rSlash - r/Topposts I Poo'd in the Thanksgiving Turkey

Episode Date: December 28, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:09 Turkey poo 1:13 Two body parts 4:36 Comment 4:56 Change of heart 7:24 Core memory 10:27 Clumsy 14:40 Exhibitionist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by HelloFresh. Be honest, between meetings, workout classes, and the kids' clubs, who's got time to cook? That's where HelloFresh comes in. No matter how busy you get, HelloFresh makes it easy to get a home-cooked meal on the table. With flavor-packed recipes like crispy chicken parmigiana, you'll be filling your kitchen with the cozy aromas of a homemade meal in no time. Visit HelloFresh.ca and use code Spotify for your exclusive offer. Welcome to r slash top posts where OP decides to poop in the Thanksgiving turkey. Our next

Reddit post is from r slash true off my chest. I'm going to poop in the turkey tomorrow. My husband sprung on me last week that we would host his family for Thanksgiving. I've pleaded with him for an entire year to go low contact with them, but he's ignored me. His brother gets drunk and causes a scene at almost every event. Last year, he keyed every car in the driveway on his way out the door. My mother-in-law belittles me in front of everyone and they laugh. I've had it. The idea came to me this morning and all my anger and rage disappeared. I'm gonna put a small amount of poo inside the turkey tomorrow before it cooks. I don't want it to be large enough for people to

taste it or get sick. Just enough to lightly waft through the oven like a bay leaf. That is all. I don't know how I feel about this one you guys. I just got confirmation from my doctor that my self diagnosis was indeed correct. And I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now.

I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital right now. I'm in the hospital rightvan. I'm a 21 year old woman and I just got confirmation from my doctor that my self-diagnosis was indeed correct and I'm in the 0.3% of the female population in the world to be born with a completely double uterus, double cervix and double vagina. I'm going to stress this as much as I can. This condition is so rare that it's not taught in the medical field. My doctors all had to google if it was an actual condition or not. Uterus didelphus is the medical

term, and honestly, a once in a lifetime sight for a medical professional, and it's now my life. I'm more than positive there will be a case study done on me, which I'm fine with doing as women's health needs to be studied better. So how I found out is that my boyfriend and I were doing the deed, and something didn't feel right and I had to stop, run to the bathroom, and throw up. I cleaned myself up and tried to continue with him using his hands on me. It wasn't going well, so we just quit and cuddled instead. This is when my boyfriend sprang a theory on me.

He said, So I think you have two different holes down there. Sometimes when we're doing the deed, it feels like I hit a wall if I go at the wrong angle. I didn't think too much about it until I was using my fingers and then I really paid attention and yeah, there's a second hole. There was no more convincing me after that. My whole life finally made sense. First, I've never been able to use a tampon. I would put one in, but I would still bleed through

without fail and the tampon would have no blood on it. That's because of the second hole. I've also had to stop during the deed many times with many different partners due to them hitting the wall that separates my two lady parts. I then did some more self-investigating and he was right, there's two tunnels when there's only supposed to be one. So as for the medical implications, miscarriage for me is a 75 to 80% risk, which is much higher than a regular uterus due to the implantation not being viable if implanted on the wall separating my uterus in two halves. Carrying a baby to full term is not possible due to having a half uterus. Delivery would require a c-section.

No choice in the matter. Getting pregnant would be so hard because each half ovulates at different times. And lastly, I do have the ability, in theory, to be pregnant with two separate babies with different due dates and even different dads at the same time. However, learning this info is not something that's affecting me. As a teen, I always loved the thought of being a mom, but I've never even imagined myself pregnant. Uterus didelphus is a very rare condition that just happened to happen to me in utero. I was born with it and it's gone undiscovered till now.

I'm still very stunned with this news as I don't know if there's any proper way to react other than tell as many people as I can because my boyfriend very endearingly calls me his shiny Pokemon because in his words he caught a rare one. I love that nerd so much Haha, you know I have heard of this condition before but what's odd is I've never heard of anyone being born with two dicks or like Four testicles or actually two completely separate ball sacks Oh down in the comments Ghibli girl points out this awful possibility. I have a friend with the same condition. She recently discovered it in her 40s when her periods became continuous and never ending. They discovered that her two uteruses were no longer in sync and they were having periods

at separate times, resulting in her having one continuous period. Our next reddit post is from ProfessionalPie. I'm a 37 year old guy and this girl, Kiki, is 42. I asked Kiki out 16 years ago and she turned me down saying she didn't want to ruin a friendship. We'd only met 3 weeks before that. Well, I accepted her answer and moved on with my dating life. I met a woman, had a family, bought multiple homes and built my life. I remained friends with Kiki over the years though and never thought of her as anything more than platonic. Well, I ended up going through a divorce a few years back and I've had bad

