Segments - 07: Amir Bites Ben (w/Ben Schwartz!)

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

In this episode we discuss movies, live shows, and another rousing edition of Poetry or Noetry.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. Jake and Amir, two Jews that you can't forget. In 2010, they were big on the internet. But then

three failed pilots, two rejected movie scripts. Why are you smiling? This is terrible. It's shitting on you. Talk about how you guys literally failed in the entertainment industry. You're smiling. Jake, you're dancing like a little boy.

Is that what this show is? You guys admitting defeat? Look how tiny this microphone is. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Segments. First guest, who this? Yes. Is that what the segment's called? Very good.

No, I mean, not necessarily. It can be. The segment could be anything, yeah. The segment could be anything you want. We're here with Ben Schwartz, our first guest, I think ever. I guess we've had a mystery guest. Jillian was on the episode. Oh, how was Jillian?

That's right. Jillian was nice. She was great. She had 20 questions to guess who it was and did not get it guessed a lot of people that worked with us at college humor none of them jill i forgot my wife what i'm doing here yeah so wait so you guys both know why i'm here and i don't well you're here just for fun but we can do any of the multiple segments we had planned oh i'm just a guest you're just a guest baby'm just a guest? You're just a guest, baby. Oh, I'm not just a guest.

You're the guest. You're the first guest. Yeah. Okay, cool. What are we doing? It's exciting. I can give you options. I mean, I guess, first of all,

we'll introduce the show. This is segments, a new-ish podcast. Tell people who I am, because people probably don't know who I am. Everyone knows you, of course. No, they probably think I'm your brother. Look at us. Ben?

Wow. You do have a brother named Ben at us. Ben? Wow. You do have a brother named Ben, actually. And I've never seen Ben and your brother Ben in the same room. I comped him to an improv show. Yeah. Because he was Amir's brother, I comped him. I don't know if he can. Okay.

Well, I've only seen that twice then. Yeah. And then the rehearsal dinner thing. Jake, I haven't seen you since the wedding. Yeah. The red wedding. It's crazy. God.

Not that crazy. It's been like six weeks. It's like a normal amount of time. No, it's crazy that it happened, we're saying. Crazy that it happened. Yeah, it's crazy. Not that crazy. It's been like six weeks. It's crazy that it happened, we're saying. Crazy that it happened. Yeah, it's crazy. I can't believe, because we had a bet going that Avital was either going to no-show or say no on the altar. I guess he lost.

We did both lose. Yeah. We both bet that you were going to get either Runaway Bride or that you were going to give your ring to her, and then her ring to you was a middle finger or she was going to throw vanilla yogurt at your face or something like that. But we have another bet going. We're going to let it ride just on the over-under how long you guys stay together. Because I'm giving it six months.

I don't know, Ben, how long did you say you were going'm i'm giving it six months i don't know ben how long did you say you were going to give it six days and how many right now six weeks i was gonna say you guys better go on airplane mode what do you mean what podcast um sometimes there's a little static and so i forgot to remind you guys to go on airplane mode why did you bet on six days that's such a small amount just the way that you act like a person and then around women is like even more awkward so I can't imagine

someone living with you. But you're on, so just to make sure that you hit the phone so you're not disturbed. Yeah, I'm on airplane mode. I did airplane mode so I do airplane mode.

That's funny. I feel like I'm on an airplane. Why? Because my ears are popping. I'm so fucking upset. Your ears pop when you're upset? No, when I'm on an airplane.

Why do they do that? Because of the cabin pressure. Oh, like steam coming out of that? Yes, and then the steam because when you're really angry. You're more of an olive oil, I think. I don't think so. Woo! I did do that at the opening song.

Is this the show? So what's this new show? I haven't seen it yet. I just see you post a lot about it. The show is just sort of casual. It's a hanging out, but also every 10 to 15 minutes. How is Jake's D&D show going? Huge.

You know we sold out Carnegie Hall, right, Ben? I know. I congratulate you. I was the first person to congratulate you. Have you played Carnegie yet? I played Carnegie. And Jake, you played Carnegie? I played.

I would think I was Carnegie. I was at Ben's Carnegie show. Sold it out. I played Carnegie. You're going to say Carnegie Deli? I think I played Carnegie Deli. I did like a two minute set. Your jokes show you why you shouldn't sell out Carnegie.

I thought the ear thing was really fast and good. It made no sense. The steam. I got so angry. I gave you the I feel like I'm in an airplane. I gave you the

justification of steam. You didn't really think that. You just made the joke and I didn't know where it was going. What about put me on Do Not Disturb which is ironic because I am just

I'm feeling disturbed. That's fucked up. It's not PC. That's totally PC. Disturbed disturbed name one disturbed song right now and you'll get a laugh uh it's so much better when everyone is so what's the show tell me what the show so the show is segments basically every 10 to 15 minutes is a totally new segment we could do one two or three segments the idea of the show i love this idea great idea

oh yeah you did our last If I Were You. Oh, yeah. So this is legally technically our first segment. How many views did that last one get? Because that shows you how many people are watching. Huge. How many listens? I think it was like 1,900 or something like that, and then another 27 on YouTube.

And then name any. Big for us. What's the lowest episode of D&D? What does that get? Maybe 240,000, 250. Are we talking about, yeah. A quarter million. And then I think 19 more people on TikTok.

On a Thursday. If you include all social media, plus my followers. So we're doing this because we love each other. What, Jake pities you? What are we doing this for? I think we do this because we love each other. I love you. I love Jake.

Yeah. It's kind of like old habits. I just like can't, i can't quit him i wish i knew how to quit you so what's the first segment okay so i'll give you the options so far do you guys know what the segments are it's a surprise we've discussed sometimes it's a surprise sometimes we discuss okay let's do a surprise we'll do one that jake doesn't know um well we've discussed all the options for today already it's over all right you can come up with a brand new surprise one that i won't know okay great of course do you want to come up with one well let's do one of

yours so i know what the show okay um one of ours is you guys trying to guess this is one of our most successful segments yet which is rare because we're only on episode poetry or you make it up which did you say poetry yeah yeah yeah that's that poetry? Yeah, yeah, that's right. So I have two real poems written by poetry or no poetry. Yeah. And then one of mine. You guys have to guess

which one is my poem versus a real award winning poem. How long are the poems? 30 seconds or less. It's long. It's okay. No way, that's such a short amount.

