rSlash - r/Relationships My Husband Cheated On Me... WITH HIS COUSIN!

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

r/Relationships_Advice In today's episode, OP is a woman who's been married to her loving husband for years. Her husband's female cousin dies in a car accident, and that's when her husband drops an ab...solute bomb shell on her: he's been having an affair with his cousin throughout their entire marriage! OP thinks that her marriage maybe be over, but she isn't sure what to do. If you like this content, follow for more daily Reddit episodes! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/VD6eYD3 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch 🎁 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Bet on the NFL with Bandual, a official sports put partner of the NFL. Download the app today to see why we're in North America's number one sports book. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario, gambling problem call 1865-312-600 or visit connectsentario.ca Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash relationship advice. My husband's cousin was recently killed in a car accident three weeks ago. This has made my husband visibly depressed and a lot less like himself lately.
Starting point is 00:00:32 Tonight when I got home from work, he had our two kids go spend the night at his mother's place and it made us dinner. After dinner, he sat me down and told me that I needed to prepare myself for what he was going to say. He then proceeded to tell me about his affair. To some things up, he essentially had been doing adult things with his cousins since she seduced him when she was 13 and he was 16. These activities went on through their adulthood until he started to date me. After we got married, things didn't happen between him or his cousin until around around four years into our marriage, when she supposedly convinced him to continue their adult activities on this side.
Starting point is 00:01:10 We've been married for a little over 15 years for context. This has continued up until three weeks ago as you can imagine. He told me to take it as I will, and he'll accept anything I choose to do considering our marriage. His cousin was apparently a lot more than just some fling. I never would have expected my husband to be cheating. He never did anything that would give red flags like coming in late or leaving hair of another woman around. I'm at a standstill and not sure where to go from here. I haven't been able to say
Starting point is 00:01:40 anything to him after he was so blunt about it. I'm still crying some now. I don't know where to go from here. Any suggestions are welcome. This post is just an ocean of red flags, but what I can't get over is how your husband phrases his relationship with his cousin. Seduced by a 13-year-old, and then he was so faithful after four years, but it was her who convinced him to start it up again.
Starting point is 00:02:07 Oh, you're poor, poor husband. He's just the victim here. If you ask me, your husband is a lying cheating piece of garbage, and you need to dump this guy yesterday. And then OP post it on an update. I went a first say that I appreciate all of the support I've received after posting my first post. I thought a lot about the suggestions I've been given and decided to go forward on some. I talked to my mother about the situation and she agreed to take in my children until the situation is dealt with. I've also approached my husband
Starting point is 00:02:37 about divorce and put my demands about wanting full custody of our children as well as the house and other things. He hasn't put up a fight regarding any of those and has agreed to it. It's been really hard to swallow all of this and I'm looking for a lawyer to help with the divorce. My mother has also suggested to keep the real reason of our divorce away from our children as long as possible, especially my eldest daughter, who's 14. This will be my second and last post on this matter. I again want to express that I really appreciate all the helpful comments and suggestions.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Thank you all for the support. I'm a 35 year old male and I caught my 35 year old girlfriend driving drunk with her kids. And it seems like it's just a tip of the iceberg. I'm a 35 year old male who moved from Denver to San Diego to be with my girlfriend. She's a mother of two with split custody. I sold my home, moved my company, etc.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Sure, she was a big reason, but I also knew that it would be an adventure no matter what happened. I could go on for a while about how the adjustment phase has sucked, but her kids, a four year old boy and a seven year old girl,, unfortunately are not held accountable for their actions. Peeing on the floor, jumping into her bed during passion and hugging, telling adults no, my girlfriend says, they're kids, it's so hard to be consistent in showing them what's right or wrong. She really is saying that their willingness to be defiant vastly outweighs her willingness to be persistent with their development growth.
Starting point is 00:04:05 But that's neither here nor there. I could bring up a lot of issues, but most of them are issues I firmly believe can be fixed with time and love. However, the other day, she did something that made me literally sick to my stomach. She took her children to a friend's parents' house who has a nice pool. Of course, those friends show up. Plus a few others. I had to work, but I could see via the Instagram story that they were drinking. I don't think much of it until she's home at about 6 hammered. I'm not talking
Starting point is 00:04:35 tips you are drunk. I mean full on blackout, pointing at random stuff, can't hold herself up drunk. And then it occurs to me that she drove the kids home and I lost it. She fabricated a story that a friend actually drove her car home and then walked back home, which was obviously BS. The next day she came clean, after I told her mother and best friend. She obviously feels horrible, but doesn't seem to be that remorseful. She has an existing DUI on her record, and we've already encountered tensions over her drinking and volume and in the mornings.
