Sawbones: A Marital Tour of Misguided Medicine - Sawbones: Fertility

Episode Date: November 8, 2013

Welcome to Sawbones, where Dr. Sydnee McElroy and her husband Justin McElroy take you on a whimsical tour of the dumb ways in which we've tried to fix people. This week: We get a bun in that oven. Music: "Medicines" by The Taxpayers (http://thetaxpayers.net)

Saw bones is a show about medical history, and nothing the hosts say should be taken as medical advice or opinion. It's for fun. Can't you just have fun for an hour and not try to diagnose your mystery boil? We think you've earned it. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy a moment of distraction from that weird growth. You're worth it. that weird growth. You're worth it. Alright, Tommy is about to books. One, two, one, two, three, four. We came across a pharmacy with a toy and that's lost it out. We were shot through the broken glass and had ourselves a look around.

Some medicines, some medicines, the escalators, my cop, for the mouth We're gonna welcome to solbos a marital Tumor of misguided medicine. I'm your co-host Justin McElroy. I'm Sydney McElroy. Welcome to a very special holiday episode Solbos probably the most special holiday of the year and of course we're talking about my birthday. It's today That's right. For real today. For real today, right now, as you're here, listen. Right now in this very moment, Justin's age is changing. As we speak, he is transforming from, what are you turning?

Twenty-four now? About twenty-four? Let's go with that. Yeah, about twenty-four now. Definitely. Definitely. 33's go with that. Yeah, about 24 now. Definitely. 33 years old. Oh. Listen to that proud, loud and proud.

Shout it out there. No one's ever been this old ever. Did you know that? Oh, I, but are, I don't know. Even when parents would disagree. Even Jesus got a 33, he was like, oh, enough. I get it. Yep, that's how that story goes.

And that's all we're gonna say about it. But Sidney, here's what I wanna talk about today. When we have a child, Justin, McRoy Jr. Definitely not gonna be that, but for a female, not gonna do that at all. But that's the McRoy Jr. I wanna make sure that he, she, what about Sidney, McRoy Jr. What about that? I can work too, we'll talk about that.

You like that? What? Maybe a new paradigm? Maybe a new pair of shoes for you, if you let me call Justin. That was sexist. You just like shoes. It's not sexist. I know you.

I'm not broadly generalizing your gender. I'm talking about you specifically. Well, you like cereal. Got me. I want to make sure that maybe not only shares my great head of hair, my love of classical hair. I mean, I hope it does wait. What?

I was going to say your hair, but I don't know about this music thing. I want to make sure that it shares my birthday, which means that we're going to have to have a lot of control over conception. I need to make sure it happens exactly when, how, where, and why I need it to. Now, can I just make one point? Shoot. Your birthday's already kind of crowded. It is. My little brother Travis, he shares my birthday. Three is younger than me exactly.

It's already a double, mackerel day. So, I don't know that we need to add a third. It's a good trip. So said the important thing I want to talk about here is fertility because that's key to nailing this exact date. Right, there's always the option if we just want to make sure that we have a child born on the exact same day that both you and your brother Travis were born.

We could just maybe call your dad and. Hey, let's let's never talk about this again. How does that sound? That goes down real smooth for me. Awesome. Fair enough. Awesome. Sydney, how does the world get pregnant?

How does the world get pregnant? How does the world get pregnant? Usually how has the world get pregnant? That's a great question that you asked, Justin. And so grammatically correct is what really, what I really enjoy about it, whether anything. How is the world get pregnant? How is the world get pregnant?

Now I think that's a question. If you start typing in, like how does the on Google, I think how does the world get pregnant probably, probably pops up said normally we do chronologically, but we're not going to do that. This is a little more sort of around the globe type type situation. That's right. I do I do want to start way way back first before we start taking our tour all over the world of how people have gotten pregnant through history. I do want to start back with one of our favorite characters, Serannis. Serannis?

