Scheananigans with Scheana Shay - Let's Talk About Sex Baby! with Sex Therapist Emily Morse

Episode Date: November 13, 2018

Sex expert Emily Morse joins Scheana and returning co-host Janet Elizabeth to talk ALL things sex! Nothing is off the table as they cover all the questions everyone is likely dying to ask a sex expert. Keep your taboos to yourself, on Scheananigans anything goes! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We're good as gold. Because we're good as gold. What's up, guys? Here's your host, Sheena Shea. What's up, guys? Today we have a really fun show planned. It's going to be different than any show we've ever done. I have the amazing Janet Elizabeth, co-host, back. How are you? Hi, good.

How are you? And sitting across from me, we have sex therapist, author, actor, director, producer, all around media personality, Dr. Emily Morse. How are you? I'm so good. Good. So Janet and I were both listening to your podcast. We listened to different ones this morning.

I was on Girl Boner. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was on the one about oral sex. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Two good topics, right? I have so many questions, so I kind of want to just jump in.

Let's do it. You don't need foreplay. Let's just jump into it. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you don't. That's true. Yeah. But sometimes I just want to

like go right for it. Yeah. Ask away. You don't always have time for foreplay. No. And we have a lot of questions. There's a lot I want to cover.

I'm excited. Now you have like one of the longest running podcasts. Yes. I started it 13 years ago. Oh, my gosh. It was that first month of podcasting in my living room in San Francisco. Uh-huh.

Because I was like – at the time, I was not a sex expert. But I was just like, why is sex so disappointing? Like I know it's supposed to be amazing. But my sex life has been – like how could I figure out how to have better sex? So I invited a bunch of friends over and started interviewing them about their sex lives, relationships. And that's where it all started. And I've done like 5,000 podcasts. Oh my God.

I know. It's been a long time. That's amazing. Okay. So I could learn a lot from you. Yes. And I have a doctor of human sexuality. So I'm actually legit and I'm here to help with anything. Okay. So what is studying for something like this? Like what is that type of doctor like? I know. Well, really you study a lot about anatomy first of all because women, we are so – we have this body, right? We have like our vulva, our vagina, which I really like our vulva as kind of the outer part. We just don't understand it.

We've got this clitoris that only exists for female pleasure, like 8,000 nerve endings and we're still like, oh, I can't have an orgasm. It's so confusing, right? So we don't know this stuff. So I just learned a lot about just how to talk to people about why we get turned on and fantasies and desire. And I read, you know, every book on the planet about sex and relationships and dating and love and marriage. And so it was intense, but it was, it was amazing.

And then I've done hundreds of interviews with experts and a bunch of different people. And that's how it all happened. This is so exciting. Yeah. Okay. So listening today that you knew your shit. Oh, totally. You said a couple terms, anatomy terms.

I was like, do I have one of those? Right. Is that mine? Yeah, exactly. Or is that you're talking about the guy? Right. The male has a prostate, if I was talking about backdoor sex. It was something about near the rectum.

Oh, okay. It was probably for the man. I was probably talking about prostate. So a lot of men like, you know, back to our place. Straight men, you too. People are like, oh, so it means I'm gay. But no, you actually have this prostate. You can use fingers. You could use a toy. And for a lot of men,

they can have incredible orgasms that they never knew existed if they just did some exploring. Women don't have that. What I might have been saying is that a women a lot of women who like some women like anal sex is because it can feel amazing if you do it right that's a whole nother topic because most people do it wrong and they hate it there's a right and wrong way yes and i bet you most people who like hate it is because someone like put it in too

quickly with not enough lube you weren't warmed up and you're like i just got home from work what are you doing like there was no warm-up but for women they like it a lot we're really jumping oh no i'm like i know right i see i had ass play down towards the bottom of my lip but we're just going right to it because you asked about the show so i was probably saying we're gonna cover it we've gone all day no but women, and so for me, so for women, the reason why a lot of women can have orgasms that way is because there's like a thin membrane that when you, when the penis goes inside or a toy, it indirectly can simulate the G spot from the back door.

So if you have internal orgasm, so that's why it's all can feel great. And there's a lot of nerve endings back there. So that's what I was talking about. I don't remember, but the female, yeah, I was talking to everything. I'm sure. But the female. Yeah, I was talking everything.

I'm sure. So the first half of this year, I headlined a show in Vegas called Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. I love that. I saw that. It's a book that came out years ago. I have the book. Yeah.

A book turned into an off-Broadway comedy. Amazing. It's one of the longest running ones. Yeah. And I will say, so Janet and I are both divorced. She's in a very successful relationship. I'm still single. But as I was just getting out of my last relationship, I started this show.

And so all of these tips, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to start trying some of these. Yes. They work. Yes. They do work. They really do. Like little tiny things.

Yeah, like tickle the taint. Tickle the taint. Exactly. I love that part of the taint. Tickle the taint. Exactly. I love that part of the show. Right? Exactly. Like we're not told these things. Yeah.

And the penis, we think, oh, I know it. But like the penis has so many different nerve endings. The tip is the most sensitive. You probably learned a lot. Yeah. Yeah, the taint. There is a part every night where we bring up three women from the audience just randomly selected.

And we walk them through the steps of giving the perfect handjob. And, oh, my God. I mean, I did this show for five months, eight shows a week, six nights a week. And we had everyone from, like, a 21-year-old to a 94-year-old on stage. You should mention that you had them blindfolded, too. Oh, and blind. Yes, they're blindfolded. It's amazing.

Yeah. So you're like, okay, hand here, do this. Like, it was. That is hysterical. I love it. Some of these women were like, have you ever like, okay, hand here, do this. Like, it was. That is hysterical. I love it. Some of these women were like, have you ever given a handjob before? Like, where do you think the balls and the eggs are? Like, actually, what?

You must have learned so much from all these women. I did. I learned so much. Yeah. And, I mean, there were just so many things that, like, it was like sucking on a guy's fingers. Right. Or, like, all of these different things. I'm like, hmm, maybe I'm going to try it tonight.

Well, I've learned things too. And I'm always learning. Then you forget. But someone, a woman came up to me. I was at a party last week. She's like, oh my God, I'm obsessed with your podcast. I did that blowjob tip that you mentioned on the show and I got engaged. I'm like, that now?

Wow. Was it a direct? Can you rewind and tell me which tip it was? I know. And she did tell me. So I was like, but you know, yeah. So people tell me all the time. What was the tip? Exactly, right? It was actually

about the tip. It was just the tip. So the tip on the penis is the most sensitive for many men. And then there's this area on the underside called the frenulum. So just think of it as like your new best friend. So here's the penis. It's the underside. It's right where the ridge of the penis, the shaft of the penis

meets the tip. So it's that little ridge. And if you just like, there's a rigging. It's right where the ridge of the penis or the shaft of the penis meets the tip. So it's that little ridge. And if you just like, there's a rick in, it's kind of like the clitoris in a man. It's like if you suck your little tongue around there when you're giving a blowjob it feels great. But she also I did this thing where you just put your mouth over and then you're like, you're holding it and then you like pop. So you're like popping

off of it with like a suction. So you're like actually literally sucking on the tip and like you're bobbing for apples but you're pulling back and i was like that one worked you got a ring it was a nice ring i'm like that must have been a great tip well we're gonna try that later i'll let you know exactly exactly try this at home interesting i wish everyone could see your face yeah i know we're not recording video yet, thankfully. Mom, don't watch this. Yeah. Okay. Any other blowjob tips?

You know, I think my best blowjob – For my listeners, I've heard I'm amazing. Yeah. No, I'm sure you are. You don't need anything. But I think that the biggest thing is to be – number one is to make sure your mouth is wet. So use lots of lube. Oh, did I bring you – did I bring you – oh, I think I brought you my favorite blowjob.

Oh, there's a present sitting here for me. Oh, I brought you so many. Oh, my God. I did. Okay. This is my favorite thing. Okay. It's Wet Head.

It's from Doc Johnson and you put it in your mouth. It's a dry mouth spray. And to be honest, as a podcaster, I have it on my desk at work. I use it in my studio because it makes,

you guys can squirt this in your mouth. So it makes it so your mouth gets more lubricated. Wait, I need this because I smoke a lot of weed and sometimes I'm caught in my mouth. So do I.

