Segments - 27: Show and Guess

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

In this episode Jake has to name that photo, Amir has to name that Jake & Amir script, and then Jake takes a pop quiz.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations. They swear! Second. Another podcast.

Second. Each F different from the last. Second. It's the Swiss Army knife of shows. Now let's meet your two emphatic hosts. Second. Woo! Last episode ever last episode ever amazing what a run our last our last podcast was what 800 900 something yeah this one is like 30 or something yeah like 32 or some random shit epic in its own right

because it's kind of concise we went out on a high note which is good and we can't follow it up with anything because we did all the ideas we could have in this podcast right exactly we burned every podcast idea we did it in 10 minute spurts

we really punished ourselves with this one. We scraped the bottom of the barrel instantly. Yes. We were spitting out splinters, folks. Yes. Yeah. The end. We were licking the bottom of a wooden keg.

The Fat Lady has sung, and it was that theme song. That was the last time you'll hear it. But for now, this is Segments segments the only podcast on the internet hosted by me and jake yeah that's right uh we're coming up with segment ideas an ever-changing swiss army knife of shows as the theme song says exactly right for now we're not entirely out of ideas but we're getting close and that's why it's very useful to ask our audience, our fans, for suggestions. We're going to use a few of them today, but I had one last idea I thought we should do. Let's hear it.

Okay. So you know show and tell, right? Yeah. Well, this is show and estimate. You're going to see photos of yourself cropped really close, and you're going to have to show them and sort of estimate where you were and when. Where in my life and why. These are photos from my phone. And we have known each other for a long time. And you have really good storage on your phone.

So these go back, what, 10 years? Yeah, 2015. Wow. All right. Yeah yeah not bad um so you're gonna have to say oh this is from this and i have the exact date you can try to guess and let's see how close you can get you want me to say the actual date not just describe the situation the date god you had to make it math i want to just kind of like evoke a feeling a vibe a memory but you're gonna make me say.

Yeah. Got it. Okay. Thank you. That's enough. I fucking cut myself. I think I split my lip during that fart. No, you can do the feeling thing and then also the date.

Yeah. Okay. Great. I'll do it all um okay and uh i wanted to say i know this is a visual sort of segment some of them are more visual some of them are more auditory so for those of you watching on youtube enjoy for those of you listening i'll i'll do my best to describe these photos so it's still enjoyable for you yeah all right i'm sharing my screen. I really think that fart gave me tuberculosis. You're out of breath. You're gassed.

You're winded right now. You're depleted. You're on empty. I'm scared. Okay. Show and guess. Jake, can you see this? Sorry. Having a little bit of a screen share dilemma.

Can you see this? Having a brain fart. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Okay. This is a photo of Jake, well-shaven, new haircut, sitting on a couch. Yes. He's smiling and the thumb is up.

Glad to be there. Yes, I believe I can. Where and when? Okay, this is your house. This is your house. Yep. And this is when we got a bunch of free furniture from Article in exchange for two video podcasts shot in our homes. That's why we have the HeadGum mic flags at your house. We upped the production value.

We made it look nice. We made it look pretty. This is probably one of our earlier video podcasts. And I believe I had just moved to our house. We made it look nice. We made it look pretty. This is probably one of our earlier video podcasts. And I believe I had just moved to our house. It was, let's call it December of 2016. The election had just happened. Ooh, okay.

Well, you nailed it. It is in my house. We are about to shoot branded content. You forgot one fun element. Can you see this picture? Jeffrey shot it. No shit. I would have remembered that for sure.

Pan out to reveal Jeffrey's shooting this episode. My living room looks very pristine. Nobody basically lives here yet. There's no art on the wall or anything like that. And we recorded it March 7th, 2017. That is all brand new furniture from article. And you still have those chairs. I think you have a new couch, but you have those chairs, right? I have the chair on the right.

