rSlash - r/Pettyrevenge Spoiled Brat Left His Toys All Over My Yard... So I Threw Them Away!

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

r/Pettyrevenge OP's neighbors are your typical nightmare neighbors. The kids are spoiled brats who treat OP's property as if it belongs to them, and they leave their toys scattered all over OP's yard. One day, the kids just to happen to leave their bike where OP normally leaves behind his trash. Should OP tell the kids that the sanitation workers might throw away their bike? Nah! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to R-slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-slash Petty Revenge, where a tailgator gets what's coming to him. Our next Reddit post is from its corona time. The community I live in has a speed limit of 25 miles per hour. It also has a speed limit of 25 mph. It also has a connecting street to another development that leads to a main road, so people tend to get through my neighborhood to get there. Many drivers enjoy speeding through the streets rather than following the speed limit. The local police department, therefore, decided to start implementing surprise speed traps

right by the main entrance. I've never been stopped by one as I like to drive safely and not get tickets that I can't afford, but I often tend to end up in front of drivers who like to drive recklessly and get angry windows in front of them don't do the same. Our story begins when my car's cruise control button finally got fixed. I had long since been waiting for this because now I could finally enact Operation Petty Revenge. There's a gentleman who regularly cuts through my neighborhood who owns a Dodge Challenger. For those who don't know, Challengers can get LOWED.

Consequently, this fellow enjoys revving his engine every 100 yards or so to inform everyone nearby that this is a Dodge Challenger and his driver likely has a less than average size endowment. This morning I found myself pulling out of my driveway right as a challenger turned the corner and approached. And you bet your butt that I booped that cruise control button and me andro had a comfortably legal 25-moss per hour the entire right through my neighborhood. And the driver behind me was pissed! Reving his engine, riding my bumper the works. I was loving it. The P.A. Stay Resist Dance was when we turned onto the street right before the main entrance. Sure enough, a police car was there.

Now, normally, the police puts a car there without an officer inside just to spooge drivers and just slowing down. But today, the universe was on my side. In his haste to pass me and continue on his merry way, the driver of the challenger apparently didn't notice the upcoming police car. Because he read the engine one more time, scooted past me on a squeal of tires, and across a double yellow line I might add. And for good measure, yelled a cordial, eugh, you to me out of his passenger window.

The police car, that glorious, glorious police car. Flipped on its lights and whipped out onto the street and pulled that moron over. I haven't laughed that hard in years. Down in the comments, we have a similar story from the Virgin. I had some douchebag Kyle pull up next to me in an intersection in Revis engine like he wanted to race. He drove a Suvi, I had a 2002 Honda Accord,

low, not effing happening. And then proceeded to chuck a bunch of liquor with his girlfriend in the front seat while flipping me off. At the green light, the dude floors it and is immediately lit up by a state patrol. I waved to them as I drove by. Y'all loved to see it. Our next reddit posted from Mr. Shor. So in 7th grade, I missed a lot of school due to medical and mental issues.

That being said, all of my teachers were understanding, except one. I'm not gonna lie, I don't actually remember her real name, so we'll call her Mrs. Bitter, my seventh grade English teacher. I'm sure most of you remember accelerated reading, or AR. If not, then basically the school gave all students a test to see what reading level they were on. What book ranges they can read, and how many points they would need to pass to English. They would tell you to check out books, and each book had a point system on it. This was the amount of points

you received after finishing the book and taking a 10-question quiz to make sure you read it. I always scored 12-plus, so I could read anything I wanted. That's not the point, but moving on. Well, every English class was required to allow students 30 minutes to read their AR books. They had to be AR books specifically. If it had no point, you couldn't read it during that time block. They were also required to take the class to the library once a week to check out new books or take quizzes. Being sick and absent so much, I didn't get to go to the library often. So, I was always having to go to the library before after school to do my stuff. I didn't have the best home life, so it was hard for me to go earlier to stay later. Well, many times I went to class, I either didn't have a book or I had a book, but it wasn't

an AR book. Mrs. Bitter would go around and check every freaking book every day to make sure we were doing what we were supposed to do. If you didn't have an AR book, she gave you a warning. Three warnings and you get a detention. Needless to say, this happened to me. I was furious because Mrs. Bitter literally had a bookshelf full of air books in her class that no one was allowed to read if they forgot their book, like me. Mrs. Bitter chastised me in front of the class and even scolded me for being absent too much. She made me cry more than once.

