Segments - 33: Greater Britain

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

In this episode we discuss Premier League Football, premier travel destinations, and premier Hardly Working episodes.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations, they swear! Second, another podcast. Second, each app different from the last. Second, it's the Swiss Army Nightclub Show.

Now let's meet your two emphatic hosts. Second. We're very close. Back in the lab again. The L.A. lab. I wasn't paying attention. Was that the good theme song or the mean theme song? Good. Oh, that was the nice one.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. I've lost the thread entirely as to which one we started with, where we ended up, and now we're back, and now we're back, and now it's just sort of all mumbled together. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We need that innocuous one done, but we have sort of all mumbled together. Yeah, exactly. We need that innocuous one done, but we have to pay Ferris money every single time, obviously. So it's a funny bit. Ferris munchie. As in he wants the munchies. I don't know why

he wants cash for work. He should do it for the honor of being on our show. I think because he has like a very specialized talent and he's taking his time. So he wants to be compensated for that time.

Right. Just like any job. I didn't think of it like that. Yeah. I didn't think of it like that at all. Like doctors are also paid. Yeah, but not cash. Yes, not cash. But like most money is digital at this point. Right. Like you do work and then you see the number in your bank account go up.

Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, because you're not even necessarily using that money. It's just like, oh, I have a savings account. Now, you have some of my number, and your number goes up, and I'll have some of your number, and my number goes up. Yeah, like when you Venmo a friend. Yeah, it's just your number is my number. I'm eating a sandwich, and I'm fucking baby birding it into your mouth.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, can you Venmo me $8? All right, I have $100 in my Venmo, and I'm fucking baby birding it into your mouth. Yeah, exactly. Oh, can you Venmo me $8? All right, I have $100 in my Venmo and I have $92. Okay, good. I have $108. Oh, Venmo me $20 for the movie. All right, now I have $80. It's disgusting.

It's dystopian. It's disturbing. It's uncouth. It's uncool. It's just like, let's create a fake Venmo where the number goes up and down randomly. I actually have this. I'm not fucking done. I had this idea for social media.

I had this idea for social media where you have an Instagram that just says you have a million followers. Yeah. No one is there. Yeah. That's really dope. You post and your phone, as soon as you hit post, it just explodes with hearts. Oh, my God. And that's it.

Oh, my God. You have a thousand likes in a minute. Social media. Everyone is just chasing that feeling. But then you get lost in all of the toxic behavior and the mean comments. Exactly. Just take that all off the table. That's why, yeah.

No one is, it's all VR. No one's actually there. It's augmented reality. Yeah. You can make your lock screen positive notifications for a post that doesn't exist. You know sometimes when you're live. Oh, I i'm not done omg you're so hot wow this looks like such a good time holy shit how did you afford a private lesson well i'm not done i know you're not how did you get a private change the subject to stop your diatribe and you're gonna go on a diatribe no

matter what i want to talk as much as possible basically i feel like we're playing a game and the more i talk the more i win not unlike your I feel like we're playing a game, and the more I talk, the more I win. Not unlike your social media idea. Yeah. So the Venmo is fake. The Instagram is not real whatsoever. Everything is kind of fake anyway, but we are all playing at the same time. But we should just – everybody goes to their independent play.

Yes. We're doing social play right now. Social play? I'm learning about social play and independent play for We're doing social play right now. Social play? I'm learning about social play and independent play for children and stuff. What's the difference? Oh, like how much you can entertain yourself versus playing with others. Yeah, well, my daughter's not old enough

right now for social play. To play with other people. Yeah, she doesn't know if there's another baby that they are playing. So she's just kind of experiencing independent play next to another baby. And what we're all doing, we're all engaging in social play, but it doesn't really feel like play anymore. Because of what I'm doing or how I'm acting?

You're one of many. I'm often thinking that it is independent play because I'm having my own conversation with myself. And sometimes it's next to somebody that's talking and sometimes you'll interject and say something. Exactly, and I don't have to listen because I'm having my own conversation with myself. Exactly right. And sometimes it's next to somebody that's talking. And sometimes you'll interject and say something. You are not hearing a word that I'm saying. Exactly. And I don't have to listen.

And I can't get a word in edgewise. And it doesn't even have to be edgewise. It can even be right down the middle. Because the fact of the matter is, I am just writing a densely packed paragraph. And then you're just running in your own direction. But the entire crux of the thick mound of the short, the're going to make your point now. The amount of speech and dialogue that I have is so densely populated.

And then by the time you come in, it's like it's already too late. The closing argument. Nice. Well done. Thank you for being here, by the way. This is Segments, my advice podcast.

Sometimes it's just me. You work at Vice Podcast? Segments, your advice podcast. That's not even what the show is. I thought it was going to be more like a therapy session. I do like that. I do like that a lot. We're doing the classic segment episode for today, which is three segments.

Each one's so different from the one before it, you'll get emotional whiplash. Whiplash, yeah. You won't even be able to handle it. The first one is all about Venmo. The first one will get you nauseous. I'm actually kind of ill right now. Yeah, and then the second one is just a ginger ale. Nice.

And then the third one is just completely separate. It's like a game. It's a fuck fest. It's a fucking orgy. It's Berghain meets OnlyFans. Oh my god. It's a fucking... You will be getting into Berghain today.

It's a glory hole. That's right. It's a glorious hole. Our podcast is the glory hole. That's right. It's a glorious hole. Our podcast is the glory hole of comedy. What does that mean? You don't ever know what's going to come through the glory hole or who is going to come on the glory hole. Is the glory hole just a hole in a bath?

I don't know. Why are you asking me? Why do you think I fucking know all about glory? You know what a glory hole is. You know what it is. The way I understand it is like it's a hole in like a bathroom stall or like a little voyeuristic like peer into. Yeah. But did I just make up the bathroom part or did you also assume it was a bathroom?

No, I think often it's in a bathroom. You see them associated with bathrooms. I think they're also like clubs and stuff. Yeah. I think they've been around for a long time. They've definitely been – I think they were in the wild and now they've been appropriated into porn. You're actually obsessed with glory holes. I'm not really, I don't, that's not my shit.

