Segments - 1: Starbucks

Episode Date: May 10, 2013

Our first episode! We hope you like it. This episode includes advice on asking out your barista at Starbucks, and other sticky situations... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's recording? Yeah. If I were you, if I were you... Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets,

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Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything.

Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one.

In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in but we it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. If I Were You, the show starts now.

There we go. That was awful. That was the first. That's the way it's going to start. The first episode ever. That was great. I rehearsed that for a year. Before even being thought of the podcast, I was rehearsing that.

Well, the name of the show is If I Were You. And, yeah, this is the first episode. We're not always going to have Jake do the intro music. Though we should. Yeah. Well, we just haven't thought of intro music yet. And we wanted to get the show on as fast as possible. So yeah, for now, we're going to be, I'll be trying out a different intro song every single week until you guys hate me enough that you can

someone can send in a song that we can use instead that's right so this is the first and only advice podcast on the internet from us hosted by us yeah exactly right um i'm amir and i'm j. And we are... Amir and Jake. And our names go in no other order. So the goal of the show is to take user-submitted life conundrums and sticky situations and offer our advice. Right, however qualified we are to give it. Which is not very. The thing is we're not really experts in any other field, so we figured a fun theme would be to maximize the fact

that we don't know what we're talking about. Which is also why we called the show If I Were You. So this is just stupid advice that I would follow, not professional advice that you should follow. We can't be wrong because it's just if I were you, right? We're not offering facts, it's just if I were you, right? Right. We're not offering facts.

It's just our opinions. How can my opinion on something be wrong? It's me. Let's find out. I guess let's start with the first question. Do you have it? Yes, I do. Our first question comes from...

Oh, in order to... Let's keep it anonymous. Right. I was almost going to just reveal this person's true identity and embarrass them. Oh, you can email us at if I were you show at gmail.com. Right. With your own personal problems and conundrums. And we will give you advice. That's right. But we'll totally keep it anonymous so you don't have to worry. And we'll do that by just making up a name and location for every person who emails in. Right. This first one comes from somebody named Tram Hamburger. Awesome.

Tram Hamburger. She must be German. Where do you want to say she's from? I think it's a male. He's from, okay. Costa Mesa, Alaska. All right. Tram Hamburger from Costa Mesa, Alaska writes,

I have a huge crush on my barista. How do I ask her for her number without seeming like a total creep? Also, I want to be able to go to this Starbucks again. Is barista Starbucks specific? I actually don't think so. I think barista is like anybody that works with coffee, I think. We've already proven that we shouldn't be giving anybody advice we don't know what baristas are

alright so have you ever had a crush on a barista and not been able oh are you talking to me I thought we were talking to the radio world have you ever had a crush on a barista this song's for you if I were you if I were you alright I actually

yeah I've had a crush on two different baristas. One like, well, I guess I still have a crush on one of them. There's this one that I used to live with. I shouldn't even talk about this. What if she's listening? If she's listening. Sienna, I miss you.

We've done a great job at marketing this. She's playing in her Starbucks somehow right now. She's running out to the street. So this CD is filled with Nora Jones songs and a random podcast we found. Yeah, so I have had a crush on a barista, but I did not get her number. So I shouldn't even be giving this. If I were you, I would do absolutely nothing and just talk about it to my friends. Well, I guess you're sort of a regular at Starbucks more than

anybody else I know. You try to go every day. I do. I try to go to Starbucks every single day. And you have no shame in that. There's a lot of coffee hipsters and people, like coffee snobs, I guess. Yeah. I mean, I really do. I love coffee. I just like it to taste like chocolate milk or something. So you don't like coffee. I love the taste of the sugar in the coffee. That's what I like, and I like the way it wakes me up.

I like having a routine, and I mean, oh, geez. Starbucks gave us a lot of money for this podcast. All of these questions are Starbucks related. Next question, how do I get that sweet, sweet, refreshing flavor every morning? It's easy. Hop into a local Starbucks. Why doesn't Starbucks have a size bigger than a Trenta? Is that the biggest size?

I think that's what it's called. They just came out with it last year maybe or a few years ago. It's like tall, grande, venti, Trenta. And a Trenta is like a double venti. It's so huge. It's the equivalent of a big gulp. It really is. Why?

