rSlash - r/Tifu By Asking A Waitress For Her Panties!

Episode Date: November 15, 2020

r/Tifu In today's story, OP is visiting a foreign country and *thinks* that he has a strong grasp of the native language. Well, it turns out that the word he uses for "bill" is VERY different from the native's use of the word, so when he asks for the bill he accidentally asks the waitress for her panties. She's shocked and embarrassed, leaving OP to wonder why this lady won't just give him the bill! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do I love getting my last minute gifts at shoppers drug mark? Well, lots of stores, many open late, great selection of gifts, and let's not forget the PC optimum points. I get gifts for them and points for me. And so can you. Go to shoppers, exclusions apply. Welcome to R-slash, a podcast where we read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-slash2DiF.gov, where OP accidentally asked for his waitresses panties. Today I FD up by changing my store manager's work log in password to Queefqueen696969. So I'm an assistant manager for a large supermarket chain. Last night I went into work as usual.

I did my usual thing of managing a bunch of part-time students who don't give a flip about the job and only care about their paycheck at the end of the month, same as me. So the night goes fine and we get everything done, and I head to the office to, let's just say I have to click a button so numbers for the day get sent somewhere. The only way that I can click this button is by using the login details associated with the store manager. Now these login details are something that he uses to get into the in-store computer, and he uses them probably 30 times a day when he's working.

All managers have their own logins, but the store manager's logins are the only way that you can press this button at the end of the night. So, as I sign in with his login details, a tap pops up, telling me I have to change the password before I can progress. There's absolutely no way that I can press this button, which I I need to press without changing the password. So I change it to Queef Queen 696969. I write the password on a piece of paper and put it in the drawer labeled store manager. Me and the store manager get along really well and I knew that he would usually find this hilarious. But the next morning when he arrived, he had a store visit from the head of sales for his country. This only happens one day out of every year, if that. Sometimes once every two

years. I'm gonna set a scene now from what I heard from the store manager. My boss and his boss, who's the head of sales for the entire country, are sitting in the store office. The head of sales asks to see something on the computer. He asks to see Staffic's miniature, which is something they can only be accessed from the store manager's login. The store manager tells him his login details. The head of sales tries to login using his old password, but it didn't work. He tries again, it didn't work. The store manager realized the password was changed yesterday, which happens quite often, and he text me as he knows that I was the one working the previous night. I tell him the password is on a piece of paper in his drawer.

He then tells the head of sales for the entire country that the password is on a piece of paper in the drawer next to him. The head of sales opens the drawer and pulls out a piece of paper that says, password, quip clean 69 69 69. He told me that the head of sales typed it in and placed a piece of paper back in the drawer without mentioning anything whatsoever. It was only when he went back to sign in after the head of sales and area manager both left that he saw the piece of paper with the password. He's expecting a very angry phone call from the area manager very soon, where I'll

probably get in a bunch of trouble. But all I can do is laugh uncontrollably every time I pass them while working. I've never laughed this much in my life. Today I have to, by inviting a stranger to come meet my boobs. This morning I was out for a walk with my two dogs. Now it's important for context that you understand how pretty my dogs are. They're both rescue husky mixes that look fairly unusual and have really beautiful blue eyes. It's not out of the ordinary for people to stop me and ask me about them, compliment them and want to pet them.

Having these ridiculously gorgeous dogs has somewhat desensitized me to people yelling out of car windows and across streets, because maybe three times a week someone will yell a dog compliment at us. So we were walking along the sidewalk when a man working on some construction across the street yelled, oh my god I love your doggers. I gave him a big smile and yelled back. Thanks, wanna say hi? He looks slightly surprised, but smiled and started walking over.

When he crossed the street, he was suddenly acting a bit awkward and not really paying much attention to the dogs. I had them sit, so maybe he'd feel comfortable petting them, but honestly, he was suddenly acting a bit awkward and not really paying much attention to the dogs. I had them sit, so maybe he'd feel comfortable petting them, but honestly, I was getting a weird vibe now and wanted to get on my way. We then had the following interaction. So do you want to give me your snap? Um, no thanks. You can say hi to them here and I'm going to get going.