Right, I know. I know you like to say that. Someday, little baby Justin or Sydney, all this of yours. All these puns. All these puns. Our listeners enjoy that one in particular. Copyright will pass it down to the generations. So Serannis of Gynecology fame all these puns. Our listeners enjoy that one in particular. Copyright will pass it down to the generations. So Seranis of Gynecology fame suggested that, so here's some tips that he gave on, okay, let's say that you are a man and you want to produce an offspring, okay?

Okay, I do. So your first task is choosing a lady. Okay. Done. Right. Yes. So let's let's say you haven't yet. Okay. So what you're looking for is somebody from the and this is from straight from Seranis from the ages of 15 to 40. Wait. So I haven't found you yet. Well, I thought our terrifying Halloween episode was last week. Oh. Come on. Well, let's see how well how well I fit. Aw. Come on. Well, let's see how well I fit. Okay, hit me. Okay. From the ages of 15 to 40. Done. Okay.

Not managed. Check. Compact. That one's too tricky. No, I need to not be compact. Okay. So you don't want somebody who's managed, compact, over sturdy,

or too flabby. No, not necessarily. Am I any of those things when you say man-ish, compact, over sturdy or too flabby? No. Now, on the plus side, you do want a woman who's very moist. That's good. That's key, I think. Would you don't even answer that question?

Now, it says here, I hate to read ahead, but it says for the man, he should be long strong and down to get the friction on. Is that? Is that? I didn't cut that in my outline. That's not something that Seranis would suggest. Don't demean the good name of just Seranis with that kind of nonsense. You're better than this. So, okay, so we've got this great woman who's not sturdy, or not a versterity. This mermaid. This mermaid, this quite moist mermaid. And her uterus needs to also be not too dry

or too moist, not too lax or too constricted. So how you find that out on like a blind date, I don't know. Would you say that your uterus is too lax? Right, your uterus. Can I just put a humidifier in there real quick? On a scale from very moist to very dry. On a scale of no moss to lots of moss.

How much moss would grow in your uterine? No, no, let's say you find a woman that fits all of these criteria. She's apparently very forthcoming. And adapted, measuring her inner humidity. And she's also already agreed to have a kid with you. OK, good. So hopefully it's at least been, I don't know, two or three days.

Before you get down, you should eat a snack, which is good advice, I think, for any kind of healthy activity. Have a snack first. Maybe have a good rub down, nice massage, get the muscles good and loose, and then you should be in a really good mood while you're doing it. Okay. I usually get a play. Yes.

This was his medical advice. I just want typically, yes. This was his medical advice. I just want to tell you, this was his medical advice. For fertility. For fertility. If you want to conceive, have a snack and just, you know, make sure you're really calm and feeling good and happy. Also you want to make sure that the woman's head is big. You should have ordered that a bit better.

Okay. That's a good point. When I was checking the woman for moistness and compactness, head size should have been part of that equation. Yeah. Yeah. You want a woman whose head is fairly big and her eyes are also fairly big, but you don't want her forehead to protrude.

Done. Okay. So big head, very moist, not compact. Have a snack, have a massage, and go at it. Okay. Now, after you're done, the idea was that the woman's uterus was attempting to trap the man's sperm inside, and you don't want to let it dislodge. You don't want to let it like dislodge. You don't want to let it get out. So you want to make sure and give your large headed moist woman some advice,

which is don't cough. Don't sneeze. Don't jump up and down. Don't hold your breath. Don't fall. Don't lift anything heavy. Don't sit on any hard chairs. Don't drink alcohol and definitely don't have a nose bleed.

That's like, okay, I mean she could probably do most of those but some of them seem out of her hands. She has to do them all, do you want to have a baby or not? Okay, that's fair. Is there anything else she needs to do? Yeah, if you could just lay in bed for two days, eat some light grains and then rub yourself with olive oil. Perfect.

Then you'll be, is he stuffing the woman? Is he preparing her for a feast? This is like what Don Draper tells a woman to do. Preheat your oven to 400. Make sure to get some garlic under her skin. And I mean, this is like a literal bun in the oven. This is too much. So this seems awfully complicated.

Yeah, it makes sense. I mean, great advice, definitely. Just really solid medical advice, I think. Yeah. But awfully, awfully difficult for the average patient. Flex, give me something simpler. How about would you rather just eat some hazelnuts? Yeah, it sounds great.