I said, honestly, I undersold it. They're probably closer to a minute. I can't do three minutes of poems from you. No, you don't know which one mine is. The two of them are award winners. They're going to be really great poems.

If you're literally giving me two award-winning poems and then some slap you put together at the last second. Yeah. You think you'll be able to figure it out? We should do the first three poems that you read me no no let's do it i want to do it i'll tell you jake no do it we've done this before jake instantly sniffed mine out oh yeah of course he knew it right away or he didn't or is this a bit no i did yeah of course yeah but i think this one's a little bit harder to sniff out so are you just trying to like get

better at writing poetry i mean if that's that's a product. That's the ultimate goal of this podcast. Amir and I are poet laureates. Okay. Well, what's the other two ones so I can know what to compare them? The other two one is a Rotten Tomatoes guessing game. We sort of guess a Rotten Tomatoes score closest to the actual result wins cash. I mean, I don't care about the cash part. I love that idea.

That's a good game. And then the last one is us writing a Jake and Amir episode with you in it, with or without you. And it's sort of improvised on the fly for 15 minutes. Okay. I'll try to think of something better than all those. How? You loved the first two. You said it was great.

You said you didn't care about the money, but you wanted to do that game. Well, I'll donate the money to whoever did your theme song. No, you won't donate shit if you don't win the game. I'll 100% win the game. I bet you 98% win. Who's going to win? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg?

If you're a good man, pull it up. What do you think? 78%? All right, let's do the poems. Let's do the poems. All right, fine, yeah. Well, wait, if you're pulling up- We're doing audience score or critic score?

It's got to be the critic score for Rotten Tomatoes. Okay. But for the poems, it's audience score. Wait, I like guessing. I like guessing. I mean, both of them are guessing. No, no, no, guessing a person. I like guessing it wasn't Jillian, but he had no idea.

Oh, the mystery guest. Yeah, we can't do that. You're obviously on the show right now. No, no, but we pick a different person. Oh, like we'll call someone right now and do a mystery guest? Yeah. There's no way. Who's available on a moment's notice like this to join a zoom we all have the same friends i don't have any texting don cheetle oh my god shit it's gonna be cheetle all right send him the link but he asked to join his mystery guest otherwise it

spoils the segment it would be so much more fun to do it with ben he has such jillian was answering with her real voice you pick up as her no no she No, no, no. It was a chat. It was yes or no questions in a chat. 20 questions he had, yes or no. And he asked 20 questions and guessed. And he never got to Jill. One of the questions was, did we hook up too, which was really messed up.

I was going to try to get your brother. I think that would have been funny. Yeah, that came up. He has a professional job. Yeah, he has a real job. Okay, let's do one of the other stupid ones. Okay, let's start with the poetry. Will I be able to see by reading it? You can read it, he has a real job. Okay, let's do one of the other stupid ones. Okay, let's start with the poetry.

Will I be able to see by reading it? You can read it, but ideally you won't. My eyes are down. Okay. It looks like three seemingly identical poems. Oh, then I can look. You can look. Can I read one?

You want to read them all? No. Okay, I'll read them. All right. Can I look? You can look. This first one is called The Funeral of a Friend's Son by Ann Pabst. That's right.

I made fake names or they're the actual names of the poems. That's risky because don't I just know that Ann Pabst is a poet? Do you? Jake, while you're doing this, are you thinking about how much time is left in the episode until you're done? There's no way. Yeah, I'll glance over at the clock. I'll text somebody and I'll be like, yeah, no, we're still... This is going to be 10, 15 minutes.

We're at 11 minutes already. Still doing this dumb show. Well, you've been known to sort of delay slash derail podcasts that you're on. Ready? The Funeral of a Friend's Son by Ann Pabst. Ready, Jake? Yeah, I'm ready.

Through worn, chewed church pews poured grief. It coursed and rushed unmoored. No way is this it. As if from mountains sent, as if from a deep voice of the Old Testament. No way. It may be. We stood, knelt, prayed, sang, offered words of comfort. Even certainty we mourners in black, full of holy effort.

Our hands and faces, punctuations of light, candles lit. The torn, stained hems of our understanding hung under smooth coats. Okay, that's poem one. No fucking way. You did not write that. I was moved. If you did write that. I was moved. If you did write it, I commend you. Congratulations.

That's an incredible poem. I don't think you did. Poem two is called Ha-un. It's a Korean name. H-A, then E-U-N. By H.E. Kim. Ready? Yeah.

You're trying to fucking, you're trying to dupe me with this one, I think. Let's see what happens. Tap as Harrison hopscotched across kindergarten chalk towers. Clap as Harry graduates now dancing across a stage in gowns and hats. Disguised symbolically at first, then veiling historically. Ha-oon sits now to mourn Ha-oon, then Harrison, then Harry. See, now this one, it doesn't, I think there's a chance that this could be Amir, but I think also he probably picked something. Knock it off, Dingo. Sorry.

Dingo wants to weigh in. Okay. Did you hear that, Lapone? Ha-un. Yeah, but I kind of want you to read the last verse, just because I couldn't tell if it was poignant. Disguised symbolically at first, then veiling historically, Ha-un sits now to mourn Ha-un, then Harrison, then Harry. Okay.

Potential. Last one. Cryptic. Okay, yeah. okay potential last cryptic okay yeah the piece of wild things by wendell berry this one's in italics i should say i don't know why maybe it was maybe it wasn't maybe the website did it maybe i did it hell i could have fucking wrote this one yeah well i do know that Wendell Berry is a famous poet. I come into the... Is that true? Yes. Wendell Berry is a famous poet. Would you change yours to a famous person's name? Would you do that?