I don't have that leather. Oh no, I do have a leather chair. We use it to just like put clothes on in our bedroom. But yeah, I replaced the couch. With another free couch. Yeah. It's hard to keep couches like when i sit on a new couch it feels firm and new i'm like after like three four years especially a full pandemic i feel like that couch doesn't feel as good anymore yeah no i mean not after the pandemic but what are you supposed to do buy a new couch like every three years they're like expensive yeah they really are same with mattresses yeah uh okay next picture okay jake's smiling squinting even though he

has sunglasses but the sunglasses are draped around his neck uh-huh we're traveling somewhere but can do you remember when and where we were during this? See, all right. It's quite European. I want to say my hair length and beard length and age. The crow's feet are deep here. So that's not 2015. That's not 2016.

I'm going to guess this is May of 2018. And I think we're in Portugal. I think we're visiting Ed. This is after my bachelor party, but during a run of shows where we did shows in London. Yeah, we did shows in London and Dublin. And in between, we had some time off. Am I right? Yes, you're correct.

Why China feels us on a rooftop in Portugal? You said May of 2018? It's June of 2018. Yes, it's June. Okay. Okay. Pretty damn close, though. Yeah.

It was a nice day. Gorgeous day. We had a great time. Yeah. It made me think, hey, I could live in Portugal. The weather's pretty much Californian. Yeah. And that's what Madonna was doing. Do you remember outside of Ed's apartment, Madonna had just bought something that looked like a hotel? It was like...

No. Pretty positive I remember Madonna moving to Portugal around the same time we were visiting. Good on her. Yeah, definitely. Do you think you look much old this is almost six years ago you pretty much look this way don't wouldn't you say yeah i i guess i don't think that i look particularly young there so i guess i age yeah much between 34 and 38 or whatever it makes sense i was i was 32 here and i'm 38 now so yeah i guess i felt

i felt like i aged a lot at 32 so that was kind of like my max old and i'll look old old again at 40 i can't wait okay what do you know about this one this is jake again sunglasses around his sweater even though it's bright out and he's taking a selfie who knows what or where i know this haircut i can see the the good thing about me is that i'm always varying my hair and facial hair so drastically that I can tell these eras. That is a tight fade with the fluff at the top. That is a faux hawk. I am feeding a kangaroo a little biscuit. This is our first trip in Australia.

I remember this sweatshirt well. It was kind of goaded. I've never been able to find a sweatshirt even remotely similar the heather gray raglan with a nice nice tight crew neck it was from obey every once in a while i look uh for a similar one and i have the ray bands the same sunglasses from This was, we were, we went to Australia, I think it was, it was July of 20, July of 2015. Very close again. It is indeed in Whiteman Park, Australia, June of 2015. Okay. All right.

We've only been one month off in the last decade or so. I feel like if you played this game with me, I would be like, I don't know,'t know 2012 or something i can't really tell it's because you always kind of look the same uh yeah and i don't have like such a good memory for haircuts and clothes and stuff like that yeah i i form a deep relationship with all my clothes uh do you remember feeding this kangaroo with streeter yeah i remember being a little like just a little bit sad of, like, what the kangaroo's lives were. Like, I'm sure they're happy because they just kind of get fed all day. But I was hoping to see more of a kangaroo bouncing around in the wild. And they're all just kind of, like, sleeping and shitting in the sun.

Yeah, like cedar dogs. Yeah, they seem incredibly low energy. But we had a good time. And it was fun to see a kangaroo. Low energy jibs they seem incredibly low energy but we had a good time and it was fun low energy jib speaking of low energy how about this low energy guy this is a little less like classic like there's not a lot of context here it's getting a little harder now this is just this is jake looking either tired or maybe hungover or maybe drunk backwards hat jacket on his phone yeah sitting on a bench shirt jacket we're outside it looks like an unfamiliar place i think the hat and the hair length i kind of remember bringing this hat this is my vintage style yankees snapback. And I feel like I brought it to South by Southwest in 2019?

