rSlash - r/Relationships My Girlfriend Won't Tell Me Where She Buried My Beans
Episode Date: September 29, 2020r/Relationships_Advice In today's story, OP is stuck in a real pickle. His girlfriend stole his canned beans and buried them somewhere in the forest behind their house. OP wants to eat the beans, but ...his girlfriend absolutely insists that they remain hidden -- even from him. They end up fighting about the beans. OP wants her to tell him where the beans are buried, but the girlfriend refuses! What can OP do? He's just a simple man who wants to eat his beans! If you like this episode, follow my podcast for more daily Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/VD6eYD3 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch 🎁 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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A welcome to R-slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-read it.
Today's sub-read it isdit is our slash relationship advice. My parents falsely accuse my brother of being a creep and it's really affecting him.
My brother is 15, my sister is 17, and I'm a 23 year old girl. This is really stupid
and it shouldn't have happened, but it did. Now I just want advice on how to make it better.
Also, this is the story my brother told me as I wasn't
there. He was in his room playing on his phone mining his own business. He got up to take
out the trash and he came back to lay down in his bed. As he was laying down, he noticed
their dog walking out of his room, but he ignored it. Later on, his 17-year-old sister noticed
that her clothes were missing. She went looking for them and found them in my brother's room.
The problem was that it was wet and slimy. She immediately told our parents and they thought
the worst. My dad, mom, and brother argued about it. Root things were said. Apparently, mom said
I knew you were weird but not this weird. My dad said that he raised a predator. In the end, my parents asked me to pick him up and let him stay with me for a couple of
days. When I picked him up, he didn't say anything and just sat in silence. He spent
the entire time in the room that he was staying in. He came out for dinner, but he skipped
breakfast and lunch. His eyes were always red when he came out, so I assume he was crying. I've
never seen him cry. Most of the time when he's upset, he's just stone-faced, so what they
said must have really got to him. Finally, at the end of the week, our parents called
me and they said they wanted to talk to him so they came over. Before they came over,
I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me. When our parents came, they apologized to him.
Over the next week, they noticed more of our sisters closing his room until one day my
dad caught the dog with my sister's clothes.
My brother just said okay and went home.
I tried to ask my parents if he could stay longer, but they said that wouldn't be necessary.
Later on, I got a call from my parents asking me what he did at my house because he's
just been in his room all day at their house.
Is there anything I can do to help him feel better?
Alright, so first of all, I'm making firm that as a dog owner, dogs absolutely WILL steal
your clothes.
You go as personal favorite as socks, but in a pinch you'll go with a pair of underwear.
So I find it a little bit unreasonable that no one would believe O.P.'s brother that it
was the dog and not him.
Also, to be honest, your parents sound like kind of sucky people.
Not only did they not give their own son the benefit of the doubt, but after they genuinely
believed that their son was a predator, they sent him to live with his other sister.
So even if their logic was right, then wouldn't that mean they were putting OP in danger?
OP, my advice to you is to just do your best to be a supportive sister and understand
that what your parents did to him is deeply traumatizing.
If my parents and my younger sister pulled that on me, then I don't know if I would ever
trust them again for the rest of my life.
I admit, I posted a version of this on the relationship subreddit the other day, but they
closed it with no explanation.
I assume because they decided that it was fake.
I can see how they might think that, but this is a true thing that happened and is happening.
And now there's more to it, because I actually got broken up with over it.
With all that's going on, me and my girlfriend had sucked up on supplies, including some
canned goods.
A few weeks ago, I ordered 30 cans of beans, 10 are black beans, 10 are kidney beans, and
10 are pink beans.
Also, I ordered 15 cans of chickpeas.
I thought this was a reasonable amount of beans and chickpeas to have every now and then,
and we'll ask for quite some time.
However, earlier this week, I opened the cabinet because I wanted to make a vegetarian
chili using two cans of beans, but all the beans were gone. What the hell? I asked my
girlfriend and she told me that she buried all the beans in the woods. At first I thought
she was joking, but she explained, no, she buried the beans in the woods. WTF?