Or if you don't want to eat them, no worries. Just carry them around in your pocket. Okay. I'm going to call BS on you old science dudes. Either eating hazelnuts, put something in your body that makes fertility easy, better, or their magic beans that you carry adjacent to you, like magic nuts, magic nuts that you carry with you at all to like, which is it? I mean, I know you're not big on on science but you can at least feel a difference between inside your body and in your

Levi's. Well I have to preface a lot of the advice I'm gonna give at this point. You have to understand that fertility and that okay we didn't fully understand the process of conception for a long time. No kidding. So yeah So there was a lot about it that because it was a mystery also seemed mystical seems kind of magical and so you see a lot of overlap between actual what was considered actual medical advice for fertility during different times in history and what was really religious belief It's a great intersect of the two so you know at the same time that your doctor might tell you to eat hazelnuts He also might tell you to pray to a certain fertility God and make sacrifices and and that kind of thing because

Who knows? I mean it you know the idea was that it was not in doctors' hands. It was not in human's hands, certainly. That makes sense. So you could also just have some cucumber seeds. Perfect. Why not? Which is really tricky, because the thought was that the cucumber itself, like the flesh of the cucumber, will lower a man's libido.

Although it made a woman much luster, but either way, the seeds are gonna get you knocked up. It's a great visual, and it's gonna be pretty intimidating for a man, so that makes perfect sense. So it's a lot of mythology surrounds the cucumber, not surprisingly, because men wrote the books.

Yeah. There's also gentsing, suggested. What can it do? In Norse mythology, it was suggested that, as I mentioned with this kind of intersect with religion, you may just want to give some apples to the gods, like sacrifice a lot of apples to the gods. Apples were known as like a fertility symbol, so maybe you could just leave some at the local temple.

I chuck it in the sky. Just throw it into the sky at the gods. Take this. Take this apple. Give me a baby. I'm trying to get pregnant. The Celts also felt the apples were an important symbol, but you could just keep apple blossoms in your bedroom. So just fill your bedroom with apple blossoms. That's more economical. I'm assuming it's the bedroom that you're going gonna go to town in later. Sure. There are also, like, if you just randomly read through almost every country has come up

with at some point that garlic was important, that eating a lot of garlic, cinnamon, you know, teaspoon of cinnamon every day. Oistors are a known afridigiaac, so maybe oysters could also get pregnant. I don't know. The Aztecs preferred avocados. Well, they're a superfood. They are a superfood and delicious, in my sense. Yes, sir.

Why not? So, I don't know. I think, to that extent, I think it would be okay with me if a patient said, I'm going to try to eat some avocados to get pregnant. Okay. Avocados are really good for you. They're great. So, you know, I'm so try to eat some avocados to get pregnant. Okay, I mean avocados are really good for you. You're great. So, you know, I don't think they're gonna help, but they're delicious. Hey, do you do you know a good place to get avocados?

Because it's hard to get a good avocados in our region. No, the Walmart just does not. They're not very good. They're not great. No. Now in Riddison, England, they always had great ideas about everything. By that, I mean they had terrible ideas about medicine. Just enough to be dangerous is what they knew. Right.

Of course, for this treatment, you would visit your local barber because as we have mentioned in previous episodes, your barber was your surgeon and your physician. Visit your physician. So visit your barber. And he would cook up for you a mixture of some really healthy things that you could drink that would get you pregnant. Such as? Well, just some milk from a mare. Horse milk.

Horse milk. Mm-hmm. But, you know, milk is good for you, right? Does the body good? Yeah, as long as it's... Calcium, vitamin D. Calcium or horses, I guess it doesn't really matter. So horse milk.

Horse milk. Some rabbits blood? Perfect. And some sheep urine. Yeah, I mean, you gotta get sheep urine in there. Otherwise, what do you waste in your time with horse milk, rabbit blood? You know, there's some sheep urine in there.