Do you ever try to give a blowjob when you ask for smoke? Yeah, I have the same problems. Same sometimes I'm caught in my mouth. So do I. Do you ever try to give a blowjob when you ask yourself? Yeah. I have the same problems. Same. I'm a weed. Whoa. We just popped off the top. Okay.

So I spray this in my mouth. Spray your mouth and it's like your saliva. Like it'll help. Because you want to make sure. How many sprays? As many as you want. And it also helps when you're like dry mouth or anything. Talking.

Oh my God. And so that'll help your mouth lubricate more. I think. Oh. And then I bought you. I'm so. Is this specifically made for sex or is this it's made for sex but i use it on the air all the time but i bought you another my one of my another favorite blowjob things i look how perfect this is working out is this flavored lube it is it is mint chocolate it's by joe system joe

and you taste and it'll mean like if you're giving a blowjob maybe you're not as into the taste or you just it tastes it tastes so good like a lot blowjob and maybe you're not as into the taste or you just – it tastes so good. Like a lot of flavored lubes don't. This is like the greatest oral sex blowjob tip. So your mouth will be wet. So you want to make sure it's wet. That's my number one tip. You want to use enough friction.

So you want to make sure it's not too loose, not too tight. It's almost like – what did I learn once? Okay, it's like if someone's on your hand, like you want it to be like your hand is going over like a grip, like a tight grip around your wrist. I'm doing this right now. You can't see it. But it's not like your fingers aren't turning. You're just holding in place. And that's like you want to go up and down and just make sure there's enough friction.

Because some women are too loose. Too loose with their hands. Women are beautiful as they are. So you want a good grip. Remember that every blowjob was like once like an orphan handjob. So you can use your hands. It doesn't have to be the mouth. If your mouth gets tired, you're driving

the moms. Oh my god. We're like five minutes in and I love that. I know. And then the last thing is enthusiasm. Like you really want to be into it. Like you want to suck it like it's the most, I need this right now. The most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had and you don't want to miss a drop and you want to be like because they want to know that you just

like when a guy's going down and us you want to know like he's not checking his watch and like rolling you know you want him to be into it yeah the same thing for us so the more you're like into it making noises and sucking and like that that those are my tips there so suction friction and lube make it wet and slippery. Make it wet. Amazing. Yes. Oh, my God.

I'm going to have so much fun with this stuff later. I know. I'm so glad I brought you the right. I brought you condoms. Oh, I brought you this clitoral stimulation gel, too. We can get into the right, whatever. Okay. Yeah.

This is so fun. Oh, my God. I love my job. I hate shopping. So that's like one thing so now i don't i don't even have to go shopping it's all brought here exactly wow see okay so there's this um this one thing before we get like too deep into everything else too deeper than we've already done no so i was telling janet about this the other day i don't know if you've heard of it but

there's this thing called poshmark and it's close but how cool would it be if there was like a poshmark for sex toys where you can like find out what other people like and like not like buy someone else's sex toys not trade but if there was just like a website you know that's just that's so true and they could be like well i like you know i like this for this and then it like links to something exactly poshmark is cool like that too because you can shop i'm everyone's like obsessed with is cool like that too because you can shop. Everyone's like obsessed with Poshmark right now. Because you go there and you could see like what other fashion influencers or friends of yours, what they liked and then you could buy the same clothes. Yeah.

And look in their closets and stuff. It's cool. Yeah. You can sell stuff that's in your closet. Yep. And I just, I hate shopping. Like I mean. I do too.

I think I'm a little shy to go into like a sex store a little bit because I'm like, I don't know. Right. And we'll get into that. But also, just like with clothes, I just don't have the time to go through racks and racks of clothes. And then it's like, this person's like, did you find everything you're looking for? Do you need this?

Do you need that? And then they bring you stuff and you're like, I don't like that. That's not what I'm looking for. Right. So yeah. So just so you guys know, download the free Poshmark app. You guys can get started. They carry women's, kids', men's fashion.

You will not believe the deals you find, you guys. Plus, shipping is easy for both the seller and the buyer. That's the best part. And my listeners get $5 off your first purchase. You just have to enter invite code Sheena5 when you sign up. That's code Sheena5 on Poshmark. So, shopping. Shopping is fun.

This is fun. Not only is it fun, but shopping for sex toys. Yeah, it's true. I kind of say like I'm like the sex toy whisperer because I feel like, and we get like 20 pounds delivered to my office a week. So we just all try them. I have a whole staff and we, you know, we know our favorites, but it's cool because I always feel like I could go to a couple or a friend and be like, tell me about your

sex life. I'm like, this is what you need. And like match them up with a toy. Yeah. I didn't know you as well, but this is one of my favorites. Let's get to know me. Let's get to know you, sweetie. See, one thing that I think my fans and maybe even my haters like about me is I'm an open

book. So I don't hold back with anything. I will talk about whatever. I don't always talk about personal sex things on my podcast, but today we're going to. I don't masturbate. Okay. Just going to put that out there. Never have. And this is one of the things when I was listening to the girl boner podcast, she was saying it was like up until she was like 30. So I'm 33. Okay. I, I lost my virginity when I was in high school I was a young teenager I had a boyfriend for like seven years and then I had another and I've just had consistent sex and been blessed

with that my whole life that I've never felt the need to right okay and it feels differently I think it's totally a personal thing something that you do with yourself and that it's like, like for me, oh my God, I hope my mom doesn't listen to this. For me, I love my alone nights when I can just like sit at home, smoke a little weed, turn on Bravo and then, you know, turn Bravo off and masturbate and go to sleep. It's like a personal day for me. It's like a ritual. Yeah.

Did you ever watch Misadvised on Bravo? i don't think so i was on it it was about three single dating experts do practice what you preach it was 2012 yeah so we're bravo fam we are yeah i feel like that's it's a personal thing and i feel like it helps you like get to know yourself more and then you learn like what you like in sex more because of the personal experience you have with yourself. See, I just learned that during sex. Right. Well, I love what you're both saying because – so I – on my show, I often have to remind women to masturbate because most men, they're like, I got this. I'm like, yeah, they're masturbating. I don't need to remind them.

But for women, I think – and I was the same boat as you. I was always having sex and I was like, oh, I don't really need to. And then I started having – doing the show and I realized that actually masturbation is so good for us as women. It's healthy. It's having orgasms. It clears our skin. It helps with PMS. It helps with our moods. Stress relief. Stress relief. Sometimes I'll be so stressed out. I'll be like, oh, I haven't masturbated in like a week. And I'm like, bam. So, and I have all these fun toys. It makes it a lot easier. And so I think that like, and the other reason why it's important for women is because a lot of women don't exactly know what they want in bed.

So their partners will be like, oh, do you like this? And you're like, yeah, babe, whatever you want because they don't know. So through masturbation, I've learned and I think a lot of women, I've learned exactly how I need to move and what I need to do and what I can tell my partner when we're having sex. He's going down to me like, nope, to the left, to the right. Like I know what I need now and I didn't before and the other thing is is that you you might think that you know what you're like with a guy because it's like the same way you always do it but on your own you can discover like new erogenous zones that they don't even know about and then you're like babe look what I discover kind of like lose yourself in a fantasy

like even if you're fantasizing about the person you're in a relationship with, you can, you know, put yourselves in a totally different environment or situation. I would have to like turn on loud music and lock the doors because my cats are not going to let me just masturbate. Yeah, they will. They'll be down. Wait, so I have a question. They're going to like pop up and be like, meow.

I'm like, shh. Well, I have a question for you though, Sheena. Do you have orgasms during sex? Okay, that's the next thing I wanted to talk to you about. Oh, but see, this is so good. Okay. So, not saying anything I wanted to talk to you about. Oh, see, this is so good. Okay. So, not saying anything wrong with my ex-husband. I would not have married him if it wasn't good.