I asked her to explain, and she told me that she was afraid that if things get bad, we
might have to worry about looters or whatever, and that the beans would be in danger of being
stolen.
I said I thought this was completely ridiculous and unlikely.
She became angry at me and said that she's protecting our beans. According to
her logic, the beans are safely buried in the woods behind our apartment complex. And if
we ever need the beans, she'll go to the stash and dig up a can or two. But would
prefer if we save them all for things to get worse. I said, why only bury the beans? Why
not bury our more valuable items? She said the canned food was the most valuable for
long term means. And that since we can get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries, barrier are more valuable items. She said the canned food was the most valuable for long-term
means, and that since we can get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries, it would
make sense to continue to stockpile beans. She intends to bury more beans in the woods
every week. This was too insane for me and I got very upset. I demand to know where the
beans were buried and she refused to tell me. She said if I knew, she was afraid that I'd dig them up and I said damn right I would.
She said, I will never jeopardize the beans.
The following day I tried to put my foot down and I'm not usually a foot downer but there
are rare issues where compromise is out of the question and I foolishly decided this
was one of those issues.
I demand to know where the beans were buried and I told her if she was going to bury beans
that I paid for in the woods then I would move out.
We fought about it and I kept insisting.
In hindsight I should have let it go and created my own hidden stash of beans in the apartment
and given her time to maybe cool down about this bean-bearing scenario, but I blew it all out of proportion.
Yeah, it's weird to bury beans in the woods, but why did I have to press it?
What's the harm at the end of the day and the grand scheme of things?
But I kept demanding her to take me to the beans or at least draw a map or something,
and finally she broke up with me. Over the beans, I've lost the love of my life because I couldn't let the damn beans
go.
I'm in disbelief, she moved out.
Not only in my heart broken, but I'm now paying full rent instead of 50%, which is a huge
financial issue for me.
Down in the comments, F, both parties says, go to Arsach Middle detecting and see if there's
anyone in your area.
DM me if you're in Denver.
I'll find those effing beans.
But past that OP, I think that you've learned an important lesson about relationships.
Never ever tell your partner about your hidden bean stash.
I love my wife, but I will never tell her where I buried my beans, and I'll take that
information to my grave.
My fiancee's sister told me that she's in love with me, and that my fiancee is just settling for me.
My fiancee Nancy and I are getting married in December.
We've been going through a small rough patch in Slade June, and I felt like everything was okay,
but we were just out of sync. We've been together for two years, and this has happened before,
and we just come out of it usually.
I have a very good relationship with my fiancee's twin sister Peggy.
We hung out a lot before she introduced me to her sister so I've known her longer.
And she's one of my best friends and is probably the person that knows me the best other than my family and Nancy.
She and her sister also have a great relationship.
No resentment, no anger towards each other, just sisterly love.
Saturday, I received a string of messages from Peggy that were telling me NOT to marry Nancy.
She told me that Nancy didn't love me like she should, and if we got married, we'd
be in a loveless marriage with no passionate hugging.
I told her I didn't believe her.
She sent me screenshots of messages between her and Nancy.
I wish I hadn't read them.
She said that I wasn't the love of her life, that I wasn't her soulmate, that I was just
a good option and would be a good provider and a great dad to her kids.
That I was a nice guy and that any girl would be lucky to have me, but he's not the one
for me.
I asked Peggy why she told me all of this and she said that she's my best friend and she loves me. She said she's wanted me forever but couldn't come between
me and her sister like that. She said that she'd love me like a wife should, that she
fanatizes about being with me intimately and that I drive her crazy. She asked me to
leave Nancy and come be with her. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do about anything.
I feel like my life's been turned completely upside down. I don't know where to go from here.