March of 2019? So you think Texas, March of 2019. I mean, I kind of don't't but that's going to be that's that's the best i can do all right you're finally way off this was taken in detroit of october 2016 all right yeah i was definitely hungover now Or I was drunk. Oh, yeah. Do you remember being in this place where we were eating some sort of really, really, really low-end fast food? Corned beef on rye, fries, and a soda for $11.30. I clearly don't. This was taken at 2.52 a.m. I'm absolutely trashed.

I'm off my ass. I am so drunk. We're just trying to get greasy sandwiches to soak up the alcohol so I can survive, which I didn't. Do you remember this night now? I was so hungover the next day. No, I don't remember a second of it. I used to get so drunk on stage during our shows and then keep drinking after. I could barely remember the podcast that we recorded in front of hundreds of people,

let alone going out afterwards. Yeah, no recollection. When was the last time you were this drunk, do you think? It would have been, I mean, probably relatively recently. Like, oh, New Year's 2022. Oh, wow. that's pretty long ago i guess kind of yeah when yeah because it was when i went to australia yeah when i went to australia is around when i stopped drinking um which was feel like this or the next morning of this yeah yeah exactly i was like i was feeling myself so much when i was in australia which i believe

was 2020 yeah it was 2022 um wait no it was 2023 so it was new year's 2023 that was it was a year ago a little more um yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah because i remember i was pregnant i remember um we did this show and it was so cold outside and john george was there with his buddies remember that our yes production helper uh john george who's was a head gum intern maybe this was before he was a head gum intern he had like a couple of friends they're like yeah if you guys want to like hop in our car we're gonna go get this specific detroit-ish fast food at 2.42 a.m. Yeah. Definitely. John George, who we met on a dance floor in Toronto. Is that true? I thought we met him here.

Yeah. No, we met him in Toronto. Wow. Yeah. Him and like three or four other dudes that we partied with. And then he started interning. Or then we met him again in Detroit. Then we started interning. Okay. we met him again in Detroit. Then we started interning.

Okay. So this was us in Detroit in 2016. Not a highlight of our life. Here's something completely different. Jake, backwards hat, looking really wistfully at me. Long hair and long beard. Yeah. The sun is shining.

The grass is green. And guess what's for lunch? That guy just over my head in the sunglasses. That's right. This is obviously recent because not only am I wearing my Ferrari hat, I'm also, the longest my hair has been maybe since college. Not the longest my beard has been, but kind of the longest they've been together.

This is COVID. This is just post-COVID. This is my first trip back to Los Angeles. So let's guess October 2021. That is correct. You nailed it. Yes. LA, Los Feliz.

We're at Stamp. It's October 29th, 2021. Oh, I definitely remembered we were at Stamp. Did I say that? I hope I did. I don't think I did. But yeah, I remember that too. Stamp Proper Foods.

A smoothie bowl of sorts. How about this one it's you kind of blurry at a night event outdoors in a jacket with a hat no no i'm not wearing a hat no hat yeah um this one's actually easy because i can instantly recognize that i'm not wearing my own jacket this is a jacket that i borrowed from you yep uh this is riley anspaugh's party in malibu um and yeah this i was wearing this because i was trying to look cool it was the invitation said the dress code was was like malibu chic yeah like the dress code was just malibu chic so it's like there's no like cocktail it's just like dress cool i think i was wearing a collared shirt and i got to your house i was like no it'll be cooler to wear a jacket with a white tee and i did always

like this jacket of yours do you still have it uh i might i don't know if i do but i'll buy it off you i would buy it yeah yeah i was definitely penguin or something yeah you don't wear it ever so i shouldn't even have to buy it off you should give it to me well you didn't buy it off me about three times now i feel like i have all the money for a lot of money you don't wear it i know you don't wear it um so i i hadn't left la but i was married here because it looks like that's a wedding ring. Let's go ahead and say it's one of my last weekends in L.A., November 2019. Close-ish. This was a picture of me, you, and Michael Chikember of 2018 oh oh right i forgot that i was that was

when i was married uh i i knew that it was 2018 i just i said the date wrong but in my mind this was the right yeah totally because i did i did leave la in 2018 2018. I said it was just before I left L.A. Yeah. Whatever. I was otherwise right about the event. So you remember seeing Michael Chiklis there. By the way, I'm in a short suit. Remember the summer of short suits?