One or all of these names or titles could have been altered. But, yeah. Whether I wrote the poem or not, it's still up for grabs. Okay. The Piece of Wild Things by Wendell Berry. How do you know it's Wendell? Wouldn't you say Wendell? how do you know it's wendell when you say wendell wendell it's wendell yeah i come into the piece of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief i come into the presence of still water you love this No, it's just that. And I feel above me the day blind stars waiting with their light for a time.

I rest in the grace of the world and am free. Okay, Amir is either the second one or the third one. And Jake said Wendell Berry is a poet. Yeah, but Wendell, whoever says Wendell. Mr. Wendell. Maybe I took the name and I don't know how to pronounce it. I mean, I don'tendell. Mr. Wendell. Maybe I took the name and I don't know how to pronounce it. I don't know how to pronounce Ha-oon either.

You nailed it perfectly. I think so. Interesting. There's also the first one. I got to get close to you. I genuinely thought the first one was beautiful. If you wrote that, I think that's amazing. I would happily be wrong.

The mountain sand is from deep. And I think the Old Testament is very Amirish. We stood in upgrade saying, offer words of comfort. Wendell Berry says the day, the day blind stars. Is that what he says? In that last poem you mean? Yeah. Is that a phrase that he uses?

I come into the presence of still water and I I feel above me the day-blind stars. No chance. That's gorgeous. You didn't write that. I think you wrote the then hairy, then Harrison thing, which was cryptic, but I think for cryptic's sake, I didn't feel touched by it. Wait, let me read the second one. Tapas Harrison, Tapas Harrison hopscotch across. I mean, it definitely feels like the least lived in.

Kindergarten chalk towers. Clap as Harry graduates now dancing across the stage. It feels like a child, but I think you can pick one. It's also, it's school. It's school. This kid loves school. It's school-based. It's got to be that one.

So Jake's saying the second one. You're also double-downing and saying the second one? Yeah. Well, you got so excited, I don't feel like it is now. I'm just asking if you think it's the second one. You're so excited. Jake is for sure saying two. Are you saying two as well?

Ben is reading now in tears the idea of griefing through chewed church pews unmoored yeah i mean if god if you wrote that one i'll be so impressed i think it's like i think it should be published somewhere come to the presence of still water and i feel above the day blind day blind start i tell me did you like when you wrote this did you try i think i think what he did is he looked at other poems and he grabbed pieces of them to make his own. If you hacksaw together a plagiarized Wendell Berry poem, I don't think that... The easy answer is two, but I can't tell if you're so smart

you make one feel like it could be you. Anything is possible. Can we erase one? Yeah, you guys can delete one by one. Jake, let's's erase one you think the first one is definitely not him correct i think it's definitely not him okay the funeral of a friend's son is in fact by ann paps you guys are right i did not write that one right okay well i, it's obviously Hamun, but let's... I had such high hopes. I wanted you to say that you wrote it. Also, I think he would make a person of Asian descent,

so it would make you feel like it couldn't be this very California Jewish guy. Yeah, like it wouldn't be about a guy named Amir. And I mean, I know that Wendell Berry is a poet. I know this. I believe I've read that poem before, that Wendell Berry, that exact one. I had a book of Wendell Berry's poems. So Jake's saying it's definitely two. Yeah, but the way you're saying it.

Don't worry about the key. I'm trying to fuck with you. I don't think you could. I think you could write two. That third poem, The Piece of Wild Things, is indeed by Wendell Berry. I wrote the second one. The bad one? Ha-oon, forendell Berry. I wrote the second one. The bad one? Ha-oon, for sure.

For sure I wrote Ha-oon. Now that we know that you wrote it, read that again. Oh, now. Yeah, now let's pick it apart. I'll read it.

You know what? It actually was written by H.E. Kim. No, it wasn't. And he was him. Tap. Tap. As Harrison hopscotched

across kindergarten chalk towers. That's really beautiful, actually. Clap, as Harry graduates, now dancing across the stage in gowns and hats. Instead of cap and gowns. Disguised symbolically at first, then veiling historically. Ha-un sits now to mourn Ha-un. Then Harrison.

Then Harry. It's actually better than I thought I have enough distance from it now to appreciate the poem as if somebody else wrote it it's not bad but I'll tell you the disguised at first I think that is a little clunky

that was the line that I was like no that didn't feel right. He said, it's ha-oon by a man named Hee Kim. Yeah. I mean, better than my first attempt, I would say. But it's still hard to write poetry having not read a lot of poems.

Are we doing one more thing or that's it? That's our segment. That's this segment. Then what happens to the rest of the show? Losers. All right, we're back. Do you want to the rest of the show? Losers! All right, we're back. Do you want to do another one or do you have to go?

What time is it? Come on, do the Rotten Tomatoes with us. Come on. You got to do the Rotten Tomatoes. I can do one more. Yes! Read my poem again. No thanks.

It's really moving. Here's how I wanted to play the Rotten Tomatoes game. Oh, Jake, I sent you who recommended this one. Actually, are you able to look on your phone? I want to give them credit where credit is due. Are we gonna get food, you think? I don't think so. Okay, so. Kelsey Gryffindor. On Twitter,

right? Yeah. Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. Five movies that we've all seen we'll come up with them together so that you guys don't think i'm cheating again by the way that second poem was really fucking yep uh and we'll play closest to the actual score closest to the whole win so if a movie's at 50 and i guess 40 and ben guesses 35 and you go... You can go over. Yeah, Jake guesses like 80. I'm the closest at 40, but I beat you by five. So you owe me $5.

Every percentage point is a dollar. Wait, what? I see. If I bet 40, I bet... What's the percentage that it is? 50%. Okay, and you bet 40. I said 40%.

Okay. You said 35. I'm only five better than you. So it's $5 that you owe me. Let's do it. Three movies. Ready? I said five movies, but let's start with three.

Okay. Home Alone. Well, we got to do like a wide variety. It's got to be like a classic, maybe a new one. Well, I'm going to do one. You do one, and then Jake does one. Okay. We'll start with Home Alone.

That's Ben's suggestion. Iron Man. Okay. Ooh, great one. Just calm the fuck down with the movie titles. We gotta guess the percentages. I'm guessing first? No, you have to pick a movie.

