Segments - 345: Jake and Jill's Insane Wedding (w/Jillian Vogel!)

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

In this episode Jillian Vogel joins us to recap perhaps the most eventful wedding weekend of all time. Note: This is a true story. Also worth mentioning: BUCKETS! Amir's new NBA Podcast. Subs...cribe wherever you're listening to this.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:12 With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary For a limited time only I woke up this morning and I jumped right out of bed Into a sticky situation that is messing with my head And so I went to my computer and I emailed both these guys
Starting point is 00:01:35 To see whether they would give me some good or some bad advice My parents' cat is stuck on the ceiling I've got a new computer and it won't stop beeping My girlfriend has a twin and I don't know who is who So I'll email it if I were you If I were you If I were you If I were you
Starting point is 00:01:58 The show starts now If I were you If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. The show starts now. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you.
Starting point is 00:02:20 If I were you. The show starts now. If I were you. Father, you The show starts now Or it might have just ended Because this was used at the end of the episode Instead of the beginning Oh, it was used in the beginning, Lawrence From Bristol, UK Congrats, bud
Starting point is 00:02:38 What do you guys think? A plus Oh my god, my wife's on the pod For the first time ever A married couple emerges that's right i'm not counting murph and emily that's right they don't count at all uh jillian vogel and mrs mr jillian vogel that's right on the podcast together at last a married couple sits on a couch and this is just going to be the show going forward it's just going to be the three of us gabbing i love that it's a little therapy sesh uh two soulmates in one room this is
Starting point is 00:03:12 going to be a special episode because one i thought it would be fun to recap your wedding regardless of what happened just because our fans are interested they're excited they want to know the details and the intimate ins and outs of the wedding and rehearsal dinner. But then what actually happened was the most eventful rehearsal dinner I've ever been to. It was definitely the most eventful one I've ever thrown. A lot of things happened that was unexpected. It was a nightmare. And it was different. This is the right way of saying it.
Starting point is 00:03:42 It was different depending on who it was. We can always make a different podcast about the rehearsal dinner where we interview different people at the rehearsal dinner about their viewpoints on the rehearsal At what point did you take off your shoes so you could wade through the mud? Whoa, no spoilers. All right. So this might be a little bit of a different episode, but it's very exciting to have you both here.
Starting point is 00:04:00 It's also, I mean, it's extremely exciting to have Julian here, who's never, I don't even know if you've listened to the show you've definitely have never been on the show what i've i've never met jake wow this is our first wow i've never listened i've got i got a handle on it all right you get it but you don't even have to know anything because right now it's just about us telling the story of oddly enough as we record it, exactly a week ago. Does it feel like a lifetime ago? Yes. Oh, that's a good first question.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Exactly a week ago. Yes, absolutely. It feels ages ago. So we're recording this on Friday, August 24th, and this rehearsal dinner that we're talking about was August 17th. Yeah, like right at this time. All right. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Okay, so let's start from the top because it's all so exciting. The first thing is- Love is in the air. I arrive in Beacon, New York. That's the city where you're living. Having had, having had glad, I was glad. I arrive. It's two hours outside of New York City.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I arrive with my parents and my girlfriend. The entire family is having an affair. We're there. We're meeting people. We're seeing your friends. We're seeing Jake's parents in the lobby. Love is in the air. You're the first person I ran into.
Starting point is 00:05:14 My dad. Yeah. At your building. Right at a coffee shop? Outside. Yeah, outside our building right after I'd gotten married. It a little bit felt like my wedding because it's like my parents are there and I'm introducing them to like Brian Steinberg. So it's like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:27 It just felt like all people from my walks of life. I had to like entertain. And so, you know, the background of that too, where I was like inviting your parents was a no brainer to me when we first were making this list like months ago. And I'm like, okay, so it's like, we've got like here, we're going to bring them in. And Jake's like, what? Oh, we like, Jerome, we've got like here, we're going to bring Mehmet. And Jake's like, what? Oh, we are? I fought tooth and nail. Against.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Just my dad. I was full anti-Jerome pro-Luca. They were a big part of my wedding weekend, but it felt like they were a big part of just the wedding weekend in general. Oh, they were MVP. Like, I mean, I saw your dad. At the very least, sixth men and seventh men of the wedding.
Starting point is 00:06:03 Yeah, as this story unfolds,aron will come up more than once. All right. So let's, we fast forward a little bit. It's around 4.30 p.m. on Friday of the rehearsal dinner. There's a rehearsal wedding where we practice walking. At this point, everything is 100% normal. Except that our officiant did not know where to be, so he wasn't there. This is like the first small hiccup that nobody really knew.
Starting point is 00:06:28 That the officiant, my cousin Scott, was supposed to be there at the wedding rehearsal. But he went to the farm instead of the venue. So that was like a little... It's like in Jurassic Park where it's like, ooh, there's a little mosquito here. All right, crisis averted. And then it like pans to reveal a Tyrannosaurus rex being born. I had been keeping an eye on the weather pretty much nonstop all week and I knew there was a 90% chance of a thunderstorm. That's a good, I think we even talked about it maybe on the podcast, just the idea of weather being an issue for an upstate New York wedding.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Hope for the best, but expect the worst is the basic gist of it, right? There was a time when we were expecting the worst, but then it was also like, well, really, like, it's not July and like it's not a heat wave. So how bad could it get? At worst, it would rain, which is fine. We also, I remember when we toured our wedding venue, we like chose it specifically because it had a really great backup rain plan. And I had this crazy premonition that it was just going to rain on our wedding day. Yeah, you kept saying, it's just going to rain. I'm used to it. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:07:38 It's fine. Yeah. If I want it, it's going to rain and then it won't bother me. This is what I did not predict, that it was going to rain during the rehearsal dinner, which is the day before the wedding. Right, okay. Which is what we did not plan for. Okay. So now it's 5 p.m.
Starting point is 00:07:50 It's time to get on the buses to take us to the rehearsal dinner. How far away is the rehearsal dinner from the venue? Okay, 35 minutes? No, because I get pretty defensive about this because I've packed in so much time for this to work out. 35 minutes. 35 minutes, but in a car. Not in a bus. So closer to like 27 minutes.
Starting point is 00:08:09 And so then in a bus, it's like 45 minutes. Got it. And you were accounting for traffic, 45 minutes even on a Friday afternoon. Exactly. It should have been 35 minutes on the bus. It's 30 minutes in a car. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, it was like reasonable.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Got it. And it was also supposed to be that we were leaving at like an early time. So we arrived at the farm like 15 minutes before cocktail hour even started. Oh, that's nice. That's beautiful. That's pleasant. That was the idea. Yes.
Starting point is 00:08:34 I step on the bus. It's already a little bit too hot on the bus. It's like 100 degrees on the bus. I turn around. I look at my parents. I'm like, take the car. Do not get on this bus. You're not going to like it.
