rSlash - r/Relationships My Girlfriend's Family Has a Weird S** Ritual

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

r/Relationships_Advice OP is stuck in an incredibly weird situation. He's in love with a girl and wants to get married to her, but her family has a strange tradition. On their wedding night, OP is sup...posed to take his new wife into his in-laws' bedroom and... well, I won't spoil it. Let's just say that this is one of the most uncomfortable family traditions I've ever heard of. Should he go through with their bizarre family wedding ritual? If you like this podcast, hit the follow button for more daily Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/Rtwc9ZC 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Bet on the NFL with Bandual, a official sports put partner of the NFL. Download the app today to see why we're in North America's number one sports book. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario, gambling problem call 186653126100 to visit connectsentario.ca Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Relationship Advice, and next to award for our sponsors. I'm a 36 year old male and my wife is 34. My wife keeps tying my boots after I've told her to keep her hands off of them. I tried to teach her a lesson and really hurt her feelings. Yes, I know this title is bizarre and I can't believe I'm
Starting point is 00:00:39 actually writing this. My wife is a neat freak, always has been. She throws away notes on my desk assuming their garbage. My belongings get rearr neat freak, always has been. She throws away notes on my desk, assuming they're garbage. My belongings get rearranged to the point where it takes me hours to find them. It's something I've come to accept. I'm not happy about it, but we have a pretty happy marriage on the whole. I'm a volunteer EMT, and I keep my boots unlaced up against the wall next to my clotheshamper so that I can throw them on along with my uniform if a call comes in during the middle of the night. Well, my wife is taking to tying the bootlaces when she sees them untied. Not only does she tie them, but she tightens them and double knots them to the point where I need
Starting point is 00:01:14 to undo the knot, open up the boots, and let a little slack out to fit my feet into them. I ignored it the first two times, but the third time she did it, I made it a point to bring it up to her the next day. I very calmly said, Hun, I appreciate that you want everything neat, but please don't touch my boots in the future. Time is of the essence when I'm going on a call at 2 in the morning. I don't have the time to unlace them and open them up. It's not just a minor inconvenience, it's people's lives, so I would appreciate it if
Starting point is 00:01:43 you left them alone. She rolled her eyes, said I was being dramatic, and that she wouldn't help me out by keeping my things neat in the future. Well, she never stopped. No matter how many times I've asked her, told her, begged her. She just laughs and says, well, you know how I am. The other night a page went out for a CPR and progress. I went to throw my boots on and they were once again tightened beyond recognition. So I'm sitting there on the edge of the bid, cursing, trying to get my boots open and fumbling due to the stress of the situation. My wife opened her eyes, groggly looked at me and asked, don't you need to go on that call?
Starting point is 00:02:22 I know I was in the wrong here, and I regret it. I slammed the boot into the ground and yelled, Yes, I do! I would have been out the door five minutes ago, except some stupid mother-epper screwed with my God-dang boots again! My wife got up without another word, walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. I got my boots open and went on the call.
Starting point is 00:02:43 By the time we arrived, the police had resuscitated the victim, so I didn't have to do CPR. But I was sweating and shaking, thinking my delay could have cost a life. I got home and my wife wasn't talking to me. She ignored me the entire day until we finally sat down and talked. She said I'd scared her without angry I got, that she thought I was going to hit her, and she didn't know I was capable of getting so angry. Note, I've never raised a hand to her, nor have I ever yelled at her before. I'm absolutely not a violent person in any way shape or form. I apologize for yelling at her and acknowledged that I hadn't meant to snap at her. I was frustrated with the situation as I needed to get to the person in need of CPR as soon as possible, and it was a delay that didn't need to happen. I once again
Starting point is 00:03:30 pleaded with her not to touch my boots because lives were literally on the line. She told me that if I was going to overreact and make her afraid then she would never touch my boots again because she didn't want to live like that. Last night, before I got into bed, I had a sinking feeling, so I went over and checked my boots. I was very disappointed to find them tightened up again, so I decided to show her how I felt. I went over to her closet and pulled out her running shoes. I unlazed the shoelaces on both of them, removed them from the shoes completely, curled
Starting point is 00:04:02 them each into a little coil, put them inside the shoes, and put them back. I then went to sleep. At 615, I was woken up by my wife screaming, how could you? Why would you do this? Holding up both Laceless shoes with tears in her eyes. My wife likes to go for an early morning run, and I knew she would want to get out the door as soon as possible. I smiled and said, you know how I am, I just like things need. She continued sobbing and walked out the room. So by the time she was all laced up again, it was raining so she missed out on her run. I actually feel pretty terrible about that because I really only wanted to delay her, not ruin her plans completely.
Starting point is 00:04:43 At this point, she's alternating between crying that I would add to my way to her and ignoring my presence. I acknowledge that what I've done has been pretty childish and not at all constructive. I just don't know what to do. She said, through tears. You admitted you were totally in the wrong for yelling at me, and then you turned around and took it out on me in a different way. What is wrong with you?"