All of us pick one movie. I'll say Die Hard 2. Wow. Die Hard with a Vengeance? No. No, that's three. What's two? Die Harder?

No. Die Hard 2. Is it too obscure? Have you not seen it? No, I've seen it. I don't know if I've seen it. Okay, here we go. Home Alone, Die Hard 2, and what was obscure? Have you not seen it? No, I've seen it. I don't know if I've seen it. Okay, here we go. Home Alone, Die Hard 2, and what was yours?

Iron Man. Great. I love this. Okay. Rotten Tomatoes score. Wow. So we'll start with Home Alone. Who wants to guess first?

Guessing first is kind of scary, so we'll alternate who guesses first too. That's a great idea. The person who suggested it has to guess last. Okay. So for Ben's, I'll guess first. Okay. All right. suggested it has to guess last okay so for ben's i'll guess first okay all right i'll guess 83 man i think it's going to be higher i think it's beloved i think it was always beloved and i think it was made for a young audience so they're going to grade it a little bit on a curve

and i'm going to say 95 oh all right ben i'm gonna say 90 split the diff okay so i said 83 jake said 95 and i said 90 i really think it's gonna be like 80 i forgot that you could do like 91 i yeah i don't know why i was like i'm only going in increments of five this is exciting i like this game i bet it's 88 65 wow so i'm the closest and i beat the next closest by seven so jake you said 95 yeah do i have to pay you that much cash 12 yeah well we're not done but right now you owe me 12 and you owe me uh seven okay i'll write it down wow 65 that's low really low yeah damn i'm gonna okay write this down so we don't forget. Okay.

Home Alone. Are you going to keep this in the podcast? No, definitely not. I'm yawning because I'm bored. I don't think so. We could do way more than three movies. Okay, let's do five movies. Okay, so far Ben owes me seven and Jake owes me 12.

I've got to eat food before my next thing. You don't even have time to eat food. I haven't eaten in weeks Jake said Iron Man Yeah Iron Man So this one Ben has to guess first 78 I'll say

Oh wait Okay I'll go second uh 82 i was gonna say 82 i'll say i'll say 85 oh so we're all pretty close iron man one 94 people wow awesome those great viewers so jake said 95 i said 85 85 you say 82 and ben said 78 yeah so jake's the closest okay Okay. Iron Man. You owe me four bucks. Jake. Hey. Hey. Hey. I thought it was three dollars. You owe me four bucks.

I said 82. You said 85. Huh? 82 and 85? Yeah. And what did I say? 78? Yeah.

So I owe you five. You owe me three bucks, dude. Seven? Yeah. 88. You guessed 78, and it was, Jake said 85. Okay. So he was seven closers.

I'm rich. I'm not going to play anymore so he was seven closer. I'm rich. I'm not going to play anymore. I've got to quit while I'm ahead. You're technically down to me because you owed me 12. Well, now I owe you a lot less. I lost Jake for a second. It's fine. We don't need him.

Keep going. Okay. Die Hard 2. Die Hard 2. Jake, are you back? I'm back. Your internet's back, huh? Die Hard 2. Die Hard 2. Jake, are you back? I'm back. Your internet's back, huh? Die Hard 2.

Die Hard 2, yeah. I guessed last. So Jake guesses first this time. Okay. Die Hard 2. They made a couple more after, so it couldn't be terrible, terrible. Or it did really well. Yeah.

That's true. I'll say 79%. High. We should do a bad movie next, but okay. I'm going to say 74. 72. I'm going 72. I'll go low.

I'll say 69. I'm sorry. That's so hot. Where is your thing? Yeah, I was going to do it, but you sort of butted in. Where is my thing, actually? Yeah, I sort of had a system, and then you sort of cut in front of me in line. Hold on, let me read the poem again.

Ha-oon by Amir Blumenfeld. Oh, shit oh shit uh okay wait what did you guys guess clap clap haun hopscotches across chalk towers oh 70, I guess 73. I guess 69, you motherfucker. I guess 69. And I was one off. So pay the fucking piper. What'd you guys, 120? 73. So I have a question, though.

Is mine then three from what it was? It's four away from me. I guess three percent closer than me. I'm so much closer. I'm closer on my side. Yeah, yeah. You're three. You owe me three. What do I owe you? This is flawed. Yeah, 79. You tell us how much you than me. I'm so much closer. I'm closer on my side. Yeah, yeah, you're three. You owe me three.

What do I owe you? This is flawed. Yeah, 79. You're like, he tells how much he owes me. He's making up the rules. I was one away and you were four, so you owe me three. What'd you guess, Jake? 79.

Okay, so Jake, you were nine away, so you owe me eight. And who's donating this money? Yeah, but you owe me three bucks from before, so we'll call it a wash. I don't think so. So do I owe everybody? Yeah, Ben has yet to win. Ben owes Amir three. Let's choose a bad movie.

Okay. Yeah. Just like... The Social Network? Just kidding, that's beloved. From Justin to Kelly? Sure. But I feel like that's so bad that's gonna be like three percent or something uh cars two

people didn't okay i think cars three was the one people don't like oh really all right what's a really bad animated movie that came out and people were like that wasn't oh how about hidalgo starring uh vigo mortensen i didn't really see that one or hear about what happened there. Yeah, he has a horse.

World War Z, is that the Brad Pitt movie? Yeah, but I think that was good. Was it? I don't know, I never saw it. Try to think of a bad movie from 10 years ago. It's literally impossible. Because every movie is awesome. Every movie is too good.

What about the Rocks movie? Like Joe, what was his King Kong movie or whatever? Rampage? That wasn't the one I was thinking of. It was the one with him and the gorilla. Okay, Dracula with Leslie Nielsen? Yeah. Dracula dead and loving it with Leslie Nielsen.

Jake's cheating. He's fucking looking it up. No, I was trying to... I was looking up the gorilla one. I probably looked that up. Oh, do the gorilla one. What's the gorilla one? I guess it was...

Wait, maybe it was Rampage. It is Rampage. Okay, great. So let's all do another one. I'll do Rampage. Ben's doing Dracula dead and loving it. We don't have time for this. We gotta go quick.