relationships since then. Now, Kiki has decided that she wants to date me. She's had another kid whose father passed away. She's a grandmother. She's been in and out of multiple toxic relationships and honestly, she's a bit bitter from it. Part of me wants to go for it because I know that we've always gotten along and we know everything about each other. Part of me is questioning what makes me worthy now when I wasn't all those years ago. Why is she willing to risk a long established friendship now? Maybe I'm just paranoid. I'm just worried that she wants me because I've established a stable, debt-free life

and she's never had that. She watched me let my ex be a stay-at-home mom while I worked 16 hours a day, 7 days a week for 7 years to take care of her 6 kids, 2 of which were mine biologically and 4 were hers that I adopted. I think that Kiki wants that too. So am I being paranoid or am I thinking rationally? She's a beautiful person both physically and inside. She has a big heart, is open minded and not judgemental.

She worked hard before having an accident and she always put her kids first. She's the only person who's never told me to grow up. She understands that I grew up very, very poor and now I'm getting my toys as an adult. Then OP posted an update. Her daughter just video called me and showed me a video of Kiki making out with Kiki's ex in the driveway. While I was on my way to pick her up for dinner to discuss things. Then Kiki and her ex left together and didn't get back until two hours after I was supposed to pick her up. Kiki admitted to hooking up with her ex. So I guess I have my answer.

Uh... Yep. up with her ex. So I guess I have my answer. Uh, yep. Um, I mean, I hate to call her a gold digger, but that's what the evidence is pointing to here. Our next Reddit post is from Own Refrigerator. When I was a senior in high school, I was a very quiet and introverted student. I didn't go to a fancy school. Far from it. I was raised in the poverty part of the city and the kids in my school lived in a fast-paced environment. They were definitely not people your kid should hang out with or learn from.

All they talked about was sex and drugs, but as curious as I was, I never indulged. However, I'm not sure what came over me, but suddenly I started to gain a huge crush on the worst kid in school, Mike. I probably saw him two times a week as he always skipped. To this day, I still don't understand what it was about him that I took interest in. I will say that the other students always picked on me for not having developed big breasts or a nice butt. I basically looked like a plank. But Mike continued to be nice to me. One day, during gym, I gained the courage to tell Mike that I liked him.

Do you know what he did? He burst out laughing and went straight to his friends and said that I really thought that he was attracted to me. That there's no way or chance he would ever consider liking me. News of this incident spread through the school like a fire. People mocked me for weeks and I completely shut down. Months later, I don't know the moment that created my next move, but I do know that all of a sudden I had an idea.

I was able to get Mike's phone number and at midnight I texted him. Hey Mike, I know this is weird, but my sister had her MySpace open and I saw you. She didn't want to tell me who you were, but I figured it out. Hope you don't mind that I got your number from there too." And that's how I created my fake older sister, Alice. Alice and Mike hit it off. They texted every day for months. It got so intense that Mike started to handwrite letters for me to give to my older sister. I had to go home, read these letters, and reply to him by changing my handwriting. I even went as far as finding a random girl online, taking her pictures and sending those to Mike. Mike was in love with Alice. He begged to see her,

but he was under the impression that Alice was in college. But the craziest part was that we were a month away from ending the school year and also a month away from moving cities, which I'd known about the entire time. The day before we moved out, which was also the last day of school, I gave him Alice's last letter. It read, Mike, I can't believe that I was able to meet you and have you in my life. You've loved me more than anyone his friends everywhere that I could. I heard that he was a hot mess afterwards. This will forever be a great memory of mine. Maybe I am a butthole, but I sure enjoyed it.

Our next reddit post is from r slash relationship advice. I'm a 30 year old man and my wife is 25 and her complete incompetence is ruining our relationship. How can I get through to her? We've been together six years, married for five, and I love her dearly. I just want to preface with that. However, over the last year, I just feel like she's turned into a complete moron, for lack of a better word. I don't even know where to begin to articulate, so I'm just going to make a list of the things that have started happening only in the last year or so. She's extremely, almost comical levels of clumsy. I'll be sitting in my office with 10 feet of space behind my chair

for her to walk past. And she'll slam into my chair, knock me into my desk, spilling my drinks and knocking my things over. And then swear loudly because she hurt herself or stubbed her toe. She'll swear and cry in pain and she gets hurt pretty bad. She's broken three toes and cut open her feet multiple times. The thing is, she runs and skips around everywhere. It's like she doesn't know how to walk. When we're laying in bed and she wants to get up, she'll vault herself over me. Often, this ends up with me getting kicked or kneed in the stomach and balls, and her tripping and landing face first on the floor. This is a multiple time a day thing.