You're like an expert. I like having deep emotional connection during sex, but only for a short time. It's an independent play. Independent play. Or it's a social play. Yes, exactly, exactly right. But the impersonality of a glory hole is not hot to me. That's awesome.

Yeah. It's cool to hear you say that out loud. Thanks. Because I know for a while you struggled with your own sexuality with regards to... You're going to go off on a tangent again? Okay, I want to talk about London. Since we spoke last... Yes.

Since we recorded last in the New York studio, I went off to London. You did. Now we're back both in LA. And you know that I'm a bit of an Anglophile. Exactly. We had both been to London together. Yes. But for whatever reason, this trip struck me as different than my previous trips.

What was your last trip to London before this trip? It must have been like eight years ago. Was it when we went? Yeah, when we did like London and Dublin or something like that. Yeah, okay. So you had never really been there or hadn't been there in a while since we've gone for like shows basically. Yes, exactly. All right, sweet.

This was more of a generalized vacation. Yeah. Got to explore a little more. Yeah. Okay, this is what struck me and tell me if you agree or disagree. Okay. One, the biggest change since when we were there last, London always was more expensive than America to me. But because of the hyperinflation we're going through, London now feels cheaper than New York and L.A.

Interesting. Which is completely backwards from normal. I remember when we used to go, it's like a sandwich was 10 pounds. And I'm like, oh, my God, that's actually $15. That's crazy. Now that sounds really cheap for a sandwich. Right. Like, wow, only $15 for a sandwich was 10 pounds. And I'm like, oh, my God, that's actually $15. That's crazy. Now that sounds really cheap for a sandwich. Right, like, wow, only $15 for a sandwich? Or like I would go to a grocery store and I would just look and it's like boxes of cereal are two or three pounds.

And I'm like, this would cost $8 at this point. Yeah. You can get a sandwich at a Tesco for like four pounds. Wow. And it was like a pretty good sandwich because they only have to make it. They don't mass produce it for everyone. So it's like kind of a healthy-ish sandwich for less than five bucks. Wow. And it was like a pretty good sandwich because they only have to make it. They don't mass produce it for everyone. So it's like kind of a healthy-ish sandwich for less than five bucks. Yeah.

That's nice. That doesn't exist in America anymore. Yeah. I mean, I guess I didn't notice that because I didn't go to London during the inflation period. Like since everything costs $20 here. Yeah. Now it costs $15 there and that feels kind of cheap.

That's interesting. Even coffee is like three or four pounds and like you get a fucking iced latte here and it's $7. Yeah that feels that's interesting even coffee is like 3 or 4 pounds and like you get a fucking iced latte here and it's $7 and that's before the tip my coffee is like $8 every morning it's so expensive so London

and by the way people in London complain that it's like the 7th most expensive city in the world and I guess we just live in like number 1 and 3 most expensive cities so it feels cheaper is what about um real estate real estate yeah yeah i knew you would ask about that yeah it's roughly the same okay yeah so it's still like you know five thousand dollars a month for a one or two bedroom yeah okay depending on where you are but yeah just the the price the cost of living there and they're going through like a cost of living crisis it is high in i'm sure but ours is more of an emergency yeah ours is like even

that to the 10th degree so london feels cheaper than um america biggest difference yeah two there were so many people and things everywhere where like even coming from New York London felt like like I would make a left and I'd be like you see this Chelsea market overflowing with thousands of people then you like go down the street it's like old pub people flowing out of the street it's like 6th Street in Austin like flowing

overflowing with people then you go to like a movie theater so many people and then you take a bus 40 minutes and you're like at the theater district and just millions of other people it's got to be like height of tourists where was everybody tourists or was it just like oh these look like it was nice out for the first time yeah yeah so people just flock they're like we got to go outside and everybody just like converged into the streets and into the restaurants and into the theaters and it just felt like come on mates

there's only a four dollar sandwich over here three dollar pints or whatever i don't even drink and i felt like that's like half of the enjoyment of being outside yeah they'd have these pubs and then there would be like a velvet rope three feet from the entire circumference of the pub and it would be densely packed like people like this like all like in a crowd it's just a drink outside they're like oh this incredible. It's like 70 degrees out. They were so excited to drink outside of the pub together. Yeah. So novel. Enormous.

Yeah. It felt like a new level of a video game where I'm like, I know LA. I know New York. I've seen crowds. Yes, but this is just like so many crowds. Inescapable and unique because it doesn't necessarily exist. There's pockets of it doesn't necessarily exist. Like there's pockets of it. Like, you know, some areas of Williamsburg are busy or some areas of LA,

like Hollywood are busy, but like, this is just busyness everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Even in New York, you can like, if something is really busy, you can just turn left and go down a few blocks and find some relief. No relief. That's wild. At least where I was. Yeah. And I didn't even explore like 10% of London. I like stayed in my little neighborhood. What was your neighborhood? It was in between Shoreditch and Angel. And then we would go to like where the theaters are, which is like a different area, like sort of near the water, central London. Cool. West end. I'm not really sure. Okay. Another thing that America has gotten bad with, specifically L.A. and New York, everything is now just like a sweet green and a blue bottle. Yes.

There's the homogenization of everything is an Amazon and a Whole Foods now because nobody can afford to have a unique storefront. Yeah. In London, they're still like, I'm walking and it's like, oh, here's a camera store. We sell film. That wouldn't exist in America anymore. No. Yeah. and it's like, oh, here's a camera store. We sell film. That wouldn't exist in America anymore. Here's a Sri Lankan deli, and we only do specific food. Damn, that's awesome.

That doesn't exist. I understand why the crowds were flocking. Yeah, that would be a Chipotle. That would be an Amazon. And how much was the Sri Lankan deli sandwich? $2 for a hopper. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. $2 for a hopper. That is- I don't know why- two quid man two quid for a fucking thing i've never even heard of that wouldn't necessarily exist in america because i guess rent has gotten up so high to the point it's like you can only be a a five guys a shake shack or a sweet greens to afford i eat and i live at a dig in exactly yeah and if it was like we remember like in what will what Williamsburg used to be, there was like a hat store.

Yeah, yeah. And like the hat stores are gone now. Or like a camera store is a good example. It's like we sell like cameras, like Nikon and Fujifilm. Those are still around in London. Those don't exist in America anymore. That's awesome.