Yeah. I think you were the only guy wearing them. It's looking a little sillier every month. Yeah, for sure. But yeah, I do remember this because we were at this party with a lot of fancy people. And Michael Chiklis just came over and like stared. I think Riley put him up to it maybe. He just came over and he gave you like the Vic Mackey from the Shield stare. Like took off the sunglasses, like stared at your eyes.

Like you didn't know if he was actually mad at you we had been doing a bit about going dickless for him for a long time yeah and he like took off his sunglasses like what is this sitting shit you've been saying about going dickless for me yeah i leaned into hoping to god he was kidding and be like sir you have to assume that was a joke like jake wrote everything it wasn't me yeah like pointed to you fortunately was laughing about it really nice guy loved the incredible thing didn't have to but did and then we even took a picture covering our dicks which i think was his idea that's great yeah we went dickless for him we actually finally did it highlight of the fucking night slash year which was 2018 not 2019 okay last one ready yep instant instant knowledge we know exactly longer hair

joyous joyous with arms around you yes this is your wedding uh this is October of this year. October, or actually last year, October 2023. That's correct. October 12th. 13th. 14th? What's the date? 10-15, a.k.a. Pen 15.

Very good. Very good. There's the wide shot. We got it on November 27th, which is what it says. But yeah, October 15th, 2023. I'll release all of these pictures on our patreon for a fee but you can see it was a nice horror based dance everyone's having a joyous time kind of sweaty kind of loving life a great time that was joy that was pure joy look at all

oh i have one more oh oh how about this guy this is a picture of a picture it's you on a screen in some sort of video camera screen this one this one's also this one is also easy this one is august 2015 uh this is our pilot i clearly remember it because i did not own that shirt if i'm ever wearing a shirt that's not mine i i'll tell you about it that's not my shirt you do have shirts that look like that it's a blue and very similar that's yeah that's why they cast that's why they you know they dress me in it for the pilot but that is not my shirt no not your shirt october 2015 how do you remember that so specifically? No, August, August 2015. I remember because.

That's correct. Here's the wide shot. August 7th. Yeah. I remember because I had my 30th birthday on set and everybody gave me a cake. And the episode was about my half birthday. The pilot was about my half birthday. And we had a party.

Do you remember this amazing party we had it was the it was the head gum launch party my birthday party and the pilot wrap party all at once and it was kind of a housewarming party because it was the first party that we had at um the casita the The Airbnb that we were renting. Yeah. Kind of when we peaked in life. Yeah, that was definitely, that was the peak. You and I played beer pong.

We played beer pong against Rick Fox that night. Yeah, and his son. And they kicked our ass. That was awesome. It was an honor to lose to Rick. The only way it could have been. All right. It's a fun walk through memory lane.

I almost nailed all of them except for Detroit. Yeah, the Detroit one was random. Everything else sort of had like a fun story or like location associated with it. The Detroit one, I threw a curveball at you just to see like how well do you actually know these photos? Yeah, I hope people like this because I want to play with you pretty bad. Yeah, let us know if we should do the reverse. Pictures of me, me guessing wildly inaccurately about where and when I was. Exactly.

All right, let's take a break. Bye. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one,

first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah, it's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly.