Starting point is 00:08:44 You're an elderly couple. There's no need for you to like sit on this bus without air conditioning it's not worth it my mom's like now it's fine whatever no wait did they get on the bus yes they were on the bus oh my god on the bus on the way to the venue oh my god this is considered an oh my god moment this is the fucking preamble they had a car and they didn't take it I warned them it's their fault okay you should have gone in the car with them i know i should have but the bus would have been fun there were friends there so it's like me my carnell my girlfriend canal i was on your bus right i don't think you were on my bus your mom was on our bus and sarah was on our bus
Starting point is 00:09:19 second mosquito it was 15 minutes late the bus mosquito yeah bus is a little late. And then we start heading there and it's like, we're not moving. So there's no like air coming in through the window. So it's just like, this is getting a little hot. But you know, whatever. It's fucking August in upstate New York. Suck it up. You stand up and get as much air as possible. We start moving.
Starting point is 00:09:38 We get a little more breeze. No big deal. Then the bus turns around at a certain point. Do you know what happened? I'm not really sure myself um so for me being in traffic in that bus was like a nightmare i was just sitting in that in the seat being like um small talk and turned to chill i'm like what the fuck like just like looking at ways like why like oh my god it's 35 minutes from here yeah what happened
Starting point is 00:10:06 it's it was just because of there was like i think it had started raining at that point um and there was just like shitty traffic uh getting to the farm but like once like you said once we got to the highway on the highway air is flowing. The sun came back out. We're like feeling good. A little bit crisis averted. Yes. Although it did feel, I heard something about a bridge that the bus couldn't go under. That's what it was. So then we hit a tunnel.
Starting point is 00:10:33 So then it turns out that these bus drivers haven't pre-determined what the route is. And so they get to a certain point in the drive where they realize their buses can't go under said tunnel. And so they have to stop and make like a 20 point k turn because they don't know how to turn around a kush ball turn that's how many points this was incredibly frustrating because when they made that turn we were like four minutes from the venue got it jill and i are keeping track of this you're on the ways yeah we're like, okay, we're almost there. It's cooled down. The sun's out.
Starting point is 00:11:07 We're happy. And then it's like, why did we stop? Why did we stop? Oh, we're turning around. We turn around and then it's like the estimate creeps back up to 12 minutes. And that's like. Great. We've had people on buses for close to an hour at this point.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Oh, my God. And the only thing I can think about is like, yes, you are going to have beer and food when you get there, but like nobody can hold onto that hope as hard as we can. So we got like 95% of the way there and then had to turn back to like the 75% mark. And then we got there. It was close to 80, but yeah. And then we got there. So all in all, the trip to the rehearsal dinner took how long? Do you guys know?
Starting point is 00:11:41 Yeah, we left at 5.20 and we probably got there at like 6 20 got it so about an hour yeah and then you're like okay but at least we're here crisis a little bit of us felt so incredibly good the temperature dropped like 15 degrees yeah the the light was perfect it was sun setting breaking through the clouds get sandwiches brisket is flowing i somebody put a beer in my hand this like we had um this this uh venue it was like being prepped for a wedding the next day so we got we like inherited their tents oh nice we had no idea what they were going to look like or at least i didn't and like they were beautiful circus tent like the with the big pole in them that's right
Starting point is 00:12:24 we ate under a big top. Yeah. All weekend, Jake was just like, we didn't plan any of this. I'm like, I planned all. What are you talking about? Sorry, I mean, I didn't plan any of this. I knew what the tent looked like. I was blown away by the rehearsal.
Starting point is 00:12:36 So you get there. Tempers go down a little bit. We're off the bus. Everyone's eating. Everyone's drinking. There's a nice corn soup that I'm guzzling. I like the corn soup. I like the brisket sandwich.ket sandwich i like the app so far the food does sound kind of weird though we eventually make our way to this big top that is where the rehearsal dinner is
Starting point is 00:12:56 going to be um at this point are you thinking about the weather at all yeah because like as we were walking down that hill that cocktail hour at the rehearsal dinner welcome party thing, that was bliss for me. That was like crisis averted. The bus thing was a debacle, but we're here and this is the best. Entirely agree. And people like it. Got it. And we're happy.
Starting point is 00:13:17 They feel the magic of the farm. And then we're walking down the hill towards the big top. Yeah. And you just see this like just a huge storm cloud and i'm like oh it's coming yeah that's right um but i sort of like i embraced it and i started being like we're bringing in the marriage with the storm oh that'll be like a fun story yeah and i'm like okay everybody it's time to get into this tent right because the cocktail hour is in like a barn restaurant and then there's like a little 50 yard walk to this big top uh yeah at this point the bus thing felt like a big deal but by the end of the night no one will
Starting point is 00:13:50 even remember the bus ride to the thing like the bus ride which was a 10 out of 10 of alarm and concern for ended up being a one or a two at the end of the night that was nothing. Right. So we get to that. Even hearing that makes it like PTSD. Did you guys think about this stuff over the course of the week, the honeymoon, or was it like it's over, it's over? Yeah, yeah. No, I didn't really. All right. All right. So let's get back to the big top.
Starting point is 00:14:19 People are settling in. Drinks are being had. That's a good way to describe it. It's like a circus tent. It's probably like three stories high. It's elevated, so the tent almost starts like 10 feet above the ground. But if necessary, in rain situations, there's a clear plastic that would go from the base of the tent
Starting point is 00:14:37 all the way to the ground. Yeah, no problem. No problem. If the rains were safe, and if it doesn't, that's fine too. That's what I was thinking. It starts to rain a little bit. I felt like the sky opened. I didn't see it as little ever.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Well, it started to rain and then like, and we dropped the, and I was like, okay, this is perfect. It's so far so good. Crisis is managed. Like it was sunny and beautiful during cocktail hour. Yeah. And now we're in the tent anyway. It was cute. So the rain can start.
Starting point is 00:15:06 And like, it almost felt like threading the needle, dodging the bullet. Like it's raining, but it's going to rain during dinner when we're all inside. That's why we got the tent. It was charming. And we're walking around like making the rounds, dipping into the different tables
Starting point is 00:15:21 where people are sitting, saying hello, hugging. Yeah. You got to stay together, make moves, saying hello, hugging, that type of thing. Yeah, you got to stay together, make moves, say hi, mingle. You're mingling. I'm, you know, hanging out with friends, hanging out with parents. The rain doesn't seem to be stopping, and it gets a little humid in the tent because, you know, how many people were there? 150 all inside the tent, which is now closed.
Starting point is 00:15:42 It's getting a little steamy. Some people start letting up the tarp a little bit. This is where the rain abated. It sort of like stopped raining for a second. So people start rolling those things up. That's right. Like, oh, this is cooling off. This is nice.
Starting point is 00:15:56 It's kind of like people are going back to the bus situation in their minds. They're like, we don't want to be that hot again. So like, let's. I went to the bathroom at that point. Yeah. I had a free pass. Yeah. Keep it breezy. Let's feel good. Open up the windows. And now we're back to that like 15 degree cooler sense, sense of, you know, so then once they, I think we made, um, then we made like an announcement, uh, to thank everybody. Yep. That was nice. Jillian spoke a little bit i spoke a little bit um and wait no you're missing no no no we didn't speak a little bit until after like
Starting point is 00:16:33 two more thunderstorms all the thunderstorms are sort of blending together so the the screens went up everyone's chill then clap a thunder it's lightning lightning it storms again and then the things go down again plastic goes down to shield us from the rain and then that right and that's around the time that our like you know coordinator at the farm starts to be like okay we're gonna bring food in but like we're not ready for people yet because the rain has been making it hard for us to bring food in and out of this tent because the food is also a hundred feet away from where the tent they got to walk it through the rain they have to walk it through the rain and the rain is like coming down that's right but but we make that announcement and i'm basically
Starting point is 00:17:14 just like nothing is perfect right now like i am a perfectionist i'm so sorry but you're all the best for being here and being good sports because Because at that point when we gave the speech, the shoes were off. So the shoes started coming off. The first person I saw. My father. Brings it back to Amir's dad. Yeah. I saw Jerome and he was like just pointed to his legs.
