rSlash - r/TIFU by Poking a Tiger in its Balls

Episode Date: April 15, 2022

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Welcome to our slash today. I F'd up where OP accidentally pricks a tiger in its balls. Before I start today's video, I just wanted to do a quick shout out to my second channel where I do on camera content. So check it out by clicking the link in the description. Today I F'd up by darting a tiger in its balls. Background, I'm a veterinarian working with wildlife. This happened about a week ago, but I'm still embarrassed. A week and a half ago, I got called out to a zoo for a tiger that wasn't eating and lethargic. After immobilization, we did a full workup, x-rays, and blood work. Later, the blood work showed a mild infection, so treatment with antibiotics was indicated. Oral treatment wasn't

an option, so we had to dart 5 milliliters of long-acting antibiotics into a big dart. The tiger was unfortunately... The Fort Tiger. The tiger was unfortunately 15 to 20 meters away in its enclosures, so it was a bit of a tricky shot. To make matters worse, there were two students and staff around looking over my shoulders. Position, aim, shoot, and whoops, I hit him in the balls instead of in the upper thigh

area. The tiger was not amused and had scrotal swelling, but the treatment worked. Luckily he's doing better now. However, this is now a running joke at the university where I teach. Any meanie, minigall, shoot a tiger in the balls. If he hollers, let him fall. Any meanie, minigall.

We've all heard of blue balls. This tiger has black and blue balls. Today I effed up and almost killed my girlfriend by accidentally crawling at her like a demon up our staircase on all force. It's about 3am here in Norway at the moment, and I just effed up a bit. We're borrowing my girlfriend's father's house for the weekend while he and his partner are away. It's me, my girl, and our one-year-old son.

The kid was put down to sleep around 8 pm, and my girlfriend went to bed around 11 pm. About 2 hours ago, around 1 am, I went to draw a bath in the tub. I love taking baths at night, and we don't have a tub at home now, so when I get the chance, I go for it. The bathroom is on the second floor of the house alongside three bedrooms, with one of them occupied by the kid and the other by her and me. Once I tidied up, all that remained was to ascend the staircase and lower my pale carcass into the perfectly-temperated bathwater and calm my nerves and soothe my balls.

The thing is, this house has a really creepy staircase, like comically so. It sounds like you're vitally disintegrating it beneath your feet as you climb it. The noise is insane. These noises will wake up everybody in the house if you don't go about it expertly. And even then, you're still making enough noise to get a contract on your head from the neighbors. My girl is a light sleeper, has trouble sleeping, and really values the sleep that she gets. My son is a slightly heavier sleeper, but he's nowhere near my comato sleep.

And this creaking would shatter any hope of me entering the bath this side of an hour. And did I mention how freaking steep this thing is? It's more akin to a climbing wall. How three kids grew up in this house without casualties amazes me because this thing is, it's more akin to a climbing wall. How three kids grew up in this house without casualties amazes me, because this thing is deadly if you don't watch your step. Add to that the challenge of avoiding creaking, and you've got a proper quest on your hands.

So what do I do? Naturally, I use my superior genes, gender, and brain power to concoct an appropriate solution suitable to my ambitions. I figured I'd walk on all fours, you know, to distribute my weight as I went up the stairs to creak less. The idea made sense at the time, and to be honest, it worked. The creaking was much, much quieter, but still, it wasn't low enough to not wake up my girlfriend. As I turned off the last light downstairs to make my ascent, she came out to the hallway. She wasn't wearing her contact lenses, so it took a moment for her to notice me since I also instinctively froze for that little same moment

when she opened the bedroom door. So at that very moment, as I freeze, she looks at me. And all she could see was my pale, tired night time face, frozen in an undoubtedly unfortunate grimace, with a bigger, even paler body climbing up at her like an albino spider from the pitch black darkness of downstairs, on all fours at 1am. She screamed so loud that it shook my eyeballs, and she howled as she fell to the floor and shrieked in a very real Deathly fear our son woke up joining his mother in the absolute mayhem that was my relaxing bath time I nearly fell down the stairs, but I managed to rush up and call my girlfriend But she was terrified and furious at me