Yeah. So whatever's going on there, like the capitalization, we're in like 10 years ahead mode. Interesting. Do you think they're heading there? Are we going to? They got to be heading there. There was like bookstores there. Man, that's awesome. A movie theater converted into a library that has like a membership and a pub and stuff like that. I'm like, yeah, there's no way that's that's an AMC regal theater.

It's a chain and it costs this much money to go. That's right. So everything in America seems to have shot 20 years into this dystopian future. And London, even though it's still- Everyone eats the same sludge here. Yes. It's the bowl- The bowl-ification of our society. Do you remember like- Acai.

Yeah. Or grains. Don't talk about acai. Acai is different. I love my acai yeah or grains don't talk about acai acai is different I love my I love my acai bowls yeah yeah and how much does the acai bowl go for

$18 oh probably and that's before that's before the tip the tip you're gonna have peanut butter oh yeah that's at $22

plus delivery the add-ons of like this would not be $2.50 if it was just in there it's a scoop of peanut butter it's a scoop of peanut butter. It's a scoop of peanut butter. That's the jar of peanut butter cost that you're charging for the scoop. But I know that all these businesses aren't making a ton of money because their margins are very, very thin.

Right, because the rent is also like $21,000 a month. Everybody's raising their prices. Imagine when we were working at College Humor in the Park Avenue building, going out and trying to find a bowl. No, there were no bowls. A grain bowl? There was. Honestly, it might be Chipotle. The burrito bowl might have been like the forefront of bowl culture.

Yeah, yeah, that's possible. And there was the just- There was the salads. There was the salads, yeah. The just salad or chopped. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's just, now it's just every single lunch. Asian bowl, Mediterranean bowl, smoothie bowl.

And even the unique places all have on their menu that most popular item. Oh, it's the bowl. Yeah, you're going to want a bowl. You're going to want the bowl. It has to be a semi-sphere, and it has to be $20. That's right. So that was what I was most blown away with with London. I don't know if you've experienced that.

Or if people in London are sort of dealing with their own version of that. So it feels like I can't believe they probably can't believe that something is inexpensive there because they think it's like, you know, really expensive, too. And yeah, who knows? It seems like I guess I don't really I don't have a recollection of like what my experience was last time, at least in regards to all of those things. Like the, it didn't feel, I mean, it was 2022. So it didn't feel crazy crowded.

Uh, didn't feel a lot cheaper. Um, but I guess I didn't, I mean, I always notice that I'm like charmed by the stores and restaurants. Yeah. It's very like, uh,

old school in a way that doesn't really exist. Yeah. I wonder, it feels like that they're just a little more resistant to change over there than we are here we're like down with change especially change that makes our lives quote unquote

easier and if it kind of conforms to capitalism we're like oh that's cool yeah franchise yeah great there's a sweet green everywhere and it's like three dollars cheaper than going to another restaurant. Then all the other restaurants close, and then Sweetgreen is like, that's actually $19. Well, those other places are gone, so I guess I got to eat here.

Yeah, I guess we're the last game in town, so we can jack our prices up. Yeah. Should we move? Well, I looked into it, and you can't. Yeah, they don't really let you live there. Interesting. Yeah, that's another way of them keeping us dirty Americans out, is that you have to have a reason or a visa or a passport to live there

for an extended period of time. Interesting. Well, don't we have at least a specific skill set? What is that? I wonder, because what can you do that nobody else can do? What can you do at all, period? Improv comedy. Give me any word.

Salad. Imagine a salad so green that- They don't need that in London, I don't think. I wasn't even close to done. It seemed like you were struggling. Okay. Give me any word. Wafer.

Wafer. Wafer. Wafer. What's a wafer? So thin. So thin and so green. So wafer-ish. Like a blade of grass.

So you actually looked into moving? That's very me of you. Yeah, I didn't look into moving, but when Avital came back from last year, she's like, it would be fun to split some time. And I'm like, can you even live in a different country? Turns out the answer is no. So tell me why the answer is no. Tell me what you ran into. Immigration.

They don't want just open borders and anybody can live there. What's the max amount of time that you can do it without a visa? Months. Yeah, months. But you can't make live there. What's the max amount of time that you can do it without a visa? Months. Yeah. Months. But, like, you can't make money there. You have to, like, a place has to sponsor you and bring you over and fill out paperwork. Interesting.

So it would be a lot of work. Yeah. Or you can become a citizen, which takes years as well. What if my grandfather is from there? There are countries where they're a little lax about that kind of stuff. That's tight. Yeah. I think, like, maybe it was, like, Portugal where it it's like, if you can prove one grandparent was born here, we'll give you citizenship. Wait, but also because of Brexit.

So if I was a citizen of, say, Portugal, say if I tapped into my Portuguese roots. That wouldn't give you access to London. That wouldn't give me access to London. Sorry. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

Interesting. Very interesting. But maybe you could do Australia or something. Might. I haven't been me access to London. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Very interesting. But maybe you could do Australia or something. Night. I haven't been there in a while. Maybe that's sort of like the London of, but a little bit more inclusive. But I don't know if you could move to Australia either. I mean, I would love to move to Australia.

But I think last time I was there, I think maybe because Jill was pregnant, it felt further away than it ever has. Yeah, especially from New York. Yeah. So I could just never, ever get my head around the time zone. It's 17 hours either ahead or behind. I forget which one. After 12, it's a crapshoot. You have no idea.

I'm just like, okay, I guess I'll call Jill. Is it 4 a.m. or 4 p.m. there? Tomorrow. Is it her tomorrow? I don't know. London is as close as L.A. is to New York. Yeah, I should spend more time there for sure. Oh, I went to a soccer match.

Oh, yeah. We have to talk about this. Yeah. We have to talk about this. Should we take a break and talk about it? We can do it quickly. I don't have much to say. I have a lot to say.

I have a lot to say. Okay, let's take a break. Yeah. Jesus. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like yes so you know how easy it is to use their simple intuitive drag and drop design technology yes yes yes to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning

customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change,

but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny.