And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own

FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change but ultimately it's not a full body swap right mostly you're just concussed yeah which is new it's kind of like having a new personality yeah it's funny i consider myself a vision lifter which is why i recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com oh vision lifters yeah vision lifters with a z and not where you think and it's not biz with a z so if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one build a store an online portfolio the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free

trial and when you're ready to launch just use that coupon code segments to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain hell yeah so again you go to squarespace.com slash segments segments you save 10 off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial enjoy thank you squarespace quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey that lets us know what you think about uh the ad experience but in order to do that we need to know a little bit more about you our audience the survey is quick easy. To support segments, it'll take two minutes,

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Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Funny. All right, we're back. Yes, we are. Present day, April of 2024. But we are going to dive back into the past okay good yeah that's where we like to live anyway yeah we're gonna reminisce this is a this is a segment uh

actually this was a this was a suggestion let me pull up who it was from because it was it was very very good a suggestion so good, we actually took it. Yeah. This is from Kenny Man. Take an old Jake and Amir script and have one of you read your half of the script while the other either tries to remember their half or improvises a new one. So we've picked the script Reddit for you. Do you think you know that one the best uh it's one of the ones that do come to mind i don't know if i uh have a hundred percent recall but i i hope i know some of the stuff so are you gonna play me or you're gonna play yourself um i'll i'll do

that's a good question what do you want i'll play i'll play me i feel like that's that's yeah what i should do yeah okay um so i'll play me i mean i have the script in front of me you have no script we're gonna see how well you remember this okay this is jake and amir reddit one of our first viral videos because it got onto the front page of reddit hey you're watching jake and amir and i'm viral bitch you actually say give me your hat wow bad hair and then i say that's why i'm wearing a hat but that was that was a that one doesn't really nobody can remember these intros okay um all right into your office amir is typing okay dude sorry but you have to stop posting on reddit i'm on the front page relax i only post cool and interesting stories at most once a month do you want me to tell you

each line as we go past it or do you want me to just roll with it i think you have to roll with it otherwise we're stopping too much okay every single time you posted 3 900 times today did i do that you're using that word wrong besides they're all pretty tastefully done if you ask me yeah the last thing you uploaded 30 seconds ago is a picture of the guy from futururama with, I think, your dick. No. Photoshopped onto his forehead. I'm literally not sure if this is my dick or my nose. The text, not sure if all of you commenters are a bunch of circle-jerking divas or if I'm universally hated by everybody.

It's the second thing. Yeah. No, it's called a meme. why do you try so hard to start it's called a meme no it's called a meme wow you also try to start a lot of amas i'm a coward and a fool whose dad moved out on him not once not 12 but a dozen times ask me anything yeah my dad is a diva ask me anything yeah i'll go dickless for michael chickless ask me almost anything that one is because i didn't want to answer some questions about rampart what is that it's a fucking movie with wo Harrelson. What does it matter? We're going fucking viral. AMAs. It's like an interview.

It stands for Ask Me Anytime. Wrong. What the fuck is going dickless for Michael Chickless? It's basically castrating yourself for Sir Michael Chick, in a way. You never get any upvotes. You have thousands of downvotes. Yeah, and that worked out pretty well for me didn't it you are wrong am i wrong the line says it's called karma jake and and correct and correct me if i'm wrong but i got a lot of it and i say you are wrong then you say then correct me i shouldn't remember that

what what are these hundreds and hundreds of posts on r slash trees just picture after picture of you trying to light a joint and your eyebrows on fire and you're crying and smiling i was at a nine when i posted those okay Okay, I see that. I'm high as a knife. Ask me anything. If this gets a thousand uptokes, I won't kill myself. So sad. Not really.

You know, that is sad because that's not very high. You went to a very dark place, threatening to kill yourself in an online community where everyone hates you. I feel like we've strayed off the path here. The fact that I'm literally on the front page of Reddit and you're not. Okay, I won't uptook that because you know what? Your comments on all of these other posts

are actually really mean. For example? Good. It's really close actually it's because it seems like we did uh just one of the classic like back and forths where i say like on this video and then you interrupt me to say what example i'll give you a lot of examples like this video of a dog squealing with joy when his owners when his soldier owner comes home am i the only one who thinks dogs are incapable of having feelings or giving a shit that's you say i did it for the lulz you did this for the lulz why the bitch is this on the front page am i the only one who doesn't

think that dogs are cute or capable of having real emotions god so that's true yeah i did that for the lulz exactly right if this gets downvoted i'll shut up my dick is off for michael chick if this gets one more d vote i really did cut fucking cut my dick off by the way hundreds of downvotes i don't remember anything uh it's really hard because they're all so nonsensical how could i possibly really i should have watched this right before we recorded yeah even then it would have been hard and drum roll please thousands of upvotes and then you say hundreds of down hundreds of down votes and you say really? And I said, yeah, do you not check? Do you not like follow up at all?