Why do you ever need a trenta? Dude, sometimes you just have those mornings. These all sound like names we'll make up on the podcast. Trenta from Walla Walla, Florida writes, All right, so you have a huge crush on your barista. You want to get her number without seeming like a total creep. That is a hard proposition because all they do is ask you for your order and then ask you for your name. Right.

I would like a grande sweetened iced coffee and to spend the rest of my life with you. I'd love a Trenta anything and a grande life with you. I'd love a Trent-y anything and a grande life with you. My name? I promise you it will be quite grande. My name is also my phone number. Oh, that's a good idea. Maybe you have to give her your phone number. Or give your email instead of your name.

Right. That's a pretty nice little idea. So what's the person's made-up name? Tram Hamb so she'd be like oh what's your name and you say tram hamburger at gmail.com oh that's kind of cool that's very subtle very sexy yeah and then she just writes it down and gives it back to you the guy making the coffee starts emailing you no um god do we give advice yet uh i mean that's writing your email address is a pretty solid it's pretty cute advice i think you have to just be like i mean this isn't necessarily if i were you advice but this is if i like really had a crush on her i think i would just you have to just be 100 honest you have to just go for it yeah but you never actually do

that in real life right that's true like hey. Like, hey, you're really cute. I would love, I'd feel stupid if I didn't get your number. Yeah, it's so easy to say that you will do that and say like, what's the worst that can happen? I'm afraid to ask girls for the number if I'm talking to them and it's going insanely well. Yeah, and you'll never see them again. Right, just like we're hitting, totally hitting it off.

Like, all right, yeah, we should, I'm gonna go. We should hang out or get a drink sometime. I don't know. We'll run into each other. Bye. Yeah, that's so funny. What's the worst that can happen? She would actually get offended or angry or hurt you in some way.

Right. She throws hot coffee in your face. Excuse me. No, you cannot have my number. And in fact, this is going to be a shaming of you now. Now you get burned. Take your pants off. But like, how do you go back into a Starbucks after she says,

she's like, no, I'm okay. Like, I don't want to give you my number. And then you have to like show up the next day. Of course, of course. And I'll just have my triple caramel macchiato. And actually, you know what? Slip my throat. Can you slip my throat for me?

I'm obviously too much of a pussy to do anything ever again. So I'd like you to do me that one favor. A Trenti ice water and punch me in the eye. Because you've already punched me in the heart. A Trenti ice water. You've got to get a Trenti iced water sometimes. I just have to cool off. No, no, no.

I need a bigger cup of iced water. It's all free. God, killing yourself at a Starbucks. What a sad way to go. The saddest eulogy ever. Jake Hurwitz was a... He was a good man. No, no, no.

He killed himself. You guys saw he killed himself at a Starbucks, right? That rabbi has the hardest job ever. That happened, right? I wasn't just imagining it. Should any of you guys even be here? Why are you mourning him? He couldn't get a number at a Starbucks and he asked for a knife and then slit his throat.

Can you freaking believe it? I guess he heard it on some sort of podcast or some shit. If I were you, I would ask for her number, and if you don't get it, publicly kill yourself at Starbucks. Oh, God. You awful human. Jesus Christ, don't do that. The email thing.

I think that's the way to go. I'll give him more conservative advice, and don't do anything, because you want to go to the Starbucks again. You don't want to embarrass yourself. I think that is actually really good advice because isn't that like you don't really want her number in to like take her out on a date. You like you get up every morning. You're like, I'm going to go see Sienna at the Starbucks.

That was the name of the Starbucks question. Sienna. Yeah, that's what I used to call it, actually. But, you know, you don't want to ruin that. That's the best part of any relationship, this glorious little beginning, having a crush. Don't ruin it. Keep on going to Starbucks.

Keep on seeing Sienna. Yeah, that's really lovely, but also incredibly depressing. The greatest part of your relationship is the part before it even began. That's where I'm at right now. All right. I'll read the next question. Cool.

This one is from Trod Cheeseburger at, no, Girlstend Den from Miami of Delaware writes, my girlfriend and I was invited to a fancy dinner by my boss and his wife. We're invited, but that's fine. We won't make fun of every type of sick. Yeah. Feel free to submit as you were. We want to say yes, but we can't afford it. Do you think we will pay or they will pay? Do they expect us to pay? How do I go about asking that? Wow, that is just a poorly constructed email.

