rSlash - r/Relationships I Got a Paternity Test on My 4 Kids and...

Episode Date: March 20, 2020

r/Relationships The main story of today's video is incredibly tragic. A father gets a paternity test for 1 of children, and discovers that she isn't his. So, he does paternity tests on his other 3 chi...ldren, and the results are shocking. The wife's reaction is even worse, leaving OP to ask for advice from Reddit. If you like this video and want to see more, hit that subscribe button! Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECuLJRWrLHA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Holt Renfrew is sharing joy for the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list, and maybe even a special treat for yourself, too. Discover the new collection for Burberry by Daniel Lee. Add some ambiance with Louis Vey home. Give Gorpkora try and Solomon sneakers, and so much more. Whatever presence you pick, we know they're going to love them. Visit a store today or shop at HoltRenfrew.com Welcome to our Slosh Relationship Advice, where a girl's boyfriend asks if his dad can check her private parts.
Starting point is 00:00:35 I'm a 22-year-old female, and my 25-year-old male fiance wants his father to check my hymen tomorrow night before I get married. My fiance proposed to me about eight months ago. to check my hymen tomorrow night before I get married. My fiancee proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding, which is in 2 days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we're very much in love. I'm a virgin and so is he. He wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn't fuss so I agreed to saving it.
Starting point is 00:01:03 He told me earlier that in his family, the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding. I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No, turns out he was dead serious. He wants me, the night before, to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers and uncle can watch so that they know I'm still pure. Oh my god, I feel so awkward laughing at this because it's horrific but it's also so
Starting point is 00:01:36 ridiculous. I told him fat chance I'm going to do that and he was begging me to go through with it and how important it is for him. He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me, but his mom did, and it'll prove how much I love him, and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I'm still a virgin. I left and he was crying. It was very dramatic, to be honest. I want to call off the whole wedding because of this and never talk to him again, but at the same time.
Starting point is 00:02:07 But at the same time, it's only one thing and other than that, we are genuinely perfect for each other and I don't want to spend my life with anyone else. And it's very important to him and his family. What the frick frack do I do? What the frick frack do I do? I'm currently at my friend's house and I might stay here for the night. Tomorrow would be our last day as an unmarried couple and I'm straight up panicking. Okay, OP, in all seriousness, I genuinely owe you an apology for laughing. This is a serious
Starting point is 00:02:42 problem, it's very dramatic and I'm sorry but it's just so ridiculous I couldn't help it. But that being said, this is what you would call a red flag. Imagine if you took every single red flag on the planet and sewed them together in a giant red flag? Yeah, that's your fiancee in this post. And then OP posted an update. I went and talked to him this morning.
Starting point is 00:03:10 I told him that his father is not going to look at me and he needs to respect that. He was adamant that it needs to happen and accused me about lying about my virginity. I was trying to be calm and rational but he was not having it and just became more and more angry. I told him if he really loved me, he would stand by me on this and tell his father no, to which he slapped me and said he didn't need to prove anything. So I ended it and left him. I'm currently back at my friend's house being miserable and eating pizza, which is pretty fun. So, yup, thanks everyone. It's interesting that he says he didn't need to prove anything,
Starting point is 00:03:50 but for some reason, you need to prove something by letting men poke around in your genitals. Yeah, okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a major red flag out of this whole family. And I'm glad you're out because there was no way that was going to be the only problem with that Beyonce. Our next Reddit post is from Need Dad Advice Desperate. Background. I met my wife when we were in high school and we married in college. We have five beautiful children together, really. I considered them a total blessing regardless of what I'm about to bring up.
Starting point is 00:04:25 And up until a couple of weeks ago, I thought that we had the perfect marriage. We were typical high school sweethearts, we go out together, we never fight. I feel like I've done everything a loving husband should do. I'm saying this not to make myself out as a perfect husband, for example, my work has always meant I work long hours and maybe haven't always been there when she needed me. But I want to stress that I've never felt our marriage wasn't any trouble. And never in a million years would I ever have suspected my wife of being disloyal. She's always done everything she could to support me and take care of our children.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Now my eldest daughter recently had an ancestry test done. And the results of the ancestry test strongly suggested I was not her father. She invited this to me privately, showing me the results, and I could tell she was visibly upset by this. Of course, the first thing I did was assure her that no matter what, she's my daughter, and I'll always love her unconditionally. But secondly, the two of us decided to get an official paternity test since the ancestry tests are not completely reliable. It comes back that I am indeed not her biological father. This news really broke me.
Starting point is 00:05:33 I'm ashamed to say I broke down in tears in front of my daughter. The combination of finding out about my wife's infidelity and how upset I was making my daughter by how I was reacting. I really wish I'd kept it in for her sake, but I didn't. Following this, I asked my other children, except my youngest, to come and see me. I wanted to know the extent of my wife's infidelity. If it was a one-off, I could maybe work past it, especially given how long ago it would be.