So does it seem to you? And I don't know if this is like, maybe this is a trend that I've just sort of created for myself with selection bias, but does it seem to you that our treatments for stuff, there reaches this weird apex of unpleasantness versus knowledge that I think around this period, around the middle of the millennium, where we know a little bit, and because of that, we know a little bit but not enough to actually cure things.

Our treatments get very unpleasant. It seems like, especially in early times, before we had any sort of way of measuring efficacy or research or anything like that, it seems like our treatments were much more pleasing. You know, like eat some hazelnuts, you know, rub some oil on you. It seemed like when we were just making it up,

we were much more inclined to make up pleasurable treatments for things. No, I think you're right. I think that the idea was that things that you would cut, okay, if you would come into contact with hazelnuts on a regular basis and you're still not pregnant, then hazelnuts are probably not going to work. So we need to put you into contact with something that would be a real shock to your system. That would really throw things kind of into a tizzy.

And so, you know, and also the idea was that at the time, you know, back in the good old days, doctors could be elevated to, you know, like God-like statuses, you know, as time went on, you know, what your physician said was all you listened to. And so, if you're a physician and you've got absolutely no idea what the right thing to do is, you better come up with something creative, you know? I mean, if you're gonna make it up, you better make it up good.

So we're just maybe at this point, just trying the last thing, like we removed the possibility of pleasurable treatment. And now we're just like, I don't know, horse milk. Maybe. I don't know, horses have babies. Horses have babies and they feed them with their milk. So maybe.

Maybe. And then urine, we know we love urine. We know, for centuries, we've been all about pee. Stereo. So maybe pee. I like that in the 1600s, we kind of retreated back to like the better stuff and said, well, what about just sipping on some catnip tea?

The cats, he would like it and they have babies. In the Victorian era, it got even more buttoned up, you know, which makes sense. So you would go to your doctor and if you could bring yourself to say something as horrendous as you want to get pregnant, which no fine Victorian lady would. It was actually no pregnancy that is zero pregnancy. It was no, it's certainly no one spoke of it. Sunday no fight.

But then your doctor would just tell you to get out of town. Just go visit a spa and soak in a bath. Don't talk to me. And let's pretend we never mentioned this. Don't ever talk about this again. So oh Hold on a second Justin. What's that? Sorry. I'm getting a page. Now go ahead and take it. Okay. I'll be right back. Wait Hey, it's me Jesse Max Funcon is maximum fun. org's annual gathering of friends in the mountains above Los Angeles Join us this spring for comedy classes, talks, and parties with your new best pals.

Tickets for the 2014 edition go on sale Friday, November 29th, and to be honest, we cannot add any more bed capacity, so expect it to sell out quick. Head to maxfuncon.com, the day after Thanksgiving, to grab yours. Hey, is everything all right? Yeah, yeah, everything's great. I'm good to go, I don't have to go in, but just try not to eat any red onions that we didn't grow ourselves, okay?

Yeah, no big deal. Anyway, what I was gonna say next is that, if we move on to China, a technique used to improve fertility was actually acupuncture. Oh, okay, that's unpleasant. Yeah, but it's still practice today. Do you think you'd like acupuncture?

No. Okay, me neither. No, I don't, and this is not me saying don't get it, because certainly there are studies that would support that it benefits many different conditions and many different people. I would definitely go to a licensed practitioner. Yeah, you're no kidding. Yeah. And it's still practice today and there's limited studies that suggest that maybe in patients who

are getting in vitro fertilization, it does help some. I don't know, I don't have big studies to support that, but who knows? It definitely is a valid treatment for many different things. And while I myself am a little freaked out by needles, I know that's a weird thing, but I don't want them in my skin. That's fair. I would say check it out if you're interested, if you've got migraines, back pain, whatever. It's an experience. I'll open your stomach.

Open your stomach. You should find out about it. Go talk to experience. I'll open your cell. Open your cell. You should find out about it. Go talk to somebody. I'm not against it. There are also, of course, a lot of different Chinese fertility herbs that are still available online. I did find, I will say, I was reading about this and I found one woman who was selling authentic Chinese fertility herbs.