So clearly in this situation, I wouldn't believe anything Peggy says. I mean, she might be right,
but we're getting some serious red flags out of her. She wants to break up her own sister's
marriage and steal her man. O.P., you definitely don't want to date that kind of her. She wants to break up her own sister's marriage and steal her man.
OP, you definitely don't want to date that kind of person. Plus, it's fairly easy to
create fake text messages online. The one thing that you should definitely do is confront
your fiance about this. If Peggy is right and the text messages are real, then clearly
you need to end this relationship. But if the text messages are alive, then obviously
your fiance has a right to defend
herself.
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I'm a 33 year old guy, and my 25 year old wife
constantly makes a conscious effort
to humiliate me during my lessons over Zoom.
While under normal circumstances,
I would try to communicate my feelings to my wife,
but I'm at my wits in for how to handle the situation. While under normal circumstances, I would try to communicate my feelings to my wife, but
I'm at my wits in for how to handle the situation, as I've exhausted all of the typical
conflict resolution means.
Being a teacher, I'm currently giving lessons over Zoom.
I recognize that studying math over Zoom isn't the most exciting thing in the world for
students, and I can barely get them to even pretend to be interested in my lessons when
we're in the classroom.
But they've done an admirable job of staying focused.
My wife is making it extremely difficult on my end, though.
Several months ago, when my lessons began, I went from working long hours to being at
home all day.
Unfortunately, my wife doesn't seem to understand that while I'm at home, and while I can occasionally
help out with a chore too, I still have actual
work to do.
Between lesson prep, grading, and meetings, my schedule is quite full.
The first time she interrupted my lesson, she abruptly opened the door to the room where
I was teaching and loudly asked me to do the dishes.
This was unbelievably awkward as I was in the middle of teaching 3 dozen 10th graders geometry. I told her we would
talk about it later, but not being deterred. She asked if this was a yes or a no. I said it was a
yes, but I was in the middle of a lesson. Without a word, she closed the door. I got some chuckles from
the students, but a bit of red-cheeked embarrassment was the extent of the damage. The next time, two days
later, she again barged in holding a pair of my pants that I left on the floor of the damage. The next time, two days later, she again barged in holding
a pair of my pants that I left on the floor of our bedroom. She loudly stated, you need
to pick up after yourself. This time, before responding, I muted my mic and turned off my
camera telling her that I was in the middle of a lesson. Again, she walked away without
a word. At this point, I moved my setup into the basement of the house so I could avoid
further interruption. Since my basement looks like it probably has a few dead bodies
buried in it, my students have begun calling me basement dead, which is endearing. But I
would rather teach in a room where I'm not going to get asbestos in my lungs. The trouble
really began when I started locking the door to prevent interruptions. My wife will begin
by rattling the door a few times, followed by pounding on it. Then she'll groan loudly and say something negative about me.
After that, I can hear her walking around the house slamming doors. A few weeks ago,
she was literally jumping up and down, stopping her feet in the room above mine.
In the first months of these online lessons, I set up a hotkey to mute my mic and disable
my camera instantly when needed.
And luckily, my reflexes hone from countershrike and my teens is paid off.
But there's been a few times when she's sneaked in an embarrassing moment for me.
Every time I've patiently explained to her that I need complete quiet to teach my lesson,
she says, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Then in the next lesson, without fail, she'll find something new to complain about and throw a tantrum,
trying to humiliate me in front of my students.
While my mute game is on point, students have recognized that something is wrong.
One of my ninth graders even sent me an email asking if everything was okay.
I had to make up a lame excuse about needing to mute my mic because of a sudden grinding noise that happens in my old basement.
There's no way she bought that.
Since I'm unable to go out, unable to even enter the school grounds and have no place
to go to avoid my wife, I'm unbelievably anxious when I teach.
I've tried talking to her calmly, and I even tried to get angry at her.
How can I even approach this kind of problem?
Down in the comments, we have this story from Sweet Ragnarok.
I had a co-worker with a wife who was super controlling and sadly very embarrassing for him.