Here you want to just, then he mimes pulling down a shirt. Here's where I realize all at once that I'd screwed up. I had been desensitized for years at dog compliments, and I'm now putting the pieces together that this man had very likely cat called me, and I was basically a cat caller's dream. Friendly and receptive to his advancement by smiling and inviting him over to say hi. My mind locked onto what he had originally yelled. Oh my God, I love your doggers. I love your doggers. Doggers? Finally, my stupid brain puts the pieces together and I squeak out a horrified. Did you say you love my knockers? He nods yes and I wish I could say I had some clever

retort, but honestly I just gave him a firm point in my index finger and an exasperated no before the pups and I high-tailed it out of there. As a happily married guy in a monogamous relationship I can't help imagine the opposite scenario, where I run across the street to meet the girl and her dogs and I lean down to start petting the dogs and she's like, wait, don't you want to see my knockers? And I'd be like, sorry ma'am, I'm just here for the dogs. Today I have to up by asking a waitress for her panties. This happened four years ago when I just moved to the Netherlands. I come from South Africa and my native language, Afrikaans, is very similar to Dutch.

We have a lot of similar words, but sometimes the same word that looks sounds and is spelled the same means something totally different. So the first few months I lived in the Netherlands, I picked up some Dutch and eagerly showed it off wherever I could. One afternoon, I decided to go treat myself with a nice meal at a local Dutch restaurant. A very pretty, blue-eyed blonde Dutch girl was my waitress. I tried speaking Dutch to her throughout the meal and everything seemed to be going quite well. At the end of the meal, she came to me and asked if there was anything else she could do for me, and this is where

the story takes a bit of a wrong turn. Now, I just need to pause here and refer back to my earlier statement about words meaning different things. Well, in South Africa, if you want the bill you ask, may I head the slip please? Here OP includes the african sentence which I'm gonna try, so don't go too harsh on me if I completely butcher it. Magik D slip cry assled leaf. Slip obviously refers to the bill and we use it in all of our 11 languages, so back to the restaurant.

So in Dutch, I confidently respond to her and say, magikd slip op, which I thought means may I have the slip please. She looks quite perplexed and caught a bit off guard and asked again what I wanted. I repeated myself, this time widening my eyes. Trying to smile a bit and place more emphasis on each word, so I pronounced it clearly. magickd slip op, may I have pronouncing clearly. Magik D slipob. May I have the slip, please? She's really uncomfortable, and she switches over to English and tells me to speak English and tell her what I wanted. So I told her I needed the bill so I can pay and leave.

She then bursts out in uncontrollable laughter and asks her if I knew what I'd ask for. Apparently, slip and d Dutch means G-string. So apparently, she thought the foreigner wanted to take more than just the doggy bag home with them to enjoy later. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. I paid my bill, gave her a huge tip, and never went back to the restaurant again. Oh, so OP, you gave her just the tip? Today I effed up after getting a high with my fiance. Last night, I finally managed to convince my fiance to smoke weed with me.

She's always been anti-420, but now that we're just a few weeks away from getting married and being all grown up and stuff, she's gone full, yolo. Fast forward to me seeing my fiance high for the first time. She became extremely relaxed and more talkative. It was cute at first, listening to her go on and on about life and love. But then, things got kinda specific. She mentioned how she never expected to be with someone like me. I didn't even have to encourage her to explain because the floodgates were already wide open.

All of these details spilled out without any effing filter. This is what I learned about my fiancee that I never knew before. Now streaming on Paramount Plus. Hey baby, I hear the blues call in, toss our lives and scramble eggs. Y'all know how this goes. And maybe I seem a bit confused. Yeah, maybe. But I got you picked.

Ha-ha-ha. But I don't know what to do with those tall salads and scrambled eggs. Kelsey Grammer returns in Frazier. Life's calling again. New series now streaming on Paramount Plus. Bet on the NFL with Bandual, official sports put partner of the NFL. Download the app today to see why we're in North America's number one sportsbook. Nineteen plus and physically located in Ontario, gambling problem called 1866-531-2600

at visitconnectsentario.ca. One, most of her past relationships ended because she was notoriously promiscuous. Two, one of those relationships came to an end after she cheated on her boyfriend by hooking up with his younger brother, while also cheating on the brother with his best friend, who just so happened to be a girl. 3. I'm the first guy she's ever had to fake it with. Apparently, all of her exes pushed all the right buttons, whereas I don't.

4. My asthma is a turn off when it comes to passion and hugging because she feels like she needs to hold back so that I don't get too excited and die. 5. Oliver X's were built like a horse, and I'm her first average guy. Those were some of the key points, but I was too traumatized to register whatever else she said afterwards. I don't think I blinked for the rest of the evening, and then OP posted an update. Even though I knew that what my fiance said would haunt me forever, I was willing to bury it in the back of my mind

and pretend like last night never even happened. However, my fiance went into talk, so we did. It was brutal. She said that my mom was right about her being wrong for me. Long story short, all of this stuff was building up to her admitting that she'd been sending nudes to whenever a horse-sized excess. On a f-ing chad, I'm emotionally destroyed. It doesn't feel real yet, so I have trouble accepting it's over, but it is. I guess I'm returning that ring and getting a PS5. I appreciate all the advice. Opie, I totally understand why you posted this in R-slash today I have to, but you did not F up here. That joint literally saved you from years, possibly even decades of complete and utter misery. If you had gotten married to this girl, I feel like it would have come