Starting point is 00:06:00 However, I didn't want to tell my youngest as she's still in school, a teenager, and really, I didn't think it was appropriate to tell her yet. We tell the other three what's happened, I reassure them that I love them unconditionally and that I'll always be their dad, but that I need to know how long this has been going on. God, I can't explain how touching their reaction was. They didn't care I wasn't their biological father, they were just upset at how heartbroken I was. They didn't care I wasn't their biological father. They were just upset at how heartbroken I was. I feel like the only thing that's kept me going these past couple of weeks is
Starting point is 00:06:29 their unwavering support. So we have paternity tests for each of the three done. Not only are none of them my biological children, together four of my children have three different fathers, which somehow made it worse. It's like she wasn't just having an ongoing affair, she was having multiple. I can't explain how this makes it worse, but it just does. So I confront my wife with this, expecting her to confess and beg for forgiveness. She doesn't confess. She doesn't even take it seriously. She says the test must be flawed, all for? How the hell am I supposed to take that seriously? I keep bringing it up and she keeps brushing it off,
Starting point is 00:07:10 getting progressively more annoyed at me. When I bring it up, she'll try and guilt trip me. We've been together since high school to you seriously not trust me, etc. But how am I supposed to trust her in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Now that I've rambled and explained what's happened, I guess let me ask a few direct questions for advice. One, how can I reassure my children this doesn't change anything between us? I feel like the way I've reacted, total breakdowns, has made them second guesses despite however many times I reassure them. Two, how do I handle my youngest daughter? I feel like our marriage is beyond saving, and I'll need to tell my daughter something. despite however many times I reassure them. Two, how do I handle my youngest daughter?
Starting point is 00:07:45 I feel like our marriage is beyond saving, and I'll need to tell my daughter something. I don't want her to know the truth until she's older, but I also don't want my wife lying and making me out to be the villain. Three, is there any way? Any way at all you think I could or should save my marriage?
Starting point is 00:08:00 I've been with my wife my entire life. It's almost impossible to see a life without her. I know that the answer should be a clear cut, lever, but we have five kids together. Is there anything that can be done to save our marriage? I want to consider it seriously. OP, your wife sounds like there might be something seriously wrong with her brain. Like she's delusional or a pathological liar or something. Her behavior is unforgivable and her reaction to the truth is beyond bizarre. I know it's gonna hurt, but you need to distance yourself from your wife as soon as possible. And if she lied to you for all these
Starting point is 00:08:37 years, she could just as easily lie to your youngest kid. It's gonna be difficult, but you need to have an age-appropriate conversation with your youngest child as soon as possible. WholeTrendFrew is sharing joy for the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list, and maybe even a special treat for yourself, too. Discover the new collection for Burberry by Daniel Lee. Add some ambiance with Louis V. Home. Give Gorpkora a try in Solomon's sneakers, and so much more. Whatever presence you pick, we know they're going to love them. Visit a store today or shop at HoltRenfrew.com.
Starting point is 00:09:15 So you think you know sports? Point's vet is the sportsbook for you, because we've got the features for true competitors. Like live, same- game parlays. Use your sportsmarts to make picks live on the players and teams you're watching, and qualified bets can use our early cashout feature, so you could take your winnings to play live blackjack on the same points bet app.
Starting point is 00:09:37 The platform that gives you everything you need. You know what to do, bet on it. Point Spets Sports sportsbook and casino. I, a 29-year-old male, do almost nothing around the house, and my wife, a 25-year-old female, is upset. I'm the sole earner for our household. My wife stays home. We don't have children.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Do primarily to a string of horrible jobs that led to some pretty bad anxiety issues for her? We agreed last year that she could stop working and pursue whatever hobbies, activities, et cetera, that she wanted while I provided for us financially. As part of this, she agreed to take care of basically everything related to the home, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, and so on. I still handle a couple items, really just the garbage and the lawn. Beyond that, it's all her and she does a great job. Coming home to a clean house and a fresh meal from a wife who's happier than I've ever
Starting point is 00:10:27 seen her in years is wonderful. She's also able to keep herself looking even hotter than usual, which is definitely fun for us both. Anyway, that's the arrangement we have currently and I think it's more than fair, as does she. Our house isn't big at all, so we're talking maybe 2-3 hours a day max to stay on top of everything. Might be temporary if she recharges and develops new skills and interests, or it could be permanent.
Starting point is 00:10:50 I'm fine with either one, it's up to her. She had some friends over the other evening, I was playing games in my office. I came out to grab a drink and overheard her friends commenting on our situation. They were saying it wasn't fair that my wife had to do everything. I should be pitching in more. What is this the 1950s stuff like that? Okay, whatever. I disagree, but they can talk.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Doesn't affect me. I came out again later to get something, and these guests actually start straight up scolding me. Same nonsense as before. I'm lazy. I need to do this in that blah blah. My wife clearly didn't agree or intended for this to happen but was too embarrassed to say anything.