That was what the website said. It says, this is the one place you can come to find you know the original mixtures of roots and and you know dried herbs and flowers and stems and whatever that you are supposed to cook in your tea and then drink and will definitely make you pregnant and it is ancient Chinese secrets and they are only people who have practiced Chinese medicine you know for for thousands of years would know this. And then I went to the website and the woman looking back at me was definitely one of the whitest women I've ever seen.

So those people are fine. It's fine to buy stuff like that. Just don't let them sell you a mug. Why? They're going to cry. Yes You stop with the herbs, okay? For me. I just don't spend money on a man. I mean, this is my policy.

If it's not harmful and it's not expensive, hey, I don't know. We're never gonna do a study on that kind of stuff. So maybe, but if it's harmful or if it's expensive, no, no, something's up, something's up something's up big farmer will never Let you find out the truth that well We won't go we won't go down that road. Okay. I'm trying to antagonize you. I know you're trying to antagonize me Sydney

Tell me about our next treatment. I've got all this stuff already added to my Amazon card Right right make sure and get those authentic Chinese fertility herbs. Those are my favorite. So Mandraic root is a popular, what is a popular fertility treatment? It's actually a biblical treatment for infertility. I think it's interesting because I mean, there's not much to say about that. You just dig up a Mandraic root and I I don't know eat it and then you get pregnant. Perfect.

Except for that the myth that surrounds mandrae grouts themselves, which you may be familiar with if you're a Harry Potter fan. Right. If you pull them up, they'll be screaming and they'll attack you. Yeah. Well, they'll scream so loud it will kill you. Mm. So it was great. I found one set of instructions on how to dig up a Mandrake group without dying without dying. Without dying. Right.

Sorry and song. Perfect. So if you want to find out how to dig up a Mandrake group and not die or if you want to do that, then the best way is to buy a dog. Okay. And then train your dog to go get a Mandrake group. Best of luck dog.

And I've lost more dogs. And then once your dog is go get a mandra crew. Best of luck dog, my have lost more dogs. And then once your dog is dug up the mandra crew and then subsequently, unfortunately, died, then you can go grab it. Oh, the dog does die. Yeah, the dog dies in this scenario. The dog definitely dies. Can I train my dog to make sure no one's in your shot?

Is that a possibility? No, maybe you can train your dog to make sure certain people are in your shot. Well, like that. What's up? How about that, Closet? You never catch me. No.

Sire Perot. Good luck solving that one. I'm sorry, ASPCA. We didn't really kill any dogs. No, no dogs were harmed in the making of this made up treatment. I really liked one of the things that they tell you not to do in Russian mythology is don't sit on the floor without a blanket. Why on earth would that be the case?

Because if you sit on a cold floor, your ovaries will freeze and then you'll never get pregnant. Hmm, they're so temperamental. They are. That's the one thing you need to know about ovaries. Very temperature sensitive. A lot of people still wonder, why did God make it so women could sit on the floor? Couldn't he have fixed their knees in a way that made that impossible? But no, he trusted us with free will.

That we would sit on the floor and freeze our ovaries whenever we so choose. It's natural selection people. Pomegranates are a big feature in different cultures, fertility myths. In Greek mythology, it was advised that you could eat a pomegranate, you could give them as wedding presents to kind of bless the married couple with fertility. What did it be sweet to buy a wedding presents back in like ancient times? Because nobody had anything. Wouldn't it be sweet to buy a wedding presents back in like ancient times? Because nobody had anything.

If you could find a thing, right? Like you look at Dickensian England, people are giving like oranges. For Christmas, yeah. For Christmas. Nobody had anything. If you have a thing and you give to someone, I'm sorry, they don't have it.

They don't have anything. Now people have everything. I think it's someone a garment steamer for a wedding gift. Like, I don't know anybody that owns a garment steamer in real life, but everybody has everything. But for a wedding, you get one. Yeah, sure. I would actually like a garment steamer for Christmas.

