rSlash - r/TIFU I Accidentally Hatched 1,000s of Black Widow Spiders In My Bedroom! 🕷️

Episode Date: October 27, 2020

r/Tifu OP's daughter asked to capture a black widow egg sac so she could watch it hatch. OP agrees, and seals the egg sac in an airtight container. At least... she THOUGHT it was an airtight container. Turns out the container had a little hole in it big enough for black widow baby spiders to escape into OP's bedroom. Oops! Let's hope OP is still alive after that huge TIFU! If you like this episode, follow for more daily Reddit content! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup salad and garlic home Welcome to our slash a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit today So bread it is our slash today. I F. Dup where OP helps a naked lady escape from the police Today I F. Dup by giving my dog his allergy pills for 3 years in peanut butter. I have a 5 year old dog, I've had it since he was 3 months old. I love him to death, he's an amazingly playful dog, a jack Russell. A few years ago he started developing really itchy rids again on his toes, and the poor pup would constantly lick his toes to the point that he was making them almost hairless. I took him to the vet, they said it was allergies and prescribed a medication at 60 bucks a month.

We've been buying this medication for him ever since, occasionally skipping a few weeks and using a mini-dose of Benadryl until he purchased more allergy pills. The pills helped in that he wasn't constantly licking his toes all the time, but he would still lick them, so it wasn't a surefire solution. Let's say 80% care. Now onto the screw up. We tried giving him the pills with nothing and he just puts them in his mouth and spits them out. So we started putting them in a little bit of peanut butter which he looks off a spoon.

A few weeks ago we ran out of peanut butter so we used yellow instead. It worked just as well because he swallowed it right up. Over the next few days we did the same thing, and he wasn't looking at toes at all. Lightbulb. We took our dog to the vet to get an allergy test, which we should have done from the start. Test result. My dog is allergic to peanut butter. We have been giving him his allergy pills dipped in the substance that he's allergic to.

He's a happy dog now, with no more itchy toes. The funny and tragic thing about this story is that the peanut butter probably also irritated his mouth, it's just that OP never realized it. The dog certainly would have though. So every time the peanut butter came out, the dog must have thought to himself, well, this is gonna hurt, but it just tastes so damn good! Back in college, I actually had a friend who was extremely allergic to peanuts. And one time on his birthday, he got a package from his mom so we go together to pick it

up and his mom sent him peanut butter cookies. And I was like, what on earth, man? Is your mom just messing with you? Doesn't she know that you're allergic to peanut butter? And he was like, yeah, she knows, but her peanut butter cookies are so good. Sometimes the pain is worth it. Today I effed out by misunderstanding a text from my wife, thanking my kid at thrown up and missing out on passionate hugging.

The other night my wife and I were getting ready for bid and being kind to flirty. I had to use the restroom so I stayed downstairs while she went up to bid. While I was sitting on the toilet, I got a text, bring a bucket and a mop. Oh man, one of my kids must have thrown up. I finished my toilet business and went down to the basement to check on the cleaning supplies. I found a bucket, but couldn't find a mop. I found one of those squeezy sponge things, but the sponge was missing. Figuring the vomit was probably congealing by this point, I just cr- lololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol carried the cleaning supplies down to my kids room but found no vomit. I went to our bedroom and found my wife laying on the bed. She asked what had taken me so long and I said I couldn't find a mop. And where was the mess? She started rolling around on the bed laughing. Suddenly

I realized bring a bucket and a mop was aligned from Wop. My wife had been in the mood and I spent 15 minutes looking for a mop in the basements. She was lapping so much that the mood was basically dead. Down in the comments just to me says, Now I'm wondering what you would have done if she had texted, there's some whores in this house instead. Today I f'd up by saving a topless woman from drowning. My wife kids in-laws and I had just returned from a pontoon cruise for the evening. It was later than usual, so I sent the wife up in the golf cart with the kids and inlaws to get some dinner while I covered the boat.

About halfway through covering up the boat, I noticed someone halfway across the cove and the water all on their own, and she appeared to maybe be in distress. She wasn't making progress swimming one way or the other and was occasionally going underwater. There were people on the opposite shoreline yelling at her, but I couldn't tell what they were saying. I yell asking if she needs help and she says yes. I call my wife and tell her to come down on the cart. Someone's in the water and needs help.