Starting point is 00:17:39 And he's got his pants rolled up to a little below the knee. Mid-calf, yeah. Shoes on his hands. Socks in his pockets. Barefoot. And I was like, oh, that's fun. Summer chic. I just thought that was something he was doing.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Yeah, because he's vaguely European. Not out of necessity. And then I had my head on a swivel and I went back and I saw that since we're at the bottom of the hill, the water and the mud and the rain and everything started to flood stage right of the tent. Yeah, near the food, near the buffet area. Because the tent is on grass and mud. So it's like three inches of rain probably. Yeah, it starts seeping in from the corners. And then like the line to get to the food is around the perimeter of the tent.
Starting point is 00:18:25 And then inside is mud coming in more and more and more. And the rain is starting to get harder and harder. Like, whoa, this is fun. It's kind of scary. We're camping and it's like a lightning storm. Right. Because the sun is set. It's now dark.
Starting point is 00:18:37 That's right. And half the guests are thinking this is still charming because they're on the dry side of the tent. And the other half are like my my shoes are fucked like and also knowing that people were coming up to me going you did say casual in the dress and i'm like i'm so sorry am i ruining your shoes we have like all of our all of um our friends are coming up to us and like laughing and being like this is so like it's a story it's so fun like everybody is just giving me positive energy, which I needed. And then,
Starting point is 00:19:08 but then like you sort of like, if you catch any little thing, like of Jill's great uncle or like Jill's parents, family, friends, or like my aunt, like they're just, they're sitting out there and like,
Starting point is 00:19:23 they're looking a little surly. You're like, okay, I know not everyone is, it's not a great story for everybody. like they're just they're sitting out there and like they're looking a little surly like okay I know not everyone is it's not a great story for everybody that's right okay
Starting point is 00:19:30 I want to pause right here I thought we would talk about all the rehearsal dinner in the first act but this is a great halfway point because trouble is afoot and it's starting
Starting point is 00:19:38 and let's go to a commercial break and people are on the edge of their seats and we'll talk to you guys after we thank a few sponsors here comes the storm oh my god and we'll talk to you guys after we thank a few sponsors. Here comes the storm. Oh, God. Thank you as well to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Jake and Jill, you guys have a Helix mattress. I like it a lot. You took this sleep quiz or something? There's a sleep test that determines how firm or soft you want your mattress to be. We both took this sleep quiz and I think I passed and Jill failed. I don't think it's a pass-fail thing. Yeah, there was one night where I just turned around and I was like, oh, your side is way better. Now you're like Jake's side.
Starting point is 00:20:10 She does like Jake's side. Classic wife. Gets what she wants, right? Just walking into the married life. Hey, watch it. I'm just joking, man. We're having fun here. The sleep quiz, like we mentioned, takes two minutes to complete, and then they use your answers to match your body type and sleep preference to the perfect mattress.
Starting point is 00:20:27 That's pretty neat. It's a great mattress. So what can you do? You go to helixsleep.com slash ifioryou. You take the quiz, and then when you're ready to buy, Helix is offering $125 off all mattress orders. That's really good. Especially because then they also give it to you, and you don't have to lift it. It's there. That's right. It just showed up in a box, to you and you don't have to lift it. It's there.
Starting point is 00:20:45 It just showed up in a box and we opened it. Oh, it blooms out of the box. Very beautiful. The bloom. Oh, yeah. When I'm rich, I'm just going to keep buying mattresses, bloom them, and then throw them away or whatever the fuck. You could have a little mattress garden. That would be really nice. Baller move. Get up to
Starting point is 00:21:02 $125 off at helixsleep.com slash ifiwereyou. That at helixsleep.com slash if I were you. That's helixsleep.com slash if I were you for up to $125 off your mattress order. Jake and Jill, you like your mattress? Love it. What's that slogan, Jill? Gotta go to bed. Go to bed.
Starting point is 00:21:20 And I'm Helix. We're workshopping it still. Wait, was there really one? No. No, that was it. That's helixsleep.com slash if I were you. Thanks, Helix. Gotta go to bed.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Go to bed. In my Helix. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:46 So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.
Starting point is 00:22:13 I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial.
Starting point is 00:23:17 And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code
Starting point is 00:23:32 segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments.
Starting point is 00:24:02 It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do and we're back uh i'd be remiss not to mention that i started a new podcast i know this is a weird time while i was gone while you're gone well it's starting i launched it today so if you're listening to it on Monday, August 27th. I go on one goddamn honeymoon and I start a new podcast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Mini moon. A mini moon and a mini podcast. No, this is a real podcast. Episode zero, which is just an explanation of what it is. And I'll tell you guys right now real quickly. It's an NBA podcast. I've been thinking, hemming and hawing for over a year. And I finally decided to start one
Starting point is 00:25:05 it's called buckets i'm going to give it a season see how it goes you can subscribe now it would help it out because it would bump it up to the top of like the sports and recreation center uh category of itunes i'll subscribe okay i got one subscription jillian i'll subscribe that's two do you have a co-host no co-host Just me. It's me and a guest every episode. Episode zero is the explanation. Then the next episode, episode one, will be with Ben. Will the guests know things about basketball? Ideally, yes.
Starting point is 00:25:35 I think I'm going to ask my funniest. Jill and I are trying to get on the podcast. You guys could be on because you could be like the people who, like Jake often asks me questions of like somebody who's casually into basketball and then i can answer them that could be a good episode oh sweet and then jillian i can help you find like a favorite team thank you yeah um all right where were we the the rain is starting to come in it's around the food yeah i'm trying to think of words to describe disaster like i'm like when the sky opens up like collapse of thunder like how do you describe the farm rep came in told you that one of the buses was gone and i don't know if that was i don't which at what point was that well i want to follow amir's story because i feel like
Starting point is 00:26:18 you have a little bit more and then i can definitely fill in the blanks at this point it's time you guys are like it. We got to power through. Yeah. Speech is time. The rain is so loud, but the show must go on, I guess. People are barefoot and wet, but at the same time, your mother has to talk about your relationship with Jake. Your friends have to speak and give props. And the PowerPoints are shorting out.
Starting point is 00:26:40 It's like, right. Then we are a multimedia family in this case. Who knows why we powered through that. But like. Literally power pointed through it. Oh my God. Because your sister was navigating a fucking extension cord into a laptop, into a tent. I don't know where power came from.