She has issues and we're aware of it as a department.
He's a wonderful worker and I have no complaints of his ethics but his wife can cause serious
damage.
She calls and harasses our office lines if she can't get a hold of him.
If a female answers the office line,
she automatically accuses him of cheating with a mistress.
She was an absolute Karen.
She got karma hard when the line was accidentally transferred to a board member who was also female.
Some colorful words were said,
and the board member held her cards until the end,
revealed her role, and said board member held her cards until the end, revealed
her role, and said that due to her actions, her husband can be up for suspension or corrective
action.
She begged and stopped calling and harassing.
She was a stay-at-home wife whose world revolved around her husband, who was already checked
out with trying to stop her.
He did get reprimanded too, but at least it was a reality check for his wife.
And I forgot to mention that he worked two jobs to support his wife even though he lives
frugally.
Oh, P, you need to be more stern.
Normally, I won't condone snapping back, but if your wife kept doing it, then it would
have been a mute the Maigen I came and a WTF is wrong with you comment to her.
Explain that you can get fired or get in trouble
and being a teacher at your public persona
as a positive role model is a huge deal at your work
that even harmless jokes and pranks can have consequences
and they pay you for the hours to work at home
not to do chores.
If she needs anything, she can text you
and you'll get to it on your breaker after work hours.
You've gotta put up a hard, stern boundary.
Since she's acting like a child, it's time to scold her like one.
My wife gave birth to a black baby that clearly isn't mine, and I'm divorcing her.
But I'm worried about the relationship between my two kids and their new half-sister.
A month ago, my wife gave birth to a black baby girl.
We're both white, so she was forced to admit that the child was the result of a one-night
stand last year. I started divorce proceedings, although we're still living together for
now. Between our two boys, age 2 and 4, I've had paternity tests for them and they came
back positive. As for my wife, due to her infant daughter and her having lost her job due
to COVID, living together as amicably as possible until the divorce is settled is an unfortunate
necessity. Naturally, I have no ill will towards the baby. And I've been disgusted by some
of the comments I've heard from family members, friends, co-workers, and others, all of
whom seem to be fixated on the racial angle of this. As if the most salient part of this isn't that my wife cheated, but that she cheated
with a black man and that the baby is black.
What really worries me is that my two sons might pick up on the narratives.
They're too young to really understand what's happening now, but I'm worried that as they
grow to understand the situation, that they might grow to resent their half-sister for
breaking up their parents' marriage.
And worse, that their resentment might express itself in a racist fashion under the influence
of the aforementioned racist narratives.
Any thoughts on how I should try to influence my sons away from that perspective?
It probably doesn't help that we live in a suburb with very few black people, and their
half-sister is really the only black person my children
know.
Down in the comments, I'm going to read this post from chaotic neutral hop it.
I'll tell you what my dad did and you can use the info as you will.
He invited my little brother who was not his child along with me to stay during the weekend.
My brother wasn't the product of infidelity or anything, he was just my half-brother,
my stepdad's son.
But I didn't know for a while because my dad brought him along to the museums
and the water parks and the movies, et cetera.
Pretty much any time that I was at his place,
my little brother was too, and he never complained.
He loved my brother, so that's an option.
You can have the baby come with your sons occasionally,
make sure they're treating her okay,
and be an example for how to treat their sister.
Also OP, while it's really sweet that you're being thoughtful of these three kids,
don't forget to take care of yourself as well.
Your wife cheated on you, you're going through a divorce, and you found out a baby that you thought was yours actually isn't.
And in some locations, your wife could very easily establish you as the father legally speaking,
which means you have to pay child support for that baby as well.
And since we've already established that your wife is a cheating piece of garbage, then I wouldn't put that past her.
So between the divorce and the child support, make sure that you're protected legally OP.
And also, you might want to consider tapping into your support network or maybe even going into therapy because what you're going through has to be tough.
That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you like this content then be sure to follow
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