I'm going in. I might need help getting the person out. I put on a life jacket and grabbed the throw cushion from the boat. I swim out to the person and pass off the throw cushion. She appears out of breath. The first thing she says to me is, I'm topless, I respond with, um, okay, but are you okay? I also immediately think to myself, my friends are never gonna believe this, and what is my wife going to think with a topless woman swimming to shore with me? She then says that she's running from her boyfriend who's messed up. She also asked if it was shallow enough to touch the ground yet, but it wasn't. I help her

to the dock where my wife meets us. She tells my wife, I'm sorry, but I don't have a shirt on. Again, my wife just asks if she's okay and she tells us the boyfriend story again. Sure enough, as she gets out of the water, she's topless, but she's carrying a white t-shirt that she quickly throws on. She then immediately begins running to shore. At the same time, we notice a pontoon cruising towards our dog yelling at us. At first, I think this must be her boyfriend chasing her and we're in the middle of some domestic dispute.

They quickly get closer, and I realize it's too sharp deputies who flagged a pontoon down to carry them across the lake. As they were jumping onto the dog, we notice the girl had just jumped into our golf cart and was riding away with it. Apparently she was allegedly involved in a string of burglaries, and the boyfriend she was running away from was the cops. I had unknowingly aided her swim across the lake to escape, and she used our golf cart as a getaway. The cops chased her for a while through the night, tracking her down once more, but she escaped again.

We looked all day for the golf card today, with no luck. I notified insurance of the theft around lunch. About an hour ago, someone notified us through social media that it was parked behind a house in a neighborhood over. So we recovered the card and it seems okay. The cops put more warrants out for the suspect and are still looking for. I feel like this had to have happened in Florida, right? This is like the most Florida story I've ever heard in my life.

Today I effed up by realizing a girl had the most obvious lesbian crush on me 5 years too late. I'm currently a 22 year old female and I used to be acquainted with another girl my age. We were both about 17 at the time. It was a typical friend of a friend situation. I'm bisexual and thought she was really cute, but never once thought that she could possibly be into girls as well, least of all me. My self-esteem was extremely low around that age, and I did all kinds of mental gymnastics to explain away all of her flirting. I once saw her at the grocery store and she became

really shy and didn't approach me. She was very shy in general, but later that day she sent me a message saying something like, I saw you at the grocery store today, you look cute. But the absolute boldest move that I completely ignored was Valentine's Day when we hung out as a group with our friends and she walked over to me and gifted me a hint so broad. I can't explain how the rapper didn't burst. She had made me handmade heart-shaped chocolates and put them in a small transparent gift bag. There was only one other thing in the gift bag, the only thing in the universe that could be

gager than heart-shaped chocolates from one gal to another. A little paper card was some kind words on it and printed on the other side was a picture, a megapanel from the look of it, of two girls holding hands. And my only thought was, wow, what a nice girl! I have to be really careful not to develop a huge crush on her, since she couldn't possibly be into me. She probably felt bad for me on Valentine's Day because I'm so single and unfortunate looking. Those straight girls can really lead you on without meaning to. Today I looked back on this situation with horrified realization as Facebook told me that she got married recently.

To a woman. My heart goes out to your OP because you have now experienced what pretty much every other guy on planet Earth experiences on a regular basis. Most guys get complimented by women so infrequently that when one actually happens, we don't know what to do with it. Fandule Casinos' exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last pair of shoes?

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Me and my girlfriend were out on a walk yesterday enjoying the finish autumn. We decided to go to a local bakery before heading home. The bakery sells great hot chocolates and other treats. We got it in order to hot chocolates. My girlfriend is lactose intolerant, so having milk makes her feel sick. But she's able to enjoy it with no problems if she has lactase enzyme capsules before eating anything with milk in it. The bakery was empty apart from us and an older lady sitting a few tables from us. As we were waiting for our order, my girlfriend had to use the restroom so she'd left for a while. Our drinks arrived in the meantime.

My girlfriend uses lactase enzyme capsules that can be opened and sprinkled on top of the food and drink before eating it or consumed as is. My girlfriend finds it opening them and adding them straight to the food works best for her. I was carrying her stuff in my pockets, so I decided to mix her pills in her drink before she came back so we could take it's time to dissolve properly. I opened the pill, poured the stuff inside her hot chocolate, mixed it in, and didn't think much of it. The old lady left and I was sitting there alone now. My girlfriend was taking a while, and I started wondering if everything was fine. A while later, my girlfriend, looking like she was holding in laughter, came back to the table with the old lady. The lady looked at me with a stern panic look on her face and asked me what I put my girlfriend's