Starting point is 00:11:29 They end their rant with one of them saying, you both make messes, why should she be the only one cleaning them up? I probably should have said it was none of their business and been done with it, but I was pissed and wanted to show how dumb that question was, so I responded. We both need money, why should I be the only one making it? They didn't say much after that, so I went back into my office, they left a short time later. I finished up in there and find my wife still in the living room crying.
Starting point is 00:11:56 I go to comfort her, thinking it was just out of embarrassment from what happened. But she said that what I said hurt her a lot. It sounded like I didn't think she did enough and wanted her to go back to work. I tried to explain that it was just a rhetorical question to make a point, but she's still upset. How can I reassure that I'm happy with our arrangement and appreciative of everything she does? Honestly, OP, it sounds like the problem here isn't that you have a bad arrangement with your wife. The problem is that your wife has unsupported friends and you fought with them by insulting
Starting point is 00:12:27 your wife. I mean, fundamentally, as long as you're happy and as long as she's happy with your arrangement, nothing else really matters. I mean, it definitely sucks that her friends weren't supportive of her choices, but when they insulted you, you really shouldn't have dragged your wife into it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think that her friends were completely wrong, they had no business judging your relationship, but you really shouldn't have insulted your wife in front of her friends.
Starting point is 00:12:52 I think you should sit down with your wife and have a heart to heart, explain that you really are happy with this arrangement or whatever she wants, and you are upset at her friends and you just wanted to point out how dumb that comment was and you're sorry for dragging her into it. My father-in-law in his 60s keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I'm lazy. I'm afraid people are starting to buy it. I work overnight in a very demanding medical field. My sleep schedule has always been nocturnal so this feels more natural to me than working
Starting point is 00:13:20 days and brings my stress down. My husband has gone 5 days out of the week as a truck driver and my days off are the same days he's home thanks to my seniority, and we're both night owls during this period. My mother-in-law recently passed away, so my father-in-law has sold everything and moved to where we were and has been included in my family events. At Christmas, my brother pulled me aside to let me know that my father-in-law is telling anyone who will listen that I'm lazy because I sleep all day. I work 12-24 hours shifts at my job during the days I'm working.
Starting point is 00:13:51 The only reason I get my days off to align with my husband is the seniority I have, and even then, I often have to work when he's home. I've now noticed that, along with him calling me, I'm starting to miss calls around 2-3 PM from family members who know I'm home, and are asking me to do things for them during the day. I'm usually asleep by noon and have to be up for work around 8 or 9 pm. I've sat these people down to explain that I'm an overnight emergency worker and that I need my sleep. My husband sat my father-in-law down and explained to him what I do, how I need my sleep, and
Starting point is 00:14:22 that he's being a jerk. My father-in-law maintains that a real job doesn't have overnight. I don't want to have to cut contact with him because we're the only family he has left. My husband stands behind me and says, if I want to cut him out, even just to let him have a timeout, he's game. I also don't know how to address my whole family about this. My mom combats it as much as possible, but his way of thinking is starting to permeate them too. And then OP post an update. I dealt with my family members that have family gathering over the weekend. I saw my sister, one of my family members who's
Starting point is 00:14:54 been texting me, and reminded her that I'm asleep at 3 or 4 p.m. when she texts. If she texts me first thing in the morning, like when she leaves her work at 7, maybe I can do whatever a favor she needs before I go to sleep. I told her that I wouldn't be adjusting my schedule to do her favors. She seemed to understand. Over the weekend, my husband and I sat down with my father-in-law one last time to try to get him to understand that I'm a Medical professional. I work nights and that my nights are as hard as working a day shift, Oftentimes harder. I brought up my mother-in-law and reminded him how she called 911 at 2am when she had her first heart attack. I told him that the person on the other end of the phone had a real job. The EMTs who came to take her to
Starting point is 00:15:34 the hospital had real jobs, and the ER nurses and doctors that treated her had real jobs. I told him that, yes, I could take a day shift, but I would be unhappy in the end because I'm just not wired to be awake during the day. Today is an exception because I'm on vacation and had a dentist appointment. Well, those of you who guessed that this was way more about my job were right. After the discussion, he point blank told me that my chosen hours weren't conducive to having children. When I reminded him that when his son and I got married
Starting point is 00:16:05 10 years ago, we both agreed that we weren't having children. He had some choice words. My husband kicked him out of our house and my family will stop inviting him to family gatherings. It's not the outcome I wanted, but hopefully he'll come around. Edit, to be clear, he didn't live with us, but near us. My husband kicked him out of our house that evening. So down in the comments, a bunch of other people reported similar issues.
Starting point is 00:16:28 wherein basically they worked nights and their friends or family just didn't understand. So the way they handled it was they would call it 3AM just to chat. People got the hint pretty quickly. That was our slash relationship advice and if you liked this video then let me know by That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you liked this video then let me know by hitting that like button because it really helps my channel grow.

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