Starting point is 00:05:06 The problem is, to her, an apology means taking on 100% of the fault. When I apologize for blowing up, she took that to mean she was 100% in the right and that my feelings were completely unjustified. So, at this point, I haven't apologized for ruining her run because she'll take that to mean that she wasn't wrong to touch my boots. I've tried to have these discussions, but it's in one ear and out the other. We have such a good relationship otherwise, but I feel like this issue has reached a tipping point, and it's going to continue to result in arguments until we resolve it. How do I make things right with my wife while still letting her know that I won't tolerate
Starting point is 00:05:44 her disrespecting my property anymore? Down in the comment, Tasha makes this contribution. Ask your wife, if she got hit on her morning run, how would she like it if her doctor was laid because his wife tied his shoes? And then OP responds, I've actually made a similar argument. She laughed it off and minimized the work I do. That most of what I do isn't life-saving and taking the time to get dressed properly
Starting point is 00:06:07 won't cost any lives. It's something that bothers me, but it's clear that she doesn't get it. To be honest, OP, I don't know what's going on with your wife. Based on how bizarre her reactions are, this doesn't seem like a lover spat. It kind of sounds like there's some sort of mental illness going on, like narcissism or
Starting point is 00:06:25 OCD or some deep-seated unresolved issue. I'm not sure if a Reddit thread can help you here. I think your wife may need to speak with some kind of professional. I'm a 25-year-old male. My girlfriend, who's 24, has a choice between me or her family, and I don't know how to tell her. I met my girlfriend when I was in my senior year in college. She was a junior back then. We've been dating for three years now. I'm Asian and she's white. To say I don't deserve her would be an understatement. She's the most beautiful and the smartest girl I know and she comes from a pretty wealthy family. I'm not particularly handsome or attractive, not extremely smart, just because we both went to an Ivy League college doesn't mean anything. It just means I have a slightly
Starting point is 00:07:08 above average IQ, but I decided to work harder than most other high schoolers. And my family is not very rich either. We aren't poor. My parents were able to help me pay for college and I only had to take a few thousand student loans, but we're certainly not as wealthy as her family. I really love her and I try to be the best boyfriend I can be. Unfortunately, her entire family is racist except for her and her brother, who's one of my best friends. Every time we go to one of our family gatherings, there are racist comments tossed around. It's against everyone who isn't white, including Asians, but also African Americans, Mexicans, etc. I'm the only one there who's not white. I don't know
Starting point is 00:07:51 if they're trying to insult me intentionally with comments like, oh, those yellow inwards are stealing our jobs. But it not only annoys me on a personal level, but also just like in general, they're being such racist douchebags. But I try to be as nice as possible because I don't want to let this ruin our relationship, but her family members still all dislike me. So, yesterday her dad texted me. I knew that my girlfriend's parents know my number, but it's still strange because her dad doesn't like me at all, and we've never really had a one-on-one conversation. But anyway, he sent me a few texts saying, this relationship has gone on far enough. And to some things up, he said that if I didn't break up with my girlfriend, he would
Starting point is 00:08:35 disown her and her entire family would cut her off. And then he said that if I really loved her, I would know that her family was more important to her and stuff like that. I had no idea why he decided to say this now and not like three years ago when we first started dating. I haven't talked to my girlfriend yet because I don't really know how to tell her about this. I know she loves her family and I don't want to hurt a relationship with them, but I also don't want to hurt her by breaking up with her without telling her why. I really need some advice here of my fellow redditors. How do I tell her about this situation? Even if I do end up breaking up, I want to do what makes her happy in the long run.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Opie, this one's easy. Definitely show her the text. Not only is she an adult who has the right to make her own decisions about her relationships, but also, I'm sure that she would want to know what her parents are saying about you. I mean, if my parents were saying incredibly hurtful things to my spouse behind my back, then I would definitely want to know. For your holiday season, Real Canadian Superstore has more legendary ways to save than any other major grocery. Until December 6th, get a free Jumble Point Seta when you spend $300 or more.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Plus, PC Optimum members can get select PC or no-name cheese at 399. Conditions apply to fly for details. These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup, salad, and garlic home though. Oh my god, me! I don't want to take part in my 23-year-old girlfriend's sex ritual on our wedding night, but I still want to marry her. So I'm a 23 year old guy and I'm getting married to my girlfriend early next year if all goes to plan. I don't have a lot of family, I'm no contact with my dad for several years now. She, however, has a huge
Starting point is 00:10:14 extended family. For the most part, we get on great. They tend to be very loud and have huge personalities, which is something hard for me to deal with since I've always been on the quiet side. But overall, very warm and caring people. Something weird I've noticed since we've got engaged is that my girlfriend's cousin sometimes makes jokes about our wedding night. It's weird for them to joke about it, since I'm pretty sure her family is aware we've slept together before since we share a bit of holiday gatherings and vacations. A few nights ago we were discussing wedding plans and thinking about places to go on her
Starting point is 00:10:44 honeymoon. My girlfriend and I were brainstorming ideas when she tells me that we won't need a bridal suite right away. Obviously, I ask why. We're getting married at a pretty nice hotel and she says that she'd like for us to stay at her parent's house. I don't really mind this. We're trying to save money for a house deposit anyway. But girlfriend seems like she has more to say, so I push her for why she wants it. She tells me there's a really old tradition in her family on the wedding night. The husband and wife go into the master bedroom together and they're supposed to consummate the marriage.