Starting point is 00:05:09 She admits drinking is a problem for her, but yet she tries to push past it and talk about me being stretched with the kids or other things. All I can think is that she doesn't really care about what she did. So she told me at the end of the discussion she thinks I should get my own place while we continue to work on the relationship on the pretense that it will alleviate the attention from the kids' action the way they do. All I can think is, are you seriously stepping over the fact that you drive drunk to make me calling your kids out for not being the bigger issue? The bottom line, I love her to death. I think she needs someone by her side right now. I sold my home, moved my company, left friends and pets back home, and this is what
Starting point is 00:05:51 I'm being welcomed with. I'm lost. I don't know if I should pack my stuff up and leave or buck up and be the person that she and her children need right now. Down in the comments, I'm going to read this post from Shudden Need Out. I'm a recovering alcoholic who absolutely loves children. But I have no children because I could never imagine putting them through a childhood like this. You shouldn't consider staying by your side right now unless she makes the commitment to stay sober. Otherwise, it's classic enabling. The only time I'm in favor of ultimatums is when it comes to addiction, but you can't force an alcoholic to stop. She has to decide that. I know it sucks that you made a huge life change based on your feelings for her, but she'll end up wasting years
Starting point is 00:06:34 if your life if you continue to let yourself be sucked in. And if she won't change, leave. But tell the kids father first, he needs to be aware. I happened 11 year old senior German Shepherd. He was hit by a car in 2018 and we went through a very difficult recovery process. He had seizures, urine issues, constant beer of anything going fast near him, like I couldn't throw a ball anymore. We had another puppy, but our senior was so stressed we had to re-homer. You would have sworn he was displaying abuse behavior, but he was just scared. He moved past all of that and I'm so proud of him.
Starting point is 00:07:13 The vet prescribes a night meat for his seizures and so far he's been recovering well. We were discussing ways to improve his mobility. It's like a walking cane but for dogs and it has sensory objects on the end to prevent it from bumping into furniture. We tested it in the office and his mood improved instantly, but at the same time I couldn't afford more treatment form, so I opted to come back. I met my boyfriend earlier this year while walking my dog. He's known since day one that my dog requires special treatment and I would absolutely provide it. Everything went well and he wasn't controlling or abusive.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Everything just clicked, but it's my fault because I was too comfortable. We were talking about finances, and I told him about my debt, and the money I was saving up for my dog. After paying off the debt from his previous treatments, I didn't want to open another card, so I started saving cash in a little fireproof chest. My boyfriend stole that money. Yesterday I went to his place and I noticed he has a new computer setup. I was asking him where he got the money from and we fought and he said, your dogs have did anyway you need to let it go. He's not even close to
Starting point is 00:08:21 dying. He's a little older but he's nowhere near dying age. We go to the vet regularly, and everything checks out as well as it can be given the circumstances. No one's ever mentioned death. We've only been looking at the future and improvements. I'm so upset. What do I do?
Starting point is 00:08:39 We're both students, so I don't wanna call the police and ruin his future, but that was for my baby to get what he needed so we could walk around my home comfortably. So it's okay for him to ruin the future of your dog, but you don't want to ruin his future? Man, F this guy. He literally came into your house, stole your money, and bought himself a computer.
Starting point is 00:09:02 This guy is a 5 out of five douchebags. You need to call the cops OP. My two year old daughter is fighting cancer. At Salesforce, we're all about asking more of AI. Questions like, where's the data going? Is it secure? Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure?
Starting point is 00:09:19 Get answers you can trust from Salesforce at askmorevei.com. Enjoy the classic taste of the holidays at Tim's with the new non-alcoholic Bailey's flavored holiday menu. Trust from Salesforce at AskMoreVi.com. supervised to see another man. I don't even know why I'm asking for advice. I'm in tears writing this and I know what I have to do, but I'm hoping someone thinks I should stay. In March, my daughter was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of brain cancer. To say that this has destroyed my wife's world would be an understatement. We also have an 11 year old son who is not biologically mine, but I'm his only dad. We were both at the hospital, and there was an alarm that her blood sugar was dropping.