Starting point is 00:26:57 The mic was like probably barely loud enough if there was no storm. Yeah. So with the storm, it was like, it was just not loud enough. It's like it sounds like when you're going camping or under an umbrella and it's raining a lot. It just... Yeah, and the mic was just bad. But I mean, I think at a certain level,
Starting point is 00:27:17 speeches at a wedding are only for me and Jill anyway. Yeah, so you guys can hear it. Yeah, we went... I heard everything that all the chills i just say at a certain point it looked like your sister was doing the doc brown like at the end of back to the future like putting those two chords together getting electrocuted by the lightning this is midway through those speeches i like i just decided that i was gonna get drunk yeah and i was like i motioned to the bartender i was was like. No, to like Mike, to anyone who would look, you were just like, flag, flag.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Now. Whiskey. And the bartender and I had a rapport from earlier because whiskey on the rocks was not on the menu, but it was for me because he knows I'm the man. Yeah. And the man is getting wet. Did you guys ever take off your shoes? No. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:28:02 But I did. Oh, I threw my shoes away when I got home. Got it. Okay. That's true. So water seeping in. It's loud. You can't hear speeches.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Things at this point are kind of a shit show in a funny way because the show is still going on. People are still eating. Jake's mom's cookies are out. We're all having fun. So after I called for the whiskey and at the end of Jill's bridesmaids speech. And for that last bridesmaids speech, friends of ours were just sitting like moments away, ready to just pummel at her, like to like catch her and bring her away. Because the lights are swinging above her. And it looks like the tent is going to fall while she's talking right above where she's talking.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Oh, I did not. We were ready. The whole thing is swaying. I'm like, I hope this thing doesn't go under. It's a very powerful storm. It was a bad storm. It was like one of the worst thunderstorms that Upstate has had.
Starting point is 00:28:51 That's what I wanted to ask. Is this normal for Upstate or was it even bad for Upstate New York? We had our planner texting us the next day just being like, I was thinking about you guys last night. How'd it go? We're like, Jesus!
Starting point is 00:29:03 Not now, Cheryl! God damn it. So I, at the end of Jill's bridesmaid speeches, I was like, I'm going to give everybody a reset here. Make sure everyone can go to the bar. I heard that, yeah. Let's take a break. Yeah, let's take a break.
Starting point is 00:29:18 I knew that all of my speeches on my side were a surprise. I had no idea who was going to talk. And they were supposed to be coming up. Yeah. But I saw a little baby picture of me on the projector. And I was like, guys, we'll do – Super cute.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Everybody get a drink. Get some dessert. We'll do more speeches in a bit. And I'm thinking like maybe we can make the microphone louder. Maybe the rain will – Stop. Yeah, because they come fast and they go fast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:46 That's a thunderstorm. So I'm like, this thing is going to like breeze away any second and like. It'll be calm. Yes. And that's when that guy comes up to me and he's just quietly too, because there's no one else for him to talk to. He has to talk to the, like to the bride. It's not as if I had somebody between me and the guy planning this event with me.
Starting point is 00:30:03 That's right. So he comes up to me and just goes, I just want to – hey, I'm soaking wet. He's just like drenched. I just want to let you know that – okay, one of the buses apparently is not here anymore because they hit a car in the parking lot and just left. Which is insane. Like what does that mean? I hit a car so I left. Why did it move? Why did it hit a car? And why did it leave? All great questions. Three weirdnesses while the rain is
Starting point is 00:30:33 happening. And also no service on a farm because you're in the middle of a field. That's right. And also it's pouring rain and I don't want to leave the tent to go nowhere to figure out if I should like survey this car. Because you're also listening to your mom talk about shopping for wedding dresses with you, but your head is in a place where it's like, how do I get these people home? And yet I pull out my phone and I essentially just start calling other transportation that I had flagged because I'm organized and I'm like, and transportation, leprechaun transportation, like, hi.
Starting point is 00:31:07 And I sound insane on the other side of the phone because it's loud behind me. And I'm basically just like, hi, I'm in the middle of nowhere and I have 50 guests who have to get to fish kill. Can you help? I was like, no. I'm sorry. I have no drivers right now. Jake, what are you doing
Starting point is 00:31:29 while these phone calls are happening? I peed outside the tent. I got high. I got another whiskey and then somebody handed me a cookie. And I think that's when the power went out. That's exactly right. So this is the big moment.
Starting point is 00:31:44 This is when things go from bad to worse. This is the point of no return. You thought it was off power went out. That's exactly right. So this is the big moment. This is when things go from bad to worse. This is the point of no return. You thought it was off the rails before. That's right. Power. Power flickers. It goes back on. Ooh, scary.
Starting point is 00:31:53 150 guests all at once. That's right. And then, have you guys seen videos at this moment? I took a video of it. I'll show you guys the video that I have. Light goes off. Power goes off. It's dark because it's nighttime.
Starting point is 00:32:04 There's no electricity anymore. The PowerPoints are done. Everybody's phones are out because they still have like power on their phone. But other than that, it's complete darkness in a tent, 150 people, wet, shoeless, muddy, rain, no bus. On Allison, still there. Still surly.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Here's the video. You can see the action. I'll send you the whole thing and with your permission we'll put it online one day. Oh my God. Yeah, there's lightning in the background
Starting point is 00:32:31 so that lights things up. Because it's still pouring. Yeah, it's still pouring. The nice thing about this video is you see like even here we had like some positive energy. All your friends were into it a little bit.
Starting point is 00:32:40 People are still like clapping. Yeah, they're like this is fucking nuts. How stressed are you guys at this point? Or is it like whatever, this is crazy. I was, this is fucking nuts. How stressed are you guys at this point? Or is it like, whatever, this is crazy? I was, I don't know. How were you feeling?
Starting point is 00:32:50 I, for the very first time in all this planning, because I was new at planning a wedding, just like turned to, I think it was my dad or something. I just went, I do not know what to do in this situation. This is beyond emergency preparedness. Yeah, I've just been i'm just out so that is when i started like that was my version of we had the rain plan that was the tent yeah exactly we didn't have there's no other plan beyond and you probably thought jillian
Starting point is 00:33:16 was over prepared like oh she knows alternate okay transportation it won't come to that i didn't even know that she had all the transportation but none of of them were picking up, so that's fine, too. But that's when I was like, okay. Somebody came up to me and was like, what are we doing now? And I was just like, I'm having ice cream. I don't know. So have you felt more stress than that? Was it not quite stress because it was so much that it didn't even register?
Starting point is 00:33:39 I disassociated myself. So it's like I'm in it with you guys. I'm not responsible for anything. I was like, I can't believe this is my wedding, but we're here, and I don't know. This is... Are you sad? Are you upset? Are you excited? Actually, yeah. For the first time, I just went, oh, the event is
Starting point is 00:33:53 over. This whole time, I'm thinking, we gotta go till 10. How are we gonna stall? It's 9.30. This was 9.45 at this point. Yeah, no. At this point, somebody else made the decision of just like, I don't know who it was, but I think it was a grown up in the room just being like, okay, now we go home. I'm going back to the buses. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:12 So the buses started to like come down the hill. But I thought one of the buses left. One of the buses had left. And that's when I got noticed that like the bus magically came back. And this woman like, I guess, decided to turn around. This was another crazy. She came back, denied that she decided to turn around. No, this was another, she came back, denied that she hit the other car.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Got it. And then some guests, I don't know who it was. No, it was, yeah, somebody that works at the farm was like, lady, I saw you. I saw you hit that car. And then once there was a witness, she was like, okay, I did hit the car. Wow, okay, so I didn't even know any of this stuff.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Yeah. Were you guys there? Is that how you heard about it? I was, I think while everybody was filing out, I was still like talking to some people and I was talking to Jill and trying to figure out if we actually had a third bus or not. And you did, but it didn't go to the same hotel. Exactly. So two buses to one hotel.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Right. And third to an auxiliary hotel. Right. And third to it, auxiliary hotel somewhere else. So the hope was like, get those two that are fine and have no relationship to a car that just got hit out of here and load them up. But what was mortifying was just that no one was making those decisions without somebody just being like, now go. So people, again, and I want to hear what happened to you. Were you just sitting on that bus for like 15 more minutes after loading? So we heard that the buses couldn't come down the hill because of the rain. So we start trekking up. Everyone's barefoot because we took our shoes off.