He was frantically writing it while his boss was asking him. It was in a cab on the way to the dinner. Please, please. Oh, shit, we was just invited to a fancy dinner. Do they expect us to pay? How do we go about this? Please record and upload the podcast. We are inching up to the valet right now.

In the bathroom during an 18 course tasting. Shrente ice water is all around on me. You guys get the food. I get the water. We just finished our second bottle of a very expensive red wine and I fear I may be in the hole for this dinner, as I'm

buzzed and offered to pay for the entire thing. I've already put my credit card and demanded that I pay for it, so I'm worried that it'll take me up on it. I think I just bought the restaurant. So, what would you do if your boss...

If I was invited to a fancy dinner? Yeah, if you was invited, what would you do if your boss... If I was invited to a fancy dinner? Yeah, if you was invited, what would you do? I guess you have to say yes because it's a good way to get in with your superior. Right. I mean, I don't want to give the advice about lying, but you could always just say yes, go, forget your wallet. Your boss, obviously, he'll cover it. And then you say, oh, I'll get you back. And then you just avoid him for the rest of your life because that's the beautiful part of your job

is the part before your boss hates you that's the best part so gosh what yeah what would i do i guess i would oh you know you could do is um offer to choose like a less expensive restaurant so email him back and be like, wow, that place is awesome, but I don't know if I can afford it. Can we eat at a cheaper place? Yeah, that's nice. I think that's the way to go. That's honest. It's enthusiastic.

It's saying, yes, you want to do it. It's not like I don't want to have dinner with you and your wife. It's like I just want to go somewhere that's affordable for everybody. That's right. And then he'll respond and be like, nonsense. We're eating at the fancy place! And you're fired! You're gonna be fired

at the end of it. Me, my wife, and your boyfriend are having a menage a trois and you'll be eating at McDonald's! It's his girlfriend. But yeah. Shoot. The joke still stands. The menage a trois is still happening. That's right. That's pretty sound advice

actually. I'm pretty proud of us. Of myself. Yeah. I feel happy of myself. Should we move on? Yeah, let's do it. This next question comes from Tammany Jenkins. I went to high

school with her. Tammany Jenkins from Sarajevo. Colorado. Sarajevo, Colorado. She writes, My best friend wants to work at my company, and my boss emailed me to ask me for a recommendation. I love her, but I know she will be an awful employee.

Do I tell the truth and have her not get the job, or should I be a good friend and recommend her? That's a conundrum. Yeah, that's a good one. And that is, do-do-do-do-do. We're stumped. Moving on. We get one pass a show.

And this one is more than it. In fact, let's pass on the next couple because they are also quite hard. That is perfect. Let's go back to the barista one since that one was easy. Somewhat solvable for us. And the show is over. We have been stumped and we are done. The 14-minute mark marks the end of the podcast run.

Not the end of this episode, but the end of everything. Clearly we are in way, way, way over our heads. I thought we could give advice, but we suck. My best friend wants to work at a company, and my boss emailed me to ask for a recommendation. I love her, and I know she'll be an awful employee. So, would you – can you imagine being best friends with someone who would be an awful employee? Like, I wouldn't befriend someone like that. Oh.

What are you – okay. Are you saying – Yeah, just staring daggers right now in the mirror. I'm just glad that you think we're best friends. Oh, cool. I think, you know, I kind of think I would just have to tell the truth. And I would say, you know, you could, number one, tell your friend that, you know, I don't think this job is right for you. You might be able to tell her why.

Yeah, this job isn't right for you. I think it's, like, more geared towards a competent human being and you are not that or you could you know you could just tell your boss the truth and not tell your friend the truth but like in order to serve the greater good which is preserving your friendship at the cost of your best friend's career so there's a way to instead of like being damned if you do and damned if you don't you're saying there's a way to like conserve your like being damned if you do and damned if you don't, you're saying there's a way to like conserve your job and also your friendship by lying to the girl and telling her not to apply.

Right, but you've told the boss the truth. I think that sort of cancels it out. So you tell the boss the truth and lie to your friend. One truth, one lie. You're back at neutral. You're still getting into heaven. That's all that matters.