drink. I was confused, and it took me a while to process the question. Then I realized how suspicious I must have looked. A guy out with a girl, taking a pill from his pocket and mixing the contents of it in her drink while she was in the bathroom. And that's exactly what the lady's sitting a few tables away from a saw. I'm an anxious guy, so I panicked and frantically started explaining everything to the lady showing the package for the pills and everything. My girlfriend confirmed what I was saying, but the lady was still having a hard time believing it. She had called the cops and we had waited

for them to show up and explain the situation to them. I felt extremely awkward and embarrassed. The old lady was in a bit of a shock, but eventually she believed everything was okay and left. In the end, we were able to laugh about the situation. I'm really glad that that lady actually took action, and I did think her for trying to help the situation like that. It's good to know that people look out for each other. Today I effed up by hatching a nest of hundreds of baby black widow spiders in my bedroom. A couple of weeks ago, my five-year-old daughter found a black widow mom in her egg sack. She wanted to look at it, so I very carefully scooped it up into a jar, twisted on the top, and went around it with duct tape for a good measure.

My daughter begged to let them hatch so she could watch them, and this seemed to be decent science homeschooling. After which point, I planned to put them in the freezer for a somewhat humane death. What's the harm, I thought? They're sealed up well. Well, guess what, they weren't. The jar I used was plastic, and something that toys had come in. There were small holes in the bottom and sides, barely visible, smaller than a hole punch, but plenty big for a baby black widow. So today we're going about our lives when my daughter notices a tiny spider. I kill it. Then there's another, and another.

I start to think, oh no. I grabbed the jar to find the egg sack, has indeed hatched with hundreds of tiny little venom weapons. But I see with relief the duct tape is still there, there's no way they could have gotten out, until I look at my hand. In the moment that I was holding the jar, one crawled onto my hand, at which point I noticed the holes. I screamed, said some words that definitely shouldn't be said in front of a five-year-old,

and wanted to fling away the jar, but managed to hold onto it in fear that tossing it would further distribute its murderous contents. Now my child is playing outside while I furiously vacuum, clean, and wash every surface. God have mercy. Opie, if that happened to me, there is no coming back. I think I just have to sell the house. Today I effed up by giving my mom my old AirPods. I went AirPods in a raffle a couple of months ago and decided to give them a try last night. Overall I wasn't a fan of them and preferred to use my wired earphones. I asked my mom if she wanted them and she gladly accepted. I worked nights and got home around 6.30 am this morning.

I get to my room and decide to relieve some stress before I fall asleep. I turn on a video and get to work. Halfway through the sound stop, so I try turning up the volume. Oh no! Halfway through the sound stop, so I try turning up the volume with no success. As I'm trying to figure out why the sound stopped, I see the tiny earphone symbol in the corner of my screen. I quickly realized that my mom... I quickly realized that my mom is getting ready for a morning walk and put the AirPods in her ears and heard my video on full blast.

Later that day she gave me back the AirPods and said she didn't like them either. O.P. I hope and pray that it wasn't one of those stepmom videos. Today I f'd up by telling my girlfriend's family that we needed the living room for passion at hugging. My girlfriend who's now my wife and I was spending time with her family at her grandma's house. Her grandma had an Nintendo Wii at the time, and my girlfriend's brother would have been five years old. As you can expect, he always wanted to play the Wii, and any mention of it would guarantee his excitement and begging for inclusion.

It was nearly the little guy's bedtime, and I whispered to my girlfriend, You want to play the Wii when your brother goes to bed? She said yes, and we were excited for him to go to bed. Since the Wii was located in the family living room, I decided I would sneakily let the family know that we were reserving the TV for an epic match of Wii Tennis. I approached my girlfriend's mom, uncle and grandma, and said, if you guys don't mind, we'd like to use a living room once a little guy goes to bed. Silence. You know, for a three-letter word? Her family made bases that I will never forget, as they thought of a different three letter word that I wanted to protect in with her beloved daughter slash grand daughter slash

niece in the living room. I realized my mistake after a good 10 seconds of funny faces being thrown my way and I fumbled over my explanation of, oh dear god, I meant we want to play the Wii. I imagine after that that the family of OP's girlfriend was immediately relieved, and then OP and his girlfriend coming to the living room and OP pulls this pants down. And with her family's like, what are you doing? He says, what? I said you wanted to play with my Wii. That was our slash today I f'd up, and if you like this podcast, then check out my Patreon where I publish episodes that were banned from YouTube.

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