rSlash - r/Relationships My Best Friend Is Sending My Boyfriend N*des!

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

r/Relationships_Advice OP has a BFF from her childhood who's always been a little... off. Her friend is vindictive, mean, and always has to be right. Their relationship eventually sours when OP experiences a personal tragedy and snaps at her friend. Instead of forgiving OP, the friend goes on the warpath and starts trying to destroy OP's life! She contacts her boss, tries to turn their mutual friends against OP, and even sends nudes to OP's boyfriend. Is there anything OP can do to escape this toxic situation? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Exclusions of life. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash relationship advice where O.P.'s best friend tries to ruin her life. Our next Reddit post is from Thoreauway. Background, me and my close friend are in our mid-20s and we've been inseparable best for instance we were young kids, and our shared social circle is still closely in touch.

We always had a very specific reputation. In school, I was known as the class clown who was a mess, an organized, outgoing, loud, and easygoing. My friend, Jane, was known to be introverted, competitive, stubborn, organized, and had her stuff together. We've talked every day for 15 years, and we're incredibly close. Until a couple of months ago, I would have said was certainty that she was the only person I could guarantee would take a bullet for me.

When we graduated college, I landed a high-paying job that I love and moved into a decent apartment in the city. I have an amazing boyfriend that my friends love and I got into a part-time master's degree program at a highly ranked university. Jane's struggle to find work for years. The demand for her field is really low, also the pandemic affected things. Eventually, she took a job that she had no interest in and that didn't pay enough so she lives with her parents.

She's also always been really insecure about never having had a boyfriend, and because most of our shared friends are in a relationship now, this has become a really sore spot with her. She met one guy on a dating app, but they were only together for four months. It's been nine months since their breakup, and she's still very upset about it. Our shared friends have gotten accustomed to her complaining about her life situation and she's always been a complainer.

But I used to think that her pessimism was a cute part of our opposite's dynamic and I enjoyed finding ways to cheer her up. Looking back, I'm starting to realize that she has a chronic victim complex. Since my friends have made jokes about me being the most successful one and being proud of me, our relationship has become rocky. Everything blew up when a series of awful events happened in my life all in the span

of one month. My mom, whom I'm very close to, was diagnosed with an incurable, aggressive brain disease. My roommate, who's a close friend, attempted suicide in our apartment. Also, my dog and a close college friend both passed away unexpectedly. Everything happening with my mom alone has been the hardest thing that I've ever been through. And I felt just overwhelming anger at the world that this happened to my mom and helpless that I can't do more to help her. My little sister told me that she's always thought of me as her mom, and that opened this

huge anxiety of responsibility for her when I'm not ready to lose my own mom in such a painful way. I was really struggling with my mental health, and I sort of had a snapping point when I had this big fight with my boyfriend that was blown out of proportion with everything else going on. Everything between my boyfriend and me is fine now. Our mutual friends are amazing, and I'm not known for getting upset easily, and they recognize that I was really struggling.

So they put in a lot of effort to be there for me and helped me as much as they could. It got to the point where I was taking multiple anti-exiety and depression meds each day, and I was taking sleeping medication each night just to sleep through the night. And when my boyfriend couldn't sleep at our place because of work, one of my friends would sleep over at my place with me. Jane started demanding that I break up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years over this fight, saying that he treated me like dirt, which just isn't true, and she's refused to talk to me about anything else.

When I reached out to her for comfort about my mom, she would always circle back to my boyfriend, and I was getting frustrated trying to explain that I can't just break up with my long-term boyfriend when I'm going through so much. His support has been crucial to me, and I don't want to break up with him anyway. I snapped, and in front of our friends, I said, he isn't just some guy that I have to beg to talk to me once a week. I said that in reference to a recurring argument that she had with her ex. I immediately apologized and said that lashing out was inexcusable, especially because I knew that she was sore over the breakup.

She gave me the silent treatment for about two weeks, something that she knows that I really struggle with because of past abuse. And like she always does when she punishes me with silent treatment, I begged and pleaded for her to talk to me. Because the anxiety is overwhelming and I just wanted to be over. I think of her like a sister and I was shocked at the whole thing, especially because I needed her now more than ever. I tried everything to get her to contact me and I was convinced that on top of everything else, I was losing her as well. Our friends even pleaded her to reach out to me and I was convinced that on top of everything else I was losing her as well. Our friends even pleaded her to reach out to me and I heard from them that she went

on a couple of rants about how dare I claim that I'm having such a hard time when my life was so perfect. I was reduced to a sobbing, wailing mess for hours every day and when she finally did contact me after two weeks of ignoring my calls, it was along the lines of, sorry, I had a bad couple of weeks at work and I didn't feel up to talking to you. Also, I don't think that I can ever forgive you for that comment. For some reason, when she said that, my perception of her change in an instant, despite unwaveringly loving her for so long.