However, I just never in my 20s had orgasms. I think I did like one time in my early 20s and not from sex. But it was a guy really good with his hands and his tongue. Right. But that was a long time ago and i don't really remember right so i was you know going through the divorce and i get with my boyfriend and i just think like oh my god like ex-boyfriend not together anymore but i thought that everything was just so much better and it was amazing because it was just someone new after like six and a half years but it was someone I had been with before and then whatever.

Anyway, I thought that it was amazing until I started dating and, you know, have been with other people. And I'm like, oh, he wasn't the best. Like I thought he was the best I ever had. And sorry, you were not. Right. But so I felt like this year I'm like, oh, my God, I've totally had my first orgasm. But then I'm like, but was that an orgasm or was it just really, really good sex? And then I'm like, okay, did I cum or did I squirt?

Like, what's the difference? Right. That's a great question. Educate me. Okay. Yay. Well, first of all, I'm so glad I brought you these toys because you're going to be able to figure it out on your own. They're scary.

No, this one's so – I brought you the Tango by – do you have this? I have that. The Tango by WeVibe is rechargeable waterproof. It's a really strong – it's a bullet vibrator and it's so not intimidating. Put it on your clitoris and you'll have – we'll explain that in a moment. But as far as having – I swear it's not – well, I'm glad you guys are like BFF because you're like – Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Janet, you'll be – We talk about sex all the time. Oh, yeah. That's why I'm here today. If you had an orgasm – We're even Eskimo sisters. You are?

Like Eskimo kisses? Eskimo – I don't know. No. Something else? Yeah. Okay, got it. Oh, oh. You've had sex with the same person?

Yeah. I know who it is. I forgot. It's lots of terms. The one who gave me an orgasm. Oh. There you go. Oh, you both slept – oh.

Did he give you an orgasm? We've actually slept with I think two of the same people. Oh, we have. you an orgasm? We've actually slept with, I think, two of the same people. Oh, we have. Oh, my God, we have. That's, I think so, too. I was like, he gave you an orgasm? No, no, not the first one. I know.

Okay. The second one. So here's the thing. If you, well, if you masturbate, you'll know more so if you have an orgasm, but you can squirt and not have an orgasm. And some women orgasm and don't squirt, and some women do have orgasms and squirt it. Is squirting peeing? Because that's what I was just told at lunch today.

No. Well, squirting has some traces of urine in it, but it's not like you're just peeing. Your bladder could be completely empty, like they've done all these studies, and right after you have sex, and you could still squirt. So yes, there might be urine. There might be more than traces of urine. But it doesn't mean that, and even if it is, if you want to say, yes, it's peeing, so what? If it feels amazing and you're

releasing these fluids, you're actually, it's not pee. It's coming from a different place, but there's traces of it. And, yeah, squirting's all the rage now because of porn. No one ever asked me about squirting 10 years ago. Yeah. Because porn wasn't as readily available. Right. But now, it's like, oh my God, like last night, I did an event for all these

women called, like, Girls Night Out downtown because, like, literally five women were, like, squirting God, like last night I did an event for all these women called like Girls Night Out downtown. Like literally five women were like squirting, squirting. Because I think they're getting pressure to squirt from their partners or they might just be squirting. See, if I'm on top and it's like, I mean, if I'm into it and I'm on top, like then it's just like, I mean, it's like a shower. Right. And so I'm like, is this normal?

Like, and guys are so into it so into it yeah they love it but i'm like was that an orgasm or did i just squirt i don't know the difference so you probably didn't have an orgasm you would probably know if you had an that's what everyone says but sometimes i feel like i do but then i'm like is that what it was i don't know because i never had them before right i think that's why you're a great candidate for masturbation that's exactly what i've been saying oh my god i had to have a fake orgasm on Vanderpump Rules this summer and it's like the only part I'm in our trailer is me like and I'm like oh my god of course of all the scenes I shot all summer. They always pick the one that you

don't want them to pick. So this one well I'll show you it's a little tiny like vibrating bullet. So a lot of women's first vibrators was like a like a bullet like the doc johnson has one that's like battery operated right but a bullet clitoral stimulation this one is i think it comes fully charged see i want like a guy to do this for me i don't want to do it to myself so this is like is it already charged okay so and that's just a low setting oh and you just put this on your clitoris you put it inside not all the, but it just feels – so there's different patterns. And you just rub. Use lube. Always use lube when you're masturbating.

And you just – you need to have a session at your house where you're just like using lube. You're fantasizing. Maybe you're watching porn or thinking about something that turns you on and without the goal of orgasm. So see like how does this feel in your nipples? How does it – because nipples orgasms are the real deal. So you've got your clitoris, right, which is like the little bud that gets swollen when we're turned on. And some people it's already out. But it's not just that bud.

It has these nerve endings. It has legs. And it's behind the labia. So it looks like a wishbone. So here's the top of the wishbone is the clitoris that we all know is the little bud. But then there's these, like, legs that go like, like if this is, I'm drawing a picture here. Here's like the vulva, right? Here's your vagina.

Here's the bud. But here behind your labia, when the labia is really sensitive, so you could drag that, you could like tease yourself with this vibrator and these are all stimulated as well. So this whole area, 8,000, it only exists for you, for your pleasure.

And for some women, the left side of their clitoris is more sensitive or the right so for you just playing with it like I'm seriously I think you're gonna go home tonight be like I had an orgasm I'm telling you this is gonna change I still would rather have you know who come over tonight so yeah and this is about the we vibe tango if anyone's so the thing is yes you know how it is with the partner partner? See, I'm into that. Like I'm all about experimenting with someone else before I do it by myself, I think. I think that's great.

I think when he comes over, you could be like, hey, babe, so yeah, this chick was on my show today talking about sex. And look what she gave me. And then that's so fun. You're like, I got to try it out. See, I think I'm going to lock her in her apartment for 30 days with sex toys. No boys allowed over anywhere near her. And she's not coming out until she has an orgasm fully on her own. Yeah.

And then you're going to come back on this podcast and be like, what's up, guys? Yeah. Like, hey. It's going to be so chill. And then you're going to want more. And for a lot of women, though, only 30% can actually have orgasms during intercourse. And it's almost less than that. Yeah.

So because it's just, it's the way our anatomy is like some women like their clitoris is closer to the vaginal opening because a lot of times it's like your clitoris is like rubbing on your partner but so it's just but in movies and in life we're like how come in the movies they just crawled into bed and you put like she just blew up and had an orgasm it doesn't happen that often so women need that the problem is we don't get enough clitoral stimulation. And that's why women don't orgasm. See, and that's one thing that I've noticed this year that like in my marriage and even with my ex that I didn't really do. And like now it's like if I'm – especially if I'm on top and like whichever of us are touching my clit and like there's also a mirror. I have mirrors and I have them placed in certain parts of my –

There's the one where I can bend over my chair and it's there. There's the one over my bed. Hot. Yes. It's hot to watch. But I notice that's when I'm most turned on. That makes sense because you're visual. Yeah.

So to see your partner teasing you or you're teasing them or having sex in the mirror, yeah, I think mirrors in the bedroom are underrated. Yeah. See, I know that like there was like – I know there have been a couple times where I'm like, okay, that for sure was an orgasm. But it just doesn't happen every time. Right. Well, that's our goal then.

And I'm always okay with that because I'm like, whatever. If the guy gets off, like he's enjoying it and like it still feels good. Like I'm still like into it. But it's not like a release. Right. Well, see, that's what I want for you. And I was like you too. I didn't orgasm until I was like 25 and i didn't even know what i'm 33 yeah so it's fine like i'm telling you it's so normal but i and i get it i was like but i like i like sex

and it felt good and he got off yeah but the the challenge is that women are raised i think many women i think it's changing now that it's all about the guy's pleasure and then our pleasure comes second right and we don't want to ask for what we want because then we seem like we i don't know who knows what like we're embarrassed or maybe they'll say no and we just want to please them we're like i mean look hot when i'm giving a blowjob but once you realize that like your partner and your guys actually want to please you and they and i used to think they had all the answers but they don't know because every woman's different even if they think they know their last girlfriend girlfriend might have liked clitoral stimulation in a certain way with a finger. And you might just not want a finger inside you.