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And we're back. Glory, glory, Tottenham Hotspur. Glory, glory, Tottenham Hotspur. Glory, glory, Tottenham Hotspur. Glory, glory, Tottenham Hotspur. And the Spurs go marching on. Tottenham are the greatest team the world has ever seen. Tottenham are the greatest team the world has ever seen. Tottenham are the greatest team the world has ever seen Tottenham are the greatest team the world has ever seen Tottenham are the greatest team the world has ever seen and the Spurs go marching on yeah so when I saw them

they lost 9-1 really go marching in I went to my first Premier League match. Absolutely amazing. Savage. Tottenham, the Lily Whites versus Burnley. Yeah. The all but relegated Burnley Club. Yeah, they put up a good fight. Yeah. I should say the highs were that I was able to bet on the match right outside the stadium.

That's the high. Which is kind of cool. Yeah, very cool. Can't do that in America. Sorry, I can't do that in California. Okay. And the con, the low, that was that you couldn't get in. I was not allowed in for the first half.

What happened there? So I go to swipe in after taking a 40-minute train ride. Crowd of people. I get to the front. They swipe my ticket, and they say, that's not a ticket. That's a picture of a ticket. And I said, oh, what's the difference between a picture of a QR code and a QR code? He's like, this isn't swiping.

Like, it's just an image. And I say, oh, I got this from StubHub. And he's like, yeah, I've heard of StubHub, but that's not a real ticket. I'm like, that's weird. Let me go to my email address. And I notice it's from StubHub.ie. I'm like, huh, did they build an entire fake StubHub and scam me? That makes sense. It's actually pretty smart. StubHub.ie. So I go to StubHub.com because I know that's real. Yeah. And I do customer support. Hey, I'm stuck outside of a football match.

What time is it at this point? Like what time of the match or what time of the day? Yeah, like has the match started? The match starts at one and it was like 1.15, 1.30. Okay, so you're missing the first 10, 15 minutes. And they're like- By the way, Tottenham's dominating possession but not creating a lot of chances. It's looking a little toothless in the final third.

I think they were down 1.0 at some point. Not in the first 15 minutes. Yeah, but they were down 1.0 at one point. At a certain point, yes, Burnley struck on the counter. So I bet 100 pounds, nearly $150 on the Spurs to win. Yeah. Only like 30 pounds because they were heavy favorites. I can't get in and you're texting me, oh, sorry about that.

Also, the Spurs are down 1-0. Yeah. So I'm fucking doing a chat with StubHub. Hi, I have my ticket and I won't come in. Okay, what's your authorization number or order number? And I give it to them. Yeah, that's not a real authorization number. I'm like, oh, I did it with StubHub.ie.

And they're like, oh, okay, that's why. I'm like, is that a real website? And they're like, it is, but you gotta go to them and do their customer service. So then I'm on StubHub.ie, which I'm pretty sure is not a real website and i'm like uh hello like contact a customer support and i'm like what if they ask me for more money

and i'm like just getting scammed on top of scam yeah and uh they asked me to call a number so i call a number and then as i'm doing that some guys your credit card number yes exactly i'm like i don't even know if i'm talking to a real person. But I'm like, hey, I'm stuck outside this game and it's like Indian outsourced call center. And like, yes, let me call your seller and see if they will send you another ticket. I'm like, okay, do that. Meanwhile, my phone's about to die and I can't charge it anywhere, obviously. Yeah. Tottenham. Yeah. Wherever the fuck the stadium is. North London. Yeah. And I get an email, and it's a different ticket.

It's halftime at this point. But I go to them, like, is this a real ticket? And it swipes right in. So it wasn't a scam. So you did that as fast as you could, and it took 45 minutes. Yes, exactly. Because chatting with StubHub, chatting with StubHub.ie, which I guess is a real website. I'm surprised that you really went for it.

Yeah, I wonder if I would have just instantly gone home really deflated. Well, I went to the box office, and they're like, we're sold out. And then a scalper came up to me. He's like, I can swipe you in for 100 pounds. I'm like, oh, what if I could scam twice? This would suck. You should have just been like, I'll do it, but you have to come with me. He said he would.

Oh. Yeah. But he's like, I need the money now, and I'll come with you. I'm like, no. I. I would have. But he's like, I need the money now, and I'll come with you. I'm like, no. I think I would have tried that. I know. But I had just been scammed. I couldn't get scammed twice.

Yeah, because he could easily just run away. Right. And I also had 100 pounds on the fucking game. But you have to hold my hand the whole way. I'll give you the money. You have to hold my hand. You have to kiss me on the cheek and say, enjoy the game, sweetheart. You have to bring me.

Dude, so. So then I get to the stadium. I get in. It's really awesome. By the way, concessions. Concessions, enjoy the game, sweetheart. You have to bring me. Dude, so. So then I get to the stadium. I get in. It's really awesome. By the way, concessions, another thing, pretty cheap. Like, you go to a Laker game, a chicken sandwich is $21. And like, here it was like a hot dog and french fries for eight pounds. This is great.

Really cheap. Really affordable. God, man, you remember that. I get to my seat. I start watching the match. Pretty solid. There's not a bad scene in the house. The pitch is enormous.

It's one of the most beautiful stadiums. Yeah, I guess. We've been to some soccer stadiums, but there's one of the newest. This is where they play the NFL games, I think. They play the NFL games like Beyonce, Taylor Swift. They play at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Right. It's huge.

It's new. It's beautiful. So I'm just sitting down by myself, half-frazzled, my phone's dying, trying to enjoy the match. They tie it at that point, so I'm just like, I need one goal and I can win my bet and go back and get my bet. They tied it before halftime, right? Pedro Porro did it himself, a real bully. Again, I was on the phone with customer support, so I don't really know what happened. When I sit down, I have my fries on the ground next to me while I'm eating my hot dog,

and some British lady's like, excuse me, you're in my seat. Cause there was two open seats. And I'm like, Oh, I guess these two tickets, uh, we're trying to sell as a couple. And I just bought one of them so I can sit in either one. So I sat in the first one,

but it was actually, um, I had to scoot over. I'm like, Oh, sorry. And she's like, yeah.

And I'm like, and as I'm moving over, she steps on my like bucket of fries and it spills over. I'm like, you stepped on my French fries. She's like, Oh, I'm like, are you sorry? Or you're sort of mad at me. So I'm like, you stepped on my french fries. She's like, oh. I'm like, are you sorry or you're sort of mad at me?