Starting point is 00:35:37 So we're doing this tiny rocks. Tiny pebbles. Yeah. We're doing this like March of Shame slash Passover Exodus reenactment. At this point, it's like a heart drizzle. This entire event, like had the buses not arrived late, it would have been enough. Yeah, we should have had matzah at the end. But we finally get onto the buses.
Starting point is 00:35:57 My mom's like, what bus are you on? She's calling me, freaked out. I'm like, I'm on a bus. I don't see you. She's like, I'm on another bus. I don't see you. Your bus had not left. No.
Starting point is 00:36:04 It's just you chilling on the bus. So she comes to our bus and we're just waiting for the bus to go eventually our bus which is kind of like packed starts leaving and we're like okay this is like a titanic life raft we look back arrivederci thunderstorm lightning storm we made it out last helicopter out of vietnam so you think. It's pouring rain. What's going on back at the venue? Because I'm on a bus. So we're up at the, yeah. We finally, we've been, I've been overseeing this bus driver exchange insurance information with this random guest.
Starting point is 00:36:37 And, like, I'm trying to rush her, but, like, I want them to get all of the information. Right, because. But, like, there's 20 people on this other bus. Right. And those 20 people are actually the ones with the least amount of patients because they're all the ones coming from the hotels that our friends are not staying at. Our friends are all at Airbnbs or at the main hotel. They're not at the Holiday Inn, the Courtyard. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:36:59 It's like all of our older relatives and John and Giancarlo. Got it. On a bus that won't move. Right, because this lady is taking forever to get insurance from this guest. all of our older relatives and John and Giancarlo. Got it. On a bus that won't move. Right. Because this lady is taking forever to get insurance from this guest. Finally, I'm just like, all right, you have to take these people home now. Yeah. She goes over to that bus.
Starting point is 00:37:18 It won't start. The bus won't start. And you're like, of course the bus won't start because nothing can go right right now. I didn't even, I was just like, just try it again. It'll start. It'll start. And you're like, of course the bus won't start because nothing can go right right now. I didn't even, I was just like, just try it again. It'll start. It'll start. It'll, now it's not starting. Now it's not starting. Are you getting that? Or are you just at this absolute moment of like, beyond this is insane zen where it's like, nothing matters. My uncle is like, is there a toolkit? I'm like, this is not happening. There's nothing we can do. A toolkit. Again, hands up in the air. i don't know how to fix a
Starting point is 00:37:46 giant school bus like this is not part of the bride training and then i'm talking to the bus driver being like call your boss she's like she's not answering and um i have never seen jake get more mad whoa person like he's the most like good with customer service like i flare up at customer service i'm like hey you're trying to help me. I'm not trying to help you. But Jake is like, I'll help you. You help me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:11 We're all friends here. I'll be friendly to you so you can be friendly back. Oh my God. So this, well, I didn't get mad. Is this when you struck her? Yeah. I didn't get mad until, so I kept on saying, like, just, like, get your boss on the phone and give me the phone. Because I have to, like...
Starting point is 00:38:28 We have to figure this out. Either, like, another bus needs to come and pick everybody up. Have two buses left or one? Both of... Yeah. So of the three buses, two have left. And one is going to the hotel that we stayed at? Both of them are going to the hotel that you guys are at.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Okay. And as i'm like trying to figure out a way to get another bus or to get a repairman calling ubers yeah yeah people are calling ubers yeah um they're 20 minutes away and over a hundred dollars that's right of course half an hour away sure um then i see i see two pairs of headlights coming back this is like 15 minutes after you guys had gone yeah i see two pairs of headlights coming back. This is like 15 minutes after you guys had gone. Yeah. I see two pairs of headlights coming down the driveway. And I'm like, oh, we're saved. They sent another bus.
Starting point is 00:39:10 Yeah. And then I see on that bus, I'm like, wait, there's people on that bus. Yeah. That's all of our friends. We came back. We weren't on the bus. I was not on the bus that came back. Oh, your bus did not come back?
Starting point is 00:39:21 So my bus. I thought two buses came back. No, two buses came back. One bus came all the way back. Another bus started to go back. Right. And you did another 20 point K turn. So halfway through our ride home, it's probably 11 or 1130 at this point. Everybody's feet are just muddy. And we're like, finally, we're barefoot on a fucking school bus, but we're heading home. The bus stops half an hour into our ride. And we're like, what's going on? And at this point, like people are starting to get angry at each other. Like, what's going on? I'm like, I don't know, man. I'm next to the bus driver. You don't have to yell at me. And then
Starting point is 00:39:52 it's like, we were stopped. And then somebody goes out in the back. They opened the emergency exit in the back and went to go pee. And I'm like, what's going on? Everyone doesn't know what's going on. The bus driver's like, we got to go back. And I'm like, what are you talking about? We gotta go back. She's like, we're going back to the venue. This is after driving for 20 to 30 minutes
Starting point is 00:40:08 away from the venue. I want to die. We can't go back to the venue. When are we going back to the venue? And then I was like, we're going back to the venue. Are your parents on this bus?
Starting point is 00:40:15 Yes, my parents are on the bus. Jeffrey the Dumbass is on this bus. Everybody's on the bus. That's why this bus didn't turn around. It's because fucking Jerome wouldn't have it.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Well, this is like this weird dream that i'm having that like everybody i know from all walks of life are on this dark bus in the rain and this bus was starting to turn around why are you turning around she's like the other bus won't start i'm like okay what are we gonna do about it yeah we're a full packed bus she was like she chose this moment to become like a moral soldier is like if they can't start we're not gonna go either i'm like what the fuck are you talking about? Like, what?
Starting point is 00:40:47 No, we go and then you do whatever you need to do. We're not all going back. Yes. So we start going back to the venue. I'm like, this is absurd. What's happening? It's almost midnight at this point. Everyone's like going delirious.
Starting point is 00:40:58 We start joking about how we're like in this futuristic dystopian future where battery, phone battery is currency. So like we hear rumors about someone in the back that has 75% and how we're going to kill them and shit like that. Is Streeter on this bus? No, unfortunately not. Oh, Streeter was a pregnant wife, took a car. That's good. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:41:18 So they took the car. Thank God. I love hearing stories about people that took the car. Made it out. Yeah. Seriously, you made it out. That gives me life. I talked to them. Then I'm like, oh, sweet. the car. Made it out, yeah. Seriously, you made it out. And that gives me life. I talk to them, then I'm like, oh, sweet, you didn't have the worst time ever.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Marty and Pyle did not, they took the car. Oh, that's so nice. It was just the incompetency of this company over and over. So we had, all right, so the other bus. Yeah. The other bus gets all the way there. Yeah, it gets all the way there. Okay, so we're not quite there yet.