Sure we do. Let's do Rampage. Rampage could be anything. It could be 30. It could be 80. We don't know. Okay, ready? 28%. Oh, all right. Yeah, go ahead. Sure we do. Let's do Rampage. Rampage could be anything. It could be 30. It could be 80. We don't know. Okay. Ready? 28%.

Oh, right. Yeah, go ahead. He's fucking... He fucking guessed 28. It's too late. I didn't see it. Of course he cannot do that. 28%, Ben?

69. 23%. Ooh, he's going even lower. 28, 23. I'll say 33 in a third. Actually, to go can i please change mine i want it to be 14 i saw rampage and it was really bad 14 i never saw it wait where is where are you yeah just the browser just click on the browser just because there's one screen that's not it and that's the browser okay here we go so So Jake's guessing 14%. Ben's crying over your poem.

Is that it? Yeah. This is the right page we're looking for. Wow. Okay. 51. What? Yeah.

Holy shit. But we were so close to each other. Dwayne still got it. What'd you guess, 28? I guess 29. No, you guessed, you changed it to 14 my god you you're not allowed to change it 19 you're not allowed to change it after you say 29 you owe me 19 dollars for that and then would you guess 20 something okay let's do another one i can't even keep track of this one let's do wait what did you guess for rampage do you remember 23 no yeah i think he's at 23 okay so i was you owe me what about eddie

murphy raw that's the comedy movie that's beloved and you clicked enter so it's gonna you haven't seen yet okay so it's a stand-up comedy special your computer's low in disk space of course yeah but beloved a beloved stand-up comedy movie uh okay i'll guess how could you review that and also it was before rotten tomatoes existed so was one alone so was any movie before 1999 i'm gonna say 78 i don't think people probably understood what was happening like Like how good it was. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I bet it was controversial.

I bet there were a lot of people that were like, hey, this is too much. I'll say 65%. Wow. 13 bucks for me. Yep. I'll guess 85. Pretty high. You know.

77. What did I say? 78. Wow. Wow. Amir better have my money, I guess. So I used $7. We also didn't do the calculations for the last one.

No, of course not. And then, Jake, what did you say for the last one? I think I said 65%. So tell me what you think people are, when they're watching this, what do you say for the last one? I think I said 65%. So tell me what you think people are, when they're watching this, what do you think they're thinking? I'm thinking, wait, why didn't they keep reading the poems?

Those were so incredible, each one better than the last. I wonder what Ha-oon is up to now. Write a poem right now. Why was Ha-oon mourning? I don't really understand. Channel Ha-oon and do one more poem. I urge you to write a poem

and we'll try to play this game with you next time because it's seemingly easy but then a lot harder because every time I fucking write a sentence I'm like that sounds like me give me four sentences of Ha-Oon I want him to talk about I can just fart out a poem sitting symbolically entering a room

not knowing the time or space from whence he came Ha-Oon sits diligently and morose as he stares at a fucking not knowing the time or space from whence he came. Ha-un sits diligently and morose as he stares at a fucking turd. Why is Ha-un always talking about himself? Ha-un puts himself in Ha-un cameos. Ha-un is so weird. Ha-un is a

weirdo. Why is he just sitting there diligently not knowing where he came from? Yeah, that's a common fucking soul search that you're like, okay, I don't necessarily... First Ha-oon, then Harry, then Harrison. I don't align myself with my Korean grandparents. He's Korean?

Yeah, probably. Ha-oon, then Harrison. You created him. Who is he? He's from Baltimore. You know he's from Baltimore. Then he goes by Harry. That's fine.

Ha-oon goes by Harry? Yes, did you fucking read the book? Then Ha-oon, then Harrison goes by Harry. That's fine. Ha-oon goes by Harry? Yes, did you fucking read the poem? Ha-oon, then Harrison, then Harry. Yes, and he mourns the loss of his father, the original Ha-oon. He decided to take on his name again. You couldn't Google a single ingredient in a Korean dish

and get the scent of something from the kitchen. Don't act like I didn't guess your poem, by the way, which I did do. Can I hear Jake's poem? Wait, give me a real poem and Jake's poem. I want to see if I can do it. Well, we're talking about the poem you wrote last week.

Yeah, I know. I'm saying how long I've been hearing this. Yeah, I don't think I have it. I genuinely don't have it saved anywhere. She's one of those guys. I wasn't proud of it. He burns it. He burns the poem.

No, no. I mean, it was just that Amir got it so fast. Are you at your house or the office? The office. God, you brought that ship all the way to the office? Yeah, I had to. That's awesome. It wasn't allowed in the house?

Jill got it for me for something, for some reason. And where else can I put a ship? I have to bring it to the office because otherwise it's just in my bedroom. Where else can I put a ship? Where else can I put a ship? Ha-oon dreams of the open sea. By the way, Ha-oon was researched.

I searched common Korean names. I didn't know Ha-oon, of course. That was researched. You're talking Korean names. I didn't know Ha-oon, of course. That was research. You're talking about the Korean dish or whatever. The fucking spice that only exists. And honestly, Wendell Berry's poem was kind of sucky too, now that I think about it. Go higher. A little bit sucky.

A little bit of a sucky poem. Do your sonic voice. Oh, gotta go sucky. Gotta go fast. Gotta go sucky? Hong Kong? Doesn't he fucking talk like that? He came to both of the premieres. It's like Speedy Gonzalez.

You met Jim Carrey at one of those premieres. He was really friendly. He was, and then what happened? He did that stupid fucking act, whatever that was. Should have broke out high. Somebody meet me. Somebody stop me. Hey, I'm Amir.

When I met him. I understood what you were saying, but somebody stopped me. Yeah, somebody did stop you, right? Actually, Ace Ventura would be a good last Rotten Tomatoes. Ace Ventura can be all over the place. It could be 11 or 78. I think Ace Ventura was, you're right though, it was a comedy that maybe didn't get respect at the time. Right, like we were 11, so we loved it.