I don't actually. I thought I did. You'd be depressed if you went through your Reddit history. Okay. Here's another picture of the Pope. And the caption says, praise for starving children when sitting on a golden throne. That one's topical. You think that's funny now?

Yeah. Because you didn't when you left this comment. Atheist fucks going to hell for talking smack about this God guy. Bury me with downvotes if you disagree. You know, why do you ask for the downvotes? Because it gets upvotes. But if you agree, meet me at Blockbuster because we are renting Rampart and then ramming each other's farts. Yeah. Then right under that, you write, commenter above me as a philosopher. Upvote him to karma heaven. me at blockbuster because we are renting rampart and then ramming each other's parts yeah then

right under that you write commenter above me as a philosopher upvote him to karma heaven right under that you write i'm the pope in this picture ask me anything upvote you say that thread was dead stop trying to protect yourself stop trying to protect yourself you're coming up with excuses just admit nobody on reddit likes you um yeah if they didn't like me then why did they give me all these upvotes this guy for the wolf x replies to you saying leave reddit alone love everybody and his comment got thousands of upvotes. Of downvotes. And in response, you decided to post a picture of Calvin trying to piss on Michael Chiklis, but there's no P. I downloaded it off the internet.

You say, yeah, and guess why? He went Chiklis for him, exactly right. Did he go Chiklis? Yeah. Ask him anytime. Ask him anytime. I think I nailed it. That was perfect. That was absolutely perfect.

That's like what it was when we were rating the script for the first time on camera. And we're like, all right, I think we got it in pieces. Yeah, we're off book. It's tough to remember lines from 12 and a half years ago. Yeah, but we've seen those videos more recently on our on our patreon but i think they're hard because there's not really any like they're so each line is its own like off the cuff out of context weird response yeah like unrelated it's easier for you because i set you up by saying stuff and you answer ah for me i'm just like saying anything random in the universe so i have no context clues to

go off that's actually true do you want to try one where you read for you and i'll guess for me since it might be easier i'm gonna be doing jake and Amir colon IT guy. One of my favorites. All right, ready? You're watching Jake and Amir. Don't talk to them like they're babies. I'm not. Yeah, you're spoon feeding them.

Just to get that out. Great. Silence. I can fix this problem in three seconds, and this fool is going to take three hours I'm serious I can fix this problem in three seconds and this fool is going to take three hours I said I can fix this problem

you can't fix any problem computer related or not in three seconds so stop talking wow pussy whipped much what shut up uh um i'm fucking with you okay relax man you gotta learn how to chill out i'm serious if we're busy off this much you have a seriously psychological problems words don't piss me off you you dumped apple jacks on my computer and you and you ruined it you say i have a seriously psychological problems oh yeah and you go you got a problem too you have a problem too you dumped apple jacks all over my hard drive and now it's all lost

i'm not keaton man you should look at it and check it out. I'm really not Keaton. Then you mentioned the Applejacks and I go, all my files might be erased. Might be. Might be. And you're pissed at me like they are. Like they are. I'm serious.

I think we only know your line. Words piss you off this much? Words don't piss me off. You do. You and your Applejacks. Nice nice don't blame the apple jacks like they did anything i'm not i don't deserve this silent treatment not everything is the silent treatment you're yelling at me then it's not the silent treatment right nice i'm sorry king dork is taking way too long i gotta go over there and harass this asshole or something good now i'm now playing

mike rogalowski yeah hey king dork bet you're happy that this is a computer problem not a date because you have nothing to offer a woman i bet you have no hobbies i like swimming holy shit the king dork speaks and he has the worst hobby of all time biking he said swimming try to listen what hobbies do you have oh yeah what hobbies do you have not Oh, yeah. What hobbies do you have? Not really a hobby, but I've been pretty into craisins recently. You know, little cranberry raisins. You're right. That's not a hobby. Hey, biking dork.