My friends couldn't believe her reaction and they confronted her, and she started spinning this weird story about how a few months prior I had intentionally tried to sabotage a relationship that she could have formed with this guy. Her story was so far from true that I don't think that anyone really believed it. I told her that I was sorry about that, I guess, just to keep everything calm, and she got me off for another three months. But at this point, I was starting to question our friendship. Looking back, things seemed very abusive and manipulative, and I never pieced it together until I realized she would go this far. But in the past, she would put in a lot of effort to damage people's reputation and be vindictive when she was upset, but that was when we were teenagers, so I thought that she outgrew it.

She was always so good at convincing me that people she targeted for hurting her deserved it. She always had me working as a mediator to convince people that she argued with to give her another chance, and she took pride in never apologizing for anything. My trust in her shattered quickly, and I never wanted to be vulnerable to her again, so I figured that it was best that she said that she could never forgive me. She tried to reach out after three months of silence when I was just starting to get over some things.

She wanted to continue the argument out of nowhere and during those three months she had started fights with almost all of our mutual friends and they turned away from her as well, partly because she wanted them to take sides and what happened between us. I was starting to think that maybe she was a narcissist, which is a completely unqualified assumption. But I tried to just ignore the problem, because I didn't want to salvage the friendship at this point, and was honestly scared of her and how she treated me. I just reiterated my apology, agreed with her,

and tried to be as unreactive as possible to get her to drop me. I assumed that she would just cut me out of her life, especially since she let me to believe that she would never speak to me again anyway. But she was so persistent in trying to get me to fight with her. She attacked very personal insecurities in mine, tried to use our friends against me, and tried to list out reasons I had been cruel to her over the years, and I owed her to try to help her reconcile with our friends. I made a point to not let her get a rise out of me, but I became terrified at just how blatant her need for control over me was.

I read online that just sticking with this technique would make her bored of me. She tried desperately to turn our friends against me when I wouldn't keep doing this huge fight with her. Then another friend who she had gone to great lengths to alienate from the group years ago reached out to me. And she told me that she had tried her best to steer clear of Jane when she began to suspect that she might have some mental issues or narcissism. When I still didn't keep fighting with her, I found out that she contacted four of my friends, who she'd never met before from my college and work,

and I don't really know why. She also matched with one of my co-workers on Tinder. I saw that she connected with my boss on LinkedIn. She tried to text my little sister to ask if she would deliver a package to me. She sent my boyfriend nudes on snapchat. She showed up at his apartment, God knows why, but he locked all the doors and didn't answer. At this point, she seems to be escalating and I'm really scared. She sends me daily text messages that just don't make sense. Synods aren't complete and they're missing random words. Her mother called me screaming at me because I'm a horrible person

and Jane hadn't come home for three days. My friends are also completely shocked, but they haven't heard from her in a while other than the occasional group chat message saying something weirdly normal about the weather or something. At Salesforce, we're all about asking more of AI. Questions like, where's the data going?

Is it secure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure? Get answers you can trust from Salesforce at AskMoreVai.com. These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup, sell it, and gollic home though. I have no idea what to do. I don't even know what I'm dealing with, to be honest. I'm terrified that you'll do something to my family or something, but I'm also scared to say something or do something because this might trigger her to act.

I don't even have any solid evidence of her attempting something specific other than all these weird behaviors and a terrible feeling from knowing her for so long. I go back and forth daily, just gaslighting myself. I think this is really bad, but I also think that I'm overreacting about it all. That maybe I was just unreasonable to react this way and make her go so crazy. Someone please help. Uh, OP, this is not normal behavior. Having a fight with someone, and then contacting all of your extended friends, matching with their co-workers on Tinder, contacting your boss?

Something is seriously wrong for this girl, and yeah, I'm kinda scared for your safety. Down in the comments, I'm gonna read this reply from Moonby this e because this seems to really be good advice. As someone who is best friends with a raging narcissist for a few years, I can tell you that these people are extremely mentally unstable, and they'll go to the ends of the earth to try to hurt you. Her narcissistic ego is hurt right now, because in her world, you discarded her by not responding to her antics when she tried to hurt you by using your insecurities against you.

Narcissists live for a response. Any response. Even if it's you lashing out of them because it shows them they can still control you. My Narcissistic ex-best friend tried for about a few months to get me to respond to her by talking badly about me on social media, posting old photos of us, and then crossing my face out, having her friends come to my workplace to harass me, and the list goes on. The only reason that she stops so soon is because I literally didn't react to her at all. I blocked her and all of her friends on social media, and you have to do the same. Also, you have to let your mutual friends know that you're not okay

with them sharing any details of what's going on in your life, because she will try to get to you through them. She'll try to figure out what's going on with you through any means. Lock down your social media and don't accept requests from people that you don't know or trust. Let your job know that someone in your life is a potential threat and also tell your family too. She seems to be extremely desperate to try to hurt you. She went as far as sending nudes to your boyfriends.