After months of this, I decided to be petty because I would stick of her picking on me. At this point, she basically just expected me to not have an approved book. So I went into a room one morning while she wasn't there because she had bus duty and wrote down about 5-10 air books on her personal bookshelf that she wouldn't let us use. Then, I hid the behind the other books. After that, I went to the library during that precious hour lunch period to start my revenge. I checked out about four or five copies of the book on that shelf.

I couldn't check out any more than that. Next day I come in and we get to the point of silent reading. Here we go. I pull out one of the books that I duplicated and began to read. Mrs. Bitter starts making her rounds to check the books. I was sitting there hoping so bad that she would do what I thought she'd do. She gets to me, I don't look at her, and I can see in my peripheral vision she's looking very hard at my book.

Silently, I observed her walk directly over to the bookshelf and began to look for what I assume was the book that she thought that I took so that I wouldn't get in trouble again. I could see that anger in her face when she couldn't find it. Mrs. Bitter fast walks over to me with her everlasting need to torture and embarrass me, grabs my book. Pretty forcibly, and starts accusing me of taking a book without permission, and then I would be getting another warning and detention for stealing from her. I just sat there calmly and let her finish.

Then I said, Mrs. Bitter, that book is from the library, not your bookshelf. You're mistaken. She disagrees again and starts to head to her desk for a write-up. I turn and say, would you please look on the inside? It clearly shows it belongs to the library with a checkout list and everything. Has my name right on it? She did just that, thinking she would get me for lying too. Well I saw her face get bright red and then slowly come over to give it back. She didn't apologize for anything, in fact I think it made her hate me even more. I was vindicated, but this wasn't enough for me. Day after day I'd bring another duplicate, and each time she would stop over to

her shelf, not find her copy, and look at me with a fury of seven hells. Each time, I'd show her the library stamp when she'd approach to accuse me again. This went on for about two weeks, and I honestly think I made her feel crazy and so irritated that she couldn't pin anything on me. I also came in again one day in the morning and put all of her books back in the places if they were there all along. I got my air points by just reading the duplicate books and passed with an A. I still don't know why she hated me so much, but for about two weeks, I enjoyed watching her crumble

every day and not being able to punish me for anything. Not the most elaborate of Petty Revenge's, but I loved it. The fact that Mrs. Bitter wouldn't let you use her books shows that she was genuinely more interested in punishing children than in helping your education. What a garbage human being. Our next reddit post is from Porking Beans, so our neighbors' kids don't know boundaries and like to play in front of our house and sometimes on our driveway. We don't mind them doing that, but we find a disrespectful when they leave their toys behind our cars at the end of the day. Countless times, we've had to move their stuff out of the way to get our cars out, and there have been a few times that we've had to run over their stuff and had close calls

with bigger items like strollers and bikes. As my partner was taking out the trash or pick up this morning, he found one of their bikes right where we're supposed to put our trash can. Guess what ended up being mistaken for trash today? My partner's thought process was, they should be more careful where they put their stuff on trash day. He chose not to move it for all the times we had to do it for them. Whoops!

Our next reddit post is from Project Self. I was driving to work a few months ago and I was getting close. I had just two turns remaining until I got into the building. It was just a few blocks away. All side streets, no highways involved. The guy behind me is in a black BMW and he's riding my bumper the whole time. I seem checking his phone, then making angry faces at me and getting closer and closer. I speed up a bit, thinking that it might calm him down. Five miles per hour over the speed limit. Nope. Anyway, I make the first turn and I'm now in the street where my

building is, maybe 600 yards up ahead. This butthole is still behind me, driving inches from behind me, and obviously pissed that I'm still going the speed limit, which is maybe 35 miles per hour on this street. So I speed up a bit and see if he does the same. Fandule Casinos' exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling. Winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last pair of shoes? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling. Winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on Fandule Casinos, where winning

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My suspensions in good shape, and I have no problem treating my decade old truck like a truck. Well, as I get closer to the building, there's a large speed bump in the street to get people to slow down as they approach the parking garage entrances. I look back and I see this Bothole is still riding my bumper. I remember thinking to myself that I need to slow down for the speed bump, but looking back and thinking, if I hit my brakes, this guy is gonna hit me. The plan takes shape in my mind, and I speed up. I'm doing about 45 miles per hour when I hit the speed bump and yee-ha! I did a bit of a jump in a land, never once touching my brakes. I didn't even tap them. I gave zero warning for what was about to happen. I was watching my rearview window intensely during

this because I wanted to see his reaction. He was cradling his cell phone between his ear and shoulder when he hit. The hood of his car bucked up behind me, then slams to the ground. I seem flying out of his seat straight up. He slams his head on the roof of his BMW and his head roll sideways from the impact. Then he slams back into his seat violently. He has a total WTF was that look on his face as he grabs the wheel with both hands to recover. And yes, he slowed right the F down after that.