I bet I know what you like to do. Your mom. Low blow. you fucking asshole oh man this is such a good script relax man what this guy comes in here with that that that that that poison to my ears talking about raping my mother. You just said if words piss you off this much, you have seriously psychological problems. I can't process this right now. I can't deal with this right now.

At one point I said, you vile, vile little man. You with your acid tongue. You serpent poisoning my mind's eye. And then I say, I can't process this. I can't deal with this right now. You know, 30 seconds ago you said if words piss you off this much, you have seriously psychological problems. I was kidding. You're kidding.

Right after you said I'm not kidding. I was kidding. Rogo. Okay okay should be good jake thanks man me you think he meant that that jab at my old lady i think he was kidding yeah right he said it so quick he didn't even pat an eyelash you're not intuitive if he's king dork then I'm prince the nerd and I have to be ready to accept that dad come back

I'm ready to loving you again I'm sorry fuck you nice the end pretty good man that script is insane if he's king dork then i'm prince nerd he said it so fast he has to be my dad it's even bad and i we love scripts where i take things too far and I'm instantly thrown all the way to the ground

in one really passive, innocuous line. Where you condition out and not take it. It's perfect. Anytime we can highlight your hypocrisy, it's just so good. For more of these, check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash JA. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode

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know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kingsKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first-time Pick 6 players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits.

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Thanks, DraftKings. Alright, we're back. Yeah. Pop quiz hot shot. Okay. The original fantasy baseball was called rotisserie baseball because A, players were often drafted like a rotisserie chicken spinning around. B, the owners met at a New York City restaurant, La Rotisserie Francois,

where its founders met for lunch and played the first game. Or C, it wasn't called that. I made up the premise for this question. La Rotisserie Francois, where its founders met for lunch and played the first game. Or C, it wasn't called that. I made up the premise for this question. Oh, wow. It's either B or C, I think. I'll go ahead and guess B. That is correct.

The owners met for lunch at a New York City restaurant, La Rotisserie Francois. Oh, I wonder if it's good. All right, enough talking. Pop quiz, hotshot hot shot what is this from what is going on i just found some random trivia questions okay popcorn is one of six major types of corn but the only one that can pop true or false um there's something with like puffed corn isn't there i'll say false that is true popcorn is just a random type of corn there's five others and it's the only one that pops that's kind of cool it's actually really cool pop quiz hot shot enough fucking around croissant is french for crescent the shape of the pastry um it seems like it wants to be true so crystal waffle actually i'll say it's false it's true damn it why did i just go with what

seemed obvious because each one of these questions is kind of tricky. These are tricks of trick questions. Yeah, this isn't trivia. It's trickia. It's trickia. And I'm going to give you a trickiotomy. Two more. Are you ready? Yeah. The most populous city in Connecticut is blank. The most populous city in your home state of Connecticut is blank. Remember, it might be a trick question. The populous city. Right. Because it wouldn't, I don't, I guess I'll guess. Let's see.

We've got the big ones, of course. Stanford, Greenwich. Greenwich isn't that big Hartford but I don't think it's Hartford it's not New Haven New Britain you've named four of the top ten

really have I named the top one who's to say you would tell me if I hadn't i'll guess stanford stanford is third with 135 000 people oh then new haven new haven is second with 136 000 people hartford hartford is fourth with 121,000 people. Was it Greenwich? Greenwich is 10th. It's only 63,000. So it's Bridgeport? It is Bridgeport.