So it's like it's all different. I love fingers. See? Every time they have to relearn. So fingers inside are good, yeah. Yeah. It's good. Oh, yeah.

Do you think porn has put a pressure on women to have an orgasm every time or put on that show yeah i think it's made guys insecure about their average size penis yes everything all of the above as they should men are freaking out men are freaking out that they're not big enough and yeah and it's like hello those are porn stars that were like hired because of their penis yeah like and then for yeah i think that there's a lot of women who learn about sex through porn now. Like the first sex scene they see is in porn. So they're like, oh, I need to be like moaning in this certain way, move in another way and

then ask three of my friends to come over and have an orgy because that's what's happening in porn. You're like, no, no, no. It's really like it's about – I think that for a lot of women – I always say foreplay is not just a suggestion. It's actually a requirement. Sure, we all want a quickie every once in a while. But we just – women are like slow cookers.

Men are frying pans. We need to get turned on slowly and tease and make out and slower and play with my clitoris. Go down on me. Then I'm ready. But when they just like – the problem is for men, why it's different is they get turned on visually. He walks in. He sees you. He's like, oh my god, babe.

Let's go. And you're like, I just got out of the shower. I'm texting. I'm on Instagram. I'm not turned on visually. He walks in. He sees you. He's like, oh my God, babe, let's go. And you're like, I just got out of the shower. I'm texting. I'm on Instagram. I'm not turned on. But then we just do it anyway. But if we can say, babe, let's make out for a second or go down to me or use your fingers and stop, then they'll be like, okay, cool, babe.

Just let me know. And then women don't have to fake it, which I feel like is a huge disservice to society. I didn't even realize how much I liked making out until I started doing it. Because with my ex-boyfriend, he just wasn't a big kisser. He was just like, let's just hit it. Like, boom, boom, let's just do the deed. And I was like, okay. But after like...

Something's in life that's supposed to take less than seven minutes. You know? Or more than seven minutes. More than seven minutes. So, yeah, I just did whatever he wanted. Because that's me me i put the other person first their needs first and yes i'm i'm a pleaser in many ways i get it but um more recently like i've been dating and i swear like if i kiss someone and they make my vagina tingle i'm like

okay this like and the guy i'm, like, seeing, whatever, hanging out with right now, like, the first time we kissed, I was like, oh, my God, he made my vagina tingle. See, that's good. See, it means you're in touch with your body. Yeah. That you got turned on. Yeah.

Like, you got aroused. Uh-huh. But you needed that kiss. Yes. You needed that. Totally. It wasn't just from seeing him walk in the door. No.

And so that's key, then. Then you know. Like, make it out. Make out for hours. Yeah. Make out for as long as you want. And it's like, any time we've, like, started making out, I'm like, we can't just stop here. I mean, unless he's at work and I go visit him at work.

But then we're like, now what do we do? Now we're all worked up. And I'm like, you got to go back into work. See, that's hot, though. The tease. Yeah. Later we're going to get into it more. So I think you're already making some progress here.

He better come over tonight. This is the foreplay, actually, for tonight. Yes, yes, it is. Yeah. Okay, so sex toys. All right. I now own one. I think I have, like, two somewhere in a closet that I got at a gifting suite.

And it was really funny because I had to pose with, like, a dildo at, like, a gifting suite. And I'm like, I'm never going to use this. Cheese. So, okay. Best ones. Like what? For people like me who don't use them. Let me give you like vibrator 101. Yes.

So there's different. There's like actually a few different groups of vibrators. So first there's clitoral vibes. And that would be anything that you typically don't insert. So this one, you could insert it a little bit, but mostly it's for external stimulation. Right. I mean, for some women, two inches inside is also sensitive. But mostly this is clitoral, right?

So you're putting it. So this one, I love the WeVibe Tango and the WeVibe Touch are two of my favorite clitoral. I like the Jimmy Jane Form 2. Anyway, they're clitoral stimulation ones and they're round. Sometimes they look like eggs or they look like little pebbles, but they're just external.

And then there's also internal vibes. So there's like the rabbit. Do you guys remember like the rabbit vibe from like Sex and the City? Yeah. Which has come a long way now. So that's actually by a company called Vibrotex. And now they have one that's like,

I mean, it doesn't, everything's rechargeable now too. Like there's no batteries. It's great because they last forever. And so that one, if it's a dual stimulation internal, it means that it will go inside of you so you can have an internal orgasm or a G-spot orgasm. But it has a little thing on the – like so it has a little nub on the outside that tickles your clitoris. So it has two modes. That's an internal one but it's a dual stimulation.

OK. And then there's just ones that just go right in like the the WeVibe makes one that's called the Rave. And I love it. I call it the G-Spot GPS because it literally just like – it kind of finds your G-Spot if you've never found it. And a lot of women haven't explored. I did not have a – which is this – the G-Spot is about two inches inside your vagina. And if you take like two fingers in like a come-heather motion towards your belly button, once you have – once you're aroused, it's easier to find – Oh, my God.

Your nails. Yeah. I can't. That's what people are like. You can use a toy. Don't do it. And I'm like, how can I masturbate with these? They're like, that's not how you do it.

And I was like, oh, I don't know. Well, it's for your clitoris. So, yeah, that's good for external. Right. But internal – but you could even use a toy and it's about two inches inside. It might get a little swollen when you're turned on and you kind of just apply pressure to it. And it's more like a G spot – a G area than a G spot. So there's toys that some women just love the internal.

They love – so that's like – those are two – there's also couple toys. So there's like penis rings, like cock rings as they call them. And they vibrate. The ones that are great for couples. Wait. Axe and I did try one of those. Yeah. Yeah, there's a great one.

Yeah. There's a pivot that Weevibe makes that – and then there's some like by Screaming O that are like the throwaway ones. You might have tried that. Yeah. It's like a $15. It's a great starter one. And it's just – basically it's a ring that he wears on his penis and then it has

a little vibrator on it. Uh-huh. So when you're having sex, it's like hitting your clitoris. Right. So that can be great. Weevibe makes something called the Sync and it's a wearable vibrator on it. So when you're having sex, it's like hitting your clitoris. Right. So that can be great. We vibe makes something called the sink, and it's a wearable vibrator that you wear inside of you. There's also butt plugs, things for external play.

Those can vibrate or not. I'd say those are the main categories. What am I forgetting? I mean, there's a lot of different, like, it's basically internal, external, butt plugs i could go on i'm trying to think but that's the main categories of vibes interesting so um oh and the womanizer that's a great one okay stimulation the womanizer i think most similarly um it simulates oral sex in a way you'd probably like it's like indirectly stimulates your clitoris using like this

pleasure air technology but it's like this light sucking I can't even explain to you it's just women are like they free I call it the clit whisperer because it's like how did you know my clitoris wanted that in this moment. So funny story about sex toys. Yes. So I know

you know about Adam and Eve because I've heard you talk about it on your podcast and it know you know about Adam and Eve because I've heard you talk about it on your podcast. And it's, you know what Adam and Eve is, right? Of course. You know, you can get toys, movies, anything spiced up in the bedroom. So I was in Iceland for a week. Fun. And my mom and sister were cat sitting for me watching my apartment and whatnot.

And I come home and I have two notices from UPS on my door. And I didn't know what it was. I didn't order anything. was. I didn't order anything. And then I was like, wait, but I did. It's like Amazon prime. I swear. Like it's like Christmas, like I'll order stuff drunk. And then I forget. And then it shows up and I'm like, Ooh, what did I get? So this package, I'm like trying to think, I'm like, what did I order? What do I have coming? Couldn't think. So then I like call UPS and they're like for $7, we can attempt a third time. So I'm like trying to like get this package and I don't know what it is.

Then it gets sent back to the sender. And I'm like, I want to know what this package is. So I Googled the sender and it was like Adam and Eve. And I was like, oh my God, they're probably like, this girl really wants his dildo. Exactly. Exactly. Like I get it. We should get it to her.