She realizes that she's losing control of you, and she'll try just about anything to get a response. Do NOT respond to her at all. Block her number, don't make posts about her. Literally act like she doesn't exist. She will stop eventually, but she's going to increase her tactics because it's driving her crazy that she feels like you discarded her instead of the other way around. But this is how you have to treat narcissists.

You have to cut off their supply, and their supply is any emotional response from you. Do NOT reconnect with this person. Our next reddit post is from Throwaway. The people involved in this story are me, a 25 year old woman, my husband, a 25 year old guy, my sister-in-law, a 32 year old woman, and my brother-in-law a 31 year old man. My sister-in-law is my husband's brother's wife. I should also mention my son, a 14 month old boy, my sister-in-law's daughter, a 9 year

old girl, and all of our babies that were born during the course of the story. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have been trying to have a baby for a long time, like 5 or six years. They went through multiple different fertility treatments, up to and including IVF, and none of them worked. They were taking a break, trying to figure out what to do next, when she became pregnant. When she told everyone, we were all thrilled! She has one child from a previous relationship. My brother-in-law and her started dating when her daughter was over a baby, but this is my brother-in-law's first child.

My husband and I started dating a few years after them. My sister-in-law has always been a bit jealous that we moved faster than they did. We got engaged first, married first, and had a baby first. But despite this, we always had a good relationship and I definitely understand why she was so frustrated about all of that. So, like I said, I had a baby 14 months ago. It was the first grandchild born into the family, and naturally everyone was very excited to have a newborn around. My sister-in-law wasn't so excited, but considering that we went through infertility as well, I don't blame her for that. It took a while for her to want to be around us again, but a few months after that we seemed to get back to normal. She did admit that she was

kind of sad that she wasn't having the first grandchild, but she also understood that we can't pause our lives for them. A few months after having our first kid, without telling anyone, my husband and I started trying for our second. I became pregnant, and my sister-in-law was due April 2nd, and I was due June 23rd. Then we found out that the embryo had split twice. I was having triplets. So suddenly we found out that we were going from a family of 3 to 6. My sister-in-law announced her due date a few days before we found out that we were having

triplets. We didn't announce our pregnancy for 10 more weeks. Anyways, my sister-in-law was kind of upset that we were having triplets. We didn't announce our pregnancy for 10 more weeks. Anyways, my sister-in-law was kind of upset that we were having triplets. She felt like everyone in the family kind of focused on that rather than her pregnancy, which they did, unfortunately. But she also understood that I couldn't really control that, and we continued to have a pretty good relationship. Especially since we were pregnant at the same time.

Since I was having triplets, my doctors wanted me to be admitted to the hospital for continuous monitoring at 24 weeks in case something went wrong. That way, I could immediately be taken to surgery and have the kids. So I went to the hospital at the beginning of March. My sister-in-law went into labor on March 30th and had her baby on March 31st. I had been having some issues all that week, but we have been able to stabilize all the babies thus far, until we couldn't on March 31st. One of the baby's heartbeats was fluctuating wildly, so my doctors decided that it was time. So on March 31st, I gave birth to my triplets. All the babies were doing well, but

since they were only 28 weeks long long they all had to stay in the NICU. My sister-in-law had texted everyone that morning letting us know that she gave birth, and the family chat was blowing up with everyone being so excited. My husband texted before going into the surgery to pray for us and our babies, and then texted right after surgery that I was doing well, and all the babies were born and doing as well as could be expected. The family chat kind of shifted from being happy and excited for them to being concerned for us. My brother-in-law texted my husband saying that his wife was very upset, and she felt like we stole their moment and that they needed time.

It's been 10 days, and they haven't talked to us anymore or acknowledged us in the group chat. Obviously I wouldn't have chosen to get birth that early, and I definitely would have liked to have given birth on a day different from her. But I wasn't in the place to make that decision. The family has been asking a lot about our kids and how they're doing, but not much about their kids. I've tried to steer the conversation towards them some, but without them responding to me, it doesn't really work. I really don't know what else I can do. It's not like I can change what happened, and it's not like it was my fault.

The family isn't really doing a good job of acknowledging everyone, especially my brother and law and sister-in-law, but I don't know how to change that either. I feel like this has completely sourd our relationship, and I'm not sure if I can fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this? Should I just give it more time? I also feel like this is going to come up every year when we go to celebrate their birthdays. OP, I definitely understand that that's a complicated situation. On the one hand, you did nothing wrong. On the other hand, I completely understand where your sister

and law is coming from. This is like the most important day of her life, and everyone's talking about you. The best I can say is just try to give it some time and focus on your own babies, because this is completely out of your control. The one thing I think you can do, though, is tell your husband that he needs to step up and give a firm talk to your family members. What your extended family is doing is completely disrespectful, and if it's anyone's fault, it's theirs. That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I've put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.