So I'm like sort of just like eating a hot dog, fries all over the ground, watching the game, phone dying, batteries about to die. I don't even know how to get home because I took the fucking train, which you have to use your phone to do. Oh, my God. Watching the tickets, the minutes tick away. I'm like, they're going to tie. I'm going to lose my bet. I'm going to lose my fries. I'm going to lose my fries. I've only seen half of a football match.

Yeah. That's when our guy, Mickey. Mickey Vandiven. Mickey, my Vanda friend. Yes. The crowd was pretty into it, but then when the goal happened, they were really into it. It got really loud. Yeah.

I mean, it was also, it was a really gorgeous goal from our guy. You know, I couldn't quite see it. It was sort of, I was on the opposite end. So I was like, I saw that there was a goal action, but I couldn't quite see the details of it. So he is like 22 years old, 6'5", Dutch national, just like a hunk of a man. Yeah. Usually plays left center back. Right. But because of an injury, he switched positions into their left winger.

And the way they play is with inverted wingers. So the guys on the far left and right of the pitch and all the way back, rather than just playing as defenders, they will go all the way up the pitch and attack. Anyway, that didn't matter. Excuse me. So 86 minutes, they score. I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of here. I. Anyway, that didn't matter. Excuse me. So 86 minutes, they score.

I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of here. I'm never going to watch the rest of this match. You left. He scores. I beeline it back to Fred Bet, which is the fucking hole-in-the-wall, off-track betting style betting place that I put my money on.

I get there, and it's the most depressing scene. There's this horse racing on the TV. I'm like, is the match over? He's like, I'm not really sure. I'm like, There's this horse racing on the TV. I'm like, is the match over? He's like, I'm not really sure. I'm like, it's not on any of the TV. He's like, no, we don't really get that channel. So it's like an old Armenian man watching a horse race in Poland. I think there's actually laws in the UK because when they, like the supporter clubs, they cared so much about ticket sales at the stadiums that when they started televising the games, they were like, well, this just means people will stop coming to the games.

So there's like these old laws that don't allow games to be broadcast in the UK. So I'm at low power mode, 2% battery, and I'm asking him if the match ends because I can't refresh my phone or else I'll literally have it dead and I can't swipe to get on the train to get back home. You can always just go buy a charger somewhere. Couldn't buy a charger because, again, the entire city was dead. They're all in this thing watching the match. And then even if I buy a charger, I don't even know where to plug it in because I got to get on this fucking train. So the match ends.

Everyone floods out. 80,000 people are all cutting to get onto the one train that gets down. I'm just waiting for this guy to get me my 30 pounds profit. Finally get it. By the time I get to the train, so densely packed. Next train's in 28 minutes. Shuffling on, phone's dying.

I'm like, well, I'm in, so I hope I remember where to go slash how to get back. One of the stations sounds familiar and I walk all the way back home with a dead phone. But 30 pounds richer thanks to, what was the name again?

Mickey Van De Ven. Yeah, wow. I feel like you didn't experience the game the way. Interesting. I had a hope that you would be going and you would come back a massive Tottenham supporter. Yeah, well, they are, I guess, ahead of any other team because you talk about them so much

that I know enough about them slash now that I've been to a match. You saw an 86-minute match winner. That's pretty exciting. But it seems like they were playing one of the worst squads in the league. Yeah, but we talked about this before you went because you were going,

I think you were going to be there for the Tottenham versus Man City game, which was the last game of the year. No, I think it was their third to last game. But year no it was like I think there were three it was their third to last game but the way it was the way it worked out was like

normally you you want to beat Man City and they're challenging for a top four position but Arsenal Tottenham's biggest rival

was doing really well and we needed Man City to win every single one of their remaining games to knock them to to finish ahead of arsenal so tottenham if they beat or even drew man city arsenal would have been

in position to win the league so they're sort of borderline rooting for their own team to lose not even borderline i think a lot of tottenham i was the match that i was not against man city yeah because i was like i don't think you should go to this match because it's going to be weird. And sure enough, the environment was absolutely awful. The coach was livid. Was that lady there, the one that stepped on my fries? Yeah, she was there. She stepped on Ange Postacoglu's fries.

Oh, my God. That's why he was so pissed. So you went, I think, to a great game. Tottenham, I think they had accepted a fifth place finish, but Burnley still had a lot to play for, and Tottenham needed to win that game because they had lost like five

of their previous six or something insane like that. So I saw them snap the streak. Yeah. Okay. And you saw Mickey Vandiven score with his left foot while moving right into the left corner of the net. I mean, that's in the 86th or 87th minute. Yeah, again, I was kind of stressed out about my phone situation. I hate that.

You know? I hate that. You should have been singing and dancing, but you were standing next to a lady who stepped on your fries worried about your phone and just wanting your 30 pounds. Yeah, I did end up winning the 30 pounds. That's good. That's good. It would have been sadder if I had lost 100 pounds on the match

and also got scammed out of my ticket. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So it started really low and it ended kind of high. And I was able to figure out how to get back to the place where we were staying without any...

So you feel good about that. Yeah. I was able to navigate the scene a little bit. You should give me half that 30 pounds because I told you they would win. What? I said it was a sure thing i mean i i think i still have the money on me but can you break a 50 um this is crazy to be 50 what do you what is that that's 50 here yeah sit here but you're gonna going to Venmo me 30 pounds? Yeah, Venmo me.

30? I wouldn't Venmo you 30. It would be 35, right? Okay. Well, do you know what the exchange rate is? Actually, why don't you give it back to me, and I'll figure it out. Mate, I could buy 20 Tesco sandwiches with this, mate. You just made the biggest mistake of your life.

I actually don't know where to exchange this money in America. That also used to be a thing. Remember before you went abroad, you're like, you got to exchange the money. Don't do it at the airport. They give you the best rates at the bank. So you have to call your cell phone and call your credit card and make sure that they know you're going abroad. All that stuff is gone. I go there.

I don't use cash at all. I don't tell American Express. I don't tell my phone. It's borderline everything. It's just the same. Open borders. I do remember when I was going to Iceland, driving out to the bank, getting Kroner. Do you guys have Kroner?