Yeah. But so I think for me, Adam and Eve, because I just, and also I am on a television show. So for me to walk into a sex store, unless I'm filming, like I don't know if they're going to like judge me or think something weirder than tell their friend, oh my God, Sheena from Vanderpump Rules came in and bought this vibrator and this and that. Like, I don't think they really have those, um, HIPAA rules at sex stores. So I do think that Adam and Eve is great for people like me who don't necessarily want to go into a store and just so you guys know when you select your one item you'll get 50% off and

also three free adult DVDs for a little inspiration so if you go to adamandeve.com you'll get the special offer 50% off one item just type in Sheena for the offer code and when you do, you'll get, again, three free DVDs, a free extra gift that I can't even mention on this show because it's that sexy. Free shipping. Just use offer code Sheena at AdamandEve.com That's S-C-H-E-A-N-A at Adam and Eve.

Adam and Eve has so many toys too. They have the wee vibes. They have every product. Magic wand. They have everything. And that's cool you get 50% off. Okay, yeah. So tell me about this Magic Wand. I heard you talking about this on the Lady Boner or the Girl Boner. Girl Boner, yeah.

So the Magic Wand is like the Cadillac of all vibrators. It's been around for 30 years. And it was initially like a massager, right? It looks like it has – it's a big wand. It's like this big. And it used to – I'm not even showing you how it's probably like about 8 inches – 10 inches long. And it's got this very powerful motor that you just use outside over – it actually was invented as a massager. But then you're like, oh, God, this feels really good.

And so you use it over your pants or use it over on your underwear. It can be really strong. So use it right on your clitoris. It's just great to tease your body. and it really is the most powerful vibrator like it is like like strong but for a lot of women they say they can help can help them squirt they can have multiple orgasms i know for me it's just now it's rechargeable so for so long it used to plug into the wall that's how strong it is yeah like for years my gosh the rechargeable came out like six years ago but I loved it so much

that I was like when I started my show they sent me one I like drilled a hole in my nightstand when I was in San Francisco so it was always plugged in because it was so freaking cool

and now with rechargeable thank god it's cord free they like released it from the cord yeah and it's just it's just a great like I think that

every woman should it's always voted like the top vibrator it means a lot of check it out online like I'm sure every woman should, it's always voted like the top vibrator. It means a lot of, check it out online. Like I'm sure Adam and Eve sells the magic wand. Yeah. They sell them everywhere.

And they're just a great company. I love them. They've. I love the name of it too. It's magic. Like it really is. Like it's just. And now the waterproof one and rechargeable, it's just, I can't explain it. It's just sometimes I'm just like, because here's the thing about vibrators.

There's so many of them. But like this one, this To, like it's different vibrations. You could have 10 vibrators in here that are all the same size, but like some are deep and rumbly. Like some are a little more like tick, tick, tick, tick. And the magic wand is like this. And you got to see – and it's fun because you can just tease yourself and see like which ones you like. What's your favorite, Janet? Okay.

I'm like a low rumble kind of person. Okay. But I also like a lot of them will have like different – like it will's your favorite, Janet? Okay. I'm like a low rumble kind of person. Okay. But I also like a lot of them will have like different like it'll go like. Yeah. The patterns. And you could like play with those. I love that. And that can be fun.

Yeah. They come with like 10 vibes. This one has patterns too. So you can have it just be like. Or you can have it. Like. Look. This does this.

Look. Huh. Feel it. I just put it in different. There's like 10 patterns on this one. Oh. So it goes up and down. This is put it in different. There's like 10 patterns on this one. Oh. So it goes up and down. This is going to like change my sex life, you guys.

It is going to. I don't know if this is good for a single woman, though. It's the best thing ever. Once you fall in love with a vibrator, you'll spend 30 days by yourself. Yeah. I think it's going to be great for you because then you're going to figure out how your orgasm, what feels good, and then your partner, it's waterproof. You can take in the shower.

Yeah. Charge it when you get home. I think it comes half charged. I'm very invested in your evening. Yeah. Text me later. Let me know. I can't wait.

How it all goes down. All right. Well, where do we go from here, right? Okay. I want to ask because I know we still have a lot of sex stuff that I want to talk about. But also relationships. I know you ask because I know we still have a lot of sex stuff that I want to talk about, but also relationships. I know you're an expert on that as well. So I am divorced.

I'm also single again from a breakup. I've been single for this entire year. And I'm dating a lot. There is someone I'm very interested in right now and I'm not interested in anyone else. So I'm going to see where that goes. interested in right now and I'm not interested in anyone else. So I'm going to see where that goes. But like how soon do you think is too soon to have sex with someone new, to jump into a relationship?

And like also mine was televised for the whole world. So it's like I was judged coming off a divorce, hopping into another relationship too soon. But it's like how soon is too soon for any of this? That's a great question because I don't – so there are no rules when it comes – I'm not going to say you should because there are some of the ways to be like, wait three months. Exactly. Yeah. Date number four. Yeah, no. I don't believe in any

of that. What I can tell you is that I do think it's best to wait as long as you can. Like, of course, we've all gotten really drunk and had sex with someone on the first night, right? Yes. And sometimes people are like, oh, we got married and that's great. However, I think when you're like dating and you're trying to figure yourself out,

maybe you like this guy, maybe you'll date other people. I just think that the sooner – it's better to get to know someone. And in fact, that tension that builds if there's great chemistry, why not wait? Like why not wait until you see them again and a few dates rather than like rushing right to sex? Because like I said, the teasing, maybe you make out the first date. I think it's just the longer you can wait I think it is better for the relationship but I'm not going to say that you shouldn't but I think why not get to know someone because what happens is especially for women sometimes we sleep with someone too quickly are we too quickly for us right and then we get attached to someone because like the oxytocin you literally do get attached to someone when you have sex with them.

If you have orgasms and attachment, we're like – we can't see the red flags waving in the distance because we have these chemicals going off in our brain like dopamine, serotonin that attaches us prematurely oftentimes if you have sex too quickly. So I think it's better to get to know someone and get to like ease into it. So – but I just – I mean I'm never going to put a date on it. I'm not going to say months. I'm just saying get to like ease into it so but i just i mean i'm never gonna put a date on it i'm not gonna say months i'm just saying get to get to know the person see if you really like them yeah see so that's what i you know and what if you feel like you got to know them really quick and then you're like okay well i want to get to know this part of them really quick i think honestly i'm not going to tell you i'm talking talking like maybe not the first day, wait until the second. There's no judgment here.

Yeah. But yeah, I think then go ahead. Have sex with them if you're feeling comfortable. I think that's – yeah. And I think when you start having sex with someone is the time to start talking about sex. I think that we wait because typically sex is great at the beginning or at least we think it is because it's new and exciting. beginning or at least we think it is because it's new and exciting so what makes sex so great why a lot of long-term relationships suffer is because that honeymoon period that lust phase that's real like you're if they look at the brains of people in lust love and the people who are like serial

killers are on cocaine it looks exactly the same because you've got these brain things that are firing so it's going to be amazing so people think well i don't really want to talk about it or i don't want them to think that i'm too into sex or whatever things we worry about. And I think right away is like, hey, did that feel good or what did you like? You know, just start talking about it because that can actually become something that brings you closer together. So, yeah, I mean I think talk about it, have sex, and make sure that you're getting your needs met. Do you ever think that you could have, like, too much sex? Like, if you're having sex, like, every day or twice a day or three times a day, like, do you think that there's –

A problem? Yeah. The only time that there's a problem is if there's consequences. So if it's interfering with your work, you're like, sorry, sex ten times a day. Sorry, podcast won't. I couldn't show up for my podcast. You know what I mean? Like, sorry, I'm missing work and dinners.

And, like, that's when it's a problem or you can't you know so or you can no longer get out like you know for men maybe a lot of men and women who have a porn addiction let's say then they can't ever get it up with a partner because they're masturbating all the time but that's more masturbation for sex no have as much sex as you want as long as you're using lots of lube because what can happen is here's my thing about lube I think that lube gets a really oh I brought you my other favorite lube because what can happen is here's my thing about lube. I think that lube gets a really, Oh, I brought you my other favorite lube. You're going to die.