Heaven is God tallying up all the truths and lies you told. Like, hey, you're one under par. 200,000 truths and 200,001 lies. So to hell with you. To hell with you. That would be the saddest thing to hear God say. You're just getting over the awe that he exists.

Why is God the one doing the math? Doesn't he have an angel in charge of that? No, no. All God is is just letting you into the playground of heaven. There should at least be a Jewish angel in charge of tabulating the score. That's true. Or it might be the devil. Maybe it's a devil thing.

To heaven with you. If you have enough truth. So you're it might be the devil. Maybe it's a devil thing. To heaven with you if you have enough truth. So you're saying lie to the boss. Or tell the truth to the boss, lie to the friend. I think also before you do anything, why don't you sit down for a long time and try to think of why you think your friend would be bad at this job. And maybe there's a chance that you could guide her, be sort of a mentor to her. And then it could be a great thing. It's like you work with your best friend and she's really excelling at this company. And the two of you can work well together.

No, that's not going to happen. Kill yourself at a Starbucks. That's how all of our advice ends. What's your advice? What if you were Tammany? I think I would lie to my friend and say that I told my boss. I would be like, told him, oh, you didn't get the job? You know what it is.

It's probably like a lot of it is like a bureaucracy and red tape. And I assume if your friend is as incompetent as you say she is, she won't even know what that means and you'll be off scot-free. Sorry, you know, red tape. And then she just could find another job perhaps at a red tape factory um all right next question we are chugging right along yeah let's take a break let's take a breather let's take a little breather we're gonna try to release this podcast once a week once every monday, you know, 30 to 45 minutes of advice. Um, I think that's a pretty good total running time. We don't want to like overboard people. Some of my favorite podcasts

are very long, but they can get a little bit too long. That's right. So if you have, uh, conundrums questions, if you want some life advice, the email is ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com. You can write us in and let us know what you're struggling with. Yeah, and you can include a fake name, too, if you don't trust us to come up with one for you. As good as Tammany Jenkins or what was yours? I already forget. Something Den. Tram Hamburger, I think, was one of them.

Tram Hamburger was one. Then there was Sheridan's den den or something like that and the questions i guess the better the questions have the better questions have more details is what i'm trying to say that's true you think we should edit this podcast or just leave everything in um you know let's just i like the idea of just leaving everything in natural yeah like when we were nervous at the beginning just leave it in because it might be like charming. Yeah, exactly.

Now I'm not nervous at all. Yeah, me neither. Because now I know it sucks. Is there a Starbucks nearby? That's going to be, I hope that's a theme from like someday we're on like episode 1000 and we're still talking about killing ourselves at a Starbucks. In the future when Starbucks no longer exists I want to be broadcasting it live from a Starbucks

Sienna just sitting on my lap I can't believe you ever thought That this wouldn't work out That you liked just having a crush on me Like well now I love you Now you're carrying my son A boy can dream And nothing else Alright carrying my son. A boy can dream.

And nothing else. All right. Two questions left. Let's try to get to them. Right. I guess, should we say that there's five questions per show or just see how long

it takes us to get through in half an hour? Some will have more and some will have less. Yeah, that's what I'm for. Like, because it'd be kind of fun to spend one episode

doing like just a ton of advice for one problem. And then on the other hand, it'd be kind of fun to spend one episode doing just a ton of advice for one problem. And then on the other hand, it'd be kind of fun to do rapid fire. Lightning rounds. Lightning rounds. Yeah, that's fun. All right. Next question is, I live with three dudes. Who's it from?

Oh. QD Zeb. QD Zeb. QD Zeb. Clearly not a Martian. I live with three Earthlings, and we want to move to a cool carbon place. QD Zeb writes from planet Earth, I swear to God. We're just three normal carbon beings hanging out eating human food. And we're wondering...

Listening to your Taylor Swift. Eat, seek, destroy. Eat, seek, destroy. Oh, my God. Listening to your tables. So it's QD Zeb. QD Zeb writes, I live with three dudes and we want to move to a place with just two of them. Do we just kick the third guy out or move to another place?