Starting point is 00:41:46 We're not back yet. We're heading back. Yeah, and you never got back? We stopped short. Yeah, you stopped right at the sign. So maybe we stopped at the entrance but didn't go all the way in. Yeah. And they're like, all right, the other bus is fixed.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Did the other bus get fixed? No. Everybody, all right, so the other bus. Two buses came back to fix a broken bus. As if a bus can perform surgery on another bus. That was their logic? Nimrods. I think it was.
Starting point is 00:42:08 I don't know if this is true, but we couldn't jump the bus with regular jumper cables because it would have drained the battery or fucked up the bus. I don't know. So maybe only a bus can jumpstart a bus. I have no idea. Anyway, when I saw all of our friends, I marched up to the lady. And she was on the phone with her boss then. And I was like, is that your boss? And she was like, yes, I'm trying to.
Starting point is 00:42:31 And I was like, give me the phone. This was the moment that I was like, I've never seen Jake this amped before. And she gave me the phone. And without saying anything, I was like, do you realize how hard you fucked me? Whoa, you said that? Yeah. That was cool. Did it feel cool to say that?
Starting point is 00:42:46 It felt really, it felt so good. And then it was a lady and she was just like, sir. And I was like, no, listen to what happened. And I just like went down. I was like, that's unacceptable. This is crazy. We're not paying a cent for these buses. You're covering everybody's Uber.
Starting point is 00:43:06 I'm embarrassed and you guys should be ashamed of yourselves uh and she was like i am embarrassed i'm really sorry sir like i know you won't pay for anything and what did you say i was like honestly it feels good to yell at somebody you said that no but i was thinking that i was like so much of it was coming out that was like, Jill, did you like to see that? No, because I wasn't there. No, I was like, I could see, I could hear him out of the corner of my eye or whatever. I could hear you. Hear him out of my eye.
Starting point is 00:43:36 This is the day before your wedding, by the way. Your wedding day hasn't even started. People are coming up to me just going like, you should get to bed. I'm like, are you kidding? I can't do anything. I can't not be where I am in this exact moment. People are like, your eyes are going to be so sleepy tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Your eyes are going to be sleepy. I'm still cut to 2 a.m. writing emails to people going like, if tomorrow is a fucking shit show, I'm out. Just make it work. Please contact the bus company. Your face is going to be worse.
Starting point is 00:44:07 We had the same bus company the next day. That's why I panicked again. Oh, no. Okay. So this is the perfect storm, literally, of weather plus incompetent bus driving plus weird corporate strategy where they said every bus goes together. A bus broke down. Both buses came back. Eventually, you put everyone on an Uber?
Starting point is 00:44:23 We put some people on Ubers, some people carpooled, and then the remaining people got on the two living buses. Got it. Like sat on laps and basically just – We left the driver with the workers at the farm. Jill and Jill's sister and her mom and her dad and I were the last people out. Watch the Titanic slip. Turning behind and then just seeing it explode. The best part is just people texting us as we're on our way back being like, everything's cool.
Starting point is 00:44:56 You guys are the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carnell texted me and he just said, what do you need? And I was like, just get as many people as you can to go to the bar across the street from the hotel. And that's exactly what happened. There was like 40 people at the bar. There was like a planned after party. No, there was not. It was just like, let's get drinks because we are depressed and need to end the night on a good note. What was the car ride to the bar? Like silent? That was crazy. Or was it like, what the hell is going on
Starting point is 00:45:26 there? It was a lot of just me being like, I'm so ashamed. It was self-hate. Oh yeah, a lot of that. It was quiet. It was not like animated. That was crazy. Oh my god, I'm so pissed. It was just like stewing, stewing, stewing. I just can't believe. Like, why would they?
Starting point is 00:45:41 And then just sort of like a quiet discussion. Yeah. Wondering why. Cosmically. Yeah. believe like why would they and then like just sort of like a quiet a quiet discussion yeah about wondering why yeah cosmically yeah and then i kind of turned to my mom and sister and was like great speeches great speeches really good work were there any tears in the car no no no oh that's good there was never any like real sadness it was like, it was a sense of wonder. How can all these bad things happen at once? It was baffling. But like this tone that I have right now,
Starting point is 00:46:13 this is kind of like what it was. Yeah, it was incredulous. We were incredulous. Like how dare God do this to me? Laughing the whole time, but just like a little bit shook, a little bit of disbelief that it happened. A little shookness.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Do you, a week out, do you wish that it went well? Or are you now happy that you have this story? I would definitely rather it went well. I would have rather that like charming rain kind of happened. Yeah. And everyone was like, this is so symbolic. Like you guys, like, of course, the storm hits and it's like you know weird wedding great great marriage like that kind of thing but then everyone was just kind of like no no no weird weird wedding this is not gonna be good like this oh it was a weird tone set well let's talk silver
Starting point is 00:46:57 linings rehearsal dinner ends the next day a new day day. Sun's out a little bit. Enough. Not as bad as the day before. The sun, yeah. The next, I think it was. Hang over a little bit. You wake up and you're like, wow, that was fucking crazy. Did you sleep well? No. I shot awake at like four in the morning at like short of breath.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Oh, really? I guess that was the darkest for me. It was like, oh my God. Like this. What if the whole entire wedding is bad? Okay. That's interesting. That was like my, I. It was like, oh my God, like this, what if the whole entire wedding's bad? Okay, that's interesting. That was like my, I think that was my fear. It was manifesting itself.
Starting point is 00:47:30 I really wanted Saturday to like go right. Right. I had a lot riding on that. Yeah. So for me, I woke up Saturday. I went to the soccer game, the planned soccer game. Oh, wow, that still happened. My dad had put together.
Starting point is 00:47:50 And I think we had like 16 or 17 people that came. Wow. Solid crew and then like a couple, like probably 20 people all told. Sort of felt like a new dawn. Well, when we got there, we got to the soccer field and there was a middle school team practicing. Oh, you guys can't use this field. Then a helicopter landed on you.