Starting point is 00:11:19 The rest of the family are waiting outside the doors so they can applaud them and cheer when they come out. Then, a piece of the bitch she'd just cut off and sewn into a big tapestry my girlfriend's mother owns. I think my girlfriend saw that I wasn't happy because she quickly told me that we wouldn't have to actually consummate the marriage if I felt uncomfortable and we could just pretend. I don't want anything to do with this. I absolutely freaked and told her under no circumstances will I be doing this kind of thing in front of her whole family. When I came back from taking a walk to clear my head, she was now noticeably acting down
Starting point is 00:11:54 and still is. I think she's also been texting her family about this because I received a text from her mother telling me that I don't understand the importance of family and tradition yet, and this kind of tradition has been around longer than I've been alive. I don't know how I meant to go on from here. I really love my girlfriend, and she's the woman I want to spend my life with. I'm freaked out of course, but she's my whole world. But how should I handle her family and navigate this tradition? I love this comment from Threowa. Tell them you'll do it, and return for a dowry of a hundred head of cattle,
Starting point is 00:12:30 a white stallion, and attractive arable land. Also, I've got to point out something that some people might have missed. Did you notice that they do this in the master bedroom of their parents' house? Meaning, that's the bed that the girlfriend's parents sleep in. And the husband is expected to passionately hug on their in-laws bed. With them and everyone else standing right outside the door? OP, I'm sorry for laughing about this, but the situation is just ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:13:00 On a more serious note, you need to sit down your girlfriend, maybe her parents, and explain very clearly. I understand that it's your tradition, but it's not my tradition, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. And frankly, it's very inappropriate for you to try to force me into doing something that I'm not comfortable with. On a less serious note, please update us about what they do with the blanket. Do they like hang it up somewhere or do her parents sleep with it or something?
Starting point is 00:13:27 I'm a 23 year old female and my 27 year old boyfriend has been treating me differently since he got his ancestry DNA results back. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend got his results back from one of those ancestry tests. He's never been interested in his family history before, but one of his friends bought him a kit for his birthday. A few days after seeing his results, which were nothing special, about 95% European and
Starting point is 00:13:49 mostly just from England where we live. He really excitedly told me that he'd been messaged by a group of people about a shared relative. Apparently, all of them have an ancestor in common. My boyfriend's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great great great grandfather that can be linked to royal lineage I was pleased and a bit of news that my boyfriend was so happy Especially since he seemed to be telling every single person he knows and he posted on Facebook about it However since then I've noticed some uncomfortable behaviors from him that is making me second guess our relationship
Starting point is 00:14:23 One he quit his job two weeks ago. He's in account. Which was very unexpected and something we hadn't discussed before now. He gets defensive when I try to bring it up and ask if there was something in particular the Trigodet. He's only said that he doesn't believe the 9-5 life is right for him. 2. He suddenly started insisting on using condoms whenever we passionately hug. We've been together for three years and my birth control, the copper coil, has never been an issue for him before. My boyfriend has started saying that it's not good enough as a form of contraceptive
Starting point is 00:14:55 by itself, which would be fine. Except, he started making a few comments alongside this about how I'm trying to steal his jeans, and implying that I want his bloodline. Three, he won't kiss me in public anymore or touch me at all around his family, which he's explained by saying that he doesn't like public displays of affection anymore and it's embarrassing. He's fine touching me when we're alone however. Four, he's asked me to look into my family history by making a family tree to go alongside his.
Starting point is 00:15:25 It's not something I care about or want to pursue. My family is also immigrants, so I imagine it's harder to track than his, but since I refused, he's made jokes that I must be scared to find out that my family doesn't match up to his. As a side note, by traditional standards, my family is a lot better off and more middle class than his, although that's never affected our relationship. We've generally had a really good relationship before now, and there's never been any major communication issues or anything like that. I'm really confused as to what's going through his mind right now, and I could use some advice. Thank you. And down in the comments, I absolutely love this response from Mildred. I think the best way to respond to this stupidity is with stupidity. Order a title online. They're all over the internet and cost about 20 pounds for a piece of land in Scotland.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Once you receive it, tell him his distant lineage isn't good enough for your ladieship, and everything needs to go back to normal. In all seriousness, if you're not trolling, he might need help with the manic episode. A sudden onset of erratic behavior probably isn't a normal sign. And then PMU your Discord chat says, Yes, get it from Scotland and routinely try to invade his side of the bid. Blame it on your heritage. That was our slash relationship advice, and if you like this content then follow my podcast because I put on your Reddit podcast every single day. That was our Slash Relationship Advice.
Starting point is 00:16:45 And if you like this content, then follow my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcasts every single day.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.