No, but this one bank does. You're going to want to get it because it's the best exchange rate. You don't do it at the airport. What is the exchange rate? How much money am I losing versus gaining by driving out to the bank? It can't be that much, can it? I guess it depends on if you're exchanging $1,000 and they're giving you $1,500 or they're giving you $1,100 that you're missing on 400 of these units. Yeah, that's true.

And then they also, like some of the places at the airport, like, charge you in addition to the exchange rate. But then if you just bring your debit card abroad now, you can just pull out. Yeah, I didn't use cash at all. That used to be, like, some places only accept cash, no. But you know what I like doing

is when you're traveling, or when you get back, you just, whatever cash you have left, just fold it up, put it in your passport, and then next time you go somewhere, you, like, you remember. Oh, yeah. Like, oh, wow you go well it's like finding money in your coat yeah yeah oh another cool thing about london that i didn't even mention there's a casino there's various casinos just downtown like you're walking from pub to pub and there's a fucking casino were you going to a lot of casinos i went to one yeah i mean i met a friend and i'm like i'm

just gonna walk by and look at this casino. Did you place bets? Yeah, I played poker. For how long? Three hours. Did you win any money? I did. How much?

I won 50 pounds. But you don't necessarily deserve anything. It was fun to play poker in a different country. I'd never done that before. Yeah. We all spoke the same language. Yeah. Gambling.

But they couldn't read your signs, your tells. No. Because you just had interesting American tics. Actually, a funny poker story. And then we really got to get off London. Enough is enough. I was playing poker, blah, blah, blah, normal, fun times. And these two 18-year-olds sit down, and they're very nervous.

And you can't really play poker in America unless you're 21 and over. 18-year-olds are buying in for 100 pounds, and they're really excited to be there and nervous to be there. And within two hands, I was dealt four of a kind. Or I was dealt bucket kings, and the flop was king, king, nine. So I'm like, oh, my God, I have the best possible hand. That's never happened to me. And this kid is, like, nervously betting into me. I'm like, oh, God, yeah, call, call.

And he's like, oh, I'm all in. I'm like, call, I have four of a kind. He's like, okay. And then he just left after his second hand. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've never gotten that before. That was really bad luck on your part.

That's good, though. Now he's got gambling scared out of his system. No, I saw him sort of crying at the ATM. He's like, maybe I just got to play bigger stakes. Yeah, yeah, that's got to be it. They wouldn't let me play bigger stakes. That was Mickey Vandiver. Vandiver's not much older than that kid.

Yes. How crazy is that? That's awesome. Yeah. Luka Doncic is also 25. Makes no sense. Oh, wow. Doncic.

Yeah. Wow. 25? Anthony Edwards, 22. That's wild. Same as the Vandiven kid. Yeah. I guess we're getting older after all.

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I will discuss a meal I had in Londonondon finally so i finally bit the bullet and can you microwave it i don't want it deep fried at all softer is better than my teeth i think we definitely both go in and out of an Australian accent. It doesn't matter because we're fucking American. Yes. It really does not matter. We talk normalist. Exactly.

And they talk fucked up. Whether I do like a weird fucking Scottish blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Scottish, mate. That's also Australian. They're all headed towards us. Yeah. So we'll see you at the finish line. Anyway, enough about the UK slash England slash London.

Let's do something we do on our Patreon, which is watch classic videos and comment on them. But this time we're watching Hardly Working Videos. Yes, because people have been asking us to talk more about college humor. Yes, exactly. So we're going to watch an old college humor hardly working video. Right. Which ran tandem with Jake and Amir. And the lines were blurry at some point.

Some points were like still kind of in Jake and Amir-ish character. Yeah. But it was called hardly working. Right. A different show with the same actors. It doesn't really exist like that on TV. And we're about to watch The Perfect Woman, which you wrote. Yes.

I wrote it. And I remember I was kind of nervous about it because it makes fun of like, it's like a very, it's based on a very misogynistic joke. And I remember even at the time, I'm like, is this mean? Like, I hope people don't think that like the joke is that the women are like that.

It's certainly not going to have aged well. Yeah, but hopefully like, you know, we make fun of the person that talks like that. So let's see. Do you remember though, like why I didn't write it and why it wasn't a Jake and Amir? Because it's kind of seems like it could be a jake and amir yeah all right um

i think we all did we all wrote hardly working so like this one was i wrote it and i'm you wrote some other ones and damn wrote some and pat some so it's sort of there was like a group meeting and whoever we would like read hardly working pitches right yeah i think at a certain point we would sometimes pair up and write hardly workings but a lot of time we would like people would just write them on their own and then like send them out to whoever they like randomly cast for like punch-ups and stuff like that i guess it was kind of like snl yeah model yeah light all right let's check out hardly working the perfect woman Alright, let's check out Hardly Working The Perfect Woman. Don't stop believing.

Ah, that's the five in a row you got. Good. Hey, you guys hear about this? Scientists have discovered the perfect woman. Oh, yeah? Tell us about it. Yeah, agreed. Tell us about it. Okay, okay.

She's three feet tall, double Ds, no teeth, and a flat head so you can rest your beer on her. I'm yelling. Here, here. That is the perfect woman. Oh, no, wait. I'm perfect ass. Oh! I like that, although three feet is a little short, actually. I prefer

a girl who's a little bit taller, so when we hug, her head is right below my chin. Now that's really cute. Very comforting. Yeah, very nice. I like that a lot. No way, man. No, she's got to be three feet so you can rest the beer on her.

She's also got to challenge me. What do you mean, though? What do you mean by that? You know, she should challenge me to be a better person, inspire in me that self-esteem it takes to attain that level of self-improvement. Sorry, but she should also have a flat head? Yeah, you've got to rest the beer on something.

Actually, she can just hold the beer. I mean, if she wants. It's not real. No, no way. It's gotta be on her head like a human end table. Actually, she probably... All right, can we stop? I'm losing that.

Every time you talk about this woman in this joke. That's a famous joke, by the way. It's like a bumper sticker, a t-shirt. Like, I found the perfect woman, and it's those measurements. Is it no teeth? So you can get good domes? Yes, exactly. The traditional classic joke is obviously bad.