For our wedding, how many copies of Trivial Pursuit did we get? Like three of the same, the exact same trivial I pursued, which is our fault for putting it on the right of your, I guess, but still. And it is a great game. It's great. Sure. In Arabic culture, you could actually, you can't use a pomegranate to get pregnant, but you can use it to predict how many kids you're going to have.

So do you want to know how to do that? Absolutely. It's really simple. You draw a circle on the ground and you drop a pomegranate in the middle. Okay. However many seeds land outside the circle, how many kids you drop a pomegranate in the middle. Okay. How many seeds land outside the circle? How many kids you're going to have? I mean... I mean, it's not going to get your pregnant, but it's kind of like that game you used to

play where you would like loop your fingers around your wrist and see how far up your wrist you could go and then that's how many kids you're going to have. So we do, we do, we do pop tops to see who, and Apple stems to see who you would marry. Do you do that? Oh, on the pop tops, you pull it back and forth and the letter. And the letter, yeah. We'd ever threw promo granites in a circle on the ground though. Of course, I didn't see a pomegranate till I was in college, so you can't really blame me. You know what, my pop top always came off on. Tell me. Jay. Oh. Oh, I thought Did you just yank it off for me at the day? I'm gonna marry that shelter now someday someday he'll notice some day he'll come back from church camp and call me listen listen I get into that okay

I I really like one of the Japanese rituals for fertility Which involves The entire community putting on a parade where they walk through the streets with a giant wooden penis. Okay, now this is my quiet. I have too many questions.

I'm gonna narrow it down to two. First question, is this a communal activity? Oh yeah. Okay, but is it for communal fertility or do you have to go to your friends every time someone's pregnant? Ah, you know, I really, we just carried a wooden penis for Deborah.

Couldn't you have just gotten in on that action? Can you decide you wanted to print it then? My back is killing me. And my eatin' it up for Deborah, it's good enough for Susan. Get the wooden penis. Get the wooden penis and clear the street of children. Now it really was a community thing. Like let's get all the women pregnant.

Together. Fertility. I do like this is kind of in line with your idea of having a baby on a certain day. In India, there is a there are some that believe that there is a specific hour that you will feel when it comes and it is the hour when it is time for you to have sex because your child has a destiny. In order to fulfill their destiny, they have to be born on a certain day at a certain time. You know, it's kind of based in the like in astrology. And so you will know the hour to have sex, which will result in your child being born on that exact moment that will fulfill their destiny.

We should mention that when we talk about these, will we ascribe these theories to certain countries? We're not saying that these are current wide held beliefs. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, this is just sort of a... No, these are the countries of origin. Right. These are just where these myths come from. There may be people today who still believe them. There may not. There are plenty of myths that still exist in the US.

Oh, that, you know, your mom might tell you when you try to get pregnant. That, oh, hey, I heard that this works. So no, by no means am I saying that everyone in India thinks this is true. One that I stumbled across, which again, I believe was from a blog from a British woman who was trying to get pregnant. So I don't know what the original, like what a country of origin was, but if you are trying to get pregnant

you can just take two hot bricks, spread honey all over them, and then kind of like fan your nether regions with the steam. I like that. That's kinky. I'm into that. And then you'll get pregnant. Sure. I like that. That's kinky. I'm into that and then and then you'll get pregnant sure No honey steam the old honey steam They'll honey steam trick like that one it sounds Pleasant wait till you have to clean the bricks and it's like what did I do? Why are you cleaning the bricks? I clean the honey off the bricks. We can just just throw away

Where were you throwing brick away off the bricks we can just do the way. Where were you throw brick away? The trash can? People will still try. They do. I would probably put it in the bathroom trash can because that really drives you crazy. Oh my God. Sydney will put okay our bathroom trash can is the size of a trap I ever it is so tiny. And Sydney will jam the lot like she will fill the entire trash can with a single item She'll she'll try to stuff like a Tarpin there like I'm gonna put a tarpin there. No this tarpin and brisk He just doesn't like when I put bags of trash in the trash can. Oh, that just put it outside anyway

Anything else said? As I mentioned, you could always just pray to one of the hundreds of fertility gods and goddesses that are out there that just span the ages and the religions. That's always possibility. More recently, some of the things I came across as myths for conception. After sex, you can just lie on your back

with your legs up in the air. That actually helps. That makes good sense to me. Is that not? Nope, done work. Done. Some may suggest that you take robatussin because it contains glyphenicin, which is a substance that can thin out mucus. The idea being that if it can thin the mucus in your throat, it can thin the mucus on your cervix. In that case. And allow sperm to swim through. Yeah, there's no good studies on this either. Probably doesn't work.