148,000 people live in Bridgeport. Wow. So not only did I guess all of the top ones, when I finally circled back to guess the first one, it was the last of the six that I had guessed. I don't think you mentioned Bridgeport until you guessed it oh really yeah i think you did i thought that i oh i did i said stanford stanford and grinch yeah new britain yeah oh wow geez embarrassing really embarrassing but i bet i could get all the other 10 you think your parents would know the

answer um i think they probably wouldn't struggle as much as me but i could see them guessing between new haven hartford and bridgeport yeah they are very close for a state to have three that are that close to each other in the top yeah it's a it's a big old suburban sprawl out there all right enough talk pop quiz hot shot last question try to end on a high note so far right yeah yeah your favorite soccer club the tottenham hotss um i'm gonna guess the 1880s that is correct the tottenham hotspurs were created in the 1887s um well it was a little kind of funky at first because it was like a cricket club then they formed a soccer club in 18. Then their first club was in the late 1880s. So it was around then.

Cool. Come on, you Spurs. I wonder what soccer was like in the 1880s. They got to have sucked, right? There's no way they'd be that good. Yeah. A lot of long balls being kicked through the mud. I bet you could use your fucking

hands at that point that seems like even pre no handball right yeah you're allowed to use anything you just you just had to wear a leather hat that was the one rule for 48 years until the first world war when they said no hands do you know the uh the name of the bird that sits on the the ball and the logo um i guess i always just thought it was a rooster a game cock it's a cockerel cockerel that's right look at that learning yeah every day how are they doing um i love i love tottenham i think their logo is uh is it's not my favorite of all of the – if I could just grab a different logo, I'd like that. They're having a great season given the circumstances. They lost arguably one of the best strikers in the world, certainly for them, the day before the season started.

Everybody was kind of projecting they'd be a mid-table team. But the first 12 games of the season, they were undefeated. They were number one, and they were riding high. Then they had an injury crisis. They lost a lot of players to injury, and then people kind of wrote them off. But again, they surged, and now they're in fourth place with seven games to go. So a lot better than people thought, but also kind of bruised ego from riding so high at the beginning of the season. Also.

Yeah. I feel like if we didn't have that run where we were number one, people would look at the table and be like wow that's great for tottenham but because i feel like we started the season and surprised everyone that finishing still higher than expectations it feels like we lost because we lost three places our soccer injuries like football and basketball injuries or is it like weird shit like oh this person has a dense elbow and you're like i've never heard that injury before it's i think there's some i mean like we lost i think two guys to hamstring injuries yeah that's a there's i think there's some i mean like we lost i think two guys to hamstring injuries yeah that's a there's one and there are two acls yeah they do sometimes they're just like oh he's carrying a knock they'll call it a knock or a niggle and and you're like they're

supposed to know what that is right no it's just like okay they're they have discomfort so they're not playing usually it's like in basketball they just call it like a high ankle strain or something. Yeah. But in soccer, let's call it a knock. That's awesome. Yeah. All right. That was the end of my short but sweet pop quiz.

That was a little tricky about things you should but maybe don't necessarily know that's fair i think we should i've mentioned this to you but i think we should do the epl podcast where you support our soul and i support tottenham and we'll just watch all of tottenham's matches and all of arsenal's matches matches and talk about interesting because they're the biggest they're the biggest north london rivals so you're throwing me into the pit of being an arsenal fan i mean it's great to be an arsenal fan right now i fucking hate them but they're um they're top of the league a really good team very exciting team i might be in london when they win the premier league so that could be a good origin story yeah and your boy declan rice from the Hammers is one of their best players I am from the USA but I do support Rice actually yeah yeah it feels it feels Rice it just feels

Rice for you for me to wear an Arsenal jersey that says Rice on the back I mean who says no to that that's a good idea you'll be in London god damn I hope they don't win alright I'll do some research alright and thank you to you guys for watching slash listening damn right for more of us you can check us out on patreon patreon.com slash

JA where we sort of have a house on memory lane so we sort of spend our entire time back there exactly exactly thanks to everyone for the suggestions on uh which segments we should do keep those coming we already keep them coming we do we love them and as always we'll be back next week goodbye everybody that was a hit gum original