Starting point is 00:48:03 And then I was like, all right, so the wedding is off. This is full bad. The wedding was even worse than the rehearsal dinner. Let's get into that. But we walked over, we walked over to another field and we played a great game of soccer
Starting point is 00:48:17 and I instantly felt better. I was like, this is, it's over. Now this is my memory. Like I look back, like every Saturday, Friday night sort of like was retreating into the rear view.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Yeah. Like I had a great soccer game. That was good. Let's start there, the memory there. Yeah. And then I went and I got an acai bowl. Oh, that's really nice. And like that was good too.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Yeah, that was good for Jake. We had like Cornell with the suits. Jill, what was going on with you at 8 a.m.? Because you weren't playing soccer. No, I was like talking to the planner being like, hey, so can we call back Ann and Leprechaun and tell them that they need to be our new coach buses? Because I didn't want anyone to have PTSD
Starting point is 00:48:55 seeing at the hotel that the school bus was re-arriving for them to bring them to the wedding. The good news is the wedding was at the venue that some people were staying at. So at the very least, I didn't have to travel anymore. Mom and dad, we just got to them to the wedding. The good news is the wedding was at the venue that some people were staying at. So at the very least, I didn't have to travel anymore. Mom and dad, we just got to walk across the street. There was also, like, it was a sunny day for pretty much the entire day,
Starting point is 00:49:14 but there was like a 40 to 50% chance of a shower that day. So we're like, we're doing the wedding inside. We set chairs up outside. And sure enough, at 4.30, it started to rain. And then I was just like, all right, well. It's indoors now. Yeah. I was like, nothing.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Can stop me now. No matter what the storm is. We are, the ground's not going to flood. The PA system's not going to short out. The buses aren't going to break down because it's all here right now. Did you have any like Hurt Locker-esque flashbacks where like, whoa, what was that? Or like you turn around and it's like, nothing, sorry. I'm just still thinking about something. The rain fatigue really set in at like that 7 a.m. wake up and I was just like, we're done. No more weather today. We're going
Starting point is 00:50:01 inside. Yeah. It's just like, it's anxiety-inducing to think about the weather that much. Like, even I wonder just like how I would have felt all weekend if I like woke up on Thursday and it was like 75 and sunny is the prediction for the weekend. Like, that would have been crazy. Do I deserve
Starting point is 00:50:20 that? Should I get married in LA? But that does, the silver lining is that the wedding was like it was just exactly what i wanted it to be the wedding was perfect there was no yeah there was no problems with the wedding at all if anything the wedding was better now because everyone like you know some stuff had shifted to the wedding so there were really nice speeches during the wedding yeah yeah we pulled all of the speeches for jake from your family from you guys like all of that into the wedding itself which was really charming too because it was like oh
Starting point is 00:50:51 now you get to hear even more about this relationship like usually you have one or two toasts at the wedding yeah and everybody like keeps dancing and drinking but it was like really emotional and it felt really like people had endured a traumatic event together the night before. You wanted, forged by fire. Everybody wanted to be in this room to be like, we are dry here. Band of brothers. Under shelter and drinking. And it gave me something to talk about with literally every guest.
Starting point is 00:51:17 That's right. Anybody that I was meeting for the first time, your speech crushed. Yeah. I thought, like, Micah's made me cry. My mom's made me cry. All the siblings. Your dad's was really sweet. Yeah. Vinny. And that made me cry. My mom's made me cry. All the siblings. Your dad's was really sweet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:27 Vinny. And that all happened because, it would have happened the day before. Right. It was moved because of the storm. Yeah. And Jerome again. My dad. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Yeah, that's true. Wait, first though, Jeff, Dave, and Mike made everybody bow down to us, bend the knee, which that's like another podcast in and of itself that was insane yeah especially because i don't really know enough about the lord of the rings so when he was saying this like metaphor i was like you don't have to do it i don't know what's happening and so then everyone starts taking a knee and i'm like okay they like got everybody to rise like and everybody's like mike was like every able-bodied person here, rise. And we're like, that's nice. We're all rising. I'm going to hold a glass. So everybody rises.
Starting point is 00:52:07 And then he's like, now bend the knee. Bend the knee to the king. And you're like, I'm OK. Thank you. And everybody fucking bent the knee to us. We had like amber goblets on the table. There's a photo of that shit. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:52:21 It's so fucking funny. It's like both of us are laughing and like all of our friends are fucking kneeling before us. But yeah, so Doron during the – man, there's so much to fucking talk about. We got to make this a five-parter. All right. Real quick Doron recap. Yeah, which is my dad, by the way, for those of you who don't know, which is all of you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:46 We have the first look. That's the first time I see Jill in her wedding dress. And my dad should be there for that. The rain is threatening, but still holding off. That's right. They're like, do you want to do it inside or outside? And we're like, fuck, we want to do it outside. We're stressed, but the rain holds off.
Starting point is 00:53:04 I see Jill. I asked Jake a couple days later, what were you thinking about on your way to the first look? Are you thinking, oh, it's Jill's outfit going to be like... No, he's just like, the rain. And I'm like, that's crazy because me too. I wasn't thinking about how cute you were going to look or where we were going to stay.
Starting point is 00:53:23 It was just no. We had time to get lovey later. But like when we're outside, all I thought about was the rain. But we're coming back. We're like going to meet up with you guys to take photos. And we see your mom and your dad. And the picture you take is – or like that you posted on Instagram is the one where your mom is basically just standing on the corner of the street and beacon
Starting point is 00:53:46 and we're both running because it's about to, the sky's about to open again. I'm holding this umbrella. And she's taking this picture just as your dad looks at me and just goes, blah, blah, blah. Nice. Your first words.
Starting point is 00:53:59 That's it. That's the dress. You got it. That's it. I'll never forget. That picture, which is now on my Instagram, my most liked photo. So my mommy took my most liked photo. She doesn't even know what Instagram is.
Starting point is 00:54:09 You didn't even give her credit. I couldn't. And then we did the ketubah, personal vows. Yep. Ceremony. Ceremony. Walked out, did the thing, kissed, stomped a glass. Everything after that went boringly well
Starting point is 00:54:25 like exactly what you want a wedding to be the next time I saw your dad though was during the horror screaming at me
Starting point is 00:54:31 yep you didn't know what to do there were like three Jews like true Jews there it was
Starting point is 00:54:36 Jerome Sammy and like maybe your dad maybe your uncle my grandma yeah that's probably true but the
Starting point is 00:54:44 Jews around you dancing for the horror. Yeah, it is like, it's not, they don't fuck around. You like, it's such a funny dance because you're just like spinning and kicking your legs. Spinning in a circle or grabbing someone's leg. Yeah, and spinning. But your dad was like fucking, it was like, he was like a drill sergeant. Yeah. He was like my captain in wartime.
Starting point is 00:55:02 Just like looking at, like pointing at his eyes, pointing at me. It's like, you, yes. And then just like bobbing around, like doing an adorable little skip, but like with a frown on his face. How was the chairs? Chairs were great. They were deep. They were deep chairs. You could really settle in.
Starting point is 00:55:19 I like lifting the chairs. The chair was the worst experience of the entire wedding for me. Because you were scared? Including the rehearsal dinner. Because you were scared? Including the rehearsal dinner. Because you were afraid of falling? I was petrified. And also you didn't want it to be too Jew-y
Starting point is 00:55:31 was like the thing of the thing. Like the whole night was like... No, that's not true. Yeah, I feel like even when we were talking to the DJ we were just like
Starting point is 00:55:38 what's your most like American horror. What's your coolest horror version? Did Jay-Z ever do a horror? I was totally down to do the horror. I just never wanted to do the chair because I don't trust anybody. And sure enough, within three raises of the chair, I have Dave Rosenberg is raising the
Starting point is 00:55:58 back of my chair. Too high up. He's fucking towering over everybody in the front. I'm just going to fall on my face. And he just pushes. He goes full extension for some reason. No, you can't do that. Sliding off the chair and I see Grandma Rachel
Starting point is 00:56:09 right in front of me like I'm about to fucking fall on her. All I can think about is that I'm going to fall on Grandma Rachel and break my heel again. What would be worse? Breaking my heel. I was going to say you don't have to answer that, but you already did it correctly.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Even if I sprained it. Even if it was just a slightly bruised foot. I'd kill myself before anything happened to Grandma Rachel. I missed a joke there. I was going to say, does Hova have a horror? Oh, okay. You can splice that in. I will.