Won't hurt, but probably doesn't work. There are some theories that there are certain lubricants that will help the sperm swim faster. That's not true. Grease lightning. You know the whole thing about wearing boxers instead of briefs? Not true. Grease lightning. You know, the whole thing about wearing boxers instead of briefs. Yeah.

Not true. Oh. Nope. That's myth. Wow. Wow. Not necessary. Great. Fantastic.

And then this is one that I read that I will have to say it was listed as a myth, but it's definitely 100% true every time this is coming from a physician that women definitely need to have an orgasm in order to conceive. You heard it here first, guys. There you go. And that's definitely need to have an orgasm in order to conceive. You're already here first guys And that's definitely men that is true. That is true. Not a lie. Not a matter what all science might say Which is weird because that also explains why no one was conceived until the 1960s And the only other thing I wanted to mention that's still recent is a Feng Shui. There's some ideas in Feng Shui as to how you can get pregnant.

If you just put some pictures around your house of maybe some elephants with their trunks down, perhaps some pictures of open pomegranates, or maybe just some pictures of babies. That's good. Just anybody's babies. Just babies. Just keep your eyes on the prices, like motivational. I want one of those. I'm going to put a picture of them up there.

You can also allow some other kids, not your kids because you don't have any, but allow some kids to jump on your bed that you're going to later have sex in. That can actually kid the jumping on your bed that aren't related to you is actually pretty a contraceptive too. That one works with ways. Like God. I wish. Never mind.

I really wish we should have thought to do that while we were passing out candy to trick our treaters. Hey, would you mind if we had your kids come inside just real quick? Come upstairs to our bedroom and jump on our bed that we're gonna have sex in later. Listen, are you cool with that? I don't know if you're satisfied with that fun-sized snickers,

but I gotta tell you for a few minutes of bed jumping, I can get you into a full-sized Milky Way. You know, pop. And then don't keep, don't have a ceiling fan because it cuts through your abdominal energy. Oh, I remember those things. Right, Right. So, thank you so much for listening to our largely made up treatments for fertility.

We hope that you will try all of them or none of them or none of them. Or if you really want to get pregnant, you know, go see your, go see your doctor, go see your family doctor, go see your OBGYN, go talk to them. It could probably help you out. Or at least tell you how you really do it. If you have heard of some, some fertility treatments that we maybe missed, email us, summons at maximumfund.org. Is our email address is also a great place to just say, hi, or suggest a topic for the show. Maximum fun is also where you'll find a whole bevy of podcasts from our network

including but not limited to stop podcasts yourself. Judge John Hodger and Wambam Powell, one bad mother bullseye Jordan Jesse go my brother my brother and me. Thank you so much. There's also forms there to go and chat with your friends. If you don't know where babies come from, maybe you could ask one of them. Yeah. We got a Twitter account at Solbona's. I'm at Justin McAroy. And I'm at Sydney McAroy. That's why D in E E. And always you can review us on iTunes. That's so much. Thank you so much when you do. I read all of them. All I want from my birthday. You can give me one birthday present. Reviews on iTunes and then tweet about the show with a link to tell your friends to

do the same. And click the reminder right away. Just PSA, if you want to tweet about our show or basically anything, if you start the tweet with the name of the thing you're tweeting about, only people who follow that thing will see that tweet, which kind of feeds the purpose. So keep that in mind whenever you're tweeting about anything really. How to use Twitter. How to use Twitter?

Twitter Justin. 101 and if you want to know how to use your body or how not to throughout the ages, make sure you join us every Friday for saw bones. Until then, I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Sydney McRoy. As always, don't drill a hole in your head. Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture

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