It's called Uber lube. And it's like that one. She's going to have a fun night tonight. I know. I just had my assistant throw a bunch of it. It's beautiful. Put it by your nightstand. You can never have too much lube because you could be,

here's the thing. Our wetness level is not an indicator of arousal. So we could be really wet and not turned on. We could be turned on and not wet. You just probably have a few drops of lube during sex before, during. It just enhances it. And women who use lube are more likely to orgasm. Okay.

Because it mimics your natural sensation and your natural lubrication. So I got off lube. What was the question before that about how long? What were you asking me oh I think I was talking about is oh sex every day too much oh sexy no oh so I was gonna say is thank you I'll bring you back here so sex every day only if like you start hurting like you know sex can be painful sometimes if you have like tears yeah right so you want to slow down right then take a break yeah your body hurts but But otherwise, no, as much, this is the good times when you start dating. Have as much as you want.

Yeah. See, I agree. So do you think, because you mentioned porn, porn addictions now, do you think that that's, that porn is changing the way, you know, people are, I mean, it has to be. Absolutely. 20 years ago, there wasn't Pornhub for every guy to hop on and do his business. Yeah, a lot of men are feeling – yeah, exactly. And to have like so many different categories and situations and things to choose from, you literally can have any sexual experience like at your fingertips and then go to your partner and you're expected to match that or – Right. And they keep raising the bar because after a while they're like, yeah, I was watching

threesomes. Now I'm on to gangbangs. Now I want to – and then you're like, wait a minute. Nothing. Right. So real sex isn't going to turn you on anymore so there's a lot of men who are now working on their own therapy or they have to like you know i have a friend who's a sex therapist actually i don't actually see clients patients but i have my show but i you know just

like more and more lately there's just men coming in who are like i can't get it up for anyone but porn and like what do i do so they have to read they have to stop watching porn they have to kind of scale back and relearn the connection to their body and and relearn how to have sex so yeah i actually think that but you know porn can be really destructive for for a lot of men who just watch it all the time and women same thing can happen and young people who are thinking that's how sex happens right porn can be a great tool just every once in a while to get off and think of new fantasies and and to get off you know you can have a great tool just every once in a while to get off and think of new fantasies and to get off. You know, you can have a healthy relationship with porn just like alcohol.

You might not have, you know, in moderation. I also think porn is great for couples sometimes too because then you can watch something and be like, that was hot. What do you think? Yeah. Yeah. So it can be educational but it can also be really destructive. So I haven't watched a lot of porn as an adult because when I was younger, my parents had the Playboy channel. And so I didn't even know it was porn that I was watching. I was just like,

it'd be late at night. I couldn't sleep. And I'm like, I'm going to watch that show where they always like end up naked doing the same thing. Like it was always like a different, you know, they're on a pool table. They're at a car like i seriously so i felt like i watched so much of it i was like a young kid do you get turned on by it do you remember yeah but maybe that's why i lost my virginity when i was so young yeah there we go it's all coming together yeah but okay so i mean i just i haven't as an adult i don't know if maybe because i don't masturbate that i'm like why am i gonna watch porn going to watch porn get horny? And then, so like, should I? Yeah. I mean, I think, why not?

I love, here's the challenge with porn for women is that there isn't a lot of it. So most porn we see is made by men, for men, with the male gaze. So men, guys thinking, what would I think is hot? And so the women in it even are being directed by male actors. And so I think that can be a, not that you can't find what you like. I think that there are some sites like I love Erica Lust, E-R-I-K-A Lust, L-U-S-T. She makes – and I did a podcast with her. You guys can – if you want to listen to it.

She's amazing and she makes porn for women by women. You go to her site and it's just – it's super hot. You're like, oh, yeah. That's exactly – you know what I think is hot? It's just like – it's more like real bodies types not just like porn types it's like real but they're all they're hot like it's attractive but it's just it's more about where you're like oh yeah like slow and sensual maybe there's a plot right yeah i need a plot that's what i remember i'm like how do they know each other why are they here how? How did this happen? My other friend has a site called Lady Cheeky and it's a Tumblr site. And it's great because

she curates it and she like goes into it and she just picks different images that she finds hot, but you're like some BDSM stuff and just some sexy photos. And then you click around there and then that could take you to some other porn sites. So those are some places to start. Just go look at the category section. What do you like, Janet? I like a little bit of everything. I mean, like, my, like, risque category is always threesomes. Yeah.

I think that's a fun category to explore. But I think just going to, like, a porn site and looking at all the different categories, you find you're like, oh, that's a thing, first of all. I didn't know that I would like that. And you also can find stuff you're like, am totally not about that and you know like where your limits are. Yeah exactly. You can be like oh my gosh I do not ever want to click on that icon. It's true.

Do you and your boyfriend not going to call out his name? Do you guys watch porn together? We have not like on a regular basis but I think it's fun to like like I think when you're first dating someone it's a good question to ask what kind of porn they look at yeah i think so too so yeah so my boyfriend was like i like amateur porn and i was like i have never really explored that category

on the yeah look at him he was like this is what i like and showed me a couple things that he likes and it was interesting to see i was like okay now i know what you're into yeah exactly and amateur porn is more like rough like people just kind of sending in their own home videos. And then girl on girl, a lot of women get turned up. A lot of women like gay porn. Yeah. A lot of women like seeing girl on girl scenes. Just taught like oral sex or just, I think, yeah, go poke around a little Pornhub.

See what you like. Category section. Poke around at the poking. Yeah, go to the category. Open some tabs. Yeah. Have fun. Do some perusing. So dude was showing me something on his phone he was like oh wait look at this and like

opens his browser and it was like pornhub and he's like whoops it was funny though because like i didn't care but he got embarrassed i thought it was funny um okay so amateur amateur threesome, girl on girl. All right. So Janet had a lot of other questions. We kind of got through my stuff real quick. My stuff was kind of personal because I'm like, okay, I want to talk about the orgasms and masturbating and all these things that people think I'm so weird that I don't.

They're like, how have you never had an orgasm? That's part of my storyline this summer, which you guys will see. But it's like... Oh, good. Well, this is going to change. Yeah. This is the perfect moment that I'm on your show. Yes. I know it's going to change. I've helped a lot of women. They just... This is the first step. Okay, let's talk about faking orgasms.

Okay, let's do it. Have you done it? Obviously, everyone's done it. I don't anymore. And anytime friends of mine say that they do, I tell them it's a disservice to society. And that you're not doing anyone any favors and that you should just talk through it. And I understand. Sometimes I think there maybe is the right time or place. Like if you're just like, you know, wanting to end that session or whatever and you're

just like, all right, I'm going to fake one, be done with this, and, you know, I'm over it. Yeah. But I think if you're faking an orgasm all the time with somebody, you're teaching them how to be bad at sex. Right. You said something on one of your podcasts. Good point.

I wrote it down. Great lovers are not born, they're made. And I was like, you can't have somebody learn to be a good lover if you're faking orgasms for them all the time. That's so true. Yeah. Great lovers are not born. It's not like guys can roll out with being great lovers.

You've got to teach them. So I feel like faking orgasms is a disservice. And the reason why women do it, like I get it. We're tired. We know we're not going to get there. We want them to feel good because we're pleasers. Yeah, exactly. But it's like it is a disservice because you're reinforcing behavior that they're like, well, that's, you know, they're like pounding their chest.

I'm king of the universe. I just made her come. And she's like, you're like, I faked it. And it's a disservice to you too because then you're not getting the pleasure that you could actually have by saying, I'm not of the universe. I just made her come. And she's like, you're like, I faked it. And it's a disservice to you, too, because then you're not getting the pleasure that you could actually have by saying, I'm not there yet, babe. And then, like, believe me, if they're having sex with you, they want to please you. Right. So faking it, I understand we've all done it for the same reasons.

Like, I want it done. It's not going to happen. I don't want to disappoint them. But that doesn't help anybody. Exactly what you said, Janet. Interesting. Okay. So, like, no one fake O.

I wanted to, like, put it on the ballot or something. I mean I'm really good at faking them. You can watch it this summer on Vanderbilt Rules. All of us women need to come together and agree that we're done

faking orgasms and that all of these men are just going to learn how to do it right. We should do like a pledge-a-thon. Like no fake oh. Like pledge to me that you will never

fake orgasm again. Yes, no more. That's a really good point. See, I never thought of it that way. I just like have always wanted to be like no, no, it feels good. Like totally, you're doing everything great.