Starting point is 00:56:39 Yeah. Did Hova ever? Oh, wow. I know this is running really long, but I have a question for you. It's good stuff. Which is, post-wedding, what was... Because I stayed pretty sober during all the speeches
Starting point is 00:56:53 because I wanted to remember what everybody said. And again, you're really crushed on the speech. Thank you. I appreciate it. I think Marissa has a video of it. Maybe we'll leak some of it online. It was crush-worthy. That's really fun.
Starting point is 00:57:04 One of my highlights was college is or LA is going to be like college, only better because I think Jake could succeed in LA. No classes. Really good. Everyone starts booing me. Oh, come on. He gets
Starting point is 00:57:20 off to this shit. I like that. I concur. I said in the speech, and it was true, I'm like, I had scripted down Jake's a piece of shit. And then I'm like, maybe I shouldn't say it. I'm like, it's funny to do it in front of friends, but like Jake's parents and Jill's grandmother is going to be there. I'm going to be like, Jake's a piece of shit. And then during your vows, Jill called you a dumbass. I'm like, all right, it's back on.
Starting point is 00:57:41 We're in. If dumbass is in the vows, I think I can say the C word. It sure is. And you called Grandma Rachel that. Jake is charming, creative, kind of a dumbass. That's true. That's true. So wait, what was your, I got blurry at the after party.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Yeah. The one thing I remember seeing is you guys all trying to draw circles. Yeah. At a certain point, the after party devolved into just like a night out at a bar. And Nick Rad's like, you think you could draw the perfect circle? Which led us off for a one hour game
Starting point is 00:58:10 where everybody would sit down, try to draw a perfect circle. And I started coming up with little vernacular. If you do the circle, but it overlaps at where you started, that's called the tickle. Oh, the circle's good, but it's got a little bit of a tickle.
Starting point is 00:58:24 The perfect drawing, you couldn't tell where the person started. Oh, the circle's good, but it's got a little bit of a tickle. The perfect drawing, you couldn't tell where the person started. So you draw a perfect circle and there's such a precise overlap. No tickle. You look, there's no tickle. Yeah, it's just the perfect circle. And you drew a perfect,
Starting point is 00:58:34 you drew a very good one. I feel like that's what you ended the night with. Yeah, that was the last thing I remember. It's like walking over and being like, everyone, what are you guys doing? We're trying to draw the perfect circle. A lot of good content at this wedding. It's funny to think that, wait, what are you guys doing? We're trying to draw the perfect circle. A lot of good content at this wedding. It's funny to think that.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Wait. All right. One last question. At any point where you're like, this is going to be a good podcast episode, because somebody came up to me and said that. I'm like, oh, that's true. Marissa said that to me on the bus. No.
Starting point is 00:58:56 I didn't think about it. But when you texted me today and said Jill should be on the podcast, I said, I thought this will be a good place for this episode. And I'm like, I'll find some questions in case the story lasts 15 minutes. We are at nearly an hour
Starting point is 00:59:10 at this point. Wow. Go us. Woo. Good story. Great episode. We haven't even told you about the honeymoon.
Starting point is 00:59:18 That's true. You gotta come back. I don't even know about the honeymoon. You guys landed in LA. By the way, it's not gonna rain here for another six months.
Starting point is 00:59:24 You guys are good to go. I'm like, it's going to take me a while to appreciate good weather because we've had a week of good weather in New York. And I'm like, every time I see that it's like in the 70s and it's sunny, I'm like, fuck this. Why not me? Yeah. It's such a rant.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Like that storm happened once a summer and it was the hour of the rehearsal dinner during the break. Of course. It's a bullseye in time. I mean, the other thing is just like dealing with hoping you get your money back, too. Ooh, you can get some reefs. Yeah, we got like, hey, we want 50%. They're like, we'll give you 10.
Starting point is 00:59:58 We're like, how about 20? Like, we just got it. Rain is a fucking coupon. It is. That's why they call it a rain check. That's actually really smart, and I'll use that in my next email. Is that what the next week is about? It's just like, all right, let's get some money back.
Starting point is 01:00:15 I'm just trying to make sure that we don't pay for the buses, because that was very poor. Yeah, hard stop on the credit card charge. Quick tips for people getting married soon anything rain plan strategy emergency strategy i i guess have like a really good rain plan but what could you have done like yeah they could like the real thing is that at a farm wedding you need to have like a platform or you need to have like a concrete base to your tent. Right. Or maybe not a tent, like do it indoors.
Starting point is 01:00:46 So you're not just on the field. Yeah. It's just that in this particular case, we were at such a new, like at a farm that really didn't know event planning yet. And so they were like, this is the right way to do it. They learned the hard way using your rehearsal. Exactly. I bet they're like building a wooden floor right now in that field.
Starting point is 01:01:02 I was trying to think about if I had any wedding advice, but I don't know if I really do. It's just enjoy the ride. Yeah, just enjoy it. I mean, definitely let things brush off of you. It's fun that you guys
Starting point is 01:01:20 have this story forever. I think at a certain point you guys are going to appreciate the fact that it happened this way. Yeah, once we stop thinking about people contacting their insurance for their car claims and such. Once that guy gets paid out, I'm going to laugh. That'll be good.
Starting point is 01:01:36 I can't wait. I was laughing that night, but it is going to be a long time before I'm like, really okay with it. Especially because I go to weddings all the time and I'm just like, these fuckers Especially because I go to weddings all the time and I'm just like, these fuckers,
Starting point is 01:01:47 they're putting us on a hot bus for 30 minutes, bringing us to the middle of nowhere so we can do something they love. We get it. You guys are cute. No, I did. I fell right into the trap. I'll definitely never talk shit at another wedding.
Starting point is 01:01:58 Yeah, exactly. Never again. Because you know what goes into it and how many things can go wrong. Yeah. All right, Great story. Thanks to Jillian for coming on the episode. Thanks, Brad.
Starting point is 01:02:08 You got anything to plug, babe? Got a honeymoon coming up or whatever? A new NBA podcast. That's right. Now we're talking. Buckets on the HeadGum Network. Listen now if you're an NBA fan and subscribe and rate, even if you're not, just to help me out personally. If you're an NBA fan and subscribe and rate, even if you're not, just to help me out personally. If you're an Amir fan.
Starting point is 01:02:25 Opening theme song, God Feels Like Ages Ago, was written by... Jefferson Lawrence. Wow. Good memory, if that's correct. I haven't looked yet. Is that correct? It's not even close. But still, what an awesome pull.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Do you want to give us a fake name? Because I didn't even get to ask you any questions. This is supposed to be an advice show. Well, what is his name now? I'm curious. It's Lawrence. Lawrence. Lawrence from Bristol.
Starting point is 01:02:48 Okay. And this closing theme song was written by Kyle Nethersole, who has a SoundCloud. So thanks, soundcloud.com slash Kyle Nethersole. Thanks to you guys for telling your story. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Thanks for inviting me. Thanks for letting me be a part of it. Great speech. I had a lot of fun.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Great speech. Great dad. Great mom. Great girlfriend. Great night, everyone. We'll see you next week. Ciao. I've got a problem you can solve if you like. I am so confused.
Starting point is 01:03:23 Running around in the circles in my head, I can use some other points of view. If I were you. If I were you. That was a Hate Gum Podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.

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