But did Gene Siskel like Ace Ventura? There's no way. I'm guessing 95%. Oh. I'm guessing- 55%. Oh, I'm guessing 19. Wow. I'm going to say, wow, 55 and 19? Yeah. Have you ever heard of those two numbers?

I feel like they must, in the Rotten Tomatoes stuff, they must take into account new discussions about the movie, right? Here we go. And I just pressed the browser. No, it's when a movie predates Rotten Tomatoes, they just aggregate all the reviews that came out that time. Why are you yelling at him? He's done nothing wrong.

I guess, what did I just guess? I just said it out loud. Ow! What did I just guess? I don't know. Guess it again before you fucking look. He's cheating. He bit me, so you put that as the thing

when you click on the viral video. Oh, like a mere bite's been? Yeah. Wait, what did I say before? You didn't say anything! Fucking guess it again! I did say something. He's scrolling down. He's going to see it. I did say I'm here, Bites Ben? Yeah. Wait, what did I say? You didn't say anything. Fucking guess it again. I did say something. He's scrolling down.

He's going to see it. I did say something. What did I just say? Oh, you thought of it. So just say another number. What were your numbers? I said 19. He said 55.

He said 55 and 19. 64. And then I said, have you ever heard of those two numbers? 64, 64. Bite him again. That was amazing. It's 48%.

Wow, 55. 55 wins. 55. i think i did 55 wins i have to fucking take a look so you owe us do you owe me money i don't know what you guessed because you instead of guessing a number you said what did i say and then you scroll down what did you say you said like 16 i said i said 48 and i didn't say 48. 57 audience score. Let me read you this text of Amir asking me to do this podcast. Sure. Because he knew I was so busy. Today I was like, I really don't have time, but I love you, so I'm going to do it.

Okay. And he promised you that. No, that wasn't the text. Are you free for a podcast around 11 a.m.? It's going to be about 10 to 15 minutes. It is 36 minutes and 32 seconds. Well, we did two segments. It's 1144. Okay. It's going to be about 10 to 15 minutes. It is 36 minutes and 32 seconds. Well, we did two segments. It's 1144.

Okay. That's fine. That's in the zone. I did say 11 to noon. Did he also promise that you'd get food afterwards? I bet he did. He must have, right? There's no way.

There's no way I promised that. So now how much longer do you guys go for? It's 36 minutes. Yeah, we're going to stop right now and do one last segment. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people.

Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote.

Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great.

Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap.

Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.

Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code segments to save 10% off

your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace.

Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats i want to know which whiteout scored more than two tutties which qb threw for less than 350 yards and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff then you should play pick six from draft kings which is an official daily fantasy partner of the nfl wow so if you like football, and it sounds like you do.

I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy. That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have... You're a fan of gambling.

Yes, of course. You're a fan of gambling in general. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely, because I do know a lot, like do you know what a nickelback does in a cover two defense? Or like do you know what a play action pass is? Like these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't necessarily know.

I basically know run and Hail Maryary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that simple and for all first time pick six players check this out new customers play five dollars on your first pick set and get fifty dollars in pick six credits very cool download the new draft kings pick six app now and use code segments that's code segments for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours.

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Thanks, DraftKings. Assholes! Well, congrats on the podcast. Hey, thanks, man. I hope this episode does well. I hope so, too. I think it will, because this is technically our first guest, our official guest. Did it work? Yeah. And with that thumbnail

of Amir biting you on the shoulder. It'll be called Amir Bites Ben, the new podcast from HeadGum Studios. It'll be like a Deadeye-style deep dive into me deep diving my teeth into your fucking tricep. The bite.

Ha-oon sits. Looks at the Daybright star. You write a fucking poem. Great. Give me a name. Fine. Fucking Ha-oon.. Looks at the day bright star. You write a fucking poem. Great. Give me a name. Fine. Fucking Ha-oon. I don't know. You're Ha-oon. I can't all be Ha-oon.

Okay. Your name can be David. Darkness. Oh. Oh my God. He spits out the most beautiful thing. Eyes roll back to his head. Darkness.

Oh. Darkness everywhere. Okay. But inside me light. First Haun. Then Harrison. Haun still. Then Harry.

Oh my god. It's incredible. The stars. Stealing souls. Understanding life. The universe. Bigger yet smaller inside. Ha-oonsters.

Ha-oon. This is definitely the sequel. What do you think the Rotten Tomatoes score is for Ha-oon 2, When Nature Calls? I'm so tired. I haven't slept in a day. I'm going to sue. It's bleeding. You broke the skin, you sick fuck. I'm so tired. I haven't slept in a day. I'm going to sue. It's bleeding.

You broke the skin, you sick fuck. She's not even going to let me have a goddamn race. I have no water. I'm dying out here. It is hot. It is hot in here. It is hot in here. It's hot out here for Ha-oon sits. What will Ha-oon do now?

All right. Well, thanks for having me. Of course. Anything to plug? Oh, when does this come out? Monday, December 11th. Christmas, I guess. Hanukkah.

Oh, for me? Check out Christmas. What do I got? Go to RejectedJokes.com backslash Tor. I'm Tor and Ben Schwartz and friends, which just recently sold out Radio City Music Hall, NBD. I was there. Jake did come. He's a good boy. He gave, NBD. I was there. Jake did come.

He's a good boy. He gave me a video of when he was there. She made me very happy. I play it all the time. You don't care about anything, I don't think. I don't think you come to any show that I don't. And also, Jake bought tickets. I would have comped him easily, and he bought tickets. I'll Venmo you $1,000 right now to support me. What? I'll Venmo you $1,000 right now to write a poem for me. You said support you.

What does that mean, support you? Read and write poetry for us for us for a thousand dollars and i'll come to your show in dallas dallas already happened when last week go really yeah jake was there he took a picture of it actually hot and shot the entire show reject the jokes.com backslash tour there might be new merch soon a gentleman named josh dick who's amazing is taking over my merch stuff and he's already done it. Josh Dick? I'm sorry. This is like a really cool guy that's probably had to deal

with that nonsense all the time. No, I was saying. Have you learned nothing from Haun? You're going to make him change his name to Harrison then Harry

then penis. That's not a bit, though. Josh is amazing, and he also... But his last name is Dick. Is that fair to say? Yeah, but that's not what this is about. I'm just saying his last name is Dick. That's a fine last name. Josh is Dick. By the way, now I get why he doesn't want me to say his name on things.