Yeah. You fucking love it. David's into it, but then kind of making his own amendments. And then as David talks. And we need you guys over. Yeah, me and Stuart are like, wait a minute, David's sort of onto something, and you're not willing to lose the fucking show. You guys are, you're so impressionable.

You were on my side when the joke was funny, and then as soon as he's like, oh, I want her to challenge me, Stuart's like, oh, that's interesting. Rest the beer on her. What's going on? I'm swatting away a high five. Yeah. All right, let's keep watching. Just about that.

I mean, I'd give anything to fix that head. Probably talk to some scientist or something. The same scientist that discovered the perfect woman? No, probably different scientists. Oh, actually, my dad's a physician. I'm sure if you wanted a recommendation, I can put a phone call in. I would love a phone number. Okay, sorry.

So start over. Okay, so scientists discovered the perfect woman. What does she look like? I guess she's average height. Good. Awesome. She should have a normal head. Yes.

And challenge me and inspire me. You know, David's thing is actually more fucked up. Oh, wait, stop it. What'd you say? David's thing is actually more fucked up. Oh, wait, stop it. What'd you say? David's thing is actually more fucked up. Yeah, average height. The perfect woman needs to be average height with an average head. I'm saying it's fine to not.

We could remake this now and it's like the perfect woman is someone who's confident in themselves and helpful to others. Whatever they look like. Or if they're not confident, that's fine too. The perfect woman is whoever they are. The perfect woman is every woman. Exactly. And who are we to judge? And we're the imperfect, that's fine too. The perfect woman is whoever they are. The perfect woman is every woman. Exactly. And who are we to judge? And we're the imperfect man to sit next to them.

Why are we even talking about it? David's the biggest monster of all. The idea of perfection is fucked up. It's a false premise. That means that there's like objective good and bad. Don't talk about perfection while you're not even perfecting yourself. Exactly. Smaller. It doesn't really matter to me.

I mean, as long as we're best friends and we get along, that's all that matters. As long as you got that flat-ass head, so you can rest a beer on it. Come on. To be totally honest, I don't even like beer that much. Thank you! Okay, he said it.

That's you. There, it's sour. That's what it is. It's sour. It's so bitter. Stop it. So you could tell that's you it's sour that's what it is it's sour it's so bitter stop it so you can tell that I wrote it

because it's ultimately about beer being not that great it's funny that my character is so fixated on the like I haven't mentioned the teeth I think I call back

the double D's I call back the beer a lot but I don't I don't talk too much about the getting good head which is good ultimately. You didn't want to be too gross.

Yeah. Enjoy a nice glass of red wine with our best friends without feeling so bloated. Preaching to the choir, man. Seriously. Seriously. What about the no teeth? Oh, yeah.

There you go. It was like three feet tall, no teeth. To be honest, I was not feeling that. I didn't get that whatsoever. I mean, I prefer a nice smile. No, I think, you know what it was? We were agreeing with it, and we never... What are you saying?

Head! What? It's cold so she gives you better head! Come on, man! Are you serious? What's wrong with you? Possit. Did you ever feel bad yelling that in an office?

Of course. Yeah, of course I did. So you felt a little subconscious going, head. Head. It's called so she can give you better head. Get that beer on her. While there's like, you know, 50-year-old sales ladies for Match.com. Yeah, yeah.

And also young, you know. Interns. Interns, yeah. You didn't feel bad. Not great. I mean, I think I think I might not have felt bad during this. This one was normal for the time. There were ones that I felt like when we did Jake and Amir muscle tea and I rubbed my lips and spit out milk as if I was masturbating. That I remember

feeling bad about. I was like, I can't laugh because then I'll have to do it again. And someone might see it. Yeah. So I think we ended up doing it twice. But this I don't really remember feeling self-conscious. I feel like I'm delivering these lines pretty loud. Yes. Loudly and proudly. I guess because

your character is getting scolded for it. But it was always about when you had things like this was just like powering through. If I really committed to it, then I would only have to do it the one time. Yes, exactly. We didn't run it a lot. What's wrong with you? Okay, I'm dating the perfect woman and you guys are just shitting on her.

Wait, what? Yeah, okay. Here's a picture of us. Oh, my God. Wow. She's beautiful. Yeah. She's your best friend, too, huh?

What do you think, man? Yeah. She's my f***ing soulmate. Bleeping effort. Shouting out head and then bleeping out. Oh, my God. The entire sketch you're talking about a f*** fucking goblin that sucks your dick for three minutes and then like, she's my fuck beeping soulmate. Do not use the F word.

That's my one note on this entire, it's hardly working. It's otherwise perfect. I feel like in a new version of this, she comes out like, Jake, are we going to the movies? I'll be right there, babe. I fucking love her.

She bleeping challenges me. We're going to see an arthouse movie, which I don't necessarily love. But ultimately, I want to make her happy. Yeah. She scoots in like fucking R2-D2. God. As a hat. She has a Gatorade on her head because it's like not, you know, you're not drinking yet.

Yeah, yeah. But she still wants to. It's early. But she does put drinks up there. I don't remember the little picture bar. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Do you remember who did the art for that? No.

I don't. It looks like I'm wearing the exact same outfit I'm wearing at the table. So we did it like just before, right? That was a frightening image. Three feet tall, flat L and no teeth. It's like a horror movie. And wet hair so she can climb out of the TV. We could write that as a horror movie.

A comedy horror movie. The perfect woman. The perfect woman. The title's right there. Yeah, and it's like two guys joking around like that. Yeah. And then she comes out and exists. Right.

And then she fucking kills them both for being misogynist. Yeah, she gums them to death. Should we watch another one? This one I have no recollection of at all. I just scrolled through different Hardly Workings until I saw one that both of us were in. So I have no idea if it's good, bad, or what, but it is Hardly Working Agreements. Agreements. It looks like it stars me, you, and Pat in the original College Humor office, 225 Park

Avenue South. Old school. Yeah. It's always weird to see HD videos of this era. Right. Because this is like when we were shooting on our, like, digital cameras. Yeah. I just assumed that office was always grainy.