across one of your posts in R-slash relationship advice like five years later. If you had gotten married to this girl, I feel like it would have come across one of your posts in our slash relationship advice like 5 years later, where you realize that each and every one of your kids aren't yours because your wife has been consistently cheating on you since day one. I say good, right, and so be. To be honest, your fiancee sounds really trashy. Today I have to, by asking my teacher about her love life. Now, it should be noted that this story happened when I was much younger. Yeah, I get it.

I was a dumb kid. You don't need to remind me. I've always been a very curious person and have procured information that I often will never need. One of the best ways to gain knowledge is to ask questions, so I do. A lot. Sometimes it's for the better, often it's for the worse. Let's cut to the chase.

In third grade there were four classes. One of these had two teachers, one for the morning and one for the afternoon. The one that we'll be speaking about today is my afternoon teacher. Her name was Mrs. Virgin. At the time I thought that a virgin was someone originally from the Virgin Islands. If you're from America, you're American. If you're from Canada, you're Canadian. If you're from Canada, you're Canadian. Britain, British. Makes sense, right? So when I thought about our name, curiosity got the best of me.

So I waddled up to my teacher blissfully unaware and stayed at the Dyer Inquiry. Mrs. Virgin, I have a question. Go ahead, sweetie. And then I ask it. Are you a virgin? She gasps, stares at me for a moment, regains her composure, grabs my shoulder and says, not an appropriate question. I still unaware of what I just asked, simply said, okay, and waddled off the bus. As I rode home, I wondered what I'd said wrong. It was in the back of my mind, so I eventually forgot about it until a couple of years ago, where I remember the story and realized what I asked. I swore to myself I would never tell a soul, but here I am.

Board and typing the story to 16.5 million people. Hope you enjoyed my suffering. OP you're not alone. Down the comments we have a similar story from CoFET. If it makes you feel better, when I was younger and first heard the word prostitute, I asked four different teachers if they were one before I got sent to the head teacher. They sent you to the head teacher. When you arrived, were you like, oh no, I don't want head, I want full service.

Today, I have to up by sleeping with a married woman. Around 12 years ago, I stopped in my local pub for a pint or two to drown my sorrows. It was a great little place typically frequented by local university students. Great music, good views, and cheap beers. One more could a single man ask for. Halfway through Guinness number 2, I lock eyes with a lass across the way from me. She's there with another guy who turned out to be a work colleague, and she gives me a beautiful smile.

I smile back, Shynas kicks in, and I find myself very invested in finding the bottom of my glass. I'm not the sort of outgoing guy who excels in these situations. About 20 minutes later, her colleague leaves and Alice comes over to me. This has never happened before, so I'm going to mix date of smug and shock. But I play it cool, or at least try to. Somehow my clueless shy guy gambit really comes through, and after a few hours we end up in a train back to Alice's house. After a quick train ride, which seemed to take absolutely forever, as Alice made her

future intentions very clear. My big head was fully disengaged. My little head was doing all the thinking right now, so I'm not paying much attention to my surroundings at this point. I'm more interested in the goings on, obviously. The next morning when I'm slightly more alert, I can't help but notice photos of a man around the house. Wedding photos, holiday photos, and one that really stands out is the guy in camouflage

with a somewhat sandy background. I noticed the big gun on his chest rig and this isn't a holiday photo. Oh no, Alice, who the hell is this? That's John, he's not around these days. I try to press a little more and Alice clearly doesn't want to talk about it. She keeps insisting that he's not around. Okay, either separated or dead. Alice doesn't want to talk about it, and I'm not going to press the issue. No wedding ringer or anything, so I guess I'm okay here. We keep seeing each other for four months, and things are effing great! I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

Finally things are going my way. Until Alice drops the bombshell. John is coming back soon. Wait, what? What do you mean coming back? He's been in Afghanistan with the Royal Marines, but his rotation is nearly done. Panic mode engaged. I've spent the last four months sleeping with the Marines' wife.

Alice tries to ensure me that John is perfectly fine with these arrangements, and isn't going to care that I was planning a future with his life. Quickly out the door, saying my goodbye and don't effing tell him. I'm going back to my single bedroom apartment on my own to hide under the bid for the next 12 to 18 months. I found myself moving out of the area after two months. Fortunately I never saw Alice or John, so my head remains firmly attached to my shoulders. So you can think the husband for a service and think the wife for her cervix.

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