Starting point is 00:10:10 She's a type 1 diabetic. I picked up her phone, and there was a conversation with a man asking for another picture. I let it go, but it was eating me up. A couple of hours later when my wife was sleeping, he messages again. This time I respond, and he said he's sorry it got weird, but he thought that him and my wife were exposed. I wake her up and have a huge fight in the hospital. The next day were discharged. About five minutes later, we get a call from the radiologist and there's blood in my daughter's
Starting point is 00:10:41 brain. Since I drive in my wife doesn't and we need someone to stay with our son, I go up to the hospital at 11pm. We're watching Curious George on the tablet when a Facebook message pops up. It's him responding to my wife's message of, my husband isn't home, come over. She claims she's an addict and just buying pills. We've had this problem before where I told her I hate that she takes these meds, but as long as you don't lie, I'll help you. Well, all she's doing is lying. I've caught her in over 20 significant lies. I'm scared that if I leave, I'll lose my 11-year-old son. Okay, I hate that I have to say this, but your marriage is already over. You drive to the hospital to comfort your sick
Starting point is 00:11:25 and dying two-year-old daughter, and your wife's first thought is, oh finally, now I can bring over my boyfriend slash drug dealer to bang. O.P, please leave this woman. I've had a step brother for about six months. My mom is married to his dad, So a few weeks ago during a morning, I noticed my stuff in my room had moved. I told my biological big brother who's 23 and he didn't take me seriously but taught me how to record my room at nights with my phone. I've been recording myself every night and nothing happened so I was ready to believe that nothing had happened that night. This weekend however, my stepbrother came into my room at about 3.15am. He came to me with
Starting point is 00:12:07 scissors, cut a small piece of my hair, and left my room. It was so weird and shocking. It was a very small amount, something I likely wouldn't have noticed. I sent the video to my biological brother and sister, my sister's 19. They told me to pack my bags immediately and pick me up and took me with them. They sent the video to our parents. My parents questioned my step-brother and said he doesn't remember doing it at all and said he was likely sleepwalking and asked to see a doctor. I don't believe him and neither do my siblings. My parents want to solve this problem by taking both of us to family therapy. They want me to come home and discuss this, all four of us. They say I'm not in any real danger,
Starting point is 00:12:50 as he didn't hurt me or do anything inappropriate or sexual. My siblings strongly disagree and say that what he did was very inappropriate, and they're not going to let me go back there as long as my stepbrother still lives there. My parents say that they'll install a lock on my door so that I can lock myself in at nights. My stepfather has upset my siblings and claims that they turned this into a much larger issue than it is. He says they could have just parented the problem away by punishing and it's not a big deal.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Honestly, I keep hearing everyone was strong opinions about this and I don't know who's right or wrong. What should I do? Do I go back? Do I just never go back? My best friend says that I should just go to the police and press charges against my stepbrother. I like this comment from what I guess. If they're so confident about how non-threatening it is, tell them to tell all their friends and family and see what kind of reaction they get. Susie Q has a really, really good answer,
Starting point is 00:13:45 but it's kind of long and kind of dry. So if you're not into a long detailed explanation about how to protect yourself, then you can stop the video here. But if you want to know how to protect yourself as a teenager, then this is really good advice. Family law attorney here, but this is not legal advice. You need to consult an attorney in your jurisdiction in state. Google Child Welfare Attorney in your city. Have your sibling go with you. Just
Starting point is 00:14:09 get the lay of the land. Because you aren't 18 yet, you actually can't contract with an attorney in most circumstances. Take the video in whatever other documentation you have. If there are other things that seem odd about your step-bro, bring it up during the consultation. Make a single individual therapy session with a counselor who specializes in sexual issues, trauma response, or something similar. This is not necessarily for you. You want a counselor who can ID some of the hallmark issues in your step-brother. Don't sleep at that house. Don't go to family counseling. Counseling with an abuser or perpetrator is just another opportunity for you to be victimized.
Starting point is 00:14:45 When you talk with the attorney and the counselor, for you, not family, spare no details. If it's something you don't know, don't speculate, just the facts. Both the attorney and the counselor are likely mandatory reporters. If something needs to be reported to child protective services, what are both will do so? But calling the police isn't something you need to do, unless you want to, and if so, go for it. But consulting a lawyer and a counselor are very natural things for you to do right now, and this action will deflect any blame from you if CPS is called.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Frankly, if the kid is 16 or 17 and doing this, he's done it before and is likely a victim himself. Child protective services probably does need to be called. FYI, if you call CPS yourself, the identity of the caller is always confidential. Regarding hiring an attorney, don't look for free consults. Don't be scared of a consultation fee. Free consultants are worth what you pay for them. Don't rely on Google either.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Lawyers pay for clicks, so keep that in mind. Look for someone whose board certified in child welfare or family law. Call one of them up. Any lawyer will talk to you for 15 minutes for free, and ask for who you refer to child welfare cases. When on the phone, this is your elevator pitch. I'm 16 living in a blended family with my mom, stepdad, and stepbrother. I think my stepbrother has assaulted me, but my mom is wanting me to go to family counseling
Starting point is 00:16:07 with my stepbrother. Can you give me some names of child welfare attorneys that I can speak to to learn more about my rights here? Also, I completely forgot about victims advocacy groups. They can help you immensely as well. So yeah, this response may not be super entertaining to listen to, but I felt obligated to include it because there's some really good advice out here. And maybe it can be just the advice that one of my listers needs right now.
Starting point is 00:16:32 That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you like this content, then be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit episodes every single day. you

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