We love our apartment. Help. Wow. So you basically QD has three roommates, two of which he enjoys. Yes. And I assume the other two roommates feel the same way. Basically, three people dislike their fourth roommate. It's funny to listen to this question in the lens of he is the awful guy

where like his three friends hate him and he's like yeah two of us really want to move out and we don't like that third guy he's writing this email while his other three roommates are moving out anyway we got this place filled with boxes and we just love it but this third guy is a real earthling. He comes out of his room. Hey, guys, I emailed everybody on the podcast. Well, no. I have a place to myself.

This is amazing. I guess if I'm QD, if I'm Zeb, and I can't go back to my home planet, can you afford the place without a fourth roommate? That'd be kind of dope. Kick that guy out. Now you have a home office. Are you waiting for an answer?

Yeah. Zendel is back. That'd be cool to have phone calls once in a while. We should do that. If somebody writes in with a really cool question, we should be like, can we call you back when we're recording and you can explain it to us live? Oh, that's a great idea. There we go.

Yeah, we'll have callers. And even if we have to call them, I want to pretend like I just got a caller on a switchboard. Oh, yeah. All right. QD Zeb, you are on the air. You're live. Go.

You're live. You're live on this podcast that we may or may not edit. So you're saying kick them out and try to afford the rent increase. I've never had this problem where I had, where like I, I mean, I've had roommates where I didn't want roommates anymore. And then I just moved out on my own. So like, I've never had, you know, two friends that I wanted to live with and a fourth guy we didn't like. Right. know two friends that i wanted to live with and a fourth guy we didn't like right i guess if it were me i'd just try to make that situation like really unlivable for the fourth roommate until he finally just like up and was like hey all right fuck you guys you've been assholes for a very

long time i'm moving out just force them out kind of like when you're in a bad relationship instead of breaking up with them you just act like a terrible person until the other person breaks up with you yeah yeah that's yeah that's that's the move this is the equivalent here this is that's what's gonna happen with me and siana eventually if everything goes according to plan you're also gonna get her to move out by leaving crumbs everywhere it's funny if you just like make the place disgustingly unlivable but this fourth guy's like all right finally we can hang out and have a good time i was already i was you guys were like neat freaks i I thought you were a bunch of squares. I also like imagining this fourth roommate's like super nice.

Like he's the cool one. The other guy's just like, yo, we want to leave this place a mess. We want to fucking stay up till 6 a.m. blasting music and shit. Friends, if you wanted to, I could have gotten a studio, a pita terrace somewhere in the city where I can spend my weekends. You didn't have to go through all this effort. Just be honest with me. Whoa, you have horns and antlers coming out of your forehead. So what would you do? I think, God, that is tough. I would probably like have like a roommate meeting and be like, all right, guys, me and guy, cool guy one and cool guy two were talking about moving out.

We don't want to like all move in together because we want like a smaller place. We still love you, Frank. I just hope you don't mind that. Like, we're going to have to live somewhere without you and move out and just like leave the apartment. Oh, and then he's like he's going to like, yeah, you basically say the apartment is disbanding. He has to find a new place. Right. And then once he does, you say, oh, you know what?

I think like we're going to renew the lease. We actually, weird shit is, we changed our mind. Unfortunately for you, Frank, you've already paid the broker's fee and signed a lease. You're kind of pot committed, as it were, to getting the fuck out of here. Anyway, we will not help you move. That's funny. It's like, all right,, we will not help you move. That's funny. It's like, all right, so we're all moving out tomorrow. Move out day.

Yeah, you have like a party, a goodbye party. Frank has all of his stuff in boxes and realizes you guys aren't going anywhere. Yeah, shoot. I think we might just end up staying because this place is dope, right? Anyway, see ya. Door slams on Faith.

Wow. We're almost out of time, but we have one more question to get to. One last question. We kind of timed it out very well. What's our time right now? 25 minutes. That's really nice. Nice little 25-minute podcast.

Let's end it right now, actually. No, no, no, no, no. We still have one more. 25 is the perfect length. Bye. My mom painted me. Oh, who wrote this? This one is from Boxalina Jarface.

Okay. There's not a box or a jar on this table, I promise you. There's both. My mom painted me a gift for Mother's Day. I just had my first child. Ooh, there's a little Jarlina in the house. A painting of me holding my infant daughter which seems nice but it's really ugly do i need to hang it up wow that is that's a conundrum yeah i like this question because it

like all four five of these questions sort of represented the cross-section of advice uh characteristics question quality yeah this is something that i would edit out, but I won't. I am talking with no end in sight. Someone stop me. There's no period coming anytime soon. So I think, oh, what I was saying is that it's good that we got a family question in, a romance question in, a friendship question in, a professional question. Everything sort of ran the gamut. Exactly. And so don't feel embarrassed or shy to ask us or email us any type of question.