Thankfully, she was able to laugh at it once we calmed down our son, and her heart rate slowed down to triple digits. She, ever the drama queen, feels that this was not appropriate behavior at 1am at night. She also thought that I looked like an American version of the grudge girl, but creepier. Threats were leveled against me, and my most dearest body parts if I ever did that again. I did get my bath though. Down in the comments, we had this post from the Frosty Scene Kit. This reminds me of the time that I unintentionally scared the bejesus out of my boyfriend. As one does, he likes to fall asleep listening to people read no

sleep, slash creepy pasta stories on YouTube. So relaxing and calming, I know. Well he was doing this one night, and I wanted to stay up later, so I was on the couch in the living room where I eventually fell asleep. Well I woke up groggy as hell a couple of hours later at around 3 a.m. in pitch darkness. I am terrified of the dark. I walk past our bedroom door to the bathroom, stopping at the slightly-ajar door to peek in and see my sleeping boyfriend in bed. Great, I'll just use the bathroom real quick

and then come jump in bed. But me being scared of the dark, when I turn off the bathroom light, I book it into the bedroom, kind of like when you turn off the lights downstairs and bolt up the stairs so the demons don't get you. So, I book it to the bed, and just as I'm about to make contact, my boyfriend sits straight up in bed and starts screaming trying to fight me off.

So now I'm flipping out because I think some kind of shower demon has followed me out of my witching hour bathroom break and is trying to kill both of us. So we're both freaking the F out trying to fight each other until we both realize that it's just us. He then explains to me that he had dozed off listening to scary stories, and he had woken up to me, a shadow figure peeking into his door. And then the next thing he knew, someone, or something, was running at him at full f-ing speed in the dark. I couldn't even be mad because I would have pissed myself low. Today I effed up by warning a nurse that she might be a little woozy. I'm a doctor in a hospital. One of the procedures we do is called a bone marrow biopsy.

It's a procedure where we go inside the bone where the factory of all blood cells is and get a sample. It's done in the patient's room at the bedside. There's no need for an operating room or anything. We usually use a special needle to get into the hip bone from behind as the patient is lying flat on their face. It sounds scary, but it's a fairly minor procedure. It takes like 20 to 30 minutes. Today, I had to do this for one of my patients, and usually I require some assistance. As in, someone to hand me things when I'm sterile and to take things from me. Anyone can do it, and usually I have an eager medical student and I explain what I'm doing so they can learn.

Today I didn't have a student, so I asked for help from one of the nurses and they gave me one of the travelers who are there to help. While I'm prepping the field and getting ready, I said how thankful I was for her to come and help. I'd never seen her before, and I know the floor nurse is fairly well at this point. That's when she told me that she's a traveling nurse. I asked if she's a he-me-slash-onk nurse, and she said no. I asked if she'd ever seen a bone marrow biopsy before, and she said no.

I then asked if she had had lunch before and she said no. So I decided that it was a good idea to warn her. I said something like, just a heads up, a lot of people seeing this for the first time get woozy, so if you start feeling it, let me know. And it's true. I've had nurses, medical students, and aides all get woozy before. There's just something about the needle pushing through the bone that gets to people. There's also a scratching noise that you can audibly hear as the needle rubs against the surface of the bone. People can feel it in their core.

It's also a very forceful procedure. Bones are hard and I have to apply a great deal of force to make my way in there. And also, the fact that when we pull out the marrow, we are technically pulling fluid out of a vacuum, and that can sometimes be painful to the patient and viewers. Boy oh boy, the nurse did not like that. She rolled her eyes and huffed and puffed at me and said, don't you worry about that, honey? With the full weight of the condensation that honey can carry.

I've been a nurse for 15 years, and I've been a trauma and emergency room nurse for most of it. I've seen medical spikes and machetes pulled out of all sorts of holes on patient's bodies. I think I'll be all right. She was intentionally rude and antagonistic. I stopped for a second to look at her, trying to decide how to respond.

But, after a split second, I decided that it wasn't worth it. Normally, I'm not a confrontational person, and I've been around long enough to know when it's not worth it to engage. So I just said, okay, I genuinely didn't really care. I just wanted to finish my procedure in piece and move on to my next patient during my very busy day. Well, what do you know? Minutes into the procedure, I get my needle into the bone marrow space and I'm starting to pull out the liquid marrow. This is the painful part. The patient grunted and I apologized.

There's not much that I can do about that part. All of a sudden, I hear a thud. I turned around to find that traveling nurse on the ground out cold. I call her name. Nothing. This was obviously a problem. I had to leave my sterile field, interrupt the procedure and get help. The other nurse is called a rapid response, which is an overhead page that we typically call when a patient is looking ill suddenly and we need extra hands. The nurse ended up in the emergency department, and thankfully she's alright. And then OP post an edit. A lot of people are saying that this isn't my screw up. My point is that I screwed up by letting her assist me when she's never seen this before.