Josh Dick. God. Anyway, so there'll be new merch at each show, and I think we're going to have new merch coming out. But RejectoJokes.com backslash tour. Go to North Carolina, go to San Diego, and then all sorts of new places that I haven't announced yet. But coming to New York City twice this year. In 2024. I'll be there.

2024 coming twice. I'll compute this time, Jakey. MSG? Are we going bigger than Radio City? No, I'm doing the opposite. I'm going to do two to four shows instead of one big show. And what would happen if me or Jake was on stage during one of

these performances? Jake would crush. We've never done improv. Jake would absolutely destroy it because he knows what it's like to be on a big stage. He knows what it's like to make people laugh. He's a hit maker. He is, yeah. You have to rise to the occasion, Ha-oon style. I'm trying to think of what you would be, I'm trying to think of what you would be like.

I would be on stage and I would be having a fucking blast and I feel like we would have a lot of fun together and I would be able to set you up and support you comedically. You haven't blinked in days. I don't have to. Why? Because I'm with you on stage at fucking Madison Square Garden. It's not Madison Square Garden.

Where are you going to play instead? I don't think I can say it. We haven't announced it yet. Careful, he's about to bite you. Stop it. Barclays. Barclays is like 100,000 people. All right, guys.

Thank you so much for having me. Remember, Amir.com. What's your thing? Rejectedjokes.com. Rejectedjokes.com for me. Slash Tor. You can see there. I'm on Rejected Jokes on Instagram, Twitter.

Oh, you know what? Let's do a TikTok right now. What you know what? Let's do TikTok right now. What does that mean? Let's do a TikTok. So instead of leaving, you want to just lean into a vertical viral vid. Isn't that what you do? Isn't that your whole thing? You love TikTok. I love TikTok, and I do like going viral, but it's

hard to sort of... Why don't you do a TikTok right now? People will know, like, oh, this is when it happened. Sure. Get out your phone. Do a TikTok. My phone is currently... Oh, that's good. This is a good segment. Yeah, do a TikTok. Amir and Ben, do a TikTok. Why is it us two? get out your phone do a tiktok my phone is currently oh that's good this is a good segment yeah do a tiktok amir and ben do a tiktok why is it us two why aren't you doing a tiktok well you can't because i'm kind of directing of course you'd have to record it and send it to me no that's not a tiktok that oh you wanted me to record it in app unaware of what the world around him brings silence, depth, weight, feeling, hunger. Without hunger,

what are we? Food is sustenance. Is sustenance life? Sitting, waiting, birth. Ha-Oon is Harrison in a spiky joint with Harry.

Ha-Oon sits. All your poems are just commentary on mine you're talking about thank you jake brother this to come up with an idea that all right guys take care later guys have fun i'm just saying it was difficult jakey love you cut me off miss you too bud whatever i'll see you in new york March. Maybe I see that dingo. Dingo, come here. Come here, dingy. Come see Ben. This beautiful dog. This gorgeous dude.

This is a good dog. It's just the head. Oh my God, it's just the head. Oh no, it's a full dog. Can you see my baby? Yeah. What a good dog. It's a full dog. It's a full-sized dog. Can you see my baby? Yeah. That's a good boy. What a good dog.

He's a good boy. I am. I am. This is not a bit. I am probably 30% responsible for Jake having that dog. Really? Would you agree, Jake? I think probably more.

Wait. Can I guess the percentage? 55. Well, you owe me 20 bucks. Who's closer? Well, he actually- We should ask Jill. I feel like she would maybe give you 75%

maybe that's the TikTok we ask Jill what percentage I have an idea can this be the next segment when I leave Amir has to do one of the dancing TikToks you know how everybody dances I don't know how to do the dance well you watch it once then you have to do it

watch it once Ha-oon watches once Ha-oon Ha-oon watches once. That took me a fucking month. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Ha-oon took literally, I joined a workshop. For me to go from zero to Ha-oon. Take care, guys.

Fun to hang out. I lived in Iowa for a month. Later, guys. I'm out too, I think. Later, guys. When I leave, Ben should do a dance. Wait, hold up. 44 minutes?

Do you even need another segment? Do you have enough? We need one last one. Eight minutes. Super short. Right now. Let's go. Quick.

Come up with something. Improv style. Guys are on a bench and fucking one of them has a hemorrhoid or something. I don't know. How does this shit work? I have to be... Oh, God. I had so much work to do.

I can't believe this is so long. This is taking 30 minutes longer than you promised. You promised me. No, I said 10 to 15 minutes. And it's been 40. I have a meeting at 4 that I had to write for two hours for. Yeah, that's at 2, from 2 to 4. I got a dentist at 1.30 across the universe.

Where? At Beverly Hills. Across the universe. There's no dentist that exists on our side of the world, right where we are right now. Wow. I actually – Okay. In eight minutes, can we get food?

Yeah. All right. Jake, do a TikTok. You have to come up with one last segment. Jake, do a TikTok is what it's called Where's your phone? My phone is filming me Every phone is being used

Except for yours You want the TikTok right? You're obsessed with TikToks or some shit I can't even keep track I'm down to do a dance Alright Jake does a dance I'll do a TikTok The phone's filming me

You guys describe a TikTok dance to me I can do it a dance all right jake does i'll do a tiktok where i mean the phone's filming me so i'll just do a you guys describe a tiktok dance to me i can do it and are you guys hearing this no i think it's really loud oh are you hearing this are you seeing this yeah they're definitely stop this is what's gonna happen okay i know what the segment is yeah the energy in here is like we've been trapped for 24 hours it's been 46 minutes the first five minutes have been setting up but he hasn't eaten normal amount of time i haven't slept i haven't eaten i'm so tired i've been working all right this is what's gonna happen okay all right stop stop jake stop stop i'm here stop sure how much time until

jake has to leave he's four four minutes. This is what we do. We all say one non-PC joke. No, of course not. Okay, this is what we do. Not so easy to come up with the segments, is it? You know what would be good? Is the same one word and not laughing one.