But like – I feel like I know guys too who think that they're so good and I'm like, I know. You're just – we need to take those guys down a peg. Yeah, it's true. Right. It's true. And I think that we also – we think – yeah, we just have to teach them. We think that we want to – we're pleasers. And so we don't – we often think, oh, whatever just have to teach them. We think that we want to – we're pleasers.

And so we don't – we often think, oh, whatever you're doing, babe. Like guys used to say to me before I had my show and knew how to have great sex, they'd be like, hey, babe, does that feel good? I'd be like, yeah. They'd be like, what else do you want? I'm like, everything you're doing is fine because I did not know what else I wanted until I masturbated and figured it out. Because we want to please, but we have good intentions.

Right. But I just want all women to have the most amazing sex possible. And that starts with us. See, and that's what I've always said when my friends are like, how do you not have an orgasm or whatever? I'm like, you guys, I have really good sex. Like, I enjoy sex. I've been told by more than one person that it's the best blowjob they've ever had. So I'm like, no, I'm really good at sex.

I like sex. It feels good. But I just, there's not always that like release. Right. We're going to get there. But then it's happened recently and I'm like, okay, mirrors. Yeah. Yeah.

The mirrors are hot. I love that. I love it. It's so hot to look at yourself having sex. It's kind of like a porn, but no one else has to see it. Right. Because you guys are watching each other and you're like, we're really hot. But it like kind of made, I'm like, should i make a sex tape yeah just watch it and

delete it after yeah i mean okay we've done that a couple times but that's hot though but that's why but it was like the camera's so shaky because you're like on top of it we're like we need like to set up a stand or something and get a tripod way yes modern technology makes making the home sex tape a lot easier yeah but yeah so anyone who like comes over to my apartment and sees the placement of my mirrors they're like you're a freak no you're amazing you know what you like exactly not a freak and that is one thing that like turns me on is just like watching see i love that you know that yeah see that's really good information so maybe maybe you like porn where there's like a voyeur aspect or

who knows what. We'll figure it out. But maybe there's people having sex in a mirror. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, go with like that kernel of what you do know. Uh-huh. Like, you know, like you like kissing. Yeah. You know you like mirrors. Right. You know you like to be able to see yourself. Yeah. There's probably more. So then you just keep building on

those kernels and before you know it, you'll know what turns you on. It's different for all of us. Right. There's probably more. So then you just keep building on those kernels and before you know it, you'll know what turns you on. Like you're, because it's different for all of us. Right. Which is cool. We get to all decide.

Yeah. It's a little bit of fun homework. Yeah. I'm learning so much. I'm so happy. Damn, I'm not going to be able to go home

for like seven hours though. Okay. Some of your other questions. Which one you want to ask next? Okay. What do you think about the phrase, once a cheater, always a cheater? And what do you think compels most people to cheat? That is such a good question because I, once a cheater, always a cheater. It totally depends on the situation. Someone could cheat and it could like tear their life apart right their partner leaves them and they're devastated and they decide to turn their life around they like go to therapy

or maybe they stop drinking because they were drinking too much at the time and they like make a concerted effort not to cheat yes you can change definitely okay anyone can change if they want to someone who's kind of like doing their thing and they cheated on every girl and nothing changes. Like they're still drinking and partying and they're having sports sex. And they haven't had consequences yet. Like maybe they cheated but they were like celebrating because another girl was after them and they kept getting all this attention. Yeah. You know? I think that people have repeated patterns of cheating for sure.

Yeah. But I don't think there's any absolutes in this category. I feel like that comes up on your show all the time with everybody oh yeah because almost all of the guys have cheated on their girlfriends or fiancés or wives like on our show whether it's just a sloppy makeout drunk or literally having sex with someone's friend like it's I mean it's happened a lot but so one of the couples on our show um last summer he cheated on her with one of her friends it's happened a lot, but so one of the couples on our show last summer, he cheated on her with one of her friends. It's terrible.

They broke up. They have then gone to therapy, worked things out. They're now engaged. They're planning their wedding. Okay. But everyone just is kind of like, but, you know, he did cheat on her last year. Is he going to cheat on her again? Right.

And we've all seen such a transformation in him, and we think, like, he is this new, evolved person, but there's still that, like, yeah, but he's cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had, but he already cheated on her. Right. So did he get it out of his system? Exactly. Like, is he prone to going back to that old behavior? I really hope not.

I wonder what caused the behavior. Was he drinking more? Was he not as happy? Like, I don't know what they resolved or what they worked through. But is she nervous about it as well? I think maybe initially. But it's been a year, over a year since that happened. And they're in a really

good place now. I don't want to think that the once a cheater, always a cheater is a thing. Because I do think this person, and anyone who's listening knows who I'm talking about, but I do think he's changed. I think that he knows he has a motherfucking gem. I mean, this girl is an angel.

Like, she is anything any guy could ever want. And so, like, if he were to mess this up, like, I mean, he'll be single for the rest of his life. Well, hopefully he'll learn. I think people can learn lessons. I think so, too. They mature, they get older, they're, like, in love, maybe they have kids. Like, I hope that's not true. I think so too. They mature, they get older, they're in love, maybe they have kids. Yeah. I hope that's not true.

He seems like a changed man from my eyes. And that's part of the reason I asked that question because I feel like a lot of people will hate on anybody who's cheated anywhere in the public eye. That situation or anybody will often get the haters in the comments that are like, he's always going to cheat on you or blasting the cheater. But there are some people that I'm like, they really seem like they've changed and woken up and realized what they had and realized they wanted that and all of that. They realized the consequences didn't feel good.

Right. So they really don't want to cheat. So let's hope. Where's the craziest place anyone's ever told you that they've had sex? Oh my God. The craziest place you've had sex. That's such a good question, but I don't even really know. God, nothing's. Where's the craziest place they've had sex? Oh my God. The craziest place you've had sex? That's such a good question, but I don't even really know. Where's the

craziest place you've had sex? Nothing's ever crazy to me anymore. Oh my God. The craziest place I've had sex? On a chairlift once. What? Yes. That's impressive. Yeah, exactly. Was it moving? It was moving. Okay, so like a gondola? A gondola. Yeah, at Sugar Bowl.

It was hot. It was really hot. That was pretty crazy. Were you wearing a bunch of ski equipment? No, we were just going. It was like a gondola a gondola yeah it's sugar bowl fun it was hot it was really hot that was pretty crazy were you wearing a bunch of ski equipment it was like a ski and ski it was one of those places you ski and skats were going to his house with the luggage oh okay yeah it was really hot and cold so you weren't in like seven jackets exactly no it wasn't like let me take off my skis right it wasn't like that. Hey, buddy. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. I think that's the craziest place. I don't know.

Where else have you guys been? What's the craziest place you've had sex? Yeah. Huh. Let me think. You go first. So many are popping in my mind. I'm just trying to think.

I had sex once in a pool cabana. Like, at the end of the day, after everyone had everyone had kind of like cleared out of the pool area, we were still kind of hanging around there. My parking garage on the hood of my car. What? In your building? Yeah. I love it.

I cannot wait to ask who. It's a good way to meet your neighbors. Yeah, that was one of them. The place I lived in in Vegas, there was no one around. We were in the hot tub and just outside of the hot tub. It was like, I mean, no one's here. My apartment's like a five minute walk. So, you know.

I was in Vegas. I think I know them. Yeah. No, the parking garage was Hollywood. Oh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Anyway.

Um, see, okay. I know why you asked this question, Janet. Yes. Yeah. Go ahead. Can friends with benefits work? After you've been friends for a while, can you then say, hey, we're both single. We should start sleeping together, but just be friends.