I also screwed up with my warning, only in that I got a lot of attitude back and it didn't actually help. There's also the technicality that as the doctor, anything that happens on my watch during my procedure is my fault. There's a lot of responsibility that comes along with doing this, so I see it as my fault. Today I learned that I really, really don't ever want to have to get a bone marrow biopsy. I don't know what it sounds like to hear a needle scrape across my own bones, but I sincerely hope that I never have to find out. Today I f'd up by not knowing what a fluffer was. And I would imagine that most people listening to this story do know what a fluffer is. And I would imagine that most people listening to this story do

know what a fluffer is, but just in case you don't to understand this story. A fluffer is a woman on set on like a porn shoot where they will perform services on the male talent so that when it's time for his scene, he is fully ready to go, so to speak. Okay, so flashback to 2011. American Horror Story season one had its premiere, and I was hooked. This was the season with the Haunted Murder House, where the new owners always ended up dying in horrible ways. Well, Zachary Quinto portrayed a gay character named Chad Warwick,

who I believe was hired by the owners as an interior decorator. In the episode, while spiffing up the house, Quinto's character makes a snide comment about being a good fluffer. I figured it was a fancy way of saying decorators since that's what he did, so I slapped it into my lexicon and continued watching the show. For the next 12 years, I used the word fluffer as a substitute for interior decorator any chance I could. I told friends they needed a fluffer. I said to my girlfriend that we could use a fluffer. I said to my girlfriend that we could use a fluffer when we bought our house. Hell, I even told a lady friend that she would be a good fluffer since she had an eye for setting up furniture and knick-knacks. I figured that I was

flexing my knowledge of the English language, but instead I was doing quite the opposite. Nobody ever said a thing about it. Nobody corrected me. The next part could have been avoided if anyone had. I was hanging out with my mom and she had just moved into her new home. I have always been on the artsy side, so she was asking for my advice on her vision for the house. I gave her as much direction as I could, but I also insisted that she find a professional fluffer so she gets it right the first time. She looked at me confused, we're playing with, excuse me, I figured she didn't hear me so I repeated myself. You should hire a professional fluffer. I'm good, but I'm not that good. I think I saw her soul leave her body before she corrected me, telling me that Fluffer was

a term given to the person on set for a pornographic film tasked with keeping the male talent hard. I couldn't believe it, so I said, yeah sure, maybe in the 70s. She told me to look it up, so I said, yeah sure, maybe in the 70s, she told me to look it up so I did. A fluffer is not an interior decorator, so f.u. Zachary Quinto, too long didn't read. I told my mom that she needed a fluffer. Hopi you should be like, wow mom, I really like the brick walls in this house. It has me bricked up. Today I f'd up by talking my wife into getting 23 in me. My current wife and I were both previously married and both had three kids each.

We went to high school together in a small town. Both of our families are well known in the area with deep roots. That is, both of our families have been here for a long time. Last year, I got my wife an ancestry DNA kid as a gift because she wanted to know more about her European roots and her sister decided to do the same. When their results were posted, it started making family connections,

which included my mother, my oldest son, and my uncle. My wife's mom comes in the room, so they ask her how we could be related. Her mom starts crying and says that when she was very young, she overheard someone saying that Tom wasn't her father, but that Jimmy was. My wife's mom, being from an older generation, says that she just put it out of her mind and convinced herself that it was just rumor. I call my mom, and I ask if she's ever heard a rumor that her father could be my wife's mother's father as well.

She gets quiet for a moment. And then says, yes, I have. She said that her mom believed that to be true as well, and that her dad, my grandfather, was a well-known cheater slash womanizer. We look further into the information on 23 and me, and it literally says that my wife and my oldest son share a great-grandparent. More of us are now getting tested on the same platform, but it appears that a World War II era secret has now come to light. Too long didn't read. My wife gets a DNA test, discovers a decades-old secret, and it turns out that I married my first cousin.

Man OP, both of your moms, your mom and your mother-in-law, both knew that there was a possibility that YouTube would be committing incestuous marriage, but neither one of them thought to say anything. I mean, yeah, this is like pretty distantly related. So it's not a super big deal, but I feel like this is something that's worth like, at least mentioning, hey, by the way, that might be your cousin, FYI, just so you know. That was our slash today, I effed up.

And if you liked this content, check out my second channel by clicking the link in the description. Also, be sure to follow this podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Also, be sure to follow this podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.