Our next reddit postage from Solo. I was maybe 13 years old. My little sister, a monstrous brat, was a year younger. She was also my mother's little princess who could do no wrong. My sister often used this bias to her advantage. So our dad was working out a state one summer and agreed to fly me, my mom and my sister to join him for a weekend. My sister got the larger the suitcases we had available, and I got the smaller one. No big deal, but then she whined to mommy dearest that her suitcase was too heavy. I was told it was my responsibility

to carry my sister's luggage throughout the trip. My little sister smirked at me as I hauled her back to the car. Oh, and then I had to put my own back in the car. I stood in the driveway waiting for them because they were always the last ones to get ready. I spotted a stack of bricks off to the side of the house. My father had built a barbecue and had left over bricks. Cue the petty revenge. I managed to get six bricks stuffed inside my suitcase. My sister had to carry it from the parking lot to the airport. When we disembarked, she had to carry it to the rental car, then to the hotel. The process was repeated when we flew back home.

She complained each time, but to my mom's credit, she made her carry the frickin' suitcase because I had my hands full carrying my mom and sister's suitcases. When we arrived home and parked in the driveway, good old mom told me to carry all the suitcases inside. I said, okay, but I have to take care of something first. I then unzip my suitcase and dump the brakes before carrying it inside. My sister burst out in tears and demanded my mother punish me. I was threatened with all kinds of things, but I think the only thing that happened was a scolding and a few threats if I ever did anything like that in the future. Our next reddit posted from Topsy Turf, so I have two older brothers that I'll be talking

about in this story. For simplicity's sake, let's call him brother one and brother two. Brother one is the one upper. He has a classic case of green mushroom syndrome. No matter what the situation is, the context, whatever, he has to be on top. It makes having normal conversation with him virtually impossible. I'll give you a few examples of the types of responses he gives to normal everyday situations and conversations. Wow, this burrito from Chipotle is incredible. I need to eat here more often.

Ugg, ew, holy cow dude, those suck. There's this burrito place like a mile from here that is absolutely the best. Nothing is better than it hands down. Another example. I've been listening to this podcast recently. It's called the H3 Podcast and it's so funny. You should check it out man, I think you'd like it. Oh god no, F that, I hate H3H3. Totally not my humor and not something that I want to listen to. I'd

rather listen to Retin Link's ear biscuits so much better. You get the point. This is something that's been an issue as long as I can remember. He craves this sort of interactions, we can somehow feel like he wins the conversation or something. Well, this is where Brother 2 comes in. Brother 2 is incredibly intelligent. He's quick-witted and can give a 200 IQ response in the right moment. He's typically a quiet observer and generally doesn't interact with Brother 1 often because of how these interactions usually play out. Brother 2 and I tend to talk about the one-up mentality of Brother 1 relatively often since it's something that's such a defining quality

of his personality. Brother 2 and I have nearly lost our minds having to deal with these sort of interactions. So, the petty revenge story starts here. Brother 1 is sitting at the kitchen table eating some fast food and drinking a blue monster energy drink. Brother 2 walks in, sees the energy drink, and seizes the moment. Hey man, what do you think about rockstar energy drink? That stuff is so good. Ugh! Ugh! That stuff is nasty.

No way, nope. That stuff sucks. You know what's better? Venom energy drink. Absolutely the best. Oh really? Okay yeah, I'll have to try that. What about Red Bull?

That stuff is to die for. I always used to drink it back in college. Oh no, no. That's uptaste like piss. No way I could drink that crap. Venom is my energy drink choice. Nothing is better than it. Yeah, yeah, I'll try it eventually. It must be really good if you speak so highly of it. But honestly, my favorite is Blue Monster.

There's nothing better than that. Brother One completely oblivious to the fact that he's been guzzling this Blue Monster down instinctively response. Eww! Eww! No, no, no, that stuff is nasty! Eww! Dude, stop bugging me about energy drinks man. Venom is number one, end of story. At this point, Brother Two soaked the moment in. He waited until Brother 1 obviously noticed that he was drinking that exact energy drink then said.

Oh, dude, then why are you drinking a blue monster right now? I thought you said that stuff was nasty. The look on Brother 1's face was priceless. He had no words, choked down his foods I only inflated the kitchen. The revenge was so petty, and that moment has lived on between Brother 2 and I ever since. That was our slash petty revenge, and if you like this content, then check out my Patreon where I published episodes that were banned from YouTube. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

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