Everybody's allowed to say one word. Go back and forth. We all choose the same word and we say laughing one. Great. Okay. Everybody's allowed to say one word. Go back and forth. We all choose the same word and we say it until one of us laughs. What's the word? Okay. Let's start with ha-oon.

Ha-oon. Ha-oon is two words. Well, it's one word, sort of, one name. Okay. So the game is already hogwash. We'll rotate saying ha-oon

until one of us laughs. Hogwash is actually a pretty good one. Hogwash? Okay, great. But I'm so close to laughing because I'm ready to burst. Yeah, you're right.

Let me go first because I'm going to laugh. I'm already laughing. And if you laugh while saying yours, you lose. Are we doing hogwash okay great but i'm so close to laughing because i'm like yeah you're right yeah let me go first i'm already laughing and if you laugh while saying yours you lose okay are we doing hogwash or how it could be either ready is the game going it could be either hogwash or hogwash or how you win this is a good game okay so this segment is called jake has made a career of laughing at your terrible joke so you know he's gone terrible someone that were pretty funny ready they were all pity laughs yep i'm going to go first. Ready? And this game, this segment is called Hogwash or Wait, wait. I'm already laughing. It's too funny. I'm already giggling a little bit. It's too funny. I'll start.

Hogwash or Haun is too funny. Smiles are fine. The verbal laughs you can't do. But he never laughs. I don't need to laugh because I already know that I'm going to win. Go first. Go. He laughed once. Okay, you blew it. Nobody thought that was funny. Ready? Ready? Yeah. Haun. Okay, you blew it. Nobody thought that was funny. Ready? Ready? Yeah. Haun.

Okay, Jake's turn. Verbal? Verbal. Smiles are fine. You went ha-ha. I said ha-un. Okay, go, Jake. Go.

I'm not laughing at the... Well, I'm laughing because you guys were fighting. I wasn't laughing. No commentary. No commentary. You can only say one word. The game is called Hogwash or Haun. That's how the game goes. You're only allowed to say either. If you say anything else word. The game is called Hogwash or Howoon. That's how the game goes.

You're only allowed to say either. If you say anything else. We know the rules of Hogwash or Howoon. It's a fucking known game. We've all played Hogwash or Howoon. We're about to start playing. Okay. We're playing starting now.

Any sound that's not Hogwash or Howoon, you're out. Okay. Right. Smiles are fine. Yeah. Okay, ready? Smiles are fine. Ready?

Three, 2, 1 hogwash ha-oon thank you guys for having me down to us two you just lost you just laughed hysterically I was eliminated.

So it's you guys in the final battle. This one's for $100. Okay, ready? Hagwish. Yeah. Hogwash. Hooten. Hogwash.

I can't believe I won the first game of hogwash versus hot oon. I think you lost. Rewind it back. Viewers, rewind it back. Put it on TikTok. All right, one more round. It's the new hogwash or hot oon challenge. It's trending on TikTok.

All of the kids are doing it. Please stitch and play at home. Okay, ready? What does stitch and play at home mean? You can add it to the video. Okay. Doesn't it have to be vertical? I know nothing about social media.

Someone told me, you told me I'm doing Instagram wrong. He called me, he goes, you're doing Instagram wrong. Called you? No, I DM'd you and I said you only post about shows. That's true. You were right. I don't know what I'm doing. All right.

Hagwa Sha'un. Ready? Noice. That's not Hagwa Sha'un. You're out. Three, two, one. Ha'oon. Hogwash.

Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Hogwash. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. haun haun i think yeah i think that was a tie you guys both stopped at the same exact time there's no way fine bonus round are you crazy just hauns Just Haun's. Haun's. Haun's. Haun's. Haun only. Haun only.

I've never seen this played before. I'm so tired. I haven't slept in so long. All right, ready? Ready? Just Haun's. Haun's only. Just me and Amir. Haun's only.

Ready? I want to play. You just said his bonus round because we both tied. All right, fine. Three, two. I'm going to lose. Let me play. Wait, wait, wait.

Fine, Jake. You're in, Jake. You go first, Jake. All right fine. Three, two. I'm gonna lose let me play. Wait wait wait. You're in Jake. You go first Jake. All right. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Okay you're out. Come here. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. Ha-oon. haun haun haun haun he's a champ he's the robot i i i got close i i really had to stifle it oh yeah the smiles were fine it was a really good rule god i haven't cried laughed in so long have we played have we played that before hogwash or haun it sounds It sounds familiar. I think we used to play on the old show. It's the first segment we did with it.

But yeah. I hope this episode gets the most views. What number episode is this for you guys? I hope it gets the most views and you have to play Hogwash or Hoon. And then I hope you find out that Hoon is like you can't say that. It's messed up.

It's like you can't say that. It like messed up it's like you can't say that it's a popular korean name is how is how i found it but kim kihong my friend rob kim his korean name is kim kihong and so all the korean that i know is from him so it's him saying like harmony it's like oh and uh he used to tell his dog to play dead so say uh uh his dog's name is coco so the only words I know are like dead grandma hello

but I know him pretty good and Ha-oon I spent so much time in that house with that wonderful Rob Kim's the best do you remember Rob Kim? I didn't meet Rob Kim but can you send him my poem

and see if it rings false or true for him because I feel like thank you guys so much for watching he goes by Harrison right? he goes by Rob Kim K-Hong, but his name is K-Hong.

First Robert, then Rob. I hope this wasn't mean to anybody. Was Hogwash Arun mean to anybody? I wouldn't think so, but I've never played before, so it's hard to say. Right. Okay, well, thanks for having us.

Hogs are gonna hate it. You're late, Jake. You had a hard out at noon. I have to go. I have a tennis lesson. Tennis lesson. That's why he doesn't want to work. Unbelievable.

I know. All right. Look at this boat behind me. Yeah. Jakey, I love you. I miss you. Love you, boys. Thanks for watching.

Talk soon. Bye, everybody. That was a Hiddem Original.