She has no sense of awareness and will apologize profusely but gets really hurt when I get angry about it. I keep telling her to slow down, but it's like she can't. At night, she'll grab a glass of water without looking, swing it up to her lips, and spill it all over both of us. We'll change the bidding, and then she'll immediately do it again because she's absorbed in her phone and doesn't see her surroundings. She has a ton of random junk all over her shelves, basically shoved in and perched precariously anywhere she can put it. The slightest movement of anything will knock over everything, and then she has to spend an

hour being upset and moody while she's forced to tidy it up. She'll just bowl through people in public. It's embarrassing. On Thursday, she shoved two people aside without even realizing it because she was absorbed in a story she was telling. She just walked through them. I usually end up taking the heat for it and she doesn't understand why people are angry because she didn't realize she hit them. I gave her my old gaming laptop as an upgrade from the one that she was using. She used to just put down the laptop on the carpet under the bed when she was done using it, and I told her not to do that because this one gets really hot. Surprise surprise!

Within two weeks it overheats twice, and then she steps on it and breaks the keyboard. She cried for hours about it, and then she steps on it and breaks the keyboard. She cried for hours about it and then she said that she was sorry. I asked her why she doesn't just listen to me and she said, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. The reason I bring this all up is that she burnt two pizzas last night which was kind of the tipping point for me to make this post. I get these big frozen pizzas from Costco that I love, and they are not cheap. She put one in the oven last night without telling me. The fire alarm went off and the kitchen was full of smoke because she was out for a walk. I aired out the kitchen, cleaned

out the oven, and threw out the pizza. She got home, apologized, cried, and we made up and cuddled and I just told her to be more careful. She went upstairs and came back down a while later and fell asleep while reading a book. The fire alarm goes off again. She jumps out of bed as I'm getting up and knocks me flat on my face as I was also in the process of standing up. She sprints up the stairs and there's black smoke billowing down the stairs. She said that she was trying to make a pizza to make it up to me, but again, didn't tell me she was doing that. So that's 35 bucks in pizzas ruined and our whole house smells like smoke 24 hours later. You know, reading this, it first came off as like, oh, she's clumsy and kind of dumb. But the more I read it, the more I think,

is there some kind of like psychological or physiological problem here? Like a tumor in her brain that's causing this because this is unnatural levels of clumsiness and forgetfulness. Down in the comments, basically everyone is like, OP, your wife needs medical attention. What are you doing? So, I guess OP expected everyone to be on his side when in reality, he's getting dragged in the comments.

Our next reddit post is from FlakeTrub. I'm 24 and I live with my family in a quiet suburban neighborhood. My bedroom faces the street and I've always been someone who loves natural light. Instead of heavy curtains, I've used plants, furniture and decorations to create what I thought was a private space. Our house is set back from the road and I genuinely believe that no one could see into my room. Fast forward to a few days ago. I was out for a walk when my neighbor, Vicky, flagged me down. I thought she just wanted to chat,

but the moment I approached her she gave me this intense look, like she was summing me up and began screaming at me, you're the reason my marriage is falling apart. Neighbors came out to watch silently as Vicky went on. I froze, completely taken aback. I asked her what she meant and she immediately started accusing me of being a shameless exhibitionist. She claimed I'd been walking around naked in my bedroom and that her husband, and apparently a few other men in the neighborhood had been watching me and, well, pleasuring themselves.

I cannot describe the wave of humiliation I felt in that moment. Sincerely, I had always thought that no one could see me because I couldn't see them. I told her this, that it was unintentional, but she wouldn't hear it. She kept saying I'd been inviting this attention and blamed me for ruining her marriage. After venting her anger, she walked away, leaving me stunned, embarrassed, and honestly heartbroken for her. When I got home, I shut all my blinds and ordered blackout curtains. I haven't opened my window since. And now, I feel like I can't even breathe in my own

space. I also can't stop thinking about everything that everyone's seen me do. I've kept my setup the same for the past five years thinking no one could see a thing. I'm spiraling. I hate that my carelessness might have contributed to her heartbreak. At the same time though, I can't help but feel like this isn't entirely my fault. These men made the conscious choice to violate my privacy and act on it in such a disgusting way. Why am I the one being screamed at and labeled as the problem? I feel humiliated, violated and guilty all at once. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, but I also don't know if it's fair to blame me for it.

That was rslash top post from reddit, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.