Does it ever work? It works. It works. For about four months? It works until it doesn't. So typically there's one person that's, they're like, oh yeah babe, no strings attached. We're just going to do it. If you date someone, I'm cool. And if I date someone, you're cool. Until

that actually happens. And someone's like, really into someone else, like I thought we were just friends with benefits. So someone's going to get hurt. Typically, unless it fizzles out on its own. I think it works for a while. Unless it turns into a full blown romance, someone's going to get hurt. It works until it doesn't. What's your best advice then once it stops working, how to go back to being friends and –

I think it takes time because I'm – here's the weird superpower that I have. I am friends with I'd say most of my exes. Like I just – they're like, let's become some of my closest guy friends. I think when you break up with someone, it was never right away. Like I went through pain or they went through pain or we all suffered. But six months to a year it takes till you actually can become friends again. So even with the friends with benefits, I think when you're stopping having sex with someone, you can't assume that we should just be buddies right away.

But I think if you truly had – like you really were friends and you have like this deep love for each other or like a deep connection, that you can resurrect that. I think we can all make it work if you're like treat each other well and it's just that, well, we're just not really into having sex anymore. I think it's just the relationship has to change. You have to set boundaries. Like don't ask each other about your personal lives. Like maybe the friendship isn't going to be what it was before.

Right. But this is a new friendship. If you want to salvage, you know, what's left of it, then it just has to change. Yeah, exactly. I think. But if you really care about someone, like I think they could stay in your life. Yeah. I agree.

I agree too. Good. I love it. What do you think about open relationships? Open relationships, I think that they are – actually, we could learn a lot from open relationships. I think that people – the thing about people in open relationships is that they're practicing non-monogamy or swingers or all the things that fall under that category is that they practice this like rigorous honesty that you don't find in any other kind of relationship.

Like they literally talk about everything. They set boundaries. They decide if they want to know about the person. They like share calendars. They might even meet the other partner that the person is sleeping with. They like share calendars. They might even meet the other partner that the person is sleeping with. And they still have jealousy but they learn to deal with it and transcend it in a way that you think you can't.

Probably you're like, oh, I could never do that. If my partner had sex with someone, I'd freak out. That might be true but I think it's not for everybody. But for some couples, they're like, yeah, it's so hard but we talk about it. We're like, okay, that was hard because you said you weren't going to see her tonight and you did. Like I'm more hurt. You can kind of, kind of break down the jealousy and where it's coming from or the, the problem. So they just, they just communicate. And I think that they're not for everybody, but I think for a lot of people, they having a primary partner and someone that you love and maybe you even live with and you're on really solid ground. Like you guys have been together a while. I think's important although there are some people who just are in constantly open relationships and you just

you keep talking about it and you just and and i think it can work for a lot of people and what happens in long-term relationships that aren't is that people cheat all the time like 50 of men and women cheat they say and it's like i just think this is so much more honest that if something comes up, it's not so random and you have permission to sleep with someone else. And so, you know, I think a lot of people have found that their relationships are a lot healthier because they have those outlets. And I've seen all different – like I've seen a guy who shares it with his girlfriend and they have like a calendar of who they're seeing that month, like a Google – they all share a Google Doc. Oh, my God. Sounds like a lot of work. Yeah.

He's like on the other end of the spectrum just to like, yeah, every few months I have someone that I see and I tell my wife about it or my partner. And then they just kind of like – you know, you talk – it's real. Because what happens in long-term relationships is sometimes we just want to experience something else. Yeah. In the short term. Or you just know that I'm not meant to be sexually monogamous, but I want to be emotionally monogamous. And that's choices. How do you separate that right it's

really hard that can be really hard too so I think that while people try to separate that I think it can be like there's people who have so typically in an open relationship you have your primary partner and then you have other partners and so they'll say I don't want you to be as emotional with someone else and so I think maybe you don't have sleepovers or you don't spend more than one night with them. You have boundaries. Thank you. You set a boundary so that doesn't happen. But if it does happen, you also have, you know that you've got your primary and you actually might, because I'm like you, like I, if I'm with someone, like I typically have a great connection with you. I don't need just to get off. Like if I'm with a few people and I've been in open

kinds of scenarios where it's like, I have to really like the person and care about them. So it is emotional. Yeah. So I think you just kind of have to – I think we have capacity to love many people. But it's not for – again, it's not for everybody. So it depends what rules you set. Some people just want to get off and they're like let's just not have – I don't even want to know your name. So there's so many different ways. There's a great book called Opening Up by Tristan Taramino if anyone wants to take a look at it.

I think it gives really good guidelines about interesting open relationships i have a friend of mine who's married and him and his wife are in an open relationship yeah he also escorts and does porn on the side really it's it the most fascinating insane like relationship that i'm just like wait tell me more and he has the craziest stories. Oh, I'm sure. I mean, it's like orgy on her birthday like this. And I'm like, wait, what? And she's cool with it. Yeah, but then she gets jealous.

Still happens, but then you talk about it. And your partner, he's like, okay, babe, let me figure out which part of this made you jealous. And I'm going to try to avoid that in the future. Yeah. You know, if you're a good, that's what I'm saying. This communication these couples have, like there's literally no secrets.

They know your body. Sex is important. You prioritize it. You know, if you're a good – that's what I'm saying. This communication these couples have, like there's literally no secrets. They know your body. Right. Sex is important. You prioritize it. You know, it's just – And they do have like a list of things like no sleepovers, no cuddling, no this. Right. No making out, some couples.

Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't want that because you wouldn't make out. No. No. Like my person is my person. I don't want to share. Right.

I've done the threesomes. Like I had a phase where it was like a thing. Right. But it's like I got that out of my person. I don't want to share. Right. I've done the threesomes. Like, I had a phase where it was, like, a thing. Right. But it's, like, I got that out of my system. My person, I just, I don't want to share. Like, that's my dick. Right. Exactly.

That's my dick. Right. Any other questions, Janet, before we wrap it up? So many, but not, we're never going to get through all of them. We'll do part two. Yeah. Ooh, we can. Another time.

I love it. Yeah. Oh, my God. It used a come and buy show, too. Yes. I love that idea. So I've been doing Sex with Ellie podcast, but on Monday, November 12th, my show is launching five days a week on SiriusXM,

5 to 7 p.m. Pacific. It's a live call-in show in L.A., and you've got to come by. It's in West Hollywood. Oh, my God. I would love to do that. Yeah. It's going to be a lot of fun.

It's going to be awesome. Thank you. I'm excited. Wait, we're totally doing a part two of this. Oh, yes. Done. I love it. We only got through like one page of like 12 pages of questions.

I know, right? I woke up this morning and I was like, I'm like doing my like questions and then she sends me hers and I was like, oh my, I don't think we're going to have time to talk about all of this. Next time. Yes. This is fun. So we're going to, we're going to continue this.

Tell everyone where they can find you. We're getting you to 100K. That 99. Oh, you see that? That 99.9. I might can find you. We're getting you to 100K. That 99. Oh, yes. That 99.9. I might have already happened. Yeah. No.

It was like my team. I left. Yeah. I'm 90.9. I'm 90.9. 900,000. Yes. I screenshotted that to Sheena Diego.

Did you? I just followed her. We got to get her over the 100,000 mark. It was a big thing. It's at Sex with Emily on everywhere. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, everywhere you go. And my website is sexwithemily.com. And you can always send questions, feedback at sexwithemily.com or check out SiriusXM every day.

Awesome. I love this. And just to leave you guys with one last thing, I want to remind you about True Car that it is not just for buying new cars. They have their certified dealer network nationwide inventory of nearly 1 million used cars. You can enjoy real pricing on actual inventory and a simpler buying experience whether you buy new or used you can see what other people paid so you know if you're getting a good deal before buying and you're also more likely to enjoy a faster buying experience by connecting with true card certified dealers so when you're ready to buy new or use check out true car for a more confident car buying

experience some features not available in all states. Thanks for listening. Bye. Thanks for listening to Shenanigans. Download new episodes every Tuesday and subscribe on the Podcast One app at podcastone.com or at Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And I got my girls with me with the boys at the table getting tipsy. Miss me. Kiss me one more time.

Get over here, boy. I'm gonna make you mine. Do you want it? Let me see you shake that. Do you need it? Let me see you shake that. Do you want it? Let me see you shake that.

Come and get it. Let me see you shake that. Step in the club, little black dress.