And if it's not good enough, we just won't talk about it. Yeah, you cannot. It's that easy. IfIWereYouShow at gmail.com. IfIWereYouShow at gmail.com. Should I play the song again? No, we'll play it one more time at the end. It's like an outro song.

Oh, very nice. That'll be the last time you ever play it. If anybody wants to play it at home, I believe the chords It's like an outro song. That'll be the last time you ever play it. If anybody wants to play it at home, I believe the chords are C, F, C, G. Write it down. And my mom painted me a gift for Mother's Day and I just had my first child. A painting

of me holding my infant daughter. Which seems really nice, but it's really ugly. Do I need to hang it up? That's a good question. Yeah. I mean, if I were you, I would have never had A child Number one That's your first mistake

I'm just not ready for it I guess I would probably You know You have paint Like things hung up In your house I'd probably just

Hang it up When your mom was coming over Is it like I Oh that's good That's it Just like keep it in the closet Most of the time

and then uh when your mom's gonna come over just take down some other painting hang it up the second worst painting you take it down you switch it up but what if like the one time she comes over right she like pops in right right i guess that's that's the that's the problem if she if you don't i if you like don't know when your mom's gonna be there or not right or you're just like you post a picture on facebook in your house and your mom's comments um where's my painting dislike button so i think i would put it up in a place that you can't really see yeah but the mom's gonna see that she's gonna know exactly what you're doing i think when you paint a painting for someone you're like very aware of where it's hung that's funny just like leave it

hang it up but still two inches above the ground so it looks like it's just resting facing the other way i want the wall to see it you know what's a good little spot for it like behind a door that you leave open a lot but then like it's it seems like it's sort of like a like prime location near near a door but then like the open door usually blocks it or like it's sort of, like, a prime location near a door, but then, like, the open door usually blocks it or something. That's right. And then if the mom's like, why don't you put it in a more prominent place? Fuck you, mom.

Your painting sucks. It's an ugly gift. That's why. Or just have your infant daughter, like, spill something on it or, like, tear it down. No, she'll never suspect the infant daughter. And she can't get mad at it she'll be like oh that's ironic because it's you holding the thing that destroyed my painting yeah it's kind of a fun story isn't that nice that's what you're giving her for mother's day you should ask

your dad for advice because he probably has to deal with your mom's stupid art all the time their apartment is awful it's just chalk brim-filled with terrible paintings. Your dad is just like, you know what? Just go with it, okay? It's your mother. I know I did. And you came out. Amir was just smoking a fake cigarette. No, it's a real cigarette.

Oh, shit. All right. That's five good questions. Five amazingly hilarious answers. Right. What else do you need? I guess nothing. Delete all five good questions. Five amazingly hilarious answers. Right. What else do you need? I guess nothing. Delete all your other podcasts. Unfollow every podcast. It's us or nobody. No, that's a terrible message. You can listen to other podcasts, but thanks so much for listening to ours.

We wanted to say thanks to SoundCloud for hosting our podcast. They're an amazing service and they do awesome stuff. They make it possible for people to listen to our podcasts online. Yes, thank you. Thank you, SoundCloud. Thanks to my brother, Ben, for making that cool icon, the art that you see when you're listening to the... Right, the cover art. Check that out.

It looks like we're part of a hip folk duo. Which is why we're playing this folksy song. And until next week, thanks so much for listening. We hope you come back. I feel like a lot of people will listen to the first podcast, folksy song. And until next week, thanks so much for listening. We hope you come back. Yes. I feel like a lot of people will listen to the first podcast and then it'll slowly dwindle

and then plateau at the amount of people that will actually be listening to the podcast. Right. Until it's zero and we're just killing ourselves in a Starbucks.

And that'll be our last episode. All right. Remember to write in ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com. That's right. All right. Play us out. If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, the show.

Yeah, what happened there? Dot com. Oh, we do have a website, ifiweryoushow.com. That's perfect. Theshow.com. See you, everyone.