposed to leave for go-on break, we're supposed to tell our manager. I was helping a long line at the cash register, and I'd already been there for 8 hours, and I assumed they had someone to cover me.

I wasn't allowed to use the walkie-talkie to ask to be covered to go home, so I quickly found my manager and told her that my shift was done. She got really pissy at me and said, could you really not stay for a few more minutes? I tried to tell her I thought that you had someone to cover for me, but I can stay if you want, and she replied, no, no, just go, but next time you need to wait for a manager to let you go home. What? That was never a rule. I asked other people who'd worked there for years, and they agreed that it wasn't a

rule. I worked again a few days later and the store was empty. My shift was over and I was about to ask to go home, and then I remembered what my manager told me. Cue malicious compliance. I continued to wander the store and slightly fix shelves, making sure that I was near my manager. After about two and a half hours, she said, you're still here.

Why haven't you gone home?" I replied, you said that I need to wait to be told to go home. My manager looked at me as though she was mentally kicking herself. Just go, she said. I clocked out, and that's how I got paid an extra 30 bucks for doing literally nothing. That was our Slash Militius Compliance, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.