Yeah. But these were like the nice camera versions, but still shooting in that office. That's true. I haven't seen it, but I heard it was absolutely amazing. Yeah. All my friends are like, this is the best movie of 2008. Didn't it win a People's Choice Award or something? Jumper?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait, pause for a sec. 2008. Didn't it win a People's Choice Award or something? Jumper? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait, pause for a sec. Yeah. Doesn't matter. For a long time, we did like a five-second intro where every single Hardly Working, we were talking about the movie Jumper starring Hayden Christensen.

And it was because Pat and I saw it. Also, every sketch, I think, starts with like two people talking about something unrelated to the sketch before somebody walks in right and it's usually sometimes it's something like really really dark weird

like some really offbeat non sequitur and for a long time we made it exclusively jumper jumper themed yeah alright

I will see any movie with teleporting let's rent it hey if you rent it I'll provide the vegetables and dip done

now let us solidify this agreement the way we always do no by breaking Jake's monitor recording. Let's rent it. Hey, if you rent it, I'll provide the vegetables and dip. Done. Now, let us solidify this agreement the way we always do. No. By breaking Jake's monitor. No, no, no, no, come on. Fuck. Alright, pause it. Pretty funny. Is he wearing a tie because it's like an office space thing or like what do you think he was just unrelated to wearing a tie.

I have no idea. I really have no idea. Let's solidify this the way we always do. Instead of a handshake, we break your monitor, which I guess we've done before because you were quick to say, no, please. Wait, don't. This happened kind of often in this office. We would often like get word that we could destroy an old electronic thing.

And then we were back into the sketch. Yeah, exactly. That's what a hardly working phone fight was. When we moved into this office, we all had desk phones. And at a certain point,

we were like, we don't need these. We're going to get rid of all of them. So we shot a sketch where everyone was chucking them at each other. Why, Jake, this broken monitor acts as a constant reminder of the agreement

between Patrick and myself. Like the shards of glass that were once your screen, so were the promises Amir and I made to one another. I never agreed to this, alright? You can't keep on breaking my monitors. Maybe he's right. How about Jumper? No, he didn't say Jumper. Wait, unless, did you? No, I said stop breaking my computer. No, you said jumper or something. I didn't, all right? Look, I'm serious. This is the last one. Let's reconvene tomorrow.

Pause it. Perfectly sealed. You removed the film. This is the last one. Look how new it is. Just getting a last dust speck. There's no way we don't destroy this monitor in the next 12 seconds, right? Yeah, of course.

Of course. And figure out a new way to solidify our oath. Yes. All right. I can do that. And it is agreed. Nice. We agree to come up with a new way to agree, and we have to break your last monitor.

Yeah, exactly. Let's see. Is there a post script where Pat hits the monitor for another 10 seconds? Probably. Fuck! Nice. We needed that. That was good.

Great performance by Pat. It looks, when he's like swinging with his hair falling in front of his face, it looks like he's hammering someone's head. Yeah. It looks really dark. The hair plus the tie combo looks like it's like Shaun of the Dead style. For sure. Yeah.

And it is very cathartic to break something with a hammer. You don't get to do that very often. Totally. I feel like I've seen that on TikTok. There are places where you just go there and destroy things. Yeah, I've seen that too. Should we? It doesn't look that satisfying to me.

Wouldn't you like to take a fucking baseball bat to a vase? Not really. Really? It doesn't do it for me. Actually, I'd like to be there after the fact and glue it back together. That's more of a... A different escape room.

That's my shit. It's like you go to a place and we put things back together and it's right a different escape room it's like you go to a place and we put things back together and it's right next to the place that destroys shit yeah that an axe throwing i feel like was it had a moment in the last five years yeah axe throwing is a weird one where like i still see axe throwing places and i'm like who's still doing it you already did the fucking team building thing at the axe throw that That's enough. It's that and poke. All of these places are... How are you still around?

We got to start tracking their real estate because it's going to be on the market soon. You don't like poke? I think it's fine. I just don't see it being... It brings us back to the bowl thing. It's another bowl thing. Sushi bowl. Acai is not that different than poke probably. Yes, it's all the same amount. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's another bowl thing. Sushi bowl. Acai is not that different

than poke, probably. Yes, it's all the same amount of sugar inside of a bowl. Yeah, I just still like acai. Yeah. All right, so if you liked that, we're doing that a lot on our Patreon,

patreon.com slash JA. Yeah. We're making our way through every single Jake and Amir episode. And send us suggestions for Hardly Workings, too, because we could watch them here.

That was a treasure trove. I wonder how many Hardly Workings there are. Yeah, because there's like 800 Jake and Amir episode. And send us suggestions for Hardly Workings too because we could watch them here. That was a treasure trove. I wonder how many Hardly Workings there are. Yeah, because there's like 800 Jake and Amirs. Yeah. How many Hardly Workings from our era?

Because they definitely made a lot more after we quit too. Yeah, I assume like 100 or 200 or something like that. Yeah, but we should only be watching the ones that we at least had a hand in.

No, I'd like to watch ones that we didn't write. Let's watch one from 2019. Yeah, what is this one about? And shit all over it. They really jumped the shark. Yeah. Who's this guy?

No, that one's still you. Oh, really? Yeah, you just looked different at the time. Okay, that's it. That's our episode. That's right. Three segments. Couldn't be more different if you think about it.

That's true. Next time we'll talk more about Tottenham because I feel like that was really... The tip of the iceberg. It was dominated by the fry lady. Don't you understand she's still winning? You're still letting her get to you. That's incredible. She was so

unapologetic. It was insane. I was in a sketch where an annoying British woman was like, Get out of my seat. Oh, you hit my fries. Whatever. Yeah, that's absolutely insane. You don't care, man.

It's so crazy. Although she was a huge fan. She was cursing them and chanting and singing along. I respect that. A lot of songs during the play. Yeah. What was it? They all sound like a famous song, but the words are replaced. Yeah. What did they sing? The sound like a famous song but they're like the words are replaced.

Yeah. What did they say in the Mickey Vandervan song? I don't know. Vandervan. Mickey Vandervan. Yeah.

Again I had to do a beeline as soon as he scored. As soon as he left. Yeah. And I stepped on that woman's shoe just to show her I was a real

American bloke and I wasn't going to take that shit anymore. Come on you Burnley. Okay. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll be back, of course,

next week, as always. Oh, yeah. Still in the LA studio. Ciao for now. Peace. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.